#and my period got fucked up too and ive just been feeling WAY more tired than usual

[toastsnaffler]

ughhhh

[swampgallows]

my health is so bad lately and i feel more and more powerless to do anything about it. ive been getting heart palpitations where my rhr kicks up to like 115 when im just sitting there. bp is fine but pulse is high. i went to the doctor around this time last year for the same issues: heart racing, twinges, pain in ribs. got an ultrasound because the stupid doctor felt me up but couldn't tell if it was in my ribs or breasts. got an ekg for my rhr. everything came back normal. was prescribed propranolol, and though it lowers my pulse it also lowers my bp too much (88/66!!) and i get too tired to function. and my high pulse could be from hormones or being so sedentary, which is partially from being bedridden with fatigue by my period, and also depression. so it becomes cyclical, and all the doctors could tell me was "some women just get really tired on their period" like i had to just suck it up and deal. how am i supposed to get a job when i can't get out of bed for 5 days every month and then spend the next week intermittently falling asleep?

and so of course in the back of my mind i wonder if it's pots adjacent or long covid from an asymptomatic case, since all im allowed to think about anymore is how covid has absolutely destroyed my life. i just woke up from a dream where i was at the movies, snuggling and giggling with my friends. all my dreams are just about getting to be a normal person in society again.

i walked the dog this morning but there were fires so it was kind of smoky. we really shouldn't have gone out, but she's also been stuck in the house for the last week because it's been 110+ every day. then i passed out for a few hours when i got home, and woke up w my heart racing. i talked to friends and my parents for a little bit, and then while playing wow i got so depressed that it felt like a cinderblock became implanted in my chest, and i could feel the gravity of it physically pulling me down toward my bed and i passed out feeling miserable. a literal weight in my chest, in my heart.

i am so tired. im so tired of feeling this way. i am so tired of the circumstances. of everything being disappointing, bad, harder than they should be. every single fucking thing is bad right now. even my stupid fucking internet gives me lag spikes so bad that wow is almost unplayable. im thankful for a/c and xena being healthy still even though she's stuck inside like me. thankful it's not worse i guess even though everything feels like it's crumbling.

sorry for long post i have to put it somewhere or ill keep carrying it in my ribs

[wanderrlust0]

rant:/

sometimes my bf gets too insecure and its like D; i’ll compliment him but then if i say something to express my preference or my opinion or anything like that, he sometimes will take it personal and will start thinking that i dont think hes attractive, like noo🤦🏻‍♀️ i literally just gave you a compliment. its like how some girls can just say when they dont like their bfs haircut or that they prefer something this way or that they wont look bad if they tried it this way. i cant just casually do that with him without the possibility of making it like im putting him down!! then he’ll start this mental journey of like not needing me to know his worth (OBVI thats a good thing) but itll feel like its done in a way where its petty or out of spite, bc if he feels that i dont think hes hot, he’ll just focus more on himself, do his own thing, talk to me less, probs start thinking that he can be with someone else instead who will validate him, and i feel like he has “subtweeted” me, like not actually on twitter but on other platforms we both use like spotify playlists & yelp (LOL that sounds so out of place but yeah its the checkin comments, iykyk). so yeah idk, his emotions can feel complicated at times. weve also been hanging out only once a wk recently & i think he has a hard time with that, and so do I. usually we hang twice a wk but he got a new job so his schedule makes it harder. i feel like whenever we are apart for a long period of time our connection to each other tends to fizzle out a bit, the longer were apart. i told my friend that & i said that maybe we should start facetiming bc we dont do that at all actually. were not that couple who talks on the phone unless we really have to, so while i was on ft with my friend i was thinking maybe me & him should start doing that since were not hanging out as often as we used to. we snap all the time so we see each others faces everyday which isnt an issue, its the talking part. also, this is a sudden change of topic but still related to him..hes been having a lower sex drive & now its happening more often where hes like in the mood & then it dies out mid way so we have to take a break and then we can try again if he feels like hes ready and then were okay. every time he says not to worry, it isnt bc of me. he says that even when hes by himself he doesnt get the urge as much as he used to so his drive really did just shrink. since he told me that it makes me believe him more, like im not the problem, but i mean…of course theres a part of me that questions that bc it makes me feel like he has less of a want to fuck me. it could also be some performance anxiety as well he said but why isnt it just a rare occurrence anymore. i dont get mad at him for it bc i can understand low sex drive since i have it. there are times where i really dont feel the need to do it but we do it anyway. then once we start ill get into it but my time window is just shorter compared to when i am more horny. it doesnt mean i dont like him less (unless were going thru something) i just dont have that urge, so thats why im not getting annoyed at him bc i can relate..but IDK like at least for me thats normal, ive always been that way. this is a new thing for him so its a sudden change & yeah weve gotten older, hes 2yrs older than me so that could be a factor as well..its just sudden. so i guess im linking that to us hanging out less now & maybe he doesnt feel as attached to me. last time we hung out we smoked & that happened to him so we had to stop. aunt flow was with me so we couldnt go all the way. weed also makes him weird when it comes to it tho bc sometimes it makes him feel too tired/lazy to be in the mood for it if hes too high. me on the other hand, weed gets me more horny (as long as im not like incapacitated lol) so i was feeling it but i told him he couldnt fuck me bc even tho aunt flow was starting to leave, it would still get messy all up in there lol. when i went home i did end up masturbating tho. im finally seeing him tm for the whole day so i hope we’ll be good

[777erendipity]

tonight has been tough. i wish today wouldn’t of happened. i have too much shit going in in my life. i feel like im running away from everything. from heartbreak and grief and sadness. and i do a good job at running from it and keeping up. i slap a smile on my face and keep trudging despite the cards ive been dealt. but every once in awhile, it catches up to me. and it all crashes on me. i felt it in the back of my throat at work and i shoved it down because i still had 10 hours left. i got home and smoked. i listened to “think of me once and awhile” by take care and “moonlight on the river” by mac demarco back and fourth on repeat for an hour. its the first time ive been able to cry in awhile.

i really miss my mom. she’d know what to say. i know i speak of her like she’s dead but she’s not. but she isn’t really here either. sometimes i want to believe that this is just a short period of her life and she’ll get better but this is our future. where she’s at right now is how things will be for the rest of her life. i know it’s my fault that these things happened. everybody will say im wrong but i know it is. i want her to hold me like a child. i’m tired of being the strong one here. i wish i could of enjoyed being taken care of by her for longer.

i want so badly to run back. i don’t know how he could of ever thought that we just broke up and i just didn’t care. i showed through that entire relationship that i cared deeply. i want how things were but i know that’s just looking at things through rose colored glasses. things weren’t good. yeah did we have one good day like every two weeks? yes. and it was magical and wonderful and at that time, even though i wanted so much more, i settled for some of him than none because i didn’t know how to live without him. i love waking up each day and not feeling like im getting cheated on. i love not having to compare myself to other women. or to keep bumping down my standards to stay in love. i love not having to depend on someone to give me the bare minimum like “hi how are you doing?”. it’s freeing. i didn’t realize how broken i was til i was out. i want to run back but i cant. i can’t go back to feeling so worthless. not when i know i deserve better and there’s better out there for me. my future is shaky and unstable and i need someone supporting me by my side, not against me and borderline hating me. it pisses me off how mad he is that i’m slightly moving on. he fucked with so many other women through our relationship whether he’ll admit to all of it or not. i never cheated once. he didn’t want anything to do with me those last couple months. and i just stayed there and waited like a dog just for him to tell me that he’s moving away for good and he’s mad that after we have broken up, im hanging around “the idiot in the white truck”? give me a break and go run off to one of your 35,847 fwbs. but i know i shouldn’t be saying all of that. i wanted to really start not being such a cunt and holding grudges but here we are.

i know the only way i’d go back is that my brain got wiped from that last year and he was a completely different person. even if he did do all the things he said he would last week and change completely. that doesn’t erase the past. even when things were going good, all the things that he had done still weighed on my heart because of how much it hurt. i was hoping it’d go away but i realize now when someone breaks you like that? you can’t look at them the same. so the love is still there but its confusing because you don’t know how you can give something so precious of yours to a person that could care so little about you. that’s why i know there won’t be a future with us. i try not to think about it because it hurts but it’s been on my mind all day. parts of me mourn it and other parts are like “girl why tf are you getting all sad over a dude who said you were asking for too much when you wanted to see him when your mom was in the hospital???”. i hate how he’s talking about things that he wanted to do. all the things that i wanted that entire year that he never gave me, now he wants to give me? i call bull. why was i appreciated so late? anyways i’m exhausted. i worked for 11 straight hours with no breaks. all i got is a red bull and vape in my system which isn’t really agreeing well with me. i have another long day tomorrow. i gonna call my mom and just sit with the sound of her breathing for awhile, it’ll feel like she’s closer to me that way.

[whatsnothappening]

I was asked to be his valentine today

As ive said before, i am married. I love this man with all of my heart. We are very newly married but i feel like i have been married to him for years. Now we are just legal. (said that already i know lol) But today he asked me to be his valentine. Something so simple, and it gave me butterflies. I had been joking with him the past couple of days about him asking me, it was an honest joke. I had been seeing on tik tok, facebook etc. of all these girls saying that if their husbands dont ask them to be their valentine then they're not even married lol. But he made sure to ask me, to me i feel that is so sweet. Even with something so simple he made sure to make it happen for me. He knows i dont really care for these hallmark holidays. They're just created and made a big deal for money. We can make any day of the year our valentines day. Valentines day is just the one day of the year where couples are pressured into buying the other something when they need nothing, flowers are brought home to die, disgusting valentines day chocolates are bought to be thrown away and its a day for people who are lonely and single to wonder why they dont have a special someone. (you dont need one, girl/boy live you're life and love your self.. valentines day aint shit.)  I cant stand it. But now i sit here, a hypocrite because i am excited that i was asked to be his valentine. Something that he probably thought i was kidding but wasn't sure and wanted to make sure he was doing right by me and asked me. I find it extremely sweet and it just makes me fall in love with him even more. I am currently in the mindset where i am just at a understanding that not every relationship is perfect and never will be. Everyone will have their ups and downs. I just hate our current negative. This is so uncomfortable to say, but i need his physical touch. I need the warmth of his hands on me. I need him. We havent been able to be intimate in so long because he blames it on his testosterone. Which could be true... but, there is a very big back story to this (i am already preparing myself for the rambling im about to do to try and explain this story) that leads me to believe that it isn't entirely the testosterone. Now, he has been told by doctors that it could be the fact that he is over weight. but we both are.... So why is it that i can beg for him and he never is in the mood. So let me go back a few years. Even before we even got engaged. We have been dealing with this for a long long while. Before our relationship lacked lust we were constantly in each others pants. There was a time together that we weren't at least feeling each other up. I could not keep my hands off of him and he couldn't me. Until all of a sudden it stopped. i mean it just stopped. It wasn't like how you see in movies or dramatic shows where you see random pans of the guy making a move and the girl pretends she's tired/ has her period/ has a head ache. Or where the husband just explains he cant because hes too tired but secretly he has had someone on the side and he literally is drained out. (which i hate that they always play that way, because that could go either way... girls are players too.... aside from the period part.. men cant fake that lol) Now, i am not in any means accusing him of cheating. we have been dealing with this issue for years. i would not have married a man i suspect of cheating. Believe me or not, im sure i sound like every other girl... but the man would never. i know he is in it for the long haul. I think the problem is me. and it isn't that i dont want him. i fucking want him, everyday like i have every day since ive met him. i am absolutely infatuated with the man. but i am not what i was when he first met me. I was thin, i was in shape. I was flexible. now my face is unrecognizable, my body is bigger than it ever was before. i am not desirable anymore. i am not what he finds attractive today. he tells me im beautiful every time i cry to him on why he wont touch me or make love to me anymore. and he tells me how sorry he is. he tells me he will go to the doctor. he promises me that he still loves me and wants me everyday but his body wont let him. he says he tries to get himself in the mood because his mind wants it but his body wont...get up and go. So, if his doctors has told him that considering he is over weight.. and that he has never been able to grow facial hair or whatever else they've told him i would say okay, yes this hurts but it is his testosterone. it has to be. Well my issue is... when his body does work is when we are with other people... we are open. i trust him. i know that even if he is with another women he will come back with me. now we never go off on our own with other people. we just like group activities. at first i wasn't about it because i had never tried anything like that before. i had always thought about it. but i always thought my first time would be with friends or randoms from a bar or whatever. not with the man im going to marry, but i honestly am happy that it went this way because we have been safe about it and he keeps me feeling comfortable and confident during everything. if i still was in shape i dont think i would have much issues with confidence, but with the body i have now...im not used to her. i dont want to be, im trying to get back to being comfortable and healthy but thats a whole other story. so back to when we first started talking about it, i enjoyed talking about it. a lot. it was so fucking hot. it was like we were back to the beginning everything was so fucking fresh and exciting. i loved talking about it. then it fucking lit his flame again. i was full again. i had no issues. everything was perfect again, until i realized that every time we were making love the main topic was having a threesome or having an orgy. He would start everything off with that. He would bring up a scenario and pick my brain about it and then start telling me how sexy he thinks it would be to watch me doing whatever we were talking about with another girl.... i started to freak out, i was panicking. Sex with him started to become empty, i was just going through the motions for a while. until i broke. i told him that we needed to break up because i couldn't offer him what he truly wanted and that i would never make him happy. he was extremely quick to shut that down. he said that a threesome or anything like that meant nothing to him if it meant losing me and that he never wanted to talk about it again. the first time that happened i think we had sex just a few times after that and then we were back to nothing. going to bed sometimes giving a peck and saying goodnight. i dont remember how it was brought up again but it was and i told him i needed time to think about it, we talked about it and went through the motions again and i chickened out. because it felt like the first time. we went back and forth with this for a while. well i think i started to tell myself that i was being ridiculous and that i needed to get out of my head and realize that we both are kinky and we just like sex and obviously something so new would get anyone excited. so i agreed to it. the first time was absolutely horrible. the people that we did it with where absolutely fucking psychotic. needless to say we no longer talk to them. they tried making it seem like we were in a relationship. the next couple of times where amazing. well we stopped doing them because well... life happened and we just had to buckle down and we were trying to plan our wedding. oh yea btw somewhere in this time frame we got engaged. well, i have noticed that ever since we stopped with the group shit we are back to this roommate shit. i mean thats how i feel. i just have a roommate that i now share a bank account with? i mean... am i an idiot for marrying a guy that doesn't want me? i kept saying its a coincidence that his dick just works only when we are talking about sex and having group sex but if he doesn't want me then why would he marry me? why would he even ask me? because we were having these issues before he even proposed.. So what is all of this for. its not a fucking coincidence. im sorry, but it isn't. he no longer is attracted to me. i dont know if he just doesn't realize it or if he is afraid to admit it. but i know thats what it is. i just dont know how to fix it. because the thing is... i am back in the gym i am trying to watch my portion control and just make smarter and healthier choices but it is so annoying because i want to make sure i am doing this for myself and not so he will fuck me.... i want to be happy, i want to be healthy, i want to feel good. i am not going to the gym just so i can get some fucking dick from my husband. i mean god damnitl... who knows if i will even get dick if i lose all this weight (wait not if WHEN i lose all this fuckin weight) because when i do i am probably going to have saggy deflated tits and loose skin everywhere... hed probably prefer me fat. god, imagine if i was going through this after having a child with him. would this make me resent my child? i mean this shit genuinely scares me. it makes your head go through dark shit. do i just confront him and tell him that he needs to really think about it and own up to the shit? or am i just putting thoughts into his head? I literally have no clue... i think my issue with thinking this way is that we have been dealing with this for so fucking long and he has promised to go to the doctor for it but he has yet to do it. and im tired of hearing fucking excuses... it has been years that we have been dealing with this. enough is enough. i guess i can tell him and be honest and explain to him what has been going through my head and tell him that if he doesn't buck up and go to the doctor and i dont see some fucking results then that proves me right. because if it genuinely was his body and he is as broken as he says he is then why the fuck hasn't he taken care of it yet. i mean jesus christ.... anytime he does joke around and get the tiniest bit touchy i am uncomfortable and literally have to tell him to stop because its not normal to me. i havent had his normally constant handsy shit so now im just.... not used to it. what? am i supposed to just be ready to spread my legs when ever hes horny? and thats another thing... he told me “you have to keep in mind, if i ever get touchy dont think that means i automatically want to have sex. im just messing around” WELL, we havent fucked in god knows how long so my bad for hoping that you man handling my tits OUT OF FUCKING NO WHERE makes me hope and prey that i might feel physically connected to you finally.... i hate this... i just want to get back to normal. we have other negatives too... those are soo fucking minor, like the most microscopic little disagreements.... why cant those be our big issues. i feel like i am just married to a friend. not a lover, not a husband. what did i do wrong? he gained weight too! its not just me... i still love him and want him with every inch hes gained. i still think he just as handsome if anything more handsome than ever because we watched each other mature and find our selves over the years. why is it like this? i think i need to just talk to him. he needs to understand that this shit needs to stop and change before this shit goes south. im sorry but i cant handle this for much longer. having sex with him isnt just sex. i feel connected... i feel safe... i feel loved. i miss that so much...

[tetranocular]

having a personality disorder is absolute balls

the whole ethos of my life is just.. finding an easier way because i have zero tolerance for hard things

i cant just push through the way other people often can, so when an easy alternative isnt available, i crack under pressure and give up

and my threshold for what is or isnt easy is slowly shifting so that more things feel impossible to do

and its not like i cant do challenging things, im capable on occasion, but i cant choose what those things are at all, even when its something i KNOW will benefit me, or when it’s something i REALLY want to do

and the extra sucky thing is that when i try and communicate this to my parents, they dont seem to get it at all, which is an extremely frustrating and isolating experience

and its not like i havent worked to try and change this. ive been in therapy since i was 13. that’s a decade. a decade of therapy and there’s nothing to show for it. hell, it was only a couple years ago that we were finally like “oh hey you might have a personality disorder!” 

so what did i do? i went and found a therapist who specialized in personality disorders, i told him what hasnt worked for me in the past, and he essentially said “shit, the things that havent worked for you in the past are the only things i know how to do, sorry :/”

and ive kept him despite making basically no progress with him because he’s one of the few therapists willing to keep my parents at bay for me, because they just cant accept that i dont work the same way as them and dont trust me enough to make decisions about my life and need some dude who also understands very little about me to echo what i say in order to actually take shit seriously

because if he didnt do that, they’d start hounding me about doing things their way again, despite the fact that it made me 10x more miserable. hell, even with him keeping them at bay, they still try and do that! my therapist just makes it so its less frequent

god, and before anyone says anything, im SO fucking tired of people telling me what i need to do to improve my life

if you have a suggestion, chances are, ive already tried it, so just please fucking dont

like man ive tried so much shit. i’ve been to a wilderness program, ive been to a therapeutic boarding school, ive done yoga and breathing exercises and mediation and cbt and dbt and exercise and group therapy and VARIOUS meds. fuck, the only thing i feel like i HAVENT tried is sending electric waves directly into my brain, and thats only because people say that the treatment can make your memory worse, and i already cant remember most of the shit i do each day. even so, im STILL considering trying that out, because i just dont know what else to do

i just... i really wish i could approach life in a different way, but they dont call personality disorders ‘personality rigidity’ for nothing. shit feels impossible to change. ive spent half my life trying to be even mildly functional, and it hasnt worked, so at this point, im tempted to say that i just cant

and the thing is that its just so fucking typical of me. giving up because it’s hard. but im just so fucking tired of trying. believe me, if it seemed like shit was working, id probably have a bit more drive, but ive been running in place for a decade. im tired. i want to just be able to exist as-is without someone (cough cough my parents) complaining to me that im ill-equipped for the world and that im not doing enough and wasting my life 

i know! believe me, i know!! i AM ill-equipped for the world, and shit, i probably am not doing enough, but unless you can wave a magic fucking wand and fix it for me, youre just gonna have to take me the way i am, because i dont see change on the horizon

[ch4nb4ng]

Shine

Pairings: fem reader X hyunjin (a little bit of minho)

Warnings: oral sex, penetration, possible (?) harsh words (like rejection), masturbation 

Word Count: 10.3k

A/N: i have not posted for a while and i do apologise ive had a lot of family stuff going on. this took me a while to write so i hope you enjoy it :)

The sudden arms around your waist took you by surprise as you scooped the ice cream from the tub to your glass.

“Hi y/n,” Hyunjin giggled, his muffled breath dancing across your neck. Your body froze, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Yes, he had always been this touchy feely kind of person, but the amount of flirtation had increased recently; it was frustrating.

He used to be this cute little boy, full of life and innocence. Short black hair that used to flop over his eyes, bare, pale skin; pretty much as plain as they come. Hyunjin always had such a gentle nature about him. He supported you in whatever you wanted to do and dream of. He was the dictionary definition of a best friend. His personality didn’t change, but other things began too, especially for you. You were high school sweethearts. Always at each other’s hip, studying together, hanging out together at parties, after school; wherever. You both got into the same college, deciding to live together. That was when things began to take a turn. From growing out his hair, dyeing it blonde, getting a lip ring (and multiple other piercings), and, not to mention the multitude of tattoos he started to get carved onto his body was making you feel a different way. Even the way he dressed. You wouldn’t be able to lose him if you went out; the clanging of the chains dangling from his hips and neck was impossible not to hear. He wasn’t the pure, wholesome boy you used to know, and that had become a very, very pressing problem for you.

“Heyyyyyy,” you gasped, breath heavy from the slight scare attack he gave you. Your eyes automatically gazing at the slightly exposed skin showing due to the unbuttoned first button on his loose shirt.

“Oh my god Hyunjin,” your eyes widened, pushing his clothing to the side, “you got another tattoo?”

“Yeah what do you think?”

You ignored his question, starting to analyse it heavenly. A large, striking dagger; god, that was sexy. Biting down on your bottom lip, you giggled, lightly tracing your finger across the outline.

“I do like it actually.”

You smiled, looking up at him. How were the two of you suddenly so close? A hand was resting on your hip, you couldn’t help but feel the heat rush to your face. God he was such a fucking flirt, it was so irritating. Like he loved to play with you; see how much of a reaction he could get from you. You were clearly wrapped around his finger. It wasn’t like he wasn’t intelligent either. He began to know his way around girls, you would be completely dumbfounded if he hadn’t yet worked out the feelings you had for him. You wouldn’t even think twice, but when he’s looking at you, like that, inches away from your lips, it was hypnotising, leaving you wanting more every time. The cocky smirk fell from his face, spinning away from you and dropping onto the couch to watch some tv. He looked at you, playfully smiling as he pat the empty area next to him, inviting you to sit with him. Unable to refuse, you scurried over, legs slightly pushed against his as he flicked through the channels for something to watch. A comfortable silence fell over the room as you rested your head on his shoulder, a lively hum escaping his lips at the gentle contact.

“Are you doing anything tonight y/n?”

“I was going to ask you actually, do you think you could help me with algebra prac tonight?”

That playful smirk returned to his face, making your stomach swoon. How could he not know the effect his mysterious look had on you? You tucked your hair behind your ears, abruptly standing up and walking to your room, shutting the door behind you. Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed at your shortness; it somehow began to make his heart hurt. Immediate panic came over him as he ran after you, gently knocking on your door.

“Y/n?”

No response.

“Y/n? Is everything okay?”

“Yes Hyunjin,” you reply, opening the door with a smile. A wave of relief flooded through Hyunjin seeing you happy. He wanted nothing but for you to be happy. It was when he became the happiest. If you showed him any sign of sadness or stress, he felt like he was losing his mind. You were his number one priority. Regardless if he had a million things going on, you being content was the only thing that had mattered. 

You snapped him out of his thoughts, clicking in front of his face as you let him come to your room and take the seat next to you at your desk. Opening your book made his eyes automatically widen. You felt puzzled, beginning to stress slightly. If he didn’t know how to do it, how would you learn? Hyunjin was the only one who could actually get through to you when it came to understanding the multitude of theories you had to memorise. You felt your shoulders, which were previously tense, relax once he stood back up, letting his hands rest on you, thumbs digging slightly into your muscles as he began to analyse your work. A muffled whine escaped your lips at the feeling of his touch; so delicate, yet so rough. Tilting your head, you pushed your hair to the side; nothing more needed to be said. Hyunjin chuckled, enjoying your playful antics. His fingertips traveled across your skin, slowly reaching up to your neck. Rolling your head forward, you became limp. It was so exhausting putting up a facade in front of him. Just this one time, you could give into his touch.

“Y/n you’re so tight-”

“What?”

Your body froze. You weren’t sure if you had heard him correctly.

“Your muscles are so tight, is this really stressing you out?”

“Oh,” you replied, slightly relieved, “uhm, yeah it is. I honestly don't understand it at all.”

“Well we cannot work under these conditions,” he gasped, “get on your bed for me why don't you?”

You were flabbergasted. 

“Y/n, get your mind out of the gutter,” he snickered, causing you to playfully hit his arm.

You followed his instructions, stomach pressed against the quilt of your bed. Your eyes were closed, slightly becoming patient at the way Hyunjin was taking his time with you. 

“Are you ready for the best massage of your life?”

“Sure am Jinnie.”

You couldn’t stop the smile that was forming on your lips. The way Hyunjin climbed onto your bed, sitting on top of you, delicately moving your hair to make sure your back was exposed and bare to him. The way he was leaning down, lips almost pressing to your ear as his fingers began to sink into your skin. A small groan left your lips. Hyunjin had now grasped a good feeling of your body, knowing all the spots that were making you uptight. The temperature in the room was rising, whether you wanted to accept it or not. Your arousal was becoming apparent, core becoming hotter with each passing moment. Thumb digging into every place you longed for him. They began to travel, lingering under the edge of your shirt. It was obvious that Hyunjin’s only intentions were to make you feel better. You weren’t sure if it was the satisfactory chuckle that left his lips every two seconds, or the slight hard on that was becoming pressed against your thigh. Surely this was anything but innocent. Releasing the stress so he could help you with your homework. But the moans leaving your mouth was slowly but surely changing the atmosphere of the originally family friendly, helpful environment that was once created. 

“Your hands feel so good,” you blurted out, quickly burying your face into the sheets. You couldn’t believe you had just said that out loud. Your heart began to race in anticipation, dying for Hyunjin to say literally anything.

“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” he hummed, standing up. An almost whimper escaped your lips. Dabbing your fingers to your forehead, you gasped. You were already sweating. A blush creeping onto your face. If he could make you this hot from a playful massage, imagine what else he could do with those fingers.

Taking your previous position on your chair, your head was feeling dizzy. Hyunjin began to explain the equation, yet all you could think about was his hands wrapped around your neck, trickling down your sides and to your-

“So do you understand it now y/n, y/n?”

“Oh,” you looked up, avoiding his piercing gaze, “um, yeah, i do, thank you.”

“God,” he huffed, rolling his eyes, “you must be real tired huh?”

“What? No Im fine-”

“Let me tuck you into bed.”

“Into bed?”

“Yeah,” he grinned, walking over and pulling the sheets back, “you aren’t listening to me so I think you need to rest, come here.”

Unable to refuse him, you quickly hopped in. Your body was tense, waiting for Hyunjin to leave. But he didn’t. The feeling of his arms wrapping around your torso, muscular frame pressing into your back. Your muscles began to relax straight away, practically melting into him. God, he liked to make things hard for you.

“Let’s get some sleep, and we can go over this in the library, okay y/n?”

“Mhmm,” you hummed, all your senses shutting off for the night. The last thing you heard was his baby breaths, tickling the back of your neck

***

Your eyes were awake, feeling the dishevelled strands of hair sprawled across your face, bed sheets completely tangled. A slick smile spread across your face at the thoughts of last night's subtle, yet not so subtle actions. You slapped yourself across the face. Getting out of bed, you made your way to the kitchen, still drowsy from the good quality sleep, and company you had. Tensions were high all of yesterday, keeping you aroused for a prolonged period of time. Wanting to have some fun, you decided to change out of the clothes you were in, stripping off and wearing nothing but your silk robe as you made your way to the kitchen. 

“Morning sleepy head,” Hyunjin smiled, taking his tongue in between his teeth as he began to look you up and down. One hand on the frying pan, the other leaning on the kitchen bench, “you tryna put on a show for me or what ?”

“Pfft,” you scoffed, joining him in leaning against the bench, “you wish Mr. Hwang.”

“Yeah uh, anyways,” he interjected, followed by a small cough, “i’m gonna have a shower and then we can head to the library.”

“Uh sure bub,” you smile, stealing a piece of toast from his plate, “I’ll go get ready and grab my stuff.”

Sending a wink Hyunjin’s way, you headed back to your room, collecting your thoughts and self together. 

His jaw clenched as soon he saw your behind. A frustrated hand ran through his hair. “God,” he mumbled to himself. Quickly cleaning the frying pan, he headed to the shower, turning the water on, extra hot. Hands relying on the glass frame, he let the steaming droplets run down his body. Eyes closed, he began to think, hard, compartmentalising the many thoughts of you running through his mind. One hand began to trail down his neck, dragging down the center of his body. A small groan escaped his lips, letting his fingertips gently wrap around his base. The combination of water and steam filled his vision as he began to pump himself, images of your exposed body lying in front of him, having you all to himself. His grip became harder at thought, having you moan his name over and over, tongue dragging across his chest, marking the ink that practically covered him. 

“Fuck,” he groaned, “y/n.”

Hyunjin stumbled backwards, letting his back dig into the sidewall as he threw his head back. Grabbing the soap, he held it above his head, letting it dangle across his length. He was already sensitive; the feeling of the cold liquid sending a shiver down his spine. Letting both of his hands now wrap around his cock, he made his own jaw drop. Images of his hands imprinted around your torso, completely manhandling you was making him dizzy. He wanted it, you, so bad.His thoughts were warped on a daily basis; they were all about you. All the times he thought about grabbing your waist, slamming you against the wall as he double pumped himself, jaw dropping open as his hips began to buck up. He was becoming desperate to touch you, to feel you under him. He wanted you squirming, begging for you. He just wanted to make you feel good. 

“Ah fuck y/n, I’m cuming,” he whined, seeing his liquid cover the glass. He stood there for minutes, heavily panting as he came down from his high. Eyes wide open, head snapping forward, Hyunjin turned off the water, quickly dressing himself and heading out to the couch to wait for you.

***

“Do you get it now?”

“Yes,” you exclaimed, “finally, thank you Hyunjin.”

What felt like hours of studying was finally paying off. Having hyunjin as your teacher was another bonus of course. The subtle grazes against your leg, his small thumb rubbing circles on your back. You were surprised how your body never went into sensory overload. Hyunjin’s touch was delicate, yet so enticing. Like he knew exactly what he was doing to you. His daily entertainment; how flustered could he make you? You adjusted your posture, a nervous cough escaping your chest, making Hyunjin chuckle.

“y/n, are you okay?”

“Uh yeah,” you shrugged, “why wouldn’t I be?”

“You seem flustered?” he questioned, a hint of innocence in his tone. Placing each elbow on the table, he smirked, gaze strong on you,

“Am i turning you on right now?”

Face beginning to feel hot, you began to laugh, playfully hitting him to avert that fact that you actually were flustered.

“Hyunjin, dont be stupid!”

He began to laugh with you, making your heart hurt a little. You knew it was all fun and games for him and he was just mucking around. Most of the time you found it funny too, but there were moments where you wished that he was being serious; this was one of these moments.

“Hyunjin’s teaching skills are okay from what i’ve seen.”

A huge grin swiped your face as you saw Minho, Chan and Jisung approach your table.

“My favorite people,” you paused half way through the sentence, turning to Hyunjin, “how are you guys doing!”

“I’m doing great,” Chan winked, making you gag on the spot. The boys began an uproar of laughter, completely dying at the way you completely rejected him. He was always harmlessly playful with you; this was regular banter you shared.

“Anyways,” Minho interjected, “we are all doing good, studying of course, the usual. I wanna go out though.”

“Oh my god yes,” Jisung gasped, “that’s such a good idea!”

“We haven’t gone out in so long,” you sighed, “I’m down.”

All of the boys clapped. What felt like a stressful, exhausting energy became a peaceful, relaxing one. Going out clubbing with the boys was so much fun. Things sometimes went south, but nonetheless, when everyone’s drunk, everyone’s having fun. 

“We just finished studying actually,” Jisung smiled, collecting his books and standing up, “if you guys are done we can go out for dinner tonight and then go out?”

“Oh um, I'm gonna study for a bit longer,” Hyunjin interjected, “and then I'll meet you guys out.”

Nodding in response, the rest of the boys got up, making their way back to their dorms. Minho remained seated.

“I-I’m gonna study for a bit longer as well. We can get something to eat and meet you guys later?”

You smiled at them; that was until you felt a heavy blow to your backside, causing half the students to turn and look at you.

“Hyunjin,” you whispered, “what the fuck was that for?”

Playing with your fingertips previously, Hyunjin wrapped his fingers around your wrist, pulling you back down, letting his ink covered fingertips sit on your neck,

“You know I'm just mucking around,” he whispered, moving closer to your ear, “were you thinking of something different?”

Pulling away from him, your eyes widened, playfully hitting him once more before grabbing your stuff and finally leaving. 

Waiting for a cue of privacy, Minho coughed obnoxiously, steering Hyunjin’s gaze away from behind.

“So,” Minho began, “y/n looked real cute today all snuggled up against you.”

“Oh,” Hyunjin nervously chuckled, “i don't know what you're talking about.”

“You know,” Minho leaned closer to him, “I think i’m gonna ask her out.”

Hyunjin’s jaw clenched. A pang hit him at the base of his stomach.

“Oh,” Hyunjin mumbled, “since when have you been interested in y/n?”

“Uh, since she started hanging around us,” he scoffed, making Hyunjin's fingers curl into his palm, “I was just telling you because, well, you know, you’re the closest to her and incase you guys has something going on -”

“We don't.” 

“Are you sure,” Minho questioned, slightly enjoying how easily he could rile him up, “say something now because if you don't, she’s gonna end up in my bed tonight-”

“I told you, there’s no problem. I'm gonna go back to my room and have a shower, do you want to come then we can go eat with y/n?”

Both boys were now standing, close together. The atmosphere had changed from playful to territorial very quickly. You could cut it with a knife.

“Sounds good to me. She’ll say no though, I know her too well.”

Hyunjin wanted to punch the extremely cocky smirk spreading across Minho’s face. It was no secret that Minho’s reputation with girls was, well, extensive. From one night stands, to threesomes, foursomes, you name it. There wasn’t one thing that this dude had not done. It made Hyunjin nervous. Seeing the way Minho treated other girls made his skin crawl. He didn’t want you to be just a number on his list. You were naive, Hyunjin knew that. He always knew that you always saw the best in people. It was one of the many things he adored about you, but in this current moment, it was making his heart sink. He wasn’t sure why; he wasn’t sure if it was jealousy or Minho’s arrogant agenda, but he was definitely feeling uneasy. 

***

The usual ice droplets that soaked your body felt like fire. Hyunjin was always touchy feely, but the way he had been with you the past couple of days was affecting you so much more than it usually did. The thought alone made you feel lightheaded. A large sigh came as your body pressed up against the glass frame. Your frustration was growing, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep these Hyunjin fantasies in your head. 

Stepping out of the shower, you wiped the fogginess sticking to the mirror. Pushing your hair back, you looked at yourself for what felt like a really long time. Nerves began to bundle in your stomach. Something about tonight was different. It began to feel a different way. Your chest jumped at the possibility of something finally happening with him. 

“Pfft who am i kidding,” you yelled at yourself in the mirror, pushing your nose up against the foggy glass, “keep dreaming girl.”

Wrapping your towel around your naked torso, you walked out to the kitchen, finding a few snacks too much on. You had time to procrastinate getting ready. Turning on the tv, you happily munched away, enjoying your favorite show, Jane the virgin. The previous bundle of nerves dissipated as you let yourself sink into the couch. Going out with the boys was nothing out of the ordinary, but the tensions between you and Hyunjin felt the highest it had ever been. What was worse was that it wasn’t the first time that the atmosphere had been intense.

***

“Oooo,” Hyunjin yelled, quickly snatching your phone from your grasp, “who is this you're talking to now.”

“HYUNJIN IT’S NO ONE,” you screamed, standing up in front of him, “can you mind your business?” 

The swipe across his hands to get your phone back failed, causing him to begin running around the apartment, simultaneously scrolling your messages. Sure you entertained other guys from time to time. However, none of them made you feel hot the way hyunjin did. It was practically impossible. Even looking at Hyunjin made you feel like exploding on the spot.

Following his charade of nonsense, frustration began to grow. Chasing him around the house was no easy task. He was fast and flexible. There was no way you would be able to catch him. Coming to a stand still, you sighed.

“Hyunjin please,” you whined, waiting for him to come out of hiding, “if you give me my phone back, i’ll tell you.”

A loud gasp left your lips when you felt him from behind. Hands pinned to your sides, Hyunjin used his force, pinning you against the wall adjacent to your previous stance. Sticking his lips out, he chuckled, blowing the hair that was covering his gently frustrated eyes burning down on you. Nerves were setting in, especially once his cocky smirk began to form on his yet to be touched lips. Letting a hand roam, your mind was becoming dizzy, unable to control what your body was doing. That could’ve explained how your fingertips were spread across his clean chest, nearly half the buttons on his shirt somehow were undone. Were they already like that? Did you do it? You weren’t able to comprehend the situation at hand.

“Y/n,” he paused, “baby. Why are you talking to other guys?”

You could feel the lump forming at your throat. Intimidation was creeping in, lingering the longer he kept his hungry eyes on you.

“W-what do you mean?”

“Come on,” Hyunjin huffed, swiftly dragging his fleshy thumb across your bottom lip, “you don't need other guys. I’m right here.”

***

“What do you wanna eat?”

Minho's presence was putting Hyunjin off guard. All of his thoughts led to you right now. 

“Uh, I don't mind, it's up to you,” he mumbled. He could feel the blood running through his body becoming warmer with each passing second. Opening the door to the apartment made him nervous suddenly. Especially when he opened the door to you in nothing but a petite towel.

“Y/n?”

“Hey hyunjin-”

You spun around, tripping over the carpet in front of you.

“Oh.. Minho’s here too,” you stated, praying to the gods that you were still fully covered. Minho’s facial expressions conformed to those of concern as soon as your body hit the ground. Finger tips traveling to your legs, slowly up your arms, landing on your cheek.

“Holy shit y/n, are you okay?”

“Uh yeah,” you smiled, “I’m fine.”

Helping you up from the floor, Minho reciprocating the innocent smile. You sent a hard glare at Hyunjin after, causing hyunjin to huff, loud. Saying nothing, he walked straight out the fridge, finding any possible beer that was in sight, and, well, sculling it. 

“Hyunjin,” you yelled, running over, one hand keeping your towel secure, the other hitting him on the back, “what are you doing? We haven’t even eaten yet!”

“What,” he hissed, making you uncomfortably step away, “are you my mom?”

“No,” you replied back harshly, eyebrows furrowing at the way he was speaking to you all of a sudden, “God, what’s with the sulky attitude?”

You reached passed, purposefully brushing your barely covered chest across his torso, reaching for a chocolate bar.

“Minho,” you called, keeping your gaze fixated up at Hyunjin, “do you wanna come help me pick an outfit for tonight?”

The question made Hyunjin crush the now empty beer can in his grip. 

“Uh sure,” Minho answered, somewhat courteous about the interaction the two of you just had. He followed you to your room, looking forward to the way you were about to try on these outfits just for him.

“Okay so,” you began, “I have two,” you paused, making sure you were loud enough for the Hyunjin to hear, “you can sit here, and I'll go and quickly change into the first one.”

The look on Minho’s face was delectable. Like he was a kid in a candy store. Placing your fingers on his chest, you gave him a soft nudge, making him fall and lay back on your bed. You turned to your wardrobe, making sure to cautiously bend over and pick out the first outfit. You looked back at him as you walked out the door. The way he spread his legs right open, waiting in anticipation for you was fucking hot. 

A sigh of relief escaped your chest as you closed the bathroom door, finally able to drop this irritating towel and put some actual clothes on. This moment gave you a minute of peace, thinking about what you were actually doing. Harmlessly playing around with Minho to make Hyunjin jealous. Would it even work? Usually it was something you would question and/or doubt. However, it did not matter right now. Whether it made him envious or not, you were sick of having hopes that something would happen. Minho was very attractive, and he had shown previous interest in you before. A little fun wouldn’t hurt right.

“Y/n?”

You rolled your eyes hearing Hyunjin’s voice and knocked at the door. Shimmying into your dress, you sighed, opening the door for him.

“What do you want?”

“Nothing,” he paused, hesitating, “I’m sorry for acting the way I did just before.”

You said nothing, instead, letting him walk in while you began to do your makeup.

“I just don’t understand why you think you can talk to me like that, especially in front of your friends?”

“Because, uh, well.”

You huffed at his hesitation to answer.

“Of course you don't kno-”

His actions spoke louder than words, as they were pinning you up against the glass shower frame. You could feel the magnitude of shivers fall through your spine, yet your skin felt hot, especially in the place he was touching you.

“I do know,” he answered, eyes burning. He sighed, running a frustrated hand through his blacked locks.

“What do you know,” you smirked, looking up at him, bringing a hand around his neck, “tell me.”

The intensity had never been so heavy. Standing there in dead silence, eyes pouring into each other. Inches apart. It could be so easy for you to just reach up and finally, maybe finally, let yourself experience the feeling of those damn lips brushing your wanting ones. You could picture how this ended in your head right now. Legs wrapped around his torso, lips tickling your neck. Hell, you could even somehow reach around and just turn the shower on, give you not only a reason to be naked, but another reason as to why this should happen; right here, right now.

“Y/n, are you okay,” Minho yelled, making you break away from Hyunjin, “you’ve been in there for a long time just to put some clothes on.”

Brushing yourself off, you left Hyunjin to himself, absolutely gobsmacked like nothing had ever happened. He could do nothing, but walk out and see you standing in front of his best friend. Dressing up for him. Showing off for him. Saying that it made Hyunjin’s blood boil was an understatement.

“Wow,” Minho hummed in approval, “spin around for me princess.”

You did as you were told, allowing his eyes to linger on your figure. All Hyunjin could do was just stand in the hallway, jaw dropped. His brain was ringing with anger. Storming off, all he could do was look into the fridge, quickly sipping on another beer can.

Finally stepping out of your room with Minho, Hyunjin huffed, barely paying attention to him. But when he saw you, he could feel the tent in his pants beginning to form. Tight black dress, long hair cascading down your shoulders. You looked perfect to him.

“Ready to go Hyunjin?”

He blinked a few times.

“Um, yeah I am.”

“Good,” you smirked, grabbing Minho's arms and wrapping them around your torso.

***

The music was blaring through the speaker system as you barely stood at the bar, chugging down the 5th round of shots Chan had bought for all of you.

“To friendship!” he yelled.

“Friendship,” you slurred in response, humming at the way the liquid burned your chest. It’s painful the  first time, but after the 5th one, it's the fiery sensation that you want nothing more than to feel again. Everyone was loud and fun, having their time of life. Except for Hyunjin of course, silently sipping on his drink in the corner. You stumbled over to him, somewhat heavily slapping him on the shoulder.

“Hyunjin,” you smiled, feeling your eyes get smaller, “what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“But you aren't acting like the Hyunjin that I know.”

You pouted, digging your index fingers into his chest.

“Nothing,” he snapped, “I’m fine.”

His response made you pissed off to say the least. But giving him a good scolding or fighting him was not even worth your energy. Why was he being so sulky? He was the one who pushed you against any hard surface whenever he was mad. The one who teased you with massages, lingering gazes, sinful touches. The thoughts of those many moments became a sudden sensory overload. You hurried away, quickly grabbing Minho's wrist and dragging him to the dance floor.

“Dance with me,” you whispered, grabbing his wrist and placing them on your sides as you turned to face away from him. Closing your eyes, you let the music pour into you, head lying in the crook on Minho’s neck as you let your body explore him. The satisfactory groans that left his lips and slipped into your ears felt like paradise. It felt so good, feeling someone finally reciprocate their interest in you. His grip on you was strong, thumb digging into your sides as he pulled you close, letting you feel his hard on from behind you. A deep hum left your throat, making him smile against your lobe.

“Feeling okay baby?”

“Mmmm yeah,” you chuckled, “I can tell you are.”

The deepness in your voice made him spin around. You threw your head back in satisfaction, allowing his lips to cover your neck in delicate, feverish kisses. Wrapping your arms around his neck made him chuckle, allowing him to pull you even closer than before. He wasn’t shy, that’s for sure. You shivered, feeling the hard grip he had on your left thigh, hooking it around and lifting your leg around him. You looked up at him, seeing the darkness pooling behind his eyes as he told you to jump, allowing him to carry you. Your hands were in the air, completely loose and carefree as you continued to sway to the beat of the music. This was the first time you had felt so light. Everything felt so easy at this moment. Minho was giving you the attention you had been craving from Hyunjin for so long. You looked down at him, the previous dark facade long gone as he looked up at you with nothing but joy and admiration present. It made you smile. 

“Y/n,” he yelled, bringing you back to his level, “let’s go sit at the bar, I want to ask you something.”

You didn’t complain, trailing him out of the human traffic of the bar. ‘Of course,’ you muttered to yourself, seeing the only two available stools being right next to hyunjin and some random girl that he was feeling up under the table. You rolled your eyes; of course he was entertaining someone else. You ignored him, putting a gentle hand on Minho's thigh.

“Did you say something?”

“Yeah,” he grinned, “did you want another drink?”

“Oh uhm, can you just get me some water please?”

“A-anything for you baby.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, not noticing till now how sloshed he really was. The two of you sat in comfortable silence, patiently waiting for the drinks he had ordered. You let your fingers linger on him, drawing sloppy lines along his inner thigh.

“So,” he began, taking a sip of his drink in between speech, “there’s actually something I wanted to ask you.”

“You did say this from what I recall,” you laughed, scratching your head with your index finger; an attempt at acting puzzled in front of him.

“Yes,” he smirked, placing a hand on the outer edge of your knee, “I wanted to ask if you wanted to go out on a date with me next week?”

His question knocked the alcohol right out of your system, completely sobering you up. You fixed your posture, slight panic settling into your body at his sudden question. It was just fun, wasn’t it? Just using him to make Hyunjin jealous? 

“Um wow,” you gasped, unsure what to say, “this is, well, um, I don't really know what to say.”

“What do you mean?”

Small dribbles of sweat began tapping on your forehead. Pushing your hair behind your ear, you lifted your hand, placing it apologetically over his.

“Minho,” you empathetically smiled, “I think that’s so sweet of you.”

You paused, quickly seeing the way the grin on his face began to turn down.

“And don't get me wrong, you’re a great guy and you have been nothing but sweet to me. But, I, well, I have feelings for someone else.”

The look on his face made you devastated. The hurt was evident in his eyes. Minho grabbed his drink, taking a big swig from it.

“Please say something,” you pleaded, beginning to feel uncomfortable from the painful silence.

“It’s fine.”

Heart beat beginning to race, you could feel it; the sudden change in atmosphere between the two of you.

“It is? Okay good because-”

“It’s fine because I was joking.”

A heavy pang hit you in the chest. Did you even hear him correctly?

“What?”

He looked up at you, a slight chuckle came from him.

“Oh, you thought I was being serious?”

He grabbed you by the wrist, picking it up and pushing it off of him.

“You weren’t being serious?”

“Of course not,” he snapped, “you think I would wanna be with you?”

“Well why would you ask me out if you didn’t feel that way?”

He took another swig.

“Yeah well whatever, it’s a mistake. I can barely even look at you.”

You stood up, blood beginning to boil now. 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

He rolled his eyes, following you and standing over you.

“Do I have to spell it out for you? I wouldn’t go near you with a ten foot poll. Let alone fuck you? Pfft, your dreaming girl; good luck with that.”

You felt dizzy, unable to comprehend what Minho had just said to you. ‘What a dick’ you thought, before lifting your hand and slapping him across the face. You could feel the tear prick your eyes. You just wanted to fall, break down on the spot. No one had ever said such hurtful things to you before. Hyunjin turned around as soon as he heard the sound. You didn’t want to look at him. You were fuming. Minho just stood there, laughing at you.

“Listen here,” you snapped, “I get that you’re upset that your advances didn’t work, but you have no fucking right to say that to me, or anyone, ever again. Unless you apologise, I never want to speak to you ever again.”

And with that, you picked yourself up, and walked out of there, alone.

*** 

You couldn’t feel anything but the painful throb in the back of your head as you rose out of bed. Taking your phone off the charger you gasped, seeing the multiple missed calls Hyunjin had left you last night. You threw your phone back onto your bed, sheepishly making your way to the kitchen.

“Hey babes.”

You looked up to see a dishevelled Hyunjin waiting for you at the bench. You tried to smile at him, hide the pain of what Minho had said to you last night. Your heart was hurting, so bad. It was hard not to believe what he had said to you. You just wanted to run into Hyunjin's arms, let him whisper sweet nothings and tell you everything was okay; but you knew that if that happened, you would never let him go.

“Morning,” you mumbled, turning your back to him as you turned on the coffee machine, “how are you feeling this morning?”

“Yeah I'm good,” he mumbled back slowly making his way over to you. You sighed, a sharp inhale as you felt his arms wrap you from behind. Luckily, his head was resting on your back; he wasn’t able to see the impulsive tears slip from your eyes.

“Are you feeling okay after last night?”

Your heart sank. Humiliation was settling in; he had heard exactly what he said. It felt like you couldn't breathe. You were gasping for air. Hyunjin grabbed your waist, spinning you around, encompassing you in his embrace. He could feel you. The way your body sobbed against him. Hands against your chest, head curled into his neck. Holding it in was impossible, especially from Hyunjin. He knew you like the back of his hand.

“My angel,” he whimpered, cupping your cheeks and looking down at you, “I’m so sorry about what happened last night. I want you to know that none of what he said is true. You are such a beautiful person inside and out, and you didn't deserve that.”

You finally fixed your gaze back onto him. You had never seen such softness to his eyes before. You felt yourself giving  yourself to him. Vulnerability glowing in your heart as you felt yourself slipping away. His touch on you became stronger, hypnotising almost. Your hands found their way onto his body, unsafely creeping under his shirt and messily being dragged across his stomach. The front he attempted to put on was priceless; you could feel his body tensing underneath your corrupt touch.

“y/n,” he paused, slowly taking his hand from your body that he so desperately dreamed about, “I have to, uh,  go to class, but we can talk about this when I get back.”

Hyunjin sloppily grabbed his back and stumbled out the door, leaving you utterly speechless. It was the first time you could sense his nerves from something you did. A frustrated sigh left your lips. Nails digging into your palms, you stormed to your room, slamming the door behind you. 

“God,” you growled, aggressively falling onto your bed. Your eyelids suddenly felt heavy, but your mind was nonstop. 

The possibilities of finally having him was on a constant loop. The way his pupils changed when he looked at you. The shiver you could feel when you touched him. The ideas of what could have happened if Hyunjin didn’t leave was driving you up the wall. His voice played in your head, as if he was right next to you, whispering the praising words you longed to hear. A moan slipped from your lips, hands now sliding down the sides of your body as your mind became more vivid. The ache between your legs becomes stronger with each drawn out breath. You chuckled, replacing the ache with the thought of Hyunjin's tongue. You sat up, quickly stripping down to under garments. You took a quick look at yourself in the mirror; leaving you feeling anything but delirious.

You bit down on your bottom lip, letting your hands roam once more. Feeling the heat dance across your cheeks, you giggled, making yourself nervous at the thought of his summery breath cascade down your neck, blonde tips to follow. It’s like he was an island of fantasy and desire. All you could do was touch yourself. Letting your fingertips under the hem of your panties and into your folds. A sigh of relief slipping as you felt your legs become weak, falling back once more at the already immense pleasure you got from yourself. This was your way to reach the destination. The island of fantasy; desire; Hyunjin. Your stomach tensed at his name. The smile on your face could not be wiped off at any moment. Eyes closed, you could finally picture it. Hyunjin standing over you, a sadistic yet admirable facial expression hijacking his features, wishing that his lips were on your clit instead of your fingers.

“Baby,” you groaned, “Hyunjin, touch me.”

The slight cringe entering your mind at the way your voice broke at his name. ‘God how pathetic,’ you thought to yourself. He wasn’t even there and the effect he had on you was that strong. You continued your playful assault, teasing yourself at your entrance. Index finger gently prodding, you became dizzy. You were already close. The cause as to why was unknown. Were you really that good at touching yourself? Definitely not, the manifestation of every single thought of him was coming together, almost becoming overwhelming. 

“Hyunjin,” you choked, “I just want to be such a good girl for you. Please let me-”

“You wanna be a good girl for me, don't you baby?”

Your neck snapped, eyes widening at hyunjin staring down at you. 

“H-hyunjin,’ you stuttered, grabbing your pillow and covering yourself, “I c-can explain, I-”

“Shut the fuck up,” he retorted. He said nothing, tucking his hair behind his ear as he began to undo the buttons on his shirt. There was nothing you could do, but, well, stare. You propped yourself onto your elbows, feeling him wrap his arms around your torso, gently pressing your lips to every inch of his skin marked in ink. Hyunjin’s gaze was strong, never leaving your eyes as his smirk grew wider. Things were moving slow, way too slow for both of your liking. 

“You like what you see?”

“Please,” you scoffed, leaning your chin onto his stomach, “it’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

The look in his face was priceless. Smirk rapidly dissipating from his lips; he was pissed. It was obvious. Jaw clenched, tightly gripped fists. Something you had never seen before on him. You looked down, noticing the purple covering his knuckles. You grabbed his hand, panic settling in you.

“Hyunjin what the fuck happened are you okay?”

He said nothing, ripping his hand from your grip and dropping to his knees. The smirk obviously returned at the way your legs involuntarily spread for him.

“Oh, this,” he questioned, flexing them out in front of you, “this is what happens what you’re a fucking dick to my princess.”

His fingertips traced your hem, violently teasing you. You lifted your hips, attempting to have 

Hyunjin’s fingers ‘accidentally’ slip over your clothed core. But he chuckled, hooking his arms around your legs and pushing them down, giving you no room to squirm. He chuckled; the level of power he had over you was something he had dreamt of. He began to chuckle; he couldn’t help it.

“Fuck y/n,” he groaned, snaking one hand from under your leg and onto your panties, sending a noticeable shiver down your legs, “you dont know how many times i’ve dreamt of this. Seeing you like this, all hot and bothered under me.”

You couldn’t help but groan at his words, feeling the edge of his middle finger press against your hidden clit.

“Fuck,” you mumbled, already on the brim of feeling overwhelmed.

“Am I making you too hot baby,” he pouted, increasing the pressure on your soft spot, “you like how I talk dirty like that about you?”

“Mhm,” is all you could manage to stumble out. Your body began to squirm, making Hyunjin smile at you. His hand trailed on your folds, gently travelling back to your hem of what felt like suffocating clothing covering your heat. Muffling groans escaped your lips, frustrated at how slowly he took them off. The way his pupils dilated was like a kid in a candy store. Tucking his hair behind his ear, he inched closer, lips moments away from having him where you needed the most. You let your eyes flutter shut, anticipating the moment you had been waiting for. Confusion hit when you felt hands balancing on either side of you, soulful kisses trailing up the center of your body until you opened your eyes, seeing his regard fixated, looking down into yours. You felt like a feather, his body hovered over you as he leaned closer, finally connecting his lips to yours. It was sloppily, lips out of time and teeth clashing. Not the kiss you expected, but you couldn't complain. Hyunjin slipped his tongue into your mouth, tongues colliding as he erupted a delirious fire inside of you. Your bodies began to collide, passions electrifying, lighting up the room as his hands wrapped around your hips, thumb kneading at your bones as your hands dug into his neck. Things were going slow before, but there were no more concerns about the pace now. Hyunjin’s lips were always nice to look at, but the way they felt was a whole different story. The cloud-like texture of them was making your head move in nothing but circles. You were in heaven, already thinking about how they would feel against your skin in other places you had become desperate fir. Such thoughts were interrupted when you felt him leaving your lips, sucking hard on your bottom lip. His eyes lingered on you, chest heaving, breath heavy as he lifted you up, tossing your, compared to his, small frame. A look of innocence played on your feature as Hyunjin pinned both of your hands above your head. 

“Hyunjin what are you doi-”

“Shhh baby,” he hissed, crawling back to face level, tilting his head to reach your ear, “don't move okay, I’m gonna make you feel so good,” he paused, pressing a kiss to your lobe, “just like the million times I imagined it.”

A satisfied whine left your lips as Hyunjin created a new trail, stopping at your neck. You wrapped a hand around his neck, wanting to push his lips into your skin more.

“Uh uh baby,” he chuckled, pinning your hands back to the ordered position, “be a good girl and keep them up there for me won't you?”

“Yes sir” you mumbled, a low hum of approval heard from him. He continued his savoury touches, harshly sucking on any skin above your chest that was left unmarked. His fervent touches were making you increase in sensitivity with each moment passing. A hand hooked around your back, effortlessly unclasping your bra and letting your breasts become exposed.

“Fuck,” he sighed, hunger increasing, “has anyone ever told you that you were made like a piece of fucking art?”

The compliment made you blush, hard. No one had ever said such complimentary things before.

“Uhm, no,” you whispered, scared that someone would hear you. Hyunjin frowned, eyes becoming hard as he looked up at you.

“No one’s ever told you that before,” he huffed, sticking his tongue out in front of your left nipple.

“No,” you inhaled, fear engaged as Hyunjin’s shift in demeanour appeared.

“That makes me so fucking mad,” he growled, attaching his lips to your nipple, “you’re the sexiest fucking girl ive ever seen y/n.” 

A choked whine left your lips at his words, and his tongue trapped around you, hands flicking the other.

“Fuck Hyunjin I-”

“Unfuckable,” he interjected, “how can you be when you fucking look like a piece of fucking art?”

He refused to rest. His fingers began to trail, teasingly grazing your sides as he let them travel, stopping right on top of where you wanted him the most.

“I had to add to the artwork that is you baby.”

He had now lowered himself back to his starting position. On his knees, lips in line with your pussy as he let a finger slips between your folds, your stomach jolting with electricity at the light, yet tantalising feeling he gave you.

“The marks all over your chest,” he puffed, almost like he was out of breath from just looking at you, “they are nothing but little flowers I added to a beautiful canvas.”

You could barely think about what he was saying as he pushed the finger into your entrance, a high pitched mewl coming from your chest as he began to pump.

“God Hyunjin-”

“Tell me princess,” he interrupted, adding another finger, “tell me all the dirty things you’ve wanted me to do to you.”

“Fuck,” you groaned. The cocky smirk on Hyunjin’s face, lips slightly agape,”there’s so many times when I have thought about you.”

“Tell me baby,” he groaned, letting his breath tickle the skin on your inner thigh.

“In the shower, on the kitchen bench, the couch in the living room. You doing me from behind, on top, letting me ride you,” you moaned, “but this, right now, this is my favorite.”

A grunt of thrill left his lips, an attempt and analysing the many thoughts you had about him made him feel completely justified. On the brink of pure anger, you thrusted forward, barely feeling the impact of his lips on your folds. 

“Shhh,” he whispered, curling his fingers, forcing you to lay still, “let me allow your fantasy to become a reality.”

A loud groan left your chest as Hyunjin finally allowed his tongue to plunge into you, harshly grazing your clit. The feeling made your body jolt, jaw fully lax as he your gave yourself to him. Hands running straight into his hair, you gasped, seeing him notice the way you constantly push the front strands his blonde locks behind his ears. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled against you, quickly sitting up, “this fucking hair is too long.”

Your legs shut, too weak to keep them open as Hyunjin frustratedly fisted his hair and teethed the string off his wrist, wrapping his hair into a high ponytail, front pieces gently left out, sprawling across his glistening face. As soon as he looked down, he couldn’t help but chuckle. Manhandling your delicate thighs, he bit down on his lips, aggressively spreading them open to regain his access to your sweet spot.

“Already so weak are we?”

You couldn’t help but feel humiliated as he kept his gaze on you, unforgivingly, letting his tongue rapidly circle around your clit. 

“Oh my god,” you managed to stagger out, another hum of approval entering your heat, vibrating and spreading to the rest of your body. God he was so good at this. Always making you feel good. Like you were the number one princess in the best castle. Even if it wasn’t sex, Hyunjin always found a way to make you feel better. But this. This was a whole new level of pleasure.

“Mhmm,” he grunted, replacing his tongue with a finger from his opposite hand, “how close are you baby?”

The clench around his fingers was enough, Hyunjin slightly amused. The combinations of the multitude of fingers and his extremely rough tongue on your clit was sending you to another dimension.

“Far out I knew I was good at this, but baby, you’re so easy to make cum.”

“N-no im not,” you whined, Hyunjin throwing his head pack in pure joy.

“It’s okay baby,” he cooed, picking up the pace of his fingers, “you don't have to put on a front for me.”

“Hyunjin c-cum,” you gasped, barely able to strangle anything out of your lips, “g-gon-na c-cum.”

“Yeah? You’re gonna cum for me?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna cum for me baby?”

“Y-yeah I do.”

“Come on baby,” he growled, “cum for me like the good girl you are.”

His words couldn’t help but send you over the edge, strangled echoes of pleasure filling the room as he continued his pleasurable assault, loving the way your hips convulsed against his overstimulation.

“Fucking hell,” you cried, pushing his fingers out of you, “you made me cum so hard Hyunjin.”

He smiled, crawling back onto your bed, towering over you once more.

“There’s nothing else I want to do in this world apart from make you feel good baby.”

You couldn’t help but giggle, leaning into his lips to taste your sweet filled juices glistening his chin. The kiss was gentle, soothing from the intense orgasm you had just come down from. He created another trail, tongue dragging across your neck and back down to your chest, pressing an arousing kiss in between your breasts.

“I can't help it,” he smirked, “I just want to wanna mark you all over, let Minho know that you’re mine.”

His words made you feel light headed. Mine? Usually something like that made you wanna throw up. But the way Hyunjin said it, with so much hunger and vice, it was like you became bound to him. Anything he wanted to do with you would be impossible to say no.

“Then f-fuck me,” you mumbled.

“What was that?”

You slipped from underneath him, turning him around and pushing him onto the bed, hands firmly placed against his chest as you climbed on top of him. Hyunjin’s eyes became full. Full of fire, lust, hunger, anger. He played it cool at first, but now, now he was desperate. You let your hands now travel his body, one hand tracing the outline of his abs, the other behind you, palming his rapidly hardening cock.

“Fuck me like you own me, Like you want everyone to know I’m yours.”

The words were enough to send him into a craze. He quickly rid himself of the draw string, keeping a tight grip on his sweats, pushing down his pants to his knees. It came to your surprise when he had nothing else on, leaving him to follow your pursuit of complete nakedness. You lifted your hips off of his stomach, readjusting to let your clit sit on top of his pulsating cock that was lying flat against his stomach. A sharp inhale came from his chest, absolutely frothing at the way you rubbed your wetness against him.

“Fuck you’re so wet still,” Hyunjin chuckled, a deep grunt escaping leaving him.

“You like that?” You smirked, biting down on your bottom lip.

“Yeah baby,” he moaned, hands gripping your ass, giving you a soft blow. His hands were soft, icy, goosebumps becoming visible as you leaned back, gripping the base of his cock. the air was becoming desperate, and so were you. If you had a cent for every time you thought about this very moment, you’d be riding him in the royal palace.

A wave of goosebumps charged onto your skin as you lifted your hips. Hyunjin’s hands scattered over your ass, he helped guide you, excruciatingly slowly as your hand kept him still, allowing his cock to become buried inside of you. A groan of relief escaped each other’s lips as your walls became stretched, body feeling numb already. He was a big boy, causing your head to fall onto his chest. you needed time to adjust to the slight ache his length gave you, but you weren’t complaining. As soon as you bounced up and off of him, you felt as if your hole was whimpering, already desperate for him to be back inside of you. you continued with a light bounce, barely fitting any of him inside of you. 

“Fuck,” he mumbled, tightening his grip on you, “go deeper.”

You did as you were told, increasing the intensity, sitting back up and letting your hips freely roll onto him. Your mouth became heavily agape, an open invitation for Hyunjin to shove his fingers inside. your eyes became closed, fingers wrapped around his wrist as you lapped his digits with thick saliva.  The way you effortlessly took his heavenly inked fingers made his head spin.

“you’re such a good girl,” he smirked in between throwing his head back, “i bet Minho would be fucking dying for this kinda treatment.”

The mention of his name was a slight bruise to your ego; nonetheless, it simultaneously gave you motivation, determination to prove what he had been missing out on this whole time. How he would dangle girls in front of your face at any moment. How he teased you to no end almost every single day. Everything was coming out, and it was completely out of your control.

“Far out Hyunjin,” you hissed, ripping his fingers from your mouth, “why are you so obsessed with Minho right now?”

“Because,” he grunted, wrapping his saturated fingers around your neck, “he fucking pissed me off last night, and this morning.”

The sudden connection in your brain became apparent. All thoughts leading to the possibility of Hyunjin punching him made you lose control. So much control that you couldn't recall hyunjin flipping your over, his figure menacingly towering over you as he began to thrust.

“I fuck you so much better than Minho could,” he grunted again, left thumb gently attacking your left nipple, “dont you think?”

You could barely respond. Nothing but a suffocating moan spilled from your throat as his grip on you became tighter. You were on the brink of actually losing your mind. The way Hyunjin filled you up was just, well, indescribable. He just continued, letting the now continuous beads of condensation from his forehead spread across your stomach. 

“Say it,” he growled, a slight punishment created at the way he left nothing but the tip of him inside of you, “tell me i'm better than him.”

“Fuck,” you whined, attempting to sink your hips further down his length. But hyunjin knew better; he was one step ahead. Your desperate, pathetic attempt of getting out of your retribution was nothing but a joke to him. 

Hyunjin scoffed, “I know you want me to fill you up again, but I need to know.” 

His voice was the deepest you had ever heard him speak. The hand that was previously wrapped around your neck had escaped, a tremble that was clear as crystal running down your torso at the feeling of the multitude of Hyunjin’s ice cold rings dragging across your skin.

“You-you’re better than h-him,” you stuttered, trying to gain your previously hindered consciousness from his strop grip, “better than Minho.”

The words alone made him groan. He sure did like to tease you, but even he couldn't keep it up. Your voice became electrifying in his mind, igniting him as rammed his cock back into you; no hesitation. His pace was unforgiving. The lewd sound of skin slapping filling the room at a sound that exceeded the maximum level of decibels an individual could take.

“That’s right I am,” hyunjin moaned, “that fucking piece of shit.”

Your head rolled from side to side, a hand violently gripping your bed sheet. Like your mind went numb, your senses could only follow. Nothing but the scent of Hyunjin’s heat occupying your nose, the sound of skin slapping filling your ears, and your vision hypnotised by the darkness that pooled behind his eyes.

“Mhm fucking hell baby,” you groaned, arching your back, “i can feel myself getting close.”

“Tell me baby,” he chucked, bringing his thumb dangerously close to your clit. You brought your fingertips high, gripping his wrist before he could make a decision that you know would make you fall off the edge and into the black hole that would be your orgasm.

“What is it baby,” he whined, tone laced with concern, “scared that you’re gonna cum already?”

“Yes,” you blurred out, “just a little longer please.”

“And why should i?”

All you could feel was your eyes locking shut, fingers spreading you open and touching any every sensitive skin he could get his hand on. He had transformed into satan. hard thrusts and a heavy hand; you could feel yourself clenching around him as he sadistically chuckled, satisfied by the pleasuring torturing spell he had you under.

“Fuck,” you gasped out, the sound of your voice tainted as your body lunges forward with each thrust, “i’m gonna fucking cum.”

“Hh come on baby,” Hyunjin grumbled, “just a little longer for me now why don’t you?”

“Just f-for you,” you giggled, noticing the way Hyunjin heart was practically about to leap out of his chest. He was working hard to make you feel good; even if you couldn’t tell from the shimmering black ink spread across his chest and down his torso. 

“Baby are you gonna cum?”

Your throat had become empty, completely forgetful of how to speak and use your words. The continuous and uncontrollable clenching was satisfactory enough to give him the answer he needed. 

“y/n, are you gonna cum with me?”

“Please,” you whined, “cum in me, I'm begging you.”

Your words were more than enough. You hummed in satisfaction as you felt yourself slip over, feeling the warmth of his liquid inside of you. His body collapsed, falling next to you as he watched you sit up, enjoying the views of his viscosity spill out of you. You let a finger fall down, picking it up and tasting him. His jaw dropped at what he thought to be such a ludicrous act.

“Wow,” you smirked, letting your tongue sloppily wrap around your finger, “you taste so good.”

Hyunjin threw his head back on your bed, ripping out his ponytail and running his hands through it.

“far out y/n, you don’t know how many times i’ve thought about you saying that to me.”

[css1992]

Guilty Pleasure

[Porn AU]

Summary: Peter and Beck used to be a power couple in the porn industry, but after Beck dumps him, Peter is forced to start over. With no money, no family and nowhere to go, he doesn’t have much choice other than to keep doing porn, so he joins Just4Fans to get back on his feet and then one day he gets a very generous tip from someone under the username of YKWIM.

All the warnings listed on Part I apply.

Read on AO3

Part I / Part II / Part III / Part IV / Part V / Part VI / Part VII / Part VIII / Part IX / Part X /  Part XI / Epilogue

-x-

As it turned out, Tony did make great pancakes. Peter woke up the next day to the smell of them, and shyly headed in the general direction it was coming from, until he reached the kitchen. Tony was standing there, wearing impeccable gray dress pants, a crisp white shirt and a green tie, as he added batter to a frying pan. Peter supposed that was what heaven would look like when he died.

“Oh, hey, kitten, you’re up.” He grinned at him, who smiled in return, nodding. He had put his clothes from the night before back on, and he was glad he did, because Tony was dressed to the nines and it would have been awkward if he had shown up in just his boxers or something. “Sleep well?”

“I did, thanks.” And it was surprisingly true. Peter hadn’t had such a good night’s sleep in a while, he supposed he missed sleeping next to someone. He did share a bed with Beck for two years, so it felt awfully lonely to sleep by himself. “Are you headed to work?” He asked as he sat on a stool by the kitchen island and Tony nodded guiltily, fixing two plates of pancakes.

“I’m so sorry, I tried to make arrangements to get the morning off, but duty calls.” To his credit, he did look genuinely sorry, so Peter thought maybe it wasn’t just an excuse to get rid of him. Maybe.

“It’s okay, I have to be home soon, or my friends will worry.” Which wasn’t exactly true, but not exactly a lie either. They wouldn’t notice he was gone until lunchtime, since they both had work or class in the morning, but when they did notice, they would freak out.

“I thought you lived by yourself?” Tony sounded interested as he sat beside him by the kitchen counter and pushed a plate his way. Peter thanked him, taking a bite of the surprisingly good pancake.

“I do, but we live in the same building, so we’re always checking in on each other.” Tony hummed, nodding, and they were silent for a little while, until the older man spoke up again.

“Can I ask about your relatives?” He felt his eyes on him and knew that, much like the night before, he was testing the waters, making sure Peter was comfortable with that subject.

“Sure. I don’t have any, though. I’m an orphan, I’ve lived in foster homes for most of my life.” Peter didn’t really mind talking about that period – it was basically all he knew. He was too little when his parents died and was only ten when Ben and May passed away, so the foster homes were where he made most of his memories.

“Oh. I’m so sorry to hear that.” Tony winced, maybe thinking he had touched a sensitive subject after all, but Peter smiled and shrugged.

“It’s okay, it was a long time ago. My friends are like family to me now, so I’m good.”

“I’m glad you have them.” Again, he gave him that genuine smile that made Peter believe he was actually glad to hear that. Like he actually cared. “So… Can I see you again? Or was this just a one time thing?” The older man turned his body to face Peter, who froze for a second with the mug held to his lips, mid-sip.

“Oh, uhm…” Peter almost chocked on the coffee, not quite believing his ears. He honestly thought that the older man would slowly disappear from his life. Or maybe not even that slowly. Peter figured he had gotten what he wanted, so why would he stick around? “I mean, sure. If you want.” He said, like an idiot, and Tony raised a brow.

“I really do, but I don’t mean to pressure you, so if you want to say no and just go back to what we had, that’s okay. Or not even that, if you prefer. Just say the word and I’ll get out of your hair.” He sounded honest enough, but Peter quickly shook his head, eyes wide.

“No, it’s okay, I definitely wanna do this again.” He assured him, and Tony seemed satisfied with his answer, expression softening as he nodded.

After breakfast, the older man insisted on driving him home and when they arrived at his building, he felt a little awkward as to how to say goodbye, but Tony made it easier by simply leaning in and kissing him softly on the lips, one hand stroking his knee in a gentle caress.

“I’ll call you later, kitten.” He promised and Peter just sighed quietly, feeling dizzy.

He was a little out of it for the rest of the day, both Ned and MJ asked what was wrong with him in separate occasions, but he just said he was tired from his new routine. They had dinner together and when he went back to his apartment that night, he was just mildly surprised that he actually got a call from Tony. It was an innocent, sweet phone call, too. He did not expect that, to be honest, they had been sexting for two months and they had actual sex the previous night, so he kind of expected Tony to just go for it.

But no.

He asked about his day, about his friends, he told him about his own day, then somehow they ended up talking a little bit about Peter’s childhood, his parents, aunt May and Uncle Ben, it was just a really nice chat, which he appreciated. Not that he didn’t enjoy talking dirty to Tony, but the fact that he called just to have a normal conversation with no second intentions was, well. Nice.

He didn’t really know where they were going with that, probably nowhere, really, Peter was an ex-porn star, Tony was an A-list celebrity, a billionaire and a fucking Avenger, so there was literally zero chance they could evolve to something else. They would probably just go out a few more times, have mind-blowing awesome sex, and then go their separate ways. And Peter was okay with that.

It was fine. Really. It was just fine.

And it was for the best, otherwise how would he explain to Ned and MJ that he was dating Tony Fucking Stark? It would be a nightmare. MJ would kill him and lecture him on how big corporations like Stark Industries were destroying their way of life and Ned would pass out – and possibly die – so, yeah. It was a good thing they had no real future together.  

That didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy it while it lasted, though. Tony was really nice, a true gentleman, a good conversationalist, a great kisser and an amazing lay. So whatever he could get out of those moments they had together, he would. Everything was perfectly fine and under control. And did he mention fine?

The next morning, he woke up early and went for a jog around the block. He had been experimenting with different types of workout routines, but he thought he might stick with jogging and yoga for a while, he was even looking for a yoga studio close to his building so he could start training more seriously. When he got back, he took a long shower, made breakfast and spent a few hours answering people on Just4Fans, then posted a few pictures there, linked it to his twitter account and let people know on Instagram.

Tony texted him mid-morning and Peter blushed like a teenager when he read his message.

“Just saw the new pics, you look stunning as always, baby, but I have to admit I’m spoiled now, pictures are not enough. Can’t wait to see you again. Dinner tomorrow?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, sir, keep it coming.” He smiled to himself and bit his lower lip, excited by the prospect of seeing Tony again so soon. “Tomorrow sounds great, where are we going? Should I start stressing about the dress code?”

“I was thinking you could come over. Did I mention that I’m a great cook? Pancakes aren’t my only specialty.” Peter felt butterflies in his stomach. It was stupid, of course, but he just found it endearing that Tony wanted to cook for him.

“I’d love to. I’m curious about your cooking, your pancakes did taste fantastic.” Just the thought of that morning and, more importantly, the night before that, made his mind wander, as a quiet sigh left his lips.

“Prepare to be blown away.”

“You’re so humble, I love that about you.” The young man smiled to himself.

“Thank you, kitten, it’s one of my many qualities.” Peter laughed at his antics.

They settled on a time and Tony insisted on picking him up, even though it was obviously inconvenient since they were having dinner at his place, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer, so Peter gave in. They talked a little more, but soon Tony had to go back to work and now that the younger man knew exactly who he was, he imagined it was a lot of work.

He went on with his Saturday – in the afternoon, he took a few pictures and videos with different sets of lingerie he bought with MJ when they went to Victoria’s Secret, and that should be enough to last him at least a few days. At dinnertime, he went down to his friends’ apartment, as usual, and they were both home.

“What’s up, nerd,” MJ greeted from the couch, but didn’t raise her eyes from her phone.

“Hey, Pete, dinner is almost ready,” Ned called from the kitchen island.

“Want me to set the table?” He walked over to where Ned was fishing a plate out of the microwave.

“Sure.”

Peter knew his way around the kitchen, so he got to work, placing the plates and cutlery on the small, square table by the counter.

“Hey, are you up for a Star Trek marathon tomorrow night? I don’t have any classes next Monday morning, we can stay up late.”

“Oh, uhm. I –“ Fuck, he hadn’t really thought of an excuse for why he wouldn’t be having dinner with them. “I can’t, because…” He noticed that MJ had finally raised her eyes from her phone, only to stare at him suspiciously. “I have this thing, uhm, on my Just4Fans… Tomorrow night.”

“Can’t you just schedule the posts?” MJ asked from the couch, because of-fucking-course she knew about that.

“Uhm, yeah, I can, but – uhm. It’s a live stream. I’m live streaming tomorrow for the first time. It’s good for tips and stuff, so. Yeah. I’ve already let everybody know, I can’t cancel.” He gave them an apologetic smile, trying to look convincing, but he was pretty sure he just looked like a nervous wreck.

“Oh. Ok, then.” Ned shrugged and didn’t seem bothered at all, but MJ kept staring at him from the couch, like she could smell his bullshit from a mile away. She didn’t say anything, though, for which he was grateful.

The next morning, he woke up early and decided to skip his usual jog around the block and just did a short yoga session in his living room, warmed by the morning sun that flooded his apartment at that time. He had lunch with his friends and spent the afternoon with them, but left early with the excuse that he had to get ready for his “live stream”.

When the older man texted to say he was waiting outside, Peter was already showered and dressed and skipped downstairs two steps at a time. He didn’t know what he was supposed to wear to a billionaire’s house, but he decided casual was probably fine, so he put on a pair of light blue jeans and a light pink, thin sweater.

Tony was driving a low-profile, black SUV and he got out of the car when Peter stepped outside the building. He had a baseball cap and tinted glasses on, dark blue jeans, a Metallica t-shirt and sneakers, and if Peter didn’t know it was him, he would never have thought that was actually Tony Stark.

“Hey, gorgeous, looking good.” Tony didn’t think twice before reaching out to pull him closer by the hips, stealing a chaste kiss from his lips. Peter blushed and completely forgot he should be worried that Ned or MJ might see them if they came downstairs for something, or even if they looked out the living room window. He wrapped his arms around the older man’s neck and deepened the kiss.

“Thanks, but you should get your eyes checked.” He joked as he let go, taking a small step back.

“Yeah, I think so too, I think constantly staring at such beauty is taking a toll on my eyesight, I’m an old man, after all.” Tony pulled him by the chin and stole yet another kiss. When he pulled away,  Peter shook his head and laughed.

“Oh my God. Seriously, do you practice these lines in the mirror or something?” He had a feeling that if it was anyone else saying half the things Tony said to him daily, he would find it corny and possibly annoying, but somehow the older man made everything sound charming, sweet, sexy, endearing – hell, everything at once. And he always knew what to say to make Peter’s knees go weak, it was unnerving sometimes.

“No, you just inspire me daily, baby.” He gave him a charming smile, as he opened the door and gestured for Peter to get in the car.

The ride to Tony’s place was filled with the sound of the older man humming along to the music playing. Peter didn’t recognize any of the songs, it was a classic rock playlist, but then he heard a familiar beat and thought it was a great opportunity to stick his foot so deep inside his mouth he almost choked.

“I love Led Zeppelin!” He didn’t exactly love Led Zeppelin and he was quite sure he had just heard a cover of that song, not the original version, but he thought he’d sound cool if he said that. When he looked over, though, Tony was laughing his head off. Peter blushed a deep crimson, eyes widening as he realized he must have said something incredibly dumb.

“Oh, you’re not joking.” Finally seeming to realize that the younger man wasn’t laughing along with him, Tony turned down the volume, as they approached Stark Tower’s garage entrance. “That’s Back in Black by AC/DC, kitten. But hey, I love Zeppelin, too, who doesn’t?” He smiled warmly, looking at him sideways, and Peter nodded.

“Oh, right. Yeah. Of course.” Fuck his life. Of course he had to make a complete fool of himself right at the beginning of the night. He wanted to jump out the window from embarrassment, but it would only add to his humiliation, since Tony had already parked and got out of the car.

The older man opened the door for him and Peter avoided eyes contact, as he led him to the elevator. He could still feel his cheeks burning on the ride up, his head was starting to hurt from shame. Was that a thing?

“Hey, don’t be like this.” Tony pulled him into a loose hug, kissing his temple with a soft smile on his lips. “It was an honest mistake. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to identify whatever it is you kids listen to these days.”

It was oddly comforting to hear that. Even though he knew Tony wasn’t trying to be mean to him back in the car, it was hard not to feel attacked in situations like that. Beck always tried to make him feel dumb, inferior and juvenile whenever he got the chance.

So he rested his head on Tony’s shoulder and nodded slowly. He was going to say something like “don’t worry, I’m fine” but it got lost somewhere in the back of his throat when the older man held him a little tighter and stroked his hair.

The whole interaction lasted merely a few seconds, soon the elevator doors opened to the familiar sight of Tony’s living room, looking just as impeccable as it did a couple of nights earlier. The older man gestured for Peter to lead the way and he did, paying closer attention to the details, since he was a little too nervous to do it the last time he was there.

What he realized when he took a look around, was that the penthouse didn’t look lived in at all. It was all glass and metal, shiny floors and sophisticated furniture, black and gray decoration – it looked ready to be featured in one of those shows that listed the most beautiful houses in the world, but it didn’t look like a place he would like to go back to at the end of the day.

“You don’t spend a lot of time here, do you?” Peter asked, as Tony led them in the direction he remembered the kitchen and the dining room were.

“That obvious, huh?” The older man winced and Peter flushed, realizing he might have been a little rude in his observation. “But yeah, when I’m home, I spend most of my time down in the workshop.”

“Ah, the famous workshop. I suppose if I were to visit right now there would be pictures of me hanging on every wall?” He joked, remembering that Tony had once told him that he would hang his pictures in the workshop and never get any work done.

“I mean, not every wall…” He turned to him and winked, leaving the younger man a little unsure if he meant it or if he was just messing around. Sometimes it was hard to tell with the man’s sarcastic sense of humor. “I’ll give you a tour after dinner.” He promised, when they finally reached the dining room.

The table was set in a simple manner, for what Peter was glad, it made him feel more comfortable and at ease. Tony pulled out a chair for him then headed to the kitchen, which was separated from the dining room only by a long, wide counter, where the had breakfast the other day.

The man came back with wine, pouring two glasses for them, then he started placing the dishes on the table. There was mashed potatoes, grilled veggies and roast chicken, and the smell was to die for, Peter’s stomach rumbled and he wasn’t even that hungry.  

“Voilà. This was my favorite meal as a kid, my grandma used to make this for me all the time when I spent summers with her.” He took a seat across from Peter, looking at him expectantly. The younger man found his enthusiasm amusing, so he fixed a plate under Tony’s eager supervision. “Tell me what you think. But be nice, I haven’t cooked this in a while, it might be a little dry.”

Peter took a bite of the chicken first, and it took him a few moments to feel the explosion of flavors on his tongue. The meat was tender and juicy, cooked to perfection, and the seasoning tasted inexplicably like home – it didn’t taste like something he could order at a restaurant, let alone a frozen meal he could buy at the supermarket. He then tried the mashed potatoes along with the grilled veggies and almost cried.

“Tony, this is so good, have you considered dropping everything and starting a restaurant?” he gushed, taking another bite of the chicken only to confirm that, yes, that was probably what paradise tasted like.

“Don’t exaggerate. I already like you plenty, kitten, you don’t need to flatter my cooking skills.” Tony smiled, shaking his head lightly, and if Peter didn’t know any better, he might think he was blushing.

“I’m not, this is seriously the best homemade meal I’ve ever eaten,” he insisted and Tony cocked his head to the side, with a confused smile and a frown

“What the hell have they been feeding you, kid?” He asked and Peter chuckled.

“Well, I spent most of my life in foster care and I was never lucky enough to end up in a family that liked to cook.” The families he stayed with weren’t bad – not compared to some of the horror stories he heard from other foster kids he met in the past – they just weren’t good. They provided him with the bare minimum for survival, so water and enough food to avoid starvation. “And uncle Ben and aunt May, dude… They couldn’t cook for shit.” He laughed, remembering Aunt May’s date loaf, which was probably the worst thing he had ever tasted in his life.

“Well, now I feel obligated to feed you properly,” Tony announced, and Peter quickly shook his head, feeling his face grow red for the hundredth time that night.

“Oh, no, you don’t need to, I wasn’t–”

“I want to, if I’m your only source of good, homemade food, then I’m taking this seriously, kitten.” He pointed a fork at him as he spoke. “And you can help me cook, what do you say? That way I can teach you a thing or two so you won’t starve to death.” Again, the idea that Tony wanted to cook for him was too sweet. He was an incredibly busy guy who probably didn’t even cook for himself, but he was willing to waste that kind of time on Peter. It just–

“Sounds amazing.” He smiled, nodding, and the older man’s face softened when their eyes met.  

“Good.” He took a sip of wine and topped off both of their glasses. “Did you tell your friends you were coming here today?” That seemed like a polite way to ask if they knew about him, and Peter wasn’t sure what kind of answer he was expecting.

“No, they think I’m home.” He watched the man’s face, waiting for his reaction, but there was none, so Peter felt like he should explain himself further. “After my ex – they’re just a little too overprotective, so, you know. I just don’t want them to worry.” Tony raised his eyebrows and Peter’s eyes widened, realizing what that might have sounded like. “Not that I think you’re my – that we’re – I mean, I’m not assuming anything, I just meant –“

“Hey, it’s okay, I know what you mean.” He reached across the table to squeeze one of his shaking hands. “Your friends sound like good people, by the way. You’re lucky to have them.”

“Thanks.” Tony smoothly changed the subject and started talking about his summers with his grandmother and how she taught him everything he knew about cooking. He said that was the reason why his repertoire consisted only of comfort food and Peter thought that was the sweetest thing he had learned about him so far.

Once dinner was done with, Tony kept his promise and gave him a tour. The place looked like a labyrinth made of glass and steel, there were five floors, several rooms with various purposes, but everything seemed sterile and impersonal, like nobody ever stepped foot in any of those places, which somehow made them look lifeless and even a little scary – like a ghost town of sorts. Peter couldn’t help but think that his tiny, mostly empty apartment felt more like a home than all five floors of Tony’s.

Well, all except for one.

“And this is the workshop,” Tony declared with a flourish when the glass doors slid open, revealing a wide, open space filled with worktables, holographic screens, robots, cars, Iron Man suits, and so many other things he had never seen before in his life. “Sorry about the mess.” He didn’t sound sorry, though, he sounded happy and proud, and Peter thought it was the only place in the penthouse that felt weirdly cozy and homey. To his relief – and secret disappointment –, there were no pictures of him in lingerie hanging on the walls.

“This is amazing…” Peter breathed out, realizing that that was Tony’s actual home. There was even a kitchenette in a corner, and next to it there was a small, cozy couch in front of a reasonably sized TV and a fluffy rug. He supposed Tony took naps there, too, because there was also a blanket draped over the back of the couch.

He walked over there, followed closely by the older man, and took a seat, sinking into the soft pillows.  

“I think this is my favorite room.” He blinked up at Tony, who regarded him silently for a few moments, and Peter started to think he had fucked up again. “What?” He whispered, but his answer came in the form of a kiss. He immediately melted into it, all worries flying out the window as he opened his mouth to taste him better.

Tony pushed him gently until he was lying on the couch with his larger body on top of him, and he’d be lying if he said that wasn’t the best feeling in the world.

It was a tight fit, but they made it work, as pieces of clothes were thrown to a pile on the floor; as skin met skin and made the room feel unbearably hot; as hands explored and mouths danced together and teeth left secret claiming marks on eager necks; as he felt, once again, full and sate and whole, and then spent and lax and dazed in the best of ways.

Suddenly, what had been frantic and passionate became slow and soft, what had been loud and messy became quiet and wholesome.  

The room was silent then, as their bodies slowly cooled down. Tony was lying on his back on the couch and Peter was lying on top of him, chests flush together, breathing in and out in sync. He felt a blanket being draped over his shoulders and he all but melted into the body underneath him.

“Can I ask you a question?” He whispered quietly into Tony’s neck, after several minutes, not sure if the older man had fallen asleep, his breathing was slow and constant.

“Baby, you could ask me anything right now, there’s no way I’d say no to you.” He answered right away and Peter giggled, pushing himself up on Tony’s chest to look down at him.

“Why did you want to meet me? For real?” Tony, whose eyes had been closed until that moment, opened them to gaze at him. He was quiet for a while, as one of his hands found the small of Peter’s back under the blanket and started rubbing circles on his skin.

“I liked talking to you.” He answered quietly, eyes locked on his. At first, Peter thought that was all the answer he was getting, and he would have been fine with that, but Tony kept talking. “You made me feel alive again.” His heart raced and his breath hitched in shock. He blinked down at the older man, who raised his free hand to tuck some of Peter’s curls behind his ear. “You see, things were… rough. After Thanos.” He remembered the funny story Tony told him in the restaurant a few nights earlier and was surprised to see such grief in the man’s eyes. “I had these nightmares. Anxiety attacks. Couldn’t sleep most nights.”

Peter reached out and ran a finger across the man’s forehead, trying to smooth down the frown that had formed there. Tony smiled, grabbing that hand to give it a little kiss.

“Pepper wanted me to give up the suit for good, said it was killing me and she wouldn’t stand by and watch it happen. On top of that, my relationship with some of the Avengers was strained, to say the least. I thought retiring from the Avengers would be enough to solve most of my problems, but I was wrong and everything just kind of snowballed from there. So what I mean to say is that by the time I met you, I was… Fucking exhausted.”

“Tony...” He frowned, heart clenching, because he could hear the pain in the man’s voice and how much he meant every word and it was devastating.  

“I looked forward to talking to you every night, you know. Still do. I don’t why you got under my skin like that, but you did. So when I said I needed to meet you, I meant I needed to meet you.” He smiled and Peter’s heart skipped a beat. The whole confession was almost too much to handle, too much to believe. At the same time, he knew what Tony meant because he had also been in a very dark place when they met and, somehow, talking to him brought some light back into his life. “My turn?”

“Sure.” Peter smiled, entwining his fingers on Tony’s chest and resting his chin on top of them, looking at the older man’s face.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to answer, I have a feeling this might be a bit of a touchy subject for you.” He cautioned, and Peter gulped. He knew what was coming and he thought about not answering, but Tony had been honest with him, so he took a deep breath and nodded.

“O-okay.”

“How did you end up doing porn? Not that it’s bad or anything, you just sounded so uncomfortable the other night... Like you’re ashamed of it, or regretful.” Tony asked carefully, one of his hands was still rubbing soothing circles on the skin of his back.

“Hm… Well. It’s complicated. I guess the short answer is: I was young and dumb and my older boyfriend convinced me it was a good idea. Then he left me and took all the money and everything we’ve ever built with him and – and now the only thing I know how to do is porn, so… Yeah.” It was a very short version of what happened, but very accurate as well. Tony frowned, raising an eyebrow.

“What do you mean he took everything?”

“He told me to pack a bag and leave. Whatever I couldn’t fit in my bag stayed behind, as well as the social media accounts, the channel, the money… He locked me out of everything.” Peter’s voice grew weaker as he spoke, because he felt so fucking ashamed. Of everything. Of admitting he let a man like Quentin into his life, that he made so many terrible decisions just so he could stay with him, only to be treated like that in the end. It was fucking humiliating.

Tony sat up in a haste, forcing him to do the same, until they were both facing each other on the couch. The older man’s eyes were wide, he looked so shocked it was almost funny. Almost.

“Peter, that’s – why – wait, and what do you mean he convinced you to do porn? Is it not something that you want to do?” Peter dropped his gaze for a second, not really sure what the true answer to that question was. If he was honest with himself, most times he just avoided thinking too much about what he was doing.  

“Well… I don’t hate it anymore, I guess,” he settled on that, after a few minutes of silence. “Sometimes I even enjoy it now, like… Like when we talk,” he mumbled the last part, raising his eyes again to look into Tony’s warm ones, and the older man looked back at him with – what? Worry? Regret? Guilt?

“So you hated it? Before?” He insisted, and Peter knew he could still choose not to answer if he wanted to, Tony wouldn’t force it out of him, but still – Peter wanted to tell him. He wanted Tony to know.

To know him. All of him. Even the parts that hurt.

“I did.” He whispered, holding back the tears that filled his eyes when the confession left his lips, because that was something that he never wanted to acknowledge. It took all he had to hold Tony’s gaze and not look away in shame. “I just felt… kinda shitty sometimes. Like… I wasn’t even human, just an object to be used and abused and disposed of.” He continued, swallowing a lump in his throat. He couldn’t read Tony’s expression, but his eyes were gentle as always, there was no judgment there. “I didn’t feel like my body belonged to me anymore.” Saying that aloud came almost as a surprise to Peter himself. He always tried so hard not to think about those feelings he almost believed they didn’t really exist, even though they were always there at the back of his mind.

“Pete...” Tony cupped his face in both of his hands, he looked so torn, it almost made Peter regret telling him.

“I’m doing okay now, I promise. I’m in control of my body, my choices, my money. I’m fine now, really,” he vowed and Tony pulled his head closer and pressed their lips together – it wasn’t even a kiss, just a caress.

“I can help you.” He offered with determination, holding his face in his hands, looking straight into his eyes and they were burning with anger, but Peter knew it wasn’t directed to him. “I can help you get everything back, I can make his life a living hell for doing that to you, I can –“

“Please, don’t,” He winced, shaking his head firmly, lifting his hands to hold Tony’s wrists, feeling his pulse and how fast his heart was beating. “Okay? It’s in the past. It’s over now. I don’t want to – relive it, I just want to forget.” His heart raced when the older man closed his eyes and started shaking his head. “Tony?”

“Peter, you can’t ask me to –“

“I am asking you leave it alone.” He insisted, a little desperately, but Tony’s face was locked in a frown and panic started creeping up on him. He couldn’t bear to think about confronting Beck, having to see him again, maybe talk to him again, he just wanted to move on, to forget he ever existed. His eyes burned and he closed them, trying to get his breath under control, but he could feel his hands shaking. “Please, please, don’t make me –“

“Hey, no, no, no.” Tony gathered him in his arms, rubbing his shoulders in a soothing way. “I’m sorry, no, I would never force you to do anything, okay? It’s your choice.” He cupped his face in his hands again, peppering kisses on his cheeks and forehead. Peter started calming down slowly, and even laughed a little when the man’s beard tickled his nose. “You know that I see you, right? And I mean I see you, Peter Parker, not the persona in the videos or the pictures, and you sure seem pretty fucking human to me, kid. You know that, right?” Tony kept holding his head in between his hands, forcing Peter to look back at him, which wasn’t necessary, he couldn’t look away if he tried.

He smiled, nodding slowly, leaning in to kiss his lips. The older man lay back down, pulling him along, until they were back to their original position. He rested his head on Tony’s chest and closed his eyes, sighing in relief.

He felt Tony wrap his arms around his waist, holding him tight, and he thought to himself that if heaven looked like Tony making breakfast in the morning and tasted like his cooking in the evening, it certainly felt like holding him at night.

-x-

Tag list (please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from the list):  @sadachmesarthim @iamnotparticularlyproud @staticwhispersinthedark @bluestarker

Sorry for the long chapter, guys, it really got away from me 🥴 Only four more chapters to goo ✨✨

[mythiccheroacademia]

Hey I love you hc so far I was wondering if you could do one if s/n was about to get in a fight with this girl but Aizawa canceled there quirks but that didn’t stop s/n from putting her hand on her and beating her ass. How would Bakugou,Todoroki,Izuku, and Shinsou react to that

that’s so sweet of you, honey bunny! thank you sm for this ask! ive been itching to write something spicy lmao. i hope you like this!

A/N: i hope you don’t mind, but this s/n will be female-identifying just because if they’re going to get physical (and it’s not for hero training), i’d rather it be between two girls. i personally am not comfortable with the idea of a man putting his hands on a woman over something that’s not life or death.

Warnings: lots of cursing and a few punches

PSA: I don’t condone violence! Especially between women. I think us girls need to stick together. However, if someone is coming at you disrespectfully, they need to get checked and that's on period. Just try to use your words rather than your hands hehe

Before I forget, Happy 2020 everyone 💜

Bakugo Katsuki:

y’all know this man is the king of using his fist first and words later

you’re pretty sweet and laid-back and you mind your own business

anyways, there was this girl didn’t like you for some reason

all she did was gossip and talk shit about you 

bakugo told you he’d help you jump her but you were trying to the bigger person and told him you’d talk it out 

you and the girl met during lunchtime, you took Mina to help mediate

you politely confronted her 

she denied it and called you crazy

you pulled out the receipts 

her “friends” sent you all the screenshots

“why are you so obsessed with me?” you ask

“who would be obsessed with an ugly bitch like you?”

“sis, who you callin’ a bitch?”

now Mina wants you to throw hands

like why is she calling YOU a bitch when she’s the one that’s talking shit and you don’t even know her???

things start to escalate and you both are screaming at one another and attracting the attention of your friends

she uses her quirk on you and everyone gasps

like, what the hell?

Aizawa immediately uses his scarf and cancels your quirks and orders both of you to the office

but you’re seeing red at this point

“you’re lucky i’m being held back bc i’m not afraid to pull up on a bitch, and that’s on period”

“shut the fuck up you dirty looking rat”

you don’t know if Aizawa loosened his wrappings or not, but you were able to get  free and you went in

Mina and Bakugo cheer

the other girl got suspended

you got two days under house arrest, but you thought it was worth it

bakugo was proud and wouldn’t stop bragging about it

“tch. of course my girl beat her ass. she can check that, dumb bit--”

you hit his head, “boys aren’t allowed to call girls bitches, idiot. but thank you baby”

Todoroki Shoto:

you dated some guy from another school who cheated on you with some girl

you were pretty torn up about it

you broke up with him without a second thought and found someone much better :)

you didn’t know the girl or care about her, so you just forgot about her*ladies, remember to check your bf first before the other woman. she’s not in a relationship with you, he is*

but for some reason, she wanted to torment you

you two went to U.A. but were in different classes

you didn’t see her much, but when you did, she’d make sly comments 

it got on your nerves, but you just let it go

shoto told you she wasn’t worth the energy

but then she saw you and todoroki at your locker and said,

“probably won’t be long until I fuck her boyfriend again,” she giggled to her friends

you slammed the locker shut, that was the last straw

“if you have something to say, say it to my face”

“i think you heard what i said, bitch”

“what’s your problem with me?”

“you think you’re all that bc you date the hottest guys in school, but they only want you bc you’re a skank”

shoto looks the girl dead in the eye and says, “then what does that make you?”

the girl gets so angry

but at you???, and uses her quirk on you

shoto pulls you out of the way 

aizawa comes out of nowhere and cancels all three of your quirks

it’s meant to calm you down, but the girl is trying to go at you

“you’re nothing more than a $5 prostitute and once everyone passes you around like the whore you are, i hope you get an STD and die”

yeah, all bets were off after that

even aizawa was like 😧

shoto put your hair up for you

“fuck her up y/n”

quirk or no quirk, you beat that ass

Midoriya Izuku 

*y’all are in your second-year*

izuku is weak for strong-willed women

literally went 😍🤤 when you told him he should ask you out

you spend a lot of time with each other and he knows about the situation with your (equally as strong-willed) ex-best friend

your ex-friend started to spread disgusting rumors about your little sister (who also goes to U.A as a first-year) just because it got out that her crush liked your sister

izuku, trying to be your hero™, thought y’all should talk it out so he brought both of you to the lunch table 

bless his heart but this boi don’t know 

 you both sat in silence before you glared at your boyfriend 

“why am i in front of this girl?”

izuku: 😯

“don’t address me like i’m some child” she says

“then stop talking about my sister like some little ass girl, bitch”

“shut the fuck up, bitch! ain’t nobody care about your ugly ass sister!”

“yo izuku, why the fuck did you place me in front of this low down dirty bitch”

izuku again: 😮

he immensely regretted this

izuku tries to calm you two down, but things just get worse

suddenly there are mentions of area codes and he didn't quite understand how they correlated to how well people fight, but he didn't have enough time to think about it

he’s trying to hold you back now

someone called aizawa over because you two started using your quirks

your sister is begging you to chill out but you’re too furious to listen

aizawa cancels your quirks before things go too far

izuku got so scared because he knows the punishment for fighting and he would hate it if you got expelled because of his dumb idea at peacekeeping

“y/n, please calm down! it’s not worth it”

even with your quirks gone, you two are rolling around the ground, punching, scratching, and screaming awful things at each other

yells at bakugo for cheering you on

Hitoshi Shinsou:

you know this man is shady af

you two make snarky comments to each other all the time

he loves the way you hold your head up high

he just loves your confidence, it was one of the things that made you so attractive to him

so it hurts him when you started being insecure and timid

he asks you what was going on, but you just say you’re tired

but after a while, you breakdown to him about some girl that’s been bullying you

he knows how it feels to be demonized, so he comforts you, and offers ways to defend yourself against the bullying

very mature™️, very adult™️

it seems to work for a little bit, but then it gets worse

her words start getting to you and, instead of being sad, you start getting angry

but its that really calm type of angry 

shinsou defends you a lot, but one day you tell him it’s okay

then you tell the girl, “next time i see you, it’s on sight baby girl”

it was in a sickly sweet tone that sent shivers down everyone’s spine

on the lowest of keys, it turned shinso on 

he’s like: 🥰😏

you and your bully were then paired up for combat training

you two fight each other and you’re going at her with everything you’ve got

shinsou is at the side, cheering you on 

he thinks you look hot when you’re angry

also, he’s so ready to see you destroy that girl

for educational purposes 

it’s obvious that you two are fighting with ill-intentions and aizawa is forced to cancel your quirks

she doesn’t stop running her mouth though

“you deserved to be picked on”

“oh word?”

“did i stutter?

there was a moment of intense silence as you stared at her

then shinsou yells, “snatch that hoe, y/n!”

and you did just that

you don’t know what happened to her

but you got detention, but your boyfriend gets it too for instigating 

so both of you just eat sweets and gossip to each other

[anxiousgaypanicking]

okay so i recently watched the metal family (the english dub) on youtube and i sent my friend a ton of information on it - my thoughts, my theories, etc, and then i thought of a sanders sides related universe for it 

technically some things differ, as in the part i wrote glam and chive (who ive assigned to logan and remus) eventually end up together, but whatever 

and, because im a whore for attention im going to post here exactly what i rambled about because i was spilling out thoughts that just made my heart beat faster. so basically, the metal family: sanders sides edition 

spoilers for the metal family. 

basically i was thinking of logan and remus basically as these two characters, with logan as glam/sebastian and remus as chive, and logans parents putting a lot of pressure on him as their only child, and his dad is suffering abuse to so he cant even stick up for logan, and when he does bad he has to put out his arm and roll his sleeve up and his moms hits it repeatedly, and in the show glam doesnt react until he showers bc thats when it stings (until a certain scene where glams dad slaps it so hard he fucking bleeds a lot and starts sobbing and its like part of when he snapped) but thats probably what he does, and obviously the butler also gets mad and snaps on him a lot too, but when he goes to that music exam and gets second place to remus (who he met briefly on the way to the music exam - youll understand this more if you end up watching the series), hes shocked, and as remus walks him home he explains what he did on the guitar, and gives him the bach vinyl and logan squints but takes it anyway, and when he announces he got second he gets scolded, they mock him for who he lost too, and the back vinyl is taken by his mother, hes scolded for thinking he could ever be on par (logan plays the violen btw - he entered the music exam with a violen and its what his mouther abuses him for when he plays wrong or doesnt answer right/right away to note related questions) with bach, and then hes hit with the ruler and sent back to his room, where he plays the bach vinyl thinking it will be bach but then its metal and it sort of awakens something in logan and he sort of snaps

when he runs into remus again remus offers to teach him, steals an amp and guitar from the observatory, and then when he goes home then this is where hes hit until his forearm is literally dripping with blood and hes sobbing, but sort of that unhinged sort of sobbing where hes like :) while sobbing and bleeding, and his mom is saying hes no longer allowed to take walks because he was late, went through the park, ran in a suit, etc, and how logan will be studying with her daily from now on, and through gritted teeth, a sob, and a smile, as he clutches his bloody wrist hes like "yes mother, ill study under you every day. every day. every day." and he and remus had luckily agreed already to meet by the dumpster at midnight, and thats what they start doing

remus teaches him how to play, and logan literally gets no fucking sleep and becomes more and more sleep deprived as hes taught more and more and it makes him more and more manic and unhinged, and he has periods where he fucking snaps and can play the bass super well because hes fueling his anger and his trauma into how aggressively he plays and is actually super good, and eventually he and remus get a gig with these two other bandmates 

and that happens to be the day that the way he hides his diary (where he gets out his murderous thoughts over his father, writes about lying to him, and writes down notes for music he wants to make) and his model of the city (which hed spent a lot of time on and cared about a lot and made out of every day things like lightbulbs and pencil shavers and had to keep hidden) were revealed and his mother found them, and she threw it into the trash where logan saw it crumbled as he walked home in the rain, and while his mother is aggressively shouting at him she says something along the lines of "who are you going to choose. your family, or some vagrants!?" and logan sort of snaps, goes wide eyed, and walks the other way, despite the fact its rianing and his mother demands him to come back, and then starst screaming about how if he ever comes back to the door hell never be allowed back inside, and thats where that episode ends

and basically i was thinking that logan leaves, and sort of walks around in his suit with his violen for a while, before he goes back to the alley where he hides his guitar that remus stole for him and his punk clothes, and he grabs them both and sort of mindlessly wanders until he ends up back in front of remuss trailer

when logan shows up remus doesnt realize until he opens the door of his trailer and prepares to leave and logans just standing there staring, utterly soaked, and he craves his neck up when remus walks out and remus is like "holy shit dude, you scared me. its not even midnight here. how long have you been here?" and logan doesnt answer, and hess not used to tocuhing people or being touched gently, but he sort of falls into remus, and collapses against him, and he starts sobbing because he just lost his family, and he left his dad all alone, but ehs finally free from the abuse, and hes so tired and so confused and hes never felt so unsure of his next move but remus just pulls him inside, brings his stuff inside, they step over his sleeping and drunk parent, and remus takes logan to his room (possibly the one he shares with roman ?) and basically just hugs logan as he sobs and cries and eventually passes out against him because hes literally so fucking sleep deprived, and remus takes liberty to change logan out of his sopping wet clothes, but then both of logans arms are covered in scars, some of them still scabbed, and remus is immediately concerned but he decides hell ask about it when logan wakes up, and basically ust goes out and shoplifts some food or steals from his parent to buy shit, and when logan wakes up hes given low quality food that he accepts gratefully, apologizes for showing up unceremoniously and being so informal, but remus just hesitantly wraps an arm around him, and logan accepts it, and remus says its fine while cuddling with him and then again hesitantly asks what happened

and logan sort of goes silent and doesnt talk about it, but clears his throat and asks if its okay he stays here, and theres already three people living in this trailer so he feels bad for asking, but remus just pulls him closer and is like "yeah man! of course you can stay!" because obviously hes not going to tell logan no after what he just pulled, so he lets logan stay, and remus and roman bicker for it a bit when logan uses their small ass bathroom to shower, and by the end remus has basically bribed roman into going along with it

and logan has to adjust to not being a wealthy - althought not spoiled - person anymore, and sometimes he reacts to things on instinct. he breaks something and remus comes up behind him and asks what happened and logan just sort of stares straight ahead, rolls up his sleeve, and sticks out his arm, and remus is like  logan?? and it takes logan a few seconds to snap out of it and he sort of gazes at remus, goes wide eyed, and then apologizes as he brings his arm back in and rolls down his sleeve, and he seems really awkward but also quite relieved, and remus has never hurt him before, but it was just sort of that reactive thing, and that happens to be the day where remus decides to ask what those scars are, and asks to finally treat them properly because he hears logans whimpers and hisses in the shower

he and roman have their fair share of scars from their own shitty drunk parent, so they know pretty damn well how to take care of them, and how to steal bandages and shit, so remus helps clean them out and up while logan sort of quietly tells remus all about his life, why the music exam was such a big deal, and how remus basically changed his life, and how hes still confused and doesnt know if he made the right decision, and remus doesnt respond until the end where he bandages up logans arms and then gently grabs his hand and tells logan that hes safe now, and that being surronded by people who only put you down and more so hurt you isnt good, and that he believes logan made the right decision because hes safe here with them (the twins make sure to keep him guarded from the drunk parent) and roman seconds that from his spot on the bed, and so logan tries to put his past behind him and instead focus on playing music with remus, and playing shows at bars and stuff where they slowly gain a larger and larger fan base, and they make more and more money from the awesome music they play, and eventually use that money to buy their own house

i know its a lot, but just imagine. imagine

[dripkingpetey]

love-e.pettersson

ive been working on this for a few days and im kinda proud of it! would love some feedback from you or requests for other story lines, i promise i’ll stop doing the friends to lovers storylines haha. i also accidentally deleted this and i was so sacred i couldnt get it back but here it is! i hope you enjoy.

*lowercase intended!*

2.2k words

he loves you, you know that right?

“why did you drag me here, i really don’t like hockey and you know that.” you said as you sighed to your bestfriend lucie while she pulls you down to your seats in rogers arena. 

“i know you don’t.” lucie said with a bright smile on her face. “but, you’re gonna learn to like it.” you look at her in confusion. “so, this is your way of torturing me as if you don’t already torture me enough by bringing me to parties.” you said while sitting down and looking at the players who are starting to get on the ice. “maybe.” lucie said with a wide grin and a mischievous look on her face before puck drop starts.

you’ve never been big on hockey, which is surprising considering you have lived in vancouver your whole life and your family is super big hockey fans. you also aren't the most extroverted person. sure, you’d go out to bars sometimes but mostly just with your close friends.

“what part of this sport do you even like?” you said as the game is going into the third period the canucks are now up 4-1 against the opposing team which you don’t even really know who they are. “well, if I’m being honest some of them are really hot but mostly cause of the sport.” you scoffed at her response. “none of them are hot from where i can see.” lucie looked at you with a shocked look. “oh you’ll get it once you get to know the players more.” you give her a confused look and put your full attention back to the game.

-

canucks ended up winning the game 5-2, lucie was very happy about it and you could tell cause she wanted to go out for a couple drinks and you didn’t want to say no so you agreed to go.

you had been at the bar for about twenty minutes and lucie was already gone which isn’t surprising, she was probably sleeping with some guy right now.

you started to panic a little when a creepy old dude came up to you and started hitting on you. “hey pretty girl, want to come home with me?” he started putting his hand on your arm which was resting on the table. you look around for lucie in panic but she’s no where to be found. 

you then feel a pair of arms sneak around your waist and you get even more freaked out. 

“hey babe, sorry i was gone for so long.” elias says to you with a smile but then proceeds to give the creepy dude the alien death stare which worked. after the dude leaves elias faces you and starts speaking. “sorry i touched you like that, it looked like you were alone and that guy was creeping you out so i thought you could use some help.” he shoots an apologetic smile at you. 

“its okay,” you give him a smile back. “thank you a lot actually, i have no idea where my friend went.” you take another look around the bar before looking back and him. 

“i’m elias by the way.” he smiles at you while holding his hand out for you to shake it. “y/n.” you say before shaking his hand. 

“so elias, what are you doing in this bar on a thursday night?” you gesture for him to sit down next to you. “if i told you, you wouldn’t believe me.” elias lets out a soft laugh while sitting down across from you. “tell me, i wanna know.” elias sighs lightly before he starts speaking again. “i’m with them,” he gestures over to brock, jake, quinn, thatcher and troy. you look over to see them all waving at you and laughing at elias, you laugh softly and wave back at the before turning your attention back to elias. “ah, so i’m guessing you’re on the canucks?”

elias lets out a nervous laugh. “yeah, why don’t we go somewhere else where the boys aren’t up my ass?” you take another sip out of your drink. “i would love to.” he holds out his hand for you and as you guys walk out you can hear the guys chirping, but when you look over to elias you can see him giving the death stare to the boys and it makes you laugh. “you have a scary death stare jeez.” elias leads you to his car. “that’s surprisingly what the fans love me for.” he smiles at you before opening the car 

door for you.

-

“…and that’s all what led me to being on the canucks.” elias said to you while eating a chip out of the chip bowl you had prepared. it had been a couple hours since you guys left the bar and went back to your apartment, you don’t know why but it felt like you and elias had such a strong bond already that you both felt like you can talk for hours and hours and never get tired of each other, he felt the same way too. “jeez, i kinda sound like a douche. i’ve been talking about myself all night, please tell me more about you.” elias said to you while you laughed at his words. 

“it’s all good, i’ve been the one asking questions anyways.” you smiled while responding to him. “no seriously, tell me something about you before i have to go which i really don’t want to by the way.” 

you look at the time and realize its almost twelve am so you proceed to give him a quick response. “well, i’ve lived in vancouver my whole life. and i’m currently going to ubc as a nursing student.” you smiled at his now very amused face. 

“see, that’s something i wouldn’t have known if you didn’t say it,” he laughs a little before he finishes his sentence. “can i get your number? i have practice early tomorrow morning but i’m free for the rest of the day if you want to hang out.” 

you smile at his words and take his phone from him. “of course you can, i’m free tomorrow too just give me a call.” you said while handing his phone back to him after you’ve entered your number. elias gives you a wide grin and you both get up so you could walk him to the door. “goodnight elias.” you look up at him with a smile as he’s standing in the doorway. “goodnight y/n, sweet dreams.” he said and then started to walk down the hallway towards the elevator. “pettersson!” you called out at him and he turns around confused. “text me when you get home.” he gives you the thumbs up and you close your door and head to bed. 

no ones ever shown this much attention to elias before, at least no one he’s truly cared about. 

he smiled to himself on his drive home cause he was excited to text you again.

*contact name changed to “y/n<3”* 

text message to y/n<3:i just got home, thank you for the awesome night :).

-

it’s been a couple weeks since you and elias had met at the bar, you basically hung out with each other anytime you could. 

you were each others best friends at this point, sure the guys would make fun of elias for being in love with you but you couldn’t see it, elias knows he has some feelings for you but he wasn’t sure about it yet. he also didn’t want to risk the amazing friendship you guys had started.

“hey, are you coming to the game tonight?” elias asked over the phone to you.

you let out a sigh before you start speaking. “i’ll try, schools been really hard lately but i should be able to finish studying tonight.” elias could hear the tiredness in you voice and it hurt him to see you like this. “y/n, its okay. you don’t have to try and make it, focus on school its way important. you have many more games of mine that you can watch.” he left out a soft chuckle at the end of his sentence. 

“i’ll still try though, i’ll give you a text if i can make it.” you said to him as you looked at the last large text book you had to read through and look at the giant pile of coffee cups surrounding your desk. 

“okay, love you, i gotta go.” “love you too e, good luck.” you both quickly exchanged goodbyes as you started reading your last text book. you knew there was no way you were going to be able to make it to his game tonight and you felt really bad, you sighed it off as you put your attention back to studying and occasionally looking at the canucks game that was now playing on your tv.

-

the game had ended, canucks lost by one but petey is a sore loser so obviously he was sad, which made him show up at your apartment, he brought pizza from your favourite place downtown.

you were passed out on the couch though, which resulted in elias having to pull out his spare key and sneaking into your apartment.

“elias?” you mumbled out as you felt him sit next to where you were laying on the couch, he motioned for you to lay you head on his lap and you did.

“hey sleepy girl, i brought our favourite pizza.” he said to you with a smile. no matter how bad of a day elias was having, you could always make him smile.

you positioned your head so you’re now facing up at him and you give him a big smile. “thank you, can we snuggle and watch a movie?” elias starts rubbing your cheek softly. “of course we can y/n.”

the night ended with you and elias falling asleep on the couch together while watching a movie he had picked out, you both forgot about all the stress from today and just enjoyed the moment.

-

“he loves you, you know that right?” brock said to you as he came by and sat next to you.

it was the start of summer, tanev decided to host a little barbecue for the whole team before everyone left vancouver and went back to their home towns for the summer.

you were sitting in the backyard watching elias talk to huggy. “what?” you said to brock with confusion. “no he doesn’t.”

brock scoffed at your response. “dude, you can’t be serious. how do you not see it.”

you thought about what brock said for awhile before you gave him a response. “does he talk about me?” you looked at brock while taking a sip of your drink. 

“does he talk about you? of course he fucking does y/n, all the time. especially when you don’t show up to our games, it’s worse when we’re on the road.” 

you smile to yourself at what brock said.

-

you were quite tipsy by the end of the night and elias didn’t want to let you go home alone, so you spent the night at his place.

“elias?” you said in your sweet drunken tone as you both settled into his bed, and you faced your body in his direction. 

“yes?” he said while playing with your hair softly. 

“brock said something to me earlier,” you said while pulling your body close to his.

 “of course he did,” he said with a sigh. “what’d he say this time?” 

“apparently you talk about me a lot?” you said with a soft laugh and your fingers now tracing up and down his back.

“yeah, yeah i do. i talk shit about you all the time.” he says sarcastically knowing where this conversation was going.

“hey!” you said as you playfully punched him. “i was going to do something but i guess not anymore.” you said with a huff.

he lifts your chin up to face him. before you knew it you guys were kissing each other, it was a soft, long and sweet kiss.

elias pulled away with a big grin on his face and you did too. you talked to each other for the rest of the night, you ended up falling asleep before elias did but he did too shortly after.

you woke up to the smell of elias making waffles, you hugged him from behind and he didn’t even notice you were awake until you did that.

“it smells really good,” you said to elias before kissing his cheek and begging for him to hug you. 

he pulls you into his grip and whispers in your ear. “do you wanna go to sweden with me for the summer?”

you look up at him with slight shock. “yeah, why not.” you said to him with a smile and he gets very excited and spins you around, you kiss for awhile until you smell something burning and you pull away.

“shit.” elias mumbles as he deals with the burnt waffles and you’re both laughing your asses off.

[peter-pan-hoe]

Old Friends Pt 1

Guess Who’s Back Bitches

(Sorry for calling you bitches im just very excited. I love every single of of yall and Im so happy you guys have stuck around during this ridiculous hiatus and i hope to be posting more soon. I just got off my ass today and was like “Alright ya cow its time to write” and i did. Here is the oldest request ive had waiting in my inbox for literal years im so sorry this took so long. Here is part one of what will hopefully be a new series. I’ve taken it in a different direction to start with but i will be swinging it around to meet the request in later parts. So happy to be back. Ive missed you. I love you. Here we go xx)

“So like maybe Peter, y/n, an all the lost boys are having this huge dinner, hanging out and that, and then somehow, for revenge, The Dark One sends one of Peter’s old lovers to the island. That night Peter sneaks off to greet the girl who is STILL in love with him, maybe she puts him under her spell to forget about the reader and then they like almost do da nasty or something and I guess I can leave you to the rest.”

Requested by @bellakae

Warnings: swearing, legit like one f-bomb

I did my best to make Y/N gender neutral but being a cis female I may have missed some gender identifiers when editing and I apologise 

tag list:  @dina3s @just-meh-and-me-dogs @xcastawayherosx @lexymeg

sorry to anyone i forgot. I couldnt find all the asks or my updated tag list. Comment bellow or dm me if you want to be added to the tag list xx

 Every time there’s a new batch of lost boys, or ever just one, to arrive on the island, we have a welcome feast.

The hunter and forager boys gather as much stuff they can find and the cooks put together a huge meal. Given out of the 47 of us that there’s only 6 cooks, we usually have some extra to help out.

When there’s a big group it’s usually because Peter went to the mainland to find boys and bring them here because they weren’t happy at home.

There was that time that 5 or six boys rocked up because they made their way here together.

But if it’s just the one boy, they’re the believers. The ones who wished their way here.

This time around however was because Peter had gone to the mainland.

He usually seemed very happy whenever he came back.

Well no less happy than usual.

He wasn’t sad or angry or quiet like today.

When he returned early this morning with the latest group of boys, he came into our shared hut and stared out the window until morning.

Usually if it’s a late night he would have woken me up to say he was back.

He hadn’t needed to wake me up this time as him simply entering the room had roused me. But he didn’t even look over at me as he walked passed our bed to his little seat on the window sill.

I figured something must be up so I sat up and pretended I hadn’t heard him come home.

  “Oh hey,” I said, faking a yawn. “When did you get back?”

He looked at me with a forced smile.

  “Just a little while ago,” he hopped down from his perch by the window and came to sit beside me. “Did I wake you?”

He gave me a gentle kiss on the head and the leaned down to untie his boots.

  “No I don’t think so,” I lied and shook my head. “I just woke up and you were there,”

He didn’t say anything as he kicked of his boots and put his feet up on our bed.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked. “You seem a little distracted,”

  “yeah I’m alright,” he sighed. “Just ran into an old friend while I was out getting the new boys,”

  “Okay 2 things,” I started. “First is, how are the boys? And how many? And the second thing, was this old friend still a friend or are you not on good terms?”

  “They boys are good,” he replied with a stifled yawn.

I could tell he was very tired, but not his usual physical exhaustion. He seemed tired in his mind.

  “I brought home 14 boys,” he continued. “The youngest 7 and the oldest 17,”

  “That’s a lot,” I said sadly. “All those boys – a 7 year old – lost and lonely,”

  “Mmm,” he nodded in agreement.

  “So what about your friend?” I pressed carefully.

I don’t want to upset him.

  “I’m not really sure,” he sighed. “We didn’t end on good terms but she seemed happy to see me. She even wanted to come back here with us,”

This answer surprised me.

  “She?” I asked nervously.

  “Yeah,” he looked at me apologetically. “Clara. An old… partner of mine,”

  “Partner as in lover?” I asked. “I don’t mind you talking about your ex’s. I’ve got some too y’know,”

I tried to lighten the solemn mood with a giggle.

  “You mean I’m not your first love?” he feigned shock, gasping dramatically and putting his hand over his heart.

  “Oh but you are the truest,” I collapsed into his chest with a laugh.

He held me tight as he lay back on our bed, so I was leaning back onto him.

  “But yes, to answer your question,” he said as he absentmindedly played with a few strands of my hair. “Clara was my old lover. She was someone I met a long time ago,”

I thought about how things would have been with Peter and this Clara.

  “Did she live here like me?” I asked, genuinely curious.

Like I’d told him, I don’t have an issue with him having past lovers. I mean who doesn’t?

  “No,” he said quietly. “We weren’t really bonded like you and I are,”

  “So how did you see her?” I asked as I reached up to brush some of my hair back.

  “Made more trips to the mainland I guess,” he shrugged. “I still only picked up new boys once a month but I went to see her weekly,”

  “But you two weren’t romantically affiliated?” I questioned.

  “Well I wasn’t,” he admitted with a guilty face. “She was very emotionally invested in our… relationship. Whereas I was not,”

  “Oh Peter…” I sighed. “Did you break her heart?”

  “I guess,” he shrugged again. “She started getting really clingy. She didn’t want to come here. I never really found out why but she insisted that our meeting were to take place on the mainland. She began asking me to stay for longer periods of time. Once to the point that Felix came to find me because Neverland’s weather started to turn to a freezing winter. She’d convinced me to stay for weeks at a time more than once,”

  “But she was the only one romantically invested?” I reiterated.

He gave a solemn nod.

  “That’s fucked,” I lay back in the bed and yawned. “How did the encounter go this time?”

  “She seemed the same,” he said carefully. “Like she didn’t even remember that we ended badly,”

  “How so?” I pressed.

  “I came across her in a town market and she ran to me like she was so happy to see me,” he continued.  “She ran to me and wrapped her arms around me like she used to when we hadn’t seen each other for a time. I’m not sure she even realises how long its been,”

He became quiet, thinking.

  “How long has it been?” I could feel my eyelids getting heavy and my voice came out as almost a whisper.

  “Thirty odd years or so,” he brushed some loose hairs from my face, just touching for the sake of touching. “But she left so quickly this time I didn’t even have a chance to ask her why she seems this to be like this. She just said she had errands to run and had to go. That she would see me soon,”

  “That sounds ominous,” I mumbled.

I was processing as much of this as I could in my tired state. I suppose Peter could sense that I was barely awake.

  “Go back to sleep, love,” he kissed my forehead. “We can talk more about it in the morning. Sleep Y/N, we have a big day of celebration to prepare for tomorrow,”

He didn’t have to tell me twice as id already started to drift off from him gently stroking the side of my face.

[kittybellestark]

Straightening Things Out Part 2

Part 1

This is it guys, part 2, and then this fic is doneeeeeee, I can’t believe I actually finished this today, hope you enjoy it also why ya’ll gotta go and call it CPS, every time i go to write it i’m like uhhh american CAS 

-

When Peter finally woke up he was in a bed. There was the familiar sound of his heart rate beeping out, the lights dimmed and a hand on his own. An oxygen mask was on his face, and he was hooked up to an IV.

Peter freaked out. This wasn’t where he was meant to be. He tried pushing himself up and off the bed, which caused horrible pains in his abdomen, stopping him from moving. Groaning Peter fell back onto the bed.

“Hey, hey, hey, Pete, it’s just me, Mr. Stark. You’re safe. We’re in the Med Bay. You’re okay. Put the Bambi eyes away, I’ll back up, whatever you need.”

Tony held both his hands up, keeping them in clear view of Peter. He took a few steps back watching Peter relax with each step he took backwards.

“Sorry. I just- sorry. I shouldn’t have called you.” Peter’s voice was rough and quiet, and it hurt him to use.

“No apologies, you did the right thing, kid. I’m glad you called, even if it was to have a panic attack in my car while spitting up blood and passing out. You felt safe around me. You did the right thing.”

Peter went to speak again and Tony held his hand up.

“You shouldn’t really be talking. You’re esophagus was torn pretty bad. Do you want to full run down?”

Peter hesitated before nodding.

“Torn trachea, bruised neck, broken ribs, bleeding stomach, bruised liver and kidneys, tear in the gastrointestinal track, as well as significant damage to the anus, what seems to be whip marks down your back and what appears to be self harm on your arms, legs, chest and stomach. And a concussion, with a broken nose, and a fractured cheekbone.”

Tony sat down on the chair across the room from Peter, trying to respect Peter boundaries. Peter’s eyes welled up with tears and Tony wanted nothing more than to go and hold Peter and make everything better.

“We, uh, had to call the police. They want to ask you some yes and no questions right now, and then when you can speak again they’ll want actually talk to you. I have to ask though, because of the severity and where a lot of the injuries occurred, did Skip rape you?”

Peter bit his lip, before making the active decision to ignore the question outright. Sure, he knew he should confirm the allegations, he knew he should. Peter knew it was wrong. Horribly aware that what Skip did was illegal and horrible, but he couldn’t help that one part of him that saw it as help. Because that is what Skip called it. It was only ever supposed to be to be help Peter. Skip only ever did this for Peter.

So Peter turned away and closed his eyes, hoping that his mentor would believe that this didn’t happen to him, that he wasn’t a sin, or shameful. Peter wanted to believe that Tony wouldn’t just abandon him. He had brought it on himself.

The pain. The torment. This was his responsibility. He knew better. Peter was supposed to be Spider-Man. He was supposed to be a hero and know right from wrong. And yet, it’s different when it happens to him.

It’s not abuse, it’s just a thing that happens. It’s not self harm, it’s just a way to have some relief. It isn’t rape, it’s just learning a way to only like women.

Peter has rationalized it all. Made up answers for everything. Fallen deep into a pool of lies. Drowning under the weight of his soon-to-be uncle and the rest of the world. Spider-Man isn’t there to help him. Spider-Man said “fuck you, buddy,” and took a nice little wander away from Peter’s life. There’s no want to help himself, or others, and there’s no guilt for not putting on the suit. Spider-Man was just a phase.

“Okay buddy, I get it you’re tired. You’ve been through it. I’ll tell them to come back in a little bit. But I’m not going to judge you, no matter what, okay? I’m not going to toss you out or throw you to the side. You’re important and whatever you’re going through I want to help.”

-

The next time Peter woke up his friends were there in the place of Tony. Ned, MJ and Harley all managed to fit themselves on the one small chair in the room, talking in hushed voices.

Peter watched them as they giggled to themselves, something about two pretty best friends or whatever. The trio all seemed tired, apprehensive even, but they were doing their best to remain positive.

“Oh my god, Peter you’re awake!” Ned shouted out, the first to notice.

Peter flinched back at the loud voice and the sudden movements of the three as they scrambled to try and get up, too entwined to be able to do it with any ease. They made it to Peter’s bedside flushed and with minimal injuries.

“Dude we were so worried. MJ and I were heading to your place because you weren’t answering and then we saw May and Skip get arrested and be put in the back of a police car.”

MJ elbowed Ned in the stomach, urging him to shut up, as clearly this wasn’t the best time to talk about Peter’s family getting arrested. Ned mumbled out some apologies, yet Peter didn’t seem to react. His eyes were blank and the expression on his face hadn’t changed since the group noticed he was awake.

“Peter?” Harley whispered.

Peter’s eyes flicked over to focus on Harley, and it was clear to everyone just how terrified Peter actually was. His jaw was tight and eyes just a little too wide. Peter was as stiff as a board, focused on whoever caught his attention and tracking their movements to make sure they aren’t a threat. The three moved backwards as slowly as they could so that Peter wouldn’t feel as threatened by their presence.

“Tony wouldn’t tell us the extent of your injuries because of HIPPA or whatever but he did say you’re not allowed to talk, so I guess it was really serious.” MJ started to say. “But don’t think I didn’t notice your arms and leg, I’m really angry that you lied to me, but I get it, okay? Whenever you want to tell us what happened we’ll listen and we won’t judge you or your actions.”

There was a moment where Peter considered telling them. He could write things out. Peter had already told the police using a written statement. If he just wrote it down, then they’d know. But then Peter thought of what Skip did to him. He remembered how Skip told him that he needed to be cured, that no one would love him or accept him as he is now.

Skip wasn’t a kind man, but Peter also knew that he had his moments. Like the time he held Peter as he sobbed, rubbing his back and carrying him to bed. Skip was doing it for the right reasons. He cared. It hurt. It hurt a lot when Peter got to know how nice Skip could be to then be face down on his bed, begging to be let go and free of Skip’s torment. 

Instead of saying anything and letting his friends know what’s been happening Peter shook his head and turned himself to face away from them. The trio couldn’t see Peter like this. Not broken in a hospital bed over something he could have stopped.

He would have stopped it, right? If he truly didn’t want what was happening, he’d stop it. Instead he allowed it to happen for the results. For May. To be loved for who he is, even if he has to fake it. Peter knows he should have stopped what Skip was doing. He had the power to the entire time, and yet, he didn’t.

It was his own fault. MJ said that they won’t judge him, but Peter knows they would. They’d think he’s disgusting and want nothing to do with him. Peter created this situation and now he was going to lose everyone.

Peter was tired. He was going back to sleep.

-

He was finally released from the Med Bay. Dr Cho had finally deemed him strong enough to not be hooked up to an IV 24/7 and with no need of oxygen. Peter was still on bed rest, and he wasn’t allowed to be alone for long periods of time either. He had to drink protein shakes to regain his weight and he has sessions with a therapist set up for the next forever.

He was lucky that Tony has taken temporary custody of him. So instead of being in the Med Bay, Peter would be in his own bedroom. Tony and Pepper had both been incredible, extending their home to him and being by his side through everything. They hadn’t kicked him out yet, nor have they hit him or told him they don’t love him. Instead they continued reject what Skip had done. Tony and Pepper knew what Skip did to him, they were aware that he could have stopped it, and they still let him stay.

“Hey Roo, so I just got news that the police released May. Your statement pretty much cleared her because she wasn’t ever home. Obviously CPS won’t release you back into her care yet, but she had been asking to see you. I wanted to tell her no, but it should be your decision.”

Phineas and Ferb automatically paused when Tony started talking, thanks to FRIDAY. Tony kept his voice soft and held a reassuring smile on his face. Peter pulled his knees up to his chest, feeling himself start to scratched at the exposed skin on his ankles.

“Hey, hey, Pete it’s okay. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want too.”

Tony was quick to move to Peter, looking for permission before pulling Peter’s hands away, stopping him from hurting himself any further.

“Sorry, sorry- I didn’t- sorry. Didn’t realize what I was doing.”

“It’s okay kiddo, recovery isn’t always linear. You don’t need to talk to May, I’m more than happy to tell her no. It’s at your rate, no one is going to judge you for it.”

Peter nodded, leaning into Tony for the first time in a months for comfort. Tony stayed still for a moment allowing Peter to acquaint himself to kind human contact.

“Can I put my hand on your back, Peter?”

Peter nodded again and Tony beamed with pride, proud of his kid to be able to accept physical contact. Tony kept his one hand on Peter’s upper back, rubbing small circles in an attempt to bring comfort.

“I want to see her. If she didn’t know we shouldn’t punish her. It isn’t her fault he used May against me. I should have known, I should have.”

Tony felt Peter shake his head as his whole body seemed to fight itself between discomfort and trying to relax. Peter moved himself closer into Tony, resting his head on Tony’s shoulder instead.

“Pete, it wasn’t your fault. I know you don’t believe that yet, but I promise, this isn’t on you. If you aren’t ready to see May yet everyone will understand.”

The teen pulled away from Tony and considered the words spoken, face twisting in thought. After a moment Peter huffed and nodded. Tony smiled trying to be reassuring.

“I’ll be okay, can you just be in the room? It’ll just, make me feel better if someone else is there, I think.”

“Of course, I’ll be there if you need me.”

-

May sat in a chair, hoping to have chosen the right spot to not make Peter feel trapped. She hated what she had done to her kid. How could she had been unaware of what was happening in her home? To her family?

She deserved to have custody revoked, the fact that CPS wasn’t doing that boggled her. This situation only happened because May allowed a bad man into their home. Peter had said that he wasn’t getting along with Skip, that there was something off, and May should have believed him. But she was blind, and now Peter has paid the price.

Why did May allow herself to believe Skip’s word? She saw Peter slipping, she saw him struggle but then Skip would talk about how Peter confided in him and that he was giving Peter advice. Skip had made it seem like he was helping Peter. May had taken the extra shifts at work and was out more, unable to help, and was made to be a fool.

She should have never started dating again.

Peter and Tony finally enter the room and May’s heartbreaks at the sight of her nephew. Peter looked decades older with the guarded look on his face, holding himself. The clothing Peter wore was much too big, barely hanging onto him. There was an elastic band on each wrist, a clear sign to May that Peter had relapsed.

This was all her fault.

Tony sat on the couch sitting closer to May, leaving room for Peter farther away. Peter glared at the couch like it was a personal offense before sitting on the ground, leaning onto one of Tony’s legs.

“I’m sorry Peter, I didn’t know.”

May wanted to hug him, to make him feel better. Yet that was probably the last thing that Peter needed or wanted from here right now. Instead she dug her nails into the upholstery, trying to quell the urges to hold Peter and never let go.

“He said that you never accepted me. That you thought I needed to be cured. Was any of that true?” Peter’s voice was cold and hard, it didn’t hold any of the kindness it used to, no longer soft and light.

“No, baby, no of course not. I’m so sorry he used me against you. Skip manipulated the both of us and I’m so sorry I didn’t see it. I love you and accept you no matter what. What he said wasn’t true.”

The room fell silent. Peter started to rock back and forth as he processed May’s words. It didn’t take much longer for his eyes to look empty or for him to sob, burying his head in his hands.

“Hey, Roo, you’re gonna be okay, you aren’t there anymore. We’re in the tower and you’re safe.” Tony whispered trying to get Peter to not fall into a full blown panic attack again.

“No, no it has to be true. I let him, he said- he told me that- no he was telling the truth. You don’t love me, not while knowing I also like men. You can’t. I let him- I did it for you, I didn’t want to be a disappointment anymore. He was in my head, he told me to hurt myself. I let him May, because I thought you didn’t love me. You said you were proud of me, because you talked to him, I told him it was working, that I was straight and he- and he raped me. Then you said you were proud of me because I was getting help from him. I- Ben would hate me. He would. He always said ‘With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility,’ and I had the power to stop it. I’m supposed to be Spider-Man I stopped this sort of thing from happening to others. I had the power to stop him, the responsibility to stop him and I didn’t because I wanted you to love me and not be disappointed in me. It has to be true. I didn’t go through all of that for you to say it wasn’t. No. I disagree with you.”

Peter pressed his nails into his face and started to drag them down, scratching at himself. Tony was quick to move down onto the ground, making sure not to touch Peter, only speaking in a soft whisper to help calm the teen.

May couldn’t help the tears that sprung to her eyes, or the way her heart crumbled at being the cause of Peter’s pain. She should have kept her eyes open, or listened to Peter when he said he didn’t like Skip. Why would she let herself believe that Peter’s problem was Skip was the fact that he was in Ben’s place? May caused all this pain and now she can’t even help him. 

“I’m sorry, I should go. I’m so sorry Peter, I never wanted any of this to happen.” May spoke out as she got up and exited the room, needing to walk away, needing space, needing to give Peter his own space. She caused this, she can’t punish Peter for it either.

-

Peter didn’t like therapy very much. He didn’t like talking through his ‘traumas’ or his emotions either. She made Peter talk about his sexuality and his confusion over it now. Peter discussed how he used to identify as bisexual but how Skip wanted him to be straight and his he thought he was except for the fact that Harley existed.

Apparently he was making great progress. Though she might just say it to all her clients, Peter wasn’t sure. He just knew it didn’t feel like he was making any progress.

Peter still couldn’t be alone in a room with older men, except for Tony, he could hardly be alone with those his own age. He couldn’t help the anxiety that anyone was judging him and wanting to fix him. And his therapist said he still wasn’t ready to go back to school, or big crowds.

Really, it was a fancy way of saying Peter wasn’t ready for anything. Couch’s were still a no go, and beds depended on the day. Peter knew he could never go back to that apartment, but he also knew that May was looking at new places for them.

Progress was hard and slow and sometimes it didn’t feel like progress at all. But Peter was doing it. He’s getting there.

-

“Hey,” Peter said just slightly too loud.

He bounced on his heels, standing in the doorframe, ready to leave at any moment. Harley jumped in his seat, dropping his book onto his desk. Harley was quick to regain his composure resting his chin on his hand and his elbow on his desk.

“Hey, hey Peter? Uhm, do you want to come in, I can give you this chair if it’ll make you more comfortable.”

Peter considered for a moment, before deciding to stay where he was, not quiet comfortable with entering Harley’s room yet. So he shook his head, trying to get comfortable leaning against the doorframe, keeping his arms crossed over his chest.

“That’s okay, Peter. We can both sit on the ground? That way you can lean against the wall behind you, and then I can stay over here against the desk.”

Peter nodded, appreciating Harley for letting him stay outside of the room. He sat down on the ground before sliding back the few feet to lean against the wall. Harley sat down too, leaning on the side of his desk.

It took Peter a moment to find his words. Looking at Harley and his stupid lop-sided smile. Just existing near Harley made it hard to breathe, let alone hard to talk. And it just wasn’t fair. But he needed to do this. It was important.

“You terrify me, Harley Keener.” Peter’s voice was soft and his smile sad. “Not because I think you’re going to hurt me. Skip, uh, he never did anything, not until he found out I was bi. I didn’t like him very much before everything, but I feel he did the right thing, and I know my therapist says he did the wrong thing, but I disagree.”

Peter took a breath, and Harley just wanted to give Peter a hug and to comfort him. But that isn’t what was needed here. It was obvious Peter needed to talk to someone who won’t judge him. Harley was someone Peter could relate to because of what he went through in Rose Hill. Of course the homophobia never hurt Harley in the ways it hurt Peter, Harley was never raped, but he was beat up over and over and the church goers were never nice either.

“It started when I was talking to May. She was asking about school, and I had started talking about you. Please don’t blame yourself. It isn’t your fault and I didn’t get hurt because of you. But I was talking about you and May asked if I liked you, and I said I did. That’s when he started doing things. I brought up the new dreamy transfer from Tennessee and that was it.”

Pausing for a moment, Peter felt his throat burn and how hard it was to talk. Peter squeezed his eyes shut and took a shaky breath in. Harley held a hand over his mouth, feeling responsible for the pain that was inflicted on Peter. This was harder than Harley thought it was going to be.

“It’s not you’re fault Harley. Okay? It’s my own. At first he just wanted me to cut myself, anytime I had a sinful thought, I used to do that when I was younger, so once the razor was in my hands it was just so easy. But it wasn’t making me straight like he wanted, so he started beating me, but that still didn’t work. Then he came in my room drunk once, claimed I was rubbing off on him. That was the first time he ever touched me. And I started to look at you, and all men really with fear. I didn’t feel attraction, only fear. I thought it worked. I was finally straight y’know. I was so excited to tell Skip, because it was working and May was going to love me again and I was going to be normal. I told him. But that’s when things started. He said I gave him my disease and he had to cure himself. I was straight Harley, I was finally normal, but it kept happening and I was going to die. I knew it. He was going to kill me, Harley, and I ran, which I shouldn’t have. Skip was just trying to help. He wanted to make me better. It was all my fault and I shouldn’t have left. I’m supposed to be Spider-Man, I should have been able to handle it. I should have stayed longer.”

Harley couldn’t help the tears, letting them silently fall. He hated that Peter blamed himself for this. All Peter did was admit his attraction to his family and it nearly killed him. While Harley knew he wasn’t the reason for Peter’s pain, it surely felt like it.

“Peter-“

“No, wait, I’m not done. I said you terrify me. But it’s not because you’re scary or I think you’re going to hurt me. You terrify me Harls, because no matter what Skip did, I still liked you, and I shouldn’t have anymore because he was fixing me. Skip was fixing me but he couldn’t stop me from liking you, Harley, and that terrifies me.”

Peter’s shoulders shook as he tried not to cry, to not dwell on his trauma. He still believed that Skip did the right thing, no one was able to convince him otherwise. It broke everyone’s heart how Peter knew that the things were done to him were wrong, but believed that they were done for the right reasons. Harley hated that Peter hated himself over something he used to be so proud of. It was torture to watch Peter go from this bubbly ball of joy, to someone who retreated so far into themselves and couldn’t trust anyone around him. Harley watched Peter’s spirit die and he tracked his food intake. He should have known.

“Did I ever tell you why I moved to New York?” Harley then chose to say.

He knew that Peter probably didn’t want apologies or reassurance that things weren’t his fault. Peter wouldn’t have come to Harley for that, that was Tony’s area now.

“To go to a better school and work with Mr. Stark?”

“I was forced out of the closet back home. Some kids found out and then spread it around town. Now it spread like wildfire as we all knew each other. My mama was scarred for me. I couldn’t go to church without someone spittin’ at me and I couldn’t go to school without getting beat up. People were tryna’ hit me with their cars. All because I was ‘against the word of god.’ Then one day I was pulled into the fields behind the school and these kids held a gun to my head. The local police blamed me for having a gun to my head and my mama and sister thought I’d leave the house and never come home. So I got sent here when Tony found out about it. I didn’t choose to come out here, but they were going to kill me one day and it was the only way my family could make sure I’m safe.”

Peter was silent to Harley’s confession and Harley couldn’t stop the self-deprecating smile that made its way to his face. It wasn’t something Harley liked to talk about, but this is what Peter needed. Harley blamed himself in the beginning the same way Peter blames himself now. Peter needed to relate and to see that someone else gets it. Nothing was going to change for Peter if he didn’t see that others knew what it was like. Peter was just too stubborn like that.

“Harls…” Peter finally whispered, moving into the boys room.

Peter was cautious with his movements, his eyes holding no trust and he moved closer to Harley. Holding his breath to not scare Peter, Harley did his best to not move, to not do anything that could harm Peter. Finally, Peter stopped, still in the ground and kicking out his one leg to lean against Harley’s. It was a stretch for Peter to reach Harley and he was closer than he originally thought he’d be. Harley’s eyes were wide, blue eyes filled with tears, as the look on his face seemed to ask permission for this to be okay.

“You didn’t deserve that Harley. That was your home and it isn’t fair that you didn’t feel safe there because of who you are.”

Harley smiled and nodded. This, this is what Peter needed. Harley told Peter something personal and hard and something he never wanted to talk about, and Peter got it. He understands the problem.

“I know that now. But I didn’t when I first got here. It was my home, just like it was yours. We should have been able to feel safe.”

And then Peter really got it.

-

Tony, Pepper, Harley and Peter were all having breakfast together. It was Friday, and Harley didn’t have school. Peter was in a new spot around the table was between Tony and Pepper, and across from Harley. The new spot was a safe enough spot where Peter could actually eat some of his food. So they had pancakes and some fruit, hoping to get Peter engaged and acclimated to a scheduled like again.

Everyone was dressed in regular clothes, ready for their day, except for Peter who wore his pajamas and oversized hoodie. Peter hadn’t had a haircut since the beginning of things with Skip many months ago so his curls were long and unruly, covering his face well enough when his head was tilted forward as it so regularly was now.

“Peter, honey, do you have any plans today?” Pepper asked, keeping her tone light.

“I’m supposed to FaceTime May later, she wants to show me the new place and get my opinion on couches. And Dr. Mitchell says I need to leave the tower and go on a walk or something, I guess.” Peter’s voice was barely above a whisper, and he shrugged as if it didn’t matter.

Pepper hummed, adjusting one of Peter’s curls to fall more naturally.

“Would you like one of us to come with you? Tony has made these great nano-tech masks so we wouldn’t be recognized.”

Peter seemed to consider this, eyes flitting back and forth between Tony and Pepper, before they moved to the elevator. It took another moment for everyone who wasn’t advanced to hear the movement of the mechanisms. The doors opened and Happy came out a smile painted onto his face.

“Guys, the jury made their final decision. Skip’s going to jail, they’re putting him on the predator registry. He’s going to be there the rest of his life.” Happy announced, dropping donuts onto the table.

Everyone cheered except for Peter, happy to see such a horrible person go to jail. Yet through everyone’s happiness, Peter couldn’t help but feel it was wrong.

“Kid, you okay?” Tony asked when the boy stayed silent for too long.

Peter looked up at him, wide eyed and ready to cry. He did feel relief about the idea of never seeing Skip again, but he couldn’t help but feeling like this wasn’t the right move either. Of course Peter couldn’t help but reflect to the conversation with Harley, about how he would have died if he stayed in Rose Hill, the same as if Peter stayed with Skip. It was finally starting to make sense that Skip was wrong, even though it didn’t feel like he was and Peter was confused.

“I need- I need- I can’t.” Peter sobbed. “Where’s May- I need- I can’t- May- I just. Please.”

He tried pushing himself away from the table, to get himself away from the people from his thoughts. Peter shoved at the table, moving the whole thing and felt his legs crumble when he tried to stand up. Breathe, he needs to breathe, and he needs air and he needs to get away.

Someone touches him.

Peter fly’s farther back, crawling away from Skip, from his touch. This was not where Peter wanted to be. He couldn’t stop himself from pressing his nails into his skin, didn’t realize as he dragged them and ripped his skin open. Peter was scared and he just needed to go away.

“Don’t- don’t touch me, please, no.” 

He needed to get away. Away, away, away. Not here. Not with Skip he couldn’t let Skip come near him. Skip was a threat, an enemy, except he helped. He did it to help, he was always nice after. Skip would hold Peter as he sobbed and give him a bath and take him to bed. He wasn’t all bad, he was nice sometimes. Bad things just happened because of the man.

“Hi baby, it’s me. You want to tell what’s going on in that beautiful brain of yours?” May spoke.

Peter couldn’t remember May arriving. But here she is, crouching down in front of him wearing her scrubs. Mays hair was falling into her face, and she made sure to stay just a few feet away, in his full view.

“He’s gone. May, he can’t- he wasn’t bad be he deserves it. He deserves it, May. Oh my god. Skip is gone.”

Relief flooded Peter. He was free, finally free. No one in his home was going to tell him that he is a disgrace or a sin. Peter is safe, for the first time in forever, he is safe again. No Skip, no unsafe home. Peter has his family, and that’s really all he needs. 

Peter feels safe. His family isn’t going to hurt him.

He’ll be okay.

~

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[uncertaininnit]

who wants to read an essay about my relationship with simping/an appreciation(/simping lol) post about Will+Eret and also seperately tommyinnit that was written at 4:22 am and then added to the queue because i love the queue system also fun fact i pronounced the word ‘queue’ as ‘cc-week’ for like an entire year and idk why anyways

lets just jump into it

lol

so. if somebody was to ask me who my favorite mcyt is, i would think about it for a moment and eventually answer with either Wilbur or Eret. and i think that is purely out of simping instinct or whatever the fuck. 

to start, Wilbur; the prettiest man, period. i do not take constructive criticism. he is literally gorgeous and i get so mad at him for putting himself down all the time because he doesnt deserve the shit, especially not from himself. he is 24 years old and has the lowest self-esteem out of anybody i can think of. i want to yell in his face all the time. i want to tell him simps are the same species as him, and they have REASONS to simp. if you keep seeing appreciation posts about yourself (which im sure he does) that means people APPRECIATE YOU and WANT YOU to feel APPRECIATED. 

anyway, back to simping. let’s start from the top. his goddamn hair. it is, it is, and i just took a deep breath, so pretty. maybe it isnt the hair itself, probably, but the way it is done. wavy dark brown hair all floofy in the front. and he is constantly messing with it, which is THE cutest thing. when he is excited, he moves a lot, and his hair moves with him and gets messed up and ahhhcvkvyr moving on.

his face? lets start with his eyes. they are so pretty. i think my opinion on eyes is probably weird, and allow me to explain why. i never ever notice somebodies eye color when talking to them. i just dont even look. so when i am actively paying attention to somebody’s eyes, they are that much more important to me. but idk, i kinda feel like his eyes are one of the biggest factors of his face? like, he looks really pretty whether he is smiling or not, because his face doesn’t ride on his smile.

sidetrack paragraph about george: i think george is that way. he is adorable, but he is only really adorable when he is smiling. if i look up ‘georgenotfound cute’ it will be entirely him smiling, and never any other facial expression because he genuinely looks like the fucking weirdest thing sometimes when making a serious face. back to will.

i dont pay attention to noses because who even cares dude but i’m sure his nose does a good job of supporting his looks as well so good job nose

his SMILE. he doesn’t need to smile, but dude, when he does, it’s like i always used to say (and still would say) in regards to eijiro kirishima. it’s like... sunbeams, like rays of light are in his mouth and escaping when he smiles.i wonder how he keeps a star in there. because his smile literally lights up my heart. and when he tilts his head(basically all the time luckily)? so goddamn pretty. pretty man. pretty. 

that brings us to his neck, which is- no, kidding, but i do want to talk about his vocal chords! firstly his speaking voice, which i guess as an american it hits different for me because of the accent. but- i dont think i can put it into words. but the way he puts thoughts into words-(lol) idk, his voice is just really sweet. and his SINGING VOICE, here we go.

so he sings, duh. and i- holy fuck. he just sounds good, you know? he is a good singer. i want to put my emotions simply this time. he sings well, and he sounds good. a pretty voice for a pretty man. i cant even try to elaborate.

basically the only other thing of my concern is his fucking yellow sweater? or jumper or whatever the fuck? and his beanie? on his body? damn. i am genuinely attached to that sweater. it just looks good, ok? it does. 

oh yeah, and he’s hella fucking tall. 6′5? are you kidding? you couldn’t have at least been short so we could make fun of you?

oh yeah and his laugh-

it is now 4:53 am and a bitch is tired but i have an entire fucking train of thoughts and they must be somewhere before they slip away

the next part- Eret. i adore Eret. so incredibly much. and let me start this by saying i’m going to consistantly call him a he, because he doesn’t care and so that makes it easier for me. ok? ok.

he is the opposite of Wilbur in this one regard, confidence. and self-esteem. eret loves himself. that attitude spreads. look, not only is he like the #1 bicon in the world as far as i’m concerned, but he also actively fucks gender roles any day. strawberry dress pog? strawberry dress pog.

but seriously, he rocked the strawberry dress. and the suit, though i missed that stream. he rocks his crown, his sunglasses, just anything he puts on. and don’t get me started on the BOOTS

(im started on the boots) so firstly the heel boots, the first ones he got. when i first saw clips, my only thought was something like ‘woah.’ or maybe ‘damn.’ at that point i didn’t know much about him, just that he looked STELLAR in those boots (and the betrayal and shit yknow) and the PLATFORMS DUDE

the platforms are the same but moar tall, which is incredible. oh and now back to strawberry dress- have you seen him twirl? the twirl? hello? have you seen it? you must. 

also i havent even talked about HIM yet. hove you seen that picture of him with a bird on his shoulder? he is facing the bird, i think looking at it, with a wide smile across his face. and it is so pretty. he has the prettiest smile. 

also today i was looking for flour at the store place and a clip of him was playing in my mind- he was doing like an announcer voice, like in every superhero movie trailer- and he was just coming up with something to say, and what he ened up saying was ‘in a world... where.... cookies.... are made of pringles’ and OMFG its making me laugh even now. like of absolutely anything, that was the example he made. just thinking about it is making me smile. 

speaking of, have you heard his voice? his normal voice is really really deep anyways, but he has crazy range- he can effortlessly(i originally wrote effortly and when i noticed i laughed because i am so fucking tired bfv9wuocl) go from like an elmo impression (and a good one) to a just REALLY low voice, lower than his normal low voice. 

AND HIS SINGING VOICE! he doesn’t like actually make music like wilbur but on that one stream where he did kareoke (how the fuck is it spelled) with fundy and his voice is SO LIKE its deep and its just pretty and i never want to hear normal sweater weather ever again, just him singing it.

i think this is where i’m done with eret- it is 5:18 now, and a BITCH IS TIRED but i need to finish this while i’m still feeling this wayy or i’ll never finish it, i know this from experience.

and now it’s tommy time

the og reason i decided to make this an actual post . but i had to explain the simping thing before i got into my thoughts about tommy. 

but let me start this with just saying yes, i love him. he is a big man and i want him to be happy. which is the topic for today’s discussion, AHEM. 

so tommyinnit, right? he is 16, which is why i do NOT simp.i dont care that im also a minor, i wouldn’t do anything to make him feel uncomfortable, ever. in any world. never. because look- i dont know how to put it, but tommy is SIXTEEN. still young and impressionable and all that junk. and he is a fairly fucking famous twitch streamer. he does that almost daily.

what i’m saying is i dont want him to get hurt. him, and tubbo too. they are a part of the world, part of the public, all the time. don’t you think that is stressful? do you guys remember his haircut stream? on the day of his haircut? and chat was making fun of him for it, and wilbur was making fun of him for it. that is how i express affection, with my real friends as well. playful bullying. but at some point while Will was teasing him, he says something along the lines of ‘yeah, the big man hasn’t been having too great a day’ or something like that, and dude, my heart dropped.

a. he had mentioned earlier that he didn’t want to stream the day of his haircut because hair is always weird that first day, but since he hadn’t streamed in a good bit he felt obliged to. i dont really.. idk, i dont really like that. i dont want him to have to put himself in uncomfortable situations because he feels like he needs to for us. i don’t think that is healthy.

and b. chat and wilbur were bullying him. good-naturedly, but still, when he mentioned he had been having a bad day, the chat turned around and instantly started yelling shit like ‘AHHHH SORRY BIG MAN YOUR HAIR IS FINE’ and when Wilbur kept teasing him (you fucking beautiful bully man fuck off) yelling stuff like ‘WILBUR QUIT WE ARE H U R T I N G HIM’ and ‘WILL STFU HES HAVING A BAD DAY’ so im glad we all want him to feel ok

but still, it cannot be healthy. when i first got into MCYT, i though tommy was fucking loud and annoying. and he is! he is. but that is a big part of why i like him so much. and everyone jokes about him being a child, because he is, but i choose to not say stuff like that in chat just because i want him to be happy. those jokes are fun, but i want him to be happy. and he is happier when not being called a child.

im not attacking you, do whatever the fuck you want. i dont know why i feel the need to protect him or whatever, if he read this he would probably think i was hella creepy. i just- listen, i just want him to be happy. i just want him to smile and laugh. i sound SO GODDAMN CREEPY but- as ive said- i just want him to be happy. 

is this literally just what having a comfort streamer is? am i not crazy? does everyone experience this? and can we talk about tommy’s playlist it’s literally so sweet and bubbly compared to his personality and i love that. and the song he always plays at the start of stream and always like buzzes along to? that moment in time is my very favorite.

it is 5:44-

[kavkasia]

hey jade I know you said you're busy but 👉👈 could you tell us more about your georgia of? i love the vibes I get from him and I'm not very well versed in the history of the caucasus so I'd love to hear more about him 👀

You know the way to my heart... ❤️

I’m going to ramble, so if you want me to expand on anything don’t be afraid to send an ask about it! I’m just trying to compact my notes and not write one giant paper LOL.

NAME

Human Name: Giorgi (Ilias Dze / Ilyich) Davitashvili

Giorgi — His first name actually started as a joke (Georgia... Giorgi... very clever) but it also works well. The patron saint of Georgia is Saint George: a military saint which has been popular in Georgia for centuries (parts of Georgia post-Christianization are believed to have combined the cult of Saint George with the cult of the pre-Christian moon god Armazi). Giorgi is also the most common male name in Georgia and the name of many Georgian kings.

Ilias Dze / Ilyich — He doesn’t actually use his patronymic anymore, but during the USSR he did have one because Obligatory Russification Time™. It’s after Prince Ilia Chavchavadze, a major contributor to the revival of the Georgian national movement in the late nineteenth century and widely considered to be the “Father of the Nation”.

Davitashvili — A Georgian surname roughly meaning “David’s child”. It’s a reference to the Bagratoni King David IV of Georgia (also known as David the Builder) who is famous for keeping the Seljuk Turks out of Georgia at the Battle of Didgori. It was under his reign that Georgia began to experience its Golden Age and much of the Caucasus region fell into Georgian hands.

AGE

He is around 2500 years old (physically he is in his mid-late 40s).

He considers himself to be an ancient nation like Armenia and Iran. Not that he’s wrong! It’s just not often acknowledged by others who aren’t familiar with him.

PERSONALITY

[steals bits of this from my RP blog because I got tired from linking wikis in an upcoming section oops]

MBTI: ESFP

• hospitable • sociable • stubborn • prideful • short-tempered • charismatic • confident • passionate • brave • spontaneous • lazy • sincere • boisterous •

Ok, listen. He is a bit of an asshole I’m not going to lie LMAO.

He is the type of guy that argues a point even when he knows jack shit about it (he knows more than a professional!!).

He has an opinion on everything.

He is super prideful to the point where he genuinely believes his culture is superior and his language/food/people/etc. are the best.

He has a bit of a temper (the kind that just jumps out with some build up) and he is sensitive to feeling slighted.

He is a flirt but it is not cool at all. He is an attractive guy (I have a reason lol) but he uses the worst pick up lines.

At the same time:

He is very devoted and loves genuine relationships. If you gain his favour he will do almost anything for you (there is also the reverse of this though).

He is so hospitable he is famous for it.

He treats his guests with the utmost respect.

He can be very chivalrous towards women (but it can come from a sexist place oops).

He is very friendly once you break through his initial serious shell.

He loves jokes and anecdotal humour.

Miscellaneous:

He loves rugby, wrestling, football, singing, dancing, wine, this movie, and eating absurd amounts of (hopefully Pasanauri) khinkali.

He hates rules, not having enough money for cigarettes, if you put on a seat belt when he’s driving, criticism, refusal, and being called “Gruzia.”

He also plays the panduri.

TIMELINE

Before I start, I have to say Giorgi is not a collective personification of Georgia. Giorgi is actually the personification of the Kartlians! He just has the title of Georgia and so represents the nation on the international level (and also the domestic level depending on the situation).

Start (~5th century BC)

I pinpoint his “birth” to be around when several Anatolian tribes settled in Eastern Georgia and merged with the local tribes. He had a couple caretakers who were like siblings or sibling-parents.

Kingdom of Iberia (Kingdom of Kartli) (302 BC–580 AD)

In this period he gets baptized, starts loving God and Jesus (becoming the second nation in the world to adopt Christianity) and says no to paganism (but lowkey-highkey pagan practices were kept up for a long time).

Also, Iberia is the Greco-Roman name that is used for the area. When you see Iberia, know that it’s Kartli.

Principality of Iberia (588–888)

He is just trying to live his life but the Byzantine Empire and Sassanid Iran are ruining everything by fighting over the area. He also continues to love God and Jesus.

Kingdom of the Iberians (888–1008)

Lots of politics. Honestly, I hate it here.

Kingdom of Georgia (1008–1490)

The Battle of Didgori happens during this period and it was the best moment of his life. He has several amazing rulers including King Tamar. Lots of wars against the Byzantine Empire, various Turkic states and more. Eventually, the kingdom breaks up.

Kingdom of Kartli (1478–1762)

Here he gets fucked over by Safavid Iran multiple times and also works as a weird slave soldier too so life is great.

Kingdom of Kartli-Kakheti (1762–1801)

He has a short marriage to Kakheti that ends after he gets completely fucked over by Russia and then forcibly annexed into the Russian Empire.

Georgia Governorate (apart of the Russian Empire) (1801–1917)

There were actually several governorates in this period but for the sake of simplicity I’m going to list it as that one.

I have a small write up about the time here.

Transcaucasian Democratic Federative Republic (1918)

The Caucasus splits off from Russia. Giorgi represents Georgia and the TDFR (Armenia and Azerbaijan are also there as co-representatives of the TDFR). The Entente will later say they need to stick together but they forget one crucial detail:

Democratic Republic of Georgia (1918–1921)

Georgia splits off from the TDFR. Time to create a republic with a socialist government! Amazing! Too bad he’s the wrong kind of socialist according to the Bolsheviks and gets brutally stomped by the Red Army in 1921! 

All his neighbours want to fight in this period as well. The Entente also won’t commit to helping Georgia until it’s too late because they were suspicious of him after he had been forced to ask the German Empire for protection in 1918.

Georgian Soviet Socialist Republic (1921–1991)

Listen, the USSR was terrible, but at least Georgia was actually one of the nicer Soviet republics because he won the geographic lottery. He even got stereotyped as being the rich republic.

We just aren’t allowed to talk about Russification or the purges or the discrimination or the fact they would only print Georgia’s most iconic piece of literature in Russian.

(Oh, it’s also my headcanon that until 1936 he shared the title of USSR with the other republics.)

Georgia (1991–present)

1990s sucked. 2000s sucked. 2010s sucked. 2020 sucks.

Summary:

NOTABLE RELATIONS

Ukraine

Best friend. Best girl. His Suliko. He loves her.

(I also have way too many dumb AUs for them 😭)

Lithuania

Other best friend. They call each other by their proper names because fuck Russian names. Also, this video is them (Giorgi is the wrestler).

Kakheti

They were married at one point in time. He is closest to her out of all the other Kartvelian regions (it’s the Eastern Georgian solidarity).

Armenia

He is like a brother but they only really acknowledge that when they’re in a good mood or when one wants something from the other. It’s a love-hate relationship that has gone on for centuries.

Russia

Azerbaijan

They are... okay. They go from tolerating to disliking each other pretty quickly. He hates when he hangs out with her and Turkey and they only speak Turkish to each other so he ends up being a third wheel that didn’t want to be here in the first place but his economic situation means he has to show up.

Iran

They had major issues but things are fine now, I guess.

Okay, Giorgi actually still has some issues, but Iran just wants to come over for a vacation sometimes.

EU and NATO

BUT YEAH UM... that’s Giorgi. This is all mostly surface level stuff so again, if you want me to expand on anything just ask. Thank you for the ask and ily. ❤️

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Not Stupid

Summary: After a hunt goes wrong, the reader and Sam are injured and it only gets worse from there...

Pairing: Dean x reader

Square: Episode Re-write (11x17)

Word Count: 2,000ish

Warnings: language, life threatening injury, possible death, referenced drug overdose, 11x17 spoilers

A/N: Written for @spngenrebingo​​

____

“Y/N!” said Dean as you felt a bullet rip through your side. You gasped and dropped to your knees besides Sam who was already pressing his palms to his stomach and sporting a gunshot of his own. Dean left the victims from the attempted werewolf feasting and ran over. You waved him off to Sam as you lifted up your shirt and coat.

“Fuck, this was my favorite jacket too,” you said, feeling the hole through the back.

“You’re a through and through, sweetheart,” said Dean. You hummed and took off your jacket and flannel, wadding the shirt up as you watched Dean shakily tear open a few of the padding packs from the first aid kit in the duffel.

“Dean, put it in the wound, baby. It’ll work better,” you said. “Sam, it’s gonna hurt.”

“Already...fuck!” shouted Sam, his whole body tensing up as Dean winced. 

“You’re okay,” said Dean, tossing a pad in your direction.

“Sam needs-”

“Y/N. Take. It,” said Dean. You grumbled and opened the pad, shoving it against your abdomen on the front side. You tied your flannel tight around it, the back hopefully wadded up enough to soak up the blood there.

You turned back to Sam who Dean was helping get to his feet.

“Y/N. You okay?” asked Dean, half carrying Sam towards the door.

“Yeah,” you said. “Flesh wound. Come on you guys.”

You waved over the man and woman sitting on the step, the woman looking a little worse for wear.

“There’s more werewolves out there,” said Corbin.

“We’ll get out of here. Stick close.”

“He’s slowing us down,” mumbled the man about fifteen minutes later.

“Shut up,” you and Dean snapped back at him. He stared at you and kept walking with his wife. You went to Sam’s side and gave him a smile.

“Doing okay big guy?” you asked.

“Awesome,” he hissed. “You?”

“I’m okay. Just a bad graze,” you said. You caught his arm when he stumbled a bit.

“Come on,” said Dean, nodding to a ranger’s station up ahead. “We’ll stop and rest for a minute.”

Corbin grunted as he helped Michelle inside. They settled into a chair in the corner for a moment as you leaned against the counter in the front.

“How’s it going, Sammy?” asked Dean, walking around the cabin and finding a towel, handing it to Sam. Sam grunted but nodded. “We’re gonna get you fixed up just like that. Don’t you worry about a thing.”

“You guys gotta go,” said Sam, wincing. “I can’t move fast and if he’s right and there’s more out there-”

“I will carry you out of here if I have to,” said Dean.

“I second that,” you said with a smile.

“How about you?” asked Dean.

“I’ve had periods worse,” you joked, glad that it seemed like you’d stopped bleeding at least. You hoped. “It’s okay.” 

“Guys, she needs a doctor,” said Corbin, Michelle resting in the chair.

“Take a number,” said Dean. “Sammy, stay here and rest a minute. We’ll be right back.”

“Where are we going?” you asked.

“To build him a stretcher,” said Dean, grabbing your bloody hand. “You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” you said. “I’m fine.”

“What the fuck happened?” you said, Dean kneeling down over Sam’s body when you ran back not five minutes later after spotting more werewolves.

“He just fell over,” said Corbin. You closed your eyes, Dean standing up slowly. “We need to go, those things-“

“Let ‘em come. I’ll gut them,” said Dean. “You ready for a fight?”

You leaned back against the counter, Dean tilting his head back.

“No, you’re not,” he said. He kicked the counter and squeezed his eyes shut. “Let’s go.”

“Dean-“

“You need a hospital,” he said as he grabbed his bag. “I will take you three out and then I will come back here and I will fix him, understand?”

“I’m-“

“I am not losing both of you on the same goddamn night,” said Dean. You nodded, wanting nothing more than to wrap him up in a hug and tell him it was okay, to pretend to yourself that it was okay. You looked back at Sam, Dean grabbing your hand. “The quicker we go, the quicker we can get him back.”

“Do not sell your soul or I swear I’ll kick your ass, Winchester,” you mumbled. He grabbed your hand and started to head for the door.

“Let’s move it. Now.”

“Almost out,” said Dean as you saw the bushes start to clear ahead. You hummed and had your head resting on his shoulder as you walked. “You lost more blood than you said.”

“I’m tired. I’ll live. You can’t do something stupid, Dean. There’s got to be a better way,” you said.

“I’m going back for him. I’ll get him to Baby and we’ll deal with it then,” he said. 

“No stupid,” you mumbled, tripping a little.

“Fine. No stupid,” he said as he caught you. You had your eyes shut when Dean all of a sudden left your side. You flew them open, Dean waving down a cop car from the looks of it. You watched him talk to the officer before he was heading back towards the woods, the officer grabbing him. You hummed and shut your eyes again, hearing a taser go off before you hit the ground.

“‘Sup,” said Billie when you flew open your eyes. You groaned as you realized you were in a hospital hallway. 

“Y/N? What…” said Dean. 

“I said no stupid!” you said, storming over and ready to give him a piece of your mind. “You…”

You realized there was no reason he should have been able to see Billie at the same time as you, no reason he should have been able to see you unless…

There was some kind of commotion to your right. Turning your head you saw Dean on the floor, a doctor, a cop and Michelle leaned over him.

“What did you do,” you said, glaring at him, whacking his shoulder as your eyes teared up. “What did you do!”

“You and Sammy,” said Dean, swallowing hard. “You’re dying. You’re dying and Sam’s dead and-”

“Actually, he’s not. Trust me, I’d know,” said Billie. Dean shook his head and Billie shrugged. “You two on the other hand are headed there. One of you is going to the empty. So. Who’s it gonna be?”

“You can go straight to-”

Dean suddenly coughed and sucked in a breath, rolling over on the floor, glancing over to where you were standing.

“Looks like it’s gonna be you,” said Billie, looking you up and down.

“Sam’s not dead?” you asked. 

“I’m not lying, Winchester,” she said. She held out a hand. “It’s time. Come with me or when they’re both done for real, I’ll toss them into nothing too.”

“I have no way of knowing you won’t do that anyways,” you said. You took a step back, Billie narrowing her eyes.

“No. You don’t,” she said. You opened your mouth to speak when you heard a loud noise behind you, Dean rushing past you on his phone. There was a scream a short while later and you took the opportunity to follow Dean. “Fine. Stay stuck here. Don’t bother calling when you get sick of it.”

“Leave us alone, Billie,” you said. You ran down a hallway and saw the dead officer, Dean shooting at a very werewolf looking Corbin. He knocked the gun away though and Dean fell back, Corbin ready to lunge. “Back. Off.”

You flew Corbin back towards the other end of the hall, Dean looking around before he went for his gun.

“Thanks, sweetheart,” he said as he got his hands on it again. Corbin rushed again but new shots rang out, Sam panting as he appeared. Corbin hit the deck and you sighed, leaning back against the wall. “Sammy?”

“I could use with a doctor right about now.”

“Is she gonna be okay?” asked Dean after they’d helped clean up everything. 

“She lost a lot of blood and I can guarantee moving her right now will kill her,” said the doctor. You sat on the edge of your bed, your body pale looking. “I know you two need to get out of here but she can’t come with you.”

“Jane Doe. List her as a Jane Doe, not related to this crap with the missing hiker’s at all,” said Dean. “Keep her alive a few hours. I’ll be back.”

“I can’t promise anything,” said the doctor.

“I said no stupid, Dean,” you said, looking over at him. Dean nodded and took off with Sam. You shut your eyes. “No stupid, Dean. You promised.”

“What the hell is this?” asked the doctor when Dean held out a syringe a few hours later.

“Give it to her,” said Dean.

“I’m not giving-”

Dean rolled his eyes and stabbed it into your IV line, the doctor throwing up her hands. You watched from the other side of the bed, your vitals still low on the monitor. 

“Come on, come on, come on,” mumbled Dean. 

All of a sudden you were back in your body, shooting up like a bullet and gasping.

“How the-” said the doctor, pushing Dean out of the way. You lifted up your shirt, your wound gone. “What?”

“I’m interested in knowing what happened as well,” you said. Dean nodded but set a duffel on the end of the bed.

“Change first. I’ll explain on the way home.”

“Dean, what exactly was that?” you asked not ten minutes later. Dean rested his head in his hand as he drove. “I swear-”

“You know I love you, right?”

“Of course I know that.”

“You love me too and you were so fucking...when we met on that hunt back in the fall, I hated you. You saved my life and I hated you,” he said.

“Dean?” you asked.

“I always had this weird feeling. I don’t fall in love with someone like that. Love at first sight isn’t real. It’s not, not even a glimmer of it. But you wormed your fucking way in just like that,” he said. You stared at him as he drove, Dean quiet for a few minutes. “The cure I gave you, I had no idea if it would work or not. I had a suspicion but no idea. Now that it did, I know for sure.”

“Know what?”

“The reason I fell so hard and so fast was because you’re my soulmate,” he said. You blinked and he laughed. “I’m sorry you got the short end of it but it’s true. The cure needed blood from your soulmate and well, it worked so there’s your-”

“I didn’t get the short end of anything,” you said, reaching over and taking his hand. “I promise.”

“Yeah you did.”

“Well suck it up, Winchester cause I’m not changing my mind on this one,” you said. He didn’t speak. He held onto your hand in silence though, stroking his thumb over the back of it. “Sam okay?”

“Yeah. Resting at home,” he said. “He doesn’t know about the whole...overdosing thing.”

“Your secret’s safe with me,” you said. 

“Thanks,” he said. “The story is we just went to get the hikers and you out and I was coming back for him.”

“Alright. One condition though,” you said.

“I know. No more stupid. One day I’ll listen, sweetheart.”

_______