#...or the expectations we impose on ourselves

[uncanny-tranny]

Your life isn't a to-do list. You're allowed to exist, to take life as slow as you'd like. The dreams you have won't suddenly disappear. It's okay to stop and smell the roses, or to engage with "childish" things, or to recover, or do what you need to.

[tarjapearce]

soccer family

how did miguel propose 👀💍

The serious questions yo ❤️✨

Hope you like 🥹✨

Time and life were funny. Sometimes funny in the good kind of way, sometimes in the oddest sorts. If someone would have told Miguel those three years ago, in that evening at Peter's carneada that he would meet his future wife, he'd surely would've just rolled his precious mahogany eyes at cuss in spanish at whoever speaking such nonsense.

He wasn't in the look for someone, yet there you were, his serendipity. Coming into his life like an unforgiving hurricane of things and emotions he had never had the time nor the interest in experiencing at their fullest.

Yet, there you were.

Blatant, not giving two shits on his scary nature, fascinated by him through and through and brazen for making a move. That had surely sealed the deal for him.

He wasn't one for backing away from difficulties, he knew much the challenge he represented to others. And still, you did not only pass it with flying colors, but had actually enjoyed it. Enjoyed him; and in all truth, he enjoyed you too.

Enjoyed the push and pull you offered, the demented moments that certainly earned his brain another wrinkle since he was learning so much from you. Enjoyed your attention and how willingly you'd bask him into it. You were his nepenthe.

How gentle and patient you were with him, when everyone expected so much out of him. Of course he was a genius, or else he wouldn't be into the Lab's head division back in Alchemax. But the way you made him experience things felt surreal, and the feeling increased ten times fold when you shared your first kiss.

The way your lips had tasted and devoured each other was engraved into his core memories. The way you both had explored and shared your emotions was exciting, thrilling yet oh so scary for him.

He wasn't one used to be taken care of. He was the caretaker. A self imposed role he always seemed invested in. But your little ways of weaving into his heart and mind showed him a new perspective of the world he often ignored.

He'd never forget how gentle and careful your tiny fingers were, when helping him patching up in that dirty soccer game. How shameless you were enjoying his reactions. How gorgeous you looked when your eyes wrinkled when laughing your ass off at his suffering. Cruel, but so so hypnotizing.

You'd soon become his wonderwall. His obsession and the only reason he'd go to social gatherings really. If you were there, everything was as it should be. Wonderful, the world would keep spinning normally, but in the few times your absence said present, he'd go home early. Bored out of his mind, the rest was too simple and unworthy of his attention.

Of course, women threw themselves at him. Appearance wasn't something he indulged too much neither care. He was aware of his looks, specially on his little pair of abnormal fangs you loved to feel, for whatever reasons.

"I just do." You'd tell him. And that was more than enough motive to stop worrying over them. You loved them. You loved him.

Every bit of his unwanted self, you made sure he'd know how much you enjoyed it, how much you cherished that certain part he had grown uncomfortable with through his younger years and he'd do the same for you.

After you had shared your bodies, there was no turning back for him. He gave everything of himself into you. His flesh, his scent, his energy and love to you. Something so raw yet pure that turned you into his inspiration, his muse.

You always strived to be better, for yourself mostly.

"How can one be the best version of oneself if we don't grow ourselves as individuals? I want you to have the best of me."

You'd shared in between giggles and drunken thoughts.

He adored your drunk self but would never admit it out loud. You'd come up with the most random yet brain eater questions you could imagine.

He'd fear that day that nearly lost you completely over his stupid pride. A fight ignited by your family. A reason to rarely and never visit them.

He loved your mind. And as months passed on you both, he learned how to love your flaws as well.

And now, three years after, you had given him one of his most precious gifts. His firstborn. His daughter. His child. The result of his unbridled love towards you.

You were his. But of course you had no ways to prove it to the world.

He'd spend hours if possible, watching you through loving yet stoic eyes, feed his little bundle of love, that was overjoyed whenever he held her.

A little Gabriella that was now deep asleep into her crib, in her own room, under his roof. Of course you'd move in with him when Gabi was born. It was the right thing to you.

Six months had passed since her birth, and three years with six months had passed since he met you.

You crawled under the sheets, quanked, yet with the little bits of energy you had left, curled into his chest. Seeking his blanketing warmth. His chest your safe space.

"Took me longer this time to make her fall asleep"

"Yeah. Maybe we should take her to the doctor."

His brows knitted together briefly before kissing your forehead.

"I'm pretty sure she'll be fine."

Silence crawled on you both as you just relished into each other's company. His heartbeat kept pounding in his ears.

The past year and a half had gone through but a certain question was always present. Why hadn't he ask you sooner? It didn't matter.

You remained at his side. So ever loyal, so brave, so rident and brisk. You were exactly what the hypothetical cupid delivered him after his secret longings.

"Mi reina?" (My queen)

An endearing term he only used when discussing serious matters. Despite the exhaustion taking your body hostage, you inquired him with a small and sleepy 'Hm?'

"Would you marry me?"

Eyes looked up at him, a mix of surprise and anger. Surprise that he'd ask such thing out of the blue and anger for the question to be so... powerful and simple that left you speechless. And still, you couldn't help but chuckle out of nervousness.

"It's not a laughing matter corazón. I mean it. Would you marry me?"

You felt your left ring finger being adorned with a golden band that against all odds was perfect in your finger. Like he had forseen this for quite the time.

But it also made sense. All those little moments of him touching and examining your hands resumed into this moment.

"Of course I wanna marry you, tontito" (dummy)

He chuckled as he caressed your hair in his own self grounding and reassuring touch.

"Good. Good."

"Te amo."

His heart wasn't raging anymore, but soaring into this quiet and maddening joy. You had said yes. The words he so yearned for you to say , finally spoken to his heart.

"También te amo, preciosa."

Your own heart soared in bliss at the words you had been secretly practicing over and over. You no longer had to practice, since one of your secret and wildest dreams had came true.

[sneepseverus]

tysm

can i recommend a snapesmut fic? i just want to see him at the yule ball finding a fem reader in a carriage and decides to help her out if yk what i mean? and they make it a regular thing but not in just a carriage in like his class and that behind a paintin in the forest idk im not sure, i would prefer if the reader was a student cause i like taboo stuff but if your not comfy can you make her his assistant? ty it would mean alot

I made the reader his assistant here! As I reread the request, I realized I also made a slight modification; I made Y/N take the lead once they were in the carriage (hope that's okay! It just felt more natural with what I had in mind 🙏)

Warnings:

NSFW (MINORS DNI)

Riding, p in v, oral (F and M receiving), fingering

Word count: ~2.3k

"Enjoying ourselves, are we?" you asked teasingly, knowing fully well the answer was no. There was nothing more Severus loved than attending school events after working hours and having to act as a chaperone for developing adolescents with raging hormones. 

"Obviously," he replied, letting out a huff. 

His sarcasm never failed to make you smile. Most people found him intimidating, scary even, and you'd be lying if you said you never felt that way. However, after working with him and getting to know him these past few months, your feelings quickly became warmer, hotter even. You had sometimes spent time outside work, but it was nothing more than a quick cup of tea. 

But tonight you decided it would be different. "Now's my chance!" you thought. You put in more thought into your outfit than you usually would have for an event like this, hoping that seeing you in a different context would make him see you more than his assistant, as a person (an attractive one, at that.) You practiced many times in your head how to ask him to dance; you didn't want to come across as too imposing, but you also wanted to let him know you were interested in having something more than a professional relationship. 

However, any semblance of confidence swiftly left your body. While he did acknowledge you when you made your way next to him, his expressions suggested he didn't particularly care that you were all dolled up for this event. He was more focused on the drink in his hand and the students dancing in the center. 

Unsurprisingly, you could only focus on one thing. It was a rare sight to see him without his cloak; it almost felt a little too intimate. Fuck, all you wanted to do was rip apart all those buttons and see what was hiding underneath. And those fingers; why were they grasping a glass and not your waist? You were hoping mistletoe would appear so you'd have an excuse to kiss him and…have his mouth do other things to you.

"No, now is not the time to be thinking such things!" you thought to yourself. Unfortunately, it wasn't as simple to stop as you would have liked; you could already feel the sensitivity rising in your core. 

"Excuse me!" you babbled before dashing off somewhere secluded so you could clear your mind.

You found an empty carriage outside and entered. Despite the frigid weather, it was the closest private place you could have at the moment. You took deep breaths, trying to erase all the explicit imagery forming in your head so you could carry on with the night. 

All of a sudden, you heard a bang from outside, and the door quickly opened. "Y/L/N? What are you doing here?"

Shit. "Oh! Severus, I…" you began, clearing your throat, "I needed some fresh air, is all. I'll be back inside in a moment."

"Are you certain? You looked quite flustered before scurrying off."

"Yes," you replied. "I'm all right."

"Oh, I see. My apologies. You weren't…expecting anyone were you?" he followed up, embarrassed. "If so, then I'll leave you be." Despite the darkness of the night, you noticed his fists tightening around his wand.

"Expecting anyone? Please, if it were someone, it'd be you," you blurted out, not realizing what you just insinuated until after the fact.

"Oh? And why is that?" he asked curiously, raising his eyebrows.

You could feel your cheeks become hotter. "I just mean—Oh, for Merlin's sake, the truth is…I could hardly keep my eyes off you tonight. I so desperately wanted to ask you to dance, but I got scared and ran off. That’s why I’m here. There you have it," you confessed. 

You expected him to leave awkwardly, but instead, he entered the carriage before sitting across from you and closing the door. "Well, since we are being honest here, I must confess that I couldn't keep my eyes off of you."

"What?"

"Yes. Seeing as I supervise you, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, so I tried my best to look away. But I must say, you look rather beautiful tonight. I mean, not that you don't normally do, but tonight especially, with your dress and jewelry and hair and…" he rambled. "But anyway, that’s expected; what isn’t is how you could feel similarly about me."

"Are you serious?!" you exclaimed. "How could I not? You're so captivating, the way you speak and carry yourself. How can they have us work together daily and not think I'd eventually become attracted to you? I'm surprised someone as intelligent as you can't see just how sexy you are."

"Sex…y?” he repeated. "Are you really certain you’re feeling okay? I think your lack of proper outerwear has somehow halted your ability to think correctly."

"Shut up! It’s true!” you maintained. "Your voice, your mind, your hands, all of you is so sexy."

"Well, since 'professionalism' clearly no longer exists in this space…I can easily say the same about you."

You weren’t sure if you were imagining his last sentence, but there was no time to think. "Fuck, just kiss me already," you ordered.

In just a second, your arms were wrapped tightly around each other as your lips crashed. Your fingers found their way into his hair, while his were exploring your back, slowly sliding down until they reached your hips.

Inside the limited space, you settled on his lap, pressing your core against his. His eyes lowered from your face to your cleavage placed right in front of him. As you felt his hardness developing underneath his pants, you began slowly grinding against it, eliciting involuntary moans from him. "Just tell me if you want to stop at any point," you breathed, but his expressions and hands gripping your lower back were clear indications of his willingness to continue.

You could feel your wetness building, and your need to feel him inside you was only getting stronger. "I want to ride you," you blurted out. You slid off him to pull down your soaked underwear, dangling it in front of him before throwing it to the side.

He paused, taking his time to process what was happening right before him. But not too long after, his fingers slid down to his waistband, slowly unbuckling his belt. He was embarrassed but couldn't leave you being the only one pantless.

As you lifted your dress up, his own bottoms came off, revealing his aching cock. "Fuck," he let out at the sight of you sliding yourself down on him with such ease.

With him holding you to keep you balanced, you began to bounce slowly up and down, letting out a moan each time. You gripped his shoulders, staring lustfully into his eyes before he dropped his head back.

"You fill me up so well," you uttered. With whatever remaining energy you had, you placed messy kisses all over his face. "Just like I've been dreaming this whole time.” 

Although he wasn't able to let out a single word, the soft moans leaving his parting lips were enough to tell you how he felt.

You couldn't keep it together any longer. As your bounces sped up, your orgasm took over while his hot cum simultaneously spilled deeply inside you. "Severus! Ah!" you screamed. When you were certain your body could not produce any more pulses, you slid off him, trying to regain your energy.

You helped each other get your bottoms back on, but there was no way you could re-enter the room. Even if you played it cool, nobody would be able to ignore the messy hair and lipstick marks all over his cheeks.

You exited the cramped carriage, gathering your composure.

"I didn't realize we were on a first-name basis," he finally said, smirking.

"We just fucked in a carriage; I sure hope we would be."

"You're right...Y/N."

As you made your way back to the castle, trying to find an entrance where no one else would be, you linked your arms around his. "I hope we can make this more of a regular occurrence.”

He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. The next few weeks were even more exciting and scandalous than the night of the ball.

Nobody questioned you when you told your colleagues and superiors you had work to do with Severus in his office. Instead of marking papers, you were busy being bent over next to his desk while his cock filled you up, balls slapping against your skin with each pump. He had one hand gripping your hip while the other was cupping your beautiful ass. You made it clear you’d only let him fuck you if he overcame his fear of being too loud. Though his office was secluded from the rest of the castle, the thought of someone hearing him moan and groan from behind the thick walls made you come even harder. 

You thought he wouldn’t be able to keep up with your horniness, but you were soon proven wrong. One day after class ended, when Severus was certain all the students were gone, he locked the door and looked toward you cunningly. "If you’d let me, I’d like to taste that sweet pussy of yours," he confessed. 

Without hesitation, you sat on a clean table, spreading your legs widely for him to enjoy. 

His hands gripped your thighs before his fingers trailed up until they almost reached your center again, intentionally avoiding your sensitive bud. 

"Please, just eat me already," you begged.

"Shhh. Patience, my dear."

Once he was content with the number of moans escaping your mouth, he slid your panties down and placed his fingers on your mound, spreading your lips so he could get a good look at your clit. He pressed his nose against it and inhaled deeply, savoring your natural scent.

Finally, he let the tip of his tongue press against you. He closed his eyes and let it slide up and down through your slit. Once he realized how wet you were, he slipped a finger inside you and let his tongue concentrate on your clit. 

You took off your top and bra before falling back against the table and fondling your boobs. Somehow he maintained a perfect rhythm, giving equal attention to your G-spot and clit.

Knowing how much you loved the sound of his voice, he intentionally let out a series of vibrating moans against you.

"Fuck, Severus, I'm about to come!" you yelled.

You thought he’d take this as a sign to continue his pace, but he pulled away instead. "That’s 'Sir,' I'm about to come."

"Sir, please let me come! Please, I need it!"

Satisfied, he continued working toward your orgasm. He was practically devouring you with the way his tongue was lapping your whole pussy. With each moan from you, he sped up his pace, not leaving until he was certain you were completely finished. 

As you tried to catch your breath, he helped you sit back up, smirking at you. Seeing how wiped out you were, he was not expecting the next few words from you.

"Now, it’s your turn!"

"W-what?"

You hopped off and held his hand, leading him to the nearest open seat. You spread his legs apart before palming his erection trapped behind the confines of his trousers. Your fingers gripped his waistband, and you proceeded to unbuckle his belt. 

He raised his eyebrows as he let you pull his bottoms off. When his leaking cock sprang out, you beamed with joy and licked your lips at the sight.

He let out a low groan as soon as your fingers wrapped around his cock and dragged up and down the entire length. You let out a puff of hot air on his tip, teasing him just like he did earlier with you.

"Shit," he whispered, clearly willing and ready. 

With your free hand now cupping his balls, you let your tongue swirl over his tip and lick up and down his shaft, exploring every inch of his thickness. 

"Mmmh," you let out, pulling away for a second to compliment how he tasted.

He placed his fingers on the back of your head to balance himself and lead you to the right spots. He couldn’t help but buck his hips up toward you, forcing you to go down deeper.

Of course, he couldn’t last for as long as you did. Thick ropes of cum shot into your mouth as he let out a booming "FUCK!" His body was shaking uncontrollably until his climax finally came to a pause. 

With sweat starting to drip down his head, he kept his eyes closed, too tired to stand back up. You wiped your mouth and helped get his lower half covered once again.

When his brain started to clear again, he slowly got out of his seat and regained control of himself. "I believe it’s time for lunch," he stated nonchalantly.

But as you made your way to the Great Hall, you pulled him aside and trapped him against the wall before placing your lips on his. You didn’t care if anyone saw; if anything, you wanted a professor to catch you in the act. "Mmmh, Severus," you let out between kisses. 

He was too flustered to know where to place his hands, but they eventually settled on your lower back. 

When you finally pulled away, he stared at you, shocked. "My goodness, Y/N. I thought I could keep up with your energy, but I’m starting to have second thoughts."

"Trust me, there will be more where that came from. You'll build your stamina up in no time. I'll see you tonight…sir," you replied before winking at him, leaving what would occur later that day to his imagination.

[elysiansparadise]

Placements that indicate being intimidating

In this post we will discuss the aspects or placements that make the native of the impression very intimidating. Even if inside they are very warm or welcoming, I will only talk about the impressions, the aura or their potential to be the epitome of this title, an intimidating person. You don't necessarily have to be the way we'll talk about later, you can just present yourself that way. With that explained, enjoy this post.

🟫1st house and 10th house also known as Ascendant/Rising and MC/Midheaven respectively are houses that show the way that we project ourselves to the world, our appearance and the first impressions that we give to others. 

🟤Fire Risings. They are people who project themselves in a very strong and imposing way. Things as simple as their gaze, the way they interact with their environment or those gestures they make without realizing it make them give the impression of being people you shouldn't mess up with. They are direct and do not hide their discontent or displeasure, they will let you know very clearly what they think and feel. Precisely this way of being and how they face their day to day can be the reason that others fear them in a certain way or that they earn the respect of others more easily.

🟤Aries Risings. One simple word, confidence. It doesn’t matter what this native is really like, or if they have insecurities about themselves, they are not seen. They project an unwavering confidence, an attitude of being the best or at least being the best version of themselves. They not only ask for respect, they earn it, through the way they address and value themselves. Their strength, determination, power, and even their good looks make them seem like people you can't easily take down. Regardless of whether you like them or not, it wouldn't do you any good to have them as enemies, the good part about this is that a lot of people pick up on this quickly.

🟤Sagittarius Risings. Don't be fooled by the millions of stereotypes mentioning their "bubbly and fun" personality, something you should understand is that this is not a side of them that they bring out with anyone. These natives tend to be very intimidating, since in many of them Pluto is in the same rising sign, giving their personality colder, harsher and more mysterious tones. They seem to have many things in their life, among those things a great self-esteem, a certain power or they can simply give vibes of being more superior than most people [even without pretending to be above people], they are their vibes.

🟤Earth Risings. They project themselves in a very professional way and stand out for having what we call a resting bitch face, they are not here to deal with nonsense, they take themselves very seriously and want to be taken seriously. Their gaze is heavy, it feels like a knife, it is penetrating and it catches you without leaving you with a possible way out. They are demanding not only with themselves, but also with the people around them, although it might surprise you that they do not put expectations of any kind on people. This boss-like attitude is what earns them not only prestige, but also the respect of others.

🟤Virgo Risings. Passing their vibe check is somewhat complicated, making them like you? Good luck with it. Or at least that's the impression they give. They are difficult people to get to know one hundred percent, and it is this reserved and analytical nature that makes them appear intimidating. It seems that their eyes see through your soul and uncover your intentions, you feel exposed to them, and there is the inability to lie to them. Maybe its the fact that some have Scorpio or Pluto in the 3rd which makes them communicate clearly and concisely. Do they agree with you? You will hear it. Do they disagree with you? You will hear it even louder. The way in which they relate to others is direct, they have diplomacy but they will not be afraid to call you out.

🟤Capricorn Risings. They don't need you. Not you, not anyone. Only to themselves, they show that they fully trust themselves, that they know what they are doing and that each step they take is previously planned. Messing with them is something that many want, since despite not being confrontational, winning a debate or a fight against them can be a real futile attempt. No sugarcoating, they will tell you things as they think, they would prefer a thousand times to bury your feet on the ground than to make you fly in a sky of rather fanciful realities. If you believe that they are harsh with others, you should live a single day in their mind. They hate wasting time and don't mean to waste it on stupid things so taking the time to deviate from their own business is unlikely unless you mean something to their life.

🟤Leo Midheaven or MC in Leo degrees [05°, 17°, 29°]. Success and self-love are the two most important things in the life of this native, who strongly project themselves, who from the beginning make it clear to you who they are, what they want and what they don't want to deal with. King/Queen vibes, they may give you the impression that they internally judge/analyze you in depth, this placement along with Virgo risings has a difficult vibe check to pass. Despite attracting a lot of attention and being considered attractive, powerful and unmatched, they keep their distance from others, keeping a fairly large space, enough for you to respect their boundaries and not see them as "your lifelong friends". 

🟤Capricorn Midheaven or MC in Capricorn degrees [10°, 22°]. They cause surprising impressions, as many are intrigued by the question: "what’s going on in their minds?". They come across as very hard to read, strong, powerful and definitely people you don't want to let down. No matter their role in society or in their work area, they will always give the impression of having more authority than anyone in the room. They make themselves heard and respected. It will be hard to get a smile out of them the first time you meet them and very few things really surprise them. People do not want to let them down and everyone feels a need to assert themselves before these natives.

🟤Mars in the 1st or 10th house. Naturally, these natives have something known as a resting bitch face, they are very evident when it comes to expressing when they dislike something and they are very frank with their opinions, frankness that is linked in many things with an intimidating appearance and personality. They seem to go for what they want without hesitation and no matter who gets in the way, many times they also give the impression of having a lot of strength not only temperamentally, but also physically. In the same way, they give the impression of being very dominant and uncontrollable people, someone who, on the contrary, must lead and take charge of the situation. They experiment and explore as they please and their rebellious touch to their personality makes them seem somewhat indomitable. Their presence is powerful and they are not intimidated by anyone.

🟤Saturn in the 1st or 10th house. They project classiness and seem to be untouchable, they are very cautious and analytical people before deciding whether to have a friendship or interaction with another person. They seem to know more than the rest, they seem to have no desire to socialize with people and to be perfectly on their own. They hate the idea of ​​depending on someone, asking for help or showing any hint of vulnerability. They maintain a serene face even if there is turbulence around them, they seem to be immovable and difficult to provoke, but you quickly understand that it is not the best thing to provoke them. Many people listen carefully to what they say and they are the kind of people that even if they finish speaking, people keep silent waiting if they have something more to say, since this intimidating aura makes others think that they hate being interrupted.

🟤Pluto in the 1st or 10th house. With you there is a deep need to be authentic, to embrace the dark side as a human part instead of hiding it in an always happy facade, to achieve a lot and to progress independently. When we meet a powerful and ambitious mind such as this, someone with very well defined criteria and who hates wasting time with things that do not interest them, they can easily become intimidating people for others. This is not to mention the classic and that is that there is something in their aura that makes them not only difficult to read but also to understand. People tend to fear those things that they don’t understand or know and you are the clear representation of both. 

🟫Saturnian and Plutonian energy are both of the most imposing and mysterious energies. They share many similarities in terms of the type of presence that they make the natives have, along with the attitude and mindset.

🟤Saturn or Pluto dominance. We have the two most intimidating planets in astrology, two titans whose gaze cuts you in a matter of seconds. The way they address themselves and present themselves to their surroundings makes anyone nervous. Two titans that you would not want as enemies because they have an excellent memory in their favor, an intelligent mind capable of devising ways in which to make you have a really bad time if you did not touch your heart with them. Powerful and magnetic personalities, they always manage to have people admiring them and the peculiar way in which they act. These natives have been through many things, so you can hardly tricky them, and it is very likely that it does not even cross your mind to do so, because you do not want to arouse the anger that they keep in the depths of their being, that chained by the hardness that from young they began to polish.

🟤Saturn/Pluto in the 4th house. The expression of their emotional world is repressed by past experiences, it is very likely that people think that the native cannot be vulnerable to others, they can even classify them as cold or unemotional. But they are simply people who know how to put aside their emotions when it comes time to make an important decision, they do not get carried away by them or by desires or impulses and always put reason first and prefer to do "the most logical". When people see that they have this facility they can be surprised. They could come across as intimidating as you will hardly see them being led by the heart.

🟤Saturn in the 5th house. They have many filters in their personality and they don't show themselves as they really are, they seem to be very reserved and much more serious and critical than they really are. This aware and watchful nature makes other people feel like they are constantly being targeted. The personality and core of the natives is fused with the distant and distrustful nature of Saturn, while giving them a tough and cunning appearance. People may think that these natives are very demanding with people and that they have very high standards when it comes to surrounding themselves with others, when the reality is that they do not place expectations on others, because they know that they cannot meet them.

🟤Saturn in water houses [4th, 8th and 12th] or water signs [Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces]. These natives can give the impression of having complete control of their emotions, of not letting themselves be dominated or affected by anything or anyone, they can even be seen as cold, especially if it's making a hard aspect with Sun, Moon or MC. They give the impression of being unreachable, emotionally distant, or having no intention of bonding.

🟤Saturn/Pluto making hard aspects with Sun. Their personality is intoxicated with the mysterious waters of any of these planets. The native becomes demanding, skeptical, critical and distant in terms of interaction with other people. Those who know them know that they are people who do not fool around, that when they do not like something they will make it clear, and that they will never offer you a smile if they really dislike you. They will be obvious and they will be very sincere from the beginning. It is precisely their honesty and authenticity that can make anyone stutter, they know their power, they know their value, but best of all, they know the effect they have on people and use it to their advantage. Their personality is rather introverted and mysterious, they don't let anyone get close to them and they hardly find the right people to show their true selves. Meanwhile, the other people deal with that hardness that they have formed on their exterior, the one that without words makes you understand that they will not fall into your games and will not lower themselves to your level.

🟤Pluto in the 3rd house. Many times it is not what you say, it is how you say it, and more so in this topic since the way we express ourselves is what can make us fall into the limbo of being very intimidating or not. This placement of Pluto in particular makes the native very direct, they may not have much diplomacy and what they say sounds more like a conclusion than an opinion. Their words are not that common to hear but when they decide to speak, they emanate a lot of power, security and certainty through them. They are not people who openly talk about their emotions or who in general express any type of vulnerability with ease.

🟫7th house also plays a very important role in this theme, since it represents the way in which we unconsciously project ourselves to others. This house reflects the traits of our personality that we show to other people once they interact with us and the way they perceive us.

🟤Capricorn in the 7th/Ruler of the 7th in Capricorn/Saturn in the 7th house. The effect that the 7th house has is that it is a subconscious projection. Those with any of these are not intended to be seen in such a way, but people perceive them as serious, precise and somewhat judgmental. People feel that they have to meet some kind of expectation to like them or that it is very difficult to get the approval of these natives. They are not projected as very openly emotional people, and can be seen as somewhat cold and calculating, when the reality is that natives keep their distance between themselves and others for an idea of ​​quickly trusting others. They emanate toughness and even if this is not the case, they can give the impression of having had a somewhat tough life and as a result of it, they developed an equally tough personality and an unwavering demeanor.

🟤Scorpio in the 7th/Ruler of the 7th in Scorpio/Pluto in the 7th house. Something similar to the previous one happens, and it is that they project themselves as people with whom it is difficult to become intimate or as people with whom it is difficult to get to know well, they do not allow themselves to be vulnerable with other people and they project themselves as intense, powerful and very selective with people. In the case of these natives, other people feel that there must be something "unique" or "different" in them in order to get their attention or gain the respect of these natives. They appear to others as people who do not have a middle ground, as people for whom things are black or white, yes or no. As people with very strong opinions and feelings, maybe even stubborn and argumentative at times. 

🟤Mars in the 7th house. Again, these natives do not realize that they project themselves in this way, but many see them as very competent people, with a lot of potential and very sure of what they want from other people/from their relationships. They do not hesitate in social situations even if they prefer solitude, people hardly intimidate them and what’s more intimidating than a person that doesn’t back down? The way they control their temper seems too good to be true in the eyes of others, and deep down they suspect that when the native gets angry, they explode in an intense and excessive way.

-The following are some of the placements and aspects that make the person's aura or presence very strong and that immediately win people's fear or at least their respect.-

🟤A well-placed Mars [Mars in the 1st, 8th, 10th or in Aries, Scorpio or Capricorn]. It is normal to assume this, since the courageous Mars, due to its ambition and way of being, can be seen as intimidating quite often. These natives seem to have no filter, they simply release truths into the air, they prefer a thousand times to keep themselves honest and what they think before bothering to worry excessively about the public's opinion. These people do not fear a confrontation, be it physical or verbal, and they know how to defend themselves very well from others or defend those they love, but what they know best is to attack the jugular, attack those evident weak points that they know of their victim. But hey, in the best of the cases they make a very good and funny friend! Good luck bringing out this side of them…

🟤Mars-Saturn/Pluto tense aspects. Their temperament is strong and those who know them know that seeing it clearly can be a not so pleasant experience. These people don't give up easily, so if you hurt them or make them feel bad, they won't rest until you feel the same way, even if they have to wait a while. Their dexterity and that mind that when they want can introduce you to the deadliest villain should be reason enough for you not to even think of playing a trick on them. 

🟤Sun in the 8th house. They naturally emanate magnetism, they activate people's intrigue and curiosity, but at the end of the day there is something in them that makes people feel a barrier between them and the native, as if they couldn't approach them so spontaneously. Many find themselves gazing from afar at the native who seems to be doing everything right on his own. That "I don't mess with you, you better not mess with me" attitude is something that seems rational to natives but is slightly scary to the average person. Your intensity, your desire to feel powerful or achieve a lot on your own are things that people admire. They don't reveal much about themselves, while they seem to know so much about you and knowing that the native is in possession of such personal information provokes some caution or fear in others.

🟤Stellium in the 8th house or 10th house. Whether or not it is true, they project themselves as superior to the average person, either because of their sharp intellect, perhaps prestige or reputation, or even because of the maturity they have forged through experience. Speaking of reputation, it is normal for these natives to have one that indicates that they are unapproachable in some way, that they are very serious, demanding, mysterious or that it is even very difficult for them to like you. The truth is that this description is usually very accurate, but there is nothing like knowing it on your own... well, that’s only if you are not afraid to risk trying to dive deep into that heavily protected core.

🟤An afflicted Moon [Capricorn, Scorpio / placed in the 8th house]. What causes having the Moon in this cosmic state is that the person feels some kind of blockage when it comes to expressing the nature of this luminary. They have difficulty opening up, expressing their vulnerable and emotional side and, on the contrary, they always choose to appear strong and indestructible. Past experiences forge his cautious, skeptical and somewhat aloof nature. They are not cold but they can give the impression of being so.

[katakaluptastrophy]

Thinking about how the one time John ever mentions being happy is when he was 'playing Jesus':

"I spent hours and hours a day playing Jesus. That was nice, those were some of the nicest hours I got to spend."

About teenage John who went to a music festival for the underage drinking and ended up getting baptised:

"She applied to the Vatican to argue about whether or not it was a miracle because I’d been baptised. Didn’t mention that I’d only gone to Parachute ’cause of the underage drinking."

About how hard M-'s nun was trying to impose a Catholic interpretation on what was happening:

"The ships on the launchpad, twenty hours to go now, less. So much waiting around. Me in my bedroom with a nun and a migraine, her thinking that if she pushed me enough we’d instantiate the Trinity and we’d all be saved. Everyone else drinking. The clock ticking louder than ever before."

About how both the nun and C- tell him he's playing at being the wrong kind of saviour:

"M—’s nun was all, Are you kidding, Christ never said no and never asked anyone to pay and got way too much attention and brought the heat down on everybody. Christ didn’t keep to office hours, she said. Don’t do that."

"C— said, John, your problem is that you care less about being a saviour than you do about meting out punishment."

How everyone was expecting him to do something:

"It was only a matter of time before someone I loved caught a bullet that I couldn’t bring them back from. I needed to do something. I couldn’t do anything."

How he watched M-'s nun shoot herself in front of him on the strength of her belief that he had been sent to do the will of God:

"John, don’t misunderstand. I want to help you. I truly believe that in our most terrible hours we don’t instinctively reach out to God; we push ourselves away from Him. Don’t feel bad for not rising heroically to the occasion right now. Fear doesn’t help us achieve a state of grace; it deafens the heart. John, I truly believe you can save everyone. So concentrate, please. She said, Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. And she shot herself."

How John 'became God' and it still wasn't enough.

"He said, As the world went up I remade us both. I hid me in you … I hid you in me. And when we were together … once the shaman had claimed the sun … I became God. He said, It wasn’t enough."

And how when John re-made the world, he made a Catholicism centred around how he did it right:

"“But that’s the grace of it, Harrow. If I’m God, I can start over."

[probablyasocialecologist]

Palestinians, like all people, have a right to resist intolerable conditions; and conditions in Gaza have been made more intolerable than many of us can imagine, during the 15+ years that the blockade has been in place. 95% of the population have no access to clean water; 81.5% live in poverty. Infant mortality rates are heartbreakingly high—estimated at around 15 deaths per 1,000 live births—and in 2016, the World Health Organisation found that “newborn deaths represented 68% of infant deaths” in Gaza. Even before the Israeli escalation, medical supplies (including medicines) were scarce, infrastructure was crumbling (and continually threatened by persistent IOF bombardments), and the ongoing power shortages imposed by the blockade meant that hospitals and sanitation facilities were often forced to rely on back-up generators. To expect people to submit quietly to such conditions — to things that we would never tolerate for ourselves — is to contribute to and naturalise their dehumanisation. As the Palestinian journalist Hebh Jamal wrote this week: “I do not rejoice over death. I rejoice over the possibility to live. I cannot condemn the militants if I believe even for a second that there might be a possibility of all of this finally coming to an end.” We affirm the right of Palestinians to rejoice at the prospect of liberation, and, as a British publication, we add a secondary point: Given our state’s brutal and bloody history in Palestine, its cheerful profiteering from the manufacture of Israeli arms, and its continued frustration of any attempts at nonviolent resistance, nobody in Britain has any right to ‘condemn’ Palestinian resistance, whatever form it might take.

[morallyinept]

Hey D! How are you feeling after the carnage of Jettsgiving?

Still bad huh? Oh, you poor thing. 😕 I think I'll be having words with Javi G... I think you need to rest up.

No, no I insist, buddy.

Aww. I know you want to help with Self-Care with Dieter & Jett this week, but you're in no fit state. Look at you...

I know, bud. Let it all out. It's okay. I think I know someone who may be able to help us out this week...

Hey! Pedro! 👋

Do you fancy filling in for Dieter this week?

Excellent!

Happy Friday everyone! Time for some Self-Care with Dieter Pedro & Jett!

Whilst Dieter recovers from the antics of Jettsgiving, this week we're going to have a look at some of the ways Pedro has practised self-care and kindness to himself.

These come in the form of quotes from some of his interviews, which I feel have relevance to the way you can show yourself some self-care too, and that a lot of us can probably relate to.

So, are you ready Pedro?

Great! Let's dive in!

Self-Care With Pedro Pascal

Anything Is Possible

Life is all about learning, whether that's absorbing factual knowledge or new skills, or whether we learn from life's lessons directly.

You learn from the moment you're conceived. As an accumulation of cells, you start to learn how to grow and develop in the womb, and even though you don't remember it, those base motor functions of learning stay with you for life.

Pedro is correct when he says anything is possible. Your learning and growth starts with you. Don't be afraid to challenge yourself, branch out and discover something new.

It's always scary or daunting to switch things up, to shake out of the mundane, or search for something new and exciting in your life. A little razzle-dazzle...

That's the spirit, Pedro!

Don't be afraid to take a leap - even if it doesn't pan out the way you wanted or predicted. Making mistakes is how we learn and move forward.

We might not always get it right the first time we try, and that's okay.

It's Okay To Indulge

Go ahead, indulge. Having a treat, or indulging in something fun gives us a serotonin boost and makes us feel happy.

Whether that's a microwave pizza like Pedro, or a slice of ooey chocolate cake (like me!), or a strawberry sparkle face mask like Dieter, treating yourself is a great way to show yourself some appreciation. To give yourself a moment or two of self-love, or as a reward if you managed to achieve something.

Indulging in something you love can also help pull you out of a funk when you're feeling blue, so go head, treat yourself, lovely. You deserve it!

Life Is For Fun. And Pasta.

It's all too easy to apply unnecessary pressure on ourselves at times. This can come in many forms too, from conscious pressures like work, college, family etc... and unconscious by the pressure we inadvertently put upon ourselves.

Writing, for example. You may feel like you have to get this fic out in this time or that time; you have to churn out as much content as you can because others are expectant of it.

Take a breath and breathe. In and out now. Slowly. That's it.

Life is for fun. As Pedro says, have as much fun as you can. Write your fic, bub. But write it for you and on your terms, not because of any pressure from anyone else.

Patience is a virtue most people have - they'll wait for you.

Seek out the fun in life. Limit your time online and get out there. There is a great big world out there and our time here is fleeting. Blink and you'd miss it. Carpe Diem, my friends.

By taking a moment to check in with yourself and allow yourself some time away from these pressures, most of which are always self-imposed, you can regain some clarity and also come back refreshed and ready to handle those challenges with ease.

And please, don't go to bed with a full tummy of pasta. Not unless you wanna end up like Dieter...

Poor baby.

Age Is Just A Number

Probably one of my most favourite things Pedro has said. And that I can relate to myself.

It's easy to lose sight of your dreams if you feel like you haven't achieved them by a certain age.

We all have some sort of pre-conceived idea of where we see our life going from a young age. Whether that's to fall in love and settle down, have an exciting career, have children, travel etc... whatever it may be.

And, when we find ourselves veering off that path, more often than not we procrastinate and worry that it's too late when it takes us some time to get back on track.

But it's never too late to achieve or seek what you want out of life. Never.

Personally, I'm discovering new things now that I hadn't considered when I was younger. Priorities shift, for whatever reason. Perhaps life throws a curveball and you find yourself having to adapt.

Either way, if you want it, go for it. Your age should never stop you from seeking happiness or fulfilment in your life.

You'll only regret it later on if you don't.

☝️This is some really great advice, Pedro. You're so wise...

Some Things We're Not Meant To Know

You can't ever predict what's going to happen in life. Even if you're prepared for it.

You can only try and do what's right, for you. Even if there is someone out there who doesn't agree or wants to do it with you.

Don't ever be afraid to go it alone, if that's what you need to do. Your happiness and contentment should always come first.

You might put something out there into the world and it's not met with the praise or reception you would have wanted.

I'll use writing as an example. I often see writers here feeling disheartened because their stories haven't got the engagement or the notes like others might have. And I'll be honest and say that I have felt like that at times too myself.

But don't compare your efforts to someone else's. You can't predict whether people will like it, agree with it, enjoy it, read it... All you can do it write it first and foremost for you.

If you're writing for the numbers, just for the engagement, you're doing it wrong.

Do it for YOU.

Embrace Who You Are

If you're someone who struggles with any kind of anxiety, then I hope you can find comfort in Pedro's words here about his own.

I made a post previously in a bit more detail about how Pedro deals with his own anxiety, and I feel it's incredibly admirable for anyone who struggles with it - whether in the spotlight or not - to embrace and accept it as a part of who they are.

It can be a tumultuous time coming to terms with it, wishing that things didn't affect you as much. And being envious or bitter that others might deal with situations better than you do is perfectly natural to feel like that.

But you never know what or how someone else is feeling. It might be that they are better at masking it than you are, but that's not to say that they aren't immune.

Don't compare yourself. You are who you are, and that person is wonderful.

Let me tell you, there is nothing wrong with you. Your feelings and emotions are valid. You are not weak. You are not helpless.

And you are stronger than you think.

Helping Others Helps Yourself

There is nothing more rewarding in self-care as there is at helping others.

Sharing and showing kindness towards others is one of the most selfless things you can do. Extending that help can ultimately make you feel good about yourself too.

When you invite good karma into your life, it can really alter your perception on the world to see more of the positive, especially in a world where it's easy to be so overwhelmed by all the negative that happens.

Showing kindness also has health benefits due to feeling more happier and at ease. Resulting in less stress and worry, which we all know can be detrimental to our mental and physical health over time.

So, when was the last time you spread some kindness? It's never too late to brighten someone's day, even if it's a stranger.

You'll never know the true impact that kindness can have on someone else.

Thank you so much for stopping by today, Pedro! You've been a great help whilst Dieter recovers.

See you again soon, handsome. 😊

Here D, how are you feeling? I've made you some soup. Eat it slowly. So, Pedro really had some great things to say this week, don't you think?

No?? Jealousy becomes you, my dude. Don't worry, you're still my main man. Budge up, I'll give you a cuddle.

Uh D, is that what I think it is...? 😳

As you can see, normal programming will resume with Dieter next week, folks... 🙄

Until next time, stay kind, stay creamy. 🖤

YOU. ARE. STRONGER. THAN. YOU. THINK. 🖤

Do You. Then do Dieter.

More Dieter and Jett Self-Care here.

ℹ️ Dieter and I always strive to bring you unbiased, fact-checked advice. We're not licensed therapists, so we do a lot of research to ensure we can provide helpful and informative posts. Well, I do. Dieter mostly sits around eating KitKats.

[anamericangirl]

theres also a thing about some women complaining about how expensive it is to be a woman. like i understand when it's about hygiene products, but... girl, no one forced you to buy a blush for thirty dollars

Yeah any way you look at it women care far more about our appearance than men do. We imposed these standards on ourselves.

Men don't care if you go out in public without makeup on. I've done it. I am not treated differently by men when I wear makeup vs. not wearing makeup.

Every comment or conversation about makeup or female beauty expectations I've ever had or received has exclusively been with women.

[djmorn]

Mercy

A/N: This little one-shot was born out of the sadness inflicted upon me by this post. So I had to make some reparations for myself, for us, and for our favorite fiend.

------

It was almost done. They had pushed back Raphael’s forces, every single one of his cambion servants dealt with, his warlock Korilla unconscious on the floor, and although they had lost Hope it had not yet dwindled in their hearts. Raphael could be bested after all.

Tav cast Hold Monster on the fiend so she and her companions could deal with the devil once and for all, on their own terms. With her Spike Growth spell Jaheira made Raphael wince from the pain the thorns inflicted upon his already battered body, unable to move.

In exhaustion he groaned at his approaching defeat: ‘I cannot lose to you. Not here. Not in my home. I cannot die!’

‘That’s it!’ Karlach called out to Tav. ‘We’re in Avernus, so if we beat him here we’ve rid ourselves of him forever.’

Once upon a time Raphael had been an imposing figure to behold, giving off an aura of invincibility and unimpeachable pride. Now he was a truly sorry sight to behold: On his knees, face bruised, his usually impeccably kept hair out of place and tinged with blood, having to welcome his death at the hands of such an unlikely party of heroes. Seeing him like this cast an uncomfortable spell of sadness over Tav’s mind. By the gods, why couldn’t he have just let them take the hammer and patiently wait to receive a more appropriate payback later?

‘Mephistopheles, hear your son!’ Raphael pleaded and suddenly Tav halted. ‘I am at your mercy – save me!’

‘Hold it,’ Tav said to Lae’zel who had drawn her bow, pointing at the weakened cambion, and although she complied, lowering her weapon, the Githyanki turned towards her with an astonished ‘What?’

Silence fell over the hall disturbed only by their heavy breathing but Tav could hear her own heart pounding louder than the drums of war as she approached the devil.

‘Um, soldier,’ Karlach said. ‘Excuse me but what in the hells are you doing?’

‘Let her have this,’ Jaheira answered in her stead. ‘She deserves to take the final blow for all his snide remarks she had to endure.’

As Tav came nearer Raphael looked up to her, his expression darkening. ‘Well, little mouse… Have you come to enjoy a closer look at my plight, finishing me off while I beg my father to save me from the hands of a few mortals?’

But she only looked down at him, not really knowing what to do or say. Raphael fully expected her to make fun of him, to take pleasure at his miserable state and even greater pleasure still at killing the half-devil who’d dared think himself superior to her. But all Tav felt at this moment was true and honest pity for Raphael. Before her laid not a fiend wanting to trick her into a shady deal, binding her soul to him for all eternity, but that other part he so dearly wished to hide, erase even: The human side of Raphael that made him fear for his life and had even prodded him to lower himself and beg his loathsome father for help. The very archdevil he wished to overthrow with the help of his chosen heroine and the Crown of Karsus.

‘He will not come, will he?’ Tav asked the half-mortal before her. ‘Your father?’

‘No,’ Raphael said, dropping his gaze. ‘You can be as sure of that as I am. I knew he wouldn’t… So go on then, do your duty.’

And Tav felt a madness wash over her as she – instead of readying her weapon, started to lower herself towards Raphael, hyper-aware of any possible movement coming from him and her companions’ eyes on her and the strange event unfolding before them. She brought her face closer and closer to his and then leaned into him as she whispered the words like a magic spell in his ear: ‘I’ll give you the crown.’

She drew back again, still crouched down before Raphael who looked at her with unbelieving eyes.

‘Pardon?’

‘You heard me, Raphael. If not even your own father will grant you mercy then I will indeed do my duty and let it be me who will.’

She produced her biggest healing potion from her pouch and tentatively held it up to Raphael’s mouth. He hesitated before taking a generous gulp from the medicine offered.

‘And why,’ he started again, ‘the crown?’ ‘See it as my own way of bringing justice to an uncaring parent. And after all this I feel like you deserve your own revenge at old Mephistopheles. It’s like I said: I think you’d make a fantastic Archdevil Supreme. A better archdevil than him anyways. As long,’ and she held up a finger at her next words, ‘as you let us go with the Orphic Hammer and keep true to your word after I hand you the crown: You will not harm an innocent mortal. After all it was a mortal to show you grace in your time of need. So, do we have a deal?’ And she lifted the spell from Raphael and extended her hand towards him.

Raphael’s face had grown softer and the hint of a smile touched his lips. ‘That we do. You’re too kind indeed, I must say.’ And as he rose he held onto her hand and helped Tav get up to her feet.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Karlach taking a few steps forward. ‘Would you please explain to me what is going on?’

Tav nodded towards her. ‘I will. Once we get back to camp.’ And facing Raphael again she said: ‘I believe our business here is done. For now.’

‘So it seems,’ Raphael said. ‘You may leave and let me lick my wounds in peace, mouse. Upon your next visit I promise you to be the most ample of hosts and greet you as the friend I was hoping to become from the very beginning of our acquaintance. Prepare to witness the extend of my gratitude and generosity once you’ve delivered the crown into my hands. We shall wine and dine on my most lavish stock.’

He bowed to her and Tav nodded in agreement. ‘Very well. Get yourself cleaned up and take care of Korilla as well. And Raphael,’ Tav said. ‘Remember those soul coins you won from her. Never bet against me again.’

[absolutebl]

10 High Quality & Cinematic BLs

Ones that are very well made with a tight narrative and no cringey dialogue. For example: Old Fashion Cupcake or His. Japan knows what tf it’s doing, okay? You don’t come from a tradition that gave us Kurosawa and fail at broad scope cinematography. 

High Quality & Cinematic BLs + Comfort & Joy 

These are the ones that I love even though they’re artsy, but they also end happily and didn’t hurt me too much.

1. Old Fashion Cupcake 

(Japan 2022 Viki)

This show had me from the moment they broke the egg yolk with the chopsticks in the opening credits for episode one. It’s about a younger man with a long cherished crush on his boss (ten years older and going through a mid life crisis) who decides to save and seduce said man with pancakes. It’s wholesome, comforting, sexy, and a very necessary narrative about still having hope, interests, and openness to affection at any age. It’s coming of age/queerness packaged in a subtle critique of expectations around masculinity and love and loneliness... and it’s beautiful. Full review.

2. Restart After Come Back Home 

AKA Risutato wa tadaima no ato de (Japan 2020 grey)

Atmospheric study in rural Japan meets complex family dynamics built on a romance framework of city boy meets country boy. It’s beautiful and icy sweet. Slow moving in places but ultimately worth your patience. Full review here.

3. Life: Love on the Line 

AKA Life Senjou no Bokura (Japan 2020 Viki) 

This is a beautiful movie and a good BL, if a bit adult and gut wrenching at times. Goes through young love, break up, and reunion - but it’s actually a saga of self acceptance. You want the director’s cut. Like His, LLOTL is an exploration of suppression and the limits we impose on ourselves when we’re dishonest about who we love. In high school, serious and self contained Ito fell in love with Nishi, the manic pixie dream boy of the dream he didn’t know he had. Nishi, emotionally and mentally fragile, struggled to fit into the world. Ito, however, found it all too easy, except for the whole - ya know - gay thing. This movie is about Ito’s willingness to sacrifice not just himself but his love (and even Nishi himself) to social and familial expectations and the misery that results. It has a hard fought happy ending that then follows them through the rest of their lives in a (slightly unnecessary but welcome) epilogue montage.

4. A Tale of Thousand Stars 

(Thai 2021 GMMTV YouTube)

With great casting and cinematography this drama nods at BL tropes but manages to elevate them (and itself) with a strong mature story concept about a spoiled rich kid who gets a heart transplant and becomes a teacher it order to pay out survivor’s guilt. On the way he falls in love with a local park ranger and contends with his own classism and escapist tendencies. Everyone seemed to perfectly suit their roles and GMMTV made the most out of its stable. Combined with excellent production (and post production) values, 1000 Stars is without question GMMTV’s most mature, charming, and smart BL series. I think it should go down as one of the top BLs of all time. I feel safe recommending this one to friends and non BL watchers.

High Quality & Cinematic BLs + Work & Angst 

These are ones that I watched but were really difficult for me for personal reasons. Some may not have happy endings. I tend to call these moody arthouse smackdoodle. They like to pretend that "ambiguous" is somehow unique and special rather than bog standard commonplace for narratives of this type. Hold onto your psyche, these dramas will test you. But they very well done. 

5. His the movie 

(Japan 2020 Viki)

His is about being a grown adult and still struggling with coming out as gay. It addresses the consequences of life choices disingenuous to identity. Nagisa turns up on Shun’s doorstep with his precocious daughter in tow. This is a touch confusing to Shun since they were each others first love. Shun has retreated from society, rejecting the world before it can reject him, already brokenhearted because without Nagisa he never had a reason to fight. Nagisa went the opposite way, tried to pretend to be something he was not and ended up with a daughter he adores and a wife who hates him. This movie is beautiful and the setting is unique and interesting but I'm not wild about the ending.

6. I Told Sunset About You 

(Thai 2020 grey) 

I don’t have a ton to say about ITSAY because I’ve never managed to finished it. This one was too close to my own queer journey and it seriously messed with my head about 2/3 of the way through, so I stopped watching to protect myself. However, I can tell you that the production values are unreal for Thailand, using a soft lens, diffuse lighting, and a nostalgic atmosphere, paying close attention to framing, and forgetting neither background nor close-focus expressive detail. It’s a remarkable piece of work. I caught no mistakes in makeup, wardrobe, body positioning, reflection, or boom mic placement - so they clearly had continuity eyeballs during filming and on final product (which most Thai BLs don’t spring for). So yeah, the filming, directing, and acting is insanly good, but what’s really stand out in ITSAY from a film perspective is their smooth as butter invisibly perfect editing. Post production on this series must have been a BEAST.

7. Your Name Engraved Herein

(Taiwan 2020 Netflix)

This movie is fantastic but it is also seriously depressing, it’s a self acceptance journey, but if you wanna wallow in high quality acting and serious gay drama, this’ll do it. 

8. Goodbye Mother AKA Thua Me Con D 

(Vietnam 2019 Netflix)

Like YNEH or Dew, this is a great movie but it deals openly with homophobia, bashing, family trauma, and social acceptance. 

9. His the series 

AKA His - Koisuru Tsumori Nante Nakatta AKA I Didn’t Think I Would Fall In Love

(Japan 2019)

Boy goes to visit his absent father, ends up kinda homeless on the beach, gets adopted by local family, falls in love with the boy working and living with them. Lots of long drawn out glances. 

10. I Want to See Only You

AKA Kimi no Koto Dake Mite Itai (Japan 2022 grey)

This is a beautiful piece of cinema well acted, about two boys who are opposite personalities and grew up together. Gifted and serious Sakura (Kura Yuki from His the series) and outgoing eccentric manic pixie dream boy, Yuma. It is very pretty and this is the kind of atmospheric elegantly performed BL that only really comes from Japan (complete with dead fish kisses - what you though Korea invented them? oh no). For me it was lovely but slightly unmemorable. Full review here. 

More Like This From Japan 

The Cornered Mouse Dreams of Cheese AKA Kyuso wa Chizu no Yume wo Miru (Japan 2020) - obsession, cheating, breakup, reunion, then break up again, explicit.

Does the Flower Bloom? (Japan 2018) - May/December romance about an artist student, the house he inherits from his dead parents. and all the people around him who are obsessed with him, including an older man.

Junjou: Pure Heart (Japan 2010) - I shoudl probably rewatch this one, it’s been a while. 

Silhouette of Your Voice AKA Hidamari ga Kikoeru (Japan 2017) - It’s not as good as any of us wanted given the beautiful glory of the original manga (I Hear the Sunspot). Also it doesn’t really end happily. Disappointing. 

Eternal Yesterday AKA Eien no Kino (Japan 2022 Gaga) - After Mitsuru’s cheerful outgoing boyfriend Koichi is killed but stay’s walking around, everyone else begins to forget about him. Mitsuru recalls their romance while trying to understand what’s going on, hold onto his love, and come to terms with loss and identity. Sad and creepy but somehow still beautiful, Japan spending all its pennies on pain. 

Darker BLs and more thoughts on Moody Arthouse Smackdoodle here. 

Tangential blogs posts:

10 Best Uses of Cinematic Storytelling in BL

Top 10 Highest Production Values in Thai BL  

Some Noodling on BL Production Houses & Studios

This post the result of an ask from @theklutzymaniac, updated end of 2022. 

(source) 

[commsroom]

i think one of the boldest and best moves wolf 359 makes in its character development is that, in terms of the major defining events that led him to where he is, eiffel doesn't have a tragic backstory so much as he is responsible for the tragic backstory of someone else.

(the archetype of the everyman protagonist who copes with past trauma via humor does in many ways describe eiffel, but like with every character in wolf, it's the complexity of their circumstances that make them feel like real people with believable inner worlds. they don't subvert the archetypes they represent, exactly; they're just people, complex and contradictory, who ultimately can't be constrained by the expectations or defined lines of the narratives imposed on them.)

eiffel believes this is an intrinsic part of who he is, that he was "just those mistakes"; he externalizes his desire for redemption and that manifests as lenience towards people who lack his fundamental desire for growth. and in failing to recognize his own ability for growth, he presents himself as a doomed character archetype more than a person; he sidelines himself as an observer within his own story. his guilt and self-hatred allow him to in some way abdicate responsibility, to see his failings as inevitable, and it's only accepting his own complexity and capacity to be more, the human quality he recognizes so fervently in others, that frees him from those self-imposed conceptions.

(once my friend kit said that eiffel “defines the tone and the moral compass of wolf 359 so strongly that if you put him into any other series he would turn it into wolf 359 too” and i think about that a lot.)

doug eiffel is wolf 359, in all it believes, and despite his perception of himself as the weakest link, he is so interwoven with both the crew of the hephaestus and the themes of the show that he is inseparable from either. he doesn't always embody the show's values or its morals - in fact, he frequently fails to live up to them as much as he'd like - but he is the one who advocates for them. "it's not just about surviving; it's about being able to live with ourselves after we get off this tin can."

it's a show about communication; he is an intermediary, a vessel for communication - sometimes literally, and he's also just a guy who is still trying to learn how to communicate better himself. what eiffel represents is a flawed, contradictory, unpredictable, irrepressible humanity, singular, and so desperately in need of connection. the show's love of humanity is truer for that. he has genuinely done wrong, in ways he may not ever be forgiven for. he has very real flaws, some of which persist through the entire show, even as he's consciously trying to do better. and he is very much human, and very much loved.

[the-director]

My Tav Calder! He is a half drow bard.

Bonus info specifically: (contain spoilers for the endings and epilogues.)

Gale: when I started playing Calder (he is my second playthrough) I had the intention of romancing Gale. So I pursued him hard. And then... oh and then karlach came onto me. And I fell. Hard. Had to break up with gale. I think that. In the story of this playthrough, this breakup is the reason why I wasn't able to convince him to give up the crown.

Lae'zel: despite being a bard, Calder does enjoy a good fight as I picked college of swords for him. But that is not the reason why they are friends, they are friends because they relate to their pasts. Calder does have a noble background, but he was also sold into slavery (long story short he is in a bit of a zuko situation. But instead of finding the avatar, he got sold and is told to "work to earn his place among his family") so. They both understand the weight of high expectations. But also I like their dynamic due to what lae'zel says to you in the epilogue if she goes with Orpheus. That you taught her diplomacy, and I think that's very fitting for her and Calder (or rlly with her and a bard/high charisma/pacifist tav)

Shadowheart: honestly I feel like shadowheart is so... older sister? The way that she tries to be above everyone, the way she is so sparky to you, but also becomes loyal and trusting of you. Idk it reminds me of older sisters in like early 2000s movies. As a result, when I'm not romancing her. I tend to view her and my tav as feeling a kinship to eachother. I think this is also because of both of them being half elves.

Wyll: I actually have a lot of thoughts about Calder and wyll, specifically because of Calder growing up in this rich upperclass family, they probably met eachother while they were younger, or at least both of them are aware of their families (I'm still deciding how old I want Calder to be, and how long he was a slave) so there's like. Both of them know eachothers childhoods, but then both have to wonder "what happened to you for you to wind up here" I imagine they have a heart to heart with wyll talking about the pact and getting sent away by his father, and Calder talking about his wild magic that got him rejected by his family and then further being betrayed by them.

Another component of this relationship is the "karlach protection squad" I feel like it's basically canon that wyll and karlach, whether or not they romance eachother, will be very close and have a friendship together. And so especially with karlachs infernal engine, they both feel this need to protect her, to find a way to save her life. Which is just. So neat yknow? This strong durable character who is yet so vulnerable due to this replacement for a heart she has, something imposed against her. That she tried to make work for her, and it did, for a bit. Until when she finally thinks she can get her life back. She instead finds she's a dead girl walking.

Anyways. Both wyll and Calder are devoted to her in this way. And so even though they're kind of in that space of "so similar to eachother that we hate eachother since we can see every fault and flaw that we hate about ourselves in the other" they put aside their similarities and work towards this goal.

Astarion: Calder is, ngl, highly morally dubious. He is. Incredibly two-faced, or more precisely 6 faced. He's very much a people pleaser, a liar one may call him. He breaks every law for his own gain. Which astarion can get behind. Calder reads astarion like a book moreso than anyone else, which is why Calder trusts him. Astarion may be seen as "untrustworthy" but Calder trusts because he knows what he does, he can rely on that. I'm thinking this is especially in the early game. Where Calder might not have been too sure about the other ones and their true intentions.

I think, perhaps this trust is also due to their shared background. Of course I made calders backstory specifically so that it could parallel everyone else's and deal with the similar themes of "lack of autonomy" and "authority" and so on. But I think other than wyll, calders background is the most like astarions. And so since he is familiar to this. Desperation and fear for safety that astarion feels all the time. That is why he *knows*

Halsin: Remember how there was that glitch where gales approval was super easy to get, and as a result he would hit on every single tav regardless of how much you talked to him and as a result he came off as a huge creep and people hated him? That's how I feel about halsin.

Jaheira: similar to shadowheart, but in this one I JUST. LOOK AT JAHEIRA AND I HEAR MY MIND GO. "PLEASE ADOPT ME" if she adopted me everything would be right with the world (it wouldn't but) my mommy issues. Just. (I have three moms, which one would think would mean I have no mommy issues. No I just have three different types of mommy issues)

Anyways. Seriously. I think that at first Calder would kind of have the karlach fangirl moment, he wouldn't externalize it. But it would definitely happen. Overtime though they develop the bond of cub and crow. And I think. The definitive good ending for Calder is one where he joins the harpers. (I'm just now realizing that then he would be Chris pines character in dnd and karlach would be that one barbarian lady)

Karlach: she snuck into my heart, and I think she snuck her way into calders too. I think at first, it starts with passion, it starts with warmth and comfort in eeachothers arms. Then it evolves into late-night talks around the campfire. Of him singing her favorite songs, telling her favorite tales. Maybe they do it together. Him on his lute and just her singing. Or them acting scenes together. I imagine them fighting together, him inspiring her, healing her maybe, her defending him and beating anything that hurts him into a pulp. I imagine them entering the city together. He took the tadpole, she is so worried for him. She tries not to let it show. His ego is bruised. He's hurting inside. They open up though, they find solace in eachothers arms again. That one scene happens, they talk about the future they'll never get. The cabin, with the goat. Oh how he wished he could perform for her forever.

I finished the game before patch 5, before going to hell meant finding a cure. And even then, I think Calder wouldn't force her to go. I think Calder always gets wyll out of the contract and wyll decides to be Duke. And so she dies. On the docks.

And Calder is ruined.

But he develops a plan. Undo timeline.

[thehopelessexception]

is it just me?

i've been observing a tendency surrounding women —mostly between 20 and 26— where we can't find anything close to love (from men). women are not dating, nor living a normal life, developing a femcel-like point of view. and im saying this because i want to be loved just like anyone else, but are we the problem? or is there something wrong with boys? i mean, ofc there's something wrong with boys; but every year pass by and every time is harder and harder to find someone willing to put the effort to make you feel loved and understood. was it like this 50 years ago? 100 years ago? i am very much aware that our mothers and grandmothers suffered in the world they lived in, generally with sexist husbands and mandatory tradwife lifestyle. but i am also sure that there was some exceptions, way too many more than today.

and we tend to romanticize the past, probably there's something to do with our generation. nor millennials or gen z, the ones in the middle. the girls who grew up with enough technology but not so much. the ones that went crazy over boybands and fanfiction and hung up posters in our walls. the ones that went crazy in 2018-2020 with deranged feminism just to realise, later on, nobody really cared and it maybe was a little over the top. the ones that filled our beds with stuffed animals repeatedly every time we woke up just to throw them on the floor at night so we could sleep. the girls who spent their teenage years on tumblr writing code (before men took that away from us) and making playlists of marina lana and the 1975 so everyone on the internet could see how cool we wanted to look like. probably the ones that suffered some kind of bullying in highschool or some health problem related to how we didn't fit in or how bad we looked at ourselves in the mirror (yk what i mean). we weren't the cool kids in real life or it was just me?

now i'm observing how hard it is to adapt that teenager to adult years. and maybe it's me but i don't feel like an adult. i am a tiny ball of anxiety. i suffer too much stress. i am trying to finish my degree but i don't know if im worthy of anything because i dont have money, and i don't have time to work and study at the same time because i spend too many time thinking about it and feeling a fraud and a failure.

i don't know how to talk to boys either —nor girls, in that way—. and until some days ago i was quite sure i was willing and capable of spending my whole life alone. i've given up to anything because i felt it imposible to be loved. but lately my mind goes up and down with that scene of jo monologue in little women by gretta gerwig. and it also goes with the hot priest monologue of fleabag. and today i rewatched the classic he's just not that into you. are we condemned to be the tedious rule? am i?

i've seen all of my girlfriends suffering the same mysery. and i've seen the extremes. women giving up the love they deserve —because they accepted the fate of being the rule— by dating a jerk just because they are afraid of loneliness. and i've also seen women giving up everything else just because they are not willing to give up love. those are us. hopeless romantics who watched way too many romantic comedies and somehow still expect to find someone willing to die for us just like dicaprio in romeo + juliet. —or at least a patrick verona—.

what i've never seen was actual love. all the couples i met... they don't look happy. they don't look in love. they don't look like they enjoy their own company even. they look exactly like a picture of instagram. they exist just to make us feel miserable even when it's obvious they are not gonna last. i've seen couples of what? 7 years? gone. broken up. they grew tired of each other and of course they never looked like they had anything close to sparkles in their eyes. chemistry? none. and maybe it is my anxiety speaking but i don't want that. i refuse to have that. i want all or nothing. i want always and forever. i want everyone to look at us and think "if i don't have that i'll kms". i want family —even tho im not sure i want to get pregnant, what am i a childbride?—. i don't want to change anything to fit in with the standards of a boy. i want marriage even tho im not sure i want to be legally married. i want the posibility, the future. i want the emotions surpassing myself. i want to not know me anymore and then knowing me again. i want to doubt myself. i want my heart beating so fast i could kill someone for them. i want to believe god exists. i want to laugh of happiness without they making a joke. i want my sundays to not be deppresing because i can hang out with the love of my life and have fun. i want to be the "and yet" of someone willingly enough to fall for me every single day even if i am kinda insane all the time. i want someone who cares. someone who fantasizes with spending the rest of their lives with me and is going to put the effort to get to know every single thing about me and stay because he's blown away. and aparently that's setting the bar "too high" because we are the rule and not the exception.

people always assume that by being a romantic i expect flowers every day and cheesy comments about how beautiful i look; and that would actually make me want to puke because i can do that myself. i am confortable with myself, i like myself, i love myself, i have the ego. i am not really asking for that much i just want someone to love me with every single thing that's probably wrong with me. what i want is someone curious and smart. someone who pays enough attention or wants to. i want the chemistry off the roof.

and contrary to anyone's beliefs the bar is too low about everything else. every single girl probably wants the same thing. is it that hard for men to understand that women want to feel loved?

lately —worldwide— it's all a competition of genres as if humanity doesn't need us to interact to survive. it's a loop that opened up in 2013? with the tumblr-4chan gate and right now got translated to the real world because pick-mes are back and being a man is cool. and suddenly that's how nature works!! because apparently women are boring and just a hole. maybe they all need to go all alexander the great. but it's getting boring. and we as women deserve love as much as respect.

[soracities]

how do you deal with not trying to please others and/or not caring how others see you? i'm always trying so hard, and i don't even know if i like myself

this is something that is always incredibly tricky to navigate and i admire you so much for continuing to try in spite of all that anon 💗 i think, though, that you've identified the biggest obstacle already: until we are able to genuinely like but, more importantly, fully accept ourselves as we are it is always going to be difficult to not be swayed by what others think.

i'm not saying this in the "if you don't love yourself no one will love you" vein which i think is predominantly nonsense, but what i am saying is that, until you are able to build a solid base for yourself--a base that's rooted in self-compassion, self-honesty, and acceptance of both your flaws, limitations and your worth as a person, without pitting one over the other--it is going to be hard to hold your ground and not project your own worries and insecurities about yourself into your interpretation of what other people may or may not think (and i guarantee you, most of the time they are not thinking or looking at you anywhere near as harshly nor in the judgemental way you look at yourself).

being able to fully let go of and not worry about other people's opinions relies, first of all, on trust--not so much trust in other people but chiefly trust in yourself. trust in your ability to assert your own value for yourself, trust in your ability to make the choices you make and trust in your ability to make the mistakes you make and grow from them as a result. trust in the belief and the knowledge that you are a worthy and important person, that your flaws don't undo or erase your virtues, that you can show up as you are and that this isn't something you need to mediate or dress up for someone else's approval, that you are allowed (and expected) to struggle and be imperfect without your dignity or humanity being put on trial for it.

until you are able to slowly cultivate this kind of foundation for yourself, anything else will be built on sand; an inconsequential look, or a thoughtless word from someone (regardless of how harmless it actually is) will feel like the end of the world; it'll be like a gust of wind scattering everything you are trying to do because there is very little internal resistance to meet it or even question it. it can also, in a variety of subtle ways, affect the quality of the relationships around you: if you do not trust yourself to be open and present as you are, and be accepted as you are, you will never attain the quality of the relationships you think you are protecting by showing up in whatever guise you think people most want to see. when we don't allow ourselves to say how we feel, and be who we are, when we veil that with whatever role we think will allow us to be most liked or less likely to be rejected, we rob ourselves of genuine connection--you rob the other person of being able to actually connect honestly with you, and you rob yourself of being able to connect honestly with them. showing up as who you think they want is imposing your own perceptions on them in turn and not giving them the actual freedom to live and experience the truth of their relationship with you. and if they cannot experience that truth, then neither can you. everybody has their insecurities and everybody has their own worries--most of the time these, literally, have nothing to do with you: people project and act out of their own experiences and this happens regardless of what you do. and if it so happens that being yourself does cause the judgement you fear then ask yourself: what is the value of a relationship that can thrive only on one party's dishonesty? what is the value of a relationship that requires one party be constantly hiding?

i'm not saying that any of this is easy, or that it won't take time and effort, nor am i saying that you won't have setbacks. i'm not even saying that you have to love every single part of yourself and that you've failed if you don't--but it is, right now, vitally important for you to find some way of recognizing and affirming your own value for yourself-- not in spite of your flaws but alongside them. it requires a lot of clear-eyed honesty, not for the sake of castigating yourself ("i'm not good at xyz, therefore i can never be abc") but for the sake of being able to recognize where most of your fears and insecurities come from, how they make you act, and how you can then address them in turn. it's putting the things you most dislike about yourself alongside the things you don't, it's seeing how circumstances may have hindered you and affected you badly in the past and putting that alongside everything that you have made it through regardless and recognising that you cannot (you will not) always act "perfectly" or in the way you imagined or wanted, but that are doing so in the best way you can at any given time. and it's recognising that "the best i can" looks different on different days, that they are all bounded by whatever tools you have available to you at any given moment, that you cannot do better until you know better, and knowing better is a skill you grow, slowly, gently, patiently, like a plant you tend from first seed to first leaf.

again, i know it is difficult and i'm not trying to dismiss or diminish that at all. but you will get there, anon, and one day you will get to a point where you no longer recall how difficult it was to begin because you've come so far and grown so much since then. no matter how long, or how you choose to go about this, i will be rooting for you and believing in you with all my heart 🤍

[theroyalhouseofwindenburg]

In the fall of 1347, the fading light cast long shadows across the courtyard of Windenburg Castle as Brother John O'Cleary, a Jacoban Monk from Westsimster, rode in with dire tidings. The atmosphere was thick with tension as he dismounted his horse and approached the main doors. The guard, stern-faced and clad in armor, listened intently as Brother John conveyed the grim news. A horrible illness had infiltrated Windenburg, claiming countless lives with each passing day.

Led into the king's court, Brother John stood before the imposing figures of King Wilhelm and Queen Cordelia, who sat atop their thrones, surveying the assembled nobles. King Wilhelm, exhibiting skepticism and insensitivity, pointed to the ground, gesturing for Brother John to bow before him. Brother John complied, his eyes filled with despair. He began recounting the devastation the sickness had wrought in Westsimster, the countless lives lost, and the escalating numbers of the infected.

However, King Wilhelm met the news with skepticism and insensitivity."Your tales of woe sound more like the fantasies of a frightened monk than the realities of our realm. I would expect a man of the cloth to bring solace, not baseless fear-mongering. Perhaps your divine connections are not as reliable as you claim." he questioned, his face displaying disbelief. Brother John, on his knees, pleaded with King Wilhelm, "I beseech you, your grace, please try to understand the severity of this matter." Cordelia turned to her husband, stating that he shouldn't take this matter lightly and that the monk had no reason to lie. Ignoring her, Wilhelm called for his guards to remove the monk from the castle.

Brother John begged the king again to send help, but to no avail. Cordelia, in a fluster, stood from her throne and watched the guards take the man away. She looked to her husband in anger, scolding his poor judgment and stating that this situation could be very serious. Wilhelm, in a rage, stood from his throne and looked to his wife angrily, "How dare you go against the order of the king!" He defended his claim, stating that this was likely a hoax to lure him into the city.

Cordelia scowled at Wilhelm, ignoring his statement, and walked away towards the doors, hoping to catch up with the guards before they threw the monk out. As she walked away she called out to Wilhelm, " What good is a king to a realm full of corpses!!?" Wilhelm, dumbfounded by his wife's statement, yelled back at Cordelia, "Disobey me again, and things will not end well for you, dear wife!"

Cordelia caught up with the guards just in time. "Halt!" she yelled. She then commanded them to release the man. The guards looked at each other in confusion, and one of them stated, "The king has commanded us to remove this man, so that is what we will do." Cordelia threatened the men. "If you go against your Queen, I swear it will be your final move, sir." The guards then sheepishly released Brother John.

Cordelia then went over to him, "I'm sorry for my husband's incompetence," and pleaded with him to give her more details on the situation at hand. She then looked to the guards that were made to apprehend Brother John and commanded that they escort him back to Westsimster and get a full report on the happenings, warning them never to question her authority again.

Later that night, King Wilhelm sat in his office, working on matters of state. The young guards had returned from Westsimster, both their faces pale as if they'd seen a ghost. The young guard looked to King Wilhelm and confirmed the grim news. He explained that bodies lined the streets, people were starving, and the situation seemed to be getting worse. "Dispose of the infected, burn them to ashes. It's the only way to rid ourselves of this pestilence." Wilhelm callously stated. The guard looked to Wilhelm with shock at his lack of empathy for his people. He then claimed that the majority of the city was infected, and soon the numbers would increase. King Wilhelm knew there was only one thing he could do.

As dawn broke, King Wilhelm summoned 10,000 of his most formidable knights to gather in the vast courtyard of Windenburg Castle. Seated regally upon his throne, he peered out over the multitude of armored figures, their presence a formidable force against the backdrop of the castle's stone walls.

With a grave demeanor, Wilhelm addressed the assembly, revealing the dire circumstances that had befallen Westsimster. He spoke of a mission, a grim task of "cleansing" the afflicted city. His decree was uncompromising – every individual found infected must be escorted to The Tower, where they will be confined. Those who resisted compliance were to face immediate incineration on-site. Even the deceased, victims of the merciless plague, were not to be spared; their bodies were to be consumed by the cleansing flames.

In a bid to contain the burgeoning catastrophe, Wilhelm declared a stringent lockdown of Windenburg Castle. His authoritative voice echoed in the air, proclaiming, "No one, unless explicitly instructed otherwise, shall venture beyond the castle walls or breach its gates under any circumstances."

The knights, sworn to uphold the king's commands, absorbed the weight of their sovereign's words. The ominous task before them cast a somber shadow over the courtyard, as the castle, once a bastion of protection, now stood as both a refuge and a prison in the face of an insidious chapter in Windenburg's history.

[falleri-salvatore]

How I would write Papa Arc explaining to Jaune the Arc Family history, and the reason as to why he didn't want to train him.

Papa Arc: *sigh* sit down, boy. It's clear that I should have explained this years ago before you went and foolishly stole Crocea and joined Oz in his pointless war. Papa Arc: You said that you wished to become a Hero *insert sneer of disdain*; just like my father, my grandfather, my great-grandfather and all of the others before them. But answer me this, Jaune; Just what is a hero, exactly? Just what is it the Arc family is so highly lauded and esteemed for? Papa Arc: Here is the truth about "Heroes", they are simply monsters and killers who happened to be at the right side of history and thus were lauded as champions. The Arc family is legendary for one simple fact: we produce natural killers; cold-minded and highly-analytical prodigies with an uncanny affinity for the arts of war. Papa Arc: Do you remember our family values, Jaune? Not just "An Arc never goes back on their word", but also: "An Arc shall never raise their blade nor their fist without due cause", "An Arc shall always strive for excellence; both of character and in aptitude" and "An Arc shall always endeavour to do good works". This is not out of virtue, this is out of self-restraint. Papa Arc: Arcs are aggressive warriors by their nature, it is in our very blood but we must also integrate ourselves into a civilized society and thus we restrain our worst impulses by imposing upon ourselves a code of ethics to live by. Papa Arc: But you were different Jaune, and your sisters as well, if to a lesser extent. While your sisters still retain the assertiveness of an Arc in their character, you were born gentle in every way. Yet your Grandfather and eventually, even I, could feel it; your innate talent and potential as a Warrior far eclipsed your sisters' and any other Arc before you, but you lacked the disposition to truly harness it.

Papa Arc: Rather than an Arc, you took after your mother *sees Jaune about to protest at that and raises hand before Jaune could speak* that is NOT a bad thing, quite the opposite. In you I saw a bright future, a future in which our family's cursed legacy could finally be purified; a future in which we were no longer known for savagery but rather for gentleness and kindness. Papa Arc: And also, the path of a hero, as you yourself found out painfully, is nothing but loss, torment and eventually, a meaningless and pointless death. It is a path that I, as a father, absolutely refused to let you OR your sisters go through. And when you asked me to train you; to teach you how to plan, how to organize, how to analyze and manipulate your enemies, and eventually, how to mutilate them in the most efficient manner possible... Papa Arc: ...I admit it, I was terrified; terrified of the very idea of my gentle son being forced to go through that path, repulsed, as a father, at the very thought of training my own son in how to kill his own gentle heart so that he could hunt and kill others without remorse. And because of those feelings, I reacted in anger, I called you weak; because your heart was too gentle to kill and your sanity would not last the moment you would be forced to spill your first blood, to take your first life. Papa Arc: So there you have it son. It was never a lack of belief in your talent and potential that made us expect you to fail Beacon, it was the fact that the moment you were forced to see the ugly side of the path you chose, the moment you were forced to discard your morals for the sake of "the greater good"; we expected you to leave Beacon out of disgust and horror. Papa Arc: But of course *shakes head while chuckling wryly*, you just had to make me look foolish. I kept focusing on your gentleness, that I completely forgot that you also inherited my stubbornness.