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katiapostsss · 21 days

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✧˚ · . "I THOUGHT YOU KNEW!" — . .

˗ˏˋ 📄 ´ˎ˗

teaser:

"just because you

kiss someone, doesn't mean you're

dating!"

ᶜ ʰ ᵃ ʳ ᵃ ᶜ ᵗ ᵉ ʳ ˢ : sam monroe x gn!reader

warnings! :

blood ,, a fight ,, yelling ,, swearing.

SUMMARY: sam monroe has never been good at communication. as his best friend, you know that. but, in the aftermath of a fight, erupted in your name, you realize just how bad it truly is.

〰️

this fic was inspired by @agirlsguidetolove !!

the bell was not what dismissed your english class now, but voices erupting, shoes scuffing, and one word. fight. over and over, screamed, again and again.

the whole of the room went silent, perking and straining their ears. "a fight?"

glances were exchanged, a whisper, and then, before ms. madden could protest, the sound of chairs being pushed back and running steps, though, she protested as everyone left, arms outstretched, trying to stop the madness. "now— class, sit down! this is a problem to be dealt with by the teachers!" of course, no one listened.

"oooo, there's a fight!" someone whooped as they wooshed out the door and into the corridor.

you yourself straightened, locking eyes with a hallway acquaintance and abandoning the idea of staying inside all together. you got up, slipping out after your classmates and half-jogging down to the scene. "he's getting his ass beat!" came a cry, then, "damn, clifford! that's all you got?"

a clump of people, surrounding whatever gruesome brawl inside, which was what you just assumed was said fight, appeared around the bend. you craned your neck as you came closer in proximity, trying to see over heads and out-stretched phones, but failing quite miserably. when you stood at the perimeter of the hubbub, you gave up looking over the crowd and instead looked in, for light glinting off piercings and jet-black hair, fiery, blue eyes dimmed by the messy makeup bordering them. and found nothing. sam monroe, your best friend since 1st year, had third lunch after you, so this would be his break period. he had to be somewhere...

it was when you heard his voice that you realized exactly where he was. "wanna fuckin' talk now, pussy?!" and it was unmistakable, that voice. suddenly, the fight became all too interesting, and you began pushing against the sea of students and struggling teachers to get to the middle of it. your heart was in your stomach. he had done it, hadn't he?

"fuck," you uttered, getting shoved and trampled all the way there. and surely, when you seized the opportunity and made it to the center, there sam was, a burst lip, blood dribbling from his nose. he was straddling charlie clifford, some kid in your spanish class, punching the poor guy straight into the ground over and over again. in horror, your eyes widened, a hand covering your mouth, before you had the good sense to enter in and grab his shoulder, pulling him off. "get the fuck off him! sam! what the fuck is wrong with you! oh my fucking—"

sam had never done anything like this before. it was so strange, interfering a fight that he was in. he was known for being quiet—at least on the outside—void of emotion. this was completely unorthodox. it took three pulls until he gave in and let you drag him up, wiping the blood from his nose with his forearm and staring menacingly at the boy on the ground, who was writhing and crying in pain, his face mangled to the point of being unrecognizable. a few disprovals from the crowd.

"someone's girlfriend is here to save monroe!" someone yelled. "save?!" in return.

"bitch," sam snarled, spitting blood onto the ground by charlie's shoes. you watched the kid in shock, who sobbed and sobbed, barely registering the teacher that came in and bent down next to him, prodding at his face, or how he straightened and looked to the crowd.

"everyone! back to your classes!" he yelled, but the students were already departing, understanding the fun was over. the few that stayed grumbled with their friends.

"and you!" the teacher turned to sam. "principal's, now!" the words were twisted together. feeling horrible, you didn't bother looking over at your best friend, who was staring at you, hesitating to leave, instead, bending beside charlie and helping him sit up.

"are you okay?" you uttered, trying to wipe off some of the blood on his face. he moaned in pain in response. looking up at the teacher, who was speaking into a walky talky, you offered to help. "i can bring him to the nurse's?"

"yes, please do." he nodded, the device beeping in his hand.

you spent the rest of the day by clifford's side, apologizing hastily on your best friend's behalf.

---

"what the fuck was that, sam?" there was no word to describe how you felt in that moment. angry? no. not angry, it seemed too harsh a feeling, while, in contrast, confused seemed too light. both, maybe, for what he had done to clifford.

sam laid atop his blankets, one foot dangling off his bed and the other propped up into a bent position. he, to your knowledge, and to the knowledge and gossip of others, had been given a two-day suspension, effective immediately, and went home, busted lip, bruised cheek and all. you threw the frozen pack of peas you spent a good three minutes looking for—the best you could do—at his chest and stared incredulously at him, who, after a moment, took the bag and put it to his cheek.

"what, never seen a fight before?" he grumbled in annoyance, hauling himself up and dangling both feet off the bed. you pursed your lips, entering his room and stopping before him.

"not with you in it." which was completely true. you sharply lifted his chin up to face you, making him drop the peas into his lap. a scowl painted your lips in response to his injuries. "and here i was, thinking you were more mature in that field." the first aid kit plopped onto his bed and from it, you took some bandages, and rubbing alcohol.

"and here i was, thinking you always let me explain before you accused me of shit."

"accused?" you spit, "i'm pretty sure everyone saw that fight, sam. how is stating facts accusing?" you straightened and opened the bottle of rubbing alcohol, emptying some of the liquid onto a cotton pad.

"you don't even know why we fought," he said, closing his eyes and leaning back until his head hit the wall. you rolled your eyes.

"stop that." he didn't move. tutting, you climbed over him until you straddled his hips, giving you access to his face. you didn't bother warning him of any pain before you hastily cleansed the dried blood from his cracked lip and nose, and the only sign that he actually was in pain, was the slight furrow of his brow. he opened his eyes and watched your face as you worked. "you're right. i don't know why you did it, but i frankly, don't care. clifford did not deserve what you gave him. you should've just kept quiet."

his face twisted in anger, and he turned his head to the side to keep you from reach, slightly pushing you off of him. "right. kept quiet. as if you fucking know what he even said." you scowled. "i mean— why are you even taking his side?! i thought we both, mutually hated him!" sam, all of a sudden, looked like he could punch clifford into the ground all over again. "like— we used to talk shit about him together. switching up now is crazy."

you set the pad and liquid aside, and came to stand, keeping by the bed. "sure, i hate him, but not enough to wish that shit you put him through upon him! and for the record, this is completely normal of me, after what you did. the only one who's switching up here is you!"

"well i'm sorry i have real, human emotions." he glared daggers at your face.

"real, human emotions you should've kept to yourself!"

sam laughed as if unbelieving of your words, looking off to the side like some sort of audience would agree with him on this. "well what the hell was i supposed to do, y/n?! just sit there and listen to him talk shit about you without batting an eye?!"

"oh so that's why," you laughed bitterly. "how mature, sam. since when have you ever cared who talks shit about me, anyways! you certainly never cared before."

he sat up, shaking his head and pushing off the mattress, suddenly pacing. you turned toward him, watching him go.

"since when have i cared," he repeated to himself with a scoff, brows furrowed. "i've always cared, y/n!"

"never enough to beat the poor guy so—"

"stop it with that name. that poor guy deserved what he fucking got."

"no! he didn't, sam! how insensitive can you be?!" your arms extended at your sides, your face falling deeper into that of disbelief. "i mean— it's just shit-talking! why does that even fucking matter, especially coming from clifford—"

"oh, i don't know," he said sarcastically, pausing and whirling on you. "maybe because it was you he was shit-talking! i mean, what do you expect me to do in that situation? agree with him?! tell him i totally think my girlfriend is a bitchy slut too?!"

your heart stopped. the whole world stopped.

you immediately went quiet, eyes going wider than they were before, face freezing in confusion, surprise, a mix. sam seemed to sense the shift, his body relaxing from its tensed state slightly, though his cold eyes did not thaw one bit. "what."

you tried searching for words, but came up with none, questioning if you had just imagined the word that came out of his mouth, if it was just a trick of the following and previous syllables. "gir— girlfriend? i— what? since— since when did we start.. dating?" you stuttered out, breath labored and heart thudding. you felt every cell in your body thrum to life with feeling. sam looked dumbfounded.

"since we kissed," he deadpanned, as if this was the most obvious thing in the world. "you... didn't know?"

quiet. sam had kissed you drunkenly, on the way home from a party you had dragged him to just last week. as you both were heavily intoxicated, you thought it meant nothing. that it was a mistake. i mean, you barely even remembered what happened! now, though... "of course i didn't know..! just because you.." a swallow, "kiss... someone, doesn't mean you're dating, sam."

he closed his mouth, and you saw his adam's apple bob. "i— i thought you knew.." he near-whispered, his face doused in embarrassment and redness. you were aware of sam's lack of communication, but you never thought it was this bad.

"yea, that's.. obvious." you looked down awkwardly. "but— i didn't... i..." more quiet. you awkwardly met his eyes. "and that's why you..."

"i'm sorry," he said instead of answering your question. "i know i shouldn't have gotten angry— or.. i should've told you.. or asked you if you... wanted to.. date me. i just thought.."

a nervous and slightly relieved smile pulled at your lips, easing some of the tension in the room. "it's alright," you spoke, shifting awkwardly on your feet. "and i'm sorry too. for not letting you explain yourself. for jumping to conclusions. just— try not to get yourself suspended next time." the joke also eased that tension, eliciting a slight laugh from him.

"i'll try. i just.. couldn't..." you nodded so he didn't have to finish the sentence, eyes straying to the ground. there was still some distance between you. your legs itched to close it. maybe too soon. "if.. if i..." sam started. you looked up at him. "if i asked now, would you.. date me? still? is it.. too.."

"are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" you quipped delicately, finally drawing nearer. his body tensed the closer you got.

"only counts if you say yes." he shrugged, and you smiled, finally standing before him.

"then, yes. thanks for asking. this time." you had charlie clifford to thank for the rest of the night spent with sam, no matter how much you cursed him throughout it.

kinda hate this but i needed to write something for sam so 😞😞

this fic was inspired by @agirlsguidetolove !!!

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katiapostsss · 1 month

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texts with hayden RAHHH (cause i'm bored)

warnings!:

slight swearing

PART 2

lmk if you want any more of these cause they were SO fun to make 😁

as always, requests are open ❤️

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katiapostsss · 1 month

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DRABBLE:

hayden christensen and face masks

enjoy!

〰️

the tip of your tongue rested concentratedly on your upper lip, thin strands of hair falling into your eyes and brushing against your temples. hayden's hands claimed their place on your hips, lightly pinning you to his lap atop your shared bed, and the smell of aloe vera and chemicals loitered between you.

"it's cold," your boyfriend commentated, watching you reach the spatula-like applicator into the can of black goo and scoop up some more, looking back up at him and reaching your other hand up to hold his hair back from his forehead. his eyes shifted with your every movement as you ran it across his face.

"shhh," you near-whispered, smoothing out the mask. "you can't talk until it's time to take it off."

hayden's full lips twisted into a slight frown, then pulled back into a line when you ran the goo over his chin. he shifted underneath you, causing a disturbance in your grip, and you were just about to rattle off a sharp scold when he spoke.

"this better make me look like you," were his words. amusement, along with a laugh, hit your chest, coming out as just an exhale of air as you straightened your shoulders and examined his bright face. "like me? what do you mean, like me?"

"like a pretty princess who's never been told no." a smile spread across his lips and you pursed your own, scolding him with your eyes. the look he gave you was one of pure delight, gathering your own mind with it. the proof of your building laughter almost showed itself on your cheeks, but you made yourself examine the deterring dried goo.

"well, i command you to stop smiling. you're cracking the face mask," you accused, expecting him to correct himself. he only grinned further. narrowing your eyes, you dropped your occupied hands onto your thighs and watched his expression contort.

"see? i can't say no. now i have to stop smiling, or i'll be sent to the guillotine, won't i?" hayden fluttered his lashes, tilting his head to the side. you held back a smile, raising your eyebrows and mimicking the small gesture.

"and you don't want that, huh?"

"you wouldn't do it anyways. you love me too much." finally, a smile prevailed, traveling over your lips. you backed your head inwards, trying to stop it, but you, frankly, had a horrible poker face. "aha, i told you!" hayden leaned forward, a triumphant look spread across his face. you dodged his lips, shaking your head.

"you're gonna get the mask all over me!" you squeaked, your full hands rising between you and hovering in the air. you didn't want to cause a mess with the can open and the dirtied applicator, but your boyfriend didn't seem to care. his mouth found yours, icy concoction smearing onto your own. you squealed, trying to lean away, but failed beneath his grip. "hayden—!"

when he leaned back, he was grinning widely and wildly. "can't behead me if you're in love with me," he singsonged, and you were still laughing slightly.

"all those compliments really got to your head, huh?" came your response, pushing the applicator into the can and reaching your fingers up to your face, scooping the mask off your chin. you examined your hand, but hayden's lips, again on yours, made your attention avert away once again.

"so when's my coronation?"

haven't written for hayden in a while—

requests are always open! ❤️❤️

#anakin skywalker #fanfic #hayden #hayden christensen #star wars #anakin x reader #fandom #star wars anakin #sam monroe #anakin fanfiction #hayden christensen x you #hayden christensen x reader #anakin skywalker masterlist #anakin x you #anakin imagine #sw anakin #fluff #katiapostsss

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katiapostsss · 1 month

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𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋 . . p. I ,, anakin skywalker

🎬//

teaser:

midnight worries

lead to sundresses and zippers.

ᶜ ʰ ᵃ ʳ ᵃ ᶜ ᵗ ᵉ ʳ ˢ : modern!anakin x fem! reader

warnings! :

swearing ,, talk of sex.

SUMMARY: in a fit of worry and concern for an upcoming date, you go to your roommate, anakin, for advice, putting aside your hatred for him.

〰️

| part 2 >

(based on this request. hope u like it!)

not one crevice of the earth can escape rain's wrath.

new york was beautiful, but it was also unkempt. maybe once, long ago, precipitation could've washed away the filth of shoes scuffing concrete and lingering ash, but now, no matter how much its streets are doused, cigarette smoke will forever hang in the air, dirt will forever pollute the ground.

therefore, rain only existed to annoy you.

you stood so close to the roof's edge overhead, that ricocheting water lightly sprinkled the toes of your shoes, unbelieving that this was really happening to you in that moment. your hall laid across the wide expanse of the campus, on the completely opposite side of your english class, which you clung to the perimeters of now. not 2 hours ago, when you had first walked here, the sky had been clear of any clouds, blue and cheery and happy, but now, gray swirls bruised its skin, sinking the air with moisture. of course you hadn't thought to bring an umbrella! you couldn't even ask to borrow one, either. having stayed after class, no one lurked behind once you were done catching up on the work.

so, not only would it take several minutes to walk back to your dorm, getting soaked in the process, but it only meant you'd have to take a shower immediately afterwards. you couldn't climb in bed with rain clinging to your skin, after all.

hence the reason you stood in quiet shock, hoping to whomever listened that if you kept still enough, you'd somehow open your eyes and find yourself in your bedroom. which—

"y/n?" you quickly looked up from the ground, eyes straying to the direction from which your name came from. they met green irises. henry. the kid who sat in the back, two rows from yours. the kid known only for his intelligence academically, not for his person or his role. he was antisocial in ways even you weren't, opting always for the last seat and the quietest corner. you were pretty shy, sure, but you could enjoy a good party here and there. henry though? his black-rimmed glasses fogged slightly under the pressure of the palpable humidity, black curls falling in a charmingly messy way over his forehead. why was he still here, anyways? had he not left with the rest of your peers? "what are you still doing here?"

slightly startled, your mouth fell open, finger pointing to the world beyond. "i forgot an umbrella."

his green eyes swam, studying the movement, before his hand, obscured from your vision, rose and revealed the bundle of black sheen in his hands. "you don't mind sharing, right?"

"you're a lifesaver, henry!" you quickly perked up, shoulders bunching in relief, and body involuntarily leaning slightly towards his. "seriously a lifesaver. thank you so much."

the boy beside you laughed bashfully, his own shoulders slightly lifting and falling in a shrug. "oh, it's nothing, really." he unwrapped the umbrella and it expanded, larger and larger, until he lifted it above his head and motioned you closer. rain hit it's edges slightly. quickly, you scooted closer, folding into the tight area and pressing against his side. "what hall?"

"lipton." you studied your shoelaces, which were soaked through. the walk started.

"really?" he sounded genuinely surprised. you looked to him, a smile of amusement growing on your lips as you studied his bafflement, raising a brow. his face contorted. "i— i meant— my dorm's there too. i've just never seen you around." his stuttered and frantic reply made you giggle, head turning back down.

"yea, i'm not much the productive student. more just staying in bed all day and hoping my homework will do itself." henry seemed to like that, because he laughed, and it was maybe the most empowering and pride-feeding sound you'd ever heard. "you couldn't relate though, could you?" when you met his eyes again, they found yours, bathed in question.

"what do you mean?"

"oh shut up." you batted his arm. "i know you've heard all the talk about you. people here are horrible at keeping gossip, gossip."

a smile pulled wider. "might need reminding."

"i would've never guessed the guy they call an albert einstein reincarnate was so narcissistic. you surprise me, henry."

"ah, yes. you're not just using me for my homework answers though, right?" you breathed a laugh, shaking your head.

"you actually offered me this umbrella," you countered, raising your brows. "so of course not. but... would you give them to me either way?"

he pursed his lips, face pulling taut in what you knew was fake consideration. "no."

you huffed, rolling your eyes. "worth a try."

silence took a spot beneath the umbrella with the two of you, not in a looming, menacing way, but just.. there.

"why'd you stay behind in the first place?" came a question. you looked up at him, but henry was looking ahead.

"i came in late. wanted to make sure i had all the material. you?"

"missed a presentation. just presented it—" you shrugged. "—mr. t is pretty chill about those things."

"ah, the dust bowl slideshow?" he finally met your eyes.

"yea. possibly the most droning topic ever."

his face twisted in disbelief, thick brows pinning, then rising. "you're kidding, right?" the words were accompanied by a shocked laugh. finally, lipton's brick wall loomed by your side, your hand skimming the rough rock. only a few more feet til you were at the entrance, though your attention was fixed only on him and the ground. "tell me you're kidding."

you stared incredulously at him as the door came into view, your cold fingers wrapping around the colder handle. he stood off to the side, closing the umbrella. it became a debate, your two interests in one field as you walked up the stairs and to the third floor.

"i took english for edgar allen poe, oscar wilde. not to talk about recycling," you drawled, a newfound warmth sinking its claws into your chilled skin. "y'know, the topic we already learned?"

"you're so dull," he chuckled, shaking his head. you looked his way, but henry's green eyes were fixed to the ground. your boots scuffed against carpet.

"says the einstein reincarnate." you came to a stop at your door, and he paused shortly after, turning to you.

"you don't know that. you don't know me." henry grinned, showcasing perfect teeth. "what if they're all wrong and i'm actually really stupid? how would you know?"

cocking your head, you pulled an arm out of its backpack strap, forcing the bag to its knees. from inside, you pulled out a ballpoint pen, straightening and grabbing his freehand, resting relaxed at his side.

"this isn't over." you scrawled your number on his palm, hurriedly and messily as not to think about the fact that you were giving a boy your number. when you dropped his hand and met his eyes again, he looked even more surprised than you let show. "you— call me. or— if you want to. so we can..." you rapidly picked up your bag and slung it over one shoulder. "debate. on that."

henry said nothing, quite obviously paralyzed in shock. though, his eyes followed your movements. you turned to the door, then back again. "and it's not just for homework answers." turn again, and then turn again. "and thank you. for— the umbrella, and stuff."

how embarrassing. you opened the door, then pushed because it had been jammed since you first came, and finally, it gave way, allowing you in. you quickly stumbled through, then shut it behind you, studying the shadow laying still beneath the gap. and studying. and studying. seconds had passed when the silhouette of henry's boots finally dispersed, then disappeared, and you focused on the sound of his footsteps, hand gripping knob, until he was finally out of earshot.

only then did you turn, and nearly jumped out of your skin. anakin. he stood against the dining table a little ways away, his face tilted down and his eyes on yours.

"god! can you not fucking jump-scare me immediately upon walking back into my damn dorm?!" you yelled, your tone comically different from how you spoke to henry. you did not even look his way as you annoyedly slung your bag to the floor by the closet and pulled yourself out of your zip-up jacket.

"immediately? i counted 13 seconds until you turned around."

"you know what i mean," came your sharp-tongued and quick reply, your eyes were anywhere but on his as you pushed past him and into the small closet off to the side, pulling an energy bar from a shelf. "i'm gonna be studying for my presentation tomorrow and i swear to god if you bother me—"

"might need that strauss kid for that too, huh?" he mocked, his tone laced with sarcasm as you paused and whirled on him. "learn something from him. you never struck me as the type to use someone for homework answers."

"sure, and you could learn how to cut down on the ego a bit from him, yea?" you cocked your head, fingernails biting into the bar. "not everyone fucks to get what they want, dipshit. i wouldn't expect you to know that, of course."

"poor kid—"

"studying, don't bother me!" you disregarded him as you sauntered into your room and slammed the door shut behind you, face twisted in fury. he just had to ruin everything for you. groaning, you slunk into your desk chair, resting your forehead on the cool wood and allowing yourself a moment to breathe.

in actuality, you had nothing to study for. and in actuality, it was the excuse you always used to get away from him. you despised anakin, which was apparently fine by him, because he seemed to like you no more than you did him. there was no particular answer as to why, actually. maybe because you had always dreamed of sharing a dorm with a girl that understood you and that you understood, someone who you could call a friend, bond over romcoms and a hatred for teachers with. but no, NYU mainly housed co-ed dorms, for whatever stupid reason.

it did start with his late arrivals back to the dorm, which always woke you up. to this day, you still had no idea as to why he was getting home so far into the night, passing it off as fucking around, which he denied. you argued, argued more, and decided you hated him. sure he was stupidly hot, and you were sure he knew it with how often he got hit on, but no man was worth an inconsistent sleep schedule.

a moment of unadulterated silence before you took the loud music blasting from anakin's room as a reminder to do your work, and eventually, yelled at him to turn it down.

---

henry strauss. what was it that made you think so often about him, anyways? he had never been a continuous guest in your thoughts before, you hadn't even dabbled in the idea. but now... throughout the course of the day, he was all your mind strayed to.

the upside of living with a maniacal control freak was the constant state of cleanliness in your apartment.

anakin might've been a pain in your ass, but at least he wasn't a dingy, smelly fuck boy of a roommate, the type of guy whose oder substituted for a missing maturity and personality. no, anakin had a personality. too much if it, too. it was you who balanced his perfectionism out.

you and your messes, you and your forgetfulness. you and your laundry schedule. or lack thereof. another factor added to the long list of reasons to hate anakin. he was so much better. so, you decided, to take your mind off of green eyes and thick, black curls, you'd actually wash your clothes.

"where are my headphones?" was your greeting, standing in his doorway. anakin sat at his desk, then leaned back and turned his head to acknowledge you, taking out the bud of his own pair from his ear.

"what?"

"my headphones. where did you put them."

his face twisted in annoyance. "i didn't put your headphones anywhere."

"well you're the only one who lives with me, dipshit. and i can't do my laundry without music." you invited yourself in, interrupting the clean state of his room by searching through his things. you already knew he was rolling his eyes.

"thanks for asking to come in," anakin quipped sarcastically, sitting up in his seat. you huffed as you sifted through some vinyls, possibly just to annoy him. "i thought you were studying."

"laundry doesn't do itself," you grumbled, moving onto his bookshelf. not there, not there, not— "oh you're joking—" you bit out a genuine laugh, straightening and coming back up with a box of condoms. "who the fuck are you even hiding these from? like i have a dick to steal these for."

anakin heaved a sigh, standing up and snatching the box from your hand. "i'm studying. and my sex life is none of your business."

"it is if the walls are paper-fucking-thin." you countered, meeting his eyes and smiling broadly. he threw the box onto his bed, his eyes half-lidded as he lifted an arm and pointed to the agape door.

"i don't know where your headphones are, okay?" you stared into those blue eyes, face hard for a moment, just to distract him for when you sauntered past him, snatched his own pair of earbuds, and quickly left.

---

it was halfway through your load that a string of numbers appeared on your screen, announced with a shrill ping in your "borrowed" headphones. immediately, you dropped a red shirt of yours, swiping your phone from the bench and bringing it to your face.

hey, is this y/n? your heart leaped, which would've concerned you in any other situation. but right now, you were only thinking of black-rimmed glasses and green eyes. it's henry texting, came the second ping. then, from english.

your traitorous lips pulled into a wide grin, body involuntarily moving until your back was against the machines. you looked up from the screen for a moment, forcing yourself to wait as to not seem like you were looking forward to this text, even though you were.

seconds passed, and then, your thumbs were typing on their own. i was starting to think you'd never actually talk to me again, they wrote, then hovered over the send button. you read it over and over again, eventually adding an exclamation point and a crying face to thaw the iciness from the letters you couldn't thaw with a smile or laugh.

a bubble and three, jumping dots, eager to reveal the typer's words, and then, and miss the opportunity for 'a debate'? never.

and you were giggling. giggling.

glad to see we're on the same page, henry from english, you shot back quicker than you intended, as quick as your body wanted, hitting the send button before you could think much on it.

a typing storm ensued, talk of english class, quoting shakespeare, all the orthodox things kids in college spoke of under the guise of friendly chatting. then, unorthodox things, like, 'i know you're not into parties, but..' and 'of course the child prodigy plays the piano'.

eventually, you pulled yourself up the stairs, empty laundry basket on hip and headphones stuffed only halfway into your pocket. the sun was sinking low already, and your phones' clock told you it was 10:33 pm.

when you pushed open the jammed state of your door, the lights were out save for the one in anakin's room. you sauntered into your room with an energy bar in hand, smiling and occasionally giggling at the gray text box of henry's words, dropping to your bed and laying atop the blanket. you turned to the side just as a new notification came in.

do you have time to call? your heart leaped, then stopped for a few seconds, eyes staring at the words, making them out, flipping them over. you thumbs, as traitorous as your lips, typed the response for you.

of course! and yet, you were still shocked when the phone began vibrating in your hands, his number, which you had changed to his name, flashing across your screen. you bit your lip, turning onto your back and clearing your throat before you pressed the green button and held it to your ear.

"hi," henry.

"hey," you. your heart thudded loudly in your chest, hands slick with sweat and skin prickling. the sound of his voice was so suddenly a lovely, lovely thing. "i'm surprised you're still awake," you joked shakily. "don't child prodigies have bedtimes?"

"only on school nights, duh." he deadpanned, or at least tried to, because his words were accompanied by a laugh that made your stomach twist.

"ah, i'll keep that in mind," you replied with a huffed giggle, teeth toying with your bottom lip. "for next time we talk on the phone." risky. your anxiety spiked when he didn't respond for a second, but then, another laugh.

"next time? so you're seriously not using me for english answers?" you breathed a sigh of relief, which came out as more of a chuckle.

"you didn't believe me? how rude."

you talked late into the night. late. at some point, henry, in a raspy and deep tone, asked, 'i want to see you again' and you, equally as tired, said, basically with heart eyes, 'i want you to see me again too'.

it was 2 am when finally you pressed that red button, dropped your phone to your chest and silently smiled at your ceiling. your eyes were heavily-lidded with a need for sleep and your body moved slower than normally, but all you felt was lingering excitement. happiness. it lasted even when you slept, and clung to you upon waking up. a text, significantly later than the ones before, lay in your messages.

does sometime this weekend work by any chance?

---

sunday. sunday afternoon was when you'd see him next. a picnic in north meadow was what you ultimately decided on, not too far from campus.

he apologized, then explained that he was busy on saturday. it didn't seem like a long time, 2 days, but it sure felt like it.

saturday night and you were slowly going insane waiting. there was something about the way you felt for him that made you want to confirm it was actually a crush. he was intoxicating you in ways you had never been before.

you tried, but soon enough, sleeping was out of the picture. plans to shop and prepare were set for tomorrow, but at midnight, you got more to thinking, and soon, you were pacing the small area of your room, thinking as to what you could wear, how you would act, what you'd say on your date. so what if he already showed interest in you? you wanted to be perfect. you wanted to be his type.

and so, you paced, and when the idea came to mind, you quite literally laughed out loud at the pure comedy of it, but...

you couldn't believe it. you couldn't believe you were doing this. not as you lifted your knuckles to the wood, and not as you knocked once, twice, three times, hands slightly shaking and mind a whirlwind of protestations. it took anakin 9 seconds to open the door, and there he stood, bathed in moonlight, face countered by shadows and a dim lamp. he wore nothing but a gray pair of sweatpants, his hair mussed, his chest broad and strong. it had you gawking, gulping, looking away.

"what."

"can you put on a damn shirt? have some decency?" you demanded, stare on the doorframe, though you caught the look of disgruntlement that passed over his features, the roll of his eyes in your periphery.

"in my room?" anakin countered, a brow raised.

"at least while i'm here." silence. your cheeks were flushed red, skin going hot as he glared at you a moment, before turning and swiping a shirt off his bed.

"why are you here?" he asked as he pulled it on, his shoulders flexing with the movement. you swallowed, staring only at the back of his head until he was done and sitting atop the mattress. "should i get out the condoms?"

you rolled your eyes, still half-recovering from earlier embarrassment. "no. i need... help." anakin's face contorted into what you could only guess was shock and annoyance.

"with what?" he cocked his head, face slightly tilted down. you breathed a heavy exhale, inviting yourself in and plopping down on his desk chair. dust particles danced in the dim glow of the lamp behind you.

"you.. know how men work. what do they... what do they... find— attractive." you cringed even as you said the words, nose scrunched, and for a moment, it was all quiet. he looked surprised, then confused, and then, amused. he snorted, shaking his head.

"you want me to help you make a guy like you?" came the incredulous question. you rolled your eyes, a hand rubbing up and down your arm.

"no. i think he already does. i just need to... prepare for a... date." and then, it was full laughter. you exhaled sharply as he chuckled, hand over mouth, face twisted in glee. "it's not funny. i want to be his type."

"well if he likes you," he spoke through a fit of laughter. "then you already are his type." anakin was making you feel dumb. you shifted in your seat, glaring daggers at him. finally, he quieted down a bit, sighing.

"are you done?"

"you have 15 seconds to explain before i kick you out."

"fine. okay. i guess— i just want— i want to know what to say. i don't know what to say, so i want you to tell me. i want you to teach me. i want to know what guys look for in girls.. y'know what i mean. i just have no idea what to do. i don't know how to do any of it."

"i think henry will take any chance he gets at this point." a grin. you sputtered, mouth falling open.

"how did you—?"

"i'm not stupid, despite what you think. i heard you last night. and have you forgotten that i know you gave him your number?" you flushed. "oh, what, you thought you were being sneaky?" a cocked brow, a tilted head. you rolled your eyes, looking away briefly, then back to him.

"can you help me... or?..."

"if i get the rest of the energy bars."

"i bought those for myself!"

"choose wisely."

quiet.

"fine..."

---

"stop moving. you look uncomfortable."

"i am uncomfortable."

"well you shouldn't look like you are."

you sat, on the floor in front of anakin, pretending his face was henry's and the cold wood below you was actually a field of grass and a blanket. his hand reached out and steadied your bouncing knee, and the skin that made contact with his fingers prickled oddly, a strange feeling twisting and turning within you.

"okay..." you whispered, eyes meeting his once his hand fell away and back beside him. you cleared your throat, straightening. "how are you, henry?"

quiet. his face was calm one moment, then all amusement and laughter another.

"what?!" you squeaked, feigning anger. "i did what you told me to!"

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry— i just can't take you.. seriously." he made himself quiet down, shaking his head slightly. despite yourself, you felt your lips pulling upwards. "okay. okay. i'm good now." he licked his lips. "just— look more open. like you want to talk to me."

you forced your shoulders down and back, tilted your head slightly, went through all the motions. "like this?"

he studied, then reached out, a hand under your chin, which he brought more upwards. "there."

---

"this?" it was now 1 am and you were in a floral sundress with dots of pink flowers on fabric and soft ruffles, turning in circles in the middle of anakin's dorm room. you even wore added heels, the color of book pages, and a matching handbag tucked beneath your arm.

your roommate sat at his desk, leaned back in the chair, studying your every movement in that stupid dress like you'd die in it, and you couldn't help but be a bit grateful for it.

"no," he ultimately decided, and you were left to grumble and moan as you tried on yet another outfit, which you were running out of.

next, was a plaid, loose skirt, a white tank top, and a leather jacket, which he also turned down, all pursed lips snd narrowed eyes. you thought you'd ran out of clothes completely when you stumbled over yet another sundress, except this one was the soft green of early spring. this would be the one. you even donned some extra necklaces, a spritz of perfume, new heels.

"this?" you fixed the sleeves a bit in the full-body mirror by his door, eyes meeting his face in the reflection. quiet. your brows screwed together, confused as to why he had suddenly gone quiet. you turned around, giving him that bewildered, slightly concerned look. "what? do you not like how it looks?" turn back again, to fix the dress anxiously. then, in the glass, he stood up, walking over, and his hands were on the collar, and you tried to whirl around, but realized he was zipping it up fully. you must've forgotten.

you stood there, his hands on your back and his eyes fixed to the dress, your stomach twisting and turning for the first time around him. you gulped, going perfectly still beneath his touch in fear that if you shifted, he'd go back to hating you, and you'd go back to hating him for hating you. once it was done, his fingers dropped back to his sides, and he looked carefully up and down at you through the mirror, which had you squirming, his eyes void of any emotion.

"this one."

| part 2 >

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG OMG 😭😭 (I HOPE YOU LIKE IT SO FAR)

this is only part 1. i want to finish 2 maybe the day after tomorrow but no promisesss! let me know if you'd like to be tagged and requests are always open! ❤️❤️

@blairwaldrfsworld

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katiapostsss · 1 month

Text

𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐍 . . anakin skywalker

🎬//

teaser:

BUT I JUST MISS YOU,

AND I JUST WISH YOU

WEREEE A BETTER MAN...

ᶜ ʰ ᵃ ʳ ᵃ ᶜ ᵗ ᵉ ʳ ˢ : modern! anakin x fem! reader

warnings! :

swearing ,, angst

SUMMARY: the last person you expect at your door is your unofficial ex boyfriend of 3 months, in need of a favor... in need of a date.

based off this request (hope you like it ❤️)

〰️

the microwaved mac and cheese, laying pulled apart on your plate, was left completely uneaten. you weren't necessarily hungry, and you knew it even while making it, too. but maybe you did so just to grasp onto the semblance of a routine you still had. the incandescent, dim glow of your overhead light normally cast your small, cramped dining room into somewhat of a cozy aroma, but now, it brought shadows of hollowness along with it, much like your empty stomach.

watching the metal of your fork dig lazily into the small noodles, you leaned back in your chair, free hand on your thigh, and heaved an elongated and heavy exhale. your pinned up hair might've been collecting dust considering how long you had been sitting there, staring. night was slowly luring your town into its cave and pinching the wick of its candle until the flame kneeled and gave up.

biting your lip, you finally stood, pushing the chair from your legs, grabbing your mac and cheese and fork and walking the short distance to your kitchen. you emptied the contents of your plate into the pullout trashcan and turned on the sink, giving the water a moment to heat up before running the glass and metal beneath. when your house murmured with the shrill tune of the doorbell, you nearly rolled your eyes in disgruntlement, then straightened in confusion. who on earth was at your door on a random tuesday at 7 pm? setting the plate and fork onto the bottom of the sink, you shut off the water and shook your hands semi-dry, walking the hallway to your front door.

you patted your palms onto your jeans before you unlocked the entrance, turned the knob, and pulled the wood open. remembrance in a coat stood on the other side. almost immediately, your heart seized in your chest, the weight of memory hitting you in the all the wrong places. him. him. sweat collected in your palms, and a feeling of slight horror followed behind the shock. what was he doing here? what was your unofficial ex boyfriend doing here? when was the last time you even saw him? how many months ago was it that you had given up and packed your bags, leaving his empty house without so much as a goodbye. thinking so foolishly that maybe, if you fled, he'd chase after you. he'd care again. but no. you hadn't talked since. you didn't need to. prior to your undeclared breakup, there had been so much incessant fighting, that he must've known it was over the second he came back to his completely vacant house. no closure was needed, either. he didn't go after you, even if you wanted him to. that was that.

and yet, there he was. standing in front of you. staring. it was quiet a moment. he looked more shocked that he was there than you were. in fact, you didn't look shocked at all. your face was void of any emotion. the only giveaway that you were surprised was the slight raise of your eyebrows. and he... he was just as you recalled him to be. dark, blue eyes, framed by long lashes and low-set brows. soft curls that fell in waves over his forehead. the face you recalled late in the night. in your dreams. when you'd wondered why you had left in the first place, when you considered so thoroughly, just going back. going back to him. even if it meant the first thing you'd be doing in his vicinity would be screaming.

rain pattered on the roof. he did look a bit damp. "y/n," were the first words spoken in 3 months. it wasn't a question. and it certainly wasn't said in that desperate, breathy tone the men in movies laced into their words, proof that they'd spent hours dreaming of the holding of a hand or a kiss on the cheek. it was a statement.

"anakin," was your first response back. his name on your tongue seemed to snap the sense back into him. he shifted on his feet for the first time since you'd opened the door, and finally, anakin seemed to register just what was happening. you pursed your lips, gripping the knob until your knuckles turned white. "why— why are you here, anakin." not a question, either.

"i need—" his chest stuttered, "—a favor."

---

"no." your eighth word to anakin. no. what a powerful word. a simple, one syllable, two letter word that had the power to completely rip apart a whole spiel of pleas, a paragraph or two of asking. by saying just that one word, you killed a whole night's worth of planning and courage-building. but you weren't thinking much about that fact, then. no.

anakin stared incredulously at you. because he was definitely feeling the weight and wrath of that one word. he felt it like a nuisance. it was the silence that followed and the look of vacancy on your face. finally, he inhaled through his mouth, looked away. an annoyed expression enveloped his face, which was honestly laughable. "look—"

"no." 9th word. next, just to rub salt in the wound you'd formed with that one word, you bit out a humorless, horrible laugh, shaking your head and looking away. you didn't even know why you'd let your unofficial ex boyfriend into your house, sat him down at the table, and let him explain this "favor" of his. "you should leave, anakin. please."

his face hardened, shifting with your movements as you stood, expecting him to follow after. he did indeed, but stopped in front of you instead. "if this is about what happened—"

"i don't want to talk about what happened. ever. i thought you got the memo." rubbing a hand over your brows, you squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head again.

"okay, fine. i won't bring it up. not once. after it's over, in fact, i'll leave you alone and never talk to you again, because that's what you want, right?"

it was mockery. anakin was mocking you. you stopped shifting, looking up at him with your mouth slightly agape and your eyes boring into his as if he was just joking. "y'know, you have some real nerve, coming to my house and expecting me to accommodate to your needs—which are some really stupid fucking needs—even after what happened. some real nerve. get out, anaki—!"

"i know! i know i do!" his hands flew out at either side of him, hovering, and thick brows knitted together, casting his face into madness. he was mad. he had the audacity to be mad. you were reminded again of why you left in the first place. you couldn't go 30 minutes without bickering. "do you think i'd be here if this situation wasn't drastic?! my mother will stab me in the eye if i show up to this dinner without you. literally stab me—!"

"your problems stopped being mine 3 fucking months ago. get out, anakin, or do i have to start screaming bloody murder until my neighbors call the cops?"

he shifted on his feet in that way that angry mothers did in movies, as if unbelieving of what was happening. even though he had brought it upon himself. "i know you hate me, y/n, for... for— what happened. and i know you blame me too. i understand it, but i have reason to hate you just as much. you might despise me, and i might despise you, but you need to understand just how important this is to beru. to my family. so can we please just— just..." the anger in his eyes shifted. so did something in your chest.

"i do. and i'm telling you no." you turned on your heel, walking down the hallway, opening the front door, and motioning him outside. he still stood at that spot in your kitchen. you inhaled deeply, your chest rising. "i don't care about you or your shit anymore, okay? i stopped fucking caring because you didn't fucking care. get out." he did not budge. groaning, you abandoned the door and walked back down, leaving it open. "you're still as egotistical as you were 3 months ago."

"and you're still as stubborn as you were 3 months ago."

"you're the one who refuses to get out of a woman's house."

"fine, you hold grudges just the same as you did 3 months ago."

"text me the fucking information and get out!" you snapped, and he didn't so much as flinch. because anakin knew what he was doing, wearing you down until you gave way.

relief washed over his face. you wanted to rip it clean off. what you didn't want was to give him the satisfaction. maybe it was petty. not maybe. it really was. standing here, in the same room as him, was like torture all over again. it brought back memories of days you thought you'd buried. but at the same time, what happened happened, and you couldn't make it go away by making him the villain. he was right. you hated to admit it, but it wasn't solely his fault after all. maybe it was meant to happen. and plus, how many times had he saved your ass when you asked for it? you owed it to him. you owed it all. so why was it so hard to say yes? cause you liked knowing he was desperate and you liked the way it felt, to turn down a desperate man just because of a past that was not solely his fault?

"maybe not as stubb—" you raised a hand as if to hit him and it was what sent him into a quick thank you and departure.

---

and so, because you blurted a hasty and angered approval with little to no actual thought behind your words, you sat at your small vanity and pinned your hair into an updo a week later, on an airy, wednesday afternoon. much too pretty an afternoon to be worrying over things like celebratory dinners. you didn’t even want to think of what would happen in the following hours, surrounded by a family you still knew every fault and strength of. next to a man you, of course, still loved. you also didn’t want to think about what you’d have to do to keep up this… act of dating with him in front of his sister and parents. there were too many things you didn’t want to think about.

the skin of your neck still whined about the burn you had acquired trying to curl your hair, which you were embarrassingly horrible at despite being good at styling hair otherwise. already you were annoyed and none of the actually annoying parts of the night had commenced yet. you'd given yourself an hour to get ready and with the curling iron incident and the trouble to pick out an outfit, you were just barely on time when you rushed out the door and drove off.

"thanks for showing up," were anakin's first words, leaned against the wall a few feet off from the entrance of the restaurant. but it wasn't a thank you. it was sarcasm. he stifled the butt of the cigarette between his fingers on the brick beside him and flicked it to the ground.

"you're welcome, and also very lucky," came your reply, gripping your black leather handbag in front of you and nervously looking around. even in your navy blue, satin gown, you felt poorly dressed. it was the best part of town and the restaurant not 3 feet from where you stood had only received good word and input.

"oh, yes. you've absolutely graced me with your presence." anakin pulled a hand from the bag and lifted it to his mouth, but you lightly—unfortunately—swatted at his face before he could kiss it.

"i'm actually hoping to un-grace you as soon as possible. let's get on with it, please and thank you." your eyes flew to the opening door, and the extravagantly-dressed couple that walked out laughing together, hand in hand, the sound of soft jazz and chattering words stumbling out after them. rich patchouli rode the air, and you breathed a handful of it in.

when you looked back, a bit confused as to why anakin hadn't answered with his own, snarky remark, you almost immediately got your answer. he was staring at the mark on your neck. fuck. you forgot to cover up the burn. his eyes were driven over with starkness, looking almost black instead of their usual blue. "curling iron." your free hand insecurely prodded at the burn, eliciting a sharp wince from your throat. "and stop staring at me, you creep. get on with it." your fingers fell and instead motioned to the door, telling him to lead the way in silence. anakin snapped out of whatever spiral he fell into and cleared his throat.

he turned fast enough to miss the prickle of redness that coated your cheeks.

---

the dinner went as expected.

beru's stomach bulged from under her overcoat, and she touched it almost every second. her eyes wore the tired and worn stare of a soon-to-be mother, and yet, she seemed ecstatic. you could tell she had not acquired much rest, and the same went for her boyfriend, owen. you'd met him maybe once or twice, and he seemed worthy enough of your almost-sister, though, in truth, you felt no one was worthy enough.

shmi was as she was three months ago. her hands still held their gentleness and her smile was just as soft and delicate. cliegg was no different, either. no one was different, in fact. so similar you felt you'd completely dreamt your breakup with anakin, that this was just another day, in love with him.

it appeared not.

"so, how are you two?" forks clanked against plates. bubbles of champagne popped and crackled in their cardigan of glass. your steak scraped your throat as you swallowed and met your unwelcoming stomach, your appetite gone. depleting further when the question was asked. "it's been so long since we last had a dinner like this." shmi's supple fingers rested atop cliegg's arm, her expression lightening as she looked to her husband and back to you. the two of you.

"it's been a long time in general," beru chimed. anakin leaned back from his plate, clearing his throat.

"yes. it has," he agreed. you straightened, pushing back your shoulders and nodding once.

"we've—" you looked to him for a second, the tender glance of a lover, as if you couldn't keep your eyes off of him for one moment. when he faked a smile, you did too. "we've been good. all the same, in the least."

shmi nodded her head, and beside her, cliegg leaned over the table, both arms on either side of his plate. "you talked about that orchestra last time we met, did you not?" the woman asked, cocking her head. "how's that going for you?"

"oh, it's all good." you never tried out.

"you'll get in," beru reassured.

"i'm sure she will." anakin reclined forward, meeting your eyes and smiling softly. you resisted the urge to scowl, resisted the urge to run away screaming, and in your haste, responded stupidly.

"don't jinx it." to your fortune, shmi laughed, and then beru, and then, everyone else.

"and anakin doesn't bother you too much, yes?" cliegg chimed in, eyes on yours. you shrugged, conjuring up an actually-thought-through answer.

"i'm still here, right?" more laughter. you chuckled yourself, delicately taking your champagne glass from the table and closing your still-smiling lips around the rim. you smiled as the bubbles clambered and fought for space in your mouth, and you smiled as they did the same all the way down your throat, the tangy citrus tasting more of poison on your tongue.

when you leaned back in your chair, you slyly spoke to the man beside you, "ice cream."

he looked to you then, confused, and you rolled your eyes, exhaling sharply. "my favor. you owe me ice cream. i don't know when, but you owe me ice cream."

anakin grinned then, and it made your empty stomach twist. "i thought you'd ask for a second life or my soul. maybe a genie lamp, knowing you. something undoable."

"lets not forget that i have the power to tell your whole family that your pathetic ass turned up at my door after we broke up 3 months ago, asking me to fake date you. i would watch your tone if i were you. something undoable." he shut his mouth, and your pride was short-lived upon realizing beru was staring strangely at you. quickly, you turned and captured his lips with your own. just a peck. you made sure to smile when you pulled away, and pinched him when the only thing on his face was surprise.

"nice going dumbass. you're blowing our cover," you said through a tender smile.

"since when have you cared about covers," he countered through his own.

"since ice cream was on the line."

---

soon, it became all unbearable.

anakin's presence beside you was the log in your throat and the death that loitered too often. everywhere. it was worse that you had to kiss him and hug him and love him like nothing but happiness was what your relationship was built off of. his lips were the nausea in your stomach and the worry in your brow, each bite of your steak like consuming toxin and tightening the noose around your throat further. you'd lost your appetite just by breathing his air.

"s'cuse me." you turned to him, lightly touching his arm and pulling him from his conversing, though you left before you could see the curiosity that combed through his blue eyes.

your time in the bathroom was spent fanning yourself off—it was, for whatever reason, sweltering hot in the restaurant—and staring at your reflection in the mirror. not to any surprise, even the bathroom was extremely expensive-looking, yet no one but a few, equally expensive-looking woman sauntered in and out while you were there. you earned looks, of course, but you also didn't care much. you needed a break and a cigarette horribly.

you were maybe 6 minutes into your isolation when the door opened and heels clicked. leaned over the sink, you watched the entrance and the woman step in through the mirror, but she was not just any woman.

"y/n?" beru's curious eyes met yours, and she quickly walked fully in and let the door close shut by itself behind her. you straightened, turning and clearing your throat.

"beru, hi," you breathed out. she cocked her head, brows pinning together.

"everyone's wondering where you are. you've been in here the whole time?"

"yea, sorry. just... period cramps." your eyes followed her stout figure as she knowingly nodded and reached into her purse, rummaging through the contents.

"i think i might have so advil in here," she mumbled more to herself than to you. "i never leave the house without it. y'know how it is." quickly, you paced the distance between you and her and rested a hand on her searching arm, stopping her. beru's gaze strayed to yours, having to crane her neck a bit, and she gave you a confused look.

"no, that's fine. i dont— i'm fine." more skepticism than confusion now. she eyed you down for a moment before retreating her hands and resting them beside her.

"alright..." a moment of staring. you awkwardly rubbed your hands down your lap, turning and pretending to fix a loose strand of hair in the mirror. silence passed. finally, her hand on your shoulder. you looked to her in the mirror, her gaze fixated on your reflection.

"are you okay?" it caught you off guard.

"yea— of course. why— why do you... uh— ask?" you sputtered, squirming.

beru pursed her lips, looking straight into your eyes in a way that made your body alert. "i don't know. there's tension, i've noticed." she stared a moment longer before walking to the sink beside you and leaning into the glass, fixing her makeup. "i thought you guys would be the next, y'know." her eyes flickered to her stomach. you gulped. "i guess... you know he loves you, right? i can tell." your stomach twisted, something you wished so badly wasn't tears pricking your eyes. the words hurt more than anything, because they made you think. they plunged you into that feeling, actually, forced thoughts you had worked to leave behind right back into your mind, erasing all those nights you turned away from that turmoil.

"if you need to talk, i'm always free." she turned her head to you, then walked over, squeezing your arm. you opened your mouth, searching for words you knew you wouldn't turn up with. "you're my friend. my sister. it doesn't matter if you aren't yet. you know i love you. you know everyone in that room loves you. but i've never seen someone love as much as anakin does you. it's something i can't fathom. sometimes, i think he might not deserve you, but then i see the way he looks at you. with hope. with emotions i thought could only be grasped in books and plays. he does love you, in case you ever doubt it."

those same tears threatened to slip down your cheeks as she leaned in and kissed your cheek. you thought. you thought so much, so distantly. so distantly you did not bother anakin the rest of the dinner. so distantly you almost forgot to say goodbye to shmi and cliegg. so distantly no one questioned it.

---

"fuck!" your shoulders slumped inward, every single emotion physically leaving your body except for lingering anger, which intensified and intensified and intensified. it quickly switched into worry.

the streets were not empty, of course. you could call an uber, but then you'd have to sit out here for a while, where it was cold and brisk and much too unwelcoming. you cursed towing companies and their stupidity, and cursed yourself for being late and not noticing you'd parked in a restricted area of the street. no car. no way home.

you turned away, surveying the roads across and exhaling deeply. "damn it. fuck. of course this happens to me." and so began the long walk back down to the restaurant, in hopes you'd find a taxi there, where it was much more populated. soon, your feet were throbbing in your heels and your handbag might as well have weighed 100 pounds.

"just a bit more," you spoke to no one but yourself and the loitering darkness, whispering and murmuring all around you. "a little longer—" headlights. a car turned on the road and clambered up the street, and was that... anakin. you stopped, and it stopped, and the engines noisily protested, but still, he rolled the window down and gave you a curious look.

"my car got towed," you explained, borderline panting. anakin raised his brows, and you half expected easy quips and a car driving off, but no.

"get in."

you paused, wondering if what had come out of his mouth had actually come out of his mouth. just to be snarky, you looked around a moment, then back at him, pointing to yourself. "a— are you talking to me— or do you do just casually drive up to women on the road and tell them to get in your car every night?"

"the latter. get in." rolling your eyes, you near-stomped up to the car and opened the door, slinking into the familiar seats. the smell of pine and rich bark filled your nose, and it brought back memories of so many things, that the scent seemed more foul than sweet.

"how unoriginal," you nodded to the tree-like car refresher hanging from the rearview mirror that was the whole reason it smelled this way.

"really, 'cause i remember you picking this out for me. said something along the lines of, 'now your car will smell good'."

you shut your mouth and looked out the window as he hit the pedal and started driving away from the street. in fact, you shut your mouth the whole ride to what you assumed was your house—unless he was planning to axe murder you, of course—and only opened it when you actually thought he was planning to. instead of keeping straight, he turned onto your town's main road and started through the many shops and stores.

"this is not the way dumbass."

"you think i forgot? it's only been three months. and you never told me to bring you home," anakin countered, looking to you for a second before focusing back on the road.

"well i doubt you're any good at kidnapping, so where are you bringing me?" you studied the lines of his face, the way the shadows carved his cheeks and jaw and the stop lights brightened his eyes. your stomach twisted, and beru's words came rushing back. you wondered if you still looked at him in that way. hopefully. lovingly. stupidly.

"ice cream, dumbass.'

"i don't want ice cream anymore, dumbass."

"well too bad, 'cause i want it, dumbass."

---

"get me a—"

"i know!"

---

despite your earlier claims, you devoured your chocolate ice cream like it was the last thing you'd ever eat on earth, unknowing of just how hungry you were now that you didn't have any food to eat. the rich delicacy coated your tongue and bit into your throat, chilled and soft and so so lovely. you held anakin's pecan ice cream in your other hand as you walked out the small yet cozy shop and opened the car door—not without a struggle—slinking inside. you were a bit damp, as it was slightly drizzling out, but the rain was not what you cared for.

"how'd you remember my order?" anakin asked indifferently, his voice laced with easiness as you handed him the cup between your rapid licks.

"it's only been three months," you quoted him in a mocking tone, but was too fixated on the sweet treat in your hands to catch the look of annoyance he gave you. "shit. i don't think i don't even remember the last time i had ice cream. i forgot how good—" a lick, "—it is."

anakin chuckled. "it's not gonna run away. slow down."

"dessert waits for no one," you countered in a smart-ass tone, finally pausing to look his way. he stared incredulously at you, his lips parting and even more laughter gracing your ears and filling the chocolate-and-pecan tainted air. "what?" you pursed your lips, and his fingers came to his own, pointing.

"you uh—" laughter, "have something... everywhere."

"yea, thanks for the details, jackass. have something where," you mused with a slight smile.

anakin only laughed, trailing his mouth with his finger and watching you wipe at your face.

"there. is it gone?" you found yourself speaking in between your giggles.

"ice cream can never be that good," he teased, watching you finally pull down the mirror and inspect your lips. you gawked. it was everywhere. truly. even on your nose.

"yea, you're a great help, anakin."

"anakin?" he cocked his head, and you briefly looked to him, raising a brow. "i don't think i've heard you call me that yet. dickswab, yes, maybe shit-face."

"i hate you," you laughed, shaking your head and turning back to the mirror. "and if you don't eat that soon, i will." you gestured to the pecan ice cream in his hand that you'd only seen him manage two spoons of in your chocolate frenzy.

his eyes trailed your figure as you wiped and wiped and wiped, that perfect smile seemingly stuck to his lips. how long had it been since you last saw it, anyways? too long, you decided, as you turned and pushed away the mirror, meeting those stupidly blue irises with your own. yes. much too long.

"and you're the one who said you didn't want any," he quipped one last time before taking the spoon and digging it in, coming up with pecan-littered smoothness. his lips wrapped around the plastic, and your smile died as you watched him. silence fell. you stared and stared for what seemed like hours. "you're drooling."

"over the ice cream, duh," came your half-thought reply. but ice cream was a long-forgotten thing. he chuckled, eyes straying from the bowl, to your own. you gulped. again, quiet. it fell so easily. too easily. too calmly. but silence wasn't calm at all. it was s wild, unruly thing, and you could feel its chaos leeching the worry from you. feel it everywhere. the way he looked at you. hopefully. like in the books. beru's words came rushing back to you, and suddenly, the silence was not a good thing. it was horrible. it was death. you swallowed down thickness and lingering chocolate, your heart twisting in your chest as you thought back on what she said, and turned away.

"i— i'm tired." the mood immediately changed. "can you just bring me home now?"

his throat bobbed. "sure.." anakin must've felt the shift too, too, because a moment's stare at you longer and he was dropping the bowl into the cup holder and turning on the car, backing out and away from whatever had conspired in that moment.

as the stores hid behind the bend he turned on to your house, the unease that gripped your throat morphed into something bigger. something greater. anger. he had let you leave. no person who loved you as much as beru said he did would just let you leave without a fight. why hadn't he fought, anyways? he didn't love you. maybe at some point, but not nearing the end of your relationship. and maybe you were the one that left in the end, but it was never because you wanted to. it was because you wanted him. you wanted him back. you thought maybe, if you left, he'd see the impact you had on his life. he'd leave his differences behind, just to get you back. you thought he'd change. how stupid. how ironic. you almost laughed at it, too. because he would never. the whole reason you fought was because of his tendency to push you away. to isolate himself. to torture his mind with his thoughts. it drove you crazy, and it was what led to your relationships' demise.

"are you okay?"

"yea." you shrugged, staring out the window and tucking your hands between your closed thighs. but your tone was harsh and rude. he knew something was up, and to his credit, didn't question any further.

when, finally, he pulled into your driveway, tears were pricking your eyes. ones of anger, firstly, but sorrow for what could've been secondly.

"i'll walk you to your door," anakin offered as you unbuckled your seatbelt, doing the same.

"it's fine," was your only reply as you harshly opened the door and stepped out, squeezing your handbag like a lifeline. rain pattered against your skin, but you didn't seem to care. not as your hair soaked through and your dress clung to your body. you roughly shut it behind you and started walking the length up to your entrance, heels clicking on the concrete, when the loud thud of his own door shutting sounded beside you. you ignored him, even as his footsteps drew nearer underneath the sound of the rain.

"can you hold on for one moment?" anakin's voice called, then, his hand on your arm. you shoved him off of you, not even looking him in the eye.

"leave me alone." water slid down your face, and you were glad for it. glad the tears streaking your cheeks looked more like the precipitation than your feelings unraveled.

"what is your problem?!" he hissed, hair clinging to his forehead and liquid dripping off his lashes. "what did i even do?!" a demand.

you stopped, whirled around, and conjured up the nastiest look known to man on your face. "not what you did, anakin. what you did was hurt me, what you did was shut me out, what you did was pretend your own damn girlfriend didn't exist. but maybe that would've been excusable. it's what you didn't fucking do."

he shut his mouth, shriveled. you hadn't talked about it, and right now, you were. it was like an unspoken rule. don't speak of the breakup. but now... he stared into your hurt eyes.

"what you didn't fucking do, was go after me. how can you say that you love me, and then let me leave you?! do you think i wanted to go in the first place?! do you think for one second that i'd just leave you like that because of some stupid fucking fights?!" you cried over the rain. your sobbing was evident now. the rise and fall of your chest, the plea in your voice, hidden by anger, your face, twisted in frustration and pain. "answer me, anakin!" you hit his chest, and hit it again, your bag falling to the ground. "do you think for one fucking second, that i meant it when i said i hated you?! do you think i would just abandon you after 3 years of loving you because you turned away?! you selfish bastard!" you hit, and hit, and hit, and still, he did not budge. it infuriated you more.

your fists collided with his chest over and over again, and anakin just stared down at you, his face crumbling but still upright. you wanted it to fall. so badly. "you broke me! you fucked me up, asshole. i thought you'd go after me, i thought you'd care again, and you didn't! you didn't give two shits. and i don't hate you, but i hate you for what you didn't do for me. i hate you for not fighting, and i hate you for thinking that i wouldn't fight!" with each punch, you became slower. your arms became heavier. rain claimed you in its grasp, but you didn't care.

"say something, anakin," you begged, sobbing and stopping your fighting altogether. you stumbled back and your arms circled around your middle. he did not answer your plea. did not say anything at all. just studied you. finally, you bent and grabbed your slippery bag in your hands, staring at him a moment more and willing him to speak, before turning, heart heavy, to your door.

your hand was on the knob when his voice sounded. "i wanted you to leave." you bristled, and everything within you stopped. sadness, and then... "because i did not deserve you, and it hurt to know. it hurt to watch you linger around me, when i knew you could've done much greater things with your life. it hurt to know i was the one holding you back, that it was my fault you were in such pain. i couldn't... i couldn't handle it. i couldn't handle knowing you deserved a better man. someone who would hold you but not hold you back, someone who would care but not be overly careful. i was hurting you, and it hurt me. i wanted you to leave, not because i didn't want you, but because i knew you shouldn't have wanted me."

the words struck you like a bullet to the chest. your back was still to him, but your surprise was evident in the way your shoulders tensed, just as your heart did beneath the safety of your ribs. you stared at a crack in the wood and thought. the tears stopped, but rain still pattered across your face.

"and i know it is selfish. i know i'm a selfish bastard for hurting you in the way i did and deeming it for your own good, but it was killing me, too. loving you was killing me, because i loved you too much, but i knew no matter how much i did, i'd never deserve your love in return. and i should've told you, and i'm so sorry that i didn't, y/n, and i'm so sorry that i hurt you like this, and i know it's too late—"

"it's only been three months," you quoted. he had not noticed you turn around, looking so intently at anything but you, but now, his eyes were fixed on yours, and you were staring, and he was staring. and for a moment or two, rain was the only sound, his blue eyes were the only sight, and an eternity and a half later, he was kissing you.

back against the door, soaked hands in soaked hair, and the taste of weather on his lips. it was a kiss for three months lost, and it was everything. soft, then fervent, fervent, then soft, as if to make up for time long gone, and it really did. you felt every inch of him part against every part of you, and pressing, and pressing, and pressing. when you parted, you pulled a few inches away from him.

"there is no better man. there's only you, anakin." you whispered. "you're selfish and stupid, but only because you can't realize that. you can't not deserve someone who loves you, because it doesn't make sense. they chose you, so obviously you're worthy. and i hate you for not telling me, too, but i hate a lot of things." you shrugged. "so.. it's okay. i forgive you, and... i guess i'm sorry for hitting you... or whatever, but you deserved it for being stupid."

he laughed, and with red eyes you now knew were from crying, stared back into yours. "i hate you too, and i guess i'm sorry for not realizing it sooner." anakin's head cocked to one side, inspecting your wide smile. "and i see why you like the chocolate. it tastes good." he tasted it the rest of the night.

RED = TAYLOR REFERENCE AND I'LL BE PUTTING THEM IN ALL MY WORKS FROM NOW ON 🤭🤭

thanks for reading!! ik its a bit lengthy but i was grinding the shit out of this fic soooo

anyways, hope requester liked it! requests are always open ❤️❤️

@blairwaldrfsworld

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katiapostsss · 29 days

Text

𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋 . . p.2 ,, anakin skywalker

🎬//

teaser:

it is just

sex.

ᶜ ʰ ᵃ ʳ ᵃ ᶜ ᵗ ᵉ ʳ ˢ: modern! anakin x fem! reader

warnings! :

piv sex ,, smut ,, nipple play ,,

cussing ,, yelling ,, oral sex-ish ..

SUMMARY: henry is perfect, in every way. but for some reason, you can't get a different boy entirely off your mind. maybe sex will fix that? it's just sex.. right?

〰️

< part 1 |

(based off of this request. hope you like!!)

"hi," henry spoke.

"hi," you spoke back.

and this was the moment you had been waiting for, the tentative greeting, one pair of feet in a dorm and the other outside of it, and smothered smiles and quick breaths, and it was not so much the grand moment you made it to be, but a quieter, more calm version of that. like realizing you had aced a test that you were certain you'd fail, or a dentist appointment being not so bad in the end.

you were still worried, of course, but maybe it was anakin's help last night—which you had been shying away from the thought of—or your confidence in henry's mutual feelings, that made it all better. less anxiety-inducing than it had to be, or you had thought it to be. your smile was hesitant, your eagerness was flickering in and out, but it was still there.

---

"a thought for a thought?"

the sun breathed its fiery cast as if a pair of lungs up in the cloudless sky, setting ivory skin and black-rimmed glasses aglow beyond. henry's cobalt blue sweater was a nice contrast against the soft green of the grass below you, his curls of obsidian pushed back from his face and into the tall strands.

you laid beside him, your dressed sprawled out around you and your hair weaving through the the greenery. you squinted up at the sun, occasionally turning your head towards him when you spoke.

"can i decline?"

a chuckle. "no," henry stated boldly, his eyes meeting yours. you heaved a sigh, chest rising and falling with the movement.

"okay. i am thinking.... i am wondering how i never noticed you before, when now, you seem so... noticeable." your eyes were on your fingers, which tangled and toyed with the green strands of grass, and the words were half-true. because, you had pondered it before, but it was someone else entirely that occupied your thoughts in that moment.

henry smiled, staring a moment before turning his face back to the sky. "i am thinking that i'm glad you noticed me."

even though he looked away, your eyes remained on his, so brilliantly emerald in the sunlight. when you noticed the scattered marks that laid across his cheeks, you propped yourself on one elbow, and lifted a finger to his face, tracing, then falling when the peculiar thought of anakin came to mind. "you have freckles."

henry's eyes met yours, and his hand came up to shield the sun a few feet from your head. "almost everyone has freckles," he replied, huffing a laugh.

"but yours are unique. yours look like a constellation." you studied his face with the tilt of a head. pink dusted his cheeks beneath your gaze, before he also propped himself onto two forearms.

"but look." an extended finger. "she has freckles. and him. and her." his hand moved from person to person, going from ginger-haired girls and brunette boys. "they could all look like constellations if you squint." he pulled himself to a full sit, and you did too, ready to counter an argument, when he spoke again. "she has blond hair, and she does too, but just because hers is lighter, doesn't mean it's not blond. just because hers is darker, doesn't set her apart from her."

you huffed, shaking your head. "but that's a boring way to think of it! you have to see it more like you're looking at what could be. her hair is a darker shade of blond, so it could be complimented with more richer colors. and hers is lighter, so maybe the artist would paint her in a setting more... pale." you cocked your head, squinting your eyes. "and whether you look at it like that or not, it's still different. hers is the color of sand, and hers, the color of lemons. like rudy."

when you turned back to henry, he was giving you a strange look, dark brows pinned, green eyes swimming.

"what?"

"rudy? who's that?"

your mouth fell open.

"you've never read the book thief?!"

when he shook his head no, you pulled him up and started gathering the picnic up, packing away the blanket.

"where are we going?"

"to the bookstore!"

---

wireless headphones were sold at the front desk, and you were staring, and fondling with a box, and thinking of something. someone. someone you shouldn't have been thinking of. a heavy ache in your heart, one you knew was of guilt.

"is this it?" henry's voice popped up from behind you, and you dropped the box onto the counter, turning. he held a copy of the book thief in his hands, and earlier, you would have smiled. quite easily. but it was forced to your lips, now.

"yes." you stared at the headphones all while you purchased, and thought of them the whole way back.

---

your feet were sore when you finally stumbled into your dorm, wishing henry a good night while also kicking off your shoes.

"i want to see you again," he said, leaning against the doorframe.

"i want you to see me again, too," your stomach twisted as you recalled the memory of a late night phone call. henry laughed, shaking his head, before pushing off and walking up to you.

"when can i see you again?" suddenly so close, you gulped, eyes slightly wide and mouth falling open. his broad hand came up to your face and lightly pushed away a strand of stray hair, tucking it safely behind your ear. and it could've been a cute moment, and it should've been a cute moment, but then, your stupid, stupid brain was conjuring up the image of a boy named anakin in the mirror behind you, his hands on your dress and his blue eyes set ablaze.

"i... i don't..." you cleared your throat, looking down and taking the excuse to fully take off your shoes as a way to get away from him. stupid, stupid you. you stood now, a few feet from him, grabbing at the sole and pulling it off. "we'll figure out a time, yea?" you spoke almost detached, and nearly winced at the look of confusion that passed over henry's green eyes.

"uhm, yea. sure." he nodded, backing away with his hands in his pockets. "goodnight, y/n."

"night." shoulders bunched, you followed and closed the door behind him when he stepped out, cursing yourself in your thoughts.

you had a good time, you tried to tell yourself, but in truth, the littlest things were reminders of... him. and you had no idea as to why. he hadn't given you a reason to think of him, after all, and yet, here you were. you bit out a bitter laugh at the thought of it, shaking your head as you gripped the knob and resisted, resisted, resisted. from what? you didn't know.

because the truth was, you had lied in bed, at 2 am last night, thinking only of one person and of one name. and you hated that fact, but it was what was true.

and that voice, it was what called on you now.

"bad date?"

and you turned, and you stared at anakin like he was ruining your life with no remorse. because it felt like he was. his eyes were darkened over, something like annoyance or anger on his face, but you barely even came to process it.

you shrugged, pushing away those thoughts. "no. it was good," you uttered, dropping your handbag onto the bench beside the entrance and walking past him. "m'going to bed. night." you shut your door without even looking in his eyes, without even giving him a chance to respond.

and you didn't give him those chances the next day, either. you barely, barely talked, in fact, and when you did, it was kept short.

"where are you going?" he held a mug in his hands, leaning against the table and watching you gather your stuff.

"hanging out with henry," you said hurriedly, and left not two moments later. because you liked henry. you did. and anakin was just.. confusing you.

it went on like this for a couple days, a week, maybe. at some point, on a friday night, it got so fucking unbearable, this need. why couldn't you get him off your damn mind? why was this so frustrating? why wasn't the choice obvious? why why why? and so, when henry leaned in for a kiss and you had to quite literally step back and apologize, just because of anakin, you were in a detached mood the rest of the day. finally, anger boiled, your temper snapped, and you excused yourself and stormed up the stairs, back to your dorm.

when you finally stumbled in, music sounded from his room, and you quickly kicked off your shoes and walked the distance, pushing open his door. he sat at his desk, bobbing his head to the beat, and looked up at you when you revealed yourself.

"what did you do?" you demanded, though it was more a statement than a question. "what are you doing to me? i don't— you can't be— what is wrong with me?"

with a look of disbelief on your face, chest heaving, you stared at his confused eyes for a moment before you walked right in and shut off the music, turning to him again. he was standing. "what— what do you.." he began.

"you're ruining it for me! you always ruin it! always!"

"y/n, i don't even know what you're talking about," anakin demanded, beautiful brows pinned and hands slightly outstretched. "i didn't do anything. i helped you."

"no, you didn't!" you began pacing the floor of his room, pushing hair away from your face. "why did you touch me! you didn't have to touch me, and now, i can't think of anything else. you're ruining it, again! you didn't have to touch me!" you ran a hand down your face.

for a moment, anakin simply watched you, staring at you incredulously and confusedly. you didn't have the courage or the strength to look him in the eyes, so you paced. and paced. and paced.

then, it seemed to dawn. he grabbed your arm and pulled you to a stop, shaking his head quickly. "stop it. stop. just—" quiet. you stared at him, and he stared at you. it was only the two of you for a moment, in front of your door, staring at each other with confusion and tension and—

you don't know who kissed who first. maybe it was you, and maybe it was him. maybe it was both, at the same time, but it didn't matter. not right now. not with anakin's mouth on yours and his body pressed against each inch of your own. not when your heart stopped, twisted, screamed at you to pull away but then screamed at you to stop when you almost did. not when confusion and shock melted into desire and lust, and certainly not when he backed you into your room, when your knees hit the bed and suddenly, he was on top of you, and he was asking if you actually wanted to do this, and you were saying yes.

"just sex— just sex—" you whispered into the air as your shirt came over your head and he pulled away to slowly, slowly admire every crevice and curve of your torso.

"just sex," he confirmed breathily, even with such passion in his eyes, even with such apparent desire. his fingers traveled to your bra and lightly ran over the mound of your breast, before sinking to the clasp and unhooking it. when the skimpy fabric was off, anakin looked at your bare skin like he had just seen heaven, and you studied his face as he swallowed and wasted no time latching his mouth to the supple skin, kissing and sucking and traveling, traveling. you groaned, a feeling of pure bliss capturing you and sending shivers down your body.

heat was pooling in the spot between your clothed thighs as his lips caught onto a peaked nipple, his tongue swirling around and around as his hand occupied itself with your other breast. he captured the bud between his teeth and pulled lightly at the same time that his fingers pinched your other nipple, then flicked, and your back arched against the bed, head throwing back and a filthy moan falling from out of your lips.

"anakin, anakin— ple— please," you choked out, your hand tangling itself in his hair and the other, in the sheets above your head. "want— need it..." and it might've been the sheer desperation in your voice that made him look up at your face, twisted in desire and hunger, that made him unbuckle your pants and pull them down, panties following after.

laid completely bare, cold air hit the wetness of your entrance and made you squirm, which he quickly stopped with a hand on your hips, pinning them down.

"shh, stop moving, baby. gonna make you feel good, just relax." you tried, but as his fingers traced the line of your slit, it was nearly impossible to keep still. anakin teased your entrance, running his digit up and down until you were begging, clenching around open air.

"please, anakin.." you pleaded, meeting his eyes. they looked up at you from between your legs, and it was a sight that could've made you release then and there. you squirmed, a mewl leaving your lips.

and because it was just sex, he gave you what you wanted. just sex. just a way to unwind, to get it out of your system. one finger was inside you, moving slowly while his thumb traced your slit, and he leaned back up, kissing and biting down your body as his finger abused your cervix. your slick wet his fingers, ran down his palm, and you moaned and mewled and begged, breathing heavily, while he murmured and blowed against your skin.

"i know, i know, baby," he whispered into your neck, trailing kisses down your body until his lips met your clit. he retracted his finger, and you whined desperately, thinking he was teasing you, but then, his tongue was licking a stripe up your pussy and his thumb, spreading you open. you cried out, back bounding off the bed and fingers finding his hair and tangling themselves in, pushing his face closer. your thighs wrapped around his head as he speared his tongue inside you, lapping at your wetness like it was his last meal on earth. "taste— so good.. love.." he spoke between licks.

"anakin— anakin, fuck—" his name rode your lips like a litany of tunes, a choir of voices, and you found yourself, so engulfed in desire, grinding against his face, your clit rubbing his nose occasionally. "so good, so good... feels so good, fuu— ckk," you choked out, a familiar knot building inside your stomach as he took the sensitive bud between his lips and sucked, eliciting more moaned names from you.

"you gonna cum, baby?" he asked against your clit, rubbing your entrance with his thumb and again, delving his tongue into your pussy.

"n— anakin—" you shook your head rapidly, trying to steady your breath. he paused, and you almost whined in annoyance, but took it as an opportunity to ask for more. "w— want you inside me... pl— ease.." you mewled, your voice sounding almost like a sob. and who was he to deny you of that pleasure? his face softened, and he climbed back over you, his thumb continuing their ministrations as he softly kissed your neck.

"yea? that's what you want? are you sure, love?" he whispered against your skin. you breathed heavily.

"y— yes... please." and finally, the unbuckling of a belt, and an obvious hardness against your entrance. your breath caught in surprise, and your grip on the sheets tightened.

"tell me if i should stop, okay?" but you weren't listening, already grinding against his hard and long length, unfortunately clothed. a groan rumbled in his chest, and was sent straight to your wet core, begging for friction. your nipples perked in the cold and sex-filled air.

"please, anakin..." and finally, finally, he reached down and pulled out his cock, leaking and red and so unbelievably big you squirmed and clenched against nothing, choking on air. "s'big..."

"you can handle it, yea?" he chuckled as you nodded eagerly, and then, his tip was circling your entrance, and you were begging, and he was sinking into you inch by agonizing inch.

"anakin," you breathed out, lips parted and eyes widened in shock. it seemed to never end, his cock spreading you out in a stinging, painful, then slowly, pleasurable way. your fingernails dug into his shoulders, then slipped to his back and ran along it. "too big, fuckk.." when finally, his hips met your pelvic bone, tears were pricking the corners of your eyes.

"too much?" and you still shook your head, moaning as he began moving, moving, moving within you, then pulling out a few inches, and driving back in, and then more, more, more. your moans increased in intensity and frequency as he got faster, as he went harder, his tip meeting your cervix and your breasts jerking with every thrust.

"fuck anakin.. so good, so good—" your spine was bounding off the bed and nails digging painfully into the muscles of his shoulders, tears marring your vision.

"fuck.." he groaned, his grip on your hips tightening as he pulled you into each and every thrust. "y'so tight, baby... so fuckin' wet. such a good fuckin' girl.." he was more so uttering the words to himself, but they went straight to your core nonetheless.

it was no matter of time until that knot was once again building in your stomach, and his dick was twitching inside you. he leaned forward and kissed the tears that streaked your face, cursing pleasured words into your skin and whispering your name.

"you gonna cum?" anakin asked lightly, and, your hands finding his hair, you nodded quickly.

"mhm— m'gonna cum," you sobbed, your nipples pushing and rubbing against his chest.

"yea? go ahead, love." and when that knot frayed and snapped, and you tipped over the edge, moaning his name and writhing on his dick, he thrusted into you until it was over, your release streaking his cock and dampening the mattress beneath you. he stared the whole time, too, at the juices that sputtered out of you as you came down from your high whispering his name and going limp beneath him, head lolling to the side.

a moment later, and he was pulling out, his cum shooting onto your stomach, and the beauty of the whole scene had you staring, his head tipped back, face screwed in desire and eyes shut tight. "fuck, y/n... sh— it," he groaned, and it made you want to do it all over again, but your limbs were so heavy, and you could feel sleep tugging on your consciousness. just sex. just sex, so why were you so upset when he gathered himself, buckled his pants, and disappeared into the bathroom?

a light-switch, water from the sink, and your memory and vision were blurring in and out, because suddenly, he was cleaning the cum from your stomach, lightly wiping away the night's endeavors, and you were wincing, squirming, only then realizing just how sensitive you were.

"o— ow.." you uttered, and he whispered an, 'i know, i'm almost done' in return, and you thought that maybe, once he pulled away and threw the towel into your laundry basket, that he'd stay, but it was just sex, and you were already asleep by the time he dragged himself out of your room and shut the door behind him.

---

the morning sun doused you in its cast, a blaring, too-bright thing for your sleep-heavy eyes. you groaned, twisting in the tangled sheets and flipping your back to the yellow orb as not to be disturbed by it, but it was too late, your mind already up and buzzing.

rubbing your eyes, you pulled yourself to a sit that had your body whining and complaining in protest, sore from...

every ounce of exhaustion sunk into horror, shame, but mainly horror, like a light-switch flipping from off, to on. you didn't even have a reason to be surprised. it was just sex. just sex, just sex, just sex. it meant nothing, a completely one-time thing, to get it out of your system, so you could stop thinking about him and start focusing your attention back on the boy who truly wanted you. not just for a late-night fuck. still, it was horrific, to think on that event, to know he had touched you in ways so little had before, given you that pleasure, and left... and as you told yourself it was a horrible, terrible thing, your thighs were squeezing together and the remembrance his hands on your body was a very, very good memory.

you chewed on your bottom lip, wondering on where he was now, what he was doing, was anakin thinking of you? and then, cursing yourself for thinking those thoughts. you were still processing, when henry came to mind, and guilt hit you like a train. your heart sunk once again, and you whirled in bed, pulling your phone off the charger and swiping to messages.

i had fun yesterday :), he had texted at 9:43 pm. when anakin skywalker was fucking you. yesterday, you had studied english notes with him, and he must've thought you went to bed immediately upon returning home. but things happened before that. you ran a hand down your face, breathing out a sigh. but was it really cheating? it was wrong of course, and yet... henry and you weren't dating or anything.. right? so it was okay... right?

i did too! 😁 you replied, and nearly broke down when the texting bubble appeared not moments later, as if he had been waiting for this text.

we should do that again sometime, if you're down.

of course!

no body typed anything for a second, then, i'm 434 pages into the book thief. i see why you like it now 😭

and you almost didn't even respond, so consumed in self-loathing, but after a short, 'i told you so', you didn't stick around to see how he'd answer, dragging yourself up and out of bed.

the cold wood bit into your feet as you padded across the floor, hesitating at your door, hand on knob, before finally pulling it open and peaking out. quiet. natural light danced across the dorm, a nice thing to wake up to, but you were just concerned as to whether you'd stumble across anakin and have to face him. you stepped out. still no sign of your roommate, and when you took the risk and checked his room, you found it empty. something like relief washed over you, because there was no will-power within you to look him in the eyes anymore.

---

11 pm, and still, anakin was not home.

you thought, earlier, that he had classes or something, but you knew now there was no way he was studying or working til lights-out. there was only one explanation. fucking.

yes, you were annoyed. you had a right to be, too, even though you shouldn't have been. even though it shouldn't have bothered you. what you wanted to do was search every square inch of lipton hall and yell your ass off at him when you eventually found him, but instead, you kept to your own business and did your own things.

listening to music while doing homework was one of your favorite, actually, though sitting on a chair for an hour with no break was not. at some point, you took off your headphones, dropped them on the papers, and walked out your room, turning to the storage closet and pulling out an energy bar. it was when you turned to go back that anakin walked in, paused, and caught your eye in the doorway, his own, going wide. you stopped in your tracks, heart stopping right along with you, and no one said anything.

but anakin's face was mixed with something you couldn't quite make out, and you wanted to ask him what the fuck he was doing, and if that sex meant nothing to him. but it wasn't supposed to mean anything in the end. it was just sex. just sex, just sex, just sex. so why couldn't you face him? why couldn't you say anything? why was the only thing that you could do turn around and walk straight back into your room? like that happened everyday?

and you questioned, but you didn't wonder. you thought, but you didn't evaluate. not until four days later.

---

you assumed, after being gone for a day, he'd be home for good. and it excited you— no. it was a relief, but it was still nerve-racking. you were nervous to see him the next morning. and nervous for nothing. because he wasn't there. at night, a door opened and footsteps sounded, and the next day, he was gone again. it was the fourth day he had disappeared, that you turned to a certain, green-eyed boy.

can you come over tonight? before lights-out, i mean.

because your college didn't allow visitors in dorms after hours, but any time before that was fine.

henry's textbox popped onto your screen a moment later.

yea, sure. you okay?

you gulped, hesitating to text him again. this was so wrong. what you were doing was so damn wrong, and to someone who seemed to truly like you? you had hung out with him 4 times more after your first date, but none of it was.. the same.

yea, just wanna see you. :)

and you told yourself it was because you really did like henry, and you really did want him over, but as you opened your door to him an hour later, something within you knew that was not the case.

it was 10:47 when you leaned in especially close to his body when he tried to show you a photo, and it was 10:59 when he leaned in himself. and leaned, and leaned, and kissed you. and it was nice. and it was calm. and it was good. and you had to tell yourself it was henry kissing you, not anakin, and you had to tell yourself you liked it when his hands shifted to the hem of your shirt, and you liked it when—

you must've not heard it. the door opening, the footsteps. you must've not seen it, the shadow that danced beneath the door, and the ever so slight opening, but it was 11:02 when anakin stepped in, leaning against the frame, when you quickly jumped off of henry, and when he stared at the two of you like you'd killed his cat.

"sorry to interrupt—" he cocked his head, offering a smile to the boy that showed too much of his emotions. "it's lights out." his attention averted to you, and you looked to henry, but he was already gathering his things, his eyes shifted awkwardly between the two of you. you hadn't meant for anakin to barge in. you just wanted a distraction. a distraction for the distraction you received, and this is what you got. you swallowed, biting your bottom lip.

"uh— yea," henry stuttered when you didn't say anything. "i'll go. b— bye, y/n." you quickly nodded in response.

"sure, yea— see ya tomorrow— bye." you watched him leave, ambling out the door and past a glaring anakin, and rubbed a hand down your face once he was completely gone. "could you not fucking knock?!" you yelled, still embarrassed and recovering. "you just interrupted the one opportunity i—"

"i thought you weren't interested in fucking him," anakin cut in, his face hard and his eyes cold.

"yea, well all fucking couples have sex at some point, dipshit!"

"oh, so you're dating now!" he looked around in mock-surprise, a bitter and humorless laugh leaving his lips.

"not yet, if you didn't just scare him into ghosting me! but either way, why is that so shocking?! you're the one that helped me prepare for a fucking date with him—!"

"well i'm sorry for thinking that you'd finally realized what i had—"

"you're the one who's been fucking left and right for four days and only returning at lights-out! though, when i bring a guy home, it's the end of the world—!"

"you think i was fucking?!"

"well i certainly don't think you were in class!" you both went quiet. he stared incredulously at you, and you stared at him in the same way. "you ignored me for four days straight and then just expected me to kiss the ground at your feet when you miraculously returned, ruining my night in the process. no matter how much i hated you before, i never thought you to be a fuckboy like the rest of them, anakin. turns out, you learn something new everyday."

"i was scared, alright?!" when you finally looked up at his face, you expected the same hard eyes and void expression. what you found was something else entirely. his brows were upturned, face pulled taut. "i still am. i'm scar— i'm scared of what you do to me. i'm scared because— fuck." he shook his head, and you swallowed, trying to decipher what he was saying. "it wasn't just sex to me. i know you don't care— or whatever— but it meant something to me. and i guess... i'm jealous— that henry gets to love you, and i'm supposed to just go back to hating you like i didn't care for anything that happened at all. give me a break, honestly! i can't— i wasn't ignoring you. i was too scared to talk to you, because i don't want to face the fact that i like you, and i'm still scared. so i'm sorry if i have real human feelings, or if i don't operate like a little sex toy, okay?" he huffed, his lips pursing, his shoulders bunched.

you stared in shock, your face softened to the pained lines of guilt and slight confusion, because the rug of your world had just been ripped directly from under your feet, and you had no idea how to get back up from off the ground. "i— i thought.. you were..." you shook your head, looking away briefly, trying so hard to process. but where could you even start? anakin liked you? there was no way. no way in hell. but wasn't this what you wanted? yes. it was. "it wasn't just sex to me, either. i thought— i'm sorry... i got mad. i didn't know— i thought you were ignoring me... or something. it was never just sex to me, because... i guess... i like you too... or whatever.." you looked nervously to the ground. "i didn't take your feelings into consideration.. i'm sorry."

it was quiet a moment, and you were certain you'd screwed up for good, that you'd never talk again. but when you looked to him, he was smiling, and so, you did too. "you like me?"

"don't let it get to your head."

he laughed. "i— i'm sorry too. for ghosting you. i was just.. confused. i never meant to hurt you. i just wanted time. to think." and you simply smiled, and stepped closer, and wrapped your arms around his neck.

"it's okay."

and then, he was kissing you and pulling you in, and his hands were traveling below your shirt, and when it deepened into something more, and he climbed over you on the bed, you said, "don't leave this time." and he didn't. and he never did again.

justice for henry honestly 😔

me taking any opportunity to include the book thief in my writing (go read it rn 🙏🏻🙏🏻)

requests are always open! feel free to dm me if you'd like to talk 😊

@blairwaldrfsworld @nananooti @swiftlovingani @adorbzliz

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