#like in that case I probably shouldn't be pissed that she texted me about her car issues out of the blue

[violetclarity]

gotta love the feature of depression that's like, can't tell if people in my life are actually being annoying or if I'm not handling things well and therefore overreacting to things that would normally not bother me!

[cowgurrrl]

Never Thought

Pairing: rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader

Author’s note: IM A GODDAMN MACHINE also fic named after this song :D

Summary: You meet the Millers [3.5k]

Warnings: questionable Hollywood motives, Joel being vulnerable, the cutest goddamn found family, probably incorrect foster case/adoption timeline, talks of the foster care system, Tommy being a little shit, yearning idiots

Trouble in Paradise? Everything We Know About the Fight Between Everyone's Favorite Couple

Joel Miller Spotted Landing in LAX ALONE

Lucky Guitarist in Central Park Saw Joel Miller and Girlfriend Before Leaving Her in NYC: "They looked pretty in love when I saw them."

"Do you realize how bad this looks?!" Melanie asks as she paces behind her desk. You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose, fighting a headache, as she spirals. "Rumors are flying around that you guys had a massive argument backstage at the Tonight Show, and he left because he was pissed at you." 

"That's not even close to what happened." You say, and she throws her arms up.

"Please, tell me what happened then because I've been fielding calls from major news outlets wanting to know what we have to say." 

"His kid had an emergency. He went home early to take care of her. We didn't argue or have a falling out or anything like that. We actually had a really nice time."

"What kind of emergency?" She asks with a hawk-like determination in her eyes. Times like this make you realize that you never want to get on Melanie's bad side. When she's like this, she's absolutely lethal.

"I don't know." You shrug.

"You don't know?"

"It's not like we had a chance to talk about it! I did the interview, and by the time I was done, he was already on the way to the airport. He texted me that night to apologize and let me know that something was happening with his youngest."

"And it couldn't have been handled without him? If she needed her dad to come all the way home, she better have a fucking good reason."

"She's fourteen, Mel!" You snap, tired of hearing how much his leaving early affected her when something happened with his family. "Jesus Christ, she's a baby, and you're talking about her like she's an adult, which, even if she was, she has a right to call her dad for help," you say. She crosses her arms over her chest as she thinks, and you grab your bag from your chair. "I know these aren't the best circumstances, but I'm not gonna sit here and listen to you blame a child for a decision her father made." You wait for her to say more or argue with you, but she doesn't. You take a deep breath and reach for the door, more than ready to leave her and this conversation here.

"Why do you suddenly care so much about his kid?" She asks suddenly, and you turn to face her, your hand lingering on the doorknob. It feels like she's looking through you. Like she knows exactly what happened in New York but is waiting to see if you'll voluntarily come forward with it. "Wasn't a part of the contract to get involved with families." You shake your head and open the door.

"Then you shouldn't have paired me up with him." You say and leave her office. You're breathless by the time you get to your car. You've never left a conversation with Melanie like that, but you've also never heard her talk about a kid like that. It made your skin crawl to listen to her blame Ellie for just needing her dad. When the fuck did Hollywood get so ruthless that they have to use a fourteen-year-old as their scapegoat for something that's really not that big of a deal? 

You're fuming the whole way back to your house, and the LA traffic doesn't do anything to settle the anger in your chest. It's been three days since you got home from New York, and communication with Joel has been sparse. He let you know that he and the girls were okay and apologized again for leaving so abruptly, but that's been the extent of your conversation. Which is fine. You have laundry to do and scripts to read through. You're fine to keep busy, but sleep is a little harder to manage. 

You didn't realize that a couple nights sleeping in his arms would affect you so much. Now, every time you crawl into bed, the only thing you can think of is how big it is. Your dreams constantly replay your shared moments in New York, laughing together in the shower, walking hand-in-hand in Central Park, and the creases in the corners of his eyes. You didn't even realize that you were leaving space for a body that wasn't there until last night when you rolled into the cold space reserved for Joel and waited to hit his sleeping figure. For half a second, you considered getting a dog just so the house doesn't feel so empty.

You're folding laundry in your living room when your phone pings, interrupting the podcast you were listening to. You reach for it without a second thought, which you probably should've, considering you're still mad at Melanie, and see a text from Joel.

What are you doing tonight?

Joel Miller, you type. Are you trying to booty-call me?

Do you want me to booty-call you?

Maybe.

Well, I hate to disappoint, but I was gonna ask you to come visit the studio. I've got something I think you'll really like.

What's in it for me?

You leave your phone on the couch as you run upstairs to put your clean laundry away. You rush around your bedroom, stripping off the oversized, stained t-shirt you were wearing and putting on a vintage Talking Heads shirt with a pair of ripped jeans. You take a second to look at yourself in the mirror, smoothing down stray flyaways and swiping a layer of mascara on before running back downstairs. You feel like a teenager getting ready to see the boy she likes, and something in the back of your head wants to be annoyed, but nothing can bat away the butterflies in your stomach. As you grab your purse and shoes, your phone lights up on the couch.

I've got a couple surprises up my sleeve.

Attachment: Location

You smile and tell him you're leaving now. His studio is in the heart of West Hollywood, and you have to stop at a security gate before you're allowed to park in the back next to Joel's car. Somewhere beyond the gates, a camera flashes as you enter the building and follow the studio numbers until you get to the one Joel told you he'd be in. You knock lightly on the door, trying to be polite, but someone on the other side rips the door open abruptly. A big laugh sounds from the other side, and suddenly you're face-to-face with a young man with long dark curls and big brown eyes. 

"Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I'm looking for..." you trail off, glancing inside the studio until you make eye contact with Joel. He smiles and waves you in. "Him."

"Oh, you must be the girl Joel's been hidin' from us!" The man in front of you sends Joel a look as he opens the door wider to let you in, a similar twang peeking through his voice. When you fully step into the room, two girls are sitting on the couch across from Joel's chair at the soundboard, and you immediately recognize them as Sarah and Ellie. Sarah looks up and sends you a soft smile while Ellie stays focused on the rubber band she's wrapping around her fingers.

"Don't you go scarin' her! We wanna keep this one," Joel says as he stands and walks over to you. "This is my brother, Tommy. Don't pay him any mind." He says, and Tommy takes one of your hands in both of his and shakes it. 

"Pleasure to meet you," Tommy says, and you smile, your brain finally catching you with the fact that you're meeting Joel's family.

"It's nice to meet you, too," you recover. "I didn't know all the Miller men were so handsome!"

"Oh, I like her,"

"Alright, that's enough," Joel scolds and you and Tommy laugh. Sarah stands and jostles Ellie as she does, making her misfire the rubber band at the soundboard, and Joel shoots her a look. She groans and stands beside Sarah, putting on a half-hearted smile. "And these are my daughters, Sarah and Ellie." 

"It's really nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you guys." 

"I wish we could say the same. This one," Sarah jerks her thumb in Joel's direction. "Is a master at dodging questions."

"Well, I love questions." You say. 

You all settle once introductions are done, and you find yourself in awe of the dynamic the four of them have. Tommy and Joel are so at ease with each other, messing around and teasing one another, but still able to have conversations about the album art or release dates. Sarah and Ellie bombard you with questions, occasionally butting into their father and uncle's conversation to give their own opinions. And their questions are not the run-of-the-mill interview questions. No, their questions are deep, thought-provoking, unique questions that you enjoy teasing out with them. Joel was right about Sarah being a little bit more extroverted because she dominates a lot of the conversation, which you love and tell her as much.

"So many people are afraid to ask about things they're really passionate about, so it's cool to see you be so curious." You say, and a little blush takes over her cheeks. 

"Thanks," she says. "I'm glad you don't think I talk too much."

"Not at all. I like hearing what you have to say." You say and watch as she fights a smile. You catch Joel's eyes watching over you and the girls, something flashing behind his irises, and you nod to let him know you're okay.

Ellie is a little quieter but really likes hearing about the more technical part of filming something. You tell her all you know about cameras and sound equipment, even promising to take her to set with you one day to show her everything because Lord knows the industry could use more women in production. Eventually, she feels comfortable enough to slump next to you in all her teenage posture, still fiddling with the rubber band.

"Want me to show you something?" You ask quietly, and she furrows her brows before nodding. You reach for the rubber band, which she reluctantly passes to you, and you slide down to copy her position on the couch. "So, the key to this is aim. Power isn't super important, but it's always a little bit more fun," you instruct as you slide the rubber band over your index finger and thumb. "So, what you want to do is lock onto your target, pull this back, and then let it go. Like this," You go over the steps slowly before aiming the rubber band at Joel's head and snapping back, sending it flying through the air until it hits him.

"Ow! The hell?" Joel screeches, and you and Ellie laugh. 

"That was amazing!" Sarah giggles beside you, and you three dissolve into stupid, silly laughter. Tommy shakes his head and looks at Joel with a smile.

"You gonna let them do that to you?" He asks, and Joel takes a deep breath, taking in the sight of the three of you having the time of your life on the couch.

"'M outnumbered now."

"Sure are."

As the night progresses and you and the girls further slip into delirious giggles, you feel more and more comfortable with them. You're not sure what you thought would happen if and when you met them, but this is so easy and fun. Sarah tells you about the colleges she's applying to, and Ellie complains about her fingers hurting from trying to learn to play guitar. You advise Sarah about applications and even offer to read over some of her admissions essays, citing your BFA as your sole qualification. You're about to ask Ellie to play for you when Joel checks the time on his watch and slaps his hand over the watch's face. 

"Alright, 's gettin' late, and you guys have school in the morning."

"But Dad!" Ellie protests, and he shakes his head.

"No buts. You gotta get some sleep. Uncle Tommy'll take you home."

"Dad doesn't like when I drive. Like at all," Sarah says, and you laugh.

"No, Dad doesn't like when you drive, and it's ten o'clock in the city with the world's worst drivers." He corrects, and she rolls her eyes. Despite their little arguing, both girls walk over to Joel and give him hugs and kisses before following Tommy out the door.

"Hey," He gets Joel's attention as he stands in the threshold of the door, and Joel raises his eyebrows at him. "You bring her round more often, you hear?"

"I'll make sure he does." You say, and Tommy smiles at you, winking before he finally leaves. The second the door closes, Joel gets up from his chair and walks over to where you're sitting.

"Hi," he says quietly as he leans over you and kisses you sweetly. You hum against his lips, and he collapses next to you, grabbing your legs and resting them on his lap.

"Thanks for the heads up, by the way. Are your parents here too, or is it just them?"

"Why? You wanna meet 'em?" He asks, and you slap his arm. "They really liked you."

"You think so?" You ask, and he nods, gently squeezing your ankle.

"I know so. I haven't heard Ellie laugh like that in a good while." He says, and you take a deep breath. His warm hands massage your skin, and the studio is completely still, and it feels just like it did in New York. The thought comforts something deep within you, and you reach out to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. He still needs a haircut, you think to yourself.

"Is she okay?" 

"She will be, yeah."

"What happened?" The question leaves you before you can stop, but he doesn't tense up or look panicky. He leans into your touch and focuses on the fraying hem of your jeans.

"She got in trouble at school. I still don't know the whole story 'cause she won't tell me, but she came home and took off on her bike. Tommy and Sarah drove around lookin' for her for bout an hour before they called me. They found her pretty soon after at a gas station, but it scared the shit outta me." 

"Oh, my God. That's so scary."

"Yeah," he says. "I... didn't handle it in the best way. I grounded her for a month and took away her bike. We got into a big fight about it, and I hate fightin' with her," he sighs. Even though this was days ago, you can see how much it weighs on him still. You wonder if anyone ever panicked that much about how they treated you as a child. "I thought goin' back to Texas would've helped her, but it didn't."

"They were in Texas with you?" You ask, and he nods. Suddenly, the voices in the background of your phone calls and the spottiness of your conversations make sense.

"They went a week earlier and left a week after me to keep the press off them. They also just really missed their grandparents. Figured it'd be a good idea to get 'em outta LA for a while." 

"Do their moms live in Texas too?" You get quiet as you ask about the women who brought Sarah and Ellie into the world. You may not know the whole story, but it also doesn't take a geneticist to figure out that Sarah and Ellie have different moms.

"No," he scoffs a laugh. "No, my parents are still in Texas, and Tommy lives there part-time, but that's really it."

"Where are their moms?"

"Sarah's mom left when she was a few months old. Divorced me and signed away her parental rights with the same pen. We haven't seen her since. I reach out to her folks every couple of years, but they never respond. They want nothing to do with either of us." He says, and your heart breaks for both of them. Sarah deserved to grow up with her mom, and Joel deserved to have a partner to help raise her, especially since he was so young.

"And Ellie's?"

"Never met her. Her name was Anna. The adoption agency told me she died a few hours after she gave birth. Left her a note but didn't have much else. No family, no husband, nothin'."

"Oh, I didn't know Ellie was adopted."

"It became official when she was twelve, but she's been with us since she was ten."

"Wow," you breathe, and he nods.

"Yeah," he says. "Sarah met her at school, and her foster home was just a shit hole, and she really just needed someone to take a chance on her. I still don't know why, but I got the paperwork filled out, and she was placed with us two months later. She's been with us ever since. That's also why I knew I had to come home when I heard she ran away. She used to do that to get away from her foster parents so they'd have an excuse to send her back."

"Did they?" You ask.

"Yeah. Six foster homes in two years."

"Jesus Christ."

"It's a lot. I know it is. That's why I didn't tell you bout them earlier. I didn't want to scare you off," he shrugs. "Plus, they're why I punched that photographer." He says like it's common knowledge, and you sit up. You remember Joel and Paul arguing about something when you walked into the room months ago, but you never asked about what. You also never asked him why he punched the pap because it didn't feel like your place. 

"What?"

"The guy showed up at Ellie's school. He was tryin' to get pictures of her when the only thing she's done wrong is have my last name. He was yellin' things at me and asking me about her, and I just… snapped," he explains, shaking his head. "It's not right. I shouldn't have done it, but they're my girls. If I can't protect them, then I've got nothin'." You watch tears glisten in his eyes, and you push onto your knees to cup his face.

"You're a good dad, Joel. Possibly one of the best ones out there, okay? And you're not a criminal for losing your temper with your fourteen-year-old," you say. "Ellie's a teenager, and she's been through a lot. You all have. But those beautiful, intelligent, funny, amazing girls love you with everything that they are. I can see that, and I only spent a few hours with them today. They are good people because you're a good person," You stare into his eyes, hoping that the words will imprint in his brain, and he believes it as much as you do. You think Joel Miller could use someone believing in how good he can be. You think he needs it. You think he deserves it. "You are a good person." You whisper, and he takes a deep breath. 

He rests his hands on your hips, and you move closer to him, resting your knees on either side of his hips and sitting in his lap. You kiss away the stray tears from his cheeks and feel him relax under your touch. You're sure that you'll need to tell him over and over again how good of a dad he is after so many years of just barely surviving, and you're okay with that. You'll tell him as many times as it takes him to believe it. 

He catches your lips before you can get far and kisses you firmly like he's trying to show you everything he wants to say instead of speaking. He tastes like salt and cigarettes as he fiddles with the hem of your shirt, his fingers brushing against your stomach. There's nothing sexual about it. He just wants to be close to you, and you want the same. He traces patterns into your lower back, his hands splaying across your sides, and you bury your face in his neck. It's quiet and soft and almost domestic the way you two are cuddled into each other. As if you've been together for years, and this is how you greet each other after being away for so long. You inhale his scent and try to make out the shapes he's pressing into your skin. 

"I wish I'd met you sooner." He says quietly, the words halfway lost in your hair. You kiss his jaw and squeeze him a little tighter.

"Me too," you mumble. "'M here now. I'm not going anywhere." And for once, instead of arguing or coming up with a reason to refuse to absorb what you're saying, he just nods.

"I know." 

[timeoverload]

I'm glad today is over. I haven't been in a very good mood. I woke up this morning at 3:30 after a nightmare. I tried to go back to bed but then I had 2 more in a row. They have been extremely vivid lately. I felt very uncomfortable and disoriented after that. It was hard to get out of bed.

I didn't have any eye cases scheduled this afternoon so I spent a lot of my time wrapping total pans and loading autoclaves. I spent most of my lunch break making phone calls and I didn't have time to get food so that made me feel like shit. I have been eating a lot better recently so that threw me off.

They gave me a 2 hour decontam shift at the end of the day. 6 cases got done while I was back there and most of them were totals so there was a lot to clean. The instruments seemed bloodier than usual and I think the techs were too lazy to wipe things off in the operating room like they are supposed to. I had to pick cement off of impactors which is something that we're not supposed to have to worry about anymore since it's the tech's job to remove it in the room before it hardens. A lot of sets were mixed together so I had to take extra time to sort things out. They were all just trying to go home and someone even left a patella on the dirty cart. It's definitely not the first time that has happened to me but it pisses me off when they don't even try to make our jobs easier. It's not my job to dispose of body parts but I still get stuck doing it sometimes. I didn't expect to have to close decontam either so it ended up being 2 and a half hours instead. It was so hot and I got so sweaty. The dirty water soaked through my gown so I was drenched when I got done. I felt so gross afterward. I just hate being trapped in that room because it's such a miserable place to be. I don't want to do it anymore.

I was glad that I got to leave once I had everything cleaned up. I hobbled out of there as fast as I could. I threw up in the parking lot when I got to my car because I overdid it.

I came home and took a shower immediately and made some food so I feel a little better I guess. I'm sore now though and I lifted too much today. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow because I have 30 eye cases and there are 20 total joint surgeries. There are also a lot of robotic surgeries and other procedures. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 2 days but I know I will somehow. I will probably be crabby.

I'm a little disappointed because I can't go fishing with the person that invited me to go with her a couple weeks ago. For some reason she had the impression that I had my own fishing pole and access to a kayak. She never told me I needed to have that stuff initially so I was confused. I also didn't realize that she was expecting me to drive like 3 hours to the lake by myself. It seems like she has been trying to dissuade me from wanting to go like she regrets asking me in the first place. She goes fishing with the autoclave repair man. He's a nice guy but I'm not sure if I want to hang out with him outside of work. I think they have something going on between them so I don't really want to be a third wheel anyway. I guess they text all the time. He has mentioned in the past that he's unhappily married so it makes me uncomfortable. I shouldn't make assumptions like that but I would like to avoid being put in an awkward situation. Their relationship is none of my business so I want to stay out of it. I probably shouldn't try to hang out with people from work anyway. I used to try to do that years ago but it never ended well. It just starts drama. I'm just too boring and weird and don't have much in common with anyone. I guess I will keep being a hermit. I'm really bummed out because summer is already almost over and I didn't get to do anything that I wanted to do.

I've also been stressed about my kitties all day too. All 3 of them are overdue for check-ups. They are behind on vaccinations and licensing. They deserve better and I feel like a bad cat mom. They are just hard for me to transport. Harry is very heavy and Soupy and Salazaar have to go together because they freak out if they get separated. I need to get them new carriers. I hope that I can figure out a way to get them to the vet soon because I've been worried about them. I want to get them a new cat tree and new toys too but I need to get caught up on some more of my bills first. I feel like I haven't been able to give them the attention they need.

I decided that I'm going to stay home next Wednesday and Thursday because I need a vacation and I have been saving my sick days. I'm planning on getting some things sorted out during that time. I'm going to try to be productive and get more organized. I am lucky that there aren't any eye cases scheduled Tuesday afternoon so I can go to my appointment without it being a hassle and I don't need to find someone to cover for me. I lied to my boss and told her that I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and I needed to leave a little early and she said that was fine. I had to say I was going to the doctor and not the tattoo shop because I didn't want to get denied. I'm hoping that next week will be better than this one has been so far. I'm looking forward to having some extra time off. I also have my ultrasound next Friday. I'm not excited to do that but at least I am getting it taken care of so I can figure out what's wrong with me.

I'm so tired right now. I don't think I will be able to stay up very late tonight. I hope I can have some good dreams for once. I'm all ready for bed and I'm going to try to relax for a while. I need to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow. I'm trying to stay optimistic that it will be better than I'm expecting it to be. I will try to make it a good day.

[vanillann]

flashback (spencer reid x f.reader)

based on season 9 ep 12, I might make a few different parts to this please let me know what you all think.

warning: swearing

flashback masterlist

2004

“I hate handcuffs.”

Penelope sat beside me, her black fingers tapping on the table. I played with the end of my large sweater, the ends frayed from the long-term nervous habit.

“I can’t believe I got us caught,” I watched as the light above shone down on my hand cuffs.

“It wasn’t you, I shouldn't have gone on the server until you got done asking questions.”

Penelope looked over at me quickly, her pissed face morphing into a gentle smile.

Suddenly the door behind us opened, a tall dark hair man walking the room. He wore a suit and a stern face.

I pulled off the frayed ends of my sweater more, the thought of going to jail was killing me.

“We’ve got you Ms. Garcia, Ms. (L/N).”

“That’s what you think, Mr. Suit.”

I rolled my eyes, this wasn’t the time to be witty.

“We’ve found multiple of your illegal servers and Ms. (L/N) coercing many of your victims,” he looked over at me, I felt myself pull back into my chair more.

“Sorry?”

Garcia chuckled slightly, looking down at me in my seat.

“This isn’t a sorry moment, both of you could be going to jail.”

I felt my eyes fill with tears, the idea of orange jumpsuits and a cell was the last thing my parents expected of me.

“Well shouldn’t the cosmetic company go down with us.”

Penelope spoke with confidence, something I wish I had right now.

“Unfortunately what they were doing wasn’t illegal.”

Penelope only pulled at the cuffs slightly before looking back up at the man.

“Okay Mr. Suit-”

“It’s Agent Hotchner and I’m here to offer you both a job for the Behavioral Analysis Unit.”

“Huh?”

The man shoved his hands in both his pockets, looking over both of us. Suddenly the handcuffs around my wrist weren’t the biggest concern.

“Ms. Garcia, you are the fastest and most efficient hacker we have ever seen, you could run circles around our last tech analysis,” Penelope only shrugged and looked up at him with a smirk.

“-and you Ms. (L/N) have impressive interrogation skills with degrees in Psychology, Sociology, and Criminal Justice.”

I felt a blush cross my cheeks, knowing taking those classes on the side paid off in some way.

“I don't think my friend and I want to teach you how to do your own job.”

I wanted to scream, I loved my best friend more than anything but she was throwing away a ‘get out of jail free” card, one we really needed right now.

“You would help us hunt psychopaths.”

Penelope looked over at me, the smirk still across her face and she looked back at Mr. Hotchner.

“We are psychopaths.”

“Excuse me?”

Penelope deadpanned me, while the agent in front of us spoke.

“You aren’t, in the hacker community you are known as “The Black Queen” and “The Pure Empress”. Both of you are known for talking down cruel organizations.”

Penelope and I both just looked at each other. The contrast between my tan sweater and her black corset would make anyone but us laugh.

“All I need is a resume for Human Resources, or I’ll hand you the jumpsuits.”

“Pen, I love you but I don’t like jumpsuits,” I whisper to her, knowing the man could still hear me but didn’t care one bit.

“Well we don't normally bring our resume to things like this, but hand us our bags and we will write down a few things we know.”

I jumped in joy within my seat, the idea of a new job that wasn’t illegal made me so excited.

Suddenly the door opened, a taller darker male walked in with a taller skinny man beside him. They walked in with our bags in their hands, serious face on.

The first man had on a light suit and his head shined slightly under the light while the second man held my bag and had his hair slicked back.

The one man placed my bag in front of me, my hands going straight to the latch on the side where I kept my notepad.

“We went though and took all their tech gear.”

I scribbled down my degrees on the paper, not knowing what else to do.

“Do you have the key?”

The man standing beside him pulled out two, looking between the two of us.

Mr. Hotchner left the room, both the men walking over to un-cuff us.

“You are very lucky,” the man unlocking Garcia spoke.

“You look like the lucky one, Mr. Calvin Klein.”

I slapped the side of her shoulder, her name quickly fell from my lips with a stern tone.

“I got us out of jail.”

She pointed a perfectly painted finger at her, the smirk took over the whole face now.

“I better be the happiest person in the world in 10 years or I’m blaming you.”

2014

Everyone sat around the woman as she talked, the words sexual harassment made me giggle, knowing where this was going.

Spencer looked down at me from where he sat on my desk, the confused little look he gets evidence on his face.

“Phrases like baby girl aren’t appropriate in the workplace.”

I covered my mouth as I looked over at my friend, her face dropping quickly.

The woman then continued with the slideshow, my finger pointed at Pen the entire time.

Spencer hit the side of my combat boot, the wicked smile on his face as he pointed to the slideshow.

The screen now read “Appropriate Work Attire”, the sight of nice suits flashed across the screen.

“Combat boots and band tee shirts are not appropriate for the workplace.”

I looked down at the Led Zeppelin shirt that I wore with a basic black blazer over it.

Suddenly Penelope whipped around in her chair, looking at me with her tongue out.

The sound of Penelope text went off, her face dropped while she waved her hand over at me. I looked up at Spencer, him already watching me with a smile. He quickly shook his head and looked up at Garcia.

I stood up and walked over to her, the woman looked at both of us telling us to sit down.

“I’m so sorry,” Garcia repeated.

“I’m not,” I smiled as Garcia pulled me over to the elevator.

Hotch stood with his stern face, holding his phone in his hand, this wasn’t a good sign.

*

“I can’t believe they called my band shirts out!”

Spencer laughed as he grabbed my bag from over my shoulder and handed in to the co-pilot.

“I mean we do work for the FBI, they probably expect a lot more appropriate outfits.”

“They shouldn’t have high expectations for me. I’m the same girl that tricked the whole 5th floor by putting whoopee cushions in their chairs,” Spencer only shook his hand as he hit his shoulder with mine.

Pen coughed from the steps of the jet, a wicked smile on her face.

Spencer ran his hand down the back of his neck while he rushed past Garcia. I went to follow him but Pen stuck her arm out.

“When are you going to tell him about the mega crush you have?”

I looked up at her, the bright pink lipstick was in a huge smile. I played with the end of my blazer, looking down at my shoes.

“I’m not telling him Pen, it’s not worth losing him.”

She only turned around and pulled me deeper into the plane.

The team sat around in their normal spots, the couch free for Pen and I both. We quickly took a seat and pulled out the tablet and hard copy, Spencer always made me carry one around.

I read through the file, my memory never forgot this case. Suddenly Hotch came on, already talking about the case.

“Well it seems Star Chambers really like secretive,” Pen nodded her head, the plane laughing from the ground.

Spence came back from the coffee machine, a tea in one hand and a coffee in the other. He handed me the tea, reading the hard copy from over my shoulder.

“It sounds like Sam Russell fit the profile perfectly.”

JJ words broke me from the small daze I fell into.

Morgan looked over at me and nodded.

“This is the case that got you caught, right?”

I looked over at Penelope, her little small smile made me look back over at the rest of the team.

“Yeah I got all three of us caught, but I didn’t know he was a killer at the time.”

Spencer just simply placed a hand on my shoulder and smiled at me.

“It’s all in the past, don’t make yourself have flashbacks.”

part ii

flashback tag list:

@snitchthewitch @summer-writes @mortallythoughtfulgurl

[creatingnikki]

Should I just leave tumblr?

Due to bullying.

2020 had been a fucked up year for most people. For me it wasn't just covid 19. In early summer I was afraid of being kicked out of my house and not having a place to stay. It was one of the most terrifying times of my life. I didn't know what to do or who to look towards for help and support. In all that life wrecking stuff I didn't respond to my friend. My dear friend Autumn. We had been friends for as long as I probably started using Tumblr.

When I reached out to her after things got sorted out a bit she decided to ghost me but before saying that I haven't been there for her. I understood one could be mad especially when they felt like a friend hadn't been there for them so I decided to give them some time to be mad at me, to argue with me, and then to get over it.

Then I had a seizure. And my life as I knew it completely changed. I didn't share this with them. I didn't want to leverage that. That's the last thing I wanted to do.

Yet, this friend decided that I was a toxic manipulator and the best is to ignore me.

If you know me, you know I'm anything but that person. I'm not an angel, I make mistakes and unintentionally hurt people too sometimes. But I realize that and I truly apologize and I try to fix things.

But not responding to a few texts while my life is completely shattering shouldn't be cause for someone to write me off. Or even of they want to, thats their choice. Fine, I was just making my peace with it. But to have their friend attack me? That's cruel and unfair and unacceptable.

I have received a lot of anon hate over the years but all of that was bearable because I knew it came from a random place. Those people didn't know me really and I didn't care about them.

But to wake up, while I'm trying to figure out therapy, seek out a second opinion from a neurologist, adjusting in my new house and trying to be a little excited about my birthday, to messages like this just absolutely broke my heart.

Nothing I have ever written on my blog has ever implicated anyone specific on tumblr. Any writer would, especially one who writes from pure emotion like me, know that when you are writing about something it's never one person or one incident or one memory. It's a jumble of multiple such that make you feel the same way.

I never went around and played the victim and told anyone about what went on between me and Autumn. But I didn't know what to do or how to process or how to not absolutely break down after seeing this in my inbox.

What this is is pure bullying. And I never expected to be a victim of that on a place like tumblr that I have always considered my safe haven.

Not replying to a friend for a few weeks when you're trying to hold your life together is not you walking out of their life. Trying to patch things up with them with carefully distanced messages like on their birthday and around Christmas so that it doesn't feel like clingy behavior or coming off too strong isn't playing mind games. It's being considerate of how they must be feeling and not wanting to impose on them.

Before this post, I haven't ever said or done anything that would paint me as the victim in relation to my friendship with Autumn. And even this isn't about that. This is about feeling attacked and bullied by chronicallykalene.

It makes me feel so helpless and weak and angry as if I'm back in high school being bullied and cyber bullied by a group of people. Only this is worse. Because this was supposed to be my safe space. My instinct and tears right now tell me I should go off tumblr. But the life wisdom that I have in me knows that isn't fair or right to me. But right now seriously I don't think I can take this. So I don't know what to do. Other than try to be okay and breathe.

Also like accusing me of sending my self "fake anons"? The only thing I can think of about that is what my parents always say. When people accuse you of such things it's probably because that's what they do.

I think what's unhealthy behavior is labeling every single person who doesn't appease to you or pisses you off as a psychological abuser and toxic person who needs help.

I do not have ten thousand anonymous blogs where I go bitch about people without them knowing it's me. But I can write whatever I want on my blog. And yet I never wrote anything implicating or abusive against someone who was supposed to be my friend.

I should stop here because I feel like I shouldn't have been the one justifying. It just baffles me because people who are supposed to be the 'kind' ones sit on a morally high horse and go around slaying people thinking that they deserve that. In this case with their words. But who doesn't know that words are the most painful.

[colour-outside-the-liness]

Hey, I'm doing good too. Just normal amounts of stressful stuff right now. Just moved to a country I've never been to before but can't complain, things are not as hard as the last time I did this so. Thanks for asking! Yeah, I saw you posting about some pretty scary health issues before, I'm glad you came out of that alive and hope you're healthier now!

The nerve some people have! Haha I know I would be pissed if people were questioning my intelligence like that especially after a couple of drinks in haha. Though I do like taunting people when I play group games, I'll be like "don't need to try that hard guys, you're gonna lose anyway" just to mess with them or just call people sore losers if they accuse me of cheating haha (they're probably right on the accusations tho). People get real mad sometimes it's kinda funny. 😂

Omg literally laughed out loud reading this! Hahaha, how did you manage to fall over a road sign then end up in a ditch? lol omg hope you didn't get hurt too bad 😂 I was trying to downplay my drunken escapades but since you shared yours I should tell you my worst one:

I was at this summer street party at night and got drunk on something made out of tropical herbs and cachaça (which is about 48% alcohol), drank 3 and a half bottles of that like it was apple juice, made friends with a bunch of strangers in a bathroom queue (who tried to talk to me weeks later but I had no idea who they were), had to be held by my best friend while I peed (mostly missing the toilet), fell in the middle of the street and scraped my knee, threatened this boy who was helping me walk and told him not to try anything funny or I would beat him up, then dragged my friends to the beach and left them shortly after to go make out with my ex, came back with lipstick all over my mouth and chin and when my friends asked what I was doing I said I was just talking to my ex and they were like NO YOU WERE NOT, hahaha then I kissed all my girl friends on a dare and we danced under the full moon, then I told my best friend I had to puke so she took me to the ocean but I changed my mind and happened to step on a dead turtle on the way back and started crying bc of it, but last month my best friend told me it was a rock I had stepped on (I believed it was a dead turtle for 7 years!). Had the worst hangover of my life the next day. ✌️✨

Ah I'm happy you liked it! I've never listened to Six musical before but it sounds fun! I can see why you like it haha made me want to dance around my apartment 💃. And hey if liking musicals is your thing then it's great, I'm sure Hozier will understand if he's not your top artist of the year. 😋 Here's my "damie" Pinterest board if you or anyone else wants to check it out, totally recommend making one if you're a visual person like me!

https://pin.it/UcHVlkq

Oh I could talk about Dani and Jamie forever I think. I love the beast in the jungle speech too and it's so painful to watch, VP delivered that beautifully, but I have to admit I'm always a crying mess from episode 1 when older Jamie starts reciting that song about being sad while waiting for her lover to return, this show is fucking cruel I hate it and love it at the same time hahaha. Omg your mom 😂 but I mean it's truly an honor to be compared to someone like Dani, no? She's really great even if she needs a little help haha (don't we all).

Aaah you're amazing! Thank you so much, I'll read this pirate AU soon!

I used to draw a lot, really loved doing it when I was a kid as I said before, and all throughout adulthood too but I haven't done that in almost a year now bc I've got a bit of a case of burnout I guess, it just takes a lot of effort to do it when it shouldn't be like that at all. I used to do fanart too, for other fandoms. Even made one for Dani x Jamie but ended up not liking how it turned out haha. I've got a lot of respect for writers and fanfic writers also! Yall can make words make sense in really interesting and beautiful ways, build worlds so enthralling I can see them vividly in my head. Writing is such an incredibly fascinating skill to have! And I guess the most important thing is that we enjoy doing these things right? Even if we think we're not particularly good at it.

Anyway, have a lovely weekend! 👋✨

Good I'm glad you're doing great but sorry you're dealing with stressful stuff!! Hope living in a new country goes well for you I'm so jealous that you've lived in different countries I'd love to live somewhere else even if just for s few years!! Awwh thank you so much I definitely came out of it alive and am feeling so much better now thank you I mean I do some pretty ditzy things so when people say it to me it's pretty deserved sometimes, I'm secretly smart and people just don't expect it so I never mind too much haha I might have to start saying the things that you do and just taunting them over it I mean, I usually do win even when they make me answer different questions so I will definitely have to start saying things like that to them Haha I love that you're just like "yeah they're probably right in their accusations" I agree seeing how mad some people get over games and stuff is funny (it's me I'm people I hate loosing games depending on what it is and I am very competitive) So it was very dark and all we had for light was my roommates flashlight on her phone but while we were walking home a friend of ours that lived else where kept texting her to make sure we were still safe (my phone as dead at this point) so while she was texting him her flashlight was facing down and someone had moved this road sign to the footpath and it was on that sits on the floor so while I couldn't see it I walked into it and fell over it but while I feel I grabbed hold of it and flipped with it and fell in a ditch with it on top of me... I was fine and was just laid laughing while my friend looked down at me and in the most northern accent ever just said "get up you dickhead." and helped me off of the floor and then asked if I was okay... and I was so it was all good!! Haha 😂 I love this drunken story that sounds like one hell of a night and is a roller coaster from start to finish!! I'm sorry you thought you had stood on a dead turtle for 7 years though, someone really should've told you that it was just a rock!! But that sounds like my kind of night!! I love nights like that... stories that will last a life time... the only down side is the hangover... luckily I have only ever had one hang over in my life and it wasn't the morning after the road sign fiasco... I felt surprisingly good the morning after that haha 😂 It's such a good musical it's about Henry VIII wives and I just love everything to do with his wives and that musical is so much fun and actually gives a little insight to the lives the six Tudor queens had away from Henry and with him because at school we're mainly just taught about him which sucks!! I loved the Hozier song and am definitely gonna have to listen to more of his stuff!! I love musicals so much I mainly listen to musical soundtracks at the minute- usually, Legally Blonde and Six on repeat haha 😂 Ooo thank you I will definitely check out this Pinterest board thanks for sending it to me!! I could talk about them forever too... since watching Bly Manor my niece has been asking me so many questions about it and I am more than happy to talk to her about it haha!! The beast in the jungle speech just breaks my heart every time I relate to it so much and VP just delivers it so beautifully!! Oh yeah now I know at the beginning that it's older Jamie I am just a wreck the whole show is just so beautiful and heart breaking at the same time I LOVE IT!! Even though it makes me sob- I keep putting myself through it!! I mean, yeah I was happy that she said it Dani is great but it was the way she said it... my mum can be something else sometimes... she said she thought Dani was like me the first time she does the accent when she says "I've fallen quite in love with London" because I just randomly do accents a lot too but it was the way she was like "She needs help... but I like her she reminds me of you" I was just like... "Should I go get help?" I still don't know the answer to my question about if I need help or not but I mean I probably do need it You're welcome I really hope you like it!! It's a

great fic I love it!! Yeah I get that if stuff starts taking too much effort and burns you out you're not gonna wanna keep doing it so it's understandable that you stopped!! I think fan art is great and I really would love to be able to do it myself but I just don't have the skill it takes!! Awwh it's a shame you didn't like the Dani x Jamie one you did I would've loved to have seen it!! Honestly there are so many talented writers out there and when I read their fics I am just in awe of the worlds they have built and the stories they have created we are so blessed in this fandom to have so many amazing writers and so many amazing fics out there Oh yeah definitely its important to enjoy what you do!! I know I love writing and love writing fics for Dani and Jamie so I think I'll be doing it for a while even if I'm not great at it haha Awwh thank you very much I hope you have a great weekend too!! ☺️

[kayah16]

Why Are You So Concerned?

What was patience? Patience was the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. Ardian didn't have that. Ever since Amber had him locked up every little thing got him upset. Especially Tianna. He didn't understand why she was so damn annoying.

Why was she so concerned with Haleigh? Why did she think being disrespectful was cute? He was growing annoyed with her antics. If anybody knows Ardian knows he does not play when it comes to the women in his family. Tianna was skating on thin ice with Ardian.

That's why before he came out of character he was going to have a one on one conversation with her. He was going to try to be patient with her keyword is try. He knew Haleigh would be pissed when she found out but he needed to do this. Which is why Ardian texted Tia and asked her to text Tianna to see if she meet with him. Of course Tianna said yes.

Ardian told Tia to have Tianna meet him at a park. It's an open space and it has a lot of people just in case Tianna tried it. Ardian was sitting on the park bench when Tianna approcahed him.

"You're without wifey today."

Ardian rolled his eyes and motioned for Tianna to sit down. It took a while before Ardian started to talk. He didn't want to say the wrong thing and cause a scene.

"What's your problem?"

Ardian asked not even looking at Tianna.

"My problem? Oh I'm sorry, who led who on our last year of high school?"

Sucking his teeth Ardian took a few deep breaths.

"One, you knew good and damn well what happened was for my music class. Two, when I confided in you I thought you grew the hell up."

Tianna smirked and moved closer to Ardian which caused him to move away from her.

"What do you see in Haleigh anyway?"

"What do you see in pissing me off and causing drama?"

Tianna and Ardian sat in an uncomfortable silence. Tianna annoyed that Ardian didn't answer her question. Ardian annoyed by Tiannas presence.

"Why was you so concerned with what Haleigh wore to our engagement party?"

Shrugging her shoulders Tianna tried to entice Ardian by crossing her legs.

"She wasn't dressed appropriate."

"She was dressed just fine. It was for me anyway so I don't see why you were so concerned."

Scratching his head Ardian counted to twenty.

"Then for you to say I probably hit Haleigh."

Tianna felt bad for that comment she was upset and jealous. She wanted to hurt Ardian the way he was hurting her.

"I wouldn't hit Haleigh. I love her too much. Matter fact I wouldn't hit no woman because that's not how I was raised. I was raised to protect the women I love."

Ardian let out a small chuckle which scared Tianna.

"I get it. You don't know what it's like for a man to love you. I get it. You don't know what it's like for a man to do everything in his power to make you happy. I get it. What you not going to do is fill my girls head with insecurities because you insecure."

Tiannas feelings were hurt at that comment. Ardian wasn't lying but it still hurt her. She usually would have a smart ass remark but Ardian hurt her feelings.

"Let's get a few things straight, what my girl wears is none of your damn business. You shouldn't comment on shit when we both know you would wear the same thing if you was blessed with what I like. You not fucking me. You not fucking her. You not putting money in our pockets for you to be so concerned with what we do. You damn sure not feeding us."

Standing up Ardian straightened his clothes out still not looking at Tianna who was now crying.

"I don't care that you are crying. Same way you didn't care how you came out my girl. Me and Haleighs relationship is not your business. I'm sorry I gave you that impression when we were seniors in High School."

Ardian stretched his arms and finally looked at Tianna. Her eyes were red and her nose was runny.

"We not in High School no more. We grown. Mind your damn business when it comes to me and my relationship."

Ardian gave Tianna one last look before walking away. Before walking out the park fully he turned around and went back to Tianna who was still crying.

"Next time you disrespect my Mother you won't have to worry about Aunty Apryl, Nola, and whoever else. You dealing with me. Tread lightly with me Tianna. Tread real lightly."

"Are you threatening me?"

"Its not a threat. It's a promise. Have a blessed life."

Giving her one last look Ardian walked out the park smiling. He really wasn't going to do anything to Tianna but now she knew not to play with him. Tianna looked at Ardians retreating figure and knew to take him serious.

She was used to Ardian cursing her out but the calm way in which he told her off let her know. Luckily she had Algee to annoy now so she was going to leave Ardian and Haleigh alone.

AN: Sucks. Protective Ardian 🤔🤔🤔🤔 SORRY

[the-firebird69]

Judge On 'Black Widow' Lawsuit Says He Will Disqualify Himself | Inside the Magic

Is it a od thing the queen does tons of work for her people started bother her she didn't get much out of it can people continue to be harsh towards her the like they are to him it's really weird. But if you look at it from corks point if view he doesn't know if demons are real or not you can't tell what people are fighting for except domination of everyone and his dim-witted so this is another case of that for the judges a total idiot and doesn't know if he could just award the case and be done with it or settle out of court it is a Stephen a****** about it too wakes up in the morning and says I've got to get out of there I'm complicitous and nobody gives a s*** the same painter money you just backed out of contract and justly of course can control a judge the controller lawyers but they could just pay her is there a fault it's very obvious to everyone and you're trying to Short change this woman who put everything on the line who doesn't have that much and gets pushed around by all of you assholes we're doing everything wrong and it's damned obvious to me so I can't really count on you Max for anything I see what you're doing to her.

She's a bona fide hero for what she did here she tried to hold it together and people are screwing up is do the job they made it much worse those after she left looking for him she's a hero for her people satanists. So I can't trust you people at all or believe you and you took tons of my ventures didn't pay me a dime and just still sit there my pay me anyting but community I telling me all this stuff I'm going to do I haven't done any of it and I don't do any of it because you're ridiculous you're both fools complete idiots you were pissing me off so much I can't believe it I've never been so angry in my life when it returns blaming everybody else just keep it going whatever you think it is it's a it's a lunatic freaking stupid thing so without further ado I have some good news for you

Zues Hera

He put together a lawsuit I know what you saying he said nothing has this bite that we need. I added some caviat spent really the lawsuit says if you're not really going to comply with anything we're going to simply come in there and pull you out and stick you in prison. Any idea is good in the max like it and they can't stand what he's doing but they can see this being forced to so really we're going to do this the Macs thinking used to grab him so I can grab them.

It's a great idea his and it's been a long time coming as for me and my situation here I'm not sure what would happen out there with the kind of doing it all the time anyways don't know for who what does gotten way too far these people want to try me and treat me like I'm Jesus Christ Prince stick me in some other people to Cross or some dumb s*** cuz I invent weaponry I mean come on the nuts I need to be expunged. Expediated.. so what's up with her and we said he's very irate and he keeps telling us he's our rate and he needs change and needs them out it needs them out now so pulling out tons and tons of all screaming and yelling it was just get it done but so the work is this is screaming and yelling and pulling them out okay. I would have driven him out like mad he says we going to get this damned cage of up and start moving on this this court stuff taking too long although we have to do it everywhere I'm so going to go in and we're going to go to court with much more forceful devices the court has to offer and I agree we should have a good idea Bitol and Goddess Wife have.

So I might suggest that we should come in a qcuart and whenever someone's continuously harassing me just left him with harassment suit cease and desist restraining order and the day later they don't comply with any of it is that was attempted homicide and also some of the things that you got while you're trying to run the restraining order that way the courts involved and Bitol says he's been doing that I said well your method seems to be working it's pretty classy and I like it

Zues Hera

Service areas lawsuits and he says you hit him with an injunction and him with a lawsuit gag orders series 70 feet and that is her this these courts are not really enforcing the stuff the cops are not doing it expect us to slap the court was fines prison sentences for obstruction of justice for beating a military investigation into treason and bomb-making and threats on destroying the planet or the whole planet or partial partial planet the crimes against humanity and being complicit Us and them every single judge who came up against just sitting there taking our time with it she just ordered to pay so let's grab them and everybody in the court until the courthouses are ours is it shouldn't take a second for the pay me money they owe me they probably just text me okay we will turn around ready to go on the offensive if I knew now for what you're doing right now and handling the price is death if you would do