#khalix rambles ! 💞

[khalixvitae]

i genuinely wanna know how some of y’all manage to mischaracterize Vil to such an extreme degree like did we even play the same game or

[khalixvitae]

I have been pulled into playing Limbus Company by a friend and I have. So many thoughts. I finished Canto I in a day and a half. I’m currently starting Canto II. I’ve never been more lost and intrigued than I am rn. I’m hoping the complete confusion is not a failing on my part and is a part of the game because at the moment I haven’t got a clue what’s going on but it’s interesting and I sure plan on rolling with it

[khalixvitae]

5 tracks

rules: put in 5 tracks you listen to, then tag whoever you feel like tagging to do the same

Thank you for the tag @luvring <3 <3 <3

Track 1: high to death - car seat headrest

Track 2: the sink - hey, nothing

Track 3: love me forever- pinkshift

Track 4: cute thing - car seat headrest

Track 5: groan - dazey and the scouts

Tags (no pressure ofc <3): @v-anrouge @joy-yet-again @yaksha-lover @gum-gum-time @gdlavzo

On an unrelated note I’m at work during a tornado watch and I do believe all the other businesses around us are closed bc we’re a street over from the docks/port and the roads are flooding <3 everyone point and boo

[khalixvitae]

I feel like unironically, unabashedly enjoying cute things is so healing. Like as a kid I always so vehemently rejected all things cute and stereotypically feminine because I wanted to be “taken seriously” (and I should have been in the first place!!! Kids are autonomous beings too!!!) and then realizing I was trans and non-binary made me even more inclined to push away the cutesy and soft “feminine” aesthetic (once again, so I would be “taken more seriously”). But like now as an adult, I’m a lot more comfortable in my agency as a person. I expect others to take me seriously, and if they don’t then they fucking suck lmao. I realized it’s not my job to make others validate my autonomy, my intelligence, etc. I don’t have to change ANYTHING about myself to be worthy of personhood - to be worthy of taking up space - because it is my right by way of existing. Allowing myself to love cute and soft things has been a huge part of accepting my whole self. I am trans, I am non-binary, and I’m also hyper femme! I love cute things and sweet smelling perfumes and sparkly phone charms! And furthermore, None of these things should be gendered in the first place, and all of these things are valid interests that should not inhibit someone’s ability to be perceived as an intelligent and autonomous being! Stereotypically “feminine” interests and products are not innately vapid and shallow, but also it’s fine to enjoy things purely for the aesthetic pleasure they bring!

[khalixvitae]

I’m so glad so many people agree w my post abt Idia not being an incel. Like, idk his character is really special to me for some reason unbeknownst to both god and man, so I’m happy to see other twst fans rejecting such broad stroke mischaracterization of him <3

[khalixvitae]

Does anyone else have that one character from a past interest that just like. Still makes you feel rabid? Like you’ve fully stopped caring about/keeping up with the media they’re from for one reason or another but that one motherfucker still has a profound effect on your psychological wellbeing?

[khalixvitae]

One thing about me is that I will always love characters who want to be seen. Like the ones who have a separate public persona or who put up a front or who people have come to incredibly incorrect conclusions about or who were born into circumstances/roles they never asked for. Who just want to be looked at for once. The ones who are repulsed by the idea of being vulnerable but who want to be seen for exactly what they are and chosen anyway. Who want someone to at least try to understand them and all their issues and complexities instead of just overlooking them because it’s not loving them if you don’t acknowledge who they really are, even if who they really are is super fucked up and possibly beyond repair. Who are willing to atone for their sins if it means they will finally be acknowledged as whole 👍👍👍 yeah 👍👍👍

[khalixvitae]

So uh. Went to my friend’s baby’s birthday party. Left with a kitten ??? I guess my partner and I have a cat now ???

[khalixvitae]

I cannot become a Rollo enjoyer get that fucker off my timeline IMMEDIATELY

[khalixvitae]

So Now that I know I can post insane shit about Rook on the TL and it will be well received. what if I dropped a full length Rook fic in the next day or so. Then what.

Bc It’s already finished I just. Didn’t know if I’d found my target audience yet (I also work all the time and haven’t had a moment to reformat it from my docs)

Thinking many thoughts

Update: it has been posted ::D

[khalixvitae]

!! NYELLO KHALIX! am here w some random questions 4 u ! 👩🏻‍💻🙆🏻‍♀️ do u have any songs u've been looping recently / want to share ?! :3c

i see u r a carat. Fantastic taste. do u have a fave title track / choreo!! i love svt choreos so much bro OMFG they're always gonna be one of my fav groups 2 watch

and if u could buy a little treat (food or otherwise) for urself rn what wud it be 🙆🏻‍♀️

OMG HIIII NIA !!?! okokok so:

1: lately I’ve been looping a few different things, so I’ll give my current top 5 I suppose??? These are in no particular order.

Risk- Mega Mango

Uncanny long arms- underscores

Ready to Love- SEVENTEEN

Pesticides- Moselle

hit the function like larry david- ovine hall

2: ok SO. Fav title track,,, fav choreo,, this is hard. I’ve been a carat since just after debut so it’s hard to choose sobs. Rock with You really is that girl, but I have a special kind of nostalgia for BOOMBOOM, idk why??? I also LOVE Call! Call! Call!, like that Japanese release has had me in a chokehold for years. Choreo wise ,,, I really love the footwork in Fear, it’s crazy. Don’t Wanna Cry is also a really cool one to watch! Don Quixote also has really fun choreo ::) ! Tbh there are so many I love to watch sigh

Unrelated but important: my fav svt track of all time is Don’t Listen in Secret. When I tell you. That song has had me in a grip for YEARS. Nothing has topped it. Good lord.

3: a little treat! Right now I’d really like boba, I’ve been craving it. I really should learn to make it at home sigh

Thank you for your questions aghhh!!! <3

[khalixvitae]

If you could relive any of your memories, which would it be?

It’s maybe a little mundane, but making brownies with my old housemate. We used to sit in the shitty community kitchen of our equally shitty dorm and bake for hours. we didn’t have an in unit stove in our place so we always had to go down the hall to the community space. I never went there alone (I was severely agoraphobic), but it always felt okay when I went with her. This was all several years ago, but it’s one of my favorite “collections” of memories. She’s who started me on a lot of games/media that I still love to this day. She also pushed me to get help when I was in a really bad way, and I honestly think she changed my life for the better.

We don’t talk anymore. We haven’t in nearly two years. I don’t really know what happened, but its harder than I thought it would be- we lived together for three years of undergrad. I don’t know why, but i miss her all the time. I don’t think I’ve ever missed someone like this before. So yeah, if I could relive any memory, it would be one of those days we baked brownies in the community kitchen.

[khalixvitae]

Just played A Date with Death for several hours without moving. That man had me transfixed. I Got ending 3, god bless America, I’d like to thank the academy, I’m shaking like an anemic purse dog, etcetera etcetera

[khalixvitae]

An incredibly beautiful woman was just standing outside the window of my workplace (a restaurant) and I was literally abt to go tell her how gorgeous she is when a GAGGLE of middle aged white men walked in and fully blocked my path. This is cruel and also homophobic

[khalixvitae]

Come October 27th I’d better see at least one fic about going to see the FNAF movie with Idia Shroud or I’ll be taking matters into my own hands

[khalixvitae]

Idk if it’s just me but for my fellow peers also suffering with religious (esp. Christian) trauma, do you guys ever wish you had like. A different flavor of it? Like idk what I’d even want (I mean obviously none, alas growing up in the Bible Belt of America made my current situation an ultimately inescapable fate), but what I’ve got is. Idk maybe I’m just bored of it because I grew up steeped in it. Like yes I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian cult (and I’m not using that word lightly), but i feel like the brand of evangelical culture I was raised in is less southern gothic Americana than I would like it to be considering all that I endured. Especially when I try to talk about it or create art about it/process my life through imagery- like how am I supposed to convey what I can only hope is a shared experience when all I have to work with is a specific shade of sickening green carpet and the smell of a linoleum tiled fellowship hall? Sigh. As a very visual creature It feels oddly isolating. Idk if this makes sense but I wish there was something about my experiences that was more broadly communicable through sensory stimulation, or at least that I’d see it in popular media a bit more so that it would be easier for others to understand. I get that those things don’t hold as much visual power as other religious aesthetics in media but they hold a grip on me and many others and I feel like it’s difficult to express that.