#like he’s really good at being an evil rearguard

[slythereen]

“yeah all the penalties were fair (:”

kmag fully and completely unapologetic about his terrorism hahaha

[gofancyninjaworld]

OPM Manga Chapter 139 Review: Abyss

Story:  Unexpected Blast

Perspective matters.  From our perspective last chapter, the hole that should be a hole is full of a curled up figure.   We start the chapter with Flashy Flash, Saitama and Manako trying to make sense of something in the blackness.   Try as Manako might,  she can bring no light to bear on whatever’s out there.   They’re interrupted in their investigations by a voice.  This voice invites them to touch the cube and let it grant them their wishes... if it wants... like the world’s worst genie. 

For more see under the cut!  This is a long one!

Before they can consider the terms the infernal cube is offering, what happens but your regular rip in spacetime that just so happens to deposit the much-mentioned but never seen hero, Blast?  He grabs the cube,  spins it on a finger and off it vanishes into another dimension, along with the outraged shrieks of the being who wasn’t finished tempting Saitama’s little troupe.   Blast is nice enough to take them to the surface, although not before explaining that time is running slow in the hole. So don’t expect Flashy Flash and Saitama anytime soon.

...I must confess I’m distracted by Flashy Flash’s ass and heels.

Anyway, back to the now.   Directly on the heels of Orochi being cast down, we watch the heroes who weren’t part of the monster-bashing festival acting as the rearguard, but mostly spectating.  Well, Child Emperor isn’t spectating -- he’s deep in a personal crisis from having erroneously excluded Genos and Bang from participating and wants Zombieman to take over command.  As Sweetmask pooh-poohs the idea,  Zombieman demurs, pointing out that the boy’s ability to admit error and seek to understand make for the capacity to improve.

AND THEN!  FATALITY!  Zombieman shoves Child Emperor out of the way just in time to catch the fireballs of Homeless Emperor, ugh.

The rearguard is under attack, but unfortunately no help is forthcoming as everyone else is transfixed (metaphorically) by  Tatsumaki transfixing (literally) Orochi using the former Subterranean city as a skewer.   It drives Orochi into the earth, twisting and smearing him as it goes, until he finally expires in front of an altar where there’s a mural depicting a suspiciously Orochi-like figure receiving sacrifices.   Gee, I wonder what that means? Orochi dying where he was born, always sweet.

Well, the scumtastic monsters collectively known as the cadre are finally bubbling up to the surface.  They’ve conveniently waited until their boss has taken the punishment and tired out the really big scary heroes they don’t want to tangle with. This is going to get nasty.

Meta: Evil Space Lawyers and other beasts

You didn’t read the small print

I don’t know the anon who wrote to me to point out that the confiscation that ‘God’ spoke of is exactly the same as the word used when He took away Homeless Emperor’s powers and that it’s a legal term He used.   Evil Space Lawyer indeed.  Setting up and executing unilateral contracts without notice. 

We don’t know much about God yet, but so far, the people who we do know He’s ‘helped’ have been exceptionally homicidal freaks acting out of a deep-seated hatred of humanity who’ve been all too willing to use their powers to inflict sickening harm on the world. 

Keep spoiling his fun, Blast!

You know, I’m pleased to meet the coolest uncle in the world, Blast, but honestly, there isn’t much *to* him.  At least, not yet.  Sure he’s cool. It’s great to see that Blast really is an exceptional hero who can spoil ‘God’s’ fun -- at least better than he can kill off giant monsters. Yes, it’s neat to see that he has a means to get around to the unlikeliest of places.  Yes, it’s nice to look at his eyes and realise that Blue is telling no more than the truth (characters in OPM usually are).  But okay, and? So? I’m sure that he’ll be back, and when he is, we’ll have more reason to care.

I do enjoy the detail of showing how he’s been ageing over time through the discrepancies between characters’ memories of him and how he is in the present day.

Sitch really was just telling the truth when he said that Blast was someone who wouldn’t be ordered around.  I’m not wondering either at Sekingar saying that Blast is semi-retired and only a handful of executives can get hold of him.  It all fits.

I freaking love that the various jack-in-the-box reveals are being destroyed and turned into more organic story-telling.  ONE has the space, he may as well, as it also clears the way to do deeper storytelling about both the OPM world and its denizens.

Sit down, be humble

Man, the small but interesting changes between how Flashy Flash’s Very Bad No Good Day unfolded in the webcomic and the manga continue to amuse me. He’s been buried in an undignified position and dug out by a pair of clowns.  His beloved Instakill has been murdered by a hyperactive midget with a twitchy index finger.  And now the worst thing of all, not feeling like he’s the fastest thing on the planet has happened now once, but TWICE.

Heh, I wonder who Flashy Flash will take his wounded ninja pride out on.

Oh, the humanity!

Parentification is when a child is pressed into the role of taking on adult responsibilities to make up for unreliable adults.  It’s been a big problem that Child Emperor has been struggling with and I was both heartbroken and hopeful to see Child Emperor admit that the impossible position he was in was, in fact, impossible.  I wouldn’t call his decisions bad -- under the circumstances, with no one by him to advise, they were the best decisions he could make.   The outcome of the decision was just very unhelpful.

I was more than a little sad when the upshot of Zombieman’s kind words boiled down to Child Emperor still being left carrying the can.

Speaking of humanity,  it’s a gimme for web comic readers that Amai Mask is speaking without turning his head to look at Zombieman. So far, he’s been able to hide his shame from everyone, that he’s turning into a real monster.  But for how much longer?

In passing

Fun little thing.  As Manako lights up the world, just look at Flashy Flash’s body:

A second fun thing: Child Emperor’s memory of Genos being a mix of actual observation -- the lack of spikes -- and what he preferred to remember.  Choosing not to remember that he was naked, good boy!

Btw, between Flashy Flash, Saitama, and Blast, that’s three of the four known cape-wearing heroes in one room. Nice!

[snommelp]

A City on a Hill

Sermon for today, the fifth Sunday after Epiphany, meditating on Isaiah 58:1-12 and Matthew 5:13-20. Minor redactions to remove names.

Isaiah 58:1-12

Shout out, do not hold back! Lift up your voice like a trumpet! Announce to my people their rebellion, to the house of Jacob their sins. Yet day after day they seek me and delight to know my ways, as if they were a nation that practised righteousness and did not forsake the ordinance of their God; they ask of me righteous judgements, they delight to draw near to God. ‘Why do we fast, but you do not see? Why humble ourselves, but you do not notice?’

Look, you serve your own interest on your fast-day, and oppress all your workers. Look, you fast only to quarrel and to fight and to strike with a wicked fist. Such fasting as you do today will not make your voice heard on high. Is such the fast that I choose, a day to humble oneself? Is it to bow down the head like a bulrush, and to lie in sackcloth and ashes? Will you call this a fast, a day acceptable to the Lord?

Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?

Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, and not to hide yourself from your own kin? Then your light shall break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up quickly; your vindicator shall go before you, the glory of the Lord shall be your rearguard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry for help, and he will say, Here I am.

If you remove the yoke from among you, the pointing of the finger, the speaking of evil, if you offer your food to the hungry and satisfy the needs of the afflicted, then your light shall rise in the darkness and your gloom be like the noonday. The Lord will guide you continually, and satisfy your needs in parched places, and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters never fail. Your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to live in.

Matthew 5:13-20

‘You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how can its saltiness be restored? It is no longer good for anything, but is thrown out and trampled under foot.

‘You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden. No one after lighting a lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on the lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.

‘Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfil. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law until all is accomplished. Therefore, whoever breaks one of the least of these commandments, and teaches others to do the same, will be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but whoever does them and teaches them will be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

[[PRAY]]

Great crowds have been following Jesus. They’ve heard about this miracle man, who’s been wandering all through the region of Galilee teaching and preaching and healing all sorts of disease and illness. People have come from Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea, even from beyond the Jordan. They all want to see this man, to hear his teaching, to figure out what he’s all about. One day, on top of a mountain, he sits down to teach. I can imagine being in that crowd, the eager anticipation, waiting to find out what profound teaching he’s going to offer.

He sits to teach, and says to the crowd: “You are salt.”

Um… thanks? I guess? What’s the proper response to that? “Thanks, I think you’re nutmeg”?

“You are the salt of the earth.”

What does it mean to be salt? Well, let me tell you all about one of my earlier adventures in cooking. I decided that I was going to try to cook up a simple chicken and rice dish, and I was going to improvise the whole thing. Now I might have been a novice in the kitchen, but you don’t have to know how to cook to know that chicken doesn’t have a very strong flavor of its own and neither does rice. So I decided to cook it with a little bit of a Mexican seasoning that I had lying around. When it was all done I sat down to eat, and it was bland. I couldn’t understand it. I wondered if maybe I’d just forgotten to use the seasoning, but I could feel the spiciness on my tongue, so that couldn’t be it.

Then I realized I hadn’t added any salt. So I went into the kitchen and shook in just a tiny bit of salt and stirred it up. The very next bite exploded with flavor.

Because that’s what salt does. That’s what salt is for. When you put salt in your food it draws out all the other flavors that you wouldn’t have noticed before. Of course salt also has a flavor all its own, and if you use too much salt that’s all you’re going to taste, but when you use salt right it enhances your food and makes it that much tastier.

What does it mean to be the salt of the earth? It means letting the flavor of your discipleship enhance the world all around you. It means that when you follow the Great Commandment to love God and love your neighbor, it draws out goodness and love everywhere you go, and in that way you help to bring the Kingdom of God.

“You are the light of the world.”

Okay, this one seems a bit easier. On an intuitive level, we understand that light is good. But still, we don’t necessarily take the time to think about what’s good about it. What does it mean to be light?

Jesus tells us: when you light a lamp, you put it on a lampstand, and it gives light to the whole house. I borrowed this lamp from our district superintendent -- I’ll confess when Jesus said “lamp” I was imagining something more like the lamp from Aladdin, but to be perfectly honest this clay lamp is probably closer to what Jesus would have used. This small lamp can give light to a whole house. You don’t need a big bonfire, a small light can dispel the darkness.

I went to college out in Flagstaff, Arizona. If you don’t know a lot about Flagstaff, the first thing to know is that it’s in the Arizona hill country. The city is at a base elevation of 7000 feet, and then there are mountains. And actually, the mountains in Flagstaff are the remnants of a long-dead volcano. Several times in college, I went with one group or another out to one of the national parks, and after a short hike we would come to a hole in the ground. This hole was caused by a cave-in, and climbing down into the hole brought you into a lava tube, a tunnel which was carved tens of thousands of years ago by the lava of that volcano.

Twenty yards into the cave, all natural light was gone. The cave was probably 300, 400 yards long, before you got to another cave-in that even the smallest person couldn’t crawl past. And the tradition was, when you reached the end of the lava tube, everyone in your group would sit down together in a circle. And shut off all of their flashlights. There, beyond the reach of the sun, the darkness was so complete that you could feel it. It was suffocating. Then, someone would pull out a little lamp like this one, or a small candle, and light it. That small light filled the cave, drove the darkness away.

What does it mean to be light? Light doesn’t exist for its own sake. It shines so that others can see. It shines to bring others out of the darkness. A lighthouse shines to guide travelers on a dark and frightening ocean. A city on a hill shines its light out to the surrounding countryside, guiding and welcoming lost and weary travelers. So what does it mean to be the light of the world? It means living a life that constantly shines the light of the love of Christ, dispelling darkness and welcoming the lost and the lonely into the Kingdom of God. Even if you see someone else and think that they’re a big bonfire while you’re just a small oil lamp, let your light shine, for the glory of God.

You are the salt of the earth. You are the light of the world. You are a city on a hill. Salt and light, which exist for the sake of others. And as I was meditating on Jesus’ message here in Matthew, it struck me just how much it echoes the message of the prophet Isaiah from so long before him.

When the Lord spoke through the prophet Isaiah, the people had a problem. Two problems, really, but they were two related problems. First, the people were treating God like some kind of divine vending machine. Put prayer in, push the buttons to make your selection, get out your desired result. And in fairness to the people of Israel, that’s how all of their neighbors did it, how the Canaanites and the Assyrians and the Babylonians and the Akkadians all interacted with their gods. Make the right sacrifice, say the right words, do the right hand gesture, and the gods will make it rain on your fields. Do a different sacrifice, say different words, different hand gesture, and the gods will smite your enemies.

It’s how all the neighboring nations did it. But when God led the people out of Egypt, God told them not to be like the neighboring nations.

Second, the people were selfish. Even on the sabbath and the holy days, they served their own interests. They oppressed their workers. They quarreled, fought, struck on another with wicked fists. They would even hide themselves from their own family members just so that they wouldn’t have to be inconvenienced by helping someone.

And God spoke to the prophet Isaiah, and through Isaiah said to the people “you wicked and rebellious people! What do you think you’re doing? Do you really think that you can force me to do your will, with these empty gestures and this self-serving piety? Look at yourselves! Do you really think that this is what I want?”

“I’ll tell you what I want. I want you to loose the bonds of injustice! I want you to let the oppressed go free! Share your bread with the hungry! Clothe the naked! House the homeless, yes even in your own homes! This is what the Lord requires of you: to do justice, to love mercy, to walk in humility! Do this, and when you call I will answer you. Do this, and I will satisfy your need. But do this. Let justice roll down like waters and righteousness like an ever-flowing stream. This is the fast that I desire. Thus says the Lord.”

That phrase has been stuck spinning around in my head for years now. This is the fast that I choose. In just two and a half weeks, we’ll be starting Lent - Ash Wednesday is on February 26. Since at least the fourth century, Christians have been preparing for Easter with this extended season of reflection and repentance, prayer and fasting. Some people will give up chocolate or soda. Others will skip entire meals, or might not eat any meat from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday.

But it occurred to me that all too often, my approach to Lent is far too similar to the problems that the people of Israel were experiencing. As a child, I would give up chocolate for Lent, and I would focus on how annoying it was, and think about how God was in my debt because of all the chocolate I could be eating. But what is the fast that God chooses? Justice, mercy, compassion; food for the hungry, clothing for the naked.

And so this year my fast is going to be a little different, and I’m inviting you to join me. I am going to monetize my fast, in a sense. I haven’t decided what I’m giving up yet, but let’s use soda as my example. I have a soda with my lunch every day. During Lent, when I don’t have that soda, I will also be setting aside the money I would have spent on that soda. That dollar 75 is gone, as if I spent it. And on Easter Sunday, as we celebrate the risen Christ, we’re going to have a special collection in addition to our usual offering, where we take up the fast that we set aside, and we’re going to give it all to [redacted] here in [redacted].

Your fast might be small, or it might be big. But even a small oil lamp can light up an entire house. Even just a pinch of salt can draw out an explosion of flavors in a meal.

As you leave this place and go out wherever God may lead you, go out to be salt. Be light. Be a city on a hill. Shine the love of Christ everywhere you go, to show the way to the lost and weary travelers.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War, Part 13: The Invasion of Doucheland

Part 12

Welcome back to Fire Emblem IV.  Last week, we crossed the Silesse border into our old homeland, the kingdom of Grannvale. And here she is, right now! Hey there, Valey. You’re looking very invade-able this evening.  Let me slip into something a little more militaristic, and I’ll be right with you.

Zaxon Castle has barely fallen, yet before Sigurd can so much as rest, the hordes of Grannvale stand before him at the captured Lubeck Castle.

For Sigurd, to challenge Langbalt is an opportunity to avenge his father, Byron, framed by Langbalt for his crimes. Beyond Lubeck, in the desert town Phinora…

Velthomer Castle, on Grannvale’s border with the Yied Desert,

And in Belhalla, the royal capital of Grannvale, Lord Arvis serves to aid the bedridden King Azmur, while Chancellor Reptor of Freege maintains peace and order in the city. A long road to Belhalla awaits Sigurd… a clash with Grannvale en route is inevitable. Sigurd refuses to endanger the people of Silesse any further in this conflict. He is determined to fight to the end. The year is Grann 760, early spring. The fields of Silesse peacefully rest beneath a deep blanket of snow…

…. Starting with a neutral unit. Not promising.

(Oh, hey Sigurd’s dad. Glad you aren’t murdered! .... Wait, how are you not murdered? Weren’t you framed for Kurth’s murder like a year ago? How are you still... going?)

Byron: No… not until the exalted blade is in your hands…

Langbalt: My ambush may have put an end to Chalphy’s Grünritter paladin brigade, but the survival of Byron alone leaves that utterly meaningless!

Random Idiot: Y-yes, sir… but, milord, Byron is gravely wounded… surely, he has very little time left…

Langbalt: I’ve never heard such naïve drivel! Byron may not be long for this world, but he’s determined to get the holy sword Tyrfing to his son, with the very last of his strength. Do you not understand the threat that Sigurd would pose to us, should he get his hands on that damnable sword?!

(… Well, I do now. Thanks for the heads up, definitely gonna get me that sword.)

Langbalt: Move out and kill Byron, immediately!

Random Idiot: Y-yes sir! Consider it done!

Langbalt: For the gods’ sakes, he’s leading the elite Grauenritter brigade! How could it take him so long to put down the Isaachian resistance?! First Lex, now Dannan… why must both of my sons be so worthless?!

Andre: Come now, Lord Langbalt, sir. Don’t worry about a thing. After all, you’ve still got the Beigenritter and I on your side.

Langbalt: I suppose you’re right, Andre. Be sure that your men are ready to join the fray at a moment’s notice.

Andre: Heh… it would be my pleasure, sir.

Langbalt: Duke Ring… may you be at peace…

(Awww, he’s a treasonous murdering lunatic with family values. How sweet. Just a reminder that while Reptor might want to run the country, Langbalt’s motivation can best be summed up as ‘Fuck House Chalphy’.  He really has no issues with anyone else. Which kinda makes him worse, honestly, since it means he murdered the prince just to screw with Sigurd’s dad.)  

Oifey: I don’t believe so. The Lubeck occupation seems to be pursuing him, so they’re most likely not with them.

Sigurd: I see. Let’s give them a hand. We’ll be clashing with Langbalt’s army sooner or later, so why not make the first move? Move out! Our target is their front lines. Today’s victory hinges on this first strike!

… You know, after we spend hours fighting in the arena. First, though, our three upcoming promotions.

Mmmmm. I also do a little inventory shifting; Ayra gives her bolt sword to Erin, who actually has the magic to back it up, and Azel gives his Magic Ring to Taillte, who needs it more than he does even after promotion. Now, then, time for some gladiatorial combat to remind the world what heroes we are!

Sigurd: Seven wins, gained three levels:  +3 HP, +3 Strength, +1 Speed, +1 Luck, +2 Defense

Arden: Seven wins, gained three levels: +3HP, +3 Strength, +2 Speed, +1 Luck, +1 Defense

Lex: Five wins, gained two levels: +2 HP, +1 Strength, +1 Speed

Azel: Seven wins, gained three levels: +3 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Magic, +1 Luck

Aideen: Seven wins. Actually can’t level up anymore! All that warping and physicing maxed her out.

Midir: Three wins, Gained one level: +1 Speed, +1 Luck. Just… the fuck, dude.

Holyn: Seven wins, Gained two levels: +1 HP, +1 Luck, +2 Defense

Ayra: wins, Gained two levels: +2 Strength, +1 Defense

Jamke: Seven wins, Gained two levels: +2 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +1 Defense

Dew: Seven wins, Gained two levels: +2 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Luck, +1 Defense

Lewyn: Seven wins, Gained three levels: +3 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Magic

Lachesis: Seven wins, Gained two levels:  +1 HP, +1 Resistance, +1 Speed

Beowulf: Five wins, Gained one level: +1 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Defense

Erin: Seven wins, Gained two levels:  +2 HP, +1 Skill, +1 Strength, +2 Luck, +2 Defense.

Bridget: Seven wins, Gained two levels: +2 HP, +1 Speed, +1 Magic, +1 Luck

Taillte: Seven wins, Gained two levels: +2 HP, +1 Defense, +1 Resistance

 And yes, Arden did so well because he still had the Brave Sword for his attempts, and he promoted halfway through.

The stat bonuses are nothing special, but this is actually a really good promotion. He gains the ability to use spears, axes, and bows in addition to his swords, and picks up for himself the truly obnoxious Pavise skill all those enemy bosses use to ruin your day. I’m pleased, Arden. You don’t get to get married and I will never use you again because this has been a giant pain, but you’re an okay person anyway.  

So here’s the map. Our starting position is in the northwest; enemy formations are marked by red rectangles, and Byron is the yellow dot. Our first job is to reach him before he dies.  He will not attack enemies (he’s unarmed), so he’ll spend the whole time running, but he’s also wounded and can’t outrun most of his pursuers. You won’t lose the map if you don’t get to him in time, but you will lose access to Tyrfing, which… no. Just no. Not acceptable.  So our first, crucial job is to clear out that patch of enemies between us and Byron, and Sigurd has to be leading the charge because only he can talk to his dad, obviously. But we also do need to send a rearguard to the west, to wipe out the enemy unit there and protect the assorted villages from bandits. So looks like we’ll be splitting the army again, I know I love that!

First step, I send Sigurd, Midir, Lachesis, and Beowulf about halfway through their move range, and then have Sylvia run up to Dance them all. This will let them reach the enemy line on their first turn, doing some solid damage before they’d otherwise be able to.

This not only clears a few units, but it gives this enemy brigade a target. They’ll be moving away from Byron, which is key. He can’t take many hits at all, so every enemy you can draw away from him is worth it.

Now, there’s also villages to the north and south of our castle that have bandits right next to them, so I have Holyn and Ayra both take one. They’ll be able to reach them in a turn and have 100% chance of clearing the bandits immediately.  Erin begins moving to the one directly east of the castle; it’s on a peninsula so she can reach it fastest by cutting across the ocean. Most of the foot soldiers move west to intercept the enemy there, while Lex, Azel, Aideen, and Bridget move to start catching up with the front line.  Why Aideen and Bridget? Because their brother is there, and… well….

Aideen: I… I did. I’ve heard he murdered our father, and later Mahnya in Silesse as well… I can’t believe it. I can barely imagine the evil which would have possessed him to do such monstrous things…

Bridget: … I’m going to kill him. There’s no other way. Whatever the evil is, he has to be stopped. Right here, right now. You understand, right, Aideen?

Aideen: Bridget…

Bridget: Andre’s crimes are House Jungby’s crimes. They’re our crimes too, our responsibility.  They reflect on us, even when they really shouldn’t. I know I’ll have his blood on my hands for the rest of my life, but… Aideen, I want you to understand.

Aideen: Of course I do, Bridget…

Well, big sis isn’t having any of that patricide, Andre ol’ buddy. It was nice knowing you.  

Ya dick.

End turn.

Hot damn. Beowulf must be sick of being the team joke, because that level was brilliant.  Either that or he thinks I’ll fail at saving Byron, have to reset, and lose it.  Either or.

(Wait, Belhalla looks like that?  And it took us this long to realize they’re evil? Dammit, guys.)

(Hey, Arvis! Long time no see! How’s your hair doing? Still deceptive?)

Arvis: Duke Langbalt and his army stand ready at Lubeck. It’s only a matter of time before their insurrection is suppressed.

King Azmur: Even so… even now, it is almost beyond belief, is it not? That Lord Byron would slay Kurth… or that Sigurd would incite a rebellion…

Arvis: Your Majesty

(Okay, he gets points for knowing the right term.)

Arvis: If I may explain once more… Lord Byron was plotting against the crown in concert with the late Lord Ring of Jungby. His Highness fell afoul of their assault, an act to which our very own Dukes Reptor and Langbalt bore witness.  

(“And I mean, how could you disbelieve those faces?” )

Arvis: His Highness learned of their schemes to seize the throne too late, and paid for it with his life.  Naturally, Lord Sigurd had a hand in his father’s revolt. What clearer proof is there than how he still harbors an enemy, the prince of Isaach? There is no question. Their treason against the state is grave. I, too, feel this pain as my own, having lost not only a prince but a father-in-law…

(… Oh no.)

Arvis: And in the name of my beloved wife, Princess Deirdre, I will never allow Sigurd’s traitorous rampage to stand!

(HURK)

Arvis: Even if Duke Langbalt fails to defeat him, that is not the end! The elite fire mages of House Velthomer, the Rotenritter, stand ready to stop this rebellion once and for all!

Azmur: I see… if you say it is so, then… perhaps this could never have been avoided…

Azmur: Ah… Deirdre. Bless you… you truly are a sweet child. Even if I have little time left, you give me hope for Grannvale’s future… I can scarcely imagine when Kurth could have had as fine a daughter as you. But there is no doubt in my mind. None outside the royal House Belhalla possess the Brand that graces your brow. Whence did you come, my dear? Where in the world have you been all along…

(“In the woods, mostly. It turns out that isolating me from all men was a great idea and they should have put way more effort into it. I genuinely can’t be trusted.”)

Deirdre: I’m so sorry, Grandfather. I simply don’t remember. Try as I may, I simply cannot recall anything…

Azmur: Ah, forgive me, my dear. I know you have suffered more and longer than any of us.

Arvis: From the moment I found her wandering lost in the castle grounds, it was clear she had no memory of her past.  All she knew was her own name. The rest of her past is lost to her. At first I sought only to aid her out of sympathy, as any decent man would do, but before long love took root within me…

(HUUUUUUUUUUUUURK)

Arvis: With all due respect, Deirdre, not once did I suspect that you could possibly be the daughter of our late Prince Kurth.  

Azmur: I remember well the day you introduced her as the woman you wished to marry… I simply could not believe what I saw! At first sight I knew, perhaps as only family can. Precisely as I thought, beneath your circlet was the Brand of Naga. Lord Arvis, I trust you understand. Only a full-blooded heir to Saint Heim can rightfully wield the Book of Naga and release its true holy power. And the power of Naga is the only force able to repel the Dark Lord, Loptyr.  

Arvis: I am well aware of the legend, sire.

Azmur: The holy lineage of our lord Naga and Saint Heim must never perish! Deirdre, you must bear a son with all due haste!

(… Done. His name’s Seliph, I think he’s pushing two around this point?  That was easy! … Oh, wait, you mean a son with Arvis. In that case, HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRK)

Azmur: And should your son be so fortunate as to inherit Naga’s power… he shall be Prince of Grannvale, and inherit the throne when I am no more. Lord Arvis, until your son has grown into a man, you shall be his regent. Guide him well to adulthood. I trust you understand… cough!  Cough…

Well that was gross. Hurry, everyone, kill some shit to make me feel alive again. 

Oh, Ayra, you always know just how to cheer me up. Holyn, you could stand to be more like Ayra.  Now, on the eastern front, here’s where things get weird.

The enemy is not a big problem, the battle is almost won here. But Sigurd is not in place to talk to Byron.  So what I’m going to try (and if this doesn’t work I shall be so furious) is position him and two other people as a wall.

The idea… and this had better work… is that Byron will get get his turn first and run through my units, where the enemy will not be able to follow him. That jerk in the top corner is just a bandit, he won’t attack anyone while there’s a village to pilfer.

Okay.

Okay.

End turn!

(… Oh fucking score Byron will talk to Sigurd on his own.  I win!)

Sigurd: Father! Come, you mustn’t give in now!

Byron: No… there’s no hope left for me now… listen well, my son. Langbalt was Prince Kurth’s true killer. And Reptor is the one holding his leash… His Majesty must know the truth! I… death holds no fear for me. But I cannot die in peace not knowing if our honor shall be cleansed of these lies.

Sigurd: Rest assured, Father. Our good name will be cleared. I promise.  

Byron: Sigurd… I beg your forgiveness. It was my negligence which condemned you to this suffering…  Sigurd. Take this. It is Tyrfing… our exalted blade…

Sigurd: Tyrfing… but Father! Surely you will still need this!

Byron: Take it, Sigurd.. use it to… restore… our honor…

Sigurd: Father… please, hang on!  Father! … Father…  Why… why in the world did he have to… grrr… REPTOR! LANGBALT!  Mark my words!  You will pay dearly for all you’ve done!  

Ouch. But this is much better than not having him talk to Sigurd at all, in which case he still dies and his son never knows and doesn’t get his inheritance.  Unfortunately, Tyrfing is useless right now, because the blade is broken; we’ll need to have Sigurd rush back to the castle to fix it on our turn.  After, of course, axe jerks!

…. WHY’D YOU EQUIP THE BROKEN TYRFING, MAN?! A broken weapon can still work, mind you, but it will slow the unit down a ton and have a bare fraction of its attack power, so it’s a very dumb idea. Which, you know, makes sense.

Well, nothing else exciting happens on the enemy phase, so let’s start our turn right with some nice rampant slaughter. It does a body good!

I love it when an army comes together. And since Ayra, Holyn, and Erin are now on top of villages that are  out of the way for anyone else, I liberate them.

(He was married? … Not to his sister, right? God, I hate that I feel the need to ask that.)

Gossip Girl: His name’s,  er… Ares? Something like that. I feel pretty bad for the poor boy. He’s gotta be just three or four years old…

(I feel bad for him because his name is Ares, the douchiest Greek God. And they were all douches!)

Whiner: Argh, how did this world turn into such a savage place…

Info Master: You’ll often find that boys’ll take up their father’s traits more dominantly, while girls’ll be more strongly influenced by their mother’s.  

… So did we start playing Pokemon, or something?  Was that the secret to breeding a better Lapras? Whatever, the western front still has to fight. Almost forgot them!

Very nice! That little flashing screen there before Taillte finally gets some Magic was her also getting a Lover Critical for attacking while next to Lewyn. It doesn’t show up often, but it’s a thing of beauty when it does. Though, in fairness, Taillte also didn’t need it to end that fight quickly; like Ethlin before her, she’s ended up with weird stats, and one of them is that her speed is enormous.  She also has the skill Adept (Chance based on speed to double-attack) since promoting, and so   End turn!

Random Idiot: How could you have breached our front lines so quickly?  

Well, like that, mostly. Also, holy crap, the Shield Sword and a promotion have done Beowulf great help. He’s gone overnight from the army’s whipping boy to an unstoppable killing machine.  

…. Same can’t be said for Claude, though. God, I hate you, Claude.  Reset! I mostly recreate the prior turn, though not as well; Taillte decided that Magic growth was a one-time thing, and she gets +1HP and +1 Defense this time. Defense is still good for her, so hey.  Now, let’s see if this goes a little better?

… Am I being trolled?

Well, at least Claude survives. He might be bad at 90% of everything, but he’s got some killer Resistance. Now, let’s try to clear out the remaining enemies before something else fucks up.  

All right, good start. Also, Random Idiot’s name was Slayder!  I genuinely didn’t notice until I was killing him.  Good for you, Slayder.  

Beige is the most terrifying of colors. To show how scared I am, I have Bridget equip her holy bow and move into their range.  Hee. Hee. Hee.

…….. I mean, I was expecting more of a symbolic slaughtering, but all of your archers moving into my melee range and just stopping, is pretty good too.  Now, Aideen can’t kill Andre in one turn, so we can actually see him talk to both his sisters. Let’s go!

Andre: Your sins have soiled the honor of my House Jungby, and now, you must make your amends with your very life.

Aideen: Andre… what a pitiful man you’ve become.

(Awwwwwwwwwwwwwyeeeeeeeeah AIDEEN BURN.)

Literally. Bridget, your move!

Andre: No matter what it takes, you – the shame of my house – must be put to a timely death.

Bridget: ENOUGH!  You murdered your own father!  You, Andre, are the disgrace to Jungby’s honor, and to the good name of the Crusader Ullur!

… Isn’t Scorpius a Power Ranger villain…?

Bridget gains her brother’s power by eating his heart, and the rest of the team is now free to paint over the Beigenritter with a more interesting color. RED.  

Oooooh the terror of the Beigenritter. Now, nothing more to be done until we move on Langbalt directly, so I take a few turns here to let the western front move back over to meet up with the east, letting our whole army move at once. I won’t need them; Lubeck Castle has very little in terms of defense, just three generals and four ballistae, the real danger being Langbalt himself.  But dammit all, I put a lot of effort into promoting Arden, I’ll be damned if I’m leaving him behind for the main part of the map that opens after you take Lubeck. Oh, and, I have Sigurd sent home for a moment to visit the blacksmith…

Oh that is beautiful.  In addition to having the same high-end offense as all Holy Weapons, Tyrfing gives him a whopping 40 stat points, +10 each to Skill and Speed, and +20 to Resistance, which almost instantly turns him from somewhat vulnerable to mages to one of our best anti-mage units. Plus, it comes with the Miracle ability, meaning he gets a very sizable chance to dodge an attack that would kill him… not that there’s gonna be a lot of attacks likely to kill him while he’s holding Tyrfing.  

I love holy weapons.

Now, after we get everyone together again, it’s time to kick some ass on Langbalt.  There’s three generals out in front of his castle, and four ballistae to its east; two to the north and two to the south.  The southern ones are no issue, but the northern are below a cliff and can only be attacked by Erin (who shouldn’t be getting near ballistae!) or units with a ranged attack. I send Azel and Lachesis up to deal with them, which the rest of the army starts chipping at the generals.

One down!  The four ballistae all take shots at us on the enemy phase, but only one hits and Lachesis can take it.  And then she gets to counter with extreme prejudice when it’s our shot again.  

And that’s the end of the defenders.  However, like I said earlier, the real issue isn’t them. It’s this motherfucker.

Langbalt is actually really nasty considering he’s only the first boss of the chapter.  His stats are fine, but more dangerously he’s packing Major Neir holy blood and his family’s Holy Weapon, Helswath.  Like all Holy Weapons it has 30 attack, but it can attack at any range (so no cheesing him from a distance!) and boosts his defense and resistance by 20 and 10 points, respectively. Combine this with the fact he’s a Baron with the ever-obnoxious Pavise skill and is on a Castle, and he can be a serious pain to do real damage to if you get unlucky. As an upside, at least, It’s a very heavy weapon and slows him considerably, which mostly nullifies his evasion boost from fighting in the castle, but… I mean, he  only had average speed to start with.  The man has 41 defense and hits like a train, and that’s bad enough.  

Oh, and, obviously, there’s some special conversations to be had.  

1)     I’m getting a little sick of people calling us traitors while they’re literally in the middle of treason.

2)     God that combat result is sad.  Lex barely scratches his dad.

Maybe somebody a bit more legendary will have more luck. Siggy?

Langbalt: How perfect! I’ll reunite you with your dearly departed father. He ought to be lonely by now!

Sigurd: Langbalt… LANGBALT! You will pay for what you did to my father!

… Better, but still kind of sad. This is our uber-sword. The top sword of all swords. And we got a little under half his health.

Okay.

Time to stop fucking around.

Lewyn, Bitches. So cool he doesn’t need good levels anymore.  From here, all that’s left is to take the last few villages:

Oddly Happy Man: But the people of Isaach ain’t givin’ up hope. Prince Shanan’s still out there, and they know someday he’ll lead ‘em to freedom!

Okay, first of all, that day won’t be for awhile since he’s like 12, and second of all… where are we?  I know they mentioned Lubeck Castle was conquered by Grannvale pretty recently last chapter, and certainly this village is oddly chipper about Grannvale not being able to fully pacify one of their conquests, but it doesn’t seem to be part of Silesse either.  There’s no snow or pegasi.  

Oh, screw it.  One more village to go.

Captain Obvious: All they ever do these days is set their army on every country they can get their hands on.  Prince Kurth’d be utterly ashamed to know what’s become of his beloved Grannvale… you have to do something! I’m begging you… go to Grannvale! Take the country back from the wicked folk who are perverting all it holds dear!

Well. I mean. Considering we are the army they set on two of those countries, I think we have to.  Let’s take Lubeck and call it a week.  

(I hope not!  I think only Langbalt himself actually hit us more than once, unless you count Claude getting axed. And you should never count Claude.)  

Sigurd: Listen, Oifey, I need to ask something of you.

Oifey: Of course, sire. What is it?

Sigurd: As I recall, the territory of Isaach should be very close to the north-east of Lubeck.  From what I’ve heard, ever since Grannvale won the war, Isaach has been governed by Danaan, Langbalt’s eldest son. But I’d wager his influence has yet to reach much of the country, so…

Oifey: I beg your pardon, sire?!  Are you seriously asking me to abandon you for safety, now of all times? No! I refuse! I will not leave you, sire! I’m here for you no matter what, till I draw my last breath!

Sigurd: Oifey, listen.  I know this is a huge imposition, but please, hear me out. I… I don’t want to lose Seliph. He isn’t even two years old!  I can hardly fight with an infant in tow. Please, Oifey. Take care of Seliph. Take him and find refuge from this blasted war.  I know I can trust you, Oifey. You are my only hope.

(Heehee. Help me, Oifey-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.)

Oifey: Sire… I… very well. I’ll take Lord Seliph. I’ll protect him, no matter what happens. That said, you have to promise me.  Promise you’ll come for us as soon as the war is over. I won’t leave if you can’t promise that.

Sigurd: Of course. I swear it.

(Yeah, well, you also promised Sigurd you would look after Deirdre, and you fucked that up, so forgive me if I don’t put a lot of weight in your promises.)

Shanan: I won’t hand him over to anyone, not even Oifey, until Deirdre says I can!

Sigurd: Calm down, Shanan. I know you’re still hurt about losing Deirdre, but it’s okay. He’ll be fine with Oifey.

Shanan: No! I need to protect Seliph! … And you’re forgetting that the people of Isaach won’t exactly be happy to see more Grannvaleans! Oifey along won’t last a minute there, but if I’m there it’ll be okay. Who better to protect Seliph in Isaach than the prince of Isaach? Please…

(Sigurd: Outwitted by a ten year old.)

Oifey: Now that he mentions it, sire, I would be a tad more at ease if Shanan was there as well. I know you’re reluctant to involve someone so young in something so dangerous, but I think we can agree he’s become a talented warrior.

(… He has?)

Oifey: Not to mention, I’ll need Shanan to secure the people’s support.  

Sigurd: Hm… I’m sorry to burden you more, Shanan, but please… take care of Seliph for me.

Shanan: Leave it to me! I’m gonna keep getting stronger, and nobody’ll ever hurt Seliph! I’ll teach him all about Deirdre, too, but… I wonder how he’ll take what happened…

Oifey: I… suppose we should set out, then. Farewell, sire. Take care of yourself. I pray victory and clemency find you as soon as possible.

Sigurd: Thank you, Oifey. Be careful out there.

Oifey: Yes, sir!

Sigurd: Seliph… I’m so sorry. Please, grow up safe and strong.

Well. It only took us... I think the game timeline has been three years so far?... it only took us three years to realize we shouldn’t be bringing children to war, and so I think we’ll call it a week here. Check in next week for when someone brings some children to war.  

Resets: 19. I hope you’re proud of yourself, CLAUDE.

Part 14

[duxbelisarius]

Wonder Woman Review

I was questioning whether or not to do this, but on the advice of @byzantinefox and @bantarleton, I’ve decided to make a post addressing the events portrayed in the film. I’m not a film critic or scholar (my wondertrev buddy @twoquickdeaths could probably say more about those aspects of it than I could), but I am a history major with a great interest in the First World War. Hence, I will be addressing the events of the film, their historical context, and the way they are portrayed. WARNING: Spoilers below!

So to start, let me make this point ABSOLUTELY clear: I LOVED Wonder Woman. I mean, I was squirming in my seat at dinner prior to seeing it with my family, my little sister and I humming the theme! Patty Jenkins and her team made a phenomenal movie (AND Zack, can’t forget the conductor of the DCEU orechestra), Gal and Chris were amazing as Wonder Woman and Steve Trevor (and I am now torn between Wonderbat and Wondertrev, which is saying a lot given that I grew up with the DCAU’s Justice League and Justice League Unlimited). The action scenes were awesome (Antiope and co. PHYSICALLY REMOVING the Germans from Themyscira set the tone very well for the subsequent fights), and Diana’s character struck an excellent balance of traditionally feminine and masculine traits as Marston intended (Gal and Patty deserve high praise for this as well). IMO, the tone of the movie balanced positivity and hope with hopelessness and loss more explicitly, perhaps, than BvS, MoS and SS. All of the DCEU movies dealt with those themes (in b4 HURR DURR GRIMDARK 2EDGY4ME), though consolation and desolation aren’t always easy to convey (even if you’ve read St. Ignatius’ Spiritual Exercises).

Having stated this, there were basic problems with it’s portrayal of history. I need to stress that I am well aware that this is fantasy/comic book hero stuff, realism isn’t necessarily possible in a world of super human beings, and I’m NOT going to complain about uniforms or epaulets being wrong (Sorry Ban; though there are British troops wearing French Adrian Helmets in the trench scene). I understand this was obviously not a documentary, and as far as modern historical films go there is far more attention to accuracy than in the past I’d say (see all those post-WWII Patton tanks that appeared as German tanks in Battle of the Bulge and Patton). My main issue is with problems of chronology and of important historical facts, especially those regarding how the war was fought and why (SPOILERS START HERE!).

From the start, Steve’s arrival on Themyscira and the subsequent beach battle with the German marines raise some problems. For one, even if Steve’s Fokker Eindecker E.III monoplane (obsolete in 1918!) could reach Themyscira (presumably near Greece) from Turkey, the idea that a German destroyer could search for him is questionable. Given that the High Seas Fleet was bottled up in the North Sea ports, it would have to be a German or Ottoman Turkish ship from Turkey, and then there’s still the problem of Allied naval dominance in the Mediterranean (The British, French, Italian and Greek navies MAY be a problem here!). These pose problems, but not insurmountable ones, for the plot; Steve might not reach Themyscira, but if he does, there’s probably no Germans following him and so Antiope lives and may well send Diana and potentially MORE Amazons to REMOVE THE HUN stop Ares.

So problems, but not big ones. It’s when they arrive in London that things get screwy. To start, the Armistice was not deliberated on months ahead of time in Parliament, and this completely ignores the unified command of the Allied Armies exercised by Marshal Ferdinand Foch (the French in general are completely ignored, though this is no different from Ridley Scott’s Dunkirk by the looks of it). The Imperial War Council, which was in charge of the British war effort (and was NOT the large parliamentary body it was portrayed as) comprised, at most, between 10 and 12 members representing Britain, India and the Dominions (Canada, New Foundland, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa), and it didn’t even hold a conference during the period of the film (roughly October-November 1918). Sir Patrick (played by David Thewlis AKA Remus Lupin) would not be proposing peace and an armistice as A) he would not partake in any Cabinet meeting, B) The Cabinet did not meet at this time, and most importantly, C) The war on the Western Front was all but won in 1918.

This last point is key, and I would never blame Patty for overlooking it when it’s a point that seemingly EVERYONE overlooks. The stereotypical British General portrayed by the ubiquitous James Cosmo (seriously, he’s been in Highlander, Trainspotting, Game of Thrones (as Jeor Mormont), Braveheart, Troy, the list goes on!) claims that he won’t “send troops into Belgium this close to the Armistice”, shooting down Steve Trevor’s plan. This blatantly ignores that British, French and Belgian troops WERE ALREADY IN BELGIUM.

This is relevant to the later quote made by Steve when Diana and her team reach “the front” (to quote In Bruges, “Turns out, it’s in Belgium”). “This Battalion has been here for a year, and they’ve barely made any progress,” a point that ignores the sweeping gains of the German Spring Offensives, and the equally large gains of the Hundred Days Offensives, technically the “122 days” when you consider that they started with the French victory on the Marne in June 1918. And this isn’t even taking into account rotation systems that, while often dysfunctional, did ensure that battalions on both sides received rest in the rear areas or reserve lines. While formal trench lines really ceased to exist from September 1918 onwards, the battle for Veld (the village Diana and co. liberate after taking the German trenches) does capture the conditions of fighting quite well: rushes across fields, canals and ditches, fighting in small towns, and all amidst the squalid autumn weather of North Western Europe. That “No-Man’s Land” means you can’t occupy/cross it as Steve claims, is demonstrably false; all due respect to the Eowyn, “I Am No Man” gifsets, but the men on both sides had been crossing and taking ground on a regular basis since March, 1918. 

That the Armistice was not proposed until late in the year, and negotiated even later, is again another point where the film diverges. Moreover, and here I’ll address Erich Ludendorff’s portrayal, the film missed an opportunity to show just how suicidal German leadership had become in 1918. The film reverses the Ludendorff-von Hindenburg (ship name: Hindendorff) relationship; Hindenburg, as exemplified by the iron nail statues built of him for German war bonds drives, was tall, solid, and stereotypically Prussian. It was a September 29th mental breakdown by Ludendorff, short, monacled, neurotic and nervous, that began the talks about a potential armistice. It was quite honestly shocking to see him portrayed, on screen, as shooting a captain with his pistol and having Dr. Poison gas Hindenburg and the commanders of the German Army with Poison’s hydrogen-based Mustard Gas. Historically, Ludendorff was the man who spent hours in September 1918 sitting by the open casket of his son-in-law, conversing with the corpse, after the latter had died in battle. Leaving aside Poison’s strength elixir, which Erich inhales to gain strength, he was far from the tough guy the movie makes him out to be. 

Moreover, as I mentioned in a post I reblogged before, there were GENUINE plans to prolong the war. The so-called Endkampf envisioned final bombing raids on London and Paris (not just London as in the film), and with actual incendiaries. These were intended to be one way trips, aimed at maximum civilian loss. Likewise, the High Seas Fleet attempted suicide-by-Entente and tried to sail out for one last clash with the British Grand Fleet. This actually led to mutinies which lead to Socialist revolutionaries (the Volksmarine) taking over Kiel, Bremen, and most of the North Seas ports. Far more sinister were the plans to forcibly conscript 600 to 800 000 German men and boys, from 16 to 60, to be armed and sent to the front, where they would partake in conventional rearguard and unconventional guerrilla actions against the superior armed, equipped and trained Allied armies. All the while, scorched earth policies were to be enacted, and were carried out at places like the Brie-Longwy ore mines, which provided most of France’s coal and iron ore. Almost half were flooded and sabotaged, taking the French years to recover economically. Destruction of food supplies would have left a dire situation for the Belgian Relief Organization, set up in 1915 by private American citizens and led by Herbert Hoover. Responsible for feeding almost all of Belgium (c. 4-5 million people) and close to 10 million French civilians, they would have been presented with a humanitarian crisis that would have compounded the starvation that Hoover had too meet in Eastern Europe and the former Russian Empire after 1919. Steve Trevor is right, millions would have died, but Dr. Poison’s notebook would not have been necessary. And we know that those plans were taken seriously; the Navy DID attempt a final sally, incendiaries WERE stockpiled, and ‘insurrectionary warfare’ was incorporated into postwar plans of the Reichswehr (the army of the Weimar Republic) by Staff Officer Joachim von Stulpnagel, and influenced Hitler’s Nero Order (which Albert Speer only ignored due to a lack of manpower to carry it out!).

My final point comes around to the film’s most powerful theme, that of human nature and the problem of evil. First off, the efforts of the Belgian Relief Organization alone speak to the nobility and goodness that humans can attain. But regarding this issue of free will, Diana hits right on the head in her final monologue, when it comes to motivations and reasons for fighting the film falls short at some points. Cosmo’s general is portrayed as the stereotypical Brass-hatted, red-tabbed ‘donkey general,’ dismissing Steve and Diana’s horror at the potential casualties from Poison’s concoction with the remark to the effect that “soldiers are supposed to die.” Again, ignoring the impending triumph of Allied arms on all Fronts (Bulgaria surrendered Sept. 29th, the Italians were nearing Trieste and the French and Serbs Belgrade, ANZAC, Indian and British cavalry were hauling ass for Damascus), it plays on the ‘Lions led by Donkeys’ trope that charges both military incompetence AND moral cowardice against Allied (esp. British leadership). The success I mention indicates otherwise, but Diana’s claim that Amazon generals unlike Man’s Generals, fight and die with their men, runs a foul of history. 78 British, 47 French (61 including deaths from disease while at the front) and 86 German generals were killed in action between 1914 and 1918, and in all cases the number of dead increased by year. Graham Maddox and Frank Davies have even recorded all of the British casualties among General Officers, 232 in total versus an active roster of c. 1000 and total wartime number over 2000. Charges of incompetence in tactics and management are in no way inadmissible; but the conclusion that must be reached given the amount of casualties, of which 8 were wounded twice and 10 were victoria cross winners (3 during the war), is not that they lacked moral courage, but if anything, there was perhaps an excess.

The film ends with Ares death, and the German soldiers around appear to have been woken from a haze; Diana is seemingly right, kill Ares, you kill the war. She admits, again, that humans are capable of great acts of good and evil, but the film again seems to suggest that Ares was more to blame (again, the the airfield scene indicates anything). That over half of the British soldiers in WWI were volunteers or Professionals, and almost all of the Canadians, Australians and Indians (between them all over 2 million men) were the same, indicates far greater agency on their part. And I don’t think that any of these omissions, esp. for the Generals, are done consciously and out of spite. These tropes are so embedded as to be taken as a given, though I hope this will change at some point in the future. History, esp. that of WWI, is my passion and I hope that the film inspires greater interest in the conflict as other media, like Battlefield One, have already done. If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading!

[garden-ghoul]

return of the blog, part.... uhhhh

“that’s right, I can’t even reliably count to three. or maybe I can and it’s four I can’t reliably count to?”

That aside, something horrible is about to happen.

THE SIEGE OF GONDOR

Gandalf wakes up Pippin at “the second hour,” which is either 2am or like 9am, depending on where they’re counting from. Pippin stares at his bread butter & milk breakfast miserably and says, “Why did you bring me here?” 

“You know quite well,” said Gandalf. “To keep you out of mischief; and if you do not like being here, you can remember that you brought it on yourself.”

Dude. He’s a teen and he was cursed. Give him a break.

He has to go see Denethor, who treats him rather rudely and then says he’ll be the lord’s esquire for today. Does he know any songs? Well, um, not many that are fitting here... Pippin does not want to sing comic songs or lewd songs to the Steward of Gondor. I just can’t get over this teen thing, he is like a college freshman who got out for the summer after a socially productive semester and now he works for the president. It’s fucking ridiculous. Well, he goes and gets some fancy livery so he’ll look regal enough for Denethor, and it only makes him gloomier. I love all the descriptions of Merry and Pippin being gloomy about being treated like ornaments.

Near sunset he’s finally released from his service (both boring and arduous, though I’ll wager he’s been doing a lot of good eavesdropping) and goes to hang out with Beregond and bemoan the fact that Faramir isn’t here. Oh! How convenient! There’s Faramir’s company right there (what’s left of it), being attacked by Nazgul! LUCKILY Gandalf, who vanished a while ago, seems to have foreseen this; he chases them away with light magic. Pippin runs to the gates to see Faramir coming home, and immediately gets a crush on him. He’s so noble! So tired! Yet so approachable!

Denethor does not really think so. He finds the smallest crack in Faramir’s demeanor as he’s making his report, and verbally eviscerates him in front of the guests. Y’know, for letting the Ring go into Mordor, and also for being alive even though Denethor is the one who told Boromir to go questing. Denethor and Gandalf yell at each other for a while, it’s rather frightening. As Pippin and Gandalf are leaving (Faramir has gone off to get some sleep, thank goodness!) Gandalf says he is filled with foreboding that Sam and Frodo are going via Cirith Ungol. How would YOU have gone, Gandalf? Through the front door? Secret tunnel?

The next morning everyone is gloomy again. They WERE excited about Faramir coming back--the text sort of implies that everyone in the city is a little in love with him--

But now Faramir was gone again. ‘They give him no rest,’ some murmured. ‘The Lord drives his son too hard, and now he must do the duty of two, for himself and for the one that will not return.’ And ever men looked northward, asking: ‘Where are the Riders of Rohan?’

Restless, restless, restless. Electric air. That Good Stuff. Faramir has been sent to Osgiliath to strengthen the garrison:

‘Then farewell!’ said Faramir. ‘But if I should return, think better of me!’

‘That depends on the manner of your return,’ said Denethor.

Ouch. Why do I get the feeling that Denethor will only think better of him if he returns in a coffin? As Faramir leaves, Gandalf tells him that his father loves him. Umm okay but how does that mitigate his awful treatment of Faramir. Doesn’t that make it worse? Right now I’m thinking about how Faramir is probably going to have to fight the Witch King since he’s leading the attack on Osgiliath, and thinking about how Eowyn is the one who kills him, and just being really excited for them to meet. Weary guy who hates to fight but must; frustrated enby who is chomping at the bit to murder some dudes. Honestly doesn’t that describe ALL the best Tolkien ships. Sometimes he does ladies right and it’s so #aesthetic. Wait I think the aesthetic I’m describing is just classic Jewish gender roles. Gentle studious men and women alight with the fire of direct action. I’m gay for both of these genders.

Anyway the next day the Black Host or whatever comes through the wall of the Pelennor Fields, despite the fact that Faramir is still doing his best to hold the rearguard off in Osgiliath. Including, yep, the Witch King. Actually they never refer to him as the Witch King in these books and I’m not sure where I heard it, but it’s an amazing title. Anyway mounted sorties start going out into Pelennor, with Gandalf at Prince Whoever of Amroth at their head. Denethor at least doesn’t let them overextend themselves; he calls them in very promptly so they won’t get trapped or too tired. I get the impression that for quick strikes they have the advantage because all of Sauron’s people are on foot. Oh, except a full third of them died anyway, because Sauron’s forces MASSIVELY outnumber them. Faramir has come back dead or wounded, and EVERYONE is crying. They bring him back to Denethor, who goes up into his tower and people see a strange flashing light and he comes down even more dead-looking than his dead son. I am beginning to suspect that the reason the text has alluded so many times to how far-sighted and well-informed Denethor is, is that he has a palantir. And this is some kind of secret, maybe?

The very last companies who can make it come back in through the gates, and they report that there is no way the Rohirrim can possibly make it in to help them now. The enemy is throwing fire over the walls. They’re throwing severed heads over the walls. Nazgul are circling. Denethor is weeping by Faramir’s body. Gandalf and the prince of Amroth have taken command of the city. There’s an aside here with Gondorians whispering about how elvish the people of Dol Amroth are--the people of Nimrodel. I’m glad there’s at least one version of the story where they found each other again and settled down, even if “the coast” probably wasn’t the land Nimrodel dreamed of that had never heard of war.

Hey, let’s check in on Denethor! Oh, uh, the palantir broke his will and he’s planning to set himself on fire in his despair. That’s cool I guess. Pippin goes to fetch Gandalf, as if he couldn’t possibly have anything more important to do than save one rude old man’s life. Or no, Pippin suspects he is going to kill Faramir as well. He passes Beregond and tells him to stop anything awful from happening.

OMG SORRY I FORGOT EVERYTHING I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE PAYING ATTENTION TO BECAUSE WE HAVE FINALLY CONFIRMED THAT THE BATTERING RAM GROND IS INDEED NAMED FOR MORGOTH’S HAMMER. I CAN STOP READING NOW THIS IS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW.

No no jk I will keep reading. I’m extremely pleased though. I have “Grond! Grond! Grond!” echoing in my head nonstop some days. Um anyway the Witch King is there, casting an evil spell to help Grond along, and on the third go it BURSTS the gates open!

‘You cannot enter here,’ said Gandalf, and the huge shadow halted. ‘Go back to the abyss prepared for you! Go back! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your Master. Go!’

The Black Rider flung back his hood, and behold! he had a kingly crown; and yet upon no head visible was it set.

Fuck yes.

Somewhere in the city, a cock crows, because having half of Gondor on fire in no way disrupted this chicken’s daily routine. Dawn. And with it, the horns of Rohan.

THE RIDE OF THE ROHIRRIM

The beginning of this chapter has a lot of fun sense description, since Merry is lying awake in complete darkness listening to the distant sounds of the Enemy’s hosts. Smelling the horses. All that. He thinks about how weird it is that everyone is just ignoring him because they know he’s not supposed to be here; Dernhelm seems to have some kind of “understanding” with Elfhelm, the marshal of their company. Sorry. Elfhelm? Elf? Helm? Is that a guy’s actual name? Elfhelm trips over Merry in the dark, and Merry asks What Is Up. As it turns out what is up is Woses, and what will soon be up is all the Rohirrim. I was gonna explain what Woses are but I think it’s way funnier if I don’t.

A Wose has come to offer help to Theoden, since he hates orcs as much as the next guy. Woses, he says, have “long ears and long eyes,” which isn’t especially relevant as far as I can tell but it’s delightful. The leader of the Woses, Ghan-buri-Ghan, knows a secret road! All he wants as a reward is... for the Rohirrim to stop hunting his people like beasts. What the fuck. I can’t believe Ghan-buri-Ghan actually prefers the Rohirrim to orcs. They go through the forest, and it takes all day, but the next morning before dawn they are ready to go do murders. Merry is upset again because he’s actually zero good at fighting and is just going to get himself and others killed.

The king sat upon Snowmane, motionless, gazing upon the agony of Minas Tirith, as if stricken suddenly by anguish, or by dread. He seemed to shrink down, cowed by age. Merry himself felt as if a great weight of horror and doubt had settled on him. His heart beat slowly. Time seemed poised in uncertainty. They were too late! Too late was worse than never! Perhaps Théoden would quail, bow his old head, turn, slink away to hide in the hills.

Then suddenly Merry felt it at last, beyond doubt: a change. Wind was in his face! Light was glimmering. Far, far away, in the South the clouds could be dimly seen as remote grey shapes, rolling up, drifting: morning lay beyond them.

Nice nice nice nice nice that’s some top notch metaphor. Tolkien is sooo good at environmental metaphors and foreshadowing. IDK there’s just something about the way the whole world seems to get in on the narrative, it’s really good. Spear shall be shaken, shield be splintered; a sword-day, a red day, ere the sun rises! Theoden grabs a horn from someone and blows on it so hard it EXPLODES. AND THEY’RE OFF!! Join us next time for

THE BATTLE OF THE PELENNOR FIELDS

[recentanimenews]

Manga the Week of 6/24/20

SEAN: Look out, folks. The danger of COVID-19 may still be here, but the dam has broken. There are SO MANY BOOKS next week.

ASH: Woo!

SEAN: We’ll start with Dark Horse, who have a 5th volume of Mob Psycho 100.

ASH: I’ll be picking this up.

SEAN: J-Novel Club’s debut is Deathbound Duke’s Daughter, which is another in the “I’ve been reincarnated as a villainess in an otome game” genre. Really nice artwork for this novel series. It’s from Futabasha’s M Novels.

Also from J-Novel Club: An Archdemon’s Dilemma 10, Ascendance of a Bookworm 7 (which finishes the 2nd arc, the one currently being animated), the 2nd Sorcerous Stabber Orphen manga, and a 4th Welcome to Japan, Ms. Elf!

Kodansha has a lot. Debuts? We have three. One even is in print: the first volume of The Ghost in the Shell: Human Algorithm, a spinoff of the legendary manga/anime franchise.

ASH: It’s always interesting to see how various creators envision Ghost in the Shell.

SEAN: A new digital-only title is Abe-kun’s Got Me Now! (Abe-kun ni Nerawaretemasu), a shoujo title from the online replacement for Aria, Palcy. A comedy manga about a girl who finds the school’s karate champ confessing to her… and he’s not going to take no for an answer.

Also digital (at least for now) is Sue & Tai-chan, another cat manga from the creator of Chi’s Sweet Home. This one runs in Be Love magazine, so seems more for housewives than kids. But… I mean, it’s still a cute cat manga.

MICHELLE: I’m looking forward to it!

SEAN: Scheduled (at the moment) for Digital next week and print later, we see Cardcaptor Sakura Collector’s Edition 5 (along with 3 and 4, whose print are out already), Fire Force 19, Love and Lies 9, O Maidens in Your Savage Season 7, and Yuri Is My Job! 6.

ASH: As usual, I’ll be waiting for the print release, but O Maidens in Your Savage Season is really good.

SEAN: Digital-only titles out next week? Altair: A Record of Battles 19 (I swear this is now weekly), Asahi-sempai’s Favorite 7 (the final volume), Hotaru’s Way 14, I Fell in Love After School 5, Kounodori: Dr. Stork 15, and Watari-kun’s ****** Is about to Collapse 7 (which also feels like it’s out every week).

MICHELLE: Of these, I’m only currently reading I Fell in Love After School, but I do enjoy it.

SEAN: KUMA has a digital-first, print later debut: Canis: Dear Mr. Rain. This BL title originally ran in Opera a few years back, but is now in Takeshobo’s Reijin. It’s about picking up a stray on the side of the road, only this is a human, not a dog.

MELINDA: Maybe?

SEAN: One Peace has a 13th Rising of the Shield Hero (manga version).

Seven Seas, in print, has New Game! 9.

Seven Seas, digitally, has a bit more. We have two debuts. Peter Grill and the Philosopher’s Time (Peter Grill to Kenja no Jikan) runs in Futabasha’s Manga Action, which means it can’t be full-on porn, but it sounds like it. Peter Grill has a lovely fiancee and has just won a tournament pronouncing him the World’s Strongest. Unfortunately, this means all the women in the world – elves, ogres – want to bone him. Poor guy, can he escape his horrible fate?

MELINDA: …wow.

SEAN: The other digital debut is Syrup, another yuri anthology of short stories – this one from Futabasha – and featuring the creators of I Married My Best Friend to Shut My Parents Up and Kisses, Sighs and Cherry Blossom Pink.

ASH: Oh! That sounds like it has promise!

MELINDA: This might be good!

SEAN: There’s also the 3rd Arifureta manga, Gal Gohan 3, GIGANT 2, a 2nd Magic User: Reborn in Another World as a Max Level Wizard light novel, Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid: Elma’s Office Lady Diary 3, Non Non Biyori 13, the 3rd Reincarnated As a Sword manga, and the 10th and final Toradora! light novel. (Yes, I know there are short story volumes. No, they aren’t. No, it’s unlikely they will be.)

Square Enix has – digital first – the 3nd Hi Score Girl manga and the 2nd Suppose a Kid from the Last Dungeon Boonies Moved to a Starter Town manga.

Tokyopop has two new series. Don’t Call Me Daddy (Daddy Darlin’) is a BL manga, sequel to Don’t Call Me Dirty.

The other is No Vampire, No Happy Ending (Ringo to Bara to Kyuuketsuki (Kari)), a goofy Mag Garden comedy about a vampire enthusiast who finally meets one and discovers they’re not up to snuff.

MELINDA: This actually sounds fun, maybe in a What We Do in the Shadows kind of way, but …Tokyopop. Not sure I’m ready.

Vertical has (digitally) Bakemonogatari’s 4th manga, APOSIMZ 5, and Kino’s Journey 6.

MELINDA: I’ve been kind of out of it and have lost touch with the Kino’s Journey manga adaptation. I should try to fix that.

SEAN: That’s it! We’re done! Wait… (giant pile of Yen Press falls on Sean) Riiiiiight. Yen’s back in town.

ASH: Whoa! Hang on for the ride!

SEAN: All of the light novel debuts got moved to July. But there’s still a lot of Yen On. We get The Genius Prince’s Guide to Raising a Nation Out of Debt (Hey, How About Treason?) 3, I’ve Been Killing Slimes for 300 Years and Maxed Out My Level 7, Last Round Arthurs 2, My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As I Expected 6.5 (yes, the numbering is deliberate), Overlord 12, The Saga of Tanya the Evil 7, A Sister’s All You Need 7, That Time I Got Reincarnated As a Slime 8, Wandering Witch: The Journey of Elaina 2, Woof Woof Story 4, and World’s Strongest Rearguard: Labyrinth Country’s Novice Seeker 3. Guh. So many books, so many long titles.

ASH: For sure!

SEAN: Manga? Well, there we have a few debuts. Bestia is a fantasy series about magical beasts, looks cute, and runs in Kadokawa’s Shonen Ace.

Breasts Are My Favorite Things in the World (Sekai de Ichiban Oppai Ga Suki!) is sort of Knight of the Ice if the knight was a girl and instead of wanting to hear magical girl songs she had to fondle huge breasts in order to do well in competitions. It looks… a bit over the top. This runs in Media Factory’s Comic Cune.

MELINDA: What is happening??

SEAN: Lust Geass is from the creator of Evangelion spinoff The Shinji Ikari Raising Project, runs in Kadokawa’s Young Ace, and seems to be Death Note only with sex instead of death.

MELINDA: Yen Press is really losing me lately.

SEAN: And there’s Restaurant in Another World, the manga version of the light novel. Old-school Crunchyroll manga readers may recall this title.

ASH: Oh, I may need to check this one out.

SEAN: Lastly, Sekiro Side Story: Hanbei the Undying seems to be a side story to something I don’t know (it’s certainly not Sekirei), and I guess is based off a game.

Ongoing titles? Well, Umineko: When They Cry comes to an end with the 3rd and final omnibus of Twilight of the Golden Witch. We’ve figured out by now that most everyone in the cast is really, genuinely dead. But did ANYONE other than Ange survive? Read to find out.

And… Bungo Stray Dogs 15, Chio’s School Road 9, Dead Mount Death Play 4, Divine Raiment Magical Girl Howling Moon 2, Do You Love Your Mom (and Her Two-Hit, Multi-Target Attacks?) 3 (manga version), Eclair Bleau (another yuri anthology volume) Goblin Slayer 8 (manga version), KonoSuba Explosion 5 (manga version, technically a final volume but there’s a sequel), Little Miss P: The Second Day, Phantom Tales of the Night 4, The Saga of Tanya the Evil 10 (manga version), and A Witch’s Printing Office 3.

MICHELLE: So many paragraphs of things I’m not reading, with the probable exception of Eclair Bleue.

ANNA: I’m going to have a hard time doing pick of the week this week, despite this deluge of manga.

ASH: I’m glad to see publishers getting their books out there, but that is certainly a lot all at once!

MELINDA: A lot of… what?

SEAN: Stay masked even though all the manga is back! What are you getting?

By: Sean Gaffney