#life doesn't need to be a speedrun or a 100% run

[uncanny-tranny]

Your life isn't a to-do list. You're allowed to exist, to take life as slow as you'd like. The dreams you have won't suddenly disappear. It's okay to stop and smell the roses, or to engage with "childish" things, or to recover, or do what you need to.

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

Oop I seem to have started Conversations- xD

I wanted to add on a comment on declaring BitA my favourite, and it's the admission that I don't read Apocalypse AUs?

Like. Ever?

Or, well, I do *now*, since it does count, but I picked up BitA because of the lil bit that the Apocalypse was just the setting, it's a found fam speed run, and I have no regrets ^w^

(It also has probably my favorite Childe but that's because I'm a chili kinda guy and also very weak for 100% human non-powered competence Childe in AUs and BitA is just. Perfection on that front. Its a close call though- you generally write really good Childe)

actually you are so valid for that, for as much as i love apocalypse stories sometimes i'm like "how gritty / dark / edgy is the author going to make it...?" and simply turn away if it's too much. i feel like i do kinda prefer apocalypse as a setting and not the whole plot, hence babysitting being a found family speedrun instead hahaha

on the chili/zhongchi note, you reminded me of like- something very interesting i've noticed as i continue to stack up wips for those two,, i did mention earlier that sometimes in aus you have to choose whether to completely adhere to canon characterization and somehow find a way to explain it / integrate that within the au (which is sometimes easy), or choose to go for circumstancial character fidelity and stray slightly into ooc territory so the au makes sense (in cases where aus are far removed from canonverse and so, logically, if the characters didn't live through the exact same circumstances, then they wouldn't behave exactly the same).

so while writing those idiots i've come to notice that, in more canonverse-aligned stories or straight up just canonverse, i lean more towards zhongchi; whereas in non-canonverse aligned stories or, in this case, only babysitting since it's essentially a modern universe au (fully, since both are from the same time period, cyanide doesn't count on that front) i tend to lean more towards tartali/chili. even then i generally consider that like- the differences are subtle enough? where you could read it as both? that might just be me, it might just be the fact that i'd argue there's no actual top/bottom dynamic going on since there's no sexy times in any of my fics. but the point is- i think the one who changes the most is zhongli, because if you take off 6000+ years of experience and a whole ass war from his shoulders, no matter how inventive you make his backstory in a fantasyless modern au, you'll struggle to reach the necesary baggage in order to justify making him behave exactly like canonverse zhongli. and when you get a more humnan-like zhongli, and childe can stay mostly the same (he's so much easier to adapt to modern aus), and you keep them at a relatively similar age (you can kinda justify making zhongli more canon aligned if you give him several years over childe, but i'm not that much of a fan of writing the kind of age gap i feel you'd need for that? still, always an option), then you somehow end up tipping the dynamic out of zhongchi terrritory and into tartali/chili, which i find very funny and kinda interesting to think about. like if you put them on a relatively even playing field of life experience, childe definitely ends up being the more forward one of the two, hence it reads more like chili than zhongchi. of course this all mostly has to do with the way i personally write them, but still. afraid you'll only get more noticeably chili-aligned stories from me again if i end up writing another story with a fully human zhongli hahah

[dravid-writes]

Die in the game, die in real life. A terrifying threat, but one that I was confident I would survive, because the game I was thrown into? Last Legend III. My favorite game of all time by a long shot, and one I had beaten literally a hundred times.

I love this game to the point of obsession, learned everything there was to know about it, completed countless challenge runs, even held a world record speedrun for a while. Every detail and system quirk and glitch, I knew it all. Beating the game without the main character dying? No problem.

See, of all the glitches and exploits in this game, one reigns supreme as the most game-breaking tactic of all: Sharpen stacking. Elewis, the healer of the party, has many buff spells that aren't balanced very well. The Sharpen spell that you get at level 5 boosts the whole party's attack power by x1.5 for the entire battle, turning basically any fight into a cakewalk. But the devs were really asleep at the wheel when programming it, because if you cast it multiple times, it stacks. Exponentially. Just 3 casts will more than triple your damage, and you can shred through the final boss in 5 turns.

So yeah. Aside from the ending, this was going to be a breeze.

But then I got to the first boss.

It's a possessed suit of armor, really basic, no tricks except a charge attack that doesn't even do enough to kill. I played through the fight just like I had a hundred times before, shouting the same commands to my party members that I was so used to selecting. "Ricon," I call to the mage, "another Thunder Bolt."

Ricon silently prepares another bolt.

I turn to the archer. "Alina, Triple Shot."

"Quit telling me what to do!" she complains, but whips out three arrows. I liked it better when I could turn on Manual Mode with a menu rather than with a conversation.

"Elewis, another Sharpen."

"A third? Are you sure we shouldn't-"

"Just do it, the faster we kill this thing the less chance it has to kill us." Taking my own advice, I rush forward and strike with a Rending Slash. 46 damage. Then Ricon's bolt strikes it. 63. I tested to make sure, and all the game's mechanics still work perfectly; every stat and value and calculation is perfectly predictable, just like the game. There's no interface, but that's not an issue since I've memorized everything. The boss only has 300 health left. It's over in 2 turns.

The Cursed Guardian attacks with just a basic slash on Elewis. She grits her teeth and clutches her wound. "I'm hit!"

With the armor I gave her, it's only 35 damage out of 100 health. "Don't worry, just cast another Sharpen." But before I can shout another round of commands, Ricon points at the boss's glowing sword.

"It's preparing something! We need to defend ourselves!" That line just gets more annoying every time I hear it.

"Don't worry, it's not strong enough to kill us. Just keep attacking!"

Ricon gives me a look, but follows my order and continues raining lightning on it. We keep up the damage, ripping through the armor in not-quite-record speed, but far faster than a casual playthrough. I would've loved to speedrun this, but I have to make sure Galeran- I mean, I never die. Only 79 health left as the Cursed Guardian brings its sword down on Elewis. I already did the math before the battle, it's only 49 da-

A flash of light and a scream startle me out of my thoughts as Elewis it sent flying, falling to the ground... and staying there. Woops, a critical hit. Oh well, I doubt we'll need another Sharpen-

"ELEWIS!!" Alina shouts. Sheesh, she's irritating.

"It's fine, we'll kill this thing and revive her back at town."

But Alina ignores me and runs toward Elewis with a phoenix down. Oh shoot, I didn't know they could turn on Auto-Battle themselves like that. That could really screw things up. But fortunately, Ricon and I are able to finish off the armor without her. I feel the relief as the battle ends, and an energizing surge of strength from the level up. Now to head back and revive-

"Guys, something's wrong!" Alina shouts.

Ricon runs over, and I sigh and follow him. Alina kneels over Elewis, fumbling in her bag for a phoenix down. "No, don't waste that here, we can revive her for cheaper at the town-"

But she ignores me and presses the feather to Elewis' chest. It disappears, showering Elewis in a spiral of sparkling light... and nothing happens.

"I'm so sorry, I... This has never happened before," the priest says. "It's just... not working."

"What do you mean?" Ricon asks. "Is the wound too deep? Did that spirit's attack curse her body?"

"No, nothing seems to be wrong, it's just... the magic isn't working. I can't revive her."

"Why NOT!? Isn't that your JOB!?" Alina starts going on some stupid rant, I don't pay much attention. The others are all busy trying to figure out why this happened, how to revive her. But this is a simple realization for me.

This challenge makes ALL death permanent.

Still, I went along with them to every town we have access to, seeing if anyone could revive her, but it was futile.

We had lost Elewis forever.

The morning after the burial, I was desperately trying to re-plan my run. I've done a no-Elewis run before; with how broken she is with Sharpen and her buffs in general, it's a pretty popular challenge. And I've also done a deathless run. But both at once? This challenge just got a lot scarier. One roll of bad RNG, and everything could go wrong. And with how long fights will take without Sharpen, that's a lot of time for bad luck to come around... It's going to take a lot of planning, strategy, and perfect execution, but I think I can still-

"Galeran?" Ricon says, snapping me out of my thoughts. "I'm taking over as strategist."

"W-what? Why?"

Alina steps forward, jabbing a finger into my chest. "Because your stupid plan got my best friend KILLED!"

"What?! That's not my fault! I had no idea that resurrection would suddenly stop working!"

"Oh, so you were just going to have her briefly die. Because that's TOTALLY okay."

"I-it was bad luck! The chances of her getting hit twice and getting a cri- getting hit that hard were one in a hundred! You can't blame me for that!"

Ricon glares at me. "An ally was wounded while the enemy was preparing a powerful attack, and you told her not to heal, not to defend, but to cast Sharpen. Going forward, with resurrection no longer functioning, I believe we need a tactician that's less..." He pauses, trying to find a polite way to say 'stupid'. "... reckless."

Reckless? RECKLESS?! I've beaten this game at level 1! Do you have any idea how much caution that takes!? "This is ridiculous, I'm the leader! You need to follow my orders!"

"The only thing we need is your ability to wield the sacred sword. I suppose I can't force you to follow my lead, but we will not be taking orders from you any longer."

Oh no. Oh no no no, this is the worst-case scenario. The auto-battle AI is absolute trash, and without Elewis to keep them alive, this is about to become a solo-Galeran deathless run! Even the world-record speedrun for the solo-Galeran category includes reloads to deal with bad RNG! "No, no no, that is a terrible idea, you NEED to listen to me!"

"And why is THAT?!" snaps Alina.

Damn it, why can't they see how smart I am! "Because I know everything!"

Alina and Ricon exchange glances, then frown at me.

Oh geez, they hate me now. I'll never convince them to follow my plans like this. Talking to people was never my strong suit, that's why I have thousands of hours in this game. "... Okay, I'm sorry. But please, is there anything I can do to make you trust me as a strategist?"

"Technically," Ricon says, "you can't 'make' someone trust you."

"And you could start by being a bit less selfish!" Alina says. "You always take the best armor for yourself, and any time you're hurt you take a potion, but when ELEWIS was WOUNDED, you told her to not worry!"

"But that's because..." Well shit, they wouldn't believe me about the challenge. And... well, they're kinda totally right. No wonder they hate me, I've been purely prioritizing my own safety... That's it. "Give me a second."

I sit down at a table and start calculating on some scratch paper. I learned Shield Bash after that boss fight, so I know I'm level 11 now. I've been tracking our exp of course, but just to make sure... "Alina, do you know how to poison your arrows yet?"

Her anger turns to confusion. "No? Why?"

Good, so she's at most level 14. I pick out a convenient equipment setup, run all the numbers... I stand up and hand Alina my starting wooden sword.

"What's this for?"

"Hit me."

She doesn't even hesitate. 9 damage.

Ricon stares at us in shock. "What in the world are you..."

"Ricon, how many times would it take for Alina to hit me with that before I die?"

"Are you insane?!"

I turn back to Alina. "Hit me."

I grit my teeth as her strike connects. 9 more.

"Ricon. How many more can I survive?"

"What in the... I don't know, five?"

"Alina, six more times."

Alina grins and delivers a third strike. "I think I like this strategy." A fourth strike.

I endure it as best I can. "I know exactly how strong that sword is."

*WHACK*

"And my armor, too."

*WHACK*

I lose my footing for a moment, but stay standing. "And I've been tracking how strong-"

*WHACK*

"E-each of us are getting..."

*WHACK*

I fall backward onto the ground, but fortunately, there's no fall damage in this game.

"Stop, stop you idiots!" Ricon shouts. "He might be a selfish, arrogant fool, but if he dies there will be no one to wield the sacred sword!"

Alina sighs. "I hate it when you're right."

"A-another..." I say. It was only 8 hits. 72 damage.

"Seriously?" Alina shrugs. "Okay." *WHACK* 81.

I catch my breath. I don't think I can even stand like this. "I-I admit, I was reckless during that fight... I wasn't taking it seriously enough... I thought it wouldn't matter as long as we won..."

"But it would've mattered if YOU died, right?"

"Another..."

*WHACK* 90.

"I-I know... every monster... every spell... I know exactly how much... it takes to kill each of us... Another-"

"STOP!" Ricon steps between Alina and I. "Is this some sort of chicken game?! If you're trying to prove that you're willing to risk your own life, you've made your point!"

"No, it's... the opposite... I don't take risks... If you let me lead... I promise I'll do better this time... Another..."

Alina stares at me. "You sure?"

I manage a nod.

She hesitates... but brings the sword down.

*WHACK*

Darkness clouds my vision. My entire body is screaming out in pain, and I can feel myself ready to slip away.

"... Wow," Alina says. "I'll admit, I'm impressed."

"... could someone... take me to bed... i need to be unconsciousness for 24 hours..."