#like im figuring things out. working through accommodations and making new goals

[caffeinatedopossum]

I'm still grieving the dreams I lost due to my disability and I just added another one

[fraener]

4/3/23

what a horrifically terrible week it’s been. started with evelyn in the hospital, ended with a fight with h about r. i knew what i was getting myself into, i know healing that takes time, but when im already so far outside of my window of tolerance it just makes me all the more upset. school starts tomorrow even though i didnt catch any sort of break. no word from the prof and no published page online. the weather has been on and off cloudy enough for the street lights to turn on and blinding sun. i finally got myself to vacuum and im making an alcohol extraction for intermediary oil. i feel really exhausted beyond belief. i think i ought to spend the day alone. he stayed over last night which i appreciated. i just wish something would give. im tired of being the thing that gives. thinking about the word ‘give’ as the breaking of a damn and as generosity simultaneously. i realized how deeply ive been affected by the fact that i dont have a parental figure i can really emotionally or physically rely on. its a sad thing to face. i want to garden but im running into roadblocks with the school about it. i feel ive lost a lot of my judgement and so its hard to decide what to do. im tired of not trusting myself. i took a long nap that was interrupted by the cherry picker across the street getting stuck in the mud. i went for a walk and laid down in quince park with my eyes closed in the sun. i relaxed everything slowly, starting with my toes. i did a bit of ifs and figured out a lot of the root of the problem; my relationship anxiety/insecurity is being aggravated by the situation with r, the fact that i cant get any closure or retribution or anything from that situation combined with the fact that h jumps to her defense after 5 months of us dating is really damaging, and so i feel like on some deep level i have no one to truly trust, which is aggravating my issues with my mother(of course) because we’re shown all the time that the role of a parent is to always take care of us and be in our corner and ive never had that. finding it in a new person is proving equally difficult to finding it at home. my ocd has been so bad because i am so scared of going through being sick like that alone. its not enough that i have my own support, it gets me only so far before i really just need to cry and be held by someone else. and in the seat of the core self ive had such a hard time getting through the self punishment to see and truly be with the parts of myself that are scared and feel alone. all of the stress comes crashing in at once every time i approach it. i think my only goal right now is trying to work back into my window of tolerance rather than being so far out of it and so overdrawn. the basic anxieties of going to school in person anyways are enough to dysregulate me, obviously everything else on top is way too much for me to comfortably handle. i hope to get to the bottom of this soon. susan is writing me an accommodations letter so i can relax a little with school. i want to take good care of myself because i am all that i have, really. 

[kosmicdream]

Hi I’m Kosmic. I draw webcomics and my webcomics are really long sprawling huge cast ones that will go on for years and they’re non linear and all this stuff that makes ppls heads spin when they try to explain wtf they’re about. I ask myself this question a lot: How the fuck do I maintain this motivation for continuing projects that are honestly, probably bigger than i can possibly feasibly create??? How do i avoid swallowed up by anxiety of my own creations???? is that energy going to run out at any time? should i be worried?? Well! For some reason I... don’t? like i get winded sometimes but in the end, I actually quite like what i do and I don’t care that it takes literally years to make my stories. but when I step back and look at it objectively it does make me scratch my head and wonder how i came to be in this situation. So, sometimes i  try and write a few things that help me with understanding my own process, for whatever reason. Or at least I’ll TRY to articulate some of the things i seem to tell myself again and again that help me feel very comfortable with my writing/creating process. So if you want an insight into tips that i give myself.. this is that! 

TIP #1 - Everything you Plan will take longer than you planned, but you can make it easier by unexpectedly including information you might have otherwise withheld.

Secrets are cool in your stories. I have so many of them, but I also understand that they’re much more fun to share than to always keep locked up and out of knowledge. I often overshare to the point where ‘info dumping’ happens which is often considered an unattractive quality in comics. But IDM it so much because my comics just need to be drawn and you can’t glorify and hold every flaw over your shoulders when in the end its not going to be that big of a deal. I think its better to give out more information than finding reasons to bend around a story to avoid revealing things. I feel it might even be more obvious if you attempt to do that.

Also, I feel that everything planned in a story can happen quite quickly, and feel much shorter than actually drawing it. Even with the experience ive gained, i still am surprised just by how much i must throw out to make my long scenes shorter and snappier. even then, they are still really long scenes. I don’t mind doing this, I like to make my stories this way- but ive also designed my comic to serve this pace by making my pages less intensive physically to make. I’m not going to go in depth about this as ive already discussed this many times before, but I do think its important to understand that generally, a commitment to a comic is going to be bigger and longer than it appears in your mind or even on paper as a script or thumbnails.

(my comic eggshells, for example, was originally going to be 340ish pages long. but back then, my pacing was much different-- and my pages were generally twice as wide with around 15 panels per page..sometimes more. but i would over-render and make them hard to read, and now i draw very few panels per page and my comics are much ‘longer’ in page count.)

TIP #2

-Accept that your ideas are bigger than what you can draw and enjoy the private context and history of your work without feeling like its less accomplished for not being all out there. Validate yourself but also understand that your readers are not going to understand the depth from your perspective and they will be engaging with the view they’ve been exposed to.

This is kind of a complicated one but I think that its both humbling to accept your work as this multi layered experiences of contradicting perspectives.. theres the planning and your engagement with the goals, the work of translating your creation to others and the vulnerable exposure of these ideas to the audience. As the creator, you get to see things in a very unique way that no one else can but... the one feeling you will never get to see is the audience who has no idea what will happen next. You can anticipate it, but in the end its so vast and unpredictable that it will be impossible to judge what they ALL will FEEL and sometimes? their perceptions can alter your own enjoyment of your work. I guarantee it will change it in SOME way.. that’s part of the sacrifice.

TIP #3

-Allowing change, flexibility and growth into your series- and letting go of control over all facets of it.

As time goes on things just change. Its hard to accommodate or prepare for that kind of investment in your work when you feel like you havent even gotten through the starting gates of your story. Comics are particularly difficult for that because once you draw a thing, it takes time to edit and you cant really undo and go back. Each panel informs and builds on the next. You have to use what’s there and figure out how it can be a structure for the future.

Accepting the past that has helped create the situation and platform of your comic in the present, which will lead into the future. Personally, i’m not a fan of retconing* certain decisions that have been already made into the canon-- however, i think if a new conclusion or idea is discovered in the process of writing and it works to include because it creates a new and alive energy in the work that will help push it to the next stage.. i think that’s very helpful and useful for sustaining the growth and motivation in a story. Making choices like this can be tricky, however, but even small ones can give a lot of natural growth and flexibility in the comic. The problem can often come with letting go of that unseen, unrealized version we had intended. I know for myself, i can get very nostalgically attached to old ideas but-- if i think of something better that works or makes more sense, I’m always thankful to let go and let my stories grow into a better thing. I try to remember where it came from, however. Because that helps inform me where to go.

(*generally my definition for this is altering events of the past, certain core plans of the comic, character motivations, or facts that are connected to the worldbuilding. im kind of a hoarder so once its in the story aka on a specific page-- its not going anywhere. until then things can be up in the air. for example, the characters knife and spoon were not originally intended to be mutually in love and it was more of a one sided idol worship, but as i fleshed their characters out i realized that it was mutual and it changed and altered the story because of that. now it cannot/will not be “undone” for whatever reason bc this is.. an established fact in the story. but at one point, it was not! i hope that makes sense.)

SO TO SUMMARIZE... plans will always be “”bigger”” in the ever expansive space of your mind so also dont be afraid to get to the point sometimes even if it feels a little, like. less exciting than you thought? accept your story is going to be different for YOU vrs your audience and make peace with that disconnect even tho its disorienting + upsetting sometimes & accommodate the ~natural personal and artistic growth~ you will experience and let go of things that might be holding you or your work back from improving with you. but also dont try to cut out too much of the past because.. it is what helped you get to where you are right now? focus on the present & allow growth for the future, dont try to alter the past and pretend it didnt happen. bc that will be confusing as fuck for everyone involved and also probably hurt the story more than help it. esp if its a long one. ur building a tower dont pull out too many foundational blocks and try to make it too much of something else unless its growing there on its own.. u kno? 

When I try to write these tips these are just things I find myself doing in a cycle as i create that seem to keep re igniting my passion for my story again and again. It makes me curious because it also is a very instinctual thing so I thought I might try and write it out!!!!!!!!!! ENJOY.

ALSO some bonus thoughts!!!!!!!!!! I will say that I’ve never completed a long format comic series, so take it w/ a grain of salt imo. HOWEVER...I probably will, eventually. Even if I don’t, I do enjoy writing really big ones and I feel very happy with the work i do on them! and still feel no inclination to move onto other things. Or even when I work on other things, I don’t have a feeling of dropping a story entirely. (for example, i still intend to work on my older series eggshells and don’t really feel a desire to ‘quit’ that story even when i have matured as an author/artist since starting it.)

When I read really long comic series I wonder a lot of internal decisions that happen out of sight, since the timeline of a comic that you read is so much different than the timeline it takes actually creating the thing. its so easy to write/plan/form ideas for lifetimes of work that will never be realized, so what is it that we actually get in the pages? What aspects of this author are we actually seeing? how much have they grown since beginning and what about the story we will never know? I know I’ll never know, because, I am only the reader! And as the creator, I will never know what the feeling of my work as the reader. or the cool and interesting things they predict will happen based on their perseptions, which are so different from mine. Yet!! we are all engaged in the same story unfolding, never fully discovering what its like on the other side but only getting little glimpses and thats fascinating how a story is almost this vast illusion of experiences maintained by so many different minds. 

Long format comics captivate me because they are just, really time consuming to make and the pacing of them are so different and less consumable than other stories. They like become.. this place you live in! Why are they my favorite to enjoy even when its natural that, when a story becomes longer, its going to end up attracting more & more issues? Why do i Not care about resolutions to long stories sometimes bc my expectations for them are different?? (also lets face it, experience writing long stories is going to be different than writing short ones because it takes time to write longer things & we are not going to have as much experienc having more than one completed super long multi-act-multi-characterplot story vrs a bunch of smaller ones. it doesnt mean its EASIER to write shorter ones, if anything id argue its probably much harder to write good short things + isolate a story down to that focused vision than making tons of long ones that avoid endings) but..yet!! here i am...

why am i constantly drawn to trying to understand long format stories when I probably could improve faster by writing shorter things??! i dont really know! but i follow my heart and my heart likes to do things this way......

anyway, this entire post is mostly inspired by the fact that many of my favorite stories started before i was even born or have been going on for decades and i wonder if we’ll ever read the endings to many of them.... would it.. matter? they’ve already inspired me so much even without a resolution because i can imagine my own endings to things.. but in the end that is not what happened in the actual story. it was only in my mind.. and yet it never happened, and was an illusion unknown to anyone but myself.....and sometimes my favorite stories are my favorites because of the things i imagined them to be, rather than what they actually were or how they actually turned out.. i dont know how this happens..... but i wonder about what this means with my OWN comics, and how my perceptions of what they could be vrs what they are is like, this weird illusion that also exists only in my mind and no one else can see it. yet we are both looking at the same thing. and i want to know what others see and i never will get to??? ....stories are......... so fucking spooky!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!! ok thats all. thx for reading

[apsbicepstraining]

What 8 successful ADHDers crave you to know about how they get stuff done.

Whenever I’m working with my family, acquaintances, or peers, they ever ask me how I’m able to get so much better done.

My answer: “I have ADHD.”

That might resonate confusing, but realistically, parties with ADHD don’t always have problems with attention at least , not when we’re is currently working on something that excites us. In reality, ADHD often means that we can hyperfocus on awesome things for hours on end, although sometimes that comes at the expense of all the less-thrilling acts were supposed to be doing.( Why soak the recipes when you can build a rocket ship out of a cardboard casket and a disassembled vacuum cleaner ?)

Most beings with ADHD have to work 10 epoches harder to achieve seemingly basic organizational and era administration abilities skills that other people develop naturally over occasion. While drug can certainly help, it doesn’t do all the work by itself. As a result, we offer more self-conscious attention to life hacks, remembrance maneuvers, productivity shortcuts and other mental managerial arrangements … because we have to .

GIF via Checkoofilm/ YouTube.

Some say that people with ADHD are much more likely to start their own professions, perhaps because were built to tackle imaginative and entrepreneurial challenges.

While other people dont necessary to discover the same ploys that we do, they can benefit from them. In information, Id “re saying that” ADHDers have some of best available advisory opinions and rehearses for get stuff done even if we dont ever listen to that admonition ourselves .

GIF from “Bruce Almighty.”

Here are 21 productivity gratuities from beings with ADHD that even non-ADHDers can learn from TAGEND

1. Habits are concepts you get free of charge. So get into ’em .

Even though Im not a natural creature of habit, I ever start my period with meds, then a shower, then breathes, then breakfast otherwise I know that Im going to forget one of those steps. Habits are virtually self-automation, which represents less brainpower spent on the interesting thing.

2. Always have a backup( or two, or three) and know where to find it .

I deter additional cables, chargers, adapters, medicine, and other things in my luggage at all periods. That way, whether Im going to the grocery store or on vacation, I dont have to worry about maintaining my phone charged.

3. Remember and alertings: love them and use them .

I even have a repetition 2 p.m. notification on my phone that says EAT SOME LUNCH, YOU IDIOT because, erm, I involve the reminder more than Id like to admit.( Also: IFTTT initiations to automate activities and sync between apps and accounts draw life behavior easier .)

GIF from “Despicable Me 2. “

4. Keep a calendar, and planned in the time it takes for “youve got to” do events .

If it takes you additional time to keep a calendar or get into the headspace for a meeting? Factor that in when youre projecting your daytime too.

5. Pay attention to the your day’s ups and downs, and use them to your advantage .

Do you get sleepy claim after lunch? Then perhaps dont dive into that intense assignment at 1 p.m. Are you better when you answer emails in the morning and get active tasks done subsequently? Then do that. Anatomy out what works for you, and follow that planned .

6. Find your tempo and stick with it .

Even if youre not the slow and steady category, a regular blueprint of sprint and remain can still help you reach the finish line. “Sometimes I’ll start counting trounces in my manager to create a lilt, ” says Tv columnist/ director Hadley Klein. “It sounds crazy but for whatever rationale, it helps me think through occasions in a different way.”

GIF via HIKAKIN/ YouTube.

7. Stir a schedule. Check it twice. Then make another list. And another .

Graphic novelist Tyler Page says, I keep one main to-do index on my computer in a Sticky or TextEdit file. Bigger activities get their own rolls where they get broken down into smaller and smaller factors. The rolls also help with prioritizing something that needs to be done right away goes on the daily to-do list.”

GIF from “Monsters University.”

8. Prioritize action over attainment. Doing the thing.

This one comes from Patty Carnevale, head of revenue at Man Repeller. Weighing your progress in a tangible road can assist you seem more successful, which will then give you the drive to keep going.

9. Reward yourself for your accomplishments no matter how small-time .

If you’re someone who needs frequent feedback to get the necessary dopamine lift, then they are able to fake it by lodging a carrot in front of yourself to keep you going. Alysa Auriemma, an English teach, provides an example: I can speak that breathtaking online fanfic IF I get three articles graded!

GIF from “Parks and Recreation.”

10. Turn the boring characters into a game .

I use a fitness watch which checks how many steps I take in a daylight and how many flights of stairs I clamber. Its fun to prepare the numbers go up , says Nalo Hopkinson, an award-winning scribe. She also reports her daily term count on Twitter, so that people are able to cheerlead her along.

11. Don’t dread the boring material. Just get it done. It’s faster that room .

Focus on the satisfaction that youre going to feel once youve finished the assignment, instead of on the time itll go for get onto done which, tells be honest, is perhaps less era than you think.( Of direction, although there are I know this works for me, it’s still easier said than done .)

12. The more you give occasions pile up, the easier it gets to ignore them . Find a route to keep it fresh . Im a addictive inbox zeroer because the longer that little red-faced notification bubble sits there on my phone, the more inclined I am to ignore it. So I differentiate all my emails as “read, ” then use an IFTTT trigger to prompt me later of things that is really require a follow-up or my attention.

GIF from “Community.”

13. If occasions decline your knowledge, visual clues can help .

You are well aware that mantra, “Out of view, out of mind? ” For parties with ADHD, that’s reasonably literal to a fault. So it makes it possible to stick events right in our own faces so that we can’t miss them . When I was in college, I videotapeed a postcard to my accommodation door with the times I needed to leave by to make it to morning castes on time, says Rebecca Eisenberg, Upworthys senior editor.

14. Work with your brain , not against it . Do you tend to lose your keys in the shower? Then make a new residence for them in the bathroom, where youre already inclined to leave them. That way, theyre always there. Don’t fight your impulses. Use their impetu to your advantage . And on that note

15. Embrace your peculiarities and find a way to draw them work for you.

Everyones brain is different. A mint of ADHDers need to figure out on our own what works for us, rather than having person tell us whats the right way to do stuffs. For illustration: If someone else leaves me a directory of instructions or things to do that’s organized by their thought, it exclusively reaches me disappointed and confused. I have to create my own to-do inventories in my own method even if it does take more time.

GIF from “Adventure Time.”

16. Take a end. Move around. Do a bit dance . Movement helps your intelligence get better. As alluring as it is to made the emphasis on discernible actions, its just as important to not do occasions and give yourself a chance to breathe. Sometimes a little interval can give you a lot of new view .

I use a portable movable stand table and a duet of bluetooth headphones so that I can mostly dance in place and write at the same duration. My partner reputes I’m weird, but it works.

17. Know when to call it a era . Its important to abide when youve reached the object of diminishing returns. Don’t be afraid to give your brain a respite, and come back to it fresh the next day . This’ll save you time in the long run too because the more you ability through your exhaustion, the longer it’ll take to recover.

GIF via ilvbunnies/ YouTube.

18. Identity your flaws and strengths, and be transmitted to others .

“My peers are well aware that in exchange for abiding all the things I do that reach me little dependable, they get a guy who are in a position think outside the box, that can create on the operate, that can wear numerous hats at once, ” says Upworthy’s fearless editor-at-large, Adam Mordecai.

“They also know that if they want something from me, I’m far likelier to get it done if they ping me immediately following chat rather than on email. Give your peeps know how to get the most out of you.”

19. Retain your seeing on the reward, but f orgive yourself and others . Everyones fighting their own uphill battles, and you’re not going to get anything done if you’re too busy hitting yourself up .( Youre not going to help anybody else be more productive if you externalize it and pick on them either .)

GIF from the SAG Awards.

20. Set your goals, but remain flexible.

Maybe you didnt get as much done today as you had hoped, but thats OK. Regroup, “re coming” with a new programme, and try to figure out what went wrong so you can do it better next time. Which fetches me to the last, and perhaps most important, lesson TAGEND

21. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

This is actually a quote from Samuel Beckett, but it also makes for the purposes of an good productivity mantra. The bad parts and failures are inescapable, and youll never overcome them all. But thats OK. Accept it, learn from it, and keep going anyway.

But you do have a mentality. So use it. GIF from “The Wizard of Oz.”

ADHDers understand one thing better than most people: Success is not a stationary target.

There’s no “one weird trick” that will actually bring you any closer to success.

Instead, the best we can hope for is to embrace ourselves for all our strengths and weaknesses, and continue feeling things to work toward. Perhaps that’s a new business seek, 15 simultaneous hobbies, or plainly recollecting to put your underwear on before your pants.

If that last part is a measurable clue, then for me, today was an extraordinary success.

The post What 8 successful ADHDers crave you to know about how they get stuff done. appeared first on apsbicepstraining.com.

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[kosmicdream]

Flight or Fight Drawing mode

for me, i think there’s always this restless feeling that comes when working on comics. That feeling that time is running out or not being utilized to its fullest degree. You are aware of how much more there is to go in your story and can calculate the progression of your journey, but only the present. As you keep going on your story, the circumstances change, and it is always this fluid process you cannot fully accommodate and plan for.

I know in the few years since I started drawing FFAK my expectation for myself and my work has changed tremendously. Its something i reflect on a lot, since i forget how not too long ago, I felt like i was somewhat incapable of producing a comic because of the way i enjoy to write and explore stories. I still think fundamentally, FFAK reflects that raw unedited version of my writing and creative skills in a unique way that I doubt will be replicated again (in the same manner) even as i explore and work on other stories. FFAK just carries this certain kind of momentum of forwards and backwards both at once. You stretch all over the place and peek through small doors to go in strange places. Growth is difficult to gauge because of the way time is handled in the story. Goal points seem endless and bleed together from my perspective. There’s always so much more to go and so much planned that when you make accomplishments they feel sort of like a bunch of tiny small steps in many different directions. And honestly, No one is more impatient than i when it comes to waiting to share this story than me. I am always biting my nails and wanting to get it out faster SOMEHOW even though I work on it constantly as it is. FFAK is no longer just.. a random comic idea i started on a whim that I felt i would only dip my toes in and never actually attempt making. and now it really has consumed my mind like a wildfire. it is also my fireplace and my home in my heart and my peace. I don’t even think I could ever fully be prepared for and handle such a thing but I am glad to have it in my life. But as the haze.. shock? of starting this project starts to fade i find myself fully committed and trying to evaluate the steps and process i take for this comic as a whole. I think its interesting how 2ish years of planning basically gives me enough time to know what sort of story I’m doing. But I am in no eager rush to finish it because my excitement for it only grows and feels more satisfying the more i write and plan. Part of me gets upset I don’t blast pages out the “same” way anymore, even though i appreciate the exploration of ‘putting more effort’ into my drawings. Instead of drawing thru 20 pages a night I’m polishing like, 2.. or 4 a work night. Its kind of annoying!! because I’m not really one for polish and editing (or maybe I just never believed myself capable of doing it in a way i liked? lol) but.. it just feels like the right thing to do right now. it feels almost impossible to ‘rewind’ myself or go back to like, thinking things in a different way than what i try to do now. by attempting more things visually it kind of makes some things easier too. im often pretty surprised like “hey alright that came out ok. i guess i can push myself a little bit more next time to make it look better!!” I think about my early eggshells pages a lot and how i labored over like.. 15 pages over an entire year and felt miserable and in the end, often over rendered + lost clarity and energy and now i just get what i was doing ‘wrong’ to make it not fun for myself. Like, even when i was offered advice at the time I wasnt so welcome to it nor did i understand it, its like I had to suffer a bit before I was able to understand what I needed to do with myself lol. The lesson feels much more impactful after discovering it for myself too on my own pace imo. SO i am thankful for how that turned out! Then i broke down my art to its most base level (earliest ffak pages) and i’ve just been rebuilding myself back up since then and now I’m attempting things I didn’t even think I’d be able to do -- or be interested in. (like color, for example, has never been something I was too interested including with my comics but like.. blammo here i am doing it anyway now.) anyway. its really cool, this art journey thing. i kinda wonder how long ill coast on this certain part of it before i like, end up doing an unexpected detour again. Maybe I won’t..? i dont know!! FFAK is so raw and alive it makes me happy i get to make it and do whatever i want in it. I always wanted to make a comic that I could contribute to on a day to day basis rather than something you just make so you can get it done asap and move onto the next thing. When ffak does eventually finish I wonder if it will be really hard on me. I look forward to its ending because its really neat but it is not a world I want to let go of so quickly. Even tho i have several other stories I’d like to do.. (and have started a couple already LMAO) I think about that expectation with ending stories a lot and completing projects. Most of my very favorite comics have yet to end despite going on for decades.. and when i think about that too, it almost feels very strange. Readers generally want closure to reflect on their experiences reading something so endings are that important ‘release’ from that fake world and  time you participated in it. But when i ask myself what I want to do for endings to my story, i try to contemplate  my favorite endings to stories ive read/watched/experienced to figure out what i want to do with my own. Since.. its my story and my satisfaction with it is really going to be reflective of what I like. Everyone interpretes ‘good’ endings differently and like, clings into diff parts of what makes a satisfying story so its important to isolate what elements you find are important to try to replicate that in your own work. But like.. its hard to see what kind of ending you’re going to make before you make it???? And making the story is a difficult thing to let go of vrs just being funneled all the stuff. Maybe my ‘ffak reader’ half of me will be satisfied but will my ‘ffak creator’ side be happy? Will i feel fufilled on both parts? I mean an experience is going to just be an experience.. i cannot manufacture or control it to be anything than what it will be so to think about it too much is probably only going to go in circles. It certainly has changed me a lot as a person and an artist. WHich is disorienting b/c im also introducing my work to everyone while not also knowing myself completely. (not that is ever fully achievable but, its been something i get forced to confront a lot.) When I work on this project I fight so many demons of my own life, chase ghosts of my heros that i feel are so beyond my ability, and stare down the illusion of my own reflection of what kind of artist i want to be every time i draw a new page.. I’m never going to really be that reflection, and my heros will always be my heros and they’ll always do things I cannot, but I wonder what kind of creator I look like from the outside?? from a person who isnt me. I cannot experience myself as a ‘reader’ but I try to pretend I am seeing myself as one. And the most exciting thing about myself, from that outside perspective, is that I am not sure what I will attempt next or what strange journey i will write about. I am happy that despite every difficult thing I have been through, I am still excited and having fun with my art like I have only just first attempted to draw. Soon FFAK will be three years old and (likely) 4000 pages by then.. I still havent gotten to write and draw out things I planned the very first day, but now I know roughly how the story will end (without actually getting to draw it yet, of course.) And i’m just anticipating the future while knowing  that...i have no idea what it will bring!!! O_O (one thing is for certain i hope to fuck my house doesnt burn down again because, istg, that fucking SUCKED!!!!!!!!) Wooh.. well. i just felt like sharing some thoughts since i just got done re-reading some of ffak and feel a bit overwhelmed with emotion.. Thank you all for sticking around and experiencing this comic with me..! :’3 -kosmic