#kys speech has me sobbing

[bisexualsoup]

sorry i'm so out of the loop but does anyone know what's happening to all the content that was locked behind first membership? like haunter and stuff. did someone reupload it somewhere already?????

[deadlymilady]

What is your worth?

You can read it on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25941511

Summary: Kyo knows what Tohru recently using his favorite spot on the roof to think. What kind of thoughts swirling in her head right now? She started to act weird since Rin has returned to hospital. Kyo wished he could help her with whatever was going with Tohru. However, he just had no idea what it is… A flash of lighting has brighten his room, bringing him out of his thoughts. In next seconds, with the help of his cat senses, boy heard a crash of metal against the wood and slight thud on the ground.

A/N: Well, its been long since the last time i wrote everything and, eh...I forgot all the synonyms i knew on this language. I hope you will understand) P.S Inspiration hit me when i scratched my knee and tore my jeans. Goddamn road holes...

Autumn nights are the best time to think about some things. This time of year in Japan is rich with colorful orange and red pictures, what even in the night time you can see the trees shining with their brightness in the dark. Despite the beginning of rainy days, nights were warm and there was no problem to sit on the roof and enjoy fresh air.

Since the end of summer trip, Tohru was visiting this “thinking” space almost every night. Her mind was swirling with many thoughts about the things what happened since then. Meaning of Soma curse; Kureno; Akito’s speech; Uo; Momiji’s situation; Tohru’s mother…But one thing concerned Tohru the most- Kyo’s confinement.

After trip to Kyoto and Rin’s accident, she couldn’t stop thinking about a way how to break the curse. Tohru stumped. Isuzu has said what there was no way to break it, but…still, she haven’t stop searching for one.

Tohru wished she would such a determination. For now, she was in the same situation as Rin. Tohru had no idea what to do. Isuzu asked Shigure and he said nothing. She asked Kazuma but he doesn’t know much about curse, due to his grandfather being locked from the outside world…

A chill run down Tohru’s spine at the mention. Kazuma’s grandfather was Cat’s spirit and because of being able to transform into beast like creature, everyone who is possessed with this spirit destined to be locked for the rest of their lives. Everyone…

Kyo’s picture appeared in Tohru’s mind. She couldn’t help but hold back a sob. This isn’t fair! Cat in the tale haven’t done anything wrong. Why the spirit’s of his have to be in such state they are? Tohru has come to conclusion what from all of Zodiac animals Kyo is the one who was actually damned, than cursed.

Again, she can’t do anything about it, yet. Tohru let out a sigh and stared into the dark blue sky. The night filled with dark clouds; maybe there is going to rain. Rain…Kyo, probably will have a headache. Once again, the Cat has to suffer.

The girl promised to herself on cold roof: she WILL find a way to break the curse, so no one could suffer. She will try to find as much information as possible. Tohru just have to wait. Hope and wait for the way…

Rumble of thunder echoed in the air. Tohru has decided is time to go down and get to sleep. She got up and carefully crawled on the roof to the ladder, attached to the wall of house. When she reached first step with her feet, a flash of lighting tore the sky. Tohru swing her head up eagerly. She started counting how far away the storm was and accidentally leaned back too much.

The move caused the end of the ladder against the wall broke away from it. Tohru rocked back from the move. She gasped and tried to move ladder back to it’s place, but was pulled back even harder. Tohru looked behind her back, and saw what she and ladder quickly flying to near tree.

Girl started to think, and came to conclusion: there no way she can avoid hitting the tree. Except, one…Tohru wasn’t that high from the earth. So, the girl thought she will pull through only with scratches. Before the ladder could crash into the tree, Tohru hopped down from it and flew to the ground. Once she landed on her knees, Tohru’s body started to roll until her back hit the wall where the ladder just been. Another rumble of thunder has echoed. Much stronger than previous one.

-Ow...- she whined and carefully tried to get herself into sitting position. Tohru examined her body for injuries. Her hands covered in dirt and on her right wrist, she saw a slight abrasion. Girl felt relive at first, until her gaze fallen on her legs. Her blue pajama pants were in the terrible shape. On her thighs and down were a large trails of dirt and they mixed with blood droplets…

Tohru leaned in to look at her knees and made a painful scowl. The pants were tore open on her kneecaps and she saw large abrasion on her right knee. The other leg was in same shape.

Everything that has left for Tohru is letting out a tired breath. Slowly she started to straighten herself up leaning her hands against the wall. Tohru let out a hiss, when her wrist and knees begin to sting. The girl was about to make a first step, when she heard a voice calling:

-Tohru?

                                                      *    *    *

All day long, Kyo had an irritating feeling of fatigue and lethargy. That could mean only one thing for him: Cat spirit predicting the rain. Kyo was laying on his back on futon in his room. It was only around 10 of the evening, but Kyo’s head hurt so much from the exhaustion, what he was afraid he would throw up. Boy already dressed himself into his sleepwear. White shirt with long sleeves and sport pants with two yellow lines on sides.

Seems like summer rains in this year was going easy on him and the autumn ones decided to show everything they got. Cold weather came earlier than expected and this means that the rains will be stronger.

«Damnit Cat Spirit»- Kyo thought to himself. The Soma Curse was always a burden to him, but in times like this, it was the damn. He can’t be a part of the Soma clan. He always have to wear this blood-covered bracelet, to keep him from turning into hideous monster. He can’t live like other animals from the Zodiac. He can’t even hug the person he love.

Kyo’s fate was to be locked in the Cat’s room after graduation to his last days. Locked from the world, from everyone…from Tohru.

He heard a rumble of thunder coming from his open window. Kyo groaned and turned to his side. He already made a promise to yourself about Tohru: he will be by her side as many time as possible. Until the faithful day of goodbye will come…

Kyo knows what Tohru recently using his favorite spot on the roof to think. What kind of thoughts swirling in her head right now? She started to act weird since Rin has returned to hospital. Kyo wished he could help her with whatever was going with Tohru. However, he just had no idea what it is…

A flash of lighting has brighten his room, bringing him out of his thoughts. In next seconds, with the help of his cat senses, boy heard a crash of metal against the wood and slight thud on the ground.

Kyo quickly sat up on the floor and listened another rumble coming. He rushed to the window, ignoring headache and perked his head out of it. Slim figure in familiar blue pajamas supporting herself against the house. He called in the dark:

-Tohru?

-Ah, Kyo this is you. Sorry, for making the noise, -Tohru gave him a smile but at the action she winced and it looked more like grimace.

Kyo looked her over. Tohru’s face covered in dirt and he could see some bruises forming. Although the look of her body, has got the boy worrying. Tohru’s hands, sleeves of her shirt and legs were in the real bad shape. Hands and sleeves are dirty and on the wrist glistered a tiny blood spot. Kyo looked on her legs and winced. The pants were completely ruined. Giant gashes of dirt with blood spots and torn open knees. He couldn’t understand how is Tohru even got herself upright.

A decision has made in Kyo’s head in less than a second. He stood on the sill and jumped out of the window. Tohru watched him with wide eyes as the boy softly landed on his knees.

-I-its…the second…floor, -she pointed at Kyo with her finger and back to his window.

-Benefit of the Cat Spirit, I suppose, -he approached Tohru and slightly bumped her head with his knuckles. She smiled at the affection. Kyo looked at the ladder hanging from the branch. –Has your leg slipped?

-Ah? No! No-no-no, -Tohru stammered and waved her hands at him. –I was careful! I just…um, -she avoided Kyo’s eyes. –I looked at the sky when lighting shined and, eh, - Drop of water fell on Tohru’s nose and she looked up meeting Kyo’s pale face. Cold sweat appeared on his forehead. Eyes looks at her with half-lidded look. More water drops fell on girl’s face. Rain has started. –I’ve probably lost the balance and almost hit the tree, so I had to take off before the crash...

Tohru’s words barely made to Kyo’s ears. His head started to spin and his breathing become heavier as rain started to gain force.

-…Sorry, for giving you so much trouble. This weather is especially uncomfortable for you and, ah, you still came to check if I’m okay. You shouldn’t have bothering yourself; I’m not worthy for such car-Eh? – Tohru lost her track of words. Suddenly, Kyo’s head landed on her shoulder.

Tohru checked him out: his eyes has closed, chest was heavenly rising and falling with every panting breath. She swallowed her surprise and held out her good hand. Tohru risked running her hand lightly over Kyo’s hair.

-Kyo?

-I’m fine, -Kyo slowly lifted his head from her shoulder and looked at Tohru through half lidded eyes. –Now I am the one giving you trouble.

-Can you walk?

-I should ask you that question.

Tohru snorted at the comment. Kyo smirked at her and held out his arm. The girl hesitated for a moment, and then took it and they both limped to main room.

                                                        *    *     *

Kyo and Tohru stepped into dark room. Tohru has stumbled upon something and started to fall, when Kyo catch her by shoulder at the last moment.

-Ah, thank you, Ky- girl turned her head to him and gulped. Their faces were so close that the pair could feel each other’s breath. Tohru had a thought what there is must be only inches between them, to prevent Kyo from transforming. Her cheeks turned red. Intense look of orange eyes glowed in the dark.

Kyo sharply turned his face away from Tohru to hide his blush. He scanned room with his cat like eyes. Boy found a spot near the table and took Tohru there. He sat her down and went to turn the light.

-Why is it so dark in here? -Tohru whispered. – Usually, Shigure is up most time of the night.

-That means, that the dog isn’t home, -Kyo answered in full voice. He turned light in main room and corridor. Boy walked back to room. –He is probably in the main estate tonight. What about the rat?

-Ah, -Kyo approached Tohru and helped her to stand up. -Yuki said he will going to bed early. He must deal with the Council's business in the morning, -Kyo was leading her far in the corridor. –Um, Kyo where are we going?

-To the bathroom, silly, -he glanced at her over his shoulder. –We need to wash your wounds first and if you haven’t noticed, yet, we are soaking wet.

Tohru looked down. Water from her long hair dropped to the floor. If her pajama could repaired before, now it was completely ruined. The mud has mixed with blood and water, so now it was impossible to wash it out. Wet material stuck to Tohru’s body.

She turned her eyes to the boy, who stopped in the front of bathroom door. Kyo’s cloths were in better shape. The clothes were clinging to his skin and dripping with water. Tohru couldn’t look away from the spot of his back. Wet shirt outlined the muscles on his body very clearly. The girl tilted her head to the side. Does Kyo’s shoulders always was this broad?

-Tohru, -his voice brought her back out of thoughts. –Sit, on edge of the tub and um, -Kyo’s gaze followed her as Tohru did as he said. A blush find a way on his cheeks. He stammered. –Y-you-you need to take of your pajama pants. –Tohru blushed too and looked at him with wide eyes. –T-they are already ruined and we h-have to clean you a-abrasions properly…

-Oh, -Tohru got the point and looked on her pants and shirt as well. –Um, I’m afraid, all of this is ruined, eh, can you, -the pair shared a look. –Go upstairs into my room, and bring another shirt? –Kyo’s eyes widened. Tohru waved her arms at him. –I-its in the t-top drawer right under my-my mother's picture. The f-first one. D-don’t you worry, -she started to laugh nervously. –Aha-ha, it’s l-long e-enough to…y-you know…hehe…

-Okay, understood, -Kyo stopped her chatter. –I was going to take aid kit anyway, so...- he averted her gaze. – I’ll be quick.

Boy rushed to the staircase. He took two stairs in time. Kyo walked in Tohru’s room and reached her drawer. He opened the top shelf as he told to. The boy picked up the first shirt and straightened it. It was a t-shirt of bright orange color. Kyo measured the t-shirt with his eyes and estimated that it would be just above Tohru’s knee. The boy thought to himself, usually she goes around house in much shorter clothing. Kyo shook away these thoughts and headed back to the bathroom.

-Tohru? –he stand near the door, waiting for response.

-Yes?

-I will throw the shirt to you.

-Oh, okay.

Kyo stuck his hand through the doorway and hurled it in the direction of the tub. He heard Tohru catch the t-shirt, and then he heard loud squeak and thud.

-You fell into the tub? –Kyo rolled his eyes.

-I fell into the tub…I didn’t hit anything! –she quickly added. –Just give a minute, I’ll put it on.

While Tohru dressed herself, Kyo stormed to the dining room. He opened the sideboard. Few minutes he was searching in it. Last one who used the kit was Shigure and who knew where is exactly he put it again. Finally, Kyo found white box. Boy took out first aid kit, and returned to the bathroom.

Tohru sat on edge of the tub and observed at her wounds. Just as Kyo thought, the shirt barely reached her knees and it was at least two sizes bigger than she was. Tohru’s thin arms peeked from oversized sleeves. Her left hand was clutching the edge of tub, whilst the other was trying to wipe her head with towel. The water from the rain made Tohru’s hair curl and some drops of it was falling on her shirt and down her pale slender legs. A tiny flower bloomed in the full grace…

Another time in the night, Kyo shook away such thoughts and focused on her injuries. In two steps, he crossed the room and kneeled in front of her. The boy frowned as he switched looks from one abrasion on her knee to the other. Suddenly, he got up from his knees and went to the towel rack. Kyo took one and moved to the water tap. He turned the water on.

-We need to wash area around them first, to prevent from infection. –Kyo grimaced as he watered towel. Another shot of head spin came in. He also remembered, the boy didn’t do anything to dry himself from the rain and water still actively was dripping from his hair and cloths. Kyo came up back to Tohru with towel in his hands. He kneeled again and began cautiously wash dirt around her abrasions. The girl in front of him bit her lip at the stinging of pain.

-Endure, Tohru, -Kyo blew on the bruise and continued to wash it out. A few minutes has passed, when he got up and sat on edge by Tohru’s side. Boy held out his hand. –Give me your wrist.

Tohru switched the towel she held into other hand and gave him her right palm. Kyo took it and began to wipe it gently. Water was dropping from his hair down on her arm, cooling Tohru’s skin. She watched him in trance, until he lifted his head.

-Alright. We are finished with clearing injuries; -Kyo looked Tohru in the face. –Now we have to deal with your—He didn’t have a chance to finish as white material covered his face. Tohru covered Kyo’s head with a towel and began to dry it.

-Y-you, -the girl murmured. –You will get sick, if you won’t dry yourself, properly. And, um…-orange eyes stared into her brown ones through the towel. Tohru, suddenly, got interested in rack. –You should change out of you-your shirt and soon. Kyo, you were rushing around the house in w-wet clothing, s-so…If you won’t take it off soon, you will for su…

Tohru didn’t have a chance to finish her sentence. As she was talking, Kyo pulled his shirt over his head and threw it to side. Tohru watched him stunned as he pried towel from her hands. Boy quickly whipped his body and hanged it over his shoulders. Not losing the focus on his task, Kyo took her good wrist and wiped the dirt there. Then boy brought cloth to Tohru’s face and slowly washed it.  

It turns out that her face wasn't as bruised as he thought. While Kyo was washing the dirt, he noticed only a small scratch on Tohru’s right cheek.

When Kyo has finished, the rain began to fall harder and drum heavily on the window. In the moment Kyo wanted to get up for aid kit, his vision begin to blurry slightly and his head nestled a place on Tohru’s shoulder, again. Only this time the girl didn’t rise any panic. Even as her face was calm and she smiled softly, yet her voice has given away some kind of sadness.

-Kyo, -Tohru murmured. –If you are not feeling well, you don’t have to force yourself to help me with my wounds. Still, it's my fault, and you don’t feel yourself good. I just...not worth such the effort and…such attention from you. I think, -she let out a sigh. –I didn’t do anything special to deserve care of other people.

In moments of weakness like this, Tohru constantly reminded of the bad things that ever had happened to her. When she thought about her future, girl always imagined her mother being here, encourage her. But…Kyoko Honda is no longer in this world. Now, Tohru was walking into it alone.

After graduation, she must move out of Soma house and probably never see anyone of them again. One of her closest friends won’t even see light again. When people close to Tohru have troubles, with which she just can’t help it, she still trying to meddle. Soon, she realizing she can’t do anything. Tohru feels yourself useless…Alone and useless…

-Tohru, -Kyo let out a sharp breath and raised his face. –As cheesy as it may sound but…you are worth not only this kind of effort, but of care, attention, love and many other things. –Kyo slowly got up and took the aid kid. Tohru followed him with her gaze as he squatted on the floor before her. Boy took the bottle with peroxide, in the moment he poured liquid on cotton he went on.

–I mean, the person’s worth depends on his actions, both good and bad. You do a lot for other people. You help them when they are hurt physically or tired of everything mentally as in the case of Rin. –Kyo pressed cotton on Tohru knee. She winced in pain.

-Whether you do it selflessly or out of selfishness, it doesn't matter. But if you help people not because they want to and because you want to and all the problems are resolved in the end, it's not so bad, -he pressed cotton to another knee. Kyo hadn’t really thought about what he was saying. The words just flowed from him like a river. The things that she just have to know.

–That’s just the person you are, Tohru. You help people without asking for anything in return. This is your worth, thanks to which you will never be alone. –Kyo got up and sat by Tohru’s side. He took her wrist and began treat abrasion there. His monolog hasn’t stopped for a second. The girl listened him with mouth open.

-All the people that you helped once are with you now and they are not going anywhere, because they see worth in you and your opinion, -Kyo looked at her wrist and half-smiled. How much of egoist he is, saying such a words. -You know, sometimes it doesn't hurt to be a little selfish. If you were, you would thought a little about what would happen to you before you jumped two meters off a ladder, and you wouldn’t hope to revive your pajama.

Kyo heard her snort and seconds later, Tohru choked on sob. Boy lifted his head and looked at her face. Tears were sliding down her cheeks, her eyes becoming red and Tohru tried to cover her face with a hand. She peeked at Kyo through her fingers.

-Oh, em, um, sorry, uh, -he started to stammer. –Did I pressed too much? Is it hurt? Or…damn, I don’t even know. I’m sorry, Tohru…

-Oh, no, no, -Tohru stopped him on the track. She held her arms in front of her trying to assure him. –You didn’t do anything wrong…Yes, is stung a little, but the pain was bearable. You don’t have to worry. It’s just…-the girl lowered her hands and took Kyo’s hand. A bright red blush appeared on his face. It was on hers as well, but she didn’t mind it right now. Tohru spoke softly while Kyo used his other hand to treat the wound on her cheek.

–It’s about your words. In recent time, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things and, um…Those things and feelings made me feel lonely. Because there is some things, with which I just can’t help and it was making me useless. I’ve become questioning what am I capable of or capable at all. W-what is my worth?  Now I know the answer. Kyo, you said exact the words that I wanted to hear, thank you. –Tohru smiled at him as he watched her wide eyed.  

“They are not going anywhere…”

Over and over, the words repeated in Tohru’s mind. They are both knew what was waiting Kyo after graduation. But he didn’t know what Tohru knows about confinement. He is going to be locked for the rest of his life. There is no chance for all of them being together…together, always…

Emotions overflowed the girl and she couldn’t hold back new wave of tears. As Kyo’s shock passed and he saw what Tohru hasn’t calmed, he made a very risking decision.

He held out his hand and tangled it in her hair, reaching for the back of Tohru’s head. Kyo pulled her to his body. Girl’s face was in crook of his neck. Her arms find their place on his bare chest. There was enough space to prevent Kyo from transforming into cat. Also enough to enjoy that comforting warmth of each other, what they both needed.

-K-Kyo…-Tohru mumbled into his shoulder.

-Do you feel uncomfortable? –he whispered hoarsely.

-N-no. No. –she breathed on his scent. Kyo smelled of rain. –Not at all…

They sat in silence for a while. Just when Kyo remembered, what the abrasions needed to be wrap in bandage, Tohru spoke quietly.

-But what if…-girl broke her head from his shoulder. Her hands still on Kyo’ chest. –What if the person I helped once, -Tohru slowly moved her hand down and rest it over his heart. She took a glance on his face. Kyo’s mouth fell agape slightly. His eyes were burning her with bright orange fire. Tohru is not ready to part with that fire. Yet. –just can’t stay by my side?

-In that case, -Kyo muttered under his breath. Once she began asking, his heart was pounding like a crazy. He could swear, she feel it. Boy covered Tohru’s hand with his. –You have to stay with them as long as you can…Right by their side. Just…stay a little longer…

A loud crack of thunder and lighting made both of them jump. Kyo has slipped down on the floor.

-Shit!

-K-Kyo! Are you okay?

-Yeah, -the boy groaned. –I was about to get bandage, anyway.

He kneeled down and started to rummage in aid kit. When Kyo found what he wanted, he turned to Tohru.

-Um, -she tilted her head. –Do you really need to wrap them? I heard, what is enough just treat abrasions with antiseptic liquids.

-Usually, it is, -Kyo unwound some of the material and began wrapping it around Tohru’s knee. –But, I guess, you will go to bed after we finish with this, right? –He gave her a quick glance. –And trust me; you don’t want to tore away a blanket from your legs in the morning. It hurt like hell.

-Are you telling me this from your own experience? –Tohru smirked as Kyo wrapped bandage on her other knee.

-Yeah…Those abrasions was smaller than yours is. I was little back then and trained with Haru. Accidently, I said something that awake Black Haru. I won, but still he beat me up and dragged me through the grass for about ten meters, until I said that I felt something warm on my legs. Haru saw that I’ve been hurt and quickly returned to his old self. I didn’t want Shisho to know about that. –Kyo took her wrist.

–So I just treat injuries as best as I could and covered it with clothes. They didn’t cling to material and I thought everything is fine. When I woke in the morning…I got up from the bed and walked a few steps, the blanket was hanging on my legs and followed me like bride’s veil.

Kyo finished with bandages and helped Tohru to get up. He held out his hands to her and she took it.

-Shisho didn’t scold me for that. Still, he told me not to hide things like that from him and taught me how to treat some sorts of injuries.

                                                         *    *    *

The pair made their way out of the bathroom. Another rumble of thunder shook the house. Light in the corridor blinked, before completely go out. For a moment pair glued in the place, trying to adjust to the darkness.

Then, Tohru felt Kyo’s hand slipping out of hers. Boy fell on his knees, heavily panting.

-K-Kyo? – Tohru crouched down by his side.

-I’m fine, -Kyo respired and squeezed his eyes. –It’s just…Supposedly, I am the one helping you walk to your room, not otherwise.

Tohru helped him to rise and they kept walking to the second floor. She was lipping much better, when before, but they still was moving very slow up the stairs.      

Finally, they managed to reach Tohru’s room. Kyo released her hand.

-Well, -boy scratched the back of his head, -I think, you can get to bed on your own, so…

-Kyo, -girl looked up at him. –Are you sure everything is okay?

-I’m sure, -he smiled and turned to his door. –Goodnight, Tohru.

-Goodnight, -she done the same.

As soon, as door into Kyo’s room closed, he flopped down on his futon and groaned.

“So that is the thing she was thinking about so much…Tohru really thinks of yourself as useless? But why? What is problem what she just can’t help with?

Maybe…No, that’s impossible… Who could possibly said about his confinement?

The rat?

Shisho?

She started acting strange since they’ve been on beach…Akito, perhaps?”

Many questions without answers, which slowly drifted Kyo to sleep.

In the same time, in the opposite room the girl sat on the bed with a sad look looking out the window. It was dark outside and raindrops were slowly rolling down the window.

“Stay with them as long as you can…”

“Kyo…Does this mean what you’ve gave up?”- Tohru clenched her fist. –“I’m sorry, but I just can’t live with it. Forgive me for meddling in your problems…Anyway, I won’t give up on you!”

Together, always…

[bastilleisimagined]

Biological

The bedroom is dark and unlit, the walls, once cream, now appearing a navy blue. Moonlight filters through the thick curtains, though it doesn’t do much to brighten the room.

The patter of rain against the window as the storm moves over the city is the only sound that fills the room, besides Kyle’s sharp, ragged breaths. The weather really does represent his mood.

It breaks your heart to see him in such a state, so hurt and troubled, but it fills you slightly with anger. There’s nothing you can do about it – it’s biological, unavoidable. Still, why Kyle?

“Kyle…” you say quietly as your finger traces smooth figure eights on his back. He’s blocked himself away from the world, refusing to speak to anybody. Including you. “Talk to me." 

The answer is the same one you always receive: the same stuffy silence. You hate it just as much as he does.

It’s been three days. Three days since the two of you found out that Kyle is infertile – he’ll never be able to have his own biological children. As a result of this news, Kyle has locked himself in the bedroom and refused everything. He refused to see Will, Dan, and Woody when they came over to talk about the album, and he refuses to even eat.

His body lies still but you can feel him trying not to sob. Every so often his back will tense and his breathing will cease for a second as he tries not to let you hear him cry, but it fails. 

"Ky–" 

"I was so excited,” he rasps quickly, his voice quiet and saturated with sorrow. “I was so, so excited to begin this new part of our lives, this new chapter of a story. Ever since even I was a kid I’ve wanted some of my own. I’ve always loved the idea of holding them, comforting them when they cry, telling them awful dad jokes, reading them bedtime stories, driving them to school the every day. I was looking forward to doing little pranks with them and just… there wasn’t one aspect of being a dad that I didn’t like. I was in love with the idea of being a father–” his speech is cut off by a sharp breath once more and you can only imagine how hard it must be not to just burst into tears. “And when I met you, everything was falling into place. Everything was on the right track, and when we decided we were ready for a family, I was beyond excited…”

As he speaks he slowly turns to face you. Even in the dark, you can see his watery, red eyes and the tear marks that trail down his face. Gently and calmly, you wrap your arms around him, trying to ignore everything in you which tells you to tell him that it’ll all be okay. Sometimes that’s the worst thing to say to someone.

Instead, you sit quietly and listen to what he says. In all honesty, you’re heartbroken too. You couldn’t wait to have kids with him and have a family of your own – and finding this has halted your plans just as much as it did his. Seeing Kyle like this though has broken your heart more times that you want to admit.

“I could see us. You, me, a baby– a family! Happy, going on holiday, going to the park, taking videos as they say their first words, us cooing over their baby pictures when they get older. I was really, really looking forward to it.”

Throughout your relationship, you’ve seen Kyle upset more times than a few… but he’s never done this. He’s never shut himself away and refused everything. It’s terrifying.

You rub his back soothingly. “Kyle, baby. I’m not going to sit here and say that I know, or that I understand, or it’ll get better, but you have to understand that there are alternative options besides from having biological kids.” Kyle’s eyes are shimmery in the fading moonlight, and you hold his hands as you speak. Gently, he runs his thumb over your knuckles. “We can adopt – foster, even. Think of all those kids out there who don’t have homes, who don’t have anyone to call their parents. We can be their parents, Ky. And we can love them just the same." 

Kyle takes a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second. "I know, but–" 

"And we’ll be a family. It doesn’t matter if your kids are biological or not; they are still your children. They will still be loved, they will still have a home, and we will still be their parents.” You lean in gently and kiss him. “Okay?" 

The man gives your hand a light squeeze. "Okay.”

~~~~~ fanofthebastillelife ~~~~~

[hannah-deactivated20220725]

A Eulogy Series #1: Ky about Jare

Kyle slowly makes his way to the podium. No one has ever seen his face tear streaked before... well, now they can officially check that off their list, for his face is sopping wet from crying over his dead husband.

He is finally behind the podium and grips it so hard, everyone hears the snap of the wood cracking. He doesn’t even seem to notice as he’s gazing at his dead husband’s body. There is dead silence among the crowd. All that can be heard are the sniffles of those that loved the vampire crying over his death.

“Jare...” The voice is sudden but so soft that even with the mic, the crowd hardly hears it. “My Jare Bear... the love of my life... the one that made me so happy...” Everyone is silent while they wait for him to speak. This speech seems less like a eulogy to the crowd and more like the words he wishes he could say to Jarred.

“I miss you... every day, it feels like the hole in my chest gets bigger. Like I’m going to be swallowed up by it... my Jare...” Tears start to streak down his face again and he swallows hard, trying to keep them at bay but unable to. Finally, he steps away from the mic, toward the body. He can’t help but to press a kiss to the cold forehead. Being a vampire, his skin had always been cold, but... it was different. And Kyle sobbed loudly, breaking down on the body, unable to hold himself together.

“What am I going to do without you? You are my life, my everything... we were supposed to spend eternity together,” he cries against the body, sobbing with every passing second. Elise stands but Marcus grabs her wrist, reminding her that it’s important for Kyle to grieve. She looks pained but sits once more, watching her father fall apart before her.

“I miss you,” Kyle whispers too quietly for the crowd to hear. “I miss you so much, it hurts. I don’t know how I’m going to live without you. I don’t want to live without you. I don’t want to do anything without you.” He sits there and cries for a long time before he slowly rises back to his feet and makes his way to the podium once more.

“Jarred is the most amazing and strong man I have ever had the pleasure of knowing,” he says, finally speaking to the crowd. His voice is hoarse and cracking from how hard he’d been crying. “He... gave me strength to let go of the past, as many times as I fought against him on it.” He glances to where his daughter and son-in-law stand. “With the help of my family, I will find that strength again... I love my family.” He looks at his grandchildren, then down at the podium. “I will do anything to make sure this same fate does not befall any of them. They will live out an entire life, even if it kills me.” He pauses. “That’s all.”

It’s completely silent as he makes his way toward the crowd, stumbling slightly. Elise quickly stands to help him back to his seat next to her and kisses his cheek, giving him a tight hug. She reassures him quietly while the next person takes their place at the podium to make their speech.