#like i'm just looking for food models and it made me so emotional lol

[ophernelia]

i love patreon, ngl. i love that i can support my favorite creators. the fact that (for me personally) it's something so small i can do to show my support too. afrosimtric sims has been funding my sims game for yearsss. and now blender content too. like?? thank you fr.

[trans-axolotl]

Can I ask what things have helped you learn to live with psychosis?

Sure! It's definitely been a journey for me, so this is probably going to be a long post lol. I'm also going to add the disclaimer that this is about about me and what worked for me--I don't think this is going to be helpful for everyone and I don't think that everyone needs to think about their psychosis/altered states in the same way that I think about mine.

When I first starting experiencing it, psychosis was very disruptive and incredibly distressing to me. Now, at this point in my life, although my psychosis is often inconvenient or annoying, it generally is not distressing or majorly disrupting my life in the way it used to. a lot of credit for this is due to places like Project LETS, the Hearing Voices Network, etc, that let me see for the first time different ways of thinking about and coping with altered states. The medical model was more harmful than anything for me: it left me feeling like i had no agency over my own experiences, and that the only option the rest of my life would be to submit to varying degrees of surveillance and control with no hope of ever having moments of joy again.

For me, the first step for living with my psychosis was to approach my hallucinations/delusions with a lot of curiosity, and to build up my own picture of what my experience of psychosis was like. I started asking myself a lot of questions:

What do the hallucinations/delusions I experience look like? What do they feel like in my body? What emotions do they bring up for me? What's happening in my life when I'm having more frequent hallucinations/delusions? How do I feel when people challenge me on my hallucinations/delusions? Are there people/places/things that my hallucinations/delusions are happening more frequently around? What parts of my hallucinations/delusions bring me distress? Are there any parts of my hallucinations/delusions that I like? Are there things that help making dealing with hallucinations/delusions easier?

The way I wrote these questions out makes it sound like I had a lot of insight about the fact that I was hallucinating and delusion and makes it sound like I was really methodical about this, which is absolutely not the case. A lot of this was me just like, scribbling in journals and google docs about my theories about angels and my favorite angels and lists of poisons and on and on and on. A lot of the most helpful insights were random ones that I found when I was completely delusional, not in the periods when I had insight and was trying to map all this out.

But overall, what I was able to figure out was that in general, most of my psychosis was associated with one of two themes:

feeling unsafe and worried about dangerous threats

feeling controlled and unable to exercise my autonomy.

This made a lot of sense to me, given my own personal history with trauma and the traumatic things actively happening in my life at the time. When that clicked it felt like so much suddenly made sense, and I was able to get a lot more of an understanding of why certain things felt so distressing and urgent. Having a delusion that all my food is being poisoned creates a level of paranoia and stress that is pretty unreasonable and unhelpful as an adult who buys all their own food. Having that same level of paranoia and stress as a child who had to live in a dangerous situation without any control? A lot more helpful and reasonable for surviving. There were so many hallucinations/delusions (bugs/people in my walls/monsters and blood/etc) that I could clearly track all the ways that they did kind of function as a protective strategy for me in traumatic situations by raising my level of alarm and awareness, but now just caused me so much fucking stress.

At this point, it felt like I had a pretty okay grasp on some of the reasons I was experiencing psychosis, and then wanted to think about how I could actually then cope with it. First I identified all the things that weren't working and instead were just making me pissed off and making things worse.

Logical attempts to reality check me just made me feel more stressed, paranoid, and often made the hallucinations worse and the delusions bigger.

Before, this hadn't made any sense to me, but after identifying those underlying emotions around safety and autonomy it made so much fucking sense. People reality checking me, or even me trying to use logic against hallucinations with myself, didn't do anything to validate my emotions or meet that underlying need. Instead it just made me feel like I wasn't being listened to or believed, that I didn't have anyone I could trust, and that I had to be more on guard, which just perpetuated the whole cycle!

So for me, I realized that any coping skills would need to be centered around validating my emotions and meeting my underlying need for safety and/or autonomy. Practically, what this looked like for me was making a bunch of documents that are titled things like "Tips for if there's bugs inside of you" "Things you like to remember when you're talking to angels" etc etc etc. I think what really helped this work for me is that I didn't title them things like "how to cope with delusions about bugs" because I know that when I'm delusional, reading something like that is just going to piss me off and make me feel like I'm being called a liar. In those documents I write a lot of affirmations for my emotions and then write out a list of specific coping skills, organized from least chaotic/risky to most chaotic/risky. Nothing gets me more pissed off when I'm in a bad space then people trying to get me to use therapeutic coping skills when I don't want to, so I knew that I wanted to include a wide range of out-of-the-box coping skills. I'll share a few from my list of coping skills for increasing autonomy that I put in my "tips for if there's bugs inside of you document."

eat/shower/sleep/talk to someone in real life/pain meds

redecorate your room

shoplift

cut your hair

work on a project like embroidery or knitting or origami where you have to create something with your hands

choose a random place outside and go there

try some DBT/ACT/RODBT skills and see if they help you feel just 2% better, enough that you can do something else that you hate less like distractions.

distract (talk with friends, watch tv, read)

choose a random place outside and go there

make a lot of noise and kick things over in your room

break things

self harm (following my harm reduction plan)

drugs/alcohol

if i'm doing well enough, i try to first use coping skills that don't also have mental or physical risks for myself, but if i need to, I give myself permission to cope in whatever ways meet my needs in the moment and try to let go of some of the shame associated with riskier coping skills. I also have talked about psychosis openly with my trusted friends who know what kinds of support are helpful and what shit just makes me pissed off and frightened.

Overall, this has helped make psychosis a LOT less distressing for me, and over time also has made it happen slightly less. About half the time these days I have insight that what's happening are delusions or hallucinations which has helped make it easier to remember to cope. These days, psychosis mostly happens when my body is under a lot of stress (no sleep/seizure recovery/not eating/injured), and also sort of acts an alarm bell to me that somethings going on in my life that I might not have noticed, either in terms of my physical health or in terms of stressful situations or emotions that I'm not ready to think about or process.

That's one of the reasons that my psychosis is so meaningful to me, to be honest. I honestly feel really grateful that my psychosis gave me a way to externalize and experience my emotions before I was ready or able to experience them and feel them in my body. I think having hallucinations/delusions helped protect me at certain times in my life while still helping me acknowledge in a certain way that I was so fucking angry and grieving and hurt and in pain. I think that helped keep me alive long enough to get to a point where I could start to process and unpack trauma without it completely overwhelming me, or without convincing myself that I needed to be fine at any cost. And maybe it's strange to say I'm grateful for that, but I am.

so. that's most of what has worked for me. The way I wrote it out made it seem super simple and straightforward, but in reality it was absolutely nothing like that. It was years of a lot of chaos and feeling upset so much of the time and feeling absolutely clueless and my loved ones feeling concerned and writing things down and forgetting that I wrote things down and having the same problem over and over agai. just overall was so messy and not at all a linear process like I wrote about it here. I absolutely still have plenty of times where I just fuck off and forget I've ever thought about coping and just go around with hallucinations disrupting my entire day, and plenty of times it's still stressful.

And also again: this is about me and what's worked for me. My biggest advice for other people about coping with psychosis is a lot less about the specifics of a process or exactly what coping skills to use. Instead I think it's a lot more about approaching with curiosity first, just giving yourself the space to explore your psychosis on your own terms, to try things out, to build your own relationship with psychosis and how it fits into your life, and to affirm yourself as someone who does have agency about how you want to think, talk, feel, and cope with your own psychosis/altered states.

hope that was helpful and/or interesting anon, feel free to let me know if you have any other psychosis/altered states questions!

[tavarillasgalen]

some wins today:

made it to the gym, did my quad-focused leg day + abs. felt cute. had on the COMFIEST leggings, top, shoes, it was great. (yesterday, i was able to grab a bench for chest & shoulders! that never happens!). had a lime & blackberry energy drink that my personal trainer turned me on to, and it was delicious, as always.

my horse had her farrier appt. she was a sleepy girl throughout the whole thing. i turned her out and she didn't want to run, she just wanted to nap, it was so cute.

had a protein pizza (the quest brand). and normally pizza makes me sad, because it's one of my favorite foods (basic, i know), but... i can never, ever keep it down. so, whenever i have pizza, i know i'm always immediately going to regret it. but with this brand, that isn't the case. i think it's because it has over 100% of your daily recommended fiber intake (in addition to like, almost all your daily protein, i think?). so all that fiber probably keeps my body from rejecting it. which we love! plus, protein = gains.

i did the basic adult things, like laundry and grocery shopping, but they always make me feel so much better.

did some shopping for holiday decor and decorated my room. i got some of it over 50% off, so i spent less than i was budgeting for!

did some moodboard manifesting for 2024.

did some job hunting for a side-hustle/another job, and was astounded to find some options that pay either a little more or over twice as much as i currently get paid, that i meet all the qualifications for. so i applied, and we'll see what happens.

looked into modeling/acting again and options for dipping my toes back into those waters.

my skin seems to be clearing up!

i hit 300 days on my Duolingo streak!

had kind of a breakthrough moment with my mental health, thanks to a reddit post i saw. and listen, i'm someone who is good at not letting my emotions get in the way of my doing things (now, anyway, i didn't used to be.) but because i'm bipolar, i do really struggle with just... how INTENSE they are. like, if something makes me mad, i feel like i'm fuming the entire rest of the day, and yes, i can hide it and act like i'm fine, but internally, i'm not, lol. but the post was basically like, do you control your emotions or do they control you, but worded much better than that, and in a way that made me be like, you know, i don't HAVE to be mad right now, i can CHOOSE to focus on changing my thought patterns, and while there's no guarantee it will help, it's worth trying. And it did help a bit, so hopefully with practice, that will continue to improve.

i saw a journal prompt for dealing with imposter syndrome that was like, list reasons why you are incompetent on one side and reasons why you are competent on the other, and i... couldn't really come up with anything for the incompetent side other than "i feel this way". so... that's gotta mean i'm competent, right? the mind-boggling thing about that is why, then, do i feel so woefully incompetent, lol.

my mouthwash is whitening my teeth in a pain-free way!! they're noticeably brighter!

i saw an orthodontist about my snaggletooth, and not only did he say that it could be fixed with invisalign, but that the treatment likely would take less than a year. and the payment plan option was very reasonable, for what it is.

[hotchley]

heyy sumayyah! firstly: i'm so sorry you got hate asks >:( some people really can't be nice... that sucks. i'm back with my hc to (maybe, hopefully) distract you/cheer you up!! just saying, it's LONG and it's kind of angsty in the beginning lmao sorry oops, but it gets a little better towards the end!! i promise!!

tw mentions of (bad) eating habits, very briefly implied abuse/domestic violence and alcoholism, brief mention of almost-fainting!!

so my own horrible eating habits got me thinking of Hotch who already doesn’t eat that much because of how he was raised (on his father’s bad days, his mother wouldn’t even be able to get up to make food and his father would be batshit drunk anyway, so no one made food and there’s nothing at home, and Hotch is too young and doesn’t know how to cook for himself, and that just carried its way into adulthood even after he learnt to cook (for Sean, because Sean is a growing boy and still has to eat and he would do anything to make sure Sean grows up happy) and even after he gets together with Haley, who always has to check in on him to make sure he's eating properly)

like, man would throw himself into his work, sometimes not on purpose but because he just was so intent on finishing just one more document, and time just slipped by and when he looks up again it’s 8pm, the bullpen’s almost empty, and then he realises that he actually hasn’t ate anything since he had his morning coffee. and after especially bad cases (Vincent Perrotta, Carl Buford, Tobias Hankel, that case on the pig farm, Foyet, etc.) he just, avoids food on purpose, distracting himself by finishing all the paperwork he has, even if they’re not urgent, sometimes even completing the team’s paperwork (as much as he can) just because he feels like he’s failed them. the team doesn't deserve to be bogged down by all these bureaucratic issues but he does, because what good is his role as their unit chief if he can’t even shield them from the evil out there, if he has to send his team into the abyss every single time and every time someone else gets more injured/fractured, and the least he could do is to help out the team with what he’s best with, right? all those behind-the-scenes, messy, cutthroat politics, because it’s okay if he takes the brunt of the scrutiny of the brass and if he could he would not even let the team relive what they’ve been through because they don’t deserve that, they don’t deserve having to recount their traumatic experience in a bloody report that will eventually just be filed and chucked aside but will leave emotional and mental scars on his agents that will never be erased.

or sometimes he’s just stressed out and anxious and food just really doesn’t go well with his stomach, and he opts to skip meals entirely - he drinks coffee only because he still needs to keep awake, to make sure he’s paying full attention on all these cases and victims and his team who deserve his 120%, and because his stomach’s been conditioned to accept coffee no matter what (over 10 years of being in the BAU after over another 5? years as a prosecutor, where he drank coffee like his life depended on it). and sure, he’s lost weight, his ribs slightly showing when he raises his hands to reach for things/take off his sweaters, sure he’s looked a little more gaunt and tired as the years go by, sure he’s had some almost fainting spells in his office after a long day without food, where his vision just blacks out for 5 seconds after he stands up and he has to clutch onto the edge of his desk to stabilize himself, but it's okay to him, because he must be the strong, stoic, reliable leader for his team and he can’t faint in his office, not when the blinds are open and the team can look in and when he knows that Derek, Emily and Spencer are all looking in concerned because he hasn’t left his office all day

and i’m just also thinking about how the team would just, do their best to feed him??? like, when they stop for gas on long road trips to/back from cases, he always doesn’t buy anything besides a coffee (black, as usual, with just a dash of sugar and cream on good days) for himself, but then JJ passes him an unopened nutri bar which she claimed she bought earlier for herself but now 'doesn’t feel like eating anymore', Dave silently hands over a cookie (chocolate chip, his favourite) and stares at him with his eyebrows raised until Aaron accepts the cookie and actually eats it, Derek slips a wrap into his hands somehow and offers to drive because 'Hotch, you gotta finish your wrap', Spencer casually asks Hotch if he can help him finish off this sandwich which he bought but cannot finish, and Hotch looks down and sees a perfectly fine egg and ham sandwich which hasn’t even been bitten into, but Spencer’s looking at him with those eyes (he thinks of Jack and how strikingly alike his sons they are) so he takes the sandwich and eats it, Emily openly challenges him and says ‘here’s the bag of chips i owe you, you better finish it all because i took the trouble of actually getting them or else’ and he goes along with it because he’s learnt that arguing with her is sometimes equivalent to arguing with Penelope, and that mostly ends up with him going along with both their ‘suggestions’ in the end anyway, and on the rare cases where Penelope goes with the team out into the field, she always packs homemade cookies and cupcakes that are so wonderfully bright and colourful, like everything about her, and when she gets to him with those sparkling hopeful eyes and says ‘I made these myself, come on, have a taste and let me know what you think?’, Hotch can’t help but accept it because he doesn’t ever want to disappoint Penelope and make her sad, because her bubbly and innocent demeanour reminds him of Jack and he would never do anything to kill that bright light that is Penelope

aND I’m getting some big emotions. imagine all the subtle (& not so subtle) things the team does just to make sure he eats (regularly) which may include and are not limited to: inviting themselves over to Hotch’s house for homecooked meals (Spencer, Derek), inviting him & Jack out on outings or playdates which most often than not end with them at restaurants where Hotch eats because Jack needs a good role model on healthy eating behaviours and he’s got to be that for Jack (Derek, Emily, JJ), or just showing up at his house/office to leave him baked goods/cooked meals that were always somehow ‘extras’ or ‘leftovers’ (JJ, Penelope, Rossi, Spencer) i'm sorry this got so long!! it was written a little over a month ago when i was procrastinating on my literature essay in the middle of the night, so i got a little angsty LOL. i hope this distracts you somewhat from the horrible ask you got! take care of yourself! sending love and hugs <33

🌙

Putting my answer below the keep reading for scrolling x

Aww thank you for sending it!! When I saw I had an ask, I really thought it was you, and then it was that stupid anon and I was like: Oh okay then... I have to go eat dinner so....

Ohh... his childhood... the poor kid would've been so much smaller, but so determined to do everything for Sean because that's his little brother and he loves him more than anything... I love Haley though <3

He would so do that though. He would tell himself he could eat once he's done something- which is really unhealthy, if you're reading this do not ever withhold food, if you're feeling hungry just eat something it doesn't matter what it is because something will always, always be healthier than nothing- and then he would pick something else up and the cycle would repeat...

He would convince himself the coffee is enough, that there's nothing wrong with his habits because he's never done anything different, but he would know deep down that it's not right. But he still wouldn't eat anything because he knows it'll make him naesous either way.

The worst part is what are the team meant to do in that situation? They can't force him to eat... as much as they may want to, they can't...

YES! The team would have a tally chart of who last had to make Hotch eat, so they would have a rota, and occasionally (all the time actually) they would deviate from said rota and then they would all look at each other and then laugh because eh, it's fine!

That ending was so cute, I love them <3

Noo!! Don't be sorry it go so long, I love it so much!! I might have to work it into a fic... wait... one of them may have referenced JJ giving him in a sandwich, unless that was only in my head lol

[luv4fandoms]

Christmas Angel (Spn Gabriel X Reader)

@freakygirlforeve7-blog-blog. Suggested

So sorry this took so long, my house got a bit busy working on Christmas gifts and for some reason this story took me a bit to actually come up with lol. But I hope you enjoy it! 😊

Warnings: Slight angst, fluff

Pairings: Gabriel x Reader

Words: 2,355

You wiped your eyes while you wandered around, the light snow falling softly, dusting your hair and shoulders as you called once more for your dog. How many years would this happen? How many more loved ones would you lose? You felt cursed, afraid that you were simply meant to be alone. The first year had been your grandmother, the next year, your beloved family cat (C/N), then your grandfather, then your oldest dog (D/N), then your aunt, and now your other dog (D/N), every year around Christmas you always lost someone close, and the weight of it crushed even the smallest spark of "Christmas spirit". 

The holiday was done for you, long since lost it's magic, and you dreaded it every year. Sighing, you sat down on a nearby park bench and tried to warm your hands. You had been looking for (D/N) for days, and still no trace of them, it was like they just vanished into thin air. While lost in thought, you hadn't noticed the stranger approach the bench, so it started you when a voice spoke up.

"Why so down sugarplum?" 

Looking up you were met with the most beautiful whiskey eyes.

"Oh...Um" you started, but couldn't find the words and couldn't break your gaze. He quirked an eyebrow, a small smirk gracing his lips while he watched you fumble for a sentence. Finally you seemed to find the willpower to stop staring and instead look at the ground.

"My dog is lost...So I'm out looking for them" You replied, fighting back the tears, you didn't need to break down in front of him. 

"Awe I'm so sorry sugar, how long have they been missing?" He asked, looking up at him again he looked genuinely concerned.

"A couple of days, I'm hoping...Since today had been the first day it snowed" you trailed off, not wanting to even voice your concerns, though, the way your life was...You knew that was the most likely of outcomes.

"Why don't I help you look for them?" He offered after a moment.

"Oh no it's ok really" 

"Nonsense buttercup" he dismissed you, before adding.

"Besides, with two people we're bound to find the pooch sooner right?" He smiled, you finally took a good look at the man; he looked like he was maybe in his early thirties, light golden brown hair, whiskey colored eyes, a gray t-shirt, leather jacket and blue jeans...honestly...He was hot. 

"I suppose you're right" you smiled back, standing from the bench.

"I'm (y/n)" you smiled

"My dog's name is (D/N)"

"Gabriel" he replied, coming to stand beside you.

"Let's start our search for the infamous (D/N)" he added with a wink and held out his arm for you. With a smile you took it and the two of you began your search. He asked you where you usually take your dog after the park, you replied with your old house, having grown up in that neighborhood, you still knew a lot of people there and visited often. While you both made your way towards the neighborhood, Gabriel made small talk, asking things like what kind of music did you like? Favorite foods? Simple things, you also found out he worked at a local college.

"So how come you moved?" He asked once you entered the neighborhood and began looking around for (D/N).

"My parents and I lived there with my grandma, it was my mom's childhood home, but after my grandmother passed, my mom said it was too painful living there...So we moved" You explained, remembering how your grandmother had been the first in this long line to pass.

"I'm sorry for your loss" he spoke while running his thumb over the hand that was still wrapped around his arm, surprisingly it helped hold back the tears.

"How long ago did she pass?"

"Six years" he nodded, both of you falling silent as you continued to walk, still searching for (D/N). You stopped a few moments later, looking up at the old house that held so many memories. You remembered growing up on that porch swing, taking the stairs inside two at a time much to your mother's worry. You remembered playing hopscotch on the driveway, coming home from school, learning to drive here...even having your first kiss on those very same front porch steps.

Gabriel dragged you from your swimming thoughts with a tap on the arm, looking over at him he pointed to the front gate which was open.

"I take it no one lives here soo...Worth a shot right?" He asked before pulling you into the yard to check around the house.

"I bet you always had a lot of fun around this time of the year" he stated from in front of you, still walking along the house.

"Why would you guess that?"You asked, honestly confused, he simply shrugged. Before answering.

"You just seem like the type who likes Christmas is all" he looked back at you with a smile, and in that moment you wondered if he was being honest, or teasing you about your sour disposition. But his words did bring back more memories, ones of you, your mother and grandmother all in the kitchen baking cookies and pies. It was something you all loved to do, and it became a tradition around Christmas time. You used to joke and say that you were going to grow up and become a baker...But lately you didn't have the drive to do much of anything...Feeling like it wouldn't even matter in the end. As you finished rounding the house, your shoulders slumped, still no sign of (D/N). Seeing your saddened expression, Gabriel rested his hand on your shoulder, causing you to once again get lost in his gaze.

"Hey, we still have plenty of daylight, let's keep looking" he smiled, you gave a small smile back before you both continued on your way, you explained that you would also walk (D/N) into town sometimes, so you both began walking towards town. Gabriel started up the simple conversations once more, it surprised you how easy it was to talk to him, like he was an old friend, it also surprised you how comfortable you were around him, a stranger you had only met  earlier that day. He was the jokester type, that was for sure, and he could easily put a smile on your face which he seemed to enjoy doing because every time your laughter would die down you would catch him staring at you, a small smile on his own lips.

"Come on! You have to have some big plans for the future. I know! An actress, no no, a model, ya know, why not both?" He teased after you had stated that you didn't know what to do in life. 

"I don't see either of those things in the cards for me" you gave a slight laugh, eyes looking forward at the lighted window displays inside each shop, the sun had set only a little bit ago, and now the town was lit by joyous Christmas scenes.

"Why not? You're beautiful enough" he replied, catching you off guard and your cheeks to reddened not just from the cold. Your eyes met his whiskey ones again, though this time the twinkling lights surrounding you both made them constantly shift between whiskey and honey, and you found yourself getting lost in them just as you had that morning. Gabriel was so far, as cliche as it sounded, what you had always looked for in a guy, sweet, caring, a sense of humor, and very easy on the eyes. There was this strange pull to him, and an odd sense of safety and...home...That you hadn't felt in a long time. But the nagging reminder of your unlucky life had you looking away, already knowing that the two of you wouldn't work, you were doomed to be alone if fate had anything to do with it. 

"Thank you, but...How my life is…Nothing good will ever come my way" 

"What do you mean (Y/N)?" He asked, the first time he used your actual name all day. You sighed, unsure if you should unload all this emotional baggage on him, but one look back at him brought back that sense of safety, like you could tell him anything and he would make it better. Looking down at the ground you started.

"You were wrong...When you said I looked like someone who liked Christmas...I did, at one point. But after everything..The first year I lost grandmother, the next year, the family cat (C/N), then my grandfather passed, then my oldest dog (D/N), then my aunt died, and now (D/N) is missing, every year around Christmas I always lose someone close. So that's why Christmas has lost its luster, and that's why I don't see anything good happening for me in the future...Fate doesn't like me very much." You sighed, never once looking up at him...You wouldn't be surprised if he left, he would probably fear for his own life, after all, you were like walking bad luck. So when he grabbed your hands, you quickly looked up, seeing that small smile on his face.

"Screw fate, you've had some horrible things happen, and for that I really am sorry, but if there is anything I have learned from living amongst people...in this town" he laughed.

"It's that people can change their lives at any moment, no matter what plans some divine cosmic being has in store for them" he stated, and even though he still had that smile, the conviction in his voice made him seem like he knew much more than he showed.

"What did you always want to be?" He asked, confusing you as you looked at him, tilting your head slightly.

"You said no to model and actress, though I still think you could absolutely do both" he stated with a wink.

"So what did little Y/N always want to do when she grew up?"

"I...wanted to be a baker" you answered, blushing slightly at the awed expression he gave you.

"You are even more perfect than I imagined" he whispered causing you to laugh.

"Then be a baker! Look!" He dragged you over to an empty shop.

"This could be yours, I can see it now Y/N's tasty treats" he motioned across the glass, earning another laugh from you.

"You seem like a strong and stubborn person, don't let some silly little thing like fate stop you sugarplum" he stated, returning to your side, you looked at him again, getting lost in his gaze for what felt like the millionth time that day, the smile never leaving your lips as you asked.

"Then what led us to meet?" You asked 

"I've been to that park almost everyday,I've never once seen you" you added.

"You'd have remembered me?" He asked, wiggling his eyebrows and causing you to giggle again.

"Of course" you smirked.

"Well, maybe fate decided to be nice for once" he shrugged.

"Well...I'm glad" you smiled.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I'm really glad I met you today Gabriel"

"I'm glad we met too sugar" he smiled, and again, the feeling of home swept over you, maybe fate was being nice for once, maybe your luck was finally turning around, maybe just maybe…

"Awww" a woman stated while she and her boyfriend passed by, looking over at them for a moment you looked back at Gabriel confused, he simply smiled and pointed up. Right above your heads, hanging from a tree branch was a small piece of mistletoe. Blushing you looked back at Gabriel who simply shrugged.

"Only if you want to sugarplum" smiling, you slowly leaned in, Gabriel meeting you halfway, and your heart feeling like it wasn't shattered for the first time in years. His hands rested on your hips while yours rested on his shoulders, the kiss deepening while only one thought crossed your mind...Maybe you didn't have to be alone.

Breaking the kiss you rested your forehead against his, smiling while you tried to catch your breath.

"Wow" you spoke after a moment, causing him to laugh.

"I'll take that as a complement, and right back at cha sugarplum" he smiled. Maybe he was right, maybe fate was a silly thing, but at that moment you were happy it led you to him. Just as you were about to state that though, you felt something brush against your leg, and upon looking down you couldn't stop the tears.

"D/N!" You cried out, dropping to your knees and hugging the dog, their smiling face making you smile as well.

"The mystery of the missing D/N has been solved! Good work agent Y/N" Gabriel joked, getting down to pet D/N as well. You looked over at him and felt your breath hitch, from here, the Christmas lights gave him an ethereal glow, almost...Angelic in a way. That thought had you giggling at how accurate it was. A Christmas angel.

"What's up sugarplum?" 

"Nothing...It's just...You're kind like mine and D/Y's guardian angel" you blushed and looked at D/N, but caught the smile Gabriel gave you from the corner of your eye.

"Anytime you need me" he whispered to you, placing a soft kiss on your cheek before standing up.

"Now how about I escort you two home safely huh? After all, as your angel I have my duties" he stated with a wink, holding out his hand for you.

"Just angel duties?" You asked as you stood up.

"Well...I've always been one to mix business and pleasure" he smirked, wrapping his arm around you while the two of you began to walk, D/N trotting happily beside you both. Looking over at him once more you couldn't help but smile...Yeah...Fate finally decided to be nice to you, and maybe this Christmas wouldn't be so bad.

I hope you all enjoyed it! Let me know what you think!

Also I was largely inspired by this quote.