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#like after getting dragged out to visit them ive thrown up twice and had my sleep schedule put in a tailspin
tetranocular · 3 years
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having a personality disorder is absolute balls
the whole ethos of my life is just.. finding an easier way because i have zero tolerance for hard things
i cant just push through the way other people often can, so when an easy alternative isnt available, i crack under pressure and give up
and my threshold for what is or isnt easy is slowly shifting so that more things feel impossible to do
and its not like i cant do challenging things, im capable on occasion, but i cant choose what those things are at all, even when its something i KNOW will benefit me, or when it’s something i REALLY want to do
and the extra sucky thing is that when i try and communicate this to my parents, they dont seem to get it at all, which is an extremely frustrating and isolating experience
and its not like i havent worked to try and change this. ive been in therapy since i was 13. that’s a decade. a decade of therapy and there’s nothing to show for it. hell, it was only a couple years ago that we were finally like “oh hey you might have a personality disorder!” 
so what did i do? i went and found a therapist who specialized in personality disorders, i told him what hasnt worked for me in the past, and he essentially said “shit, the things that havent worked for you in the past are the only things i know how to do, sorry :/”
and ive kept him despite making basically no progress with him because he’s one of the few therapists willing to keep my parents at bay for me, because they just cant accept that i dont work the same way as them and dont trust me enough to make decisions about my life and need some dude who also understands very little about me to echo what i say in order to actually take shit seriously
because if he didnt do that, they’d start hounding me about doing things their way again, despite the fact that it made me 10x more miserable. hell, even with him keeping them at bay, they still try and do that! my therapist just makes it so its less frequent
god, and before anyone says anything, im SO fucking tired of people telling me what i need to do to improve my life
if you have a suggestion, chances are, ive already tried it, so just please fucking dont
like man ive tried so much shit. i’ve been to a wilderness program, ive been to a therapeutic boarding school, ive done yoga and breathing exercises and mediation and cbt and dbt and exercise and group therapy and VARIOUS meds. fuck, the only thing i feel like i HAVENT tried is sending electric waves directly into my brain, and thats only because people say that the treatment can make your memory worse, and i already cant remember most of the shit i do each day. even so, im STILL considering trying that out, because i just dont know what else to do
i just... i really wish i could approach life in a different way, but they dont call personality disorders ‘personality rigidity’ for nothing. shit feels impossible to change. ive spent half my life trying to be even mildly functional, and it hasnt worked, so at this point, im tempted to say that i just cant
and the thing is that its just so fucking typical of me. giving up because it’s hard. but im just so fucking tired of trying. believe me, if it seemed like shit was working, id probably have a bit more drive, but ive been running in place for a decade. im tired. i want to just be able to exist as-is without someone (cough cough my parents) complaining to me that im ill-equipped for the world and that im not doing enough and wasting my life 
i know! believe me, i know!! i AM ill-equipped for the world, and shit, i probably am not doing enough, but unless you can wave a magic fucking wand and fix it for me, youre just gonna have to take me the way i am, because i dont see change on the horizon
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moldisgoodforyou · 3 years
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florence (iv)
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warnings: smut!! in the middle but you can see it coming if u wanna skip over it
wordcount: 8.3k
______
Six and a half hours and two transfers later on the train, Sophie and Rafe made it to Florence. They’d fallen asleep on each other multiple times and woken up with cricks in their necks or imprints of each other’s clothing onto their cheeks, and were both running on little sleep - somehow, he’d convinced her to go skinny dipping off a little cove at 2am the night before. She lasted about ten minutes in the water with him before she spotted someone with a flashlight along the beach and freaked, practically sprinting out of the water to pull her wet clothes back on and shove Rafe’s at him. (He’d hissed at her to relax until they heard yelling of “arrêter! Policiers!” They put together pretty quickly that it was “stop! Police!” and booked it back to the hotel, giggling the whole way.)
Despite Rafe’s tired grumblings, she made him freshen up and walk with her to go get dinner at a place a few blocks from the hostel. It was only 6, but they both hadn’t eaten in a while and had to be up early for an architecture tour Sophie had scheduled at 8am. He took two looks at the menu before handing it to her - she raised her eyebrows, skeptical. “You know what you’re getting?”
“It’s Italy. I want pasta every day.”
“Every day.” She repeated, doubtful.
“Every day. And gelato, every day. Those are my two requests.” He nodded, sure of himself.
“I think we can manage that. Did you learn Italian too over the summer, you want to order for us?” She teased, holding back a smile.
“C’mon, my Spanish wasn’t that terrible. It really wasn’t.” He protested, kicking her gently under the table.
She kicked him back reflexively, maybe a little too hard, and just rolled her eyes when he made a show of dramatically grabbing his leg. “It wasn’t awful. You just had zero accent, that’s kind of important.”
“Whatever, I’ll work on it.” He grinned. “You can teach me where to put my tongue.”
“Your ability to make anything sexual is impressive.”
“Wasn’t even sexual, but good job on you for twisting it.” He smirked, leaning across the table and lowering her voice. “Hey. Guess what.”
She did the same, reaching out and taking his hand. “What.”
“We’re in Italy.” He whispered conspiratorially, squeezing her hand.
“Yeah, and…?”
“When you were drunk on FaceTime once, you told me we needed to have sex in every country.”
She blushed, raising her eyebrows. “Did I?”
“You did, and I’m holding you to it. I got us single rooms in the hostels for a reason.” Rafe wiggled his eyebrows back with a smile, trying to get her to laugh. “But there’s like, a 98% chance I fall asleep on you if we try anything tonight, so we can check that off the list tomorrow.”
She had to hide a giggle as their waiter came over to take their order, turning it into a cough into her elbow. When the waiter left she shook her head, grinning. “Tomorrow’s fine. I appreciate the honesty.”
“Any time.”
_______
The next morning, Sophie woke up to her third alarm in a row with Rafe still blissfully asleep next to her, his arm curled around her middle and her leg thrown over his waist. She nudged her head up, knocking against his chin. “Hey.”
He stirred just enough to pull her closer and bury his face into her hair. “Shh. Sleeping.”
“We gotta get up, Rafe, we need breakfast before our tour.” She started scratching gentle circles on his chest, placing short kisses up along his neck. “Up.”
“If you keep doing that something else is going to get up.” He mumbled, humming contentedly with his eyes still shut. The hostel was busy with other kids their age and he’d woken up to the sound of two groups trying to open their door - twice - and their drunken whisper-yells. Sophie, of course, slept peacefully through the whole thing.
“We don’t have time for that.” She placed a kiss on the tip of his nose and tried squirming from his grip unsuccessfully. “Come on.”
“Five minutes.”
“Two.”
“Four.”
“...Fine.” She settled her head back onto the pillow, sighing as he grinned and nuzzled against her. “Only ‘cause you’re warm.”
“Yeah, what the fuck is up with the temps? This place is an icebox.” He replied, slipping his hand under her shirt and cupping her breast.
“Rafe.” She elbowed at him, a warning tone to her voice.
“M’ just holding it. You’re warm.” He argued, brushing his thumb over her nipple and smiling to himself when she let out a tiny whine. She made the mistake of pressing her hips back into him, just a little, and he groaned quietly into her ear. “Careful there.”
“You’re not seriously - oh my god, Rafe.”
He wasn’t embarrassed in the slightest, just pushed his hips against her ass. “Can’t help it. I have my beautiful girlfriend in my bed that I haven’t seen in months.”
“It wasn’t even that long -”
“It was a whole quarter of a year without you, Sophie, now hush and let me sleep.” His tone took on a teasing lilt and he brushed his fingers down her stomach, making her tense. “Unless you’d like to do something else.”
“We don’t have time.” She told him firmly, knocking his hand away. He grumbled and pulled his hand out from under her shirt, settling his arm around her waist instead. “Lame.”
“You’re lame.”
“Okay. Good comeback. You’ve lost your touch.” He quipped with a tone of amusement, pulling her close again. Her alarm went off and he sighed dramatically, dropping his head to her shoulder. “Let’s skip.”
“We’re not skipping, we might never be in Florence again and I’ve wanted to see the Duomo and Palazzo Vecchio for years.” She twisted in his grip just enough to place a quick kiss on his lips then sit up, stretching. “Get up.”
“I’ll bring you back - no, Sophie, stay -” He protested weakly, reaching for her.
She smiled fondly at the way he was all squinty in the mornings, adjusting to the lights and trying to find his glasses, but her smile gave way to a pout she knew Rafe couldn’t say no to. “Baby, please? I don’t want to be late.”
“Fine.” He yawned and dragged himself out of bed, pulled on his glasses and shoved his feet into sneakers, just wearing his boxers. “I’m gonna go pee.”
“You’re not gonna at least throw on a shirt? Or shorts?” She questioned, eyeing him over with no shame.
He caught her gaze and flexed his chest, smirking. “Not if you’re enjoying the show.”
“You’re the worst.” She informed him, leaning over to give him a kick to the ass. “Go.”
As requested, she pulled out his clothes for the day after she got ready, finding a certain kind of pride in the fact that he trusted her in his appearance. She grabbed his wallet from the desk too, ready to stick it in her backpack, but paused when she realized it was a little thicker than normal, barely snapping shut. Curiosity got the best of her and she flicked open the wallet, pulling out a couple wrinkled and worn pieces of paper from one of the slots.
Rafe returned just as she was smoothing it open. “What are you doing?”
She startled, quickly turning and holding the paper behind her back. “Nothing! Just putting your wallet in my bag. So we didn’t forget.” She clarified quickly, cheeks blooming red at being caught.
He smirked, kicking off his shoes and striding closer. “If you wanted money, you could’ve just asked.” He teased, reaching around behind her. “Whatcha got?”
“Nothing.” She twisted, trying to set it on the desk without him noticing, completely unsubtle.
“Oh. You found your letters?”
Sophie paused. “My letters?”
“Yeah, that’s what they are.” He nodded and started pulling on his clothes for the day.
She brought it from behind her back to read and brightened, realizing it was two scraps from the many letters she’d sent to him when they were apart. He’d just cut out the two sappiest paragraphs she’d written, embarrassingly, as she found it much easier to express the extent of her love for him through writing rather than face to face. She pouted a little, skimming over them. “Baby.”
He turned back to her and ran his thumb over her bottom lip, shaking his head. “Hm? No pouting, little fish.”
“Little fish?” She quirked her brow, confused.
“Yeah, remember that one time you blamed your crying during finals week on being a Pisces moon? Pisces is the fish, I think.” Rafe reasoned, taking the papers out of her hand and carefully tucked them into a zippered pocket of his suitcase. “Since you’re here with me now, I guess you’ll just have to tell me how much you love me in person instead.”
She beamed up at him, adoringly. “I love you so damn much.”
He grinned and slipped his hands around her waist, pulling her close to kiss her slow. “Love you too, Soph. My favorite girl.”
Fifteen minutes later, the two of them strolled out hand-in-hand to the hostel cafeteria and picked through some pastries for breakfast, Sophie promising him a protein bar from her backpack when he complained he’d be lightheaded by eleven. He snapped a photo of her when she recoiled at the strong cappuccino with zero cream or sugar to cut it with, laughing as she tried her best to hide a cough. They found a spot at an empty table and it wasn’t long until a friendly couple came up to them with twin smiles.
“Hi, can we sit?” The girl asked, already setting down their plates.
“Yeah, yeah, go ahead.” Rafe replied, gesturing. Sophie noticed that his slight Carolinian accent came out a little more in Europe instead of in Ohio, as if he was trying to mimic a little bit of the Spanish and Italian accents and butchered it in his own special way. (She hadn’t corrected him yet, finding it endearing.)
“Thank you! I’m Elena, this is Marco.” Elena introduced herself, sliding into her seat.
Marco gave them a nod and pointed at Rafe, hesitant. “It’s...Jake?”
“Rafe.” He corrected, then explained to Sophie, “we met in the bathroom.”
“Your boyfriend is built.” Marco informed Sophie with a grin, making her laugh. “I know. I’m Sophie, it’s nice to meet you both. Are you just visiting, or…?”
“Yes, we’re from Milan, we wanted to make a weekend trip.” Elena confirmed. “And you? Americans?”
“North Carolina, yeah.” Rafe nodded. “Sophie was studying abroad in Barcelona, then I came to tag along.”
“Oh, so cool!” Elena grinned. “Do you have plans today? I love Florence, it’s beautiful.”
“It is, yeah.” Sophie glanced down at her phone, then back up at them. “I’m sorry, but we have to run, actually, we have a tour to go to this morning. But no plans later.”
“We will meet you by the Duomo, then, around lunch! We can show you around.” Marco declared, handing over his phone to Rafe to put in his phone number - he was a little confused, but did so anyways. “You guys don’t have to -”
“No, new friends are always fun.” Elena waved him off with a smile. “Enjoy your morning.”
Sophie brightened, slipping out of her chair. “See you later!”
Rafe followed her back to their room, and turned to face her after shutting the door with a skeptical look. “He was flirting with me.”
She laughed, packing up her backpack for the day (she’d bought the little leather bag in Barcelona and it was now one of her most treasured possessions, carrying her camera and sketchbook every day). “Don’t be ridiculous, you just have a big head.”
“No, I swear, he was giving me a look this morning when I walked back from the bathroom.” He insisted.
“I think you’re misinterpreting things, he was probably confused that you were shirtless. They were friendly, we should meet up with them! New friends!” She grinned and slapped a protein bar into his hand, as promised.
He furrowed his brow a little but slipped the bar into his pocket. “How long do I have to share you for?”
“Rafe.”
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” He amended quickly, leaning down to give her a sweet kiss. “Ready to see your Domo and whatever?”
“Duomo, baby. And the Palazzo Vecchio.”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.”
“Uh huh.” She held out her hand with a grin. “C’mon, Florence awaits.”
He took her hand and raised it, guiding her into a twirl. “We certainly can’t keep her waiting, then.”
______
Rafe wasn’t sure he absorbed a single word of the self-guided tour. Twenty boring minutes in, he’d turned down the volume on his audio pack that they’d rented and just observed Sophie and the small look of awe on her face at every new turn, the way she nodded enthusiastically when she recognized a piece of information shared on the audio. He decided he would be perfectly content with just watching her for the rest of his life, to see the way her face lit up when she learned new things and got to share that information with him.
He listened just enough to be able to hold a conversation with her afterward, but his intro to architecture class that he’d had to drop midway through the first month of the semester didn’t really give him a strong enough background to keep up. Sophie made him pause the audio several times too, so she could tell him a story about the architect or about the construction of the buildings - he did his best to look as interested as possible. She could tell he was losing interest, just a little, but carried on anyways, just excited to share her passions with him.
After finishing the tour and returning their audio devices a little early, they took a seat out on the steps of the piazza as they waited for their new friends. Sophie took out her sketchbook and started drawing the front entryway of the Duomo, and after two minutes she ripped out a sheet so Rafe could doodle too. (His sketches were much less refined, a little rough around the edges, but they made up for it in character.)
“Do you think they’ll show?”
“Marco and Elena? Yeah. They sounded genuine.” She replied, her tongue poking out a little in concentration as she sketched.
He suppressed a grin and snapped a quick photo of her before she could realize. “How long do we have to hang out with them?”
She shrugged. “Dunno. Maybe go to lunch, let them show us around and if we like them we can hang out more?”
“Hm. You think we’ll like them?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t we?” She reached over and adjusted his hand, trying to help him draw a straighter line, but he just scowled and went back to his usual method.
“We don’t know anything about them.”
“That’s the whole point of staying in the hostel, baby, to meet people.” She nudged her foot against his, giving him an eager smile. “C’mon, you like making friends. You’re good at it.”
“Okay, fine, but I have something planned for us tomorrow afternoon.” He told her, raising his eyebrows.
She huffed, exasperated. “Rafe, I promise, we can have sex later, but I’m not wasting the day in bed -”
He laughed, flicking at her knee. “No, no, not that, but I like where your mind is at.”
“Oh.” She cocked her head a little. “What is it?”
“A surprise.”
She narrowed her eyes at him. “Not an expensive one, I hope?”
He made a show of pulling out his phone, dramatic. “Siri, cancel the private shopping tour at Gucci please.“
“Rafe Cameron.” She fixed him with a glare, unamused. He grinned back and leaned over to kiss her forehead. “I know you better than that, don’t worry.”
“You’d better.” She rolled her eyes, then brightened when she saw Marco and Elena approaching and gathered up her sketchbook and pencils back into her bag, along with Rafe’s little drawings. He followed her gaze and stood, visibly steeling himself a little - she instantly nudged him to relax.
It didn’t take long for Rafe to warm up to their newfound friends, especially when Marco showed interest in his camera and when Elena asked him about his film minor, and enthused about how jealous she was that she couldn’t study something fun like that. He was a little caught off guard when they each got kisses on cheeks as a greeting, but didn’t mention it when Sophie shot him a look.
As promised, the two gave Rafe and Sophie a mini tour of the city, stopping for gelato twice along the way. After a solid few hours of walking and chatting, they stopped at a fountain by their hostel and sat around it to take a break.
“This fountain is special to us, you know.” Elena smiled at Marco and he nodded, tugging her down to his lap.
Rafe cocked his head. “Why’s that?”
“It is where we kissed for the first time.” Marco revealed with a raise of his eyebrows. “There’s a legend, if you throw a coin in here over your shoulder and it makes it to the top tier, you will find your lover.”
“Or lovers.” Elena added with a grin and dug in her pocket, then tossed two coins to Rafe and Sophie. “Here. I’ll tell you where it lands.”
Rafe tried handing his back, shaking his head. “No, I don’t want to waste your coin. I already have Sophie.”
Elena pushed it back into his hand, insistent. “You never know what will happen. It’s just good luck.”
Sophie looked a little confused but accepted the coin, tossing it in. Marco let out a whoop as it landed in the top tier, making a satisfying clink. “There you go!”
Rafe scowled but flicked his in too, looking a little smug when it joined hers up top. “See, I told you. Your lover’s right here.” He slipped his arms around her waist from behind, pressing a kiss to the top of her head, and mumbled, “Stupid fountain.”
Elena laughed, gesturing out to the crowd milling around. “Your lovers could be anywhere. Love is meant to be shared with more, yes?”
“...Sure.” Sophie leaned back into Rafe, content. “How long are you two here for?”
“We have as long as we’d like.” Marco shrugged. “Wherever the wind takes us.”
Rafe chuckled quietly into Sophie’s hair, murmuring. “Sounds like your worst nightmare.”
She just hummed in agreement back to him. “Oh. We leave in two days, early in the morning. Do you have plans tonight?”
“Probably a club.” Elena grinned. “You should come! We will teach you the tricks, get you the good Italian drinks. Sophie, I can show you how to flirt for the free drinks, the Italian way.”
She held back a laugh as she felt Rafe’s grip tighten a little around her. “Going out sounds fun. I’m not sure I have the right clothes, though, I sent a lot home already…”
“I have clothes! We will share.” Elena dismissed her immediately, then got up off Marco’s lap, tugging him up. “We are meeting with friends for dinner, but we will meet you later? At the hostel?”
“Sounds good.” Rafe nodded, letting Sophie go, and was surprised when the two of them said goodbye - again - with cheek kisses, Marco included. Once they were out of earshot, Sophie giggled at the bemused expression he wore. “I think you should start greeting James and Colin that way.”
He scowled. “James would participate. Colin might deck me.”
“Yeah, probably. I miss them.”
“More than you missed me?” He raised his eyebrows and she rolled her eyes, shoving at his chest. “Of course not. Don’t be weird.”
“I’m not being weird.”
“You are being weird, you get all overprotective and I know you wanted to say something earlier when she talked about flirting.” She took his hand and intertwined their fingers, giving it a little squeeze.
He softened a little and leaned down to press a kiss against the crown of her head, ignoring her remark. “What do you think she’ll have you wearing?”
“No clue. We’ll see, I guess.” She shrugged. “We have a few hours to kill, what do you want to do?”
“Hmm. We can go see the David?” Rafe tipped his head in that direction, and Sophie visibly brightened. “You want to go to an art museum?”
“Yeah, I’ve heard it’s cool. One of my buddies went last year and said it was worth checking out. Plus, air conditioning.”
“My two favorite words.” She grinned.
____
Later that night, Sophie walked out of the girls’ dorm with Elena to meet the boys, looking extra hesitant. She wore a black bikini top, maneuvered differently so it was upside down and strung up to push her boobs together, with an open back. One tug of a string and it’d all come undone. It was paired with a leather miniskirt and Elena insisted on doing winged eyeliner and soft pink lipstick too, all completely out of Sophie’s comfort zone.
Rafe’s eyebrows shot up and his jaw fell open a little. “Soph.”
“She’s gorgeous, yes?” Elena grinned, giving Sophie a little push on the shoulder toward him.
“Yeah, definitely, stunning.” Rafe nodded, searching her face. Sophie gave him a small smile, clearly uncomfortable in the attire. “It doesn’t look bad?”
“No! No, not at all. Do you like it…?” He questioned. “I can go get an extra shirt of mine from our room, if you want a little more, uh, coverage - not that you need to cover up, but -” He started, stepping toward that way even without her encouragement.
“No, um, I think it’s okay.” She grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks. “Just a little...different. I just need a drink. Or two.”
He paused. “You’re sure.”
“I’m sure.” She nodded, then gave him a wry grin. “Just make sure no one accidentally tugs at this string or I think it’s all coming apart.”
He clapped his hand against the string at the back of her neck protectively. “You got it.”
“Ready? You look nice, Sophie.” Marco asked, sending her a polite smile, then stopped in front of Rafe. “No, wait.”
“Something wrong?” Rafe frowned, then widened his eyes as Marco reached out and undid two more buttons on Rafe’s shirt that already had three unbuttoned, so his chest was basically on full display. His attire was completely out of character for him, a short-sleeved maroon silk button-down that Marco had insisted on, but he wore it well. Sophie stifled a laugh.
“There! Much better. Now we go.” Marco took Elena’s hand and they led the way, starting the walk toward the club.
Sophie giggled at Rafe’s bemused expression and reached over and undid another button with her free hand. “You look extra slutty tonight.”
“Extra slutty?” He emphasized in mock outrage. “Maybe I’ll be the one getting us free drinks.”
She grinned. “How about we make it a competition?”
“Go on…”
“Whoever can get to...um, two drinks first wins.” She decided.
“Just two? Why not go the whole night?” He cocked his head.
“I don’t think I’m going to drink too much tonight.” She reached up and tugged at the bikini string to tighten it a little, pushing her boobs together more. “I feel like my tits are gonna fall out at any second.”
He snorted. “Say the word and I’ll give you my shirt.”
“I know you would, baby, but I think you need some semblance of decency too.”
They were practically glued to each other’s side all night despite their bet, with her being stressed about her outfit and him being overprotective. (Sophie noted that Rafe looked remarkably comfortable in the overpriced and fancy club environment, while she felt wildly out of place. For a moment she wished she’d taken him to Monaco just to see how quickly he’d assimilate, even though she knew she’d probably hate it.)
They took two shots with Elena and Marco and lost both of them shortly after, not expecting them to leave so soon. After they said hasty goodbyes, not returning, Rafe slung his arm around Sophie’s shoulders and kept her close. “I’m pretty sure I just saw Elena making out with some girl on the dance floor.”
Sophie furrowed her brow, leaning into him. “You’re sure? Isn’t she dating Marco?”
He shrugged. “Dunno, maybe it’s their thing. I swear it was her.” He grinned, repeating Elena’s words from earlier. “Your lovers could be anywhere, remember?”
She rolled her eyes. “She’s a little out there. When we were getting dressed she dragged a crystal down my spine and told me I had to align my chakras.”
“Kinky.” He quipped, laughing when she shoved at his shoulder. “Whatcha thinking, want to stay?”
“Honestly?”
“Yeah.”
She shook her head. “I’m tired and my feet are killing me. Let’s just head back?”
He took the rest of her drink and tipped it back, then set it on a nearby counter as they walked out. “Exactly how tired are you?”
She grinned. “I could stay up for a little longer. I saw your packing skills, might as well put them to good use.”
Rafe blushed - she’d found a whole strip of condoms in his bag on the first night in Barcelona and immediately teased him, asking how many nights he thought they’d be doing it. He merely responded by shrugging and ripping one open, setting it on the bed like an invitation. (She had accepted. Of course she did.) “We might as well take advantage of your top. Easy access, y’know.”
She rolled her eyes and checked her hip against his, shaking her head. “You have me, you know. You don’t have to keep constantly flirting.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
“Touché.”
_________
Rafe’s planned surprise for the next day was a bike tour (“so you can live out your Lizzie McGuire dream,” he’d told her, but she didn’t have the heart to correct him that technically Lizzie rode a Vespa in Rome).
The bike tour was out to a small winery where they had a private dinner and both got drunker than they expected, especially Sophie. The owners of the winery made them a three-course meal and kept coming out with more and more wines to try, successfully convincing Rafe to order three bottles to be shipped home. When Sophie nearly fell only a few feet after attempting to ride the bike back, the owners laughed and just ordered them a cab - Rafe thanked them with a tip that was probably a little too excessive, but his drunk brain didn’t care.
When they tumbled into the car, Rafe immediately pulled her feet into his lap, running his hand over her shin. She gave him a look and tried twitching away but he wouldn’t let her, keeping a firm grasp on her ankle. In Spanish, a little slurred but near-perfect, Sophie told the driver their address and the name of the hostel. Their driver nodded and responded something in Italian - neither of them could understand, so they just nodded back.
Rafe dug his thumbs into her calf and she nearly moaned, biting her lip. “Oh my god.”
“That good or you’re just drunk?” He smirked, continuing his motions.
She let her head flop back against the car door. “Both. You’re drunk too. My brain is working funny though.”
He raised his eyebrows, smiling. “I don’t think it is. What’s 15 plus 26?”
“Rafe, you know I can’t do mental math, unfair.” She whined, pulling her leg back a little so his hand slipped back to her ankle.
He swapped her legs, massaging into her other calf. “Not gonna take your shoes off in the car, sweetheart, you’ll have to wait for more.”
“Sweetheart. That’s new,” she repeated, mulling it over. “You know what?”
“What?”
“If you gave me a foot massage right now, I genuinely think I’d marry you on the spot. No contest.”
“No contest implies there is competition, Soph.” He pushed both her legs off his lap, ignoring her squawk of protest, and slid into the middle seat so he could buckle her in and lean into her.
She tucked her head into his side comfortably. “You’d marry me too. Wouldn’t you?”
“Right now?”
“Yes.”
“Hm. No.”
She whined, squeezing his thigh. “Rafe!”
“Sophie!” He mimicked her whine, although much quieter, and pushed her hand away from his leg. “No, I wouldn’t, you deserve a big party and a pretty white dress. Plus, wouldn’t you want our friends there?”
“I suppose.” She hummed, pulling his arm a little tighter around her shoulders. “Sometime, then.”
“Yeah, sometime.” He agreed, starting to play with her hair. It wasn’t long until she fell asleep on his side, always extra sleepy when she was wine drunk. He snapped a picture and sent it to Allie and Julia, who instantly demanded a Facetime session.
A few minutes later, the cab dropped them at the hostel and Rafe had to practically drag her sleepy body out of the car and haul her inside. He convinced her to stay awake just long enough to get into their room, then let her flop onto the bed as he untied her shoes.
She perked up a little when she heard the familiar ring of the Facetime call. “Who’s that?” He scooted in close to her, pressing his cheek to hers to fit them both on the screen with minimal effort. Allie and Julia picked up right away and both their faces broke out into a grin.
“Mom and Dad!” Julia exclaimed.
Sophie grinned back, immediately taking the phone from Rafe and shoving him away. “Hi!”
“She’s drunk.” Rafe informed them unnecessarily off screen.
“I am not, shh.” She snapped at him. “Hi guys! I miss you!”
“How’s your trip? I want to hear all about it!” Allie asked right away.
Sophie glanced at Rafe, the wheels turning in her head. “Should we tell them? Are we allowed?”
He furrowed his brow. “Why wouldn’t we be allowed?”
“Okay. So we had sex last night -”
“Jesus, Sophie, no -” He immediately wrestled the phone away from her as Allie and Julia both cried out with a chorus of “no, stop!”
“You said it was allowed!”
“I didn’t think you were going to talk about that!” Rafe rolled his eyes and gave them an apologetic smile. “We’ll be home in a little under a week, Soph can catch you up then. On the less explicit details.”
“You taking care of our girl, Cameron?” Julia asked, smiling as Sophie nuzzled into his side like a cat - she was always extra touchy when drunk, even just with the girls.
“Technically, she was mine first.” He pointed out.
“Technically, you made her cry after multiple fights before you ever dated, so no. She’s been ours since freshman year.” Allie corrected.
“I can be everybody’s.” Sophie mumbled, taking Rafe’s hand and placing it on her head so he’d get the hint and start playing with her hair again.
“Polygamy. Spicy.” Julia quipped.
“I would like to have sex or go to sleep now.” Sophie announced without a care in the world. “Can we hang up?”
Julia snorted, while Allie rolled her eyes.
“You’re not gonna talk to your friends?” He asked, trying to hand the phone back to her, but she just shook her head and pushed it away. “M’tired.”
“You just said you wanted to have sex.” Julia said.
“Yes, I’m not gonna do any of the work.”
Rafe shook his head and angled the phone back to his face. “Okay then. Sorry, guys, we had way too much wine at dinner. We’ll see you soon?”
“Yeah, of course. See you soon! Bye, Soph!” They both chimed in, waving until they hung up. He dropped the phone, amused. “What was that about?”
“Honesty is the best policy.” She told him, sprawling out onto the bed. “Alright. Have at me.”
He rolled his eyes. “No. You need to shower, then we can go to sleep.”
She sighed dramatically. “Rafael.”
“That is not my name.”
“Okay. Rafe.”
“Yes.”
“Can we please have sex?”
“No we cannot.”
She pouted, rolling over onto her stomach and looking up at him. “Please? I’ll let you go down on me.”
He laughed. “You’re so generous. No. Come on, shower time.” He gathered up her towel and clothes for her to change into after, then tugged at her hand. “Angel. Up.”
“Shower with me.” She demanded, getting up and following him out the room with only a few stumbles along the way.
“You want us to get kicked out? I don’t think so.” He ushered her into the small shower stall, slipping in behind her and locking the door, then helped her undress, dodging multiple kisses. He folded her clothes and set them aside then gave her a small push into the shower that he’d turned on for her. “Okay. I’m going to wait outside.”
“No, no, stay.” She yelped as the water hit her, ice cold, and fiddled with the handles. “Fucking - oh my god -”
Rafe quickly jumped forward and adjusted them to the right temp, then turned his back on her. “Fine, I’ll stay, but only because I’m worried you’ll drown.”
“Can’t drown in a shower, silly.” She reached out and shoved her soapy hand through his hair and he sighed, turning back to look her in the eye. “Sophie Flint. Please behave.”
“You behave.” She gave him a mischievous grin, then lowered her voice to a whisper despite there being no one else milling around in the bathroom. “Come in.”
“You’re drunk.”
“Not completely. Not anymore.” She argued. “I’ll go down on you.”
He laughed, shaking his head. “If you really want to, you can save that for the morning. Finish your shower so I can get in. I’ve decided I don’t trust you to stay alone in the room.”
“Or you could get in with me…” she trailed off, tugging him down for a kiss - he gave in just for a moment before glancing away, trying his hardest to ignore his naked girlfriend - wet and covered in soap suds, no less.
“Soph. Rinse your hair.”
She crossed her arms, stubborn. “No.”
“Oh my god.” He rolled his eyes and double-checked the lock before he stripped down and got in with her, nudging her back under the feeble shower spray. He figured he’d have to shower anyways, and the faster he got her back to bed, the better. “Rinse.”
“Do it for me.” She protested, resting her head against his chest. He sighed but tipped her head back into the water and massaged his hands through her strands, stilling for a brief moment when she let out a breathy moan. “Hey. Can’t do that.”
“Sorry, can’t help myself.” She excused, then reached up onto her toes to lather shampoo into his hair once he was finished. He ducked down a little so she could reach, pressing his head against her hand. “M’ gonna be hard if you keep that up,” he mumbled.
She giggled. “It’s just shampooing. And I think you’re halfway there.”
“It’s intimate.” He protested, nearly melting into her touch. He loved when she played with his hair, how gentle she was (except when she’d occasionally tug on some strands to get his attention).
After shampooing and rinsing his hair, she lathered soap between her hands and smoothed it over his chest, over his shoulders. He swallowed, watching her and feeling like his skin was on fire despite the warm water waning. “You’re still drunk.” He mumbled.
“Not really.” She pressed a kiss to his neck, then another, then along his collarbone. “I know what I’m doing.” His illogical side was beginning to give way to her actions, especially as she sunk to her knees in the shower, running her hands down his thighs. “Let me.”
“Baby…” He was hesitant and clearly worried about being caught, and reached down to tip up her chin. “You’re sure?”
“Yes. Although this is twice now that I’m getting cheated out of shower sex, kind of rude.” She grinned up at him.
“Sophie, I will fuck you in the shower all you want when we’re home - oh, shit -” He nearly gasped as she took him into her mouth, jerking his hips involuntarily. She gagged and immediately pulled off him, pinching his thigh. “Jesus, Rafe, trying to bruise my throat or something?”
“I had no warning! I’m sorry!” He exclaimed in a hushed whisper, fumbling for the shower faucet to turn it just a tad hotter as it rained down on his back. “I didn’t mean to, I swear.”
“I mean, we can try it, but another time, okay?” She smirked as his eyes went wide and she licked up the underside of his cock, carefully taking him into her mouth again. He let out a deep exhale and bit down on his knuckle to keep himself quiet, letting his head fall back against the shower wall. She continued bobbing up and down on him and when he looked down after a few moments, he nearly choked watching her touch herself at the same time.
“Sophie - let me -” He tried, but she just hollowed out her cheeks and moved on him a little faster, and he could tell from the way she hummed around him that she was close too - impossibly close. He pushed her gently off of him and hauled her up to stand, even though she protested, and traded places faster than she could think, hooking her knee over his shoulder and going straight in with his tongue.
She gasped, a little louder than intended, and he sent her a warning look. They could hear some giggles from down the hall, coming closer and closer, and she panicked, tugging at his hair to bring him up, but he refused to stand. “Be quiet.”
“Rafe you know I can’t -” She pleaded, then pressed her hand tight to her mouth when the door opened and he continued to eat her out with no sign of stopping. Realistically, there was no chance of getting caught unless they were heard - they were in one of four locked shower stalls and even Rafe couldn’t be seen over the top, despite his height. Another gasp caught in her throat as he flicked his tongue across her clit, faster, and she felt like she might black out when she came.
He looked up at her and she could barely see the blue rimming his pupils, eyes dark with lust. That was enough to push her over the edge and she couldn’t stop herself from letting out a not-so-quiet whine.
The girls’ conversation stopped out by the sinks and one of them spoke up, loudly. “Did you hear that?”
Rafe stood after working her through the orgasm - as always - and clamped his hand over her mouth, reaching down in between them to jack himself off as he whispered in her ear. “Don’t make a sound. You’re so good for me, Soph, so fucking special.”
She felt like her legs were jelly and her head was spinning, in a haze post-orgasm (and the excessive steam in the shower didn’t help). She pushed his hand away and kissed him, hard, grinning against his lips when he uttered a soft groan, painting her stomach with his cum.
He rested his forehead against hers, trying his best to breathe quietly, a different girl spoke up. “No, I didn’t hear anything. Probably just the shower faucet being weird.” There was a murmur of agreement and the group left, the door swinging shut to make a loud exit.
Sophie let out a small laugh of disbelief, shaking her head. “You’re…I can’t even think.”
“Incredibly sexy?” He supplied with a grin, nudging her back under the shower spray and handing her the body wash to clean herself off.
“Incredibly insane, more like it.” She shivered once she was clean and flicked off the faucet. “You went from no sex tonight to near-exhibitionism all within the span of a half hour.”
He glanced at his watch before wrapping her in her towel. “Forty-five minutes since we’ve been home, actually, it’s a miracle the water wasn’t ice.”
She patted herself dry and pulled on her clean clothes, scowling as she had to shove her feet into her mildly sweaty shoes. “Um. You need fresh clothes.”
“Right.” Rafe paused, then stacked his clothes on top of hers and wrapped her towel around his waist. “This’ll do. You leave first?”
“Good call.” She grinned and slipped out of the bathroom unnoticed, back to their room, and was under the covers when he returned. “C’mere.”
He tugged on clean boxers and called it good, slipping under the covers with her and drawing her close. “Sleepy?”
“Yeah.” She grinned to herself and pressed a chaste kiss to her jaw. “Baby.”
“Hm?” He closed his eyes, feeling like he could fall asleep at any second.
“You’re so easy.”
“Easy?” He echoed. “Maybe. Just for you.”
“Aw. Slutty just for me.” She grinned and rested her head on his chest, sighing contentedly when he wrapped his arms around her. “Good night.”
“Night, love you.” He mumbled.
“Love you too.”
_____
After another long day of exploring (and five gelatos, between the two of them), Sophie and Rafe agreed to meet up with Marco and Elena to go out again before they left. Rafe insisted on buying Sophie a better outfit for going out, despite her protests, and they ended up buying three outfits instead of just one. The night started out tame, with Marco and Elena actually sticking by Sophie and Rafe - until Marco kept buying more and more shots of limoncello and sambuca.
The sambuca shots came to their table on fire, and Rafe was a little too enamored by the flame by the third round he’d consumed (Sophie passed hers off to him, a little worried about her ability to keep an eye on him otherwise). When she noticed Rafe’s terrible typing on a Snapchat to Colin and James, she leaned up to yell in his ear. “Hey! I’m going to go get water. No more shots.”
“I’ll come!” He got up from his chair and immediately stumbled, gripping the table. Marco caught him by the arm, laughing. “I can watch him. It’s okay.”
She nodded and pressed both hands to his shoulders to keep Rafe in place. “Okay. You stay here with Marco, I’ll be right back, baby.”
“Promise?” He frowned, reaching out for her.
“I promise.” She pressed a kiss to his temple. “Stay.”
After fighting her way up to the bar, and poorly communicating that she wanted acqua, water, not acqua di cedro, an Italian liqueur, Sophie finally made it back to the table after ten minutes - just in time to catch Marco leaning in and kissing Rafe.
Rafe had leaned in a little too, misreading and thinking Marco was just trying to tell him something in his ear over the loud crowd. He jerked away with wide eyes just so Marco caught the corner of his lips, then abruptly looked around in shock to see if anyone else caught it.
Marco cocked his head, confused. “You are not interested?”
Sophie came up and handed Rafe the water, tucking herself into his side protectively. “What’s going on?” He gaped at her for a second then back at Marco, trying to gather his thoughts. “Interested?”
“In me.” Marco nodded. “We have been flirting.”
“We’ve been what?” He repeated, in shock.
“I’m his girlfriend.” Sophie clarified, gesturing between the two of them. “I thought we told you -”
“Yes, and I have my girlfriend too!” Marco nodded, tapping Elena on the shoulder and bringing her close. “What is the issue?”
“Oh, did you ask?” Elena brightened, sending Sophie a flirtatious grin. “Did they say yes?”
“I’m too drunk for this.” Rafe mumbled, pressing his palm to his forehead.
“Wait, wait, so. You two want to hook up with Rafe -” Sophie started, only for Marco to shake his head. “No, no, both of you. You for Elena.”
“I thought you could tell? We were flirting all week!” Elena exclaimed, and both Sophie and Rafe thought back to several incidents over the past few days that they’d just chalked up to the Italians being friendly. Kisses on cheeks, Elena telling Sophie to toss coins in the fountain so she’d meet her lover in Florence, Marco complimenting Rafe’s body multiple times when he came back in just a towel after the showers - shit, were they really that oblivious?
Rafe just groaned and dropped his head down to Sophie’s shoulder. “I’m so drunk.” She laughed, more out of confusion than anything. “Um, I’m sorry, I think there’s been a misunderstanding. We’re not really inter - well -” She paused, debating for a moment and glancing up at Rafe to make sure she wasn’t speaking for him. (In her defense, she wasn’t sober either.)
“No!” Rafe exclaimed.
She nodded quickly. “Right, right, yeah. We’re not really interested, I’m so sorry if we gave you the wrong idea.”
“Oh. I would not have kissed you, I am sorry -” Marco began to apologize, but Sophie shook her head. “It’s okay! It’s okay, he’s fine. Um, here, you can have these, I think I need to get Rafe back home.” She pushed their waters into Elena’s hands, giving them an awkward smile.
“Will we see you at breakfast?” Elena asked as she smiled back, completely unfazed.
“Um...yeah. Maybe. Rafe, c’mon, let’s go.” Sophie looped her arm around his waist and tried pulling him out of the club, and he just dragged his feet along. “I can’t believe he kissed me.”
“Shh,” she giggled as she hushed him, tugging on his arm. “Rafe, cooperate, please.”
“I’m trying, I’m trying.” He grumbled, standing slightly more upright and doing his best to walk with her once they finally made it out. She got out her phone to look up the directions back to their metro stop and he wiped his hand over his mouth, scowling. “I need a kiss.”
“You nearly got one from Marco.” Sophie quipped with a smirk.
“I didn’t want a kiss from Marco.” He lamented with a big sigh. “Need one from my girl.”
“Just one, then we gotta make it home.” She complied, rising up on her toes to give him a short kiss. He grabbed her chin, not so gently, and tilted it back up to give her another kiss. “No. More.”
“I’ll kiss you as much as you want when we get back. Will you please help me and walk to the metro? One block, then just two when we go to the hostel. You can do it.” She pulled out of his grip and looped her arm in his, trying to get him going. “Rafe. Please.”
“So whiny.” He mumbled, but followed along. “Sophie, baby, Soph.”
“Yeah, bud?”
“My legs feel like jello.”
She grinned. “Kissing Marco had you that weak-kneed?”
“Shut uppppp.” He whined, messing with her hair. She jerked away, swatting his hand. “Hey! Quit.”
“You quit.”
“Shut it.”
He was quiet for a solid minute and she could tell he was thinking something over, with the way his brow was furrowed and lips were pursed. “Sophie Flint.”
“Yeah?” She was grateful when they arrived at the metro, tugging him onto the empty car and scanning their tickets. She wrestled him into a seat and eventually ended up on his lap after some pushing and pulling, his forehead pressed to hers. “What, Rafe.”
“Were you gonna sleep with Elena?” He looked concerned and his hands gripped her waist a little tighter.
She laughed, pulling back to brush his hair out of his face. “No, baby, I wasn’t going to sleep with her. I didn’t even know that’s what they were trying for.”
“Oh. Good. I don’t think I’d like you sleeping with someone else.” He told her, closing his eyes a little as she combed her fingers through his hair.
Sophie held back another laugh, nodding. “Yeah? I didn’t think you would. Don’t fall asleep on me, buddy.”
“Boyfriend. Not buddy. Buddy’s just a friend. I can have other nicknames too though.” He argued, letting his head fall back against the metro walls.
“What other nicknames?” She asked, moving to get off his lap, but he just tightened his grip on her so she couldn’t.
“Hm…I’m okay with smokeshow.”
She snorted, nodding. “Alright, smokeshow. We can go with that.”
“Sophie.”
“Yes, Rafe.”
“I’m in love with you.” He declared, leaning forward and placing a kiss to the bridge of her nose. She beamed and leaned in too to bump her nose against his, then press a short kiss to his lips. “You’re very sweet when you’re drunk.”
“I need you to say it back.” He frowned, tugging gently at the ends of her hair.
“I’m in love with you too.” She grinned. “Adore you, even.”
He hummed, looking her over with concentration and a small smile. “I like the sound of that. Do we have to go to breakfast tomorrow? I don’t really wanna see them again.”
She laughed, shaking her head. “Our train to Rome is at seven, I was kind of hoping they’d be too hungover to remember us.”
“Hostel breakfast doesn’t open til 8.” He frowned. “Am I gonna starve?”
Sophie rolled her eyes and nudged her nose against his. “No. I’ll make sure you get food.”
“You’re so good at taking care of me.” He smiled sleepily, pulling her closer and dropping his head to her shoulder.
She beamed, combing her hand through his hair. “I try my best, baby. Always will.”
taglist: @whoeveniskendall @kkmaybank @karsinner @outerbanksbro @outerbankspreferences @randomficsandshit @jailcalledlife @tovvaa @moniamaybank @illbesafeforyou @dontjinx-it @freddymaybank @jjmaybankzz @g4bster @oopsiedoopsie23 @babygal-babygal @thecuthoney @babeyglo
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remasteredinnuendo · 5 years
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Blue Bayou Part IV
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Synopsis: Ben is nervous as he prepares for Bohemian Rhapsody. But just as he thinks nerves will get the best of him, he’s introduced to a woman who might just be the muse he needs. Inspired by the song Blue Bayou by Linda Ronstadt
Warnings: Insecurities
Info: This is the last official part of Blue Bayou, but I think I’ll do a separate epilogue! Let me know what you think!
Part IV:
Tonight was the Oscars, and they had all been waiting in Roger Taylor’s hotel foyer for twenty-five minutes. The limousine was outside, ready for them all. Every man was dressed in their black suit and buffed shoes, though Ben hadn’t quite gotten the memo. He was in white, and stood out. But lately that didn’t bother him.
They had been waiting on one single person now: Emmy herself.
Nobody quite knew why she was taking so long. She had, after all, come to visit Sarina so they could both get ready at the same time. Roger’s wife was all done up and finished, but Emmy was nowhere to be seen. Not even a glimpse. And though no one said they had seen her, there were plenty of whispers.
 Ben stood off to the side, watching everything patiently. The cast of Bohemian Rhapsody were all huddled together, Rami keeping an arm around Lucy’s waist as they all laughed together. Joe and Gwilym were already wondering where they’d get some snacks before the ceremony. Sarina Taylor was pacing up and down the foyer on her phone, looking rather concerned. And Roger and Brian were chatting quietly to one another, looking calm as anyone could.
Until Sarina marched up to the two of them with her hands on her hips, cellphone clutched in her hand. “All right,” she declared, sounding impatient and not particularly quiet. “One of us have to go up there and drag her out. Freddie would never forgive any of us if we let her do this.”
“I don’t want to force her,” Brian said quietly, looking across the foyer to his wife, Anita, who was busy speaking to another woman who admired her gown.
Sarina smacked his arm. “She’s scared! Rightly so. You two and John spent so long hiding her from the media that now she feels she has to do this. Worse, she wants to. For her fathers. And she doesn’t know how to work with that.”
Listening in on people’s conversations wasn’t something Ben made a habit of. But he couldn’t pry himself from this one. Sarina wasn’t particularly quiet about it all. In fact, she didn’t seem to care who overheard her because she seemed quite concerned about the one party they were waiting for.
He cleared his throat and took a deep breath before approaching the famous group. “I can speak to Emmy, if you think it’ll help.”
Roger caught his eye, and they both knew Ben was asking for his permission. The rock stars had spent their entire lives caring for Emmy. They had been there when she was a baby and ever since then, too. No one was allowed to break her heart; seemingly not even herself. And that was something he could respect.
Roger shared one look with Brian, feeling the glare from the present wife, and they both nodded. “Don’t come back without her.”
“I wouldn’t dream of such a thing,” he replied, and turned on his heel with one hand in his pocket.
The elevator couldn’t come fast enough. When the doors parted and he stepped inside, he pressed for the tenth floor. It gave him a minute to think about what he was going to say. He had heard she was frightened of something. Too frightened to leave for the Oscars ceremony. Sarina had mentioned the media. But how could Emmy, someone so confident, be frightened of anything like that?
There was a dinging sound, signalling he made it to the right floor. He turned the corner to his left and looked for the hotel room 512. His eyes scanned the plaques carefully, making sure he didn’t accidentally miss it. And as he neared, he found his heart pounding a little harder. His suit feeling a little warmer.
And when he found the right door, he raked all of his bravery together and knocked.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
And then there was a joked voice on the other side. “Go away!” it demanded. And though it tried to sound big and commanding, it came out rather choked and uneven.
He pressed his forehead against the door and willed it to open. “I’m not leaving.”
There was silence, and then the sound of scurrying on the other side. He heard something landing on the far side of the room with a thud, and wondered what she might have thrown. But he didn’t have much time to contemplate when the locks behind the door came away, and a woman in a yellow dress appeared.
Emmy stood in front of him in the beautiful canary-coloured gown with designs of silver sparkles. It was strapless, showing off her olive-coloured collarbones. The skirt of the gown was shorter at the front, showing off her ankles and the silver strappy heels, whereas the back seemed like the fabric had been gathered and barely brushed across the floor.
She looked breathtaking.
But with her hair pulled back from her face, it was easy to see how pale she was in the cheeks.
“I feel sick,” Emmy stated, as if those words would satisfy him.
When she stepped aside, Ben marched into the room and closed the door behind him before she could change her mind and kick him out. She immediately began to whirl around the space, like she couldn’t bear to stand still. Maybe she couldn’t.
“It’s just nerves,” he told her, walking to the little fridge to grab her a bottle of water. “But this is my first Hollywood award show, too.”
She barely seemed to notice when she took the bottle he offered and sipped. She continued pacing, brows pulled over her eyes with mania. “It’s not that!”
“Then what is it?”
Ben stopped her tornado, encircling her tiny wrist in his fingers and forcing her to still. He led her toward the foot of the bed and forced her to sit. As she sat, it seemed like the reality of the situation truly set in; her breath stuttered in her lungs and her eyes became glassy. Her shoulders slumped, like she was done fighting the idea of defeat and now allowed herself to sink in it.
She took a deep, shaky breath. “The minute I step out of that limousine and my feet touch the red carpet, I’m no longer Emmanuelle Bulsara. I’m Freddie Mercury’s daughter. Jim Hutton’s daughter. A girl who didn’t exist in the eyes of the world until tonight.”
“No one’s asking you to be anyone other than yourself,” he assured her, kneeling down and resting his hands on her knees. The fabric of her gown was so soft.
“The media will tear me apart. People will say I’m only revealing myself now because I want the money from the film,” Emmy told him, shaking her head fiercely as she attempted to chase the tears away. Her makeup was too perfect to smudge with a little bit of water.
Ben couldn’t stop himself from chuckling. For months and months he had been worried about how the media perceived him. What they’d see. And it had been Emmy who had talked him down every single time he thought it was too much. It was Emmy who made him feel like he could do anything. And now here she was, suffering from the same thing. How could someone so kind be unable to help themselves? It was a cruelty of the universe to make such a beautiful, sweet creature so sad.
“Don’t laugh at me, Ben Jones!” she said half-heartedly, smacking his shoulder. She couldn’t bite back the tiny smile on her lips.
“I don’t mean to, darling,” he promised. “But the tables certainly have turned.”
She wiped her nose and stared down at her hands. “Roger phoned me and asked me to sing Blue Bayou. And singing it seemed so hard and everything took thought and planning. And then the movie happened, and it felt like my regular surroundings didn’t fit me anymore.”
He was silent, listening to her intently, rubbing circles on her knees through her gown.
“But as I spend time in the world everyone tried so hard to shield me from, I feel like I know who I am again. I love music. I love Roger and Brian and John. I miss seeing them as often as I have since filming. But the press will be so confused, and because of that, I’ll be left wondering if I should’ve just stayed at home in my own little world.”
Ben snatched her hand and kissed the back of her knuckles, commanding her attention. “There are no photographs in papers of your face because you were Queen’s little secret. There are no articles about your life. Just the lives of your fathers. And that’s because your uncles didn’t want to make the decision of notoriety for you.”
She gave him a gentle smile, trying so hard to pull herself together.
“But they made this film for Freddie. For both of your dads. And they didn’t think it’d be right to do it without you,” Ben stated, feeling her relax ever so slightly. “They want you at the Oscars because you are the muse. They don’t care about anyone else— the press and the media. They care about you. Why would anyone else matter?”
Emmy exhaled, and this time it was smooth. There was no hesitation. No worry in the small act.
“You don’t have to go. None of us will force you. But if you decide not to go because you’re worried about everyone else, rather than for you, you’ll know you made the wrong decision.”
She stared at him, eyes roaming over his face like she was trying to memorize every line. His breath hitched when she leaned her forehead against his, a soft smile on her face. She gently pushed him away and Ben was surprised. Until he realized it was so she could stand.
Emmy smoothed her gown out, no tears on her cheeks, and nodded to him. “Well, get up Ben. We’ve got places to be.”
He stood, grinning like an idiot as she weaved her arm through his. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“As long as you’re with me, I think I’m ready for anything.”
Ben’s heart squeezed in his chest, and he allowed himself to press a kiss to her temple as they left the room.
Ready to take on the world.
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neewtmas · 7 years
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{#32} i’m her boyfriend // newt au (part iii)
fandom: the maze runner
pairing: newt x reader
word count: 1,7k words
request: by @newtsslut​
summary: not everyone is happy with y/n’s and newt’s relationship
part i  / part ii / part iv
masterlist
Instead of an answer, he just leaned down and pulled you into a passionate kiss, one hand behind your neck, the other on your waist, pulling you close to his warm body.
A few weeks later you entered the Building together, you holding his hand and you approached your lockers, which were almost next to each other, much to your convenience. You typed in your locker combination and opened the creaky door, taking out the books you needed for today's classes.
After you shut your locker again, Newt gave you a short yet loving kiss on the lips and the sweet smile he had reserved for you and only you, before he headed off to his friends from the basketball team, while you squeezed yourself through the crowd of students, on your way to your first class, chemistry.  
After you had taken your seat in the back of the classroom, you rested your head on your arms, staring out of the window into the distance, feeling your eyelids getting heavier and yourself dozing off.
A few hours later, you strutted into the canteen, quickly spotting your friends and taking a seat next to Brenda. You heavily put down your books on the table and buried your head in your arm, sighing. 
"I hate school", you mumbled into the fabric of your sweater, earning a pitying pat on the shoulder by Brenda.
"This bad?"
You nodded. "Chemistry was a drag. Where's Newt by the way?" 
Brenda pointed over her shoulder to a table across the room. "Over there, with his team and the cheerleaders."
You searched the table and almost immediately spotted your boyfriend. 
Smiling, you got up to pay him a visit but slowly sank back into the uncomfortable chair as you saw him talking with a pretty Girl.
"Who's this girl next to him?" You furrowed your eyebrows, feeling a hint of jealousy.
Brenda turned around, throwing a quick glance over the room. "Oh, that's Cathy. Don’t you know her? Captain of the cheerleader team and very popular. I don’t like her."
Teresa leaned closer to you. "If I were you, I would be careful. I always had the feeling she liked Newt."
Brenda scoffed contemptuously. "She doesn’t like him. She likes his popularity and i'm sure she would love to be his girlfriend just because he's the captain of the basketball team." 
"I -" The bell rang, interrupting your sentence and causing the students around you to gather their things from the tables and rush to the doors.
You slowly followed Teresa and Brenda, but your attention was on Newt and Cathy, who walked a few meters in front of you, Cathy pressed close to your boyfriend and obviously flirting with him.
She seemed to felt your burning stare and turned her head, meeting your gaze and holding eye contact.
Her full, pink lips curved into a mocking smirk, and she laid her hand on Newts upper arm and raised her perfectly plucked eyebrows at you in a provocative manner, before she turned her head, letting her hair follow the movement.
Without noticing, you had stopped dead in your tracks, balling your hands into fists, rage flowing through your veins at the thought of this girl flirting with Newt. You turned swiftly around, angrily stomping in the other direction, away from your boyfriend and his pretty Company.
*Time skip to end of the school day*
Just like this morning, you stood at your open locker, this time stuffing your books into it, not bothering to hide the irritation that followed you since the incident with Cathy and Newt at lunch.
When you shut the door, you stepped back in surprise as Cathy stood next to you, her back against the locker next to yours. Her hair was effortlessly thrown into a messy bun, yet still looked better than yours after 2 hours of styling. Or so you thought.
She wore a pretty smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes and her high pitched voice was as fake as it could be as she eyed you as if you were some kind of disgusting insect. 
"So you are Newts ...girlfriend?"
You could feel your self-confidence shrink under her intense gaze and didn't answer.
"Isn't it sad? Newt could do so much better. Some people have such low standards." She shook her head in fake disappointment and casually picked at her fingernails.
"What do you want?", you asked with a slightly quivering voice, mustering up all the courage you had. Newt chose you, not her.
"What I want?" Suddenly her pretty smile was gone, her clear blue eyes squinted together and her plump lips pressed together into a thin line. "I want you to stay the fuck away from Newt. I want him, and I'll get him." 
You made a step back, surprised by her sudden change of attitude. She began to smile again as she noticed your discomfiture and spoke in a sweet voice: "You know, Newt is always so nice to me, really, you could mistake us as a couple." She pushed herself off the locker. "Well, if you didn’t know with whom Newt wastes his time."
You suddenly felt as if a cold hand clenched your heart, making every intake of breath almost impossible. In all the weeks of dating Newt, you never once felt insecure about yourself or even doubted his love for you. All his affections, the kisses... He had made you feel so loved, was it all fake? 
You could feel tears well up behind your eyes at the mere thought of Newt breaking up with you to be with Cathy. 
But now, as you thought about it... Soon your mind was flooded with pictures of them both together. They would be the dream couple of the whole school, the Captain of the Cheerleader Team and the Captain of the Basketball Team. 
She was right, Newt could do better. He was such a great person, sweet, loving, caring and the best-looking guy you ever met, at least in your eyes. And Cathy... she looked perfect. An amazing figure paired with an angelic face with bright blue eyes and wavy chestnut hair that looked effortless good however she styled it. In comparison to her, you were... nothing.
All these thoughts shot through your head in a matter of seconds and Cathy just stood there, smiling deviously at your state.
"So stay the fuck away from Newt, you ugly -"
Suddenly you could feel yourself being pulled back into a warm chest and Newt’s voice rang through the air: "What is going on here?" You never heard his voice being so cold, you were sure he could freeze the whole school with it if he wanted to.
Cathy scrunched up her face, but quickly straightening her posture and crossing her arms across her chest, causing her already low top to reveal even more of her cleavage.
"Newt, good you are here! You have to help me, your girlfriend is so mean to me", she whined, clearly aiming for Newt’s sympathy.
"Don't bother Cathy, I've heard everything", Newt said flatly, turning you around at your shoulders and brushed a strand of hair behind your ear. "You ok?" You nodded, relieved that Newt was obviously on your side.
He glanced over your shoulder, squinted his eyes at something and without a warning, pressed his lips on yours. You didn't know why he did this just now, but you willingly kissed back, sliding your hands up his back and connected them behind his neck as he pushed you against your locker, deepening the kiss. 
Feeling Cathy's stare burn into your head, you did your best to ignore her and concentrate fully on Newt and the sensation of his body against yours.
After what felt like an eternity, he broke the kiss, allowing you both to gasp for air. He quickly pecked your lips again and then turned to Cathy, wrapping his arm around your shoulder at the action. 
The cheerleader stood there, staring dumbly at you.
"Better think twice next time before you going to insult her again or even thinking about it. Did I make myself clear? I'm taken and I do not intend on changing that, especially not for you."
He pulled you with him, squeezing through the small crowd that had formed around us and led you down the hallway, his lips curved into a small, satisfied smile.
Before you disappeared around the corner, you turned your head to Cathy, who stood still at the same spot, arms crossed and eyes squeezed together, looking furious.
You couldn’t restrain yourself, copied her exact expression from lunch and laid your hand on Newts upper arm before you threw your hair across your shoulder.
When you reached the main entrance, Newt took his arm off your shoulder, and you smiled shyly up to him.
"Thank you. For standing up for me", you mumbled, fiddling with the hem of your Shirt.
He enveloped you in a tight and comforting hug. "Don’t ever let you tell I wouldn't love you because I do. And I don’t ‘deserve better’, how she put it, because there is nothing better than you. I love you."
I snuggled closer in his arms. "I love you too."
After Newt broke the hug, he checked the clock. "I gotta go, basketball practice", he said, then averted averted his gaze upwards, where big grey clouds hung low in the sky.
"It looks like rain", he stated, eyebrows scrunched together. "Better take my jacket."
He took it off and tugged it tightly around your shoulders. As you opened your mouth to protest - he would need his jacket after practice -  he quickly kissed you, swallowing your words. "Don't. You look adorable in it, and I don't need it. Now get home safe, love."
He pecked the tip of your nose, then made his way back to his Team.
You smiled contently, humming as you pulled the jacket closer around your body, subconsciously inhaling Newt’s familiar scent that surrounded you, before you started walking home, all your insecurities vanished after Newt had shown you how much he loved you once again.
*Next Day*
The next day you stepped into the building, walking to your locker, where Newt already waited for you.
When he saw you, still wearing his jacket, his smile grew bigger, and when you proceeded to take it off and give it back to him, he lightly put his hand on top of yours to stop you.
"Don't. I like you wearing my clothes, they look really good on you. Also, it shows everyone that you are taken."
You smiled and squeezed his hand, straightening your back so that everyone could see who you belonged to as you walked through the hallway next to your boyfriend.
thanks for reading:)                        want to request something?
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gaytrashgoblin · 7 years
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I was tagged by: oh, surprise surprise, @freaking-isadorkable
The last 1. drink: Literally drinking a diet coke right now 2. phone call: my sort-of-ex-friend Mackenzie 3. text message: From my older brother 4. song you listened to: Listening to the Hit me with Your Best Shot/ One Way or Another mashup from glee 5. time you cried: Not sure exactly, like a week ago I think Have you ever 6. dated someone twice: Nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: Nope 8. been cheated on: Not that I know of 9. lost someone special: Hasn’t everyone? 10. been depressed: Hah, that’s funny 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Never drank, so no. Also, vomitting= hospital for me soooo 3 favorite colors 12. dark blue 13. black 14. white In the last year have you: 15. made new friends: Yeah 16. fallen out of love: No 17. laughed until you cried: Probably 18. found out someone was talking about you: Don’t think so??? 19. met someone who changed you: probably 20. found out who your friends are: I guess? 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: Nah General: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I don’t use Facebook soooo 23. do you have any pets: My child, the love of my life, Quinn. She’s a pit mix that we got from the pound
24. do you want to change your name: nope, i’m good 25. what did you do for your last birthday: Got a tattoo 26. what time did you wake up: like 8:30 ish? 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Listening to some various drag queens’ music and writing fanfic 28. name something you can’t wait for: My next tattoo or piercing- which will be christmas 31. what are you listening to right now: Cool Kids glee version? I’ve got a glee playlist with 200+ songs on so i mean 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: No 33. something that is getting on your nerves: Right now, I feel like crap so my head is being a bitch 34. most visited website: tumblr probably 35. hair colour: Dark brown for the top half, then the purple/blue on the bottom half 36. long or short hair: for me, long hair. For others whatever they want is cool 39. piercings: Got the standard ears then my industrial in my right ear 40. blood type: B I think? I could be wrong 41. nicknames: I am the Baby Gay, and sometimes “sister” or “seester” 42. relationship status: Single and eating pringles 43. zodiac: Taurus 44. pronouns: she/her and they/them are both fine for me 45. favorite tv show: Oh god. Uh. The first few seasons of bones were the shit, and charmed, but only after Pru died. 46. tattoos: I have one on my right wrist with my family’s names, and then my pride tattoo on my left shin 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: I’ve had 3 endoscopies (snake a camera down my throat to look at my stomach insides), a cardiac ablation (removing an extra piece of tissue from my heart that caused tachycardia) and I had my adenoids taken out 49. piercing: yes, like I,,, said above? I want a nose ring too but I dont have it yet 50. sport: uh... i may or may not have played basketball one year,,, 51. vacation: Japan. Just, like, Japan 52. pair of trainers: (that means shoes right???) anyway, I love my black high-top converse and wear them almost every day More general: 53. eating: just had chicken nuggets? 54. drinking: diet soda, what else 55. i’m about to: who tf knows i sure dont 56. waiting for: next summer so i can graduate college with my AA (basic degree) 57. want: a hysterectomy no joke. i wouldnt ever survive a pregnancy health wise, so i have no use for it. just take it out. 58. get married: yeah, someday that would be cool. 59. career: i wanna be a gd writer, but im going to school to be a lawyer, cuz, ya know, writer isnt always a safe option with no back up plan. Which is better: 60. hugs or kisses: hugs i guess? 61. lips or eyes: eyes for sure 62. shorter or taller: to find someone,,, shorter than me,,, they would have to be a child,,, so taller,,, 63. older or younger: usually my age so not really either. but at this age going younger would be creepy and predatory so probably older. 64. nice arms or nice stomach: im not bothered by body type, tbqh 65. hook up or relationship: *demisexual laughter* 66. troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant. i aint need yo ass getting me in more trouble than i do myself Have you ever: 67. kissed a stranger: nope 68. drank hard liquor: no. 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I’ve had glasses since I was 2... I have broken more glasses than I have had years on this earth 70. turned someone down: yep 71. sex on the first date: nope 72. broken someone’s heart: probably :( 73. had your heart broken: yeah, it fucking sucked 74. been arrested: havent been arrested, but I have had the cops called on my for domestic shit if that is of any interest. 75. cried when someone died: yeah, our first dog. 76. fallen for a friend: kind of? Ive had crushes but never like, full fledged fallen Do you believe in: 77. yourself: that’s hilarious 78. miracles: not really 79. love at first sight: i think you might feel a pull towrd someone or have a gut feeling, but its not love, no. 80. santa claus: to quote 5 yo me “its preposterous to assume a man can, not only fly with animals that do not exist or have wings, make it around the world into each individual house within approximately 8 hours.” 81. kiss on the first date: sure why not 82. angels: i dont really know Other: 83. current best friend’s name: shitlark- aka the bb brother 84. eye colour: brown -_- 85. favorite movie: Pitch Perfect 2, Girl’s Trip, and the very last Twilight movie
Ill tag these nerds @quinnsgardenia, @karolsens, @wearmypainlikestilettos, @kaidence-elyse, @dragonslairfilledwithapples25, @the-essence-of-awesomeness, aaaand @sxottlang
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tanzani-coil · 7 years
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tagged bbys
Tagged by the wonderful @figment-fantasies​ <3
The Last: 1. Drink: coffee eyyy 2. Phone Call: my dad 3. Text message: my guy jakub bby 4. Song you listened to: sleepover by hayley kiyoko bc im trash 5. Time you cried: like. sometime last week when i was with quinn??? it might’ve been friday bc of a dumb outlander vs tumblr post i was just fuckin crying
Have You: 6. Dated someone twice: twice??? bitch i havent dated someone ONCE  7. Kissed someone and regretted it: haven’t had my first kiss yet!! <- same bby!!! 8. Been cheated on: No. they’d be dead if they did lmfao 9. Lost someone special: yah sucks bro 10. Been depressed: mate depressed is my entire personality 11: Gotten drunk and thrown up: nope not yet im hoping to get plastered w quinn one day List 3 Favorite Colors: 12. blue. like. baby blue or egg shell blue??? 13. black 14: white (my entire wardrobe is black n white monochromatic)
In the last year, have you… 15. Made new friends: @onelassieandherfandoms​ this asshole 16. Fallen out of love: nah like??? wasnt in love in the first place 17. Laughed until you cried: yES 18. Found out someone was talking about you: i mean. always 19. Met someone who changed you: i dont rly know??? i cant tell when i change 20. Found out who your friends are: eyyy yeah 21. Kissed someone on your FB list: gross
GENERAL: 22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: this is???? so specific????? i mean most of them i still have like. perhaps 10-20 online friends on there i havent met up with yet so 23. Do you have any pets: never had any </3 always wanted a cat and a doggo but. parents hates animals so i gotta wait till i move out 24. Do you want to change your name: yah, my birth name is like. rly feminine and long and pretentious n ive been going by my nickname for the last 6 years so much that my birth name isnt rly??? i dont rly associate it with myself 25. What did you do for your last birthday: went out for a meal with my fam. dont have enough friends to rly do anything else lmfao 26. What time did you wake up: i mean i woke up at about 9ish, went back to sleep, woke up at about 11 again, then was on and off sleeping until 12:30 when i got up 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: homework bc my teachers live off my pain 28. Name something you can’t wait for: seeing quinn again, new skuldug book, new season of outlander, 29. When was the last time you saw your Mom: today 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: my insistence on self isolation lmfao 31. What are you listening to right now: my mom jenna marbles trying to get one (1) kill on pubg 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yah 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: art block!!!! good fucking god i havent drawn anything in like. two months. and then after that i cant remember the last time i drew anything for me because i wanted to and not for homework smh 34. Most visited website: this hellsite 35. Mole/s: got loads of em on the side of my face, but thats the side of my face that my hair/fringe covers up so??? could be worse i guess 36. Mark/s: birth mark on my right shoulder which i love a bit too much, a round patch of darker skin on my deltoid(?) where i got shot with a paintball and it’s left a scar, a scar from a shaving cut on my kneecap, and like. the unfairly over-abundance of stretchmarks on my EVERYWHERE 37. Childhood dream: I wanted to be a horse 38. Hair color: dirty blonde and blonde 39. Long or short hair: longish??? covers my nips at this point 40. Do you have a crush on someone?: uh 41. What do you like about yourself: uh?????? 42. Piercings: none, they freak me out??? but if i were to get any, it’d have to be a helix(?) piercing. i’d fancy like. a thick ring piercing if that makes sense 43. Blood type: do i look as if i know 44: Nicknames: george, but thats only if ur close to me 45. Relationship status: single and lonely as fuck lmfao but thats probably best, im just not built for relationships 46. Zodiac: sagittarius 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV show(s): person of interest, orphan black, outlander, the 100, brooklyn nine nine, orange is the new black, rupauls drag race, 49. Tattoos: none yet, but i rly fancy “be brave” in EXACTLY the same font as the skulduggery books, on the inside of my right wrist 50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: um>?? i mean not rly??  52. Hair dyed a different color: i haven’t yet, but i want like. a lighter blonde ombre??? bc my hair is lame as fuck and i want to do SOMETHING with it 53. Sports: omf no 54. Vacation: i went to majorca a couple of weeks back just as the heat wave fuckin hit (rip me) 55. Shoes: tesco converses or black boots 56. Eating: biscuis 57. Drinking: coffee, with water inbetween bc im thirsty as fuck 58. I’m about to: do :))))) homework :)))))) 59. Waiting for: school to start up again. if i have to do homework i wanna do it actually AT school bc i cant focus for shit at home, but i can get so much done with the school facilities so 60. Want: to see quinn again i miss her dumb face 61. Get married: i want to tbh but. not built for that sort of thing 62. Career: ahahahaha jesus fuck i have no fucking clue lets not go into this
WHICH IS BETTER: 63. Hugs or kisses: HUGS. I FUCKIN LIVE FOR HUGS 64. Lips or eyes: eyes 65. Shorter or taller: i mean???? depends on the person but typically taller 66. Older or younger: older 67. Nice arms or nice stomach: i????? 68. Sensitive or loud: man idk. both 69. Hook up or relationship: relationship bc im a sap 70. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant bc i have a crippling fear of authority
HAVE YOU EVER: 71. Kissed a stranger: nope 72. Drank hard liquor: nope 73. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nope 74. Turned someone down: nope. i’d be so lucky lmfao 75. Sex on first date: bitch i’ve never been on a date let alone 76. Broken someone’s heart: nope 77. Had your heart broken: ahahahahahahahahahahaha 78. Been arrested: nope 79. Cried when someone died: yep 80. Fallen for a friend: ahaha  hahahah  hahahahahahahahahahaha
DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 81. Yourself: well someone fuckin has to 82. Miracles: i mean??? i’d believe it if i saw it 83. Love at first sight: i believe that you can have an instant connection or chemistry with someone which would then lead to love, but like. love at first sight has only rly ever applied to pretty emaciated people so 84. Santa Claus: nope 85. Kiss on the first date: i mean?? nah
OTHER: 86. Current best friend: i have like. three friends?? all of which i’d consider my best friend i think 87. Eye color: blue but with like. yellow on the inside??? which. having googled is apparently called central heterochromia  88. Favorite movie: oooo. probably spirit stallion of the cimarron 
i mean. all the people i would’ve tagged I think @figment-fantasies tagged anyway so like. have fun folks
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