#like sorry im worried you cant find your way home when you have a notoriously horrible sense of direction and are super pissed off

[savethepinecones]

adding onto the wild ups and downs of the day i just spent an hour wandering outside in slides and a sweatshirt because my mother decided that the best way to deal with an argument was to leave the car and walk around without her phone and hope her famously horrible sense of direction didnt prevent her from getting home. my stepdad called me because hed tried to go after her and fucking went into a-fib so i drove out to the car and tracked her footprints through the fucking snow- at midnight!!!- a solid half mile while my stepdad drove around trying to find her

[windscattered]

Previously

Orlando tensed, ready for sudden movements. Slowly, he looked to Daniel, to measure his reaction to figure out the next move.

Daniel looked horrified. His face had fallen pale and his posture was like a cornered animal’s. Just when Orlando thought he’d faint, his eyes slowly looked down and glazed over, his shoulders drooping in utter defeat.

Orlando decided to try and salvage this. “I am not sure what you’re thinking, but I’m here to just pick up some stuff…” Orlando hesitated. Should he use Daniel’s real name? “... he donated to charity,” Orlando said, putting on his just-a-regular-citizen voice. “Yesterday he donated a coffee maker and a microwave, today it’s some clothes he doesn’t wear anymore.”

The woman’s eyes snapped to Orlando and he immediately understood why Daniel looked so terrified. Her gaze felt like a hawk zeroing in on a mouse. “And who are you?”

Good thing Orlando had learned to mask his emotions from a young age. “My name is Basil. I work for Christine’s Shelter for the Homeless.”

The woman raised her eyebrows. “Mm. And you were here yesterday as well?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

The woman smiled, sickeningly sweet and hiding a dangerous edge. “Interesting. And why did you feel the need to shut my security cameras off while you were here?”

Orlando put a confused look on his face. “The cameras? I… I’m afraid I have no idea what that’s about.”

She narrowed her eyes and stared at Orlando for a long time. “Leave,” she said coldly. “Or I’ll call the police on you.”

“Okay, sheesh,” Orlando said, pretending to be surprised and only slightly peeved. “No need to get so testy.” He left the house and let the brief disguise drop.

This was bad. If the woman was anything like Orlando knew abusive people to be, she would tighten her grip on Daniel now that she’s witnessed an escape attempt. Orlando did manage to play it off as something else, but he was fairly sure she hadn’t bought it. Only an idiot would have looked at the scene right at the front door and thought it was nothing but illicit. Orlando’s stomach twisted as he thought how the woman would treat Daniel from now on… He felt awful for having to leave Daniel there for one more day, but it was either that or risk getting arrested.

Orlando racked his brain for a new plan. Now he not only had to sneak Daniel out of the house, he had to make sure the woman wouldn’t track them down and find him again. Of course, it was surprisingly easy to disappear into the lower levels and be almost completely untracked. Orlando had an advantage in this, since he’s been trained since childhood to track other people while avoiding to be tracked himself.

The hardest part, however, would be getting Daniel and Fang out of the house… The only way Orlando saw how to do that was to wait until the woman was at work and then try again, while hoping it’d work this time.

Orlando sighed and rubbed his forehead. 

As soon as Orlando got home, he texted Daniel, asking if he was okay and reassuring him he was willing to try again if he needed to. He didn’t get an answer in a few days.

On the third day, he finally got a response.

Daniel: Hey sorry for that

Orlando scrambled to reply as fast as he could.

Me: Don’t worry about it! Are you okay?

Daniel: This isnt delano tho sorry

Daniel: This is the guy with the mohawk do you remember me

Me: Oh, yes, I do

Daniel: My names adriano btw

Daniel: Anyway delanos… hes not fine

Daniel: Delanos like… idk how to describe it its like he gave up on escaping its like hes just going to accept that this is his life now

Daniel: Its scary as fuck dude

Daniel: Mom took his phone away like hes a teenager thats so fucking messed up

Daniel: I stole his phone back but he insisted i have it just in case

Daniel: Im fucking terrified moms literally holding him as a prisoner here

Daniel: I never knew mom could do something like this

Daniel: We cant stay here

Daniel: You gotta help us

The texts popped up one after another in rapid succession. Orlando waited until he was done.

Me: Okay. Let me make some things clear. Does Delano still want out?

Daniel: Idk man he’s so defeated

Daniel: Im going to drag him out tho

Daniel: My moms a psycho this place is killing him

Me: Alright. I’ll drag him out too, if you want me to

Daniel: Why is that even a question of course i want you to get us the fuck out of here

Daniel: Theres no way i can trust mom again now that ive seen what shes really like

Me: Of course. And you want to come along too?

Daniel: Yeah

Orlando frowned. Hiding two people and a dog might be tricky. But he would at least try.

Me: I’ll do what I can

Daniel: Delano said you need to talk to lillith

Orlando frowned. Lillith? The founder of the Sex Workers’ Union? The Queen of the Low Levels? Wait, why was Orlando surprised that Daniel knew her? Daniel was a sex worker, of course he would belong in the Union.

Contacting Lillith would be a good call, though. She was notoriously protective of sex workers. If they were lucky, she could help with this situation… 

Me: I’ll do that. Thank you

Me: I’ll contact you when I have a plan

Me: Try to hold on until then

Daniel: Thank you

Daniel: Well do our best

Orlando had worked for Lillith a few times before, but he didn’t know her personally. He had to wonder if she would respond well to him asking a favour, as he wasn’t a part of the union. Figuring he had to at least try, he sent Lillith a text.

Me: Hello, Miss Lillith. I am contacting you today on behalf of one of your workers. He is currently held against his will by an abusive person and he needs help getting out. He and I both would appreciate your help.

Lillith took a short time to reply.

Miss Lilly: What’s the worker’s name? Do you have an address?

Me: I believe his name is Delano

Orlando also sent the address to her.

Miss Lilly: Jesus fucking christ

Miss Lilly: He just had to go piss of that bitch out of all people

Me: What do you mean?

Miss Lilly: It’s going to be bitch and a half busting him out, is what I mean

Miss Lilly: I’ve heard rumours that this woman has no chill

Orlando thought back when she had looked at him when he had been at her house. He could believe that.

Me: I am not surprised

Miss Lilly: Yeah. I need more info on the sitch. Can I text Delano? Does he have his phone?

Me: His phone is secured, but he doesn’t have access to it. You can text the number and get an answer, though

Miss Lilly: Wdym? Who has his phone?

Me: We can trust him. He’s also stuck in the house with Delano. We need to get him out as well

Miss Lilly: So there’s two people we need to get out?

Me: Two people and a dog

Miss Lilly: Hmm. It’s going to be tricky, but possible

Miss Lilly: How much stuff are they going to have?

Me: I got most of Delano’s stuff out, so only a little of his, but most of Adriano’s. I believe he has a guitar that he’s going to want to take along.

Me: Delano also has a broken arm at the moment

Miss Lilly: God damn

Miss Lilly: Okay. No panic. I have a plan

***

And so, a few days later, Orlando was headed back to the house, with four sex workers (Ana, Sara, Jessie and Rosa, as Orlando learned) sent by Lillith. “To help carry stuff,” one of them had explained. Orlando hadn’t complained.

“How do we know she won’t appear to interrupt us again?” Orlando asked, while the group were in an elevator, on their way to the upper levels.

“Lils got it,” Jessie said.

“If Lils says she got it, she got it,” Sara agreed.

“We trust Lils,” Rosa said with a nod.

Orlando nodded slowly. He supposed he should trust her too, then.

The group arrived at the house and put on masks that would scramble their faces on any cameras that caught them.

“Let’s go, girls,” Ana said with a grin. “And boy, I guess.”

The group marched to the door and rang the doorbell before Orlando could protest.

“Relax, we’re wearing masks,” Jessie said, waving her hand.

“Yes, but I’d still like to avoid getting caught on security cameras,” Orlando muttered as Rosa hammered the doorbell.

The door opened and Adriano was behind it, looking irritated. “For fuck’s sake, I heard you the fir…” he trailed off as Rosa and Ana screamed.

“Oh my gawd, you’re cuuute!”

Adriano flushed up to his ears, immediately matching his hair. He looked like he was panicking as his eyes landed on Orlando. “Be… BG?”

“It’s me,” Orlando said with a sheepish smile that Adriano didn’t even see. “I got some extra help with me this time.”

“Alright…”  Adriano let the group in.

“Jesus christ, this place is fancy as shit,” Sara said as they stepped in.

“God daaaamn,” Ana breathed. “I wouldn’t mind switching places with Delano.”

“Why did you bring sex workers here?” Adriano whispered to Orlando.

“They’re here to help,” Orlando whispered back. “Be respectful.”

Daniel appeared and the girls screamed. “DELANOOOO!”

Daniel looked like a deer in the headlights as the girls rushed him, all talking over each other.

“Where have you been?”

“I missed youuu!”

“When did you get a sugar daddy?” 

“Can I have him once you’re done with him?”

Adriano stared at this unfolding with utter disbelief.

Orlando clapped his hands to gain everyone’s attention. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but we’re on a schedule here.”

“Agreed,” Jessie said. “Let’s get a move on. We can talk while walking. Where’s your stuff?”

So the group dispersed to gather the luggage they needed, spiced with chaotic chattering from the girls.

“Can we steal something?”

“We should steal something!”

“I really don’t care if you do,” Adriano said.

“Oh shit, really?!” Rosa said, eyes wide. “I was just joking!”

“Go fucking nuts,” Adriano said, “cause as much grief to her as you can.”

The girls exchanged looks. “Let’s steal her shampoo!” They ran off. Adriano followed, for some reason.

“Jesus christ,” Delano sighed.

“Everything okay?” Orlando asked.

“Yeah,” Delano said. “Just overwhelmed. I haven’t even thought about sex work for the whole time I’ve been here. It all feels so distant now.”

Orlando nodded slowly. “Are you going to continue doing it once you’re free?”

Delano was quiet for a moment. Just as he drew a breath to answer, the girls and Adriano returned.

“Thanks for letting us rob your mom, sweetie,” Sara said, pinching Adriano’s cheek. “We don’t have to buy skincare for a few weeks now.”

Adriano was blushing again. “No problem.”

As the groups got ready to leave again, Orlando noticed that Delano freezed. “What’s wrong?”

Delano shifted his weight. “I… I just have a bad feeling, is all.”

Orlando nodded again. Last time they had gotten this far, their plan had failed at this same step.

“Don’t worry,” Jessie grinned, giving him a thumbs-up. “Lils said she’s making sure we’ll get to the lower levels safely.”

“Yeah, trust Lils,” Ana said.

Delano looked down at Fang on her leash, who was looking up at him, tail wagging. Finally, Delano nodded and looked back up at the group. “Let’s go.”

[goldenscript]

HEY HEY it’s fine, your health always comes first! my friday was really interesting and today i finally went grocery shopping so there’s that. how’s your weekend so far? LMAO UR LITERALLY ME. i often feel detached from people or even myself but it takes .0000081 seconds for a tear to slip out when im reading or watching anime. omg i cried sm the second season of haikyuu bc like.. my baby oiks deserved to go to nationals man, seijoh deserved to go ;-; dont get me wrong i was sooo proud of (1/?)

our crows but like.. oikawa!!! i watched a couple episodes of avatar yesterday and i already love how flawed zuko is, you can see it right from the start. i already know what happens tho okay HAHAH. AND GIRL IM SO HYPED FOR INFINITY WAR!! LIKE aSDJD I CANT EVEN EXPRESS HOW I FEEL, SHIT’S BOUT TO GO DOWN. WHICH REMINDS ME, BOKU NO HERO ACADEMIA IS SET IN A UNIVERSE WITH SUPERHEROES AND IT’S HONESTLY V CUTE. which ALSO reminds me i had a fic draft about how an ex-superhero mc who’s next door (2/?)             

who’s next door neighbors with a notorious anti-hero (superrrr orig ik, i was like in 9th grade ok i’m cringing) and she finds out about him through some funny circumstances bc for one, she’s not dumb. she can piece it together. she lost her powers in some way and is trynna adjust to reg human life and she doesn’t want anything to do with playing hero anymore bc of uh “PLOT.” shit happens. never got past the 3rd chapter lol which made me realize that long fics weren’t for me, i lose (3/?)

motivation too fast but it just sucks bc idk how to condense it enough for it to be a oneshot. when i randomly write, they still hit up to 20k so I DONT KNOW?? maybe i just write too much. i’m just as disorganized as i was 4-5 years ago ;; AH FF(.)net AND QUOTEV. GOOD OL’ TIMES. the first fic i read was about infinite’s woohyun bc he was my bby at the time lmaooo. and wow  i’d love to read your revamped fics and whatever else you have in mind!! the thing about fantasy is that it’s so broad (4/?)        

u can literally do anything with it!! LMAO WELL I MEAN TBRH IT’S JUST BTS but HM WHO DO YOU THINK MAtCHES THE JOB DESCRIPTIONS?? wink wink. ALSO sorry that i talk so much omg u must hate reading my messages lmao i feel like i always have a lot to say (5/5!!!)  -sjsu    

lemme just say that i don’t hate getting your messages at all ok!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like i have a lot to say especially when the topics are within my interests and girl talking to me abt cringey fanfics, ugly crying over sports anime, & black panther are perfect enough reasons to babble over! i promise!!!!!!!! i look forward to talking to you girl (’:

thank you! i honestly just went out to my friend’s bday dinner yesterday night and chilled at home all day today. i’m supposed to hang with my dad and probably go out driving tomorrow so we’ll see. as of rn, i’m fooling myself into thinking that i’m gonna work on my english paper rn but i’m compromising and telling myself to just find quotes and write my thesis then saving the actually writing for tomorrow. but LMAO I’M GLAD YOU CAN RELATE. I WORRY THAT I’M ALONE ON THIS SOMETIMES. yeah, i detach easily and i don’t mean to but sometimes i prefer to let my mind drift and daydream because it’s so much more interesting than day to day life. buT I GET SO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN ANIME OK. I CRIED FOR SEASON TWO ALSO. LIKE OIKAWA WAS SO HARDWORKING AND FUCK WHEN THEY LOST TO THE CROWS I WAS SO SAD BC I HONESTLY WISHED THEY COULD BOTH WIN SOMEHOW. like fuck that anime is good, making us sympathize and love like literally everyone you meet because the biggest antagonist in that damn show is time and how one minor point just fucks everyone over and kjsdhfsjkdhf i love haikyuu!! sooooo much. god

LMAO IT’S OK. i spoil myself a lot with shows and movies bc i’m a big like movie person especially in the MCU and horror cuz i like knowing that what i’m watching is worth all the fuss (this goes for most movies in general) although for black panther i didn’t spoil myself because i could feel it in my gut that it would end my entire existence and guess what it did? ended my entire existence. AND OMG INFINITY WAR SDFSDKJHF I’M SOLELY WATCHING IT FOR T’CHALLA TBH. I NEEDA KNOW WHAT ELSE IS GONNA HAPPEN WITH HIM AND THE REST OF WAKANDA OK. AND OMG IT IS? I LOVE THAT. OK FOR SURE I’M WATCHING IT OK.

i only played an interactive story app abt superheroes and it was so freakin’ cool. now this makes me want to replay it ‘cuz it’s just a trip man. the story line is great and i love the idea of superpowers. and omg that story of yours sounds so cool! like imo a trope / plot can seem “cliche” but how you execute it is what really makes the biggest different! like make me feel!!! make me love and hate your characters!!!!!!!! but yeah, honestly, i’m really starting to disbelieve in my skills at writing multi-part fics bc it’s a STRUGGLE. i write to finish i think. but i’m challenging myself to write series bc i have a few that i reallyyyyyyyyyyy want to write. and holy shit 20k????????? that’s amazing! i’ve only done that like once and i haven’t read it in hella long.

whenever i get around to it (man, i’m starting to get annoyed with myself for using this phrase kjsdhkjfsh), i will most def hit you up!!!!!!!! my first fic was like......... uh.... fuck i can’t even remember but i will admit i did try writing twilight fanfic too. in terms of kpop, my first was this jungkook drabble that i never saved and actually deleted after a few days but another one was this yoongi drabble that i currently have up rn that isn’t too bad. but ok girl telling me, a girl who thrives off structure and a basis, that something is broad is HELL for me. like i really need to think things over and make sure it makes sense and it’s just hard. i struggle but i’m trying.

rjgnkjsgkjsdhfkjshf alright, alright mundane jobs for earth-bound bts:

jin: cafeteria lady (sorry bb), everyone loves him, his station’s the cleanest, and no one hates him like............. at all. not even Boss, who everyone FEARS

yoongi: janitor but not really he doesn’t clean and his boss loves him too much to make him do work

hobi: retail worker bc he will not let any atrocity walk out of the store no matter what, doesn’t need his powers to get anyone to buy anything, makes pouches A Thing

joon: librarian, likes to observe ppl, somehow likes humanity even tho we’re messes (”aren’t we all messes, after all?”)

jimin & tae: delivery boys aka the bats bc they move like they’re coming straight out of hell

jungkook: mcd cashier, hates his job, sometimes gives people melted ice cream bc they looked at him funny

[simkjrs]

No, no, don't apologize, that post was fantastic, the concepts are amazing, YES TO MINI IZUKA AND MINI SAIKI. Also, 'hey can you help me my friend got kinapped' is such a crazy phrase to say, but not more crazy that Saiki's whole life, I love all ideas you can tell us all about them. DO TELL US.

okay!! i feel like i now have two (2) “my hero saiki” crossovers to write: the one where saiki’s first encounter in the b/nha universe is accidentally teleporting into yuuei during the USJ incident and being mistaken for a villain, and the one where saiki visited the b/nha universe as a child. THERE’S JUST AN ABUNDANCE OF CROSSOVERS HERE, the hijinks all write themselves, saiki still has no luck in any of his endeavors but at least he still has his ungodly arsenal of questionably useful powers. 

ANYWAYS, as requested, here are all the shitty ideas that have been stubbornly spawning in my head despite all my efforts to the contrary: 

the one where izuku is talking with his mom about saiki, maybe allowing himself a moment of grief after all these long years. where did saiki disappear to, he laments. sometimes, he says, sometimes he wonders if saiki is still alive – if saiki has found a home, or a, a family – if saiki is happy, and if so, if saiki sometimes thinks of them —- he hears a whoosh. he turns. a familiar face sitting at the dinner table, stone-faced, but the glint of his glasses still manages to convey a sense of bewilderment. …tadaima, saiki says. izuku screams. izuku’s mom screams. saiki mentally contemplates whether or not having a tendency to scream when surprised is a useful and cathartic character trait, concludes it is not, but feels that sitting blank-faced at a table does not adequately express how much he doesn’t want to deal with this right now, either. maybe he should give this screaming thing a try.

izuku holds this against saiki forever and brings it up whenever possible. i’m impressed that you kept up with your heroics hobby all these years, saiki says. well, i had to occupy myself with SOMETHING while i thought you were DEAD, says izuku. 

oh, you have a brother? i didn’t know, that, deku! uraraka says. i would have told you sooner if a certain someone hadn’t DISAPPEARED for SEVEN YEARS, izuku says loudly. stop holding it against me. it’s not like i meant to, saiki thinks, annoyed, and goes to his room to sulk be alone. 

izuku: seven years ago this day, i lost someone very dear to me. saiki: quit telling everyone im deadizuku: sometimes i can still hear his voice

the villain!au crossover, where saiki returns to the b/nha universe seven years later only to find out that his friend has become a notorious villain. what the fuck, izuku. 

classic villain!deku edition: “don’t try and convince me to return to the right path!” so you acknowledge that you’re not on the right path. “the heroes are a corrupt institute. i won’t be like them. i’ll teach them a lesson.” you’re more corrupt than they are right now. 

izuku tries to pull off a crime. that’s illegal. saiki foils his plans and stares izuku down judgmentally from the rooftop or something 

saiki tails izuku and investigates the villain alliance. okay, he’s not letting this go on any longer. he destroys the villain alliance, drops off the villains in front of the police station, and drags izuku forcefully on a soul-searching roadtrip around the world or something. and by roadtrip, he means “teleporting to different locations as it suits his whims.” and by soul-searching, he mostly means making izuku gain some perspective. stop focusing on revenge plots, drink some coconut juice. whatever

villain!deku fugue state: “…sorry, i never knew anyone named saiki kusuo. don’t get in my way, please.” i.e. the one where izuku has been brainwashed or w/e is popular these days, and he doesn’t remember his family or saiki. saiki kidnaps forcibly teleports izuku to a psychologist’s office. the psychologist shouts in surprise. izuku tries to climb out the window. saiki grabs izuku’s shirt collar and points at izuku like he has memory problems. fix them please, 

noumu izuku xover: saiki is pissed and fucks shit up with the villain alliance. nice

The Villain!Izuku Comedy That We All Need But Don’t Deserve: at first saiki is kind of pissed and determined to drag izuku back onto the right path. then he’s just kind of confused. 

saiki, internally: …i leave for seven years, and izuku turns villainy into a celebrity occupation? (he is grudgingly impressed.) 

izuku is overjoyed to meet saiki! he isn’t sure who saiki is but HE’S GLAD TO MEET HIM ANYWAYS. izuku immediately ropes saiki into helping out with his schemes. saiki resists, valiantly. sort of. he succumbs to izuku’s persistent, cheerful insistence in the end. 

every time i tell myself “this au can’t get any more ridiculous than it already is” ideas like this happen, and i’m full of regret

the AU where saiki’s brother, kuusuke, meddles with saiki’s control devices; as a result, saiki accidentally catapults himself and his brother into the b/nha universe. now saiki will have to work with his brother to get them both back home. 

kuusuke: cant you… teleport us back home? kusuo: no. it takes three minutes before i can teleport again. shouldn’t you know this? havent you been looking for a way to beat me for 14 years? aren’t you a top cambridge student?

hijinks: breaking into high-security or Very Important locations to get the equipment & materials that kuusuke needs. this one is fun because a) it puts them on the heroes’ radar, and b) it puts them on the villains’ radar. kuusuke enjoys riling up and baiting both sides far too much. kusuo is upset

i like this idea is because kuusuke and kusuo have a bad relationship, so being forced to cooperate would be so INTERESTING for their character growth!!. AND it would… maybe… show them… that they care about each other (^: 

PLUS, IMAGINE THIS: kuusuke gets into serious trouble. kusuo is pissed off in a cold fury sort of way, and wreaks all sorts of hell in order to get kuusuke out. and kuusuke… well, kuusuke has never cared about anyones feelings for a single second in his life, but!! but maybe!!! this incident stirs up feelings other than competitive admiration and jealousy!!! this is literally like 99% of the reason i want to write this idea

kuusuke: my brother… really cares… about me…kusuo: like hell i do. i just need you to find a way for us to get back home.kuusuke: no need to be so tsundere, kusuo, 

SCENARIO: kusuo and kuusuke are meeting with the heroes for some reason. kusuo is mistrustful, wary, and wants to leave and have nothing to do with the heroes. kuusuke tells the heroes not to mind kusuo, he’s basically just a bristly cat. kusuo bristles, because he is NOT. fuck off kuusuke 

there’s just a really interesting dynamic that could come out of this, and it’s really good 

SAIKI KUSUO / OPM AU THAT NO ONE ASKED FOR: saiki somehow loses both his control devices, teleports to the OPM universe, accidentally destroys a large swath of land because he can’t control his powers. he’s frustrated, and he’s also frustrated with all the people showing up to attack him – and he’s so frustrated that he can’t control his power enough to defeat them without seriously hurting them!!! saitama shows up and is able to withstand saiki’s attacks. maybe he tries to fight saiki a little bit because,,, hey,,, he wants a good fight,,,,,, but then he’s like “….you’re just a kid??” and stops 

“hang on,” the bald man says, frowning and leaning forward slightly to inspect kusuo’s face. “aren’t you a little young to be destroying countries or whatever? you’re like, a kid.” i’m SEVENTEEN, thank you very much, saiki thinks resentfully. 

so i guess this is the one where saitama stops trying to fight saiki and starts teaching him how to control his powers or something? maybe saiki can finally sleep without worrying about destroying stuff in his sleep? 

this post is unbearably long 

[diaryofakasiehousewife-blog]

Before the marriage

Insert 3 You know you come to a point in your life where you just want to get past some things and just move on! There are those people you just wish you would never have to meet again in your life. And then boom, they just right there in your face. This is exactly what was happening to me on that perfectly planned girls night out. This ever handsome fine Kabo just appeared like ghost in front of me. Well i hope he just came to say hi and leave because tonight i just want to have a blast, i dont want hawks and old flings crowding me. I came here to get drunk and get laid. And not laid by some Tswana guy from Mabopane, tonight im looking for a good dick, a lethal weapon, a black something with muscles. Akere there is a say that Tswana guys aint gifted in the dick department. And yes i have had my share of badluck when it comes to Tswana dicks. Probably because Im Tswana and i grew up in a Tswana infested area of Brits. Home is Letlhabile by the way...surprised? Don't be. So yeah, yeah! Its rare to find an anaconda dick that side. Lol haha, anyway "My long lost Tumi, finally! We meet again." Said this Kabo guy to me "Small world hey." I added Now where are those girls now? I could use some back up "Hey, go byang?" I asked Kabo (hey how are you) with that fake smile you pull when you get pulled over by metro police o sa tshwara license. "Eh T-bos, ke ene ngwano ntse ke go chaela ka ene," (eh T-bos this is the chick i was telling you about) talking to the guy he was with "Oh, the Tumi chick? The one a go tshwarisitseng letlapa for ntwana ele ya mopedi?" (Oh, the Tumi chick, the one who stood you up for that Pedi boy) Like really? Really? Yes my Thabo was pedi but, really now! Go ne how do they even know he was Pedi. "Hahahahaaha very funny Kabo, nice seeing you again" "Anyway this is my friend T-bose, T-bose this is Tumi from Letlhabile" Kabo introduced his friend to me. "So what brings you to house 22 my love, wheres the pedi dude?" "Firstly im not alone, and secondly stop calling him pedi dude, his name is Thabo." Just then my girlfriends came back. I couldnt be more relieved to see them "Sorry sorry, coming thru." Shouted Karabo as she pushed her way through between Kabo and his friend. "This ice bucket ya imela," (this ice bucket is too heavy) she said as she put the ice bucket on the table infront of me. By the way my friends ke Karabo, the short chubby yellow bone chick also from Letlhabile. She and i been friends for almost all our lifes, we from the same kasie and we went to high school together! Shes the very energetic and noisy type. Metro police by profession. Very notorious. Shes also that kinda chick you would never want to go out with just the 2 of you! She will leave you at the table alone half way through the night, talking to this and that. Apparently she knows everyone everywhre we went. If you went to places like Midi roots, Banthala or mo boGarankuwa mo, o tla itshola (you'll regret it if you went out with her to local clubs) Once she starts getting tipsy, you would swear shes been drinking with her clit! The next thing you know shes gone, nowhere to be seen...you'd be lucky if she ever came to tell you that she is leaving. So thats why wherever we go, wherever possible, i always make sure i also invite Lerato, ah dis one is such a doll. She is also from kasi and we went to high school together but we werent always tight. She wasnt too good looking on the face but she was one of those tall girls with tall legs and some curves but no butt. Virgin boobs and a flat stomach to die for. Dark skinned. Cheese girl, and by cheese i mean cheese! Not by daddy's money, but her own money. At the age of 25 (she was a year older than Karabo and i) batho ba di Bcom. Own 2 bedroom apartment in Midrand. No cat no dog. Her only baby is the new Bmw 135m. Ke raa gore thats how we got here today akere. Always put together. Half a bottle of savana and she starts smilling uncontrollably. I wonder why these get too drunk quickly girls like murdering themselves with poisons lie savana. Why not just have fruitree. Good thing because she was our time keeper, the one that keeps our handbags and cellphones safe cos ud never see her up and dancing. The only time she would stand up is wen she goes to the ladies. You would ask urself gore this people why ba ipogisa so... cant they just order in some take away and box office their friday nights away at the comfort of their couches. Because you would swear gore they are not having fun at all. Well i guess this is the right time to also give a slight description of myself too... Well you already know that i have those bracketed legs, a size 36 booty, average height, caramel bone, big eyes, not too pretty as Karabo thou. But i definately fall under the "mapyatla" category. Law student. Sex addict lol. But very selective. Sometimes i think my friend Karabo got shagged more than i did. Or maybe it was because i get into committed relationships e be ke ikutswa and she was not the settling type. "Sorrying boabuti, ke nna Karabo...ske lare ka le phapela mara ne le eme mo tseleng" (sorry guys, im karabo. dont think im too forward, but you standing on the way) karabo said as she came to sit next to me. Lerato also came and sat on the other side, putting me in the middle. She just waved a hand towards Kabo and his friend. "No babygirl relax...nna ke t-bos" said Kabos friend. Did i mention that he was skinny? Skinny skinny skinny and wearing those pointy shoes. Kick nd boboza. 2015, a guy in a white printed shirt, tucked inside blue over sized jeans and poity shoes. S-curl and cut. Sunglasses on the forehead. Well i guess we have different tastes in life! Because right there and then, Karabo asked him to walk her to the toilets. This chick thou... "Ok ladies, lets not disturb you any further because this is clearly a girls night out." Said Kabo "Yeah, it definitely is." Wheew couldnt be more relieved. "Well you still have my number mos, o sa tsamaya ke sa go bona." "Nice to meet you..." extending his hand towards Lerato. "Lerato." Said lerato meeting him half way. "Kwl, just tell t-bos i went back to our table." Well just then Karabo was back, excited as hell! "Yoh chomi, dat skinny guy is loaded, ke motho le di tender chomi. O mo tseya kae? A re o nale range rover and a house in Harties my friend, a re eskhale nyana ke mo buzz a lo nrekela dijo ko sunnypark!." "Really Karabo, ka pela so?" Asked the jaw dropped Lerato. "Eya Leera, dont judge the book by its cover chomi. And you knw while we were back there, he actually kissed me and i touched down there..." she paused and covered her mouth with her hand. "Yoh that dude o tshwere anaconda, im wet as hell mo ke leng mo." She continued. You knw she went on and on abt the skinny guy for abt an hour or so, only interrupted by hitting the dance floor here and there. When the clock hit 12:30am haaa, the drinks were in the system now and every now and then Karabo and i would disappear, kiss potential strange guys, exchange numbers and come back again. Well this nigerian guy invited me to join him and his friends at their table for a few minutes. So i left Karabo and Lerato and went ahead. He said his name was Ashley and that he was from Centurion. Well, after some few minutes he said we should go to his car to get some privacy. Which i agreed to. He said his car was not parked far away from the entrance so i shouldnt worry about him abducting me or something. When i passed where me and the girls were sitted, Lerato was now alone and said Karabo had left with the skinny guy. I insisted on sitting with her and getting us refills but she said she was ok and dat she knew i was gonna come back. Well i went on and followed the niger guy who was already waiting for me near a red audi a4. He opened the passenger door for me to get in and just when i was about to get in someone grabbed my hand. "O ya kae...? A reye, e tswa." Really? i looked at this person and i knew that this voice belonged to Kabo. I pulled my hand and tried to protest, telling him to foetsek a se ntataka! Well i didnt finish that sentence very well, and i dont even knw wht hit me..... Blackout if not dead..... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Share with more of your friends to like the page! The larger the audience the better.