#kass says things

[teganorsara]

was trying to figure out why uswnt gold medal felt underwhelming?? love soccer love rooting for them….. but i did figure it out

straightest uswnt probably ever

​yes jane campbell (alternate) + tierna davidson (defense) gay but the rest of the team?? forwards/mids?? all straight (yes maybe rumors) but WHERE are my lesbians???

[the-witch-of-woods-beyond]

my favourite headcanon for glass sorenson is that she came down with farm station and watched them murder luke right in front of her eyes (or kidnap him or something cause i love tragic lovers but she deserves to be happy) and so she’s one of the first people to join pike’s militia and turn vengeful, and her best friend wells (he lives too cause this is my canon now) is trying to get through to her but she won’t hear it cause all she wants is justice and to get her oldest friend clarke griffin out of polis and away from harm (they’re friends too fight me on this i dare you)

(also sorry about the tags i didn’t know i had that rant in me 😭😭)

[meringuejellyfish]

the music for the colgera battle is quite delightful (wow i just need to say i like it. goodness) its a shame i couldnt really properly hear it while actually playing on account of having to sit right next to a loud ac but listening to it fully the other day was nice. took me a few weeks but i can appreciate it now - and listen ... im a simple guy, the rito village theme being incorporated into a section of it is just wow :-( ....... big leitmotif fan. walking into zoras domain is going to kill me

[taegularities]

Wifey dearest please talk me out of ordering myself brunch 🫠

listen, i think food is joy and we should always allow ourselves the pleasures of the world ✨ but if you've got food at home and and want to save money (for a future bts concert ofc 💅🏼) then cook yourself smth nice and give me some, too 😌

[luxdea]

zelda's titles

royal titles in hyrule go as far back as the beginning of the monarchy. earlier, in a few cases. they're fairly simple. every member of the royal family is given the surname hyrule, but the daughters are considered part of the houses of their fathers to distinguish them from other zeldas in their line.

so, zelda's full royal title is: her royal highness, princess zelda hyrule of house bosphoramus.

unlike many other monarchies, a princess' house would not change after getting married. in other monarchies, the non-royal would take the royal name & that would be the end of it, but that doesn't quite work when all of your princesses have the same name. this system makes it much easier to trace lineages & helps to avoid the confusion.

but, this isn't zelda's only title.

as the eldest woman in the royal household ( which she became at six, let's not forget ), zelda is also considered the high priestess of hylia. & with that comes a new, fancy priestess title. &a priestess name.

the idea of priestess names & titles are relatively new in the grand scheme of the zelda timeline. they were put into a more detailed practice after the calamity of 10,000 years before botw. the title is a steady thing, passed down from zelda to zelda with the only difference being if the zelda was presently princess or queen.

zelda's priestess title is: her grace zelda hyrule. steward of nayru. ardor of farore. will of din. kindred of hylia & princess of the kingdom of hyrule.

the priestess names is where things get...fun.

regnal years have been in use for 10,000 years when it comes to the hylian royal family, with a focus on the zelda's. which, immediately, posed a problem. how do you conduct regnal years without going through a ridiculous amount of numbers when your queens all have the same names? that is where the priestess names come in.

the priestess names are traditionally given by mothers at or shortly after the birth of their daughter. keeping with the tradition of the wings on the kingdom's crest, they are usually named after birds in some way shape or form.

there are so many options that very few names have been repeated up to the time of botw, which proves that it's a near perfect solution.

zelda's priestess name is lady calliope, named after the calliope hummingbird.

as pretty as it is, it was an unusual choice. in the past, the names had been chosen from stronger birds. larger, more majestic, & birds considered 'pure.' egrets, swans, doves, condors, kestrels...but hummingbirds were quite rare & calliope had never been used at all, making zelda the first.

the use of the name & her full priestess title is quite rare, usually saved for special occasions. & while the regnal year was known, it was still rarely used, as the solar dating system was a much easier way to communicate throughout the other races. out of everyone, the sheikah, who followed the goddess, used it more than anyone, & they kept a good record even through the age of burning fields.

when the calamity is defeated, the year is 111 calliope.

[torntruth]

the  ‘if  i  run  and  leap  at  terry  he’ll  most  certainly  catch  me’   meme  but  terry  is  kassandra  and  i  know  evie  +  roxana  has  done  that  to  her  at  least  once. 

[ozlices]

totk spoilers

icb they let us ride the dragons icb they let us do this icb it. my first playthrough of botw, i spent three hours on medoh after finishing all the terminals bc i just loved the view and getting to see hyrule icb they gave us the light dragon which is a free medoh trip across the entire map. and you can ride the others too. dont have the appropriate armor for it yet but it is literally so rad they let us do it omg

[jupiterlandings]

BOTW Link will say things to Zelda he thinks he remembers from their time together but sometimes it’s from one of his other lives instead.

“Is this the goddess statue where you gave me the sailcloth when I passed my knighthood exam? The day is a little fuzzy but I know you had a pink dress on”

“This reminds me of the time you launched me out of a canon to break into the moblin fortress”

“Kass was playing the song you taught me on the ocarina in the garden that day I snuck past the guards; do you remember the words still?”

After a while Zelda makes sure not to correct him too harshly; after all, spending 100 years asleep can’t be without its consequences.

[eyelessfaces]

I don't love you like I did yesterday

poe dameron x reader

summary: it’s not because he, poe dameron, gives you more attention and affection than your own boyfriend ever will that you are in love with him — loosely inspired by this post.

warnings: angst, complicated relationships, love triangle?, mentions of marriage, break up, refusing a proposal, internal conflict, doubting your relationship, emotional infidelity? if that's a thing, alcohol consumption. reader wears a dress at some point

tags: f!reader, I don't wanna spoil too much and don't read this if you don't want to be but; mutual pining, love confessions, he fell first AND harder, fluff and,, more

word count: 5.6k

yes. mcr lyrics as a title. in 2024. I know. but don't look at me the lyrics strangely fit so,,

masterlist | taglist | ao3

updates blog: @eyelessupdates

You don’t love him; you are almost sure of that. 

It’s not because you laugh at every single one of his stupid, lame jokes made just for you to laugh and because you blush everytime you catch him staring at you from across the room that you love him. 

It’s not because he, Poe Dameron, gives you more attention and affection than your own boyfriend ever will that you are in love with him.

It’s not because your boyfriend blames you for being too close to him that you are.

It’s not because you wish it would have been Poe down on one knee proposing to you that it is the reason you told Kass you’re not ready for this yet.

And it’s not because you question your situation every single night that it means you have to change anything about it. You should be happy with Kass. You are.

Yet, you wish you were certain of all of that.

It has been two days already, and the guilt keeps eating away at you, like a bacteria gnawing at your feelings, particularly starving for the reasonable part of you that knows you said no for your own well being. 

Kass makes it worse; the dark glances thrown at you whenever you bump into each other during the day and his lame excuses to ditch you whenever you want to talk to him make you feel like a monster, and though you know that it is exactly the way he wants you to feel, you can’t help it.

The situation is hard to swallow and bury deep in the back of your mind when you’re out on missions, and though you rarely ever get distracted because you know how important attention and concentration is in your job, the whirlwind of thoughts has been floating over the surface, and your focus has been off, you know it. And you’re not the only one who knows it.

Your head turns when you feel a light nudge at your arm, having dismissed Poe’s presence in your peripheral vision due to your distraction. His eyebrows raise when you look at him, and he gazes at you like the mist of your thoughts is still present over your face and he wants to shake you awake.

“You alright?” he asks before you look back at your squadron wrapping the mission equipment, setting it back in the ships.

“Yeah,” you breathe out, burying your hands in your pockets. You should feel alright. The mission went well despite your clear lack of attention, and you’ve given your life to the Resistance at this point, so you should be thankful that you succeed in most things you do in its name, right now even, considering the situation.

Poe looks down on the floor, kicking away a small rock there that dribbles down the hill. “You've always been an awful liar” he mutters under his breath, not buying it. 

“Right” you scoff, your head dropping to shake it. He looks back up at you and you can feel his insistent gaze upon you, which eventually makes you break. “I don’t wanna bother you with my stupid problems” 

He snorts, “Come on, you know I’m always here to listen to your stupid problems” he says playfully, nudging your arm with his elbow again. “That are often not that stupid actually” he adds. 

There’s a silence settling between the both of you, and right before Poe aborts and figures you don’t wanna talk about it, you sigh. “Kass proposed.”

“Oh” the sound slips from his mouth, and accurately represents his surprise, his voice dropping a bit from the shock. He doesn’t know what to say, not really. This situation would have been on the list of things he would have never expected or even considered to happen. 

This eventuality had never, ever occurred to him somehow, not yet, and now, all at once, the fear creeps in and becomes real; he is going to have to watch you get married, going to have to sit there amongst guests, he’s going to have to watch you be happy with someone else than him.

But he wants you to be happy, with or without him, so he will watch. It isn’t like he has the choice, anyways.

He lightly clears his throat, trying to dismiss the tight knot starting to form there, and smiles. The worst thing about it is the fact that it is genuine, he is truly happy for you. You deserve this.

Maybe Kass doesn’t, though. He doesn't deserve you. You’re too good for a half assed mechanic like him that, from a professional point of view, fucks up too often to still be there; but from what Poe hears around, it tends to be the same on other levels than just the professional one.

“Well, that’s great! Congrats,” his half cheerful voice wavers a little, but you don’t seem to notice as your lips form a polite smile that slightly turns perplexed, uncomfortable. “What’s wrong about that” he asks now, concerned when he sees your frown. 

Your teeth graze your bottom lip. “I said no.”

“Oh” he watches as you raise your eyebrows, nodding. “I’m sorry” he adds. “I mean–”

“Yeah” you exhale.

“Why?”

That is the real question. Why? Why wouldn’t you want to marry your boyfriend you are supposed to be in love with? Why did you feel so awful at the feeling of his hand over yours when he shot the question?

“I don’t–” you start, thoughts running around your head. You’re not really sure about what you want to say, you’re not even precisely sure why you said no. There were so many reasons, but you couldn’t pick the exact one. “I think I’m not ready.”

Poe doesn't say anything. You stay there upon the small hill you watch your respective teams from. They’re almost done putting everything back.

You think you want to cry. You’re not really sure why. You think you want to dig a hole in that hill and stay hidden there for the rest of time.

“Poe, I don't think I wanna spend the rest of my life with him.” you mutter, looking ahead as if your confession would make you feel less guilty if you didn’t look your friend in the eye. “Is that wrong?” you ask as you turn to him. 

“Yeah, well I don’t blame you” he scoffs, and you do too, knowing how Poe feels about Kass. 

You should have known, it should have been a sign. Poe is kind, compassionate, and when he doesn’t like someone, it is because he has reasons to.

“That’s not wrong.” he continues, his tone serious now. “It would have been wrong if you said yes even though you knew damn well you didn’t want to marry him” he nods. “It's not the end of the galaxy if you said no. He'll get over it”

“Yeah” you sigh. “He keeps acting like it's my fault”

“Really?” he asks, raising an eyebrow in astoundment. He shouldn’t be surprised.

“Yeah. He avoids me and sends me death glares like I murdered his family or something” you snort, realizing the stupidity of it all now that you say it out loud. Kass has always been somehow childish, but this exceeds everything you could expect from him.

“Wow okay” Poe shakes his head, a small exhale of desperation escaping his mouth before he speaks again. “Well, you know how I feel about him, sweetheart.”

“I know” you confirm, sending him a weak smile. He answers you with a pinched one, and as your squad finishes their tasks and starts to gather together, Poe reaches out and squeezes your shoulder reassuringly before turning to join them.

He turns back to you quickly, “You know what? My squadron is having drinks on Coruscant tonight to have some fun before we leave for the week. You should join us” 

You nod and watch him go, and feel the need to take one fat fucking breath before eventually joining everyone else.

—

Even though it is almost dry by now, the stain over your dress is still ridiculously visible. If the girl that had spilled it over you earlier hadn’t profusely apologized for it you would have most likely have had a go at her because of the awful mental state you were in – you were yourself surprised to notice how blatantly dismissive and weary you had been of that incident – it had been nothing compared to the past few days you just had. 

Poe looks over at you, your gaze planted onto your glass of Black Hole as your fingers absentmindedly drum against the table; your choice of drink says it all, and though you might want to get properly drunk, Poe is strictly against it if it means you plan on moping all night long. He finishes his drink, planting a hand over your shoulder as he leans closer to you.

“Wanna go dance now?” Poe shouts in your ear, trying to overlap the loud music blasting. You scoff and shake your head, “I’m not really in the mood”

“That's exactly why we need to,” he affirms with his usual charismatic grin as he takes a hold of your hand and pulls you to the middle of the room anyway. “Come on!” you give in when you realize he’s not really asking, dragging you through the crowd. “You know I'm leaving tomorrow morning, you owe me a dance”

“Okay” you laugh as you put your hands over his shoulders, his coming to rest at either side of your waist. 

You move stiffly at first, your eyes rolling playfully when Poe gives way more energy into it than you do, and despite yourself, you start to smile, and make an effort to match his energy.

Poe spins you around, his movements confident as he tries to cheer you up. "Just follow my lead, okay?" he says, his voice warm and encouraging. He twirls you under his arm smoothly, and you can’t help but laugh as he dips you dramatically, catching you with ease; he’s intimidatingly close to your face before he leans to your ear. “See? I’m not an awful dancer”

“Is there even something you’re not good at at this point,” you rhetorically ask as you both stand straight again, the movement making your head spin a little because of the alcohol. 

“Following orders, probably” he jokes, still swaying with you. You laugh and let your forehead rest over his shoulder, your eyes shutting as you take a deep breath; it might have been the only moment in those past few days where you genuinely let go of all your worries.

“Hey, we should go outside, it’s hot in here. And loud” Poe proposes as you both still sway, his hand gently cradling your back.

“Sure” you nod with a smile. “Wait– I’ll join you there, I’m gonna get us drinks”

There’s a grin plastered over his face and a glint in his eyes as he glances at you when you join him outside, your drinks in hands. The cool night air is a welcome change from the overwhelming warmth inside the cantina.

“What?” you scoff, looking down at yourself, trying to figure out the reason behind his amused expression.

“Nothing” he shrugs off, taking his drink from you, but not before you catch the way his eyes linger on you.

“It’s the stain, isn’t it” you whine and sigh as you pull at the fabric of your dress to observe it. “Didn’t realize it looked that stupid”

He giggles as his mouth is still full of his drink. “It’s stylish” he admits with a cheeky grin.

You scoff and roll your eyes, your giggle fading as you both take a sip of your drinks, the silence between you comfortable as the muffled hum of the cantina’s activity buzzes just behind you. Then, out of nowhere, just as you’re about to talk again, Poe breathes out your name, his expression changing, becoming more serious as you glance at him expectantly.

“I’m in love with you.” he blurts out, like words are falling out of his mouth from being held there for too long. 

You huff out a laugh. “No,” you laugh, the taste of your drink still warm in your throat. You frown a bit when you notice he doesn't waver, doesn't flinch, doesn't drop his expression to admit this is some kind of joke now that he knows it's not working on you. 

“Yes I am” he declares, as serious as he is when he needs to be in his job.

You chuckle, still not fully believing what he's saying. “Are you drunk Poe?” 

“Wha– no– no I’m not” he frowns, his eyebrows knitting together in earnest. “I mean it. I'm in love with you.” he affirms, his eyes searching yours with a seriousness that makes your heart skip a beat.

You pause, taken aback by the tone of his voice – he's sincere, he's not playing around. “You can’t.”

“I know.” he declares with a nod, his gaze never leaving yours. “I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore” he admits as his expression softens. “I don’t want this to ruin our relationship” he says, his voice calmer now. “And I know you can’t feel the same” he nods, “And that’s okay.” 

You pinch your lips together. You're not sure what to say. You nod eventually, acknowledging it all, processing his declaration. “Well” you say finally, your voice barely louder than a whisper. “I, uh, I’ll go get another drink.”

Your glass is still mostly full.

Poe nods, swallowing with difficulty as he watches you turn and head back inside.

The sounds of laughter as you enter the cantina again make you sick to your stomach.

—

This went awful. He didn’t expect any less. He didn’t expect anything in the first place; his impulsiveness finally got the best of him.

Having to swallow it down and play it like it didn’t happen felt more humbling than every time he has had to admit he made a mistake. Jessika’s story about the maintenance issues with her X-wing is slowly starting to blur, and Poe isn’t even sure she’s still on that topic of that – at this point – one sided discussion, as he can’t help but glance over at you, talking to Karé until he eventually realizes you aren’t there with him anymore. 

“Poe!” Jessika scolds him, making him turn back to her. She sighs, “You’re not even listening”

“Sorry” he apologizes, looking around the room to figure out if you’re still there. “I gotta go, keep that story for later” he nods, patting her shoulder before turning away.

“I just finished telling it,” she huffs out in disbelief, Poe’s repeated apology fading with the music as he disappears through the crowd.

You’re not in the cantina, not anymore. Karé tells him you went out for fresh air, and he finds you on the flight of stairs on the side of the building, hidden from everyone.

"I was looking for you," he halts– you're crying; you're there, sitting on the stairs, looking up from where you were hiding your face in your hands crying. "What's wrong?" he asks, his voice wavering with surprise; he thought you were having a good night despite everything, having fun with Karé, he thought he had been able to make you forget about your problems for a moment. But no, and he obviously knows what’s wrong, because he managed to fuck it all up by confessing his feelings for you without thinking about it twice.

You pinch your lips, trying to repress new tears as you wipe away the ones rolling down your face. "Nothing," you mumble, shaking your head. "It's alright."

Poe sighs softly, walking up to you and sitting down with you. 

He softly nudges your shoulder with his own, “You're rocking that stain,” he says, a small grin over his face. “For what it’s worth, you could even rock a First Order suit, so,” he smiles as he watches you laugh between sniffles. “You don't have to worry about that.”

He sighs, and his tone grows more serious. "I'm sorry I said everything I said. I shouldn't have burdened you with my feelings" he admits. His voice is filled with regret. He should have kept that for himself, for now anyway. “I was caught up in the moment and I didn’t realize it would hurt you more. It was stupid. It was unfair to you." his voice weakens. He looks back at your face. You blink your tears away silently. “I do realize it was possibly the worst moment I could choose to tell you this” 

Poe gently wipes your tears away, before they can reach the bottom of your face.

“I don’t expect anything back from you, you don’t have to worry about that. This doesn’t have to change anything about us”

He kisses your cheek before leaving.

—

If you had to point out positive points about your indirect fight with Kass following his proposal, the fact that you weren’t living with him would be one of them.

The silence in your quarters alone was surely more bearable than the silence that would fill the space if he were there with you, you were sure of that.

And even if it’s been three days already since you rejected his proposal, you have barely talked to him despite going out of your way to try to; he has been hurt by your rejection, and he is keen on making you understand.

You can’t help but wonder if you would have been happier if you had said yes; maybe it would have been easier and maybe you wouldn’t feel so bad even though you still wouldn’t want to marry him, even if it is exactly the way Kass wants you to feel. Maybe saying yes would have been the right decision, after all, and maybe you would be set about your feelings for good with the prospect that you would allegedly spend the rest of your life with him.

Then there's Poe, his words. 

Poe and his words that keep rolling around your head over and over again no matter what you’re doing and no matter what time of the day it is; those about the confession of his love towards you, and those that assured you that Kass would get over your rejection, that it’s not the end of everything, not the end of your relationship with him even if right now, it seems like a deadlock. 

And almost as if it was staged, Kass steps through your door.

“Hey,” he speaks, hands in his pockets. You repeat the same thing quietly, looking at him expectantly, waiting for him to say anything, apologize maybe. He looks around your place before chuckling, pointing and walking over to the table. “It’s just– I forgot my gloves last time I came here and I need them”

“Oh, so that’s it.” you snort darkly, following him close. 

“Yeah, that’s it.” he mutters nonchalantly as he picks up the pair. “What do you even mean” he frowns as he turns back at you, shoving his gloves in his jacket pocket. 

“I mean you've been avoiding me all week and you think it's okay to casually come here just to pick up your stupid pair of gloves?”

“Well, they’re still mine, so” he shrugs. “And again, what do you want me to do” 

You frown. “I don’t know, maybe apologize for your attitude for these past few days first. You’ve been childish”

“I’m childish? You’re the one who’s not ready for marriage.”

You chuckle in disbelief, “Yeah well, I’m sorry for not wanting assured long term with someone that behaves the way you do.” you say, looking at him in the eyes though you would rather be looking everywhere but here at the moment. 

“You know,” you start, readjusting your position onto your feet. “I’ve been wondering, asking myself all of those questions, what was wrong with me for rejecting you.” he looks at you, hand still stuck in his pocket, waiting for you to make your point.

“And that’s what you wanted, right? But the one thing I really asked myself was ‘Why did he even propose’, because you don’t even care that much about me, so I don’t understand” you shake your head. “You shouldn’t have asked the question if you weren’t ready for the other answer”

He sighs, eyebrows raising slightly as he pinches the bridge of his nose. “Yeah, I shouldn’t have asked at all, you’re right.” he scoffs. “I realized that, and I should have realized when we started to drift away” you frown softly, waiting for him to continue. You’re not sure what he truly means beyond that. “I asked you to marry me to be sure”

“Sure of what”

He chuckles and huffs out your name like what he means to say is evident; “You’re in love with Poe” his eyes soften, his expression relaxing as yours hardens. “Don’t try to tell me otherwise or I’ll go crazy” he laughs nervously.

“Look, I get it. He looks pretty damn close to perfect. But you should have done something about it. I shouldn’t have been the one to realize it.” he says. You sigh softly, taken aback. “This is why I’ve been avoiding you. To try to come to terms with it. Accept it.” 

Knowing this is the reason Kass proposed somehow makes it simultaneously better and worse. But he’s right; he’s fucking right, you’re in love with Poe and that is exactly why you were crying on those stairs the night before Poe left for his mission, maybe it is time to face it for good and to stop trying to convince yourself that you’re just confused because of everything that has been happening in your relationship lately.

“I’m sorry” your voice is poisoned by guilt. If it feels awful for you, it must be even worse for him. He scratches his forehead awkwardly, not really knowing what to say to you. “I tried to deny it to keep it fair for you. But I think you’re right.” admitting it to him, the man you’re supposed to be with and have feelings for feels even worse than having to realize it yourself. “I’m sorry Kass.”

Kass pinches his lips in a defeated smile, “I can’t hold you back.” he huffs out in evidence. “He is too” he adds after a pause. “In love with you, I mean. It’s so blatantly obvious” 

You scoff, shaking your head. “I know” 

“So you can work this out” he declares with a weak smile. “I won’t be an asshole about it” he mumbles. “I should be angry but I’ve tried to accept it for a while.”

You nod, somehow grateful he is so understanding, feeling sorry that it’s been so transparent for him for so long. Not everyone would let it play like this. "Thank you, Kass."

He nods in return before sighing deeply, the weight of the past few days lifting slightly from his shoulders. “I wish you well. I mean it”

You nod again, tears welling up in your eyes. “You too.”

Your heart tightens when his look lingers over you before he turns away and exits your quarters; both relief and guilt weigh over you, and the silence that fills your room now feels much different than before.

—

You don’t love him; you are sure of that. It feels wrong and even though you still feel some sort of affection towards him, you’re not sure you can be friends anymore given how you left things off.

On the other side, when Poe hops off his X-Wing ladder after a week of being away, you don't know how to act around him anymore. You don’t know if you should go ahead and tell him everything you’ve ever wanted to tell him or if you should just pick the opposite option and avoid him as much as possible to try to ease your conscience a little. 

And you do. You busy yourself with work as much as possible, avoiding running into him as much as possible, but eventually, he doesn’t really give you a choice. 

“Are we okay? You didn’t even welcome me back. It’s been four days” it hasn’t even been twenty seconds since the meeting ended; the meeting you spent all your time trying to focus on instead of him. 

His stupid flight suit is opened in a way that reveals his gray tank top and lets the chain around his neck slightly peek, and suddenly nothing about the First Order supply depot infiltration matters anymore. 

“We are. I was busy” you affirm – you’re technically not lying. Though you were keeping yourself busy on purpose.

“I bet you were”

You frown. “Hey what do you m–”

“Kass talked to me.” he dodges. 

“Oh” your voice drops, the idea of that scene so unnatural. “What did he say”

He shrugs slightly. “I think you know” 

That’s a good thing they talked, somehow, no matter how much the idea terrifies you. It lifts a weight off your shoulders to know you won’t have to explain to Poe how you left things off with Kass, because you would almost rather get interrogated by the First Order than have to think about it again. “He was pretty mature about it, I’ll give him credit for that.” Poe affirms with a grin, causing you to huff out a laugh. “He also said he's resigning from the Resistance. ‘Says it has nothing to do with you, he's been thinking about it for a while” he nods with a pinch of his lips.

“Oh, okay” your eyebrows raise in surprise. “Well, ships will suddenly do better magically” 

He snorts. “I’m just glad I never let him take care of mine. I think Jess was complaining about that the other day” you laugh, and he smiles at you endearingly as he watches you. “So, are we okay?” he asks more seriously, though a faint smile lingers over his face.

“Yeah, yeah, we are.” you nod, weakly smiling back at him. “It’s just been a rough couple of weeks” you admit as he gives you an empathetic smile in response.

“I know what I want but I don’t know if I’m ready,” you eventually declare cautiously, not wanting to hurt him or make him feel like you're trying to push him away. “It has all gone so fast and I think I want things to slow down a bit.” he nods understandingly before being obliged to turn when someone in the briefing room calls his name; he holds his hand up to have them wait and rests that same hand over your shoulder when he turns back to you, his gaze holding yours.

“Look– I don’t want you to jump right into this if you’re not a hundred percent sure about it.”  he declares with as much conviction he has when he fights for what’s right.

“This is my thing– to jump head first into everything. That's why I acted the way I did the other night. And it was stupid considering the situation and some part of you probably hates me for it somehow so you have to be smarter about this” he insists. “And I know you will be. And even if it’s in one week or one year or five, I can handle it”

“Okay,” you mutter feebly, his firm gaze over you making your stomach flutter.

He turns back and glances at the person who was calling for him earlier, turning back to you. He hesitates, looking like he wants to say more but is unsure if he should.

“Alright. I got stuff to take care of” he eventually says with a faint sigh, like being teared out of that conversation with you physically hurts him.

“Okay Commander” you grin teasingly. He smiles and kisses the top of your head, your hand instinctively resting over his arm despite your decision to maintain some distance for the moment. 

"You know where to find me if you need anything," he says quietly, his hand lingering on your shoulder for a moment longer before he steps away.

You’re still not sure what you really want as you watch him walk away, sending easy smiles to his peers as he reviews details with them for the next mission. 

You think about it all over again, as you remain here in the back of the room, leaning against the wall; the way he looked at you, the understanding in his eyes, his patience and willingness to wait – it all seems so easy with him that jumping right in suddenly doesn’t make you so afraid anymore.

—

The sky isn’t particularly clear tonight. One could have picked a more scenic place to come rest to, one where clouds wouldn’t be covering D’Qar’s two moons like a thin, old veil ripped to shreds.

Poe turns at the unexpected sound of boots ruffling against the grass, a small smile growing over his face when you grunt softly as you sit down next to him.

“You lied when you said I’d know where to find you, because I’ve looked for you everywhere before finally finding you out there” you sigh softly, drawing a laugh out of him, his eyes crinkling softly.

He shrugs, “You still found me, so I technically didn't lie” he says with a smile.

“You've got a point,” you huff out, settling beside him. The air is cool, cooler than it has been those past few days. You can’t help your lips turning into a smile as Poe's face softly glows in the faint light of both moons, his gaze gentle as he looks over at you.

His eyes twinkle with amusement when he talks again, interrupted when you shift to press your lips to his, his words quickly lost on both of you. His voice fades into a small sigh against your mouth as his hand immediately, almost instinctively cups the side of your face. Your hands grip the lapel of his shirt tightly, gently pulling him closer to deepen the kiss; Poe’s chuckle vibrates against your lips as you pull away, a slight flush visible over his cheeks.

“What is this?” he asks amused, the look of surprise genuine over his face. This goes against everything you told him you wanted with him for now.

“This is me being smarter about this, being the bigger person.” you affirm in an attempt to sound confident, but you’re still slightly out of breath, your heart racing.

Poe looks at you with a teasing, feigned impressed expression before he goes in and kisses you back, the press of his lips soft yet firm against yours. 

Everything around you seems to fade away as you make out for a beat, losing yourselves in this, the soft breeze of the evening tickling both of your faces though your face heats up even more when his thumb traces your cheek.

When he finally pulls back, Poe's hand is quick to find your own, his fingers fiddling and lacing with yours, his gaze on you still intense. “So much for going slow, huh?”

You chuckle, “Yeah, fuck that” you reply with a grin, feeling lighter than you have in weeks.

You both fall silent for a while; it is rare for Poe Dameron to not run his mouth for longer than a few minutes, but the back and forth of his thumb over your hand and your head leaning over his shoulder seems to be enough for him at this moment.

You shatter the silence the moment the question crosses your mind. “What would you have done if I actually married him?”

He takes a deep breath, like the weight of the question takes a toll on him.

He smirks, “This would have probably made me join the First Order” he jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood. You huff out a laugh. 

“Honestly?” he asks, his tone serious now. He doesn’t speak, he doesn’t really know. What would have been the best option? The least worst? “I don’t know. But I would have skipped the wedding for sure.” you softly smile at him with a look of compassion, momentarily rendered speechless by his revelation. 

He pinches his lips in a weak, beaten smile as he clearly pictures the scene in his mind again, just the way he did when you announced to him that Kass had proposed before eventually telling him you had refused. “Sorry. it would have hurt my poor loverboy heart way too much” he scoffs light heartedly though it’s barely a joke, just the truth.

“Well, next time I get married you’ll be the first person I invite” you promise with a light nudge at him, your hand reassuringly squeezing his.

“Next time huh?” he retorts with a playful smile, one that you mirror before the gentle push of his lips renders you breathless again. “Not if I invite you first sweetheart,” he jokes with one last kiss, your laugh barely audible.

Poe’s thumb traces circles on the back of your hand when he notices your gaze is there now, a faint smile remaining over your face. “Hey” he calls, urging you to look up at him. “One day at the time, okay?” he cocks his head forward, his voice barely above a whisper. “We don’t have to figure everything out right now.”

There’s no rush with him, no doubt, just the certainty that whatever happens, it will seem like the easier thing in the world; 

Because you love him; you are sure of that.

—

any and every comment is greatly appreciated!!

star wars taglist: @lockleysgrl @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @alexxavicry @mystinky-butt @anightshift @whatthefishh @dameronshandholder @campingwiththecharmings @mintgreen24 @spider-starry @jakecockley @cocodiem @spxctorsslxt @friedwings @luxisluxurious @stvnnie @dowbastan @il0vebeingdelulu @hammerhead96 @unear7hly @pigeonmama

also tagging people who seemed interested in this from the post related to this, please ignore me if you actually don't care<3 @lotusbxtch @piptoost @klillaah @lounilu @moonpascal

[smilesrobotlover]

Talon has never been afraid of things that people were typically afraid of. He never understood the fear surrounding spiders—he only found them to be pests that needed to be put outside where they belonged, and he even found some of them cute. Talon never found water frightening, the dark was no issue to him, and he found tighter spaces more cozy than anything. He was scared of monsters, but that felt more like a valid fear since they could actually kill him. But everything else he never understood the fear others had. That is, until he was swept into a different world surrounded by men looking for their respective heroes of Hyrule. Talon discovered that he was terrified of heights. He’s never had to climb anything high up—back then he would have his wife reach high places for him. Now either Malon or Ingo took care of those problems for him since they were both taller than him. But being on this adventure, he had to face heights more times than he’d like, and every time he faced them, his legs would turn into mush and he’d struggle to stand on his own. He always tried to hide it since he already felt like a burden to the other men, but he couldn’t. It was all getting worse when the men found themselves in the mountains, inching closer to cliff-sides that made Talon dizzy. Rusl picked up on Talon’s nervousness and he rested his hand on his shoulder.

“Don’t like heights?”

Talon gave him a look and let out a shaky breath. “Y-you could say that.”

Rusl smiled. “It’ll be ok, we’ll take care of you. And besides, we have Kass here in case we fall!”

The blacksmith gestured to their feathered friend who was chatting with Benji, but it didn’t make Talon feel any better. He didn’t want to put any responsibility on Kass, and he definitely didn’t want to fall in the first place. As the men walked, Talon couldn’t help but notice the cliffside getting closer to them, and he felt himself pressing up against the rocky wall more and more the closer it got. The path turned rocky and rough, and the edge was inches away from his feet. Talon turned away from the cliff, hugging the wall as he shuffled forward. This slowed him down, and the others were far ahead of him, not seeming to care that one wrong step could send them to their death. But Talon didn’t care; he didn’t bother to call for them. He was just focused on his breathing and shuffling along the wall.

“Talon.”

The farmer flinched and looked to his side where Leon was standing, watching him worriedly. “S-sorry,” Talon apologized, and Leon waved it away.

“It’s alright, we just don’t want to accidentally leave you behind. Here,” Leon offered his arm for Talon to grab onto, “you can hang onto me, but the sooner we’re off this path the better.”

Talon let out a breath and complied, not caring that it was childish to do so. Leon walked slowly, yet with confidence as Talon stumbled along. It wasn’t like the first knight to slow down for him, but Talon was grateful for it. He peeked over Leon’s shoulder to spot the others already on the other side, with Rusl watching them anxiously.

“We’re almost there,” Leon assured, and Talon nodded.

“I’m so sorry about this—“ Talon started, but Leon stopped him.

“We all have fears, it’s normal. But that’s why we have each other. We don’t have to face them alone.”

Talon smiled at Leon and they pressed onward. He didn’t know how long they were going for, but it felt like forever. But Leon still held onto him as they walked, so he continued. Sudden shouting from the others made him and Leon pause.

“What’s going on?” He heard Leon yell, but he wasn’t able to hear a response before the sound of crumbling rocks was heard. Leon gasped and he spun around, covering Talon as small rocks and dirt fell on their head. Talon felt his stomach lurch as the mountain shook, and a loud crash was heard in front of them. Leon let go of him and he cursed under his breath. Talon opened his eyes only to see the path in front of them destroyed, and the others hidden by boulders.

“Oh goddesses,” he mumbled, and Leon cupped both hands around his mouth.

“RUSL! AMMON!” He shouted, and it was silent until the two heard a faint shout back. Talon let out a sigh of relief, but was returned to his own predicament. “Well, they’re alive,” Leon muttered, turning to him.

“W-what are we gonna do? The way forward is-is broken!” Talon cried, gesturing to the broken path. Leon hummed and walked towards the edge, then he gave Talon an apologetic look.

“It’s not a far jump…”

Talon’s eyes widened.

“No.”

Leon walked towards him, his hands up defensively. “Talon, that's the only way we can reunite with the others.”

Talon shook his head, but the mountain began shaking again, and another loud crash came behind them. To his horror, the other side was destroyed, and there was shouting from his friends again, this time with the clang of metal. They were being attacked.

Leon grabbed his arm and started to pull him towards the edge. Talon pulled back, stopping him in his tracks.

“Talon, we need to go. Now!”

“B-but—but we—“

“I know you’re scared, but we must get to the others or else we’ll be crushed by rocks!” Leon turned to the gap and ran towards it, jumping towards the other side. It didn’t seem to take much effort for him, but it didn’t make Talon feel much better. “Talon please!” Leon tried again, his hand extended. “It’s going to be ok, we’re close to the end!”

Talon swallowed hard, his heart threatening to beat out of his chest. He had to be brave—just this once.

The farmer started to slowly move towards the edge, his legs shaking uncontrollably as he shuffled. Parts of the cliffside began to give way, and it nearly made Talon fall to his knees, but with Leon pleading for him to hurry, he continued to move forward. He reached the cliff edge and he felt himself grow nauseous as he glanced over the edge. That was a mistake.

“Come on, Talon!” Leon pressed, his hand extended. Talon paused for a moment before letting out a breath.

“J-just give me a moment—“

“You don’t have a moment! Don’t think about the cliff, just jump!”

Talon swallowed again, his whole body shaking now. He shuffled closer and closer to the edge, feeling weaker each step he took. Leon was clearly growing impatient, but he gave Talon a confident look. He could do this. He had to.

“Run and jump, Talon,” Leon said, waving his arm towards him, and the farmer nodded. He just had to trust himself. Talon took a small step back and took a deep breath, then ran to the cliffside. But as his foot hit the edge, the ground beneath him crumbled, and he yelped as he began to slide over the edge. Talon’s hands were waving wildly, and he miraculously was able to grab onto something, stopping his fall.

“TALON!” The farmer looked up to see Leon reaching out for him, a more desperate look in his eyes. “Grab on!”

Talon was growing hysterical as the only thing stopping him from plunging to his death was his grip on the rocks embedded into the rocky wall. He squeezed his eyes shut, not trusting his strength to grab onto Leon.

“Talon please!”

The farmer looked up at Leon.

“It’s going to be ok,” the first knight assured, inching closer to him. “I won’t let go, just trust yourself, and trust me.”

Talon swallowed again, and he nodded. Using all the strength he had, he began to reach for Leon. Their hands were inches away from each other, and with one last effort, Talon swung himself, and their hands clasped together. Talon smiled relieved, as did Leon.

“It’s going to be ok,” he said again, starting to pull. But Talon heard something, an arrow shooting through the air, and Leon let out a pained yell as it was buried into his back. A sudden electric shock went through both of them, and Talon yelped as he lost all strength in his grip, and he let go of Leon’s limp hand. He could do nothing but watch as Leon and the path grew smaller and smaller as he plunged to the world below.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Talon awoke with a jolt. He instinctively started to feel himself, checking for injuries, but he found none. He let out a loud sigh of relief, rubbing his hand against his head as everything came back to him. Was it all a nightmare? He didn’t know what else it could’ve been—he fell. Not even a tough Hylian would’ve been able to survive a fall like that. Yet… it felt so real…

Talon rested his hand on his heart and attempted to slow down his breathing. Whatever it was, he was still worked up over it; beads of sweat were beginning to drip down his forehead, and his throat hurt as though he was about to cry. He glanced over to his left and found himself in a clearing surrounded by trees, but no one else was there. He frowned and turned his head to the other side and found a shallow spring with fairies gently floating around it. Yet no sign of anyone. He sat up and flinched at a sharp pain going through his ribs. He groaned and rubbed at the area, trying to breathe in a way to not make the pain worse. Why was he hurt? What happened? Where was everyone? Talon’s questioning thoughts were interrupted when he heard movement behind him, and he spun around only for his heart to stop at the sight.

A large man was watching him from the shadows of the trees. He had long white hair that sat on his shoulders, with strange markings decorating his cheeks and forehead. But what scared Talon the most were the bright, white eyes staring back at him. The man began to move towards Talon, and the farmer began to scramble away despite his aching side.

“N-no no no! Stay away! Please!” Talon begged as the man reached him in only a few strides, but he stopped in front him.

“Be at peace, Talon. I will not harm you,” the strange man said, his hand raised in a way to calm him. Talon’s mind went blank as he stared at the large man, his eyes feeling like they were popping out of his sockets.

“D-do I—do I know you?” He stammered, fearing to anger him. The man’s expression was blank as he stared back at him, but he shook his head.

“No. But I know you.”

That certainly didn’t tell Talon anything. He looked side to side again, hoping to find one of his friends, but he remained alone with the strange man who somehow knew him. He swallowed and sat up, once again cradling his side with a wince.

“Um… Who—who are you?” Talon tried again, and the man simply kneeled in front of him, his expression continuing to remain blank. He was silent for a moment, and Talon wondered if he even heard him, but he finally spoke up.

“I am called the Fierce Deity,” he answered.

“Oh.” Well that still didn’t answer anything for Talon. But he supposed it was better than nothing. “Well… Uh… nice to meet you then. Um… Can I just call you Fierce? Or… something?”

Fierce’s expression was making Talon grow uncomfortable. He couldn’t tell what he was thinking, or if he was thinking at all. Was he even a Hylian?

“You may call me whatever you like,” he said after a long moment of silence. Talon nodded, and he began to lean back, his whole body beginning to shake. He fell backwards and let out a sigh, staring at the sky. With this… Fierce Deity here… It was becoming harder and harder to explain the previous events as a dream. Fierce suddenly came into his view, and Talon’s eyes widened.

“Wh-what?”

“Are you alright?”

Talon let out another sigh, rubbing his ribs. “I–I don’t know. My ribs kinda hurt. And I’m confused. I don’t know where I am, I don’t know what happened to me, I don’t know how you know me or what you even are. I’m just—” Talon’s voice began to shake and he rested his hand on his eyes. “I’m so confused.”

Fierce’s eyes squinted slightly and he left Talon’s view. “I can explain everything to you Talon, but first—” A twinkling sound was heard, and Fierce entered his vision again, this time with a fairy. “Let’s heal your side.”

Talon frowned, but the fairy floated towards him before he could say anything. In a blink of an eye, the fairy swirled around him, and his side suddenly stopped aching. Talon sat up, staring at his side in surprise. He always knew about the fairies’ abilities to heal, but he never experienced such a thing himself. It was incredible. He looked around him but found that the fairy disappeared. He glanced up at Fierce confused, who picked up on his confusion.

“It’s alright, the fairy only needs to return to a great fairy to rejuvenate her power,” he explained.

Talon nodded and looked down at his side, still amazed by the missing injury. Goddesses, he almost wished he could do that as well.

“It is fortunate that you fell closeby to a fairy fountain,” Fierce continued to explain, and Talon froze. Fell. So Talon did fall, so he…?

“What happened?”

Fierce turned to him and once again kneeled down. “You died.”

Talon’s mind went blank. “What?”

“You died.” He repeated, hitting Talon harder the second time.

“I… died?” Talon repeated himself, feeling his stomach sink to the ground. He died. That fall killed him. How was he alive? Did the fairies save him? Did he die when he hit the ground? His friends…

Did they all think he was dead?

Talon began to grow nauseous, and he ran his hand through his hair. “I died…”

Fierce watched him silently as Talon continued to look down on himself. There was no evidence from the fall, save for his aching ribs, but the fairy healed that away.

“Is-is it true then?” Talon asked in a quiet tone, his voice shaking uncontrollably. Fierce tilted his head which was the first emotion he’s ever seen him express. “Is it true that fairies heal you, even after death?”

Fierce was silent for a moment. “Only immediately after you die. If you die long before you can get to a fairy, then you’ll need fairy’s blood.”

Talon felt the blood drain from his face. Fairy’s blood was extremely illegal in Hyrule. In order to use blood from a fairy, it would have to be killed. To kill a divine creature sent from the goddesses themselves was an act of blasphemy. Did Fierce… kill a fairy to save him?

“You… you didn’t…” Talon started, but he felt his stomach churn, and he covered his mouth, feeling like he was about to vomit. Fierce’s eyes squinted at him, once again showing his confusion. “You didn’t—you didn’t kill a fairy did you?” Talon was able to force out.

“No, you died as soon as I reached the fountain. The fairies wasted no time in helping you.”

Talon felt a heavy weight lift from his shoulders and he let out a loud sigh of relief. “Thank the goddesses. I couldn’t live with myself if I was responsible for a fairy’s death.”

The corner of Fierce’s mouth was curled up in a smile, but it went away so quickly Talon thought he imagined it. “I could never harm Hylia’s creatures.”

Talon frowned. Hylia? “Right, well… Thank you for saving my life,” Talon finally said, and Fierce nodded.

“Of course. It is my desire to help Link and those he cares about.”

Talon frowned again. “So you know Link… How—How do you know him? How do you know me?”

“You are Malon’s father.”

Talon nodded slightly. “How do you know my daughter?”

“She is Link’s wife.”

“Ok… And how do you know Link?”

Fierce’s empty eyes stared at him, and Talon swallowed, wishing he could read what he was thinking.

“Link saved me from an eternal fate in Termina,” he finally answered.

It was Talon’s turn to stare. Termina. He’s heard that name before…

“Before I ever saw Link, I always believed that mortals were all the same,” Fierce began, his eyes half-closed as if he were looking down. “They are selfish, greedy, and cruel. They’ll lie to you to benefit them, they’ll steal from you, they’ll hurt you. They use you and then give nothing in return. They imprison you when you have done nothing but help them.” Fierce’s voice had a hint of anger that sent a chill up Talon’s spine. “Link taught me otherwise. When Termina was threatened with destruction, he was the only one who set out and did something about it. I watched him help countless people when it didn’t benefit him; I watched him express compassion that was lacking from other mortals, and I watched him defeat evil, and save Termina.”

Realization hit Talon. Termina. He remembered Link telling him a story about a moon falling in a land and him going back in time over and over again. He always chalked it up as a child’s imagination, but now… was it all real? Did Talon brush his previous adventures away because he didn’t believe him? Guilt crept up on Talon. It was no wonder why he stopped telling Talon his stories. Fierce picked up on his guilt and tilted his head.

“What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing I just… I think I remember Link telling me about Termina… it’s… it’s real?”

Fierce nodded. “Link understands why you don’t believe him.”

Talon was taken aback. “Oh… well…”

“Do not feel guilty for not believing him.”

“… It probably felt like he had no one to talk to though…” Talon sighed. It was no wonder why Link was always so mature and jaded for a child. If everything he told him was true… poor Link.

“He has Malon.���

He supposed that was true, but regardless, he wasn’t there for Link like he should’ve been. He wondered if he would even want to see him again after this adventure…

“You have no idea how much you mean to him,” Fierce continued when Talon remained silent. “Everything you did for him, he cannot ignore it, nor can I.”

He didn’t feel like he deserved such talk. He didn’t even know why or how the deity knew about any of it. Fierce was large and stood out from the rest of the world like a sore thumb. How did he never notice him there, watching him and his family for the past fifteen years? The thought of it all was making him grow uncomfortable, so he decided to change the subject. “So… Termina… what happened after Link saved it?”

Fierce’s eyes went half closed again. “I’m not sure how he did it, but he left Termina, and he took me with him. I was doomed to remain in Termina forever, away from my Hylia. But because of him, I was able to return to her land.”

“You keep mentioning Hylia, is that a person?”

Despite having a blank expression, Fierce gave Talon a look as if he was stupid. “Hylia, the one who created your kind and Hyrule.”

Talon slowly nodded despite not understanding. He’s never heard of a Hylia who created Hyrule. He always thought it was three golden goddesses. If this Hylia created the land he called home, why hasn’t he ever heard of her?

“I could’ve left Link as soon as I was in Hyrule, but I instantly felt an emptiness where Hylia used to be. Judging by your lack of knowledge of her, I take it she no longer resides here?”

“Uh, no I guess not…”

Fierce stared long and hard at him before turning away. “I see. I was always curious since meeting Link, if Hylia’s influence on the world changed mortal’s nature. But, I suppose it makes sense that they were never influenced by the goddess herself. When Link returned to Hyrule he grew ill and didn’t have the strength to carry on. The mortals simply passed him by, which went against what Hylia believed in.”

Familiarity sparked in Talon. He remembered finding Link again in the middle of Hyrule field, burning up with a terrible fever. So Fierce was watching him the whole time. Where was he?

“You proved me wrong again, Talon. Not all mortals are selfish and greedy. Some are… good, and pure…”

“Wait, what? I proved you wrong? How?”

Fierce gave him another look. “You helped Link, and expected nothing in return.”

Talon frowned. “Is this about when I found him with a fever then? Trust me, I ain’t special for doin’ that.”

“You saved him, Talon. That’s not a small thing.”

“Oh come on! He was a sick kid in the middle of the field! Anyone would’ve helped him!”

“No. No one did.”

Talon froze. “What do ya mean no one helped him?”

“Like I said. The mortals passed him by. Link asked around Kakariko and Castle town for help, but he had no money. No one helped him.” Fierce’s voice grew angry again until his face turned to Talon fully. “You were the only one who reached out to him. He had given up at that point.”

Talon stared at him, shocked. It put everything from that time into perspective for him. Knowing Link, an eleven-year-old boy, tried to get help, but no one did? That didn’t seem possible, no one was that heartless.

“That’s how I know you. I saw the way you and Malon treated him. You may think you’re not a good person because you don’t believe him, but that does not erase all the good you’ve done for him. You restored my faith in mortals, and you saved Link. For that, I thank you.” Fierce bowed slightly. Talon felt his face flush and he turned away. He was starting to hate this praise. It almost felt wrong, especially from a deity.

“It… it really was nothin’. But… um… really I should be the one thankin’ you… for… you know… savin’ my life?”

Fierce squinted his eyes again. “You already thanked me.”

“Oh, well… It certainly doesn’t hurt to thank you again, now does it?”

Fierce stared blankly once again. “Why?”

“Well, like you said, it ain’t a small thing.”

Fierce stared for a moment, then turned away. “You mortals confuse me.”

Talon chuckled. “Well if it makes ya feel any better, mortals confuse me too.”

“But you’re a mortal.”

“Exactly.”

Though it was subtle, Talon could almost pick up an annoyed expression on Fierce’s face, and he couldn’t tell if he should laugh at it or not. They both remained silent for a while, until one more question went through Talon’s brain.

“What… are you?” He asked. Fierce looked contemplative as he looked down at his hand, and he glanced up at Talon.

“I’m not sure. I suppose I am what they call a deity. But I have no divine power unlike the others. A demon is a more appropriate thing to call me.”

Fear pricked at Talon’s chest and he turned away. “So you’re a servant to evil?”

For the first time, Fierce’s expression grew dark, and Talon leaned back. Oh no.

“I will never serve Demise,” he growled. Talon nodded, yet continuing to not understand anything he was saying.

“R-right! Well then… you’re no demon!”

“That’s what we were called in Termina.”

“Well, lucky you, this ain’t Termina.”

Fierce’s expression softened and he didn’t press any further. Talon supposed no one knew what Fierce was, but he began to feel less of a threat to him the more he talked to him. Sort of.

“You should get some rest,” Fierce finally said, standing up. “Fairies don’t rejuvenate energy.”

“Oh,” Talon looked down at himself, admittedly still feeling exhausted from before. But… “My friends will be out lookin’ for me. A-and the puppeteer too… I reckon he’s the reason I fell down the mountain.”

“I will keep watch. But you must restore your strength if you are to continue on.”

Talon sighed. The others could be in danger—Leon could be in danger, and he’d be none the wiser. But his heavy eyelids fought against him and he simply laid back, staring sadly at the sky. His mind began to run rampant over everything that happened to him, and he was struggling to calm himself down so he could rest. He died, he was resurrected, Leon was shot with an arrow, and his friends were either dead, fighting, or captured. How was he going to reunite with them? Will Kass fly down to search for him? Will they try to move down the mountain to find him? Or will they continue on, with Talon completely separated from them? Anxiety pricked at Talon; he couldn’t travel alone, even with a deity at his side. He was a farmer, not a traveler. He wouldn’t survive on his own and he wouldn’t know what to do if something happened. His heart already ached for his home and for his daughter, he didn’t feel like he could handle anymore stress. Tears pricked at his eyes and he rubbed his face, feeling a sob threatening to escape his throat. He was spiraling; no matter how much he tried to not think about his current situation, he couldn’t help but only think about it. It was all too much—this whole adventure was too much. Just as he felt himself go into panic, a soft melody suddenly filled the air. It was a gentle, rising melody that put Talon’s mind at ease. He felt his body relax and his eyes grow heavy, and a thought went through his head.

You’re going to be ok.

Talon took in a shaky breath, tears threatening to spill, but the gentle melody continued playing, and he was finally able to fall asleep.

[riki-riks-chick]

HIII KASS ‼️‼️‼️

recently i js got out of a rlly toxic relationship with my bf, and it made me think! heeseung helping yn realize her abusive bf is bad for her??

can i be 🐮 anon?

Realize ┃L.HS

heeseungxreader

yn is in an abusive relationship, heeseung wants her to know that she deserves better.

cw: angst/fluff! domestic violence, hitting, swearing, abusive relationship, degrading.

wdct: 1.2k

tysm for your request. im so glad you're out of that relationship 💚 pls stay safe and don't sell yourself short bc u deserve a person who respects you and loves you.

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Third Person POV~

You'd be lying if you ever said this is the first time you've left your apartment in the middle of the night. It's definitely not the second either, and you're sure it's not the last. You're in a relationship, and have been in the same relationship for two years. You love your boyfriend dearly, and you're sure he loves you too, but alcoholism is a thing, sadly.

He works long days, and sometimes nights.. You'd like to think it's stress leading his actions. At least that's what you thought at first. All the time's he's come home slightly drunk, you were never bothered by it, but it seemed like he started getting more agressive as the long weeks went on.

Picking dumb fights with you over small things, getting irritated by simple touches or gestures. Slight agression over you not wanting sex from him. Everything just seems to have gone downhill the past few months.

He got home about an hour ago, at around midnight. You woke up hearing the shower, and you got out of bed, stumbling into the bathroom. "Baby?.." You call out lowly, and he peeks out from behind the shower curtain, scoffing. "I thought you were sleeping?"

"I was.. Sorry I didn't wait up for you." You apologize as he rolls his eyes. "I don't expect much from you anymore anyway.." He says as you frown, rubbing the sleepiness from your eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?.."

He turns off the shower, wrapping his towel around his waist as he steps out, his hair dripping onto his damp skin. "You're smart enough to put it together, aren't you?"

You're clearly puzzled at the annoyance in his tone, but he doesn't seem to care. "Did I do something wrong?"

He scoffs, grabbing another towel to dry his hair. "Let's see.. I basically never get sex from you, you don't wait for me at night, I hardly ever see you anymore, and you cop an attitude everytime I say anything to you." He argues as you sigh. "It's hard to want sex when you're always coming home drunk lately."

He raises an eyebrow at your words, stepping closer to you, you can smell the scent of his bodywash fresh on his skin. "Oh really?.. So if I wanted to fuck you right now, would you give in?.."

Your back hits the counter as you step back, your chest rises with each heavy breath as he traps you in between himself and the counter. "You've had a long day, and so did I.. Let's just rest.."

He chuckles, pressing himself against you, you can feel everything thanks to the thin towel he's wearing. "I think fucking you would help me relax way more.." Soon enough he's leaning in to kiss you, but you dodge immediately, pushing him away by the chest.

"Just put some clothes on and we can both sleep.." You suggest, only to be ignored when he pushes your hands away, attempting to kiss you again.

This time you shove him away, leaving the bathroom. He follows, shoving you against the wall once he has a good enough hold on you.

"Please.. Just calm down." You attempt to move, only to be pressed firmly against the wall once more. You can feel a bruising pain blossom throughout your left shoulder blade from the impact of your back hitting the wall.

He attempts to tug on your sweats, but you hold them up. "Stop, just leave me alone!"

He pulls back, staring at you as he scoffs. "You stupid bitch.. Show some respect."

The next few seconds blur as you feel his palm strike your cheek, the pain burning itself into your skin as you immediately press your hand to the spot to soothe the pain.

Your eyes are watering and he's seemingly shocked by his own corse of action. As soon as he parts his lips to speak, you run past him, grabbing your phone before leaving the room.

You slip into some shoes, grabbing your keys and your wallet just in case. And then, you left.

Now you're standing in the rain, feet planted on the doormat of your closest friend's doorstep as you raised your fist to knock.

Though it took awhile, the door eventually opened, Heeseung staring down at you with a pitied expression. "Y/n?.. What are you doing here this time of night?.. Did you guys argue again.." He leaves before you can answer, soon coming back with two towels. He sets one on the floor so you can walk in and then he wraps the other one around you.

You finally release the well of tears that you tried so hard to hold back, and Heeseung's worry multiplies itself. He decides that comforting you is worth more than staying dry, so he hugs you, rubbing comforting circles onto your back.

"What happened..?" He questions gently, pulling back to look at you. You take a second to calm down before staring up at him. "He hit me..." You divulge with a sob, and Heeseung's expression twists confusedly.

"Your boyfriend?.." He asks, and when you nod, his eyes go dark. "I told you to break up with that asshole ages ago, and now he's hitting you?!"

It's clear Heeseung is upset, but you're not in the mood for the "I told you so" speech. "He didn't mean it... He just got upset.." You defend to which Heeseung sighs, pulling away from you. "Y/n.. Getting upset is no excuse to hit your girlfriend.. You need to end things with him.." He says blatantly and you shake your head. "He loves me.. I know it.."

Heeseung shakes his head at you, rubbing his temples. "He doesn't give a shit about you! As much as I know it'll hurt you, I can't just stand by and watch that fucker ruin you!" He yells and you go quiet, sobbing quietly. "Heeseung.. I love him..."

Something snaps inside him at your words. He grabs you firmly by the shoulders, leaning slightly closer to you. "And I love you..." He reveals, his own eyes glossed over. This is clearly something he's wanted to say for years now, but he didn't imagine it going this way. "Y/n.. I know you only see me as a friend.. But I care so much for you.. I can't watch the girl I love be treated that way by someone who isn't even worthy of her.."

You're still shocked at the question, but you nod regardless. "I didn't know you felt that way.." You mumble as he sighs, letting go of you. "I've like you since the day we met.. Sadly that bastard came along and stole you.."

"I'm sorry I didn't listen to you..." You apologize as Heeseung sighs. "I'm not mad at you.. You're the victim.. Promise you'll leave him?.." He asks as you nod, pinky promising him.

"Let's get you some dry clothes.."

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i hope this is good I'm not good at semi-angst fics

[teganorsara]

not the dichotomy of leonard cohen ‘you said “i might like you less now that you know me so well”’ VS true blue ‘and it feels good to be known so well.’

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 20 thoughts

dare i say it, once again… new favorite episode??

okay, my previous favorite episode was an ENTIRELY different direction from this one, but i’d say there should be one best episode for serious stuff and one best episode for the silly!!! and this takes the silly crown!! and tbh i can't make an actual hard and fast rating anyway because there are so many great things to choose from- but this is amongst them, for me, in terms of legendary episodes!

please, join me on this ride, which i enjoyed each second of, and will need to someday rewatch without pausing every 0.5 seconds to jot something i noticed down. the live experience begins beneath the cut.

it’s been 84 years…. (3 days since i’ve seen an episode)

ooo, this sounds interesting! is scully going to work with an author?? are we gonna learn more about the things that she reads?? this is prime content to a person like me

stars…. space ship….. filled with tubes and wires and other such things…… just kidding!!! it’s a guy working on some electrical stuff. whilst two people drive by!! i thought they were mulder and scully at first but they are not

“um, i don’t want to scare you, but i think i’m madly in love with you” says this guy who is not mulder but actually named harold to this girl who is not scully but is actually named chrissy. OH! and this is the first date. so that was a weird thing to say. i thought it was quite sweet at first but that changes things for sure.

GASP! UFO be upon them. creatures are coming out to get them. she asks what they are and he says “how the hell should i know?” ooo ooo i know! they are aliens 👽 and then the two fall on top of each other like they are knocked out… and the aliens drag them away???? 

until a king kong looking fellow rolls up. very puppet-y. and the aliens don’t know what this creature is either!!! and also ask what that thing is and the response is “how the hell should i know?” haha i see what you did there... out aliening the alien

bum bum bum bum…. (<- my attempt at recreating the noise of the intro)

now, what was that? i'm stuck on the king kong and godzilla love child puppet….

scan up on mulder’s iconic poster!!! and a guy is here who is yet again not mulder. his name is mr. chung and mulder will NOT talk to him… oooh, what is their beef…?

mr. chung is saying he always felt alienated on this planet, who can even imagine actual aliens! and he has a point there.

oh! scully is a big fan of this fellow, which is why she agreed to talk to this guy!!! he calls her beautiful, which is true, but time and place 

so he isn’t even interested in aliens, but his publisher said he should write a book on the matter. he is going to create a NEW genre: non fiction science fiction, a gimmick that will give him money. this seems somewhat disappointing to scully, who must be a believer in artistic integrity, but i find his honesty refreshing.

she wants him to tell the truth, but apparently he spent 3 months in kass county where all this stuff went down, and NO ONE could tell him what actually happened. the truth is just as subjective as reality. which sounds like something i learned in history class. and, it helps explain why everyone with an alien story starts with some variation of, "i know this sounds crazy, but"...

so he wants HER version of hearing of the case. also he touches her arm and... let's slow down a little there, mr. chung.

OHHH we are seeing a story told in flashbacks!!!! narrated by scully!! how wonderful!!!

this girl is suffering from “missing time”, a phenomenon we have come to know well here on this blog. also her clothes are inside out and she has signs of abuse. not looking great for her.

apparently mulder prefers the term “abductee” to “experiencer”, which mr. chung has valid disagreements with. we go on, however.

this poor girl is seeing aliens that are not there and her nose is bleeding. WAIT! it’s the guy from before! harold and chrissy! he comes to her window to say he did everything he could but she rejects him, thinking he had drugged and assaulted her. yikes.

harold is testifying that he was abducted by aliens, but no one believes him. he stuck to his story UNTIL our agents arrived!

(MULDER SAYS SOMETHING VERY OUT OF POCKET HERE ABOUT GOING TO PRISON BUT LET'S KEEP MOVING)

despite this announcement of presumed prison time, mulder brings chrissy in for questioning. asking her if she has all the symptoms of “post abduction disorder”, which she confirms, while scully rolls her eyes with great force in the background. and he talks the girl’s parents into letting her do hypnosis.

“what is your opinion of hypnosis?”, mr. chung asks scully, which is something i also have been dying to know! i mean, we saw her do a little bit before, but it didn’t seem to be a positive experience. she says it has therapeutic value, but has never been proven to enhance memory; it even makes memory worse. a very balanced and doctor-ly answer! 

LMAO scully is so cute… mr. chung mentions another book he wrote and she proclaims it “one of the greatest thrillers ever written” <- STOP I LOVE HER SHE IS SUCH A NERRRRD 😭😭

mr. chung said the FBI knew nothing about how hypnosis worked back during the MK ULTRA days… and he is fascinated by the idea of a person’s consciousness being transformed by listening to words. admittedly very fascinating! you could probably say the same about meditation, no?

(but he speaks to the power of storytelling, i realize now in hindsight! how we find ourselves wrapped up in the tales of things that never happened, how it fills us with sorrow or joy! how fascinating! i see what you did there, writers!)

cutscene to hypnotizing chrissy. who is seeing aliens. she is on a space ship wearing a fit that looks very similar to a lady gaga chromatica era performance, but it has tubes attached to her. harold is in a very similar contraption!!!!

she says the aliens are arguing without moving their mouths and she hears the lead alien in her head saying it’s for the good of her planet. and he is stealing her memories? um. for what purpose...

scully is serving looks in the corner while this goes down, looking mad as hell and very good. she says chrissy's abduction story seems a little TOO typical… and i have to agree! but mulder says no, there are TWO people with the same story! they can't both be lying, surely!

LMAOOOO they play with censoring the dude who comes in and yells at them… “well, of course he didn’t actually say ‘bleeped’” 

(BAHAHA i’m loving this insight into how scully’s memories operate. so this angry man is named detective manners)

“you still gonna hold the boy?” “oh, you bet your blankety-blank bleep i am” <- i am a simple woman, and an actor delivering these lines with a straight face whilst surrounded by other actors keeping a very straight face is going to make me cackle. look at her looking so bored while he says that. i’m howling!!!!

anyway, harold has a very different story on what went down that night, that did not seem to involve gaga-inspired fits, but instead they were both placed in electrified cages. while another alien in a nearby cage smokes a cigarette. he seems to be what i would call “an unbothered king”

in this story, harold claims that he will protect chrissy and never let anything happen to her, and of course something immediately happens to her while he hides in the corner like a baby. lmao.

and this alien is talking in english! not telepathically! he keeps repeating “this is not happening” until harold ALSO gets taken by the thing that took chrissy. 

mulder is trying to figure out what is going on, but his predictions aren’t lining up with what happened to harold. scully is pacing and looking pissed, and again, very pretty.

“you know when you’re a kid, and you tore the legs off a bug for no reason?”, asks harold (cutscene to mulder’s face with visible confusion) LMAOOOOOOO

scully getting to business: did you engage in consensual sexual intercourse that night? she is not messing around! she's had it up to here with the shenanigans of harold and chrissy!

harold is very very quiet until he says that her father will kill him if he finds out!!! gasp!!! confirmation!!!

so is this whole story just… a cover up??? for fornication???

scully vs mulder time. “so what if they’re having sex?” he asks, which is funny coming from him; and anyway, he claims it happened BEFORE the alien stuff went down. but she thinks they’re traumatized, and that is more likely than alien abduction. 

until detective manners bursts in and claims he has an eyewitness to what went down! he used more blanks and bleeps and again the straight faces killllll me

and ALL OF THEM telling their stories start with “i know how crazy this all sounds” just as mr. chung had described LMAOOO. now who tf is this dude who says he was an eyewitness?

(i’m taking soooo many notes because i keep laughing and noting things. which is a good problem to have!)

this dude, named roky, spent 48 hours straight writing down what he saw, and said that by looking at this, they are putting their lives in danger. so okay. better be juicy.

he says his garage door opened up, a car pulled in, and a man told him some facts about venus. he says they put him in a trance! and that they were in all black……

mr. chung says that myths of men in black garments are nothing new!!! so take THAT, men in black legends, you are one of many.

back at roky's place, the other dude in black says jimmy carter thought he saw a UFO once, but it was just venus. roky is scandalized, grabs his paper, and states that he is a REPUBLICAN.

(omg jimmy carter is going to be 100 in a few months god willing…..)

this man in black is saying that roky saw VENUS and nothing else, just VENUS. and not to tell anyone he saw anything but VENUS or he will die. and then the car drives away. 

so after that build up, he gives mulder the manuscript, and says he is packing up and leaving. bye bye roky. hope you find some peace.

mulder is reading this story to scully who is sprawled on the bed, looking, again, angry and hot. it seems he is describing that earlier puppet-y action.

oh! roky was the electrical guy from the very beginning!!! he hides in his truck but the king kong looking fellow says “be not afraid” and that he is needed for the good of the earth? what is with the good of the earth here.

cutscene to a very baffled looking scully laying in bed as mulder continues to read LMAOOOOOO

AND ROKY’S STORY SAYS HE WENT NOT TO OUTER SPACE, BUT INNER SPACE HELPPP!!!! now, inner space is towards the core, if you, like me, were unaware. also, king kong godzilla dude’s name is Lord Kinbote, so jot that down.

mr. chung says he has a copy of roky’s manifesto- which was sent to his publisher? and LMAOOO the story is disturbing both for its soul orgy scenes and the fact that it is written as a screenplay 

well, surely your partner didn’t believe any of it, mr. chung states! “mulder’s had his share of peculiar notions” is scully's carefully worded reply... LMAOOO 

cutscene to her sitting up from the bed and calling him nuts <- LMAOOOOO but HE says that whatever roky saw may have triggered some delusions, and that the only story that doesn’t add up is chrissy’s, so he is calling to get her re-hypnotized, much to scully’s indignation!

so back to the hypnosis. and chrissy is now mirroring harold's story exactly. oh! she says the people who took them are from the air force?? so where did the gaga slay outfits go... 

the air force men are arguing in front of her. and then they say to “rinse her out”. saying it is for the good of her country. and stealing her memories!

so WHO is doing the real memory stealing here….. the aliens or the government?? an age old question!!! one that is at the heart of this series.

scully and mulder fight over what is going on, and he thinks that this might have nothing to do with aliens, until detective manners shows up with news that a crazy blankety blank claims to have an ALIEN BODY!!

(what if it’s a raccoon with mange…)

again, the man recounting this story begins with “i know how crazy this is going to sound”, but then says he wants to be abducted by aliens. well! i’m sure that’s a sexual thing i don’t care to unpack.

cutscene to mr. chung interviewing this same man, who wishes to go where finding a job is not a requirement. he was looking in a field for UFOs. and when he called the authorities upon spotting one, the agents show up!!

he says that scully was a man dressed as a woman but not pulling it off??? RUDE AS HELL! jail for 10,000 years. "HER HAIR WAS A LITTLE TOO RED, YOU KNOW?" LMAOOOOO and mulder was the “tall, lanky one” with a blank expression. well yeah that is an accurate depiction.

AND ACCORDING TO THIS GUY'S ACCOUNT, WHEN MULDER SEES THE BODY, HE SHRIEKS LIKE A STARTLED SQUIRREL I’M CRYINGGGG. so scully says to wrap this body up!

BUT THEN SHE GRABS HIM AND SAYS TO NEVER TELL ANYONE HE SAW THIS I’M CRYINGGGG... that had to be such a silly scene to film 

okay, seeing the part about subjective truths now. this is so funny... why is this loser making scully a hater in his version!!!

she’s PISSED to hear he claims she said this LMAOOO and that is ridiculous!! they even let him view the autopsy!!

so mulder takes this weirdo’s camera and records the autopsy?? scully cuts his brain open. and the tape ends up on late night television LMAOOOO

SCULLY IS SO EMBARRASSED THAT SHE IS ON THIS ALIEN HOAX AUTOPSY TAPE... I’M CRYING SOMEONE SAVE HER!!! and the host of whatever show they end upon is STUPENDOUS YAPPI FROM THE CLYDE BRUCKMAN EPISODE!!!! i'm howlingggg

she’s mad that whoever got the film edited out all the important scientific findings!!! like the two layers of skin!!!

wait. it’s a zipper. this is a dead guy in an alien suit. LMAOOOOOOOOO

the weird UFO cameraman kid is ill after realizing it was an ordinary dead guy, and scully looks deeply pained as he runs away to get sick LMAOOO

so: who is this dead guy? he was in the air force! and his name is robert. but who arrives but more people from the air force!! are they here to bury him?? or question the agents…

the folks from the air force want robert back, so she has to break the news that he is dead, and being kept for investigation into kidnapping. can they see him? scully is like yeah sure but mulder says no!!! but you CAN talk to the other AWOL guy we brought in. GASP!! a bluff!!! and it works!! from this they learn there is another missing guy!

LMAOOOO except it doesn’t go as smoothly as intended, and mulder is all “hmm he was here a few minutes ago… guess he’s still AWOL… anyway wanna see the body?” I’M CRYING THIS MANNNN IS SO RIDICULOUS 

but bad news: the body is gone. 

cameraman UFO guy is sitting on his floor watching the autopsy tape. when in bursts… the men in black from the earlier garage scene!!!! they knock him out. 

he claims mulder slapped him back to reality. and that he ALSO threatened him... me when i lie.

so mulder doesn’t have the tape. but when he drives home a fully naked man is walking about in the woods. it’s the other missing lieutenant, jack!! he is repeating “this is not happening” in the same voice as the alien as before!!!!! HUH WHAT IS GOING ON?

mulder takes jack to eat. he claims to have piloted the "UFO", and that all the abductions are military stuff, and at the base the abductees are messed with mentally, until they come out convinced they were probed by aliens. 

well okay, if its all the government, than what abducted YOU, jack? he isn’t sure about anything at all anymore, even if he exists. until who walks in... but the military!!

wait, mulder points out, it can’t all be fake- who was the third alien? jack seems to know him by name- lord kinbote. HUH?

and mr. chung heard a story about that same night from the cook at the restaurant! apparently mulder ordered sweet potato pie? huh, that’s interesting. and he kept ordering more and more pies with each question he asked the chef. LMAOOOO I just KNOW that scene was hard to film!!!! scenes where people eat always make me wonder how many times they had to have that damn bite of pie. 

but he claims there was no jack, nor any air force personnel at all. just a hungry mulder. again, so what is the truth...

mr. chung points out that scully doesn’t seem too phased to learn about all the contradictions in this story, and she says well no, not after what happened next. because when he got back to the motel, the men in black were in her room, going through her stuff! they claim she went to get some ice. he’s got 'em at gunpoint, screaming WHERE IS SHE!!! all protective, okay i see you. but she really did go to get some ice???

okay… man in black says that some alien encounters are engineered by the government and then exposed to discredit truth seekers. and mulder counters, well, people say the men in black also do purposefully strange things, so that anyone describing them sounds crazy! they proceed to… try and hypnotize him?

BUT IT’S ALEX TREBEK WHO IS DOING THE HYPNOTIZING???? LMAOOOOO HAS HE BEEN THE QUIET MAN IN BLACK THIS WHOLE TIME??

mr. chung is GAGGED, and wants to know if it WAS alex trebek, but sadly scully cannot confirm, for has no memory of this!! 

she woke up the next morning to mulder in her room….? and mr. chung is also gagged to hear this. me too tbh like did he just sleep on the couch? well we know that is how he sleeps at home so i guess i'm not shocked.

mulder’s trying to explain that she didn’t just "let him in" last night, but detective manners calls and says they found a bleeping UFO.

and what is it but…. a plane!! a secret plane!! and who are they carrying away on stretcher but the missing airmen, jack and robert???? SO HOW DID THEY DIE!

mr. chung puts his pen down, baffled, and scully points out that this story may not have a lot of closure, but it’s more than some of their other cases, which is funny because it is true. and she’s playing with her earrings and it’s so cute.

cutscene to mr. chung typing at his place. until a shadow approaches and he holds a tiny gun!!!! he is ready for a showdown but it’s… mulder at the door?

WAIT how does chung recognize him… did scully show him pictures i'm crying

mulder is in chung's apartment, asking him to not write the book, because it will do a disservice to a field that has always struggled to maintain credibility. we can’t understand these alternate realities yet!!! well. compelling argument... but mr. chung needs a paycheck. 

OH! and mulder suspects that the book is a “covert agenda” of the military industrial complex. always theories upon theories with this guy...

mr. chung says the book WILL be written, but he needs an explanation from mulder: what really happened to those kids on that night?

his answer: how the hell should i know?

(it was so perfect, i thought the episode would end right here)

mr. chung says he has deadlines, and mulder looks very sad, very previously neglected shelter dog rizz, and walks out. back to mr. chung’s furious typing. 

okay, so the cameraman now works for the electrical company roky worked for. because roky moved to california, preaching on purification and the inner earth and core enlightenment. right right right makes sense.

cutscene to scully reading the finished book by mr. chung!!! she is fictionalized as “diane” who is “noble of spirit and pure of heart” but “nevertheless a federal employee” LMAOOOO

and mulder is “renard muldrake” LMAOOOOO that is such a funny name... he's watching something in bed shirtless as his fictionalized self is being described- “a ticking time bomb of insanity” AND HE’S WATCHING THE BIGFOOT TAPES BAHAHAHAHA

chrissy now is an environmental advocate and harold still loves her but it isn’t required. aww harold :(

mr. chung ends by saying that we are not alone in this universe, but in our own way, we are all alone.

NEW BEST EPISODE CONTENDER???

this feels like one of those posts where people make up a bunch of information and then it all gets proven wrong so it is described as a "net zero information gain" bahaha

but don't get me wrong, i don't fully understand what happened, but i loved it. i was laughing, i was enjoying seeing the subjectivity of one story to the next, i was enjoying scully and chung time, and despite all the silly, we still got clues on the whole "is it aliens or the government" thing. and sure, maybe it doesn't make immediate sense, but you have to ponder these matters to learn what is at their heart!

so what DID we learn? well, some alien cases might be the government! but i guess that is still a "might", so maybe we can't truthfully say we LEARNED it. we learned that scully is a big fan of mr. chung!!! we learned that mulder is fiercely protective of his line of work from all his years of being ridiculed! and that he watches the famous bigfoot tape for fun and also maybe like sweet potato pie? it was unconfirmed.

i really enjoyed the playing with perspective, seeing how one character saw things, and then another. and seeing mulder and scully threaten that dweeb was so funny because it was so out of character and had to be silly to shoot.

and i thought it was impressive how it managed to tie back to the big alien and government mystery while still making me laugh so hard. how many past episodes can be analyzed through the lens of certain things being faked for exposure? and what REALLY happened to those airmen? we still don't know if mulder's convo with jack even happened! and we never will!

i came to appreciate the company of mr. chung immensely, even though i thought he was gonna be creepy after calling scully beautiful and touching her arm, but i suppose that he was just a genuinely sweet fellow. you can't blame me for being suspicious after some of the things she gets put through, but i'm sure that if i picked one of his books off the shelf, i, like scully, would be a fan.

overall, i am deeply pleased, and would love to give this a rewatch sometime when i am not taking notes so i could appreciate the pacing in more detail. man, season 3 has really been killing it, huh? and i'm nearing the end!!

[thezoraprince]

Positivity - BotW/Totk x reader

“Haven’t been active on tumblr for a while because of work, but I hope you’ve been doing better! I really enjoy reading all of the zelda content you make and seeing the other funny posts you have on your regular blog too, and I know it’s hard to keep up with mental health so I just want to say that you do have support from people here like me :) If you’re up to it, I think a request I want to make is different zelda characters simply making positive reinforcements or comments towards their s/o’s since everyone seems to be mentally tired and maybe it can be a little helpful to read positive content.  Please take care of yourself, taking a break even for a little bit can be good.” - @reva-rose

hi hi!!!!! thank you so so much! i’ve been doing a bit better. i’ve definitely been neglecting my blogs though… whoops!!!

i meant to post this one when you sent it, and then completely forgot about it :’)

go me…

i hope you’re doing well, my sweet friend!!! and i hope you enjoy <3

SIDON: (do we even need one for him? he's the most supportive out of ANYONE canon wise, and because i have so many hcs on Sidon... i'm just pulling actual quotes...)

“You can do it!”

“You’re the best!”

“I believe in you.”

“Stay strong.”

BAZZ:

“Hey, you’re great.”

“Have I told you just how much I adore you today?”

“I cherish the time we spend together.”

“I'm always here if you need anything. Anything at all.”

RIVAN:

“Wow, you’re amazing!”

“I love your personality.”

“Spending time with you makes me feel so happy.”

“You can do anything you set your mind to.”

MIPHA:

“You’re quite wonderful, you know?”

“No matter what, I’ll always be here for you.”

“You’re so strong.”

“I believe in you.”

YONA:

“You’re doing such a good job.”

“I’m always here to support you.”

“You can do it!!”

“Don’t worry, I’m right by your side.”

DARUK:

“You’re great!”

“No one could compare to you, y/n!”

“Yeah! You got this!”

“You’ll always have my support.”

YUNOBO:

“You’re so kind and wonderful.”

“There’s no one like you, y/n.”

“You’re so amazing. I’m so lucky to have you.”

“You’re so important to me.”

REVALI:

“No one can compare to you, y/n.”

“You’re perfect just the way you are.”

“I have your back, and you know that.”

“Don’t let anyone tell you you’re less than what you are. They’re just jealous of you.”

KASS:

the only thing i have to say for Kass is that he would write you the most BEAUTIFUL song and perform it for you when you’re feeling down / off / out of it / etc.

[canaidliafail]

mead & wine

kassandra x reader x eivor

College AU ( is anyone even surprised lmao ) CW: pure unedited filth

“I hope everyone happier than me dies”

“Hello?????”

Randvi said, pulling away from her book looking at you in astonishment. You rolled your eyes with a scoff and she smacked your arm hard causing you to flinch and pull away

“This is pathetic. YOU are pathetic”

“I don't know how you wanna handle your breakup but I just lost another job offer cause of her so I will stay bitter”

“Oh come on it wasn’t even that good of a job offer. Im telling you the best is yet to come”

you squinted and lowered your brows. she checked her phone and perked up at the row of messages popping up on her lockscreen. Randvi, the gorgeous and funny woman that she was, already had a new little fling going on with a girl majoring in film and she was hooked on her new found love having already long forgotten her rotten apple of an ex, Sigurd

A small smile rounded your cheeks and you rested your head on the palm of your hand waiting for her to type out her response. She put her phone back on the table and turned to look at you with a sheepish little grin and flushed cheeks

“Sorry, I’m listening I swear-“

“relax, I'm just happy to see you all giddy again. Is it going well?”

she nodded and bit her lip looking up in thought

“See I’ve had a crush on Valka for a while now…But couldn’t do anything about it…You know. Since I was already so long with Sigurd and I didn’t think my parents would be ok with me..Not being with a man but now…” her brows lifted up and her smile widened. You knew she had a clear visual of her new crush Valka as she spoke

“But the way they were so supportive and also Valka being so excited to take this somewhere its just…Its so perfect”

You rubbed her arm soothingly

“Im really happy for you. The Gods know you deserved someone who actually was present and willing to do things for you and with you and now you have someone this great, Im just really happy for you Randvi”

she nodded and then turned around to look at you

“Oh actually, We are having a gathering. We will watch a movie and play cards over at dormitory B with Valkas friends. You should join us. Would do you good to get out”

“Randvi I…” You started and looked down at your notebook. You crinkled the edge of the paper and chewed on the inside of your cheek. It had been two..maybe three months since you did anything remotely exciting that didn’t include work or studying. You had barely found a peace of mind with all the chaos that stormed your life and you weren’t sure you wanted to go outside your apartment yet

“Im sorry I’ll have to pass…”

Randvi got up and grabbed your notebook smacking your in the head

“HEY OUCH?! and second of all BITCH?!”

“You have rotted on your couch enough. The planks must have the shape of your ass at this point. Im not listening. You are coming tonight with me”

“Randvi I dont need a pick me up now-“

“yes you do and quite frankly your opinion doesn’t matter you moldy sack of starch”

“starch?”

“nothing better came to mind. Don’t dwell on that. Listen I have one last lecture and then Ill come by the apartment to pick up some clothes ok? We will get dressed up, We will look hot and we will have some good time”

you rolled your eyes and slumped further down in the bar stool

“whatever you say goes”

“Ay, There you go!”

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

Kassandra was fed up with her roommate having yet another hangover from drinking too much the night before. Kass loved to drink, certainly not as much as Eivor but she could hold her own, however this was the second day she had to go all the way down to the cafeteria to ask for ice and buy crackers for Eivor to shove down her throat. Kassandra considered replacing ice with a fist. A punch could sober her up well enough no? Usually it was her roommate being the aggressive and impatient one however today's spectacle was ruining every plan she made for the night and she had enough of it.

She slammed the door shut behind her and hit the bottom of Eivors bunk bed

“Get up”

Eivor groaned and rolled around to look at the brunette who had a nasty grin ready to toss the bag of ice on the blondes head

“You owe me one today as well which makes…a lifetime of favors of me taking care of your sorry ass”

“wasn't my fault you shitface”

she went to bark but fell back on her elbows from the pounding headache making her ears ring

“My brother is depressed from his break up and he is insufferable without a glass of vodka”

“glass eivor? You chugged down half the bars menu”

“he was growing more painful every second and I had to adjust to the task at hand”

“alright. How about the new task at hand. Half the campus saw you on his story gyrating with another girl. Eivor you were in your sports bra and was about to take that off as well”

“what?!”

that woke her up fast enough and she shot out of the bed and grabbed Kass by her shirt

“what did you say?”

“nothing. This is too entertaining for me to intervene. Fate would be mad at me you know” she said with a pout and Eivor was about to start swinging while Kassandra easily dodged every loose punch thrown her way

“ante re malaka, I'm joking. I talked to Sigurd and he took it down. So I expect you to return the favor”

“Kassandra I-!”

“you’re welcome” she said and grabbed her cheeks squeezing hard and shaking her face before tossing her off balance and letting her fall back on the bed

“So, your brothers ex…Randvi?”

“yeah?”

“Aren’t you all meeting up at Valkas today to watch movies?”

Eivor grabbed a fistful of ice and buried your face in her palms to ease the pain as she hummed in agreement

“Randvi has a friend. A friend that I like and I asked for her to bring to your get together today and since Im YOUR friend you will bring me”

Eivor let out a long sigh and before she could speak she paused

“Wait, her friend? the short one?”

“she is your height”

“fuck off, you know who I mean. The one who dyes her hair regularly and is her roommate?”

“yeah her…why? No don’t tell me-“

“Yes I will I called dibs first”

They stared at each other for a long hard moment, neither of them sure of what to do or say. Neither of them had talked to you before. Partially due to the fact that you were really confusing to figure out on whether you were single or not and you had a tendency to vanish the second they were starting to get used to your presence in the local bars. Kassandra being ballsier and hornier asked Randvi straight out about you while Eivor seemed to be waiting to feel out the mood tonight at the get together.

“Ok listen “

“No you listen” Eivor interrupted and tossed the ice back in the plastic bag

“Ill take you there and we can just have fun. I don’t know if Randvi even managed to convince her to come but at the end of the day its up to her to choose between the two of us right?”

“yeah. No hard feelings if she ends up with you”

“likewise”

and that, was a fat stack of horseshit

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

They walked down the halls to Valkas place

“nice pants. new?”

“no, had them buried in a pile in my closet. Hey aren’t you gonna catch a cold with the sleeveless top?”

“no I'm good. We will be indoors anyways”

Eivor wore baggy jeans that comfortably sat low on her hips showing her inked, sharp V lines and her hair was rebraided with new rings and stones. Kass wore a white tight top without a bra that outlined her chest in an awfully nice way with her nipple piercings shamelessly outlined through the thin fabric and if they weren’t so busy hating each others ego and guts they would have fucked each other in the elevator but currently their brain was muddy with the thought of you and how to win you over. To everyone around ,they looked like hyenas ready to pounce.

At the get together at first they only found Randvi, Valka and Ciara. Later Alexios -kass’ brothe- joined with his girlfriend and they tried not to let their sour mood show on their face. Kassandra did at least. Eivor was pouting and was rude and snappish to everybody. That was until you made an appearance walking through the door and greeting everybody without really looking at them and going straight to Randvi

“hey did you take my keys?”

“oh fuck I probably did cause I couldnt find my own” she said in faked surprise and Kass wnated to mentally high five the ging in that moment. She was a real one and she made a mental note to gift her a bottle of wine later that week

“Hey since you are here why don’t you stay over?”

“I dont know, I had a really long lecture and..”

“oh please do us the favor. I've been dying to meet randvis mysterious roommate” Kass intervened and walked up to you offering a hand in greeting. You looked up in genuine curiosity and there was an unmistakable lustful glint in your eyes

“do you now” you asked and turned your body to face the tall greek demigod - as described by Kassandra herself-

“You see a cute girl, you ask for her number. its the natural order of things” she teased and you chuckled looking to the side seemingly flustered before you attempted to hold eye contact for a little longer

“Who are you?”

“Kassandra. I’m”

“ooooh” you said and then cut yourself of regretting your reaction

“shit, didn't mean to make that expression out loud” you joked and Kass tried to laugh it off as well

shit

She didn’t like that oh. It meant you have heard of her from one of her past flings which she did try to end things on good terms. As good as ghosting someone after a one night stand could be at least. She was yanked back from a strong grip on her shoulder as Eivor stepped up to steal the spotlight

“Ease up on the girl Kass”

you turned to look at the norse and your demeanor changed in seconds

“Your braids- they are amazing. Is your hair this thick or are these extensions?” you asked and took a step sideways and towards her. Eivor subconsciously touched her braids pulling them to the front and showed them off proudly, bragging about their cultural meaning and you chimed in, perked up and eager to learn more.

Kassandra was leaning against the wall behind you having you trapped between their bodies in a way that sparked up a new idea in Kassandras filthy brain. Her eyes searched for Eivors and when they met she was sure that the same thought crossed their mind.

You looked awfully nice in the middle and the two mascs could certainly get used to such a sight

“You should come by our place. Eivor braided my hair once as well. She is skilled with her hands you know”

the brunette teased and run her fingers through your hair as if measuring the length

“If that's something you’d be into. It will take a few hours though”

she agreed and you looked behind you and then back to your front in realization of the position you were in. You shifted your weight from one leg to the other and hiked up your skirt a tad, discreetly as if to fix your outfit

“That sounds fun. I could compensate you for the effort by bringing coffee and my sunny personality”

“that sounds like a deal”

and before they could get comfortable with your presence you slipped out of the tight space they formed around you and in a smooth motion walked to the door

“Well then have fun tonight. Ill see you girls around”

and left the room. They stood there awkwardly refusing to make eye contact at how pathetic they probably looked to everyone around them. Valka let out a sigh

“Its ok you can leave”

And they both relaxed, tension leaving their bodies as they made their way to the door

“Ok ok cool cause like we-“

“Yes I know why you came. Goodnight”

The two women left in a hurry to catch up to you since you had conveniently forgotten to leave your ig handle or any other form of contact that they could reach you through.

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

It happened fast and the first time the three of you found yourselves alone. As alone as one can be at a public library. In your defense it was after hours and there were maybe one or two other students at the east end of the room where there were desks with computers while you three sat at the far back of the library on the couches by the large windows. Kassandra had snuck in a bottle of wine bragging that an uncle of hers made it himself and what was supposed to be a group study turned into a sloppy make out session with you on all fours on the couch,hands flat on the velvet fabrics on each side of Eivors thighs who had a tight grip on your cheeks pulling you in to deepen the kiss.

Eivor was a good kisser. You never thought you could ever kiss someone and reach a near death-like orgasmic state. She had skill when her velvet tongue caressed yours and the way it folded over the walls in your mouth had you begging for more and moaning in the midst of it.

“Fuck this view is good”

Whispered Kass as she pressed her thumb against the wet patch forming on your underwear. She rubbed the spot around your clit and you flinched letting out a moan. She had bunched up your skirt around your waist enjoying the view of your ass.

She looked around and leaned back to check if anyone was coming to their spot.

While you were covered enough thanks to the tall bookshelves separating the sitting areas she wanted to make sure that this view would be reserved for them alone. Kassandra didn’t care about getting caught in the midst of an indecent act but she would be bothered if anyone else would get sight so easily of what she fought to get access to for a few months now.

She adjusted her position again, spreading her legs further away to get closer to you and Eivor broke contact in that moment

“Someone’s coming?”

“No we’re good”

And before you could ask about the situation Kass was back,stimulating every nerve ending and sense in your brain by pulling your bright red underwear to the side and swiping her thick fingers through your folds collecting the wetness and leaning in to taste it. Your moan was thankfully drowned by Eivors lips crashing against her while her hands worked their way beneath your top and started caressing your chest and brushing over your nipples teasing the spot. You took the initiative to move your hand to undo her heavy belt, the noise of the metallic clasp ringing in the empty halls.

By now, Kass was knuckle deep in your pussy fingering you at a steady pace, reminding you to keep your back arched for her while Eivor on the other hand held your head low on her crotch bearing her teeth in an attempt to be quiet while you ate her out diligently. Your hair that she spent hours accessorizing with stones and rings was a mess in her tight grip now. Her knuckles were white as she pushed you against her cunt to which you obliged with content eager to push your tongue deeper in her hole, loving her scent and taste and the way her thighs twitched and started to shake from the upcoming orgasm. You yourself were barely holding on with Kassandra mercilessly destroying your pussy and whispering filthy praises all the while.

Your knees gave out the second your orgasm washed over you and you sat back on the couch resting your head on Eivors thigh while she gently caressed your hair now. Kassandra took her time to fix up your clothes being terribly tender with every move as if she was holding a priceless artifact in her hands.

It didn’t end there. Of course it didn’t. Because once they felt out how smoothly everything rolled with you three they had to keep going. So you ended up in Dormitory C and the second the door closed behind you Kassandras was already pushing you on her bed impatiently trying to get out of her baggy jean overalls while Eivor opened her closet to get out her leather strap on. Kassandra, like the whore that she was, had been strapped before they even left the house and so the minute her pants came off she eased her way in between your thighs and reached for the lube in the drawer of her bed table.

They took turns fucking you and in that moment you had the epiphany that being a whore was the best choice you took that day.

“I don’t know who to choose, they are both hot”

“Then go with both of them, Be a whore” Randvi suggested with a wink and you took her advice to heart. She would be proud tomorrow when you told her of this night over coffee

Kassandra lost all sense of time and space and by the time you all were worn out it was 5 am. You were laying on their living rooms couch, a series you forgot the title of playing on their Tv. You were on Kassandras chest, your cheek against her soft breasts while her hands caressed your hair and lower,laid Eivor between your thighs, arms wrapped around your waist and head on your sternum with her face buried in your neck near the countless bite marks that they left.

Kassandra made plans to make you breakfast. Not that she knew how to cook but she could cut up a few fruits and maybe finally use that espresso machine that Eivor bought a few months ago. The next day however the only one in her lap was her roommate who once was awake was as distraught to see that you were nowhere around

“Did she just…leave?”

EIvor would have laughed at Kassandras face for finally being the one ghosted however this specific situation directly affected her as well since Eivor was also ditched

“No, I don't think so. Wait” Eivor stood up and walked over to the coffee table to see a note left by you.

I borrowed your hoodie. Ill wash it and tell Randvi to give it to you <3

“Are you fucking with me right now?!”

Kassandra walked over and smirked

“Oh thats hot”

“Are you fucked in the head ? Like are you actually dumb?” Eivor angrily yelled and Kassandra just kept laughing

“Oh come on. Don’t tell me that what she just pulled didn’t make her that much more attractive. I say we one up what we did last night and make her ours”

_________________ 𓆩♡𓆪 _________________

Randvi was yelling at you for an hour half excited and half mad

“Why?! WHY?!” She held you by your shoulders shaking you like a rag doll and you just grinned refusing to take anything seriously

“Because Randvi I know the shit that they pull. Hell every girl they fucked around campus has being ghosted or cheated on or other shit. I had a good night but I don’t want to get attached”

Randvi frowned and seemed slightly let down. Hard to accept and harder to deny was the fact that indeed, Eivor and Kassandra had been leaving a series of broken hearts in their path however she could at least testify that Eivor did it because the blonde confessed to having a crush on you for a long time now and only fooled around with others until you were available.

“I think you should give it a shot. Can’t be worse than your last ex”

“No see it can because with them, sex was good”

And Randvi choked on her juice

No matter what grand plan you had to avoid getting entangled with them, The two were set on finding you and they did. Easily enough. You were drinking coffee at the cafeteria,headset on with a book in your head reading and enjoying your peaceful afternoon which they very excitedly ruined. Kassandra wrapped an arm around you sitting on the chair next to yours and Eivor pressed her palm against your lower back in greeting. You rested your headphones around your neck and looked at them

“Oh hi..ugh whats up”

Kass smirked and looked up at her roommate who licked her teeth as her smile widened. Her voice was dry, scratching that itch in your brain that made it awfully pleasing to listen to her speak and even better to hear her loud moans. Eivor caught the shift in your eyes and how the pupils seemed to dilate

“Someone is excited to see us”

“Bold” You remarked and leaned back against your bar stool your eyes going from Eivors blue to Kassandras hazelnut gaze

Why the hell not

You thought and decided to indulge them while they got comfortable around you. One thing led to another and you were yet again naked in the bathroom stall while they devoured every inch of your body.

Soon enough you found yourself more and more at their place and you would catch the way their body language changed and how they started using pet names more frequently with you. You didn’t dwell too much on that shift being someone who needed to be told things out right to understand them. You found out that according to them, you three had been dating for a month. The way you found out was at a party when a girl was hitting on you. You weren’t interested but when she asked if you were seeing anyone you told your version of truth which was

“No not really”

And word traveled fast at the party. So that night Eivor dragged you back to their apartment and had you choking on her strap while Kass pounded in you from behind

“Single huh? Is this how you get fucked when you are single then?!” She growled while you failed to see what she was angry about enjoying the delightful punishment that you were receiving

“So two ain’t enough for you? You need more people to fuck you?” Kassandra hissed while dizzy with the sight of your pussy stretched around her cock that glistened from your cum.

That night none of you were sure if someone was angry or horny or both and sat down to talk about whatever occurred at the party the next morning with coffee. You felt uncomfortable having such a serious conversation and when Kass asked

“So what are we?” You were convinced there was a glitch in the matrix. You couldn’t understand how you managed to make these two hang by every word coming out of your lips. Eivor was fidgeting with her cup while standing next to the window pretending not to care much. Kassandra had the same easy going smile but her knuckles were white from her clenched fists.

“I..Didn’t think you two considered us to be..like a thing I mean…You two are smart enough. I’m sure you know what they say about you two”

And kassandra flinched while eivor clenched her jaw

“No yeah we know but I figured since we…spent so much time together it meant something more” You nodded and found yourself melt at Kassandras visible vulnerability

“Didn’t it?”

You smiled and walked over to her gently holding her cheek in your hand and caressing the soft tan flesh. She relaxed in your touch

“I like what we three have going on. I wouldn’t mind if it were to become something more. No need to rush into anything though”

Eivor found the confidence to walk back towards you and face you

“No sure but…we want this” she exclaimed and you looked at them not believing what a turn your life had taken in less then a month.

“Alright then” you agreed and she relaxed leaning down to kiss you

“And sorry if I was a little rough with you last night”

You smiled in the kiss and shoved her face out of yours “You aren’t sorry at all” and she graced you with a wolfish grin that confirmed your statement.

•••

Im suffering with Kasseivor thoughts these days and you all should as well

[concreteburialplot]

Intertwined // 06

-> 06 - Like Us*

masterlist: here | crossposted: ao3 | word count: 6.7k

Summary: Following Nick & Noah’s dispute, Noah discovers that life without Nicholas is lackluster. When an emergency arises, Noah’s fling runs to Nick seeking his help. Nicholas finds Noah in a state he’s never seen him in before, and wonders if he’s enough to save him this time.

Warnings: sad lmao, mentions of porn, handjob, nonverbal noah, night terrors, mentions of past character deaths, vague mentions of serious mental/medical issues, soft?, sorry this has taken forever, 18+ MDNI

REMINDER: this is an au where everyone is around the same age, follows no actual timelines/events, and uses oc's for family members. This is completely fictional. Obviously.

DISCLAIMER: the actions depicted here surrounding night terrors are intentionally incorrect to reflect their age. do not take advice from fictional 19 year olds. seek professional advice.

-NOAH-

Having to ask your girlfriend’s sober housemate to come get you because you don’t have a car or money for an Uber is humiliating – but it’s still better than staying home with Nick after our… fight? We’ve never really fought before but it’s all we seem to do lately.

It’s probably my fault anyway, with the moving in and everything. I know Nick has never had to share his space with anyone the way we do now. Him and Stella have always had separate rooms so, this would be the first time he’s ever had to share a room with anyone. Technically I suppose, it’s my first time too. Being an only child has its perks, one of which being always having a room to yourself.

I shake the thoughts from my head as I walk up the sorority house steps to find Kassidy waiting for me at the door.

“Noah!” She exclaims excitedly and throws her arms around my neck, as much as she can, being an entire foot shorter than me.

Normally, I’d be happy to see her, but after earlier with Nick, her voice almost feels like nails on a chalkboard.

“Kass.” I say with as much enthusiasm as I can muster and place my hands at her sides, subtly pulling her off of me.

“I missed you.” She pouts.

It had only been a couple hours since I last saw her and oddly, the simple words feel a bit suffocating.

“Missed you too.” I offer a tight-lipped smile.

The corners of her lips tug into a huge grin while she takes my hand and drags me up the stairs to one of the various rooms in the sizable home.

“You have this entire room to yourself?” I ask while taking in the bedroom. It’s bigger than Nicholas’, filled with a bed, a dresser, a tv mounted above it, and last but not least, a couch. Her very own couch.

“Yep!” She grins widely. “Most of the other girls have to share a room but I don’t – I think it has to do with my dad paying for a building or something.” She waves off the topic and plops down on her couch across from the tv and begins scrolling through it. “What do you wanna watch?”

There are certain things I tend to catalog in my mind that I like to call, “Never Knows” – these are things that I know I will never, ever experience in my life. Like being a NASCAR driver, or a popstar, or climbing Everest, or owning a mansion. Or even smaller things, like calling home and knowing someone will always answer or having just one pleasant Thanksgiving with relatives. These are things that are just impossible and improbable for me to ever experience.

Having a parent buy an entire building so that I get special treatment is definitely one of those things. I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily spending time with her because I want to marry her but, it makes me wonder just how fulfilled someone like her would actually be with someone like me as a husband. Another Never Know is knowing that I’d never be able to buy her a building of any kind, nonetheless a home.

She pats the couch cushion next to her, “C’mon babe, sit down next to me?”

“Yeah sure, um,” I run a hand through my locks and meet her on the couch with a forced smile. “Why don’t we just search romantic comedies and see what we find?”

“Sounds good to me.” She smiles wide and begins flicking through the romance category. That’s when I begin to daze out – whether it’s the alcohol or the weed or the fatigue of the night I’m not sure, but I can’t seem to latch on to any of the words she or the TV speaks. The only thing my brain wants to stick to is the last conversation with Nick. We’ve never kept secrets from each other like that before and definitely never lied.

Is he lying to me?

Maybe it is just the room situation wearing on us – that’s the only thing that’s really changed.

Kassidy nuzzles her way into my side with a blanket and I’m grateful she doesn’t pry into my silence. I don’t realize that we’re already halfway through the movie until I see the main characters share their first kiss. It’s cinematic, slow motion, twinkling, fireworks and it settles an odd, heavy pit in my stomach. Does that feeling only exist in the movies? Or is that something I should feel with Kassidy? Does she feel it? Is she supposed to? Am I?

Or is it another Never Know – is it one of those things where everyone else seems to experience something, except me. Would that sparkly feeling dance on my lips if Kassidy knew more about me? Would she even still like me if she did?

It’s been about 3 days since I haven’t returned home after the fair. I thought it would be best to give Nicholas and I some space since the cramped room is apparently causing a rift between us. I would’ve probably gone home sooner if Nick had texted or called, but he hasn’t. He must be really enjoying his time alone.

3 days playing house with Kass and our 3rd time trying to hook up. Emphasis on try.

Everything’s so much more complicated and confusing than it’s made out to be in shows or movies or porn.

For how outwardly annoying Kassidy can sometimes be, in my time alone with her, I’ve found that she’s really kind. I’ve already made an utter fool of myself in front of her many times now and she’s been nothing but patient and understanding with me. She’s more experienced than I am so she’s been helping guide me through things, which has been both incredibly embarrassing and helpful.

Whether it was the nerves, the embarrassment or excitement, I’m not sure but it was making my dick not fucking cooperate. For three fucking days my shit hasn’t been working with me. Do you know how fucking embarrassing it is to try and hook up with a girl who is very clearly out of your league and not even be able to keep it up? Absolutely fucking humiliating.

I let out a small groan at the glimmer of hope that this might be the time I actually stay hard. I squeeze my eyes shut hard with my head hung back as she works her hand up and down my shaft. She’d already been jacking me off for over 10 minutes with me oscillating between me being hard and semi-hard. She surprisingly wasn’t taking as much offense to it as I expected, and when she posed an interesting solution, I knew this wasn’t her first rodeo with a virgin.

“It’s okay baby, just relax.” She hums and kisses my shoulder. “Why don’t you just… maybe think about whatever porn you usually like to watch.”

My eyebrows furrow with my eyes still closed and she picks up on it.

“Just focus on that and we can work on the rest later, okay?”

I give her as much of a nod as I can at the moment and try to do as she suggested. My mind tries to quickly filter and cycle to pinpoint the last video I watched and go from there. I finally remember but… I’m not alone in the memory. The last video I remember watching is the one I watched with Nick. As much as I try, the haze of my mind can’t remember much of the video itself but I can remember what he felt like in my hand – easily double my size.

My right hand suddenly feels so empty, so I reach over and find her thigh, giving it a hard squeeze.

“Fuck.” I mutter, feeling my chest rising and falling quicker now.

Then creeps in the memory of him spilling all over my hand and my mind runs with it before I can stop it. Unexpectedly, all my nerves rush to where her hand is working. It’s the furthest I’ve gotten so I just try and hold on to the feeling. The flashback continues until a part I had forgotten until now - taste of his cum on my hand. Then, a snapshot of him tasting mine. And abruptly I feel a familiar knot form in my stomach and snap just as quick as it began. My fingers curl, digging harshly into her thigh and into her sheets.

“Nick, fuck!” My entire body involuntarily flinches as my cock twitches and spills over her hand.

My eyes snap open wide at the ceiling at the realization of what fell from my lips. My inhales and exhales are rapid and staggered both from my climax and the sheer panic that washes over me.

What the FUCK?

When I finally look down at her, she’s smiling, not at all phased by what I blurted out in the moment.

“Told you we’d get it.” She gets up to wipe her hand off with a nearby towel.

As I lay there trying to gather myself, my brain can’t process the rush of thoughts that flood my mind. It must have been just a weird brain connection, right? It was a fluke, a mistake, a heat of the moment thing.

-NICHOLAS-

Noah hadn’t come home in a couple of days, which normally would’ve upset me more than it has, but I think I needed to be alone. I’ve really enjoyed the solitude but, I also miss having him next to me all the time. Even though it’s been less lately, with Folio and Kassidy and their study group, I can’t remember the last time he hadn’t slept next to me until now.

I took this time away from him to do something I didn’t know how I was going to accomplish with him around.

The long-haired worker inspects the broken guitar I brought in on the front desk.

“You said a man did this?” He questions skeptically with a heavily arched brow.

“Yes.”

“With his hands?”

“Yes. He’s scary.”

“Okay, well…” He sighs, “I mean, don’t you just want to replace the neck?”

“No.” I shake my head quickly. “No, no. It has to be all the same parts, all the original parts.”

“Why?” He tosses at me, sounding almost annoyed.

“It was gifted to my,” I hesitate for a split second though I’m not sure why, “to my friend by someone special.” I keep the explanation as vague as possible, not wanting to spill Noah’s family trauma to a stranger. “It just needs to all be the same.”

He looks over the instrument again and sighs, “I’m just not sure it’s possible dude. It’s a pretty bad break. It’s all splinters.”

My heart wants to plummet into my stomach, but I need to keep it afloat.

This isn’t for me, I remind myself.

“Can you just try?” I try to shield the desperation in my voice.

He lets out another heavy sigh looking over the damage once again. “Fine. But I can’t guarantee it’ll be fast. I have other instruments waiting for repair before yours, so it could be weeks, maybe months with how delicate of a process it’s going to be.”

“That’s fine. Just um, call me? Whenever you have an opening?”

“You got it man.” He nods.

While Jolly packs the guitar away I decide to peruse the rows of vinyl records in the shop. They’re all stored in wooden crates and alphabetized by artist. Half of the records were brand new while the other half were old and worn. My fingers flip through the thin sleeves looking for anything that catches my attention. I find a Deftones album I’d been missing, Diamond Eyes, the one with the white owl, and set it up front with Jolly to purchase before I leave.

After making it through the maze of records, I find myself in the area that was most interesting last time. I step into the sectioned off area that showcases all of the repaired and refurbished instruments available for purchase. I must’ve been more obvious with my admiration that I thought because Jolly spoke up from his nearby desk.

“You can touch them, try them out if you’d like.”

“Oh.” I reply softly and let my eyes land on the teal bass I was looking at. “Thanks.”

I precariously pick it up from its stand and sit on a stool beside it. I began just plucking a few cords, tuning the strings here and there before flowing into one of my favorite songs from the album I just set aside, CMND/CRTL.

“You’re pretty good.” Speaks Jolly from behind me, leaning on the dividing archway.

“Oh, thanks.” I feel my cheeks warm from the compliment.

“You in a band or anything?” He questions.

“Oh, no, I mean not really.” I laugh and shake my head at the idea of seriously being in a band. “Me and my two friends joke about starting a band all the time. We play all together sometimes but it’s just for fun.”

“Hm.” He hums, see-sawing his pen between his pointer and middle fingers. “Your lead singer plays guitar?”

“No – I mean, he does. He’s the one that owns the guitar.” I point back to the front desk where we spoke about the broken instrument. “But for the vocals he would want to do, it’s not really feasible for him to play guitar at the same time.”

“Well, what kind of vocals would he be doing?”

“I don’t know, screamy stuff, metal?”

“I see.” He sets the pen branded with the business’ logo down. “If you guys ever get serious and need a guitarist, let me know.”

“Noted.” I nod.

I sit with his words lingering in the back of my head. Starting a band was always something we kinda joked about but never committed to. Folio and I were down but it was always Noah who held back, not thinking he was talented enough to be a singer. He swore up and down that he didn’t want to be a frontman, never wanted the spotlight. So, we suggested finding a different singer all together, to which Noah was extremely against. Letting strangers in was never his forte - well, I guess until now, with all his new college friends.

The thought stayed with me entire drive home. If we ever gave it a shot, would it get anywhere?

I decide to tuck that pipe dream away in the back of my mind when I open my bedroom door and find it still vacant.

I can’t convince Noah to start a band if he’s not fucking here.

My eyes softly crack open to a sound my sleepy brain hasn’t processed yet. Once my ears acclimate and recognize the noise, I nearly jolt up straight from where I laid. I scramble to find the rattling that echoes from my phone resting on my nightstand. Noah’s name flashes across the screen and the panic I had just felt is quickly replaced with annoyance. I roll my eyes and slide the answer bar across the bottom of the screen.

“What do you want, Noah?” I ask with a sleepy grumble evident in my tone.

“N…Nicky?” Speaks an unsure, hesitant voice from the other end, one that isn’t Noah.

My brows furrow and my spine straightens sharply, now fully alert. “…Yes? Who is this and where is Noah?”

“It’s Kassidy.” The voice replies, and if it weren’t for the audible shake in her tone, I’d be irritated all over again. “Something um-“ Her voice cracks like she’s on the verge of tears, “Something’s happening to Noah? And I… I’m not really sure what but, I don’t know what to do.”

I let out a sigh and let my eyes close with the exhale. It’s only when both ends of our phone call are silent that I can hear familiar ear-splitting screams in the background.

“That’s him screaming?” I ask even though I know the answer. I lift my head and shake it vigorously to wake me up some more. “Okay, um.” It had been a couple weeks since Noah’s last night terror and each one has been different so, it’s difficult to navigate it without being there. “Usually, I just get on top of him and hold down his limbs as best I can so that he doesn’t hurt himself.”

I hate seeing him like that, it always looks like he’s in so much pain, like some demon’s got a hold of his soul. Hearing it is not much different.

“Okay.” She replies in a slight panic. I hear a shuffle on her end followed by an audible struggle – grunts and hisses from Kassidy who is sure as fuck not strong enough to get him down alone.

“Fuck.” I mumble to myself, pulling the skin of my forehead into a peak to relieve the stress growing behind it. I try my best to ignore the way my heart has been accelerating every minute since I answered the call.

Finally, I hear her voice on the other end, this time from further away like she put me on speaker. “Okay.” She pants, “What now?”

“I just call his name until he wakes up.” I shrug defeatedly. “But don’t cover his mouth.” I can hear that his screams have quieted a bit and hope that it wasn’t from her trying to stifle him.

The sound of her calling his name over and over in fear and desperation wasn’t something I was prepared to hear. It’s one thing to be the person doing it, but a whole other thing having to hear someone else’s attempt. While it was painful to listen to, it also settled a weird swirl in the bottom of my stomach. She’s doing my job.

Suddenly everything stopped – her calling and his screaming, he must’ve woken up.

There’s a silence on the other end that is near deafening, almost ominous. The seconds feel like hours until the phone is picked up again.

“I think you need to come get him.” Kassidy says, sounding absolutely lost and horrified.

“On my way.”

I wasn’t sure what exactly to expect when Kassidy led me to her room. Maybe I thought he’d just be sitting there, ready to go home or pacing, but that was far from what I walked into.

My eyes first land on her bed, empty and disheveled, evidently where everything had occured. My brows furrow at the discovery and it only takes a quick scan of the bedroom to find him curled up in the corner of her room.

What the fuck?

In the couple times he’s had night terrors since he’s moved in have never ended up with him like this. I carefully make my way over to him and crouch down beside him. Hesitantly, I place a hand on his shoulder from behind. “Noah?” I whisper.

A tiny sniffle comes from him but not much else. I test the waters and place both hands on him and when he doesn’t react, I use my strength to turn him around. Again, what I expected is not what I got. I anticipated him to be crying, usually after a night terror he cries but not this time, at least not anymore. His eyes look puffy as if he’d been crying but they’re mostly dry now. His arms are tucked tightly around his torso and his knees almost up to his shoulders. His dark brown eyes are blown wide and staring right past me into the darkness of the room. His eyelids barely close and his breathing is still heavy. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he’d seen a ghost.

I figured that once he saw that it was me, he’d react in some way – maybe positive that I showed up, or maybe negative that I interrupted his time with Kassidy, but it was neither… it was nothing. As if he didn’t realize I was even there. When my eyes trailed back to Kassidy, I noticed that I don’t think he realized that she was there either. Or, if he was aware of our presence, it meant little importance to him in whatever weird state he was stuck in.

“Did he have anything to drink?” I ask Kassidy and it unintentionally comes out with an accusatory edge.

She chews on her thumbnail as she looks upon the scene and shakes her head.

“Smoke?” I press, bringing myself back up to my feet.

She shakes her head again, “We just watched a movie and fell asleep.” She states simply. “I-I don’t know what happened… is he okay?”

My eyes flutter to the ground then over to my shivering best friend. “I don’t know.” I breathe out truthfully. Something then crosses my mind that I hadn’t quite thought of until now. I turn my head back towards the blonde, “How did you know to call me?”

She shrugs, “You were his emergency contact.”

A train feels like it rushes through my chest at her words, blowing hot steam through my ribs. Emergency contact. Out of all people, he chose me. I guess in the grand scheme of things, it makes sense for it to be me I just… never imagined it would be. I never thought that I’d be the one he’d trust the most. At 19 being an emergency contact seems strange, unnatural. What 19 year old is at all prepared to be an emergency contact?

I want to say that he made the wrong choice, that I’m not reliable or qualified enough but, I know I’m the only one who’d show up.

I crouch back down to him. “Okay Noah, I’m gonna take you home now.” I speak to him like a child since I’m not sure exactly what he’s able to comprehend at the moment but I just need to get him out of this stupid sorority house.

“Home.” Is the only thing that leaves his mouth with his eyes still focused on something distant on the ground.

“Yeah, let’s get you home.” I nod and choose not to make a big deal out of him finally speaking.

I hook my arms beneath his shoulders and use all my strength to yank him to his feet. I hook my arm around him and help him walk out of the house. It’s slow and robotic, like maybe he is still asleep.

Kassidy looks like she wants to help, wants to do more but she doesn’t know how. She watches from the steps, gnawing on her thumbnail as I help him into the passenger seat. I snap his seatbelt into place and close the door.

“Here.” Kassidy hands me a grocery bag full of his belongings. “This is what he brought with him.”

“Thanks.” A sharp pain slices through my stomach as I take the bag from her, knowing that this is all he took in a rush from our house. A person watered down to just a bag full of clothes. “It’s a good thing you called me. I’ve never seen him like this.”

She nods, looking past me to the car, her own blue eyes red and puffy. “I’m glad you answered. I didn’t expect his emergency contact to be you, but I’m not surprised.”

My head tilts at her words slightly, “What do you mean?”

She shrugs and tucks a chunk of blonde hair behind her ear. “He talks about you a lot.” Her eyes finally trail back to meet mine. There’s something cloudy in them that feels hesitant as though she has more to say.

My eyes flicker at her statement. “He does?”

She sniffles a laugh, congestion still settled in her nose from her sobs. “Yeah, he kinda doesn’t shut up about you.” Her arms fold over each other for warmth as the night rolls in a chill. “He must really love you.”

It’s a simple statement. And not one that we’ve never said before. We’ve said I love you to each other since we were 11. He says I love you to my mom and to Stella. Love was never a question in my home when it came to Noah. But for some reason her words feel like a kitchen knife sawing through my intestines. It feels different now. After 8 years, how can the same 3 words feel so different?

I press my lips together and nod. “We’re very close, yes.”

“You’re very lucky to have his trust.” She says with a hint of sadness in her tone. He hasn’t shared much with me about his relationship with her, but it makes me wonder how much he’s letting her in; from her words, it doesn’t sound like much.

“I am.” I take a step back and thumb over my shoulder. “I should get him home now.”

She nods. “Text me when you guys get home? So I know he’s safe.”

“I will.”

When I round the car to the driver’s side, I feel something loosely moving around in the plastic bag as I walk with it. I open the bag to see a small, stuffed orange cat. It looks identical to the cat keychain he’d left me from the fair, except his was light orange with darker orange stripes. They must’ve been a pair.

A burning fills my eyes and I squeeze them tight in an attempt to halt any tears that threaten to escape. I don’t have time to cry right now, I need to get him home.

An ache swells in my chest, one that never seems to leave these days, and I can’t help but question when everything became so hard with us. Why does everything hurt so much all the fucking time now.

My fingers tap on the cracking leather of my steering wheel. The streetlights burn my irises and remind me just how heavy my under eyes are. I glance over at Noah, who’s curled up in the passenger seat turned away from me. His lanky legs are tucked tight against his chest and his thin arms keep them locked in place. His head rests on the door with his gaze set on the passing trees.

Why is this terror so different?

I’ve been battling with myself for the past 10 minutes on what to say to him, how to ask him what happened without causing any further damage.

“Noah?” I watch him for any movement, there is none. “Do you wanna…talk about anything?”

No response.

“Well, are you hungry? We could stop and get you something?”

No response.

“Do you want me to put on some music?”

No response.

I think hard about my next question because I’m not sure it’s the best choice and I don’t want to upset him any further, but it’s the only thing I can imagine that would make this time different than the rest.

“Noah,” I hesitate, “What did you see in your nightmare?”

His body tenses slightly, and while he hasn’t done or said anything yet, the energy in the car shifts. I feel a chill roll down my back and a pit in my throat that reminds me of being a child caught in a lie.

Noah never talked about his nightmares or what happened in them, and I never asked. Maybe I should’ve started asking sooner.

There’s a long pause, long enough to make me think he wasn’t going to reply and to let me focus on the road again.

Then out of nowhere, his voice cuts through the silence like a guillotine.

“Mom.”

My eyes widen and I swear I felt my heart stop beating for just a second. A deafening silence falls over the car, for a second I can’t even hear my obnoxiously loud engine.

Despite being as close as we are, I barely know anything about Noah’s family, especially his mom. I always had a vague picture of what his family structure looked like, but it was never something he spoke about, and I was rarely invited over. I knew something was wrong with his mom for a long time, something medical maybe. I remember Noah periodically canceling plans on weekends and skipping school because his mom was in the hospital for one thing or another. Maybe he mentioned something at the time, but I can’t remember specifics now.

When she passed, it was a shock. It was clear that whatever mystery illness that was landing her in hospitals wasn’t expected to kill her. The night she died was the only time I ever saw Noah grieve. He showed up to my house a disheveled, broken mess, as anyone would be after losing their mother. He sobbed in my bed until he fell asleep but when I awoke the next morning, he was gone. One week. He was gone for one week. Radio silent, not online, not answering phone calls or texts and absent from school. When he returned, it was like nothing had happened. He was perfectly normal.

I bite down hard on my bottom lip and feel regret coursing through my veins.

“I’m sorry.”

Getting Noah into my house was about as easy as getting him out of the sorority house. Though, he seemed magnetized to the bed, as if laying in it would take all of this away.

I let him collapse onto the mattress while I set my keys on my dresser drawer and support my weight on my palms against the cold wood top. I let out a deep sigh, trying to expel any heaviness weighing in my lungs.

Within minutes I hear small noises I’ve come to recognize as the sounds of Noah sleeping. Knowing that he’s asleep eases my anxiety just a tad, maybe the night will heal whatever battle he waged with his mind tonight.

I strip off my jeans and change into striped sleep pants, and crawl into my designated spot next to him. I lace my fingers over my chest and let my eyes get entranced by my ceiling fan. I watch it spin until I feel my eyelids feel heavier than my body wants to carry and curl myself away from Noah, tugging the duvet to cover my eyes.

For the second time tonight, I’m pulled out of sleep by unexpected noises. This time, they were gentle.

Soft sniffles intrude the silence of the room. I blink sleep from my eyes and rub my right one as I turn towards Noah. His sniffles halt the second he senses my movement.

“Noah?” I ask in a whisper.

No response.

“I know you’re awake.”

He lets out a quiet sigh before turning to lay flat. The moonlight shining through the window highlights the rivers of tears that had been streaming down his face. He quickly uses his arm to wipe them away, “I didn’t know you were awake.”

“Well, I wasn’t, until now.” I lay my head on both my hands in a prayer position looking over at him. I allow the quiet hang in the air for a bit before I speak again. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

He sniffles as he goes to respond but chokes and waterworks let loose, his eyes screw shut and squeeze all the salty water out. His whole body shakes and with every sharp inhale I can hear how much pain he’s in.

My hands and arms burn and I’m not sure why, but something in me screams to touch him. So, I reach out and before I even touch the hair on his arm, he rolls into me, burying his drenched face in my chest. His arms wrap around my waist tight, almost cutting off my oxygen but I stay perfectly still. I didn’t expect this, I just meant to hold his arm or something, but here he is latched onto me. It’s more than I was willing to give, but it’s clear it’s what he needs.

I follow what my body tells me to do and wrap my arms around him to pull him closer. His cheap, woodsy body spray fills my nostrils and it’s some sort of silent confirmation that I did the right thing. He feels comfortable in my arms, almost like he’s the perfect size for them. I rub the length of his back, “It’s okay, it’s okay.” I reassure as if it would really do anything. “I’m here.” I whisper and rake my fingers through his hair. He seems to like this because his wails soften as I do so.

By the time his sobs taper off, my Star Wars shirt is soaked and it’s quiet, so much so that I think he might’ve fallen asleep. He finally pulls from me and wipes his pink and puffy eyes. “Thanks.” He says sheepishly.

“Of course.”

“And thanks for picking me up.” His voice is quiet and barely audible with his gaze down and away from mine.

“Always.” I reply without a second thought.

“Always?” He looks up at me with big brown eyes that somehow always make me so painfully malleable in his hands.

“Always.” I answer then realize that my fingers are still tangled in his hair, though he doesn’t seem to mind. I get an idea. I recall something that I did the first time he had a terror that seemed to soothe him. “Actually, I’ll make sure you remember.”

His brows furrow at me in confusion as I take a chunk of his hair from the nape of his neck and overlap three silky parts together. “There. Keep a braid in your hair and I’m there with you, always.”

His hand goes up to find the braid I had just woven and rubs it between his fingertips, and my stomach twists at the small smile that forms on his lips. As his fingers trail the length of the braid, his nose scrunches up in curiosity. “Why a braid?” He asks with his head tilted slightly.

I shrug, “I don’t know. It’s intertwined, like us.”

It was the truth. For as long as I can remember, it had always been Noah and me. Noah and I. Wherever I went, he followed, and wherever he went, I was right behind him. Every decision we made involved the other, whether it was choosing complementary Pokémon games so we could trade or picking songs to learn on the guitar so we could play together. We were a duo. A pair. A combo.

A package deal.

He silently blinks at me before reaching out and taking my own hair into his fingers. I still my body as he carefully sections three pieces of my hair and begins to cross them over each other. His actions are slow and intentional like he’s trying to make sure it’s perfect.

“There.” His arms pull back delicately, only to find my hand and guide it to the braid he just made. He presses my fingers into the woven strands. “Always. Like us.” he repeats, like reciting a secret oath, and I nod in agreement.

His eyes trail up from the braid to meet my gaze. He looks so... pretty in the moon's glow, and my eyes don't want to leave his, especially not after what he just swore to me—what we just swore to each other. It's special, no matter how silly it may seem. I brush some stray strands of hair out of his face and gently tuck them behind his ear. His mahogany eyes shift back and forth between mine, like he wants something from me, but I'm not sure what.

In a split second before I can even process what’s happening, every muscle in my body tenses and my eyes widen more than I ever thought possible. Soft, cushion-y lips press into my own and cold hands hesitantly cup my cheeks. It’s only when he pulls away that I realize I haven’t sucked in a breath for what feels like hours. He backs away slightly, his eyes analyzing me like I’m a petri dish under a microscope. His stare darts across my face, as if he’s ran some sort of experiment and is waiting for a result. My cheeks burn hot in embarrassment for what just happened and for being studied so intently. I’m ready to dismiss the encounter entirely, but he’s just staring at me with eyes as wide as saucers.

“Still always?” He asks barely audible. “Even after…?”

“Yes.” I don’t even have to think about it. “Always.” Not even a millisecond after the word leaves my mouth, he joins our lips again.

The kiss is long, slow and sweet but hesitant, fidgety and nervous. My heart races so fast in my chest that I can feel it drumming in my ears, in my throat, in fingertips. All I can think about are his lips, and his hands, and how close his body is to mine. Kissing Noah wasn’t something I ever expected to do or even ever thought about. I never imagined how his lips would feel like on mine, but it surprisingly doesn’t feel…weird. Not as weird as I would’ve probably thought beforehand.

The kiss is sparking and warm, not so much like explosions but more so a crackling fire. It’s comforting, like a physical manifestation of the feeling that comes from being around each other — like the gentle warmth of a shared space that feels safe and familiar. It just feels like an extension of us.

I mirror his position and rest my hand on his cheek which prompts him to lean into the kiss slightly. After a couple more seconds of our lips pressed together, he pulls away. He searches my face the same as he did before, just softer this time, less frantic.

My body reacts to him in ways I never expected, like the way my thumb instinctively brushes gently across his cheekbone. My heart swells the way he leans into my touch.

“I’m sorry about your dreams.” I say quietly.

“I’m sorry for bothering you.” His eyes dip down.

“You never bother me.”

The edges of his mouth curl up in the same way they do when I tell him he’s a good singer when he claims not to be. I can tell he doesn’t believe me.

“I mean it.”

His eyes flicker down to my lips again and linger there. It makes me want to kiss him again but before I even get to move towards him his focus snaps back up to me.

“We should try to sleep.” He says quietly.

I watch him and notice how fidgety he’s gotten and how he can’t look at me anymore.

I press my lips together and nod. “Yeah, it’s late.”

“We have class tomorrow.” He replies, as further cushion to his sudden reasoning to sleep.

“We have class tomorrow.” I repeat, trying to hide the disappointment in my voice.

“Yeah.” He whispers, barely audible. “Goodnight Nicky.” His chestnut eyes flicker back up at me.

“Goodnight Noah.”

He gives me a tight-lipped smile before flipping away from me. I let out a silent exhale I didn’t know I was holding and let myself return to my original sleeping position facing the window beside the bed.

A part of me – a large part of me - doesn’t want the night to be over yet. Maybe this is just a dream I don’t want to wake up from, because like in a dream – nothing makes any sense yet feels so normal, so right. Waking up means having to make sense of something that maybe we should forget… but I don’t think I want to forget.

It’s only after I settle in under the covers and am on the brink of sleep that my heart suddenly drops to my stomach. My eyes fly open only to be met with darkness.

I kissed my best friend and didn’t hate it.

I kissed my best friend and didn’t hate it.

I kissed my best friend,

And I liked it.

Shit.

Taglist; @concretenoah @kingdomof-omens @the-hell-i-overcame @blackveilomens @xxrainstorm

@bspeaks @sorrowsofsilence @wwemademegayer

A/N; Hope you guys enjoyed this one 🩷Thank you for the support on this series and on all my other works. I appreciate it more than you know. I love reading your comments and asks. I am incredibly grateful for them, thank you.