#kief rambles about saw

[doomednarrative]

Alright fellow Sawtuals. Im gonna guage your interest for a second since people have said I should go back to Strahmposting:

Would yall like to hear about some of Tibby and I's deep Hoffstrahm lore for the good timeline of the Jigsquad au? Theres a specific thing I havent talked about outside of our dms I think some people might like to hear about :)

[g0ldengubler]

chapter 8 ~ the party...

A/N: im sorry for the chapter seeming very rushed and quick. i was mad at myself for taking forever of chapter 2 of positions but get ready for chapter after chapter coming up as a holiday gift :) also thank you guys so so so much for 400 followers and im sorry i’m saying my thanks now. it really means a lot to me :’) i hope u guys are still here and thank u for reading :)

Category: fluff

CW: cannabis use; consumption of alcohol; mentions of sex

Word Count: 2360

before you read | next chapter

masterlist

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Spencer's POV~

We had the whole weekend planned: go fishing, read by the lake, walk through the forest and appreciate nature in all its beauty. But in a bittersweet turn of events, it ended up raining the whole time. So we ended up spending our time inside, reading to y/n in the afternoon while she sipped on her coffee, going out to the balcony at night and look at the stars because that was when the clouds would pull apart until the day came where we woke up to the peaceful sound of rain hitting the windows and the roof. I rambled on and on with what I knew about space and constellations as she let the sensations of the blunt or joint she rolled up take over her body, relaxing her.

As the weekend went on, after the first night, I didn't know what I felt about her. She was the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. The way she spoke was like poetry to my ears. When we smoked and just lay out on the couch, the way she would explain her thoughts gave me butterflies. This was all really new to me, falling for a girl and having some kind of a chance that it could happen. Was there a chance there? I'm a profiler and I can read people by their micro expressions, especially when someone's in love. But with her, I couldn't even read her micro expressions. It bugged the hell out of me, but I would let it out through cuddles that happened naturally and little kisses that'd happen out of nowhere.

On the last night, it was pouring down rain, harder than it would the last couple of nights where it would only sprinkle. We had made some popcorn and y/n thought of the idea to listen to old time radio ghost stories that were then put out on the internet as podcasts. While it was playing, she grabbed her grinder and looked inside. We had pretty much finished the last of our stash this morning for what she called a "wake'n'bake", which was definitely a great way to start the day. She quickly grabbed the bong from the kitchen counter and started packing it with what I thought was nothing.

"What are you doing, silly?" I asked.

"Just packing a kief bowl." She said, very nonchalant.

I gave a confused look, then she rolled her eyes and explained, bringing the grinder closer to me. "See all this? This has all the different strains we smoked. With all of this mixed together, we'll be really really gone."

She continued to pack the bowl as I sat there ready. She grabbed the lighter when she was done and explained how she'll smoke half and I'll take the other. I watched as she put the top around her mouth. A huge cloud exhaled out of her as she moved her head up to the ceiling, which then after started coughing up a storm. I offered her water but she pushed it away, trying to say she was fine.

We continued to smoke bowl after bowl a few more times until there was nothing left in grinder. Y/n nuzzled her head onto my chest as we lay on the couch, letting those tingles intensify our senses and our minds wonder. She was right, this was probably the most high I've felt before. Every movement we made was slowed down and I could see that my arm was as if it was split in two, but was transparent like a ghost. I could barely even move as the sensations were too overwhelming in the best way possible, let alone try to figure out if this was what being this high was like or really how the brain can do this, but I also wasn't really trying either and let the waves relax me.

As I played with her hair, I couldn't pay attention to the episode because all of my thoughts were of her. I wanted this all the time, the stillness and calmness that brought peace and happiness to the atmosphere-that she brought to our atmosphere. I wanted her to feel safe in my arms and never let go. Getting to know her like this on a deeper level ever since we first met made me fall in love with her everyday we were together bit by bit. I never want to let go of her.

"Do you ever have the fear of giving your heart to someone?"

Her question shocked me, breaking the process in my head. I didn't know what to say but, "What do you mean?"

"Have you ever given your heart to someone, doesn't even have to be romantically, giving them you're all and love and care, to then suddenly watch them break it bit by bit as if they're breaking down the wall that you had built for yourself, instead of you taking each brick off piece by piece and handing it to them?"

There was silence. No words that I could think of could answer a question like that.

"I've given my heart away to so many people, and I don't know why they break it every time." She moved to where she used her elbow for support in between me and the couch. "Spence, I wish we could stay like this forever. I have these feelings for you that I never really, or truly, felt for another person before. Even though we've only known each other for a short time, I think I'm in love with you. There's just something about you that makes me feel safe. For the first time, it's like all my walls fall when we're together, I have this feeling of giving you my all, my care and support, my love. All of it. I want you, Spencer. And, this feeling I have about all of my protection crumbling down, I'm only just a little bit scared of letting it break."

I pulled her in and kissed her. I let my lips do all the talking, telling her how much I loved her, too and now nothing was going to break her down. We pulled away and she gave me a look of confusion and happiness, as if she was scared to let the happiness show through.

"I feel the same way. Exactly, the same way," I said, "I'm in love with you, too, and it's all new to me also. You're like a beautifully written poem, y/n. I could listen to you day and night and never get tired of it. You have a beautiful mind that I want to explore each and every day. I never want to let you go. Will you stay...with me?"

This time she pulled me in after a moment of pause. Our lips crashed like fireworks, yet moved together in perfect tempo. Without breaking, she moved on top of me slowly. I let my hands wonder all over her body as she cupped my face. We were passionate. We were needy. We were in love. Everything was perfect, and everything felt right.

—

Y/n's POV~

You two had left pretty early in the morning for your adventure back to D.C. Somehow, both of you couldn't sleep at all, even though you were pretty well gone to the point of passing out, so you decided you’ll leave at 5am so then hopefully you’d get back in the afternoon. The whole ride, Spencer held your hand, no matter who was driving. I'm in love. You couldn't wrap your brain around it, but for the first time, it felt like your heart knew better than your head. Nothing about this felt wrong. You had found the one that you had been looking for my whole life. Nothing was going to pull you away from him, and you were not going to allow that in the slightest.

On your way back, Rossi called about meeting up tonight at the bar for drinks, which kind of ruined your plans to stay in and cuddle, but you both figured it'd be nice to see them again. You told him we'd be there and hung up. The rest of the ride was just you listening to Spencer ramble about books he's read in last month. You forgot this man can finish books in half an hour, so the fact that he read more books in a month than the average person was astonishing. He talked about Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Oscar Wilde and their beautiful works of literature, and you never drifted off to sleep once, your mind didn't even wonder as his soothing voice was in the background. It's quite beautiful hearing someone talk about something they're passionate about.

When you got back to the city, you went to your place so you can grab my things. You told Seth that you’d be back officially tomorrow, gave goodbye kisses to your children, and went back to Spencer's, where you both freshened up and got ready for night. You had an adorable shower that turned just a bit quite naughty. You talked about how you both wanted to tell the others, and while you said you were fine if you told them now, Spencer's response was very well said. "They're very nosy, so I always thought I'd just keep it secret until I felt ready. But this is different. We're on vacation, so Hotch isn't going to have 'the talk' with us until we're back at work. It feels right, everything feels right with you."

Once you were done getting ready, you headed to the bar, where you were told specifically where to park (Garcia had texted saying that she's friends with the owner and that she'd make sure they were safe. She also mentioned that an uber was going to pick them up at around 1am to go back to her place to pass out. She was, for sure, the mom of the group. More than Jj was at that). Right away, you saw the gang sitting in a corner booth, and once they saw Spencer was holding your hand, they all either were speechless with their jaws sitting on the table or ran up to you and gave hugs and congrats. Morgan had to pull Garcia away from you so you could sit down, which thankfully for her, you ended up sitting right in between her and Spencer, so her arms went right back around you.

"How much has she had already?" You asked laughing.

"Well, she started with jager." said Morgan

"Jager?!" You was shocked. "Did she drink the whole bottle?"

"You'd think," said Rossi from the other side of the table. He sat in between Hotch and Emily, drinking his bourbon before continuing to speak, "she's only had two glasses."

"You guys definitely seem to be where the party's at then, huh?"

"You can never go wrong on us for a party." said Emily.

Spencer ordered you two some beers and a couple of vodka shots each. The music wasn't so loud to where you had to yell over one another, but the sound of classic rock filled the building top to bottom. You clanked your shot glasses together and took the shots before taking a sip of your beer as a chaser.

"Look at you, kiddo," Rossi said to Spencer, "where's the Spencer that would get an ice tea or a shirley temple instead of...a beer and shots?"

"Yeah, you can't tell me that all this of this started happening that night at Garcia's?" asked Jj.

The two of you made eye contact and were silent for a moment before bursting out laughing. "So it DID start at my place," said Garcia, "I knew it! I'm such a good cupid." She danced happily in her spot which made everyone giggle.

"You are magic, baby girl." said Morgan.

"So, how did it happen?" asked Hotch, "Don't worry, I'm not your boss tonight but we will have to discuss this once our vacation is over."

"Right," You said nervously, "Well, we hung out after that night after we woke up at Garcia's, and then the next day we went up to my family cabin in Michigan for the weekend, and...that's where we confessed."

"And the rest is history!" said Spencer, sounding like a little kid as he tried to hide the amount of excitement he had.

"Well, we're happy for the both of you," said Morgan as he got up from the table, "I think that calls for a round of celebratory shots, since pretty boy over here has proven in the past week that he can handle them."

When he came back with the shots, you all grabbed them from the tray that the bartender let him use and raised them high. "To having an uninterrupted vacation, and to y/n and Spencer!"

"Cheers!" You all said in unison before clanking them together and letting it go down the hatch. As the night went on, you drank and drank until you were all pretty drunk, even Rossi and Hotch, who you didn't think the whole team has ever seen them like before. When Garcia found out it was karaoke night, she grabbed a few of you, yourself and Spencer included, up to the stage where you sang-or slurred, really-changes by david bowie. Emily and Jj had their arms around each other to hold each other up, and Morgan and Garcia were hogging the mic from everyone, but the whole bar could still hear every one of you. You noticed Hotch in the crowd standing next to Rossi, his phone recording the moment so we wouldn't forget.

The last thing you remember was getting into the uber and Spencer being very touchy on the ride back, making sure that Emily, who sat in the passenger seat, didn't notice that anything was going on in the back. His fingers were ghosting your thighs as he whispered, 'The things I wish we could do right now' before his lips connected to neck.

[doomednarrative]

ok I want to get on the strahm train. who (besides u bc I already follow u :) ) do u think has a good understanding of strahm so i can absorb their strahm understanding

:D fuck it has been awhile for me since I was in the strahmposting sphere of things but I will go off my memory of folks who's stuff I still enjoy and who shaped my understanding of things

I'm first gonna actually link you to my own big list of fic recs for him/Hoffstrahm that I made awhile ago, most of those fics are so foundational to how I understand Peter and get his characterization so so so correct, especially all the fics by Doztoevsky in particular ~

As far as fellow bloggers tho, of course I have to throw a bone to my bestie @tibby, they've written both some very very good meta and shitposts for him (as well as been my rp partner for thousands upon thousands of words with Peter lmao)

There's also my fellow mutuals and friends @adrianicsea (guy who awoke me to the possibility of trans Peter which helped to deepen my understanding of his character), @carouselcometh who's written a very fun fic series I linked up in that above rec list, @catgirladjacent and @bringmefoxgloves who have sat and talked with me for hours upon hours about Peter at this point, and @allegedly-writer who's also written some very good fics with Peter and Mark as well, one actually based off a concept we discussed together :)

And then as far as artists go, I'd say @/jadenvargen, @/godsplatter and @/dodddraws are my faves off the top of my head for how they depict Peter :)

And honestly if you want more recs just look thru my own Saw tag on this blog, you'll find plenty of stuff in there from various people ~

[doomednarrative]

Being interested in the Saw franchise is a delicate balance of "this is one of the best things ever" and "this is so shit and I hate it." And with that in mind, I have very little expectations for Saw X, but I will still see it on premiere weekend and if I get to see a decent amount of Mandy then itll be good in my books.

[doomednarrative]

Sawtuals I may indulge you in some posting about the Good Jigsquad Timeline later cause I'm thinkin about one specific event from it again

[doomednarrative]

Blorbo Bleebus for Peter [:

Peter is certainly A Guy to me! Guy of all time but in the opposite direction I usually mean that in. He sucks, I love him for it, but I'd also like to personally beat his ass if given the chance and send him to hell. He's complex To Me and I find him endlessly fascinating but I also think he should suffer for all the bullshit he does. He sucks and I like him that way I wouldn't want to change him.

[doomednarrative]

okay but i gotta ask since you’re an adam fan: opinion on scott tibbs? to me he’s a bitch i wanna shake around in a tupperware container and study under a microscope

So funny fact I Still haven't seen the Scott Tibbs doc, I'm very slow I know 🙃 but! I think hes a bitch and I wanna throttle his ass and then observe him like a bug. He sucks so bad

[doomednarrative]

[doomednarrative]

She's a 10 but she rigs her traps to be unwinnable

[doomednarrative]

Thinking about The Bathroom Scene again after watching Saw 2004 for a second time and. I think what gets me most, in terms of Adam Specifically, is that...there was no real logical Reason for him to try and protect Lawrence from Zepp. Lawrence, who’s whole goal in the game was to kill him, and who did actually go through with shooting him when push came to shove, arguably did not deserve Adam’s protection.

And yet, Adam lays down, pretends to die in order to get the jump on Zepp, and then in a very cathartic yet sad scene to watch, beats the ever loving shit out of him, unleashing all the anger he’s had in him this entire game. Anger that gets directed into an action that saves the very person who was supposed to kill him.

Adam had a lot cut from his story in the script, but when you read through it you get the sense that he’s much more of a sympathetic character than you expect him to be. Even with what we’re given in the movie, you feel bad for him at times after seeing just how shitty his life is. He mentions his breakup with his girlfriend (over his anger, which is a point that stuck out to me Immediately tbh), the shitty apartment he lives in and the fact that he’s clearly living right on the poverty line, and he mentions that he’s estranged from his family in some way and hasn’t talked to them in some time. He’s a guy with a shitty life, who got stuck in a shitty trap thanks to trying to make ends meet through sleezy work, and in the end the game is basically rigged against him once he finds out he can’t even get the key that would unlock his chains, despite him technically winning the game because he managed to survive the whole time!!

It just...it gets me that the One direct action he takes to save anything in the games, it’s not to save himself, but to save Lawrence. And it’s not even the only time he acts sympathetically towards Lawrence considering he withholds the photo of Diana and Allison so as not to distress him further. (There’s an argument to be made that he might have withheld that info for his own gain too, but for my analysis here I’m not discussing that.)

The one real time we see this trademark anger of Adam’s that gets mentioned multiple times, it’s when he’s acting in defense of someone other than himself, and I think that says a lot about him and why a lot of people ended up liking him and being so upset over his death.

[doomednarrative]

SO NOW THAT ADRIAN POSTED THE SAW V SCRIPT, I NEED TO SCREAM ABOUT THE ACTING NOTES FOR THE GLASS COFFIN SCENE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT

FIRST OFF

This moment is just!!! It’s so fuckin dramatic!!! “He’s no longer screaming.” Gave up the idiot act! Reveals his true self

“NOT ONLY DID STRAHM SAVE HOFFMAN...HE JUST KILLED HIMSELF” I AM SCREAMING AT THE WAY THIS IS WORDED

It’s the way that Peter just refuses to give in because he Cannot accept that he’s lost and going to die until the very end that fucks me up honestly

I am going to think about this forever and I am never going to recover from it actually

Sometime when my brains not foggy from allergies I will write out some meta thoughts on other bits of the script but I Had to be the guy to post this stuff first because its actually fucking me up to think about and I needed yall to see it too.

[doomednarrative]

It’s always “what did you do to get put in one of Jigsaw’s traps” and “why were you in a Jigsaw trap,” it’s never “how was your time in the trap” or “did you have fun in the trap? did you see Billy in your trap?”

[doomednarrative]

Its...its the way that Amanda was tested three separate times by John. All three times being ones that could have very well lead to her death. All three times where she either had to watch someone else die or had to do the killing herself in order to ensure her survival, save for the last test where she was supposed to not kill Lynn, but wasn't given much of a choice due to being blackmailed and having the threat of having John's approval and love taken away from her. It's the way that John was so hard on her at every turn, always pushing her despite also building her up, therefore creating more of a dependance between the two of them on Amanda's end and making it hard for her to value herself outside of that. It's the way that Amanda was never involved in a violent life before being forced to kill to save herself from the bear trap, and then falling deeper into it later on as her work with John continued, and eventually coming to regret even living through that trap and thinking it'd have been better if she died. Because ultimately she was punished for just trying to survive and live her life, and by forcing her into violence she's only gotten worse than she was before, even if she once viewed John's actions as saving her.

And then...it's the way that Hoffman's narritive is almost the inverse of that. It's the way that while yes, he was indeed blackmailed into becoming an apprentice, he's the one who initiated the violence first. He did this to himself, unlike Amanda who was chosen and thrust into it. It's the way that he isn't tested until after John's death, and if that test had been done properly by Jill he wouldn't have had to kill anyone to save himself, unlike Amanda who was given the same trap. It's the way that John never punishes him the same way that he does Amanda, and he never tests Hoffman multiple times to see if he's really understood what John's goals are, or if he's following the rules, despite Hoffman absolutely being the one who should have been tested again until he got it right unlike Amanda. It's the fact that "we don't bring personal feelings into these tests" and yet its Clear to the audience who ends up actually enjoying administering them later on, and it's not the girl who struggled with addiction who would ultimately be demonized by larger society, but the cop, who's given ample opportunity to make people's lives worse by way of his job, and who ends up delighting in the violence these games cause.

It's the way that Amanda had every right to question when Hoffman would be tested while they set up Jeff's test, because she'd already done it twice by that time, and she hadn't deserved either of those times. And its the way that Hoffman answers her, saying that shes a junkie who doesnt value her life, while in the next breath showing that he sure as shit doesn't value anyone else's life but his own the way he should.

It's the way that only one of them ever delights in murder and violence, and it's Not the person who was tested again and again and who actually believed in John's ways and code, and who ultimately died for questioning them in her last moments, while the other one got off scott free from that entire incident, being the sole survivor of the whole thing, and ensuring his place as the one to take up the mantle and legacy.

[doomednarrative]

[doomednarrative]

Once again thinking about how people can justify drawing Mark like a twink when he’s literally this fuckin square

Like?? Does this LOOK like a twink to you??

[doomednarrative]

Things that I'm thinking about tonight:

The way that the original version of the Shotgun Billy trap goes in the scrapped version of Saw IV - being that Billy was in the back of a squad car that Peter and Lindsey got into so they could continue their chase for the night - and how it causes them to get into a car crash as a result.

The interesting thing is how the script wrote the immediate aftermath of that crash going down:

The thing that gets me here is how much more personal this version of the trap feels than what we got in the actual version of IV. Sure in the movie we get Peter holding onto Lindsey as she’s trying to breathe and we can see that he’s reluctant to let her go once she’s being taken off by the paramedics, but here?? He actually vocalizes it!! While he’s seemingly also hurt a bit, he still instinctively goes to cover her so that she suffers less damage, and he’s clearly protective of Lindsey and really cares about her! It’s a lot more obvious here that there’s a connection between the two of them, and it serves to like really illustrate further why her supposed death pushes him deeper into obsession in V later on. What we got in the final version of IV was good sure, but I kinda wish we’d gotten this version instead, or at least that the version we got had been more personal like this. It really shows how close these two are, and how much Peter in particular cares about Lindsey...