#like i need more than 10 min of screen time and one (1) tearful expression to care THAT much

[venezolanaencrisis]

[sunyoonandstars]

BTS Reaction 10: They make you, their s/o, cry

This was requested a while ago. Sorry, it took so long, anon! 🙈 I hope you guys enjoy it. Because it made me hella soft ... 🙃

fluff, hints of angst

Word count 4.433

1. Kim Seokjin / Jin

He’d most likely feel immediate guilt and like the most horrible person ever, hurt with you and try his best to comfort you in a gentle, caring way, making sure that you are all right. 

As soon as Seokjin noticed the first tear running down your reddened cheek, the cause of your apparent pain being his very words, a slender hand wandered to his parted lips. 

“No. Oh, my God. I’m sorry, y/n, I’m so sorry …“, he’d whisper, hesitantly, cautiously reaching out in your direction, stopping, however, when you’d pull your arm away and avert your crying face. 

“I didn’t mean it like that, I swear. I didn’t mean to take the joke this far. I know I crossed a line. I don’t even know why I said that. Your cooking is great y/n! Seriously, I love it. Please, believe me. You know I love you, right? More than anything. I’m so sorry I hurt you.“

Embarrassed of the fact that it took nothing more than your boyfriend’s playful teasing about your cooking skills to let the tears flow, you got up from the dinner table and turned around, burying your face in your palms. 

“Aww, come on, y/n. Don’t go! Don’t hide, jagi! You don’t have to be ashamed!” 

He’d immediately get up and follow you to gently try and remove your hands from your face so you would look at him. 

“Jagi, I’m sorry. I really am. I promise I’ll never belittle your cooking again. I’m sure you put a lot of effort into tonight’s dinner. It was just a new recipe and maybe you misjudged the amount of salt a little. It happens to the best. So, don’t worry. It was still delicious. Everything you cook for me is delicious.”

Jin would pout, pursing his soft, pink lips and bending down so he’d be at eye level with you, playfully poking your tear-streaked cheeks before he’d wipe them dry, the look in his eyes ever so fond. 

“Can you forgive me? Hmm? And smile for me? Just a little bit? Just a little smile?” 

Eventually, you wouldn’t be able to resist and your face would break into a wide smile. 

“There it is! There we go! Great smile! Great smile! I love it! Big fan!” 

He’d pepper your cheeks with little kisses and end it with a peck on your lips. Both of you would be laughing at that point. 

“Sorry, jagi”, Jin would mumble into your hair as he would pull you in for a hug, wrapping his long arms around your chest. “I’ll never make you cry again, I swear. I only ever want to make you smile from now on. Okay?” 

2. Min Yoongi / Suga 

Yoongi would probably not realize right away that or how he hurt you, but he’d be heartbroken, knowing that he made you cry, even though he might not show it. He’d try his best to comfort you because the last thing he wanted was you being hurt because of something he did. 

“Are you serious!?”, you gasped. “What do you mean, the weekend is canceled? I was really looking forward to this trip, Yoongi. I planned it all out. Our bags are packed. We — I — ”

“Yeah, well, I’m sorry, okay?”, Yoongi shrugged. “I have this song stuck in my head and I need to get to work right away, spend the weekend in the studio. I really can’t afford to lose this idea.”

“But you can afford to lose me or what?”, you scoffed. At first, your words weren’t meant to be taken seriously, nothing but a hurtful comeback. But, suddenly, you weren’t so sure anymore, if there wasn’t at least some truth to them. And your eyes started welling up before you knew it. 

“What the hell are you talking about?”, Yoongi would snap back at you without detaching his gaze from his computer screen. “Seriously, y/n. It’s not that big a deal.” 

“It’s not, huh?” At this point, you had trouble keeping your voice from shaking, cracking even. Time for retreat. 

“Whatever. Good luck with your song”, you sniffled, fighting back the tears as you turned to go, leaving Yoongi behind at his desk. 

“Hey. Where are you going? Y/n?” 

“Home. To unpack our bags”, you’d reply without looking back, unable to keep the bitterness out of your trembling voice. 

“Hey, y/n. Don’t be like that. I’m sorry, okay? But this trip won’t be fun for either of us unless I get this out of my head first. You know that.” 

“Yeah, I know. Believe me, I know”, you mumbled, more to yourself, already by the door of his studio, angry at yourself for taking this so hard. Because, by now, you really shouldn’t be surprised anymore. 

Your hand was already resting on the doorknob when you could hear Yoongi pushing back his chair behind you. 

“Y/n, come on. Don’t be like this”, he whined. “You know we can reschedule that trip, right!? It’s not a matter of money. I’ll pay for everything.”

When he eventually caught up with you who was about to step outside, not in any condition to face him right now, Yoongi got a grip of your shoulders and, gently, but with a firm hand, turned you around so you would have to look at him. 

“What? Are you really crying over this?”, he’d realize, his jaw dropping, eyes widened. 

“So, what …”, you’d grumble, averting your face, cheeks blushing furiously. 

“Y/n. Baby. I’m so sorry. I had no idea this trip meant so much to you.” 

“It’s not the stupid trip, Yoongi. I mean, sure I was looking forward to it. But it was the way you handled this. The way you keep just putting me, us, on hold. I just — Do you even need anything other than your music and studio in your life? Am I really this dispensable?” 

Shocked by your words and the fact that you actually seemed to believe them to be true, Yoongi would initially be too taken aback to say anything. Mouth agape, he’d simply reach up to cup one of your cheeks with his palm, softly brushing away a tear, the other hand burying itself in your hair, caressing your neck as he pulled you close, so your head rested on his shoulder. 

Ultimately, you wouldn’t be able to hold back the sobs anymore. Yoongi’s expression and the way he held you close broke all dams. Crying uncontrollably, you simply leaned into him, feeling Yoongi’s warm hand slowly rub your back. 

“It’s okay, y/n. I’m sorry. I really am. I never meant to make you feel like this. It’s okay. Just — Just let it all out. I’m here. I’m here for you and I always will be. You’re my number one priority and that will never change.”

3. Jung Hoseok / J-Hope

Hoseok would regret whatever he did to make you cry right away and feel your pain, too. He’d apologize over and over again, doing everything in his power to cheer you up again. 

“Seriously, y/n. Sometimes you can be such a nag. Can you not leave me alone for even one second? I’m tired and I just wanna read this in peace. Jeez, you can be so clingy sometimes.” 

Hoseok’s words cut you like daggers. He didn’t even look up from his phone as he pushed you off of him.

Swallowing hard to fight back the tears that immediately started blurring your vision of his slender figure curled up on the sofa, you pulled back, refraining from hugging your boyfriend as you intentioned.

“Sure. Sorry, Hobi. I’ll just —” At this point, your vocal cords ceased to function. 

Hoseok must have heard that something was wrong, must have recognized the tears lacing your voice. Because he turned around immediately, eyes wide with genuine surprise and dismay. 

“Oh, no!”, he’d exclaim, immediately sitting up, his phone, forgotten the very second he realized what he had done, put aside. “Jagi! I’m so sorry!”

He’d get on his knees and slide over to you, his rosy lips pursed, brows furrowed, subconsciously mimicking your saddened expression. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, y/n, honey. I’m so, so, so sorry. Can you forgive me?”, he asked, tilting his head to the side and reaching up to hold your face in both his hands.

“It’s just — I’m so tired from practice and my whole body aches and — But that’s no excuse. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’m just really touchy today, I guess”, you’d object, blinking away your tears, resting your hands on Hoseok’s. 

“No, it’s not okay, jagi. My tone was way too harsh. I shouldn’t take my moods out on you. And I love cuddling with you. You know that, right?” 

Hoseok smiled warmly, eyes locked with yours, as he’d brush away your tears with his thumbs. 

“Right?”, he’d ask again since you still owed him a response. So you nodded in return, trying to reciprocate his smile. The tears, however, just kept on coming, rolling down your cheeks, once they had started falling. 

“Aww, baby. No”, Hoseok would pout. “You need to smile, hmm? Smile again? For me? Come here.” 

He wrapped his legs around your waist and slid even closer, grimacing to educe a grin from you at least. Eventually, when his signature dimples showed, you couldn’t help but return his smile. 

“That. That right there. That’s all I ever wanna see. I only wanna see my baby smile, never ever cry”, Hoseok would comment, content now, before he’d move in to place a quick peck on your lips. 

4. Kim Namjoon / RM 

Namjoon would be very hard on himself for hurting you, whether it was unintentional or not. He’d apologize immediately and try and make it up to you. 

You had fought for half an hour by now, about virtually nothing. Both of you were simply stressed and initially locked horns about some thoughtless remark Namjoon had made about you taking up too much of his time. 

At this point, however, all the words and feelings the two of you had been holding back for weeks came to light one after the other. And a few hurtful comments were being made. 

Eventually, you couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Yeah, you’re right, Namjoon. I’m sorry that I, your girlfriend of three years, is robbing you of your precious time. I really should know by now that BTS will forever be your top priority. Seriously? How idiotic of me to think you could spare at least two nights a week for me.” 

“Come on, y/n. We spend a lot of time together. That trip just last month — I took a whole week off, just for you.” 

“Just for me!?”, you scoffed. “You make it sound like I’m some kind of obligation. Seriously, Namjoon. If I’m that much of a burden, maybe I should better just leave you alone then, right?”

And before you knew it, your eyes swam with tears. 

As soon as he’d see, Namjoon’s features would soften and the retort he had ready would be left unsaid. Unsure what to do, afraid to only make it worse, he’d hesitate, stay frozen in place while he’d stare at you, immediate regret apparent in his wide eyes, hands raised as if he was scared to touch you or even come any closer. 

“Y/n. Shit. I’m — I’m sorry. Please, don’t cry.” 

“Just —Don’t. Just —”, you’d turn away, ashamed of your tears.

“Y/n, baby. I’m sorry. I truly am. This whole fight was stupid. I never meant what I said in the first place. You don’t take up too much of my time. I’m grateful for every rare second we get to spend together. It’s just — I was frustrated. With myself. Because I’ve been stuck on this one song for a whole week already and I just — I can’t seem to focus and it just won’t come to me and I — I’m so sorry. I should’ve never taken it out on you, baby. I mean it. I’m truly very sorry.”

Eventually, he’d take a halting step in your direction, extending a hand to see if you’d shy away. When you didn’t, he’d gently place it on the back of your head and the other hand on the small of your back to pull you in for a hug. Namjoon would wrap his arm so tightly around you, you’d have trouble breathing because he was so scared to lose you, he couldn’t help himself but almost crush you. You wouldn’t mind, though, but merely ease into his embrace, breathing in his soothing scent, relishing his warmth seeping through the fabric of his sweater. 

“I’m so sorry, baby. You’re my everything. My strength. My inspiration. My home. You’re no obligation, y/n. You’re my greatest blessing, I mean it. I don’t know what I’d do without you, how I’d get through all this without your continuous support and understanding. I never meant to hurt you and I’ll never forgive myself.”

Shaking your head, you’d try and loosen his grip on you so you could be just enough distance between the two of you to lock eyes with him, the pain and self-hatred residing behind Namjoon’s dark orbs obvious. 

“No, baby”, you objected, getting up on your tiptoes to wrap your arms around his neck. “Don’t say that. Fights like these are bound to happen in any relationship, most of all in one as long-lasting and tested as ours, with all the obstacles we have to face on a daily basis due to your job. We knew what we were getting into. And altercations like these are necessary even. And this one brought us even closer together. See?” 

Instantly, all tension left his handsome features and made room for a fond smile. 

“I have no idea how I even deserve you, y/n”, Namjoon would whisper as he’d lean in for a slow kiss, by the end of it both your foreheads resting against each others’. “You’re the greatest thing that ever happened to me. Whatever I may say. Whatever may happen. That will always be true. Don’t ever forget that.” 

5. Park Jimin 

Jimin would hurt just as much as you and, on top of that, would be very angry with himself for making you cry. He wouldn’t be able to stand to see you in tears and immediately drop any argument you may have been having or whatever he was doing to soothe your cares away. 

You had dropped by to surprise him with homemade snacks and maybe, hopefully, take his mind off of things since Jimin, once again, was far too hard on himself and slightly overdid it with practice, basically having locked himself in the dance studio for eleven hours straight by now. 

“What the hell!?”, he snapped at you as the music suddenly stopped playing and he whirled around to find you by the stereo, caught redhanded. “Great! Now I have to start all over again. What were you thinking!?” 

Anger distorting his beautiful features, Jimin strode past you to turn the music back on, darting you a furious glance. 

“Just leave, okay. You’re really the last person I need here right now”, he snarled before he turned his back on you and took up his position in the room again, starting to dance across from the mirrored wall. 

His words shouldn’t have hit you this hard. Jimin didn’t really mean them, you were sure.  Nonetheless, your eyes flooded with hot tears that soon started running down your cheeks, you just couldn’t help it. 

You quickly brushed them away, using the sleeve of your sweater, and turned away so Jimin wouldn’t see. But nothing gets past him. Watching you in the mirror, guilt already having started to gnaw away at him even before he noticed you were crying, Jimin saw right through you. He knew you too well by now, the way your posture changed when you were sad or disappointed, how you always tried to conceal your tears which you viewed as a weakness. 

Immediately, he paused in the middle of a complicated dance move and turned to you, swiftly making his way over to where you were still standing, a bag of home-cooked food in one hand while the other one was desperately trying to dry your wet cheeks, face half hidden behind a curtain of hair. 

The music suddenly stopping let your head shoot up only to find your boyfriend right in front of you, his expression serious, pained, eyes full of remorse. 

“Y/n, baby, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m glad you’re here, I really am”, he’d say, his voice ever so soft, before he’d step closer, cupping your face with his small, gentle hands, not breaking eye contact until his lips would meet yours in a slow, deep kiss which spoke louder than a thousand words ever could. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I can’t stand that I hurt you. You’re so sweet and kind, always there for me”, he’d whisper, resting his forehead against yours, both his hands now at the back of your neck, fingers entangled in your hair. “You’re really more than I could have ever asked for, so much better than what I deserve.” 

“That’s not true, Jimin.” 

“Yes, it is. I love you, y/n. More than anything. And I hate that I hurt you, that I keep hurting you. Sometimes I’m just — My temper —”, he’d stammer, his voice shaking. 

“Baby, it’s okay. I know, all right? I know you didn’t mean it.”

You’d run a hand through Jimin’s hair, damp with sweat, and pull him in for another kiss which he’d gladly reciprocate. 

“No more tears”, he softly whispered after detaching himself from you, going on to gently press his smiling lips to your skin where the tears had left their traces to kiss them all away. “My baby should never have to cry. I won’t allow it.” 

6. Kim Taehyung / V

Just like the rest of them, Taehyung, being very protective and empathetic by nature, would hate to see you cry. Maybe he’d act a little defensive at first since he couldn’t quite stomach the fact that it was him who made you cry. Eventually, though, he’d be incredibly sorry and make sure to let you know. 

“Just leave me alone, y/n. I really can’t have this right now.”

With those words, Taehyung detached his hand from yours without even looking at you before he mended his pace, leaving you behind, focused on his phone while he strolled down the tree-lined path. 

You knew Taehyung could be cold sometimes, distant out of nowhere. So his behavior really shouldn’t have hurt you like it did. But what your mind understood, your heart just wouldn’t accept, it seemed. It stung in your chest, leading your eyes to well up before you could do anything about it. 

Afraid to burst into tears in public, in the middle of the goddamn park, you stopped in mid-step, trying to calm yourself by taking deep, shaky breaths, hiding behind your hair, while Taehyung went ahead unbothered. 

Only a while later did he realize you weren’t by his side any longer. Flustered, he pocketed his phone and started looking around, frantically searching for your face. 

Eventually, he spotted your hunched figure sitting on a park bench, face buried in your palms, and quickly made his way back to you. 

“Y/n!”, he’d call out as soon as he’d get into earshot. “You can’t do that to me, just disappear like that! I thought I lost you or you were kidnapped or something. Jesus.” 

He’d hesitate once you didn’t show any kind of reaction.

“What are you even doing here? And what’s with your face? Why aren’t you looking at me?” 

At this point, Taehyung knew very well what was going on. That you were most likely crying. Because of him. But, why, really?, he thought to himself. This was unnecessary. And it wasn’t like he did something wrong. 

“Come on, y/n. Seriously?”, he couldn’t help but snap at you, regretting it instantly. “Are you crying? What did I do now?”

“It’s nothing. I’m sorry.” 

Your words hit him harder than he would’ve anticipated. You, apologizing for him being an ass was all that was needed for his pride to cave in. 

“Y/n, no. Don’t apologize. You really have no reason to be sorry.”

Taehyung would squat down before you, gently rubbing your knees. 

“I’m sorry I was being mean, y/n. This whole walk was my idea. And I really wanted to spend time with you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m really, really sorry.”

Since he could still hear you sniffling, he’d gently try and remove your hands to get a look at your face. You’d resist at first but eventually let him have his way, embarrassed by your tears over basically nothing. 

“Come on, y/n. No need to cry anymore. Hmm?”, smiling up at you, he’d playfully poke your chin to reciprocate the gesture. “I’m sorry for acting the way I did. I usually love holding hands with you, you know that. I just got side-tracked. But I shouldn’t have. Because this was supposed to be our couple day and we don’t get a lot of those.”

He gently caressed your cheek, brushing away a stray tear. 

“So, please accept my heartfelt apology, my Lady”, Taehyung would go on, theatrically bowing before you, his voice lowered, taking on some weird accent, his dramatic acting making it impossible for you not to laugh. 

“See. There we go. And the sun’s out again. Now, the next time I’m being an ass, I officially authorize you to hit me. On the back of the head or whatever. So I come to my senses again. Do we have a deal, princess?”

“Deal”, you’d smile, shaking his extended hand.

“Great. Now, let’s go have some ice cream. It’s on me.” 

7. Jeon Jungkook

Jungkook would be distraught by the fact that he made you cry and, quite frankly, a little overwhelmed by the situation. He’d immediately reflect on what he did wrong and, even if awkwardly, try to calm you and apologize. 

“Kookie, you promised we’d go to that restaurant today. You promised. I even have it in writing.”

You held up your phone for evidence, a text message by him showing on the display which he didn’t even bother to look at, entirely focused on the video game he was currently playing with Taehyung. 

“See, here. It was basically an appointment. I had a shitty week so I was really looking forward to this, Kook. Could you please —” You bent over to be on eye-level with him, trying to get your boyfriend’s attention. And failing. “Could you please just look at me for one second?” 

“Come on, y/n. Can’t you see I’m busy!?”, he’d groan, jaw tense, eyes still fixed on the screen before him. 

“Are you being serious right now, Jungkook?”, you scoffed, feeling your eyes well up already which only stoked your anger. “This was a set date. I had to make a reservation weeks in advance and it was still difficult to get us a good table. I skipped lunch for this and am not in the mood to argue with you right now.” 

“Then don’t”, Jungkook simply brushed off your words with a shrug of his shoulders, seemingly unbothered. “And stop distracting me, for God’s sake. I’m about to lose to Taehyung and I can’t let that happen.” 

He wasn’t even dressed yet but still wearing his oversized black hoodie, apparently never having planned on going out with you by the looks of it. 

“Have fun then, I guess”, you scoffed, your words ending in a sob which you weren’t able to hold back any second longer, your anger and disappointment getting the better of you. 

The change in your voice didn’t go unnoticed by Jungkook. For the first time since you entered the room, he actually detached his gaze from the game to look up at you, his eyes as big as dinner plates, gaping in surprise at the first tear making its way down your burning cheek. 

“Y/n — I”, he’d stammer, his hands, still clutching the controller, dropping into his lap. 

Angry at yourself for showing weakness in front of him, you roughly brushed over your already made-up eyes with the back of your hand, smearing your mascara and eyeliner. But at this point, you didn’t even care anymore. Your eyes would be puffy anyway. This dinner wasn’t happening anymore. 

“Shit.” Cursing under his breath, Jungkook would barely manage to get up on his feet, his eyes never leaving you. 

Quickly, he’d reach out and grab you by your shoulder to keep you from turning away. 

“I — I — I’m so sorry, y/n. For being such a douche. This game doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. I just forgot about our reservation and was too ashamed to admit it so I just pretended like I didn’t care and I’m sorry. I never meant for you to get hurt or to make you cry. I — I just didn’t think that far. And I’m just really, really sorry.” 

His hand would slowly slide down your arm to find yours, his fingers interlocking with yours. All the while, Jungkook looked at you out of his big, round eyes, so desperate for your forgiveness and afraid of your rejection that you just couldn’t stay mad at him any longer. 

“I’m seriously, genuinely sorry, y/n. I am.” 

“I know. I know, Kookie. It’s okay”, you’d sigh, shaking your head. “I don’t even know why I got so worked up about this.” 

“You had every right to! Really. I’m the one who’s at fault here. And I’ll make it up to you. When’s that reservation due?” 

“In about forty minutes?”

“Okay. That’s doable. We can make it. If we leave now, we can make it!”, he’d exclaim excitedly, his eyes bright now, shining with a billion stars, his brows raised at you hopefully. “What do you say, hmm? Come on. I’m sure they’ll hold the table for a few minutes if I give them a call.”

“But, Kookie, just look at me”, you’d whine, gesturing towards your smudged makeup. “I’m a mess.” 

“But a beautiful mess”, Jungkook would grin shyly, leaning in to kiss your mascara-streaked cheek. “And my beautiful mess. I don’t care what anybody else thinks. You don’t even need all that makeup. To me, you’re always gorgeous.” 

Thanks for reading! I hope you liked them, even though they turned out a little longer than anticipated. ☺️

Here you can find my Masterlist if you feel like checking out more of my BTS fiction!

Take care and have a great day! 💜💜

NONE of the GIFs used are mine. Credit goes to the initial creators. Thank you for your hard work and dedication.

[flakandforay]

Fake Love Teaser 1 Theory

overall: okay, so you know how the protocol for comeback was last time, usually only having one teaser then the whole album preview but with the recent Love Yourself Her album, it seemed as though they changed the comeback protocol a bit by having 2 teasers this time round. hence, continuing the Love Yourself series- this time with the album Tear - they are doing it again, this the teaser 1 of fake love.

warnings: mentions of death, violence, might be triggering, please read with care

⇝ theory maserlist 

theory: remember how i did the magic shop theory a while ago after reading the book, it seems as though bangtan has made this book their main motif just like how they did with Demian by Hermann Hesse for Wings, specifically BST. so, you may want to read my Magic Shop Theory for it to make more sense. 

so now, the teaser is only less than 2 mins long ( specifically 1:54 ) inclusive of the 8 seconds intro of bighit. of course, being a teaser, the song won’t be so explicitly shown so much, just enough for you to want more ( which is what they did towards the end ?? )

now, usually bangtan’s teasers are usually less than a minute because often they dive straight into the title track itself. however, with this teaser of fake love, it’s longer because of the story plot that’s inside as well; the story plot that is connected to Wings short stories ( all 7 of them from Begin, Lie, Stigma, First Love, Reflection, MAMA and Awake ) and highlight reel 起承轉結.

so, the teaser starts off with this screen that says ‘magic shop is a psychodramatic technique that exchanges fear for a positive attitude’.

psychodramatic is a common technique used by therapists.

psychodrama is an action method, often used as a psychotherapy, in which clients use spontaneous dramatization, role playing, and dramatic self-presentation to investigate and gain insight into their lives.

In a session of psychodrama, one client of the group becomes the protagonist, and focuses on a particular, personal, emotionally problematic situation to enact on stage. A variety of scenes may be enacted, depicting, for example, memories of specific happenings in the client's past, unfinished situations, inner dramas, fantasies, dreams, preparations for future risk-taking situations, or unrehearsed expressions of mental states in the here and now

Reference

but moving on, the main thing to focus here is the fact that it exchanges fear for a positive attitude. in a way here, it can also be interpreted as though they exchanged their tears to someone else’s happiness, much like in the story of the Ones who walk away from Omelas which ill explain later. 

see, later on in the video, it reveals as though all of the boys have gone to the magic shop to exchange their fear for a positive attitude. the magic shop is meant to be a place in which people can sort of buy different characteristics but also give up those that are harmless or useless. basically, it is a place where one needs to give up something in order to grow. 

so, most of the boys have gone to the magic shop, as if like this mysterious pawn shop, not gonna lie, to exchange something.

it starts off with Seokjin then followed by Hoseok, Jimin, Taehyung, Namjoon , Yoongi and lastly Jungkook. 

based on these scenes, it could be safe to say that most of the boys exchanged items from their Wings short films yet with some semblance of hints from other mvs as well that are part of the HYYH timeline such as the Prologue and Run to items seen in the love yourself highlight reels.

let’s look at what the boys exchanged. 

Seokjin - the earpiece seen in Awake to most likely Smeraldo flowers.

Yoongi - the metronome that he most likely uses while playing the piano to a lollipop that indicates the start of his smoking habits.

Hoseok - the snickers bar in short film mama to a birthday cake, possibly the same one in the highlight reel.

Namjoon - the shard of glass with the words seen in the prologue to a black hair tie.

Jimin - the photo of the trees painting seen in his lie short film to an umbrella.

Taehyung - he exchanged something, possibly his spray paint cans to a bag tied with a bandana

Jungkook exchanged nothing but got a box with a key.

now, see that they exchanged these items, but one would realize how that these fears that were meant to be exchanged for a positive attitude doesn’t seem like it always would be one. in a way, what they expected was a positive attitude but clearly it’s not as seen in the highlight reels. yet interestingly, Jungkook didnt have an item to exchange, he actually exchanged himself, as a way, he sacrificed himself. ( ill bring this idea back again later on )

now, here’s why all the the items that exchanged for to this positive attitude didnt even help them at all. 

Seokjin exchanged his earpiece for Smeraldo flowers.

but one would see later on in the highlight reel, that same bouquet of flowers caused the death of the girl. somehow the death of the girl, triggered the whole house of cards to fall. 

which is why, the next part of the highlight reel, Seokjin’s narration says this. 

“The glorious world right in front of me. My lies were at the bottom of that. All of these dreams would fall with a single breeze.”

this shows how easy these fake memories would shatter, how fragile they are. just like the collapse of the house of cards in Run. and the fact is, they knew very well, that they were all lies, but still continued as if they weren't. 

moreover, the Smeraldo flowers means the ‘truth i couldn’t tell’.

yet, maybe Seokjin received these flowers as a way to turn back time since based on his Love Yourself posters, they translate as such. (  full translations here )

“If i could turn back time, i would want to be a good person.”

“If i could turn back time, i would want to go back to the summer sea.”

in this highlight reel narration of his, Seokjin says this. 

“If we can turn back time, where would we go? If we arrive there, will we be able to straighten out our mistakes and wrongdoings and therefore, be happy?”

as if here, Seokjin says even if there is the chance to turn back time, how sure are they that in the end they would be happy? 

see, Seokjin wants to go back in time to try and save everyone just like in Euphoria, but in the end, he sacrificed himself to save Taehyung but Jimin is left to suffer. hence in a way, regardless, Seokjin cannot save everyone.

at the same time, the Smeraldo flowers are a symbol of his guilt and conscience, his lies that he kept within, its eating him alive. 

how he had the earpiece to spy on the boys since the Skool Luv Affair era, as seen in the earlier concert vcrs together with how in the HYYH: the notes L version, the principal has been asking Seokjin to report to him anything etc. so, the whole time, Seokjin was being used to monitor and spy on the boys; often reporting their actions etc. Seokjin was a traitor at the very core. 

Seokjin 2 March YEAR 19 

I followed my father into the principal’s office where it smelt damp. it has been 10 days since I came back from America. Based on the different school system, I heard that I will be entering one year later. “Please take care of my son.” My father placed his hand on my shoulders to keep me from moving. “The school is a dangerous place. There is a need for regulations.” The principal looked straight at me. As he talked, the wrinkled flesh around his cheeks and mouth sagged, and the interior of his lips was dark red. “Don’t you think so, Seokjin?” I was startled at the abrupt question and my father put in more strength in his hand on my shoulder. The grip was strong enough to make the veins pop out on his neck. “I believe you will do well.” The principal looked at me with such tenacity while my father’s hand on my shoulder gradually increased in strength. My shoulder felt it would break from how tightly my father’s grip was on me. My body was trembling and I broke into cold sweat. “You must always talk to me. I think you will be a great student, Seokjin.” The principal looked at me with an unsmiling face. “Yes.” I could barely squeeze out an answer, I wanted to disappear at that moment. I could hear my father and principal’s laughter. I couldn’t lift my head. I just stared at my father’s brown shoes and the black shoes of the principal. I didn’t know where the shining light was coming from. I was scared of that light. 

his fear was that he couldnt tell the truth of his identity, and the fact that the last line of the L version mentions the ‘shining light’ and that he was scared of it; often many perceives this to be a form of truth, that the truth would prevail. 

The same is true of truth and light. At one end, the end of expression, it is truth, which means reality or realization. At the other end, the source, it is light. When we are holding the truth, by implication we are also holding the light.....To be in the light means that we have the source of truth or reality.

Reference

Seokjin was scared that the truth would come out and hence resulting to having those Smeraldo flowers being delivered etc, because they mean the truth that he couldnt tell. it seems as though his fear hasn’t left him at all despite it being ‘exchanged’. it only became aggravated. 

Yoongi exchanged the metronome to a lollipop. 

remember in the I Need U theory; how lollipops are used commonly in anime to depict the cigarette. ( and this would tie in with the HYYH: the notes L version ).

Yoongi 8 June YEAR 22

I took off my t-shirt again. I looked in the mirror and it was not like me at all. The cotton shirt that was not my type had the word ‘Dream’ on it. No matter how you look at it, the red colour, the word, dream, the shirt didn’t fit me at all. Out of frustration, I pulled a cigarette and looked for my lighter. Since it wasn’t in the back pocket of my jeans, I looked inside my bag. (They) took it away. (They) took it from my hands without any constraint. (They) threw back to me were candy bars and this t-shirt.  

I messed up my hair and stood up when I heard the sound of a message. My heart began to beat faster as at the moment, my hand phone screen lit up brightly with a name that was 3 syllabuses. I broke my cigarette to check the message. In the next moment, I was laughing at the mirror. Wearing the tight t-shirt that had ‘Dream’ written on it, the red colour, I must have looked like an idiot.

which later on explain how those cigarettes were taken away from Yoongi- kinda leaving him bare. however later on in the notes of the L version, it seems as though Yoongi attended the funeral of his mother, his mother who taught him the piano. Hence, he traded the fear of the fear of losing someone so important; giving up the metronome to signify the end of the days of him playing the piano to the lollipop which would only exacerbate his current delinquent life as one would see in the highlight reel, that his juvenile days only extended, with him quitting high school, stopped playing the piano, picked up the habit of smoking etc often got drunk as well etc. 

This could be seen in the HYYH: the notes, L version.

Yoongi 25 June YEAR 20

I opened the door of the bottom drawer with a pop and firstly, took out the bag that was placed inside. I turned the bag inside out and a dusty piano key fell out. I threw the half-burned piano key in the trashcan and laid down on bed. The fire in my heart wouldn’t cool down and so my breathing was ragged, and at some point, soot was smeared over my fingers.

After the funeral, I went back alone to the house that was set ablaze on fire. I entered my mother’s room to see the piano that was burned so badly, the shape was unrecognizable. I hesitantly sat down. I sat there for some time until the sunlight that entered through the window died down. Several keys rolled around in the last of the light. What kind of sound could be heard if I played the keys? I thought about my mother playing these keys a lot. I put one of them in my pocket and left the room.

From that moment on, 4 years has passed. The house has been quiet. Just like it was meant to be quiet. It was past 10 and so my father would have been asleep, afterwards everything held its breath. That was the rule of the house. It was hard for me to endure the silence. it also wasn’t easy to keep up with the stipulated times, regulations and forms. No matter how you looked at it, it was hard to be patient. Nevertheless, I couldn’t stand living in this house. After receiving pocket money from my father, eating with him, I got scolded by him. Rather than not talking to my father and go astray, I lacked the courage to abandon him and the house, to make freedom into reality and not just in words.

I suddenly rose up from bed. I pulled out the piano key from the desk with a tissue paper. I opened the window and the night air rushed in. The wind that came in slapped me with the strength of whatever happened today. I threw the piano key in the air. Today I haven’t gone to school for 3 or 4 days. I heard the news of getting expelled. Now, I don’t know if I want to be kicked out of the house. I listened hard but I couldn’t hear the keys hitting the ground. No matter how much I have been thinking about it, I couldn’t imagine the sound the piano key would have made. No matter how much time has passed, the piano key would never make a sound again. I will never play the piano again.

Hoseok exchanged the snickers bar which was seen in the MAMA short film to get a birthday cake. 

somehow this cake triggered Hoseok’s past to which his mother abandoned him at the amusement park which was seen in the highlight reel. 

maybe his mother also abandoned him on his birthday hence triggering him to have his Munchausen syndrome to be worse.

Munchausen syndrome, is a type of mental illness in which a person repeatedly acts as if he or she has a physical or mental disorder when, in truth, he or she has caused the symptoms. Munchausen syndrome is a mental illness associated with severe emotional difficulties. 

Reference

this Munchausen syndrome could be seen in his short film of MAMA, when one of the doctors was observing him etc. 

his fear of abandonment becomes even more prominent later on when one would see that in the Highlight reel, the girl was in a matter of life or death and that Hoseok even sacrificed himself running in the rain to save her, much like she may not even survive hence possibly abandoning Hoseok yet again. not to mention that maybe this girl was the one who filled the empty void of Hoseok in which his own mother should have given love and attention from the very beginning. hence Hoseok has this sense of attachment to her. 

Namjoon exchanged a shard of glass that had the same words as in Prologue ( You Must Survive ) to a black hair tie -the same hair tie seen in the highlight reels

Namjoon has troubles of accepting himself, in a way he has a fear of facing himself, which is why when he sees his own reflection on the shard of glass; much like the one seen in the Yoongi Run JP. MV - he is quick to surrender it to the magic shop. 

interesting that even on that piece of glass, he still has it written that he must survive. a constant reminder that he needs to live with himself; despite the fact that he cant accept himself. 

however, one could also consider this point of view, in which, Namjoon had a fear of his words being disappeared, in a way that he is being forgotten in terms of his speech.

often, it is seen as though Namjoon kept on writing reminders on mirrors of having to survive. he wanted to constantly remind them to keep holding on.  

he has been doing so since in the Prologue etc and even in the HYYH: the Notes, L version.

Namjoon 15 May YEAR 20

As I walked across the storage classroom that became a hideout for those of us who had nowhere to go, I set a few chairs straight. I wiped away the dust off the fallen desk with my palm while I was at it. Endings make people emotional. Today is the last day I go to school. It has been decided 2 weeks earlier that we would move. I didn’t know if I could possibly return. I wasn’t sure if I could see my hyungs or younger brothers.

I folded a piece of paper in half and placed it on a desk, I even got a pencil out but I didn’t know what words to leave behind, and so I let time pass. While I was scribbling useless words, my pencil lead snapped with a sound. “You have to keep living” on the paper with the marks of the graphite lead that I had scribbled with realizing. In between the black dust powder and scribbles were stories of poverty, parents, dongsaengs and moving.

I crumpled the paper and placed it in my pocket and then I stood. I pushed the desk away and the dust rose. As I began to leave, I blew onto the dirty window and wrote three characters. No goodbye would ever be enough yet no matter what I say, it would be conveyed as ‘”Let’s see each other again”. More than it being a promise, it was just a wish.

though Namjoon likes to write these on temporary things, in which they could easily disappear, he was very quick to actually surrender it. 

Jimin exchanged the photo of the trees in the painting labelled Flower Arboretum to an umbrella. 

Reference

interesting, one of the popular ones when you search this on Google is Yangpyeong Wild Flower Arboretum ( 양평 들꽃수목원 ) 

His fear of being cooped up in hospitals and loneliness to one of jealousy as one would see in the highlight reels. easily being jealous of hoseok and of the girl. later on seen in the HYYH: the notes, L version. 

Jimin 3 July YEAR 22

In the end, I sprawled onto the floor. I turned off the music and my surroundings went quiet, all I could hear was the beating of my heart. I pulled out my hand phone and played the choreography dance video that I had learned in the morning. Hyung’s movements were so smooth and accurate in the video.  That was the result of his countless hours and sweat of practicing, and now since I wasn’t anywhere near as him, I was jealous. However, understanding and hoping are different and so I sighed often. Again I stood up. I imitated the turn as he had done it but I kept twisting my steps. I kept on making mistakes at the parts where we have to match the flow. We decide to match again tomorrow but until then I wanted to be seen as serious. Rather that a playful phrase, I wanted to be complimented as ‘better than expected’, I wanted to be recognized as someone who was equal and serious, one that could match with hyung.

Jimin 28 September YEAR 20

I stopped counting the days since I was hospitalized. Counting is something you would do when you want to get out or there is hope of getting out. The trees and leaves were far outside the window and based on the clothes of people, I think that not much time has passed. At most, a month tops. Sometimes I see myself wearing the uniform though it was nothing special.  Maybe it was because of the medicine, everything looked boring and dull.  But today was a special day. The kind of day you write in a diary. However, I didn’t have one and I didn’t want the problems that come with writing in one. Today was the first time I lied. I looked at the doctor’s eyes and pretended to be gloomy. “I don’t remember anything.”

hence, remember in Euphoria, Hoseok eventually left Jimin to save Taehyung, same thing. especially how in MAMA, Hoseok still sees Jimin’s tree painting. 

Jimin afterwards was lonely, and his illness started to exacerbate, even more seen in Euphoria, in which Jimin runs around the cafeteria as if the boys were all there when they aren't. even more so, when getting the umbrella, as seen in the highlight reel, he still gets wet, as if under the pouring rain, the umbrella did nothing to shield his pain since after all, his reality never changed.

Taehyung exchanged something to get the bag possibly the same girl who stole in the convenience store and even took notice of Taehyung’s vandalism efforts who later joined him as well.

this could be seen in the HYYH: the notes, L version. 

Taehyung 25 June YEAR 22

I deliberately delayed my steps as I sensed to the small steps that was following me. This was the 3rdtime already at the convenience store. If there was something different, it was that today they ran away when they saw me. They hung around a vacant spot behind the convenience store but as I turned up, they hid themselves again. They hid themselves well but their shadows were reaching to the front of the store. I let out a laugh. I pretended that I didn’t see but they began to follow me.

I entered a narrow alley. This is the only place in the neighbourhood without a broken streetlamp. The alley was long and the streetlamp was somewhere in the middle with my shadow stretching. The shadow now stretches behind me. It could have been stretching all the way to the person who was following me with ragged breath. I started walking a little bit faster. As I passed the streetlamp, my shadow disappeared beneath my feet. Not long after, a shadow that wasn’t mine appeared on the cement floor. I stopped walking and so did the movements. The two shadows of different heights stopped side by side.

I said, “I’m going to wait until you come here.” The shadow behind me leaped out of shock. Then it became still as if it wasn’t here. “I can see everything.” I pointed to the shadow. The footsteps became nearer and deliberately were noisy. I laughed.

so it seems as though this girl has appeared yet again in the HYYH: the notes. 

for some reason, i have a feeling that Taehyung fears to be his father, i mean this could possibly be wrong; but i am trying to link the HYYH: the notes, V version here yet again. 

Taehyung 22 May YEAR 22

I passed by a pine tree forest as Hyung picked up a phone call and started to lag behind. Nowadays, there were more times like this. He moved far away so that he could pick up the call where others couldn’t eavesdrop. I deliberately slowed down ad hid myself off towards the ocean. Hyung wouldn’t be able to see me when he passed by. “He’s only one year younger than me. No, I don’t really care. Anyway, I’m not going to be the one taking the responsibility, just do whatever is best.”

Something cold slithered down my spine. It felt as if everything in the world crumbled and crashed with a bang. It felt as if I was floating alone in the deep ocean. It was scary and frightening. I was miserable and insignificant. I was angry. I couldn’t contain my anger. I wanted to cause a scene. I wanted to smash something, to hit something, to wreck myself. I was always afraid. That my father’s blood would run in me. I thought that maybe his violence was what I inherited. It seemed that something was stabbing my tight defenses.

this is especially so since in these notes, it is known that Taehyung has quite the temper and anger management issues, but the breaking point of it is when he stood up to his father but ended up murdering him. Taehyung eventually became what he feared - being the man who resort to violence, with the blood of his father flowing through his veins. he exchanged it for the bag that was seen in the highlight reel yet again. 

interestingly, Jungkook exchanged himself to get a key - a key in a pretty glass box, much like Jungkook has been offered Pandora’s Box. 

Pandora's box is an artifact in Greek mythology connected with the myth of Pandora in Hesiod's Works and Days. The container mentioned in the original story was actually a large storage jar but the word was later mistranslated as "box". In modern times an idiom has grown from it meaning "Any source of great and unexpected troubles", or alternatively "A present which seems valuable but which in reality is a curse"

Reference

now, the reason why i say it is Pandora’s box is because of the fact that Jungkook would soon find out all bad things that surrounds them and the boys as he unlocks the door. 

see, Jungkook also had a fear, he had a fear of losing the boys, his brothers. from his own solo song, his love for them has been clearly established. 

죽을 것 같아 형이 슬프면 형이 아프면 내가 아픈 것보다 아파

=

I feel like I’m going to die when hyung is sad When hyung is in pain, it hurts more than when I’m in pain

Reference: Colour Coded ©

hence, he wanted his brothers to happy and so he would do anything for them, even if it meant sacrificing himself.

hence, without any item to offer, he offered himself as a representation of his own fear. now why do i say this? 

asides from the fact that he didn't exchange anything, see, remember how i brought up the whole Omelas kid in the Euphoria theory, what if, all along Jungkook was the Omelas kid after all?

notice how when he entered the room that he unlocked, he was in tattered clothes, much like the boy/girl in the story of The Ones who walk away from Omelas. remember how Omelas was a city in which despite all the happiness, wealth, luck and good there, only one person in the basement is suffering; and now that is none other than Jungkook. 

Jungkook entered a room with 6 clothe stands. one to represent each of the boys. 

in front of him is a man in a black cloak and wearing a mask - possibly the same mask of the magic owner and the same on in Singularity and possibly none other then Kim Taehyung. 

linking this back to my Taehyung and Hoseok Theory,  and also of Jungkook’s HYYH the notes extended theory, and of Singularity Theory, Taehyung is the one that told Jungkook that last line of his notes. 

“Living is more painful than dying, but even so, do you still want to live?”

i have already established that Taehyung could possibly be the devil since who in the right frame of mind actually encourages suicide, which in a way only triggered the whole domino effect of one by one - the boys would take their own lives after Taehyung as seen in the HYYH timeline. 

however, i would also want to bring across the fact that Taehyung could also possibly be the owner of the magic shop, with how his mask fits everything in Singularity etc, so in a way, Taehyung would have known the fates of each go the boys, but yet he still gives them this fictional choice of actually exchanging traits or their fears to their happiness etc. 

this is especially so with how Jungkook entered the room to find 6 bare clothe stands. remember how in Spring Day and highlight reel, there was this whole changing of clothes and washing machine aesthetic?

so to tie it in, with how the magic shop works, by right, there were supposed to received something positive but in the end, their realities either remained the same or worse. just like by changing clothes, the fates of the boys change even if it is one measly top. 

think of this analogy, if one person wears this shirt, the vibe of someone else wearing the exact same shirt is different, even if the difference is insignificant. 

hence, the whole washing machine aesthetic in which they constantly change the clothes to put it on other members and why there is this huge pile of clothes in Spring Day shows the many possibilities; such as Seokjin in the highlight reel.

as such, the magic shop only exchanged these fears, but they dont guarantee that it would be positive in the long run. hence, the magic shop only removed those painful memories temporarily to give them fake ones in the form of this love relationships with girls, hence fake love. 

the magic shop only provided a coping mechanism to deal with their fears, an escape from their cruel and brutal reality, even accepting the fake love to make them forget the pain. 

later, we see again in the higlight reel at 5:20 the importance of Seokjin’s narration. 

“Even if these moments are a lie, I want to stay here.”

it shows that even if these moments are fake, it made the boys happy temporarily at least and they are more than willing to be delusional for these moments. 

however, the ending of the highlight reel is what sums up this whole Love Yourself series. 

“Eventually I have to face. Loving without being afraid. Saying goodbye to hesitancy. Living as myself.”

and overall, to love theirselves. this is especially so since in the highlight reel, Seokjin says this. 

“With myself, I wasn't confident in being loved.”

this is to say that this whole series is meant to heal them, in accepting all their traits and fears and to love themselves in the end. 

[Photo Source] Bighit Entertainment  Credits: maxine ☕️ DO NOT REPOST ©

[taekookismylifeline]

(yoonseok) - trust my heart when it beats for you

ao3: (x)

Summary: Jung Hoseok has had an awkward Thing for Min Yoongi for four years of his school life. He is certain that the only thing that gets in the way of them and everlasting love is the fact that Min Yoongi doesn't know he exists, but that all changes due to one drunken text message: a pick-up line. Ready to flee to another country under a false identity in mortification, he finds himself ruining their blossoming friendship and confessing when Yoongi asks why Hoseok had tried to flirt with him. However, things take a turn after his confession when Yoongi starts to (awkwardly) flirt back.

Pairings: Yoonseok, Taekook and Namjin

Chapters: (1), (2), (3), (4), (5), (6), (7), (8), (9), (10), (11), (12), (13)

Chapter Fourteen -  if you don't want me, i don't want me either

“So,” Jimin began after screaming his name across the field and running towards him. He threw a ball up into the air and caught it effortlessly as he sat next to Yoongi on the bench at break. “Rumour on the street is that Taehyung is interested in someone. He posted something on his Snapchat. Know anything about it?”

Yoongi shook his head, his mind blank. Usually, it would be a right laugh to talk to Jimin but after the event in the library, he wanted nothing than to stare at a patch of grass and wordlessly ponder over what had gone wrong. If only he had rectified his mistake and corrected himself, corrected Hoseok. He should have explained that he was just scared, scared of Hoseok entering his world and then leaving without them ever truly understanding each other.

“Hmm...” Jimin mused, throwing the ball again then hitting it with the palm of his hand so that it rolled onto the patch of grass that Yoongi was attempting to lose himself in. “I guess I can go ask him...” Yoongi saw Jimin peer at him, obviously waiting for Yoongi to ask him to stay, but upon receiving no protest Jimin gave in. “Say, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing.” It was an effort just to talk, his throat was painfully constricted with unshed tears. “Just tired.”

Jimin frowned at him and Yoongi prayed that his feeble excuse deemed satisfactory, but to no avail. “You sure?” Jimin dragged the ball from under Yoongi’s feet with his sports trainers he was always so insistent on keeping clean. “You look a little down. Did something happen? You fail a test, or something?”

Yoongi shook his head, glanced at his phone. Jeongguk had messaged him ten minutes ago that he would meet him at the bench but had not showed up. Namjoon had left to retrieve a drink from a vending machine.

“No answer? Really?” Jimin tilted his head back and exposed his throat, tossing the ball back into the air again. “God, you’re the second person to do this to me today. ‘Seok, you know him right? Hoseok? He was being really annoying before school, being all moody. He and Tae were talking and shut up when they saw me – they always do that – so I thought it was about Taehyung’s secret girlfriend or something.” Jimin rolled his eyes in mild annoyance and then pouted. There was a small side of Yoongi that wondered whether Jimin really even cared; he seemed to have an extensive network of friends all over the country.

And then Jimin’s words processed inside of his mind and snapped at his heart strings. Hoseok was saddened before school, this image seemed like a complete opposite to the Hoseok that had turned up in the library and looked as if he were performing a painfully unfunny comedy act. What had happened in that space of time?

What was the truth behind Hoseok’s words? Did he truly mean for them to be friends? Why was Hoseok sacrificing himself for what he believed Yoongi wanted? Why did he mean so much to Hoseok?

He realised that Hoseok would never know how much he meant to Yoongi if he never fixed their situation. But how would he go about doing it? How would he ever face Hoseok again?

“Hey, are you even listening to me?” Jimin called to him, laying a hand on his shoulder and jostling him with an amused smile on his face. “Earth to Yoongi! I need to tell you something, you might be interested.”

Yoongi looked towards Jimin instinctively upon receiving contact, Jimin was reaching into his pocket for his phone. “First of all, are you free this weekend?” Jimin was grinning at him rather cheekily as if he were trying to be cunning.

Yoongi nodded in response; he hadn’t even thought about what to fill the time of his weekend with, having only focussed on getting through the first week without Hoseok.

“Great! So you’re coming with me to a club on Saturday, there’s a party there – don’t worry, someone I know knows the owner so we can get in – and I’ll introduce you to someone.” Jimin was talking quickly, a sign that he was enthused.

A sense of trepidation immediately fell over him. “No. You’re not dragging me out again to meet some random stranger. It was fun the first few times but eventually you see the bad sides of all those clubs. Last time that girl – who you said was ‘chill’ – spilt her drink over my jeans and insisted I take them off to get the stain out-” Jimin’s hysteric laughter enfolded the last of his words and swallowed them. “It’s not funny,” he tried again but failed utterly when a laugh of his own slipped out of his mouth.

“Okay, okay,” Jimin digressed, his shoulders still heaving with laughter as he clung onto the nape of Yoongi’s neck. “This time’ll be different, I swear,” a mischievous glint appeared in his eyes and he winked. “This time you might want to take your pants off.” He hooted with laughter while Yoongi sat, not being successful in pretending to be unamused as a smile itched at his mouth.

Jimin thrust his phone onto Yoongi’s hand and gestured for him to look at the screen. It was a Facebook profile, Jimin had pulled up a picture of a girl posing with a boy who was tagged with the same name, brother and sister. “They’ll both be there – it’s up to you which one you want.” Jimin smirked knowingly at him, Yoongi frowned. “After all the girls I’ve tried to set you up with I realised eventually that there might be a reason why you’re not interested. Him, he’s bi,” Jimin pointed at the boy frozen in the picture, “so it won’t be a problem.”

Yoongi was in too much shock to form a response which Jimin misinterpreted as Yoongi being too overwhelmed with joy to talk. “Exactly, I’m amazing! So, you’re coming. You want his number?” Fortunately, Yoongi wasn’t numb enough to comply so he shook his head.

“Oh, wow, so it’s just a one-time thing? Never knew you had it in you, Yoongs!” Jimin clapped him on his back as father would do to his son. Yoongi wasn’t particularly thrilled with the comparison that he had drawn in his mind as he imagined the concern etched into the lines of his own father’s face if he could see that scenario that Yoongi found himself in. “His name’s Jinsoo, by the way, I’m sure you’ll be needing it.” Of course Jimin had to add a suggestive wink which caused Yoongi to purse his lips in distaste.

“I’m not going to sleep with him,” Yoongi stated to which Jimin raised his eyebrows dubiously as if to say, ‘sure’. “I’m only gonna go because I’ve got nothing better to do.” Yoongi was extremely glad when Namjoon crept up on Jimin out of nowhere, having snuck behind the bench, and caused him to jump.

“You scared the fuck out of me,” Jimin whined and let out a shaky bout of laughter, a hand over his heart. Yoongi scooted over so that Namjoon could fit himself in between the two. “Anyway, before I was rudely interrupted,” he glared at Namjoon who deftly ignored him, cracking open his can of drink, “I was telling Yoongs about the guy who wants to meet him.”

“Which guy?” Namjoon inquired before snapping his fingers, “oh, that guy!” He gave Jimin a disapproving look. “Didn’t I already tell you that he wouldn’t be interested?”

Jimin tutted and shook his head. “Ah, ‘Joon, that’s not quite true now, is it? Yoongs just told me that he’s interested in meeting him.”

Namjoon almost spilt his drink as he jolted and turned to face Yoongi, his expression alarmed. “What? But what about-”

A feeling of panic surged through him and he cut across Namjoon, “nothing.” Namjoon furrowed his brows, eyes scurrying over his face as if he could solve the mystery without words. Jimin was watching him from behind Namjoon, a teasing smile on his face provoking the reckless side of him. Jimin always held that power over him ever since they had met when Jimin dared him to smash a chemical tube which let out a foul smelling steam and set the fire alarm off.

“I’m going on Saturday, I haven’t been out like that in ages.”

“That’s my boy,” Jimin approved with a smile packed full of mystery. “Come along will you, ‘Joon? You can finally hang out with ‘Seok and Tae, they’re both coming. I’ll talk to ‘Guk – speaking of, where is he?”

Namjoon was watching him warily, apparently having guessed that Hoseok and Taehyung would no doubt be tagging along. Yoongi’s fists tightened, his nails dug into his palms and started stinging, but he didn’t unclench his hands as the pain felt good, refreshing, even. “I don’t know,” he answered. “He might be down at the courts.”

Jimin sighed before vaulting over the bench, he threw the ball at Yoongi who caught it on an instinct. “Okay, I’ll go talk to him! See you later!” He lifted his hand to gesture goodbye and then began madly dashing across the field, around the corner of the school building and out of sight.

Namjoon turned to him straightaway, not giving him time for a breather. “What happened? Why didn’t you tell Hoseok what’s going on?”

Yoongi turned his attention towards the mud stains that were smeared on the ball. “I was going to,” he started, hating the sound of his voice, “but he came in and told me that he understood how I felt and that there would be ‘no more flirting or kissing’. He told me that he was fine with being friends.” Yoongi shrugged. “I couldn’t say no. In the moment it just sounded like that was what he wanted, and I just went along with it.”

There was the sound of a large exhale next to him and he knew that Namjoon was struggling on voicing his disapproval. He would have liked Namjoon to have done so but at the same time he most likely would have broken down. To have the voice of reason spit at him would be the end of the world.

“Yoongs, I’m sure you’re aware that Hoseok only said that because he was sure that it was what you wanted?”

“He said that he’d get over me,” Yoongi retorted, bristling slightly. “That was what I feared the most, you know that, and he admitted it. That’s why I did it.” He was gripping the ball too tightly, it shot out of his hands and rolled onto the floor.

Namjoon dropped his eyes to the ball. “Do you really believe that someone who has liked you for over three years would just drop you like that?” His voice was quiet, meaning that Yoongi had to focus his attention on Namjoon just to hear what he was saying. “I understand how you feel, I think we all feel insecure with ourselves from time to time,” he was speaking from the heart. Out of all the disappointment and disapproval, this hurt Yoongi the most; to hear Namjoon voicing his fears.

“But you can’t make someone else’s decisions for them. You decided that Hoseok wouldn’t like you after the first few weeks of talking but that wasn’t your decision to make. In my personal opinion, I think those first few weeks made Hoseok more attracted to you than he already was, and I don’t think that’ll fade anytime soon.”

Yoongi’s hands were cold on his lap but Namjoon’s words brought a hot flush to his neck, warming his skin. A knot of tension uncoiled somewhat in his stomach. “Thank you,” he muttered, slightly embarrassed. “Do you think I can fix it?”

He lifted his gaze to look at Namjoon who looked affirmed. “Of course. I wouldn’t do it online, though, I’d do it in person,” he advised. His eyes watched Yoongi’s face. “You’re not going to meet that guy on Saturday, are you?”

Yoongi shook his head. “No, I just knew that Jimin wouldn’t stop going on about it.”

Namjoon chuckled. “True, he’s very insistent.” Yoongi smiled back, his shoulders feeling slightly lighter now that some of the tension had decreased. “So, talk to Hoseok before Saturday, okay? That way you can enjoy yourself.”

When Yoongi nodded and vowed that he would do Namjoon’s bidding, he sincerely believed that he meant it, but as the days went by he found that chances to get Hoseok on his own were slim to none. Whenever he would spend time in the basketball court he would look to the fence and find that no one was sitting behind it, clearly ogling him or watching with a stupidly gorgeous smile. Although they took the same route to classes, he was certain that Hoseok had discovered another route to avoid him or that he would arrive early or later to his own class. Yoongi couldn’t even speak to him in the classroom as they were in different sets for Maths, English and Science, in fact, the only lesson that they shared was History which next took place on last lesson Friday.

In the end, he didn’t want to have to the next few days to talk to Hoseok, so he had to go against Namjoon’s advice. He opened up the Messenger app and cursed when he saw the green icon next to Hoseok’s name disappear. He should have asked for Hoseok’s Kakao but he hadn’t wanted to seem too into it in case their relationship fizzled out, which he supposed was ironic. He would have to wait until Friday to approach Hoseok.

The news that Jeongguk had wished to bestow onto them was, as he had predicted, about Taehyung. He told them on Tuesday afternoon that on the weekend, on the bus ride home, Taehyung had asked him to the party on Saturday, but instructed him not to tell anybody or bring someone with him as it was ‘a small gathering’. Yoongi had voiced that Taehyung’s way of being smooth really wasn’t discreet at all, but Jeongguk didn’t seem to have heard him as he was too busy staring at the back of Taehyung’s head in the canteen. He and Namjoon had exchanged amused glances.

“Do you think he’s gonna ask you out, then?” Yoongi had asked, directing his gaze at his carrot sticks when seeing Hoseok’s head bob out from behind Taehyung.

Jeongguk shook his head, palming a few of Namjoon’s apple slices. “I don’t know, I don’t want to assume that he likes me, but if he keeps doing what he’s doing I’m probably just gonna make a move.”

Namjoon, in return, took Jeongguk’s bag of crisps whilst nodding his approval. “Please do, I haven’t even seen you two in action, but if it’s as sappy as Yoongs tells me then you’d be doing us a favour.”

Yoongi had laughed when Jeongguk shot Namjoon an unimpressed look, a hint of a smile playing on his mouth. “Oh, right, like you can talk, when you got rejected by Seokjin you were sad for days – you wrote poetry, and now you’re together I think you still do,” he had crinkled his nose.

Namjoon spluttered helplessly as the younger happily took back his packet of crisps and offered some to Yoongi who accepted them thankfully.

“Are you talking to Taehyung?” Yoongi had inquired. “Outside of school? Like, on an app or something?” The reluctant look on Jeongguk’s face told him everything that he needed to know. “Then how are you gonna get to know him before you do... whatever on Saturday?”

Jeongguk’s cheek bulged from where his tongue was wandering. “I’ve been thinking about talking to him, but I don’t want to seem desperate.”

Yoongi rolled his eyes. “‘Guk, he was the one who almost choked on his own drool just looking at you, I think you’re okay.”

Jeongguk laughed, a satisfied smile curving onto his face. “Okay, so I’ll message him tonight, then.”

Yoongi couldn’t help but watch fondly and think of the first time that Hoseok had messaged him after asking to hang out. He had been more confused than anything, not sure as to why Hoseok who he had only known for two hours wanted to talk to him outside of school hours, wanted to meet up. He missed it immensely. The crisps had lurched dangerously in his stomach and he had had to excuse himself to head to the toilets.

Friday arrived unceremoniously. Yoongi’s mum wished him the best in his studies, he climbed onto the bus and went to school, and he attended lessons with an ever increasing feeling of dread pouring through his veins. Eventually, History, the last lesson of the day, arrived and the gnawing inside of his skin had never been so grating. He wanted to talk to Hoseok. It was strange that he had gone 6 years without ever knowing the boy but after spending only a few weeks together he didn’t know where or what he was without Hoseok. It was petrifying, yet, he found that he didn’t much care anymore.

Hoseok had arrived before him, sitting in his usual position with his textbook in front of him, his eyebrows knotted together in concentration and his lips parted, tongue sticking out slightly. Yoongi’s heart slipped through his ribcage and plummeted. He hadn’t ever seen anything so beautiful.

He took out a laptop and slowly strode over to Hoseok, not wanting to disturb him, not wanting to destroy the perfect picture of beauty. He set the laptop down quietly but obviously not quietly enough as Hoseok paused in his work and sat up. He smiled, oh god, Yoongi had forgotten how gorgeous that smile was.

“Yoongi, hi!” He chirped and pushed his notebook over to Yoongi’s side as Yoongi took a seat and returned the greeting. “I think I’ve perfected an essay structure, I looked online for one and kinda copied it, but it should be okay,” he seemed bashful, as if the structure’s worth relied solely on Yoongi’s opinion.

Hoseok wasn’t acting strangely at all, it was almost as if Monday hadn’t happened and neither had any of those times that Hoseok had deliberately avoided him. Yoongi wanted to believe that nothing had changed, that Hoseok still thought that he was beautiful and that the kiss in the bus stop had progressed their relationship further. Everything was ruined, though, when Yoongi read over the structure and found it impressive, he voiced his thoughts and handed it back to Hoseok who grinned at him before dropping his gaze too quickly and openly avoiding the touch of Yoongi’s fingers.

The pain that Yoongi had experienced on Monday was nothing in comparison to the agony he felt now. His heart was screeching with every beat and skin itched as if it wanted him to scratch itself from his body, Hoseok must have thought that he was repulsive.

“Okay, so,” Hoseok cleared his throat and focussed on the book in front of him. Yoongi watched him defiantly, trying to gain his attention but to no avail. “We’ve finished the first paragraph, which is the introduction, but I think we need to add a criticism of this viewpoint here...” Yoongi must have heard what Hoseok was saying as he fingers were moving along the keys and typing out the words but he didn’t process them.

He knew that Hoseok was intent on keeping their relationship professional, student to student but it wasn’t a compromise for stranger to stranger, Yoongi wanted neither. He wanted everything. He wanted every smile, every touch, every glance, every laugh. He wanted to be selfish. He wanted Hoseok and he wanted Hoseok to want him. Maybe that was why Hoseok couldn’t stand to touch him.

“Are you going to that party on Saturday?” The question ripped out of his throat and burst into the air that was being occupied by Hoseok’s insistent tangent of facts. He must have interrupted Hoseok mid-flow as Hoseok finally looked at him, his eyes startled. “Sorry,” he added lamely.

“Oh, no, it’s fine,” Hoseok looked away again and Yoongi ground his teeth in frustration. “Yeah, I am. Did Jimin tell you?” Now that Hoseok wasn’t on the territory that he must have promised himself never to stray from, school work, he seemed less confident, less polished.

“Yeah,” Yoongi answered. He wanted to spill everything in that moment but he was discouraged by the fact that Hoseok was refusing to look him in the eye.

“Oh,” Hoseok seemed unsure on what to do with his hands. He settled with flicking his pen from side to side. Yoongi found himself watching its movements until his vision blurred. “Are you going?”

Yoongi nodded, realised that Hoseok couldn’t possibly see him because of his refusal to look at him, then voiced his answer. “Yeah. With Namjoon.”

“Oh,” Hoseok said again. “I’m going with Taehyung.”

“He’s going with Jeongguk,” Yoongi blurted, remembering too late that their last discussion of the topic was before the kiss and before he had fucked everything up. It was him this time that refused to look up when he saw Hoseok look up at him in surprise.

“Yeah,” Hoseok admitted, his voice slightly warmer. “Yeah, they’re going together.”

Hoseok’s tone had ignited something in his stomach, and he didn’t care if he was imagining it or not, he grasped hold of the hope that was fluttering thinly in front of him. “You’ll be alone?”

He almost jumped when Hoseok looked up from the textbook and met his eye. His expression scrunched up into one of disbelief. “No, actually,” he scoffed causing Yoongi to recoil. “I’m meeting someone there, she’s a friend of Jimin’s. I’ll be with her the whole night, if it goes well.”

Yoongi was certain that he had been impaled. He didn’t dare breathe, feeling something rank and wet fill up his lungs. Hoseok was flaunting this piece of information in front of him, whether it was true or not didn’t particularly matter as of this moment because Hoseok was playing with him.

Something sour churned in his stomach, it burned his heart and pumped through his veins, boiling under his skin. He wasn’t angry, ‘angry’ would be an understatement. He was furious, shaking with rage. He wasn’t thinking when the words poured out of his mouth like scalding sludge. “Oh? I’m also meeting one of Jimin’s friends, he seems nice enough. I’d show you the messages but I don’t think they’re... appropriate.”

Yoongi had longed for Hoseok to look at him, but not like this. Hoseok was easy to read, his expressions weren’t guarded at all and the emotion swimming in his eyes might as well have been his Facebook wall status of ‘I’m feeling...’

Hoseok’s eyebrows were pinched so tightly it looked like they were going to collapse into his nose bridge, and his eyes blazed with a fire of such intensity Yoongi almost forgot that Hoseok’s evident fury was directed at him. “Right,” Hoseok snapped and didn’t speak to Yoongi for the rest of the lesson.

As soon as the bell rang Hoseok sprang up and grabbed his books off of the table, he wasted no time in cramming them into his bag and he strode away, out of the door and out of sight. Yoongi felt it all crash down onto him, he felt his ribs splinter under the pressure. He had fucked up again. He had given into his impulsive feeling of anger when Hoseok had taunted him and had only resulted in pushing Hoseok further away.

Why had Hoseok taunted him in the first place? Was it because he had asked whether Hoseok wanted company at the party and he had grown offended when figuring out that Yoongi wanted to spend time with him? It was understandable, to him it would appear that Yoongi led him on by promising to like him and then rejecting him after a kiss, but it hurt even so.

He was beyond frustrated with himself, how dare he feel sorry for himself when he was the one who insisted on fucking everything up? Still, an underlying rage buzzed through his veins. Hoseok might not have been lying, after all, Jimin had tried to set up all of his friends with someone at least once.

Yoongi wasn’t simply angry, he was catastrophically jealous. After Saturday, Hoseok could have found himself a girlfriend who was captivating and stunningly beautiful. After Saturday, Hoseok wouldn’t look back and Yoongi would be left behind in the dirt. But there was nothing he could do to stop it; he had no right to tell Hoseok not to meet the girl, Hoseok wouldn’t listen to him anyway, why should he?

If Hoseok was going to take up Jimin’s offer, why shouldn’t he? It was evident that whatever he and Hoseok once had had burnt up in lights of the bus last Sunday night.

He made up his mind.

Min Yoongi: hey

Park Jimin: heyy Park Jimin: u still up for sat? u don’t have to meet jinsoo if u don’t want too Park Jimin: NJ says I shouldn’t pressure u or whatever

Min Yoongi: no, it’s fine Min Yoongi: I’m all for it actually, I’d love to meet him Min Yoongi: just don’t tell Namjoon

Park Jimin: oooh good! Cuz ive told him all about u, he’s interested too ;) Park Jimin: mmkay sure thing, ill distract him when introducing u two Park Jimin: u want JS’s No?

Min Yoongi: thanks Min Yoongi: no, it’s alright

Park Jimin: I knew it, I told him that ur mysterious Park Jimin: he likes it Park Jimin: so u wanna get sum d or a relationship or wat

Min Yoongi: I’m not having this conversation with you

Park Jimin: rude! I’d bet u’d open ur heart to NJ Park Jimin: oh JS says to wear red btw Park Jimin: thinks itll look good on u

Min Yoongi: what am I a doll? Min Yoongi: wait Min Yoongi: how many pictures have you sent him of me?

Park Jimin: ur his doll now Park Jimin: hmmm.... not many Park Jimin: 10?

Min Yoongi: wow, that’s creepy. All without my permission Min Yoongi: I can barely remember what he looks like

Park Jimin: hahahaha don’t worry Park Jimin: (10 pictures attached)

Min Yoongi: thanks?

Park Jimin: do u think he’s hot?

Min Yoongi: sure I guess

Park Jimin: he says thx u are too

Min Yoongi: um Min Yoongi: stop being the messenger Min Yoongi: I’m gonna go now Min Yoongi: see you both tomorrow

Park Jimin: hahaha sorry Park Jimin: meet u at yours @7 so I can take u Park Jimin: JS says see u cutie x

[waitinginthedarke]

Ex’s and Oh’s

A BTS/Min Yoongi Fanfiction

Summary: When its over, its meant to be over; it should be finished, and you should move on. But when paths continue to cross, and the fires reignite, you’re going to need to prepare yourself to perish in the flames, because you’ll never make it out unscathed.

Type: Angst/Smut

Prologue Part 1

Chapter 2

‘y/n?.....y/n?....Y/N!?’

Ignoring Jisu’s cries of your name, you burrow further into the comfort of your duvet, cementing your eyes closed with a wrinkled forehead and proceeding to attempt to stay in the land of sleep and nothingness.

‘Y/N?! Do you know what the time is? You’re going to be late for work!’

‘Leave me here. I’m calling in sick.’ You grumble, groaning when you realize you’d accidentally opened your eyes and now you could see the morning light attempting to filter through the rumpled covers of your bed, the looming memories of the night before prodding at the back of your mind and causing you to cradle your head in your arms. Although seconds later you have your covers pulled rather violently from your body to reveal your best friend stood over you with a scowl.

‘Why aren’t you up yet?’

Jisu was a petite, brunette bobbed girl, with winged eyeliner sharper than the funniest guy’s wit, and an authoritative tone that would challenge any mother’s. You’d met her in high school; you were too laid back and mature compared to most of the other kids your age, and she just had an air about her that spoke to you and told you she didn’t get caught up in all the trouble and chaos the teenage spirit evoked. Ever since then you’d been practically joined at the hip, and when you’d suggested moving to Seoul with her in pursuit of ‘living the dream’; running your own styling business, she’d been all too happy to jump in a car with you and roll on into your future together.

However, on morning’s like this, you were pretty sure she regretted it a little.

‘Y/N? Come on! You have to go to work! You’re the BOSS…and what happened to you last night? You text me telling me you were going to be out all night, and then I get back here to find you having gone to bed!? I felt bad having to send Daesuk home-‘

‘Not bad enough to make him leave last night; ...I just heard him leave, Jisu.’ You mutter, peaking an eye open at her to see her screwing her mouth up, eyebrows raised high on her head as she feigned ignorance, despite the light pink tinge that rushes across her face.

‘Well…that’s avoiding the question! Why-‘

You sigh heavily as you push yourself up into a sitting position on the bed, the movement causing Jisu to clamber over you to jump back down to the floor to avoid falling down, and turning to you with a scowl once she was steady on her feet again. But the second she sees you drawing your hands over your face before hanging your head she’s back beside you, wrapping her arms around your middle and cocking her head at you in a silent questioning of what was wrong.

‘What time did you say it was?’ you ask instead, attempting a reassuring smile in her direction before moving to slip off of the opposite side of the bed. However, you don’t get very far before she’s calling your name, and you end up pausing in the doorway to the bathroom as guilt fills you, initially beginning with just the discomfort of hiding your previous night’s activities from her, before the full on guilt of what you’d done hits you, and you turn to her with tears in your eyes.

‘Can I have a hug?’

‘Why would you do that, Y/N?’

One…two…three...four...five-

‘You know its just going to make it so much harder on you-‘

One…two…three…four-

‘You should have come to find me and we could have left-‘

One…two-

‘He’s not going to want to see you again,…you know that right?’

One…t-

‘It didn’t mean anything to him, Y/N. …it was just sex.’

You stumble to a stop as Jisu’s words ring around the inside of your skull, dragging in as much air as your lungs would allow to attempt to stop the burning that had begun in your chest, and finding yourself gripping the railing that separated you from the river’s edge when your eyes finally refocus a few seconds later.

‘Shit.’

Sensing the eyes of a few people walking by being fixed on your strange actions, you hurry to straighten up and resume a normal expression, pulling your lips into a small smile to decrease suspicion that something was wrong, before you force yourself to continue walking, managing to take a few steps before you shake yourself and resume your usual running route, finding peace in the repetitive falls of your feet.

‘…it was just sex.’

The sentence continued to echo within your mind until you made it to the office 30 minutes later, quickly and quietly slipping through the front door and into the backroom to shower before any of your staff could stop you. Re-emerging with a fresh face and your work clothes on; a pair of sleek black slacks and a somewhat professional looking white blouse with ruffled sleeve-cuffs, you instantly throw yourself into the work day, ignoring the confused looks from your employees who’d all heard the way you’d sung loudly in the shower to drown out your over-bearing thoughts and making your way over to the reception desk of your small salon.

‘When are the first clients in?’ you ask, the vague memory of the packed schedule that you’d checked over yesterday struggling to make itself clear in your mind. The receptionist barely covers her concerned and confused expression before you look up at her expectantly, at which point she hurriedly begins to rattle off a list of appointments, including in and out of house clients, before finishing with some phone calls you were required to make in preparation for the next day’s schedule.

‘Okay. And everyone is here?’ you ask, catching the nod from the woman in front of you before looking around expectantly and already seeing most of the girls setting up ready for the day’s first jobs and finding yourself sighing, thankful that you’d managed to find such hard working employees.

‘Well...in that case…I suppose its time to get to work!’

Lunchtime had come and gone, and it was nearing on closing by the time you thought about Yoongi again.

The entire day you’d spent burying your head in your work, having a lot of your own managerial business sorted within the first 3 hours of opening the shop, before you’d ended up walking out to the main room to begin assisting the other girls. They’d proceeded to send each other puzzled looks, wondering why you were involving yourself in the menial jobs that you usually ended up avoiding considering the vast amount of calls and emails you had to get through, but the second you’d begun conversing with one of the clients, simply enjoying chattering away to them and ending up receiving a large tip from them, they hadn’t batted an eyelid.

The second you say goodbye to your receptionist- who was usually the last to leave the building- and you watch her drive away in her car however, you find yourself slowly walking over to the door and reaching for the lock, seeing your hand trembling as you stretch up on your tiptoes to get the deadbolt, before you turn and slowly slide to the floor, pulling your knees to your chest and raking in deep breaths in an attempt to calm your body as tears began to dampen your cheeks.

‘Damnit.’ You sniffle, quickly wiping your cheeks harshly in an attempt to stop the tears you’d let silently fall for the past 5 minutes, and you hurry to push yourself to your feet, knowing Jisu would be wondering where you were, and not wanting to get stuck in your thoughts until you’d returned home and were safe in the privacy of your room.

However, its just as you’d gone into the back room to retrieve your bag and your coat that you’d had stashed since before your run that morning, and you’d turned off the lights ready to lock up, that you see the silhouette against the front window…

…and you recognize that same oh so familiar jawline that had had your knees attempting to buckle beneath you since the very first time you’d seen him.

Why…why was he here?

The first thing you think to do is to grab your phone, intending on calling Jisu and asking for her advice on the situation since it was clear he didn’t know you’d clocked him at that point- as he stood with his back leant on the window and his attention on the street outside. However, the second you fish your phone from your bag and it lights up in your palm, you realize there was nothing you could do.

18 missed calls.

4 new voice mails.

9 new messages.

[YG: We need to talk.]

Your grip on your phone tightens as you close your eyes, furrowing your brow as you rack your brain for the right answer to the situation, Jisu’s words, ‘it was just sex- it doesn’t mean anything to him.’, running round your mind once more, and you’re about to walk back into your office and lock the door in preparation to spend the night avoiding leaving the building and having to talk to him-

…but then you feel your phone begin to vibrate in your hand, and before you even look down, you knew who it was going to be…

So, instead, you look up-

-and you’re met with the sight of Yoongi’s dark gaze peering back at you through the window.

Somewhere in the back of your mind you’re aware of the way you subconsciously answer the call, sliding your thumb across the screen of your phone and raising the device to your ear, your body beginning to run on autopilot under his gaze. However, it still takes around 10 seconds before you register that the words being whispered into your ear were the same ones being made from the moving mouth that you’d been staring at, and its only once you’ve made the connection that you remember how to breathe once again.

‘Why didn’t you respond to my messages?’

…always so blunt.

‘*sigh*….we need to talk about last night.’

Its as you watch him speak the words, that the dread begins to build in your stomach, your body immediately beginning to revolt against what you knew was coming.

Because its only in that exact moment that you realize you’d been subconsciously letting yourself think that Jisu was wrong, that despite running away last night, you’d believed he’d come back for you, wanting to reconcile what had happened and pick up once more from where the two of you had left off the week before…

But all it took was for you to process his tone of voice, and the emphasis he placed on the word ‘talk’, for you to know…you’d been utterly, completely wrong.

‘There’s nothing to talk about-‘

‘Y/N-‘

‘Yoongi, just leave it-‘

‘This doesn’t change anything.‘

You rip your phone angrily from your ear and stomp to the door, unlocking it and throwing it open, stepping outside to face him, and watching his hand fall to his side with his own phone clutched in it as he stonily takes in your movements, his jaw gritted in preparation for anything you were about to say.

But from his reaction to your next words, he wasn’t quite prepared for everything.

‘Then why are you here?’

The cool night that clings to your arms where you’d forgotten to put your jacket on before leaving the building was the only thing that made a sound as you stared him down, its quiet whispers as it wove its way through your bodies and between the strands of your hair sounding like roaring waves in your ears as you waited for him to give you an answer, having to swallow multiple times to stop the tears from falling as you realized he didn’t really have a reason.

‘It was just sex to you, Yoongi. I know that. So just leave-‘

‘Y/N, I-‘

‘Nothing you could say could make this any better for me.’ You cut him off, finding your breaths coming quicker as your anger builds and forcing yourself to look up at him despite your blurred vision, catching the way he reflexively reaches his hand out to you as if to comfort you…before letting it fall back to his side, continuing to watch you with a helpless expression as you shake your head and turn to walk away.

‘Just go, Yoongi. …Its my own fault for not walking away last night-‘

‘Y/n, you cant just leave, I-‘

It’s the break in his voice that has your feet dragging to a halt and your eyes sliding closed to avoid your tears from spilling, the pain coming from your bicep where you were digging your nails in so tight to stop yourself from breaking down being non-existant in comparison to the pangs in your chest as you heard him attempt to drag in a deep breath to get himself under control.

‘I-…I know I was the one that ended it, Y/N…but that doesn’t mean I don’t hurt too. I just...last night cant happen again. Waking up without you this morning...it hurt too much...’

And then your breath stopped.

A slow burn began in your lungs as half of your brain continued to cry over the lost love between the two of you, that part of you still stuck on the way his voice had broken, and the way he’d made love to you last night; like you’d never been apart from each other. 

But the screams that echoed in your head from the other half of your brain; the screams that told a story of sleepless nights where you’d cried into your pillow from the injustice of his actions, and days spent staring in front of yourself without seeing anything, that voice was the one that completely obliterated every other word that lingered on your tongue.

‘What?’

‘I haven’t been able to sleep properly for the past week, I-I’ve spent pretty much every single night by myself cause I just wanted to be with you. The guys keep telling me how bad I look and-‘

‘Fuck you, Yoongi.’

The words are whispered as they leave you, your shaking hands that hung at your sides dropping your coat as you turn sharply and step towards him, not being able to control the urge to lash out, and ending up pushing on his chest in your frustration, tears rolling furiously down your cheeks as you struggle to look at his broken expression.

‘You cant say that! You cant say that you hurt ...when you were the one who left me. Ever since you told me it was over I-I’ve barely been able to find a single minute in the day when im not crying, or bent over in pain where my chest hurts so much! I dont eat. I dont sleep. Running isn’t even an escape anymore. You hurt me…so much…that I’ve barely felt human-…and you have the audacity to-‘

The same lips that had left that final kiss upon your forehead a week ago, were suddenly crashing softly to yours, bringing your broken words to a halt as what you’d intended to shout at him turns to dust in your mind. Failing to realize the way you were sinking into him, you let yourself wallow in the shivers that race down your spine in response to the arms that fold around you, and the scent that fills your lungs, his smell seeming to be like oxygen for you with the way you draw it headily into your lungs, feeding off the kiss as though you’d been starved of him; as though last night had never happened...

As though this was a different Yoongi.

‘Please don’t shout at me…I hate seeing you mad at me...’

Your throat feels like its been cut. Your breath and the words that you wanted to throw at him simply become non-existant as his lips linger against your own, the feel of both of your tears where they hung on your lips after the kiss making your skin rush with the realization of the moment, your attention seeming to focus to the point of a pin as you slowly open your eyes to meet his broken gaze...

And you realize that you didn’t want it to be about him anymore.

‘Its too late.’

Without waiting for him to answer you pull yourself from his hold, his hands that had come to clutch your waist to keep you tightly pressed against him, falling like flakes of paint from a fence as you turn to pick your jacket up off of the floor. You’re unable to stop yourself from pausing as you muster the courage to walk away, but despite yourself and your better intentions, you still end up turning to look back at him, having to grit your teeth when you see him staring back at you with a stoic gaze, and no attempt to stop you from leaving.

‘Goodbye, Yoongi.’

Leaving him standing under the dim light of the streetlamp, you make it half way back to your apartment before you end up calling Jisu to come and get you.

Within 10 minutes she’s by your side where you’d collapsed onto a bench, attempting to stop your heart from shattering into a billion pieces in your chest.

(T.B.C)