#like look at my lawyer dawg im going to jail

[waitineedaname]

oh my god. wait. modern au wei wuxian where he went to prison, and when he gets out he works his ass off to become a defense attorney. he's smart as hell and loves finding loop holes and calling people out when they're breaking their own rules. he'd be a fucking menace in the courtroom.

[capricornlevi]

higuruma x reader -- gn!reader -- former academic rivals to lovers -- kinda nsfw, mdni

Law school reunion with Higuruma, whom you had written off as a hopeless idealist throughout your time studying together -- and for good reason.

He's a defender of the hopeless, for fuck's sake. A man like him could be on six figures by now if he had the slightest shred of self-preservation. He, like you, consistently performed at the highest level, scoring in the high nineties on every exam and every presentation. You figured you'd be fighting him off for internships and traineeships once graduation came.

But here he is tonight, informing everyone of his gallant pursuits -- you can't believe he hasn't caved and chosen a more lucrative path. e

But you're also unsurprised; even though he's more weary than you remember him being and the bags under his eyes have darkened, he still has that glint in his eye. That fire you remember so well.

Maybe it's not idealism that drives him after all. Maybe it's frustration, anger at the inability to use all of this knowledge for actual, meaningful, concrete good. A feeling of hopelessness, of fighting against this inevitable tide that drags you all in with it.

And you tell yourself that's why you bring him back to your hotel room at the end of the night. You just want to figure him out. You're curious about it.

It has nothing to do with you missing the feeling of his hands against the bare skin of your lower back, of course. His lips against your collarbones, nipping at the sensitive skin. The memories of meeting him in a library study room, of him guiding you against one of the desks and trailing his fingers up your thighs until you had tears gathering at your waterline, until you practically begged him to put you out of your misery and touch you where you needed to be touched.

Nothing to do with the fact that every man after him has been a relative disappointment; they've all been either sycophantic or unchallenging, both in bed and out of it. When you and Higuruma really got into it, after late nights spent arguing over group presentations or debating the merits of legal principles, when you'd unleash all of the pent-up tension and frustration in the most satisfying of ways ...

He always pushed you just enough, though. Never too far. A gentle taunt would be followed by praise, sweet words that made your face heat as he drove his hips into yours.

Maybe your venture tonight isn't solely scientific. Maybe you're tired of going unchallenged, and know that if any man can draw those sounds of out you again, if anyone can have you so coiled up with pleasure that your vision whites out, if anyone can press kisses against the curve of your spine as you lay breathless in bed afterwards ...

Maybe there's no harm in appreciating a little idealism.

[interstate35south]

how babies look at you when you tell them they can’t eat antifreeze and paint thinner

ty @coolpolicellama for speaking this idea into existence

[floweypilled]

do any tally hall fans live here

[glass-oranges]

Girl is back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[xycuro-illuminati]

I'm pro stubble Matt sowwy he's an awful hairy beast to me its funny

[syn4k]

oh my god apparently jordan served on jury duty irl a few months before isles started. Bro imagine youre in L.A and you get sent accused of a crime and you walk into the courtroom and captainsparklez is there. i cant make a "look at my lawyer dawg im going to jail" joke because jury duty doesnt work like that however i Can say "look at my juror dawg whether i go to jail or not the law will be interpereted faithfully and impartially" because. well. its jordan we're talking about here innit.

[lodish]

Yanfei also as well ^_^

YANFEI TIME

First Impression: i was mostly confused bc of what clothes they put her in😭😭 look at my lawyer dawg im going to jail etc

Impression Now: im not the biggest fan of her but i dont have anything against her at all!!! i think shes an interesting character to place in liyue because of her emphasis on administering the law in the land of contracts. shes like one of 3 characters that could convince me to play in jpn voiceover

Favorite Moment: i remember being pretty amazed when she figured out what to do in perilous trail because of what she had previously read in a book!!! i dont remember this moment clearly because half of that quest was played through TEARS IN MY EYES

Idea for a Story: oh they should totally just keep bringing her around with the arataki gang. the yanfei shinobu itto trio is something i greatly enjoy

unpopular opinion: i think her clothes are dogshit im sorry they kind of piss me off we need to get her something WAY BETTER to wear. sorry. its annoying to me bc i think she would serve so much cunt in like. Fucking Pants. which is why i greatly enjoy seeing modern au art of her i just want to see her in normal pants

favorite relationship: grins. do you think she and yelan had a situationship?

favorite headcanon: she and shinobu are penpals ^_^!!!!!!! i really love them i was super happy to see her and shinobu talk in that recent event!!

[maipepperonis]

do people even like mishima?!?😨bros so fine like coconut slam dunk anyday💯💯also i’m making a whole collection of those one photos on the tiktok slideshows that are like “look at my lawyer dawg im going to jail” or smth of mishima i also made minecraft mishima💀

[chaoticwhoknows]

when apollo said that orestes killing clymnestra isn’t a crime bc the mother is not a blood relative orestes must have been like look at my lawyer dawg im going to jail

[oak-woodtrees]

look at my lawyer dawg im going to jail

lawyer: yknow like nya

[dreiiton]

i need a version of that 'look at my lawyer dawg, I'm goin to jail 😭!!!!!!' meme, but for accounting

like 'look at my accountant dawg, im gonna go bankrupt 😭!!!!!!!

[barbara60k]

tgcf lawyer au, where xie lian is a judge and everyone calls him your honour instead of your highness and all the different plot points of tgcf are court cases he is handling. hua cheng is some dude that keeps on getting taken to court for doing things that are morally wrong but completely legal and so wins all his cases (there is definitely no bias on behalf of xie lian because he is particularly good looking and after overseeing his fourth case he is starting to get a little attached, none at all)