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‘what keeps you up at night?’ for whoever you want!

Chicago PD: ‘what keeps you up at night?’ / Soft AngstStarters

#11. “what keeps you up at night?”

Everyone in the office wondered why Greg Gerwitz went by thenickname “Mouse” – accepted as ridiculous by the man himself – and why Jaywould always just smile whenever asked about it. It was obvious no one wouldget anything out of him. There was some sort of agreement between them: Jaydidn’t explain where “Mouse’s” nickname came from, and in return, Mouse didn’ttell any stories about his friend that anyone in the bullpen could use againsthim.

Still, everyone was curious. Rhuben most of all.

She hadn’t been in the Intelligence Unit that long - almost twoyears - but had everyone down pat.

Antonio, she knew best. Once she joined the unit, she wasimmediately assigned to be his partner. Their big age gap wasn’t an issue. Hewas a good cop, and a great teacher to learn from. They had each other’s backson duty and off. He was the one she went to when she needed life advice andinformation on how to navigate the district’s personnel (more specificallySargeant Platt), and he came to her when he was having some problems connectingwith his kids and whenever needed a second opinion on how to go about stressfulcases.

You never, under any circumstances, crossed Sargeant Voight,whether you accepted his actions or not. He was the boss and you did what hesaid, exactly as he said. Even if it meant bending the rules here and there.And the use of violence.

Olinsky was like Voight; he knew when to toe the line, whento step over it, and how to bring himself, and everyone around him back overit. But he was quieter force. Whenever he spoke you listened. He was a masterat undercover work, and knew how to read people, so Rhuben often wondered ifshe was really getting to know him. Maybe she never would, he was Voight’sright hand after all.

Erin was a bit harder to figure out. She clearly was greatpolice; how could she not be with Voight to guide her through life? Barelyanything they faced fazed her, but she was known to show a softer side to herwhenever kids were in trouble or young girls were in over their heads. It washarder to figure out which side of her you were going to get. They weren’t bestfriends (that role was reserved for Sheldon Jin, may he rest in peace), workedtogether, and had a civil understanding with each other that due to theirpasts, they knew that life couldn’t be fair. And it could be hard unless youknew how to traverse it.

Jay wasn’t afraid to ask Voight the questions others weretoo afraid to ask (Rhuben knew she was terrified to do so), and he was greatwith a gun. With a past in the military, how could you not be? It had to be whyhe had such a confidence in himself and his work and was often the one ininterrogation rooms. And he was undoubtedly physically fit, and proficient inclose combat. All attractive qualities, if Rhuben were being honest, and thingsshe instantly noticed about him. While unaware of her unrequited crush (or hewas just being polite), a snarky barb here, and a teasing comment there betweenthem wasn’t unheard of. Nor was a friendly bet regarding the status of the lovelives of a certain officer and patrolwoman.

She and Adam were the youngest in the Intelligence Unit, sothey clicked instantly. And he instantly got on her nerves in a little brotherkind of way, always knowing how to push her buttons just so far. Adam was moreimpulsive, often needing Kevin – who was recently pulled up into Intelligence –to pull him back and explain to him why what he did was wrong. While his impulsivenesswas also what impressed everyone, his naiveté and bravado aren’t a greatcombination on the other hand.

Kevin was the calm, cool, and collected one. He barely everraised his voice, but you knew whenever he was pissed off. Known for awesomeparties, Kevin was a real people person, knowing how to talk to anybody andeverybody. He took pride in his work, wanting to be a good role model to hislittle brother and sister. He had a big heart, and he used his big heart everyday in his job, wanting to give all the youths in the area the chance to growup and chase their dreams unscathed.

Watch anyone enough and you got a general idea of how theywere as a person, or their tell when something was bothering them, or how badthey were at keeping their feelings for other workers a secret. Mouse wasdifferent. He didn’t bring any attention to himself, mostly sticking to hisoffice, and waiting for people to come to him for updates in a case. Yet, hecould, and would, always chime in whenever Jay brought up a solution he hadexperienced overseas while in the military, backing him up on whatever idea hehad.

Rhuben knew he and Jay were in the same unit together, andthat he had been medically discharged, but not much else. But the man she hadmet in the back of Jay’s car while working on a case, Mouse the C.I. wasdifferent than the man working with the CPD, Mouse the IT guy, now. One guy hadstolen her French fries out of the carton, and the other had “given them back”by way of somehow hacking her phone to actually place a picture on her SD card.

His skills were equally impressive, yet terrifying if theywere being used against you.

But why the heck was he called Mouse? Was it because he wasso timid? That he was so shy, he barely looked you in the eye without some sortof apologetic smile? That he was so stealthy, you wouldn’t realize he was thereuntil he started talking, often being tripped up over his own words? Eventuallyshe would figure it out.

She had even told him as such. He just looked his bemusedself, but there was a hint of a challenge in there somewhere. His eyebrows shotup, the corners of his mouth lifted, and he gave a slight lift of his shouldersbefore going back to work.

Still, there was something about him that drew her attentionto him Something else. He wasn’t hard tolook at. The scruffy look was good for him. But, when he started putting someeffort into his appearance, he looked even better. Blue and green were twocolors that complimented him well.

You’re a detective,Rhuben reminded herself, noticing thingsabout people is in her job description, general appearance and clothingincluded. So were routines, andMouse, she recognized, had an affinity to spending time watching video feeds oftraffic. So much so, in fact, that she was unsurprised to find that imageprojected on his screens when she went into his office in search of a C.I.file.

Rhuben stepped past his desk and over to the shelves filledwith boxes upon boxes of paper. She scanned over the labels on the front of theboxes, glancing out of the side of her eye to the man lounged in his chair. Hisgaze was transfixed to the multiple-monitor set up he had. Unblinking. Finallylocating the file she was looking for, she stepped back over to his desk.Still, he didn’t realize that she was there.

“Can I ask you a question, mate?” Rhuben asked to Mouse’sback.

For a moment he didn’t react. Then he started, and swiveledhis chair around to face her, blue eyes wide in their usual startled look.“Huh?” he asked. Then he lifted a hand and adjusted his shirt collar,scratching at the back of his neck. “Me? Oh. Oh! Yeah, of course you mean me.”If possible, his eyes widened a little further. “What’s, uh, what’s up?”

“Why do you watch that?” she asked.

Mouse indicated the monitors behind him with his thumb. Heglanced back over his shoulder as if checking to se if it was still there. “This?”His hands went to the beanie on his head and he adjusted it to cover more ofhis hair. “It, uh, relaxes me, I guess.” His lips parted in a soft laugh.“Safer than, uh, doing so while driving.”

“I’ll bet,” Averey replied. Using her free hand, she tuckedher black hair back behind her ear. “What about it is relaxing?”

Mouse turned back towards the computers. His chest swelledas he took in a deep breath of air, nostrils flaring when he released itthrough his nose. Then, he turned his chair back towards her. “There’s just,too much silence.” He said it as more of a question. “You know? Too many, uh,it’s just too much time.” His eyes suddenly turned downwards. “A lot can, uh,happen in…” His fingers started twitching in his lap. “The sounds…”

Rhuben watched as his eyes became unfocused, staring througheverything and anything in front of him. His right knee started bouncing,sending vibrations through the floor. Mouse rolled his head on his neck,lifting his hands up to adjust and readjust the maroon beanie on his head. “It—it’s…”

Silence stretched between the two of them until Rhuben saidquietly, “Mouse?”

“Hm?” Mouse blinked, his eyes flickering back up towardsher. Slowly, very slowly, he settled back in his seat. “Sorry?”

“No worries, yeah?” Averey waved her hand in the air. “Youdon’t have to explain anything to me.” Mouse’s eyebrows angled towards each other.“I didn’t mean to…” Trigger you? Make youuncomfortable? “Yeah, sorry.” Mouse’s face turned a bright red. Maybe sheshould have just stayed silent, acted like nothing happened.

“No, it’s,” Mouse said quietly, “you’re fine.” For afraction of a second, he made a face at what he said. “I mean, you’re…it’s ok. Ican talk about it, um, sometimes.” A fleeting smile crossed his face and heslowly nodded. “I’ve been getting help. It’s, uh, thank you, I guess, for beingpatient, I guess?”

Rhuben blinked in surprise. “Ah, no problems, mate.”

“When I do that,” he let out a short, embarrassed laugh, “alot of people, kind of, just leave.” He started twisting his fingers together.He ran one over each finger nail before pressing down on the knuckle of hisring finger, splaying his other fingers. “So, um, thanks.” He gave Rhuben a doublethumbs up and a bright smile, earning a laugh from her.

“You’re such a goober,” she said. Mouse was stuck somewherebetween laughing with her and confused. “Don’t worry, yeah, it’s a good thing.”

“Oh, ok.” He settledback in his seat. “Cool.”

“You said you’ve been getting help?”

Mouse pulled his mouth to one side. “Therapy,” he admitted.He waited for a moment, eyes narrowing slightly. Almost as if he was daring herto make a comment about it. Little did he know that she understood. Therapy wasa regularly scheduled appearance for her since she was about eighteen yearsold. When he didn’t get the answer he was expecting, he continued on. “Yeah, Iwasn’t into it at first but…” He swallowed. “What keeps you up at night?”

“Sorry?” Rhuben asked, startled by the sudden topic change.

“That’s what I have to answer for homework. ‘What keeps youup at night?’”

Cheeks puffing as she expelled a breath of air, Rhuben setthe files in her hands down, leaning her weight on the counter. “Right,” shesaid, “that’s a loaded question. Reckon, I can’t just say ‘everything’?” Mouseshook his head back and forth, pulling the corners of his lips down. “Failing.”Mouse’s eyebrows lifted, but he didn’t say a word. “You?”

Making a pbbbt soundwith his mouth, Mouse smiled and said, “Everything.” Rhuben chuckled. Thevacant look started appearing in his eyes again. Not so distant, but stillthere in the corner as his mind drifted. “You know I thank God every day thatboth Jay and I made it back. That we made it out of that humvee.” His voicelowered, a gravelly tone coming to his voice, his word started blendingtogether. “And I was so glad to know that, because I don’t know how I wouldhave started my life over without him. I mean, I wasn’t doing so hot before,but he always helped me out when I needed it, you know?”

“But I wonder about the others. I’ve never stopped wonderingwhat happened to my friends. How did they fair? What are they doing now? Where are they now? Once I was discharged,that was it. I was cut off from everything I knew, and they expect me to justgo back to my normal life?” Mouse got up from his seat and started to pace.Rhuben watched him, pulling her lower lip into her mouth. “They expect me toact like I never went through, what I went through with them? I just, I had toknow, you know? I needed to know what happened with them. No one would tell me.”He kicked at his chair, sending it into the wall.

Mouse didn’t know what to do with his hands. His fingerswere twitching. He shoved his hands into his pockets. Removed them. Shook his hands.Placed them on his hips. Paced. Bit down on a thumbnail.

“That’s why you got busted for hacking into DoD satellite,”Rhuben said with a gasp. “You just wanted to know what happened to yourfriends.” Mouse continued to pace. “Oh, mate.”

“Maybe I could hear some news,” Mouse was more talking tohimself, yet was still answering her question, “maybe they would say somethingabout them. I just had to check. I ha-I had to. I just needed to know. I neverexpected I could actually do it. I was always good with computers. One day Iwas just tired. I was just, so tired of it. I managed to get in, and I did itagain, and I did it again, and the next thing I know, my door was busted down, andI was being charged as a felon.”

“I don’t…” Rhuben wetted her lips, and tried again, “I don’tknow what to say.” She made a face. “Other than, ‘that sucks’, I mean.”

Mouse let out an odd laugh. “Yeah, it does,” he agreed. Hecleared his throat, nodding his head towards the files in her hands. “I shouldlet you get that back upstairs.”

“Yeah, reckon I should go,” Rhuben said. “I told Antonio Iwouldn’t be long.” She tapped the folder in her hands against the counter andturned to leave.

“Hey.”

Rhuben turned back towards Mouse. “Yeah?”

“Just, um,” the embarrassed flush returned to Mouse’s face,making his blue eyes stand out even more, “thanks for listening.”

“Yeah, mate, for sure.” Giving Mouse one las smile, Rhubenturned on her heels and headed out of his office.

Maybe it’s short for Mighty Mouse, she thought to herself.

He may not have flight, but hedid have some semblance of invulnerability, and he was certainly showing a lotof strength. Two out of three wasn’t bad.

A/N: I’ve been talking for a long time about writing a CPD fic that would crossover with Riley’s CF fic. Figured I’d take this chance to do something with it. I always wondered what it was that would prompt Mouse to hack the Department of Defense satellite and mayyyybe this makes sense?

Plus, I’ve been binge re-watching both shows and I just love Mouse so much!

-Rhuben

[ Soft Angst Starters ]

#whindsor #prompt #chicago pd #greg gerwitz #rhuben jackson #cpd #mouse #authored by: rhuben #answered ask #thanks for sending this in

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