#jj why are you giffing a show ten years after it airs

[hope-mikaelson]

Every Bunheads Episode Ever: 1.01 “Pilot”

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter four: "Hurt"

Words count: 13,7K

The gif is mine ✨

Warnings: Hardcore Spencer trauma. Mention of drug abuse,  torture, Criminal Minds usual case triggers. Spoilers of Season 2 E14/15 Criminal Minds.

Summary: An unsub abducts Spencer, and reader blames JJ for it.

A/N: Have you ever wished you were there to save Spencer from Tobias Hankel? I know I have. I know reader wants to... I'm dying to know what you'll think of this chapter! Sorry if it's a little too graphic, writing Spencer's POV of this episode was really hard.

Series Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

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(Y/N)'s point of view

I remember the day Emily Prentiss arrived. We had a case in Saint Louis. Two serial killers, 'cos it couldn't just be one asshole making everyone miserable. And on top of all, Hotch was confused and upset 'cos he never signed Emily's transfer to the BAU. It was like someone was trying to force her into the team, and we all thought it was weird.

We left the bullpen off to the case and left Prentiss in the office, not knowing if she actually got the job or not. I know Elle and I weren't incredibly close, but it still felt weird to think someone might join the team and try to replace her. It didn't work that way in that job. It didn't feel right at the moment.

There is something I also distinctly remember about that day: Gideon talked to me. And not only that, but he actually trusted my knowledge. We hadn't been on the best terms for a few months, so that approach meant a lot to me.

We were at the police station. Reid and I had been analyzing the letters one of the killers had sent to a journalist to find something that might help us catch him before there were any more victims. That's when JJ and Jason walked in, and he asked about our progress.

- "He only sent this to an individual, which shows he is not confident enough to initiate contact with the masses."- Spencer explained as he projected an image of the letter on the wall.

- "Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants, and you can see the shooter maintains vertical, narrow letter writing, and both are signs of repression"- I said and pointed at the image on the wall- "And the pressure, if you look closely, it's excessively heavy, which shows that he's uptight and can easily overreact."

Gideon looked at me and nodded. It was my cue to keep on talking. For once in a long time, I was feeling approved by him.

- "You got all that from his handwriting?"- JJ asked me, surprised. Reid looked at me from the other side of the room, and I could feel his smile reflecting how proud he was of me.

- "Graphology is an effective and reliable indicator of personality and behavior."

- "But my writing is always different,"- she added, and I nodded. I was waiting for that comment.

- "Yes, because it represents your emotions at the moment, just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling while you are speaking."

- "What else can we know about our unsub from this?"- Gideon asked me.

- "Well, our killer uses simple statements, all first person, like "I won't be ignored," which means he's obviously tired of feeling this way. He may have a job in solitude or one that he feels strips of his identity. His work might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality, or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels that he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves."

I made a pause and waited for his words. I was giving my best, and I swear I was still hoping I could ever get Jason Gideon's blessing.

- "I think we are ready to give a profile,"- he said and nodded.

And damn, that felt good.

When we were back in Quantico, Hotch had a long and clearly awkward conversation with the section chief, Erin Strauss. She was scary. She was clearly trying to get rid of Hotch, questioning his work daily, decisions, and how he managed the team. Why? I have no idea.

It felt she forced him to accept Prentiss into the team. We were one man down after Elle left. Ok, one awesome woman down, so we definitely needed some help. And Emily was a great addition from day one.

We clicked right away. Prentiss was funny, smart, but most of all, she constantly had to prove she deserved to be there. Just like me. Gideon gave her the cold shoulder from day one, and that I could relate. The only difference was that she won him over in a few days, though. I was still trying to win that battle.

Garcia decided we needed a girl's night, and she hosted the first of many "BAU Girl Power get together." Basically, it was us at Penelope's place drinking and talking.

That first night, we updated Prentiss with everything that had happened with Elle. She wanted to know everything about us, what we did, how long we've been on the team, and how we all got along. It was sweet and fresh. After that year in the BAU, I had already learned to enjoy the sweet things in life. Like getting drunk with my work girlfriends.

- "So, does Hotch ever smile?"- Emily asked, and we all laughed at the very same time. Yes, it was getting late, and we weren't as sober as we should have been.

- "He does! he does!"- JJ assured us- "You should see him with his baby."

- "He is a dad?"- Emily was shocked. I was surprised too when I found out Aaron was married and with a baby. The amount of time he spends at work always made me feel he had zero personal life.

- "And has a beautiful wife"- JJ added- "He is always laughing when he is with her and baby Jack."

- "I guess this job can drain the happiness from your day... "- I thought out loud, but before anyone could say anything about my dark and bitter comment, my cell phone rang.

- "Hey honey bunny, everything ok?"- I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt the girl's conversations.

- "Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were drinking enough water between drinks"- I laughed and shook my head. Only Reid could call to say such a thing. He was the sweetest friend on earth.

- "Yes, I am, don't worry. I'm not going to be hungover or drunk tomorrow. I know you are excited about the new exposition."

- "You are gonna love it!"

- "I am sure I will"- and I wasn't kidding. I loved when he dragged me to the Smithsonian or any museum for some nerdy fun.

- "Have fun with the girls."

- "What are you doing, by the way?"

- "Just reading a little, you left your complete Sherlock Holmes collection here, so I'll be solving mysteries while you get drunk."

- "Don't have too much fun without me"- he chuckled and ended the call. I smiled and walked back to the girls looking at me with a funny grin on their faces.

- "Was that your boyfriend?"- Penelope asked me, and I frowned right away.

- "No, it was Reid. He just wanted to confirm we are going to the museum tomorrow."

- "Wait"- Prentiss narrowed her brows and looked at us confused- "Reid ain't your boyfriend?"

JJ and Garcia's laughter was epical, as well as my frown. They nearly gasped for air while Prentiss and I waited until they calmed down.

- "No"- I finally answered- "Reid is not my boyfriend."

- "He is more than that; he is her work husband,"- Penelope clarified, and I turned to her with my mouth wide open, shocked.

- "What the fuck? Reid ain't my work husband. He is my best friend!!"

- "Yes, and you happen to call your best friend "honey bunny," right?"- JJ questioned, just like she had a few months before when we were alone in our room away on a case.

- "Reid is my best friend, and yes, I call all my close friends by weird pet names. You will get one too if you are lucky."

- "But I thought"- Emily continued- "I mean, he looks at you like you are his sun."

- "No, Prentiss, the only coupe in this team is the one between "chocolate thunder" and "baby girl" right here"- I pointed at Garcia, and she just blushed and covered her face.

- "My love for Derek will burn forever with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean, have you seen that man? he was made by the gods and sent to earth just to give my existence some sense"- we all laughed at those cheesy words, though Pen was serious about them.

- "But, have you ever...?- JJ looked at her and made a pause. We were all looking at every single facial movement or behavior she might show to read her body language."

- "My relationship with my loverman could never be tainted by something as mundane as sex."

- "Like you wouldn't lick honey from that six-pack and ride that thunder."

The words just left my lips, and I blame the buzz. BAU (Y/N) would have never said that. Drunk (Y/N) would, totally.

The girls laughed until tears fell from their eyes, and I just chuckled, honestly happy to make them laugh. I had been more of the real me than I had ever actually been around them in nearly a year.

- "Hello?"- my phone rang again when I was walking out of the bathroom. And this time, it was Paul.

- "Hey babe, what are you doing?"

- "Hey, I'm..."- I looked at the girls in front of me and sighed- "I'm stuck with paperwork"- and they turned to me immediately. I could read the "What the fuck" on their faces.

- "Well, I'm at Rob's in case you feel like dropping by. We are writing a few songs."

- "I'll text you if I finish with this early, but... have fun."

- "Ok, bye"- I hung up and sighed.

- "And that was..."- Prentiss asked, frowning.

- "My boyfriend,"- I explained and grabbed another beer

- "Sure, I could feel the passion,"- Garcia joked, but I just didn't think it was funny.

I knew my relationship with Paul wasn't alright. Actually, things with Paul weren't. Period. We were done, it was apparent, but still, neither of us had said it. That relationship was just a few phone calls every once in a while, only to make small talks. When we were together, we would just watch a movie, eat something, drink a few beers, and that was it. It had been a long time since we had sex or even made out. I don't know why I didn't end it sooner. I guess I was just afraid to do it.

But I let more months pass before I actually did something.

Spencer's point of view

I'm not proud of what happened that year after Prentiss joined the team. I think that year changed me profoundly, and a part of me never fully recovered afterward.

Maybe it had to be that way, and it was something I had to go through to grow up. I guess I'm still trying to make some sense of all the misery I put my friends through. Mostly (Y/N). She was in hell with me.

A few weeks after New Year, we started working on a case. Someone was killing wealthy people in their own homes. At first, we thought there were two unsubs, 'cos one of them called 911 after killing, and you could hear them struggling and arguing. But no, it was just one.

Tobias Hankel was a delusional serial killer. He had split personalities, not two but actually three. His father, the one who tortured me. The archangel Raphael, who was trying to make God's will, killing people. And himself, who wanted to save me, but instead, he nearly destroyed me.

What do I remember about the day he kidnapped me? I remember I was stupid enough to try to catch an unsub alone, just to prove I could take care of myself on the field. Hotch sent me and JJ to talk to Hankel at his house, 'cos apparently, he might have seen the unsub months earlier. But no, he was the unsub, and neither JJ nor me could stop him.

We hid in a barn, and I was so eager to prove I could catch him; I told JJ we had to split up to cover the place. I was counting on Hotch to get there with the team sooner than they did, and before I realized it, I was in the middle of a cornfield, and Hankel was pointing at me with my own gun.

I was sure I was going to die right there. All of Hankel's personalities were struggling inside of him. I couldn't stop thinking about why I thought I could do it on my own? Why had I been a reckless asshole? Was it because I wanted to prove I was an excellent SAA? Because I wanted to impress JJ? Maybe I tried to convince myself I could do the same job my team did. I knew I wasn't the most physical person, but I had a gun. I had been trained to capture killers.

Yes, I was an asshole that day, and I've regretted everything that happened that night many, many times in the following years.

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and the archangel Raphael had taken Hankel's mind completely. The room was dark, and it smelled awful. He was burning fish hearts and livers, 'cos he believed it kept the devil away.

I was confused and lost. My head was spinning, and my heart was about to burst into my chest. I knew I could die any second now. Raphael wasn't the one to show mercy. That's what I had learned from all the videos Hankel had uploaded to the web. He had shared with the world every murder they had committed to show the other sinners what was going to happen to them.

- "They believe you can see inside men's minds"- Raphael looked at me with dark eyes, implying he meant Tobias and his father

- "It's not true. I study human behavior."- my voice was shaking. I knew I had never been more scared in my entire life. He took out a gun and showed me one bullet.

- "Do you know what this is? It's God's will."

Things didn't look good for me. He put it in the cylinder of the revolver and spun it. He was going to let my life to luck.

- "You don't have to do this"- I tried to talk him out of it, though I knew it wasn't going to work.

- "No go, sinners, to your God."

And he pressed the trigger.

What went through my mind the seconds that passed between having the gun pointed to my face and realizing I had lived? My mom. All I could think of was how my mom would react to the news of my death. I could never bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't die. I couldn't leave her alone.

I sighed, relieved, and bit my lips not to cry. Raphael looked at me with a blank expression and walked out of the room. I had survived for now.

I struggled with my handcuff, but it was useless. My head was killing me. I could feel the open wound on my head, still dripping blood on my temple and head. I tried to focus on the pain for a few minutes, just to make sure I was awake. It was a nightmare, and keeping myself sane and conscious under those circumstances was nearly impossible.

How was I going to get out of there alive? Did the team know where I was? I had no idea where I had been taken. I had been unconscious the whole way. It was dark, and I couldn't see much around me. I wasn't afraid of that darkness. I was more fearful of the man that left me alone, 'cos he was armed and mentally unstable. Darkness had nothing on him.

I had to focus on the things that kept me sane. The things that made me want to get out of that room alive.

- "My name is Spencer Walter Reid. I'm twenty-five years old, my mother's name is Diana Reid, I was born in Las Vegas, October 28th, 1981."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the things that made me happy.

- "I work at the BAU, my best friend's name is (Y/N), and she sits at the desk in front of me. Derek Morgan is the closest I've got to an older brother."

He was. He still is. You have to be close to dead to start seeing things clearly sometimes. Derek was my brother. He treated me like a kid, but a kid brother. He was always teasing me, trying to teach me how to pick up girls, trying to drag me to the gym with him. Derek was a good friend, we were very different, and I knew if we had been classmates in high school, we would probably never have talked. He was a jock, and I was a nerd. But life had brought us together. And now I couldn't think of a better friend than him.

I tried to focus on my happiest memories. My birthday came to mind. The guys had planned a Halloween-themed birthday party at the conference room of the BAU. Of course, Garcia baked a cake and (Y/N) helped her decorate it. It was incredible, 'cos it was covered with tiny gourds and skulls.

- "Frank and Mikey sent you these,"- she announced after everybody had given me their presents. I wide opened my eyes in shock 'cos I had no idea her friends knew it was my birthday or even cared about it.

- "Why?"- I had to ask.

- "'Cos they think you are amazing. They actually wanted to come over to your house and have a few beers tonight."- I opened my mouth to say something, but Derek interrupted me.

- "Pretty boy is gonna get to work hungover again."

- "Shut up"- (Y/N) and I said at the same time, making everybody chuckle. I opened the present her friends had sent me and laughed right away.

- "Lucky Doc"- I read and took out of the bag a Sports Illustrated issue with Lila Archer on the cover. My cheeks turned red immediately.

- "Frank still hasn't overcome that story. I think he will hate you forever"- (Y/N) laughed (along with the rest of the team) and gave me another present.

- "They also sent you this. They said you were going to like the man in black"- it was a Johnny Cash's vinyl- "Frank picked it. He thinks he is some sort of musical psychic that can read people's taste in music."

- "We should get together and have a few beers one of these days. I need to thank them for these."

Gideon looked at me in silence as soon as I said those words. But I didn't care if he disapproved. I was going to be (Y/N)'s friend, whether he liked it or not.

He is the closest I've had to a dad in the latest years. He cares about me, and he tries to make the best of me that he can. Yes, he can be too apprehensive. I think that's a way to put it. But only because he wants me to be the best profiler I can be.

I never thought I would end up working at the BAU. I never thought I would love the job I do as much as I do. Back when I was in college, I thought I would dedicate my life to finding a cure for schizophrenia, but I ended up hunting serial killers across the country.

And though I was about to die, I didn't regret any of the decisions that led me there.

The morning found me shaking, cold, and scared. I was in a small cabin in the woods. Just like the worst and more cliché horror movie ever made. This was my own horror movie.

- "What are you staring at, boy?"- Tobias opened the front door carrying logs for the fire. His voice had changed yet again, so I knew it wasn't the same person I had talked to the night before.

- "You are not Raphael."- I whispered, looking at every movement he did.

- "Do I look like Raphael?"- had I insulted him? I couldn't tell. He turned to the fire, and I took a deep breath, doing my best to stay calm.

- "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe."- I said, looking at the fish hearts and livers he was preparing to put on the fire.

- "Don't try to trick me."

- "I would never try to trick you."

- "You are a liar."

- I'm not a liar."- it was hard to stay calm and not start screaming for help or mercy, but I knew that was going to take me nowhere with him.

- "Lying is a sin."

- "I'm not a liar."- he walked closer to me, and sat right in front of me, held my leg up, and grabbed my foot.

- "This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins."

- "I am not a sinner"- I whispered again. He took off my shoe.

- "We are all sinners."- it didn't look good for me, not at all, and I knew I had to talk to him with his words with his beliefs to save my life.

- "The Lord spake unto Moses saying "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord" and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy."

Hankel, this time in the personality of his father, looked at me surprised. I might have done something right, 'cos he stopped moving, and for a second, I thought it was going to be ok.

- "You know Leviticus."

- "I know every word of the bible. I can recite it for you."- but his eyes turned dark again.

- "The devil knows how to read too."

- "I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil2- I repeated, and couldn't stop shaking, 'cos my life on the hands of a sociopath.

- "I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you, and they taught me the bible, let me recite the bible."

My voice cracked at the knowledge of what he was going to do. He stood up, still holding my foot. He was going to torture me, he was going to try to break me, and I had to be strong. I didn't know how I would find the strength, but I had to be strong.

- "Time to confess, Spencer Reid"- and without further notice, he slapped a log against my foot, making me scream in pain. It hurt from the tip of my toes until the back of my skull. I hadn't felt that kind of pain, and it was worse knowing he was just getting started. Tears started falling down my cheeks in no time.

- "Confess!"

- "I don't have anything to confess."- I whimpered and closed my eyes, 'cos I knew he was going to continue his torture. And so he did. The pain was excruciating. I was sure I was going to pass out

I tried to go to a happy place in my head, somewhere when I could hide from all that pain. It was too hard, though. It hurt too much. I kept repeating over and over again I wasn't a sinner, begging Hankel for mercy, as he shouted I had to confess.

I made an effort to think about what he might want me to say. What did he want me to confess? Which sins was he talking about? But nothing came to my mind, nothing but the pain and the fear of dying.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The second we reached Hankel's cabin, I started looking for Spencer. I had a horrible feeling about it. Morgan and I headed it to a barn with Prentiss. There was no sign of anyone. It was dark and quiet. Never a good sign.

- "Shit!"- I whispered, staring at three dead dogs and a bath of blood in front of me. There laid the body of another victim that was missing from Hankel's last attack.

- "FBI!!"- JJ shouted suddenly. She was pointing his gun to us, clearly in shock- "Don't move!!"

- "JJ, it's Morgan, (Y/L/N), and Prentiss! Don't shoot"- Derek tried to calm her down, walking towards her- "Are you hurt?"- she lowered the gun and stared at us. You could read the fear and the trauma in her eyes.

- "Tobias Hankel is the unsub,"- she whispered as Prentiss rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to comfort her.

- "Yeah, we know"- I moved towards her too and put my gun back into the holster.

- "And we thought he was just a witness"- we looked around, and JJ pointed at the dead dogs.

- "JJ, where is Reid?"- Derek asked her, but she just continued talking.

- "They completely tore her apart"

- "JJ, look at me,"- I said and held her arm carefully- "Look at me, where's Reid?"- she was shaking, and her voice was cracking. I knew she was making her best effort to pull herself together.

- "We split up. He said he was going to go in the back."

And there it was. That was the reason why I had a bad feeling all along. Derek looked at me and nodded as we read each other's minds. The two of us turned around and ran outside, leaving JJ with Prentiss, waiting for the medical team and ambulance to check on her wounds.

Gideon and Hotch were inside the cabin, looking for Hankel, but there was no one there. And there was no sign of Reid behind the barn either, in the cornfield, or anywhere in the perimeter. Reid was nowhere to be found, and I started losing it little by little. I tried to repeat myself the words Hotch had said many times during my year in the BAU: "when you are out there with the team; your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case." But the case had never included my best friend missing before.

- "Hey, is there any sign of him yet?- I asked the police chief as I reached the ambulance. He was there talking with JJ, making sure she was ok.

- "We got every one of our units on the road. He won't make it far"- I nodded and watched him walk away. I knew he thought I was talking about Hankel, but I actually meant Reid.

I turned to JJ and moved a little closer to her. Her eyes open wide, staring back at me.

- "You can't find Reid?"- I just shook my head and tried to sound as casual as I could, not to freak her out. She was still in shock. I didn't want to make it worse.

- "Not yet"

- "(Y/N)"- Derek held my arm and forced me to walk away from the ambulance.- "Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged."

My heart stopped. Did the psychopath hurt Spencer? Did he kill him? Did he torture him? Was he hurt? Was he alive? Where was he? Derek looked at me, and I nodded. I bit my lips and took a deep breath. Hotch's words were my mantra now: "your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case."

- "Are you sure?"- we turned to the police's chief, overhearing his conversation- "We are on our way now."

- "What's going on?"

- "The sheriff down two towns over, he just gave directions to a man who fit Hankel's descriptions. It's to a motor lodge in fort bend."

- "Let's get Hotch and Gideon"- Derek held my arm and walked with me to the cabin. We had to find Reid, and we had to do it fast.

That was the worst night of my life. The first worst night of my life, to be sincere. I didn't close an eye. I went through every paper, every note, every detail in that cabin, trying to find a clue that could lead us to where Tobias had taken Reid.

I felt someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I had to think straight, and to do it, I had to keep a cold head. But as the hours passed, it became a more demanding and more challenging task to complete. I knew the whole team was suffering, but that didn't ease my pain. And I knew JJ felt guilty, but that didn't stop me from blaming her in my mind. She left him alone. I would have never left Spencer alone on the field.

- "(Y/N), you should try to get some rest."

Derek whispered as he sat on the floor next to me, where I had been sitting for the last half hour, reading Tobias's old diaries. Nothing but fear of his father, mentions of Dilaudid use, and bible transcriptions.

- "I'm ok,"- I answered and didn't even take my eyes from the pages.

- "(Y/N), I mean it"

- "I'm not going to rest if he is out there in the hands of a psychopath, Derek"- I had to bite my lips and shut the fuck up, 'cos if I said one more word, I knew I was going to burst into tears.

Morgan just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and moved me closer to him. That was the first time I let him hug me, and it felt good to know I wasn't alone in my desperation. I knew he loved Reid like a brother, and neither of us was going to stop until we found him.

- "Welcome to our nightmare"- JJ's voice broke the silence we had been into for the last hour when Hotch walked into the cabin with Penelope.

It was morning already. There were still no signs of Reid. Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and I had been sitting at the table, reading everything we could.

- "His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you to dissect it,"- Gideon whispered to García. You could feel the concern in his voice. She just nodded in shock and turned to Derek, who held her hand and helped her get set up in the computer room.

- "So, nothing new since I left?"- Hotch asked and looked at us. I just shook my head and continued reading.

- "Well, the good thing is the guy documented practically every second of his life"- Prentiss words took me from the pages I was reading. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The concept of "good" was poorly used in that phrase.

- "The bad news is, we are still un-piling,"- she added and sighed.

- "From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years,"- JJ managed to say. She made her best effort to be useful, but she was in worse shape than everybody else. Yet, that didn't make me feel bad for her. I was mad at her and kept making my best to put it aside, 'cos my head had to be in the case.

- "He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail,"- Emily inferred, but I shook my head as soon as I heard her.

- "No, no, no, it's more than that!"- I shook my head and took a deep breath- "Sheriff's office, 911 calls, every time he engages the police and gets away with it... he reassures himself, God's on his side. Not ours."- I added.

Gideon nodded, and we shared a moment of agreement. He was as worried as I was. I could feel it. I'm not saying the rest of the team wasn't, I'm saying Jason was as fucked up as I was, and I could sense he was having the same trouble I had making sure my head and not my sentiments were into the case.

But if anything happened to Reid, I didn't know what I was capable of doing.

At a certain point, I got sick of reading and not doing anything and decided to look around the house again if we had missed anything. Derek went along. One part of me felt he wanted to stay away from JJ too. Maybe he was as mad as I was about her leaving Reid alone. I know I couldn't blame her, but I did it anyway.

- "Guys!! I think I've got something!"- Derek yelled, and I ran over. He opened a door that led to a basement. I walked right behind him, pointing my gun and my flashlight all over. But there was no sign of Reid.

- "Tobias Hankel!!"- Morgan shouted. Someone was sitting in what looked to be a gigantic freezer- "Tobias!"- but we didn't get any response. I took a step closer and examined carefully.

- "Morgan, I think we just found Hankel's father."

Spencer's point of view

On my second night in that cabin, I met Tobias. The third personality of Hankel walked into the room, carrying what seemed to be a dead deer. He looked as frightened as I was.

- "You need to eat."

- "What's your name?"

- "Tobias."

- "Tobias, who was here before?"

- "Probably my father."

He looked at me up and down, and he immediately understood what he had done to me. It was scary how he could dissociate. Someone with multiple personality disorder is usually unaware of the other personality states and memories when an alter is dominant. In this case, Tobias knew the other personalities but considered them different persons. He didn't think they were all in his head.

- "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

He looked at me like he understood everything I had been going through. Maybe he had been through something similar when his father was alive. Perhaps he had been a victim of Hankel as well, and that's what triggered his psychopathic nature.

He walked over and took out his belt.

- "What are you doing?"- he wrapped it around my arm, and I started begging him to stop.

- "It helps"- he took out of his pocket a needle and a small bottle of what seemed to be some kind of drug.

- "Don't tell my father. He doesn't know they are here."

- "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it, please"- I cried and begged.

- "It helps. I know"- it was the last thing Tobias said before the needle found my vein.

And he was right. It helped. Every single amount of pain I was feeling disappeared. My brain shut down. Somehow, everything was ok. I never had in my entire life felt so good before.

My mind kept flashing memories of when I was a kid. I kept seeing images of the day my father left and how he called my mother crazy.

- "You are weak"- mom spit those words after he refused to take me with him. I know she said it not because she didn't want me with her, but because mom knew she was sick and wanted the best for me. And he refused.

- "I'm not weak."- I whispered as I looked at her smiling back at me.

- "I know, honey."

I don't know how long I was drugged, but when I woke up, Tobias wasn't there with me anymore. It was his father.

And the torture continued.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Gideon was trying to convince me to go out with Prentiss and JJ to see a Narcotics anonymous's contact that might give us more information about Tobias. Emily had found some flyers about it in his room, and it could be the only lead we had to find him and Reid.

- "You need to get out of this house for a while"- he whispered and tapped on my back.

I knew he wasn't the one to be loving or physical with people, less with me. But that moved me. I turned to him and my eyes watered up. I was scared, and I couldn't hide it anymore. The more hours passed, the fewer the chances were to find Spencer safe. Alive.

I felt his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight, trying to keep the pieces of me together. We were alone on the porch, and though I didn't want to fall apart, I couldn't hold it anymore.

Jason didn't say a word. He just hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I didn't say anything either. I actually couldn't because I was overwhelmed with everything.

- "Are you ready, (Y/N)?"

Prentiss whispered as she walked over with JJ. I turned my back at them for a second to hide the tears that kept falling down my cheeks. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, 'cos it was obvious I had been sobbing, but they gave me the courtesy of not saying anything.

- "You go, I need (Y/N)'s assistance with some diary entries"- the two of them walked away quietly, and thankfully, didn't argue with Gideon.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and felt his hand on my shoulder one more time.

- "You are doing a fantastic job,"- he said and turned around.

I wish I could tell you that made me feel better, but instead, I just thought I had the duty to bring my friend back home safe.

It had been at least an hour since the girls left. Morgan, Hotch, Gideon, and the police chief were in the living room with me, reading. I sipped my hundredth cup of coffee and re-read the same diary entry for the third time.

- "There's something weird going on here."- I thought out loud and walked towards Gideon

- "You think?"- the police chief turned to me and raised an eyebrow, ironically.

- "No, seriously, check this out. This journal is filled with religious ramblings. He notated hour by hour: "November 15th, 3:17, if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will", and it goes on and on: 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42."

I made a short pause and looked at Gideon and Hotch. They didn't get where I was going.

- "But then, it goes blank for days."

- "Maybe he got sick of writing"- I seriously hated that police chief.

- "I think I got it"- Hotch whispered- "Journal entry: "December 6th. Father is sick. He wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill. He said, honor thy father. Must pray for guidance."

- "So he kills his father as an act of mercy?"- Gideon asked, knowing the answer.

- "This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel's father had been dead for four months already."

- "That's exactly it"- I murmured, thinking Tobias Hankel was way more fucked up than we thought.

- "Look at the floor"- Derek pointed at a chair and moved it- "These scuffs marks are fresh. It's like two people were pushing the chairs constantly, trying to fight for control."

- "So?"- I swear to God, that chief was driving me insane.

- "This journal matches Charles Hankel's handwriting, but it was written after he died"- I explained. Still, it felt he wasn't following me.

- "What do you mean?"

- "Upstairs, Tobias' bedroom got junk piled from floor to ceiling, but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection."

- "So, are you telling me one of Tobias' personalities was his father?"

Apparently, I had to draw a picture so the chief would get it. Fortunately, Gideon continued explaining the whole problem before I lost what was left of my patience.

- "Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code, black and white, right and wrong. When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give."

- "His brain couldn't handle the moral contradiction, so he split into two personalities to keep his father alive."

Hotch tried to put it most easy and simple words possible.

- "So, who is Raphael?"

- "My guess, he is a mediator between the two"- Gideon nodded at my words and sighed.

- "Angels have no human emotions, live or die. They don't care, as long it's God's will."

- "We need to start profiling Tobias' father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid."

Finally, I felt we were going somewhere.

When Emily and JJ came back, they gave us the news. Tobias was addicted to Dilaudid, which explained the fracture in his mind, and how he lived with three distinct personalities.

The police chief announced a computer store robbery, giving us some hopes that Tobias would use them to track him down.

- "Guys!! Guys!! get in here!!- I heard Derek shouting and I ran to the computer room. I felt sick in the stomach in less than a second. There he was, Spencer. My Spencer Walter Reid, tied to a chair, bleeding, shoeless. Clearly tortured.

- "He's been beating,"- I whispered, feeling my eyes water up. I would have given anything to be there instead of him.

- "Can you track him?!"- JJ yelled by my side, and I nearly smacked her. That's how sensitive I was feeling.

- "Hankel's only streaming this to his home computer."- Garcia whispered. And my heart dropped with those words.

That wasn't what I was supposed to hear. We were supposed to find him and bring him back safe.

- "This is for us"- Gideon didn't take his eyes from the screen- "He knows we are here."

- "I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick"- Morgan was so mad I believed him. I wanted to do the same, if worse.

- "I'm gonna kill him myself as soon as we find him,"- I said and felt Aaron's hand on my shoulder as he asked Garcia

- "Why can't you locate him?"

- "He's rerouting to a different IP address every 30 seconds. I can't track him."

It knew it had to be hard if Penelope couldn't find her, but that didn't help. If anything, it made everything worse. I felt powerless. Hankel couldn't be more intelligent than us.

Spencer's point of view

- "Are you ready, boy?"- Hankel pulled my hair and forced me to look at him. I was still as high as fuck, but knew I was about to be tortured again.

- "Ready for what?"

- "My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason"- if the reason was to get me into drugs, then the answer was yes.

Hankel placed a video camera in front of me.

- "Can you really see inside men's minds?"- he asked me and made a pause, pointing to three screens- See these vermin?

It took me a second to realize he was showing me images of real people. He had put cameras in those people's houses. How? When? What kind of sick game did he want me to play with him?

- "Choose one to die. I let you choose one to live."

- "No"- I didn't even think about my answer.

- "I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

- "You are a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word is not true."

I don't know if it was because of the drugs or because I hadn't eaten or drank any water in too long, but I was somehow resigned and tired of fighting.

- "The other heathens are watching- Hankel announced and pointed at the camera in front of me."

My eyes fixated on the camera right away. My team was watching me. (Y/N) was watching me. I didn't want to make her worry even more. I needed her to know I was ok. I know I wasn't, but I didn't want her to worry about me.

- "Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved"- Hankel was sick. It was all a game, and religion was just an excuse to kill.

- "I won't get to choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

Hankel didn't like my answer, 'cos he grabbed me and pulled me up, looking into my eyes, insulted, annoyed, losing his temper.

- "Can you really see into my mind, boy?"

He was honestly scary, and it petrified me to think he could execute me right there, in front of the team, and I could never tell them how much they mean.

- "Can you see I'm not a liar?!"- he insisted. I nearly whimpered but made my best not to break- "Choose one to die and save a life. Otherwise, they are all dead."

He dropped me on the chair and turned around. It was clear he wasn't joking. I took a deep breath and nodded.

- "Alright, I'll choose who lives."

- "They are all the same"

My eyes traveled across all the monitors. It was nearly impossible to pick one person to live, knowing all the other people there would die. Hankel was sick, and I had to set a plan to escape because otherwise, I would end up dead.

- "Far right screen,"- I whispered. He turned around and nodded.

Then, he recited the name and address of the woman on the screen. I prayed for the team to find her before Hankel came after her too.

No. It wasn't Hankel this time.

- "Raphael,"- I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at the screen again. The woman we were watching picked up the phone. She was in her kitchen. He walked around, frowned, and turned to her computer. In a second, she had turned it off. My team had reached her. She was safe, I hoped.

Hankel turned the camera off and looked at me.

- "You've done your part. Now it's my turn."

I knew what that meant. It wasn't good.

He left the cabin, and all I could see were the monitors in front of me. Those people were going to die. They were going to die because I didn't pick them. I killed them. You don't need to pull a trigger to kill someone. I could never forget those words. And this time, they meant more than anytime before. I didn't press a trigger, but I had killed two innocent people. And I actually had to watch them die.

When I saw Rapahel walk into the victims' house, I tried to close my eyes and think of anything else. A part of me kept thinking he wasn't going to kill them. He just wanted to threaten me.

But not. Raphael slaughtered them.

I found myself craving whatever it was that Tobias had given me the night before. The drug in my veins had given me a kind of peace I had never felt. And I never thought I'd have either. The type of peace that can be addictive, 'cos it turns your head off. And God knows, sometimes I needed to turn my head off.

Remembering everything that has ever happened to me, especially all the awful things, wasn't a gift. It was a burden. And whatever it was that Tobias had put in my veins, it had taken that burden from my shoulders, at least for a couple of hours.

Who wouldn't want some more of that peace?

- "Reid!"- Gideon's voice took me from my thoughts. He was sitting right in front of the camera in the victim's house. He was there with Hotch and the police, investigating the crime scene.

- "If you are watching this, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? he is perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break you."

I know he meant it. But I couldn't believe any of that, not after watching a family get slaughter just because I didn't pick them.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "I thought you were going to try and get some rest,"- I said as JJ walked to me in silence. I made myself my hundredth cup of coffee, and she just showed up next to me, trying to engage in conversation, I guess.

- "Everybody else is working. I should be too."

- "We can handle it,"- I whispered and refused to look at her. I swear I was trying not to hate her, but it was getting harder and harder with every hour that passed without finding Reid.

- "It's funny, I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is... well... Reid"- she chuckled, nervously and I just looked at her and nodded. I didn't even smile. I didn't move a muscle.

I didn't want to be with her, or anyone, as a matter of fact. And I wasn't going to hide it anymore. So I tried to walk away.

- "You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

I stopped walking and looked at her. You could tell she was having a hard time facing the whole situation, and most of all, you could tell she felt guilty.

That really didn't stop me from being mad at her. I was trying to be the better woman during the investigation, but the uncertainty was getting on my nerves.

- "JJ, go get some rest,"- I tried to answer calmly, but I knew I was looking at her like she was dead to me.

- "I can tell that's what you are thinking, so..."

- "I just wanna get Spencer home safe."

- "But... if I had his back like I was supposed to do, he'd be here now"- and that was enough.

- "JJ, what the fuck do you want from me?"

- "I just...."- she was about to cry, you could tell- "I want someone to tell me the truth."

- "You want the truth? Ok, there you go: I would have never left him alone. None of this would have happened if I had been the one with him out there! 'cos I would never let anyone or anything hurt him!!"

I shouted. All the anger I had been feeling those days was finally getting off my chest. And fuck, it felt good.

- "You fucked it up, JJ, and if something happens to Spencer, I am never going to forgive you, never!"

JJ bit her lips, trying her best not to cry. But I still couldn't feel sorry for her.

- "Is that the truth you were looking for?"

- "(Y/L/N)?"- Hotch stood next to me with the most annoyed look in his eyes.

I knew I was out of line, but this wasn't about work anymore. This was personal. This was Reid we were talking about, and JJ had fucked it up. There was nothing to discuss.

- "What? You sent him with her, now she is here, and he isn't. What else is there to say?"

- "(Y/N)!"- Hotch followed me as I stormed out of the kitchen and out of the cabin- "(Y/N)! stop!"

- "What?!"- and I simply snapped- "Are you gonna suspend me for telling her the truth? Are you going to fire me for losing my shit while working a case!? Fine! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! All I care about right now is that my best friend is missing, and a fucking psychopath has him! That's all I can think of. That's all I've been thinking about for the last two days!"

I was yelling at Hotch. I was yelling at my unit chief. I was fucked. I knew he was going to fire me after that. But I couldn't help it. I was going insane. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I held my cup of coffee tight, holding onto it with my life.

- "(Y/N), we are all worried about Reid."

- "I know you are all worried. I am too, and I'm also afraid and mad and going fucking insane knowing I am standing here not knowing what to do to save him."

- "That doesn't give you the right to treat JJ like this is her fault"- I don't know if he was talking like my unit chief or like a father figure trying to end a fight between two of his kids.

- "Did she stay with Reid?"- I simply replied and looked at Hotch in the eyes- "Did she?"

- "She is not the only one who feels guilty, so do I. And I know I won't forgive myself if anything happens to Reid."

Hotch made a pause and tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. The door opened, and Gideon walked to us. He knew what was going on, and he didn't say a thing. I was sure he had already heard everything. We weren't actually arguing quietly.

- "We are not getting any closer,"- Aaron finally said.

- "Reid is brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive"- Gideon's words were way more hopeful than my thoughts. In my mind, Reid was too scared to think of a way to escape.

- "You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain. But I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."

Hotch whispered, and his words were filled with regret. I was filled with anger and anxiety, and I know the two of them felt the same. But they way better at handling their feelings.

- "Lead by example,"- Jason answered, probably trying to make him feel better.

- "What kind of example is that?"- I simply replied, and both of them stayed in silence.

I don't think my words helped Hotch, but I wasn't trying to do that either. I was just honest. And Hotch's emotional assistance was shit on the field. Even Gideon was better.

- "He'll make it,"- Jason reassured us and nodded- "Now stop arguing and go back to work."

Spencer's point of view

I was glad when Tobias came to me that night with a needle in his hand and put the drug into my vein. I needed some release after watching a family die 'cos I didn't save them.

- "I'm sorry I had to leave"- he excused himself, preparing the drug next to me.

- "You can leave again, and you can take me with you,"- I begged in a soft voice.

- "My father would be angry,"- he replied and didn't even look at me. This time, I didn't even argue when he wrapped the belt around my arm. I was even a little eager he'd do it faster.

- "Not if he can't find us."

- "He always finds me."

- "If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they'll save us."

He gave me a look, mixed with horror and resignation. It broke my heart to think for a moment of all the horrors that lead Tobias to be as sick as he was.

- "We can't be saved,"- he simply replied.

- "We can, we can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I'll save us both."

- "Listen to me. It's not worth fighting."

Somehow, I understood why he said that. I was afraid and shaking but still did my best not to think of all the pain I was in, of the terror that haunted me day and night.

- "Tell me it doesn't make it better- he said and showed me the needle."

I couldn't say no, 'cos he was right. It did. The drugs made his horrible situation bearable. I could understand why someone decided to use something to avoid the pain. I had faced all and each one of the pain and horrors in my life sober. It was time life was a little bit sweeter, in a sick way.

I remembered being twelve. Mom had had one of her episodes the day before, she was in bed, and I woke her up. I walked into her room and opened the curtains. It was already five in the afternoon, and she still refused to get out of bed.

- "The doctor says you need to get out of bed,"- I argued when she repeated she was just resting.

- "I've been reading"

- "He says you need exercise"- she sighed and tried to make a joke.

- "That's because his idea of good literature is Our bodies, ourselves."

- "Well, he is your doctor."

- "He is a neanderthal"- I gave up and started walking out of the room. She just laid in bed and looked at me.

- "Where are you going?"

- "I'm going to see if Jeff wants to play"- Jeff was our next-door neighbor and my only friend growing up.

- "Come here. Let me read to you."

I know Garcia made fun of me when I said my mother used to read me Valentine's sonnets when I was a kid. Most people think I have a weird relationship with mom, but they don't understand what it was like growing up with her. They don't know what it was like for a twelve-year-old boy to finish high school, facing bullies. Handling the pressure of being a kid genius and the fact I had to take care of a schizophrenic mother.

How come I didn't start using drugs earlier?

I remember that afternoon I sat next to my mother, and she made me pick one of the many books she had with her on the bed. I choose Proust. I knew she loved it. I loved it as well.

"For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say, "I'm going to sleep."

I can still hear her voice, reading to me. Both of us avoided reality for a while, hiding in the books. I always do it regardless. I hide in the books to forget. I hide in knowledge to avoid acknowledging the real personal issues I have. I hide in my work saving people when no one ever saved me.

I work catching psychopaths when I know I might actually have a mental issue myself. I might end up just like mom, and it frightens me so much; there are many nights I can't even close an eye. If I get sick too, then no one will take care of her. I am the only one in her life. And she is the only one in mine.

She and (Y/N), but there is no way my best friend would ever take care of me if I got sick. Not because she wouldn't want to do it, but because I would never let her. I don't want to be a burden in her life. And she would hate me, I know. And I could never live in a world where (Y/N) hates me. Not then, not now.

(Y/N). She is the best thing that happened to me in the BAU. Yes, I had a family with my team, but she was different. She was my life. She was the reason why I smiled. She was the one person that made me feel I was important to someone. I knew the rest of my friend loved me, but I loved her.

That was it. I loved (Y/N). And I was scared I was never going to see her again.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was standing next to Penelope. She kept trying to force me to eat. She knew I was living on coffee, but I just couldn't swallow anything. She held my hand as the two of us stared at the screens, hopefully waiting for Hankel to make contact again.

- "Any more signs of Reid?"- JJ walked over to us slowly and looked at me, afraid I might snap on her again. I just shook my head and sighed, doing my best to be nice to her.

- "He just posted the last murder online."

- "It had over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes,"- Penelope added, and her voice was so full of revulsion. It was clear she couldn't handle the horror in the human mind.

- "I want to see it,"- JJ said, and I frowned, confused.

- "No, you don't,"- Garcia answered and looked at me- "Come on, munchkin, just eat one cookie, please."

- "Don't tell me what I want and don't want!"- JJ's tone shocked us both. She was severe and angry. She was rude at Penelope, and for a second, I almost snapped again.

- "If I can't watch this..."- JJ whispered and glued her eyes on the screen- "I have no business being in the field."

She looked at me when she was done talking, and for once during those awful days, I felt some kind of compassion for her. She had to be feeling like shit, no doubt, and no matter how mad I was at her, she was still my friend, and I didn't want her to suffer either.

- "JJ, it's not a competition,"- I tried to say in the softest voice possible.

- "I... I need to see it."

- "If you stop being affected by things, you lose parts of yourself, you know."

It was somehow ironic that I was the one saying those things. Me of all people in that team. Me, the one who was afraid the most of losing herself in work.

- "Show me"- she finally looked at Garcia, ignoring my words, and Penelope pleased her. She pushed play and simply said

- "I won't watch this with you."

García held my hand, walking me out of the room, leaving JJ alone in the room. She sighed and wiped the tears that started falling down her eyes.

- "I don't know how you do it either"- she whispered- "I don't know how you watch those things every day and don't go insane."

- "If it makes you feel better, I don't know how I do either, and it scared me to think my heart might be numbing with each case we solve. With every psychopath we catch."

- "We are gonna find him"- she assured me and held my hands tight- "We are bringing him home safe, I swear."

- "Let's go find Gideon,"- I said, nodding at her words- "He needs to know Tobias posted the last murder."

Jason was mad, beyond furious. He was losing it. Derek and Prentiss kept trying to crack Hankel and discover where he had taken Reid. Meanwhile, Garcia, Gideon, and I made our best to take the video of the murder from the web.

- "I have a list of everyone from the file-sharing chain. I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus,"- Garcia said and started typing as fast as possible. I just stared at the screen, waiting for something, anything to happen.

But I wasn't waiting for what came next.

- "Confess your sins"- Hankel's voice made me jump, and the sight of Reid, still tied to that chair, bleeding, and being tortured, broke my heart again.

- "Confess!!"- that sick psychopath shouted and hit him.

- "I haven't done anything,"- Spencer sobbed, but it was useless. Hankel kept punching him, over and over again, even when my best friend begged for mercy.

I felt Jason hold my hand as I was holding Garcia's. The three of us felt powerless, useless, angry, and scared, all at the same time. I couldn't bear to watch Reid being tortured, but at the same time, I was so glad he was still alive.

That until Hankel beat him so hard, he pushed him back in the chair, and Reid started convulsing.

- "He is killing him,"- Penelope cried, and I closed my eyes, biting my lips. Spencer was choking, and that mother fucker just stood there, watching him die.

- "That's the devil vacating your body"- he spit those words as Reid simply passed out. I didn't know if he was dead. I didn't know if he was going to make it. Shit! I didn't know anything.

I let go of Jason and Penelope and stormed out of the room. I was unprofessional, and I knew it, but I knew I would quit if anything happened to Reid. I wasn't going to stay working at the BAU if Spencer died.

- "Are you ok?"- Derek grabbed my arm. I just broke into tears and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

- "He's dying! We can't find him!!"- I sobbed against his chest.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"- I heard Penelope yelling as we all rushed back to the computer room. Hankel was giving CPR to Reid, trying to bring him back to life.

- "Come on, come on, please,"- I begged as I watched him pushing his chest over and over again until Spencer woke up, gasping for air.

- "Thank God!"- Hotch sighed and rubbed his hands against his face. The whole team let out a breath of relief simultaneously, and I kept watching Reid. His opened eyes gave me hope.

- "Wait,"- Prentiss said suddenly- "When was the video of the last murder posted?"

- "Nine thirty"- Penelope answered

- "And when was the time of death?"

- "The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later."- Hotch added and didn't even turn to look at Prentiss. We were all still shocked looking at the screen.

- "That's just a 19 minutes difference,"- I said and turned to García- "How long would it take to post that file?"

- "Two or three minutes."

- "Let's call it two,"- I said, getting excited- "You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene."

For a second, I felt I was rambling facts just like Reid would. It made me miss him even more.

- "García, can we see it on the map?"- Aaron whispered. He was clearly affected, and it also made me feel selfish, knowing I had made a tantrum with the whole team, forgetting they were suffering as well.

- "Call chief Farraday"- Jason commanded as soon as we saw the map of the area on the screen- "I want that area locked down like it's martial law."

JJ stood up and grabbed her phone but didn't make the call. García warned us something was going on with Reid and all of us stared at the screen in silence.

Spencer was on his back on the floor, still tied to a chair. It was clear he wasn't fully conscious of what was happening.

- "You came back to life,"- mother fucker Hankel said, spitting the words in anger.

- "Raphael,"- Reid whispered, recognizing one of his personalities.

- "There can be only one of two reasons."

- "I was given CPR,"- my friend whispered, but it was clear that wasn't one of the psycho's options.

- "There are no accidents. How many members of our team are watching us right now?"

- "Seven."

- "The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail, and they were thrown to the earth."

- "He thinks it's the revelations"- Hotch explained- "The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death."

I didn't know much about religion, but it didn't take a genius to figure out he didn't believe we were the good guys.

- "Tell me who you serve."

- "I serve you,"- Reid answered right away. His voice was a whisper. He had to be exhausted.

- "Then choose one to die"

- "What?!"

- "Your team members, choose one to die"- I knew what he was going to answer at that, and I didn't want to hear it.

- "Kill me,"- he replied immediately, and I closed my eyes, unable to watch what would happen next.

- "You said you weren't one of them."

- "I lied."

- "Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies."

- "No"- Penelope gasped, and Prentiss cursed. I opened my eyes and nearly fainted. Hankel had a gun pointed against Reid's forehead.

The silence amongst the team was unbearable. Neither of us knew what to do. We were all panicking, praying, desperate.

- "Choose and prove you'll do God's will."

- "No."

Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed until Hakel pulled the trigger, and no bullet came out. I nearly sigh, but it wasn't over.

- "Choose"- he repeated

- "I won't do it"- Hankel didn't even wait. He just pulled the trigger, and we all jumped at the same time. He was safe again.

- "Life is a choice."

- "No,"- Reid repeated once again. And Hankel pulled the trigger for the third time.

- "Choose"- and for the first time, Spencer made a pause. Was going to pick one of us to die?

- "I choose"- the whispered- "Aaron Hotchner."

Derek and I looked at him, and his pale face didn't move a muscle.

- "He's the classic narcissist. He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 "Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense."

Hotch stormed out of the room as Hankel pulled the trigger one more time and shot the wall.

I felt I was going to puke. If Reid hadn't picked one of us, he would be dead.

- "For God's will,"- the mother fuck said, as he put another bullet in the gun after removing the casing.

I couldn't look anymore. I followed Gideon and Derek to find Aaron going through all Tobias's diaries on the table.

- "I'm not a narcissist,"- he said as soon as he saw us.

- "Come on. Look, you can't think anything from that"- Jason tried to calm him down, in case he was somehow affected by what Reid had just said on camera- "He is not in his right mind, Hotch."

- "No, stop, stop. Alright, everybody, right now: what's my worst quality?"

He had to be kidding. We all stared at him, muted, lost in that conversation. What was his point? Neither of us said a word. We just looked at each other, confused and awkward.

- "Ok, I'll start. I have no sense of humor."

- "You are a bully,"- JJ added.

- "You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,"- I said, and he nodded.

- "Right."

- "You don't trust women as much as men"- you could feel it in Prentiss's voice. That one was personal.

- "Ok, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. He also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it."

Hotch gave me the book. He wasn't even breathing as she spoke. He was in a hurry. We were all.

- "I'm a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead of my sight."

- "He wouldn't get it wrong unless it were on purpose."

- "He is in a cemetery."- I said and looked at him. He nodded, and I swear to God, I saw a slight smile on his lips. That smile was hope. We were getting closer.

Spencer's point of view

I took a sip of water. I hadn't drunk in days, and my throat burned. I was still a little lost, still a little off.

- "Tobias, is that you?"- I saw him nod, sitting next to me. He moved the cup of water closer so that I could drink some more.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and looked at him- You saved my life- he stared down at the ground and finally whispered

- "I'm sorry."

- "Why?"

- "He'll win in the end."

It was sad to see Tobias Hankel's good person locked inside a sick mind that also held a psychopath like his father.

- "Tobias, I need to know something. It's important. Are we in a cemetery?"- and he nodded. I smiled at him and sighed, relieved. Help was coming. My team was coming.

- "I used to come here to get high."

- "I was right."

- "No one bothers you here. I never told anyone about it."

He wrapped his belt around my arm, and I turned to him, still smiling. I didn't know if I were happy I was right or glad I would get high again. Maybe both. Maybe the second 'cos the minute that needle got to my vein, that sweet, sweet release felt like a bath of joy that washed away any pain, regret, or guilt I could have ever felt.

Guilt. I've had my share of that. I remember the day I had my mom admitted to the hospital. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't take care of herself, and they're just so much I could do. I wasn't able to keep her safe from herself, from her mind.

- "What are these men doing here?"- she asked me as I walked with two nurses into the study. She was writing and reading. It was all she did, preparing lectures for classes she didn't have to give, in imaginary campuses.

I stood in front of her and hesitated for a second. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, telling mom I was taking her away from her own house.

- "They are from the hospital. They are here to help,"- I whispered and looked at my mother's confused expression. She was so thin. She looked so sick. I felt so guilty I couldn't do better for her.

- "I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission, tell them, Spencer."

She looked down at her books again and tried to continue writing. I took a deep breath, I knew I would break her heart, but there was nothing else I could do.

- "I called them"- she looked at me in pain. Deep, honest pain. Like I had just shattered her heart. Which I had done.

- "Spencer"- she simply whispered and stared into my eyes, begging for an explanation. I was trying my best not to cry. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. I was going to explain to her how good it was for her to be in a place where someone could continuously take care of her. I had facts and statistics, but all I managed to say was:

- "I'm doing this for you."

And I felt like a liar. 'Cos, there was a part of me that was doing it for myself too.

- "This isn't legal"- she shook her head in shock and kept trying to find a good explanation to what was going on.

- "Your son is eighteen, ma'am. He can act in your welfare,"- one of the make nurses explained to her.

- "You need help,"- I said and prayed she could understand. But she just burst into tears and begged.

- "I wanna stay here!"

- "I'm... sorry, mom."

- "Please, these are my things, this is my life..."

Those men took her. They took her from her house and put her in a hospital. No. I put her there. I put my mom in a hospital so I could live my life, 'cos I am selfish and couldn't take care of her anymore.

- "Spencer, please, don't do this to me."

Those were the words that haunted me day and night. And my mother's crying face, begging me not to take her from her own house.

What kind of a son am I? I did that to her. I put her in a mental place 'cos I couldn't deal with her disease anymore. 'Cos I didn't know how to take care of her.

- "What are you sorry for, boy?"- I heard Hankel ask when I woke up. I was muttering, "Sorry" as I came back from my trip.

- "I sent her away."

- "Who."

- "My mom. I couldn't help her."

- "Is that a confession?"- I nodded and looked around, confused. Lost. High- "You know the bible. Exodus 21:17"

- "And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,"- I whispered, scared and full of regret.

I heard him walk towards me. He kneeled and uncuffed me. I didn't know what was happening. Honestly, I was still too high to get what was going on around me.

- "Grab a shovel,"- he commanded and walked outside.

I was too weak to dig fast. I don't know how I was actually moving, but I was digging my own grave. I never thought I would ever end up doing such a thing. It's not something you think about, actually. Not unless you work in the BAU. Here, you start analyzing and considering the way you'll die: 'Cos you could, every day.

- "I ought to bury you alive in there, give you some time to think about what you've done,"- Hankel said and looked at me while I worked, playing with a knife.

- "I know what I've done."

- "Don't talk back to me! Dig!"

I pant and kept moving, very slowly, trying to buy myself some time too. I was sure the team was coming to get me any minute now. I was counting on them, though the more I thought about it, the less worthy of salvation I felt. Maybe I deserved to die after all.

I was almost certain I had seen some lights moving in the back. Flashlights. But it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I was too tired. And still too high, too.

- "Dig faster!"- he commanded me as I moved, losing my breath.

- "I'm not strong enough"- I cried, 'cos I felt like that. Like a failure, a child that aimed to be a grown-up and failed miserably. A bad son. The worst agent. A fake that deserved to die.

- "You are all weak!! Get out of there!"

Hankel took off his coat and left it on the ground. I slowly moved so he could dig for me, but the lights in the back took my attention, and he noticed. As soon as he turned around, I quickly grabbed his coat and reached out for the gun.

- "You've only got one bullet, son,"- he said as he looked at me. And I just pulled the trigger.

I shot him. I killed him. Hankel. Raphael. Tobias. I freed Tobias. Or at least, that is what I wanted to think.

- "Reid!!"- I heard (Y/N) yelling as I crawled to Tobia's body. He was still awake. He was himself.

- "You killed him"- he said, and he was relieved- "Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?"

- "I'm sorry,"- I whispered, and he was gone.

- "Reid!!"

(Y/N) yelled and ran over. She kneeled next to me and held me in her arms. I couldn't move, because for a few seconds, I couldn't believe she was real. She was there.

- "Honey, honey, are you ok? Can you hear me?"- she said, and tears started falling from her eyes- "Honey, it's me."

I just looked at her and hugged her. I hugged her as my life depended on it. There she was, next to me, finally.

- "I thought I was never going to see you again,"- I whispered and sobbed.

The urge to kiss her filled my whole body. I needed to taste her. I needed to show her how much I had needed her those days. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want to let her go. I didn't for a few minutes. I just hold onto her for my sanity. She kissed my forehead, cupping my face with both hands.

- "I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you are ok... let's go to the ambulance, ok?"- I nodded but didn't let her go. I felt I could hold her forever. I wanted to keep her close for as long as I lived.

But the rest of the team gathered around us, and I wanted to thank them too. I needed to thank Hotch. So as soon as I let (Y/N) go, I wrapped my arms around him.

- "You alright?"- he asked me.

- "I knew you'd understand,"- I managed to say with tears falling from my eyes and a knot in my throat.

For a moment, I thought I was never going to see the team again. My family.

JJ held me close and apologized. I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone, but I was the only one culpable for what had happened. I wanted to prove myself, and all I managed to do was prove I was a fool. A useless SSA.

- "It's alright, it wasn't your fault,"- I said and did my best to smile at her. But I know I failed. Gideon grabbed my arm and nodded.

- "Let's get you out of here."

- "Please,"- I whispered before we started walking- "Can I have a second alone?"- he looked at me and nodded, looking at Tobias' body lying by our side. He walked away, and I kneeled next to my capturer.

But instead of paying my respects, instead of cursing. Instead of anything, I took the Dilaudid bottles from his pocket and put them into mine.

And that's how the real hell started.

--

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @svveet-peas @muffin-cup @shilohpug

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: May 5th, 2021

[libraryofloveletters]

What Could Have Been

Derek Morgan x Penelope Garica 

Warnings: mentions of getting shot, church and Morgan’s favourite line “son of a bitch” 

Category: Angst, so much fricking angst. Fluff at the end.

Word Count: 3.7k 

Author’s Note: For the purpose of this, Derek never married savannah but still left the BAU after the kidnapping and garvez didn’t happen :) also I used the scenes from the episodes below, most of them are quoted but not exactly word for word. (shout out to haley and to whoever she got this gif from <3) 

Song: The Night We Met

Italics are flashbacks. 

FB 1= 8x09 “Magnificent Light”

FB 2= 3x09 “Penelope”

FB 3= 3x09 “Penelope”, 4x01 ‘”Mayhem” & 5x21 “Exit Wounds” 

----- 

I am not the only traveler

Who has not repaid his debt

I've been searching for a trail to follow again

Take me back to the night we met

The clock just struck 12, everyone had arrived back at the BAU after a case in Delaware. The team sat in the bullpen, their heads perked up when the elevator dinged and the doors opened. 

Derek. 

He stepped off the elevator with a smile on his face, the glass doors ruined his image of a surprise but what the hell, he missed them too much to even care. Derek pulled the door open, the familiar smell of coffee and paper files filled his nose. 

“Derek ?” Spencer stood up from his chair. 

“Pretty boy” Derek smiled making his way over to give him a hug. Spencer smiled as his face was pulled into Derek’s shoulder. 

Derek turned to Emily next, “princess” he grinned, “hey you” she hugged him. 

JJ was next, her arms wrapped around his neck as she stood on her tiptoes to give him a proper hug. 

He went on to hug Tara and Rossi, and greeted Luke and Matt as they made their way into the BAU. 

Derek chatted with the team, they told him about the kidnapping case they had just worked but he couldn't seem to focus on their conversations as his mind kept wandering back to her. 

Where is she? 

One by one, the office cleared out. Matt and JJ being the firsts as they wanted to get home to their kids, Luke was next one and on his way to pick up Roxy. Tara and Rossi left shortly after the first 3, leaving Derek, Emily and Spencer sitting in the bullpen, just like old times. 

“Okay, I've been here for..” Derek glances at the clock, “27 minutes and I’ve yet to see my baby girl. Did she leave early?” Derek asked them, Emily and Spencer glanced at each other before turning back to Derek. 

“Derek, she-” Emily started but Derek cut her off. “I think I'll go surprise her” He headed out of the bullpen before either of them could say anything to him. 

“Did she really not tell him ?” Spencer looks at her,

“She didn’t want him to come and beg her to stay” Emily says quietly. Spencer gets up and walks out to find Derek, he sees Derek just as he opens the second door to her office.

“Baby gir-” Derek stops in his tracks. The office only had the lights on but all the monitors were off and all her stuff was gone. The chair was pushed in, there was dust starting to settle on the desk and monitors. 

Where is she? Where’s all her stuff ? God, did something happen to her? I should have never left. 

Spencer’s voice broke through Derek’s thoughts. “She left” Spencer whispered, leaning against the door frame. Derek didn't say anything, he stood there quietly, in the middle of her office, an empty office, trying to make sense of what was happening. 

“When ?” Derek’s fingers dragged across the desk where her key board should be. 

“February” Spencer told him. 

“She didn’t tell me” Derek mumbled. 

Derek didn't know how to feel. 

His heart pounding in his chest. 

“Can I have a minute alone ?” Derek glances at Spencer before turning back to the turned off monitor. 

“Of course. Emily and I will be in the bullpen if you need us” Spencer pulled the door shut as he left Derek in the office. 

And then I can tell myself

What the hell I'm supposed to do

And then I can tell myself

Not to ride along with you

There’s no way she left. This had to be some practical joke. Maybe Penelope hacked the flight records, saw he was coming to Virginia and wanted to mess with him. 

Derek pulled the chair out and sat down. His heart sunk in his chest, his hand ran across the desk again, his fingers making marks in the dust. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that she had left. 

Sure, he knew she would have eventually moved on, she’s talented and smart and beautiful. 

My god, how she was beautiful. 

But never did he ever think the day would come where she would actually leave the BAU. 

This was her home, they were her family. 

Derek had never seen the office this empty. There were always trinkets, sparkly fluffy pens and mugs, so many mugs, more than you could count. 

The room felt heavy though it was empty. 

His hand reached into the desk drawer to his left, it was empty. Not like he was expecting anything to be there but he thought it wouldn’t hurt to check. Derek leaned back in the chair as his foot tapped against the desk, something rattled.

His eyes flickered down to the other drawer as his foot tapped the desk again. Derek pulled the drawer open, there was some paper in it. He picked them up and flipped through them, it was mostly computer manuals and old case files. Under all of that, there was a picture frame. 

It was a simple black picture frame, which was a bit plain for Penelope’s taste but the photo brought a smile to his face. It was a picture from the night of the police gala, they were already running late but she insisted that they take a picture before heading inside. 

“Derek! Don’t be difficult, we’re already late. It doesn't make a difference” she tried to reason with him. “Baby girl, they're waiting on me” Derek looked at her, already on his way to the door. Derek was stubborn but if he had a soft spot, and one she knew he had for sure, it was her. 

“Derek Morgan if you don't get your butt over here right now, so help me god because I will leave you here all by yourself” she mustered up the most stern look she could manage and looked at him. Derek chuckled and shook his head, jogging back down the stairs to his beloved Penelope. 

He’d go to the ends of the earth and back for this woman. 

“Excuse me!” Penelope turned to the man at the valet, “could you take a picture for us?” she fished the camera out of her wristlet, Derek smiled at her. 

“Mama, why don't you use your phone? you’re always carrying around this camera” 

“I like my camera, it holds pictures from forever ago. When we were all young and happy” she wrapped her arm around his waist, Derek put his arm around her shoulder and her other hand came up to reach his, their fingers interlocking. 

“Are we not happy now?” he looked down at her. 

Even with heels on, Derek still towered over Penelope. She looked up at her chocolate thunder and smiled, 

“I'm always happy when I'm with you.” 

The two of them stood there, smiling at each other, they had forgotten all about the picture until the camera flashed. The man from the valet spoke up “would you like one more? maybe looking at the camera this time ?” They turned towards the camera with the brightest smiles on their face. 

Derek’s finger ran across the glass of the frame. She didn’t use the picture of them looking at the camera, but the one of them looking at each other. Her words flooding his mind once again, 

“I’m always happy when I'm with you.”

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Oh, take me back to the night we met

Derek was tempted to call her, to ask her why she hadn’t told him that she was leaving the BAU. He would have come and helped her pack, made sure she had a proper goodbye, most importantly, he would have gotten to tell her what he had come back to tell her. 

He had missed a call from her last month and he didn't return her call simply because he had forgotten. 

To say he felt guilty, was an understatement. 

What if she had been calling to tell him that she was leaving ? Or if something had happened to her? or JJ or Emily or Spencer ? Or even Rossi (because, let’s be real, he’s old) 

The thought of Penelope calling Derek to tell him Rossi busted a hip running after an unsub bought a smile back to his face. His mind wandered back to all the times he had called her and they spent hours talking and laughing and telling each other how much they loved one another. 

Those were just words, it didn't truly mean anything unless he showed her that it did. The feeling of his heart sinking in his chest returned, he thought back to ten years ago, he had missed a call from Spencer. 

The cold air hit his face as he stepped out of the church, Derek took his phone out of his pocket. 

Missed Call from Pretty Boy (2) 

The missed call notifications flashed across the screen in bold letters. Derek assumed that Penelope had Spencer call to find out why he hadn't returned to the BAU with everyone else so he called Spencer back.  

“Hey, sorry I missed your call” Derek said to Spencer as he hopped in the SUV. 

“Derek where the hell are you ?” Spencer sounded upset, Derek chuckled. 

“Woah, calm down pretty boy. What’s wrong?” 

“Garcia’s been shot” Spencer cut straight to the point. 

Derek’s heart dropped and a flood of questions left his mouth. “What ? Where is she? Is she okay ? Where's Hotch ? Did he find the person ? How did this even happen?” 

“Morgan, we’re at the hospital. Penelope’s in surgery and Hotch is here. He’s got other officers at her apartment, he wanted everyone here when she got ou- oh wait, Hotch and Rossi are on their way to her apartment now” 

“Her apartment ? she got shot at home ?” 

“Derek.. please just come to the hospital.” 

Derek hung up on Spencer, all the emotions hitting him at once. He could feel the tears in his eyes but he didn't have time to cry. His only focus was getting to the hospital right now. 

The only thing that came to mind was lights. 

Derek did just that, he turned on the lights and sped down the road to the hospital. His thoughts took over. 

How did this happen? and the one night he just happened to be in church, Penelope got shot. 

His Penelope got shot. 

Derek didn’t believe in miracles but he hoped they were real that night. He glanced up at the sky as he sped down the road. 

“Tonight out of all nights huh? That’s messed up but let her pull through.. please. I can’t lose her” Derek said out loud. He wasn't sure if he was admitting it to himself or if he was talking to someone else, someone out there that could help Penelope but he said it anyways. 

It was true, he couldn’t lose her, he’d feel like lost himself if he did. 

When he arrived at the hospital, he found Spencer sitting with Emily and JJ. Hotch and Rossi stood by the doors. “Where are you still here ? I thought you were at the apartment” Derek walked over to them, Hotch turned his attention to Derek. 

“They don't want us working the case” 

“What ? That’s bullshit. Some son of a bitch shot her and we can’t even work the case? You can’t tell me that you’re actually listening to that shit” Derek practically shouted at Hotch. 

“I’m trying to figure something out Morgan. I understand you're upset, we all are.” Hotch told him. 

When the night was full of terrors

And your eyes were filled with tears

When you had not touched me yet

Oh, take me back to the night we met

Derek almost told Penelope that he loved her. He tells her all the time to be truthful, but like he thought, it didn’t mean anything unless he showed her that it did. He first told her the night she was released from the hospital. 

The two of them stood in her apartment after he brought her home. She was a bit on edge, even if she didn’t say it, he could see it. 

She had assured him it was okay for him to leave but he refused to leave her side until he knew she’d be safe and the son of a bitch that did that to her was either dead or in jail. 

Her back was turned to him, he called for her. 

“Hey, I love you, you know that right ?” he asked her, she smiled at him. 

“I love you too.” 

The second time was during a case in New York. Derek didn’t say he loved her out right but he assumed it was implied. 

“Why is it always you ? Why do you always do this?” she asked him, Derek navigated the ambulance through the traffic. 

“Garica, talk to me. Where do I turn?” he ignored her question. 

“Left, turn left. 30 seconds, get the hell out.” 

“Garcia there’s something I want you to know” 

“You can tell me afterwards, just get the hell out of there” 

“No, hold on let me just tell you” 

“Morgan” she warned him, the woman beside her counting down from ten. 

“Do you know what you are Garica ?” 

The line went silent for a second and the server connected. 

“Derek ?” Penelope called out to him, her voice ringing in his ear. The sound of something exploding was the only thing coming through the line.

“Garcia.. I'll tell you what you are to me” Derek’s voice came through. A wave of relief flooded her body but she couldn't help but roll her eyes. 

Was this man serious ? Here she was thinking something had happened to him and he’s fine. 

“You’re my god given solace” 

Penelope sighed, she loved him and it was clear he loved her too but she was mad at him so that would have to wait until another time. 

The third time was when he came the closest to really telling her the truth. They were in Alaska and the case was taking a toll on her. 

Her red hair caught his eye as he walked down the pathway. He walked up to her, his heart pounding in his chest. Derek wondered if she felt the same way he did. 

“I’m proud of you Penelope.” That was one of the rare days that he called her something other than a nickname or Garcia. His hand rested on her shoulder as she talked, admitting to him that she was scared, she didn't want to lose who she was because she had changed for the job.

“It's who you are baby girl, you see the beauty in everyone and everything no matter where you go. That part is never going to change and I won’t let you forget that.” 

“I don’t need you to protect me” 

“Tough, I think I'll stay on the job a little while longer” 

“Yeah ?” she smiled at him, he smiled back as a hum left his mouth. 

“How much longer ?” Penelope questions him, “every day of my life” 

The two of them were now leaning towards each other. She playfully punched his chest as she leaned forwards and his arm wrapped around her shoulder. 

“I kinda love you Derek Morgan” 

“I kinda love you Penelope Garcia”

Derek couldn't tell her now, she's probably in a relationship and happy. He wouldn't ruin her happiness because he finally figured out his feelings, he couldn't do that to her. 

It didn't lessen the pain nor the heartbreak he felt. 

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Take me back to the night we met

Emily sat in the bullpen with Spencer. It had been close to two hours since Spencer left Derek in Penelope’s old office. “I’m calling her” Emily states as she pulls out her phone. 

“Emily..” 

“Reid, shut up. I know you can see it too.” 

Everyone could see it, even Matt and Luke who were the last two to join the BAU. 

Derek Morgan was in love with Penelope Garica. 

He was in love with her right now and he always had been. 

Spencer listened as Emily told Penelope what was happening. A ‘see you soon’ left Emily’s lips before she hung up. Spencer looked over at her from his chair, Emily just nodded. 

-- 

Derek mentally groaned as someone knocked on the door, “I'm fine, Reid” Derek called out with his back still turned to the door, assuming it was Spencer. 

“I’m offended that you would mistake my beautiful body for boy wonder. Not that anything's wrong with him but- oh you get what I mean” a feminine voice spoke to him. 

Derek turned the chair around to see the one and only Penelope Garcia standing in the doorway with a smile on her face. She looked just as beautiful as she did the day he met her. 

Her white dress with the baby blue pattern on it, her sparkly blue heels and of course, matching jewellery. 

She looked like an angel on earth to him. 

“Hey handsome, miss me?” she asked, Derek got up and pulled her into a bone-crushing hug which made her laugh. “I’ll take that as a yes” she mumbled with her face buried in his chest.

“You have no idea” Derek replied, kissing the top of her head. 

She stepped back from him, their arms still wrapped around each other. 

“what are you doing here?” she looked up at him. 

“I came to see you, how’d you know I was here?” 

“Emily called me” 

Derek nodded, Prentiss always had his back in one way or another. 

Derek tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, she smiled at him. There was a baby blue streak in her hair, the same colour as the pattern on her dress. The frame of her glasses was slightly darker than the blue on her dress but it looked beautiful on her. Penelope’s eyes shifted from Derek to the picture frame on the desk. 

“Where did you find that ?” she picked up the frame. 

“Desk drawer” 

“I remember this night” she smiled looking down at the picture. 

“Me too” 

Penelope turned back to Derek, he reached forward and held one of her hands. 

“Penelope” 

“Derek” 

“There’s something I need to tell you. I’ve been meaning to tell you and honestly, I have told you but I- I just need you to know” 

“Is everything okay ?” 

“I love you” he says 

“I love you too” she smiles. 

“Penelope, I'm in love with you.” Derek's eyes met Penelope's. Her mouth hung out slightly, she blinked a few times, her eyes focusing on Derek. 

“What ?” 

“I’m in love with you, I always have been. I’ve been trying to tell you that for years. I never realized that I was until you got shot to tell you the truth. It never occurred to me that I could lose you, you work from the office in your little room of wonders and you’re safe. You had always been safe.” 

“Derek I-” 

“Baby, let me finish, please” 

She nodded and waited for him to go on.

“You were the only consistent thing when I worked here, did you know that ? Every time I left this building, there was a chance I wouldn't come back, you were the reason I wanted to come back. You were the reason I pushed so hard to come back. Penelope Garica, you are my angel, the light of my life, my god given solace, you are my baby girl.” Derek let out a sigh. Penelope looked up at him, “are you done?” and he nodded. 

She pulled him into a hug, “it took you long enough” she whispered to him. “I love you too, more than words can explain.” 

Derek’s hand cradled her face, “can I kiss you ?” he leaned towards her, his lips inches from hers. “Yes” she mumbled as his lips touched her. Penelope’s heart pounded in her chest, she could only focus on how Derek’s lips felt against hers. Truthfully, she had been dreaming of the day Derek would finally kiss her for years. It was better than she could have ever imagined. It felt as if time stopped and it was only the two of them while the world melted away. 

Derek’s eyes open slightly, taking in the woman he had been in love with for so long. The way her eyelashes flutter against her skin and the way her pink blush complemented her pale skin. 15 years of friendship and love had led them to this moment, the moment that would change their lives from this day forward. 

After what felt like an eternity, they pulled away from each other. Penelope’s hands clung onto Derek’s shirt like he would vanish if she let go. Her red lipstick smudge and surely there was lipstick on Derek too. Derek smiled at her and she smiled back at him, the two began laughing like school children sharing secrets. 

“I think I'll keep my job” Derek mumbled against her lips as he pulled her in for another kiss. Her mind flickering back to their case in Alaska and what he had said to her before they left. 

“How much longer are you planning on doing that ?” 

“Every single day of my life babygirl.” 

------ 

Dedicated to my darling @haleymalaffey <3 

Taglist: @aaronhotchnerr​ @mac99martin​ @aaron-hotchner187​ @tclaerh​ @luke-alvez​ @iconicc​ @lieberhers​ @pumpkin-reads​ @katexrichardson​ @sluttytears​ @thelukealvez​ @scandinavian-punk​ @rosesonmyheart​ @shotarosleftpinky​ @mrs-dr-reid​ @ssaemxlyprentxss​ @summerygubler​ @savannahhayes @moreid187 @lovelyladiess

[petalsonmoon]

purple

pairing: jj x fem!reader

summary: the three times you save and defend jj from a fight and the one time he fights for you.

warnings: VIOLENCE. and swearing. 

a/n: i have this thing that i think that everything i write is bad and it sucks. anyways, i really don’t like writing rafe being this aggressive. it’s long but is good, you won’t regret it. i’m doing my best i promise!

gif by @anakin-skywalker​

hating the kooks was just a natural thing. if you stayed locked in a room with one in 10 minutes tops you’d already want to kill him. they are mean and ignorant, just a bunch of assholes really. everything they do or say is annoying, like they live to make the life of the people from the cut miserable. and you know that for a fact because you were one.

yes, you were annoying and stubborn but not in a kook way. at least you think so.

the kooks knew you hated them and the pogues didn’t like kooks so your only friend was sarah cameron. the one who gets the best of both worlds.

when she started dating john fucking b you panicked. you where sure she was going to forget you and actually think you were a terrible person.

“y/n don’t be dramatic, they’re going to like you.” sarah says parking the car in front of the famous chateau. 

“how do you know that, huh? you’re dating one of them. i have nothing to offer them besides my cooking skills.”

“you’re overreacting. they’re good people. just be yourself! be nice!” 

“pick one sarah i can’t do both.” you mumble. 

“jeez y/n” sarah says laughing and leaving the car. 

she was right. they were surprisingly nice to you.

mostly because of what sarah told them but since that day you started to hang out with them more. from long trips on the boat to spend the day doing nothing on the chateau. you weren’t there as much as sarah but you knew they were there for you and you for them. you felt belonged.

the first time...

kook parties were the worse. it was comical how you and jj were feeling like outsiders and pope and john b were drinking and laughing looking genuinely happy.

“we could be sleeping right now.” jj leans on your ear from your left side. you both were just watching people having fun leaning on a wall.

“and miss all this fun?” you point at the drunk teenagers unable to walk on a straight line. “never.” you say and he chuckles.

“ten bucks the party ends in a fight in two hours.”

“fifteen that rafe ruins everything after coming from the basement stoned in a hour.” you reply and he snorts. “dammit that’s a good argument.”

“yeah, and your argument involves fighting and fighting usually involves you.” you say turning your body to face him.

“are you worried about me?” he smirks. you just roll your eyes. “don’t worry princess you know i can throw a punch.”

“and so can they. it’s like you always have a purple bruise on your face.” 

“it's my charm.” the boy is impossible.

“this is charming. girls don’t like that, you know?” you say and he shrugs.

“it never stopped me before.” he winks at me. “and it’s not like i care about their opinion.” 

you furrow your eyebrows but don’t get the chance to respond because you hear a voice behind you. 

“y/n! pogue! i don’t remember inviting you guys.” you and jj share a look and you notice his jaw clenches. 

“rafe! what a bad surprise!” you say turning to him and smiling. “please don’t be so happy to see us. your other guests will feel bad.”

he looked like a mess. you felt bad for him.

“oh but i am.” he comes closer to you. “why don’t we go upstairs and i’ll show you how much.”

“the only way i’m going to bed with you is if i’m drugged. like you right now... or anytime am i right?” you say and in a blink of an eye he grabs your arm. “you listen to me you little-”

“you let go of her right now or i’ll swear i’ll kill you with my bare hands.” you hear jj’s steady voice behind you. 

rafe pushes you aside getting face to face to jj. “i’d like to see you try, maybank.” that’s it.

“rafe you touch him and i tell your father you’re using drugs under his roof.” you say and all his anger is now directed to you. you two have a silent eye-fight until he whispers “get out of my house.” you hold his gaze a little more showing that you’re not afraid of him, grab jj’s arm and leave.

finally some fresh air.

“really, i could be sleeping right now.” jj complains once you’re out. 

the second time...

you could feel the sweat on your back even though the night was cold. you already felt a little dizzy but the boneyard was only getting more crowded. the music was loud and everybody was slighly drunk by now.

“i’m gonna get more beer!” you shout and sarah nods. you walk towards the keg leaving sarah dacing behind you. 

it was like a sixth sense warning you that something was going to happen. as soon as the keg is visible you see jj and topper bodies close to each other’s and both with a furious look on their faces.

there wasn’t many people around them and you only spot john b trying to stop them, you looked around again not knowing where pope and kie were. well damn, peace was never an opition.

“here we go again.” you mumble to yourself and run to them.

“you dirty pogues think you own everything here!” topper says and laughs coldly. “face it maybank, you don’t own shit nor will. just look at your dad, he’s your future.” that was low.

and just when jj took a step to murder topper you get in front of him. “jj.” he locks his eyes with yours. he was raging. 

he looks back at topper and intends to take another step. “don’t.” you put your hand on his chest. you were brave enough to put yourself in front of him when he was about to punch someone so he knew you wouldn’t leave without him. even with a gaze that could open someone’s head open you felt his body relax a little. 

you look behind you to see that john b was pulling topper away from you two and that the people around you went back to the party, upset they didn’t have a show to enjoy.

“you should’ve let me kill him” he says. 

“and let topper has the privilege of getting hit by jj maybank’s hands? no way.” you say and turn back to look at him. he was shaking his head and looking down. 

you knew exactly what he was thinking.

“you know he was wrong.” you say.

jj laughs still not looking at you. “was he though?”

“yes.” you answer with a steady voice. “look at me maybank.”

he doesn’t. yeah sometimes he’s like a 8 year old boy.

“maybank.”

he looks up with a certain anger in his eyes. not at topper. not at you. at himself.

“you already are better than he’ll ever be. he’s a shitty person and money can’t change that. but you... you’re- indescribably wonderful. no one on this island has a heart as good as yours jj.” you really meant these words.

it took a few seconds but the anger vanished. his eyes were now shining and you could see a little smile forming on his face making one appears on yours as well.

“you worry about me.” he pokes your belly with his finger. you roll your eyes. “don’t flatter yourself.”

he pulls you into a hug and whispers a ‘thank you’ on your ear. you just hug him tight. for someone who entitle himself as non hugger his hug was pretty nice.

the third time...

you enter the chateau seeing red.

“i can not believe you sank rafe’s boat.” you say looking directly at jj who was laying relaxed on the couch smoking a pot next to pope.

“yeah pope, how could you man!?” jj says taking a hit of his blunt. pope looks at him in disbelif.

“i told him not to do it y/n.” pope says standing up. “he never listens to me.”

“he never listens to anyone. goddammit jj!”

“now you’re here y/n i’m leaving. john b is at sarah’s so the house is yours to end him and throw his body on the water without any witnesses.” pope says giving you a tap on the shoulder.

once the door is closed you raise your eyebrows at the boy. “so??? why???” 

he just sighs. he just fucking sighs. “he deserved it.” why is he like this? so stubborn.

“maybank you shouldn’t have done this. he knows it was you, you know? you can go to jail!!” 

“i’m not going to jail.” he stands up and walk towards the bathroom.

“tell that to the cops that are in front of his house right fucking now. if he mentions you jj-“

“y/n he can’t prove it was me. it’s very simple.” then he closes the door. what was he? 12? “and don’t leave! i’m gonna take a shower and then we can hang out.” he screams.

you don’t even know why you worry about that boy so much. 

you complain but you wait for him, it’s not like you had any other friend to hang out with.

you always liked the chateau. looking around you notice how there’s things from everybody thrown by the house. the boys and kie make this place feel like home.

suddendly you hear a car door being closed from outside and check from the window who it is.

fuck fuck fuck

you run outside before he gets close.

“where is he?” rafe tries to pass through you but you doesn’t let him. “he’s not here, i’m looking for him too.” 

“then you tell that son of a bitch that he’s dead. my father is going to fucking kill me because of what he did.” you try not to look scared by his estate. 

“you don’t even know if it was him.”

“IT WAS.” he yells and you flinch. “of course you’re defending him, he turned you into a stupid pogue.” 

“you say that like we didn’t grow up together!” you raise your voice. “i didn’t change! you’re the one who started to have this obsession of being a replica of your father! well, guess what rafe he’s not a good person-” you didn’t finish because he punches you. 

you couldn’t belive that this was happening. it was like time had stopped. the same feeling of waking up of a nightmare and not being able to forget about it.

you look back at him to see his shocked expression. he looks like he’s trying to formulate a phrase but you don’t let him. you knee him on the stomatch. 

he squirms in pain. you put your head next to his ear. “get out of my house.” you say and go back inside of the chateau without looking back. 

your mind was racing. your emotions were all over the place.

you thought rafe was capable of a lot of things but not hitting a girl. you didn’t want to see your kinder garden friend as a villian so you always avoited the fights or even talking to him. well, that’s too late now.

you don’t even think about putting an ice on the bruise. you grab the blunt jj was previously smoking light it up and bring it to your mouth. leaning on the kitchen counter you breathe. you needed to slow your accelerated heart.

your right cheek bone stings and you don’t even know what are you going to tell jj.

and as if he was hearing your thoughts he opens the bathroom door. walking to the living room you notice he was only wearing a shorts and looking at something on his hands.

“hey i just found 10 bucks on my pockets! i didn’t even-” then he sees you. “what the fuck y/n!?? what happened???? who did this???” he comes to you and grabs your face with such a delicacy, like you were made of porcelain.

“you should see the other guy.” you smile but he doesn’t. you’ve never seen him this serious actually.

“who?”

“who do you think?” you answer and he eyes darkens. even his posture changes.

“i’ll kill him.”

he takes his hand of your face and starts searching for a shirt. “jj-”

“no y/n he crossed the line now. who hits a girl??? how could he even think of lay a finger on you!???” he puts his sleeveless shirt on.

“if you go he will be sure it was you. let’s just stay here and watch a movie, it’s not worthy.” he just looks at you.

“y/n you can’t be serious-”

“c’mon... stay.” you just look at him in the eye and his face softens. he walks to you and pulls you into a hug.

“you have a really nice hug.” you say and he just kisses your forehead.

“i’ll let you pick the movie.”

...and the last time.

there’s nothing more boring than midsummers party. it was everything you hated together: kooks, rich food and heels. your night was only tolerable because kie, sarah and pope were there.

“i need to get drunk fast.” you say when you ended another glass of champagne.

“don’t we all?” kie says.

“are we going to be like that when we grow up? i mean i don’t want to spend the night in an annoying party talking about business and golf.” sarah complains and you and kie chuckle.

you were about to answer when you see jj maybank on the other side of the room entering the mansion. he wasn’t supposed to work tonight.

you should be payed for being his life savior all the time.

“i need to go to the toilet, i’ll be right back.” you tell the girls and walks fast to where jj entered.

as you entered the place you hear some inaudible noises coming from the toilet.

you walk in there in time to see jj and rafe looking at each other like they were animals about to attack their prey. jj was way too angry and rafe was alone which it was very unusual.

“it’s sad you don’t have timon and pumbaa today but at least now we can have a fair fight.”

rafe’s next phrase surprised you. “maybank, i don’t wanna fight today.”

“i don’t care. should’ve thought about that before hitting a girl.”

rafe’s expression turned to pure sadness. you almost felt bad for him. he just needed to go to a phychologist or get some serious help.

“it was an accident. it’s never going to happen again.”

“i know it won’t.”

suddenly jj punches rafe on the face. rafe even stumbles from the force of it. he was going to attack jj when you got in front of him.

“one move and i scream.”

you analyzed him. rafe looked tired. and he couldn’t look at you in eyes. he seemed ashamed, probably because of what he did to you.

“i’m so sorry y/n.” he whispers then just leaves the room with a hand on his face.

“what is it that you’re always in the right place at the right time?”

you turn to jj. “it’s a gift.”

exchanging looks you add “and i appreciate you defending my honor but no fighting for me anymore maybank. or i will fight you.”

“i’m gonna be honest i’m not sure i can promise you that.” he replies and your face is serious. “and you’re one of the few people i’d let fight me.”

then he looks at you up and down with a sweet smile on his face. “your dress is purple.”

you look down at it and blush not even knowing why. “yeah- my mom picked up for me i don’t really like purple-”

“you look perfect.” he says and you look back at him to find him still smiling. his gaze was intense and sweet at the same time. “at least the color is not on our face today.” he completes and you laugh finally understanding his smile.

“yeah... you’re a bad influence on me maybank.” you take a step towards him.

“maybe... but maybe you’re suppose to bring light to my life like that yin yang thing you know” he says and you make a face. he laughs and takes a step as well. you were inches from each other now.

grabbing you’re hand he whispers “can i kiss you?” you nod way too fast.

the kiss was slow and filled with emotion, like the both of you needed that for too long and didn’t know. unlike romantic books your heart wasn’t racing, you were calm and peaceful. if you could put into words you would say you felt home.

pulling away from each other to breath you hide your face on his neck. “are you embarrassed right now?” he asks and you could feel the smirk on his face.

“yes.”

“why?”

“i don’t know...” you say. “i don’t wanna be a one time thing.”

he moves his shoulder and you understood that it was for you to look at him. he grabs both of your hands. “you’re not. i can promise you that.”

“how?” you ask.

his eyes were shining. exactly like when the sun reflects on the sea. “i’ll never get a purple bruise on my face ever again. for you.” he says and you smile.

you kiss him gently on the cheek and hug him. you really liked his hug.

[trulivin]

Not What Everyone Thinks

A/N: Yay I got another one done! LOL. Anyways, to the nonny who requested, I hope you enjoy. I hope I did a decent job at portraying Rafe. He’s more down to earth in this one so I don’t know if I like it too much. We’ll see. I rewatched OBX and like I’m telling you he is ten times fucked up than he is in here. Pardon my language, but hopefully you all will forgive me if he isn’t really like how he is in the show. Anyways, enjoy, send feedback, like, comment, etc.

Rafe Cameron x Reader, Outer Banks

Warnings: implied sexual innuendos? uhhh language. That’s it.

*gif isn’t mine*

Upon the request of Sarah Cameron, Y/N was enlisted to help decorate her mansion for her birthday party. She tried roping the rest of the Pogues into it, and Kie was originally going to help but was needed elsewhere at the time, and the boys opted out. Even John B. 

“Sorry sweetheart,” he had said with a peck on the cheek. “Whatever,” Sarah rolled her eyes and turned back to Y/N. “Fineeeee,” Y/N sighed, earning a hug. 

So, when the day finally arrived Y/N found herself walking up to the oh-so-familiar house she had spent many days with Sarah in. 

Y/N was essentially a Kook by blood, but, much like Kie, she chose to hang out with the Pogues, much to her mother’s disappointment. Sarah Cameron, however, had been her best friend growing up and remained a very good friend even when Y/N started hanging out with John B’s crew. 

For Y/N, she stayed out of the whole Kook versus Pogue thing. It was never something she, quite frankly, wanted to be involved in and she was thankful neither sides made her pick. It was absolutely ridiculous that the boys were constantly getting into fights. And, it was especially annoying when Rafe Cameron always decided to mess with JJ, John B, or Pope all the time. 

Y/N never understood why he did it. She had known him her whole life becoming friends even, because of Sarah, and then she saw what drugs did to him. It was quite depressing to watch, so Y/N didn’t and went to hang out with the Pogues instead.

Luckily, though, that didn’t mean she wasn’t allowed on Tanneyhill anymore. Especially now that Sarah had to decorate the entire mansion. 

“You’re a lifesaver,” Sarah said, opening the door for her. “I know,” Y/N laughed. Sarah playfully rolled her eyes and shoved her friend a bit before the two started their job. 

Y/N and Sarah were in the middle of stringing lights when she heard two approaching voices arguing down the hall. “Tonight is your sister’s birthday! Do not screw this up, Rafe! I’m sick of your inability to get anything done around here. You are almost twenty years old, it’s time to get it together son,” Ward chastised. 

“I told you, I’d get it!” Rafe argued back. “When?” Ward asked, extremely annoyed. “If I recall you were supposed to get the new parts ordered last week!”

“I know, but I swear I--” Rafe started but was cut off. 

“Save it. I don’t want to hear it anymore. I have to help get everything in order tonight. Just get it done,” Ward spat, before crossing the living room. Sarah and Y/N exchanged nervous glances before Sarah’s mouth turned up into a grin. “Sorry you had to hear that,” Sarah giggled quietly before stepping down the ladder. “It’s fine,” the other girl smiled back.

“I have to go grab more lights, you good?” she asked. “Yep all good here,” Y/N said standing up on her toes a bit. 

As Y/N was focusing on trying not to fall off the ladder, she heard Sarah say, “Shouldn’t have taken that money to buy that stupid bike.” “Piss off Sarah,” Rafe snarled as Sarah laughed all the way down the hall. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Rafe snapped at Y/N. “Putting up lights. What does it look like genius?” Y/N bit back, making a face, but not turning to face the pissed-off Kook. “I don’t recall Pogues being allowed in the house,” he hissed. 

Y/N turned to face him. Rafe was glaring at her. Instead of cowering away from him, like most people do, she glared right back. “If you do recall Rafe, I was once a Kook. I practically lived here my entire childhood,” Y/N hissed. 

“Yeah well that was until you and my sister ran off with the island trash,” Rafe spat. Y/N just glared at Sarah’s brother. Truth be told, a long time ago, the two actually liked each other when they were friends. They were only two years apart in age, and yeah, Y/N was his little sister’s friend, but she was one he never minded. At least until she ran off with the Pogues. 

“Why do you have to act like this?” Y/N asked, catching Rafe off guard. “What?” Rafe replied. 

“Why do you act like such a dick? We were friends once you know,” she said. 

“I’m not a dick,” Rafe scoffed, his anger subsiding a bit. Y/N snorted, “Yeah, you are. And you’re a big baby too, oh my god.” 

“Oh shut the hell up, Y/N,” Rafe grunted, slumping in the lounge chair. Y/N giggled hopping down from the ladder and moving to the balcony that overlooked the room. Her new position also happened to be nearly right in front of the moody boy. 

Rafe glanced up from messing with his shirt as Y/N placed the ladder a few feet from him. He found his eyes wandering up her legs and to the skin that showed when she reached up to hang the lights across the railing. “You’re staring,” Y/N sing-songed, not looking away from what she was doing.

Rafe felt his face heat up. He was still of the male species after all. It didn’t matter how out of it he was or how angry he was: he still had eyes. 

Y/N let out another laugh, and glanced back down at him. Rafe was no longer staring at her but was extremely occupied messing with his sleeves. She watched his ring-clad fingers bunch the material up his toned, tanned arms, and found herself staring this time. 

His vineyard-vines button up fit perfectly across his broad shoulders and muscular arms. It was also fitted so perfectly that you could almost see the outline of his abs through the material. Y/N felt as though the room got quite hot even with the air conditioning on. 

Ever since she met Sarah, she always thought her older brother was attractive. There was something about him that caught Y/N’s eye. The best part was that she knew the real Rafe too. The one who wasn’t on drugs and acting like an idiot. Maybe that’s what always made her so intrigued by him. 

But, alas, he still acted out which stopped her from hanging around him. Yet, that still didn’t mean he wasn’t extremely hot for a Kook.

“Please stop rolling your shirt sleeves up, I am trying to focus here,” Y/N mumbled before she could even think. Rafe instantly froze and locked eyes with the girl on the ladder. He noticed how one arm was holding on to the railing while the other hung by her side. Her shirt was also still noticeably bunched up, and Y/N’s eyes were also partially blown. 

“Now who’s the one staring?” Rafe smirked, a hint of his old self in his voice. Y/N snapped out of her daze, rolling her eyes. “Hush,” she said, turning back to the last string of lights. 

Y/N finally finished and hopped down, Rafe following her every movement. “Listen,” Y/N started, standing in front of him, “You were a decent person before the drugs. This isn’t the way to get your dad’s attention.”

“You don’t know shit,” he snapped, his anger flaring again as he looked up at her. 

“Oh stop yelling at me, I don’t care what you think. I just know you weren’t like this,” Y/N rolled her eyes. “Rafe, you and I used to be friends.”

“Yeah, until you ran off with those damn Pogues!” Rafe shouted.

“God! Enough with the whole Kooks versus Pogues shit! What does it matter? My parents are Kooks! I’m a Kook! So what? It’s the person, Rafe, not their social status. Sarah gets it! But that’s not even the problem! You’re the problem,” Y/N snapped. 

“Do you really want to associate yourself with a bunch of lunatics who put guns to peoples’ heads when they feel like it?”

“Rafe, Topper was drowning John B! What the hell was JJ supposed to do? Let his best friend die? Tell me this! If it were the other way around, would you have pulled the gun?” Y/N groaned. 

Rafe didn’t answer this time, but just stared up at her. He really only thought about her question for a second before studying her face. Her pupils were still slightly dilated yet he could see her sincerity as well.  

“Exactly,” she huffed. “Look, I’ve known you for so long,” she said softly, “You aren’t the bad guy. Drugs mess people up, Rafe. And it sure as hell won’t get your father’s attention the way you want it.”

Rafe was shocked to hear what she was saying, but he pulled his gaze away from her hard one. “I--I really don’t know what else to do though,” Rafe finally spoke, refusing to look at her. Y/N closed her eyes for a second taking a breath. “You can start by being present for your sister’s birthday party tonight. And not shitfaced and present, or on crack and present. Sober,” Y/N suggested, firmly. 

“Wow, you two on speaking terms again?” Sarah’s voice cut in as she strutted in the room. Y/N turned her attention to her friend and rolled her eyes, her normal relaxed look slipping back on her face. “If you count arguing,” she laughed as she took the lights from Sarah. 

“Oh of course,” Sarah shot back with a wink. Rafe watched Y/N as she and his sister laughed and joked with each other. To say he missed the easy-going conversations with Y/N was an understatement. He always found it was so simple to talk to her. She would never judge and would always somehow say the right thing. 

But, unfortunately, as he began working with his father more, Rafe found himself trying to impress Ward in any way he could to make his father proud. In the midst of all of that, Rafe managed to push her away and go down an even darker path. 

“Well, I will see you tonight, birthday girl,” Y/N said snapping Rafe out of his thoughts. “Thank you for helping me set up,” Sarah smiled. “Oh and tell your mother she does not need to bring me any gifts tonight!”

“No promises,” Y/N said, giving her friend a hug. “You know how she is at parties.” 

“I know,” Sarah rolled her eyes. “The whole island is going to be here tonight I swear. Leave it to Rose to throw a huge party. It’s like Midsummers came early.”

“It’s your seventeenth birthday. It’s a big deal. Just enjoy the attention,” Y/N giggled as she headed for the exit. “Bye Rafe!” she called down the hall. Rafe put a lazy hand up as he heard the door slam shut. He was still lost in thought over everything Y/N had just told him. 

“Shouldn’t you be getting those parts dad wants?” Sarah asked her brother with her hand on her hip. “Mind your damn business Sarah,” Rafe snapped. 

Sarah glared at her brother before rolling her eyes. “Whatever,” she responded, turning on her heel, leaving Rafe all alone. 

At 6:30, Y/N stood in front of her mirror with a horrified expression. “Why do I have to wear this mom?” she groaned. Her mother had decided it would be a good idea to wear a light pink dress with a neckline for a prude. “This is a party, not a church service!” Y/N complained.

“The dress is gorgeous sweetheart, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Y/M/N replied. Y/N studied herself in the mirror for a moment. 

“I’m not wearing this,” Y/N concluded. 

“Yes, you are, Y/N,” her mom said strictly. “You’ve been running around with those street rats for too long. A bunch of your father’s business partners and their families will be attending Sarah’s party tonight. You need to look your best.” 

“But mom,” Y/N whined, “It’s still a seventeen year old’s birthday party. Not some business thing!” 

“Y/N, you are going to wear that and that’s final. You can wear whatever you want when Sarah throws her own party for a bunch of idiotic teenagers,” her mother said before walking out of her room. 

At least this stupid thing goes above my knees, Y/N thought to herself before following after her mother. 

“You ready?” Y/N’s dad asked as the two girls walked into the kitchen. Y/N’s father turned to his daughter and stifled a laugh. “Wow, sweetheart.” Y/N groaned and buried her face in her hands. “MOM!” she groaned. “No, let’s go.” 

When they arrived at Tanneyhill, Y/N slunk through the crowd hoping no one would notice her. She had a feeling her mother might pull something like this so she stashed other clothes in Sarah’s room. 

Y/N caught a glimpse of JJ’s blond hair and ducked behind a person. She wouldn’t hear the end of it if he saw her in a dress like this. The man she was hiding behind turned around giving her a questioning look. “Oh hi Mr. Daniels,” Y/N smiled sheepishly, straightening herself out and ducking behind another person. Fortunately for her, she made it out of the crowded room and to the steps leading upstairs. 

Just as she began her ascent a voice rang out from behind her, “Oh my god. What the hell are you wearing?” JJ cackled. Y/N closed her eyes and turned around slowly. “Har har guys,” she glared at all of her friends crowded around the steps. Both Sarah and Kie had nice casual dresses on while the boys wore what they would typically wear. Except JJ was in an actual t-shirt rather than one his tank tops. 

“Oh shut up I know I look like Peppa Pig. Blame it on my mother,” Y/N said sourly. “I’m going to change.”

“Hahahahahaha!” they all cackled. Sarah finally calmed down, pretending to wipe her eyes from her tears of laughter. “Let her go change,” she said, “c’mon.” Y/N shot her a grateful smile before they shuffled away. 

Just as Y/N was about to get into Sarah’s room, however, she heard a door close down the hall, and looked up to see Rafe approaching her with a shit-eating grin. He was still wearing what he had on that afternoon. 

“Just shut up, don’t say anything,” Y/N pinched the bridge of her nose. Rafe burst out laughing and Y/N’s face flushed. He was the last person she wanted to see while she was still wearing this damn dress. If she wasn’t so irritated right now, she would have even been happy to hear Rafe laughing so care-free. 

“Why are you wearing that? Holy shit!” he continued to laugh. “You look like Little Bo Peep just with your knees showing!” 

“Go awayyyyyy,” Y/N whined, banging her head on the door. Rafe put his hands up in surrender. “Fine, fine,” he grinned walking past her. “But if I’m going to this party, you have to show back up too,” he called before disappearing down the steps.

Y/N stood there in mild shock. Rafe wasn’t angry or wasted. He was just Rafe. 

Shaking herself out of her little daze, Y/N hurried into Sarah’s room and found her ripped jeans and black tank top. “Thank the lord,” she muttered to herself before stripping. 

Downstairs, Rafe gulped nervously trying to shake that urge for cocaine. It was his safety net that took his mind off the disappointment in his father’s eyes. He had almost done it though. Almost. Right before he came downstairs actually. But something told him not to. Well, someone really. Y/N’s words echoed in his mind from earlier. He noticed when she mentioned the word ‘drug’ she almost had that same look of disappointment in her eyes. And god, she was the last person he wanted to disappoint, for some reason. 

So, he didn’t do it. 

But, he still made a beeline for the adult drink table. Y/N would still drink if she could. Not shitfaced, but still, he thought to himself. Luckily, Rafe had managed to get through, sober, the whole awkward “you’re here” conversation with his dad too, so his drink was well-deserved. 

Rafe stood there allowing his eyes to wander all over the room. He saw Topper was trying to talk to Sarah again about her dating choices. “Idiot,” he muttered into his glass. 

Kelce was flirting with one of Sarah’s friends, a lot of the men, including his father, were huddled in the corner talking about some business thing while the women were gossiping about something, the Pogues were looking wildly out of place and little uncomfortable, keeping to themselves since Sarah was busy talking with Topper, and the rest of the people were breaking off into little groups talking amongst themselves.

This is stupid why am I even here, Rafe thought before his gaze caught Y/N’s figure. She had obviously changed into something more her style. 

Rafe’s eyes followed her beautiful hair that fell over her shoulders and down her back, across the skin revealed by deep cut in the back of her top. He let his eyes linger on her butt for a moment longer, before trailing them down her toned, jean-clad legs and to the floor. 

She was far hotter than he remembered. When did she grow up? 

Sighing, Rafe brought his eyes back up to her face and frowned when he saw a scowl on hers. He liked her much better when she was laughing like this afternoon. She appeared arguing with her mom who was gesturing up and down to her outfit. 

“That neckline is cut way too low, Y/N!” her mother hissed. “So what?” Y/N flung her hands in the air, annoyed. 

“That’s too inappropriate!” 

“I don’t care! It’s a birthday party! Plus! I can actually breathe right now! That neckline was too high!” 

“It was perfect!” 

“No!”

“Y/N!”

“I’m not having this conversation at my friend’s birthday party,” Y/N shook her head, rolling her eyes and pushing her way past her mom. She slipped through the crowd and disappeared out the back into the night.

Rafe watched as her mother went right back to her group of ladies and began complaining about her daughter. Ah, yes, he was very familiar with that one. His father had pulled that on him so many times. 

He sighed before pushing off his spot on the wall and grabbing one of the extra bottles of wine from under the table and followed Y/N through the door she just went out. 

Y/N sat at the end of the dock furiously picking some of the wood that was splintering. “I just wanted to enjoy my friend’s birthday party but NO! Always have to be the perfect little daughter you want me to be,” she mumbled to herself. “Just so I don’t mess up the stupid little reputation on this damn island.” Y/N groaned, allowing her anger to get the best of her.

“Well guess what?” she finally shouted, “I’m going to get off this damn island one day so I don’t have to put up with this bullshit anymore! How about that?” Y/N felt better yelling into the darkness. 

“If you leave then can I come too?” a familiar voice said in the darkness. Y/N whirled around in bewilderment and found Rafe standing a little ways off with a hand in a pocket and the other gripping a bottle of alcohol. Y/N’s face softened as he sat down beside her, handing her the bottle of wine. 

“You looked like you needed this,” he said. 

“Thanks,” she responded before putting the bottle to her lips. She sighed as the wine seemed to warm her body up and already started washing her irritation away. Y/N also became hyper-aware of how close Rafe was sitting next to her. Their arms were slightly pressed against one another. 

“It’s ironic you know,” Rafe started, “You lecture me about getting my father’s attention, but here you are pouting about your mother.” He let out a laugh. “Yes, yes it’s all very funny. She just expects me to be this perfect little Kook daughter and wear pretty colors and go shopping or some shit,” Y/N ranted. 

Rafe listened patiently until she finally let out a huff. 

“Well, you know, in your mother’s defense, you still looked good in that dress,” Rafe spoke after a moment still looking out at the star-covered marsh. Y/N snorted, passing him the bottle. “Oh please. I looked like Peppa Pig.”

“Yes, you did,” Rafe laughed a bit. “But still a pretty Peppa.”

Y/N felt her face go warm again at his compliment. They hadn’t spoken like this in years. Y/N remembered how kind Rafe could really be. She was devastated when he did a 180 and lashed out at everyone he cared about. Yet, could she really blame him? She saw how hard he worked to impress Ward, but his father still dubbed him incompetent. And yes, Rafe did some stupid stuff, but don’t all teenage boys?

“Thanks,” she smiled as he handed her back the bottle. They sat in silence for a while, listening to the small lapping of water and passing the bottle back and forth. 

“I’m surprised you aren’t scolding me for drinking,” Rafe sighed after a bit. “I never said you couldn’t drink when you got to the party. Just not before,” Y/N specified. “Oh right,” Rafe said. 

“I’m glad you came,” Y/N said quietly, turning to look at him. Rafe felt her gaze on him and turned to face her too. “Why?” he asked. Y/N shrugged a bit and looked down at her hands. “I don’t know really. I guess it was just nice talking to you today,” she said.

“We argued more than talked, you know,” Rafe grinned as she looked back up at him rolling her eyes playfully. “Well of course,” she smirked. “Who would we be if we didn’t argue all the time. Remember when we argued that whole ride up to the mainland with your dad and Sarah?”

“How can I not?” Rafe laughed. “You were so mad you turned bright red.”

Y/N burst out in a fit of giggles, and Rafe couldn’t help but find himself smiling harder at the gorgeous sound. 

Eventually, their laughs died down and they both stared out into the night sky. “This is what I was talking about earlier, you know,” Y/N said, breaking the silence again. “What?” Rafe was puzzled. 

“When I said that you weren’t the bad guy,” she mumbled. 

“You’re the opposite actually,” Y/N said more firmly, looking back up at him. He watched her, thoughtfully, as she continued, “I mean look how much fun we’re having. Yes, we’re drinking, but we aren’t completely wasted, and you aren’t high right now. You’re you again.”

“I can’t shake it though,” he replied quietly. “I know it’s hard, but there are ways to fix it,” Y/N said. 

Rafe didn’t say anything as he looked into her dark eyes. Through the darkness, he saw a flash of pain dance through her eyes. He hadn’t realized their faces had gotten extremely closer. “Rafe,” she practically whispered. He felt her breath fan over his lips. “You don’t have to do drugs to get Ward’s attention. You’re better than that.” 

Y/N finished speaking as their noses brushed up against one another. She heard her friends’ voices in her head, the voice that told her Rafe couldn’t just up and quit, but she didn’t care. His arm behind her locked her in and his skin burned on her back. She knew she shouldn’t, but she did anyway. 

With a slight tilt of her head, her lips met his in the night. Y/N’s body turned more towards him as he returned the kiss immediately. It was a slow burn that started in her chest and spread throughout her body as his soft lips melted with hers. 

Y/N felt Rafe gently tug at her bottom lip, eliciting a soft moan from her. He instantly gripped her hips and pulled her on top of him allowing his tongue to explore her mouth. 

Inside, Sarah was wandering around looking for her friend. “Have you seen Y/N?” Sarah asked John B after looking around for her for the past ten minutes. “Nope,” John B shrugged and went back to trying to throw shrimp in JJ’s mouth. “Boys,” she rolled her eyes and went to the back door. 

Sarah stepped outside and squinted down the dock. It was fairly dark, but the moon granted her some light. A weird looking silhouette broke the moonlight a bit and Sarah called, “Y/N?” The dark blob split into two figures and Sarah heard a faint, “shit!” 

“Well that’s new,” she laughed when she realized the voice belonged to her brother. “Ok never mind!” Sarah called before ducking back inside. 

“Shit,” Y/N cursed, slipping the straps of her tank top and bra back up. 

“Oops,” Rafe laughed from beside her. 

“We should probably go back inside,” Y/N giggled a bit before standing up. “Or we could, y’know,” Rafe smirked, sitting up on his knees and pushing up her shirt a bit planting wet kisses on her stomach. Y/N resisted the urge to moan and tugged him up. 

“I can’t ditch your sister’s party as much as I really...really, want too…” she half moaned looking up at Rafe as he bit his lip and raked his eyes shamelessly all over her body. 

His mouth quirked up and then he burst out laughing, “Wow. How the tables have turned.” “Shut up,” she said, shoving him out of the way playfully. 

“Oh don’t be such a baby,” he shot back at her with a grin. Rafe caught up and slung an arm around Y/N as they started walking back towards the house. “Rafe,” Y/N said with a serious tone, stopping before they started up the lawn. He looked down at her nervously, afraid this moment would be ruined and it somehow would be his fault. 

Y/N took a deep breath and faced him. “I can only do this if you can promise me you’ll stop.” 

He knew what she meant. He felt the itch rise again, but easily pushed it away as he looked into her nervous eyes. He didn’t know what to do. Rafe knew he wanted her. God he wanted her so bad, but he didn’t know if it would be enough. “I-I don’t know,” he finally said. 

Y/N’s face fell slightly, but he quickly caught himself, “I don’t know if it’ll be that easy. Believe me, for you, I want to so bad. But the reality of it…” his words died in his mouth. This was the most sober Y/N had seen him yet. 

“Of course. I know how hard it would be and I’m not blaming you for that,” she said with a small smile returning to her face. “Please help me,” Rafe finally broke, bending down and wrapping his arms around her. 

Y/N stood on her toes and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tall frame as the wave of emotion passed over him. “Shhhh. I promise you I will,” Y/N whispered in his ear. “I want to make this right,” he said softly. 

“You will, Rafe. You will.”

__________________________________________________

Wow so proud of myself that I actually finished this tonight. Hope everyone liked it! 

[cherryobx]

My eyes have been blessed//JJ Maybank x reader

requested?: YES BBY “hey babes! could you do a jj one where the reader is John b's old friend that moved away? and none of the pogues knew her but she surprises john b at the chateau one day saying she moved back to the cut? and jj is just like❤️👄❤️? thanks!”

thank you for requesting this! i really enjoyed writing it.

summary: you surprise your childhood best friend after moving back to the outer banks and there’s a certain pogue who can’t take his eyes off of you

warnings: cursing, JJ and his gun, fluff

WC:646

(not my gif!)

You and John B had been best friends pretty much since birth. You used to go to pre-school with him and you also lived close to him. 

You did everything together. That was until everything went downhill. Your parents decided that it was time to move far away from obx. They wanted a change, something new.

So you had to pack up everything you had and say goodbye to your best friend.

You were extremely sad and you couldn’t stop crying for weeks. You had to leave your only friend behind.

Now 10 years later, you finally successfully convinced your parents to move back to the Outer Banks.

You were so happy to move back. The main reason behind it was obviously John B. Even after many years, you still hadn’t forgotten him. You thought about him every day, wondering if he had found some new friends since you left. 

You wanted to surprise him. He didn’t know you were moving back because you hadn’t been in contact in literally a decade.

You luckily remembered where he lived. How could you forget the place you spent the majority of your childhood? You really hoped that he hadn’t moved, but that was very unlikely.

You knocked on the front door of his house, but when no one answered you just walked in, knowing that he never locked his door.

“Hello?” you called. No answer. 

The house basically looked the same as it did 10 years ago. 

You decided to sit on the couch and wait until John B came back home. For your luck, you didn’t have to wait for a long time because a few minutes later you heard someone coming from outside.

You grew nervous. Maybe he wouldn’t recognize you?

When the door opened, to your surprise, a blonde boy walked in. He was definitely not John B. 

When he noticed you, he quickly pulled out a gun from his pocket and pointed it at you.

“Who the fuck are you and what are you doing here?” he asked angrily, scanning you up and down with his eyes.

You raised your hands in the air, showing that you didn’t mean any harm. 

“I’m here for-”

“Y/N?”  A familiar brunette boy walked into the house, dropping his backpack onto the floor in surprise.

“Suprise, I’m back!!” you laughed, running towards him and wrapping your small hands around his body.

“JJ, put the fucking gun down, for goodness sake!” a girl said from behind you, but you didn’t really pay attention to that. You were just hugging your best friend, finally happy because you were reunited again.

“I missed you so much,” he mumbled into your hair. “Wait are you back for good?”

“I missed you too. And yeah I’m back for good.” He hugged you even tighter after that.

“Okay, can someone explain what’s going on?” somebody asked, making you two finally let go of each other.  

“Uh this is Y/N. My childhood best friend. She moved away about ten years ago but now she’s back.”

“Hi Y/N, I’m Kiara. That dickhead who pulled the gun on you is JJ,” the girl introduced herself and the blonde boy.

JJ was just staring at you, not speaking a word. 

“I’m Sarah, John B’s girlfriend.” The other girl introduced herself too.

“And I’m Pope, not John B’s girlfriend,” said the dark-skinned boy, which made you laugh.

“Really nice to meet you all,” you smiled at everyone.

The handsome blonde boy was still staring at you, a look in his eyes that you couldn’t really decipher.

Kiara nudged him with her elbow making him yelp out in pain.

“What the fuck was that about?”

“Stop staring at her like that.”

“Why would I? My eyes have been blessed,” he said winking at you, making you blush.

“And also I’m sorry for pulling a gun on you.”

taglist: @ethereallust​ @teamnick​ @www-imbored-com​ @delightfullynlove​ @prejudic3​ @afterglows7b-tch13​ @tomhardybby​ @ad-infinitums​ @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless​

[mayraki]

“A mermaid’s tale”

jj x reader

not my gif! credits to the owner.

summary: you managed to keep your secret safe. until a boy gets in danger and you have to save his life.

note: I recently watched the old show h2o just add water and I wanted to do this for my young self. If you haven’t watched that iconic show just DO IT. some of you may think this is childish but I don’t give a fuck. hope you enjoy!

MASTERLIST

Having to hide a secret like this wasn’t easy. Especially if you were surrounded by the thing that would make you grow a giant tail; water. Yes, you were a mermaid. Not like the ones you saw in movies, were it had white eyes and ugly skin, and would make men go into their deaths. It was just you, with a tail coming out of your waist. It was a beautiful color of dark orange and it would go perfectly with a bra that would come out as well.

You had to deal with this since you were twelve years old on your old town. When just a funny joke about going to investigate this scary island, turned into what it would be the rest of your life.

From that moment on, it was you against the world. You couldn’t trust anyone with something like this. Not even your own parents, you didn’t know what it could happen to you if they found out. Maybe end up dissected, or a scientific project. You didn’t want to found out.

So you kept it a secret. Wasn’t easy, but you managed to keep this magical thing that has happend to you all to yourself. Sometimes it felt like it was too much, and you needed to talk about it and have someone to go for help when you needed it. Little did you know, this was going to change after an awful accident in your new town, Outer Banks.

Your dad got a new job as a fisher man and you had to move and leave the place that was your home. Where it started all. But you had no choice, and start a new life.

You had to be honest, carrying a thing like this to a new place was eating you inside. You were extremely nervous. On your last home, you knew all the beaches and the ones that were less populated. Where you could go and dive in with no one watching you. You had a place to escape. But you didn’t knew anything about this Outer Banks, and that, made you terrified.

You saw the welcoming sign and you sighed. Let’s see how this goes.

~

You promised yourself to not go into the water until you knew it was safe. Every day was a beautiful one, the sun was shining and you couldn’t wait to turn into a mermaid again and investigate this new waters. But you didn’t knew the places people took their botes, where people fished, so you had no choice and keep yourself away from the ocean.

You learnt a lot since you came here. The were two sides, the figure eight, where the rich people were. And the cut, where the ‘normal’ people where. You thought where you stood, and after having an awful conversation with an arrogant rich kid, you thought that they weren’t your people, so you decided to stay and hang out at the cut.

“Sweetheart, why don’t you go for a swim on the beach?” Your mom said with a smile. “Maybe you can meet some people there and make some friends.”

You nodded with a smile and saw the opportunity to investigate the beaches. There was some of them that you still haven’t visited yet. You knew your mom was letting you go and miss work with your father because she wanted you to make friends. But you were a loner. Back in your old town, you had one friend. But after she moved out, you didn’t want to make any new. You had this new life and you had to learn how to control the powers you had before letting anyone in your life. That’s when you became a loner and figure it was going to make it easier keeping the secret if you were alone.

As soon as your feet touched the sand you closed you eyes enjoying the air that was blowing in your face. You were far from the tourists and the surfers, far from everyone. You walked into some rocks and let your back rest on a big one. You looked at your surroundings and smiled when you noticed no one was around. You wanted to go into the water so much that you couldn’t control your smile and the happiness you were feeling.

The water got close to you feet when the ocean moved and you let your feet play with the sand. You were about to walk into the water but some voices behind you stopped you. Three guys where walking towards the water with surfing boards next to their bodies. You sighed and then walked backwards, to avoid any water touching your skin.

You sat down on the sand far from the edge of the ocean and you watched the guys leaving their surfing boards on the water and getting on top of them. You remembered the way the water would hit your face and you smiled. You missed it so much. But you couldn’t, not until it was safe.

You got lost in your thoughts and the memories, that you didn’t noticed the boys were out of the water and some steps away from you. You noticed the drops of water dripping from their bodies and a sudden waive of panic came into your body. You got up quickly and that made you lose a little bit of balance, making you take a step forward and ending more closer to one of the guys.

The guy that you had in front of you turned his head to you and furrowed his eyebrows when you took a step backwards in full panic.

“Are you ok?” He asked taking a step closer to you but you walked backwards.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You nodded with a smile and then turned away, walking away from the beach.

~

The next day was cloudy and you smiled to yourself when you saw the sky on your window. Clouds meant less people on the beach, and less people on the beach meant more time for you to enjoy a good swim.

You walked to the beach you went yesterday and you smiled when you noticed there was no one around. There was rain coming, and the waves were more stronger and going on a faster speed than the day before. Those were totally not good waves to surf... meaning, no surfing boys.

You ran to the rocks you were at yesterday and you took the moment to appreciate the feeling. You loved the moments before going into the ocean, that feeling of something great was coming. You took a sept forward and the water touched your feet. You smiled and then ran deeper into the ocean before lifting your arms above your head and going full body into the ocean.

Ten seconds later, you felt a tingling feeling in your legs and a full mermaid tail appeared. You smiled and a wave of happiness went through your body.

You swam and you swam. You missed it so much that you didn’t know how much time had passed since you came into the water. Your hair was doing beautiful waves when you moved and you enjoyed the feeling of it touching your face. You went into the bottom of the ocean and touched the sand, wich it went upwards and you started to play with it.

You looked up and you noticed it had started to rain. You went to the surface and you felt the rain drops touch your head. You closed your eyes and enjoyed the feeling, when you heard someone go into the water. Your heart started to beat faster and you wanted to go away swimming, but the fact that you still didn’t know the waters, you didn’t know where you could end up. So you swam into the rocks and hide behind them.

You sighed and cursed at the wind for your ruined moment. You watched the guy stand on his surfing board and you furrowed your eyebrows. What he was doing was extremely dangerous. But it seemed like he knew what he was doing and he was good at it. You watched his every move and you found yourself get lost in his moves, but then he fell from his board and you lost him in the waters.

He didn’t came back up after going into the water and a wave of worry came into your body. You could see his board but he was nowhere to be seen. That’s when you saw him far away from his board and deeper into the ocean. His head was going up and under the water. The waves were throwing him down and deeper into the ocean. He was going to drown if someone didn’t helped him. You looked around and no one was near the beach. Not even on the street. There was not other choice, you had to save him.

Without hesitation, you quickly swam to him and you saw his body trying to go up into the surface. He couldn’t see you, so you turned to his board and you moved your hand, making the water move and the board go close to the boy. You saw him grab it but the waves were too strong that they were pushing him away from it. So much, that the board went away and you lost it into the ocean.

The guy was now struggling even more and he wasn’t able to stay up in the surface. You had to get closer to him and have a better view of him. As deeper as you got, the water was pushing you away and you couldn’t swim to him. You moved your hand and you tried to keep the water around you more calmly. When you were closer to him, luckily, he was looking the other way and you stopped controlling the water around you so you could push him into shore, but as soon as you stopped, the water went wild. You took control of it again and it stopped. You had to grab him and get him into the calm circle of water you had created around you. He was going to see you, but if you wanted to save him, it was a risk you had to take.

As you started to swim to him, the water made him turn to you and as soon as he layed eyes on you, he widen his eyes with surprise and fear at the same time. You moved closer to him and grabbed his arm, making him get next to your body and pulled him into the surface.

You used your strength and swam with him to the shore. Your body touched the sand and you noticed the boy coughed a few times and got up quickly watching you and your tail with panic.

“What the fuck, man?!” He asked in panic. He didn’t know what to do. He was still processing the fact that he almost drowned and a mermaid just saved his life.

“You can’t tell this to anyone!” You said to him.

“You can talk?” He asked surprised but with the same tone of panic on his voice. He felt like he was going insane.

“Promise me you won’t tell!” You said again.

He stood there and then nodded after calming himself a little bit.

You locked eyes with him and you turned around using your arms, you didn’t want to face the fact that a boy just saw you as a mermaid, and you made yourself go into the water once again.

~

You opened your eyes and you prayed that the memories of the day before were just a nightmare, but unfortunately, it was all true. You got up from your bed and watched the sun shine through your window.

You decided that you had to talk with that boy and be sure he was going to keep your secret. There was no way you could escape from that.

“What are the plans for today?” You mom asked you when she handed you a cup of tea.

“I’ll probably go to the beach.” You said with a smile and took a sip from your mug.

“Great! But don’t be late this afternoon. We are helping your dad with what he caughts.” You nodded and once you finished your tea, you got change and headed to the beach you were yesterday.

You sat down and waited for the blonde boy. You didn’t knew where to look for him, so the beach was the only option for now.

After a couple of minutes, you saw him walking with a girl. They were talking playfully and you walked up to them. Once you were closer, the girl locked eyes with you and gave you a little smile. The boy turned to you and once he remembered you, he took a step back and widen his eyes.

“JJ, are you ok?” The girl asked concerned after watching the boy.

“Yeah, yeah.” He said quickly and then tried to keep himself calmly and not look suspicious.

“Hey, can we talk?” You asked him and after hasitating, the guy called JJ nodded.

“I’ll see you later, then.” The girl gave you two a final smile and then walked away.

“If you want to know I haven’t told anyone.” JJ said quickly and you sighed in relieved.

“Thank you.” A smile appeared on your face.

“Well, you did saved my life. I owe you that.” He locked eyes with you but then moved to your legs.

“I know you have a lot of questions.” JJ nodded looking back at you. “You can ask, but I need you to promise me that you’ll never say anything about this. No one knows.”

“No one?” He asked surprised and you shook your head. “Your parents?”

“No, only me.” He nodded and then took a time to think. “You promise?”

“Yeah, I promise. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be here, so...” he let out a little smile and you looked down. You didn’t know that to say, you haven’t dealt with anyone knowing your secret so this was new for you and you couldn’t find the right words.

You always panicked when your secret was in danger, but for some reason, there was feeling inside of you telling your that could trust him. Even if you two just met. He seemed the type of person to care about people and you liked that.

And not to mention he is kinda cute.

Wait... did I just thought that?

“How about, we go to a more private place?” JJ asked when a couple of surfers walked into the beach.

You nodded. “Where?”

“I know the perfect place, c’mon.” He turned around and you followed him.

“My name’s Y/n, by the way.” You said with a smile and he locked eyes with you. Your stomach turned and you got confused at your body’s sudden reaction.

“Nice to meet you, I’m JJ.” He handed his hand for your to shake and you took it with a smile.

Maybe, this was the start of something good.

***

PART 2

I swear, my ten year old self is so excited right now. I’m thinking I could do a short series...🤔 let me know if you liked it and if you want a part two!

[angelliev]

Lover Boy - JJ Maybank x OC - Part Five - Heaven is with You

Word Count: 3.4K

Summary: It’s the masquerade ball. Secrets are spilled. Aria will share a passionate moment with JJ and a heartbreaking one with someone else. Some people will put on a mask to hide their lies, while others with take theirs off to show their true self. 

Warnings: Smut, angst, cursing, alcohol/drugs, mention of abuse and pregnancy. 

A/N: Sorry I didn’t post yesterday guys! I was visiting family for the weekend. I hope you enjoy reading this one. I was definitely having difficulty writing because not only was it hard to decide what I wanted to do with the story, but I was also trying not to cry while writing this one. I hope you enjoy! (Not my GIF. credits to the owner. I don’t own the show or any of the characters.)

Lover Boy Series Masterlist

The hot sun beams down on me as I stay afloat in the pool. I am forever grateful for air conditioning. I don’t know how people do it. I’d melt away in the heat. I’m sitting by the edge soaking in the coolness of the water. I attempt to relax while soaking in the sun, trying to tan a little bit.

My grandmother Lorraine, comes outside. “Aria, what are you still doing in the pool? Come dry off and get ready.” She hands me a towel. “Where are we going?” I asked. “We’re going out for brunch, then to the spa and the tailor to pick up your dress. Now get out.” She demands. Lorraine Prescott is a lot like my father. Demanding and manipulative. Always getting what she wants.

“Thank you, but I think I’ll have to pass, I’m not going this year.” I decline. “No, you’re going. It’s the masquerade ball, you’ve gone every year and now you’re going this year, end of story.” She protests. “They do it every year and it’s not going to make a difference if I’m not there.” “Yes, it will. Your father is a very important guest, making you a very important guest, and it would be insulting for you not to go.” She argued. “I’m not going.” I still protest.

“Aria, get out the god damn pool you’re going! You’re such a fucking brat! Is it too much to ask for you to be a good daughter for once?” My father finally snaps and throws a plate on the ground, in result shattering it everywhere. I huff and pull myself out of the water. I couldn’t even look him in the eye without any trace of hatred in my own. He can just be so horrible sometimes. “Was that really necessary Claude?” My mom comes out very annoyed and angry which is very rare. I could see the guilt on my father’s face when he realized what he had said and done. “Aria, I’m sorry I didn’t mean any of that. I overreacted.” He apologized, but I didn’t care. “Your apology means nothing to me.” I spat and stomped away.

The whole day out was a drag. Lorraine was the phone the whole time and Jennifer was talking nonstop about her conceited self. She was mostly bragging about her perfect boyfriend Rafe Cameron. Lorraine is very fond of the Camerons, so it pleased her to know that her lovely granddaughter was dating someone of high class. When I get home and shower, I fling myself on the bed not ready for the night. My laptop starts to ring, alerting me that someone wants to FaceTime. I was more than happy to see my beloved’s face when I answered. JJ didn’t bother to wear a shirt as per usual, so I had to face the camera away from the door to make sure his face wouldn’t be seen if someone decided to barge in.

We talked about the usual stuff for a while. “God, I miss you so much babygirl.” His eyes turn dark as he eyed the silk robe hugging my body. The things I’d do to have him over he right now. “Me too lover boy. It’s a shame. I had a special surprise for you. I guess I’ll have to wait till next time.” I tease. “Oh yeah? What’s next time?” He asked. “My parents are flying to Las Vegas for a convention. My sister and her friends are taking a girls trip to Boston. So,” I begin to undo my robe, exposing my naked skin to him, making him smile and bite his lip. “We’ll have the place to ourselves. We can be as loud as we want.” “Mm, babygirl you’ve got me hard just thinking about the things I’m gonna do to you.” “I just can’t wait.” I can practically see the wheels turning in his head.

“Touch yourself for me babygirl.” He said with such lustful eyes. I couldn’t help but smile as I lay down and begin to rub figure eights on my clit. I then insert two fingers, letting them curl and thrust within me, chasing a high only JJ could give me. When I glance at the screen, his hand is running up and down his thick shaft. “Baby, I want you inside me so bad.” I cry. “Soon babygirl. Just imagine it’s my fingers curling inside you right now.” I let my mind race to the thought of him fingering me. God, I loved how his lengthy finger were always able to reach that sweet spot inside me. I just want to be engulfed in him. I just want him to kiss me with his undying passion and love for me. I just want to make love with him till I die. I just want him. Just as I’m about to bring myself to orgasm, a knock erupts on my locked door, the handle begins to jiggle.

“Why is this door locked? You know the rules!” Yelled my father. I let out an annoyed sigh before screaming into the pillow, sexually frustrated. “I’m getting dressed! Just give me a second!” I yell. “I got to go baby. I’ll call you as soon as I can.” I quickly shut the laptop and wrap my naked self in the silky robe. When I open the door, my father seems annoyed. “Why the hell aren’t you dressed?”

“I just got out of the shower and did my hair and makeup.” I say. Before my father could scold me anymore, my mother comes to my rescue. “Honey, I got this.” She says shooing him away and closing the door. “I can’t wait to see you all dressed up!” She’s referring to my spaghetti strap rose gold dress and matching color mask. I was a little astonished with the whole outfit. Normally, I don’t enjoy getting all dressed for events like these, but I sort of fell in love with this dress. I guess it sort of reminded me of the sundress I wore the night I lost my virginity to JJ.

“You look so beautiful sweetheart!” My mother gushed as she gazed at my appearance, kissing the top of my head. She has always been so sweet and kind to me. She’s always played with me as a child. Always encouraged me to pursue my dreams. Always accepted me for who I am. She has always had a warm heart and a kind soul. I wish my father was a lot more like my mom. “Thank you, mom. I love you.” I hold her hand. “I love you too, sweetheart. Now let’s go. You look like an absolute princess.” She compliments as she guides me out of the room.

Before I head downstairs, I head into one of the guest bathrooms, looking for a hand lotion. Without any luck, I open up the cabinet under the sink, and am still not having any luck as I’m rummaging around. Just as I’m about to ditch the idea, I found something much more interesting. My hand grips the Ziplock bag. I was taken by surprise as I scanned its contents. One positive pregnancy test and an ultrasound picture. I didn’t hesitate to take it out to examine. The fetus is tiny, so it couldn’t be that old. When I looked up at the patient’s name, my eyes nearly popped out of my sockets. Jennifer Prescott. I had to blink a few times to make sure it was real, thinking that the name would change, but it obviously didn’t.

“Aria come on!” Yells Lorraine. “Coming!” I frantically shove the evidence to the back of the cabinet before running downstairs, nearly face planting. “You okay? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost.” Lorraine said. I just simply stared at Jennifer’s belly with wide eyes, still in shock. She just gives me the weirdest look as my eyes continued to stay glued to her stomach. “I’m fine. Just kind of spaced out.” I lied, finally getting a hold of myself. I sat uncomfortably in the car the whole way there. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. My picture-perfect sister pregnant? With Rafe Cameron’s baby? Are you shitting me? I didn’t have time to be bored at the masquerade. I just stood there like a fucking statue, earning a few bizarre looks from guests.

“Can you at least look like you’re having fun?” Asked Lorraine. “What?” I asked cluelessly, still gazing at Jennifer and Rafe. Does he know? Does anyone know? She just lets out a frustrated sigh. My father and a stranger approaches us. “Hello, I’d let to introduce you ladies to Francis Kline. Francis, this is my mother, Lorraine Prescott.” They two exchange handshakes as I sip awkwardly on my sparkling cider lost in my own thoughts. “And this is my youngest daughter, Aria Prescott.” I didn’t even hear my name or notice the hand extending in front of me, until my dear grandmother stomps on my foot. “Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.” I say quickly before sipping again. “Likewise. It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” Instead of shaking my hand, he lifts it up to his lips before planting a kiss. This caught my attention making me choke on my drink, and earning a glare from both my father and grandmother. I quickly snatch my hand away from him.

“Are you alright miss? Is something wrong with the drink? I’ll have it taken care of right away.” He tries to take the glass from my grasp. “No! I mean no thank you.” The three are staring me down, making me nervous. “I have to pee. Like really bad. Like peegasm bad. Excuse me.” I say very quickly and high with a charming attitude before walking away with speed. On my way to the bathroom, I grab a bottle of champagne. After ten minutes of searching the empty halls, I still can’t find one fucking bathroom.

Before I can turn the corner, a hand clasps over my mouth and pulls me into a dark space. I let out a voiceless scream and start flailing. “Babe it’s me! JJ!” I recognize the voice and stop flailing. The light turns on giving my eyes no time to adjust. “You scared the shit out of me!” I slap his shoulder and take off my mask. He laughs. “I can see that. What’s with the champagne?” “Oh, I was about to get wasted. Want to join?” I ask popping it open and making a mess. “You had me at wasted.” The two of chuckle. “So, what brings you here Mr. Maybank?” I asked with a horrible British accent. “I couldn’t help but notice my lovely girlfriend walking alone. Thought I keep her company. Plus, I missed her so much.” He mocks my funny accent. “Well, why don’t you give this lovely girlfriend a kiss?” He just chuckles before pulling me close and laying one on me.

“By the way, who’s room is this?” I asked after pulling away. “Rafe Cameron’s. Which reminds me,” He answers with a devilish smirk and leads me to the balcony. I am introduced to a beautiful scene I thought you’d only see in movies. Candles are lit, the sofa is covered in rose petals soft jazz plays in the background, and there’s a beautiful view of the ocean.

“Are you trying to seduce me Mr. Maybank?” I ask, still in trance. “Perhaps, is it working Ms. Prescott?” He lays kisses on my neck which I expand, giving him more access. “Yes.” I sigh and finally find his lips in a passionate and loving kiss. His tongue lips my bottom lip, and I gladly let it slip into my mouth. God, I could kiss him forever.

He pulls away to rip off his clothes. I do the same, kicking off my pesky heels and long dress. My body shivers when a brisk breeze attacks my skin leaving goosebumps, but I don’t care, because I know things about to warm up soon.

A moan escapes my mouth when his bare skin touches mine as we lay on the large outdoor sofa. “I still can’t believe your mine.” He says. “Always have been. Baby, I was made for you.” I declare. This makes him smirk as he removes my panties leaving me completely naked. Instead of immediately plunging in, his mouth attaches to my breast, his tongue swirling around my bud. His hand finds my wet core. “You’re so wet babygirl. Were you as hot and bothered as I was?” He asked looking up at me. “Yes. Baby I want you so bad.” I begin to ramble. “What do you want babygirl?” “I want you inside me! I want you to fuck me till I can’t walk! Please, I want you so bad it hurts!” God, I sound so desperate, but I don’t care. He’s the only person in this world I’d get down on my knees and beg for.

“Don’t worry babygirl. Daddy’s going to make you feel all better.” That name was always a turn on for me, always making me more excited if that was even possible. He teases my drenched pussy with his tip as he watching me writhe under him. “Daddy please. Please fuck me.” I plead once more. He smirks. “That’s a good girl.” A blissful sigh escapes from both of us as he enters me, the two of us finally connected, not an inch of him is left exposed. He stays still for a few seconds, enjoying the silky warmth of my walls that hugs his thick dick so tight. “God, you’re going to be the death of me babygirl.” He says before pulling out, only to shove himself back in.

We don’t even bother to hold back our moans. I just lay back and let the pleasure engulf my every thought. Time is irrelevant as he continues to slam into me, not holding me back, missing the comforting feeling of me being around him. My eyes were glued to the starry night sky above. I can’t help but think how erotic all of this is, as my boyfriend fucks me under the stars. I completely let go as the two of us drown ourselves in this euphoric warmth, until we both fall into pure bliss. I could have sworn I could saw stars in his ocean eyes when I gazed into them. It was then when I realized that I wasn’t lost in the starry sky, I was lost in his blue eyes.

We lay there together listening the wave as JJ smokes his weed. The two of us remain silent as we simply watch the sky. “Do you ever wonder what’s up there?” JJ asked out of the blue. “Where?” His words made no sense to me. “Heaven. What do you think is up there?” I give it some thought before answering. “You.” I answer. His brows furrow in confusion. “What do you mean.” “I mean that if I were to go to heaven, I’d see you. There’s no such thing as heaven if you aren’t there with me.” When I glance over at him, I could’ve sworn I seen tears welling up in his eyes. “Do you mean that?” He questions. “Every word.” He places a soft kiss on my lips. “Aria, I” He’s interrupted by the sound of a door slamming shut. I turn to see who the intruder was.

There stands Jennifer with a face painted in shock. My heart stops for a moment before dropping to my stomach. I quickly cover my naked self with the blanket and quickly grab my dress. “I should’ve known you were hooking up with him, after all you’d open up those legs to anyone, you fucking pogue slut.” She spat and turned to walk away. “Wait!” I ran in front her, the straps on my dress falling, as I blocked the exit. “What are you doing?” I ask desperate for an answer. “To tell mom and dad. I’m curious as to what he would say when I tell him that his youngest daughter is fucking some pogue. JJ Maybank of all people.” Fear started to kick in. What I said next was unplanned. “And I wonder how he’s going to react when he finds out about your pregnancy.” JJ, Jennifer and I all freeze when the threat slipped from my mouth

I can practically see the panic wash over her body as it shakes. “And don’t try to lie to me. I found the test and ultrasound photo. I know all about it, and I won’t hesitate to tell dad.” “Just wait!” She shouts, desperation laced in her voice. “Don’t tell dad or Rafe. At least not now. Please, I’m begging you. They’d kill me.” So Rafe doesn’t know. “You haven’t told Rafe?” I asked astonished, but then again, I wouldn’t either. “No. It’s complicated.” Her lip begins to tremble. I have never seen her so scared or lose her cool. She’s always so calm and collected. “Well uncomplicate it for me.” I demand. A moment of silence takes over the room. JJ looks down at his blunt with a questioning gaze.

“Rafe’s not the father.” She says. “What?!” Both JJ and I exclaim collectively. “Wait, I’m confused. So, who’s the father?” I asked, feeding my curiosity. “Andrew Coleman.” She sighs. “Who the fuck is that?” The name has never crossed paths with me before. “He’s a lawyer. He lives in Boston. I’ve been seeing him for almost three years now.” The news came pouring out of her mouth. Words can’t describe the astonishment that courses through the room. “That’s why you keep going to Boston. To see him.” She doesn’t even respond as I finally connect the pieces. “But what about Rafe?” The question made her snap all of the sudden.

“Who cares?! I hate him! He could go to hell for all I care! I can’t stand him! He deserves to die! After everything he has done to me! He’s a violent and abusive asshole! He beats me, cheats on me with my best friend, and expects me to fuck him! And you know what the worst part is? Everyone thinks he’s some kind of perfect golden boy, but they’re all wrong. He’s the fucking devil and I wish I put a bullet through is head when I had the chance!” Every word that escaped her mouth had rung through my ears.  She slides down to the ground as she sobs, her walls finally fall.

“Why didn’t you tell me this Jennifer? Why didn’t you ask for my help sooner?” I ask tears welling in my eyes too. “Because when I told dad that Rafe was abusing me, he called me a lying slut and said he’d kill me if I messed up my relationship with Rafe. He cares more about him than his own daughter, and I’m no better than him. I took out all my anger on you, because I was jealous.” Her confession felt like a punch to my stomach. “Why?” She just looks up at me.

“Because you got to live a life of happiness. With real friends and apparently a boyfriend who doesn’t hit you, while the man I love lives all the way in Boston. I should’ve been a better sister to you, but instead I lashed out at you all the time making your hate me, and for that I’m sorry.” Her words were genuine as she cried. I began to cry too.

“You’re my sister. I could never hate you. You might get on my nerves sometimes, but I could never forget the times you were there for me. Like when you carried me home after I broke my ankle after falling of my bike, or the time you stood up for me when that bully was throwing rocks at me. That’s the real sister I know. I just wish you told me all of this, so I could help you.” She hugs me tight and suddenly. It took me by surprise at first. I can’t remember the last time I shared a hug with my sister.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t deserve to have a sister like you. I treated you so horribly. I just want to make things right. Please forgive me. I can’t live with you never forgiving me.” She sobbed louder. “I forgive you, but I need you to let me do something. Both her and JJ looked at me waiting for what I said. “Let me help you leave the Outer Banks.”

[mayraki]

The Trained Assassin.

Spencer Reid series. Part 4.

Not my gif! Credits to the owner.

Summary: Life’s not easy when you found out that instead of being trained to be a spy for the CIA, you are being trained to be an assassin, a killer. The people you wanted to stop, they were making you one. That’s when you joined the BAU to become someone new, you didn’t want to be someone’s toy. You wanted your past to be arrased, that’s all. But it’s not easy to hide a past like that.

Sorry if this is kind of short, the next part is very long so I wanted to focus on that. Thank you for reading!

Warning: graphic descriptions!

PART 3

“Comfort”

On the way back to the office you decided to go in Emily’s car. You didn’t want to continue the conversation you had with Spencer... and admit that he was right. You needed to talk about this... your past with someone. But that was not the only thing that was on your mind, you felt something before. Something you haven’t felt in a long time with a guy.

You felt safe. You didn’t feel that gut feeling that something was wrong, that trust wasn’t there. And it wasn’t that suddenly everything changed on the team, only with Spencer on that specific moment, we weren’t Dr. Reid and Agent y/ln, you two were just... Spencer and Y/n.

“The Alvarez family. Murdered at their home last night.” JJ said when the pictures of three people on their living room and blood all over the scene appeared on the screen. “Camila Alvarez, 29. Lorenzo Alvarez, 31. And Juana Alvarez, 6 years old.” You covered your face in frustration when you heard the little girl’s age.

How could anyone do this to a kid? You thought.

“The mother had marks on her wrists, and the daughter on her mouth.”

“They took the father first” you said.

“Yeah, there local detectives said that there’s no sign of forced entry. But is better if we see the crime scene ourselves. The plane leaves in 20 minutes.”

***

It only had past one day since the first kill, and there was another one.

“There’s a possibility that the kills are random, there’s no way he’s stalking them. They wouldnt be that fast” Morgan said when all the team was walking towards the new crime scene.

You walked into the living room and saw the parents sitting in the sofa, and their little kid in the middle. You looked at the kid and felt your heart stopped for a second. You never had a case like this before, not with kids. You’ve seen worst, but the fact that that kid looked like your little brother made your heart stop.

You went outside and took a deep breath. You let the fresh air go into your body and closed your eyes.

“You ok?” Emily said next to you.

You nodded. “Yeah, sorry, first time seeing...”

She cut you off by grabbing your shoulder and giving you a half smile.

“It’s ok, you can take a second if you want.”

But you didn’t want to, you wanted to catch this son of bitch now, and fast.

“JJ, is it done?” Hotch asked once the team was back in the police station.

“Yes, the press conference just finished.”

The idea of Hotch about JJ saying in tv that the unsub was a failer, someone who problaby made a lot a mistakes on a daily basis was a huge shot. You never did something like that, but you trusted Hotch and you knew that he was good at what he did.

“It’s possible we are looking for someone in their earliest twenties. He’s young and good looking...” Hotch started to say the profile “He probably blends in, meaning that he has a normal car, someone that doesn’t make a big first impression.”

“Hotch, sorry to interrupt” JJ said entering the room “But you gotta see this, it’s urgent”

The team went flying towards the outside door and your eyes immediately caught that across the street was a guy with a girl on his arms, pointing a gun on her head and everyone pulled out their guns.

“The thing that you said, It was really stupid” the guy said covering his face behind the little girl so anyone could take the shot.

“Tell the best sniper we have to go on the roof. Now!” the local detective said.

You could see the fear on the little girl’s face and your heart started to beat faster. You noticed that she had her backpack on, he took her while she was leaving school.

“You don’t have to do this!” Hotch said.

“Yes I do! I have to! I can’t stand it!”

“Let the girl go and we can talk in private! We can help you” Gideon said trying to get closer to the girl but he got the safety off the gun.

“Don’t!” He screamed.

“Hotch” you said getting next to him “I think I can get him to let go of the girl so we can approach him”

He looked at me with hesitation but he nodded seconds later “I trust you, be careful.”

You nodded and caught the unsub’s attention “hey, I don’t want to hurt you” I put my hands up and let him see that I was going to put my gun down on the floor.

“Stay right there! Or I’ll shoot the girl!” You heard the little girl’s cry but you wanted to put all of you focus on him.

“I know what it’s like, to feel jealous of other families happiness.” You said and you noticed that something in his face changed.

“No! No! You don’t know what it’s like!” He said trying to stay serious and not show emotions.

“Yes, I do. I grew up in a adoption center until I was 12. I know. Watching all of the other kids get chosen and not me”

“You did?” He lowered his gun by some centimetres and his eyes started to water.

“Yeah, I couldn’t bare it.” You took a step slowly and noticed that he wasn’t paying attention to your moves “I was so sad, I couldn’t make any friends. I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I felt alone in the world, like nobody wanted me. Like no one even liked me. I can relate to you, kid”

“Yeah, Yeah, that’s how I felt too.” He let a tear go down his cheek.

“Yeah, you want to know how I got better?” He nodded “I talked about it. It made me feel so much better.” You were close to him and could feel the tension in him drop down. “You want to talk about it? You and me, no one else.”

He looked at you in the eyes and after a couple of seconds, he lowered his gun and with quick moves you grabbed the gun and put it in your pants. Sencods later, Morgan was putting him on handcuffs.

“I’m sorry...” he said. “I didn’t want to...”

“It’s a little bit late for that, kid” Morgan said and took him inside the police station.

You didn’t move from your position and felt your heart go back to his normal beat.

“You did good” Hotch said and you nodded back at him.

You turned to the police station and locked eyes with Spencer who seemed like he was trying to understand something. And he was. He was trying to understand you.

He couldn’t see if the things that you said were real, sure, sometimes when the times are desperate you invent things to get to empathise with the unsub, but he felt your words differently. He knew that you were good in interrogations, to work with words, he was able to watch you a couple of times. But this time was different, and he wanted to know why.

***

You were at your apartment and the noise of your punching bag was all you could hear. Your knuckles hurt a little bit from all the punching, but you didn’t want to stop. The image of the kid lying there next to his parents was on you mind like a painting.

The punching got faster and you stopped because the pain in your arms were asking for it. Your breathing was heavy and faster than normal.

When silence took over your apartment, you hear knocking on your door. You went to your door with silent steps, you never were expecting guests. So the fact that there was knocking on your door at ten pm was concerning.

“Who is it?” You asked.

“Y/n, it’s Spencer” Spencer’s voice came on the other side and you got confused.

What is he doing here?

You opened your door and he was there holding a bag of Doritos.

“I noticed you liked them, so i brought you some” he gave you an awkward and adorable smile. But that didn’t lowered your confusion. He noticed and added “you seemed disturbed from the last case, and I wanted... to check on you. See if you were alright.”

And as he finished his sentence your heart went down to the floor. You wanted to hug him so bad but your stayed put.

“Oh, thank you Spencer” no one did something like that for you and you didn’t know how to react. “You want to... come in?” You asked and deep down you wanted him to say yes.

“Sure” He said and you let him in by stepping to your side.

You noticed the clothes you were wearing. You had a sport bra that was very tight on your chest. You felt a little bit exposed so you went to your couch and covered yourself with a jacket that was laying there.

Spencer looked around at your apartment and noticed that you were very clean. Or that you didn’t spend much time on there, so there was not much to clean and not a lot of things were moved.

“Thank you, really. How did you know they are my favorites?” You said putting the Doritos on a bowl.

“Well, I didn’t know they were your favorites, I just knew that you liked them. You have them a lot in the office”

“Oh, sometimes I can’t control myself over Doritos” you let a little smile and Spencer laughed.

“Who can?” He joked and you offered him some. “Look, if you ever... want to talk about it... the cases, I’m here” he said with a half smile on his face.

“Thank you. It’s ok, this one just... hit different. I’ve never worked on a case with kids before”

“Yeah, it’s hard. And I don’t know if this is going to make you feel better or worst, but you will eventually get used to it. That feeling, afterwards. And it’s going to get easier” He bit his lower lip trying to come up with better words and you let out a little laugh, because of his face and the fact that if he only knew the things you’ve seen before, he wouldn’t be saying this.

“Thank you Spencer, and it made me feel... both” you joked and he let out a little laugh.

“Hey... can I ask you something?” He asked trying to sound as relaxed as ever, but you noticed that he was nervous.

“Yeah” you said trying to sound not afraid of his question, but failed enormously.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But I just wanted to know, is it true? Did you grew up in a adoption center?”

That wasn’t that bad.

“Yeah, it’s true” you said putting a Dorito on you mouth to avoid feeling uncomfortable talking about your past.

“Oh, ok” he said and you felt like he went into his own world in his mind.

“Now I have to know something about you” you said to change the subject and turning it into him.

“What?” He said coming back to reality a little bit confused.

“You know something about my past, I want to know something about yours”

“Ok, I... finished high school when I was twelve”

That caught you off guard, but it didn’t surprised you.

“You little genius” he let out a little laugh and you felt your heart skipped a beat.

Uh?

“Ok, we can talk about our past all night, wich sounds horrifying...” he said.

“True”

“Or, we can watch a movie? Some fiction so we can forget about this awful world?”

“That sounds... amazing.”

“Lead the way” he smiled and you felt your heart skipped a beat again.

Stop it!

*****

PART 5 (1/2)

taglist;

@itsarayofsunshine @whothefuckstolemykeds @haykayhesson @enigma-xlii @introvertedsin @mylovehes @infires42 @uwu-sebastianstan

@ @thelegendarypaperbouquertblr @doobdabdib @decaffeinated—fangirl Sorry I couldn’t tag you! For some reason I can’t find you when I type your user name, but I added you guys anyway to let you know that I saw your comment! I’m sorry 🥺