#like I mean people outside of Ian and growth outside of that relationship

[mickeym4ndy]

Mickey deserved an arc like Richie’s in the bear. where he finds a job/hobby (tattooing maybe) he enjoys and gets really good at it and people believe in him and they tell him he’s really good and so he starts to believe in himself

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

One of my favorite things about Ian and Mickey is they complement each other. I thought that when Mickey was giving Ian shit about following Lip's lead. It instantly reminds me of when Ian tried giving Trevor shit and it did not go well. I don't know if Ian & Trevor had a relationship where there was teasing and fucking with each other like that.

Next was at the lunch thing with the gay guys, Ian could feel the judgment and criticism while for Mickey, it was all a nonfactor cause he was getting something out of it

Then they end up joking and teasing at the end of the day

I completely agree. 🙂 I think what struck me about Ian’s relationship with Trevor was how a lot of their teasing could be barbed, oftentimes meant to push the other further on certain issues than they were comfortable with going. It was a sign that, while they would perhaps have made good friends, they weren’t particularly compatible as romantic partners.

Ian and Mickey as adults in a far more solidified relationship than they’ve ever had before are able to both tease and facilitate growth or even mere acceptance simultaneously. They’ve accepted that they have different needs in their lives and are able to accommodate fairly seamlessly now that they’re growing more mature in their communication.

Ian needed to hear that his decisions should be based on his own preferences, and teasing him made him think. His immediate response, as is usually the case for Ian, is that action is required. He has to change something or prove he can do this, namely have friends and accept influences in his life that exist outside the close bond of trust he has with Lip. He needed to come to the conclusion that if they choose to move, it should be because they want to, not just because Lip did or says so. Mickey, of course, has always been more comfortable with who he is (with the exception of his sexuality in early seasons) and reluctantly goes along for the ride—until he figures out he can get something out of it without having to budge on his lack of desire for friends, as you said. He doesn’t change for anyone, and that’s exactly what Ian needs to see.

Ian, on the other hand, is no longer accustomed to being what other people want or expect him to be. He’s got a husband and family who love him, and they don’t need him to play a role like the other men in his life have. Having Mickey not care and just be there for the food and alcohol means that Ian can explore his motivations for being here and the discomfort he feels in an environment where he’s not internally pressured to conform to roles he’s not comfortable with anymore. He can get up from the table, go to his husband to seek comfort and support, and remain himself. And when they go home, heck yes they’ll laugh and joke about it, because they each knew where the other was coming from and fit together like puzzle pieces with Ian working through his sudden self-consciousness and Mickey sticking to his guns while being subtly supportive (and letting Ian know when he’s a bit too far off base).

[happymeishappylife]

Companion Recap: Susan Foreman

The Doctor’s first companion and the first companion to leave the TARDIS. While we don’t entirely know how Susan begins to travel with her grandfather, this is such an important and key relationship which makes Susan’s exit that much harder. The love and care they have for each other while butting heads like any parental/kid relationship does when it comes to growing up was done well and is the reason eventually for her exit. But with Susan’s departure, we lose a lot I think because with her, we lose a lot of the Doctor’s origins until later in the series. After all its Susan who talks about being cut off from their home planet and describes it with such love. Knowing that in the future the Doctor says he steals a TARDIS and runs away, is this a lie he gives to Susan to get her to travel with him? And if so, why does he want her off Gallifrey? Still it’s hard to argue that as the first companion, Susan definitely makes an impact at only 16.

We first meet Susan through the eyes of her teachers, Ian and Barbara. Their curiosities about a 16 year old girl can have such deep scientific, mathematical, and historical knowledge while being confused as to how the English currency system works is what leads them onto the TARDIS to begin with. Unlike her grandfather, Susan is excited to have new companions and bonds with her teachers early through their adventures. Partly because she tries to be brave and knowledgeable about their adventures, but being with them, learns she still has a lot to learn and that she is still quite young. But perhaps her strongest bond which helps her character growth is with Barbara.

Whether its because Susan lost her mother or the rest of her family, having an older female presence on the ship is a relief I believe for Susan. No longer is she just subject to her grandfather’s strict rules and sometimes disciplinary tones or comments, she learns how these are just ways he loves her. Barbara often is the one to comfort Susan when something goes wrong or she is scolded and reminds her that while it can be hard in the moment to think that the Doctor cares for her, he does and just wants her to be protected. Plus, I think Susan sees how Barbara often defies the Doctor’s discipline or rude actions by standing up for herself and subconsciously begins to respect herself as well. It’s why when they meet the Sensorites, we get that first glimpse of defiance from Susan about being able to handle herself. And she really can.

From as early as the second serial, we Susan take large roles in helping her companions and the people they meet along their journeys. And what’s more is she does this outside the fear she obviously he has in many situations. Still just as she pushes on to get the radiation medicine and meets the Thals, Susan often overcomes her fears to do what she feel is right. She is naïve in her assumptions but at sixteen its hard not to be. And what’s fun is we get to see that youth displayed in several serials. Like when she befriends Ping-Cho and they act like typical teenage girls. It’s refreshing.

Which is why her exit is hard. This is the first example and of course a product of its time, but its hard to believe that Susan accepts being abandoned by her grandfather just because in the span of a couple of days, she falls in love with David. Yes, she mentions throughout most of her time that she misses her home planet and wishes to go back or to be part of a place she can identify with. Again, not sure how old Susan was when she first began travelling with the Doctor, but even if she was as young as 6 or 7, that’s most of her life travelling so yes, settling down for a while must be an interest for her. And even though David echoes these thoughts back to her at the end of their journey, she still brings up one huge thing: She still cares for grandfather and doesn’t want to leave him. But in the end she’s not given that choice to continue on with him.

The Doctor seeing how she talks about this dream of hers to belong somewhere and stop travelling, she’s her flirtations with David as they travel and realizes that it is time for her leave him. But at sixteen, is she really ready to settle down in and get married? Especially considering that yes, it is on Earth, but its on an Earth that is broken and destroyed from the Dalek invasion. And he knows she has no way to get to him or anyone else she knows. He just assumes she will be happier with David and that it is her time to leave. But you can’t tell me that when this her face at the end:

She doesn’t even look at David as he takes her hand to lead her away. And she leaves her only connection to Gallifrey and her grandfather, her TARDIS key on the ground where it had been, as if in that anguish a way for her to leave the hurt and pain that’s obviously coursing through her. And part of that I’m sure as a modern Who fan is because of what we later learn about the Doctor, Gallifrey, and the Time Lords. Otherwise, why would he be okay abandoning her when she really is a kid in that perspective. She probably hasn’t even regenerated once yet and she obviously can’t spend the rest of her life with David, despite the intent of her departure was supposed to leave her with. It’s what makes her exit sting that much more.

I know some extensions of her story have been done in other formats, but I would love to see the Doctor return to her in the modern series. It would have such a huge impact for the fans and it would be a way to give her character more justice than this final scene. After all, she doesn’t say a word as she walks away and all we’re left with is a speech from the Doctor which seems heartfelt out of context, but in context is a little patronizing. Plus he makes her a promise that at least in what I’ve consumed has never been fulfilled. He has never come back for and in that way, solidifies the idea that he abandons her.

But who knows. Maybe we will get to see Susan again on screen, but one things for sure is Carole Ann Ford does a brilliant job of leaving a foundation for what it means to be a companion even if no one will ever have the relationship she did with the Doctor.

[maritimeericandersen]

BDRP Questionnaire 

Your Name: Sidney

Characters: Eric Andersen, Clara Baudry (Euterpe), Ferb Fletcher, Pedram Ratigan, Laszlo Robinson

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you!) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

If we’re going by oldest characters, then Eric it shall be!! 

As far as growth, I think the major thing that I’ve really enjoyed is getting him to be self sufficient and taking care of things he wasn’t used to before being out on his own. Eric had always been one of those kids who got to take a back seat to planning anything! Like doctors or dentists appointments. He never had to deal with the bank or paying for things like his phone or the internet. And for Eric, a simple boy, if it isn’t right in front of him he doesn’t think about it. Out of sight, out of mind, baby! So him being out here on his own has put all of those things in his direct line of sight. Getting new clothes, shoes, food, water, balancing all of this on a limited budget. You know, taking care of himself.  I know the bare minimum is certainly a ridiculous thing to be proud of someone for, but here I am lmao. 

Obviously a big part of him having not perished and just going back home was Mr. Moon!! Huge thank you to Lauryl and Jun for taking pity on me and Eric when we first got here lmfao.  Eric getting a job, food, boarding, and pity taken on him got him started! And getting a pep talk to actually apply and go to university! Where he’s carving out a future for himself that he chose to do and that wasn’t influenced thinking about the Order or his family or anything but him! 

I also really enjoy all the friendships he has made!!! Ollie! And Alice, and Ian, and HARU, and Henry, (but Henry he already sort of had but I’m super jazzed to see where those two can go,) and although I’ve never done a thread with any one on the volleyball team (besides Jake and Olaf, but not in the context of them being on a team!!) I’m sure Eric assumes they’re all the Very Best of Friends. So I really love that he has friends and a little community of people that he can show for himself!! 

And Eric really hasn’t changed from my original thinking of him. I don’t know if this is a good thing or a bad thing but he was always supposed to be that kid in class who showed up a little late and asked if he could borrow a pencil. I think, if anything, the things around him in his story have changed a bit in my own brain in order to fit in to the universe of BDRP now that I’ve been here a little longer (almost a year!!!) to have a better understanding of how the world works!! But yeah, all and all, he is still on the original path I had for him going into this. 

Pick another character (or the same character if you only have one) and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year?

Moving on to Clara:

What I want for her, personally, is to soften up and lean into her more excitable side. The one that isn’t so concerned with money or the way she looks or what other people are perceiving her to be. I want her to open up more!! Being a Muse will be super helpful to her because I think for a character to help someone else, they’re going to need to have a bit more vulnerability to them? Like, all mentor or helper type characters have to gain some semblance of trust from the person they're helping to get them to see that they aren’t in an environment to be judged or taken advantage of. Right? Like uh, Obi Wan isn’t necessarily up front with Luke about everything but he gives him many truths, like how he and his father were very good friends, so Luke trusts him! Or when Professor Keating is vulnerable with his students, telling them about how love and poetry and those deep dark feelings inside of you are what life is all about, and they trusted him wholeheartedly!

In order to do that, she’s going to need to let go of her own fears!! And grow! I want to see her learn that part of being people’s friends, or when being someone’s guide as a Muse. I think her coming to understand that sharing her story and history will be very helpful in her journey to becoming this generation’s Euterpe. I want to see her come into her more active magic by developing emotionally! Working through her anger and letting go of that to make more room for the part of her that wants to connect and be around people. 

I am also really excited to see where her connections take her in the coming future! The Groove Room as her first helping gig to Ber! Being in a band!! Working at Tiana’s place and performing original music there!!! Getting to talk more with Franny, her idol!!!, will be fantastic for her. I’m so super duper excited to see where she goes. 

Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it. 

This is an insane question because I genuinely love them all so much you guys 😭 

For Eric: Any thread he’s had with Jun since that has helped move Eric along in getting to be his Own Person and getting his act together. Again, thank you Jun! I really really enjoyed his first interaction with Lou? I thought that thread was hilarious and yet cringed the entire time writing it because Eric is such a ridiculous person. I also liked his thread with Olaf when they went on the tour of the university!! Their conversation about the gryphons was really a challenge on Eric and having to think about hunting from the perspective of the other side, which he had never really done before. Also just him having a genuine and intelligent conversation with a fairy who is now also playing a sport with him has probably been very helpful to him!!! I love his threads with Haru because getting to write his reactions to her learning about the human world always brings me such delight. All this threads with Ollie are great because I get to write that part of Eric that is just a dumb boy hanging out with his bestie!! I love that so much since he’s so much more relaxed and I find their banter to be an easy back and forth. Getting to meet Isa for the first time was a blast, I really enjoyed their interaction. Most recently I was super de duper in love with him and Henry’s re-meeting. I hadn’t had a chance for him to really face the Order without him having to go all the way back to everyone, so getting that connection with Henry was a good inbetween and getting to write him talking to someone who knows the life and his plight was so cathartic for him! 

For Clara: Any thread between her and Franny is so fun!! Her first meeting with Franny was great because I got to try and capture one of those moments that’s like, you know and adore this person and they’ve done so much for you but they have noooo idea who the hell you are. So that was a lot of fun for me, not so much for Clara lmfao, but hey it was the first step in getting her to this stage in her relationship with Franny, which she never thought she would even have!!! I really liked the two threads she got to have with Callie before she departed, it was very kind of Pet to give me those moments of giving Clara the knowledge of what/who she was!! Otherwise she would be walking around, still in the dark about her magic! OH, I loved the thread with her and Mei Q. !! I think it was important for her to get the advice of being open to people from an outside, neutral source who had no stake in Clara at all other than to just tell her what was up. Even if she didn’t really trust it lmao, it planted the seeds in her brain. I also really liked her thread with Imelda where she was trying to finagle the truth about her and O’Malley out of her lmfao. It was a challenge for me to think of dialogue that wouldn’t give her away, so that was very fun!!! And thank you Imelda for not firing her! And then of course, her thread with Ber and getting him to let her help her with the Groove Room! It gave me a chance to use her magic and start to explore the beginnings of how she is going to approach being a Muse while also giving her the first taste of adventure. Getting to write a Clara whose mind isn’t wrapped up in her account balance and is instead thinking about the love of life is always a very fun time for me, so that thread has been nice to write. 

For Ferb: Literally any thread with his siblings. I want to take this moment to personally thank Emma and MK for giving me the Flynn’s in the span of ?? like four months?? Which was insane to me, because when I was writing his app I was like, “I will probably never get my siblings, and I will just have to accept that.” but then bam, next thing I know, there they were. So anything with them has been like my dreams come true. I loved his thread with Mei K. asking him to prom via sign!!! Too pure. The thread with Su when she was helping him work through what being a sibling is like and then cementing their friendship was really good because it got him to open up and doing that with Ferb seemed ?? impossible to me, so getting to write that was wonderful! Also his thread with JJ! Getting to gush about sign language was so much fun for for me, so thank you so much, Bee for giving me that opportunity!!! His and Vanessa’s thread at the carnival was really fun, too, especially since I made it my personal goal in that one to cut any dialogue from him and work on how he communicates without using words in that sort of fast paced situation where he couldn’t use his phone to know what she was saying, so, I thoroughly enjoyed that one, too. 

For Ratigan: I honestly find any interaction with Ratigan to be a blessing to me because I genuinely feel terrible for asking for threads with him since he is so mean. His thread with Tiana and getting her to take up his offer on a loan was awesome, especially since it was one of the first things I got to write with him!! Very much appreciate Emma for willing to put Tiana in that position! It also gave me the thread with him and Simba, which was really funny since they are such opposites and getting to write Ratigan playing nice but secretly envying everything that Simba is/has was really interesting. Both his threads with Errol of course because it just gives me the opportunity to write him being the mean spirited person that he is. I adored his thread with Franny when she told him the news that she was pregnant!!! It gave me the chance to reflect on him and his relationship with her and the fact that he actually does like her and would snipe anyone who came for her. Not that he would admit that at all. LOVE his threads with Bianca, them staring one another down like a pair of cowboys waiting to see who will draw first has been so much fun to write!! I love writing that part of him as his paranoia knows no bounds. And his thread with Zira?? Has been immaculate because writing him in a place where he doesn’t think he is the superior one in the room would never happen in any other context, so I absolutely love getting to write him getting put in his place lmao. Also, having just finished the AU thread with LP was really fun!!! I liked getting to play into the tropes and the campiness of the spy genre and getting to see what he would act like in the face of genuine emotion. 

For Laszlo: Literally all this threads lol. Writing Laszlo brings me such joy, as he is such a ray of sunshine. Him and Lachlann were a hoot and a half. I looooooooooved him and Eilonwy!! Both because she is such a treat but also because getting to write about him witnessing magic being put into his art while speaking to the person behind the magic was fantastic for what he wants to do in the future! Both his threads with Simba have been great, I love their vibe so much. The three-way thread between him, Lou, and Tiana for the mural was super fun!! I got my first taste into what discussing art would be like while also getting to think about how Laszlo would approach art while getting help from two other voices, so that whole thing was just chef kisses. His thread with Cornelius right now has been really lovely, I like getting to write them having a fun time together and being bros!! His threads with Franny have been so good, I adore them so much, their relationship is so fun to write. And of course, Marlin, too!! Their first thread was really fun and gave me the opportunity to write comedy as well as trying to figure out how he would react to embarrassment and all that. His thread with his mum is still coming along but I am in loVE with it so far. Petunia is the best, so getting to write with her and trying to figure out how that relationship has developed with them both being adults now has really been such a delight for me. I’m so happy because, bruh, like Ferb, when I was applying for him I told myself I would probably never get his intimidate family and that was going to be okay. Now look at us, who would have thought- 

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.

Warning: Cop Out Ahead

Hmmm, I think the only strength I can think of  would just be that I’m open to changes? I have no problems in people damaging my ego because I simply do not have one lmao. There’s really nothing I will be offended at needing to move around or change to fit. I like being able to hear what other people have to say about my writing, even if it’s to do something completely different with where I was going because I wouldn’t have ever thought to do it like that!! Which I’ve learned in rp is super great since there are so many people here with so many different ideas and perspectives and characters and it brings me such joy to hear you all talk and collab and read what you’ve written!!!! 

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.

Oh gosh, where to even begin. 

1. I’m terrible with metaphors and comparisons lmaooo. I will attempt to write something lyrical or flowery and then I’ll come back to it and be like:

so that I definitely need to get better at!! Stop comparing things that don’t make sense!! Also not just using them to make my point as clear as glass. I think a big portion of why I write terrible, embarrassing metaphors is because I’m scared of being misunderstood so I feel like I have to give everyone a giant neon sign saying what I mean like seven times over. When in reality, everyone here is an intelligent individual who also writes very well so they will have no problem figuring out what I mean because, in all honestly, whatever I am writing isn’t going to be that convoluted!! 

2. My sentence structures are always all over the fucking place. I do run ons, fragments, repetitive, I do all the sins baby. I need to clean it up and get my act together. Which brings me to my next point,

3. Editing. I’m very terrible at editing my own work because a lot of the time I don’t want to read my own writing so it makes me reluctant to go back over and check what I did. But then when I DO go back and read it to remember what I did for a reply, I read all the easy mistakes I could have fixed which means the person I’m writing with read it, too, which makes me cringe more and makes me not want to read what I wrote all over again, and then it is just one massive positive feedback loop that ends with unedited work and a bunch of nonsense left for someone to interpret. I gotta stop it!! I either need to get some self confidence somehow or just suck it up and get to editing more so people don’t have to suffer for my mistakes. 

Pick one of your plots, or even just a character, and come up with a list of 3-5 “mentor texts” where you can look for inspiration or research, then write a short (2-4 sentences) why you picked those texts. (They don’t have to be books, either!)

I feel like I’m back at school doing a Work Cited page lmao. But okay, for Ratigan: 

Of course, the most obvious: The Adventure of the Final Problem by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Thank god this was a short story, lmao. Honestly, reading it you could tell a bitch was just trying to put a wrap on it because Doyle doesn’t really go into detail about anything besides Holmes and Watson’s road trip. Like it never goes into detail about the big back and forth game between Holmes and Moriarty, it just tells us that they had one and this story takes place at the end of it. We only ever get Moriarty through Holme’s storytelling and from afar from Watson’s point of view. So it’s kind of funny that this guy, who appears in one short story and only mentioned in one other book, who had barely any character besides being smart, has been turned into this notorious villain name. I mean….his power….

Anyways, the reason I read it was because Ratigan is the Moriarty of Basil of Baker street, so I figured it would be useful to read the source material since my only experience with the character was Andrew Scott’s in Sherlock the show and then Jared Harris’ in Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows, who I still reference since I think he was a brilliant casting choice and is closest to the guy described in the story besides the guy who played Niles in the Nanny showing up as him in that one episode of Star Trek Next Gen lmfao. It was actually very helpful when trying to think of how to adapt him into a person rather than a cartoon rat. It gave me more insight into the criminal world aspect of his plot, too,  and how he ran it and everything: “ He sits motionless, like a spider in the center of its web, but that web has a thousand radiations, and he knows well every quiver of each of them.” So that made me think, well why wouldn’t he want to be involved? Why would he want to sit pretty instead of being involved with things like Ratigan? Well, if I made him do it at one point and know that he hated it, then he would do everything in his power to not have to do stuff like that ever again. Hence why he was an assassin and why he worked his way to the top. This also gave him credibility and made people fear him. I also liked how petty the character was. Like the whole part about him trying to kill Holmes and paying someone to push a brick off a roof or run him over with a carriage had me laughing. “Kill him in the dumbest way to make his obituary look ridiculous!!” But yeah, aha, this was mainly very helpful to me when trying to think of how his criminal background would work. 

Die Hard (1988) because Hans Gruber baby!! He is one of my fave og villains for many reasons! He’s calculated, witty, intelligent, and dangerous. The movie does a good job of not just telling us these things, but showing us! In his scheme, in his back up plans, shooting the glass upon knowing a bitch is barefoot in there, and trying to get McClane to trust him by improvising in three seconds flat. Obviously the best part is when the police think they’ve got him on his heels by cutting the power when actually that was the plan all along to get into the vault since he knows their protocols!!! I really like that clever and planned out approach to crime and villainy for Ratigan (even if I am too dumb to know what I am doing (^: )  Like Hans, he doesn’t think that what he is doing is for the Great Good or that what he is doing is the right thing. He is fully aware that he is not a good person! He had the chance to get out, but it was of his own volition to go back to that life. I took that villain approach to Ratigan from Hans in that there is no complex reason as to why he does what he does. He’s not like the big purple grape who thinks he has to do it as a favor to the universe, he just wants money and to live comfortably, the end.

Person of Interest, for a lot of reasons actually, but mainly for the character of Elias!! And his whole organized crime operation. He is among that smart and calculated villain trope (even though he wasn’t really a villain over the course of the show lmao.) What I liked about him was that he went into the life of crime because he knew that was how things were going to get done in the world. Watching the show you see the hierarchy of the criminal underground and how he cultivated crime into an organized and sort of civil matter when given rules and regulations!! His overall poise, too, was the kind of villain I wanted for Ratigan. Also that Elias was the guy that people could go to if they needed something done that they themselves couldn’t get around or that was just too grey area for them to go through with themselves. He’ll pull the trigger, he’ll plant the bomb, he’ll ruin someone’s life. I love that concept a lot for a villain, because they already know they’re knee deep in the shit, why let someone else corrupt themselves when they can do it and do it without the whole fuss of morals. 

And now, a wishlist! Jot down a few themes or stories or genres etc that you want to maybe pursue in the upcoming year! (i.e. a good ol’ fashion forbidden romance, maybe you want to dig deep into racial identity etc) This doesn’t have to necessarily be attached to any characters or stories you have now– it’s just meant to help you see for yourself what kind of stories call to your heart.

More technology vs magic things! I feel like that theme of the natural vs the made would be fun and interesting considering the juxtaposition of the town to the forest and stuff!! 

Also, I mean even doing small, stupid shit with technology would make me very happy

More friendships!! (esp for Clara lol) More enemies! 

I would love to do something of like building a house or renovating a place together. if any one wants to go HGTV, please come see me :^) 

Scavenger hunt type deal? Like a video game! Get one thing in order to get the next thing so that you can get the next thing until they eventually find what they were looking for. 

Misunderstandings! Either ones that are funny and light hearted that result in hijinks or the good old fashion devastating kind that sets trust on the edge.  

And then to echo a few of yalls, and MK in the werewolf vs vampire chat, the opportunities of tension between those two parties. I think that would be SO cool??? not even for like a Big Boss Battle, but the build up to it would be really good! making alliances that wouldn’t otherwise be made, stirring the pot to make tensions worse, blackmail, threats. I barely have any stake in this, lmfao, but hey this question asked for things that didn’t have to be attached to my characters so. I would just be sitting on my computer with a bowl of popcorn for it. Big Vampire Diaries/the Originals Energy. 

OPTIONAL: Why do you RP?

Since this whole experience has been brand spankin’ new with my first go around in the rp world, the answer is just very simple: it is an absolute delight. 

Getting to write with people that double as this built in community/fandom that has been created is actually insane to me. It makes me so !!!!!!!!!!! because it’s so cool!! There’s really nothing out there like it! I like the collaboration aspect so much because it keeps everything exciting and fresh at all hours of the day! Not even just like within your own stories, but getting to see other people’s stories that I’m not even apart of. 

Honestly, getting to read the things you guys write for free makes me feel like I’m doing highway robbery. Every day I am a humble peasant who wakes up and is getting to feast upon what you monarchs come up with. 

Which just makes me want to say thank you to everyone here because I felt (and STILL DO) like such a fucking idiot coming in here not knowing what I was doing. But you all just welcomed me on in, made me feel comfortable enough to continue writing, and I sincerely believe you all kept me going on this wild and wacky year. I know I don’t talk at all in the big group chat because I am chicken shit!!!!!!!!!! but you’re all very lovely people, I feel lucky and blessed to have found you. Thank you for taking in a newbie like me into your long standing home!! 

[meta-squash]

I just saw a post about someone headcanoning that Mickey didn’t have internalized homophobia/wasn’t ashamed about his gayness and like I respect that headcanon and I definitely think that’s an interpretation that people are allowed to have, for sure. But it just made me think about my own interpretation I’ve had and now I wanna write it down because I haven’t properly like sat and thought about it before but one thing popped in my head so.

My immediate reaction to reading the post, aside from “Hm, not the way I see it, but I get where it’s coming from,” is that a big, annoying, whacked out thing about the human brain and shame/self-hatred is that you will do something while hating yourself for it at exactly the same time.

What I mean is, in the early days it would be quite easy for Mickey to be fucking Ian, enjoying the physical pleasure of it, while simultaneously totally hating himself for it. People do that with other things, like food or spending money or whatever.

My thoughts about Mickey and self-hatred/internalized homophobia have always been that up until he had to go search for Ian in S4, it was definitely something he was dealing with. I think, at first, it was simply a knee-jerk reaction for him to say “I’m not gay, this is just a good fuck and it’s easy”. He probably didn’t try to logic his way around anything. He probably didn’t try to convince himself that there was a difference between why he liked fucking Ian vs Angie or y’know whatever. We all know Terry was a monster, and probably some of Mickey’s brothers (beside Iggy) were like mini Terrys. I’m gonna guess he’d had homophobia drilled into him pretty early on. He probably did what I said above: fucked Ian while hating himself for it simultaneously, then tried his best to shove it all away. He’s a dick all the time because he’s terrified of being found out and because he doesn’t really like himself in the first place.

I don’t think his internalized homophobia was any better when Kash shot him; I think he was forward about it because he assumed he had the upper hand and definitely didn’t expect to get shot. At this point, he and Ian are at least kind of like friends, so there’s more of a fwb thing going on and he can excuse it all on that level.

I don’t think he really relaxes about it until after his second stint in juvie. 95% of his need to kill Frank is probably fear that someone in the neighborhood is going to find out, whether it’s his father or someone else, and he’s gonna go down for it. The other 5% is that fear of being seen as gay not because of other people hurting him but because he can’t quite admit it to himself. That’s where the “warm mouth” comment comes from. I think if he had admitted to himself he was gay, he’d have said something just as harsh at that moment, considering how bad he’s freaking out, but I do think it’s interesting that he reduces Ian to something fairly universal, a mouth. Again it’s an attempt to convince, like a “I could get whatever I want, girls too, this is just convenient and easy.” He will not acknowledge the fact that he’s the one getting fucked. Especially after Frank’s just found them in a compromising position.

But I do think he chills out. On coming back, he literally tells Ian he missed him (or his dick, I guess). They fuck in broad daylight, where anyone who knew to go under there could find them. At this point I think he’s managed to admit to himself that he likes fucking Ian (liking what I like don’t make me a bitch), he’s managed to admit to himself that he wants to spend his time around Ian. I think at this point he still doesn’t quite see himself as gay or at least can’t admit it to himself, because he thinks of gay people as much more flamboyant. That’s why he’s flip about using slurs about other people: he sees himself as different from them. But, again, I think he’s slowly warming up and growing out of that.

And then 3x06 happens, and I think it throws him backward in one way and forward in another. I think, after Ian leaves, or maybe even before, probably around the kiss (because it’s clearly something he mulled over after Ian’s comment), he’s realized that he’s gay. That he can’t change, will never change. That’s the forward part: that he’s admitted it to himself. I think, though, at that point, with Ian leaving and Svetlana pregnant, he does hate himself for it. That’s the backward part. There’s a massive difference between Ian and Mickey (obviously) in that Ian has a supportive family: if a Gallagher had walked in on them fucking, there would probably be some annoyed shrieking, but not violence. If Ian ever told his siblings what happened that day (clearly he didn’t), they would have rallied around him if not Mickey to support them. But once Ian leaves, Mickey has literally no one to back him up. Mandy, to some extent, but they’ve never been that close and Mandy’s got her own issues with a) Gallaghers and b) Terry so that’s not great. I think he knows he’s gay but he hates that he can’t change and he also probably hates that he knows he can’t fight back when it comes to Terry.

I think that a huge factor in Mickey’s internalized homophobia, his self-hatred, his irritability and aggression and anxiety, is the fact that Terry is around. We see this fairly well in the show, that Mickey genuinely is a lot more relaxed, more talkative, kinder, etc when Terry isn’t around. So once Terry gets sent back to the can for violating his probation, it seems like Mickey has a lot more space to think about his feelings and stuff.

By the time he goes to find Ian in S4, I think he’s kind of reached a point where the self-hatred has turned to exhaustion and the internalized homophobia has kind of fallen away. He still is absolutely in no place to confront his issues re: Svetlana and 3x06 judging by like every interaction they have with each other, but I think he’s been worried about Ian this entire time and once he knows Ian’s back there’s not a lot that’s gonna prevent that pull between them.

Again, I think a lot of his self-hatred isn’t just homophobia. There’s a lot, psychologically, that goes on growing up in an abusive household like that and in a financial situation like that where literally nothing is guaranteed, not even basic necessities.

But I think his time staying with the Gallaghers helps monumentally. Because he gets to see the way Ian’s family doesn’t even bat an eye at them sleeping in a bed together, that Carl is asking about their relationship in a purely innocent, curious way rather than a “can I fuck this guy up” way. Fiona interacts with him basically like he’s almost part of the family. The Gallaghers integrate him into their fold fairly easily. It’s very different from the “every man for himself, watch your mouth and watch your back” vibe of the Milkovich household.

I think the worry about Ian plus their mutual experiences and the fact that Ian is the only person he’s comfortable being out to (at the point of season 3 ending) is a huge factor. By the end of S3, we also know that Mandy knows. I think Mandy’s reaction helps some: while she doesn’t really have Mickey’s back, he knows she’s not going to snitch and also now knows she doesn’t care. I think all those factors and the time apart while Ian’s gone means that when Ian does come back, Mickey is fully ready to throw everything he’s got into this.

The other thing I think that helps is the extreme loyalty. Mickey and Mandy are both this way, and we don’t know anything really about the other Milkoviches, so we have no idea about them, but Mickey and Mandy both definitely completely dedicate themselves to people they love. I think to some extent they’ve even done that each other, though there is a little distance there just due to like a) being siblings and b) having to grow up in the Milkovich house like at all. But by the end of season 4, Mickey has definitely like fully dedicated himself to Ian. He wouldn’t have come out in the Alibi like that if he wasn’t 100% in it. He probably would have told Ian to fuck off and stormed out if he was anything less than totally dedicated to Ian. Somewhere between Ian leaving and the fight at the Alibi, Mickey decided that Ian was what he wanted.

Which is how we get to the Alibi. And, consequently, a direct line from the end of season 4 into Mickey’s growth in season 5. We don’t get to see Ian’s depressive episode except for the beginning of it in the last episode, but we know from throwaway lines at the beginning of season 5 that it lasted quite a while, and that he presumably stayed with Mickey the whole time. So I bet caring for and worrying about Ian during that time solidified for Mickey his dedication, and probably made him realize (if he hadn’t already at the Alibi) that he was straight up in love with Ian. Which, again, then makes the rest of S5 storyline track easily.

Basically, this is a long-winded (because when am I not) way of saying that in my interpretation, I do think that season 1&2 and even early 3 Mickey had internalized homophobia and/or self hatred. It would be somewhat difficult for him to not, in the environment he grew up. I think it’s also probably mixed up in other not-gay-related self-hatred he has as well. But I think eventually he admits to himself that he’s gay and kinda stops hating himself for it, and it turns into a fear of being caught and hurt/killed (S4), a fear of outside homophobia, rather than a hatred of himself, and then once he confronts that fear (Alibi fight), he’s able to really grow as a person and dedicate himself to Ian and really realize the full extent of his love for Ian, as we see in S5.

[koganphrancis]

(gif credit: jackorowan)

Ian Dips His Toe Into A Redemption Arc

(Or: My thoughts on S10 Episode 3)

First thing first-I am guessing that the scene this gif is from was cut-Wells probably said it looked too much like men having sex with each other ;P  I bet this fight led to the-by the time the episode starts-established divided cell that Ian has to be a little bitch to Mickey about not seeing the clock since he can’t go to “Mickey’s side” of the cell.  WTF is this, The Brady Bunch?  Pretty sure the boys pulled that about their bedroom in one of the episodes, but I digress.  I would have liked to see Mickey jumping Ian, sigh.

On to what they did show-I have to say, I’m okay with it in the sense that I think almost everything they had Mickey and Ian say and do was very much in character.  However, since the show has had these characters for 10 seasons, I would’ve really liked to see evidence of more growth and evolution for Ian.  Mickey did two major acts of wonderful, selfless love for Ian, whereas Ian blurted out one thing towards the end when everything was pretty much set in stone anyway.  

But it was very in character for Mickey to be the one to give, and Ian to receive, so let me go back to the beginning under the 

The episode starts and obviously they’re still bickering/not getting along.  (Noel’s reading of Mickey’s annoyed “What” packed more meaning and emotion into a single syllable-this show does not deserve him.)  Ian gets the news that he’s got a parole hearing date, and Mickey immediately has a dark cloud of cold, cold rain descend over him-Ian’s pretty oblivious to that, and probably thinks Mickey’s just continuing their arguing since Mickey walks out of the cell as soon as the lock’s released.  Gotta give Ian a little credit-he forgets they’re arguing and is asking Mickey questions about his thoughts about what the letter means and didn’t Mickey think, like Ian, he’d be in longer...but those questions were all about “me, me, me” not “us”.  Which, in character, but, grow a little, Ian, damn it!

Ian goes and talks to two inmates that we’re not quite clear if both of them are gay or just “prison gay” (one has a boyfriend on the outside, but they have an arrangement to screw other people while they’re apart as long as there’s no mouth kissing).  They tell Ian he and “his boy” need a clear understanding, or feelings will be hurt.  Ian looks across the room to Mickey, and maybe for the first time is thinking about Mickey hurting because of him.

Or maybe he’s not-because the next scene is obviously taking place at 8:15, and Mickey is sitting on the toilet.  This scene, again, was in character for Ian, but it pissed me off because he’s bringing up something major-something that could easily blow up into a fight-when Mickey is literally at his most open and vulnerable-pants down and his body in no position to choose either fight or flight.  Plus, Ian doesn’t broach the subject with, “Even if I get out, I will wait for you, I’ll be faithful.”  No, he’s still 17 year old Ian saying, “Will we bang other people?”  Plus he throws in “kids?  Retirement?” so Mickey truly doesn’t have the first clue what Ian’s asking.  (And, btw, Shameless, they HAD a kid that you’ve oh so conveniently made disappear.)  

Ian states it as clearly as he can (I guess, for him): “Do you or do you not want to be in a long distance relationship when I’m out?”  This is so not fair to put on Mickey.  Mickey plainly told Ian what he wanted way back when he was first put into prison and, yes, Ian was on his meds and so low and whatever, but Mickey  knew the answer he gave then was a lie and probably would’ve been the same even if Ian was 100% adjusted to his meds.  Also, Mickey knows for a fact: Ian cheats.  He’s cheated on Mickey and he’s cheated with Mickey, and Ian’s certainly not saying here he’ll even try to be true.  From Mickey’s point of view he could easily take it as Ian wanting him to give him the loophole to not be faithful.   

Mickey, again, is the realist-”You’re out there you’re going to be fucking other people, so will I.”  (Plus, just last week, Ian was requesting a “new roommate”-pretty sure Mickey feels like Ian would be fucking other people inside, given the chance.)  Ian belatedly (far too late) says, “Can’t we just like, wait for each other?”  Then Mickey says something very true indeed.  “Look, it would be one thing if you felt differently about leaving, but you don’t.”  Ian asks what that means and Mickey reluctantly tells him that maybe if there was a part of Ian that wanted to throw his parole hearing so he could stay in there with Mickey since Mickey threw his life away to be with Ian then at least they’d be having a different conversation.  Ian immediately gets defensive with “I didn’t ask you to.”  No, you didn’t Ian, but you’ve never seemed to appreciate that Mickey did it either-or any of the many other sacrifices and acts of love Mickey’s done for you over the years.  Ian incredulously asks if Mickey’s asking him to tank his hearing to "be stuck” in prison with him.  Again it seems like Ian is 100% missing the point that Mickey chose to be with him because he wanted to be, and Ian’s acting like being with Mickey is part of-maybe the worst part of-his prison sentence.  Mickey says, “I ain’t asking you for shit, Gallagher.”  Ian cranks up the defensiveness, “You want me to choose to do it without you asking.”  YES, that’s exactly what he wants, Ian.  For you to choose him, for once in your life!  Mickey says his already famous, “I want you to want to do what you want.”  Ian gets extremely whiny and says, “Buuuut, if I choose it, you would be happy.”  Well, not anymore-you’ve ruined it.  He keeps getting in Mickey’s face, “I just want to know, yes or no, would you be fucking happy!?!?”  You honestly don’t know, Ian?  You’re the one that’s been having all the problems being locked up-Mickey, in the little bit we saw last week, was resigned and ready to serve out his sentence till you kept after him, putting a lot of blame on him for prison not being “fun” anymore.  Mickey finally says, “Yes” and Ian’s all, “Then I’ll fucking do it-I’ll fuck up my hearing so that I stay with you.”  He’s totally yelling by this point.   Mickey says, “If that’s what you want, fine.”  But you can tell he doesn’t think it’s what Ian wants.  Ian retreats back up to the top bunk after they exchange “fines” and “goods”.  Neither one of them is happy.  

And Ian’s not all that committed to his supposed decision-the next scene he’s in, he’s on the prison phone trying to get a hold of Lip-he needs some advice-which is a crock of shit to begin with-when has Lip ever told him that Mickey is the right choice?  Ian already knows what Lip would tell him to do.  

Mickey gets back to the cell after Ian learns from Debbie that Lip and Tami had the baby, and Mickey right away knows something’s bothering Ian.  Hey, Ian, when would any member of your family notice something like that?

Next Mickey scene-he goes to visit one of Terry’s old buddies for gay life advice.  Um, sure, Shameless.  I’m sorry that they felt the need to shortcut Mickey finding out what he already knows in his heart by stretching suspension of disbelief far beyond its breaking point.  (Not to mention it completely undercuts any danger we were supposed to believe in when Mickey came out-apparently Terry and his generation of incarcerated neo-nazis are completely tolerant of alternative lifestyles-who knew?)  Anyway-one great Noel moment in this scene is the beat he takes to look momentarily surprised that he’s not going to be curb stomped for asking about his partner for pleasure.  

Points lost to Shameless tho, for not making it very clear if, just like the Nazi buddy says to Mickey that Ian will come to resent him for wanting him to stay in prison for him, does Mickey resent Ian for going back in to be with him?  Are we supposed to think there’s a difference just because Ian didn’t ask/encourage Mickey to do it?  I also don’t like the implication that Mickey’s somehow in the wrong for wanting to be with Ian-it’s not like Ian has had a great life when Mickey’s not there for him.  

Mickey, as always, is keeping a close eye on Ian, and thwarts his plan to shiv an inmate (and, hey, Shameless, way to work in another fat slur in that scene-you couldn’t have Ian just say, “The big guy?”), and in a scene that I hope was very gratifying to film, Noel, uh, Mickey covers Ian’s entire mouth with his hand and keeps telling him to STFU ;)  Mickey has his cohorts drag Ian back to their cell, and here he makes his first huge sacrifice/love offering: he tells Ian he’s not throwing his fucking parole for him, they need to get him out of this shithole.  So it’s only then, when it’s obvious Mickey’s not going to hold him to anything he’s said and not going to try to make him say, that Ian finally says what he should’ve been saying from the start: “I wanna be with you.”  Mickey says, “You don’t get to be.”  And Cameron finally gives us a good line reading and says with an actual hitch in his voice and some real emotion, “I wanna be where you are, Mickey.”  And Mickey has to be all Rick Blane from Casablanca and say, “You don’t belong in here” and “go get a job and be an uncle to Lip’s kid” and “I shouldn’t have asked you to stay.”  Yeah, you should’ve!  You have the right to ask him to, Mickey-and especially to want him to want to!  You shouldn’t force him to stay, but asking him is okay!   

And then we finally get what we’ve been hoping for for years-the mutual ilys, but, still, it wasn’t quite right.  Ian says it, then Mickey says, “I know.”  (Does he though?  All I could see was, “Not really though” right after he said I know.  And maybe for once Shameless is laying out some foreshadowing and Mickey truly still DOESN’T know-there’s going to be a major bump in their future if that guy on the Vespa from the 2nd Chicago week is anything to go by-but even if we are supposed to have that tickle of doubt from that “I know”, that still fucks up them finally saying I love you to each other-why can’t we ever just have them say it?)  Anyway, Mickey does his, “I love you too” and they kiss and it’s a lovely kiss-but that’s all we get.  They finally say ILY to each other and it doesn’t lead to more?  Even Noel live tweeting it indicated it DID lead to what it should have-an actual love scene (although we could do without the “mayonaise”).  But this is Shameless and they’re just never gonna have sex, I guess.  

Their final scene is Ian sleeping blissfully and Mickey in his own bunk, counting money (he also had money to give the guard to be let in to see Terry’s buddy-all that cash and he can’t buy some lube?) and a guard comes to the door and gives Mickey and envelope for the cash, and a now-awake Ian is half sitting up and Mickey gives him the envelope and tells him to “facetime your brother, see the baby” and gives Ian the sweetest look along with this second-of-the-episode love offering, like Mickey’s the one making up for something.  What?  The whole episode he’s been putting Ian’s needs and issues first.  But it is very in character for Mickey to be doing whatever it takes to make Ian happy.  I just want to see it starting to get reciprocated.  I don’t think Ian did a hell of a lot in this episode to show much redemption.  He really only did anything (truly mean it when he said he wanted to stay) once he was getting what he wanted at the start.  

And they never did hammer it out that they’d wait for each other...But with the way they’re being under-utilized this season I’m not too worried about that.  They don’t seem to be in the next episode at all, and it makes me so sad to think about how much better their story would be if the show would just let them have the number of scenes they deserve and the time to let things play out, instead of everything needing to be brought up, flailed over, and resolved all in the span of a few too short scenes.  

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 413

I’ve been singing Jefferson’s “The emperor has no clothes.” line from Washington on Your Side all day. Because honestly, that’s basically how I feel about Outlander at this point. Obviously every season when the press tour rolls around the cast and crew are going to talk about how it’s their best season yet and yada yada talking point bullshit. And in the segments after each episode they’re obviously going to pat themselves on the back for being so fucking brilliant. But I have to ask, are they delusional and believe what they’re saying? Or are they self-aware enough to realize that they’ve been putting out a worse and worse product every year but they’re contractually obligated to only say good things about the show? (I’m not stupid, I know that regardless of what they really think about the show they’re putting out, they’re never actually going to say it’s not good. That’s not how this works.) Some, like Balfe, I think are aware that the show isn’t what it used to be. And some, like Matt and Toni, I really think believe they’re doing a good job.

But as long as they keep spouting off the same nonsense about how everything is awesome, a certain segment of the fandom will keep agreeing that the emperor’s new clothes are indeed amazing, while I’m just over here like uh, y’all realize he’s nekkid, right?

Anywho, I’m really looking forward to a very long hiatus.

As much as I tend to not like the title cards anymore, this one included, Otter Tooth being like oh fuck this white kid in his racist costume is valid af.

I do appreciate that they show the Mohawk playing lacrosse in this episode and in 4x12. Because as much as it’s associated with prep school white boys today, it was invented and played by Native American and First Nations tribes, including the Mohawk.

(I signed up to play lacrosse in high school thinking that girls’ lacrosse was like boys’ lacrosse, but it’s not. You can’t check or anything. Lame.)

These fuckers are really bad negotiators. Like hey, we *really* want this guy. Like we’re desperate to get this guy. We didn’t just give you the upper-est of upper hands in this negotiation. Nope.

Tehwahsehwke brushing off the stuff they brought to trade with as just trinkets for Roger gives me life.

Has Claire been wearing this stone all season? You’d think they would have shown her wearing it more or something. But why would they do that when it can just pop up again out of nowhere.

Also, like, why the fuck would you wear a stone you found by the skull you think belongs to a Native American ghost dude who was hatchet’ed in the back of the head to a Native American village. Like, sure she doesn’t know the connection yet, but like, seems like something you’d maybe want to leave at home.

Also who the fuck are you guys, Frasers, refusing to leave someone else’s village when asked? You’re in no position to make demands. I know you want Roger back for some reason that I will never understand, because he’s the worst (only partly being sarcastic), but you’re the fuckers who sold him away so... Just leave and come up with Plan B, don’t make everyone hate you on the way out.

Oh the irony that the racist af term is “Indian giver” when it’s the white folks who go back on their deals...

Murtz being indignant about Bree and Lord John’s engagement makes me mad all over again that we were robbed over his reaction to Jamie marrying Laoghaire.

They’re like really leaning into the benevolent slave owner bullshit, and it’s gross, tbh. Like Bree’s just totally chill being waited on by an enslaved person. This show is killing meee.

Claire making demands and Wahkatiiosta being like “bitch, please” gives me life. Like Claire, you fucking idiot, you’re really not in a position to make demands right now.

Otter Tooth really is a tragic figure. I’d say it’s weird to spend this much time on someone that’s already dead (Just to set up Donner? I’m assuming that’s why they’re doing it?), but honestly, giving the Mohawk something to do that’s not about white people is fine with me.

Really Claire, you have all these opinions about ghosts? Since when?

(Since eventually they need to explain Jamie’s ghost. So why weave in ghost-related mythology organically when you can randomly shoehorn it in with a line that makes everyone scratch their head.)

“Not one of my finer moments.” Understatement of the season, Bree. Seriously, wtaf. And putting in this meta line doesn’t make it better.

“Da told me I should forgive him.” I hate that she was doing things because someone told her she should instead of because she wanted to. Because, again, Bonnet doesn’t deserve forgiveness. Part of forgiving someone, imo, is that they need to be sorry for the thing that needs forgiving. And Bonnet is not. So fuck that guy, he shouldn’t be forgiven.

“I already have.” In this instance, Jamie at least admitted he fucked up and is trying to fix it, but that’s like the first time something like that has happened. And honestly, I’m looking forward to him continuing to try to be worthy of this forgiveness she’s granting him. Because if next season starts with them just being buddy buddy, I’m gonna roll my eyes a lot.

Uh, why *would* this Mohawk dude let you escape with Roger. He owes these white people nothing. Why on earth wouldn’t he raise the alarm. He’s not the bad guy here.

Oh good god it’s not even half over yet.

I should be feeling things about Jamie and Claire possibly being separated again, but the show has managed to make them so meh this season that I really can’t be bothered to give a fuck, tbh.

Also, like, we’ve seen them say goodbye like it might be forever so many times already that like it’s kind of losing its meaning if we don’t also see them being *together* like they’re on borrowed time. Which we haven’t this season.

I miss caring about Claire and Jamie. Make me care about them again, show. This season was supposed to be them building a life together and enjoying finally being married and settled and knowing that every minute together is precious because it’s one they never thought they’d have. And somehow the show instead made them secondary characters in their own story to the point where this moment isn’t even evoking a reaction from me.

Young Ian really hasn’t had much to do all season, but what he has been given has been good and I love him a lot. And major props to him for being like yeah, I fucked up, I’m owning it, I’m gonna apologize and I’m gonna be the one to stay. Take note, literally every other dude in this show, be more like Young Ian.

Although, man, as much as I love the growth Young Ian goes through in the books, it’s gonna be so... problematic, to put it lightly, to have a white kid cosplaying as a Mohawk for the rest of the series when we’ve never had a fully developed Mohawk character.

Murtagh’s whole speech to Jocasta can directly translated to our current trash fire of an administration not being able to grasp what the federal employees they furloughed were going through during the shutdown. But this isn’t a political show. Nope.

Yes, I know that this was all written and shot months ago. But discussing privilege and and using your privilege for good is also political.

Murtagh’s pretty chill about Jocasta owning people for someone who was indentured for years.

As great as Murcasta is as a ship name, I don’t ship it. I’m here for them being inappropriate fuckbuddies, but she’s a fucking slave owner and he’s a Regulator. So hard pass on going full Duncan Innes here.

Also it’s cute that the producers were like this is a brand new idea because in the books, Murtagh’s dead! It’s like guys, you don’t get originality points for giving a canon book plot line to a different character.

Also I swear to fuck, they’d better not do the Jocasta is secretly having a relationship with Ulysses. Because not only is that fucked up on its own, but now if she’s banging Murtz, it makes her even more garbage, because not only does she enslave people, and bangs someone she technically owns, but she’s also a cheater.

Also, is Jocasta only against sex outside of marriage for women who have never been married before? (And I specify women since Murtagh has never been married and she’s not giving him any shit...) Or is she only against it if it results in a pregnancy?

“Jenny will be totally cool with this. Yup. Jenny will totally get it and be absolutely fine with this whole situation.” Are you fucking kidding me?

Jamie deserves all of these punches, but Roger remains the worst.

The difference between Young Ian running the gauntlet and Roger running the gauntlet is striking. Young Ian knows that this is his one chance to prove himself to the Mohawk and he is not throwing away his shot.

Young Ian smiling when the Mohawk accept him is like the only thing in this episode that makes me feel things. Because like this kid is the youngest of a whole squad of siblings and has always been the awkward one who gets into shenanigans accidentally, so like it’s really nice to see him being accepted into a group on his own merits.

“Because she said terrible things and turned ye against me.” Weird way to say “because she told you the truth about how awful I am and made you realize that I am, in fact, the actual worst,” Roger.

He’s never going to apologize, is he. Of course not.

“How could you think such a thing?” “Well, you see, my daughter apparently doesn’t care enough about you to tell me anything about who you are. And you’re enough of a dick that her servant thought you were a rapist. Because, you *are* a dick. And I’m enough of an asshat that I sell into slavery first and never ask questions later because lol toxic masculinity is grand.”

“I left because she told me to go. She actually told me not to come in the first place. And I was an asshole to her in our own time. And then I was an asshole again to her in this time. And really I should just fuck all the way off because I’m the worst and she deserves better and has made it clear that she isn’t down for how I’m treating her. But nope. Why do that when we can forget she ever had any issues with me so I can play the victim card forever and then get welcomed back into her life no problem.”

“But even then, I came back for her. Even though, again, she made it clear she didn’t want me.”

I hate Roger so much. He is literally more worked up over the fact that it was fucking Bonnet who raped Bree and how Bonnet made him sail to Philly than he is about Bree being raped. What the actual fuck, bro.

“Somewhere between here and Fraser’s Ridge. You know, casually somewhere on the eastern seaboard. Really narrows it down.”

“I don’t think you can go through with a child.” They keep saying that but like they have no proof of it? Are they really just saying it so much to set up them doing just that in season six?

In this instant, Frank 2.0 is worse than the OG twatwaffle. Don’t worry, Frank is still the actual worst. He’s an emotionally abusive fuckwad and I hate him with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. But Roger here isn’t dealing with someone who left and fell in love with someone else and is having the child of the love of her life. He’s dealing with someone who was violently raped and is choosing to keep the child and love it on its own merits. And he’s fucking hesitating about whether or not he can live with that?! Are you fucking kidding me? Go fuck yourself, Roger. And then fuck all the way off. Because Bree already deserves better, but the fact that you need to fucking think about it, like she’s somehow not worthy of your love because of what she went through, is fucking irredeemable. 

I. Hate. Roger.

ALSO! Can we fucking talk for a second about how they’re making Bree’s rape and pregnancy about fucking Roger? Not omg is she ok, not omg how is she coping, not omg is she getting the care and support she needs. No, none of that. Instead we get fucking “are you, a man, ok with this.”

But since we’re apparently making this all about good ol’ Rog. He literally two fucking minutes ago called Bree his wife. Like in sickness and health, richer or poorer, no matter fucking what, married. I know he didn’t fucking think he was going to stay in the past forever or to become a parent in this way, but guess what? LIFE IS FUCKING FULL OF SURPRISES. SHIT DOESN’T ALWAYS GO ACCORDING TO PLAN. YOU WANT TO SAY YOU’RE MARRIED TO BREE? THEN NUT UP OR SHUT UP, MISTER “I WANT ALL OF YOU.”

I HATE THIS FUCKING SHOW SO MUCH.

“And we will choose his birthday wisely, but ye can be sure the lad was born in wedlock.” Oh fuck off, Jocasta.

Thank fuck this season is over because the are they/aren’t they married whiplash about the handfasting is annoying af. Literally one scene ago Roger was saying she’s his wife and now they’re lying about birthdays because she’s not married.

Ok this is shallow but did they decide that Sophie could wear makeup this season and Caitriona could only have the bare minimum to try to make the age gap seem bigger? Because honestly, the difference in their faces is quite noticeable. 

Unpopular opinion alert, but I’m totally fine with Claire and Jamie not being there for the baby’s birth. I mean, I’m kind of sad Claire wasn’t there. But she can be there for the next one. But like, Jamie hasn’t earned being with Bree in such a personal moment. Their relationship isn’t at that level.

“We told him everything. But since he’s the worst and loves the *idea* of you and not *you*, the truth was too much for his imaginary version of your relationship so he bounced. Like an asshole.”

We’re gonna be stuck with Bonnet for two more seasons, aren’t we. Ugh. They could have just killed him and been done with it, because honestly he’s not interesting enough to keep around, but the more they keep talking about how he died in the prison, the more it’s basically guaranteed that he’s going to show back up...

I’m glad Claire and Bree get a moment alone, tbh. But Bree will be “surrounded by family” at the Ridge? Really? Because pretty sure it’ll just be you and Jamie now. Since Ian is gone. And Roger went AWOL. And who knows where Murtz is gonna go...

They really love using no dialogue dinners instead of doing actual work on the characters’ relationships with each other this season, don’t they. Le sigh.

Cool that everyone is super down with Jocasta now. Because clearly ep. 4x02 didn’t happen.

Oh ffs. The literally did a running toward each other and meeting in the middle with a hug shot. Fucking kill me.

Ok, so Bree and Roger had a kind of flirty friendship that was basically just based around them both knowing about time travel. And then they sort of did the long distance relationship thing. And then Roger proposed in the most awful way possible, refused to listen to Bree’s very reasonable response, slut-shamed her for being ok with sex before marriage even though he himself had had sex before, was a dick to her when she tried to have another conversation with him, and then he followed her into the past when she expressly said not to and implied that she wasn’t planning to stay in the past permanently. Then we’re somehow expected to just accept that she’s over all of her reservations about marriage and Roger being the worst when she agrees to handfast with him, but then he’s the worst again and she rightly tells him to fuck off. And then he can’t decide if he can accept a woman he “loves” after she’s been raped?! And now we’re supposed to think that they belong together and should get the cheesiest, most cliché shot of all time? Are you fucking kidding me, show? How the fuck are we supposed to ship this?

Roger is the literal worst.

This isn’t earned at all and I hate it.

Also, wtf is up with this ending? Why not end it with Bree and Roger going back into the house?

Although, Claire’s face when Murcasta are forehead fucking is my everything.

Like there’s no reason to end on a cliffhanger that’s not even really a cliffhanger? Because like, we already know that Tryon was eventually going to call in this favor from Jamie? We’ve known this since they accepted the land grant? And like, the tension between Jamie and Murtagh over being a Regulator is already established and clearly Jamie isn’t going to actually kill Murtagh?

This is dumb. This show is bad. Thank fuck it’s Droughlander.

[cromulentbookreview]

Spurlos Verschwunden

You know how you read an article online about scientists trying to find a ways to open portals to other worlds/parallel universes/the Upside Down/etc. and you immediately think: haven’t these scientists ever seen any movie or TV show ever made? They know that’s going to end badly, right? Right??

And by that, I mean: Before I Disappear by Danielle Stinson!

Seventeen-year-old Rose Montgomery, her mom Helen and her little brother Charlie have been living on the run for a long time. Rose and Charlie’s father disappeared when Charlie was still a baby and after that, things fell apart. Helen became depressed, and entered into a relationship with an abusive piece of shit referred to only as the Monster. Rose, Helen and Charlie fled the Monster, but he kept pursuing them farther and farther West. At the beginning of the novel, the Montgomerys are lying low in Nevada when Charlie, who has always been a bit strange, insists that the family move West to Fort Glory, Oregon for reasons Rose doesn’t quite understand. When she sees that the charity Hands for Hearths (a definite Habitat for Humanity expy) has an affiliate office in Fort Glory, she decides to go for it. All Rose wants for her family is a permanent home - someplace better than the ramshackle trailer in which they crossed the country. Hands for Hearths is her best hope.

Fort Glory isn’t just your average town on the Oregon Coast - it’s the site of DARC, the Deep Atomic Research Collider, Oregon’s answer to the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland. The facility had been shut down, until three weeks ago when it was brought back online...at practically the same moment Charlie started telling Rose that they needed to move to Fort Glory. Spoooooky....

While the Montgomerys adjust to life in Fort Glory, including the influx of tourists, journalists and conspiracy theorists drawn in by DARC, weird things start happening in the town. Crime rises. People randomly go crazy. Rumors are that the DARC is messing with things it shouldn’t be messing with, like poking holes into other dimensions. Because it worked so well on Stranger Things.

Rose just shrugs all this weirdness off - she has bigger problems, like earning a paycheck, helping her family get a house, keeping their ancient truck running and making sure there’s enough food to eat. Charlie, who is clearly some sort of Kid Hero capable of seeing things most other people can’t, tries repeatedly to warn Rose that something bad is about to happen, but, again, she just brushes it off. Rose drives to the nearby town of Maple to the Hands for Hearths office when the whole world goes crazy. The sky turns green, people start attacking each other, even Labrador retrievers turn against their humans! (You know things are truly bad when a Labrador retriever turns against you).

So Rose heads back to Fort Glory as she can as fast  only to find that the road literally stops just outside of town. There’s nothing beyond it except old growth forest.

The whole town is gone, along with everyone in it.

Rose, desperate to find her mom and Charlie, runs into the woods. After some shenanigans, she feels this weird tugging...suddenly she’s yanked sideways into a place known as the Fold. The Fold looks like the woods around Fort Glory, but something is wrong. Really, really wrong. Rose quickly teams up with four other teens who have found themselves stuck in the Fold - including the hunky ex-con Ian, whose dark past has made him an outcast in Fort Glory, but as Rose gets to know him, he really doesn’t seem so bad...plus it’s nice to not be alone in the Fold, where the laws of physics don’t apply and your inner demons can physically hurt you. But wormholes and darkness monsters be damned, Rose is going to find Charlie, damn it!

Oh, and her mom. Her, too. It’s not like she forgot her mom was missing, too...

Before I Disappear is a quick, exciting read - it’s also a standalone, which, having read nothing but the first of serieses for a long while, is very refreshing. I love the setting - as a native Oregonian, I am a sucker for stories set in my beloved, bizarre home state. The fictional town of Fort Glory, Oregon seems to be a mix of Fort Clatsop, Fort Stevens and, possibly, Fort Vancouver - you know, all those weird forts they had on the Pacific coast (except Fort Vancouver, which is way down on the Columbia, but the Columbia is how you get down to the coast in a boat so...). All wee little Oregonian children - or, at least, those of us who live west of the Cascades - are forced at some point to go to Fort Clatsop, as it was where Lewis and Clark hung out once they reached the Pacific. I distinctly remember being made to visit Fort Vancouver, too, even though it’s in *shudder* Washington. Fort Glory could also be any of those teeny little coastal towns they have up and down the coast, like Cannon Beach or Seaside or Tillamook or Garibaldi or Nehalem or Manzanita or Netarts or Yachats or Depoe Bay or Newport...ok I should stop because now I’m just naming towns I’ve been to (they’re all very nice. Well, except Newport.The aquarium is cool, but the rest of the town can get sucked into a wormhole for all I care). 

Needless to say, I am familiar with the Oregon Coast, it’s where Oregonians go when the sun comes out. (Well, when the sun comes out in the rest of the state. On the coast, the sun only comes out three days a year and it’s always on the days when you aren’t there). So I can speak with some authority when I say the Oregon Coast would be a terrible place to build a fancy underground atomic energy research facility-type thing. I mean, there’s the risk of tsunamis, earthquakes, lingering radiation from the Fukushima Daiichi Power plant Disaster of 2011...

See, this is why we shouldn’t have research facilities dedicated to punching holes into other dimensions situated on the Oregon Coast. Especially not right on top of a town. Put that shit out in the desert where if you poke a hole and let in a Demogorgon or a Darkness Monster, there’s not much around for it to eat. Except desert.

Also, I’m fairly certain any contact with other dimensions will go something like this:

But back to the book: character-wise, the one character we get to know best is Rose, which makes sense as the novel is written from her first-person perspective. Unfortunately, we don’t get to know the side characters as well - Blaine, Becca, and Jeremy aren’t nearly as well-developed. Charlie, aside from being a mysterious child who can see into other dimensions, doesn’t have much of a personality. He’s just an odd kid and Rose absolutely adores him. Rose’s mom falls by the wayside entirely - most of the novel has Rose laser-focused on finding Charlie, while her mom is a bit of an afterthought. But, again, that’s the limitation of the first-person perspective. Aside from Rose, the most developed character is Ian, who apparently has starburst eyes.

Both he and Rose are on the run from their pasts, and being in the Fold is forcing them to confront some pretty harsh truths about themselves and their lives.

My biggest complaint concerning Before I Disappear would be the ending. The story just ends. I would’ve loved a denouement or an epilogue or something where we could see what happens to the characters after the end of the main action...but instead we get action action action action end. So many stories end that way, I wanna know what people get up to when they get home after the adventure, damn it! I’m guessing lots of people, as soon as the adventure is over, just go home, shower, stuff food into their faces and then sleep for the next three straight days. Or maybe go to a hospital. Or immediately get arrested, like in Keanu. Either way, I wish we could’ve gotten more than just “hey it’s over!”

RECOMMENDED FOR: Anyone just fresh off a binge of season 3 of Stranger Things and are desperate for another cool inter-dimensional teen drama involving mysterious research facilities, wormholes and disappearing towns. Also fans of YA genre stories and Oregonians.

NOT RECOMMENDED FOR: non-YA fans, anyone currently living on the Oregon Coast, scientists currently working at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.

RATING: 3.99/5 (0.1 point removed for the abrupt ending. I wanted more! *cries*)

RELEASE DATE: July 23, 2019 (Ha! I got this review done on time!!)

THE GORGEOUS OREGON COAST:

FOR ANYONE CONFUSED ABOUT THE TITLE OF THIS REVIEW: Learn some German.

[samheughanfansite]

New Post has been published on Sam Heughan Fan

New Update has been published on https://sam-heughan.com/2018/10/10/press-the-outlander-cast-opens-up-about-how-season-4-changes-the-entire-series/

Press: The "Outlander" Cast Opens Up About How Season 4 Changes The Entire Series

Before their New York Comic Con panel this year, Sam Heughan, Caitriona Balfe, Sophie Skelton, and Richard Rankin sat down with us for an exclusive chat about Season 4 of Outlander. Here’s what they had to say:

1. First, Season 4 is very much about rebuilding this world we’ve come to know for three seasons. What’s that been like? Caitriona Balfe: Jamie did it all by himself.

Sam Heughan: [laughs] Yeah, he’s very good at, you know, hammering.

Sophie Skelton: We’re not actually in this season. [laughs] Just Jamie.

Sam: It’s fun to be in a new world and to be showing America in its infancy and all the different cultures that make up America. It’s nice to be shooting in the woods a lot.

2. You guys still shot in Scotland, but turned it into Colonial America. How was that? Caitriona: You feel like you’re in the backlot of one of the main studios because we built this whole town in a little area [outside]. For me, it’s that thing of feeling like a kid when you get on set and you realize it’s all facades. But, it looks so cool.

Sophie: You go through a door and you’re amazed.

Caitriona: Yeah! You go through a door and you’re like, “OMG, it’s a field.” Gary [Steele] just did such an incredible job. Our production team, the whole crew, they just do such an amazing job. I mean, River Run as well. It looks so stunning. I think things like that, they just change the feel or the atmosphere of the show altogether.

Sophie: It’s also great for our job because it helps put yourself fully in the place, just as much as a costume or anything like that does. The sets are amazing. The detail in all of them as well.

3. You guys travel up and down the East Coast, in not only the 1760s, but also the late 1960s. Richard Rankin: Yeah, the story moves through so many places. It’s a testament to how talented that team [art department] is. They have to build things kind of last minute and they can be such diverse sceneries and locations. They just bring them all to life with such details. It’s quite easy to get immersed in that.

4. Sam and Caitriona, this is the first time we’re really seeing Jamie and Claire trying to settle down. How does that change your dynamic this season? Caitriona: I think it’s a really different side of Claire. I mean, in other seasons we’ve focused so much on her being so career driven. I think it’s a quieter version of her, in many ways, and more content. The fact that her and Jamie are finally together and are building a home, it’s the first opportunity she’s had to really focus on family life and their relationship. That was quite different for me. It’s an interesting new challenge to be able to explore that.

Sam: And Jamie, he’s content, I think that’s a great word to say. He’s always wanted to have a home and a family, and an extended family. He gets that this season. He gets the opportunity to settle. He falls in love with the country and the land. He’s surrounded by aspects of having a family. He’s got young Ian and Claire, and obviously Brianna in one way. So, for a short while it’s quite peaceful.

5. Sophie and Richard, this is my favorite book in the series and a lot of that has to do with Brianna and Roger’s growth. How is it, not only exploring your relationship together, but your characters separately as well? Sophie: I think that has been the fun thing this season because, like you said, this is my favorite book. I think for Bree and Roger, thus far has been setting up the story for this season. I think there’s a really nice dynamic in terms of them having that sort of back-and-forth relationship. Again, every time they’re brought together they’re pulled apart. They’re both kind of dealing with their own individual problems. They’re both getting over the death of their fathers, plus Brianna deals with essentially giving away her mother. They also have this long distance relationship and everything that comes with that. So, while Jamie and Claire have a fresh beginning, these two are sort of in the muddy waters of what has just happened.

Richard: We also had a very gradual introduction to the show as well, which was a good thing, I think, because you have a lot of time to think. We were only in the end of Season 2 and only a few episodes in Season 3, but being aware of the show and the world in which the show’s set was very helpful coming into Season 4. We know exactly where the characters are and we know exactly where we are within the story. So, I think it has been quite an advantage. It’s been good to explore, like you say, together and separately and what they’re dealing with because they are dealing with quite a lot in their lives individually never mind trying to cope with each other. They’re dealing with not only a long distance relationship, but everything that comes with the Frasers.

Sophie: I also think, for us as well, you’ve only really seen their similarities, where this season, you see that they have completely different points of view on very important matters.

6. How has it been exploring more of the 1960s this season and Brianna’s life on her own? Sophie: I think we haven’t seen a lot of the ’60s. What I like at the beginning of this season, you see a very important topic of the ’60s in terms of the sexual revolution and the fact that people were starting to branch away from religious beliefs, like no sex before marriage, and all of that. I think that’s a really good thing to show this season in terms of the ’60s. We’ve really only seen the light side [of the era] so far.

7. One character who arrives this season is Jamie’s Aunt Jocasta. How’s that going to affect Claire and Jamie’s relationship? Caitriona: I think that episode was sort of difficult in some ways, for a lot of us, because it’s a little different from what was in the book. Jocasta, played incredibly by Maria [Doyle Kennedy], she’s just amazing. For Claire, she sees Jamie being so happy being connected to part of his family, but for Claire, there’s this wall that will never really come down between her and Jocasta because they have such opposing views [on certain things]. Claire will never understand Jocasta’s point of view and Jocasta will never understand her point of view. I think there’s a mutual respect there and a mutual admiration in some ways, it’s just an unbridgeable wall.

Sam: And for Jamie, as you [Caitriona] said, it’s his last sort of living relative in a way. She looks and sounds like his mother and for him, it’s a really emotional thing. Initially, it’s quite joyful for him. But it’s a mixed bag for him really because of his life with Claire. 8. There’s also Stephen Bonnet. For fans of the books, they know how important he becomes later on. What’s it like laying the groundwork for his role moving forward?

Sam: Yeah, Jamie and Stephen have an interesting relationship and there are so many repercussions later on. He’s quite a villain.

9. Sophie — While Brianna didn’t travel back in time with Claire in Season 3, does she still feel some connection and curiosity towards Jamie and the past? Sophie: Obviously the idea of meeting her biological father would be something that’s wonderful for her, but at the same time, Frank was her dad, and it’s something you see this season. It’s something she really feels torn between and that she feels she’s betraying Frank if she gets close to this other side of herself. She’s started a new world in the ’60s for herself. She’s moved away from a history major and she’s gone to engineering. She has new friends and she has Roger, her whole life is in the ’60s. As bad as it sounds, there’s nothing really for her in the past. She has the knowledge that her mother is happy in the past now and that’s a nice little image for Bree.

10. Do you guys have a favorite moment for your characters that you can tease? Richard: Singing was an interesting experience because I had to play a couple songs, one of which was quite tricky to play. It was originally a fiddle track that was re-arranged on guitar. I think I got in everyone’s head practicing that song over and over and over and over again. Certainly an interesting experience.

Sophie: Shooting a rifle.

Caitriona: I mean, there’s scenes between us [Caitriona and Sam], but that’s old news. There’s definitely scenes that were great to do that are specific to this season.

Sam: I think the knowledge of Brianna [existing] is a real catalyst. I think in some ways this season is when the real story starts.

Caitriona: I think they’re in this very content world, but there’s another thing happening [Brianna living her life]. The stakes just get so high [this season] and I think those are great things, as actors, to be able to play. There’s a lot of new elements, stuff that we hadn’t done before, which was good. Outlander Season 4 premieres on Sunday, Nov. 4 at 8/7c on STARZ. – Source

#SamHeughan #Outlander

[because-its-important]

transitions & transformations

i. the rest of my batch at RC

I spent the first six weeks of my batch at Recurse Center in an out-and-out sprint. I learned Python, built and released projects, and wrote blog posts every week. I wasn’t sure where my limits were, but I was determined to find out - preferably by overshooting them, then adjusting after the fact.

A curious thing happened. I kept finding that I was more than capable of starting and finishing projects, especially when I had a firm mental image of the end goal. There were at least as many unexpected good-turns as there were setbacks, and I certainly didn’t come up against any inscrutable barriers. Mostly the challenge was in overcoming the distance between a thing that doesn’t exist and a thing that does, which I was able to sort out pretty handily through a consistent application of effort across time.

Who’d have thought?

A selfie taken on my birthday, which also happened in the last few months and was really great!

The second half of my batch was not so visibly productive - with the exception of The Question Game. The Question Game is a simple game designed to help groups of people get to know each other better IRL. I designed it with my friend Brittany a few years ago as an icebreaker when we found ourselves in a group of folks who knew us but didn’t really know each other. The game only really needs a method of generating random numbers for a small but arbitrary group size, but building it out as a toy webapp was a good excuse to get practice working with a JS-only stack. I learned React, got a lil more familiar with node, and even went as far as to attach an otherwise completely unnecessary PG database and Sequelize ORM. You can see the code for it here. Outside of this project, however, I didn’t publish any code. I didn’t publish any writing, either.

So I’d like to take a moment and shine a bit of light on the work that I did during the rest of my batch.

🌒 🌓 🌔 🌕 🌖 🌗 🌘

First, I made the decision to leave community.lawyer, the social impact startup I co-founded in 2016 following the Blue Ridge Labs Fellowship.

I’m happy to report that I left on the come up, which seems a rare and privileged thing for a founder to be able to say. Gaining traction in a hyper-specialized industry like legal tech takes a gargantuan amount of sustained forward momentum, and I departed just as we began to reap the fruits of our labor. In the last few months community.lawyer has reached final approval on partnerships a year in the making, won federal grants we’d submitted to in 2016, and every day our software is being used to help connect people who have legal needs with credible lawyers. Our first two partners were exactly the types of legal organizations at the heart of our mission: the Justice Entrepreneurs Project and the DC Reduced Fee Lawyer & Mediator Referral Service.1 Based in Chicago and Washington DC respectively, these orgs are specifically chartered to deliver quality services at rates that more Americans can afford. I am so proud. ⚖️

Second, I started my first ever job hunt as a software engineer. Wowee, this was scary! I knew that I had to prepare for interviewing, which meant a) getting my career change narrative straight, b) studying Data Structures & Algorithms 101, and c) learning how to perform my handle on both of these in a live, semi-adversarial environment.

At one point during my batch my laptop broke. I read through this wonderful illustrated book during the two days it was being fixed.

In order to direct my search I also had to craft a set of selection criteria of my own. Foremost: “What good will my work do for the world?”2 Additionally, “What degree of access will I have to supportive mentors?”

Getting started with interview prep was a challenge, at least partly because I had so many options for where to start. But I did get started! I read Cracking the Coding Interview, I did the free trial and weekly free problems on Interview Cake. I attended a few group mock interviews at Recurse Center and signed up for a 1-1 mock interview with an RC alum. Her name is Leah, and she’s amazing - the superbly friendly and encouraging Comp Sci TA I wish I’d had years ago. 💚Brittany also set up mock technical screens for me with her pals, Leaf and Ian. They were the vanguard against my outsized anxiety about programming for an audience and they each took the time to give me solid feedback.

Third, I extended my batch at Recurse Center by another 6 weeks. I had decided early on I wouldn’t extend (for no real reason) and stuck with this decision up until two days before my batch ending. A small group of folks - Lily, Connor, Alicja and I - went to NYX in Union Square to try out lipsticks. We played with different colors and finishes (satin! matte! shimmer!) for half an hour or so. There came a point when I looked up, glanced across the narrow makeup store at my beautiful friends’ beautiful faces and thought, “You know, you don’t have to leave yet, right? What’s the rush?” I’d already accomplished my primary goal, to forcibly rework my identity as an engineer, but it sure seemed that I could stand to reach for a second one. That night I decided to extend my batch, with the intention of sampling a more open method of self-directed learning, i.e. with a little more chill and a lot less panic. Specifically, I wanted to practice connecting meaningfully with my limited supply of social energy.

In my bonus six weeks, I: gave three talks (2 planned, 1 impromptu) under encouragement from Ayla and Lily, learned to juggle thanks to instruction from a fellow RCer, Edward, who also loaned me a book about learning, made it into weekly Feelings Check-in (read as: opt-in support group) fairly regularly, picked my first ever lock, saw a live-coding show and then later attended two live-coding workshops (one on TidalCycles, another on Super Collider), sat in a dark room and played howling wolf clips while Microsoft Sam read grimoires aloud, got my hair braided for the first time in a decade, made dumplings and DJ’d for a dinner party, connected with folks about queer-poly relationships, gave fiery advice, and received compliments so earnest and rational and persistent that it was difficult to refute them.

Zine fair plus Lightning Bolt concert inside a movie theater in Times Square??

I also put my interview prep to use and interviewed with a handful of Recurse Center partner companies. Job searching meant squaring off against impostor syndrome and a ton of related anxieties in rapid succession. I successfully choked most of that down when it mattered, though, and it was only a couple short weeks before I received my first offer.

To that end, I’m super happy to say that I’ll be joining Blink Health as a Fullstack Product Engineer! Blink Health is a healthcare startup in SoHo. They make it easier for people to afford prescription drugs, especially for those with limited insurance plans or none at all. These savings aren’t trivial either: an extra $50 can spare someone from choosing between groceries or medicine that week, and for some folks Blink saves many times that. I’ll be starting at the end of this month. ✌️🤓

The last two years have been a wild ride: participating in a social impact fellowship and accelerator, busting my product chops and learning web dev to get a public benefit company off the ground, then diving into four months of self-directed learning at Recurse Center. I’m really looking forward to having some externally imposed structure again. Real health insurance, too.

ii. some hard truths

I made a few radical life changes in 2016, like getting involved in activist spaces, dating more, biking everywhere, building strong friendships, going capital-B Boogying, programming full-time. As I carried those changes forward through 2017, I began to notice a lot of mental and emotional reconfiguration happening to me.

Did you know that along its way to becoming a butterfly, a caterpillar nearly completely liquifies inside its cocoon?

Psychological growth is confusing, full of false starts, and generally painful. You’ve got the static pain of stretching beyond your limits, the pleasure-pain of feeling an old knot finally release, the frustrating pain of stubbing your toe because some helpful asshole has been rearranging your psychic furniture when you weren’t looking. There’s the more dramatic knife-in-the-gut pain of realizing that just because you’re growing doesn’t mean the people closest to you are, and that now in certain cases what you previoulsy regarded as friendship actually looks a whole lot like run-of-the-mill exploitation or even emotional abuse, if you're being honest, and it's a realization that only hurts more because it’s so irredeemably cliche and boring. And despite all that pain you gotta go ahead and grow anyway, claw your way out of the relative comfort of ignorance. Transcendence may not be the only show in town but afaik it’s the one most worth watching.

Prior to attending Recurse Center I’d spent lots of time exploring my surroundings and cataloguing people and places worth coming back to. My view of myself did change (and positively!) as a consequence. But sooner or later, ya get tired of the taste of low-hanging fruit.

So, armed with the bookshelf of a philosophy grad and a burgeoning psychoanalytic vocabulary begging to be let off leash, I decided to use my time at RC to try confronting a few of my Hard To See truths in addition to becoming a better programmer.

Here’s what I’ve found so far.

Truth #1: People like me a lot. This causes me problems.

I’ve been metabolizing this one for some time. I remember having a conversation with Brittany in January of 2016. I don’t remember what social anxiety I’d been vocalizing, but I must have been worrying that someone “hated me.” Brittany cut me off, exasperated in the way that only a friend can be in the face of utter delusion: “No one hates you Nicole! You’re always worried that people don’t like you and it’s never true!”

I carried that admonishment with me through two years of voracious friendship-building. On the whole, seeing that people do in fact enjoy and seek out my company has curbed the most egregious overreaches of my social anxiety. But reckoning with my anxiety honestly has also meant acknowledging that my compulsive instinct to withdraw from social situations is also a protective (if suboptimal) response to a few very real dangers.

Most acutely: being friendly, generous, and intensely empathetic makes me a ready target for users. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt for as long as I can, which makes me proportionally susceptible to being taken advantage of and then gaslighted about it. A lifetime of socialization as a petite woman don’t help, neither. This leads to a pattern where, semi-regularly, I look up and take stock of how someone has been treating me and realize that the answer is Very Badly, For Quite A While. This in turn leads to rough periods of cutting ties and moving on. Ideally I’d like to be be able to filter bad actors out sooner, but I also want to stay open, giving, and hopeful beyond reason. Those desires are fundamentally at odds with each other - raising vs. lowering one’s defenses - but it’s clear that I need to come up with a strategy that balances both.

More broadly, though, I operate under an ever-present dread of inevitably disappointing everyone who knows me. Whether people project onto me because they already like me or like me more because they project positively onto me, I am extremely sensitive to the fact that when people meet me the conception they form has waaay more to do with what they want to find than what’s actually there. My body is a surface readily projected upon: young, female-shaped, ethnically ambiguous, small, smiling. These well-intended projections cause me the most trouble when people see me interacting socially; they’ll witness fifteen minutes of seemingly effortless extroversion on my part and extrapolate out massively. As far as they’re concerned I’ve got plenty of social energy to spare, and if I don’t spend it hanging out with them, it must be because either my friendliness is fake or I don’t like them.

Pretty much none of this is conducted consciously, of course, but it still creates a lot of unnecessary pressure that I can’t pretend not to feel and resent. I know there are people who dream about attaining this kind of “popularity” - to be assumed Cooler than one truly is - but getting buffeted around by folks’ totally unexamined, unarticulated psychological desires mostly sucks.

Truth #2: I’m non-binary.

I’ve also spent a very long time resisting this one. Two decades on the rack, easy. As such, the story of getting here is long. Perhaps one day I’ll tell it. 😛

The short of it, though, is this: I’m probably at least as much of a boy3 as I am a girl. Outside of where my life has been mutated by the chronic background radiation of sexism, “benevolent” and otherwise, I don’t strongly identify as a woman. Furthermore, I find the two-gender system to be infinitely more alienating than comforting. Gender is a social construction designed to impose order on the natural messiness of sexual experience, and as far as I’m cool with that, I am decidedly Not Cool with the “normal” state of affairs, i.e. aggressively shoving whole human beings into an absurdly reductive false dichotomy.

Between its either-or-ism and its forced assignment, the traditional approach to gender reveals itself to be obviously bullshit to anyone who spends more than a few minutes thinking about it. Its boundaries are arbitrary, inconsistent, and generally ill-fitting at the level of individual experience, which why they require such an outrageous amount of coercion and bodily violence to enforce. As much as other folks want to participate in a system of ritualized violence I guess they are free to? Personally, I’d prefer to see it actively dismantled.

If gender is to be saved it’ll be by subverting it, taking it apart, remaking it into something life-affirming. Not the dehumanizing garbage we’ve got now.

As of yet I don’t have any plans to change my presentation because I don’t fuckin’ gotta!

I do have a preference towards They / Them pronouns, but She / Her is still fine. For most of my friends this isn’t going to be at all surprising nor will it in any way negatively impact our relationship. Anyone who needs me to just-be-a-girl, however, can expect turbulence.

Truth #3: My righteous anger is justified and I am good at using it to help others.

I have felt conflicted about my anger for a long time. Since a very vocal childhood I have been regularly frustrated by prejudices and injustices, and I was frequently the first voice of dissent against them, whether that meant challenging adults or my peers. Unsurprisingly, I became well acquainted with the standard strokes of the backlash.

When you are confronting bigotry in a mixed environment, the voice of the status quo will generally manifest in one of two ways:

Gaslighting, e.g. “you are wrong to have said this at all, obviously I am a Good Person, you are just imagining that what I said sounded like XYZ, honestly how could you even think this, as a matter of fact it is I who is offended!”

Tone policing, e.g. “you’re too upset about this! after all, I, the person who did Fucked Up Thing, am perfectly calm about Fucked Up Thing, so any amount of anger makes you irrational by contrast, and I get a raincheck on whatever this is about!”

I know these responses are repulsive. I know they are merely the signs of a weak and imperiled ego acting out of fear. And yet I still spend an inordinate amount of time second-guessing my own anger. Gaslighting and tone policing are a favored weapon of the status quo because they work, and they work in direct proportion to how agreeable their target wants to be.

content warning: the following segment talks about sexual harassment and assault

About couple weeks ago I had the misfortune of being sexually harassed at a club in Bushwick. After numerous rejections and explicitly telling a creep bothering me, my friends, and other women in the club to get lost, I finally went to get a bouncer to eject him. The bouncer got the creep to leave. When I went to thank him, the bouncer told me a whole story about how the creep was “a harmless guy.” Then he reached down and grabbed my ass. Presumably he felt entitled to do this after helping me get rid of a person I asked him to remove... for unwanted touching.

It Really Sucked.

At every turn during the whole ordeal (and its aftermath) I had to hold onto my anger, convince myself that I wasn’t overreacting, remind myself that anyone who thought this was acceptable to do to me is almost certainly doing worse to more vulnerable people. I kept picturing myself the way this guy, this man in a position of power, must have seen me in order to feel okay doing what he did. That I was young, small, female, too friendly to say No, already indebted anyway; that he was one of the Good Guys, that his behavior was also “harmless” because he had decided it was. I conjured up as much anger as I could, pushed down the nausea of envisioning my own degradation from an attacker’s POV, and got to work. I reached out to the club and was quickly put in contact with the owner. The venue now has a publicly posted zero tolerance sexual harassment policy. The entire staff is going through training with a local org dedicated to creating safer nightlife spaces. And that motherfucker has been fired.

I demonstrably made the world better. I wasn’t alone, but all that happened because of my actions. Me and my anger, we did that.

I wish more people were this fucking angry. 💢

~ end of content warning ~

iii. an opinion

My Saturn return is upon me, y’all. As Frank Ocean serenades, we’ll never be those kids again. I have lived a few of these here nine lives and it seems only prudent to be moving forward with some sort of opinion on the matter.

My opinion is this: us folks with financial and physical security should be spending more time fixing shit around here. Figuring out what needs fixing and how you might help are the first steps.

If you’re operating on a similar scale of privilege as I am, maybe that means changing jobs to do more mission-oriented work. If you can’t swing a change of that magnitude, maybe it means showing up to community events and engaging with, caring for, supporting people you otherwise wouldn’t talk to. Churches, libraries, volunteering, supporting local artists, participating in local politics - this all counts. If you’re already doing this sorta thing, that is awesome! Maybe you also have a friend worth inviting who you sense is just itching for a chance to exercise compassion?

I’m using “fixing” pretty loosely here, too. Fixing, to my mind, means making the world brighter, safer, and sweeter for your fellows, human and otherwise. We’ve all got different ideas about what that looks like, and there are definitely folks - myopic or malevolent or both - who will swear up and down that their fear- and hate-driven behaviors will bring about better world. Ultimately, though, I believe that many hands reaching towards their personal vision of Better will in fact make things Better, especially when that vision is informed by meaningful interaction with the real world and its real sorrows and its real triumphs.

But ya gotta reach. Ya gotta try.

I am so tired of hearing my well-fed, well-homed friends piss and moan about late capitalism4 without lifting a damn finger in service of the communities bearing the brunt of material hardship. Unfettered capitalism sure does have a marked tendency to wreak havoc on organic life! But capitalism is not a monolith, and lamenting the abuses perpetuated by its principle benefactors as unchanging or inevitable only normalizes them. Any investigation into the history of capitalism (or the broader phenomena of how a Few come to subjugate the Many) will very quickly disabuse you of the notion that this shit is going to stop without a great deal of active resistance.5

So unless you are personally doing work to put our current strand of democracy-withering corporatism six-feet-under, seriously, just STFU instead. Your nihilism is boring! You don’t sound woke! Save it for your local DSA working group!

Which isn’t to say that I’m not convinced of the wickedness6 of the problems we’re facing: skyrocketing wealth disparity with no relief in sight; the destruction of most of Earth’s biodiversity via mass extinction; a pernicious climate of racism and xenophobia that scapegoats black and brown folks and then visits misery upon them; the weight of an aging population bearing down on the shittiest healthcare system of any nation in its class; a widely disenfranchised electorate further fragmented and fatigued by hyper-polarization; the gendered terrorism that is inflicted daily on women, trans and non-binary folks, and queer people at large; a rising wave of depressive anxiety as people become more aware of these problems and how thoroughly they’ve been disempowered from changing things for the better.

So yeah, I get it. These are hard problems. I just don’t see any better option than trying anyway. I want to spend my time fixing things around here and encouraging others to try their hand too. You already know the bad news: real change is hard and it can take a very long time. You might work your whole life sowing seeds whose fruit you never get to taste.

The good news, however, is that you can get started whenever and wherever you are. The good news is that a sense of purpose is its own reward.

iv. how to get started

When you’ve got hard work ahead of you, your best bet is to use your beautiful human brain and create some leverage. Ask Archimedes about it.7

Lever systems got two parts:

The lever, which is the tool you use to amplify your effort. The longer your lever is, the easier your job will be.

The fulcrum, which is the wedge the lever rests on. The nearer your fulcrum is to the thing you want to move, the easier your job will be.

If you’re starting from zero - “I want to do more for the world but I don’t know how!” - my advice is to forget about the lever arm for now. A lever ain’t shit without a fulcrum, anyway. Your time is better spent exploring the world, keeping an eye out for problems you’d like to solve, and identifying nearby points of leverage. If you want to get into activism, a fulcrum might be volunteering to fold pamphlets for an organization with a mission you believe in. If want to see more self-expression in the world, it might be might be inviting your friends to a zine-making class or hosting your own arts and craft night.

The best fulcrum is one that makes you Feel Good when you apply any amount of effort against it. Too many people get caught up in a self-defeating belief that if they can’t give 110% of their creative energy to something they might as well not try. I can confidently say that trying is itself a virtue. Every time you try even a little bit you make it easier for yourself to try again later, and more importantly, you make trying easier for others. A bunch of people altering their behavior a smidge in the same direction doesn’t add up to nothing; on the contrary, it’s a sea change.

If you’ve got a decent idea of the types of problems you want to solve, though, and you’ve tested your fulcrums, and you are thinking, “Okay, but is this all I’m capable of giving?” then it’s probably time to work on your lever. Given your own interests and inclinations, what skills can you develop that will increase the good you’re doing 10x, 100x over? This is the long game, but it scales a whole lot better than “keep doing what I’m already doing, but more.”

For me right now this means deepening my technical knowledge, building a resilient support network, and sharing what I’m learning. Helping others has been a powerful motivator for self-improvement, not the least of which because it’s a convenient shortcut through the snarl of self-confidence issues.

I am so grateful that Recurse Center was a stop on lengthening my lever! What a concentrated cluster of helpful, considerate beings.

I’ve spent the last two years wandering around New York City in wide-eyed wonder, asking myself the most ambitious question I could think of: how do you save the world?

Getting older comes with a lot of downsides, but asking yourself big questions and living your life as the answer is the primary pleasure of adulthood. It took a ton of courage to get started and I am still frequently awed to find myself moving in the right direction. I’m humbled by the grace and fortitude of the folks who’ve been at this for way longer.

I’m also a hell of a lot happier. This summer’s gonna be rad. ☀️

There are lots of extraordinarily sexy company names like this in the legal world. ↩︎

Having the choice to direct my energies in this way is a privilege. Working in tech gives me this freedom of motion and I have been drawn to software engineering in part because it is the freest of the free (if you still gotta labor for your living). ↩︎

😱😫😖😬😬😬... 😏 ↩︎

Substitute with whatever modifier is en vogue. As a point of fact, “late capitalism” is a term that’s been floating around for literally over a hundred years. ↩︎

Thankfully, history also clearly demonstrates that the tide can be turned. ↩︎

“The use of the term ‘wicked’ here has come to denote resistance to resolution.” Wikipedia page. ↩︎

“Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world,” etc etc. ↩︎

[garkomedia1]

3 scenarios for Trump-Xi meeting

Editor’s Note: This edition of Free Morning Money is published weekdays at 8 a.m. POLITICO Pro Financial Services subscribers hold exclusive early access to the newsletter each morning at 5:15 a.m. To learn more about POLITICO Pro’s comprehensive policy intelligence coverage, policy tools and services, click here.

3 POSSIBLE TRUMP-XI OUTCOMES — T-minus one day until President Trump leaves for the G-20 summit in Buenos Aires for a critical sit-down with Chinese President Xi Jinping. MM has spent the last few days talking to administration officials, market participants and trade experts about both the stakes and the potential outcomes of the summit and repeatedly heard three potential scenarios which we will lay out here with odds for each.

Story Continued Below

SCENARIO 1: THE BIG DEAL — The odds of this are the lowest at around 5 percent. Under this scenario, Xi presents Trump with significant “deliverables” on key topics including joint venture rules, intellectual property and the trade deficit. In response, Trump agrees to hold off on increasing the current 10 percent tariff rate to 25 percent on Jan. 1 and halts the process of adding another $267 billion to the list of Chinese goods subject to U.S. tariffs.

People inside and outside the White House see this as highly unlikely given the lack of significant prep work done before the meetings and Xi’s desire to avoid losing face with quick and dramatic concessions to Trump. If it were to happen, global markets would likely celebrate as soon as they re-open on Monday and Trump would take a massive victory lap.

SCENARIO 2: THE SMALL STEP FORWARD — This one is mostly likely (65 percent) and would include positive interactions between Trump and Xi and perhaps a small statement in which both sides agree to further talks and the Chinese agree to some steps including buying more American goods including natural gas. Under this scenario, Trump would send some positive tweets about his relationship with Xi while cautioning that all tariff options remain on the table.

There are many variants to this scenario based on what the Chinese offer. If the offers are better than expected, the January tariff increase could be put on hold. This outcome, depending on the particulars, would also likely goose global stock princes.

SCENARIO 3: THE DISASTER — Non-hardline White House advisers worry about this one a lot and it clocks in at 30 percent. In this scenario, Trump and Xi don’t get along at all, the Chinese offer nothing and Trump leaves angry and pledging to go through with the 25 percent and move as swiftly as possible to add the remaining $267 billion, hitting everything China exports to the U.S. and inviting further non-tariff retaliation from the Chinese.

This scenario ends with mean tweets from Trump and gloating from Peter Navarro. It also ends with sharp declines across global stock and commodities markets and increased recession risk in the United States. White House advisers worry that Trump’s mood and external events (Mueller news etc.) could turn the Xi meeting sour though they don’t see a disaster as very likely given how much the president cares about market reaction.

KUDLOW SETS MODEST EXPECTATIONS — In remarks to reporters on Tuesday, NEC Director Larry Kudlow spoke of newly energized talks between the U.S. and China “at all levels” headed into the Xi meetings but also tamped down hopes for a major deal out of the G20 meeting. “This is an opportunity, with the two presidents, to break through what have been disappointing discussions,” Kudlow said. “This is a big deal, this meeting. And the stakes are very high.” POLITICO’s Andrew Restuccia and Doug Palmer have more on Kudlow’s comments here.

From their piece: “The logistics of the Trump-Xi meeting, which is scheduled for Saturday, are still coming together, according to White House aides. The guest list has not been finalized, and a senior administration official said it’s unclear if the meeting will feature a more intimate discussion with Xi, his wife, Trump and the first lady — or a broader meeting with other top-level aides.” …

“In addition, the president will join the leaders of Mexico and Canada on Friday to sign a newly negotiated trade deal between the two countries, Kudlow said, adding that the logistics of the event are still being ironed out.”

** A message from The Clearing House: The Clearing House’s RTP network, designed for the digital age and for financial institutions of all sizes, has made real-time payments a reality in the U.S. A year ago this month, the first U.S. payment to settle and clear in real-time from end-to-end was made on the RTP network. https://www.bankingperspectives.com/the-rtp-network-turns-1-tchs-commitment-to-faster-payments/ **

WHAT BOTH SIDES WANT — POLITICO’s Adam Behsudi: “U.S. demands center on Beijing’s policies that force U.S. firms to hand over technology to do business in China. The Trump administration released an updated report last week that found Beijing has done little to address the initial complaints that have led to tariffs on more than $250 billion worth of Chinese goods. … At best, China could be looking for the upcoming Trump-Xi meeting to result in a detente in the tariff war as a broader deal is worked out.”

TRUMP SWINGS WILDLY AT POWELL … AGAIN — In an interview with WP’s Philip Rucker and Josh Dawsey Trump leveled perhaps has wildest attacks on Fed Chair Jay Powell to date, blaming him for job and plant cuts at GM despite absolutely no evidence that the central bank’s modest and fully anticipated rate cuts had anything to do with the moves. GM says Trump’s tariffs, by contrast, will cost the company $1 billion this year.

Here’s what he said: “I’m doing deals, and I’m not being accommodated by the Fed. They’re making a mistake because I have a gut, and my gut tells me more sometimes than anybody else’s brain can ever tell me.” …

“So far, I’m not even a little bit happy with my selection of Jay. Not even a little bit. And I’m not blaming anybody [message to Mnuchin], but I’m just telling you I think that the Fed is way off-base with what they’re doing.” …

“I disagree with the Fed. I’ve been open about that. I think the Fed is a much bigger problem than China. I think that China wants to make a deal very badly. I think we’ll either make a deal or we’ll be taking in billions and billions of dollars a month in tariffs and I’m okay with either one of those two situations.”

It didn’t make the main story but Trump also went after the Fed’s efforts to very slowly reduce a balance sheet that swelled to over $4 trillion during the financial crisis and recession: “We’re not getting any accommodation, and we’re also paying $50 billion, we’re paying down our liquidity, is — you can make the case it’s a positive thing in one way, but another thing it snaps your liquidity.” Transcript.

TRUMP THOUGHT YELLEN WAS TOO SHORT — Also this little gem from Rucker/Dawsey: “Trump considered reappointing Yellen to the post, and she impressed him greatly during an interview, according to people briefed on their encounter. But advisers steered him away from renominating her, telling him that he should have his own person in the job.

“The president also appeared hung up on Yellen’s height. He told aides on the National Economic Council on several occasions that the 5-foot-3-inch economist was not tall enough to lead the central bank, quizzing them on whether they agreed, current and former officials said.

SPEAKING OF POWELL — The Fed Chair speaks at noon on Wednesday at the Economic Club of New York. His topic is “The Federal Reserve’s Framework for Monitoring Financial Stability.” He’s already obliquely responded to Trump and asserted the Fed’s independence and said the central bank is just trying to do its job. He’s not likely to address Trump at all in his prepared remarks but the subject could certainly come up in questioning by Peter Henry and Marty Feldstein. But he probably won’t go much beyond what he’s already said.

HURTING HIS OWN CASE — We’ve said it before but it’s worth repeating that every time Trump attacks Powell and the Fed he makes it LESS likely that the central bank will pause its rate increases next year. The Fed, as always, will make decisions based on incoming data but if it’s a very close call, protecting the institution’s political independence against Trump’s pressure tactics would argue in favor of staying the course rather than appearing to cave.

MM also wrote back when he was nominated that anyone who thought Powell would be a patsy for Trump were in for significant disappointment. And that is so far proving to be true.

POWELL PREVIEW — Via Pantheon’s Ian Shepherdson: “[W]e very much doubt he wants to give the impression that the Fed is seriously contemplating skipping either the December or March hikes. We’re sure policymakers at this point would prefer not to see turmoil in the stock market, or the manufacturing sector losing steam as a result of the tariff wars with China.

“But these forces aren’t powerful enough yet to ease the downward pressure on the unemployment rate. Accordingly, we were not at all surprised to hear Vice Chair Rich Clarida emphasizing [Tuesday] that downside risks to the economy have diminished in recent years and that gradual rate hikes are appropriate given the uncertainty over the level of the neutral funds rate. … This was not a dovish speech.”

REQUIEM FOR THE G-20 — Mohamed A. El-Erian on Bloomberg View: “Despite weakening and diverging global economic growth, the aspiration for the larger discussions among leaders representing about three-quarters of global gross domestic product has been reduced to issuing bland joint communiques — and that’s assuming an agreement on this can be achieved. … Created with the hope to reflect new global economic realities, the G-20 has been on a downward trend since its successful London summit in April 2009.” Read more.

ONE GOP SENATOR’S PLAN TO SAVE RURAL AMERICA — The latest POLITICO Money podcast features my conversation with Sen. Tim Scott (R-S.C.) on his Opportunity Zones plan, included in the tax cut bill, to offer significant tax incentives for investment in rural and small town areas largely left behind in the economic recovery from the Great Recession.

Scott: “In the Opportunity Zones, the poverty rate is over 30 percent. I look at it from a common-sense perspective and I ask myself, ‘Is there a way for me to positively impact the lives of 50 million Americans by providing an incentive to unlock investments for those areas?’” Sign up here.

GOOD WEDNESDAY MORNING — Big thanks to Victoria Guida for the one-day fill in while MM was in transportation hell. Email me at bwhite@politico.com and follow me on Twitter @morningmoneyben. Email Aubree Eliza Weaver at aweaver@politico.com and follow her on Twitter @AubreeEWeaver..

Let Women Rule your inbox: The Women Rule Newsletter is a weekly email that shares original content, practical advice, backstage stories, special events and impactful resources for women at any stage of their career. If you are a woman looking to lead or grow your professional network, look no further than Women Rule. No one rises to the top alone, so sign up for our newsletter and get started today.

THE ADAGE “WORK HARD AND GET AHEAD” is a waning reality in America today. The question is: What can Washington do to foster more opportunity and prosperity in struggling communities across the country? POLITICO convened a bipartisan group of 14 business leaders, thinkers and policymakers to explore the problem and identify solutions that have a realistic path forward with political leaders of both parties. Read the latest issue of The Agenda to learn more.

GOP HOLDS MISSISSIPPI SENATE SEAT — Via @NBCNews at 10:14 p.m.: BREAKING: Cindy Hyde-Smith (R) wins US Senate runoff in Mississippi, @NBCNews projects.” Read more.

DRIVING THE DAY — President Trump has lunch with New York Governor Andrew Cuomo and attends the National Christmas Tree Lighting at 5:00 p.m. … Big day for economic news and data with the Powell speech leading the docket at noon … Third estimate of Q3 GDP at 8:30 a.m. expected to be unchanged at 3.5 percent …

Trade numbers at 8:30 a.m. expected to rise to $77 billion from $76.3 billion … New home sales at 10:00 a.m. expected to rise to 575K from 553K … FOMC minutes at 2:00 p.m.

MORE ON CLARIDA — Victoria for Pros: “Clarida … emphasized the strength of the U.S. economy but argued that business investment needs to increase to boost productivity growth. … Clarida also pointed to productivity growth as an important dynamic in why inflation is running at or close to the Fed’s 2 percent target ‘and not well above it, when growth is strong and the labor market robust.’” Read more.

BROWN WANTS GM ADDRESSED IN ANY TAX BILL — Our Brian Faler: “Sen. Sherrod Brown (D-Ohio) is demanding that any year-end tax legislation address General Motors’ announcement that it is laying off thousands of workers. Brown, a tax writer and potential 2020 presidential candidate whose state is home to some of those workers, blamed GM’s decision on provisions in the new tax law, H.R. 1 (115), allowing companies to pay a lower tax rate on their overseas earnings than they are charged on their domestic profits.

“He wants to end that as part of any tax legislation lawmakers move before the end of the year — a likely impossible demand given time constraints and the complexities of the issue. ‘This bill is meaningless unless [President Donald Trump] actually addresses the real issues of the day,’ Brown told reporters on Tuesday. ‘I can’t think of anything more important.’” Read more.

More from Brian for Pros on details of the last minute tax effort: “House Republicans Monday evening unexpectedly released a 297-page tax bill they hope to move during the lame-duck session of Congress. The legislation would revive a number of expired tax ‘extenders,’ address glitches in the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act and make a range of changes to savings- and retirement-related tax provisions.

“Other parts of the bill would revamp the IRS, provide new tax breaks for start-up businesses and offer assistance to disaster victims. The measure amounts to House Republicans’ opening bid in negotiations with the Senate. They’ll need Democratic support there to move any changes, and it’s unclear lawmakers will agree to any of the provisions before adjourning for the year.” Read more.

BANKERS PUT PUSH GETS GROOVY VIBES FROM BLUE WAVE — Our Zachary Warmbrodt: “Banks haven’t been able to cash in on marijuana money, but there’s new momentum to change that with Democrats about to take charge of the House. With anti-pot Attorney General Jeff Sessions gone and even more states legalizing weed, bankers who have grown increasingly frustrated by legal restrictions on the cannabis business are working with Democrats and Republicans to change laws curtailing transactions that deal with marijuana.

“The new push by banks to handle financial transactions for the pot industry is the latest sign that politics of marijuana are rapidly changing in the nation’s capital, as voters across the country back legalization. Rep. Ed Perlmutter, a Colorado Democrat who has taken the lead on legislation in the House, said there was ‘a real opportunity’ to move a bill aligning federal and state marijuana laws for banks and credit unions.” Read more.

STOCK INDEXES EDGE HIGHER — AP’s Marley Jay: “Stocks wobbled Tuesday as large high-dividend stocks rose and smaller companies sank. Major indexes were coming off big gains the day before. Big health care companies including Johnson & Johnson rallied, as did telecommunications and household goods makers. Steel and other materials makers skidded, and a steep loss for United Technologies pulled defense contractors lower.

“Technology companies rose even though President Donald Trump said he expects more tariffs on goods imported from China, some of which would hit products like computers and smartphones. Trump is scheduled to meet with Chinese President Xi Jinping during the Group of 20 summit in Argentina later this week.” Read more.

INVESTORS CONFRONT FEARS AHEAD OF G-20 — WSJ’s Amrith Ramkumar: “Softening economic data are adding to investor anxiety ahead of the Group of 20 summit that starts Friday in Buenos Aires. The Citigroup Economic Surprise Index for developed markets, a measure that tracks whether economic reports are meeting projections, has fallen to its lowest level in almost six months. The gauge is in negative territory, meaning data are broadly starting to come in below economists’ expectations. A similar index for emerging markets has been in mostly negative territory since June.” Read more.

GOODBYE APPLE, HELLO MICROSOFT — Bloomberg’s Jeran Wittenstein and Dina Bass: “Microsoft Corp. surpassed Apple Inc. to become the world’s most valuable publicly traded company. All it took was a $300 billion rout. After briefly claiming the top spot on Monday, Microsoft shares rose 0.6 percent Tuesday, pushing the company’s market value to $828.1 billion at the close. That exceeded by more than $1 billion the value of Apple, which has tumbled this month on concern about iPhone unit sales. The last time Microsoft’s market capitalization was bigger than Apple was in 2010, according to data compiled by Bloomberg.” Read more.

** A message from The Clearing House: The Clearing House’s RTP network is the first new payments rail to be introduced in the U.S. in 40 years and the first designed and built for the digital age. The system delivers 24/7/365 real-time clearing and settlement of payments, along with rich messaging and data capabilities. Financial institutions are developing innovative products for consumers and businesses that rely on RTP’s speed, safety and convenience and RTP will support a wave of innovation that will revolutionize payments. RTP was designed with input from a broad range of stakeholders for financial institutions of all sizes. By the end of 2018, the RTP network will reach nearly 50 percent of accounts in the U.S. and is on path to reach nearly all accounts in the U.S. by the Federal Reserve’s Faster Payments Task Force’s goal of 2020. Read about The RTP Network Turns 1: TCH’s Commitment to Faster Payments at https://www.bankingperspectives.com/the-rtp-network-turns-1-tchs-commitment-to-faster-payments/ **

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[racheltgibsau]

5 Ways to Survive and Thrive in a New Job

“Here. This map is going to be your guide to North Shore. Now, where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial, because you got everybody there…” — Janis Ian, Mean Girls

I try not to go more than a day without quoting Mean Girls, slyly adding “I have a fifth sense” or “Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries” into everyday conversation. A prospect and I once dissolved into hysterical laughter during a demo because they asked about a feature in Marketo and—true story, cross my heart—I replied “The limit does not exist!” without realizing what I’d just said.

The movie’s iconic status is no accident. Anything in the pop culture hall of fame gets staying power from deep emotional connection with loyal fans. The Mean Girls fan base, in particular, is interesting because I have yet to meet anyone, regardless of gender, age, or other identifying characteristics, who didn’t love this movie and find it deeply relatable (and quotable. So fetch.)

Over the past few years, I’ve been particularly interested in studying the nuances of human behavior, specifically decision-making, and power dynamics; topics that are both cleverly addressed throughout the movie.

If you haven’t seen it, here’s a quick summary: the main character goes from being home-schooled in Africa to attending a suburban Illinois high school. Hilarity ensues as she attempts to adjust, thrive, and make her way.

Like the Mean Girls main character, Cady Heron, when we start in a new workplace there are many things we need to adapt to as time goes on. Here are five lessons I’ve learned throughout my career so far that I believe will help you be successful in a new job.

1. Stand Back and Observe

It’s your first day at work. You’ve carefully picked out your outfit, received your laptop & badge, and filled out piles of paperwork. You’re sitting at your new desk, hopefully with some cool first-day branded swag. We are a social species, and it’s only natural to want to jump in and make friends right away. However, there is definitely something to be said for exercising caution. Observe different departments and how everyone interacts. What are the main team & individual priorities? What goals are they working towards? In your first 30, 60, and 90 days, what are the top areas to check off your onboarding list so you can help drive success and have a short time to impact?

The best advice I ever received in this arena: when you’re in a new role, soak up everything for one month. Shadow every call and show up to every meeting. Take copious notes. You’ll probably never read them again, but they work wonders for your retention and processing capabilities.

2. Play Full Out

I know I just suggested that you dip your toe into the water to test its temperature—from a relationship building and company dynamic perspective. This is because ‘playing full out’ is far more important when it comes to your actual role. In my first 6 weeks at Marketo, I hunkered down in various conference rooms with a few key mentors and increasingly large piles of typed notes, annotated with my scribble-cursive and yellow highlighter. My goal was simple: learn the product as fast as possible, get on calls, and close deals. I quickly realized that marketers spoke a foreign language to me (what is TOFU/MOFU/BOFU?) and that the hardest part of my job would be taking their questions, interpreting them, and mapping them to actual technology. Upon having this realization, I started to show up to every single sales call and write down, verbatim, every question that marketers asked, then read and re-read them until I understood them and could respond. I may not have been the most social co-worker during this time period, but I was playing full out as I ramped up in my role.

3. Find Some Friends

Don’t worry, I didn’t stay anti-social forever. I was just focused! Once I started joining sales calls and had some repetitions under my belt, I balanced my focus and growth with a truly extraordinary group of friends at Marketo. I firmly believe that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with—a philosophy often attributed to personal development expert Jim Rohn, but paraphrased and repeated by others in similar fields.

At Marketo, I have the privilege of working with some of the most dedicated, smart, fun-loving people I have ever met. My iPhone camera roll and Snapchat stories are full of pictures of Marketo people—at dinner, at company events, and at events of our own invention, such as paint night and Giants games. As a team, we genuinely love spending time together and it has a huge positive influence on the quality of work that we produce. Marketo is an incredibly special place, and I’m grateful to have found my tribe.

4. Practice Self-Care

In this arena, something clicked for me in the past year. I used to eat well and exercise purely for optics—to fit into my clothes. Eventually, I realized that was a perfectly fine result of my efforts but certainly wasn’t my goal—I like to feel physically strong and energetic. When my nutrition and exercise schedule are locked down, I feel sharp, clear-headed, and less susceptible to outside influences changing my mood and focus. This tiny, 2mm, change shifted my internal conversation from “Get up and go work out so you’ll look good” to “Get up and go workout so you can be on your ‘A’ game and have the absolute best day at work”.

5. Pay It Forward

Arnold Schwarzenegger recently wrote a compelling foreword to Tim Ferriss’s latest book, Tools of Titans. In it, he talks about the myth of the self-made man. It is so easy to look at a successful person and give them all the credit for their status and accomplishments while glossing over every roadblock, failure, and frustration. However, no one is truly self-made. Each and every one of us, no matter where we are in our lives, have stood on many shoulders to get there. Every incredible athlete, executive, and top performer have had mentors, heroes, and coaches. It is impossible for one person to do everything. But each and every one of us can do a little bit to extend a hand and give someone a leg up. Look around your workplace. Find someone who reminds you of yourself or ever better someone who doesn’t, and go out of your way to serve as a sounding board, teacher, and champion. Ask just one thing of them: that they one day turn around and do the same for someone else.

So what should you do now? Surviving and thriving at work doesn’t have to be a daunting road. If it all feels like too much, you could always just go to Taco Bell.

OR…

Pour your favorite beverage, grab a bowl of popcorn, and settle in on the couch to watch Mean Girls for the first, tenth, or 30th time. Then come back and let me know what parallels you’ve found between the movie and real life. I’d love to hear from you!

The post 5 Ways to Survive and Thrive in a New Job appeared first on Marketo Marketing Blog - Best Practices and Thought Leadership.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 http://blog.marketo.com/2017/06/5-ways-survive-thrive-new-job.html

[maxslogic25]

5 Ways to Survive and Thrive in a New Job

“Here. This map is going to be your guide to North Shore. Now, where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial, because you got everybody there…” — Janis Ian, Mean Girls

I try not to go more than a day without quoting Mean Girls, slyly adding “I have a fifth sense” or “Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries” into everyday conversation. A prospect and I once dissolved into hysterical laughter during a demo because they asked about a feature in Marketo and—true story, cross my heart—I replied “The limit does not exist!” without realizing what I’d just said.

The movie’s iconic status is no accident. Anything in the pop culture hall of fame gets staying power from deep emotional connection with loyal fans. The Mean Girls fan base, in particular, is interesting because I have yet to meet anyone, regardless of gender, age, or other identifying characteristics, who didn’t love this movie and find it deeply relatable (and quotable. So fetch.)

Over the past few years, I’ve been particularly interested in studying the nuances of human behavior, specifically decision-making, and power dynamics; topics that are both cleverly addressed throughout the movie.

If you haven’t seen it, here’s a quick summary: the main character goes from being home-schooled in Africa to attending a suburban Illinois high school. Hilarity ensues as she attempts to adjust, thrive, and make her way.

Like the Mean Girls main character, Cady Heron, when we start in a new workplace there are many things we need to adapt to as time goes on. Here are five lessons I’ve learned throughout my career so far that I believe will help you be successful in a new job.

1. Stand Back and Observe

It’s your first day at work. You’ve carefully picked out your outfit, received your laptop & badge, and filled out piles of paperwork. You’re sitting at your new desk, hopefully with some cool first-day branded swag. We are a social species, and it’s only natural to want to jump in and make friends right away. However, there is definitely something to be said for exercising caution. Observe different departments and how everyone interacts. What are the main team & individual priorities? What goals are they working towards? In your first 30, 60, and 90 days, what are the top areas to check off your onboarding list so you can help drive success and have a short time to impact?

The best advice I ever received in this arena: when you’re in a new role, soak up everything for one month. Shadow every call and show up to every meeting. Take copious notes. You’ll probably never read them again, but they work wonders for your retention and processing capabilities.

2. Play Full Out

I know I just suggested that you dip your toe into the water to test its temperature—from a relationship building and company dynamic perspective. This is because ‘playing full out’ is far more important when it comes to your actual role. In my first 6 weeks at Marketo, I hunkered down in various conference rooms with a few key mentors and increasingly large piles of typed notes, annotated with my scribble-cursive and yellow highlighter. My goal was simple: learn the product as fast as possible, get on calls, and close deals. I quickly realized that marketers spoke a foreign language to me (what is TOFU/MOFU/BOFU?) and that the hardest part of my job would be taking their questions, interpreting them, and mapping them to actual technology. Upon having this realization, I started to show up to every single sales call and write down, verbatim, every question that marketers asked, then read and re-read them until I understood them and could respond. I may not have been the most social co-worker during this time period, but I was playing full out as I ramped up in my role.

3. Find Some Friends

Don’t worry, I didn’t stay anti-social forever. I was just focused! Once I started joining sales calls and had some repetitions under my belt, I balanced my focus and growth with a truly extraordinary group of friends at Marketo. I firmly believe that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with—a philosophy often attributed to personal development expert Jim Rohn, but paraphrased and repeated by others in similar fields.

At Marketo, I have the privilege of working with some of the most dedicated, smart, fun-loving people I have ever met. My iPhone camera roll and Snapchat stories are full of pictures of Marketo people—at dinner, at company events, and at events of our own invention, such as paint night and Giants games. As a team, we genuinely love spending time together and it has a huge positive influence on the quality of work that we produce. Marketo is an incredibly special place, and I’m grateful to have found my tribe.

4. Practice Self-Care

In this arena, something clicked for me in the past year. I used to eat well and exercise purely for optics—to fit into my clothes. Eventually, I realized that was a perfectly fine result of my efforts but certainly wasn’t my goal—I like to feel physically strong and energetic. When my nutrition and exercise schedule are locked down, I feel sharp, clear-headed, and less susceptible to outside influences changing my mood and focus. This tiny, 2mm, change shifted my internal conversation from “Get up and go work out so you’ll look good” to “Get up and go workout so you can be on your ‘A’ game and have the absolute best day at work”.

5. Pay It Forward

Arnold Schwarzenegger recently wrote a compelling foreword to Tim Ferriss’s latest book, Tools of Titans. In it, he talks about the myth of the self-made man. It is so easy to look at a successful person and give them all the credit for their status and accomplishments while glossing over every roadblock, failure, and frustration. However, no one is truly self-made. Each and every one of us, no matter where we are in our lives, have stood on many shoulders to get there. Every incredible athlete, executive, and top performer have had mentors, heroes, and coaches. It is impossible for one person to do everything. But each and every one of us can do a little bit to extend a hand and give someone a leg up. Look around your workplace. Find someone who reminds you of yourself or ever better someone who doesn’t, and go out of your way to serve as a sounding board, teacher, and champion. Ask just one thing of them: that they one day turn around and do the same for someone else.

So what should you do now? Surviving and thriving at work doesn’t have to be a daunting road. If it all feels like too much, you could always just go to Taco Bell.

OR…

Pour your favorite beverage, grab a bowl of popcorn, and settle in on the couch to watch Mean Girls for the first, tenth, or 30th time. Then come back and let me know what parallels you’ve found between the movie and real life. I’d love to hear from you!

The post 5 Ways to Survive and Thrive in a New Job appeared first on Marketo Marketing Blog - Best Practices and Thought Leadership.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 http://blog.marketo.com/2017/06/5-ways-survive-thrive-new-job.html

[archiebwoollard]

5 Ways to Survive and Thrive in a New Job

“Here. This map is going to be your guide to North Shore. Now, where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial, because you got everybody there…” — Janis Ian, Mean Girls

I try not to go more than a day without quoting Mean Girls, slyly adding “I have a fifth sense” or “Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries” into everyday conversation. A prospect and I once dissolved into hysterical laughter during a demo because they asked about a feature in Marketo and—true story, cross my heart—I replied “The limit does not exist!” without realizing what I’d just said.

The movie’s iconic status is no accident. Anything in the pop culture hall of fame gets staying power from deep emotional connection with loyal fans. The Mean Girls fan base, in particular, is interesting because I have yet to meet anyone, regardless of gender, age, or other identifying characteristics, who didn’t love this movie and find it deeply relatable (and quotable. So fetch.)

Over the past few years, I’ve been particularly interested in studying the nuances of human behavior, specifically decision-making, and power dynamics; topics that are both cleverly addressed throughout the movie.

If you haven’t seen it, here’s a quick summary: the main character goes from being home-schooled in Africa to attending a suburban Illinois high school. Hilarity ensues as she attempts to adjust, thrive, and make her way.

Like the Mean Girls main character, Cady Heron, when we start in a new workplace there are many things we need to adapt to as time goes on. Here are five lessons I’ve learned throughout my career so far that I believe will help you be successful in a new job.

1. Stand Back and Observe

It’s your first day at work. You’ve carefully picked out your outfit, received your laptop & badge, and filled out piles of paperwork. You’re sitting at your new desk, hopefully with some cool first-day branded swag. We are a social species, and it’s only natural to want to jump in and make friends right away. However, there is definitely something to be said for exercising caution. Observe different departments and how everyone interacts. What are the main team & individual priorities? What goals are they working towards? In your first 30, 60, and 90 days, what are the top areas to check off your onboarding list so you can help drive success and have a short time to impact?

The best advice I ever received in this arena: when you’re in a new role, soak up everything for one month. Shadow every call and show up to every meeting. Take copious notes. You’ll probably never read them again, but they work wonders for your retention and processing capabilities.

2. Play Full Out

I know I just suggested that you dip your toe into the water to test its temperature—from a relationship building and company dynamic perspective. This is because ‘playing full out’ is far more important when it comes to your actual role. In my first 6 weeks at Marketo, I hunkered down in various conference rooms with a few key mentors and increasingly large piles of typed notes, annotated with my scribble-cursive and yellow highlighter. My goal was simple: learn the product as fast as possible, get on calls, and close deals. I quickly realized that marketers spoke a foreign language to me (what is TOFU/MOFU/BOFU?) and that the hardest part of my job would be taking their questions, interpreting them, and mapping them to actual technology. Upon having this realization, I started to show up to every single sales call and write down, verbatim, every question that marketers asked, then read and re-read them until I understood them and could respond. I may not have been the most social co-worker during this time period, but I was playing full out as I ramped up in my role.

3. Find Some Friends

Don’t worry, I didn’t stay anti-social forever. I was just focused! Once I started joining sales calls and had some repetitions under my belt, I balanced my focus and growth with a truly extraordinary group of friends at Marketo. I firmly believe that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with—a philosophy often attributed to personal development expert Jim Rohn, but paraphrased and repeated by others in similar fields.

At Marketo, I have the privilege of working with some of the most dedicated, smart, fun-loving people I have ever met. My iPhone camera roll and Snapchat stories are full of pictures of Marketo people—at dinner, at company events, and at events of our own invention, such as paint night and Giants games. As a team, we genuinely love spending time together and it has a huge positive influence on the quality of work that we produce. Marketo is an incredibly special place, and I’m grateful to have found my tribe.

4. Practice Self-Care

In this arena, something clicked for me in the past year. I used to eat well and exercise purely for optics—to fit into my clothes. Eventually, I realized that was a perfectly fine result of my efforts but certainly wasn’t my goal—I like to feel physically strong and energetic. When my nutrition and exercise schedule are locked down, I feel sharp, clear-headed, and less susceptible to outside influences changing my mood and focus. This tiny, 2mm, change shifted my internal conversation from “Get up and go work out so you’ll look good” to “Get up and go workout so you can be on your ‘A’ game and have the absolute best day at work”.

5. Pay It Forward

Arnold Schwarzenegger recently wrote a compelling foreword to Tim Ferriss’s latest book, Tools of Titans. In it, he talks about the myth of the self-made man. It is so easy to look at a successful person and give them all the credit for their status and accomplishments while glossing over every roadblock, failure, and frustration. However, no one is truly self-made. Each and every one of us, no matter where we are in our lives, have stood on many shoulders to get there. Every incredible athlete, executive, and top performer have had mentors, heroes, and coaches. It is impossible for one person to do everything. But each and every one of us can do a little bit to extend a hand and give someone a leg up. Look around your workplace. Find someone who reminds you of yourself or ever better someone who doesn’t, and go out of your way to serve as a sounding board, teacher, and champion. Ask just one thing of them: that they one day turn around and do the same for someone else.

So what should you do now? Surviving and thriving at work doesn’t have to be a daunting road. If it all feels like too much, you could always just go to Taco Bell.

OR…

Pour your favorite beverage, grab a bowl of popcorn, and settle in on the couch to watch Mean Girls for the first, tenth, or 30th time. Then come back and let me know what parallels you’ve found between the movie and real life. I’d love to hear from you!

The post 5 Ways to Survive and Thrive in a New Job appeared first on Marketo Marketing Blog - Best Practices and Thought Leadership.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8217493 http://blog.marketo.com/2017/06/5-ways-survive-thrive-new-job.html

[samheughanfansite]

New Post has been published on Sam Heughan Fan

New Update has been published on https://sam-heughan.com/2018/10/10/press-the-outlander-cast-opens-up-about-how-season-4-changes-the-entire-series/

Press: The "Outlander" Cast Opens Up About How Season 4 Changes The Entire Series

Before their New York Comic Con panel this year, Sam Heughan, Caitriona Balfe, Sophie Skelton, and Richard Rankin sat down with us for an exclusive chat about Season 4 of Outlander. Here’s what they had to say:

1. First, Season 4 is very much about rebuilding this world we’ve come to know for three seasons. What’s that been like? Caitriona Balfe: Jamie did it all by himself.

Sam Heughan: [laughs] Yeah, he’s very good at, you know, hammering.

Sophie Skelton: We’re not actually in this season. [laughs] Just Jamie.

Sam: It’s fun to be in a new world and to be showing America in its infancy and all the different cultures that make up America. It’s nice to be shooting in the woods a lot.

2. You guys still shot in Scotland, but turned it into Colonial America. How was that? Caitriona: You feel like you’re in the backlot of one of the main studios because we built this whole town in a little area [outside]. For me, it’s that thing of feeling like a kid when you get on set and you realize it’s all facades. But, it looks so cool.

Sophie: You go through a door and you’re amazed.

Caitriona: Yeah! You go through a door and you’re like, “OMG, it’s a field.” Gary [Steele] just did such an incredible job. Our production team, the whole crew, they just do such an amazing job. I mean, River Run as well. It looks so stunning. I think things like that, they just change the feel or the atmosphere of the show altogether.

Sophie: It’s also great for our job because it helps put yourself fully in the place, just as much as a costume or anything like that does. The sets are amazing. The detail in all of them as well.

3. You guys travel up and down the East Coast, in not only the 1760s, but also the late 1960s. Richard Rankin: Yeah, the story moves through so many places. It’s a testament to how talented that team [art department] is. They have to build things kind of last minute and they can be such diverse sceneries and locations. They just bring them all to life with such details. It’s quite easy to get immersed in that.

4. Sam and Caitriona, this is the first time we’re really seeing Jamie and Claire trying to settle down. How does that change your dynamic this season? Caitriona: I think it’s a really different side of Claire. I mean, in other seasons we’ve focused so much on her being so career driven. I think it’s a quieter version of her, in many ways, and more content. The fact that her and Jamie are finally together and are building a home, it’s the first opportunity she’s had to really focus on family life and their relationship. That was quite different for me. It’s an interesting new challenge to be able to explore that.

Sam: And Jamie, he’s content, I think that’s a great word to say. He’s always wanted to have a home and a family, and an extended family. He gets that this season. He gets the opportunity to settle. He falls in love with the country and the land. He’s surrounded by aspects of having a family. He’s got young Ian and Claire, and obviously Brianna in one way. So, for a short while it’s quite peaceful.

5. Sophie and Richard, this is my favorite book in the series and a lot of that has to do with Brianna and Roger’s growth. How is it, not only exploring your relationship together, but your characters separately as well? Sophie: I think that has been the fun thing this season because, like you said, this is my favorite book. I think for Bree and Roger, thus far has been setting up the story for this season. I think there’s a really nice dynamic in terms of them having that sort of back-and-forth relationship. Again, every time they’re brought together they’re pulled apart. They’re both kind of dealing with their own individual problems. They’re both getting over the death of their fathers, plus Brianna deals with essentially giving away her mother. They also have this long distance relationship and everything that comes with that. So, while Jamie and Claire have a fresh beginning, these two are sort of in the muddy waters of what has just happened.

Richard: We also had a very gradual introduction to the show as well, which was a good thing, I think, because you have a lot of time to think. We were only in the end of Season 2 and only a few episodes in Season 3, but being aware of the show and the world in which the show’s set was very helpful coming into Season 4. We know exactly where the characters are and we know exactly where we are within the story. So, I think it has been quite an advantage. It’s been good to explore, like you say, together and separately and what they’re dealing with because they are dealing with quite a lot in their lives individually never mind trying to cope with each other. They’re dealing with not only a long distance relationship, but everything that comes with the Frasers.

Sophie: I also think, for us as well, you’ve only really seen their similarities, where this season, you see that they have completely different points of view on very important matters.

6. How has it been exploring more of the 1960s this season and Brianna’s life on her own? Sophie: I think we haven’t seen a lot of the ’60s. What I like at the beginning of this season, you see a very important topic of the ’60s in terms of the sexual revolution and the fact that people were starting to branch away from religious beliefs, like no sex before marriage, and all of that. I think that’s a really good thing to show this season in terms of the ’60s. We’ve really only seen the light side [of the era] so far.

7. One character who arrives this season is Jamie’s Aunt Jocasta. How’s that going to affect Claire and Jamie’s relationship? Caitriona: I think that episode was sort of difficult in some ways, for a lot of us, because it’s a little different from what was in the book. Jocasta, played incredibly by Maria [Doyle Kennedy], she’s just amazing. For Claire, she sees Jamie being so happy being connected to part of his family, but for Claire, there’s this wall that will never really come down between her and Jocasta because they have such opposing views [on certain things]. Claire will never understand Jocasta’s point of view and Jocasta will never understand her point of view. I think there’s a mutual respect there and a mutual admiration in some ways, it’s just an unbridgeable wall.

Sam: And for Jamie, as you [Caitriona] said, it’s his last sort of living relative in a way. She looks and sounds like his mother and for him, it’s a really emotional thing. Initially, it’s quite joyful for him. But it’s a mixed bag for him really because of his life with Claire. 8. There’s also Stephen Bonnet. For fans of the books, they know how important he becomes later on. What’s it like laying the groundwork for his role moving forward?

Sam: Yeah, Jamie and Stephen have an interesting relationship and there are so many repercussions later on. He’s quite a villain.

9. Sophie — While Brianna didn’t travel back in time with Claire in Season 3, does she still feel some connection and curiosity towards Jamie and the past? Sophie: Obviously the idea of meeting her biological father would be something that’s wonderful for her, but at the same time, Frank was her dad, and it’s something you see this season. It’s something she really feels torn between and that she feels she’s betraying Frank if she gets close to this other side of herself. She’s started a new world in the ’60s for herself. She’s moved away from a history major and she’s gone to engineering. She has new friends and she has Roger, her whole life is in the ’60s. As bad as it sounds, there’s nothing really for her in the past. She has the knowledge that her mother is happy in the past now and that’s a nice little image for Bree.

10. Do you guys have a favorite moment for your characters that you can tease? Richard: Singing was an interesting experience because I had to play a couple songs, one of which was quite tricky to play. It was originally a fiddle track that was re-arranged on guitar. I think I got in everyone’s head practicing that song over and over and over and over again. Certainly an interesting experience.

Sophie: Shooting a rifle.

Caitriona: I mean, there’s scenes between us [Caitriona and Sam], but that’s old news. There’s definitely scenes that were great to do that are specific to this season.

Sam: I think the knowledge of Brianna [existing] is a real catalyst. I think in some ways this season is when the real story starts.

Caitriona: I think they’re in this very content world, but there’s another thing happening [Brianna living her life]. The stakes just get so high [this season] and I think those are great things, as actors, to be able to play. There’s a lot of new elements, stuff that we hadn’t done before, which was good. Outlander Season 4 premieres on Sunday, Nov. 4 at 8/7c on STARZ. – Source

#SamHeughan #Outlander

[zacdhaenkeau]

5 Ways to Survive and Thrive in a New Job

“Here. This map is going to be your guide to North Shore. Now, where you sit in the cafeteria is crucial, because you got everybody there…” — Janis Ian, Mean Girls

I try not to go more than a day without quoting Mean Girls, slyly adding “I have a fifth sense” or “Whatever, I’m getting cheese fries” into everyday conversation. A prospect and I once dissolved into hysterical laughter during a demo because they asked about a feature in Marketo and—true story, cross my heart—I replied “The limit does not exist!” without realizing what I’d just said.

The movie’s iconic status is no accident. Anything in the pop culture hall of fame gets staying power from deep emotional connection with loyal fans. The Mean Girls fan base, in particular, is interesting because I have yet to meet anyone, regardless of gender, age, or other identifying characteristics, who didn’t love this movie and find it deeply relatable (and quotable. So fetch.)

Over the past few years, I’ve been particularly interested in studying the nuances of human behavior, specifically decision-making, and power dynamics; topics that are both cleverly addressed throughout the movie.

If you haven’t seen it, here’s a quick summary: the main character goes from being home-schooled in Africa to attending a suburban Illinois high school. Hilarity ensues as she attempts to adjust, thrive, and make her way.

Like the Mean Girls main character, Cady Heron, when we start in a new workplace there are many things we need to adapt to as time goes on. Here are five lessons I’ve learned throughout my career so far that I believe will help you be successful in a new job.

1. Stand Back and Observe

It’s your first day at work. You’ve carefully picked out your outfit, received your laptop & badge, and filled out piles of paperwork. You’re sitting at your new desk, hopefully with some cool first-day branded swag. We are a social species, and it’s only natural to want to jump in and make friends right away. However, there is definitely something to be said for exercising caution. Observe different departments and how everyone interacts. What are the main team & individual priorities? What goals are they working towards? In your first 30, 60, and 90 days, what are the top areas to check off your onboarding list so you can help drive success and have a short time to impact?

The best advice I ever received in this arena: when you’re in a new role, soak up everything for one month. Shadow every call and show up to every meeting. Take copious notes. You’ll probably never read them again, but they work wonders for your retention and processing capabilities.

2. Play Full Out

I know I just suggested that you dip your toe into the water to test its temperature—from a relationship building and company dynamic perspective. This is because ‘playing full out’ is far more important when it comes to your actual role. In my first 6 weeks at Marketo, I hunkered down in various conference rooms with a few key mentors and increasingly large piles of typed notes, annotated with my scribble-cursive and yellow highlighter. My goal was simple: learn the product as fast as possible, get on calls, and close deals. I quickly realized that marketers spoke a foreign language to me (what is TOFU/MOFU/BOFU?) and that the hardest part of my job would be taking their questions, interpreting them, and mapping them to actual technology. Upon having this realization, I started to show up to every single sales call and write down, verbatim, every question that marketers asked, then read and re-read them until I understood them and could respond. I may not have been the most social co-worker during this time period, but I was playing full out as I ramped up in my role.

3. Find Some Friends

Don’t worry, I didn’t stay anti-social forever. I was just focused! Once I started joining sales calls and had some repetitions under my belt, I balanced my focus and growth with a truly extraordinary group of friends at Marketo. I firmly believe that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with—a philosophy often attributed to personal development expert Jim Rohn, but paraphrased and repeated by others in similar fields.

At Marketo, I have the privilege of working with some of the most dedicated, smart, fun-loving people I have ever met. My iPhone camera roll and Snapchat stories are full of pictures of Marketo people—at dinner, at company events, and at events of our own invention, such as paint night and Giants games. As a team, we genuinely love spending time together and it has a huge positive influence on the quality of work that we produce. Marketo is an incredibly special place, and I’m grateful to have found my tribe.

4. Practice Self-Care

In this arena, something clicked for me in the past year. I used to eat well and exercise purely for optics—to fit into my clothes. Eventually, I realized that was a perfectly fine result of my efforts but certainly wasn’t my goal—I like to feel physically strong and energetic. When my nutrition and exercise schedule are locked down, I feel sharp, clear-headed, and less susceptible to outside influences changing my mood and focus. This tiny, 2mm, change shifted my internal conversation from “Get up and go work out so you’ll look good” to “Get up and go workout so you can be on your ‘A’ game and have the absolute best day at work”.

5. Pay It Forward

Arnold Schwarzenegger recently wrote a compelling foreword to Tim Ferriss’s latest book, Tools of Titans. In it, he talks about the myth of the self-made man. It is so easy to look at a successful person and give them all the credit for their status and accomplishments while glossing over every roadblock, failure, and frustration. However, no one is truly self-made. Each and every one of us, no matter where we are in our lives, have stood on many shoulders to get there. Every incredible athlete, executive, and top performer have had mentors, heroes, and coaches. It is impossible for one person to do everything. But each and every one of us can do a little bit to extend a hand and give someone a leg up. Look around your workplace. Find someone who reminds you of yourself or ever better someone who doesn’t, and go out of your way to serve as a sounding board, teacher, and champion. Ask just one thing of them: that they one day turn around and do the same for someone else.

So what should you do now? Surviving and thriving at work doesn’t have to be a daunting road. If it all feels like too much, you could always just go to Taco Bell.

OR…

Pour your favorite beverage, grab a bowl of popcorn, and settle in on the couch to watch Mean Girls for the first, tenth, or 30th time. Then come back and let me know what parallels you’ve found between the movie and real life. I’d love to hear from you!

The post 5 Ways to Survive and Thrive in a New Job appeared first on Marketo Marketing Blog - Best Practices and Thought Leadership.

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