#lemme know if i should add other tags

[junkart96]

“They found my body… not my head…”

[never-enough-fandoms]

TT: Think I'll blink first, motherfucker?

TT: Not happening.

TT: I might splinter.

TT: But I don't break.

[donutfloats]

Through the power of Love and Science: They will be MAMAS!

[altern1a]

Othercon made me really want to contribute to the alterhuman community and forge connections, so here is a project I put together: Otherdirect, a directory of alterhuman social spaces! It is primarily focused on discord servers and makes it easy to browse for the niche alterhuman communities you want to join.

There is a simple and easy verification process for anyone who wants to add a server (or other space) to the directory, and I hope to gather as many overlooked groups and spaces as possible and help bring the greater community closer together!

[scover-va]

[ “ON THE COUNT OF THREE?” ]

You think Michael ever looks at Jeremy and just sees the product of his own guilt?

[dvnieldraws]

sketch i did yesterday of the weird eye guys but make it creepy

[leg-made-a-thing]

Neat Websites - goblin.tools

Executive Dysfunction. If you have ADHD, you know those words all too well. You have something to do, you know you need to do it, but you just can’t. The task, whatever it may be, just feels so insurmountable that you don’t even know where to start.

I’ll tell you where to start: goblin.tools, with their Magic ToDo list. Type in whatever you need to do, whether that be cleaning your room, filing your taxes, or any other thing you find yourself struggling to gather the motivation to do. Then click the magic wand, and you’ll automatically get a list of smaller, more easily doable tasks that, together, make up the initial task.

Need to know how long a task is gonna take? Click the three dots and select the “Estimate” option and you’ll get a rough estimate of how long it’ll take. From the same menu, you can also edit or remove a task, or add more tasks underneath it. For example, if you normally sort your clothes before putting them up, you can add that as a subtask.

No idea what to even put into your list? Dump your thoughts into the Compiler (goblin.tools/compiler) and let the website sort it into a to-do list. Once you’ve got your list, you’re even able to port it directly to the Magic ToDo list.

Have trouble with maintaining tone over text? Goblin Tools has you covered! The Judge (goblin.tools/judge) gives you an in-depth breakdown of how whatever you type into it is likely to be interpreted. As a bonus, if you need to change the tone of your message, they’ve got the Formalizer (goblin.tools/formalizer), which can make your message more formal, less formal, easier to read, grammatically correct, and several other things.

Last but certainly not least, we all need to eat. With ADHD, though, it’s hard to find the motivation to make stuff to eat beyond, like, a bowl of cereal or something easy. That’s where the final tool comes into play: The Chef (goblin.tools/chef). Just punch in whatever ingredients you have, as well as equipment, dietary restrictions, serving sizes, or whatever else you need the chef to take into account, and you’ll get suggestions on things to cook with what you have.

That’s about all I have for you this time. Hopefully you find this useful or interesting or have some other sort of opinions on this. If so, I’d love to hear them. Also, for the longevity of this project, I’m probably not gonna do the polls unless I’m super stuck for ideas. It’s probably best if I just write as the ideas come to me. So yeah. Bye.

[quirkle2]

hi. oumple thoughts under the cut it's just three screenshots of me rambling but it's got suicide themes so. stay safe

[lukasdoodles]

I watched the first spiderverse movie at the theater when it first came out now im gonna watch this next one at the theater and i am so excited

[todayisafridaynight]

I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:

I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]

This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing

This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me

Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.

With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…

It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.

Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.

To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.

It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]

When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.

And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…

It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.

I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.

So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.

And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.

Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.

To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…

Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.

But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.

So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.

And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?

Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…

Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…

Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]

To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.

He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.

Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…

As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.

Self-destructiveness

It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.

I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.

I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.

From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.

Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad

I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."

Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")

Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.

Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.

I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.

Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]

I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…

Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]

Lol

Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity

Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]

Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately

That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.

This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.

Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.

High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks

I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.

Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)

Lol…

Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others

Lmao Even…

Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)

I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.

Abandonment issues

Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.

Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place

Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG

Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]

Rofl Perhaps…

Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]

He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.

Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)

Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.

Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")

The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.

[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard

EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…

......

... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao

ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE

[shattersstar]

about

mac

22

they/them

in film & sexuality studies

big into horror films/media

another jason todd apologist unfortunately

been writing on tumblr for too long

i follow back from @/neptunesdyke

rules

for writing/blog related updates check my writing tag

i write for; dc, castlevania, vhd, sw & general vampire media

reader is gn (unless requested otherwise)

for characters i write for see my masterlist or send me an ask <3

masterlist will indicate if requests are open or close

i don’t take specific/very detailed requests, simple prompts & ideas are welcomed

when sending a prompt from a post, please send the whole prompt and not just the number

indicate character w/request or its my choice

not a rule but comments, replies, asks, etc are always appreciated and encouraged! i try to reply and love talking abt my writing with y’all <3

~

*wont write: incest (blood/adopted/etc), aged up minors, self harm, addiction, dubcon, real people, or ships. i stick to self inserts*

~

* this will be updated with additional/up to date info when needed *

[lolathepeacocklord]

Hiiii!! I think people who don’t like Bulkhead for the sole reason of him being plus size should be blown up immediately

[shinybulbasaur]

a definitive ranking of mouse organs by how much they make me regret my life choices:

1. brain - so good to me. so polite. homogenizes so nicely. best boy

2. kidney - comes prepackaged. don't need to cut anything. loses points for not homogenizing well as a result though

3. lung - nightmare to homogenize but so easy to weigh. why do u hate me

4. liver - giant nasty man. why are mouse livers so big. what the fuck. at least they're otherwise easy to cut and mash

5. gut - I am packing my bags I am out the door I hate it here. impossible oily bastards. I swear the mice purposefully hold their shit so that it fuckin REEKS when I'm working with their guts. -1000000/10 if you don't hear from me again it's because the mouse intestines killed me

[unlockthestars]

I started to write out some of my thoughts about Adam, but it turned into more of an analysis of…..basically all of his appearances in the show, and while I could do that, if there's interest, this was supposed to be more my thoughts on the character, as well as how I write him.

It's long, so I'm putting it under a cut.

I definitely focus more on the aspects of his character that were originally introduced: how he's a foil for Blake, how his ideology in the White Fang opposes her own; how as an abused member of a mistreated minority, he's standing up and taking on their oppressors, in the best way he knows how.

I downplay any relationship he had with Blake, because I don't think it was any sort of real relationship. When she first starts to talk about him, she refers to him as a mentor, and it's only several volumes later, in Volume 3, where he is seemingly cast in the light of obsessive ex-boyfriend.

When Blake first left, he could initially have had someone go after her, and he chose not to. A lot of the "he was totally obsessed with Blake" came in a lot later and diverges from what we were initially presented.

I do still kind of include that and play with the idea that it wasn't so much Blake, but what she stood for, what she had and represented. Because even though she's a faunus, she hasn't had to face much hardship outside of that fact. And part of him resents that, part of him is jealous of it and wants what she had, and part of him just wants so badly for her to understand just how he and other faunus (but especially him) have suffered that that's part of why he targets her.

Because she represents a lot of things that he could never obtain. She was raised in a home with two loving parents, who provided for her while he was a child slave who was branded as property. And not somewhere he could easily hide; his face was branded, which ruined even the possibility of any sort of normal life for Adam.

Am I discounting the fact that he was emotionally manipulative? Absolutely not. Do I think that he learned that was one of the few ways he could have any sort of control over his own life? Yes, I do.

I will never downplay Blake getting away from him or discount the trauma that she suffered at his hands. Having been in an emotionally abusive relationship, I understand just how hard it can be to get away from your abuser.

And I'm not going to glorify that at all, but I think it's a disservice to completely ignore the massive amount of trauma that Adam also faced. It does not excuse his actions, but it helps to explain where he was coming from, at the very least.

I think that he started out genuinely wanting to help the faunus. He had suffered, and he wanted a better world for his people. When Cinder comes by the first time to try to ally with the White Fang, he tells her no, that he's not going to risk his men for a human cause. It's only after Cinder comes back, after she takes out a bunch of the White Fang members that Adam agrees to work with her, and I do think that came from a place of "At this point, there's not much other choice right now if I want to save my people."

Plus, if Salem is going to create a new world order, like it was pitched to him, then that means that the faunus can become the majority, that they no longer have to be oppressed, so he just has to go along with this plan for now.

Then things go off the rails, there's a lot of things that happens, and eventually, Adam fights Blake and Yang in Volume 6, which results in his demise.

I do have a survival verse for him, where he survives being stabbed and has to pick up and figure out where to go from there. I haven't used it yet, but when I do….., I want to explore what it's like to have to come back from that ledge. To have devolved from his ideals so much that he was willing to kill himself and many other faunus just to get back at one person.

IS there a way back from that? CAN he find his way back to the ideals he once had? Or will rage and darkness consume him?

I know there's a lot that I'm kind of glossing over, but I thought about a lot of different things when I decided to write Adam. Like I said earlier, I don't want to diminish or cheapen what Blake went through, but exploring Adam as more of a flawed person, who does have some good in them, who has absolutely lost his way into darkness, but might one day (with a WHOLE lot of work and probably more trauma along the way, and having to do something to help heal any of the hurt he caused) find his way, whatever that might end up being….is a lot more interesting to me than a character who simply can't be redeemed at all, ever.

[movedtohypnocus]

"Cherry Blossom" - I Met a Yeti, Andy Cizek

Genre(s): Swancore, Progressive Post-Hardcore

Length: 5:45

Tempo: 87 BPM

Key: G#/A♭ Minor

Lyrics (Genius Link)

[danmei-confessions]

I've fallen so out of love with mdzs bc of wangxian and how the fans portray all of the characters (bu esp. Wangxian). I genuinely cannot stress how much i hate Wei WuXian bc of the fans and the thing that hurts me the most is was the first ever danmei series I read but I hate the fan portrayals sm, I can't even like the canon story anymore

.