#like directly to the detriment of characters who they do have relationships w

[zettaiunmeis]

nothing pisses me off more than this fandom’s need to ignore every characters meaningful relationships to dickride for angsty paleskin men yes this is specifically about diluc and the excessive amount of uwu diluc and the mond kids content ive seen w the new mond event im about to start finding people, sneaking into their homes in the middle of the night and filling their ear canals with ketchup and ranch.

[naysaltysalmon]

I have a lot of feelings about the Steven Universe movie.

Before I watched Steven Universe: The Movie, I read this analysis about Spinel’s toxicity as a character/person that made me interested in watching it.

I wasn’t expecting Steven Universe to cover a situation as ambivalent as a victim’s response to complex trauma, especially not after all the controversy and froufrou surrounding Rose’s reveal as Pink Diamond and Steven convincing a dictator like White Diamond into being a better ruler. (I’m oversimplifying.)

What struck me in @love-takes-work​’s analysis was the apparent slipperiness surrounding the character Spinel, who was traumatized by Pink Diamond, exhibited symptoms of complex-PTSD and borderline personality disorder, and, as a result, became a toxic person. Something Rebecca Sugar very much wanted to portray.

Before I’d even watched the movie, I agreed with the aforementioned analysis. Not just in Steven Universe but in many series and in real life, characters/people who have experienced trauma are constantly sympathized with while the characters/people who have to deal with the fallout of that trauma are demonized for being unequipped to properly handle it. So, the character who abated White Diamond finally getting in over his head dealing with a gem attacking him over Rose’s actions is a topic I never thought would actually be touched upon in the series. But more than that, I was happy to see a character’s uncensored toxicity in exhibiting symptoms of mental illness in a kid’s movie that would be watched by millions.

I agree wholeheartedly that Spinel was a toxic person to Steven and the Crystal Gems, and that her past trauma doesn’t change or justify what she did to them over the course of the movie. That being said, I’m wary of the assumption in this and other analyses that Spinel -- and in turn actual victims of trauma who exhibit symptoms of complex-PTSD and borderline personality disorder -- know that their actions are toxic.

Awareness of one’s behavior doesn’t change whether someone’s actions are toxic or not, but waving aside Spinel’s toxicity throughout the course of the movie as her constant conscious choice to be a toxic person and just as her unwillingness to change as a person, is just... not true.

As someone who suffers from complex-PTSD, I think Rebecca Sugar and the Crewniverse did a magnificent job in portraying Spinel’s development as realistic -- albeit perhaps dangerously ambivalent for those who are uneducated about trauma and mental illness. By the end of the movie, Spinel declared that she was hurting strangers because she was choosing to take revenge, and eventually broke down, realizing her behavior was irrational and was only driving people away from her -- but before this?

Steven led her out of the garden and showed her kindness, and she reverted to toxic behavior, but I don’t think she was trying to be toxic -- she didn’t know what else she could be. Pink Diamond was Spinel’s only friend and then she abandoned Spinel for six-thousand years. All of Spinel’s self-worth was defined by her connection to Pink Diamond, as was her entire worldview. Spinel didn’t know how to blame the only person she knew and trusted, so she thought removing Steven and the Crystal Gems from the picture would bring some kind of resolution and comfort from Pink Diamond’s son. Just as little children learn from emulation, Spinel’s role model acted under the guise of being a close friend and then betrayed her. Pink Diamond shirked all the responsibility of her actions onto other people and left them to face the consequences. So when Spinel found out that Pink Diamond left her for the Earth, for Steven and the others, Spinel thought -- and therefore genuinely believed -- that it was Steven’s and the others’ faults that she was left alone, forgotten, broken, a toy.

I’m speaking from experience and not everyone’s experience is the same; but, I’ve seen people argue that Spinel’s immediate reaction to take her pain out on other people was a conscious choice to be a bad person, but the level of awareness others assume that Spinel had in her actions in their analysis just... doesn’t sit right with me. Let me reiterate that I am not arguing that Spinel’s experience of trauma excuses her behavior as a toxic person. What I am arguing is that, toxicity doesn’t register when you’re traumatized. When being hurt is all you’ve ever been taught by those closest to you, that’s what you’re going to learn and know how to do in return.

In this case, I would say of course Spinel is going to believe that hurting Steven means she loves him; Steven had shown her love and then perceivedly brushed her aside like Pink Diamond, leading Spinel to believe that hurt is what defines close connection, since that’s what she’s learned. That’s how PTSD, especially complex-PTSD, and borderline personality disorder work, by creating false equivalences born out of traumatic experiences.

Now, carrying the idea that Spinel actions were toxic, if not entirely by her conscious fault, I want to move onto a dicier topic. While Steven did his best to help Spinel with the knowledge and emotional capacity he had at the time, there were some things Steven did and said that triggered Spinel, which led her to act out in the toxic ways that she did. I would argue that most of what Spinel did throughout the course of the movie was the result of trauma and not any conscious choice to be toxic. Again, let me reiterate that Spinel’s intentions or lack thereof don’t change the fact that her actions throughout the course of the movie were toxic, but then I have to ask, in the real world... Where does that leave victims of trauma when they are triggered and have had little to no experience with true healing, so they act out in toxic ways, not knowing any better? I don’t think condemnation and alienation is the answer. What is a victim of trauma supposed to do when they act out in toxic ways, don’t realize their actions are toxic, and are alienated from anyone who could become a potential friend and provide support?

Before the events of the movie, Spinel was constantly alienated by Pink Diamond due to her lack of a personality, and later alienated by Steven and Crystal Gems (understandably) for attacking them. Pink Diamond didn’t directly tell Spinel the reason why she left her alone for all those years, leading Spinel to draw her own conclusions out of trauma, that she wasn’t good enough, which she took out on Steven and the others. Therefore Steven unknowingly triggered Spinel by not making his intentions in getting her to remove the injector apparent, and earlier when he told her to wait somewhere.

She reacted out of fear of the same thing happening again, though irrationally, because of being unable to conceive a different scenario in which she wasn’t abandoned due to the similarity of the previous situation when she was traumatized. She didn’t act toxic to Steven in this instance consciously, but out of fear of being hurt again.

Going back and forth between sadness, love, and hate, always wanting more, and feeling betrayed at the slightest sign of a trigger are marks of borderline personality disorder, which lead to confusion, hyperalertness, overprotection, and thus toxic behavior. It can be an endless cycle of grief and hatred that causes one to switch between being overly clingy, acting fake, and getting angry ad infinitum if someone isn’t given the chance to connect with others and be led out of their own toxic behaviors. This is, of course, not only to the detriment of those around the traumatized person, but most of all to their own self, as it keeps victims of trauma from being able to connect with others or understand how to do so.

In the end, when Steven told Spinel to wait and that he would come back, and we, as the audience, are watching Steven reunite with everyone, I could feel Spinel’s eyes on the happy scene, and I felt the same sadness and jealousy many victims of trauma feel, knowing they can’t make the same connections, but not knowing how to get out of their own toxic behavior without another’s help.

Now, I’m more like Steven in my real life.

But I’m writing this analysis because in my past, in my lifetime, as a victim of trauma, I relate most to Spinel. The things I’ve done and said in the past as a result of my experiences weren’t right, and now I understand why people like Steven would stay clear of someone like Spinel and my past self. Yet, my journey and the journeys of so many other victims are a lot less linear than what is portrayed in the Crewniverse’s 82-minute feature film. People’s lack of knowledge about how the symptoms of complex-PTSD and borderline personality disorder manifest are partially the cause.

It isn’t always a conscious choice by a victim to be like their abusers, but the only thing that a victim can imagine themselves doing because that abuser is the only connection of “trust” that they’ve ever had. It messes up victims’ definitions of healthy relationships, of friendship and love in general, warping reality due to the past trauma and fear of being hurt again.

Unfortunately, those who are sympathetic but unknowledgeable about trauma and mental illness try to help, and then end up steering clear for their own good, leaving the victim feeling more alone and stuck in their ways with no other perceived opportunity for connection. The irrationality of Spinel’s actions as she moves between being clingy and distant, from pacifism and violence in the majority of the movie exemplifies this.

My point isn’t that the people who have been sucked into toxic relationships with mentally ill people should be expected to stick by them. But at the same time, I had to unlearn my toxic behavior through my own effort only after being retraumatized by countless people who didn’t know any better, as do many victims of trauma, because people dismiss victims’ toxic actions as a choice that that person makes to focus on their past experiences and refuse to change. In reality, they’ve never been exposed to something different, so they can’t even fathom their situation changing due to an ingrained, trauma-induced fear. No one can live in a vacuum and be expected to change their toxic ways.

Steven Universe: The Movie wraps up Spinel’s story by answering that once the traumatized person has been exposed to other ways of being, they can make the choice to change, but awareness and exposure to other mindsets just isn’t a reality for so many victims. Even Steven, empathetic as he is, made mistakes in trying to connect with Spinel. It wasn’t his fault for not knowing what would trigger her, but this brings me to my main point for writing this analysis: A greater awareness of trauma and its lived manifestations needs to be raised.

PTSD and mental illness in general is so often portrayed as a refusal to look at the now, as a choice of the victim to be caught in the past. The brain doesn’t work like that, though; if your only connections for trust have betrayed you in the past, that’s what you learn will happen again and you stay alert for the slightest warning sign in fear of being hurt again and again. People don’t seem to understand how much a traumatized person’s worldview can be messed up due to their prior unhealthy connection(s) and wave aside their struggles as them consciously choosing to live in the past, but that’s not what Steven Universe: The Movie is trying to say about Spinel as a person overall.

That is why we need to talk about trauma and mental illness in a more sophisticated light. It isn’t as simple as you find someone who helps you heal, but then you consciously choose to be a toxic person if you are triggered, making others justified in leaving you. If your toxic symptoms stop you from being able to make healthy connections to begin with, and you’ve only been exposed to toxic ways of being before then, what more can you do except despair and blame the world for what you’ve endured, emulating the hurt you’ve been taught by the only people/person you trusted?

That is why, while I think Steven was entirely justified in not being Spinel’s friend in the end and that calling Spinel toxic is correct, I think we also need to address the lack of comprehension about complex trauma, which leaves victims of complex trauma feeling like they are so different from others that they are alone in their suffering, in a recursive loop of isolation and unhealthy behaviors.

I’m going to take one last moment to gush about my love for animation and this movie as a whole, specifically in relation to Spinel’s character design. What convinced me yesterday to finally watch Steven Universe: The Movie was the Crewniverse’s choice to animate Spinel in the style of 1930s cartoons. This stylistic choice is crucial when considering how Spinel integrates herself -- or doesn’t -- into the fabric of the movie and the Steven Universe series as a whole.

Her animation style is unlike that of every character up until this point: she’s topsy-turvy, bouncy, unconfined by gravity; her proportions are constantly changing to emphasize specific parts of her body to fit her actions; her limbs have the characteristic of rubber hoses, which make her able to stretch and contort herself in ways that the other characters simply cannot. I couldn’t possibly imagine a more effective subtle way to portray a character’s inherent difference from the established canon of characters.

It shows, more than anything, that Spinel’s childish playfulness and her attitude toward the world as a whole made her so different from the other characters that she doesn’t even know how to interact with them in a genuine, positive way.

Even when Spinel is not acting out due to her trauma -- or, at the end, consciously choosing to take revenge on Steven and the others for hurting her -- she’s unable to connect with others in a genuine way. Sure, this can be explained by her purpose as a toy for Pink Diamond initially so having a personality wasn’t needed, like it wasn’t needed for obedient Pearls and the plethora of other subordinate gems. However, given how starkly different her animation style is from everyone else in the show, think it conveys something about Spinel that can be likened to what Rebecca Sugar called “unsettling,” and a difficult part of her character. How I read this is that Spinel’s attitude makes her difficult to be around. Her mindless goofiness, her inherent difference in the 1930s cartoon style, and her toxic traits are those victims of trauma exhibit when they are searching for connection due to fear of abandonment from lack of a stable connection in the past.

In all, I’m so thankful that a character was portrayed to be unapologetically traumatized, and therefore toxic, in a cartoon for children. Even if that character was portrayed to be an antagonist in most instances, which is definitely the case where victims of trauma become their abusers due to lack of exposure to more positive ways of being, Steven Universe: The Movie also shows victims of trauma that moving past their unhealthy mindset is possible, even if it doesn’t work out with the people you make mistakes with due to not knowing any better.

Constant alienation from exhibiting symptoms of mental illness is a problem many victims face from being unable to change, rather than not choosing to. Due to a lack of consciousness about one’s toxic behavior and lack of knowledge about how to change, making genuine connections with people who will help us learn better ways of being is the only way to promote this change, as Steven did for Spinel. We need to spread awareness about how to approach people who have experienced complex traumas that affect our ability to make genuine healthy connections, while also acknowledging the toxic behavior that can arise from victims, and define the boundaries needed for those who are sympathetic enough to take that first step and offer a helping hand.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.