#ive playing overwatch with my bestfriend

[deflvwered-a]

anyway just throwing it out there for the weird anon in my ask; i don't owe people constant activity on my blogs <3

[diavlita]

just a regular old update

I cant actually remember when i last posted on here i feel like maybe a lot has happened i graduated highschool, earlier this year one of my old ex bestfriends/ex boyfriend committed suicide i know in probably not allowed to but sometimes i get sad when i think about it. New nephew was born in october lowkey he cute. ive had ups and downs with my boyfriend thankful that he stayed with me and didnt leave me even when i was being silly. we made 2 years together in october. ive had a lot of downs with my bestfriend sometimes i dont want to consider him my bestfriend i know its terrible. ive gotten more addicted to minecraft tooo i used to only play overwatch but then i started backup with minecraft and sims last night i played mw and friday the 13th with my boyfriend i was a wimp the first round of friday i literrally was in my chair i made my character go into a bathroom then i turned myself around and stared at my bed oh i also went with this person they basically told me i have depression and i should go to an actual doctor/hospital to get it treated and they also told me to spend less time with video games and do other things like art or music or all that jazz i think thats it for now im probably forgetting something but i only summarized this year so far thanks for reading this is anyone even does read this i also need friends so hmu:-)

[hatterdevanity]

k so i have a boyfriend that hates sex, treats me like absolute garbage, is a furry that non stops looks at porn and sexually RPs be hind my back when i hate it and find it cheating especially when he starts sending nue photos of himself to other people, i have severe depression and adhd so im forgetful alot, ill forget to turn a light off orput clothes in and forget about them or where i keep my own wallet and keys, he constantly gets on me about it, but its not suttle to say the least its normally yelling or im being called names. he hates to do anything sexual becuase he doesnt find humans attractive at all and he is constantly degrading himself (says its a joke but when does a joke end) im very loving and very loyal, my family and friends hate him, his own bestfriend that lives with us doesnt like him because of the way he treats me and him, he treats everyone like absolute shit, im at a point where im miserable and im stuck, im not happy and i dont see myself being happy with him but he likes to call me his fiance but i dont claim it, shit where on a break right now, but because we live together its not really a break, his roleplaying i hate, hes lied 5 times behind my back about even talking about me and my weight or how im an awful boyfriend and that he wants to leave me for this guy he doesnt even know, but when i catch him says its all smut material nothing else and that i overreact, ive no idea what do to about this any more or how to feel

NOW lets me say the things i do

im forgetful

im highly depressed (especially since my mother that was 10 years clean is back on drugs,)

my family hates him and constantly tells me to break up with him

when i say forgetful i mean forgetful like right now ive no idea where my wallet and keys are and i really never know idk but the way he makes me feel makes me think im autstic or something or theres just something really wrong with mehe makes me feel stupid all the time like he has to have the upper hand on me no matter what, even if im wrong just cant let me act like im right.

maybe i do overreact i really dont know i feel i dont react enough honestly

i do love him but i think hes out of love with me

we dont spend hardly anytime together cause he does nothing but game, look at porn, or youtube.

ill game like runescape or overwatch or league but i can only play so much before i just cant take it anymore.

i moved my entire life with him, and even had my car repoed so we could afford the hosue we rent which is cheap tbh but whatever

we constantly fight, normally its because i didnt remember to do something and i get yelled at for it or hes said something to finally set me off

he doesnt know how to treat people at all and blames it on his mother because shes the same way but worst sometimes

m at a point where i dont feel love for him honestly i dont know what i feel for him, i think i love him but idk

i say im stuck because i live a state away from my family and i virtually have no where to go or to put all my stuff since everything in the house we rent is mine for the most part.

im bored of our “relationship; we dont do anything, we litteraly sit in the same room doing nothing all day, he doesnt like going out because he doesnt like to sweat, or if i do finally beg him enough to do something with me he says it was just a waste of his time which makes me feel liek shit, ill try and do things he likes which is only overwatch and runescape but like i said i can only play for some time before i just get really pissed off at the game (ie overwatch or league) even though where in the same room i dont see him unless i get up and go to him because he set his desk (my kitchen table...) where i cant see him because his monitors are so big (its just a big tv and an actual monitor but still)

i am lazy, or rather i think lazy idk, i never want to do anything anymore, i feel my life is sucked away, i dont find much joy in getting up anymore, im crying alot, or im having anxiety or im just idk... i hate feeling this way, but he doesnt understand.

NOW let me say the things he does do

where not always fighting normally we just exists in the same room and hardly talk or when we do talk he gets pissed off cause he has to keep pausing a stream or video and ill stop when he eventually yells at me

just now he made us some cookies (said he did it for me but thats an us thing)

says he loves me (not sure if he means it or not)

we cuddle at night watching whatever he wants to watch (i never get to change whatever is on cause he finds all my stuff boring or isnt interested in anime or whatever, its only ever ster or germa, and i cant stand there gameplays it just irritates me but when i say something his only remark is that its better than anything i could every make, or they havge more subscribers than ill ever have or more money than ill ever make.

does little things for me (not many but a few, like making me a sandwhich or something)

idk i jsut need someone to talk to honestly, i feel i have no one to talk to, i dont really have friends, i cant talk to him cause he says its all my fault or something