or, alternative title: "The destruction of the dream"
more info below (and spoilers for Qi Ye/Lord Seventh, too...)
So I like to spend my time imagining what my ideal Qi Ye donghua adaptation would look like, and after recently talking at lenght about LJX and ZZS, I was in the mood to picture some of my favourite scenes involving them.
Listening to one music in particular (Empire Systems, by Raphael Anton Irisarri), I was suddenly hit by this image of LJX leaving ZZS' office as he went to see him for the first time after being told that ZZS & JBY were behind the Jiang family massacre. That time, he doesn't confront ZZS yet, rather trying to obtain a proof of ZZS providing the drugged wine to JBY.
He leaves, and at that moment, when he does get that proof, when he does realise that what he was told is probably true, ...naturally, his whole world collapses. So far, he was already fragile, burdened by grief and guilt, for having failed at his mission, for having slept in, for having lost so many people he cherished; and now, he's losing his one true pillar, the "person who loved him the most", the person whom he himself had always looked up to...
And then that's all he can see; that dream he'd loved so much, him and ZZS walking through the peach tree orchards, wandering together - now, there is only death and pain. I wanted to depict that, the destruction, corruption of the dream, of his shixiong.
I feel like the dream is the representation of Jiuxiao's world (outside of reality, partly revolving around ZZS, literally rose-coloured), and that world has momentarily collapsed. In the end, unable to stand it, he decides to... rewrite reality in his own way, shifting the blame on HLY, trying to preserve what it used to be, preserve ZZS' image, because ultimately reality is the hardest to bear.
I think that my goal here was to represent destruction, the absence of safety, the place of comfort now corrupted. I named it "shixiong" because first and foremost, I see it as... the tragedy of how for a moment, that's the only way LJX can ever think of ZZS: a dark, threatening shadow who destroyed his whole world.
As a side note, and because I need to gush about it: HELP I think that LJX and ZZS' storyline in QY is truly, truly brilliant and absolutely gut wrenching and I'm so glad I read QY.
i dont think zzs has relationship ocd, but i can see a lot of myself in him. his insecurity regarding what other people (people he cares about) might think and feel of him, this obsessive need to find out the „truth“ and this almost conspiracy-like conviction that there always is a „hidden truth“ beneath. this crippling fear that others might lie to you and you might not be able to see it. this conviction that others lie, even when they do not, because the sincerity of their emotions, their honest expression without traps or fallbacks or holdbacks, is just too unbelievable to not be artificial. this seeing patterns where none might be, and obsessively following clues that might lead nowhere. thats why i prefer the reading that zzs essentially misunderstood both jq and ljx (ch.47 and ch.61 of qi ye respectively), and that for the latter, it signed zzs‘s downwards spiral. if u interpret their last conversation in qi ye as zzs viewing ljx as rejecting him and as all ljx does is trying to save him from himself and understand him, zzs‘s later habits post-tianchuang and how he views some of ljx‘s words from that conversation (ch.20, ch.27) (and the discrepancy as can be seen in ch.76 of qi ye in what zzs believes ljx‘s very last words on this earth were vs what they actually were, which lends strength to this reading as it fits the „theme“), his failure at reading ppl he feels personally a lot towards, even though he technically has all the facts or there might be an easier explanation that is not as abstract as the one he favours, makes a lot of sense. now, i have started a new reread of tyk and im seeing wkx in a somewhat different light. he is incredibly odd and off-putting and even i, who knows the final and should know his character, have a hard time getting a read of him almost all the time during much of their earlier interactions (ch. 6-13). what is wkx doing here? is he lying or does he believe what he says? is this an act or are his thoughts truly this jumpy? how much of his „im an odd ghost im odd“ persona is a persona, how much is a reflection of the truth? that means zzs‘s conviction that wkx is trying to deceive him is not that off-track, and considering that wkx gives me the strong impression that he IS instrumentalizing the one weakness he found zzs, that glib vagrant, to have (being flirted with), and seems to maintain it all the way until he realizes zzs is going to fucking die (ch.29, moment i personally view as wkx‘s breakthrough), im not even faulting zzs for, well, picking up on it. still. you can tell that his thoughts and his explanations are obsessive and self-destructive, that this is less about whether or not wkx is playing him, and more that zzs does not believe he is worthy of love and sincerity (ch.18, first time he actually spells it out). so, i do not think zzs has some type of ocd in that regard; he only needs a heart-to-heart with wkx and then he is „cured“ (ch.65). but i do think his narrative reflects a lot of what it can feel like to live with relationship ocd, to be in the mind of someone who has ocd, and all the convulted and bizarre actions and conclusions such a person is comitting and drawing, because of their twisted worldview
Uhhhh hi, zixiao anyone? (Bichen proposed yunxu (云絮) which is very poetic of them, but might confuse some ppl, so I'm probably just going to use a few variants until we officially settle 🤣)
This sweet figure takes it's inspiration from Zhou Zishu's Episode One flashback to a happier time.
Of course, that flashback is sandwiched between some not so happy times, but! Let's revisit.
It's really such a cute scene. All the better to twist the knife into Zishu's heart!
This big eyed, innocent faced fig arrived carefully wedged in his polystyrene box. I was very happy this arrived safe and sound, with the hairpin in perfect shape!
The fig maker really did make him young and carefree looking!
Full credit to Liang Jiuxiao, I wouldn't be able to carve a better hairpin either.
The detail on his robes are great - the folds at the bottom, and the up the sides.
I love this hair tie, and I love all renditions of it. It's interesting that he retained this tie with him into Tian Chuang when he doesn't seem to have retained anything else, other than Baiyi and a big painting of flowers that are slowly turning red.
I did buy several copies of this hair tie when it was released as official merchandise because I loved it so much.
The modelling on the hair and guan is simple but nice.
Aww young Zishu. He's got some hard years ahead of him at this point.
The modeling on his hands is beautiful. I like his finger extended around the hairpin, it's exactly true to the video clip.
Look at those rosy cheeks. I love him.
I love the multi-level layers of robes here - all the hidden details always make me happy. He does stand up just fine with the extra support from the bottom of the robes.
Here's some detail on the guan and the hairstyle. Looks great I think. Little bit of overspray but I don't think it detracts.
And of course the hair tie! It's actually tucked up under the guan.
Our beautiful box card. The figure itself came in a plain white box, but this card is just lovely.
I MADE A NEW LITTLE FAN COMIC!
NSFW (voyeurism; so not involving Zishu himself!), self-discovery, slice of life.
>>>>>>>>>>>READ IT HERE!<<<<<<<<<<<
Example pages + some rambling below! 😘
This comic relies heavily on a bunch of personal headcanons regarding ZZS' sexuality, habits and hobbies. It was initially meant to be only two pages and posted on my NSFW twitter account....
But 10 times that amount of pages later, I've got something that I'm very happy with and that is much richer than that!
I had been meaning to write a fanfic telling a similar story but I feel like drawing it ended up being much more effective. It is technically a followup to a WIP fic that I haven't posted yet.... so let's just consider that it's set in the continuity of a yet-to-be-posted (hopefully) fic.
That being said, the images speak louder than words, so I don't have anything special to add here!
Enjoy reading!!
and in case the link above is broken: https://www.pixiv.net/artworks/113306982
Liang Jiuxiao, Zhou Zishu, Jing Beiyuan, G, 247 words. Weresable AU. For the DZZS Lunar New Year prompt fest Day 2: Chosen Family. Read on AO3.
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The night Liang Jiuxiao changed was the most terrifying night of Zhou Zishu’s life.
They were at Jing Beiyuan’s house drinking wine and admiring the moon when Liang Jiuxiao mentioned feeling a little funny, and then suddenly ill. His face was gray and clammy and his lungs heaved, as if he had been poisoned. The panic that constricted Zhou Zishu’s chest was like being squeezed by a snake when he had to catch Liang Jiuxiao as he toppled over.
Liang Jiuxiao could not speak when they tried to question him, merely uttering a high-pitched whine. The eyes that met Zhou Zishu’s looked strange, sclerae swallowed up in a dark expanse.
Jing Beiyuan gestured to Ping An, who took off at a run towards the door.
By the time Wu Xi arrived with his kit, Zhou Zishu was holding a sable in his arms where the boy he raised used to be, Jing Beiyuan struck speechless at his side. They had seen the transformation, Liang Jiuxiao shrinking into his clothes in the moonlight, but Zhou Zishu’s eyes didn’t believe it. The animal looked as shocked as the rest of them, but started to snuffle at Zhou Zishu’s chin nonetheless.
Zhou Zishu flat out refused to let Wu Xi examine Liang Jiuxiao, or release his hold at all. “My shidi,” Zhou Zishu murmured, gently rubbing his soft little ears to soothe them both. “What am I going to do with you now?”