#just from the gifs I had seen I was sure Octavia had a kid

[vendettaparker]

The Art of Scraping Through: Chapter Three—Strange Perfections

Summary: You and Tom finally get a moment to yourselves, leading to a much needed calm. Though after a calm, always follows a storm.

Word Count: 7.8k

Warnings: swearing, angst, relationship drama, mentions of sex, typos

SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

You were thankful for Octavia in moments like this. Moments when you didn’t want to confront your problems, so you instead chose to distract yourself with something else—or in this case, someone else—instead. As promised, you and Tom took Octavia to get ice cream on the way home, and neither of you could get enough of her babblings about her day. She giggled and waved her hands around as she excitedly and animatedly told you about the games she played and the friends she made. 

“And then at snack Miss Mabel gave us goldfish, that’s my favorite,” she exclaimed with a big smile on her face. 

“Really?” you nodded, “We’ll have to buy you some then.” you smiled, wiping her mouth that was getting covered in sticky chocolate. 

“How many kids were in your group?” Tom asked. 

“A lot,” Octavia said, “now I have so many friends like you.”

“You probably have way more than me, kiddo,” Tom chuckled, ruffling her hair. 

By the time you made it back to the house, it was time to have dinner and then get Octavia to bed. All to be done with silence between you and Tom, the only words coming from either of you were whenever Octavia prompted them. Harry eyed the two of you at the dinner table and he could tell something was off. Not wanting to be in the middle of whatever spat you and Tom had going on, he quickly excused himself to his room after the dishes were all in the dishwasher. 

“Come on, O,” you walked into the living room, drying your hands with a dish rag as you spoke, “it’s time for bed.” It was well past her bedtime actually, but she kept both you and Tom distracted from each other, so neither of you enforced your previous rule of ‘In bed by eight’. 

“Okay,” Octavia yawned, setting her dolls into their little bed inside her dollhouse before getting up and meeting you at the stairs, “tuck me in?”

“Mhm,” you nodded, following her up the stairs. She didn’t put up a fight over bedtime (she hardly ever did) this time because she was already so tired after such an exhausting day. You were thankful for that, not thinking you’d be able to handle a tantrum right now. 

When you came back downstairs, Tom was busy on his laptop, answering emails with Bob’s Burgers, your favorite show, streaming in the background. You sat on the same couch as him but kept your distance. You curled in on yourself, feeling almost awkward as you watched the show before you. 

Still, even after he closed his laptop and turned the lights off, Tom didn’t say a word to you. He just watched the show in silence alongside you. You watched his every move—the furrow in his brow, the clench of his jaw—and internalized it. Even just the slight twitch of his lips, as if he was itching to say something, made you feel attacked. Finally, you couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Are you mad at me?” you asked quickly. 

“Yes,” Tom answered honestly, not bothering to look away from the TV. 

You didn’t say anything else for the rest of the episode. There were only ten minutes left and you’d seen this one hundreds of times surely, but for some reason, it felt like it went on for eternity, especially now that you had Tom’s anger weighing on your mind. 

What would you even say? You understood why Tom was upset. It was quite simple really, and part of you even knew that you were in the wrong, but the other part of you still wanted to keep fighting. Just imagining talking to Tom about your past, fearing he wouldn’t understand why you did what you did, made you sick. Eventually, after what felt like hours of excruciating silence, you said the only thing you could think of. 

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, tears in your waterline threatening to fall.

Tom sighed, finally looking at you, at how small you seemed at that moment. This was probably the most vulnerable you’ve ever been with him so far, and yet all it was was a short apology and a few tears. 

“(Y/N),” Tom reached over and placed his hand on your ankle, “I still love you, I just—” he shook his head, “I just want you to be able to talk to me. If you feel like you can’t talk to me about your past, then what are we doing? You have to…” Tom sighed, “trust me.” 

“I do trust you, Tom.”

“You’ve said that before,” Tom pressed his lips into a thin line, “and if it were true then we wouldn’t be at odds right now.” 

You knew he was right. This hadn’t been the first time Tom’s been frustrated with your communication, it’s just been the longest he’s taken to forgive you and the harshest he’s been with his anger. 

“I’m just frustrated,” Tom said, getting up from his seat. “I’m gonna go get a pillow from our room and sleep on the couch tonight.” 

“No, wait,” you grabbed Tom’s wrist, “please don’t.” 

“I’m really tired, (Y/N),” Tom sighed, “let’s just go to bed.” 

“I don’t want to go to bed fighting.” 

“We don’t always get what we want,” Tom shrugged, pulling away from you and heading for the stairs.

Tom expected you to make your way up to bed as well. You were tired after the day and the next was just as busy, as your days always were, and it was already pushing midnight. He didn’t expect to find you still in the living room with your head in your hands, crying. He seldom saw you cry. He did a couple of weeks ago, but it seemed even then that you were unaware of the strong emotions you were feeling, maybe even fighting them off like you were so attuned to. But this time, you were fully accepting it. You let the tears fall freely as you tried to wipe them away, one after the other. 

When you saw Tom watching you, you looked up at him with the most pitiful looked he’d ever seen. Your brows were furrows and your mouth was set in a deep frown, bottom lip quivering. It took a few tries to find your voice and when you did, it was unsure, as if you were telling a secret, and in a way you were. 

“My brother got my parents killed three weeks after I turned eighteen,” you told Tom, leaning forward on your elbows against your thighs, “and when he…” you took a breath, “when he was taken into custody for the accident, I didn’t bail him out, even though I had the money to. So he didn’t get to go to their funeral, I wouldn’t let him.”

“Darling,” Tom dropped his pillow and blanket and sat next to you. He wrapped an arm around you and let you rest in his embrace. 

“I don’t like talking about it because it makes me sad,” you sniffled, “and because I feel bad about what I did. I never forgave him before he died, and I—” you cut yourself off with a sob, “I feel worse because I don’t think I do. I can’t forgive him. He took something so important from me. My mom and dad were my whole world, Tom,” you looked up at him, “I loved them so much. I never wanted to go back home even after Chet go out of jail because it just hurt too bad. It still hurts so fucking much to even talk about…”

Tom took your in his and rubbed soothing circles on the back of it with his thumb, an assurance that he was listening, “When I came to New York, I went straight from audition to audition,” you explained, “and I liked it that way. I didn’t have time to be sad, and when I was acting then I wasn’t me. I got to be someone else who was better than I am. I got to be someone who handled things better than I ever could and who didn’t let all of this family drama crush her.”

“There is no one better than you, (Y/N),” Tom took your face in his hands and wiped your tears away, “and this isn’t some petty family drama—this is serious stuff. This is the kind of stuff I want you to be able to talk about, even if it makes you sad because the only way to move past all of it is to confront it.” 

You pulled away with a shake of your head, “I sound so stupid,” you sniffled, “I hate sounding so…needy and broken.” 

“No, no,” Tom pressed a kiss to your head, “you don’t sound like that at all. You sound like someone who’s held it all in for too long. I love you so much, and I would never hold any of that against you.”

“Can we just go to bed?” you asked in a small voice. 

Tom nodded with a hum, “Do you want me to come up with you?”

You nodded against Tom’s shoulder and let him lead you up to your room, where he held you throughout the night. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“So you two made up?” Emily asked as the two of you drove to set after dropping Octavia off at daycare. 

“I guess,” you shrugged, “but I don’t know. I still feel really bad and I feel like I just completely trauma dumped on him last night. I hate doing that.” 

“You definitely didn’t,” Emily said, “he was literally begging you to be more open. Besides, it was actually traumatic what you went through and Tom kind of has a right to know.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, “still, I just feel crummy today. Do we have time to get a coffee?” 

“No, but I can drop you off and grab one,” Emily offered. 

“Okay, that works,” you nodded, “also, messages? I’ve been awol for a day from my phone.” 

“Right,” Emily pulled up her notes. She always kept a list of things she needed to relay back to you. “Filming ends this Friday and there’s a wrap party you and Tom already RSVPed to on Saturday night at Copacabana. There’s also a mini get-together at Lightbox that Brad is hosting, no need to RSVP, but you should probably let him know if you’re going or not. I left room for you to go if you want. I can watch Octavia that night, but not Saturday but I have a list of the babysitters that Brad recommends.” 

“Okay,” you nodded, “continue.” 

“Um, let’s see,” Emily scrolled through her phone, “you have a photoshoot on Sunday for Versace, their new collection of scarves, they sent you a package they also want you to post sometime this week, but I can get that done and scheduled for you. Monday you have time in the studio scheduled and then a meeting with Buzzfeed. They want to film a puppy interview with you connected to this next project. Then Tuesday you go to Cannes for the film festival. I have several designers that have reached out asking to dress you, let me know which one you want me to get back to—”

“Wait, you haven’t picked a designer yet?” you asked. 

“No,” Emily looked up from her phone, “I wanted to leave it up to you.”

“Did you tell the director of the festival that I’d be attending?” 

“Not yet, I figured you’d want to announce that with the designer you’d be wearing, but I did get the plane ticket already, so that’s all set up—”

“Cancel it,” you decided.

“What?” 

“Cancel it. I can go next year and I went two years ago, it’s really not like I’m missing anything. Plus, it doesn't have any plus ones so I can’t take O, and I doubt she’d enjoy sitting there for hours on end anyways.” 

“But—” 

“What do I have scheduled for after I get back?” 

“Um,” Emily scrolled further down in her notes, “let’s see. I have some meetings lined up but that’s pretty much it, then there’s some free space I’m working on getting filled, and then press begins.” 

“Hm,” you thought for a moment, “how many of those meetings can be rescheduled or canceled?” 

“Well, all of them I guess, but—”

“Okay, then reschedule the ones that have to be in person and change all the other ones to an email. I hate going to meetings that could’ve just been emails.”

“Okay,” Emily nodded, “but what about you? You’ll be free for the next three weeks then—”

“Exactly,” you smiled, “so then I can go to London with Tom. I’ve been dying to see his family again and they’ve been asking to meet O. It works better this way.”

You were pulling up to set as Emily began frantically tapping away at her phone, no doubt rearranging the schedule and making notes of who she needed to call to cancel and reschedule you with. 

You dug into your purse for a couple of tens to hand Emily before you got out of the car. “Get me a venti caramel iced macchiato with almond milk and extra caramel drizzle, and get something for yourself too.” 

“Okay,” Emily took the money before going back to her phone, “I’ll get to calling and rescheduling these for you. I’ll have the schedule done and updated by lunch.” 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

After last night Tom didn’t know what to think or feel. He left hours before you’d even gotten up to go for a run and clear his mind, and then the minute he got back, he hopped into the shower, avoiding any interaction with you. He and Harry were out the door as you got Octavia ready for daycare. 

“I think (Y/N) is going through a lot right now,” Harrison said over the phone that was connected to the car as Tom and Harry drove to set. Harrison was Tom’s go-to for advice. Being his best mate ‘n all, Harrison always knew what to say and always only had Tom’s best interests at heart. “She’s shut down emotionally and that’s not an easy fix in someone.” 

“I know,” Tom sighed, “and last night, I feel like I pushed her too far. I mean, I know I had a right to be angry and annoyed, but still, seeing her so upset—I didn’t mean to hurt her like that. I know she had some stuff that she didn’t want to talk about, but this is some next-level shit. Like, her family issues are so fucked up.” 

“Well, maybe that’s actually what you two needed. That honesty time probably felt really freeing for her. Do you think she’d be interested in therapy?” Harrison suggested.

“Yeah, maybe,” Tom mumbled, “but I don’t know. I don’t even wanna bring that up right now. She’s in a fragile place and she’s stressed with work so I just don’t think that would go over well. She seemed shut down this morning. I guess she might’ve just been tired, but I can't help but feel like I did something wrong. I mean, I was really fucking mad at her, but the second I saw her crying, I didn’t really care about my own feelings anymore. Now I just feel bad for being mad in the first place.”

“Tom,” Harrison sighed, “you’re allowed to be upset with someone, even the people you love. I think that the fact that her crying made you stop caring about your own emotions kind of goes to show how much you love her, but at the same time, validate your own feelings, mate. If you two can fight about something and still love each other just the same, then that’s something real. Maybe the therapy thing is something you could both use? ” 

“Couples therapy? I don’t know… I’ve heard some really shitty things about that.”

“Just an idea, mate. You never know until you try it. My aunt and uncle almost got divorced until they gave a marriage counselor a go and no they’re going on forty years of marriage this March. I don’t think I’ve ever seen either of them happier.”

“Yeah, you’re right, Haz,” Tom agreed, “It’s something to consider. I want to be with (Y/N) and I love her more than anything. I never want to see her hurt, but I need to feel loved too.” 

“(Y/N) always puts on a brave face,” Harry added to the conversation, “it’s time she let her guard down. If you wanna ask her to marry you then—”

“Wait, you’re proposing?!” Harrison yelled, his voice booming through the speakers of the car, causing Harry to swerve and nearly knock out a fire hydrant. 

“Fuck, div!” Tom cursed, as his hot coffee splashed onto his arm. He slapped Harry’s arm harshly. 

“You didn’t tell him?” Harry asked, taking a breath to collect himself. 

“No,” Tom said, “the only reason you know is because you’re a nosy fucker who found the ring.” He rolled his eyes, wiping up the hot coffee with some napkins he’d found in the glove box. 

“You already have a ring?!” Harrison’s voice was heard again blasting through the car. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

All you had left was reshoots. Reshoots, touchups, and then promo shots, and you were done. Eight months of work finally to an end, and satisfactory work at that. Nothing felt better than hearing the director's final cut and the applause of the crew. Well, perhaps one thing felt better. 

“Tom? Can we talk?” 

You hadn’t really talked to Tom at all throughout the day, which was unusual. You had seen him of course, and you had been happy to, but you were also so busy between talking with Emily, taking calls, and working on your schedule. Tom didn’t know that though, so when you came up to him, almost hesitantly, asking to talk, after the uneasiness between the two of you, he could only expect the worst. 

So he said, “Do we have to?” 

“What?” 

“Look, if this is about us or our relationship, I’d just rather not talk about it.” 

“Oh,” you looked down and rubbed your arms. Tom winced at the way you physically seemed to curl into yourself. 

“No, I mean—” Tom sighed and reached out for you, only for you to pull away, only minutely, “I just don’t want to make any rash decisions right now. I know we’re in a weird place, but I think we should just give it time.” 

“What do you mean?” You asked, “I—I’m not breaking up with you…” 

“You’re not?” 

“No, I just wanted to tell you that I canceled my trip to Cannes and all the meetings after so I could go to London with you…” you paused and bit your lip, “if you’re okay with that, I mean,” you added. 

“Darling,” Tom’s voice softened as did his eyes, “of course I’m okay with that. That’s all I could ever want.” He went to hug you, but you backed away before he could wrap his arms around you. You crossed your arms over your chest and huffed, clearly annoyed. 

“I can’t believe you thought I was breaking up with you.” 

“Darling, I really didn’t think that—” Tom tried, but you just sighed and waved your hand in dismissal. 

“It’s fine,” you said.

“No, I just mean that—I mean, yes, I was worried when you asked if we could talk, but I’ve just been in this weird place lately and things between us have been weird, and I don’t know. I just got scared. I’m sorry,” Tom took your hands in his. 

“I’m just kind of annoyed that you’d think I’d be so reckless. Like, why would I end such an important relationship over some trivial fights? I feel like a lot of this is miscommunication maybe, and it’s just upsetting that you think I’d drop you over something so dumb.” 

“No, I don’t think that at all,” Tom said, “really, I think you’re the most planned out, organized person I know, like when it comes to your job—”

“But not when it comes to you?” 

“No,” Tom shook his head, “I didn’t mean it like that,” he sighed and rubbed his hand over his face, “can we just not make this into a fight?” 

You pressed your lips into a thin line and nodded, “Yeah, that would probably be best. I have to go to my dressing room anyways,” you pointed your thumb behind you before walking away. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Octavia was just a simple, easy-going little girl. You had to hand it to Chet, as much as you hated him, he raised a perfect little angel. That was more than helpful with how the busy schedule you had her on. So when you had to pack things up and head to London, she was more than contented with helping you pick some outfits and toys for her to take. 

“Remember last time we went on a plane ride?” you asked her as you held her little hand in yours in the car. 

“Mhm,” she nodded, not looking up from her little stuffy, the same she’d carried around like an extension of herself since Tom got it for her.  

“Remember how many people there were? That was pretty scary.” 

“Yeah, I don’t like that,” Octavia said. 

“So how about this time you let me hold you? Does that sound okay?” 

“Can Tom hold me?” Octavia asked, looking up at you with bright eyes and a smile on her adorable little face.

She was nearly impossible to say no to. That’s the one flaw you found in this parenting thing you had going on—whenever she looked at you like you owned the world, it just made you want to give it all to her. 

You playfully pouted, “you don’t want me to hold you?”

“Maybe next time,” she offered, “but you have to take turns.” 

It seemed almost like Octavia was aware of her adorableness, she was always admonishing you whenever she thought you were hogging her away from the other people in your lives. She learned all about sharing and taking turns at daycare. She even recited the same motto you’d known since youth as if she were teaching you a very valuable lesson.“Sharing is caring.” 

“You’re very right,” you smiled, ruffling her hair. 

The airport would always be a place that gave you anxiety, especially now that you had a child to look out for. Although you and Tom walked as quickly as you could to your gate, it was impossible not to be seen or recognized. Even more so now that you had something that kept everyone on the edge of their seats. 

It was almost comical how obsessed your fanbase could be. Keyword: almost. There were cute little instances where people would show their love and admiration for you by making fan edits or photo collages and tagging you in them. Back when you were young and fresh-faced into the scene of showbiz, you’d attempt to respond to as many as you could, but now, there were hundreds—thousands a day—you scarcely had the time. Then, there were instances—many instances—where people took their obsession too far. 

It started on Twitter—as it usually does—when the paparazzi pictures of you and Tom at the airport with Octavia were posted. Then after that, any moment that you were outside of the house with Octavia seemed to get captured, even if you never saw the person who took the picture. 

It wasn’t uncommon for you to get stopped in the street and asked for pictures, but you tried not to oblige whenever you had Octavia with you. Tom, however, could never say no to a fan. So Octavia ended up on his hip for a few shots that inevitably ended up on the internet for everyone to see. 

Most people thought that you and Tom had adopted. Some thought that you’d taken your relationship to the next level, eloped, and adopted a little girl. That wasn’t that crazy of a theory. Reading some of the subreddits for it even made your heart melt, considering that everyone had held you and Tom's relationship in such high regard. 

Then there were a few theorists who thought that Octavia was a baby of yours that you had kept secret and hidden for years. They noticed the little features that the two of you shared, and you had to admit that Octavia and you did bear quite a resemblance, but the timeline these people came up with was too messy to be taken seriously. 

Then there were the people in between—this was a popular crowd—who assumed that you and Tom had gotten a surrogate. It meshed the two theories into one that made the most sense. You had to at least give these people credit, they were persistent in their need for answers. 

So far, though, nobody had actually correctly discovered how Octavia came into your custody. How could they? The story was way more complex than what everyone seemed to speculate. Everyone seemed to think she was a product of true love between you and Tom and your undying devotion to one another, but in reality, her past and yours were much darker. Nobody about ever figured it out on their own though—not with the rose-colored lenses they wear. 

Now, though, you could go as far as to say that maybe you hated your fans. At least, these ones, at moments like this. 

“Tom! (Y/N)!” They screamed at the airport. How could they not be embarrassed for causing such a scene, you thought.

“Could we get a picture? Please?!” 

“What’s your daughter’s name? How old is she?” 

“Can you sign my movie poster?! It’s in my carry-on!” 

“Can we get a picture with your daughter?” 

It took everything in you to not turn around and yell at everyone to leave you the hell alone. You tried to keep your image clean and keep your fans happy, but this was too much. 

“Tom,” you eyed him as you made it to security, making sure he had Octavia securely in his arms. He nodded in understanding and handed her over to you while he took his shoes and belt off. 

“Are you okay, pretty girl?” you asked softly, pushing her hair from her face.

“Mhm,” Octavia nodded, “but I don’t wanna be held.” She began to squirm in your arms. 

“Okay,” you chuckled, “but you still have to hold my hand, kid.” 

Octavia was an easily contented child, so the seven-hour plane didn’t seem to bother her much, especially when Tom got some movies going for her. 

“Are you sure your parents are okay watching her?” you asked, resting your head on his shoulder. Octavia had her headphones on and her eyes glued to the screen in front of her as she sat next to you.

“They practically begged me,” Tom assured you.

“I just feel bad,” you sighed, “I feel like we kind of sprung this on them.”

“Maybe,” Tom said, “but O is the sweetest little girl, they’re going to love her. My mom’s thinking about making some cookies together and then taking her to Dock Beach.”

You and Tom decided to take an entire day and night to celebrate your anniversary, leaving Octavia in the very capable hands of his parents. It worked out well, considering Tom had told them all about Octavia and how she came into your care, his parents were surprised, but more than happy for you. They’d always wanted grandkids, and while you didn’t know how long it’d be until you were ready for kids on your own, you felt relieved knowing that Dom and Nikki would get the chance to get to know Octavia, who was much like your own daughter at this point. 

“That sounds fun,” you smiled, “I think she’ll like that.” 

“As for us,” Tom whispered in your ear, “I have a few surprises up my sleeve.” He pressed a soft kiss to your neck, taking his time to really savor the softness of your skin against his lips before pulling away. 

“Do you now?” you hummed. 

“Mhm,” Tom smirked, “we have a lot of time to make up for.”

“Ew,” Octavia covered her eyes after looking over at the two of you. She shoved her teddy bear which scarcely left her grip since she’d been gifted it, between your faces. 

“You can have some too, silly girl,” you chuckled before attacking her with a barrage of kisses on her chubby little cheeks. 

“(Y/N),” she giggled, scrunching her nose as she laughed. Tom couldn’t help but notice the same little tick you did whenever he tickled you. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Mom!” Sam called as he opened the door, carrying Octavia’s bags in his hand, “Tom and (Y/N) are here!” 

When Octavia first met Sam, her little head tilted to the side as she looked up at him. “Harry?” she asked, confused since she swore Harry did not come on the flight with them. 

“No,” Sam shook his head with a laugh, “I’m Sam.” 

You bent down to Octavia’s level, crouching behind her as you explained, “Sam and Harry are twins, O. So they have the same birthday and they look very very similar.” Octavia nodded along as you spoke, “and Tom is their brother, but he doesn’t have the same birthday as them and he looks a little more different.” 

“He’s tinier!” Octavia pointed out. 

“Yes,” you giggled, “he is a little tinier.” 

“By one inch!” Tom called from the driveway, where he was getting your bags, “and not everywhere!”

You shot Tom a look but were only met with his raised eyebrows and smirk. He always got a little cocky (no pun intended) when it came to his lack of height, but not so much so with length. 

Nikki came barreling down the stairs as fast as she could before scooping you up into a hug, “(Y/N)! It’s so good to see you!” she cooed. 

“Nikki,” you smiled, “I’ve missed you.” 

She was much like the mother you lost, and to her, you were the daughter she never had but always wanted. 

“Have you been eating enough, dear?” she pulled away and looked over your frame, “I have some leftover pork roast in the fridge I can heat up if your hungry? What about you, Tom?” she looked over at her oldest, who had Octavia’s hand in his as she hid behind his leg. “Oh, look at her,” Nikki cooed, her attention immediately averted, “she’s precious.” 

Tom squeezed Octavia’s hand, “Hey, kiddo, come say hi.” 

“It’s alright,” you nodded her along. 

“Hi there,” Nikki crouched down, “I’m Nikki.” she held out her hand. 

“You’re Tom’s mommy?” Octavia asked. 

“Yes I am,” Nikki smiled, “and Sam and Harry’s too. I have another son named Paddy.” 

“That’s a lot of kids. I like Tom,” Octavia nodded, giving a hand to Nikki. 

Nikki laughed, “Yes, well he’s alright, but he was nowhere near as adorable as you. What’s your name?” 

“O!” Octavia said with a smile. 

“Octavia,” Tom explained, “but we call her O.” 

“Okay, O,” Nikki took her hand, “well why don’t we go into the kitchen and get you something to eat, hm? I’m sure you’re hungry after such a long flight.” Octavia nodded and let Nikki lead her away. “Would you like something to drink, (Y/N)? I just got this amazing glass of chardonnay and I’ve been looking for an excuse to open it.” 

“Sure,” you followed the two of them, “I’ll have a glass.” 

“Oh, Tom,” Nikki turned back, “your dad is in his office, I don’t think he can hear much with that bloody door closed. Could you grab him?”

Tom nodded and walked off down the hall. 

“So,” Nikki smiled as she poured you a glass of wine. Octavia was sitting cozily in your lap, munching away on some crisps, “how have you been? I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve last seen you.” 

“Well, a lot has changed,” you chuckled, “but all for the better, right O?” Octavia nodded, mouth full of crumbs falling from her lips.  

“A child as precious as her is a blessing,” Nikki smiled, “although, I am sorry to hear about your brother. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate—”

“Nikki, you’re too kind,” you shook your head, “just being here with you is enough. It’s nice to have a break every once in a while. I’m sure Tom is thrilled to be back in London.”

“I honestly didn’t think you were coming along,” Nikki said, “he told me you’d be in France.” 

“I moved some things around, I really wanted to be here with you guys.” 

“Are you two alright?” Nikki asked, “He seemed…well, he seemed a bit cross when I last spoke to him.” 

You sighed and took a sip of your wine, “He probably was,” you admitted, “things have been really stressful lately, and I can admit, I haven’t been the most attentive to him.” 

Nikki nodded along. “Well, he’s an adult. He doesn’t need attending to.” 

You forced a small chuckle. “If only that were the case.” 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Tom kept his hand on your thigh as he drove. He always did, even as early on as your first date. It was a comfort for both of you. You loved feeling his finger gently drawing patterns on your skin, and he loved knowing you were near as he kept his eyes on the road. 

On the ride home after your first date, Tom spent nearly twenty minutes debating if he was allowed to hold your hand as he drove. He worried about coming on too strong and making you uncomfortable. Finally, he mustered up the courage to reach out for your hand, but he failed to realize that your hand was no longer over your thigh. He played it off though, giving your thigh a squeeze as if that were always his intention. You looked over at him and smiled, placing your hand over his for the rest of the ride. 

“Where’re you taking me?” You asked as Tom passed the restaurant you two frequented, your first guess of where you thought he planned to spend your anniversary dinner. 

“It’s a surprise, love,” Tom smiled, “don’t you like surprises?” 

“I’m coming around to them,” you joked, eyeing the car seat in the back of the car. 

“Do you think she’s okay?” Tom asked, “Maybe we should give them a call.”

“We’ve only been on the road for ten minutes,” you pointed out, “I’m not sure how much trouble she could get into in ten minutes.”

“I have a list of things.”

“Tom,” you laughed, “she’s with your parents, don’t you trust them?” 

“I do, I do,” Tom nodded, “but also I don’t.” 

“Oh God,” you rolled your eyes, taking the hand on your thigh and giving it a squeeze.

Tom ended up reserving a room in a restaurant along the River Thames. It was a gorgeous place with vines hanging from the ceiling and beautiful chandeliers lighting every room. For dinner, he had the chef prepare a four-course meal, and the only instruction he gave him was the ring to put in your dessert. 

“Tom, this place is gorgeous,” you beamed up at the atmosphere of the restaurant as you sat down.

Tom smiled, “Yeah, it’s my parent's favorite. They always have their anniversaries here. They actually had their wedding reception in this room.”

“Really?” 

“Mhm, and they always come back here. It’s kind of a family thing now. I think Sam wanted to be a chef here at one point.” 

“He could,” you nodded, “he’s so talented.” 

The waiter came by with a bottle of wine, holding it out for Tom. “Mr. Holland, this is our Joesph Phelps Napa Valley Red Blend,” he said as he poured a glass for Tom, “it’s silky with notes of fruit and flora, it also has smooth tannins and a long finish. Chef Jamie recommends it to pair with your first course and entree.” 

Tom took a sip and held it in his mouth for a moment before swallowing. He nodded and motioned for the waiter to pour you a glass. “That’s lovely, thank you.” 

“Of course, sir. Your first course should be out shortly.” 

You took a sip of the wine and your eyes go wide. “Holy shit,” you have another sip, “that’s fucking spectacular.” 

“I know!” Tom smiled, “It took everything in me not to moan.” 

You laughed. “Well don’t hold back on my account.” 

“I never do,” Tom chuckled. 

The first course was a cheese tray, prepared specially by the chef. It had the most expensive cheeses the restaurant had to offer, as well as some imported from France, purely for the occasion. 

The next course was a soup, it seemed to be some sort of lemon tortellini with dill and spinach, as well as a creamy base. “This,” you motioned down to your bowl, “is heavenly. It’s like Jesus cum—”

“What?” Tom choked on his noodle.

“You know,” you smiled, trying to hold back your laughter, “like if Jesus came, this is what it would taste like…”

Tom laughed out loud at that, happy to hear your strange sense of humor after weeks of stressful work and filming. “You can’t possibly be that drunk right now,” he laughed, “we’re only on the second course!”

“You know wine goes straight to my head,” you said as you finish off your glass. For the second course, it was a white sauv blanc. You couldn’t remember the name for the life of you, but it paired amazingly with the soup

“I can tell, darling. Your face is beet red.” 

“It is?” you held a hand up to your cheek, feeling how warm your skin had gotten; it was scorching, “Oh gosh, I must look so silly right now.”

“No, no,” Tom took your hand in his, “you look absolutely gorgeous, love.”

“Stop it,” you pulled your hand away, “this restaurant is too nice to get all horny in.” 

Tom gasped, “Are you accusing me of trying to seduce you?” 

“No,” you shook your head, “I’m accusing you of succeeding to seduce me.” 

“We should wrap up these next few courses then,” Tom suggested with a smirk, “they might be too hard to get through.” 

You shook your head, attempting to fight the smile making its way onto your face. 

The next course was your entree. A rack of lamb braised with a pesto-lemon sauce, over a dollop of garlic mashed potatoes. 

“Oh fuck me,” you moaned after taking a bit of the lamb. It was dripping juice as it practically melted on your tongue. 

“I intend to,” Tom smirked. 

“Shush, I’m talking to the lamb,” you say with your mouth full, hand placed gently over your lips. 

“Oi, fuck you,” Tom laughed. 

“Thought you intended to?” You said with a raised brow. 

“Bloody hell, I forgot what an insufferable drunk you are.”

“I am not drunk,” you gasped, feigning offense, “I don’t get drunk, I just have fun.”

“You can’t Linda Belcher your way out of this one,” Tom laughed. 

“Hmph, just watch me,” you said, taking the last sip from your glass and holding it up to be filled again. 

After your main course was cleared, Tom was on the edge of his seat. He’d already had three glasses of wine and was debating a fourth. He knew once the dessert came out, then there’d be no more second guessing—no more turing back or taking back his words. Once your dessert was placed in front of you, the question that had been weighing on his mind would finally be out there, staring you down. 

He knew the future scared you—maybe even a little more than the past—hell, it scared him too. But he also knew that these moments were precious. Watching you relax all night, seeing your wheezing laugh again, he couldn’t help but fall in love all over again. He knew that, while the future may scare him, it would be much scarier to face without you by his side. 

“Tom?” You reached out and placed a hand on his, “you okay?” 

“Yeah,” Tom smiled, “I’m perfect.” He took your hand and placed a kiss on it, right on your ring finger, “I love you so much, (Y/N).” 

“I love you too, Tom,” you gave his hand a squeeze, “more than anything.” 

Tom could see out of the corner of his eye the waiter coming down the hall with the desserts. He played with your fingers, imagining the diamond ring he bought right on that ring finger. “(Y/N),” he said, looking up into your eyes, “you know I would do anything for you, right? I-I love you so much—I swear, I’ve never felt this way before.” 

“Tom,” you smiled, “where’s all of this coming from?” 

“I never want to be a part from you,” Tom said honestly, “even when we’re thousands of miles away from each other, I like knowing deep down that you’re mine.”

“Tom—” you were interrupted when your dessert was placed in front of you. You turned to the waiter with a sweet smile, completely ignoring the words written in chocolate sauce in front of you, “thank you,” you smiled brightly before he walked off. 

“(Y/N),” Tom pulled your attention back—to him though, not the dessert in front of you. 

“Hey, where’s yours?” You finally looked down. The hand holding Tom’s went limp as your read his question. 

It was a chocolate mousse cake, your favorite dessert when made correctly, and this one looked heavenly. It was topped with a strawberry and coated in cocoa powder. The wording below, written in chocolate sauce read, “Marry me?”, simple and beautiful. The ring was placed daintily at the end of the ‘Y’, where it twisted and curled. 

“(Y/N),” Tom’s eyes were filled with tears as it seemed to take forever for you to read those two simple words, “I have loved you ever since I’ve known you, and I will love you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?” 

“Tom…” you looked up at him, tears in your eyes, glistening on the edge of your lower lid, “I—I think this sobered me up.” 

Tom laughed, a watery hearty chuckle, “I figured it would,” he said. 

“I-I don’t know what to say,” you said, tears falling down your cheeks. “Tom, this is—”

“Too much?” Tom frowned, seeing the doubt in your eyes. 

“Too soon,” you clarified, taking his hand in yours as his face fell. “Tom, I love you, and I want nothing more than to be your wife, truly. But, we’ve only just begun. I have no doubt in my mind that you’re my soulmate and that we’re meant to be, but I’m not ready to settle down just yet.” 

Tom released a shaky breath and wiped his eyes before the tears could fall. “Then when?” he asked quietly. 

“What?” 

“When, (Y/N)?” he looked up at you with disappointment in his eyes. “Because as much as I love you, I can’t wait forever.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

When you were six and Chet was eight, there was a girl that lived three houses down from you. Her name was Tammy, she was ten. 

Tammy was always bigger than you, always stronger than you, and in her words, smarter than you. The three of you would play in the cul-de-sac together, riding your bikes and chasing one another. It was no surprise when one day, Tammy declared that she loved Chet. 

Despite her harassment, Chet seemed infatuated with her as well. This wasn’t to say that he didn’t tell her off, because boy, could he tell her off. He’d call her a priss and a brat whenever she’d pull your hair. He’d promise to stop playing with her if she kept it up. And over time, what used to be hatred between the two of you, became silent distaste—all to keep Chet by her side. 

When high school came around, it was Tammy that introduce Chet to drugs. Whatever she could bum off her uncle was free game for them. Molly, edibles, shrooms, LSD, acid—whatever she could get her hands on, she’d offer to Chet first. Her crush never ended. 

So maybe, part of you did blame Tammy for the events that took place your senior year. Maybe Tammy should’ve taken all the blame, but at the end of the day, Chet had a choice. And as much as you loved Octavia, she was a product of his choices. She was Tammy’s daughter. 

When you looked at her, you would’ve never known. Nothing from Tammy came through. Not her dirty blonde hair or her split ends. Not her crooked teeth or freckles. It was all Chet. His dark hair, his brown eyes, his tan skin. It made it easy to look at her and forget her other half—the rotten half. 

But as much as you try to run from the past, you can’t escape it. A lesson you and Tammy both would have to learn. 

Salt Lake City, Utah. That’s where Tammy found herself. Working as a waitress at a Mom and Pop diner called Eddies. That’s where the tabloid with your face plastered on the front, along with her daughter’s, made its way into her hands. 

“What’s this?” She said, recognizing you instantly. The customer at the counter flipped the page over so she could see. 

“(Y/N) had a baby, I guess,” he said, “Shame though, kids are a lot of work. I hope her Victoria's Secret Christmas ad still comes out this year.”

Tammy scoffed, “Who’d wanna see that tramp on a VS ad?” 

“Lots of people, myself included,” the man chuckled. 

Tammy could never escape you it seemed. 

When she was little, she envied you for the mere fact that you had Chet. You were the closest person to him. He defended you no matter what. Now at twenty-nine, she still wanted what you had. Money, fame, talent, recognition—you were always thrown in her face one way or another. 

It was the driving force that finally separated her from Chet. Chet was working at a construction company,—a low-level job that only paid enough to keep a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. Tammy wanted more. She wanted another chance. So she left—went to Malibu, then Cancun, then Florida. Each place she went, she blew her cash so fast that she had no other choice but to start again. And each place she went just bored her more than the last. 

She studied the tabloid. She inspected your expression, coming right out of the airport with Octavia on your hip. She squinted her eyes, noticing something on the child’s neck. And there, right before her, the same one she sported on her neck, was a birthmark. A small tan spot, no bigger than a nickel. 

It was then that Tammy knew how to get her recognition. 

And with that, get her daughter back.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

A/N: wow. so so sorry this took so long to get out. i really do love this series so much and i am extremely determined to finish it. i took a hiatus when i moved states from my hometown and now that i’m back home, i feel better than ever. i’m not sure how much you guys know about my move, but long story short, it didn’t go as planned at all. now that i’m back home, i’m focusing a lot on myself and the thing i love to do; which include writing for you guys. please please please share your thoughts and feelings on this chapter—it’s my favorite so far :)

[hazbinbossbrainrot]

Songs used:

Credits go to: TheDragonSaver

Easter eggs:

Octavia’s voice what it would sound like 🥹:

Sound seen familiar? 😏

(Because just quietly, IMO, prefer Bryce Pinkham singing Stolas Sings AKA Owl in a Cage than Sam Haft

Me:

Feedback (scroll down only if you’ve read it):

• I love how there’s a backstory of Stella and how she at least tried to connect with Octavia and somewhat was more amicable with Stolas as an acting co-parent even though they don’t really love each other; but would do anything for their daughter

* But in my opinion, even though this was really about Octavia and Stella, it would’ve been nicer to have that moment with Stolas as well rather just making a small cameo here and there (I mean canonically he did majority of Octavia’s upbringing — hence why she’s her “daddy’s daughter” — up since Stella had no desire in comforting her at such a young age after having a nightmare as all kids want the comfort of their parents)

• I do feel like Stolas is as “ditzy” or “oblivious” as he had been portrayed as in this fanfic, then again this could either be take from Stella’s perspective and my biased opinion for the latter

I think, if it came to Octavia, he would’ve just as sceptical of his daughter and her double life, because let’s not forget he is a bookworm which means he would have a lot of intellect (okay, yes, he’s not as guarded as let’s say Blitz would be) but I would say their on the same page.

However, I will acknowledge that, in my opinion, that Stolas had SOME obliviousness about the belief that Blitz loves him too in episodes 1x1 - 1x06 (til the end of “Ozzie’s”)

But again he had come to the conclusion that this wasn’t the case after his failed “date” with Blitz after they were both humiliated by As(s)modeus and Fizzarolli (mainly)

• In my opinion, I felt surprised to read that Stolas got angry with Octavia for having a “normal life” and was being a little classist in the making when saying that she “couldn’t” be with someone who was lower of their “class” considering that’s actually what he had wanted for her canonically when he and Stella were arguing (in 2x01 “The Circus”)

* However I will acknowledge that this little detail had been covered when Octavia told her father that he was a hypocrite for doing the same thing with Blitz

Then again, in my opinion, I felt it was weird for me in my heart because I know Stolas would never pull a “Stella 2.0” he just not an elitist that way. he’s too compassionate to do that.

But other than that, with all my mixed emotions all over the place (in a good way), I can safely say, without shame, that this was the BEST fanfiction I’ve ever read. It was almost like something out of a movie I would’ve watched

I honestly don’t think there will be anything better in comparison to this. I may be a bit biased here but I’d say that this and “Turf Wars” (one of my own with help of a role playing partner) would be my all time favourites for sure!

Now for some positives:

Great work.

Great characters

Great storyline

Great atmosphere

Great taste in music

Great character goals

Definitely a 10/10 + a review from me and share this to your friends, family and followers! 🤩

(And definitely worth reading again!)

[buckyswintersoldiermask]

See ya around

Bellamy Blake x reader

Bellamy Masterlist

Summary: Bellamy breaks up with you because he knows he should.

Warnings: angst, sad break up

Word count: 636

A/N: first Bellamy fic in 4 months :0

You and Bellamy have been dating since being on the ark, you were there for him when Octavia was put into the skybox. You had always been someone he could depend on, and on the ground, it wasn’t different.

You woke up a bit later than Bellamy and left your tent to find him. He was taking a break and he looked like he was watching something. So you peeped up behind him, wrapping your arms around him, startling him just a little but he didn’t show it. “Good morning you.”

“Morning, I was wondering when you were going to get up,” Bellamy responds, pulling you in front of him.

Your moment was interrupted when Clarke walked over reminding you two of the things that had to get done that day. You smiled and nodded knowing it's better to just agree with Clarke. Clarke walked away leaving you and Bellamy alone again, “I guess, I’ll see you later Bell.”

You went off and started to work on some task that looked like it needed finishing and you thought to yourself how different things would be if you never followed Bellamy to the ground. How your life wouldn’t be in danger all the time, you wouldn’t have to sleep with one eye open, but you loved Bellamy and you would do anything for him.

You and Bellamy spent most of the day alone working on separate projects. Bellamy was often training the other kids to use weapons while you just made sure there was enough food for the kids.

You never noticed Bellamy staring, not at you, but at Clarke. He did it every day when he wasn’t with you. Bellamy hated himself for putting you in this situation and knowing what he has to do to make things right.

Once the sun went down you went to find Bellamy and he wasn’t at his post so you checked your shared tent. He was there sitting on the floor.

“Bell, what are you doing here? You’re on guard.”

“(y/n), sit down,” Bellamy says gesturing to the floor in front of him.

“What is it, Bell?” You asked, curious as to what this is. You sat down and gave him your full attention.

“We need to talk.”

“Okay, about what?”

Bellamy gulps, clasping his hands together, “about us.”

You paused for a moment looking at Bellamy’s eyes trying to read what they say. You couldn’t, he had a face you’ve never seen before. “What about us? Bell?”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Do what? What’s wrong? Whatever is wrong Bell we can work it out, we always do!” You exclaimed, placing your hand on his hands.

“It's not that simple (y/n).”

“It is that simple.” You responded.

“I think we should break up (y/n),” Bellamy says looking you in the eye, letting you know he’s serious.

You gasped at his words, ‘But, I don’t understand.”

“I never wanted to hurt you (y/n), but I think this is for the best.” He says, pulling his hands from under yours.

You were conflicted, you were feeling so many feelings at once. You were mad, frustrated, sad, you never thought you and Bellamy would be in this situation. “After all, I did for you out of love. I came down here because I loved you and wanted to spend whatever time I had left with you. Bellamy, I left my parents for you!” At this point you had tears forming in your eyes, your hands were balled into fists, you couldn’t believe this. All those years down the drain.

“I’m sorry.”

You composed yourself and took a couple of deep breaths before getting up, “Okay Bellamy. See you around.” You left and walked out of camp, not wanting to be near anything that reminded you of Bellamy.

Please do not steal, copy or translate my writings, or post them on other sites.

Likes, reblogs, and comments are appreciated :)

Bellamy Tags: @mogaruke @instabull

Taglist

[iliumheightnights]

Even Now? | Bellamy Blake x Male Reader

Fandom: The 100

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x Male Reader

Summary: Bellamy and (M/N) had been dating on the ark. After (M/N) had been sent to the skybox the two lost contact. Now on the ground the two find each other again.

A/N: I am a hoe for Bellamy Blake and will die for him.

…

(M/N) stepped out of the dropship. He was blinded by the sunlight but let out a laugh as he realized he was on Earth. He was on Earth and he was alive. He looked around and watched as the other delinquents ran around shouting and laughing, pushing each other and having a good time. For the first time in a long time they all got to be kids again.

Walking around their new campsite, (M/N) took in the woods around him. He had always imagined what earth would look like on the ground but never realized it could be so beautiful. Speaking of beautiful, he caught sight of someone he hadn’t seen since he had been put in the skybox. There dressed in his guard uniform was Bellamy Blake, his ex boyfriend.

Bellamy was standing with a group of people talking. He recognized a few as Clarke Griffin, Wells Jaha,and a few others he had known. Among them was also Octavia Blake, Bellamy’s sister who he hadn’t known about until after he had been put into the box. Not wanting to deal with Bellamy he turned and walked the opposite direction of the group.

Sitting down on a fallen log he finally took in the sight on his wrist. There he now has a strange wristband, it wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t literally annoying him. “Ugh. This thing sucks. Why did they put it on us anyways?” He tried to peel it off but it wouldn’t budge, only giving him a bit of a sting. “Hurts like a bitch doesn’t it?” (M/N) turned around and smirked at Murphy. One of the only people he was actually friends with during his time locked up. “Not as bad as choking on a lack of oxygen. Can you get this thing off of me without injuring me?” He held his arm out to Murphy who pulled out a makeshift knife.

Before Murphy could begin to do anything with the band, he found himself being pulled away. “How about you take your knife and keep it away from him?” (M/N) looked at the new person to see Bellamy glaring at Murphy holding his arm. “Hey! Just trying to help my friend out.” Bellamy didn’t loosen his grip, instead making it a big rougher. (M/N) saw how Murphy was starting to feel some pain. “Bellamy! Let him go!” In an instant Bellamy let Murphy go but continued to glare at Murphy. “Go.” He said. Murphy didn’t waste any time and left back to his group of friends. Bellamy turned back to (M/N) who was walking off. “(M/N)! Wait! Please!”

(M/N) ignored him as he continued to walk off. Entering the dropship he found some of the supplies that had been sent down with them, aka a tent. Grabbing the tent he returned to outside the dropship and started setting up his tent. This gained the attention of some of the other delinquents. “Hey! He’s got a tent!” He didn’t stop setting up his tent as they came closer. “Yeah! I do! This is my tent and maybe, just maybe, if you’re nice I’ll share it with you.” That seemed to piss some of them off. “Or we can just kill you and take it for ourselves.” The delinquents moved closer but were stopped by Bellamy. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” That stopped them from moving any closer to (M/N). “Anyone that touches him deals with me!” Bellamy shouted through the camp. That seemed to deter anyone from messing with (M/N). “Can I talk with you?” Bellamy asked and (M/N) motioned to his tent.

The two boys stepped inside. “What did you want to talk about Bellamy?” (M/N) asked, crossing his arms. The tent was nice and large, definitely meant for more than one person. “I was just wanting...I don’t know to just talk to you. I just wanted you to know, I never stopped loving you (M/N).” (M/N) let out a laugh. “That’s rich. If you still loved me then you would have come and visited me while I was locked up. But you didn’t! Why? And don’t say to protect your sister cause that’s no excuse for this.” Bellamy struggled to find the words. “I just...I didn’t want to see you locked up. It broke my heart watching you being lead away and I was afraid of what would happen when you turned 18. I know you probably wouldn’t have been floated but it still scared me.” (M/N) shook. “Well how do you think I felt!? I was locked up with the threat of execution trailing me! I wanted you but you weren’t there for me! You know what...just go!” He pushed Bellamy out of the tent.

As time passed on the ground, Bellamy continued to try and reconnect with (M/N) who was sticking to ignoring him. But then the grounder threat happened and Bellamy practically became the leader of the camp, with Clarke acting as a second leader. For some reason, (M/N) didn’t like the fact that Bellamy and Clarke were spending so much time together. A group was going out to go and hunt for the camp, Bellamy among them and (M/N) decided to go with them. “(M/N) what are you doing here?” Bellamy asked as he joined the group. “Going hunting. What am I supposed to leave it to you imbeciles to catch our food?” Some of the group members grimaced or sneered but Bellamy only smirked at him. “Now let’s go. I’m starving.”

The hunting had been going alright and then of course a cloud of acid fog came their way. Bellamy and (M/N) had gotten separated from the rest of their group and hid in a cave. Luckily the fog wasn’t following them inside. “Well....there goes dinner.” Bellamy laughs and shakes his head. “We almost died and you’re still thinking of food?” (M/N) shrugged. “What? I like food!” Bellamy shakes his head again but reaches into his backpack and throws (M/N) a nutrient bar that he had. “Thanks. Wait...where’d you get this?” (M/N) asked. “It was part of the supply drop with us. They gave us practically nothing but I figured I’d save that.” (M/N) hummed.

It had been a little longer and the fog was still going. “So...you and Clarke seem...nice.” (M/N) said, making Bellamy look at him with a face. “What? Me and the princess? What do you mean?” (M/N) snorted at the name. “I mean, you two seem close. I’m sure you two will be very happy together.” Bellamy’s mouth turned into a large grin. “Oh my god. You’re jealous!” (M/N) blushed and looked away. “I don’t know what you mean. I have nothing to be jealous about.” Bellamy got up and moved to sit beside (M/N). “Just to let you know. There’s nothing going on between me and Clarke. There’s only one person in this camp that has my heart?” (M/N) decided to mess with him. “Your sister?” Bellamy nodded. “Alright two people in the camp.” (M/N) smirked and turned to look Bellamy in the eyes. “Even now? You still love me after everything that’s happened? Why?” Bellamy scooched closer and held his hand. “Because you’re amazing. You’re so smart and talented. You also don’t let anyone fuck with you, which sometimes gets you into more problems than it’s worth. But overall it’s because you’re you, and I love you (M/N).” Bellamy leaned in closer and (M/N) decided to close the gap, pressing their lips together. “I love you too Bellamy.”

The two reunited boyfriends stayed in the cave until the fog cleared. Once cleared they regrouped with the others and returned to the camp. “So...you going to move into my tent or what?” (M/N) asked. “I thought that was without question?” Bellamy grinned pulling him into another kiss in front of everyone else in the camp, making sure everyone knew not to mess with his boyfriend. 

“So, ready to be my co-king of earth?”

[slytherinbarnes]

Sub Rosa [66]

viii. how we get to peace

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 4.8k

Warnings: creepy parasitic worms, death, angst, violence.

Summary: You, Bellamy, and Clarke all realize how far you’re willing to go to stop the war in the valley, but you’re quick to learn your decisions have consequences.

a/n: the taglist for this series is open! I hope you enjoy, please let me know what you think!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

All of you are still looking at Clarke in shock, except for Bellamy who is still turned away, when Diyoza chimes in again, noticing the prolonged silence. “I don't care how you make it happen, Clarke. Bring her to me in chains and I'll do it for you, or she can surrender herself. But your Red Queen doesn't seem like the type.”

Clarke responds, “Let us worry about that.”

“We have an understanding then.”

“We do.”

“Good. Call me back when it's done and we can work out the details of your crossing. Over and out.”

As soon as the radio falls silent again, Bellamy spins to face your twin, voice hard. “No way.”

She tries to argue, but he cuts her off immediately, glaring at her now. “We are not killing my sister, Clarke. I don't care how crazy she is.”

You turn to Clarke, wanting to take her side because you’re worried about Madi too, but you don't want to do that at Octavia’s expense. “Clarke, I want to keep Madi safe just as much as you do, but Bellamy’s right, we can't kill Octavia. Not when there could be another way.”

Bellamy steps over to Clarke and snatches the radio from her hands, before turning and passing it to Monty. “There is another way. Run the loop. The rover's charged, we're getting our friends.”

And then he turns his anger back to Clarke. “That was reckless. We had a plan, you agreed.”

“That was before Octavia made Madi her second.” The words sober everyone in the room, now more aware of the danger that Madi faces by Octavia’s side. “That army marches to war as soon as they find out the eye is down. I can't let that happen.”

Bellamy retorts, “And what if it was your twin? What if she was the one that needed to be killed to save Madi and get us into the valley, would you do it? Because I don't think you would.”

You look at Clarke, curious on her answer, and she shakes her head and stutters, “I-I don’t know. But it’s not my sister, it’s yours. Your sister who turned into a dictator in the last six years, your sister who kills her people when they try to defect, your sister who has become too power hungry to see that there are other ways to get to the valley that don't involve a war.”

You look around at everyone, your gaze staying on Bellamy as you can see Clarke’s words start to sink in. You muse, “So, we don't tell anyone?”

Monty counters, “They'll know as soon as we drive away.”

“Who cares? We grab Madi, and we go.”

Clarke cuts him a look, exasperated that he still doesn't understand. “Bellamy, she's by her side.”

“She's my sister, Clarke.”

“I know.” And you can hear the resignation in her voice. You know that she doesn't actually want to kill Octavia, but if killing Octavia keeps Madi alive, then you know she will choose Madi over the Wonkru leader any day. “Tell me what else to do!”

“We stop the war.”

Harper looks at her boyfriend, confused about his sudden statement. “How?”

Monty reaches into his pack and pulls out a glass jar full of green liquid, and you look at it in curiosity realizing what it is as he says, “Algae.”

Bellamy, however, does not seem curious about the algae, because he lets out an exasperated sigh and scrubs a hand over his face in frustration. “Monty-”

“Cooper already gave me permission to show what it can do! She's meeting me this afternoon so I can take her to the-”

“That's enough.”

Harper backs Bellamy up and adds, “The first batch put Murphy in a coma for almost a week. By the time it's ready to eat-”

He cuts her off, shaking his head. “We're not gonna eat it this time, we're gonna feed it to the plants. If I can make the farm viable again, then we'll still have a chance.”

Your brows lift, impressed, and you start to ask him a question about how confident he is in the algae when the door swings open. You all turn to it in shock, freezing like a bunch of kids that have been caught doing something they aren’t supposed to when you see Octavia standing there, her eyes locked on the screen behind Monty. “The spy did her job?”

Cooper and Miller step in alongside their queen, and Bellamy walks over to his sister, working on damage control, aware of how bad it looks that no one came to warn her. “Uh, we were just about to send for you. I told you Echo would get it done.”

You feel a flash of anger at the mention of her name, despite the fact that her and Bellamy are broken up, and you shake your head, trying to control yourself. Octavia turns to look at Monty, wanting more information. “Can the enemy still see us?”

“For now, yes. It's technical, but-”

Cooper cuts him off, and as terrible as she appears to be, she seems to understand perfectly. “He has to run a loop to mask our troop movements. When the time comes, we need to clear the surface to reduce the risk of anyone noticing the same people moving in the same direction again and again.”

“Well done, Monty.” Octavia turns to look at Cooper and then Miller, giving her commands, “Load the worms into the rover and mobilize the army. War is here.”

And then she turns to leave all of you behind, staring at each other in shock. Any plan you had to get out fast and save your friends before the worms arrived is now foiled by Octavia knowing the eye is down. You sigh, already aware that this is going to complicate things further, likely putting Bellamy and Clarke at odds even more so than they were minutes ago. You know you're about to be caught in the middle of them, so you rack your brain, trying to figure out how you can fix this. And then you remember Indra, shocked by Octavia and who she has become, seemingly willing to stop this war if given the choice. You turn and look between your twin and your former lover, offering up your solution. “We need to meet with Indra. If anyone can stop this before it happens, she can.”

They both nod in agreement, and Bellamy looks at Harper. “We need you to pass the message to Indra, we can't be seen looking for her. Tell her to meet us in the building that Octavia used as a war room before we marched the first time. She’ll know where that is.”

Harper nods, and hurries out the door, and you watch her go before you mutter, “We’ll need to get there without being seen.”

Clarke nods, “I know just the way. When Jaha and I took the bunker for Skaikru, we spent a lot of time staring at the schematics for this place. There are a lot of passageways that can get you from one end to the other without seeing a single soul.”

“Then let’s go.”

Clarke leads you from the room and into a closed off hallway, taking you through the bunker and up to the exit without coming across anyone, as promised. Once on the surface, the three of you split off, taking different paths at different times to reach the building, so that no one sees all three of you heading to the same place together. All of the sneaking around reminds you of when you spied on Pike for Kane, and a pang cuts through you, somehow nostalgic for that time. You don't know why, maybe it’s because everything felt simpler then, even when you were on the brink of war with the Grounders. Maybe it’s because things were better with you and Bellamy. Even though he was closed off and working with the enemy, the two of you were together. Now, you feel like a stranger to him. Though, the more you think about it, you kind of feel like a stranger to everyone. You saw your mother and Kane for a few minutes before they were taken away to the valley, and now you haven’t seen them since. There’s still so much they don’t know about the time you and Clarke spent on the ground without them, and there’s clearly so much you and Clarke don’t know about the years everyone spent in the bunker. 

Bellamy and the others from the ring are clearly very close. You’ve heard them all refer to each other as a family a few times since getting to the ground, but you have no idea what their time in space was like. You have no idea how they passed the time, or kept themselves sane, or when Bellamy moved on from you and fell in love with Echo. And now everything just feels so awkward. Everything is so different from the last time everyone was together six years ago. Everyone has changed so much, and there’s been so little time to get reintroduced to the new versions of each other. With a war hanging over everyone’s heads, the awkwardness persists, everyone still working to get comfortable around each other again in the few quiet moments you have been given.

You pull yourself from your thoughts when you see the building up ahead, and you step inside, seeing that you’re the last to arrive before Indra does. As you wait for your guest, the three of you all occupy the room with anxious energy. Clarke stands near the window, peeking out every few seconds. Bellamy paces back and forth across the room, and you rack your brain trying to remember if that's a habit he’s always had, or one he picked up on the ring. You never figure it out, because Indra steps into the room, already questioning all of you before she even gets the door closed. “We're readying for war. Do you know the risk I'm taking meeting you here?”

“Yes, thank you for coming.”

She warily eyes Bellamy, not sure she trusts the thanks before demanding, “What do you want?”

You step forward, feeling like right now, you might be the calmest person in this group. At the very least, you’re the middle man, stuck between two opposing sides, making you the most qualified to update Indra. “Clarke talked to Colonel Diyoza. She's offering all of Wonkru safe passage to the valley, all Octavia has to do is surrender.”

“By now, you've realized she would never do that, so I'll ask you again. What do you want from me?”

“Peace without war is still possible. Now, you're her advisor, she'll listen to you.”

“Why would I advise her to surrender in a war she's likely to win? Thanks to you, we can march freely on the enemy while the worms ravage them. By the time we get to the valley, the only thing left to do will be to clean up the mess.”

Clarke counters, “And if the worms ravage the valley?”

“A risk she's willing to take.”

You think about the conflict, about the mess all of you will have to clean up, or another war you’ll have to fight, despite not wanting to. An easy victory, sure, but a messy one. A messy one, that relies on the worms. You turn to Indra, trying to hide your excitement at the thought. “What if the outcome of the war wasn't certain, if she didn't have the worms? Would she still fight?”

“If she didn't have the worms, both sides would take heavy losses.”

Bellamy seems to understand what you’re saying and adds, “Exactly. If all it took to save her people from that and deliver them to the promised land was surrender, would she do it?”

“I would hope so. Of course, you would never see the promised land because she would know it was you and, brother or not, throw you in the pits.”

You start to wonder if she’d really do that, throw Bellamy in the pits. And then you start to worry if she’d do that to you. To Clarke. To Madi. And the more you think about it, the more sure you are that she would. If any of you stand in her way, you’re sure she won’t hesitate to take you out. You fight against your growing anxiety as Clarke starts to formulate a plan based on your initial suggestion. “Not if she thought it was Cooper. There's a failsafe in the processing room, I saw it when we were there. A way to kill the worms if they ever-”

Indra cuts her off, scoffing, “Folly! Cooper would never push that button, and since she's the only one that handles the worms-”

Clarke now cuts her off, “Cooper would be dead. We'll make it look like an accident. You would be the first responder, hit the failsafe button. No more worms.”

“No more war.” It only takes a second for her to decide before she looks between each of you, giving you her answer. “Do it. I don't want to know how it’s done, just send for me when I’m needed. The army is preparing in the atrium. I’ll hit the button, and play the part.”

She watches you all nod in agreement before she turns and slips out the door, leaving the three of you to plan a murder you had no idea you’d be committing when you woke up this morning. 

-

The plan falls into place quickly when you remind Bellamy and Clarke about the meeting Monty mentioned he was going to have with Cooper in a few hours. From there, you all decide to take her from the meeting, into the biolab, stage the accident with a torn glove, kill her, and then notify Indra. You convince yourself not to think about the fact that you’re about to kill someone, so unused to killing people in the last 6 years. Wanlida came out of you easily when you, Clarke, and Madi were threatened by the prisoners, aware that it was you vs them. Now, you try to convince yourself that killing Cooper is the same thing. She’s just as bad as Octavia, she’s the one that put the worms in someone still living, she’s Octavia's right hand man. With her out of the picture, everything will fall into place. It has to.

Which is why you now stand crouched behind a row of plants, tuning out Monty’s words to Cooper, waiting for Bellamy’s signal. He stands nearby, a rag in his hand doused with chloroform, watching Cooper inch closer and closer. You keep your eyes on him, and suddenly he turns to you and nods his head, signaling for you to stand and take a few steps, making noise as you go. The trick does what it’s supposed to, and Cooper turns towards you, calling out, “Is someone there?”

As soon as she’s turned away from him, Bellamy jumps out of the shadows and holds the rag over Cooper’s mouth, and you see her struggle and fight as Monty calls out to Bellamy, trying to get him to stop. As soon as you hear Cooper fall silent, you step from the shadows, motioning for Clarke to join you, and Bellamy throws Cooper over his shoulder and carries her over to where you stand waiting, near the door to the biolab. You look over at Monty, knowing he's your only way into that room. “Monty, we need you to open the processing room. Please.”

“What the hell are you doing?”

Bellamy counters, “Explain later.”

“Actually, if you want me to open that door, you'll explain now!”

Bellamy looks over at him, expression growing softer. “I know it doesn't look like it, but this is how we stop the war.” 

“I was stopping the war!”

Clarke, who has stayed quiet through the entire exchange, snaps, “Keep your voice down! If anyone hears us-”

He cuts her off, deadpanning, “You're killing her, aren't you?”

The three of you exchange a look, knowing that Monty seems clearly disturbed by the plan, but you also know he deserves to know the truth since you’re asking him to be involved. So you look his way, and nod once. “Yes.”

You grab the broken magnet he used last time and hold it out to him, eyes pleading. You know it’s a lot to ask of him, the engineer never fond of killing, but there’s no other way for the three of you to get in that door. Monty sighs and then shakes his head, clearly upset that he’s making whatever decision he’s decided on. He takes the magnet from your hand and mutters, “And, of course, I help because what's one more, right? We're already murderers.”

As Monty works to open the door, Bellamy counters, “That's not fair. We're talking about taking one life to save hundreds.”

“Really?” He turns to look at Bellamy, stalling his movements. “Then let's kill Octavia.”

Bellamy drops his gaze, and you and Clarke avoid Monty’s eyes, aware that discussion has already been had, and didn't play out the way anyone wanted it to. Monty shakes his head again and turns back to the lock. “Didn't think so.”

You hear the lock click and Monty pushes the door open a crack before he turns and walks away, not looking at any of you. He drops the magnet on the way out, and Bellamy calls out to him, voice pleading, but Monty never turns around, never acknowledges any of you. He just shoulders his burden and walks out the door, leaving the three of you to your dirty work. You look over at Bellamy, noting his torn expression, and you’re sure you must look the same because Clarke whispers, “We're doing the right thing.”

Bellamy glances at her before heading towards the open door. “If you say it enough, maybe I'll believe you.”

You follow him into the room, and Clarke walks in last, closing the door behind her. You jog ahead of Bellamy and unzip the biolab, pushing the flaps open so he can step inside and set her on the ground. Clarke hands you one of the radiation suits near the door, the one Cooper uses to protect herself when handling the worms, and you and Bellamy dress her in it as Clarke searches for worms to use. She finds something as you pull out your knife and cut a hole in between the fingers on Cooper’s glove, and Clarke drags over a large locked box labeled: “Adults. 2 days old.”

She swings open the glass cage that once held a live body and she sets the box on the edge, unlocking it and holding it in place. As soon as she sees you and Bellamy are finished, she says, “You two go stand outside. I’ll knock the box over and run over to you, and you close the lab up behind me.”

“Clarke, are you sure?”

“Yes, now go.”

You and Bellamy stand outside and hold the flaps closed, and Clarke makes sure you’re in position before she counts, “3...2...1...go!”

As the words leave her mouth she lets go of the box, leaving it to teeter precariously on the edge. She takes off running towards you and Bellamy and you pull open the flaps so she can run outside before you and Bellamy quickly bring them back together and zip them closed. As the zipper reaches the floor, the movement of the worms becomes too much and the box shifts to the right, into the open air, falling off the ledge and tumbling to the ground. You shiver as you watch them scramble out of the box, seeking the warmth of a human body, and it isn't long before they find Cooper and get into her suit. You see her body jerk as they burrow into her skin, but still she doesn't wake.

It takes a few minutes of waiting and watching before Cooper wakes with a start, slowly trying to piece together what happened to her. But as she turns, she sees the open box of worms and watches as a few scurry past, and she pulls herself to her feet as fast as she can, catching a glimpse of her torn glove in the process. She turns, clearly ready to head for the door, but her eyes fall on the three of you instead. She’s clearly fighting back tears as she yells, “You'll all die for this.”

Seconds after she says it, she lurches forward, falling onto her knees, groaning out in pain. She tugs off her helmet and struggles to get the suit unzipped, crying out in pain as she does. You watch in horror, aware of exactly what’s happening as she tugs up her shirt to reveal her bare torso. You see multiple worms slither beneath her skin and you shiver as she cries out in pain and screams, “Please make it stop!”

You turn away, no longer able to look, subconsciously ducking your head towards Bellamy’s chest, using him to shield your eyes. It takes a second for you to realize what you’ve done, and you start to pull away, feeling awkward, but he surprises you by wrapping his arm around your waist and pulling you closer. Clarke turns to look at the two of you, and though you can't see it, she fights to hide the smile that threatens to break onto her face. Instead, reminded of Cooper’s presence by another scream of pain, she mutters, “Let's go, it'll work. Octavia will have to surrender.”

She turns and leaves, and Bellamy hesitates for a moment before he turns you both, putting his hand on your lower back to guide you forward. The three of you head out into the farm, pulling the door closed, making sure it locks behind you. Clarke grabs Monty’s discarded magnet on her way out and turns to you. “You signal Indra, we’ll meet in our tent. Bellamy and I will take different routes and meet you there.”

You nod and the three of you split off, and you start on the path that will take you through the atrium. The sound of war preparations grows louder as you get closer, punctuated by shouts, the clang of weapons, and the thud of last minute sparring. As you step into the atrium and follow the ramp up to the exit, you casually seek out Indra, careful to not draw attention to yourself. When you finally find her, you see that her eyes are already on you, and you nod your head, so small that no one can tell. She gives you the smallest of nods back before she turns her gaze back to her troops and begins to give commands, leaving you to slip out of the bunker and into the cool night air.

You look up at the stars as you follow the streets to your tent, in no rush to have the post mission discussion which will likely include a recap of the murder you just comitted with your twin and Bellamy. You trace a few constellations as you scan the sky, disappointment rising in you when you reach the tent faster than you expected. Bellamy and Clarke are already inside when you arrive, Clarke sitting on the bed and anxiously wringing her hands as she waits for you, while Bellamy paces in the space, his new normal. They look at you expectantly as you come in, and you nod, letting them know it's done, before you plop down onto the bed beside Clarke.

The three of you remain in silence for a long time, no one eager to discuss what you just did, and you’re grateful for that. You’re relieved that Bellamy and Clarke seem just as distressed as you do at what you’ve done, though you know the three of you had no other choice. Clarke is finally the first one to break the silence, and she lifts her gaze to Bellamy, looking remorseful. “You're a good brother, Bellamy. I'm sorry that I thought I could-”

He finishes for her, “Kill my sister? The truth is, if she was anybody else, I would've beat you to it.”

You smile at them, glad the two most important people to you are now burying the hatchet, and you shake your head at Bellamy’s words. “I don't think that’s true. Maybe the old Bellamy would have, but I saw your face in there, and I know this version of you wouldn’t.”

Suddenly, Octavia bursts into the tent, and you have a split second to wonder how much she’s heard before she points at Clarke and demands, “Take her.”

People file into the tent, one guard pointing a gun at Clarke, and the two of you scramble to your feet in shock. Bellamy instinctively steps closer, as Miller walks into the room and sets his glare onto your sister. “You're under arrest for the murder of Kara Cooper.”

You look at him, and then Octavia in complete shock, as Bellamy exclaims, “What? This is insane!

“Is it?” Octavia cocks her head to the side as she appraises the three of you, “We weren't taking the worms. The eggs are already loaded in the rover, so what was Cooper doing there?”

The three of you exchange a shocked look, as Miller grabs Clarke’s arms and pulls them behind her back to cuff her. Octavia keeps her eyes solely on Bellamy. “Careful, big brother, or I'll think you helped her, and we don't have enough prisoners to settle this in the arena.”

You look at Clarke, growing worried and she shakes her head, warning you to stay silent. You start to comply until you hear Octavia muse, “Oh, well. I guess we'll have to settle for an execution.”

She turns and heads out of the tent, and your eyes go wide as you look at your twin, not sure you’re even processing the words. Miller grabs Clarke and starts to pull her away, and you look at him, begging, “Miller, let her go! This is crazy, she didn't do anything!”

But Miller keeps pulling her away as Clarke fights back, dragging her feet. You lunge at them, trying to reach them and pull your twin back to you, only to be held back by Bellamy. You fight against him as you yell out to his sister, “Octavia, get back here! Octavia!”

Clarke calls your name through your yelling, locking eyes with you. “Keep Madi safe, promise me!”

You feel tears well up in your eyes, but you nod. “I promise!”

She relents, allowing Miller to take her away, relieved that even if she dies, Madi will be safe. You, however, do not relent, continuing to kick and scream and call out to Octavia, Miller, and Clarke long after they’ve gone. Bellamy holds you the entire time, letting you tire yourself out until you’re a mess of tears, sobbing over the loss of your twin. Once you switch to crying, he lowers himself onto the bed, holding you in his arms as you cry until you have nothing left. No tears, no energy, just an empty feeling. 

You fall silent, staring at the wall, too upset to do anything, and Bellamy starts to quietly hum Clair de lune, tears spilling from your eyes again as he comforts you. You don't know how long the two of you stay like that, but it feels like forever, and through your heartbreak you’re comforted by the fact that at least right now, he’s here for you. He may not love you anymore, but he’s not running to abandon you, and maybe that’s enough. 

Eventually, he lays you out in the bed, tugging off your boots and getting you comfortable, pulling the blanket up to your chin. And then he stands, turning to walk away and leave you alone. Panicked, you reach out for him, grabbing his wrist and stopping him, and through your raspy throat you ask, “Where are you going?”

He doesn’t look at you, his gaze firmly fixed on the wall, and you start to worry that you scared him away. He mutters, “To make things right.”

Before you can ask what that means, he pulls your fingers from his arm and turns away from you, disappearing from the tent and leaving you alone. You feel tears threaten to fall again, despite feeling cried out, now  completely abandoned. Your twin is gone, and your former lover is gone now too. You close your eyes, trying to clear your mind, praying to the Universe that sleep takes you quickly. 

And for once, the Universe feels pity on you and grants your request, sending you into a deep sleep before you can even finish your prayer. 

-

next chapter

[puddygeeks]

Wᴇ Cᴏᴍᴇ Rᴜɴɴɪɴɢ - Tʜᴇ 100 Bᴇʟʟᴀᴍʏ x OC - Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 34: Tʜᴇ Iʟʟᴜsɪᴏɴ Oғ Sᴀғᴇᴛʏ

Masterlist

Episodes: Fog Of War; Long Into An Abyss

Rating: Mature

Summary: During her time in the Skybox, Indigo formed a precious friendship with fellow outcast Octavia Blake, the girl under the floor. At first they thought their departure from the oppression of the Ark was a blessing, but quickly came to rely on Indigo's keen survival instincts. The 100 struggle to meet the challenges of Earth whilst Bellamy strives to lead the wavering teenagers and his irresponsible attitude fuels constant conflict with Indigo. Their only shared interest is in protecting Octavia and Indigo beings to suspect that there is a deeper cause to Bellamy's seemingly irrational choices. As the consequences of his actions mount up around him, he finally begins to confide in her and she discovers more than she ever bargained for. 

Fandom: CW’s The 100

Pairing: OC x Bellamy Blake

LONG TERM ONGOING PROJECT :)

My writing is entirely fuelled by coffee! If you enjoy my work, feel free to donate toward my caffeine dependency: will work for coffee

Warnings: Mature content. Non-consent, language, sex, self harm, suicide, anxiety, helplessness, torture, captivity/confinement, alcohol/drug use.

Chapter Thirty-Four

Jasper, Monty and I followed Maya from the room in a nervous silence. She led us through multiple doors until we finally reached a small maintenance room where she abruptly stopped and turned sharply around to face us.

“We don’t have much time but we can talk freely here.” She explained as she addressed the boys, then seemed to suddenly remember that I was there and regarded me with a scrutinising expression. “Who is this?” She asked in a low, accusing tone and I raised a brow at her. 

“This is Indigo, she’s family. You can trust her.” Monty answered in an unimpressed manner as he protectively stepped closer to my side and levelled her with a glare that warned her not to push the matter.

“What the hell is going on?” Jasper blurted with pent up frustration that was clear in his body language and she glanced down at the floor with a gentle sniff that indicated she was struggling to contain tears. “Maya?” He spoke in a gentler tone as he studied her with concern and my stomach twisted. I wasn’t sure that I trusted the people here and it was uncomfortable for me to witness Jasper becoming so attached to one of them. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered as she viewed him through watery eyes and her bottom lip trembled.

“About what? What do you mean it wasn’t an accident?” Jasper enquired and his tone revealed that he clearly had no suspicions about her at all. I could feel dread building in my stomach as I peeked at Monty who was equally bewildered by Jasper’s naivety and I prepared myself for an argument.

“She means they exposed her to radiation on purpose.” Monty spat and I was stunned to find that he lost his patience first. In that moment I became aware of the similarities in our bonds with our adopted siblings and was proud to find that his annoyance with Jasper’s growing romance was abundantly clear in his tone and body language. “I’m betting it was to get you to be her blood brother.” He announced and crossed his arms as he spoke. Maya nodded regretfully in response and Monty’s tone grew sharper at her confirmation. “I knew it, Clarke was right.” He growled and I raised my brows. I had never seen aggression in him before and it was interesting to observe in someone so relaxed.

“Monty, be quiet.” Jasper instructed firmly before he turned back to Maya with an openly hurt expression. “Did you know about this?” He asked with his voice revealing how awful he felt about the accusation. She shook her head and I continued to view her with suspicion. “And why would they do that to you?” He probed and I found myself disappointed that his usually intelligent nature had been overshadowed by his attraction to her.

“They needed a test subject and they saw that you two were getting along. Isn’t that right?” My voice came out more accusingly than I intended as I crossed my arms at her.

 “Yes, they thought they could use me to sway you.” She admitted and I growled under my breath. I was furious that anyone would try to manipulate Jasper and felt me defensiveness bubbling in my stomach. “They wanted to see what difference your blood would make and honestly, the standard treatment sucks compared to you.” She replied, shifting uncomfortably on the spot as she explained.

“That’s what Dante said.” Jasper murmured as if he was finally catching up to us and I noted that Dante had discussed this idea with Jasper already.

“What’s the standard treatment?” Monty enquired with his usual perceptiveness and I waited for an answer with interest.

“Through there.” She whispered and pointed behind her without being able to look at us.

I glanced at the boys as I felt nerves fluttering across my chest and was fearful about what was about to be revealed to us. She visibly had to force herself to move as she stepped out of sight and we followed in a small anxious huddle. She stopped near a large air vent and stood to one side to allow us to walk ahead. We approached the vent in tense suspension and as we leaned forward to open the slats, I felt my stomach lurch. The large chamber through the vent was filled with copious amounts of people, contained in tiny cages like animals. The space was around ten floors and had numerous alcoves that were all crammed full with captives. Some cages even hung suspended from the ceiling and the structures were too small to comfortably contain their occupants. I stared in stunned silence, unable to form a single word.

“Oh my god...are those...all grounders?” Jasper whispered as he studied the nauseating sight in total horror. I noticed that his hands shook where he gripped the vent and I could feel the shock radiating from him in waves.

“I guess we weren’t the only people they recovered from the fight at camp...we just got the comfortable accommodations.” I commented as I surveyed the grounders. We had been at war with them barely days ago and yet I couldn’t deny that I pitied them now. I was hardly able to believe what I was seeing, despite my distrust of the people here.

“Wait a second.” Monty’s voice became calm and analytical again and he managed to draw my attention back. “Why are you showing us this?” He interrogated as he turned to consider Maya as he spoke.

“Because I’m afraid.” She admitted and knitted her hands together in a gesture that made me nervous.

“Of what?” Jasper questioned as he glanced over his shoulder and furrowed his brows in concern. I swallowed my impatience at his continued infatuation with her. 

“That you’re next.” She confessed, choking up as she spoke and her body language radiated guilt as she glimpsed each of us in turn. I felt my heart skip a beat at her words and my mind raced with the new information. Although I’d been feeling apprehensive about this place since I first woke here, I couldn’t have imagined that a threat this depraved was lurking behind the allure of the food and safety. Everyone here was well practised in the act of behaving as if the mountain was a paradise and I was disgusted to discover the truth.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I groaned as I covered my face with my hands. “We survive war with the grounders just to end up in a blood factory.” I stated with bitterness and Monty placed a gentle hand on my shoulder to settle my dissolving form. Jasper turned fully on the spot to confront Maya and I was glad to finally witness a firmness in his tone.

“Who else knows about this?” He investigated accusingly as he pointed back at the grate in annoyance. His shoulders raised with tension and the sympathy in his eyes was gradually fading to anger.

“Everyone, but nobody talks about it.” She confirmed weakly and her posture became defensive, childish even. “We learn not to ask questions.” She justified as she scanned us guiltily and I scoffed. The tone of her voice implied that they were simply bystanders in this situation and her lack of responsibility grated on me.

“Great, we’re surrounded by sociopaths who are willing to sacrifice people for their own gain.” I growled as I uncovered my face and threw my arms up in exasperation. Maya dropped her gaze to avoid my glaring expression and I rolled my eyes.

“Look, without the treatments we’d die.” She stepped closer to Jasper as she tried to justify her words. I peeked at him to check that he wasn’t falling back under her spell and was relieved to find that he remained tense. “What are we supposed to do?” She muttered with furrowed brows and I observed Jasper crossing his arms sharply.

“Die.” Monty spat as he fixed her with a furious glare and I nodded in agreement. I found that I was glad to have him beside me and even though it was unusual to see him behave this way, I was glad of his backup. “We have to get out of here. Dante said we could leave right?” He turned his determined attention to Jasper and assessed him with desperate eyes.

“He was lying.” Jasper scoffed as he shuffled on the spot and it was clear that the realisation was crushing him. “He knows I’d be too scared to leave, just like he knew I’d do what had to be done to save Maya.” He remarked with a tone that betrayed the hurt in his voice. I squeezed his arm to bring his eyes to me and smiled sympathetically. 

“He made a mistake taking advantage of your kindness.” I stated firmly as I addressed him with a stubborn confidence that I hoped would reach him. “He didn’t account for how heroic and intelligent you are. We’re a hell of a family of survivors, we can figure this out.” I elaborated as I smiled at both of them encouragingly, despite the dread in my chest. There were a few moments of silence as they absorbed my words and I could tell that they were wracking their bright minds for ideas.

“We don’t ask, if Clarke got out, we can too.” Monty asserted as he stepped closer into our tightly knit circle with a new found confidence.

“You’ll never make it.” Maya offered from behind and I noticed that Monty rolled his eyes at the sound of her voice. “Ever since Clarke disappeared security all around the mountain has been increased.” She confirmed with a fearful voice and I hissed under my breath. I wasn’t surprised to find that Clarke was an inconvenience even when she wasn’t present. 

“We have to try.” Monty argued with a fire that I’d never seen in him before now. I opened my mouth to try to interject but Jasper spoke firmly in response.

“We’re not leaving. I won't leave the others behind.” He exclaimed before softening his expression and pointing to the grate. “That means they end up in there.” He commented with a forlorn stare and I sighed regretfully. He was right, if we broke out with just our small family we would be condemning the others to a death. The invasive image of our people filling the inhumane cages crossed my mind and I violently forced it out with a wave of disgust.

“What choice do we have?!” Monty responded with a desperation that mirrored how I felt. 

“I don’t want to leave them behind either.” I confirmed as Monty met my eyes with a mournful face. “But Monty’s right, we haven’t got many options.” I sighed and noticed that now Jasper was studying me with an unimpressed expression. “Clarke’s out there and I doubt that she’s just sitting on her ass. She’ll be searching for help.” I suggested and they both shrugged at my words. “We need to get out, find her and bring back as big a force as we can. It’s the only way we can save them.” I presented my case and waited with anticipation for their opinions.

“It’s too risky. They could kill them all whilst we’re gone. Besides, how would we even find Clarke? Or anyone else to fight with us?” Jasper pointed out and I felt my shoulders drop with disappointment. There were more pitfalls in this plan than I’d realised and although I wanted to believe it was possible, I understood that our decisions carried more importance in this moment than ever before. Jasper took a deep breath and gulped. “There’s only one thing to do, we volunteer.” He declared as both Monty and I jolted into rigid postures at his words.

“Are you insane?” I hissed as I scrutinised him in disbelief. “You want us to just hand ourselves over to them?” I repeated as if I had misheard him. 

“We haven’t got any other choice! It’s the only way to keep us alive, safe, fed and to buy us some time.” Jasper cried with a desperation that was shared between us. “If you really believe that Clarke is out there trying to rescue us, we need all the time that we can get.” Jasper appealed to me and I couldn’t think of any plausible options to challenge this with. I peeked at Monty for alternatives but he reflected the same defeat that I felt.

“For the record, I hate this.” I muttered bitterly.

***

When we returned to the dorms Jasper set straight to work arranging volunteers. He took Harper and Miller to a quiet corner of the room beside the blaring radio and explained the situation. They reluctantly agreed to his insane plan once he expressed that we needed to buy time and I offered to volunteer too. Jasper refused to allow me to join them and instead requested that I act as a guard for the rest of the group whilst they were incapacitated. I was frustrated by this, as I felt a desperate desire to keep the boys in my sights at all times, especially now that I knew what the people here had planned for us. I bitterly accepted that the others required protection and that their ignorance would leave them vulnerable. 

I begrudgingly settled on the bed as they left to volunteer and found myself in a constant state of tension the entire time that they were gone. I attended all of the set meal times so that I could ensure the group remained under observation, but I was unable to bring myself to eat. Instead I picked around plates of food and drank copious amounts of tea in an attempt to stay alert. The night was terrible as I kept watch as much as possible, only occasionally drifting to sleep to be haunted by visions of the boys strung up like blood bags. I heard Bellamy’s voice in my dreams, yelling in frustration at the mess that we’d found ourselves in. Whenever I bolted awake again I couldn’t shake the feeling that my imagination wasn’t wrong. I felt in my core that Bellamy would suggest a more aggressive plan, that he would bust us out of here and I spent much of the night racking my brain for alternative ideas.

By the time the group returned from their procedures I was manic and immediately took both Monty and Jasper into my arms, squeezing them tightly for reassurance. They allowed me to comfort myself with them before Monty led me to sit with Harper and Miller on the bunk beds. Jasper subtly turned up the radio on his way over to mask our conversation. 

“Okay, it’s safe to talk.” Jasper nodded as he settled into position beside me. “We bought ourselves some time but we’re gonna need to recruit some more of the others, only people we trust.” He reported as we all leaned in to listen closely.

I nodded in agreement, glancing around at the relaxed faces in the room. I wasn’t sure how many people remained that I trusted and I couldn’t help feeling envious of their blissfully simple existence. It seemed the five of us had become the new leadership now and I resented being a part of it. I had never desired to lead and although I was always comfortable to share my opinion, I had been content to leave the decision making to others.

“How much more time are we talking about buying here?” Miller grilled as he surveyed the room and from his expression I could imagine that he was having the same concerns. I didn’t even recognise many faces from Bellamy’s militia, which I understood to be Miller’s main confidants. The people here were mostly background parts of camp and I was unsure how much they would be willing to do.

“Long enough for Clarke to break us out.” Monty confirmed confidently and I snapped my gaze to him. I was surprised to find that he believed in my theory until he peeked subtly at me with a wink. I smiled at him and was glad to find that we were on the same page.

“We don’t even know if Clarke’s still alive.” Harper declared as she wrung her hands in worry. 

“It’s Clarke, she’s too stubborn to die.” I commented with a hint of amusement. I leaned slightly forward to catch Harper’s gaze with a supportive smile. “She visited me whilst I was in quarantine. She told me that she thinks there are others alive out there and that she wanted to find them. I know she’ll be out there finding help right now, whatever form it may be in.” I elaborated with certainty and I noted that the others seemed to be intrigued by this revelation.

“She has to be.” Jasper sighed thoughtfully and I nudged him gently. He squinted at me and I smiled as I placed a comforting hand on his arm. I couldn’t stand seeing him look defeated and he’d been moping around in this manner since Maya’s reveal. It was clear that he had genuinely believed in the safety of this place and it was saddening to see his hope crushed.

“Well then she better hurry the hell up.” Miller commented aggressively and the others all stared at the ground with uncertain expressions.

I sighed as I pondered their worried faces. Although we were all straining to inspire each other, none of us had been a part of the leadership in camp and it was clear that nobody wanted that responsibility now. I’d witness the stress that it had caused Bellamy and I dreaded watching any more of my loved ones crushed under it. I took a deep breath and decided to take as much of it as I could for them. 

“I’m sure she’s doing everything that she can out there, so for now we need to do the same in here. Reach out to those you trust, get them onside. The more people we can get to volunteer now, the more we can inspire to volunteer without having to tell them what’s going on. We don’t want to cause a panic. We need to focus on being model citizens; involve yourselves in as much as possible, show your skills and make us indispensable.” I spoke firmly as I gave my best attempt at the kind of inspiring talk that Bellamy often presented in camp. I didn’t have the same undeniable natural charisma that he exuded, but the group seemed to be absorbing my words. “For now, everyone recruit one person you trust and that will fill the bay with volunteers tonight. After that we’ll see what happens naturally, it might be enough.” I ordered and they nodded with an enthusiasm that had been absent before.

We dispersed from our small huddle and each searched for someone to convince. I guided Fox to a quiet area and felt confident that I could trust her due after our history in camp. I quietly explained the situation and although she was fearful, she trusted me to make the best choice for our people. I returned to the group and confirmed that I had sourced a volunteer. The others put forward the names of their candidates and Harper shuffled awkwardly on the spot when it came to her turn. 

“I couldn’t find anyone I trusted enough to tell, I’m sorry.” She whispered as she avoided meeting eyes with any of us. I cleared my throat to prompt her to bring her face up. 

“Well I haven’t volunteered yet. It looks like it’s my turn.” I remarked and smiled at her encouragingly. 

“Are you sure you’re up to that Indie?” Jasper interrogated as he viewed me with concern. He scanned me closely and I could tell that he was reluctant about the suggestion.

“I’m fine, I need to do my part.” I asserted. Before he could argue, I picked up the sign up sheet and added my name to it. “Let’s get this done.” I confirmed as Jasper and Monty glimpsed between each other worriedly.

***

As I laid in the bed of the medical unit with doctors fussing over us, I started to become nervous. A pretty female doctor with dark hair checked my vitals before inserting a large needle into my neck. I hissed in pain and she flinched apologetically at me, before leaning over to the bed beside me to prepare the person that I would be transfusing to. Once she’d finished connecting all the leads she returned to my side. 

“Alright, we’ll administer general anaesthetic. You won’t feel a thing.” She smiled at me encouragingly and I couldn’t hide the feeling of reluctance that flooded my face at the idea of medication.

“Will it make me sleep?” I asked in a small, fearful voice as my stomach twisted in dread. Although I was more than willing to assist in this plan, I hadn’t been prepared to be drugged again and I wasn’t sure that I could survive another round of the horrors that lurked in the back of my mind. She was momentarily confused, before her faze landed on my wrists and understanding dawned on her pitying face. 

“It wont, but we gave the others a mild sedative to help them to relax.” She explained and I felt uncomfortable with the concept that we were all vulnerable here. “I can withhold that if you would like? But it’s a long process without.” She advised and she observed my reactions closely as she spoke.

“I don't want to sleep, I’ll wait it out.” I answered and shook my head firmly. She sighed as she considered me. 

“Indigo, you know that you’re safe with us, don’t you? You don’t need to be guarded.” She suggested as she settled a comforting hand on my arm and I had to control my immediate reaction to recoil from her touch. I struggled to keep the annoyance from my face as I processed her words. It felt like a kick in the teeth to hear the staff reassuring us and comforting us when they all knew what they were keeping us here for. I forced myself to smile calmly in response and took a slow, steadying breath before I spoke again. 

“I’m not guarded, I have nightmares. I can’t forget the things I saw before here.” I justified in the hope that this would seem less suspicious. Although I was honest about the reason that I didn’t want to sleep, I couldn’t deny that I was also afraid to be administered something that would reduce my ability to fight if needed. She watched me with pity and I squirmed in an effort to contain my disgust. 

“Okay, no sedative. Just let us know if you need anything or change your mind. We’ll give you a dose of pain relief just in case.” She smiled in an understanding that felt inauthentic before walking over to a nurse who connected a bag of medication to the drip stand and connected me to it.

After a few minutes I could feel the effects of the pain relief and I felt more relaxed than I had in months. I realised that my anxiety was calmer and the heartbreak didn’t feel as crushing anymore. I leaned my head back into the pillows and felt as if my whole body had become heavier all of a sudden. I stared at the ceiling and as my mind eased, Bellamy’s face filled my consciousness. Before I could put up my internal defences to protect myself from the pain, the memories flashed through rapidly. I was forced to reflect on every moment that I had spent with him, but it didn’t trigger the same desperate feeling as usual. 

I remembered seeing him for the first time in the dropship when we landed on Earth. He was clean with neatly combed back hair and his clothes were only as faded as was normal on the Ark. I could still clearly picture the way that he smiled when he saw Octavia; his eyes still sparkled with hope and joy. I recounted the smug expression that he had when he looked me up and down as I introduced myself with a fizzle of excitement. I played everything back from the beginning and realised how vastly different things were between us from the early days where we argued constantly; I strived to get under his skin and he hid behind skeevy compliments. 

In our last days together we seemed to have reached a peace that neither of us had acknowledged, content to simply enjoy each other's presence. I could still feel the tension in every time we’d touched, clinging to one another in moments of panic, both searching each other out for comfort in the aftermath. I felt a wave of painful regret as I visualised every chance for it to become something more between us that I had missed. It felt like a cruel fate that I only understood the depth of my feelings for him now that he was gone and I started to become aware of the gaping hole in my chest that I’d felt almost constantly since the last time I saw him. 

It wasn’t just Bellamy that was missing from my life; it was Octavia and Raven; it was the home that we’d all built together; it was the leaders that, although troubled people that I didn’t always agree with, kept us safe and banded together even in times of crisis. It was the unity of our camp that didn’t seem the same in our underground prison. The realisation struck that I would likely never be able to fill the hole that their absence left in me. I would likely have this wound forever and if I was going to survive, I’d have to start learning to live with it. As unfortunate as this thought was, I knew in my gut that I couldn’t avoid sleep forever.

I considered the way that I had felt in the white room of quarantine and the drastic actions that I’d taken. Now that the mania I’d experienced during the inescapable times of sedation had passed, I understood that I didn’t truly want to die. Although I felt a constant emptiness that made me question the point in fighting on, the threat of our containment here gave me the powerful sensation that I wasn’t finished yet. I still had people to protect and the loss of Bellamy as a leader had left behind a responsibility that I couldn’t abandon. I hoped that in time I’d find a way to stop the torment of my memories, but for now I would settle for only sleeping as often as needed to survive and denying any triggering thoughts of the Blake siblings. I relied on my bond with Jasper and Monty to give me purpose and that minimised the grief to a size that I could still live with.

When the painkillers finally wore off, I was relieved to be free from the reflection that they’d caused. I was violently sick for several hours following the completion of the transfusion, whilst the patient I’d assisted seemed to be in the best shape of their life. Fox and I were the first to be released and supported each other on the shaky walk back to dorms. Although I still felt nauseous, I was keen to be out of their blatant observation and with people I could trust again. I entered the dorms to find Miller and Monty talking in low voices on one of the bunks and approached to see that they were studying some kind of schematics. 

“Looks like I missed something interesting?” I asked as I arched a brow at them inquisitively. Miller abruptly left when he noticed me and I took his space next to Monty.

“Good to have you back.” He smiled in relief as his eyes scanned me with worry. “How do you feel?” He grilled and I shrugged.

“Awful, I can’t believe that Jasper willingly put himself through this. Although by the sounds of it his treatment was even worse thanks to Maya’s radiation levels. Which honestly just makes it even more unbelievable that he came and asked us to do the same!” I rambled in a muddled mess and realised that I still felt slightly groggy from the medication. “Poor boy was super brainwashed.” I added with an understanding tone as I caught up to my own thoughts and Monty nodded in agreement. I jolted into a slightly straighter posture as a delayed thought struck me. “I was thinking about quarantine and I just remembered something.” I started and Monty’s eyes widened at the mention of this time. “There was a guy... I don’t know who he was, I was super out of it. But he was talking about my blood and how precious it is. I think...Monty I think I’m the reason that they worked out how effective our resistance to the radiation is.” I admitted with a furrowed brow and a terrible feeling of guilt.

“Your blood? But how would they..” Monty trailed off as his attention was drawn to my wrists and I shuffled to ensure they were covered. “You think that whilst they were saving your life, they took the opportunity to use you as a lab rat?” His voice dropped to a dark, disgusted tone that was alien on him and I could sense the rage that bubbled beneath his calm exterior. I nodded back regretfully and he cursed under his breath. “Indie, this isn’t your fault. They’ve been using the grounders for god knows how long, they were always going to realise that we could be viable options. It was just a matter of time.” He excused and I sighed thoughtfully.

“Maybe eventually, but thanks to me they know already. I’ve cost us time.” I stated remorsefully and he shook his head at me firmly.

“No, you’re not taking that on your shoulders, I don’t want to hear you say that ever again, alright?” He asserted and I nodded in an unconvinced gesture. “Well how about some good news?” He smiled at me with a hopeful spark in his eyes and I felt my stomach flip in anticipation. “The Ark made it! We found photos, they’ve set up camp.” He confirmed and I gasped before quickly covering my mouth. 

“Well I wasn’t expecting that, but that’s great! Now we know exactly where Clarke will be headed for help.”  I breathed as I struggled to keep my voice low in my relief.

“I don’t think we can wait for that Indie, we don’t know if Clarke will even find them.” He mumbled before his eyes glazed over and he stared off into the distance. “My parents might be there.” He spoke in a dreamy voice and I reached out to squeeze his hand.

“If they’re anything like you, I’m sure they will be. You’re a pretty hardcore survivor Monty, you must get that from somewhere.” I smiled at him encouragingly and he gripped my hand back gratefully. “So, what’s the plan?” I enquired as I assessed him with a nervous excitement buzzing in my chest.

“We broke into Dante’s office to see if we could find evidence that Clarke’s alive, that’s where we saw the photos from the Ark and where we got this…these are the engineering schematics for this whole place. We’re gonna find a way out.” Monty answered confidently and I stared back at him in bewilderment. 

“That’s a hell of a risk Monty. If they realise we’re onto them we could all end up hanging in that chamber.” I gulped as I ran my fingers through my hair in stress. “You know that I’m all for action but we’re trapped here, we’ve got a lot to lose if we get this wrong.” I confided and even as I spoke I could hear Bellamy’s voice in my mind even louder than my own. I knew that he would already be planning an offensive with no kid left behind. I felt that much of my courage and fire was dampened without him around, and I couldn’t quash my fears.

“We found proof that they’re lying to us today Indie, again. They know our people are alive and yet Dante told Jasper that the Ark hadn’t survived. How long do you think it will be before they ambush them too? And by then we could already have served our purpose.” He appealed to me and I sighed with indecision.

“Guys, Harper didn’t show for breakfast. You guys seen her?” Jasper approached with an anxious energy about him. I noticed that Miller was behaving shifty too beside him and I felt a knot forming in my stomach.

“I haven’t seen her since Dante’s office.” Milled reported and I snapped my gaze back to  Monty with wide eyes, hoping that he could confirm that she was fine. When he met my eyes with equal concern, I felt a sharp anxiety pain flit across my chest.

“So where the hell is she?” Monty asked with a panicked tone as we all stared at each other in terror.

[pretend-writer]

Down Below (Chapter 48)

Summary: Y/N Reyes lands on Earth with the rest of the 99 prisoners. Being one of the first people to come back “home” after 97 years of living in space, she learns what it’s like to finally live in this planet.

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader, Raven Reyes x sister!reader

Word Count: 1795 words

Warning: mention of death, mention of sex, mention of alcohol

Down Below Masterlist

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

Bellamy intertwined his hand with mine as we stood in the crowd while Jaha made an announcement about the bunker he found with Monty.

He smiled, exposing his cute freckles on his cheeks. It’s been a while since I saw Bellamy smiling genuinely, he must be really happy that we finally found hope.

My mind, however was not at rest. Was Raven coming back? Was Raven even okay after all the seizures and headaches she’s been experiencing from the side effects of getting chipped? After Abby telling me about what was going on with my sister, there was no way I could rest at all.

Not only was my sister boggled in my mind but ever since Octavia left Arkadia, we heard nothing from her. All my friends were in jeopardy and I couldn’t help but not be truly happy about our survival.

As we walked back to our rooms to pack to leave to the new bunker, Bellamy nudged me on my side lightly. ‘You’re not backing out or anything right?’

'What do you mean?’

'The whole reason why I was drinking last night in the first place was because I was mad at you for telling Harper you didn’t want to survive.’

As I bit my lips, I starred at the ground. 'Oh. Well, now we kind of have no choice.’

His eyebrows raised, 'So you’re doing this because you have no choice? You wouldn’t do it for me?’ Bellamy looked at me with sad eyes.

This moment gave me a deja vu, as if this has already talked about this before. 'Did we already have this conversation?’

'No, that’s why we’re doing t-’ Bellamy paused as his eyes widened. 'Oh.’

'Oh what?’ I was curious as to why Bellamy made that face.

'Er, we argued about this last night right before uhm.’ Bellamy looked down and blushed, getting all the flashbacks from the party.

I crossed my arms, upset that no memory was coming back. 'Oh, well I don’t remember. I’m sorry.’

'You honestly ruined the night when you told Harper that but at least you turned it around and made it a great night.’ Bellamy smirked at me. Blushing, I hit him on his shoulder then he winced. 'Damn, it was a compliment.’

'Can’t believe I don’t remember anything.’ I tried to think about the last thing I did from last night but everything was a blur.

'Well, now that we found a way to stay alive there will be more to come.’ Bellamy grinned as he held my hand. 'No pun intended.’

As I laughed, I hit Bellamy lightly. 'You’re back to your old cocky self.’

'You loved old cocky Bellamy.’

'Ugh, no. I hated him.’ I chuckled as I had a flashback of us fighting all the time back when we lived in the dropship.

'Oh, that’s right. It’s because you were dating Murphy.’ Bellamy joked, 'What did you see in him anyways?’

'Funny, he asked the same thing about you.’

Bellamy laughed and pinched my cheeks, 'You guys are talking about me now?’

'Best topic to talk about.’ I joked back as we continued walking to our room. 'But seriously, what was said last night?’

'Uhm, after I convinced you to stay with me, you said you’ll be there for me to find the solution to survive but I guess it doesn’t matter anymore huh.’ Bellamy said.

'Of course it does because I’ll always be right by your side.’ I held onto his hand tightly and gave a peck on his cheek. '5 years in the bunker, you ready Blake?’

He smiled, 'Can’t wait.’

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

'We’re not coming out.’ Jasper smirked from the other side of the door. Him and the others locked themselves out so that they didn’t have to march to the new bunker.

Unlike myself, some of the others didn’t change their mind after the bunker was discovered. They were tired of surviving and listening for orders that everyone gave them.

As I watched everyone dancing behind the locked doors, it made me think of the mindset they were all in.

They’re all done; they’ve already accepted the fact that the world was going to end, and so will their lives. It made me sad that they’ve already came to terms with death and it frightened me a little.

The fact that Jasper, a person that I considered was my friend was going through with staying in Arkadia. I was yet again losing another friend.

'This is stupid, come out.’ Monty banged on the door as he watched Harper and Jasper getting wasted while dancing along to their booming music.

'Guards, get ready to blow up the door.’ Jaha commanded.

My eyes widened, 'No. You’re going to hurt them.’

'We need everyone out of Arkadia immediately. What other choice do we have?’ Jaha raised his voice.

'The difference from now and when you sent them to the ground is that now they have a choice to stay or leave.’ Bellamy implied.

'Bellamy, if Octavia was in there wouldn’t you want her out?’ Monty looked at him with a serious face.

He signed, 'If Octavia was in there, at least I can say goodbye.’

Monty clenched his fist and turned around to Jaha, waiting for his call to bomb the door.

'Stand down, we’re going to let them go.’ Jaha said as he slowly looked down. 'Let’s go and lead the march before the black rain gets to us.’

'I’m not letting them stay here!’ Monty exclaimed as Jaha and the guards walked away. 'Y/N, help me please. It could be Raven in there, what would you do?’

If Raven was in there, there was no way I would leave. At the same time though, what Bellamy said was right.

'Of course I’ll barge in there to save her.’ I agreed, 'But if she didn’t want to be saved, I don’t know if I would be able to.’

Monty bit his lips, obvious that he was keeping his tears in. I knew it was hard to say goodbye to a very special friend.

Before I was able to say anything else, Jasper opened the door. 'Guess Jaha gave up huh.’

'No, he realized that you guys had a right to make your own choices.’ Bellamy replied.

'You sure you really want to do this, Jasper?’ Monty asked as his voice cracked.

Jasper slowly nodded, chuckling nervously. 'Whatever the hell we want, right?’

Bellamy chuckled and shook his head. 'Yeah. Whatever the hell we want.’

'And hey, you don’t have to be jealous of me and Y/N anymore Bellamy.’ Jasper jested as he reached to Bellamy for a hug.

'I was never jealous.’ Bellamy claimed as he hugged Jasper back.

'Yeah, right.’ Jasper laughed as he looked over at Monty. 'Harper is in there if you want to talk to her. I’m sure she’s waiting for you.’

Monty nodded, walking through the door and into the room.

I flashed a smile, trying not to shed any tears as I looked at Jasper. 'I’ll miss you.’

'Of course you will.’ He grinned as he hugged me, 'What do you say? One more time before the big Praimfaya? Just like the old days.’

'No.’ Bellamy answered. ’ Hell no.’

He cackled, 'You know I’m kidding.’

As I pulled away from the hug, I giggled. 'You’re not.’

'You guys know me so well.’ Jasper said.

We all laughed in sync, then I looked over at him. 'May we meet again.’

Jasper shook his head, 'We won’t.’

'Just say we will.’ The goodbye was already hard enough, I didn’t want him to make the moment sadder than it already is. 'Please say it.’

He wrapped his arms tightly, hugging me again. 'Goodbye, Y/N. And thanks for everything.’

Tears streamed down my face as he said those words. I hugged him back tightly, wishing that this wasn’t our final goodbye.

Jasper pulled away and gave me a last smile before he walked back into the room.

'Let’s go.’ Bellamy said lightly as he reached out for my hand. Taking his hand, he pulled me into his chest and kissed the top of my head.

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

In Polis, all the warriors from each clan were preparing for war. Trikru and Azgeda found out about the bunker and after Clarke suggested they three clans can live together, they both refused to share it with each other. Their solution was to have a conclave; the last warrior standing for that clan gets the bunker to themselves.

'How are we going to win again clans that have been fighting their whole lives?’ I said doubtfully, 'We don’t have warriors.’

'I’ve seen you fight, Y/N. You can take these people.’ Clarke added.

'There is no way I can fight all of them off. They’re strong and they have more knowledge.’

Kane suggested, 'You know you don’t have to fight everyone off. They’ll eventually kill each other. You just need to kill the last one.’

Bellamy sighed, 'You’re our best bet, Reyes and I know you can do it.’

'Yeah.’ I mumbled to myself, knowing that I didn’t believe that I was able to do it. 'I’m going to go walk around.’

Rushing away from them, I walked off elsewhere to try to get my headspace in the right set of mind.

'Hey, Y/N.’ I heard a familiar voice next to me. As I turned around, Octavia gave a nervous smile.

With a huge smile on my face, I hugged her tightly. 'Octavia, I missed you so much.’

'You-you’re not mad at me?’ She hugged me back, 'I didn’t mean to hurt you, I only wanted you to stay in Arkadia.’

'I know why you did what you did. Honestly if you didn’t strangle me, I would’ve chased you through the woods.’ I made a light joke, hopefully letting her know that I understood her side.

'When the black rain came, I was scared that you were still laying on the ground.’ Octavia said, 'I’m so sorry.’

'Don’t worry, you’re forgiven.’ I smiled for reassurance, 'So will you train me for this conclave? I don’t think I can do this.’

Octavia shook her head. 'Y/N, I can just take your place. That’s what I came here for, I want to fight.’

On one hand, I was glad that we as Skaikru had a better warrior representing us. On the other hand, I didn’t want anything to happen to her. The whole life of Skaikru was counting on us and Octavia had a better shot at winning than I did.

Not knowing what to say, I hugged Octavia. 'I don’t want you to go but you’re our only hope.’

'I owe you after what I did to you anyway.’ Octavia hugged back, 'I’ll be back Y/N, you just wait.’

✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤  ·  ✤

tag list; @jodiereedus22, @coffeebooksandfandom, @bellamyblakemorley, @wisestydia-15, @dbtvluv , @hurricane–amelia , @lexalexy , @olkathefoxi, @lena-davina, @kellbell44, @thehakunamatara, @akelly4477, @morgannope, @littlegirl-fox, @captainam-erika-trash, @greygarbage, @nathaliabakes, @eternal-l-appel-du-vide

[girlobsessed21]

The 100 6x08 analysis - The old man is not an anomaly, only a prime

This episode was a step down from the previous one but hey, I guess they can’t all be brilliant. The pacing was too fast and a lot of stories happened at once. Still good though. Many reflections on the past which is indeed concurring with the Face Your Demons Theme. Okay, onto the recap.

Xavier, I mean Gabriel and the anomaly

I’ve heard the Xavier is Gabriel theory many times before and I mentioned it in last week’s analysis as well. I did not want it to be true and thus condemned it. As the episode started, a lot of things pointed to this fact and I kept wishing it away. At least there’s a good explanation for it since Gabriel being something which he’s completely against would have been hypocritical, to say the least.

Octavia and Diyoza are very much the same, they would make a great married couple. Just kidding. But they do have a lot of similarities, Diyoza is just the older sister with quite a bit more life experience. They’re both strong physically and mentally, enjoys power, willing to fight to the death for what they believe in and come from traumatic pasts. Absolutely the reason they make such a great team.

We learn that radio signals get sucked up by the anomaly and picked up in endless repeating waves. I guess that’s how Xavier knew about the earthlings’ actions. I’ve seen some tweets about Clarke’s radio calls being broadcasted but I doubt it, her calls were made from earth. They are now in a distant galaxy. It seems unlikely, yet I’m no astrophysicist or engineer, so I guess the possibility exists. Don’t get your hopes up, though.

Diyoza notes that Gabriel loved Josephine from the picture and that she was just looking to get laid. Either she listened to Blink182′s song one too many times or she knows exactly how to read people from one look. She also figured out that Xavier is Gabriel and referred to Bellamy and Clarke as the hostage taker and his girlfriend. I think it’s worth a mention.

It seems like the sociopath has quite a gift to make men fall head-over-heels for her. First the guy in the coffee shop, then Gabriel. Gabriel calls her his deepest desire and darkest fear. She’s going to use these tactics on Bellamy too. More on this later.

Gabriel explaining to Octavia that he was dedicated to destroying false gods while he was one himself must have hit a nerve since Bloodreina was worshipped like one too. Bringing about her tormenting vision of throwing her own brother in the fighting pit to remain in power. We’ve witnessed her journey back to Octavia but there are things she has to answer for. Bloodreina did terrible things and redemption can only be granted for someone who feels remorse. Octavia was willing to die to save the former terrorist from the anomaly and the red queen would never have considered such a sacrifice. She’s come a long way.

Diyoza’s weakness is her daughter and of course she follows Hope’s sweet little face into the crazy green light from where no-one has ever returned. If she does not come back, I’m sending Jason and the writers my alcohol bill. She’s one of my favorites and I do not want to lose her. At least she’s smart and capable, I have faith! 

When Octavia returns, she looks years younger, revitalized and healed. Did the girl under the floor, the grounder or Skairippa come back? Also, I spotted a slight connection between her and Xavier. Am I crazy? Maybe Gabriel was just awed by the phenomenon. What does this anomaly do?

Hello Kane II, goodbye Kabby

I still can’t figure out why the primes are worshipped. Is it merely because of the safety and flourishment of Sanctum or is there more to this story? The nulls (those who do not carry any genetics to produce a nightblood) even deem themselves worthless and consider it an honor to become a host.

At first, I thought Abby was being selfish in her fight to save Kane and then I considered that she might have another plan but unfortunately she disapproved my faith in her. Never trusting her again.

This was the first episode this whole season where I was on board with Raven - minus the spacewalk. She lost her moral-high-ground attitude in the speech to Abby which made all the difference in the world. But she still looks like she just stepped out of the salon. Obviously, she gave in to save Abby, the woman who has been like a mother to her until the addiction. On some difficult level, she still loves her and doesn’t want her to die. I have empathy, still think it was the wrong choice.

“Abby, what have you done?” My question exactly. In what world will Kane accept murdering someone to save his own life? There’s no way he’ll forgive her for this. Is there still a chance to save his real body and bring him back?

On a sidenote, Simone does not seem much better than her daughter.

Hickory Dickory Dock, Clarke’s life is on the clock

Many have said that Russel will turn to the side of our heroes. Although his regret and conscience are constantly shown, nothing can trump the love for a child. Just ask Clarke, she went to the same lengths to save hers. 

We all know by now that Josephine is a master manipulator and she does not disappoint. She is so complex and good at being bad that you cannot but love her and her hair-twirling. And I cannot compliment Eliza’s acting enough. When her father refuses to help, she blackmails Riker into building her an EMP.

Poor Jordan thinking that Dellah is still alive. The only reason Clarke survived is because of the neural mesh from ALIE’s chip that still resides in her brain. Josephine said a mind-wipe hasn’t failed in centuries. Sorry, but I have no hope for Delilah. Unfortunately, Jordan does. He cares so much he even risks his life for her. Which is now in the balance. Well done on calling Bellamy out once again though. “You only care about Clarke.”

I knew Madi was taking the wrong path. And I loved Dad!Bellamy in this scene. Asking whether killing the primes is her idea or Sheidheda’s like a father would ask his teenager whose idea it was to smoke. And she acts superior to both Jordan and Echo yet keeps quiet when Bellamy defies her. Why would no-one watch her while they know what she’s up to?

Anyway, she fails in her plan, leading to two fatalities and all of them captured except for Echo. Jade has orders to bring Josephine back at any cost. She’s a null, worthless to the primes and now knows what they’re capable of. Her face at the end tells me she’s doing the complete opposite. Echo saved her, I think they’ll join forces in saving everyone but the primes.

Memori Forever?

If I wasn’t so mad at Murphy, that “sort-of” proposal would have been beautiful. One of them is dying. When a relationship on this show heads in the direction of happily-ever-after, it’s doomed. Linctavia. Marper. Kabby. And I don’t think it’s Murphy because what fun would a post-apocalyptic world be without the cockroach. Then again, there has been a lot of things in this season pointing to his death.

He points out that he’s never been perfect, not even close. Damn right. But Emori lived the survivor’s life back on earth too and understands him better than most people. Although he’s still willing to help Josephine, it’s not without guilt. It’s written all over his face. While he thought Clarke was already dead, going along with Josie’s plan was easy but now it’s more complicated. Which is why he ultimately tells Bellamy about Gabriel. At least he paid attention.

Who would Bellamy have chosen? Murphy or Clarke? My money’s on his soulmate for sure. Josephine cuts him anyway and his life is hanging by a thread for the third time in a short while.

Are we going daytrip 2.0?

Bellamy and Josephine are heading to Gabriel. I knew they would be the ones to ultimately rescue Clarke. Nothing else matters to Bellamy but bringing her back. Even Echo notices when she tells him, “Save Clarke.” She’s a spy, she can see what’s going on.

Clarke ultimately gave up her fight against Josephine when she was manipulated into thinking Bellamy deemed her expendable. For the one, it’s always the other and for the other, it’s always the one. They are soulmates, incomplete without one another. 

Bellamy’s willing to leave everyone, including his girlfriend, behind to save her. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is. I’m pretty certain their little journey to the anomaly will be filled with Josephine taunting him in her effort to escape. And I  think we might get a confession out of this. Now, the million dollar question, will Gabriel be able to kill Josephine in order to save Clarke?

Diyoza or Murphy or Jordan?

All three of their lives are on the brink but who will die? My guess, none of them. Murphy’s chips exist for a reason. Kane will certainly reject this new life, will Murphy gain Gavin’s body? 

The anomaly called Diyoza, I think she had a ticket to enter. Octavia looks younger when she returns, maybe Diyoza comes back with her little girl. It is called the temporal anomaly after all. 

Russel assured Priya that they’ll do everything they can to save Jordan. So, he’ll probably survive too.

Since there’s no episode next week, I’ll probably do another predictions post. I’d love to hear your thoughts on this.

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Heartbreaker ~ Bellamy Blake (part 3)

A/n: So I don't know if you've noticed but each of these parts is one episode from the show. Cool, right?

Warnings: Um, death. murder. Emotions.

Word Count: 4390

MASTERLIST

The moaning. It was bad on its own. Jasper's groans had a way of burrowing into your bone marrow and making you feel his pain. On top of that, said moans were keeping everyone awake and between the irritability that was causing and the shouts of irritation through the night - threats, dark wishes, grumbled complaints, and some creative insults that made me shiver in my spot on the ground - I was just about losing it. Everyone was.

I didn't blame it on Jasper... but everyone else did.

And the nightmares. God, the nightmares. You could hear people whimpering and whining in their sleep- a whole different bad than Jasper.

There was no getting better from here. I was scared it was only going to get worse. To confirm it, Octavia came suddenly blazing in my tent, ready to murder. At first, I thought her razor eyes were for me but then she explained what had happened with Atom and that she suspected Bellamy. I knew what she needed. "I'll come with you."

That seemed to relax her a bit. She led me to the tent Bellamy was in, stomping in with purpose as I stayed back by the entrance. "What did you do to Atom?" she demanded.

Sighing silently, he stood, moving around the table to face her without a barrier. "I didn't do anything."

She scoffed. "Then why did he just blow me off?"

"Maybe he's not interested," Bellamy shot back.

I rolled my eyes, remembering the way he had looked at her before. Talked to her. Touched her. The way she described the Butterfly Field and their shared kiss. Bellamy was spewing straight bullshit. "You can't keep everyone away from me," Octavia pointed out. "Y/n would be gone too if you had your way!"

She motioned to me and I stood tall. Bellamy didn't even look at me. "Atom has to learn," he said instead. "You disobey me, you pat the price. He paid the price, we're good." I recoiled. Who WAS this? This wasn't the same Bellamy who asked his father every day if Octavia could come out when we were kids. The same guy who learned how to braid my hair when we were teenagers. The same guy who pulled me close at night and whispered jokes in my ear when I was upset. The same guy who hated the Ark because they repressed and hurt us- forcing us to give up living in exchange for surviving. I didn't know this Bellamy.

Octavia spat, "Now I'm paying the price." She paused, her head dipping slightly as she looked at him challengingly. "So next time you decide to take a power trip, leave me out of it."

Bellamy looked at his sister. "So I have to keep you out of my battles, but you can drag Y/n into yours?" All eyes turned to me and I froze in the doorway. There was something in his eyes. Something foreign and new- in a bad way. So much had changed over the last year and a half...

A tortured scream cut brought the camp and I gasped, knocked back into the present. My eyes met Octavia's a second before we were both running. Jasper. We raced into the room to see a bloody, messy scene and I croaked, trying to speak but not even knowing where to begin or what to say. When had I become so silent? "Stop it!" Octavia yelled for me. "You're killing him!"

"She's trying to save his life," Finn counteracted.

"She can't." I turned to see Bellamy, who apparently followed after us.

Wells stood. "Back off," he sighed.

"We didn't drag him through miles of woods just to let him die," Clarke snapped.

Bellamy wasn't giving it. "Kid's a goner." It was a simple statement and I stared at the back of his head, trying to see any trace of the Bellamy I knew what seemed a hundred lifetimes ago now. "If you can’t see that, you're deluded. He's making people crazy!"

Clarke looked up and her anger filled the room, fueling everyone who was behind her. Everyone else in the room except Bellamy. "Sorry if Jasper's an inconvenience to you, but this isn't the Ark. Every life matters." She looked at me and I smiled. That seemed to encourage her a bit.

"Take a look at him." Bellamy paused and my chest constricted. What the hell was his DEAL? "He's a lost cause." Silence. A long silence. I stepped forward.

Unable to take it anymore, I spat, "And you'd know, right?" Eyes turned to me again. Bellamy went to speak but I stood straight and the words seemed to die in his mouth. "You, with your, what? Your experience with sick people? Your classes you took? The people you've healed. Clarke actually has seen stuff like-" I motioned to Jasper. "Like that. Maybe not like that specifically, but she has more experience than you do. Stop running your mouth and making decisions about someone's life just because you fancy yourself the leader." Bellamy's jack tightened. "You're talking about killing him like you're building the wall. Like it's a mark you have to hit on your checklist. Holy fuck Bellamy listen to yourself!" I scoffed, shaking my head. "What if it was Octavia?"

Another long silence. Bell and I just looked at each other. I was open and vulnerable and genuinely hurt by the person he had become in this world that had made him something ugly. He was cold and impossible to read- different than the open book he used to be. He was never easy going or calm but he used to be hopeful. Where did his spark go? His gentleness? His mercy? His... love?

Clarke finally spoke and I looked over, my face twisted with angry pain. "Octavia, I've seen my mom fix people up before- I saw her do it for years." The two girls looked at each other and I saw how genuine Octavia's concern was. It softened me. "If I say there's hope, there's hope."

"This isn't about hope, it's about guts," Bellamy interjected. Suddenly I was cold again. Robotic. Turned off. Inhuman. Unfeeling. Except the world was crystal clear and bright and alive and I was painfully aware of it. It was me that was empty. Me that was saturated. A gray smudge on a neon red and yellow canvas. "You don't have the guts to make the hard choices- I do." Every few words was another inch the invisible blade sunk into my gut. "He's been like this for three days. If he's not better by tomorrow... I'll kill himself myself." He looked at me and then at Wells and then turned and left, heading to the ladder. "Octavia, let's go."

"I'm staying here." Bellamy took only a split second to consider her response, an almost-emotion nearly showing in his face. His eyes landed on me and he seemed to ask silently without wanting to or meaning to. I looked away. He left.

Monty glared after him. "Power hungry, self-serving jackass. He doesn't care about anyone but himself." Monty looked at Octavia who looked away. "No offense." She shook her head to dismiss it.

"Yeah. Bellamy is all that... But he also happens to be right." We all looked at Finn as a tension settled in the air that set us on edge and hurt every nerve ending in our bodies. Jasper was going to die. My comfort for Octavia, letting her know that of all the things Bellamy was struggling with and being a dick about, he still very much loved her... it died in my throat.

I was sick. I believed Clarke with every fiber in my being, but hearing Finn say it instead of Bellamy... it felt so real.

-

Earth sucks, can I just say that? Jasper's sitting her dying and then a yellow fog that was deadly and toxic- literally burning and poisonous. As if we didn't already have enough to deal with?

When Charlotte approached me, I was surprised. "Where's Clarke?"

I faced her, my expression softening. "She's gone. What do you need? I'm her friend."

The girl looked at me a second. "The- the boy. I can't- the screaming-"

Placing my hand on her shoulder to comfort her, I offered a weak smile. "Do you want to take a walk?" She nodded. I knew she was going to ask or suggest it and I had no right to stop her. Only memorize our path so we wouldn't get lost and bring a weapon or two so we wouldn't get killed. I stopped by the weapons tent to grab an ax for me and a dagger for her and we were off. At first, we were just walking and I thought it was meaningless. But then we ran into Bellamy and the other hunting party and Charlotte stepped on a stick and almost got an ax through her head. "Who are-" Bellamy began, jogging up. But then his eyes landed on me. "Y/n?"

"Jasper was b-bothering her," I explained, choking on the word I used to express her emotion. "We both needed a walk. Figured she'd do better with a guide. And a weapon."

Atom stepped up. I glared at him but he didn't see, too busy purposefully avoiding my eyes. "There are Grounders out here, it's too dangerous for a little girl."

"I'm not little," Charlotte insisted, glaring softly. I smiled down at her, proud. There was a pause and I looked up. To my surprise, Bellamy's eyes were trained on me. He blinked, panic crossing his face for a half a beat before he looked away- as if caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Okay then," he told Charlotte, smiling. He looked so familiar with that smile. It made me feel normal. Calm. Real. Just for a second, everything was okay. Then he was serious again. "Have you ever killed something before?" Charlotte shook her head and I tried not to feel sick about it. She was a kid, sure. But... we were all kids. And we all had to do our share. Who was I to decide what her share was? "Who knows, you might be good at it." I thought of Jasper right then and when I looked back at her, my heart grew sad. We were all kids. Just a bunch of kids. What did we do to deserve THIS?

The fog came soon after. After someone far closer to it collapsed, screaming and steaming as it searing into his skin, we knew it was time to run. I kept Charlotte head of me and Bellamy stayed ahead of her, trying to scout somewhere to hide before the fog caught up to us all. Atom was right behind me... until he wasn't. "There's a cave!" Bell told us.

Just as Atom hollered, "BELLAMY! BELLAMY! Y/N!"

I turned as the fog hit me straight on. Atom called my name again. And again. "Atom!" I called back.

"Y/n no!" A hand was on my shoulder and I was pulled back against my will. I was choking on clean air, skin already red and eyes watering. I hissed and gasped and then I was crying because GOD it hurt. Arms wrapped around me and I was pressed into a chest. Familiar and firm. Warm. "Hey, calm down. Breathe and calm down."

"He's dead," I squeaked.

"I know," Bellamy whispered back. He hugged me tighter but I wondered if he did it to comfort me or hold me back from running after Atom to my death. "There's nothing we can do about it. Cole further into the cave. Come on." And I did. I followed him. He guided me to where Charlotte was and I sat down. She scooted next to me. She didn't hug me or cuddle me like Octavia would have- like she had, many times, especially when we were younger- but she did touch my leg with hers, letting me know she was there. The second she did so Bellamy was stepping away from me, distancing himself as much as he could. He wouldn't look at me, his hands curled into such tight fists that his knuckles were white.

We didn't talk again for a long time.

In fact, it wasn't until Charlotte fell asleep and then began screaming that we talked again at all. I pulled her up, whispering her name, and Bellamy moved close, his concern for the young girl overriding his distaste for being close to me. "Charlotte, wake up," Bellamy coaxed.

The girl sat up and I ran my hand along the side of her face, pushing her hair away. Bellamy has fallen asleep but I hadn't even nodded off yet. Now we were all wide awake. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Bellamy looked at her as she leaned into my hand. "Does that happen often?" Charlotte sighed. "What are you scared of?" he asked, firm. It was the firmness he used to comfort me and ease Octavia though. Charlotte brought that soft side out of him that I knew so well. The softness that belonged to MY Bellamy. "You know what?" He spoke up again after she stayed silent, dragging an awkward quiet out for a few seconds. "It doesn't matter." She looked at him. So did I. "The only thing that matters is what you do about it."

"But..." she mumbled. "I'm asleep."

He shrugged. "Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you're awake, they won't be able to get you when you're asleep." It was a phrase he had told me often and I was shocked to hear it come from him again. This new Bellamy saying things that I had carried with me from a past I longed for.

"Yeah," Charlotte piped up, drawing my eyes back to her bad my mind out of its hole. "But, how?"

"You can't afford to be weak." I looked at him sharply. "Down here, weakness is death- Fear is death." A pause. "Let me see that night I gave you." She silently handed it over. I watched, unsure what to think of him and his tactics. "Now when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife, and you say, 'Screw you, I'm not afraid.'"

He gave it back to her and she looked at it, her tiny fingers holding tight to it. "Screw you," she echoed firmly. "I'm not afraid. I actually smiled. Charlotte repeated the phrase.

Bellamy pats her leg. "Slay your demons kid. Then you'll be able to sleep."

I placed my hand on her shoulder. "That's not the only way to go you know." She looked at me. "He's right about a lot of it. Forget your fear, don't let it control you. Face your demons, take them down. But... fear isn't weakness. No emotion is a weakness, if you know how to USE it. Take that fear and let it drive you. Let it become the weapon you use to stay alive. Don't shrink from it, don't hate it. 'The best way to get rid of an enemy is to make it your friend.' Read that in a book somewhere once." She smiled along with me. "Get some sleep okay?" She nodded. "If you need, you can lay with me."

For a second I thought she was going to turn me down. But then she didn't. "Yeah, I would like that."

She fell asleep pretty quickly and I admired her ability. I thought I was the only one awake before I heard Bellamy whisper, "I don't understand you." I stayed silent. "You betray us and get my sister locked up and then she acts like you saved her life? Keeps claiming I don't know the whole story. And you're just like I remember you, just... quieter. Tormented. I don't know. What the hell aren't you telling me Y/n?"

I looked over at him to see his eyes wide and his expression open and honest. My heart fell into my stomach. "What's the point?" I whispered. "You hate me. No amount of telling you anything is going to change that. In fact, it might send you for a loop and make things really complicated and honestly, you're dealing with enough right now. And I- I don't want to talk about that night. The night I left."

"You don't have to protect me from whatever you're trying to protect me from! I'm a big boy, I'm sure I can handle it," he scoffed at me.

My eyes bore into his. "But I can't." He paused. "Okay? I can't see- this is all so- there's too much! Clarke is my friend and it's easier if you hate me. Then I can hate you for wanting to kill Jasper and pretend you're wrong and it's just easier."

He looked away.

I don't know if either of us fell completely asleep but when morning came, I felt as if the half-awake daze I'd been in did more damage than pulling an all-nighter. He checked outside to see if it was safe and then when it deemed it to be, called me and Charlotte after him. We found his other friends. "Where did you go?" Bellamy asked the guy he was talking to. Jones, he said.

"We made it to a cave down there," Jones replied.

Bellamy nodded. "Where's Atom?" Jones shrugged. Charlotte's scream cut the exchange off. We'd all started to look around, began drifting in different directions. The second she screamed, Bellamy and I were taking off after her. We both froze at her side when we came up on Atom, messed up and gasping painfully as he barely held onto life. His skin was deep red, some spots almost brown- blistered raised little bumps all over his body. And his eyes... "Son of a bitch," Bellamy hissed under his breath. He pressed forward and I turned Charlotte away, burying her face in my side. "Atom?" Bellamy leaned close as Atom whispered something I was nowhere near close enough to hear.

Charlotte pulled away after calming down, moving to Bellamy's side. Her hand found mine, dragging me along with her. Seeing him up close was even worse. She reached into her pocket, tugging out the dagger I'd given her the day before. The one Bellamy had told her to clutch if she was scared. She placed it in his open, loose palm. He looked over. "Don't be afraid," she encouraged him. I frowned.

"Go back to camp," Bellamy called to the others. They left immediately. Charlotte didn't move. "Charlotte, Y/n, you too." She turned, following after the others. I didn't move. He looked at me.

I shook my head decisively. "I'm not leaving you here alone."

"I don't need you here," he grumbled.

"I don't care," I snapped back in response. Atom groaned on the ground and we both looked back. "Come on Bellamy, stop wasting time." He turned back to Atom, kneeling down slowly. Atom offered his neck, begging Bellamy to do him mercy. My face scrunched up in pain. Octavia... Atom begged and begged but Bellamy couldn't move. I thought back to all the smack talk he'd delivered about killing Jasper and Clarke not being able to make the hard choice.

Movement caught my eye and I looked over. Speak of the Devil... Clarke walked up, pain in her face. She kneeled on the other side of Atom, across from Bellamy. "I heard screams," she managed after a second."

"Charlotte found him," Bellamy told her, his voice almost hoarse. "I sent her back to camp."

Clarke looked him up and down and then looked back to Bellamy. She gave a decisive shake of her head- lost cause. My hands curled into fists at my side. Bellamy looked away. Clarke looked back to Atom. "Okay," she whispered, forcing a smile, her voice weak and breathless. "I'm gonna help you, alright?" She leaned over him, one hand going to stroke the side of his face. She started humming soothingly. Her other hand reached for the blade in Bellamy's hand. Still humming, she pushed the blade into his throat and then pulled it out. Bellamy watched her, transfixed. Awed. The only thing I could think was that Clarke was the perfect leader. Merciful, resourceful, driven, and smart. She could do hard things. She could be serious. Bellamy could be a perfect second in command though. Form her stuff ideas and strict need for the rules to make a balance between need and want. If they would just work together...

The walk back to camp was silent, but it was seeing Octavia are Atom, dead and messed up, that was the worst part. She stormed off, even blowing me off. When I went to go after her, Bellamy stopped me. "Give her some space." I nodded, stepping away. He was right. She needed space to grieve. He turned to Murphy, barely keeping it together. "Did we lose anyone here?"

"No," he huffed. "Jasper's still breathing. Unfortunately." I tensed, my eyes boring into him. "I tried to end him but your psycho little sister-"

I would have been on top of him but Bellamy got to him first. One of his hands gripped Murphy by the collar, keeping him close as he screamed. "MY WHAT? MY WHAT?" I felt his anger, shaking in my rage as I forced myself to sit still. I'd never seen Murphy look at shaken as he did.

"Your little sister," Murphy corrected, shoving Bellamy away. I stepped forward, right at Bellamy's shoulder.

Bellamy calmed. Just a little. "Yeah that's right," he eased. “My little sister. Got anything else you wanna say about her?"

Murphy looked between us a few times before replying, "Nothing. Sorry." His voice cracked but I didn't get anything from it.

It didn't make me feels complicated or angry or even regretful. I just felt angry. I hated John Murphy. Hated him with every fiber in my being. Bellamy stepped away from him, pausing. "Get him out of here." He motioned to Atom as he turned away, stalking into the woods.

I turned to go as well, but I didn't go after Octavia or Bellamy. I went after Wells. We were digging Atom's grave went Clarke came. "I'll leave you two alone," I whispered, already feeling the tension. Clarke and Wells both gave me a grateful smile and I nodded before walking. I didn't want to go back to camp because I needed some space, so I just walked.

That seemed to be a really great way to find the one person I was trying to avoid because as I walked, I stumbled upon a pacing Bellamy. I tripped in surprise and he looked over. I immediately turned to book it but he raced to me. "Wait." He closed the distance easily, his fingers wrapping around my wrist. We stood there a second. "You were right. Clarke too. I was trying to do what I thought was right, but... I ended up messing it all up." He paused, taking a painful breath in. "I'm sorry. I should have treated Jasper that way." I didn't move. "Y/n..." My face twisted as I tried to resist him and the power he still had over me. "Y/n..." I looked at him. God, he was beautiful. Besides that, though, he was also home. "What happened? That day? What REALLY happened? When you disappeared." I shook my head and he stepped closer. "How did you get stuck in this stupid situation?"

Finally, I broke. "You and your dad were- were gone. Your mom was asleep, downstairs. Then- they came for her." I couldn't look at him. "Some of the neighbored said they saw a second girl in the house. A girl who looked to be apart of the family. Said they heard your dad say 'watch your sister' one day. They came for her and I..." I closed my eyes. "They dragged your mom away. And- and she was so scared." I pulled away from him.

He only stepped closer. "Y/n, please."

"I told her to stay silent and I went out. Said I was your sister. Before I left- I told her to lie to you. Tell you- anything. So you wouldn't come looking for me. So you wouldn't find out. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want you to be guilty and hate yourself. But I couldn't let her get caught Bell, I couldn't-"

Instantly he pulled me closer. "Y/n, I..." He held me as I cried.

"Bell, I love Octavia with all my heart. I gave my life for her and she got lined up to die anyway. But I still meant well. If I knew... I don't know, I wouldn't have had her lie to you. Maybe. I don't know! I'm sorry- I'm s- I-"

He leaned back. "Breathe, Y/n, breathe." But I couldn't. I closed my eyes as tears fell down my face as I shook as my body refused to let me take in air. "Panic attack," he realized. I'd had them before. When I got too stressed- like now, when everything was happening too fast - my body became dysfunctional as I went into overdrive.

In a moment of such purpose I couldn't even question it when I looked back later, he leaned close and did the only thing he knew how to do when I was shutting down like this.

He kissed me.

Just as always, his touch and the way his hair tickled my forehead and the feel of his lips on mine as his hands brushed my waist or my neck or my cheek soothed me. He calmed the raging ocean and I was still. Broken and hurt and messy, but calm.

Somewhere else in the woods, Wells and Charlotte sat next to each other. Talking, for now. But as I kissed the man I loved for the first time in a year a half, the full truth out and in the air, Charlotte sunk a dagger into his neck. She took our advice, slaying her demons... in far too literal a sense. As my world finally seemed to be coming together, Well's world ended. And that marked the beginning of the end for the rest of us, too.

[wlwhc]

Requested by anonymous

(A/N): This sickness suck, I can’t even take allergies I would die in a second. Also, I wrote this on my phone because Tumblr is acting weird again.

Warning: Mention of sickness, almost dying, blood, mention of vomit

Words: 1751

Characters: Clarke, Lexa, Octavia, Luna, Raven, Anya. (When I wrote it I forgot to put a few other girls but since I’m too tired to write more I’ll keep it like this, sorry)

Clarke Griffin: Panic. Every nerve in her body was screaming, you didn’t got the virus the first time so when she saw that another wave of sickness had arrived in Arkadia, she panicked. It was worst when she couldn’t find you anywhere. One by one people were dying, you were still missing. There was a big probability that you’re lying dead somewhere in the camp, and in fact you were, nearby the armory, trying to get back on your feet. Bellamy was the one that found you, and took you to the infirmary where the other sick people were. Clarke was already there, since that Abby needed help. When her face found your bleeding one she let out a sigh of relief, but she was still in panic mode knowing that there was still a chance for you to die. even though she needed to check on other patients she was always by your side, holding your hair when the bloody vomit was not letting you breathe, when your eyes started to cry red drops of blood. She didn’t calm down until you were standing on your feet by your own.

“I thought I’d lost you for a second…Don’t do that again please..Stay with me Y/N, please stay with me”

Lexa Kom Trikru: Denial. You’re strong, there was no chance for you to catch that virus, you’re strong enough to be immune, you’re strong and that’s why you weren’t going to catch the virus, that’s what she thought, and she was wrong. No matter how strong you are, your immunologic system didn’t seem to be very strong, because once the sickness appeared in Polis, you almost drop dead on the spot. You face pale as snow and the floor around you colored in crimson blood. She didn’t even believe when Indra came to her saying how bad was your state, she didn’t want to believe it, but once she rushed to your aid, and saw you choking on your own blood, she knew she was wrong. She was immune, so she spends the whole time by your side, wishing that this wasn’t going to be last she sees you. Lucky you survive, but you almost didn’t, and that’s something she will always remember. No matter how strong you are, no matter how smart you are, no matter how far from danger you may seem to be, there’s always a chance that you may die today or tomorrow. You can’t blame her for being so overprotective of you now, don’t you?

“Oh no, no no no, Indra this-I thought-….Y/N, Y/N stay with me, I’ll take care of you-I-Niko! Niko…sis em au beja, beja” (Help her please, please)

Octavia Blake: Terrified. She should have gone with those stupid idiots that brought the contaminated dear, she would have known that the animal was infected with the fever, she should have gone, but she didn’t, arguing with her brother. She was called by Clarke, the blonde’s face twisted in agony. So many deaths, and maybe you were part of that pile. Octavia ran to the infirmary, whoever that saw her may think that her brother was there, but he wasn’t, you were there, shaking with a think layer of sweat and blood in your clothes. She didn’t want to freak you out so she just walked to you, knowing exactly what to do to make you feel better and hopefully save your life. her strong and steady hands were now shaking, and every time you fight against the sickness to make your lungs work her heart would stop, shouts of help would come out of her mouth even though Abby had already told her what to do. The Skairipa, mighty warrior was terrified, the love her life may die today, and she couldn’t do anything to stop it. After a long day and almost dying, you were starting to gain some color on your skin and didn’t seem to bleed anymore. Octavia’s hand were still shaking by the end of the day, same as her heart when you woke up from the fever’s daze, greeting her with a weak smile and groggy voice.

“Hey love, are still with me?…good…good…you’ll be okay babe…I’ll take care of you, go back to sleep I’ll-I’ll be here…always”

Luna Kom Flowkru: Helpless. Oh lord, it started with the kids, not many of them survive due to the lack of provisions and medicinal herbs. A lot of the adults had already gone through the fever and other few were affected by it. Luna thought you already had gone through the sickness when she saw you helping them…but then she saw your red tears, your pale skin, and the sweat on your forehead. She knew whatever she does you would not stop helping the kids. She had to drag you to a bed, it wasn’t hard at all, you were already weak and the fever was starting to making you hallucinate. The rest of the adults were helping the kids, and decided to leave Luna with you. So many of her people were dying, and she couldn’t do anything to stop it, you were dying in her arms, and couldn’t do anything to stop it. Helpless was how she felt, knowing that the waves of the sea may take you away from her today. She keeps you with her arms around you, holding you impossible closer to her. He fingers running through your skull somehow trying to give you comfort. When the bloody vomit came and the violent shakes didn’t let you sleep, she was still holding you tight. Not wanting to face your upcoming destiny. Right when she thought she had lost you, and her tears got mixed in the locks of your hair, Niko came to the Flowkru clan and manage to keep your heart beating.

“I almost lost you ai hodnes…if you die I….I would drown in agony” (My love)

Raven Reyes: Freak out. Raven hates when people called her every 5 seconds just to tell her or ask her how she was, even you do that. That’s why she just turns off her radio sometimes, especially when the Zero G-Mechanic was playing with explosive things. This time she wished she could have let the radio on, and let you ramble at the other side of the Radio. While you were lying on the infirmary, Clarke doing her best to keep you breathing, Abby had to call Bellamy to look for Raven, knowing that you may not pass through the night, at least you could have Raven’s hand holding yours. When Bellamy appeared at Raven’s door, his shirt covered in blood, Raven’s heart started banging against her chest. The words “Y/N is not okay” were enough to Raven. As fast as she could run with her damaged leg, she manages to get to the infirmary in a minute, Bellamy almost couldn’t keep her pace. Abby had told her about your state and had also informed her that you may not survive. Raven didn’t seem to react to those words, you were fine this morning, bombarding her with questions. And now you were coughing your lungs out. You smile lazily at Raven when she sat next to you, tears threatening to spill. Raven had to get out of the room when you started convulsing. Now her lungs were the ones that couldn’t work. Abby had to leave Clarke with you so she could calm Raven down, her panic attack not ceasing when a wave of nausea hit you, resulting in a pool of blood beside your bed. She had pleaded to Abby to save you, but the oldest Griffin knew that it wasn’t very much she could do. After a long night and a few heart attacks from Raven, you woke up at the sight of a sobbing mechanic, her eyes red and puffy, her hair no longer in a ponytail, now it was down and free, somehow giving her an angelical look despite the distress in her face. She already had the sickness so Abby couldn’t find the words to keep Raven’s lips away from your face when you talked to her.

“oh my god-She’s awake-You’re a-awake-I thought I lost you-you-y-you idiot!, I would probably kill you if you die! you beautiful asshole…don’t do that to me I almost died-god you’re okay-Abby! she’s okay!”

Anya Kom Trikru: Terrified. She knows how bad this fever is, she had seen armies of enemies die for this fever, so when a wave of this virus hit her clan, she was not happy about it. She had rushed to find you, planning to leave the city at least until the virus had gone, but instead of finding you already on your horse, she finds you being attended by Niko. Her heart sank, little drops of blood were running down your nose, you smiled at her anyway, telling her that you were going to be alright, but she knew that this was it, you were going to die, and that, terrifies her even more than when she realized she had feelings for you. She had done her best to keep her stoic face and her hands steady when she held yours. But when you didn’t answer her after you had fallen asleep, she panicked. Her cheeks were wet, and hands shaking, a big hole was taking place in her heart. Her body was breaking with sobs. Niko had rushed to your tent after hearing Anya’s shouts for you to wake up, the grounder had never seen Anya so distress. She was sobbing, pleading you to wake up but you didn’t respond. Niko had to reanimate you, and after what of felt like hours you started coughing again, making Anya’s heartbeat again. Anya didn’t let Niko leave the tent after that, swearing to kill him if he did. She didn’t care about any other person, right now she cares about you, and nothing more. You survive, and Anya had threatened Niko to forget about what had happened in that tent. And even though Niko may forget about it with time, Anya never will. You were not going to question her strong arms embracing you at night, or those times when she had to wake you up just to make sure you were alright.

“You died Y/N…you didn’t wake up, no matter how hard I called you …you didn’t wake up…so next time I say wake up…you must wake up!”

I’m sorry, I haven’t been posting, but I’m so busy, I manage to write this :D. Updates are going to be slow guys, and I’m so sorry for that.

[survivormoves]

JONATHAN MURPHY / SEVENTEEN / DISCTRICT 5 TRIBUTE VOLUNTEER

Alex Murphy had never enjoyed the Hunger Games as others of the Capitol had. He had seen it no a sport, but a bloodfest. Perhaps for that reason, he feared the child that grew in his wife's stomach. He hadn't been so lucky to escape the reaping. In fact one of the UNLUCKY. He had been twelve when his named was called. And by dumb luck at times, manipulation, and using skills he was taught from young's on by his parents, did he finally manage to succeed in coming out victorious. It however, left its scars as one would think. He became a capitol favourite for a while and his name had often been heard. He became a mentor for those who came after him eventually. But it was wrong. It was all wrong. And when he had gotten himself a girl, who would eventually become his wife, fear had latched onto him.

From the moment Jonathan Murphy had been born, his father had shown both love and harshness. He had taught him things that one wasn't supposed to be taught. John eventually accepted such and saw it as something NORMAL that he just didn't have to talk about. His father manipulated him in a way to ensure the boy's safety. He often saw his parents fight, and argue. But love passionately at the same time. There were whispers and secrets swapped that enraged and made his mother fear for their safety. But also the promise to keep it on a low. John at times, took note of these secrets. He however, never once spoke of them to anyone but his father, who eventually confided in his son, who had proven to be loyal to a fault. Believing he would not break under pressure.

John grew up close to another John, causing the two of them to call each other by their last name. They were tight knit boys, some even called them the brothers John. From the age of four until the age of fourteen, they were always  seen together. Mbege was quiet, spoke not as much. But Murphy and him grew so in synch with one another that they needed no words to be spoken. A simple look, a simple movement, it spoke CHAPTERS for them. A rub over the nose,  a shrug of the shoulder, the way their lips would either twitch upward or downward.  Inseperable. Brothers. And probably the ONLY one who knew of the small crush John Murphy had on Bellamy Blake.

Bellamy Blake. Whom he had met when he was ten years old. Whom he had grown a somewhat reluctant friendship with at first. For Murphy was loud, and sometimes a bit too much. He wasn't one to shut up, not one to take things halfway. And he never was dirty of a bit of teasing and having a potty mouth. Despite all that, they became friends, a friendship that grew stronger after his fourteenth, when  the reaping had came..

                    " JOHN. "                                                  " JOHN MBEGE. "

He could remember still the way he froze to the spot, his eyes set on the boy he had considered his BROTHER. The way the other swallowed once, a hard look on his face. Fifteen years old. For a moment, John Murphy had wanted to volunteer himself. His father had TRAINED him for this. For the games. But the harsh look of Mbege. The WORDS that had spilled from the other's mouth. The PLEA in his voice, on his face. It made him dumbstruck. Silent. And as Murphy clung to the boy he considered his brother, Mbege made him vow not to take his place. And then he was let go of, shoved into Bellamy's arms to ensure the older boy would KEEP him at place. That he would not follow after.

Murphy had raged. Of course he had. And then he had became silent. He had became fixated upon the television. Praying each time again that Mbege would make it. That he would manage to get through the games. It didn't happen. Somewhere in the middle of the games, his throat was slit and he was left to bleed out. Murphy had been a wreck that day, silent, like the calm before the storm. His father had not been home, he had promised to stay there. To ensure Mbege would go in prepared. He couldn’t keep to his promise. He had to see his son become more quiet, more rageful... And then he had to go AGAIN... Another reaping. One he didn’t look for. He didn’t want to. Alex Murphy never returned home and they were later told of his death. Some freak accident had happened at the capitol. Something gone terribly wrong.

John Murphy believed jackshit of that. The following year he had focused himself entirely upon keeping up to strenght. On learning all that he could.  He suffered through the downspiral of his mother for nearly a full year too before he one day fled home, after a spat had happened and she accused him of being the cause of his father's death. Claiming they had taken him from them for trying to protect Mbege and for training HIM.  He returned only to find her dead in a pool of her own vomit. During this time, Bellamy Blake confided in him about his sister Octavia. And he vowed secrecy. " You're all I've got left, I won't betray you. " Bellamy Blake tried to help him as best as he could to keep himself above water. And then his sixteenth birthday came around and Bellamy was reaped. He felt his world SHATTER to pieces. Eighteen. Eighteen years old. Had he not been chosen for this one, he would have been safe.

And again Murphy was left having to keep an eye on the tv. HOPING so hard for the survival of the last person he had left in his life. He tried his best, gathered help where he could. Even went BEYOND what he could by delving deeper into his father's stuff. A thing he knew was d a n g e r o u s. But oh, the sheer relief when he realized that Bellamy Blake had came out victorious.  When he had been able to step forward, with shaky knees to see his friend standing there. Alive. Not quite well, but alive. And that was more he could've hoped for. Everything you touch, surely dies. And it was then that Octavia had made herself known. The first time he actually SAW the younger girl. The little sister of Bellamy Blake.

And shit hit the fan.

Murphy had watched it all unfold before him, the Capitol... Octavia Blake. Bellamy Blake and eventually the killing of Aurora Blake.  And then the reaping. The 74th annual games. And Octavia Blake was to be the tribute, regardless of whether she wanted to or not. All the other girls were SAFE.  And when some poor bloke got called as the tribute for the fifth district, something had grown cold within him. Taken root as he marched through the crowds, shoving his way past and getting all into everyone's faces. He had done nothing. Twice. But third time's a charm. He had felt the pain of loss, of grief one to many times. Bellamy was all he had left. How could he with a right mind let him feel the same pain he had felt? So he vowed to himself to keep safe his kid sister. The words had tumbled out of his mouth, strong and confident and BOLD.

                        " I VOLUNTEER AS THE TRIBUTE OF DISTRICT FIVE. "

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Heartbreaker ~ Bellamy Blake (part 4)

A/n: This got a lot more attention than I thought it would. If anyone wants to have me start a tag list for this story just let me know :)

Word Count: 4528

MASTERLIST

Wells' death was hard on me. I was there for Clarke though mostly, which meant far less time with Bellamy. We hadn't talked about the kids or what was going on between us or where we stood yet and it was taking a toll. But Clarke was my friend and the pain she was feeling over losing Wells was more important than my romantic drama with Bellamy.

When Finn asked me to give them some space, I snuck away while he confronted her to give her some gift he was so excited about. I was sure things were fine and I had no worries.

Until I saw her bare wrist. I caught her arm as she passed me. "Clarke," I whispered, eyes wide.

She pulled her arm away. "Not now." I let it go, stepping away and getting back to work.

Just to have Murphy piss me off. When he whipped his wang out to pee on one of the others, I shoved him. Hard. He missed the kid completely. "What the FUCK is your deal?" I screamed. He faced me, our chests touching. He was taller than me but I was angry. "Get over yourself Murphy you're nothing special. Learn to back off. Bellamy said to give the kid some water."

He sneered, "You're not one to go around preaching about what Bellamy says. Aren't you team Clarke?"

"We're all on Earth you dimwit! There are no teams!"

Hands were pushing us apart and I looked over to see Bellamy himself. "Both if you calm down," he snapped. "Y/n, come with me. It seems you two need some space from each other." A look crossed Murphy's face and I could hear the words he wasn't saying in my head so clearly that I got even angrier. Teasing us about having sex or making out. Poking fun at Bellamy because he could have easily pulled Murphy away but he didn't. He pulled me. I pushed his unheard taunting words out of my head and followed after Bellamy. "What's your deal with him?" he asked. "You're usually pretty level headed these days."

I actually smiled, but it didn't last long. "He just gets under my skin. He's ruthless and seems to genuinely like hurting people. I don't feel safe with him around. And when I don't feel safe... I lash out, I guess." Bellamy nodded but before anything else could happen, Octavia and Jasper were rubbing up to us, babbling about something they had seen in the woods, and Murphy was forgotten.

Wells' missing fingers had been found and after a quick conclusion that his murderer had been on of the 100, my brain was packed with red tinted images of Murphy covered in Wells' blood. If I didn't feel safe around him before, I felt actively in danger now. I was relieved when Clarke went after him.

"You son of a bitch!" she screamed, shoving him hard. I watched from the tent entrance, fighting a smile. I shouldn't get joy from her pain or from Murphy's death, but... after seeing him walk around here like he owned the place, stepping on people like no one but him and Bellamy meant anything at all... I got some satisfaction from it.

"What's your problem?" he asked, laughing. The bastard.

"Recognize this?" Clarke asked, drawing Murphy's eyes as she held up to the blade.

Murphy shrugged. "It's my knife, where did you find it?" He went to reach for it but Clarke pulled it out of his reach and his hand fell to his side.

"Where you droppe dit after you killed Wells," she accused roughly.

People began gathering and Murphy seemed to stop short, his mood completely changing. "Where I WHAT?" he spat. There was a silence. And something... something was off. "The Grounders killed Wells, not me."

Clarke stepped closer to her and that anxiety and fear rose up in me again, but for her, not me. "I know what you did, and you're going to pay for it."

"Really?" Murphy eased, disbelieving. "Bellamy you really believe this crap?" He looked at his leader but Bellamy didn't say anything. I stepped forward, moving so I was next to Bell, even if we were fairly delegated by space. He was diagonal from Clarke, to her right, and I was the same but to her left. We stood a ways back, watching and unsure.

"You threatens to kill him, we all heard you," Clarke reminded, her voic elevating. "You hated Wells."

Murphy crosses his arms over his chest. "Plenty of people hated wells. His father was the chancellor!" His voice rose for that last part, as if announcing it or using it as proof. If he wasn't guilty, why did he look and act and sound so defensive? If he did, why did it feel like there was something VERY odd about this whole thing?

Clarke's voice knocked me out of my thoughts. "Not many people got in a knife with him!" she yelled.

"Yeah I didn't kill him then either," Murphy ground out.

Octavia took a small stepped forward, from standing next to her brother to standing in front of him. "Tried to kill Jasper too."

A tension rang out for a few solid seconds and I looked at Murphy calculatingly. He had fear. Real fear. But not guilt. Not the darkness or the torment of a murderer. But if he was unbothered by killing Wells, did that make him innocent or psycothic? "Come on this is ridicuslous. I don't have to answer to you- I don't have to answer to anyone!"

"Come again?" Bellamy piped up.

Another long pause. Shuffling. Tension. Awkwardness. Hesitation. Then Murphy broke it, walking past Clarke to his leader. "Bellamy," he said rather evenly. "Look, I'm telling you, man. I didn't do this."

Bellamy's eyes narrowed. "They found his fingers on the ground with your knife."

"Is this the kind of society we want?" Clarke yelled, grabbing everyone's attention again. She looked around and then looked at Bellamy, her eyes intense and her gaze accusing. "You say you want no rules- does that mean we can kill each other without- without punishment?"

Murphy stepped towards her and there was an honesty about the way he did it. No bravado, like when he played strong and brave for everyone else. "Look I already told you, I didn't kill anyone!" he seethed.

"What if he's telling the truth?" I didn't realize I'd said it out loud until that tense silence was back again and everyone was looking at me. Each and every person had an equally surprised look on their face- even Murphy. I found the need to defend myself. "I mean, just because it's his weapon doesn't mean he was automatically the one that wielded it. Just like Wells used Bellamy's gun to shoot that lion-tiger-whatever thing in the woods when you went to get Jasper. We've all heard the story." I stood taller. "Sure he's a dick and a hot head, but we know that he's all talk. No matter what he says I don't think he would really kill a person unless he absolutely had to. He can't even stand up to Bellamy without shaking in his boots." He glared at me but the look was softer than usual. "What happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

Clarke turned to face me, anger rolling off of her in waves. Did K just out our friendship on the line for a douchebag I absolutely hated? For MURPHY? "And what if he's lying? There's plenty of evidence- I don't want to give him more time to do more damage!"

Then someone said the two words I thought I was free from and with that one phrase a type of fear I didn't know I could feel coursed through me, freezing my blood and turning my bones to steal. "Float him."

Clark whipped around to face the speaker. "That's now what I'm saying."

"Why not?" the boy asked. "He deserves to float. It's justice."

"Revenge is not justice!" Clarke snapped back.

"It's justice! Float him! Float him!" And he started cheering. The crowd around us roared and echoed his chant. It was so loud I was knocked out of my state of shocked fear and I ran to Murphy's side just as he jerked forward. For that reason only I was able to fight some people away... before a hand came across the side of my head and I was knocked flat on my back. The crowd wa smiling and I was groaning to get to my feet. I was moving, fighting, running. And then everything changed.

"Bellamy. You should do it."

Clarke was screaming, begging him not to. He didn't hear her though. He made eye contact with me and I gave him a very dark look. I mentally screamed at him not to do it. "You left Atom, I know you're not a killer!" That phrase seemed to tip him off.

He kicked the stool out from under Murphy and I was suddenly losing my center of gravity. If I was struggling with me feelings for Bellamy before, it wasn't a struggle anymore. "This is on you, Princess!" He screamed at Clarke. "You should have kept your mouth shut.

Finn ran into the scene and went to save Bellamy but he was cutoff bu the bitch boy that had started this whole thing. Bellamy was stopping Clarke and I wa the only one left. I grabbed a knife from my waist and and pushed through the crowd. The blade slid across someone's skin and caused even more panic as Charlotte screamed, "STOP IT! STOP! It wasn't Murphy didn't kill Wells!" We all grew quiet but I wasn't looking at her, I was moving to Murphy. "I did."

My blade hit the rope and Murphy fell. I was at his side immediately. "Murphy?" His fingers wrapped around my wrist gently, air desperately screaming into his lungs. My eyes skipped right over Bellamy's and I felt the pain in his chest at my complete rejection without even having to see his face for long at all. My eyes landed on Charlotte. She looked terrified and for the million time since I'd been on Earth, I was faced with another dilemma that should have been easy... but wasn't.

-

"BRING OUT THE GIRL BELLAMY!" I was the only thing that stood between a raging Murphy and Bellamy, Finn, Clarke, and Charlotte, who were inside the tent. I had my arms crossed over my chest. I wouldn't let him kill her. That's all I was thinking right now. "I thought you were done with him!" he spat at me. "I almost got killed because of her!"

"And killing her is just as bad as them trying i kill you," I replied with complete monotone.

Inside the tent, Bellamy sighed. "Why Charlotte?" He asked the young girl.

"I was just trying to slay my demons," she whimpered. "Like you told me!"

"What the hell js she talking about?" Clarke snapped.

Bellamy wa struggling. "She misunderstood me," he mumbled nervously. "Charlotte that is not what I meant."

"BRING THE GIRL OUT NOW!" Murphy screamed again. He took a step closer and I brandished my blade. He stepped back again.

"Please don't let them hurt me!" Charlotte begged, near hysterics. I couldn't just stand here for much longer. I was so tired of this...

"If you guys have any bright ideas, speak up," Bellamy grumbled. Defeat was so clear in his voice that I felt my insides begin to twist. She couldn't die. She couldn't die. She couldn't die. But there was quiet in the tent and my stomach twisted tighter. "Now you guys stay quiet?" Bellamy snapped.

"Those are your boys out there," Finn shot back.

"This is not my fault," Bellamy stayed clearly. "If she'd listened to me, those idiots would still be building the wall!"

Murphy was getting restless. "You want to build a society, Princess?" he screamed. "Let's build a society! Bring her out!

"No!" Charlotte screamed. "Please Bellamy." Her voice was soft and wet with emotion and I grunted, my teeth clicked together to right my jaw was burning.

There were whispers I couldn't hear and then Bellamy was exiting the tent. I stayed back. I didnt want to be anywhere near him right now. "Look who finally decided to join us," Murphy spat as he approached rather quickly.

"Dial it down and back off," Bellamy ordered clearly.

Murphy stepped closer again. "Or what?" He was covered in blood and my face contorted with pain. I wanted it to go away. I wanted what just happened to be rewound and hidden, buried deep and out of sight forever. "What are you gonna do about me? Hang me?" I flinched.

"I was just giving the people hat they wanted," Bellamy told him without a single care in the world. Without a lick of guilt. I didn't realize I was glaring at him until Infelt eyes on me and looked over to see Murphy looking. Then I was knocked out of my thoughts and felt the shape of my face and forced it calm. But Murphy had already seen it- the damage was done. "Yeah," he said in the same tone. "That's a good idea." He turned around to face the crowd behind him. "Why don't we do that right now?" I felt my heart drop into my toes. "So who wants to see the real murderer hung up? All in favor?" He rose his hands. His little buddies rose their hands. Maybe five people... out of the total ninety-something of us there were. Ouch. "I see." The words were filled with so much anger they seemed to ooze out of him like toothpaste being squeezed from a tube. "So it's okay to string me up for NOTHING, but when this little batch confesses, you all let her walk?!"

Silence. Dead silence. He turned to me again but this time I wasn't afraid. "They're dicks," I agreed. All eyes turned to me. "They're irrational and stupid." I looked directly at Bellamy. "This is why we have rules." My eyes moved back to Murphy. "RULES. A WAY we do things. Justice, NOT revenge. A non-bias judge. Shit like that. People just wanted to kill you because as much of a dick as they are, you're MORE of a dick. Dragging her out here is not going to reverse what's been going on this whole time. It's going to make it worse!"

His face twisted with rage. There was no talking sense into him. "COWARD!" he screamed. He stormed at me but Bellamy intervened, probably saving my ass.

"Murphy!" he hollered, face aged with dark seriousness and demanding leadership. "It's over."

"Whatever you say Boss," the bloody boy replied far too evenly. Bellamy turned away from him, catching my arm as he passed. Whatever his intentions had been, they were ruined when that second of distraction allowed Nurohy to grab one of the log chunks and whack it over Bellamy's head, knocking him unconscious. Octavia ser off screeching but all Murphy did was turn to his boys. "Let's go in and get her." I held my ground as they approached, but one of the guys stepped forward, catching me off guard as they didn't go to grab a weapon but wrapped their fingers around my throat without hesitation, squeezing my air pipe until I was unable to call oxygen into my lungs. There was shuffling and screaming but all I could see were the dark eyes of my would be killer and hear the rushing of blood in my ears as my vision started to spot and my body began to seize up.

"I SAID LET HER GO!" Air suddenly flowed back into my body. "She was there, at the beginning. Don't kill her." I hit the ground hard, gasping desperately to get my body regulated again. A hand rested on my back. "You okay?" I looked up to see Murphy. My eyebrows knitted in confusion. "You have my back, I have yours. Even if you are a pain in the ass." Then he stood and was gone.

-

"You can't go with me." I rolled my eyes. "I'm serious, Y/n! I'll move faster alone and if I get in trouble I don't want to have to face down Murphy with you there- even if he does suddenly have some soft spot for you."

"She's my friend too!" I argued, my voice hoarse and cracking. The sound made him flinch.

He moved closer and I stepped away. Pain briefly showed on his face before he hid it. "Please stay here?" I crossed my arms over my chest. "Get the rest of these guys into line. I need you to be their leader just for a second. You always know what to say, what to do. Do it. Help them. I'll be back with Charlotte and we can figure something out. Okay?" When I didn't say anything he sighed. "We can fugue EVERYTHING out later."

Everything. The way he said it and the look in his eyes when the word came from his mouth. I thought of the kids neither of us had talked about. All that time hating me and now he was just as mixedbuo and lost as I was. I'd been stupid to think things would just go back to how they were before just because I confessed to him. But now it wasn't just about the rift between us because he thought I turned his sister in. Now t was about him giving in to everyone and kicking that stool away, despite me and Clarke and the justice that was demanding be served. There was a whole world between us and ut was all a mess... the promise of a solution. Of returning back to what we once were, or even just defining what we could or had to be in the lives we lived here, as the people we are now.

I stepped back. "Fine."

I would never see Charlotte again.

-

"Y/n?" It was the sixth time my name had been called in the last two minutes. They'd been trying to get through me to me for about an hour. Octavia was taking care of Jasper and Clarke was with Bellamy, explaining the situation - which is what set me off and sent me into this mode in the first place- and then ran off with Finn to get updates with the communication bracelets. After everyone had parted ways, I'd found a small corner to hide. Bellamy had found me. He was having absolutely no luck getting through to me.

"So much..." I whispered. I wasn't totally sure I was speaking out loud but I didn't care. "Pain. I think I almost find the good in people. I almost fix it. Almost get there. Almost solve the puzzle. Almost calm down. Almost find my place. Almost find my place. And then soemthing happens. They die or almost die or kill someone." I scoffed. "Wells. Charlotte. I could have even seen Murphy, maybe. If he calmed down or I could get through to him. That would have been an interesting friendship if it worked out." I shook my head. "I need my own friends. I keep making the same friends as you and Clarke and Octavia and I just want my own friends that won't die. So that I don't feel like we HAVE to work out because then I'll lose them or have to see you with another girl because I'll have to be around you all the time. I- It's so much... I've been alone for a long time and si thoughts this place would be different. And- and it is. Different. It's so much worse."

Bellamy sighed after it got quiet, signaling that I was done. "Y/n..." He say next to me. "I've always believe that love and fear and such emotions that made you irrational or complacent were dangerous because they'd get you killed. But you... you wear your wildest, ugliest emotions on your sleeve. Even when you're stone cold you still radiate your emotions, like they're coming off of you in the air or something. You have a way of finding the hope in any situation. You're strong and you're... your place is here. Working, supporting. You don't fight for power- you're fine speaking up for the little guys and supporting the big guys- as long as you find it right for you. If you disagree, you have no problem fighting for what you believe in. I know we've been through a lot in the last few days but I just need you to be okay. I- I can't lose you too."

I looked at him. "You would have let him die."

His face exploded with guilt. "He wasn't a good guy."

"He trusted you. Supported you. Obeyed you. He's as much a dick as that kid who strung him up. As much of a bad person as those that beat him up and cheered as the air left his lungs. As twisted as the piece of shit who tried to kill ME. He's messed up Bellamy, just like all of us. What about you? What did you do to get on the dropship, hm?" He looked away. "That's what I thought. None of us are really good people. Clarke could be close but she's too reckless, forgetting that other people don't think as she does. Aren't as strong or as centered or as driven or as... anchored to life as she is. We're the best we can be and that's all we can really offer. So what made him different? He was a shitty boss? He acted out more than the rest of us? He wasn't afraid to do and say the things that everyone was thinking about? Hell if he's condememned for being a bad leader then you deserve to die too." He flinched. I looked away.

"Y/n...."

"Charlotte's dead too now." And she killed Wells because- like what the fuck is wrong with us? God..."

Bellamy slowly, softly guided me closer, pulling me to him without forcing me so that if I wanted to pull away, I could. But I didn't. And when the side of my head touched his chest, I lost it. He held me and I cried and tried to breathe and make sense of the chaos of my thoughts and emotions right now. But it didn't make sense. Not at all.

My wrist burned and I hissed, jerking away from Bellamy to look down. The bracelet on my wrist had opened, falling to the ground. My eyes widened. Bellamy and I looked at each other. What had just happened? I stood, ready to hunt down Monty or Clark and make sense of why my wristband had turned off. Bellamy caught my wrist. "Wait." It was the one the wristband had been on and to feel him touch the skin there was weird. It was tender and too soft and tingly. I paused, looking back at him. He had a sort of desperation on his face and my body relaxed a bit, melting under it. I could see the questions flashing through his mind but didn't know what they were, and he seemed too overwhelmed or clueless or confused or something because he wasn't vocalizing any of them.

"I know you've been sleeping around," I mumbled. His eyes widened even further. "I'm not mad." I scoffed. "It actually gave me a moment to show how great I am at comebacks. And we're not... together. So. It's whatever. Just thought you should know, I know."

He stood. His hands went to either side of my face and he pulled me to him, smashing our lips together. Tension snapped and emotions ran free and I clung to him, pulling him as absolutely close as I could. For the second time, we kissed.

He pushed me and I tripped over something. He was only nudging me really, trying to guide me, but I'd fallen anyway. Thankfully he'd been there to catch me. "My tent?" he whispered.

I rolled my eyes, mind racing with everything going on but my heart ramming against my ribs, overpowering it all as it was super charged from his touch. His kiss. "Really, Bell? Charlotte died today. You almost killed Murphy. My wristband came off and- what if everyone's did? Why now? Why so suddenly? There's a whole world flipping on its head- my world- and all you can think about is sex?"

"You know what I'm thinking about?" he demanded of me. I paused and then shook my head. "The girl I love used me for what the fuck ever and then sold my sister out for brownie points with the counsel. For a year and a half I wa sure you were garbage, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't REALLY believe it. I couldn't shake you. You would pop up in my head at the most random moments and my whole body would ache someone was digging invisible needles into my nerves at night and then leaving me with the pain in the morning. I couldn't shake memories of kissing you or holding you or hugging you. I couldn't forget your laugh or your smile or the way your hand felt in mind. And then, I find out that the world I've been dreaming about escaping to in order to get away from you is finally mine! But you're here to taint that too, and actually, it's a total shit hole where nothing is right and it all just completely sucks. And then... you suddenly AREN'T the scum of everywhere and I don't feel wrong for wanting you and I can have you, so please excuse me for wanting you after all that."

I smiled weakly. "I'm sorry Bell..."

His forehead touched mine. "I'll forgive you for that if you forgive me for Murphy."

Honestly that was fair. I nodded and he moved close again, our breath mixing in the air between us. "Let's take it slow though. It's overwhelming just to be close to you touch you? Kiss you? Dear god, have sex with you? I might lose it." He laughed. "I'm serious! After losing you... thinking I'd never see you or O again, ever. I shut off. Turned into a robot for a year and a half. And ever since I heard your voice again all those emotions have been back except this time I don't know how to deal with them and on top of that it's been one thing after another-"

"Slow," he mumbled. "We can take it slow." I smiled gratefully. "Sleep in my tent tonight? JUST sleep, I promise. I just don't want you out here, out of sight and unprotected, when I have spit on my bed."

My face split in a grin. "I would love that." That night I slept in Bellamy's tent, in his arms. His breath was cool and his body was warm and I have never slept that well in my life.