#let me know if i need to add more

[imtherainbownow]

I think I need help mentally

I’m warning everyone now, this is a post that will contain dark themes (mostly related to eating and mental issues), if you are sensitive to the topics, I advise you don’t read.

To keep things simple; My life is shit. Mentally at least.

Physically and externally my life couldn’t be more perfect. I have supporting parents. I go to a Great School. I have friends. I’ve got talents that can take me places. Ive got everything lined up for my success.

but mentally I am a disaster. Ive got such bad trauma from authority figures. Im scared to even defy my fucking teachers. Im scared of my aunt because she makes me feel so shitty. My aunt will pop up a lot in this because I see her as the main source of a shit ton of my issues

I cannot read or hear the word scu*c*de without having flashbacks. Even as I type this I’m trying not to hear her damn voice. Just screaming that word at me every time. It’s so loud..

My aunt judges me constantly for the littlest things. Like forgetting to pick up trash, forgetting to say thank you, not remembering if it’s my turn to empty the dishwasher, etc. She’s the main reason why I’ve contemplated going completely mute because she hates it when I talk and makes sure I know.

Recently she’s been nit-picking my eating habits. For almost two years I’ve been struggling to remember to eat at all because my adhd meds reduce my appetite so I just don’t eat lunch. Unfortunately it’s bled into other meals like breakfast and dinner.

Even remembering to eat is an accomplishment for me. In the current moment I don’t care if it’s healthy, I care that I remembered to put food in my body.

About a week ago she grumbled about me not eating “real” food and that I’m the reason we don’t have good snacks in our house. I’m about to cry as I type this. I doubt she thought I could hear her because I had headphones in, but nothing playing. I absolutely heard her.

I’ve told my mother so many times that I want her to move out but my mother won’t do shit. My mother’s been making my eating habits worse cause she won’t let me leave the house without eating at least something, but it’s only been discouraging me from eating. Nowadays even the thought of eating feels slightly sickening. Especially if I’m eating in front of my aunt.

I want nothing to do with her. But she lives with me and I can’t evict her. I’m so sick of this. My anxiety and adhd already make my daily life hard enough during school. And now I’m struggling to even fathom the thought of food because of my aunt. She’s made my life worse and she won’t accept that she can be a problem too. She only ever sees the flaws in me and my twin. Never in herself. I want to fight back but I’m so scared that she’ll yell at me again. That she’ll force me to sit back on the couch and yell in my face. I don’t want to relive that. I don’t know what to do anymore..

I just want help.. and I can’t get it. I don’t want to tell my therapist because he wont believe me. He’s already made it clear I can’t talk to him about my problems with speaking after a sensory overload or panic attack because It’s so exhausting to force myself to talk in a place I don’t feel safe. I don’t think it would be safe to be able to tell him about my problems with eating either. I don’t know what to do. I feel so helpless. I have no support that I feel comfortable telling about this. Im scared.. scared of my aunt. Scared of what she’ll do if she finds out how much I hate her. My life looks perfect but I am a mess. And I don’t have the power to fix it. If anyone has any advice, any at all, I would be so grateful. I just want help. That’s all really..

[the-haunted-office]

💔 ( dooms )

💔: My muse will tell yours something they never told anyone else

"Something I have never told anyone else. I don't think it's much of a secret, but I'll tell you anyway, Blue - I'm tired. I mean, I can't get physically tired. I never sleep - in fact, I can't sleep, not even if I lay down and try. But, I'm just tired. Of everything. Of everyone. Of life. Of death. Of everything in between. There's nothing here for me. I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be here, but I can't leave. I'm stuck. I'll be stuck here past the end of eternity and there is nothing I or anyone else can do about it. I'm utterly fucked in between the death of the multiverse and I don't get a choice in any of it, and I just don't want to be anymore........ But how are you today, anyway?"

[otiksimr]

Round two of funky dragons! (1) This time featuring a whole lot more bugs.

[scarakabu]

i think its sickening that antis claim to care about victims, only to:

- defend kyle carrozza (or say "dont make this about ship discourse"), who took advantage of his position as an antishipper, only to have over 600 images of CSEM in his possession

- speak lightly of what happened on epstein island by comparing proshippers to epstein and undermine the severity of the abuse

- undermine the severity of abuse in general, e.g calling lolisho "child pornography"

("CP" /CSEM is a term that refers to sexual exploitation of *real children.* lolisho is not "CP" /CSEM.)

- consistently harass, doxx people; tell people to 'slit' or kill themselves; send rape & abuse wishes ("i hope you get raped")

- refuse to acknowledge how easily their ideology allows predators to hide among them and manipulate them (again, kyle carrozza as an example, see the first point. he's far from the only one; many people i met in antiship spaces used it to their advantage to gain the trust of children, my own groomer included)

- think they know better than the therapists that tell proshippers its ok to use fiction??

etc... its never been about "protecting victims"

[starrysharks]

evilution

[carrioncider]

bastard's box more like bastard's Ball

[prettyflyshyguy]

Rejoice! Los Illuminados is bestowing upon you its most sacred body.

@cannibal-wings has been providing me excerpts and info about his RE4 remake AU.

It's good.

[valkubusqueen]

Avatrice + being cute in season 1 & 2 (part 1)

requested by @warrionnunaddict 

[royalarchivist]

With over 20 members currently on the QSMP and more on the way, it's almost impossible for a single person to stay up to date on everything that happens, even with help from QSMP's official Twitter recap accounts.

For people who are interested in QSMP's story, characters, and/or streamers but don't have time to watch hundreds of hours worth of VODs, I've created the QSMP VOD Timestamp Archive.

If there's a particular lore moment you missed live and can't find, search for it in the archive!

Timestamps include quotes, notable lore events, and funny interactions. Interesting or important moments from each stream are bolded for emphasis. I'm also adding short summaries for lore-heavy / eventful stream.

I've organized the document so it should be easy to navigate, and you can CTRL + F to search for specific streamers and/or events.

Complete VOD playlists, recaps, and additional resources are also included in the document for people who might be feeling overwhelmed by the amount of QSMP content out there. It's never too late to get into the series!

If you have a streamer you watch consistently, consider writing down important timestamps to help fellow fans! You don’t have to take detailed notes like mine – even one or two timestamps can be a real lifesaver. If you have any helpful timestamps you want added to the list (or even a 1 sentence summary of a particular stream), send it to me via DM so I can add it to the archive.

I am just one person, so unfortunately this archive is by no means comprehensive, but I'm constantly updating things and adding more streams and timestamps to the document. I've been working on this project for a while now, so even though it's not complete, I hope people find it useful!

[ VOD Timestamp Archive ]

[batw1nggg]

hi. im here to kamukoma ramble. ok so i reeaaly hate how all kamumeshi Fan Content (which is basically all kamukoma content) waters down izuru to being the dominant one and servant to being his cute little dog like i feel like its so much more complex then that.

izuru was created to be subservient, to be smart enough to see through manipulation tactics and yet not care enough about himself to do anything to stop them, always doing something to serve someone else’s interests - and even when he does do one thing in his own interest (the killing game), it was largely because of his obsession with junko, so we see her still pulling the strings on him from beyond the grave (emphasized by his convo with her in his udg cameo). he doesn’t have power and he’s been designed not to want it. he’s been robbed of his humanity over and over again and been taught to accept it. he even explicitly states all of this in talent dev plan with taka

komaeda, on the other hand, is always framed with such heavy control over the narrative - he heavily influences dr2’s ending and takes that same puppeteering role in udg too. although he has that inferiority complex, he still holds so much power over everyone else, manipulating them like chess pieces. he is just as dangerous as izuru is, considering he has not only the intelligence but the motivation to act out like this, something izuru lacks.

and so this creates a really cool complexity where servant believes he’s meant to be subservient to izuru but this may not be wholly reflected in the way he acts, and izuru most definitely does not care for/about controlling servant. and, if izuru does take a domineering role, it’s because that’s what servant wants (especially after junko’s death, when he has no one left to place himself beneath), and so izuru’s still letting himself go with whoever the people surrounding him want him to be. he’s not with servant for the power trip, that goes completely against everything he’s ever been - because, in reality, IZURU is the one who exists to serve. to serve his creators, and then junko afterwards, even after her death. his purpose has always been assigned to him, not created by him.

both characters are fucked up and morally grey. both characters are the man, both characters are the god.

this is what i wish people would focus more on when writing their general character development and the development of their relationship. because they barely get any screen time you get lots of creative freedom and you can take this concept in either a “they are going to heal and get better together” route or a “they are doomed to always hurt each other in their codependency” route or some weird thing in between; again, personal preference, and if you want to keep izuru and hajime separate postgame this opens a whole new plethora of dynamics and development to write about after komaeda becomes himself again. the flexibility of their dynamic is whats so intriguing to me - kamukoma is a very complex and fluid idea that i wish more people would mess around with like this join me and we can play with them like putty

[lilybug-02]

Sorry to bring this up, but you used to draw with a guy under the name GameTheSoldier right? Have you seen what he recently posted?

Yes. For starters, I want to reiterate that anyone reading this post NEEDS TO BLOCK HIM. He is an online predator and emotional manipulator.

Trigger Warning Below: (Mentions of manipulation, predatory behavior, grooming, and pornography)

Me and 2 of my close tumblr friends would draw with him constantly on magma.io (all of 2022). He had strange tendencies of guilting us into drawing late into the night and emotionally breaking our characters. February of last year both of my friends came out and told me that he had been talking and drawing with them more privately. He had asked and guilted them into drawing pornography and extremely violent artworks of his and their characters. Both were underage.

I can tell you that what he has "admitted" in his most recent post is not even close to what he actually did.

Gamethesoldier, as a 22+ year old man, targeted MULTIPLE minors online, heavily MANIPULATED them, started long and serious relationships with them, and MANY more disgusting acts with pornography and gore. I went to the police last year, but was unable to get him arrested as he and his victims were in different countries and I myself was not one of his victims.

What he has done is unacceptable, despicable, and criminally illegal. One of my friends was heavily impacted by his actions and is still clearly shaken by what happened. They are at no fault for any of what he did.

For respect to my friends, I kept this quiet, deleting all of my art with him. But recently I saw he was with another magma.io group and... I could NOT let that stand. He does not deserve pity or empathy. He is a criminal and one who has manipulated minors to a horrifying degree.

I apologize for the extreme degree of this post. But I wanted to make it clear, he is not a good person.

[sluckythewizard]

'I wont cry for you, I wont crucify the things you do. I wont cry for you, see, when you're gone, I'll still be BLOODY MARY'

[dearabsolutelynoone]

Bridgerton Ballroom 💭

[gooperts-gunk]

im so crazy over the tragedy of everything q!bbh does being under a demon pretense even though he's a fallen angel.

do u think he just accepts the demon label because it's easier. do u think he believes it too, and catches himself in his thoughts with "oh, right. im not exactly that". and maybe he believes that he did this to himself? do u think what he did was to protect himself or someone? no matter the fall, he still has so much kindness to give and his brain just isn't wired the way a natural-born demon would be, he can't hold back instincts when time demands it, maybe that's why he fell in the first place.

and when he's finally bad, not good, it's treated like the end of the world, without empathy on why he would act out. do you think this keeps happening? the same scenario, multiple times, every timeline? he has to be used to it. so he has to take it in stride. he's good until he lashes out under extreme pressure, and suddenly he's called demon. and once again he's what heaven made him out to be. what he made himself to be, his brain would ruthlessly provide...

i don't think he wants to be that, though he hides secrets behind secrets of which neither identity is a home... but i don't think he wants to have to change, either. and i don't think that's wrong of him.

...you collapse atlantis ONE TIME and all of a sudden YOU'RE the bad guy and SURE it was FUN but REALLY now,--

[dxrkl1ght]

CW: Implied abuse(?) + bruises below the cut (just in case)

there's a new case for them to solve

I love serial killers

[frosteee-variation]

Posting here as well because why not!! Shout out to (and rest in terror 😔) Alan Curupen of Providence Al Dente. Your soul may have overflowed on lore but.

actually no yeah we don't know what terror a. ball's deal is yet so. this may or may not go poorly for us. but at least we're plot-relevant /lh

( honestly I don't know what the quality's going to be like because mspaint but uhm. I miss you alan :[ )