#like obviously theres no ‘hey ONLY talk about season two of the show’ rule on the server. that would be unhinged

[burinazar]

I was thinking “haha it’s so weird and silly i got soOOO into this one very specific part/arc/related minor-ish character group of a franchise, i haven’t done that before have i? this is a new weirdness for me isn’t it?”

and then suddenly vividly remembered my inconvenient and untenable and frankly quite extreme obsession with the romulan star empire all throughout middle school, with such force and clarity that i had to put a hand to my face

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 5 - Lancelot<3

- YES BBG’s IT'S MY BOY LANCE

- he’s one of my fav characters u guys don't even KNOW

- like yah okay, i've only seen hiM FOR ONE EPISODE

- but he’s the light of my life

- and he may not even come back but he looks like a character that would come back especially if the fucking ep is named after him

-  oh damn, i sure hope he does

- and goes into arthurs posse of knights or whatever, replacing val

- or what valerie was gonna be

- idek, lets get to it bc i could go on for days just picturing lance as a main character while continuously expressing my love for him

- BUT NOTHING ELSE OBVIOUSLY BC THIS IS NOW A CATHOLIC WEBSITE

- tumblrs trynna urge me to go with them nasty thoughts

- you wish tumblr

- you WISH you can ban me

- u can't live without sucking dick >:(

- wow slow down shev... wow okay sorry. christianism. i forgot

- it got the best of me

- back to the episode!

- omg it's buckbeak why he making a cameo in merlin??

- my inner potterhead(uwu) is coming out i hate this

- bet you can't guess which house i'm in ;)

- it's fucking slytherin, it's literally so obvious

- hissshiss motherfuckers

- ew guys

- this is so hard to type considering my fucking ‘-’ button (called a dash for u furries who only see a face) is broken and i have to literally smash it to make it work, so i'm just insanely typing up the next dash by screaming at my keyboard that i can't fucking fix

- and i have so many dasHES TO DO!

- that made no sense bc yall aren't living in my socks at the moment

- BUT I'M DYING IT'S SO HARD TO JUST GET IT TO PRESS

- fuck it copy paste, my best friend, you always come when the time is needed

- LANCELOT LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL

- lowkey looked like that guy from the 100 though

- but better

- nothing against baloney of course

- lancelot literally just introduced himself, the camera panned in onto his chest, then he proceeded to faint or some shit with the camera still zoomed on his chest, and merlin reached up to grab his shirt, probably to yank it the fuck off and the opening credits rolled up. wtf was that scene.

- WAIT I REWINDED IT

- it's not supposed to be a zoom in of his chest lmao, my hoe ass thought we had a little fanservice for a second, but there's a big mushroom-looking blood stain on his shirt which i guess is supposed to mean he's fucking dead so it's not all that confusing anymore

- when was he stabbed tho?

- whatever. shit always goes down in BBC that's often unexplainable.

- “it had claws, wings…” arthur stops his sentence melodramatically while uther looks terrified. “and.. what?” WHAT UTHER?? WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?? YOU THINK ARTHURS  GONNA BE LIKE “FANGS, STEVE BUSCEMI'S EYEBALLS, DANNY DEVITO’S HAIRLINE, TALKS LIKE JOHN MULANEY?? I JUST TOLD YOU WHAT I SAW, NOT WHAT I IMAGINED. FATHER”

- but no… livestock apparently

- that’s what uthers shocked by

- not that theres a fucking griffin living in his world

- wait theres magic, means theres magic creatures doy

- but still, even if we all had magic here, i think it would be a little shocking seeing a griffin come for buckingham palace randomly

- or i guess if youre reading this and are in america, in the white house

- oh and it took only people apparently

- i guess that’s a little more severe but i stand uncorrected

- they be having a wild time in the hippogriff’s house ;)

- honestly sounds like a fucked up hogawart house

- here we have slytherin, hufflepuff, ravenclaw and... *looks at smudged writing on hand* hippogriff

- okay, who tf has a dream of coming to camelot when it's the most feared place, with banned magic and an asshole king with his hot bitchy son and a sorcerer who just brings chaos to the land

- well i mean, me 

- bc of the hot bitchy son but whatever

- camelot? more like cameNOT

- arthur calls himself the ultimate killing machine like the edge lord he is

- ARTHUR FUCKING KO’D THE BITCH

- knee to the nose and all wtf man

- this is probably foreshadowing smth with the “only noble blood can swoosh like a knight” thing, like somethings gonna happen and poor people are gonna revolt and uthers gonna be like “GEEZ fine, okay, no nobles can become a knight”

- merlins such a shit stirer, telling lance he can be a knight and telling him arthur would love him when we really know whats gonna happen bc of that rule

- and here’s gaius like uhh u liar wtf, crushing lance’s dreams while merlins just like wtf gaius, live in the moment, we can do anything, this is OUR show

- literally their such good friends and have known each other for a solid 10 minutes only

- i'm not that big into beards but id love to rub my face on lance’s

- HOMEWORK IS MERLIN’S EXCUSE, MERLIN UR LIKE 20 IN A WORLD PROB WITHOUT HOMEWORK

- haha little fault there, or like a minor inconvenience which isn’t important but i like to pretend to be smart: middle ages or well the show’s era was more in “AD” (476-ish is the start of middle ages, while the arthurian legend is supposed to happen in the 5/6th century so yeah, technically 400/500 AD), and homework supposedly only started up in 1095 so BOOM BBC GOTCHA

- no, merlin’s not gonna perform magic right in front of the librarian

- does he not know the wrath of librarians???

- our librarian at school literally kicked everyone out of the library once for the whole semester because there was an apple core on the bookshelf. this was during exam week. do u know how much i wanted to kill the person who didn't admit to their mistakes and let everyone suffer. WE COULDN'T ENTER TO EVEN STUDY

- OH GOD, HE'S DOING IT MERLIN IS A FUCKING MESS

- gwen and lancelot are my favourite thing, i literally want them to be together by the next episode

- or the next one with lance

- WAIT LANCELOT IS SUPPOSED TO BE A MAIN CHARACTER ISN'T HE BC I KNOW VAGUELY THE ARTHURIAN LEGEND AND LANCELOT WAS A KNIGHT WASN'T HE???? HE WAS A FUCKING KNIGHT AND ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT NEXT TO LIKE IDK BEDEVERE OR SMTH THIS IS AMAZING NEWS GUYS I LITERALLY COULD BE A DETECTIVE

- !!!! the only heto ship on this show i actually adore !!!!!!

- i mean i only love two things: merthur and glance

- idek what gwen and lance’s ship name is so its now glance

- merlin would be the best wingman for them by being gwens bestie

- “you can start by cleaning out the stables” *lance looks to merlin while merlin gives him the biggest smile and thumbs up* this fuckING DORK

- harry potter au where everything is the same but that grim reaper looking human creature in the prisoner of azkaban executing buckbeak is actually lancelot in the future 

- for symbolism purpose, not saying lance is like an animal killer but yknow

- same thing with the griffin yknow

- the two prettiest dudes in my world fighting against one another while sweat is glistening down their forheads is my new favourite aesthetic

- BUCKBEAK HAS COME

- oh wait no, people having been attacked by buckbeak have come

- netflix fucked up by subbing arthur as “orther” and i never laughed so hard

- don’t make me fucking laugh when there’s an ambush, netflix, this is not christian

- annd arthur’s pride is gone, and he goes up to chop lance’s fucking head off

- OH SHIT THAT TRANSITION THOUGH

- i'm so proud of my bb like genuinely so proud, lance deserves so much and here is is!! a knight!!

- MORGANA APPEARS THE LOML

- the three lomls in one room?? seriously bbc?? you really doing that to me?? for once im actually impressed and happy

- he's gonna get caught, i mean i KNOW that, but like it's still stressing out

- ewewewewewewewewewew

- arthur called morgana “isn't she so beautiful??” with a lovey dovey face pls don't lead this to that stepsibling porn bullshit i'm going to fucking puke

- i hated that shadowhunter bullshit like they seriously going to hit me with the indirect incest?? i was so done. i hated jace and clary, idc if theyre like the most popular couple, like wheres my raphael lovers at bc that's a boy i can enjoy

- “so if you could choose one... lance or arthur?” merlin subtly asks gwen like he doesn't have an answer himself

- it would have been so perfect geez, gwen and lance, merlin and arthur, myself and morgana

- i really wanna know what lance, merlin and arthur look like drunk bc that's a hell of a hangover they got the next morning and they probably cut out most of the soiree so like what did they do?? was there any drunk dancing and flirting??? bc i literally want to see that happen

- ik it's a bad thing but those drunk tropes where someone confesses their love to the person they like while under the influence is my favourite thing bc it's both hilarious, genuine and the other person often helps them to their feet and gets them to a safer place to rest and that's fricken adorable guys!

- not the drinking obviously, thats like a thing you can enjoy if you want but ya girl does not like drinking. or, well, she likes drinking with a limit. you can tell who likes to be the designated driver lmao. people here be drinking flat out whiskey and i tried it once and it burned by fucking throat

- merlin fucked up

- and this is technically his fault

- THEY GOT CAUGHT LMAO IT IS HIS FAULT

- hungover and caught this won't bode well

- “not worthy of a knighthood”

- hey so how do you retract a knighthood?

- do you like reverse the shoulder tapping

- like if you're christian, bc you know, we, as a christian group on this tumblr site, should already know about it... but when we do that cross thing on our shoulders, it means like a direct call with god or some shit. and if we do it the opposite direction it's considered the antichrist so is it the same for knighthood?

- OMG I JUST HAD AN EPIPHANy

- okay with christianity it's tapping the head the stomach, shoulder then shoulder, right? but the reverse is the anti cross like shoulder to shoulder, stomach and head. but… what if it were tapping the stomach, crotch, hip to hip? it would make sense right??? since the cross is upside down… it would lead to the dick and not the head. THAT'S WHY IT'S AN UPSIDE DOWN CROSS. BC YOU AINT SUPPOSED TO GRAB THEM BALLS UNTIL MARRIAGE!!! I SEE OMG I SEE YOU JESUS, TRYNNA HIDE UR FLOURISHING SEXUALITY

- omg guys, don't grab ur fucking balls in this blog post, it's considered the antichrist

- “you never will be” lmao he's gonna come back, he's lancelot, that's a main in the og legend

-  how pissed will lance be with merlin

- i hope big time bc like... angry lance *dries off sweat with hands*

- aw damn lance isn't mad he's like “this is my punishment. mine to bare, mine to bare alone. stop blaming urself. i put this on me” this fucking goof is making me swoon once fucking more

- NOW BUCKBEAKS BACK

- he's a real goat x3

- buckbeak can literally fuck shit up in the air, camelot has nothing on him

- ARTHURS FUCKING DEAD LMAO

- oh wait he aint, just a few of his knights

- imagine being an extra and playing as one of those knights. having to fight next to bradley james, and have him look at you when someones doing something stupid like you can mentally agree with him and then pretend to die on camera. that would be my dream. make-a-wish better do me some good when i get diseased that will prob be named after me

- hoephagus

- stupidolis

- nah thats stupid

- ;)

- i now understand mulans will to pretend to be a guy and join the army bc i would literally do that if i could stay with arthur fucking pendragon

-  aw it's called a griffin not a hippogriff

- i'm saddened

- harry potter has taught me WRONG

- this looks to be the climax where merlins like “fine guys, geez, i'll kill the griffin bc i'm magic!! wow!!! but arthur obviously knew, and i thought gwen was gonna know but she shocked me even more when she didn’t like fucking hell everyones oblivious. but since you can only kill buckbeak with magic, sigh, i'm exposing myself ig” even if it's like halfway through season 1 with 5 seasons altogether, this looks to be the right time

- this really sounds to be what we are waiting for, what kilgarah said about the destiny merlin will have

- WAIT WE HAVEN'T SEE THAT BITCH IN A WHILE

- wheres the dickwad gone lmao like was the actor busy the last few episodes or what?

- OMG ARHTURS BREAKING LANCE OUT OF PRISON SO HE CAN BE A KNIGHT

- how is the “arthurs pretty gay” theory not popped up more times on here

- like we all know merthurs pretty great and all

- but CANON wise arthur seems super gay to me

- like he just told lance to get up his ass because “i need… uhh... camelot needs” like he was just about to say he needs lance in his life

- have you not seen the glances??

- fucking hell

- arthur slowly comes closer to lance pretending to talk about what he knows about the creature

- lance also coming closer to ask if he truly believes that, with a raised eyebrow

- thought this shit was only in books and fanfics

- but no guys, we got a gay eyebrow raise

- bc we all know only the gays are capable of eyebrow raises

- fucking hell this is gay i cant even explain it

- like its subtly gay, but out of context youd think this is something out of a fansite

- and merlins not even in this scene

- “take the horse and never return to this place” OKAY NO FIRST OF ALL SECOND OF ALL FUCK OFF LMAO THIS ISNT GAY ANYMORE

- i mean he’s doing it out of the goodness of his heart, saving him from prison and all but lance wants to like…  be a good man and you aint letting him do that

- OMG LANCE IS SAYING GOODBYE TO GWEN

- LANCE BETTER FUCKING KISS HER

- I LOVE GWEN AND LANCE TOGETHER #STAN

- fucking kiss you fucking bafoon

- THEY DIDN'T FUCKING KISS WTFUCKINGFUCK

- merlin looks so dumb holding his dagger as if he doesn’t know what to do with it but i love that for me

- WAIT I THOUGHT LANCELOT WAS LITERALLY GONNA GO YEET OUT OF CAMELOT NOT TO FUCKING SACRIFICE HIMSELF AND FIGHT THE GRIFFIN

- bafoons, all of them

- big bouncing bucking bafoons

- arthur looks so scared i've never been so in love and want to PROTECT

- omg for all merlin and lance know, that scream was arthur fucking dying- OMG IT WAS ARTHUR

- HE'S FUCKAN DEAD

- nvm he's alive but like yall not think to check for some arterial wounds bc he could be alive now, but in 5 mins he could legit not make it

- slow music means death

- lancelot you were the best husband i've ever had, rip

- i would be crying more if i didn’t know what happened, but since i already spoiled myself on the first season by watching this about a year ago, i'm not that sad but its still getting to me slightly

- hahahaha so happy everyones okayyy

- ARTHUR AND LANCE TiME!

- arthur looks so happy for lance literally crack ship right there

- why does nobody talk about this wyd

- and here’s arthur defending lance’s honour

- but uthers being a bitch

- omg that transition from lance being told to wait outside, the camera following him out of the room and the doors slamming behind him just in time to hear uther yell at arthur from next door is what gives me chills

- uther better fucking accept lance

- “the law is the law” yeah but the law also says to stop being a stuck-up bitch, uther

- literally lance is the only fucking person to not see through merlins blatant magic tricks

- like he saw that shit, called it out and was not like “oh what its a trick of the wind, surely”

- and he's not fazed at all, u see merlin it aint that bad to tell some people

- the only thing he is worrying about is the credit he says he doesn’t deserve bc merlin killed the griffin and not him

- see how fucking great my husband is, guys

- he better not be like “sucks to suck, i lied again! it aint me, chief” to uther and arthur

- NAH OKAY HE’S JUST BIDDING HIS FAREWELL IM GONNA FUCKING CRY IN THE CLUB

- he better fucking come back soon >:(

- seasonal guest star at least

- main characters, big bonus

- we barely saw morgana this episode and i'm not okay with that, but at the same time it was more lance-centric so i'm aight actually. we got all the time in the world for my baby girl, but lance :’( good luck man

- literally everyone is so gay for lance

- gwens into him for sure, and i love that the most (guess thats not gay but whatever, beggars can't be choosers)

- arthur has a little crush ngl

- and merlins full out in love with him

- not to mention MY FUCKING SELF

- i mean, i won't deny that he’s literally perfect in every way and i've only known him for one episode, but i agree whole heatedly with these crushes

- “till next time, sir lancelot” merlin whispers with a smile

- yeah that's me right there

- BC I'LL BE SEEING HIM IN THE FINAL EPISODE OF THIS SEASON!

- greeting us all with the news on being cast full-time for the show, being the best guard around and a lover boy to all

- guys i feel like i'm on aphrodisiacs but instead of desire for sex, it's love for lancelot

- send help

[zombierunfiction]

Season 1 Mission 15: Virtuous Circle

It was three days after the Keeley Center mission and Charlotte had holded herself up in her room refusing to talk to anyone.  

Esspecially Sam.

Janine had given Charlotte a few days to recover from the shock of seeing Amir alive, but on the 4th day a knock came to the door.  Jody, whom had been sitting in the room watching charlotte just stare at the wall, walked over and opened the door.

"Hey Sam... Is something wrong?"  Jody asked.

"Oh no no... theres a mission that I think is just what Char needs to pull herself out of this dark cloud."  Sam said as he stepped in.

Jody steps aside then shuts the door.  "Good luck on that."  She said sitting back on the bed.

Sam walked over sitting on the bed next to Charlotte.  "Hey Char."  He whispers softly resting his hand on her leg.  Charlotte closed her eyes turning her head into the pillow.  Sam looked down at her sadly.  "Char I know that what ever you saw out there... really shook you... but I'm here to help you.  I really care about you.  More than I should."

Charlotte tenses slightly under his hand.  Only Janine knew why she had locked herself away and just avoided everyone.  "He's alive..."  She breathes as tears begin filling her eyes.  

"He-... Oh... Amir's alive?"  Sam asked softly as Charlotte nods as she sucks in a sob.

"He's... part of New Canton..."  Charlotte whimpers.

Sam looks down at her sadly as he looked at Jody for a moment.  Jody nodded walking out of the home.  Sam gently wrapped his arms around Charlotte pulling her into his lap.  Charlotte instantly latched onto Sam burying her face into his neck starting to sob softly.  Sam held her tight rubbing her back as he nuzzled her head gently.  

The two sat there for a bit until Charlotte's sobs turned into hic up as she held onto Sam tight  Slowly she lifted her head showing that military strength gave way to pure sadness and guilt in her eyes.  Sam reached into his hoodie and pulled out a piece of toilet paper.  He gently wiped her eyes then holds it to her.  Charlotte takes the tissue and blows her nose loudly wiping away the snot from her face.  

"I knew this was a possibility Char... but I want to ask you one thing.  Do you want me to back off and just be your friend until you find out what you want to do about Amir?"  Sam asked softly.

Charlotte looked at him hic uping sadly.  She was so torn about Amir.  Being with him she always felt like she was starving for his attention or competeing for his time.  With Sam it was effortless.  Sam was easy to care about and was ready for a hug or even a private moment together.  She reached up cupping both of his cheeks looking into his eyes before leaning over kissing him softly.  Sam hummed softly holding her gently as she slowly broke the kiss.  She looked into his eyes gently pressing her forehead to him.

Suddenly it hit her.

If the roles had been switched, Amir would have just let her lock herself away.  He didn't care.  Sam respected her enough to give her the choice but still cared about her enough to check in on her.  

"No.  It's been over for Amir and I... I want..."  Charlotte breathed deeply.  "I want to be with you... if you will have me."  She said wrapping her arms around his neck.

The smile that appeared on Sam's face could have lit up all of Abel for a week.  "Of course I'll have you.  You smart, kind, brave and... well if you don't mind me saying... uh... very sexy."  He blushed softly as Charlotte smiled petting his hair.  

They shared another kiss before Charlotte pulled back smiling.  "So what's this mission you told Jody about?"

"It's a fun mission.  Entertainment."  Sam says smiling.  "You up for it?"

Charlotte nodded.  "Let me get my face washed and ready for the mission."

"I'll let Janine know and Maxine will be joining us."  Same said as Charlotte got up slowly letting Sam get up as well.  Charlotte walked over to the mirror in the room where she ran a brush through her hair and pulled it into a tight braid quickly.  Sam stood there watching her for a moment before planting a kiss to her cheek walking out happily.  Charlotte looked at him as he walked out smiling.  She felt a weight was lifted off her shoulders.

She felt free.

She went to the wash rooms to wash her face before going to the packs.  She got her pack, axe, and headset with the head cam on then headed towards the comms shack.  

"Sam, Maxine.  I'm ready to go."  Charlotte said.

"Wonderful to hear from your Charlotte.  You're feeling better right?"  Maxine asked.

"She's fine Maxine.  I just told her the good news."  Sam said laughing softly.

Charlotte couldn't help the blush that covered her cheeks.  Sam was very proud of this apparently.  "Yeah.  I've decided I'm not going to let Amir being alive ruin the little bit of happiness I've found."

"That's my girl!"  Maxine cried as Sam smiled.  

"Alright so the mission.  As your probably aware Abel Township's been doing pretty damn well, lately.  You might have noticed that zombie attacks are right down, people aren't crying so much, the children have less scurvy, and there have been more conversations about the weather, and fewer about the inevitable demise of the human race.  Pretty good right?"  Sam said with a smile.

"It's a cirtuous circle, you know.  Happier people have better immune systems."  Maxine said.

"Right!  which is where you come in, Runner Five.  We have a special mission for you as i said.  We've fitting you with that headcam, because this should be a low-risk mission.  We're still testing that thing out.  We've heard that the big toy store on Possum Place is untouched.  We need you to go out there and get us... well, fun stuff!"  Sam said as Charlotte chuckled.  

"Any particular fun stuff?"  Charlott asks.

"I feel we can trust your judgement on this. Fun stuff!  The funner, the better." Sam says happily.

"While remembering to watch out for the zombies." Maxine counters.

"And maybe Runner Five can even make the zombies fun!  Pretend like it's... well, some kind of game!"  Sam supplies.

"Don't be ridiculous."  Maxine sighs.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry.  Okay.  Runner Five, ready?"  Sam asks.

"Ready!"  Charlotte said.

"Set?  Go!"  Sam said as the gate opened and she took off towards Possum Place.

Charlotte took the path into the shopping center where several stores have been looted and torn up.  "Sam there's no zoms or looters around right?"

"Not a soul in sight.  Why?"  Sam questioned.  

"This area looks like that game uh... what was it called.  Like a half a dozen sequals... had an abandoned town with a virus?"  Charlotte tried to think.

"Silent Hill?"  Maxine supplied.  

"Yeah Silent Hill.  I tried out one of the games and it freaked it me out.  This feels just like it."  Charlotte said as Maxine laughed softly.

"Oh poor thing.  Paula tried out Silent Hill 2 and it gave me nightmares."  Maxine said as Sam chuckled.

"I never liked horror video games."  Sam said as Charlotte looked around.  "Okay, there's the toy store at the end of the road.  Aw, man!  Look at the displays in the window!  Chipottle Labs games, Data Spire games, the new tie-in for Neroy, the Ronald Vault movie!  Well, I say 'new', I mean, 'new' six months ago, before the apocalypse."  Sam said excitably.

"I know this makes me sound lame, but I don't know if I've played any of those things."  Maxine said softly.

"Join the club Maxine."  Charlotte said as she walked inside shutting the door.

Sam laughed softly.  "That's because you spent all your time saving lives and stuff!  Not on important things like playing video-"

"Wait!"  Maxine said as Charlotte stopped.

"What?"  Charlotte questioned.

"They have the new Croatic module!  Evening of the Shambling Ones?  Oh my god, I thought that never arrived from the States before the apocalypse!"  Maxine said as Charlotte deflated.

"Maxine you're like Sam aren't you?"

"Hey!"  Sam called.

"Croatic is one of the best set of modules ever for Darkness and Demons, the roleplaying game.  The best roleplaying game ever!"  Maxine said excitably.

"You... roleplay?"  Sam questioned.

"Paula got me into it.  I thought we talked about this. That conversation we had about when the magical parasite infected her spine..."  Maxine said.

"Infected her what?!"  Charlotte said in surprise.

"I thought that was a story about a really weird day at the hosptial."  Sam supplied.

"And I had to sacrifice a goat to the god Loki to save her..."  Maxine offered.

"I did wonder about that, given your stance on alternative medicine."  Sam sighed.

Maxine sighed as well.  "You're an idiot.  Runner Five, pick up that module right away, and... damn!  Do they not have the original Darkness and Demons game pack?"

"Can't we just work with what we've got?"  Charlotte asked.

"No we need to roll out new characters.  Runner five, grab Croatic, Evening of the Shambling Ones.  I can't believe they have it!  Oh... and leave there and head straight on, you should come to a store where they'll definately stock the original rule books."  Maxine said as Charlotte sighs also picking up some card games and smaller boxed games.  She then ran towards another store down the way seeing what looks like a mall like set of shops.  "Okay, there, look - a Sea Wolf building, the little gaming store on the ground floor? Yeah, they should have it."  MAxine said as Charlotte ran down the stairs heading for the store.  

"So what am I looking for again?"  Charlotte questioned.

"You're looking for the Darkness and Demons rule book, fourth edition.  that's very important - not the third edition, that one doesn't have the additional rules for handling mind-controlled warlock-driven hordes."  Maxine said as Charlotte ran inside shutting the door.

"Okay.  Up until now, I thought you might be joking, but this is... really scary."  Sam said.

"Are you telling me you've never dabbled with roleplaying games?"  Maxine questions.

"Obviously not!  They're for nerds!"  Sam counters.

"The view must be great from your glass house Sam."  Charlotte said with a smirk.

"Oh, unlike video games."  Maxine says.

"They're mainstream!"

"Superhero comics!"

"Everybody like Batman, and Superman, and... Aquaman..."

"Cosplay?"

"I told you, that was one time only!  And just because my girlfriend at the time liked Aquaman!"  Sam says embaressingly.

Charlotte thought about the one picture of Aquaman and superimposed Sam into that outfit making a grin appear on her face.  That wasn't a bad image.  She then looked around the shelves picking up some small books for the kids.

"Mmhmm... oh, okay, good, Runner Five, that's the right rule book.  Just pick that up, and-" Maxine started as Charlotte grabbed the book before Sam came back on.

"Wait, wait, look, look!  They have the figurines, look!  Ashlaq the Snow God, Varta the Warlock of Pale Mountain, oh oh oh!  Reginald the MAgnificent!"  Sam said excitably.

"Yeah, you've never played roleplaying games?"  Maxine says sarcasticly.  "Okay, get the figurines too, Runner five, and head-"

"But, but! If we have the figurines, we need paint.  Go to, mmm... head down, um head down Deisegerrold Lane, and there should be a store here."  Sam stated.

"Which you've never been into..."  Maxine says with a grin.

"Oh shut up!"  Sam cries out as Charlotte shook her head taking out a box of figurines and putting them into the pack.  She didn't know how much longer she was going to be out but her pack was getting rather full.  She was going to have to be more selective about what she grabbed.  Charlotte ran down the walk of the mall seeing the street signs.  "There, there!  Philip's Craft Store, with the special paints.  There.  Get lots of white, you always need more of that than you think."  

"For the dry brush work, right?"  Maxine supplies.

"I think I actually love you."  Sam jokes as Charlotte looks at the paints reaching for the first white she saw.  "No, no, no not that paint Runner Five, that's only for plastic, that flakes off pewter."

Charlotte pursed her lips then looked towards other paints.  "Wait, doesn't that..."  Maxine says softly.

"Yes, yes, the red!  all the shades you can find."  Sam said quickly.

"Wait, but doesn't one of those..."  Maxine sighs softly.  "I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that one of the ingredients in Crucible Carmine has been linked to cancer in rats?"

"Maxine..."  Sam says.

"No, I read it in a medical journal."  Maxine stresses.

"Maxine, you do know where we are right?  Middle of the zombie apocalupse?  You're wondering whether something causes cancer in rats?"  Sam says as Charlotte looked around outside the shop before sitting down on one of the tables.  She was just going to wait until they came to some kind of understanding.  

"No hospitals, all the more reason to stay healthy."  Maxine said.

Sam sighed heavily.  "Yeah, okay - grab all the red except Crucible Carmine, and then... hm... wait are those acrylic paints?"

"Ooh, those don't last as long."  Maxine says softly.

"Yeah, it wears off.  We need oil paint, or enamel.  To the other craft store!"  Sam says.  

"I say no."  Charlotte said simply.

"No?  why?"  Maxine asked.

"This is the third shop you two have sent me to and niether one of you can agree on what I can get.  I've already gotten a lot of games and toys.  I will get paint but I don't think I will have enough room for everything you two think you will need."  Charlotte said as she grabbed a box of sample enamel paint and put it in her bag.  "I will however go see what else there is in this shopping area."

Both Sam and Maxine were silent before Sam sighs.  "You're right Runner Five.  I'm sorry."

"Me too."  Maxine said softly.

"No hard feelings.  This definately has cheered me up though Sam."  Charlotte says smiling as she ran out of the store and headed down the street.

"Do you think it's possible that we've sent Runner Five on a rec run for something that is a kind of um... niche interest?"  Maxine questioned.

"Hey, if you like roleplaying games, and I like roleplaying games..."  Sam said.

"I'm pretty sure we could get Runner 8 on board with this..."  Maxine says softly.

"Yeah, and Jack and Eugene, you know those guys that do the radio show?  Wait... wait! Do you think we could find... costumes?  Oh, I've always wanted a Perplexor costume!"

"With all the exclamation marks?  Mm... wouldn't suit you.  Not with you, uh... look. do you see that?"  Maxine says.

"Oh, Right.  Uh, yeah, um... Runner Five?  Looks like there are some zombies after you.  I, uh..." Sam says.

"Looks like those exlamation mark underpants will have to wait."  Charlotte said as she took off out of the shopping area.  "Sorry Sam."  

"Yeah, Runner Five - best work ever!  Com on home, now."  Sam said as Charlotte rounded the shopping center and headed back towards Abel.

*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~          

<   17   >

Season 1 Beginning

[viralhottopics]

‘Are You The One?’ Recap: So It Begins

Jambo, morons! Welcome back to another riveting season of where the success rate is similar to the cast members combined IQs: practically non-existent. But hey, were Americans. We love shit that is destined to failwhether its reality shows or President-elects. Its our cross to bear.

ANNNNYWAYS. So MTV had a hard job to do: top the group of idiots that made up season 4. And thankfully for you, but mostly for me, they did just that. Shoutout to you MTV, you da real MVP.

Also, as many of you know, I tend to feature quotes from my loveable, yet incredibly cruel mother in these recaps. You think Im bad? She once called a woman in Starbucks a psycho bitch because she took the last of the skinny vanilla mix. True story. DM me for details. Lets begin now.

This season MTV really went for #culture and decided to have the show in the Dominican Republic. Even reality shows get island fever, I guess. I mean, you can really only throw so many group orgys/luaus so many times on one show.

Ryan Devlin, the host who you feel bad for like 99% of the time, meets up with the cast and is like you guys all suck at and theyve all been trained to say relationships. Of course they all forget their one fucking line and just sound like they are saying random shit.

RYAN: You guys suck at CASTMATE 1: Relationships! CASTMATE 2: Tomato! CASTMATE 3: Unicorn piss! CASTMATE 4: 9/11 was a hoax!

We meet Tyranny (Mom Quote: IS HER NAME TRANNY!?! theyre so cute when they are mildly offensive) says that all of her boyfriends have either cheated on her or knocked other girls up. In the words of Donald Trump: Sad! Very Unfair!

Theres Jaylan who used to be a loser, hit the gym, now gets pussy. Male Laney Boggs. Tale as old as time. Moving on.

Taylor: hottest girl on the show easily, talks about how her dad would kill some of the men she has dated, low-key concerned for her safety and the safety of others.

Theres Joey, the povo as fuck part-time garbage man who spent his last remaining dollars on a gaudy watch. Obviously a very smart investor. Didnt know sent kids on scholarship. Im just happy hes honest about being a garbage man and doesnt try and be like Im a sanitation assistant. Not that any of them know what sanitation means.

Joey is def hot though10/10 would bang, just to get hook up with blue collar worker off my bucket list.

REAL PICTURE OF JOEY:

THE FIRST DATE RULES

Ryan explains about how they do comprehensive interviews and questionnaires to develop and algorithm that eventually finds their match. You know poor Joey didnt know what was happening after comprehensive.

This season, theres another twist: there are 11 guys and 11 girls, but they only get ten chances. Obviously MTV was giving away too much money with this show, so they made more couples. What? Youre thinking it.

For the first date, MTV acted like a bunch of fucking narcs and sent bios to the contestants’ parents so mom and dad can pick who they think is a match. Everyone is like, Mom dont fuck this up for me.

My mom: If you were ever on this show I would literally never acknowledge you again. (Fair enough.)

Joeys mom picks Carolina, whos like okay cool, whatever. She doesnt know hes a garbage man yet, so give her a break.

Hannah’swho is from my hometown, hey girlfamily picks Oswaldo, a self-described horny genius. Welp, I think a line like that means its time for a shot. Brb.

Anyway, Hannah is like I would rather eat my own spleen then date Oswaldo. (paraphrase)

Giannas mom chose Hayden and they start hugging and are like . Fucking spare me. The other fucking losers have to send these couples to the truth booth after their date.

BACK TO THE HOUSE

The castmates get to their dungeon for the next few months and drinks are flowing and shirts are off. I remember my first sip of alcohol.

Cassandra is drunk and is wanting to touch everyones face. She like Im so flirty when Im drunk which is a weird way of saying Im a hoe.

Its Mikes birthday today. Hes like its my birthday so someone fuck me. *plays Birthday Sex* *stares aggressively at all the women*

Mike describes himself as a typical Staten Island boy. His hobbies include moisturizing, mispronouncing half the English language and fapping off to girls who look like Snooki.

Ozzy is a local, so you know he is dirty as fuck. Kathryn goes to Florida State, you know shes hot as fuck, but also borderline brain-dead.

Shes like I WANT TO BE A TEACHER! and its like, sure ya do sweetie, and I want to be a fucking astronaut. Stick to what you know and continue being a TFM girl.

Ozzy and Kathryn both want to be teachers. Snoreeeeee. Shes already like Im in lovewell folks, weve met the stage-5 clinger for the season.

Michael the douchebagnot be confused with Mike, the little man from Staten Islandis laying it on THICK to Taylor and she is not having it. Taylor has officially become my favorite on the show so far.

MICHAEL:Hey pretty lady TAYLOR:Ew seriously? Girls with asses like mine do not talk to guys with faces like yours.

Shes like youre so full of shit and Im like SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK, TAYLOR.

Hayden and Gianna are talking about how they both have dogs and both like corn and other pretty basic shit and decide theyre going to be together forever.

GIANNA: I breathe air HAYDEN: No way, I breathe air!!!

They both have the flyover state bond, with Hayden being from Indiana and Gianna being from Ohio. Its always cute to see two people from middle America bond and discuss the fact that they fucked the rest of us over. True love.

Everyone is like Hayden and Gianna are a match, even though theyve all known each other for 3 seconds.

Joey the trash man is telling people that hes going to be a carpenter, much like a 3rd grader would say Mommy, Im going to be a superhero! Shannon brings me the biggest laugh of the night by asking him to do her carpets, clearly not knowing what a carpenter is. Shit like that makes me miss my sorority.

Ozzy is chain-smoking and being like I DONT WANT TO BE THE OLD ME. Aka, me on New Years Eve.

Kathryn and Ozzy are drunk as fuck and being flirty and going WE WANT TO HELP KIDS!!!! You stay the fuck away from my future children, Rush-Boobs and Ozzy.

Michael is talking to Gianna and starts telling a sob story about how he was chubby and he blossomed. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one. No seriously, every fucking season they have one of these guys.

MTV CASTING: Ok we need at least one hick, one former fat dude, one ripped black guy and one oddly feminine guy. Search the fucking country.

Michael starts asking Gianna about her open-heart surgery, gets bored halfway through and just starts sucking her face. Okay. Well that escalated quickly. Quote from mom: He doesnt give a shit about her faulty heart. Hes trying to get laid. Profound.

Rush-Boobs wants to make Ozzy jealous and starts low-key hooking up with Mike. Fantastic logic, cant wait for you to educate our youth.

Then we meet Andre, who has trust issues because the girl he liked since 8th grade literally sat on his friends lap. Meanwhile, Tyrannys boyfriends are having children, but OKAY. #dramatic

Alicia is the perpetual sidepiece, aka every womans enemy.

Ozzy and Kathryn already think they are a match and Ozzy forgive Rush-Boobs for hooking up with Mike because hes a cheater too, so this is karma. Wow, how fucking zen of you.

THE DATE

Hayden dresses in camo for the date and Gianna is like You can take the boy out of Indiana, but you cant make him dress like a normal fucking human.

Its very clear Gianna is over Hayden, whereas Hayden hasnt been this excited since he attended a Donald Trump rally last summer.

GIANNA: FML HAYDEN: *excitedly whispers* Build that wall! Build that wall!

Joey just looks like a trash man, like, just in life. He has resting garbage man face.

Hannah does not like Oswaldo, its very obvious. Shes going to call her parents and demand a raise in her monthly allowance for making her suffer through this bullshit.

Gianna starts kissing Hayden and shes like Ill give him a chance. How fucking noble of you.

Carolina and Joey are talking about their parents and Joey tells her that he would never cheat on a girl and Carolina damn near creams her pants. They kiss and meanwhile the whole audience is wondering does she know hes a trash man? That dramatic irony, doe.

THE TRUTH BOOTH

ShockerHayden and Gianna to the truth booth. Michael is like WE MADE OUT LAST NIGHT but Im not jealous.

MICHAEL: Im not even mad! NARRATOR: Michael was, in fact, very mad.

Ah, but there is a truth booth twist! They can trade in truth booth and add $150,000 to their prize. But if they take the money then Hayden and Gianna can never get sent back together.

The house is torn. Im torn. Im all out of faith, this is how I feel.

*Starts Twitter poll asking people what they would do*

They decide not to take the trade, which my mom and I both agree is stupid.

And lookie here: No match. So thats done.

Michael is thrilled. My mom thinks he looks like a baby rat. Cannot un-see that.

Gianna gives a speech basically saying that she didnt feel it the whole time and everyone is like okay cool thanks for telling us, *whispers* ya fuckin bitch.

We also very quickly meet Kam, who has a rotation of men because #feminism. And Edward, who has a chest tattoo. Thats it for now.

Gianna goes to hang out with Michael and hes over it. He makes her cry, I dont really care, blah blah blah, moves on with life. Gianna and Michael are going to be the annoying couple this season. Buckle up.

MATCH CEREMONY

This season they have the blackout rule again but this time they cut the winnings in half if they blackout. Thats way harsh, Tai.

First is Kam and Eddy. Shes building up her newest rotation.

Taylor picks Tyler, who is hot. Wait what? Why did they not introduce the hot guy? What is this fuckery, MTV? They also sound like they could be identical twins.

Kari, dont know her yet so whatever, picks little man Mike.

Casandra picks Kaylen.

Caroline picks Joey.

Tyranny and Oswaldo. Can I just call you Tee? Im going to call you Tee, because Im one letter away from being low-key fucked up.

Giannas dumb ass is up and shes like I HAVE A GREAT CONNECTION WITH MICHAEL so obviously shes going to pick Ozzy.

Tee and Alicia are pissed and threatening to curb stomp this bitch. Fuck yes, this is what I signed up for. Gianna is like Leave me alone everyone, Im proving this to Michael! Literally all you proved was that youre crazy AND stupid.

Hannah picks Michael.

Alicia picks Andre.

Rush-Boobs picks Derek, who is also hot as fuck. Also, Rush-Boobs laugh reminds me of Kitty from. I know. Its all you can think about now.

Shannon, who btw really needs her carpets cleaned, picks Hayden.

Well this is excitingthey get two matches. Not bad for week one. They dont make me want to kill myselfyet.

Ryan gives the follow your heart speech that we hear every fucking episode and the cast goes back to the house to turn the fuck up.

So far, off to an interesting start. Gotta say, good-looking cast this season. Dumb as rocks, but good-looking. Come back next week to see what other shit I can talk about my peers who are doing far worse than I am. Peace, bitches.

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