#just_another_pointless_entry

[sevenpom]

“anong gagawin mo kapag wala kang magawa?”

I remember looking for online forums about possible essay questions for an exam that I took years ago. One entry that I’ve found was this funny question- “Anong gagawin mo kapag wala kang magawa?” It seemed somewhat weird and funny upon reading it at first, but I was daunted by that. Just what would I write if I was asked the same question?

A failed college entrance exam, a somewhat pointless degree, another failed law school admission exam, and countless of rejected/pending job applications later, I am faced by the same odd and horrifying question. This time it is not just failing the exam that I am worried about, but my entire future, my career, heck, my whole life.

Back then, I’d often have mental conversations with myself trying to construct a possible answer to the question. I remember joking, “Anong gagawin ko kapag wala akong magawa? Eh di gagawa pa rin ako- gagawa ako ng kahit anong bagay o kilos, dahil kapag ginawa ko yun, may nagagawa na ako. With that, wala na ako sa estado ng ‘walang magawa,’ gaya ng nakasaad sa tanong.” I know it sounds like a sarcastic answer as if I am a contestant in the pageant-like contests in showtime, but had I been asked that question during That exam, I’d probably answer the same.

Now, I feel like I am in that state. Wala akong magawa- I didn’t enroll after failing one law admission exam; I am still very unemployed as none of the offices where I applied called me back (yet); and I have no strength to even finish the same book that I have been reading since last year. But then again, no matter how helpless and hopeless I may feel, I feel like I have no choice but to just keep on doing whatever there is to do, just so I would have something to do. Does that even make sense? IDK.

“Anong gagawin mo kapag wala kang magawa?”

It’s a tricky question, but it is not one to make you think of an impossible answer. Upon writing this, I jut realized that maybe it just wanted me to think of things that I can still do to get away with whatever hell hole there is in my life right now.

Kapag wala kang magawa, may choice pa rin naman pala na gumawa ng kahit ano – maybe something productive, healthy, good, silly, or whatever that one can do. May magagawa pa pala ako dahil ang tanong ay “anong gagawin mo kapag wala kang magawa,” hindi pa “anong gagawin kapag wala ka nang magawa.”