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senorablack · 1 year

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WRONG ANSWERS ONLY TAG What it says on the tin. Made for the creative writer in mind, but anyone could play. Truth welcomed, but keep in mind the sole rule of the game is absurdity. Answer unwisely.

1 - What’s your problem? It all started in the summer of 1990, on a spicy August Wednesday morning. 97's ice skating accident was when my problem truly manifested. I wasn't physically harmed, but was visually assaulted. Threw an all bean chili onto one of the performers outfits because it was god damn ugly. This deep-seated hateration exacerbated with the invention of the Croc in 2002.

2 - Define Fanfiction to an adult who hasn’t heard of it before. It's not smashing a pair of barbies' non-genitals together, but it's not-not smashing a pair of barbies' non-genitals together. People write it mostly to see their favorites rest in ways they desperately want to (i.e. sleeping whilst cuddled up in someones arms, sleeping soundly next to someone who is safe, sleeping after highly aerobic sex, sleeping next to someone who is the opposite of you heat/cold wise, sleeping with no work the next day, sleeping for a week in way that seems like you're not okay but you are just mind your damn business).

3 - What is the next epoch for the human race? Floating stuff. Not enough hovering things yet. I want to live over the ocean and yet.

4 - There’s a big ass lake to cross and there are three boats. Two of them can fit three people. One of them could fit two. There are nine people. How do you get everyone across? Tie the last person to one of them and have them float on their back on the water very, very still until you've all floated across.

5 - How was cheese discovered? Some ancient hindu dude was eating, and got a lil bit of the lemon they were squeezing onto their roti and gravy into their cup of milk. they were like 'damn, bro, that was my milk' but also like, went to go get more milk. but check this out, they forgot it. and when they came back like days later. that shit was all separated. and because they didn't like waste, they spread a little bit it on their lunch. turns out that shit was fire.

6 - What makes a good film or television show? Laugh tracks when there are no intentionally funny scenes.

7 - Tell us what hill(s) you would/will you die on. That bus was right to hit Regina George, but it could have done it in a more tactful way. Also that fucking door had room for Jack too.

8 - What does the person who tagged you do for leisure? Yodeling competitions during the weekends, and on most nights I write black out poetry using @lt right wing news websites.

9 - Who was tumblr created for? The strong, the brave and the neurodivergent. People who wear their wednesday chonies on thursday.

10 - What happens after we die? Hell and heaven aren't single places. Goodness and evil have always existed on a spectrum and so does the place they plop you in once you've shimmied out of your meat suit. They, of course, are a committee of drag queens who rate your outfits, runway walk, and attitude through your living years and place you in a environment you deserve.

11 - How many continents are there and what are their names? Seven continents named: California, North California, Ice California, South-East California, California to the Left, California Down Under, and California: Reloaded.

12 -Who was your favorite side character from Martin Scorsese’s 1973 cult classic, Gonchorov? Sebastian Butterbee - The cafe attendant everyone important told their woes to throughout the film. Turned out that he'd been selling their secrets in exchange for really neat exotic houseplants.

13 - What’s the real way to spell Ashley? Yeah, everyone gets this wrong. It's Azhli.

14 - What do pets do when their human pals aren’t home? They cosplay and host dungeons and dragons night for their pals on the block of course.

15 - Tell us how to survive a tornado. First step is take one for the gram. Second step is drive the fuck out of tornado country. Warn no one because Darwin.

16 - How did you and your closest friends meet? The heist. I was a socialite and budding actress who had a lot of time and money. They wanted some sort of necklace that I couldn't have cared less about but hired me to wear it to the met gala to aide them in their quest. It was neat.

17 - Describe the perfect date. August 1st through 31st.

18 - What are some common mistake(s)/misconception(s) people make/have about you? People assume I'm not listening to them on facetime because I am often looking at myself. But I AM listening. It's called multitasking, beb.

19 - Tell us a secret you’re suppose to keep to your grave. My friend once told me that they truly didn't believe Ohio was a real place.

20 - How tall are you? 14 beer cans or roughly 4.5 of p@nera breads new green goddess caprese melt (/not spon lmao)

21 - Define: swap meet. It's that thing people do after connecting on dating apps.

22 - What’s at the ocean floor? Dead billionaires apparently

23 - Beyoncé once (answer) an entire (answer) during (answer), then went on like it was nothing. ate - crawdad boil - the super bowl half-time show

24 - What do you consider red flags? People who have an aversion to potato dishes (i won't TAG ANYONE BUT COUGH), crocs, and those who cannot merge onto the highway.

25 - If the person who tagged you were to get famous, what would they be known for? Arson - but the first one was an accident and the second was because nobody complimented my hair in 24 hours.

high pressure tags - @normyreedus @greenlikethesea @leatafandom @katiedora @sparklyslug @dallae @tolkientrash @onirislanding @happylilthought @stevethehairington @quarble @quiriusblack @steddielations @melonberri @graveyardlilies @loudsnapdragon @spikeymarshmallows @steviebats

and **anyone** who comes across this who thinks this is silly and neat. please tag me because I'd love to hear how equally unhinged you are. :)

#idk just wanted to make my own tag game #i made this at like 2 something in the morning because why?????#tag game #meme #gonchorov #fandom #tag im it #holy crap this is longer than i thought #feel free to ignore this BUT why

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peremadeleine · 5 years

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The Empathetic Dog Thief, Episode 1

Alternative titles: “Will: Deer Hunter and Dog Dad,” “Crimes Against Costuming,” “What Year Is It: A Crime Drama”

Armed with a gin & tonic and one sleepy cat, I finally gave the NBC show another shot.

I didn’t know Will had a superpower. Cool...?

How come he’s play-acting the murderer, though? Just because he can think like a killer doesn’t mean he needs to be reenacting it himself. That’s just confusing for the audience?? The way they did it in the Red Dragon movie was still effective without coming off as “aw, Will’s playing serial killer”

“This is my design” what

Plaid shirt and striped tie, truly a costuming sin. I didn’t love Will’s “modern wild west” costume vibes in Red Dragon, but it was better than this.

Don’t pretend that Jack and Will don’t know each other. Hate that.

Do look forward to hearing how many different ways people can pronounce “Graham” though.

Oh boy, why does Crawford push Will’s glasses up on his face while murmuring “hey” softly like a lover?? They’re strangers. That was mighty uncomfortable.

is he just assuming Will is on the spectrum? Right after they met???

and then Will confirms, but wait, he just has an “active imagination”?

STAY IN YOUR LANE

at least in canon Crawford doesn’t take advantage of people on the gd spectrum, and he spins it as being for the good of the victims. jfc.

“based on the characters by Thomas Harris”

Of course all the victims in the first episode are going to be women

“it’s not about all of these girls, it’s about one of them”--seven minutes in and they’re already ripping off Silence.

“he’s like Willy Wonka. every girl he takes is a candy bar.” no. nO.

“I mean, I would. Wouldn’t you?” no Will, Crawford’s a douchebag, not a murderous psychopath.

8 minutes in, me: WHERE’S THE TITLE CHARACTER THIS IS B O R I N G

“Why is it now a crime scene?” Because Will says so and he’s his own forensic team, apparently. Next question.

Also apparently he only owns red plaid-print shirts. Huh.

Lol Will has empathy for everyone but a grieving father confronted with his daughter’s dead body???

I don’t like the way Crawford is speaking to Will one bit. It’s supposed to be sensitive, but it comes off as condescending and mollycoddling. Ew. That is SO not Jack Crawford.

"You wrote the standard monograph on time of death by insect activity"?!?

so Will IS his own forensic team. Weird flex, but okay.

Antler velvet. Christ, HERE WE GO.

“You not real FBI?” Rip-off of Silence #2!

“You unstable?” Stop coming at Will, Jesus!

Will is a serial dognapper. SIX DOGS. Maybe, maybe, people in this neighborhood are missing their gd dogs, you monster.

none of them are even UGLY dogs

Will’s also drinking tho. One point for Gryffindor.

Oh, another plaid shirt. At least this one’s got a nice pattern. And isn’t red.

The bathroom is painted red, tho. What is it with Fuller and red walls?

Hugh Dancy’s American accent slips when he tries to like...emote. Yikes.

Strangulation is neither quick nor merciful.

A forensic specialist who wears her long-ass dark hair loose down her back and shoulders in the lab should be FIRED.

Implied “we covet what we see every day” scene: Silence Rip-Off #3

nineteen minutes in, me: W H E R E I S H A N N I B A L this is false marketing

Okay, I actually kind of like the “okay, I can cover him 80%” scene. Crawford’s real good at fucking up people’s lives in order to save lives.

twenty-one minutes in, me: HANNIBAL’S HERE THANK CHRIST

will probably regret this thought later

it’s okay, Hans. I, too, hate the career choices that have led me to this point.

the fact that he has tissues by HIS chair in his office is fuckin’ hilarious, what a douche, I love him

same, tho

The costumes and sets and cars are all screaming 70s/80s. But smartphones!

I’m watching this pretty late so my volume is a bit low and I cannot understand 70% of Hannibal’s dialogue, uh oh

Hannibal is supposed to be short so I don’t think this little “oh Crawford confused the short weepy patient with Hannibal” bit is that cute...I’ve always felt like Mads was poorly cast for that reason, among others. Oh well.

I take it all back:

HIS FACE

“No secretary?” “She was predisposed to romantic whims.” Not sure whether I like this line because Hannibal’s the one acting on whimsy or if it makes me cringe because of the way they’re dismissing Hannibal’s former secretary. Hmm.

“Are these yours, doctor?” a) Duh and b) Silence Rip-Off #4

Why the fuck does Crawford think he can just examine Hannibal’s papers? Like?????????

no wonder he hates your rude ass, Jack

HANNIBAL WHY IS WOUND MAN LYING ON YOUR DESK YOU PRECIOUS IDIOT

“Very interesting, even for a layman” Wow, unexpected Red Dragon rip-off (by the Red Dragon adaptation) #1

this whole scene is made of cringe HELP

why is Hannibal dressed in his Easter Sunday suit

Tattlecrimes.com. I’M SPEECHLESS at the stupidity of that.

tabloids are, in fact, still a thing in the Year of Our Lord 2013

No way is Hannibal fucking Lecter going to drink the swill that probably is Jack Crawford’s coffee, as if.

“Not fond of eye contact, are you?” Yes, Hannibal is the only character who should be canonically coming at anyone like this. (But also poor Will.)

But Will, at least look in his direction while he’s talking to you? I also don’t love eye contact...it’s rude not to even look at a person, though.

Hannibal finally used a contraction! He’s human after all. (This is a common Fanfic-Writing-of-Hannibal problem. I used to have it, too. You think to emulate him you have to write lofty, staid dialogue. But we’re talking about Hannibal the Punmaster General here.)

“This cannibal you have him getting to know” I’m sorry, who said anything about cannibals???

Stop incriminating yourself Hannibal honestly

Wait, is the implication that the victim whose lungs were taken is Hannibal’s? I hope not, because what would he be doing in Minnesota, and since when did Hannibal cut people up alive (Krendler notwithstanding--he’s a special case), especially women????? He’s a Monster(TM), but not a fucking sadist.

Will’s wardrobe also contains gingham!

no really, when did they determine that the serial killer was a cannibal?? did I sleep through that part?

“have Dr. Lecter draw up a psychological profile” bitch, please. Dr. Lecter doesn’t work for Crawford.

I don’t like hearing/watching people eat, especially in quiet moments. That’s going to become a problem in this show, isn’t it?

Will’s dream dear is fucking awful CGI. Wow.

That brown blazer--Hannibal would never.

EVERYTHING about Hannibal that should be black--his clothes and his hair--is brown here. It’s...weird.

to quote @random-emerald-thoughts, “my homocidal boy aint about that tawny bullshit”

Hannibal Lecter: food snob--that’s canon.

Don’t like this dialogue, though. And Hannibal bringing anyone he just met food in glorified Tupperware rings very false.

“Uncle Jack” what the fuck

Wow, Fuller jumped directly into the teacup thing right from the start. Yikes. He clearly didn’t understand it. (Clarice isn’t the teacup, bro. The teacup represents time, and disorder, and will it ever be reversed?)

Lots of weird metaphors in this episode overall, though none as bad as the Willy Wonka thing.

Why is Hannibal in Minnesota? Is he a crime-scene investigator now? Is he on the FBI payroll? Doesn’t he have patients with appointments to keep? Social obligations? I HAVE QUESTIONS.

He’s not a priss or a germaphobe. DISLIKE.

Do like the phone call. Just fuckin’ carelessly with people’s lives for the fun of it, that’s our Hannibal.

FBI? Are you FBI, Will?

He shouldn’t have been issued that sidearm if he can’t hold it steady.

One shot would have been plenty. Maybe two. Jfc, the reason Clarice shot Gumb so many times was because he was going to shoot her. Hobbs had a knife, which he dropped, and he was incapacitated by the first/second shot. Silence Rip-Off #5

How the fuck is he still alive and talking?! Will plugged him about eight times!

Call the police, Hannibal, or the ambulance, or take off your jacket and provide first aid to this girl. You’re a doctor!

It really is like he wants to be arrested or something.

And then he gets to ride in the ambulance?? Just Because?

Overall, it was...not very good, imo, poorly paced, very poorly written, with acting that jumped wildly from “very good” to “awful,” sometimes from the same actors. Intense cringe throughout a lot of the script. Ripped off Silence of the Lambs, a superior movie about many of the same characters, way too many times. Will is boring and I don’t care about him, but then I also don’t care about canon Will. And I still think Mads Mikkelsen was poorly cast as Hannibal...the costumes aren’t doing him any favors, either. We’ll see if he can bring me around.

Some moments of genuine humor that I appreciated, though, and some nods to the canon that I grudgingly appreciated, too, including Hannibal being a dick and Jack Crawford fucking up people’s lives.

Hopefully if you made it this far into my observations you got a kick out of them. I probably won’t go into this much detail for every episode, but I do intend to try to watch at least all of Season 1.

Painful as it might be.

#this is long you've been warned #and it's mostly snarky #but there are some concessions; I didn't hate EVERYTHING

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dxmichelle · 6 years

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Some Kaiba Bros Headcanons

These are also considered fic canon.

Mokuba Kaiba:

Likes bright colors. Yellow/gold and greens are his favorite, but he’ll wear any and every color.

His bedroom is an absolute disaster zone. Aside from his desk, which is kept mostly clean so he can do homework on it, there are clothes and random stuff scattered all over the place. At its absolute worst, there are three small paths going around the mess. One from the door to his bed, one from the bed/door to the closet/dresser, and one leading to his bathroom.

Seto makes Mokuba take care of his own space. Anytime he goes through and completely straightens his room 100%, it usually only lasts about a week or two before the stuff-apocalypse occurs again.

Hyozanryu is his favorite dragon, outside Seto’s BEWDs.

He wore a suit once, when he asked to join Seto on an important business meeting abroad. He absolutely hated it, and counted down the minutes to get back to the hotel so he could change into his jeans and sneakers.

Enjoys party games and has brought a game system to Yugi’s on more than one occasion for them all to play together. It’s easier for Yugi’s friends to make it to the Game Shop than the mansion.

Has his own office space at KC to do homework or sit around and wait for Seto to finish work. Sometimes he’ll help with game debugging if the development teams have something for him to test.

When his brother is clearly taking too long to finish up for the day, or if he just gets bored, he’ll get onto his company laptop and prank the network. They’re always completely harmless, and easily fixed within minutes. The last one changed the desktop wallpapers on every computer in the building to Kuribohs dancing to the Hamster Dance. While a number of executives find it highly immature, the few minutes of laughter around the building help relieve the office tension.

Seto Kaiba:

Favorite color is blue (naturally), and preferably darker hues.

HATES the color red. It reminds him of both Pegasus and Gozaburo. There’s nothing in his closet or private spaces in that color. The only exception to that is the lining of his Battle City coat, but that’s more burgundy than red.

Most of his clothes are in blues or shades of grey. Mokuba thinks its boring. Seto’s response is that Mokuba wears enough bright colors for the both of them.

His bedroom is the darkest room in the mansion. He gets so little rest that if the room isn’t pitch black (or close enough to it) when he wants to sleep, it isn’t going to happen. The curtains on the windows are a midnight blue, and even in the daytime, light doesn’t pass through easily, and they’re always kept closed.

In contrast, his study has the same curtains in it, but those are always open.

(Post KC Grand Championship) Seto has stopped wearing his trench coats to work. Most of the employees that interact with him on a daily basis came up with an unofficial system based on his clothes to gauge how moody their boss is when the day begins, and used that as a guide to how well (or terrible) the day is about to go. **White suit? He’s in a decent mood. **Grey suit? Eh. Neutral. Could go either way. **Black suit? Depending on what’s worn with it - approach with caution. The one day he wore all black, broken only by a navy tie, the only person that dared go near him was Roland. It probably didn’t help that Pegasus had visited the office that day. All day.

Jet-lag not counted, the longest he’s ever stayed in bed at any one time was almost 24 hours, and that was only because he had been running on no rest for four straight days and his body finally gave out. Knowing his brother is a light sleeper, when Seto goes into ‘hibernation mode’, Mokuba makes sure any noise in the mansion is kept to an absolute minimum and turns his phone completely off so no matter what odd time of the day it is that Seto went to bed, he wouldn’t be disturbed.

When building their American HQ in New York City, Mokuba thought it would be neat to have a penthouse apartment built at the top of the tower. He only backpedaled when Seto was all for the idea because that meant he wouldn’t have to stop working to go home. After all, home would be just upstairs! So instead, they purchased a townhouse in an expensive neighborhood on the opposite end of the city from their new office space. Seto let Mokuba pick and out decorate the place, within reason.The only two rooms he wasn’t allowed to touch were Seto’s bedroom and home office.

#michelle's headcanons #yugioh #seto kaiba #mokuba kaiba #yugioh headcanons #the things i come up with when there are fic chapters to be written

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lethesomething · 6 years

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A note on fictional jobs

There's a joke that all fanfic characters are either baristas, teachers, lawyers or some denizen of the tattoo/florist au set. This isn't really fully true (there's also witches and vampire hunters!) but for anyone going for a realistic setting, let me at least, as someone who has worked a number of jobs in media, software development and catering, give some pointers on how that stuff works, because dear lord does Hollywood get it wrong.

This post is 2k words, so under the cut it goes.

Journalism/Photography/Media

General tips

This sector seems to be pretty popular in old school comics, and for good reason. Clark Kent gets to go out into the city and be near events. It's a job women are historically allowed to do (and be sassy in) and even Peter Parker gets to just traipse around the city getting into adventures.

It must also be noted that all these characters were developed in the first half of the 20th century, and media has changed a lot since then.

If your character is a journalist, they will work long hours and not be paid *that* much. Carrie Bradshaw is the most unrealistic journalist character in the history of everything. Especially after, oh, 2010 or so, when the traditional press sales really started declining. No journalist is that well paid for that little. And none will have that much free time.

Journalists generally have a beat, and what they do and know heavily depends on that. Your character can get into the gritty streets of downtown chasing drug dealers, or they can go to theatre premieres. They won't do both. The Vast Majority of modern media have beats. A person can be a sports caster and then he will go to sports events to report them. They can be a jetset reporter or restaurant reviewer and go to swanky places. They can be a cultural reporter and be invited to premieres and shows. They can be a dedicated business journalist, reporting on IT, or cardboard logistics, or whatever, and go to conferences around the world. But they will rarely be all these things at once.

How wide this beat is, depends heavily on the 'range' of the medium. Big news rooms, like NYTimes, have a lot of journalists, and some very, Very specialised ones. This is deep dive, spend weeks trailing every leak out of the White House stuff. In contrast, a small regional tv station can have their reporter (with or without a camera man and sound tech) drive around the countryside reporting on pumpkin carving festivals one day, and grisly murder the next.

A lot also depends on the medium. If the character works for a newspaper, they will have a noon to eight shift as a writer, and a two to ten shift, most likely, as an editor, because papers need to get printed overnight. If it's a weekly or a monthly print mag, there will be a few days with relative freedom to do interviews and such, and then a few days of crunch time. If they work for a news website they will have a desk job and most likely work in shifts. TV and radio news people are the ones doing most of the running around to get quotes, but they are also on the tightest of schedules.

Speaking of schedules. Unless the character is a blogger, they won't finish an article and immediately rush it to the printer/publish it. Reputable news sources have, at the very least, a copy editor to check for mistakes and typos. Bigger newspapers and magazines and sites have a dedicated fact checker.

Very VERY few papers in the world have full time photographers on the payroll. If your character is a photographer, they will most likely be a freelancer and do corporate events or weddings on the side (sorry Peter Parker). What happens is, a medium will decide in advance which article or interview will require a picture, and book a photographer for that piece.

Any other pictures tend to come from news agencies. Think Reuters or Associated Press. These sort of agencies do use full time photographers, as well as freelancers who happen to visit an event. They'll take like two hundred picture and sell them to the agency, who distributes them to media all over the world.

Few media have the money for correspondents, so they'll pick only a handful. This means a foreign correspondent has a large area to cover. European news media tend to have one correspondent in the US, covering the Entire US, for instance. American media tend to have more moneys, but if your character is a respondent in, say India, expect them to trek along India a lot, because they're prob the only one in that vast country.

Having said that, coverage, especially war coverage, is super expensive. If they're sending a journo to a war zone, it will absolutely not be a rookie. They will have proven themselves capable, preferably speak the language and they'll be Very Prepared. Think local guides, vast networks of informants etc. A startling amount of war reporters and investigative journalists are also freelance. If they are trekking through a jungle and come across anything exciting, you bet they'll try to sell that story in several angles/versions to different media.

Have you considered:

Bread and Butter Freelancers: It's a gig economy my friends. Freelance writey people don't have a boss and usually work from home or from some coffee shop. If they are to be successful (enough to make a living), they'll still have a beat, and will actually have to be fairly good at this subject. Since these characters make their own shifts, they do have the ability to go out in the middle of the day to do superheroing or witchery or to investigate the disappearance of their best friend. Upsides: Freedom. Downsides: Usually very little money. Unstable hours, like one day nothing and then a week of 14 hour days. The crushing stress of looming deadlines ànd job insecurity.

Copywriters: The people that write the text on corporate websites, that fill mail order catalogues with entries for every picture, compose newsletters for various organisations, turn technical instructions into actually mildly readable user manuals. Upside: money. If they're good at it, they will have a fairly stable income. They have the same freedom as freelancers to go flirt with flower shop assistants. Downside: the crushing knowledge that with every piece you write, your soul sinks deeper into the void. Anyone who's ever read clientsfromhell will know what to expect of their clientele.

Lay-outers: The creative side of making media. The bros making the graphs, putting the text to paper, photoshoping the head of Putin onto the body of a baby, whatever. Upside: artist character. This is a slightly more realistic character than the 'painter'. They're creative, but they have yet to sell their soul to the corporate machine (depending on the medium you put them in, of course). Downside: this is basically a desk job with stable hours.

Cameraman, sound technician: the people that hang out with the news reporter and trot all over the region with him/her. Upside: see the world! Without being instantly recognizable. Downside: they're probably stuck in their mission and they rarely have the power to go 'hey, let's investigate over there'.

Software development

General tips

There's actually a few different environments for software engineers to work.

Start-ups: the hip one. Think Silicon Valley, the upstarts in sneakers and Star Wars t-shirts living on pizza and red bull and basically coding 20 hours a day. Depending on where they are in the growth of their start-up, these people will be nearly alone, or have a team of coworkers. Traditionally, start-ups start with like a founder (or four) and an idea, and some coding. As the company grows they'll hire a sales person to sell this stuff, a marketing manager to brand it, a support person to troubleshoot it, an HR person, etc.

A very Very VERY large part of start-up business is pitching, aka selling your premise to a bunch of venture capitalists and investors. It's Dragon's Den. Literally. Your super shy, autism spectrum character who hates public speaking and who can't even look at another person without blushing would make a super crappy start-up founder by themselves. They will definitely need their bubbly, motivational speaker best friend. On the other hand: this is an amazing environment for that suave, smooth talking character who could sell sand in the desert.

Second environment: corporate. The vast majority of software engineers out there just work for some big company. These are the people building and deploying management system software for banks, installing security in factories, that sort of thing. A lot of the time they're consultants. They wear a suit. They use something called the Waterfall method, which sucks out your soul, or the Agile method, which also sucks out your soul. There's a lot of managing and meeting and progress reports. If they're good enough, they're allowed to leave the tie at home.

Software needs to be tested. You don't just write the code last minute and put it live.

The coders are absolutely not the only people in a software development team. There's the project managers, the designers, the copywriters, the testers, the lawyers, oh god, the lawyers, etc.

Software Needs to be tested. It takes ages. I cannot stress this enough. It usually happens in India or some other Asian country where the wages are lower.

Will a lot of environments, even corporate, allow their creatives to come to work in like… jeans and a t-shirt, the only people realistically allowed to actually act like teenagers, in any environment (corporate, start-up, small business), are the ones with skills that are very hard to find. In essence: security experts and specifically white hat hackers. Yes, you're allowed to have a hacker character that acts dumb and comes to work in his pyjamas and it will be realistic that he does not get fired. Your clerk character that's super rude and deals in hurtful quips? Not so much.

SOFTWARE NEEDS TO BE TESTED

Have you considered:

Researchers: you know those people that made a song that can give Alexa commands without the owner knowing? Those are university researchers. A lot of really cool stuff is being developed not by office workers, but at universities. This includes software. Upside: probably a looser environment, with a lot of young people. Downside: you're basically writing a college AU.

Venture capitalists: in a Silicon Valley environment, this is basically the 'wealthy businessman' stereotype of old. The dragons in the dragon's den, the people that traipse around the city talking to people and assessing the potential of their pitch, before throwing money at them (or not). There's a bunch of paperwork, but they probably have a small army of accountants to handle this.

Evangelists: the cool people that hold TED talks. They usually work for a big tech company, as a specialist, and part of their job is to be a spokesperson. A good example of this is the tech researcher, who has a day job finding nasty hackers or viruses, and who also blogs about that and holds talks and presentations about securing your business. A character like this has the advantage of being a deep tech nerd hacker type. They're rarely the CEO, so they can go deep into the coding, while also travelling places and meeting crowds of press or business people.

Project managers: these don't tend to do the actual coding, but they do, well, the managing. Characters like this will be more social and creative, they're the ones making the reports and presenting their progress to the CEO, and they're the ones troubleshooting when stuff goes wrong. In general, there's a lot of planning involved.

Bakeries/Catering

General tips

Mass production of food is gruelling. You think you're writing about your sexy pastry chef and how they're carefully, tip of their tongue peeking through their lips, putting a cherry on top of that little moeilleux, but in reality, there's two hundred more to finish on this rack alone and they need to be done in under an hour.

Say it with me, people: baking is a night job. Industrial baking, mom-and-pop rural French bakery, bagel shop, donuts. Someone is going to be making all that stuff before the first customer arrives and that someone is slaving in front of a hot oven at four in the morning.

Any type of catering is a time management business. You know this. You've all watched Great British Bake-off (or, like, Chopped or whatever). If your professional cake maker is only working on one project/wedding at a time, they're not going to be in business for long. Your line chef will be plating up several dishes per minute. Your short order cook is baking six pancakes and scrambling eggs at the exact same time.

Unless it's a very large kitchen, the people that cook are the same ones that clean. And since it's food prep, there is a lot of cleaning.

Have you considered:

Recipe writer: ok so we're kinda back to media but big tv chefs don't make all those recipes themselves. Someone, usually a freelancer, writes them and tests them. Imagine someone getting the request to develop a seasonal cronut recipe that involves peaches and charcoal, because it's hip, and then baking several batches until they find something edible. This is a somewhat realistic environment for your super creative baker to live in a small house and make some money while also working on a book on the side, and falling in love with the quirky … goat… herd… brewer, florist, whatever.

#writing resources #also salt #possibly #fanfic

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kenbinru · 7 years

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I Can’t Believe I Have the Girlfriend of My Dreams! (An Unromantic Love Comedy LN)

CHAPTER 14

“I’m gonna marry you!” said Yui.

I’m a little nervous right now getting squeezed by my best friend’s little sister. I’m in World A(kane), and to be honest I feel terrible. We decided to stop by to see Daisuke’s 10-year-old sister who’s in the hospital right now. Daisuke finally revealed his secret to his friends after Mary grilled it out of him. According to him, he “didn’t want us to worry about a little sickness” that was serious enough to hospitalize Yui. Last time I was here, I had just woken from the accident that started this whole thing, and it turns out she was right down the hall, but I never noticed.

“Ha ha…maybe someday.” I say.

“Sorry, but Kazuki already made a promise to me, right?” said Akane.

Akane grabbed my other hand and squeezed it tightly.

W-what promise?

It’s been awhile since I’ve seen Daisuke’s little sister. She was always full of spirit and energy, something that’s the complete opposite of Daisuke today. From what I’ve known, Daisuke loves his sister more than anything in world. After all, for most of his childhood, it was just the two of them. Their father tragically passed away when they were young, and their mother followed just a few years ago. Although Daisuke never talked much about his personal life, every time he mentioned Yui it seemed as if he was a different person. His sister was the world to him, and I couldn’t imagine what could be going through his head right now, seeing his sister in the hospital.

“I want chocolate Big bro.”

“Your big sis makes the best chocolate.” said Daisuke.

Mary’s face turned red.

“W-well…if it’s for Yui-chan it’s no problem.”

Mary patted Yui’s head.

“That’s a promise Big Sis!” said Yui.

Mary’s face turned increasingly red at the adorableness of being called a big sister for the first time. It seemed Akane wanted her to say that too.

“We’ll all make chocolate. Let’s see which one Yui likes the best!” said Akane.

So it was settled, next time we visit her we’ll bring her some chocolate. It was good to bring a smile to a little girl’s face. Unfortunately, we had to leave due to visitation hours being over. We still had an errand to run anyways. Being put in charge of the school festival event for our class, Akane and I in this world were supposed to pick up the maid uniforms. It was just a slight delay since we wanted to see Yui instead.

“We’re here.” said Akane.

We arrive at a big warehouse that seemed to be an old factory that had been turned into a store. There was no sign outside at all, but when we walked in there was a small poster that read “Costume Party: Costumes and Uniforms Galore.” Inside the dimly-lit warehouse were costumes and cosplay far as the eye could see. There were multiple sets and props for sale from various professions and TV shows too, like a Masked Avenger costume for sale.

“Hey! Close the door ya kids! The flies will come in.” said the old man sitting at the cash register.

“I’m sorry mister!” shouted Mary.

The old man looked suspicious. He was smoking a cigarette and reading the newspaper with his big glasses. It also didn’t help that he was bigger than Daisuke, with some dragon tattoos visible from the sleeve of his shirt, which read “SECURITY.” There was very little light in the room, but his shiny bald head managed to sparkle like a disco ball that lit up his immediate surroundings.

This guy looks like a gangster…what kind of place is this?

“Hey Sojiro-san! Is that how you greet a fair young girl?” said Akane.

Immediately the old man put down his newspaper to get a look at us. His stone cold face smiled.

“Look what we have here! It’s Akane-chan! Long time no see. How’s my old friend manager-san?” asked Sojiro-san.

“Oh my! He’s doing fine. He has someone else now to keep him out of trouble.” said Akane.

The two seemed like old friends that were catching up on old times.

How does she know someone like him?

“Sojiro-san, I’m here to pick up some maid costumes for our school event. Anything you think would look good?” asked Akane.

Sojiro-san put out his cigarette and walked over to us. With every step he took, the ground shook, due to his massive size and muscular legs. Despite being old, he seemed to still be a formidable man who could probably take on anyone in a fight.

“Over here in the maid section we have some new arrivals. Take a look around Akane-chan! I just put out some of the cute uniforms there myself this morning!”

He pointed us in the direction of the maid section that was on the other side of the building, past all the butler uniforms and the replica sword collection.

“Thank you Sojiro-san!” said Akane.

Akane grabs my hand and leads me all the way there. Walking there, there were so many different maid costumes of multitudinous design. There were some maid costumes that fully covered the mannequin on display, and other costumes that, to be generous, barely qualified as “maid” costumes, and instead were pretty much bikinis with frills and a tiny apron.

“L-lewd!!!” Mary lightly shrieked as she tried to cover her eyes.

“This one looks pretty cute.” said Daisuke.

He was examining the maid costume and looked back at Mary with a perverse grin on his face.

Knucklehead’s probably imagining the girls in them isn’t he!

Mary had the same thought and hopped off her feet a little to bump him square on the head.

“That’s from the Victorian-Era!” said Akane.

We all turned to look at a display of a maid costume that Akane was marveling at, as she began her lecture.

“Stylized to match the look of an English Victorian-Era maid near the end of the 19th century, it’s the “standard” for what most people think of when it comes to maid uniforms. As a general rule, it’s required that their hair is tied back and in a cap. This might be a little too drab for what our class needs for the café though…”

The rest of us were listening intently as Akane unfurled her vast knowledge of maid uniforms.

She’s like a tour guide when it comes to this stuff.

I walk around the maid section a little more and notice a large display showcasing a uniform with a mini-skirt and frills all over the dress.

“That’s probably our modern-day version of a maid uniform, and the closest to what my old job had. It was made famous in Akiba and honestly it’s my favorite!” said Akane.

“It looks really cute.” I said.

Akane leans by my ear, cupping it softly with her hands.

“Maybe I’ll even wear it for you Kazuki…” whispered Akane behind me. The sensation of her breath along the side of my neck was intoxicating.

“Y- You will?!?” I choked.

Akane became flustered at her attempt at seduction and pushed me away. Her typically pale face became bright red like a tomato.

“I- I’m just joking you pervert! Don’t take it the wrong way!”

She gave me her trademark cute pout.

“Y-you suggested it!” I retorted.

Daisuke and Mary were looking around at the other maid uniforms until they found us looking at the display. I could tell that Mary was uncomfortable being around a place like this. To her, it seemed that we were shopping for lingerie (which in a sense, we kind of were). Daisuke was gripping her tiny hand, trying to make her feel better.

“I think this one will work! All the other ones are a little too risqué for us …” said Akane.

We all agreed that the main display was the best combination of cute, conservative, and authentic.

“But there’s only one way to find out…come on Mary-chan!” as she dragged Mary with her.

“Where are we going?!?” asked a terrified Mary. She knew all too well the answer to her own question.

It was too late. Akane dragged Mary off into the changing rooms in order to try on the maid uniforms. Suddenly a pair of gargantuan gorilla mitts land with the weight of the lord on our twink shoulders. I turn to see Sojiro-san had appeared behind Daisuke and me.

“You wouldn’t be gentlemen if you just stood there…if you catch my drift.” said Sojiro-san.

“Uh…what do you mean sir?” asked Daisuke.

He grabbed two butler uniforms and tossed them to us. I narrowly manage to catch the set in my hands.

“Go on and change you two, it’ll look adorable to see you couples dressed up together. Akane-chan would appreciate it.” said Sojiro-san.

He points us in the direction of the men’s changing room.

“B-but I’m good Sojiro-san-” I say.

Sojiro-san got right into my face. I can see every wrinkle and scar lining the surface of his face. They told a story, and that story was that this man did not ask; he told.

“Don’t make me tell Akane-chan you two were peeking…”

I gulped along with Daisuke at the threat of not only getting killed by Sojiro-san, but also incurring the wrath of Akane, who we knew all too well was capable of punishing our lack of enthusiasm.

“Guess we have no choice, huh Daisuke…?”

“Yep…let’s just get this over with Kaz.”

“Just where are those knuckleheads?” asked Mary.

I could hear her shrill voice outside of the changing rooms. Daisuke and I were still changing in our stalls. They were small rooms with mirrors on every side, except for the door, on which the basic instructions for properly tying a bow-tie were outlined on a small poster. The ensemble I’d been given was made up of an all-black suit, accented with a white dress shirt, along with some white cotton gloves, a pair of black leather shoes, and a blood red bowtie. I take a look at myself in the mirror with my full costume and I can hardly recognize myself. I’ve got to admit, this was the first time I’ve ever worn anything as elegant as this. The suit was a perfect fit for me, almost like it was made specifically for my measurements. I tap the ground with the tips of my feet to find that the shoes are an excellent fit as well.

Looking fly there Kazuki!

I point finger-guns at myself in the mirror before walking out of my stall.

“Hey Kazuki? Do you know how to tie a bowtie?” asked Daisuke from inside his own changing room.

“Yeah, just come in my stall.” I responded.

Daisuke opens the door and walks out wearing an identical outfit, except without a bow-tie on. If I thought I looked great in this, Daisuke looked even better. His muscles and broad shoulders were wrapped snugly by the suit, which made him look even more tall and slick. He walks into my stall, hands me his bow-tie, and pops his collar up.

“You couldn’t follow the instructions inside?” I ask with a smug grin.

“Geez…it was confusing looking at the instructions and the mirror at the same time.” he says.

I wrap the bow-tie around his neck, and try to recall the exact steps I did earlier, but now in reverse.

Up and over, make this knot, side-to-side, and….done!

I pat Daisuke on the shoulders and we both take a moment to look at each other.

“They’re waiting Kaz.” said Daisuke.

“Right behind you, partner in crime.”

We step outside of the changing room to see Akane dressed in her maid outfit, with Mary shocked by our abrupt appearance. She hides behind Akane, embarrassed at her current state.

“Eep!” muttered Mary.

“Wow…you two actually look decent for once.” said Akane.

“Ha ha, very funny Akane.” I respond.

Mary gathers her courage and steps forward to get a closer look at me and Daisuke. Needless to say, she was awestruck by the two handsome gentlemen standing in front of her. Mary’s breath was taken away.

Akane gives us a quick spin to show us her full maid uniform. Although it wasn’t as erotic as the costume I saw Yuki-san wearing in World B, somehow she seemed more elegant and refined in this outfit. Akane’s hair was wrapped with a headband, along with her red ribbon. The short skirt she was wearing exposed only a small area of her long legs, as the rest was covered by her white thigh-high socks. There was also a large oversized red bow adorning her neck, similar to our bow-ties.

I can only take so much cuteness! This is too good to be true!

Mary looked cute in the maid uniform as well, so much so that Daisuke was at a loss for words. It was the first time I’ve seen Mary Kaneko let her blonde hair flow instead of wearing it in her trademark ponytail, and I couldn’t believe that I was looking at the same loud mouthed tomboy I had tutored all year. Although the roadrunner of Kasumigaseki High was wearing the same uniform as Akane, she gave a different vibe, almost like that of a little sister. She didn’t have the same curves that Akane had, but she was small and cute enough to melt the hearts of every boy at school. It helped that she was embarrassed, trying to lower her skirt to cover more of her short legs that were partially exposed despite the thigh-high socks. Finally, she wore her trademark Masked Avenger pin on her chest, right next to her oversized ribbon.

“You two look amazing…” I say to them.

Akane tries to hide her laughter with her hand. Daisuke’s mouth was still agape, staring at his girlfriend

“C’mon, stop staring perv. You’re embarrassing me!” pointed Mary.

Mary slaps Daisuke out of his daze, as she hugs him in his uniform.

“Oh, one more thing…”

Akane stands in front of me, and takes out a comb. As she swipes away the strands of my messy hair, I can feel her exposing my forehead.

“There! Now you look professional.” Says Akane.

“Thanks.”

Mary, unable to bear another minute in her costume, starts to pout.

“Aww come on! Can we please change out of these things? I can’t take it anymore!”

If she hates these costumes this much, I wonder how she’ll be in her Juliet costume…

We make our way out of the warehouse. Akane and I sorted through the logistics of delivering the maid costumes to our school address as soon as possible. Thanks to Akane’s friendship with Sojiro-san, he gives us the goods for free!

“It’s on the house! Anything for my Akane-chan!” said Sojiro-san.

“Aww…don’t push your luck old man.” snapped Akane.

Sojiro-san steps back, but gives an odd smile after being insulted.

Guess he’s a masochist like manager-san.

“Come back whenever you want!” exclaimed Sojiro-san, as he waves us goodbye.

A few days have gone by, as the school continued preparing for the festival. I’m in my original world now, and in this world Yuki-san also got the same uniforms as Akane did, but without any of the rest of us being involved. According to the class president, she just “handed her a box of these cute maid uniforms!” To the dismay of the boys, she also brought the box of the same butler uniforms I wore with Daisuke. Although I didn’t want to admit it, I wanted to see myself in that suit again, for posterity’s sake!

It’s too bad no one will see the roadrunner wear one in this world.

The first day of the school festival had finally arrived. If anything went wrong today, it could potentially jeopardize the other two days. With the leadership of Class President and some background work by Yuki-san, they had trained everyone in class to be ready to serve, and to be the best maids and butlers Kasumigaseki High has ever seen. I was on the first shift with some other boys in our class, with Yuki-san being the head maid for her group.

“Yuki-san’s an amazing maid…I never would have expected that.” said one student in our class.

Our doors were going to open soon, and looking outside, there was already a line forming. Our marketing team was great, since they had very eye-catching pictures of some of our more popular students in costume, boys and girls. We were going to be busy, but our class was prepared to host one of the best events of the festival. Yuki-san and I make eye contact, exchanging determined looks before we open our doors.

Let’s do this Yuki-san!

Since I started working at Kasumigaseki High, it’s brought back memories of being in charge of the fortune telling booth. I remember when I was younger, all the boys in my class would line up down the hall for the fortune telling booth! Nothing has changed from when I was in school; all the boys still line up, and are told “You will be asked out by your crush!” It was strangely satisfying to see the genuine belief in young love plastered on their faces as they left my booth.

Lately, Father’s been encouraging me to join him at the hospital, since there’s plenty of eligible guys there… but today it’s time for the next generation to find their heart's desires, and hopefully seize the opportunities they can.

Opportunities…

I mustn’t think these sad thoughts! I’m still young! I’m quite a catch for someone my age! If only I could find my “prince” then I could live happily ever after, just like my childhood stories. It sucks that all the guys are intimidated when they see a female doctor working with high schoolers.

I let out a long sigh, until the familiar clank of my newly purchased coffee landing from its spot in the vending machine snaps me out of my sentimental daze. I reach under the chute, and crack it open to take a sip.

“What’s a woman like you doing out here?” asks a mysterious voice behind me.

“What’s it to you?” I reply.

I didn’t want to deal with any punk students, especially not after getting stood up again last night.

“That’s not very lady-like for someone like you…” continued the mysterious voice.

This punk! Alright time to give him some detent-

My breath stops and I drop my coffee can onto the ground. A handsome, tall, mature-looking man is standing in front of me, wearing a completely black suit with a red tie and a small red string tied into a ribbon on his chest pocket. The enigmatic man had longish black hair, which was combed and slicked back underneath his black fedora. Perhaps the most striking detail of his outfit was his black leather gloves. He didn’t look like any staff member or student I knew. He looked too old to be a student here, but then again, far too young to be a parent– he was around my age.

My chest starts to tighten up as my heart rate skyrockets. Whether out of fear or attraction, I cannot tell. All I know is that I have to find out who this man is.

“Um…who are you?” I ask, trying to compose myself.

The man goes towards the vending machine behind me, and I hear the machine buzzing and ringing, until I hear that same familiar clank, followed shortly by another. He reaches down into the chute and hands me a new coffee can, as he cracks open his own.

“Sorry about that darling, I didn’t mean to surprise you.” As he flashes me a smile with his shiny white teeth.

“D-don’t worry about it!”

Why am I getting embarrassed like a schoolgirl?

Still, it was strange to see someone like him here at this school, but it was the school festival after all. It wasn’t unusual for the events to attract strange people from around the neighborhood. Even so, there was something about him I couldn’t quite put my finger on…

“I’m sorry, but if you don’t mind me asking, what is it that you’re here for?” I ask.

“Just passing by is all…” he says.

The stranger walks past me and throws his empty coffee can into one of the recycling bins behind him without looking.

“Thanks for the coffee!” I say to him, as he lazily waves his hand, not bothering to look to back.

“See you around, my darling!”

Yuki-san and I had been working non-stop for hours. The customers kept pouring in and out of our tiny classroom. Daisuke and Kaneko-san couldn’t come see us unfortunately, due to stage practice. On my last break when I stepped outside in my butler uniform, I saw a long line that stretched along the hallway. Fortunately, the line started to die down near the end of the day. We only had a couple customers in our room currently.

I let out a tired sigh as I sit on a chair next to our makeshift tables for four. Yuki-san and I were the only two left in the maid café as the rest of the class left to explore the other events. Although I wanted to see what everyone else was doing, I was glad to have a moment alone with Yuki-san. Since the school festival, we haven’t had much time alone, and awkwardness started to grow between us. Even during the occasional study sessions, Daisuke and Kaneko-san were present, so the atmosphere wasn’t right for me to make any progress with her. I hadn’t done much to further Operation Maiden’s Heart yet either, since I hadn’t noticed a change in Daisuke. Of course, knowing now what Yui was going through, it seemed even more impractical to give Daisuke more to think about.

A cup is placed next to me on the table, and I hear coffee being poured out of a pot. I look up to see Yuki-san in her maid uniform.

“Here Kaneshiro-san, you’ve worked hard today. I think you’ve earned this.” said Yuki-san politely.

“Thanks.” I say, as I take a sip of the coffee.

It tasted sweeter than the other batches. I wasn’t a really big fan of bitter coffee, so it was a pleasant surprise.

“I know you don’t like bitter coffee, so I hope you liked this one mast...“ Yuki-san stopped herself.

“Uh…what did you say?” I asked Yuki-san.

Yuki-san turns away from me and stands tall with the coffee pot in her hands, clutching it against her chest.

“N-nothing Kaneshiro-san! Finish the coffee and let’s start cleaning up.”

I finish the coffee and begin to tidy up the room for tomorrow’s service. Just as I’m about to take down the sign outside of our classroom a man dressed in a black suit and red tie appears and enters our cafe.

“Oh! I barely made it. Thanks brother!” as he pats me on the back.

“Excuse me, s-sir? We’re closed, please come back tomorrow!”

I try to stop him from entering but it’s too late. The man dressed in black was already sitting down at one of the tables. Yuki-san comes up to him to get him to leave, still “in character” with her pleasant maid persona.

“Excuse me, but we’re closed for now sir. If you’d like, you can come back tomorrow.” explained Yuki-san.

The man in black ignored her. Instead, he stood up and grabbed the coffee pot from her and started to pour himself a cup of coffee.

“Ahh…a little too sweet for my taste, but still good. I can tell it was made with love.” he observes.

Yuki-san drops character and begins to look as if she’s prepared to throw him out of the nearest window of her classroom.

She’s living up to her “Ice-Witch” reputation right now…

“Get out. Now!” she yells at the man in black.

The man wasn’t intimidated by her order at all. He takes his coffee cup and sits right back down in his seat. This was something else. This was giving me flashbacks to the time at the “Purrfect Café,” and I had to do something.

“Hey, leave us alone!” I say to the man in black.

I stand in front of Yuki-san, who was trying to hold back her rage from this troublesome man.

“That’d be great, actually. If you could leave me alone with my darling little sister, I would be much obliged.” the man in black says.

Yuki-san steps in front of me and grabs the man in black by the collar of his black dress shirt.

“What did you say?” screams Yuki-san in the man’s face.

Just who is this man?

%X�

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