#like I feel insane. that’s like the most fucked up scenario to put carolina in and they didn’t even notice they were just like um.

[fruitsaladc0wboy]

the thing that makes me the craziest abt s15 of rvb is that they wrote the worlds most traumatizing scenario for carolina and then completely disregarded it. like s13 makes it EXTREMELY clear that one of her worst fears is losing her brother and then IT HAPPENS and then like six months later a guy who looks just a little bit too much like him tries to fucking murder Her Specifically. but nooooo s15 is about her overcoming her freelancer trauma for some reason like ???? that woman is in MOURNING why would she be tackling her decades old trauma now. while a guy with her dead brothers face is trying to kill her. can anybody hear me.

[calliecat93]

RvB17 Episode 11 Review: Omphalos

This is normally the part of the review where I write an intro. But honestly, last week hit me so hard in the chest that I am too filled with dread to come up with anything. So fuck it, let’s dive right in! Second to last episode folks. It’s gonna be intense!

Overview

Our heroes are trapped within the depths of The Labyrinth, as Chrovos explains to Donut. At first, Donut isn’t concerned as that means they’re near him so he just has to wait. But Chrovos explains that, well… it isn’t that simple. The Labyrinth, as explained last season is home to demons, monsters, and ‘the ghosts of the past’. But not in the physical sense. The Labyrinth essentially runs on irony. It takes those trapped within to a negative place. This is demonstrated as we see Tucker alone, Wash seeing everyone die under his command, and Carolina faced with her Freelancer self. So yeah… it’s essentially Santa’s Warrior Test, but even darker.

Donut wants to go in, but Chrovos doesn’t have the power. Donut offers to give back the fragment that she gave him, but it won’t be enough. At this point, Genkins joins them and gives some more explanation. You see, the ultimate end goal of The Labyrinth is to drive the victim to despair. It can do this in various ways, by giving someone what they think they want or just putting them back in an uncomfortable place. We see this with Sarge being in civilian life, wanting to be on the battlefield… which he promptly gets and take sit back. Grif is sent back to… high school? College? Basic training? IDK. Regardless, he has an utterly insane gym teacher who pretty much tortures him via a fucked up obstacle course straight out of Wipeout.

So what’s the final result of all of this? We get to see with Lopez, who in his scenario is… human. He can talk English and the Reds instead have a robot named Gustavo… which great joke there. This breaks Lopez and in the real world, we see him walk off the ledge, supposedly to his death; You see, The Labyrinth doesn't harm you directly, it drives you to harm yourself. Genkins goes to continue his fun, telling DOnut that he’ll be joining them soon enough. The Everwhen goes with him. With no way to get into The Labyrinth and Chrovos utterly powerless, it looks bleak. We do learn that The Labyrinth itself is an AI, but it’s very dangerous and just seeing its Avatar is enough to put you in danger.

But just as all looks bleak, there is one more person there: Doc. Yeah, he was sent there along with Donut… which makes no sense because he should still be blown up, but whatever. Anyways, with a second Shisno there, if Chrovos takes back power form him AND Donut, it’ll eb enough to send the two into The Labyrinth. The episode ends, and with it the finale draws ever closer.

Review

Okay, so… got some mixed feelings here. Before I get into it though, I really enjoyed the episode. The Labyrinth is probably one of, if not the most horrifying concept that the show has introduced. It’s just an area that fills you more and more with negativity. It takes you to your worst moments, your worst fears, gives you what you think you want but in reality, it just makes you depressed.  It doesn't physically harm you, it drives you to harm yourself. Essentially, the end goal is to make you commit suicide, as we saw with Lopez. Now whether he really died or not IDK… but that is really fucked up. No wonder no one ever came back out of the few that went before. It’s dark and angsty, and I fucking LOVE it!

What could have been better, though, is some of the visions. Now most of them were really good. Wash leading the team against the monsters of the Labyrinth, only to watch them all die with him losing control of everything. Carolina faced with her competitive, driven self in Freelancer, trying to tell her off and tell herself about how her efforts will mean nothing. Only for her past self to brush it off and mock her on everything that she currently believes. Even Sarge’s was pretty fucked up. In short, Sarge cannot handle civilian life… but he can’t handle war life either. It makes sense. He never really had a civilian life, let alone remember one, so an office job would be boring. But he was also an ODST and was in a war and that clearly fucked him up. Most of his behavior is a facade and always has been, but he doens[t know how else to live. It’s really depressing when you think about it and not what I was expecting for him. I gotta give kudos.

What I cannot excuse though is Grif’s scenario. Lopez’s I can live with. Because going off everything before… yeah being a human would be his worst nightmare. But Grif… I mean don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hate what we got. If this was to explain how Grif started hating effort, it’s effective. The coach is Sarge, but a million times more crazy and sadistic. He nearly got Grif blown up, shot, crushed, and it sounds like Grif was coughing up blood at one point. Like… fuck man. If this IS a high school, what kind of fucking school allows that?! It certianly helps explain why Grif would hate putting in any form of effort and why he hated Blood Gulch so much if Sarge brought those feelings back. Heck, it can explain hating army life in general since he likely had to be yelled at/pushed to his limit all the time. So yeah, I can get what they’re going for and I was overall okay with it. Jaosn’s voice acting at least was fun~

The issue is… well, kind of one I’ve had all season regarding the writing for Grif. In S16, Grif went through a ton of development. He appreciated and dedicated himself to his friends more. He started to resolve his issues with the constant adventures. He started to put in more effort and was willing to try and do whatever it took to end things. He was actually hesitant about the paradox and even tried to stop it once he realized it was Genkins plan. He formed this friendship with Huggins, something I’m very annoyed just got ignored after her return...though really I have issues with how Huggins was done this season that I’ll reserve for the season review. I’m gonna have words about the character writing, not just Grif either.

My point is Grif had so much development and buildup from last season and S15… and this season has completely and utterly ignored it. The first half, it was understandable since memory erasure and he was at least the most willing to listen to Donut. Now? No. There is no excuse. While Grif is still doing the job without complaint, all his development has more or less been ignored. He seems to harbor no guilt or anything about the S16 finale. He has had no resolution with Huggins or tried to patch things up. His scenario here had a TON of potential. If they don’t want to go the backstory route, we have his time on Iris and the S16 finale to play off of. What do we get? Him being bullied by a nasty drill sergeant. While I didn’t hate it, it was… underwhelming and just kind of insulting because of how much promise with him these past two seasons have had. Considering Jason was a co-writer and wrote some of those scenes (Episode 6 and 8 for example) and Joe still made the story here, the fact that they utterly ignored this is bizarre.. I’ll go into it more in the season review, but… yeah, I didn’t hate it, but I’m not pleased either.

Okay, so moving on to the ending. Still have no idea how Doc is there because there was no way for him to be there. But whatever, he and Donut are going into The Labryinth. It’s hard to say if Chrovos is going to betray them or not, we’ll see. But my concern is… well, IIRC DOnut was brought back to life because of the fragment Chrovos gave him. So if she removed that to power herself back up, not only does Donut and Doc lose their protection against Genkins… but won’t that kill Donut? IDK, maybe I’m not understanding it fully. Regardless… we have one more episode, and so much to do still. How they’re going to wrap this up in one IDK, I guess we’ll see soon enough.

Final Thoughts

Good episode. While I am annoyed with how Grif was handled, everything else was really fun. It was certianly a rollercoaster of emotion that I wa snot ready for. Our stage for the end is set my friends, and I have no idea what the fuck is going to happen. But I’ve made it this far, and I ain’t dropping out now. So onward to the finale!

[andrewuttaro]

New Look Sabres: GM 53 - CAR - Chasing Two

We meet again, Canes of Carolina. Your 53 is our 53 now as we meet for the 53rd game of the season. We already did playoff trash talk for the Canes but I got a feeling there will be more coming down the stretch here. Why do we hate the Hurricanes so much right now? The Skinner stuff is behind us and I suspect his extension will soon be as well. It’s probably the gull of a team as consistently bad as Carolina, perhaps longer than Buffalo has been bad, deciding this is the season to get in our fucking way. Unless one of Pittsburgh, Boston or Montreal hits the skids real hard down the stretch it’s you, me and Columbus for the one wildcard spot left in the East. So fuck you Carolina: this Sabres team has been shit for a solid two months straight but whatever hope I can muster that they still got a chance at the playoffs this year I will sharpen into a fine shiv and run into this cage match with. That hope could have died tonight. For some of you reading this it may have. This game was about chasing two straight wins – two straight wins which would be this club’s first two wins in a row since December. Perhaps they ultimately didn’t get there because they were doing too much chasing so to speak. But what occurred last night was not the performance of a club accepting its fate and tapping out of the playoff race. What happened last night was enough to make the Spartans at Thermopylae proud. Sure, once you explained ice hockey to them and they observed it long enough to understand what being good at it looks like they may have had some thoughts on the Sabres first period and most of their third; but CHIN UP I say to you! Chin up because this Sabres club is not going down without a fight! Honey, we’re going down swinging!  

The Carolina Hurricanes came out shooting like lax southern gun laws to start the first: every puck that a Sabre was not on was scooped up by Hurricane and blown into the zone closest to Linus Ullmark (Thanks Coach, I knew you would make the right goalie decision). The Canes did what any team who watches this Buffalo club knows is the Sabres biggest weakness as of late: turnovers, unforced and not. The team from south of the Mason-Dixon Line capitalized in this brutal stretch when North Carolina’s favorite soft boy Sebastian Aho served up the juiciest pass from behind the net to a streaking Justin Faulk. Ullmark couldn’t get to the other post in time and Faulk buried it. Well beach bodies: up here in New York we got this thing called ice, the game is actually played on it. What followed shortly after the Faulk goal was a penalty on definitely-moonlighting-as-a-vampire Jaccob Slavin which led to a powerplay for the home team that froze Carolina up like a Buffalo Ice Storm. The powerplay was fruitless but the Sabres poured shots on Curtis McElhinney for the rest of the period. Teuvo Teravainen tallied a second goal for Carolina early in the second period. At this point in the night I’m listening to the game on the radio driving up the 190. WGR 550 has these musical interludes as the broadcast returns from break and at this 2-0 dire moment in the second period one of those interludes was a section of “Slide” by Goo Goo Dolls. My throat got real dry and I shed a tear. Is it because I’m an emotional wreck paying attention to the Sabres these days? NO! But a good guess. NO, it’s because I visualized the playoffs like Jack tells us to and I felt it slipping away! But then what happened? Jack’s team came back.

HUT HUT, FIND A HOLE! The McElhinney wall has to come down! FIND A HOLE! Ristolainen from the line: save; puck to Conor Sheary in front: save; puck to Evan Rodriguez who holds and sweeps that puck into the hole like the beautiful Canadian Sniper he is! Now the Canes really froze up like they’d never seen ice before because seven minutes later resident Dad-Bod Jason Pominville collected his own rebound and tapped an equalizer past McElhinney. Tie game you fair weather mother fuckers! Believe it or not it’s hot here for a couple months in each year and you know what I spend that time doing? Oh, not going to the playoffs? You’re funny: you’re a real piece of work for giving more of a shit about NASCAR than the variable 1970s strong man competition of a gun show y’all have for a lineup! Oh, but when hockey players clap a little and slide down the ice into the goal like it’s a slip-and-slide after wins all you guys come running to the arena! I hope y’all don’t make the playoffs just because you’re a bunch of fucking ungrateful slow talkers who like Duke! The game was tied! It was tied going into the third! And then what happened? Well: a relative menagerie of frat-boy-looking Hurricanes capitalized on the Sabres doing Sabres things like turning over the puck and chasing it around like they’re fishing catch-and-release! First it was wrestling team captain and beer-pong champion of the Carolinas Greg McKegg who polished in a loose puck behind Ullmark after being giving ten fucking years to put it in and still bounced it off the post! Then Jeff Skinner had a fucking hulk moment and realized the profundity of the situation he was in and flew off on a breakaway to guide the puck in like a clumsy baby giraffe. Oh no, I know it was art. Please sign soon, Jeff.

Stop those warm feelings for sweet sweet Jeffery because Fergus, Ontario’s High School Quarterback and favorite ginger son Brock McGinn cleaned up a Jordan Martinook rebound right in front of Ullmark to get the visitors ahead 4-3. Do they even have American Football in small town Ontario? Whatever because here comes the President of the punchable face club Nino Niederreiter to capitalize on the powerplay and put the Canes up 5-3 with five minutes left in regulation. Now here is really the moment when I realized this team isn’t going down without a fight: down by two goals (again, which is a concerning problem all its own) this team did not quit. Jeff Skinner emerged from the box beaten but not defeated. But before he gets his time against his former team it’s time for irony to a drop kick you in the balls. Marco Scandella, in a move that will certainly earn him starts for the rest of the season over far more deserving defensemen, gets the puck from Sam Reinhart and shoots low. The puck went in and it was a one goal game now. Irony has a name and it is Marco Scandella. Perhaps it was too late as time now ticked into the double digits in regulation with the Sabres down by one. Guess who you butter-binging, Trump-voting motherfuckers: JEFF MOTHER FUCKING SKINNER! Collect the puck, toe drag, bender: tie Game! It’s like the third act of fucking Miracle beating the team in the red jersey! There was 56 seconds left on the clock! This one goes to OT. And there, well there Teuvo Teravainen streaks into the Sabres defensive zone 2-on-0 and dekes out Ullmark for the game winner. That’s the way the cookie crumbles in this league: one good rush in OT and it’s all over. Carolina wins 6-5.

The Chase for Two straight wins falls flat; but you know what didn’t fall flat? Yea, the Buffalo Sabres. Yeah, they really stunk up most of the third and looked like they were playing hot potato with the puck for most of the first but you know what: that was one hell of a comeback, two if we’re counting game deficits here. Imagine Jeff Skinner pots the OT winner for a hat trick and the Sabres get two points out of this game instead of just one. It’s a whole different conversation then, isn’t it? I’m not rationalizing the many mistakes or playing the what-if game. I’m calling the glass half full and I don’t know about you but I’m not holding my breath tomorrow waiting for Jason Botterill to make a trade as if 95% of the trades he could reasonably make would have any effect on this team down the stretch. We got what we got right now folks and trust me; I am dying for the playoffs too. What happened last night was not nothing and we didn’t get nothing for it either. Carolina, you better watch your back because we’re breathing down it and every game between now and March 16th is going to be an assault on your chances to take that spot from Columbus. The Sabres can certainly get three points out of this weekend’s two matchups and Carolina only has one game in that same stretch so there’s a scenario where we’re sitting here Monday morning and the Sabres are 1 point back of that playoff spot and ahead of Carolina again. Yea, I’m not broken yet and neither should you be. Honey, we’re going down swinging.

Of course everyone in the locker room is going to be disappointed with that result and that emotion is good even if Savior Sam is misdirecting it at Ullmark. Phil Housley was the only postgame interview I was at all embarrassed by. He’s the one misusing players out the wazoo and throwing forward line combinations at Velcro board and seeing what sticks. Put out your best lineup, Phil. This is the team now and I’m not saying it is good enough to make the playoffs having won 9 of its last 28 games but teams not good enough make the playoffs all the time, you can ask New Jersey about that. And I refuse to hop on the locomotive of self-loathing Sabres twitter seems to be on. This game just gave me too much to chew on. Well like, comment and share this blog even if you think I am insane. With this team: sometimes I feel like it. This frickin team! They hurt me over and over and lord knows I’ll still be watching them at my in-laws this weekend. This frickin eternally ass team: Oh the shit I would do for a playoff berth. OH THE SHIT I WOULD DO! Go Sabres! If they make it by one point this game is going to be my masterpiece. Oh god I need them to make the playoffs. Go Sabres! I’m going to repeat it like I’m trying to remember it: Go Sabres! Go Sabres! Don’t go breaking my heart.

Thanks for reading.

P.S. Sara Civ is a great follow on twitter. She is one of the better hockey beat reporters out there and if it weren’t for her covering that frickin team I’d probably be mentioning her more.

[leedsboyfriends]

Song Breakdown Of Harry's Debut Album

These are just my opinions and the meanings behind the songs I've come up with from what I know. I'll start by saying ahead of time, some of these describe scenarios in which Louis and Harry are not still together. Sometimes my mind likes to come up with the worst possible scenarios for moments that happen in my life and it's projected onto their relationship as well. In a way, to me, these songs are my love/hate relationship with the most angsty larry fics I've read.

I’ve put it after the read more line because it’s quite long.

Two Ghosts

Before I'd heard it, everyone in media was speculating it was about TS. Simply because of the lyrics "same lips red, same eyes blue" but they conveniently ignored the lyrics that follow, "same white shirt, couple more tattoos." Hmmm who has naturally more red legs, blue eyes, shares a white shirt with Harry, and has several tattoos??? Oh right. LOUIS. Seriously don't know how the media is still spinning haylor bullshit when it was 4 years ago and lasted for a second. Aside from that, this song breaks my heart as well because I feel like it's about louis and Harry growing apart. Without the band being together, it's easy for me to feel like I imagined the relationship between them. It's very possible that we just don't see them together because we're not supposed to but I still feel like it's very possible they were together at the beginning but something happened that made them fall out a bit. "Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat." I feel like that's something that you would be feeling if you and your soulmate fell out of love.

Kiwi

I absolutely love kiwi but when I really stop to listen to the lyrics it breaks my heart a little bit. Obviously we may never know the complete story behind Harry's lyrics but our imaginations are able to come with their own. In my mind, this story is about babygate. This is just my opinion and in no way am I saying this is what it's actually about (bc we don't fuckin know ☹️). But with how the story with Louis having a baby has turned out, this girl saying she's having his baby and then later deciding he shouldn't get to see it but still has to provide for it.

Only Angel

This one feels a bit like the story of Harry and Louis getting together in the beginning. He felt drawn to Louis. And I mean the song's called "Only Angel"....Louis is a living angel. And the only one harry needs. Ever Since New York: So pretty much every song on this able has broken my heart. This one to me, sounds like every time Louis and Harry are together but Louis gets called to leave for his PR relationships. "Brooklyn saw me, empty at the news" I need someone to look into where harry was when BG was announced...Basically, the lyrics seem to be harry saying he wishes Louis had something else to tell him other than he's been put in another PR stunt. 

*side note* Aren't PR stunts supposed to help the clients' image? I feel like the majority of 1D PR only damaged theirs...

Sweet Creature

Oh wow another one to break my already shattered heart. Thanks Harry. Well I know some people are torn between it being about Gemma or Louis. I'm leaning towards Louis. I know H has a great relationship with his family but so do I and I wouldn't even refer to my twin and I as "two hearts in one home". That's definitely a love interest. Sweet Creature sounds like when Louis and Harry get too down about the others PR stunt and start to take it out on each other. But in the end, Louis will always be the rope that keeps Harry's anchor from sinking without being able to come back up. And Louis is always the compass that guides Harry's ship home.

Sign Of the Times

I'm just going to assume you all know by now that my heart is in tatters. Big picture: this song is about falling out with your soulmate but hoping there's a second chance again. It seems like something repeatedly happened between them and like most people who are blinded by love, they never learn to change it. "Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results." (Einstein). It sounds like harry is trying to say they need to move on. That maybe in another life things could have been different and they could have made it together.

Meet Me In the Hallway

This just might be the saddest one. I'm taking the liberty (like I have in all the others) in saying that this is about Harry trying to work things out with Louis. They've gotten to the point where their relationship is too rocky and Louis left to get some peace of mind but harry keeps saying he's there and wants to work it out.

From The Dining Table

Welp, I just looked up these lyrics and I'm blushin. I did not know the opening words were "woke up alone in this hotel room. Played with myself, where were you?" WHAT THE FUCK HARRY?? Actually, thank you for giving me short relief of heartbreak. "Comfortable silence is so overrated. Why won't you ever be the first one to break?" This ties into the mutual stubbornness of Sweet Creature. God damn, reading through these lyrics this song feels like infidelity. Louis' with someone new and Harry sees him wearing one of his old band shirts that Louis kept. This song is one-sided so it feels like again, Harry's there waiting for Louis to come back and apologize but we just don't know if it'll happen.

Carolina

Carolina could possibly be about Louis' partying phase....just a thought. Lots of people are saying it's about harry doing drugs but I just don't see that.

Woman

*Keeping that post about Elton John having female pronouns in songs and him being gay in mind* This is about Louis. Sorry not sorry this whole album is Larry. Go take it up with harry, he wrote it not me. So now that we have that behind us, Harry's back to breaking my heart. Listening to this song I'm reminded of One Direction's "I Would" and "Does He Know?". We've seen jealous harry in action and here it is in writing. Basically, this is another jealous boyfriend song about how your ex's new partner isn't right and doesn't do things the way you would.

[powerranks]

Power Rankings: Playoff Week 2 Edition

Conference Champion game week! I was originally gonna label one matchup the NFC Championship game and the other the AFC Championship game but can you fuckin believe that both matchups have exactly nine players from each conference in likely starting lineups?

You’ll see what I went with later.

The everything is breaking right for you tier

1. Scott’s Balls (Anthony “I (David) will not let you enjoy talking shit or beating me, I will make sure you are sad despite the outcome” Mendola) (11-2) (LW: 2)

Six seed upset, number one seed (and clearly better team) is super duper injured, it looks like things are breaking your way. Last week, your team went wild with worse matchups than this week and I see you having another huge week. All your players are trending up, can’t rank you anywhere but 1. Kareem Hunt showed us he’s alive, Marvin Jones can still eat my hairy (according to Jack) ass, and way to start a backup in Mark Ingram bitch

2. Green Evans and Kam (Beshoy “Evans isn’t even on your team anymore” Halim) (LW: 4) (8-6)

Currently winning the war of attrition that is injuries in fantasy. Jack looks seriously wounded and you’re coming off of a 104 point week (without Kamara!), things are trending in the right direction. Tough, TOUGH matchups this week but the power rankings don’t count matchups, they count trending teams. I really see the final being you and Anthony.

The Phil Rivers playing in the AFC Championship game with a Torn ACL Tier

3. Fournette About It (Jack “this is fine dog meme” Cleek) (11-2) (LW 1)

Fun Fact: without Wentz/Fournette/Jeffery last week, I would’ve only beaten you by 4 points. It’s a god damn shame your team is kind of in shambles right now. Wentz out, Fournette probably out, Rudolph out, Jeffery with Foles. I’m knocking you down here because it’s going to be REALLY tough to overcome that, but if anyone can do it it’s you. I’m all in on Bortles baby

The Josh Gordon Fan Club

4. Scott’s Penis (David “Cinderella” Chinchilla) (7-7) (LW: 6)

Lots of cool narratives here. Josh Gordon’s back, Keenan Allen is doing stuff, McCoy is the Snow GOAT, Keenum is a late bloomer, first six seed to ever win, blah blah. I’m gonna get fucking slapped by anthony. I’m gonna get fucking sonned. 

Visual Rep of this weekend (highest gif quality only:

The Scott’s Genitalia Bowl

Scott’s Penis Vs. Scott’s Balls

QB Analysis:

David: Case Keenum Vs. CIN

Literally started him because he’s been good for 20 every week, then Alex Smith goes out and gets exactly 20. At this point (Saturday night) I need to make up points in a hurry so it’s probably a good thing that I have Keenum’s possibility of more. Cincy isn’t the greatest of matchups, but he just came off a 21 point game @ Carolina so I feel like he could get a bit more than that this weekend. The dude just has a really good connection with Thielen and Diggs, but I feel like Rudolph being out is really gonna affect their red zone packages. Idk, I don’t feel that confident starting a fucking journeyman in the semifinals. PROJ: 18.4

Anthony: Cam Newton Vs. GB

Green Bay can’t defend in general, but we especially can’t defend running QB’s. We may be playing the best one in the league. I think Cam has a huge game against a terrible secondary, the only thing that makes me think he may not do super well is the fact that he’s been so inconsistent recently and he’s had some low passing yardage totals. I don’t know which version of Cam is gonna show up, but I know if the right version does, Anthony will get 30 out of him. Fuck. PROJ: 24.9

RB Analysis

David: Shady Vs. MIA /  Hyde Vs. TEN / Ajayi Vs. NYG

McCoy: He’s been my best player all year and I need another big game out of him. Miami can’t stop the run all that well and he’s been hot recently so I can see him having a big game, especially with Tyrod back to restore some semblance of a passing game. If it snows (unlikely), even better, he’s the best snow player of all time besides maybe Vinatieri. PROJ: 16.1

Hyde: Shockingly mediocre most of the time, hasn’t broken 15 since week 6, Tennessee is actually decent at stopping the run. Not expecting much here, but Jimmy G being there has made a world of difference for the offense as a whole. Hoping he can just get a few goal line opportunities. PROJ: 11.8

Ajayi: The absolute most wild card play I can do here. I’m revisiting this on Saturday night because Kareem Hunt going wild means I have to chase points and Ajayi is the most talented, likeliest to nut guy I can possibly flex. He’s been in and out of the Eagles RB rotation, but without Foles and with them needing to lock up the 1 seed, I see them not fucking around and just putting the best guy on the field. Here’s hoping the draft pick FINALLY comes through, but it’s unlikely.. PROJ: 6.6

Anthony:  Hunt Vs. LAC / Bell Vs. NE / Ingram Vs. NYJ

Hunt: Stretched my asshole. Got 32.6

Ding Ding: Belichick usually takes one strength away and lets another strength beat him, and I just hope to god he chooses to let Antonio Brown get his but shut down everything else. Even in that scenario, Bell probably gets enough volume to have a huge game. New England’s defense has been playing better of late (besides that weird Miami game) but there’s really no stopping Bell from doing stuff. PROJ: 17

Ingram: Without McCown, I feel like the saints are gonna go up BIG on the Jets relatively early and just lean on the two backs to run out the clock. I’m terrified of Ingram, I can only hope Kamara gets the goal line stuff. PROJ: 11

WR Analysis

David: Allen @ KC / Gordon Vs. BAL

Allen: Got 5.4 and got hurt. About as bad as things could’ve gone.

Gordon: Baltimore is down Jimmy Smith and got roasted by Pittsburgh last week. I’m not suggesting Cleveland can put up more than like 17 points, but what I am suggesting is that if they even score, I’m almost sure Gordon will be prominently involved in the yardage or the actual scoring. I need him to have a throwback Josh Gordon game and I fully believe. PROJ: 14.7

Anthony: Jones Vs. CHI / Funchess Vs. GB

Jones: Got 8.5. Not bad.

Funchess: Packers can’t defend anyone. I expect him to have a huge game. Four TD’s in the last four games, I don’t see him not getting at least a ton of yards. PROJ: 14.3

TE Analysis

David: Brate/Howard Vs. ATL

Still have no idea who I’m gonna start, still think it won’t matter. There wasn’t really any other option on the waiver wire and TE is a god damn wasteland past the first few dudes. PROJ: 4

Anthony: Gronk @ PIT

No Shazier means a far easier game in coverage for Gronk. I have zero faith in Pittsburgh stopping New England and I think Gronk fucks them the hardest after a rest week. PROJ: 12

K/DEF Analysis

David: Zuerlein @ SEA / Denver @ IND

Denver: Got 9. Not bad, not good. Expected a TON more.

Zuerlein: His worst games are against good defenses, and Seattle is a shell of the version of the defense they normally are. Bobby Wagner and KJ Wright might also not play, making the matchup even easier. I think he has a bounceback week and I fuckin need it in the worst way. PROJ: 11

Anthony: Boswell Vs. NE / Eagles @ NYG

Eagles: The Giants are fucking terrible. Philly is gonna score two defensive touchdowns. Eli will need to pull a huge game out of his ass for this to not be a bloodbath. PROJ: 17

Boswell: He’s been insane lately. I see him having another nice game at home, especially since NE is a bend and don’t break defense. Kickers have been weirdly bad against them, but I think that’s more of a product of their cakewalk schedule. PROJ: 11

FINAL PROJECTION:

Anthony 148.3 - David 97

The “Do the fantasy gods give out better point loans to white people compared to brown people” Bowl

Fournette About It Vs. Green Evans and Kam

(If you don’t get it, I don’t want to explain it. Most people reading this will hopefully get it, minus Scott. Hey Scott.)

QB Analysis:

Jack: BORTLES Vs. HOU

A good matchup for one of the hottest QB’s in fantasy right now. These are the exact matchups where Bortles has fucked the entire world who trusts him, but this time it seems like it’s for real. Houston is fucking trash and while he doesn’t have one big receiver to go to, all these random dudes (Cole, Lee, Westbrook) seem to complement eachother and work. I think he has a good week and runs a touchdown in too. PROJ: 21.5

Beshoy: Rivers @ KC

Got 8.08. Rough. I have no idea what happened. KC is trash and they made all non Melvin Gordon chargers look like bitches. Rivers turned back into a pumpkin and threw two picks that reminded me of the old Rivers. Rough start.

RB Analysis

Beshoy: Gordon @ KC / Kamara Vs. NYJ / Morris @ OAK

Gordon: Got 22.9. I think your matchup might be over if not for this guy.

Kamara: He’s back! Obviously, shouldn’t get hurt this time and pick up his old role. As I said earlier in the Ingram analysis, I really think the entire second half is going to be RB heavy and I don’t think there’s a chance either Ingram or Kamara scores. My official prediction is that it’ll be Kamara. PROJ: 17.9

Morris: I totally get it based on matchup, but given last week I think this is a risky play. Oakland sucks, and I’d probably do the same thing, but I could see this being another wonky Rod Smith game. PROJ: 6.2

Jack: Gurley @ SEA / M. Davis Vs. LAR

Gurley: Needs to have a huge game to make up for some other injured stars. Seattle has been bad on defense recently and I think the coolest part about Gurley this year is that the Rams find ways to get him the ball unconventionally. Volume should shoot Gurley up this week. PROJ: 19

Davis: Sidebar, it’s SO sad that you have to start Mike Davis in a semifinal. Even if he has a nice game, I don’t think it’s a logical choice. Either way though, he’s clearly been better than the other backs and the Rams can’t stop the run. There’s upside here. PROJ: 5.6

WR Analysis

Beshoy: Green @ MIN / Hopkins @ JAX

Green: He’s been overall good recently, but he deserves better than Andy Dalton. It’s insane that it’s not necessarily Green’s role, it’s Dalton being bad that handcuffs the guy. That being said, I think game flow will favor the Bengals throwing the ball and he’s another high volume dude who has a cool floor. I don’t think he gets too many yards, but a TD would be nice. PROJ: 10.2

Hopkins: You kinda figured out that volume is the only thing that matters for receivers. This is another awful matchup, but whoever the QB is just blindly puts up throws towards Nuk. I think he’s another high floor guy who just hits his floor this week. PROJ: 9

Jack: Tate Vs. CHI / Brown Vs. NE / Jeffery @ NYG

Tate: Got 3.3, questionable play here with Landry on the bench. 

AB: The model of consistency for receivers. This will be a big test against NE’s improving corners, but the dude is so fucking good. He’ll nut. PROJ: 19.3

Jeffery: I almost feel like losing Wentz hurts all the other passcatchers more than it hurts Alshon if that makes sense? He’s the number one, he’s the one with the defined role. I still think he has a good game, especially with most of the Giants secondary checked out for the season. PROJ: 13.2

TE Analysis

Beshoy: HennGod @ KC

Got 2.8. Rough night for the Chargers as a whole to be honest. Didn’t get his 7 targets, Chargers lost. How have they not figured it out yet?

Jack: Clay Vs. MIA

If Benjamin doesn’t play, I see Clay being the number two target behind Zay Jones and that’s a good thing. I just don’t see him having a massive game, it’s been 10 weeks since he had an above average start. PROJ: 4.5

K/DEF Analysis

Beshoy: Prater Vs. CHI / Jaguars Vs. HOU

Prater: Got 9. About all you can ask of a kicker in a game where the offense scored 20 points. 

JAX: Houston’s third stringer at home? Sign me up. PROJ: 19

Jack: Gould Vs. Ten / Rams @ SEA

Gould: Incredible the last two weeks, especially because the Niners have improved on offense, but not enough to consistently get in the end zone. I see that trend continuing. PROJ: 11

Rams: I do not agree with this play. Seattle is insane at home in December. There’s still better WW options but hey, I’m not the number one seed. PROJ: 4

FINAL PREDICTION:

Jack 101.4 - Beshoy 105.08