#judetaylorhq

[kingsborohq]

hello friendos, can i please change cody's pronouns to he/they? thank you xo

Yes, of course! Done.

[claudiafernandez96]

fmk jude, jude, jude - from definitely not jude.

“Hey, Mister North Kingsboro.”

[cilliankelly]

connections → jude taylor

“i just think that maybe, if i only ever woke up to you and nobody else for the rest of forever that i’d be more than okay with that.”

@judetaylorhq

[aaronhart93]

text || aarotin

Discord text thread featuring: Aaron & @quentindelancret​​

When: March 7, 2020 and March 8, 2020

Mentions: @cilliankelly @judetaylorhq @romanbeckett @jamisonhq

Description: Quentin and Aaron fight, they make up, then they argue again after Quentin tells him that he sexted someone else

Trigger Warnings: mentions of physical fighting and cheating, drug use

Quentin.

I’m sorry if I was hateful

Aaron.

please come back

or just...don’t leave

Quentin.

I already left

I’m just tired Aaron. It’s a constant battle for you

Aaron.

I mean. Don’t leave me. Us.

Quentin.

I don’t wanna leave you

I just don’t know how much more I can take

Aaron.

I will fix it. Cut them all off.

Quentin.

you know I don’t really want you to do that. I just wish they would stop

move the fuck on already

Aaron.

we can’t control other people baby. And we can let what people say affect us like this

Quentin.

it’s not that easy

Aaron.

no it’s not

you’re right

it’s hard but it’s easier if we get through it together

Quentin.

yeah

except it’s not together, it’s just me

I didn’t even do anything

I’m just so tired of feeling worthless

Aaron.

would I be fighting this hard for someone who is worthless?

Quentin.

I don’t know

I’m pretty worthless

Aaron.

that’s so far from true baby

you make my world go around

Quentin.

maybe we just need a break

Aaron.

we don’t

Quentin.

we don’t? You seem to defend Roman just fine

maybe we’re burnt out

Aaron.

we’re not

Quentin.

okay well. I’m gonna go see my brother and get fucked up. I’ll see you later

Aaron.

I love you, Quentin.

Quentin.

yeah?

Aaron.

so much

and if you wanna fight these guys, I have your back

Quentin.

I’m totally fighting them

Aaron.

then so am I

Quentin.

is Roman okay?

Aaron.

none of us are okay right now

Quentin

well great

Aaron.

we should stop fighting with them

it’s getting no where

Quentin.

apparently lmao

Aaron.

hey

I love you

what are you doing right now

Quentin

I’m just sitting in my car off my face lol. I love you too

Aaron.

LOL

okay just don’t drive

and if you decide to fight them I’m your first call yeah?

Quentin.

of course

Aaron.

okay baby

Quentin.

anyway

that was exciting lol

Aaron.

I mean. I could have lived without it but

Quentin.

yeah? I’m still ready to fight

even though I can hardly move

Aaron.

stoned? Lolll

Quentin.

molly

it’s been a while and I am gone

Aaron.

explains why you’re so horny then

Quentin.

oops

Aaron.

I can take care of that for you

Quentin.

oh yeah? Are you trying to weasel me back into your penthouse monsieur Hart?

Aaron.

so what if I am?

Quentin.

Jesus, you’re too hot you know that?

Aaron.

come over and I’ll show you just how hot I can get

Quentin.

oh yeah? Is that a promise? I thought I shouldn’t come over if I’m fucked up

Aaron.

I’d rather you here actually. I shouldn’t have said that

Quentin.

Roman is gonna come get me and bring me

okay?

Aaron.

yes. Okay

I love you

Quentin.

I love you too. Even when you piss me off I always love you

Aaron.

yeah I always love you when you piss me off too.

Quentin.

hey, you pissed me off first lol

seriously though. I wanna marry you

Aaron.

I wanna marry you too

Quentin.

yeah?

Aaron.

yes

Quentin.

you better mean that because I’m gonna destroy you when I get there

Aaron.

I can’t wait for you to absolutely destroy me

Quentin.

I’m serious Aaron. I might be rolling my ass off but I want you. All of you, raw.

Aaron.

I’ll fill you up baby

the next morning...

Aaron.

hey so. Should we talk

Quentin.

about what baby?

Aaron.

last night

Quentin.

okay sure we can talk

Aaron.

okay

what can I do

to make this better

Quentin.

nothing, everything is fine. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I didn’t mean to make a mess

Aaron.

but has their been something that has been bothering you for a while? Like Cody

Quentin.

it doesn’t matter. He’s your ex, and your friend. It’s fine really it’s not your fault

Aaron.

okay. I understand. But I can talk to him and tell him to lay off if you want

Quentin.

Aaron I’m sorry about last night

Aaron.

okay

unsent I’m just so worried it’s going to happen again

it’s okay baby

Quentin.

I talked to Jamison

he texted me

for some reason be thought I was gonna meet him last night? Idk. I never should have done molly again. It’s been since... a while

I’m sorry

Aaron.

you were gonna meet him...? What do you mean

Quentin.

I don’t know that’s what he told me

but I did fucked up with someone else

I’m so sorry

Aaron.

wait what

Quentin.

I messed around with someone else. Sorta

Aaron.

when

Quentin.

last night. After you and Roman went to sleep

Aaron.

you slept in bed with us and left to go hook up with someone else

then what’s it like Quentin

Quentin.

I was just texting them. I left because I was sick and I didn’t want you guys or Des to see me like that

Aaron.

and then you went a fucked them

*and

Quentin.

no I didn’t fuck them

Aaron.

you’re going to need to be more specific, Quentin.

Quentin.

we just messed around over text that’s all

it wasn’t serious

Aaron.

who

Quentin.

Troye

i didn’t mean to

Aaron.

Troye Sivan

??

Quentin.

yeah. Please don’t hate me

he’s been texting me about flirting and last night I was just so fucked up. I didn’t mean to

Aaron, please. I’m sorry

Aaron... I love YOU

Aaron.

your two beautiful boyfriends were sleeping next to you

Quentin.

I know. I feel so stupid and I didn’t mean to do it Aaron I swear. It’s just, I was so fucked up and it’s not an excuse but he just kept talking dirty to me. I don’t want him I want you and I want Roman

Aaron.

how am I supposed to believe you

you are so fucked in the head, Quentin.

tell Roman.

in the group. Now.

Quentin.

I texted him that we needed to talk but he didn’t reply

Aaron.

he’s going to be crushed

and YOU crushed him

Quentin.

I know, I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m so sorry

Please don’t hate me. I’ll do anything to fix this

Aaron.

I don’t know what to say to you, Q

Quentin.

please don’t leave me

Aaron

I don’t know Q

Quentin.

it wasn’t like you think I swear

Aaron.

so what was it

Quentin.

he was sexting me. I was just fucked up and going along with it but it’s like.. it’s Troye. I didn’t think it was serious

I didn’t like.. I didn’t get off to it. Honestly I mostly laughed but I swear there isn’t anything funny about it

Aaron.

why though

Quentin.

idk, he just started texting me

Aaron.

I have his number too ya know

Quentin.

he knows I’m with you. I don’t know Aaron. I wish I could take it back

what are you going to do?

Aaron.

I don’t know

Quentin.

Aaron I don’t want him i swear

I love you

Please tell me how I can fix this. I didn’t mean it

Aaron.

read

Quentin.

Aaron please. I need you

I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.

Aaron, last night I told you I wanted to marry you. I meant that with my whole heart. Troye is a stupid crush and i never would have done that sober. I’m not a cheater and I don’t want that to ever happen again. I’m sorry, I’ll get help. Okay?

Aaron.

you’ll get help?

Quentin.

yeah, I will. I don’t want to lose you and I’ll do anything to make this right

Aaron.

you’ll go to counseling and take medicine?

Quentin.

I’ll do it

Aaron.

I have to think

Quentin.

you have to know I don’t really want him. It was a stupid crush and I was just being so fucking stupid. I just wish I could take it back. I can’t live without you

Aaron.

let me think

Quentin.

okay.

[krismusings]

discord text thread featuring : Roman and @wtfraelynn

when : 02/09/21

mentions : @cilliankelly, @judetaylorhq, @vivibeckett

description : Rae confronts Roman about his confrontation with Cillian

TWs: i don’t think so dewhfiwefhewu

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

hey honey.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hey beautiful

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

listen...i heard about last night.

my brother says you accosted cil?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I confronted him yes

he hurt my sister.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

okay...but did you respond in a violent way.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I didn’t hurt him or anything

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

thankfully it didn't come to that.

but did you touch him

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Rae I really don’t want to talk about it

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I mean. This involves my family, Ro.

I love you no matter what, but like, I'm going to let you know if I think you're wrong.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

cillian is not your family

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

He is. We grew up together.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

and he wronged my family.

yeah and what about your friendship with me? Is that shit or?

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i just said that i love you

you are just as important, and that's why i just want to understand what happened.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m not sorry for what I did. He broke my sister’s heart and used her, so I confronted him. I didn’t hit him like I wanted to so I count that as a win.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

But you touched him, it wasn't just a confrontation.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I grabbed the collar of his shirt. It’s not the end of the world.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

so you don't care that the fact that you scared him breaks my heart?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

it breaks my heart that just because he’s your brother’s boyfriend, it doesn’t matter what he does to hurt other people.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

did i say that?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

you know it takes a lot to upset me. I put up with a lot of shit to avoid confrontation.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

he's more than just jude's boyfriend, i told you he's my family. you don't know what it was like to grow up the way that we did. all we had was each other.

i know that you do. but you didn't have to do it the way that you did.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

and he’s not perfect.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

and i would never say that he is.

i mean can you imagine me calling someone perfect when i'm...literally this

the bar would have to be on the ground

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

there’s nothing wrong with you.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

there's a lot. but that doesn't matter.

look i just love you and i want this to be right.

and i love him and i need that to be okay.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you too and maybe eventually I’ll be sorry for scaring cillian but right now I’m not. I need him to make shit right with my sister.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i love vivi, and i'm sorry that he hurt her feelings.

you don't know the fear that went through me when jude just told me all that.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

she left the country because of him

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i had no idea that was him until literally today

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I didn’t know until last night because my sister is a good person and didn’t want anyone upset

but it is what it is

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i mean i can't relate to feeling that strongly about something but i'm sure if i could, i'd understand.

i wouldn't even leave the state over someone, so that's the point of view i have to work with

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

listen, I get it. You’re picking sides and your side is with Cillian.

just give me time

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

ro i love you.

i'm not trying to lose this

actually i think if i did i might die

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m not going anywhere but I feel how I feel and I can’t help that right now

I’m not saying I won’t apologize to cillian

but right now I don’t feel sorry

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i can understand that.

you didn't say it back.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you Rae. Nothing is ever going to change that.

what I AM sorry for, is that anything I’ve done has upset you.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

thank you, i do appreciate that.

I hope that when things look clearer in the rearview, we can talk about it in a more...productive way.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I know you have a history with Cill. I have a history with my sister. We were abused growing up and I was the only one there to protect her. I’ll always protect her.

and I hate that it was cillian. I do.

i care about him too. But it’s my sister.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I mean. I called Claud a liar in the middle of a coffee shop just weeks ago. So I can't say I don't understand the impulse.

Just know that I understand. I don't like it, but I understand.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m sorry I did anything to upset you.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I love you and you love me and we'll get through this.

It wasn't a fight. We didn't ruin our streak.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

let me take you to lunch or something please. We’ll talk about it in person.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

Maybe tomorrow? I just ate a giant breakfast. Guy I went home with cooked for me.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

oooo fancy lol

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

raelynn. I'm gonna be bloated at work tonight but it's worth it bc dude makes the best fucking coffee.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I'm gonna be bloated at work tonight but it's worth it bc dude makes the best fucking coffee.

literally my belly is sticking out

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

that’s adorable

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i hope nobody asks aaron if one of his cage dancer's is pregnant

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

oh stop lol

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

smooches u. i'm glad we're not fighting.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

me too I was about to panic

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i was already crying lmao

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you. I’m so sorry this has upset you.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i don't like what you did but i still love you, doofus.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

it was hot though at least right? Tell me my aggression is hot

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

are we talking about a scenario where it's not someone i'm ride or die for?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yes

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

bc in that situation, if i saw it, i'd be on my knees for you in less than a second.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

ok good that makes me feel better

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i've never ever seen you like that.

the idea of it in this context makes me ill. but in another context, idk, i'd maybe need to act up

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yeah it takes a lot to push me lol

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i guess i'm just happy no one was seriously hurt.

but i still want you to make this right. when you're ready.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I definitely wouldn’t hurt him. That’s not what I wanted.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

I can't see that ever being something you want.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m just tired of Vivi getting shit on when she’s such a good person and has been through so much.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

she's gonna find someone who's emotionally ready for her at some point. it just really wasn't cil, you know?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I know but it could’ve been handled better.

𝓇𝒶𝑒𝓁𝓎𝓃𝓃

i think so too. but what's done is done.

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn & jude

WHEN: february 16th

DESCRIPTION: rae invites jude to a painting class with cil, they talk about claudia and lube. not necessarily in the same context.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: sex mention, drug mention

@judetaylorhq

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

If I were to hypothetically invite you to go to a painting class (with alcohol) because I think it'd be a good creative outlet for Cillian, what would be ur thoughts on that?

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

gay

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Yes, gay, BUT, fun??? But, good??? But...at the very least, funny???

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

it sounds lowkey boring. but like i'll try anything twice

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Cil wants to bring fireball if we go, so I think that'd make it not boring.

But I also just think it'll do him good, and honestly all of us good, because I know things are hard out here.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

i have therapy on thursday

stuff with claudia is really fucking me up

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Oof, I'm sorry J. She did reach out to me.

She's not like, my bestie or anything, but I did let her know that I'm rooting for her recovery.

It looks like there's a painting thing on Friday evening - it looks like they're doing a black light painting? So glow in the dark? Should I sign us all up for that?

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

well i told her i wasn't okay with her but that i support her

she told me to fuck off and then invited my boyfriend to her rehab thing.

my boyfriend who she literally said she'd take from me.

i hate her

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Jesus, she really needs help.

Yeah I'm like, absolutely not ready to be her friend again, but I told her that forgiveness is something that's earned.

I guess we'll see. I just hope she gets healthy.

So you're good if I sign us up for glow in the dark painting bc this looks like it'll be really fun with some fireball on deck

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

you know fireball makes him horny, right?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

...I did not know that but then, how would I? lmao

wine it is. he is not to bring fireball.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

well we did some stuff the other day.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

So like, really hot shit as a result of fireball?

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

no it was more like...

fireball dick

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

You ...did you use it as lube?

Did he suck it off you?

And to think, I thought I'd done it all.

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

we got a lube that tasted like fireball

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

Omg I didn't even know that existed

But I also don't like the flavored stuff, I'm always paranoid that I'm gonna be allergic.

But like go off tbh????

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

i just got it for vday. well i stole it.

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

good, never pay full price for that shit.

or any price lmao

𝑗𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟.

yeah but we need it every time, y'know?

𝑟𝑎𝑒𝑙𝑦𝑛𝑛 𝑡𝑎𝑦𝑙𝑜𝑟

True. Still, flavored is more expensive, so don't pay full price for that.

I started ordering mine in big bottles on amazon so they'll last longer

[kingsborohq]

Hi loves, I'm on hiatus so I'm (not) here, but can ( make a face claim change for Lucky from Sarah Jeffery to Hande Ercel? Thanks!

Sure thing babe, Hande Ercel is now taken, and Sarah Jeffrey reopened!

[kingsborohq]

hey guys, i'm dropping cody and jamison. thanks x

No problem. Everyone please unfollow Cody and Jamo. 

[kingsborohq]

thank you for loving me. cody is back at @codyhq

Follow the cheese king!!

[kingsborohq]

hello dear children. after a ton of thought i think for now i'm going to drop cody & sugar, and do my best to focus on jude. i want to bring ALL my muses here, but my focus is just so crap, that i think it's best to focus on jude and up my activity. i love you. x

Sounds good to me, love! Everyone please unfollow: 

@codyhq

@sugarpricehq

[kingsborohq]

hey fam. here's jude and dakota/cody is over at @codyhq ( sideblog ) xo

Follow Jude, and Codyyy!!

[kingsborohq]

hi angels, felix's account is over at @felixhq

Follow Felix!!

[kingsborohq]

Jamo is over at @jamisonlucas

Follow Jamooo!

[cilliankelly]

connections → the terrible triangle

cillian kelly & claudia fernandez & jude taylor

"You both love me, right? And I mean, maybe, just maybe, there's something deeper between you two than you're letting yourself see. I mean, Cillian, look at Claudia. Sure, you're pissed right now. But are seriously going to sit there and tell me, you've fucked her for the last time? And Claudia, I mean...he's an asshole, we know that, but you've known that and you still keep letting him into your bed....why? You feel something for him, and it's not just hate. And what I'm suggesting is...the chance for us all to...you know, explore all that feeling stuff. Together."

@claudiafernandez96 & @judetaylorhq

[kingsboro-tea]

Top three people on Santa’s naughty list? Top three on the nice list?

“Ha, easy.

Naughty List:

Aaron Hart

Jude Taylor

Ronnie Roy

Nice List:

Aurora Lancaster

Parker Jones

Nemo Morales

Thank you, next.”

( @aaronhart93, @judetaylorhq, @ronnieroy, @booknerdaurora, @parkerjones, @nemomorales )

[claudiafernandez96]

how we got here || claudia & cillian

Discord thread featuring: claudia & @cilliankelly

When: late night feb 25th, 2020

Mentions: @judetaylorhq

Description: claudia and cillian make up. 

TW: addiciton

Claudia.

Claudia knew this was a bad fucking idea. She knew that there was a pretty decent chance that she was going to go home fucking crying tonight. Good thing lemon was at home ready with plenty of weed and warm hugs. She was out of work a bit earlier than normal, but it was still late. Dark. It felt weird meeting Cillian like this. Like they were having a formal meeting to discuss some type of business. She was unbelievably nervous. More nervous than she’d ever been when she was with Cillian. Before all of this bullshit, she was able to just be herself around him which was one of the reasons they had been so close in the first place. One of the many reasons, of course. She spotted Cillian in the window in a booth. She sighed. Taking one last hit of her cigarette, she walked into the diner. She threw her backpack down in the booth before sitting down across from the male. “Hey.” She said flatly.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

cillian may have reached out to claudia because jude had suggested it, but that didn't mean he hadn't wanted to try and sort things out between them anyway. things were still weird between them, but cillian had meant it when he tld her he'd missed her. he had. and cillian was hoping that maybe somehow they could go back to being friends again. the fact that claudia was meeting him at all was a good sign, though cillian was trying not to be too hopeful. he still felt kind of uncomfortable about the whole thing. after all, they'd said some pretty nasty shit to each other just a few days ago. maybe it was too soon. but there was no going back now and cillian looked up at claudia as she slid into the booth across from him. "hey," he replied, not really sure how to get things started. it used to be so much fucking easier.

Claudia.

hey? That was all she was getting? He was the one that wanted to talk after all. So why did she just get a hey? She resisted the urge to roll her eyes by closing them and taking a deep breath. She opened her green eyes and they fell on the person who seemed to be a complete stranger in front of her. But he wasn’t. The was Cillian. She had said so many things to him that she regretted. But she wasn’t going to break first. Instead, she sat there in silence and glared over the table at him, her green eyes narrowing only slightly pair a very amused scowl on her face. “So...” she prompted.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

cillian sighed, running a hand through his hair before leaning forward, arms on the table. his knee was bouncing up and down like crazy under the table. "look, claudia, neither of us are good at this. i don't know what i'm doing. but i wanted to figure this out. us out. because i do miss you and shit and i want you in my life. so whatever this..." he gestured vaguely between them "weird bullshit is, we have to talk it out. which i fucking hate doing but we've been putting it off for too long. i wanna be your friend again."

Claudia.

Claudia clasped her fingers together and sat back in the booth. She rubbed her temple in frustration as she thought about how to even respond to that. "I miss you, Cillian." She confessed, looking over the table at him. She could feel her heart beating in her ears. "You get me like no one else does and you seem to be the only person in the world who knows what I'm going to do before I do it. You were...are a great friend." She nodded once then looked down at her hands. "But are we ever going to be able to go back to the way we used to be? Minus the fucking and all..." She asked.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

cillian hadn't expected claudia to be so open with him so quickly and it caught him a little off guard, left him a little vulnerable, and he felt his shoulders sag a little as her words settled over him. their relationship was a complicated one. cillian also felt that claudia understood him on a level that no one else did. she just got what he was about, she didn't question him, she just... accepted him for everything that he was and didn't expect anything more from him. and cillian did the same for her in return. but their relationship was also complicated in that it was always so tangled up with sex. and while cillian had always considered claudia a friend, there was a period of time that he had a lot of time separating the two things. but cillian wanted to try. because he cared about claudia. and although it took him a long time to realize it, he did love her. she was family. and cillian couldn't imagine his life without her in it. "why can't we?" he asked her, his voice quiet, serious, more so than usual. "i mean what's stopping us from just... being us again. what's the hang up? i'm asking seriously."

Claudia.

"Because it's...because you...I..." She actually didn't know what was keeping them from just being them again. Like - she really couldn't quite place why. It's be weird for most people, sure. But Cillian and Claudia weren't most people. They were almost their one breed. They could very easily put this all behind them and just be them again. But Claudia also thought that she probably shouldn't put this all behind her. That she should grow and learn from it - maybe even, like, become a better person or something. And she didn't want to keep hurting Cillian and Jude. She did love them, and she didn't want to constantly be a burden on their happiness. "I don't know, Cillian." She sighed defeatedly.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

cillian nodded. he didn't know either. everything had been fucked since the night the three of them slept together for the first time. they'd been so confused, and while they may not be in love with each other as jude had originally thought, there was something to that. the way they needed each other. and cillian did need claudia. maybe not in the same way he had when they'd been sleeping together, but even still, his relationship with claudia was unlike any he had with anyone else. and while he didn't always appreciate it and often took her for granted, he recognized now that she was precious to him. "i think we just... need to get it all out there. and try to actually like... talk. instead of you know... getting into a shouting match or something." he cleared his throat then, a little awkwardly, and paused for a moment before he looked up at claudia again. "this is gonna be gross, but i need to get gross for a second, okay? you're important to me. i care about you. and more than that i just... i love you. and i'm sorry. like, so fucking sorry for all the bullshit i put you through."

Claudia.

Claudia's eye actually got wide when Cillian cleared his throat like he was actually...oh. He was really going to get gross like this. She knew getting like this was hard for him, and that it was something that he rarely ever did. Of course, it was hard for Claudia too. They both had hard exteriors - a defensive mechanism to hide and deflect of all of their bullshit.  Letting their guards down like this was uncharted territory for Claudia and Cillian. Her throat tightened as she listen to him speak. "Cillian..." She put her hand over her eyes because she was not about to cry in the middle of this diner. She collected herself before she looked up at him. There was this one time in NA when their group leader was talking about forgiveness. Asking for forgiveness and forgiving others (something about forgiving yourself too, but Claudia was no where near ready for that). She was finally ready to do that, and, by the sound of it, Cillian may have been ready too. "I love you, too. "I-I'm so sorry." She choked. "I'm sorry for all of those terrible things I ever said to you. And I didn't ever think I could take you from Jude. I know how you feel about him. I just said all of that to hurt you guys. It was fucked up. I'm...sorry."

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

it really had been hard for cillian to open up to claudia like that. but once he got started he felt the words come more easily, as if he'd been holding on to those feelings for a long time, waiting for when he was ready to share them. he knew this was difficult for claudia as well, the two of them really were so much alike, which made the words all the more meaningful. in a lighter situation, cillian probably would have teased claudia for getting choked up sitting across from him in a booth at a fucking diner, but cillian couldn't help but feel the weight of her words settle over him and get emotional as well. it was hard being this vulnerable with someone that cillian had previously found untrustworthy. but fuck did he want to trust her and believe every word she said was true. maybe this was easier for him then it was for jude. maybe part of that was because he knew how badly he'd needed someone to believe in him when he was at his lowest. jude had been that person. claudia needed someone like that now. and cillian really wanted to be that for her. "i know that the way things happened... i know that hurt you. and i'm sorry if we made you feel like we were using you. we really ween't i mean... fuck, we need you claudia. i just... don't think we knew why or what that meant."

Claudia.

Truthfully, Claudia needed Cillian and Jude too. There wasn't a world in which she could imagine getting around without them. It had been months of fights and fucks to get to this conclusion. They were her family. She'd lost hers way too long ago, and couldn't seemed to realize that she found another one when she did. She felt a single, fat tear roll down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly. She briefly looked around the diner to see if she knew anyone. This was embarrassing. Actually, It was almost good that this was in public or else she'd about lose it. "No one knew...I know..." She mumbled, nodding in understanding. "And I'm sorry for being a toxic bitch..." She almost laughed because that sounds ridiculous. "I mean...I just want to be a positive person in your life." She sniffled.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

cillian smiled at that, a soft sort of amused but genuine smile. "look, i don't expect you to be a ray of sunshine or anything. you're claudia fernandez. if you don't tell me to fuck off every once in awhile i'd be worried about yah." the three of them had all been lost in their own way. but together they had found something worth protecting. worth cherishing. it had nearly broken down and cillian suspecting there would be more rough patches in their future. but he was hopeful. "look... i wanna do whatever i can to support you with your recovery or whatever. if you still want me to. i'm actually pretty proud of you and stuff," he admitted before grimacing, though playfully so. "that was really fucking gross, i'm so sorry."

Claudia.

The artist managed to smile lightly, and even let out a tiny chuckle. "C'mon. I could never be that positive." She joked, the cleared her throat. It meant a lot to her that Cillian was willing to support her during her recovery. "Yeah ,well...I'm proud of you too. For coming out, and studying for your permit and shit..." She smiled lightly. "But really...thank you." She left out one last sniffled before grabbing the napkin on the table and fixing herself. She cleared her throat then suddenly found herself getting up to sit next to Cillian to pull him in for a hug. She actually hadn't realized that they never really hugged all that much before until now. Not like this at least.

𝐜𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐤𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐲

cillian didn't think he would ever get used to people telling him they were proud of him. it wasn't something he heard a lot growing up. he figured this was probably the case for claudia as well which was why it was important that he told her. he watched her as she stood, confused at first before she rounded the table and sat beside him, pulling him into a hug. this wasn't something cillian was used to either. and though he was hesitant at first, fuck, he needed this right now. they both did. he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his side and holding her tightly. fuck, he'd missed her so much. he didn't think h'd realized how much until this moment. and he knew that things would never go back to normal. but he also knew that they'd figure out a new normal, a better normal, and he was more than okay with that. especially if it meant that claudia was theirs again. their best friend. their family.  cillian was quiet for a moment, just holding claudia in the booth, his breathing steady as he tried not to lose it. and then, quietly, he mumbled into her hair. "i forgive you, claudia." because he felt it was important she heard him say it.