#brb gonna go make some hot chocolate

[savethepinecones]

adding onto the wild ups and downs of the day i just spent an hour wandering outside in slides and a sweatshirt because my mother decided that the best way to deal with an argument was to leave the car and walk around without her phone and hope her famously horrible sense of direction didnt prevent her from getting home. my stepdad called me because hed tried to go after her and fucking went into a-fib so i drove out to the car and tracked her footprints through the fucking snow- at midnight!!!- a solid half mile while my stepdad drove around trying to find her

[greg-montgomery]

Prob too little too late but soft hotch thots for your (and my) lonely self:

Cuddles with Aaron? I just think he'd be the best you know?? Esp the later seasons one? He's so big <3 and warm and safe <3 just looking at the gifs and i know I'd be safe with him?? Whether it's the world or my own thoughts that are being mean it doesn't matter? Because once he wraps himself around you nothing else matters except that he doesn't let go? He knows your mind calms down when he hugs you? So on especially bad days, he just makes sure he's wearing his softest t-shirt and you've got on your fav comfy pjs and just wraps you up??? Settles you on top of him, arms wrapped tight around your waist, your face buried in his neck?? With a blanket on top so it just feels like you're covered from all sides protected by this wonderful man? He uses his soft Jack voice to tell you all about the teams shenanigans? Makes sure to put on your fav scented candle? Strokes your hair, leaves gentle kisses on your forehead and just talks to you? Urges you to let the thoughts in your brain run out no matter how chaotic or silly they seem to you? Grips you tighter as you keep sharing? And when you're sleepy he turns around so you're tucked in his side, arms still wrapped tight and sleeps like that? Even though his arm is sire to get numb? Wakes you up the next morning with gentle kisses to your cheeks and nose and eyelids that make you giggle, your fav coffee and breakfast ready for you? Makes sure to spend atleast a couple of hours on top of you doing some v strenuous cardio so you can start the day right: with his name on your lips as he rails you into another planet and a massive smile on your face when he carries you to the shower?

Brb gonna Y E A R N

(@ravensmadreads)

you and aaron fr!!! ⬇️

this man fucking loves cuddles!!! and especially when he knows you need them??? he’s there to provide <333

he makes sure everything is perfect for you before you get to cuddling!! he makes you your favorite tea or hot chocolate…any hot beverage you love that makes you relax <3 he lays your favourite pjs on the bed so you can find them all clean and warm when you get home from work! and he also knows that what he’s wearing is also very important bc there is a serious cuddling session waiting for him ahead. so he chooses to wear his softest sweater!!

when you get home he takes you in his arms and gives you a forehead kiss immediately!! he makes sure you have been drinking your water and have eaten well!! if not - he’ll make sure you will!!

and when you’re all set, he lays on the bed and takes you with him 🥹 you’re like a blanket on top of him 🥰🥰 he runs his hands up and down your back, under your top…he kisses your hair…he tells you about the dirty words morgan and penelope exchanged in front of him that day that made him uncomfortable 🧍🏻 he tells you about the new facts spencer taught him that came up during their last case…he tells you about emily and how the team teased her about her recent date and what a failure it was…and suddenly you’re laughing, not even remembering about the things that made you sad in the first place <3

but if you wanna talk he’ll listen. and he’ll stay quiet if that’s what you want!! but if you want him to speak he’ll give you advice! bc he’s older and he knows better and sometimes he makes you see things from a different or more mature perspective <3 but he never fails to tell you about how much he loves you. how much you mean to him (the whole world). and how safe you are with him. he would never let anything happen to you!! you’re okay!! and you’ll always be okay!! he makes sure you know!

he plays with your hair and gives you so sooooo many kisses 🥰🥰 and he lets you play with his hair too and give him kisses and bite him and do anything your heart desires to him <33 and you fall asleep with a happy carefree smile on your face bc nothing makes you feel safer than your love’s arms 🥰🥰🥰

[alltimefail-sims]

OKAY SO LITTLE UPDATE AND SCATTERED THOUGHTS ON THE NEW EP

It turns out that removing 95% of your mods will improve the game's overall ability to run. Not shocking, but it's definitely a thing lol. I've also learned that some mods, while amazing conceptually, will probably not be added back into my game. This isn't on the modders: some mods are just so complex that I honestly can't keep up with them and therefore can't enjoy their features to the full extent. I do miss my custom recipes, wonderful whims, and a few lumpinou mods though (but that's really it so far).

I also removed all my custom sliders because I have no idea what is broken and what isn't at this point. Shocked to say I don't miss most of them, so I think it might be time I clean that folder out. I did, however, miss my presets!!! Especially body and mouth presets! Likely gonna tidy up those folders and then add those back in.

Kijiko eyelash remover seems to be working perfectly fine in my game, so if you use that one you are probably good to go.

The new pack's CAS items are good! I don't think I'm going to use a lot of it outside of sims in Tomarang, but that's okay. As of right now I am not planning to do an in-depth review of the CAS items because I pretty much just feel "fine" about all of it across the board: I don't hate anything but I'm not absolutely in love with anything either. Idk if I'm just feeling this way or if others are as well, but it seems like a lot of the items (especially the hairs) aren't really new and they're just modifications of things we already have... but that could be just me. I will say the cute dress with the slit up the side... chef's kiss. Needed more swatches though!

One unexpected item that I did love was the tea kettle!! I'm never buying a tea magic brewer or tea pot ever again. I never realized how badly I needed the ability to only make one cup of a tea/hot chocolate/coffee at time but it has been a game changer. I don't have much to say about the build/buy... it's all really nice. 🤷‍♀️ Wish there were more items that really stood out, but for the most part it's all just good, simple pieces with a few beautiful wall hangings (nice posters, a few good plants, love the baskets, standing toilet is a nice addition, adore the plastic garden chairs, etc.). Functional radiators, water tanks, etc. were fantastic additions with this pack and I would have been happy if they were just decor tbh (and was expecting them to be) but the fact that they aren't makes me very happy. Compatibility across packs is done far too rarely, so I'll let the sims team have this one crumb of a win.

I'm still testing this pack out so gameplay features are being dicovered bit by bit. Haven't ran into some of the big bugs people have been having, but I'm still early in the save and playing as a tenant (I stand by the fact that I have 0 interest being a property owner). The tester sim I made (Riley, she/they) vibed so hard with Vanesha Cahyaputri. Like the two of them have "amazing compatibility" and had full bar friendship almost instantly and I did not make Riley with any partner in mind... I didn't even know Vanesha was a canon lesbian! But they haven't had a single negative interaction soooo brb I'm on my way to make her over ASAP because I loooooovee a good sapphic friends to lovers arc. 😂

Lastly: I have some asks in my inbox. I swear I'm not ignoring you if you've messaged me, it's just been a chaotic few days as December is always so busy. I will answer them as soon as I can! Until the holidays are over I'll probably be posting sporadically! I'm still going to be here, but I'm enjoying just playing the game without any pressure to post about it.

Also, with updates breaking cc and sliders like crazy, it's unlikely I'll be sharing any sims outside of sim requests for a while. I'll still crank out builds, happily chat about my OCs, and reblog other people's content on here. For now I plan to just enjoy my time with my family and play the game stress free! ❤

Okay bye now!

[muninnhuginn]

Thanks for the tag @pinkie-satan!

-last song: 0 - LMYK (English version)

-song stuck in head: 勇者/Yuusha/Hero - yoasobi (it's the frieren op)

-fav colors: purples, especially when they're down the blue end.

-currently watching: ah okay. so. I'm watching anime seasonals this time for some reason? Kinda surprised I'm keeping up with them as well as I am honestly. so anime-wise: frieren, spy x family s2, my new boss is goofy, deranged detective, tearmoon, I'm in love with the villainess. kdrama: move to heaven (I am genuinely enjoying it but there aren't many episodes so I think I keep delaying to make it last longer). don't think there's anything else I'm forgetting rn (but there probably is). I have a few other shows I want to check out like scavengers reign but probably when I'm less overloaded with my current lot.

-currently reading: does it count if I technically read it all yesterday? uh, ima say yes because I was probably sleep-deprived and so may give it a reread when I'm less so. latest murderbot book: system collapse. really good. there were a couple of parts I wish had been pushed further but overall it was exactly what I wanted out of a murderbot book so I can't complain (for context: murderbot is sci-fi and a mix of hurt/comfort, comedy, and intense relatability courtesy of the main character). other than that, it's mainly dungeon meshi. finished up volume 1 earlier today after getting distracted for ages and the fake biology aspects are so fun. (also have ongoing stuff in terms of manga and fics but I'll spare the details of those as there're a lot)

-currently craving: hot chocolate (brb)

-last movie: the marvels. was kinda disjointed but I was expecting it to be a lot worse than it actually was given the reception to it. also I know cats are probably expensive to deal with on film sets but did they really have to cg them to that extent? pls. I want real cattos. real alien cattos. whatever

-sweet, spicy or savory: usually sweet but occasionally spice

-relationship status: single, which personally I'm happy with, but people can be weird about it sometimes.

-current obsession: still in my link click era, trying to resist getting back into murderbot or nirvana in fire or stranger/secret forest.

-three fav foods: hmm, bolognese, gyoza, fior di latte gelato

-last thing googled: showings for anatomy of a fall. (unfortunately there aren't many which is a shame. I'd like to watch it but not really planning to go out of my way for it)

-dream trip: going to be boring and say the same here but japan fr. I'd want to actually have a vague sense of the language before even considering it though because what I have rn is just an assortment of words vaguely to do with murder mysteries

-anything you want right now: my original answer to this was depressing so I'm just gonna say the motivation to actually sort out a new laptop because rn I'm probably going to beat out my record for how long it took me to transfer over to my new phone after getting it (around a month iirc). I haven't even started figuring out what I want to prioritise in terms of specs or how much money I'm willing to spend and it's so much easier to do this kind of thing *on* a laptop (that isn't broken :V)

Tagging in anyone who wants to join in. I know especially I have some newish mutuals/followers and I'm not great at interacting directly but feel free to have a go ^^

[tekni-kali]

Day 225

09:57p, Saturday, June 09, 2023

Uhm....soooo 176 days since I typed out a post for the blog. Coooooolll.....I made my way back...eventually? Let us see how long I stick around this time. I would like to try my best to make something somewhat consistent.

We'll see...

I revived my iPod Mini today. I took a picture of my desk and thought it looked neat, so that's kind of what brought me back here...Here's the picture:

Things I see:

Apple iPod Mini

Left Nintendo Switch Joycon

Nintendo 3DS XL

Laptop

USB Extender adaptor thingie

Cup of Pens

Digital Pen for computer graphic drawing doodles

Christmas lights plug

My Cup!

4 stickers of my art

Hollow Knight stickers from amazon

The desk mat

the hdmi splitter button

Warm ikea lamp

Monitor stand!

Okay...thats enough of the things I see in the picture. I like the idea of using the iPod mini again. I wore it on the walk to 7/11 and it worked out really nicely clipped to my shirt and holding the bag in place....I didn't have to fiddle with it at all!! The one thing I may try to investigate to replace for improvement is the headphone/earbud situation. These hot pink jlab beauties were on clearance for eight fiddy at the local wal greens. The bass is distorted but the noise isolation is nice.

Now I am curious as to whether there is a bluetooth adaptor that I can connect my earbuds to then plug the 3.5mm into the ipod to play through it....

That's what I'll look up next. I'll come back in a bit maybe.

-10:05p

10:25p -

Well...that was fun. I didn't look that up yet but I did want to come back and write a bit about my day...so maybe I'll try to do that?

I washed the dishes. I did a driveby someones house to pick up free chairs from their front lawn. I panicked and drove away....then came home and re-arranged my music files and revived the iPod. I collected Behb from work we'd made plans to go to the state park again....by the time we left the house we would've gotten there at 4 and the park closes at 5:30.....traffic was very bad because of all the holiday events. They had every turn around closed so I essentially just spent 30ish minutes driving around what normally should be a 5 minute square. I was very annoyed.

When we got home I boiled two eggs, fucked up peeling one of them and just threw it away. Then Behb suggested an idea for an activity...popcorn and movie night! He didn't think we had popcorn, I told him there was some in the pantry....it was too expired to eat so we walked down to the gas station and bought a bag to pop deciding along the way that we'd watch Die Hard....cuz...christmas movie - holiday festivities and what not.

I strung up lights last night! First I stuck the command strips to the glass on the window and they didn't stay....then I stuck them to the wall and clipped one of the three wires in there and they haven't fallen down yet! I also strung some over the picture and hung up the two christmas arts his family gave us last year...those combined with the christmas tree wax warmer and we're officially festive!

But newai....

When we returned home, we learned that Die Hard isn't streaming on any of the streamy services we have, and we didn't want to pay $3.99 to rent it once.....so I started scrolling....and suggested: Scooby Doo Movie (2002ish) or Jumanji (1995 w/ Robin Williams).

Behb popped the corn, brought a beer, and picked Jumanji. Turns out....ITSA CHRISTMAS MOVIE TOO! At least...Christmas was in it....so...that counts. I honestly don't think I'd seen it before...but it was a good watch and I was entertained so I'm glad it worked out.

Tomorrow is Behbiversary! It will be 4 years since we swiped n started conversing. I am glad we are progressioning together. I'm going to look for strawberries and chocolates for us to make after he's off tomorrow. He got me roses ^_^. Okay...gonna go click around...I think I'll be back soon...I think I want to add some more...but a break now would be nice. So...ye...brb

-10:34p

10:35p-

You know...I just thought...I can probably use the 3.5mm aux cord to plug the Mini into the JBL Flip....then I get iPod muzik on loud speaker....that will be a tomorrow try...I do want to get up for my earbuds now though....IDK, it just seems silly using it in the apt.

10:45p-

I got my earbuds! and found sum muzik:

I think I'll get some screenshots off the switch to post up here. I think I decided I don't want to put pictures in this post...but I"ll work on organizing them to post separately like I did before....but...ye...this seems long enough...so...I'm gonna post it now.

Catch ya later!

-10:46p

[is-it-madness]

Sweet Treats

A/N: Well, well, well. As we know, today is the lovely Tom Hiddleston’s 40th Birthday, and to celebrate, I’ve decided to revisit a wonderfully smutty sub!Tom fic the darling @fadingfics wrote for his birthday last year. This fic had me sweating the entire time, so definitely give it a read and show it some love. You can find it here.

Summary: You’ve been preparing Tom for almost two weeks for his birthday celebration. Now it’s time to reward his commitment.

Madness List: this is a list of my thoughts of the fic, so major spoilers ahead.

1) ‘No matter how hard he tried, Tom could not make out what you were doing. The array of sounds around him was confusing, and his own fidgeting did not help. What he could hear were your giggles. You were clearly amused by his current predicament.’

Wonder what’s going on here 👀😏

2) ‘“I’m gonna be ready soon, my sweet.” You kissed his head.’

Cute 🥰

3) ‘Tom whimpered softly, and took a deep breath. Blindfolded and ordered to remain on his knees, hands behind his back, there was not much else he could do but wait.’

OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH OKAY OKAY I SEE

4) ‘He had been waiting for so long! You had denied him orgasms for two weeks, making him wear his cock cage round the clock, with the promise of making it up to him while flaunting the damn key around your neck.’

Hehe

5) ‘And tonight, during his own party with friends and family, you had made him wear his bluetooth anal plug, turning it on and off periodically, teasing him to his breaking point. The plug was still in his ass, vibrating on the lowest setting. He was so ready, his cock and balls were straining against the cage.’

... man is gonna cum by the lightest touch

6) ‘Tom stood up slowly, and removed the cloth from his eyes. His breath caught, and he growled deep inside his chest at the sight of you, sprawled naked on the bed. Strings of chocolate sauce covered your breasts, belly and thighs, like decorations on a cake.’

Thomas, your mistress needs to be cleaned. Thoroughly. Don’t miss a single spot 😏

7) ‘“Are you my chocolate cake, Mistress?” Tom asked in a low tone and half a smile.’

So cuuute bebe 🥺

8) ‘Wasting no more time, Tom crawled on the bed on top of you, and kissed you hard. He took one second to glare at the golden key on your neck, before he started to lick the chocolate off your upper chest. His skillful tongue worked over the chocolate lines almost with ease. All his oral training paying off as he eagerly sucked and licked your skin clean. He took extra time to lavish both your breast with his attentions before he continued his way down. You opened your legs for him, and Tom grabbed the back of your knee to lick the chocolate from your inner thigh.’

The urge to say ‘good puppy’ is just ready to burst from me. Also, totally random, but I don’t think I could ever do this. Too ticklish 😔

9) ‘Scooting up the bed to lay against the pillows, you opened your legs wide. “You may claim your cake now.”’

YASSSS!!! Damn, I am loving this 😌

10) ‘Tom leaned down and circled your thighs with his arms, pulling you close to his mouth. His tongue parted your folds to find you already wet. He moaned, relishing your taste. He pulled you even closer to his face, eating you as if your arousal had ignited something inside of him. He sucked your clit hard, tongued and teased your entrance and drank all your juices while staring right at you. Your orgasm was his prize and it came fast and hard, making you clench your legs around his head.’

Tom:

11) ‘Tom’s blessed mouth had you on the edge again in no time.’

‘Blessed’ 🤣 that’s definitely one way to describe it.

12) ‘Tom smiled up at you and rubbed two long fingers between your folds, getting them wet and warm before sliding them inside your cunt. His mouth went back to work on your clit while his fingers slid in and out, rubbing against your spot. Another orgasm rolled in, making you arch your back as you came shouting his name.’

Not me getting weak right now-

13) ‘In the afterglow, you watched Tom lick his fingers, wearing a rather proud smile. You took a moment to compose yourself before you sat up and beckoned him closer.’

Full of ourselves, are we? 🤨

14) ‘“On your knees, right here…” You patted the bed in front of you, and grabbed the chain around your neck. “Hands behind your back.”’

👀👀

15) ‘Tom did as you said, and held his breath as he watched you take the small golden key off your necklace and unlock his cock cage. He groaned loudly when you finally set him free.’

Also Tom:

16) ‘“You’ve been such a good boy Thomas, wearing your submission obediently.” You rubbed your nose against his, watching him blush. “Now, I’m gonna make it up to you. As a birthday present and a reward for being my good little slave.” You kissed him again. “On your back. Lift your legs up and open wide for me.”’

17) ‘You poured lube on the strap-on, making sure it was well covered, and then some more around his hole before sliding inside. You went slowly, letting him get used to the girth of the toy. Tom’s mouth fell open, his exquisite moans and gasps filled the room.’

*Inhale* I am thinking some dirty thoughts right now, and imagining him moaning and gasping is NOT helping.

18) ‘But you would not be rushed. You kept thrusting in and out, getting more of the toy inside with each slow thrust. It was driving Tom insane . It had been too long. He wanted to be ravaged, and he desperately moved his hips to meet yours. You had to scold him and hold him down to make him stop. Only when the toy was completely in did you increase your pace, angling your hips to make sure the toy rubbed against his prostate. Tom cried out when you hit the jackpot, and you went harder.’

😏😏

19) ‘“Mistress-” He grunted. “Can I- I want-” “Words, Thomas.” You half-smiled.’

🤣🤣 I’m afraid the poor man can’t hold out much longer

20) ‘You kept your hand around his cock as his hips spasmed, cum spurting on his belly. You stilled inside of him, letting him ride down from his first orgasm of the night. Smiling down at him, you pulled out and removed the strap-on. Immediately, you grabbed another toy from your stash and covered it with lube, pushing it inside of Tom, taking advantage of how open he was. He hadn’t fully recovered yet, and moaned loudly when the toy started to massage his prostate. You knelt on the bed between his legs, and grabbed the flogger. “Touch yourself, Thomas.” You leaned down to kiss and nip his inner thigh, setting the massager on low. “What?” Tom lifted his head up, as if he hadn’t heard you right. “Touch yourself.” You repeated, sucking marks on his thighs. “You haven’t done it in weeks, now you’re gonna do it, and put on a show for me. I wanna see that cock getting hard and leaking again.”’

I swear I’m getting so flustered and squirmy but I’m also like ‘Keep going 🤤’

21) ‘“You paint such a beautiful color, my prince.” You said, tracing the lines on his thighs with your fingers. “So pretty…” “Tha- thank you for making me pretty, Mistress.”’

Awww!! That’s so cute!

22) ‘You crawled on top of him, kissing his chest and you went, until you straddled his hips. Sliding your wet pussy lips on his still half soft cock, you used the flogger to mark his chest. Your rhythm was slow, taking time to tease his nipples, and kiss the pink marks of the flogger. You ran your hands down his stomach, feeling the tense muscles ripple under his skin, and you tried to soothe them.’

... pretty sure this is going to be his most favorite birthday after this 😆

23) ‘“You are going to come…” You started moving your hips again, up and down his length. “…when I say so.” You increased your pace, feeling him swell inside you. “Because you belong to me. Your body belongs to me.” Tom was breathing in short shallow gasps, eyes fixed on yours. “Your pleasure and your orgasms belong to me.” Your voice started to quake. “I own them… and I control them. Yes?”’

Why is this so hoooooot 😩🥵

24) ‘Tom grabbed your hips and turned you over, your legs automatically wrapping around his waist. Fuck me! And he did, hard, deep, relentlessly, as if he was making up for all those weeks you kept him from doing it. As much as he liked to play, nothing ever compared to feeling your cunt around his cock. Hot and wet and perfect . It was the best prize you could ever give him.’

I’M MELTING I CAN’T THIS IS TOO HOT I- brb, I need to get some cold water. I can’t continue without.

25) ‘Catching your breath back wasn’t easy with Tom crushing you. You knew he had come on command right when you did. You could feel his cock still twitching inside of you.“Tom?” You pushed on his arm. He didn’t move. “Oh, shit…” You giggled to yourself: Tom had gone into subspace.’

Mehehehe 😈 I guess the plan to fuck his brains out worked :D

26) ‘He was dead weight on top of you, but you managed to get at least part of your upper body from underneath him. Running your hands up and down his back and playing with his hair, you waited for him to come around, regretting the position you were in, as you would have loved to look into his eyes.’

WHAT THE-? MA’AM YOU GOT ME FROM HORNY TO SOFT IN .1 SECONDS

27) ‘“Mistress?” Tom propped himself on one of his arms and looked at you, eyes still glazed and unfocused. “I’m sorry-” He added, trying to move away.’

So sweet, so bebe 🥺

28) ‘“Come here.” You cupped his chin, making him look at you. “You did so good, my prince. I’m proud of you.” You kissed his forehead and then his lips. “Thank you, Mistress.” He said with a small proud smile and a slight blush on his cheeks. His body wiggled happily as he snuggled against you.

YOU CAN’T JUST MAKE ME GO FROM RUINED PANTIES TO UWU-ING LIKE THAT IT’S RUDE 😤

29) ‘You allowed a moment to rest before you pushed Tom off the bed and into the bathroom. You were both covered in chocolate, sweat and cum, and in dire need of a shower. After getting cleaned up, and despite Tom’s exhaustion, you made sure he drank enough water and had a few snacks. As soon as you disposed of the bed cover, you both slid in between the clean sheets underneath.’

*still grumbling about being soft*

30) ‘Tom cuddled up to your neck, arm wrapped around your waist. “Thank you,” he mumbled. “For everything.” You smiled and kissed his head, holding him close, legs tangled with his. “Happy birthday.”’

🥺🥺😭 THAT’S SO CUUUUTE AND SWEEEET AND NOW I JUST WANNA CUDDLE WITH HIM!!!! *sigh* ;-;

[lozzypoz321]

Word count: 3.8k!

A/N: this is one of my favourite things I’ve ever written and I’m super proud of it, also the biggest word count I’ve ever done, hope you enjoy and pretty please leave feedback!! <3

Warnings: brief mentions of underage sex, calling of child services, brief mentions of an anxiety attack

Avengers college AU

-

Bucky: Guys I’m really desperate

Bruce: what?

Steve: wdym?

Bucky: does anyone have the first period free tomorrow? Can’t afford a babysitter for Riley :/

Tony: nah can’t, I’ve got a busy schedule

Clint: economics man

Bruce: science m8

Nat: same as Clint I’m afraid Jamesy

Clint: wbu Steve?

Steve: library club and I can’t skip

Bucky: >: I

Bucky: I think I may be having a midlife crisis.

Tony: okay 1. You’re 20 and 2. You shouldn’t have gone an’ knocked up a woman at 17

Nat: Tony!

Bucky: You’re acting like you didn’t get some at 17 Tony

Bruce: he has a fair point.

Nat: and anyway Riley’s too pure for your insults Tony

Bucky: uwu

Tony: you have officially turned into every teenage girl Barnes

Nat: anywayyyyyyy, Thor how’re you coping with your brother’s “phase”

Tony: I am starting to think Loki’s goth phase isn’t just a phase Natalie, I caught him walking around in a skull T-shirt with chains this morning

Clint: oh daym

Steve: what are you going to do?

Thor: I am going to show that I respect him by buying him some flowers!

Clint: What abt a chain tho?

Nat: wait, does anyone wanna go to laser tag at some point?

Tony: oooh yes!

Bruce: yeah I’m down! :)

Steve: I’ve got time yeah thanks

Bucky: I never back down from a laser tag game

Nat: great! I’ll book it with Tony’s card

Tony: wait what?

Bucky: oh shit, I’ve gotta go, Riley’s just run away somewhere brb

Clint: oh damn.

Bucky shoved his phone hastily into his pocket and looked around, desperation filling his eyes as they searched for any sign of his daughter. The bushes swayed with the evening breeze and very few people strolled around campus, either going on a walk, meeting up early with friends or getting food. The young adult heavily sighed out of relief when he caught sight of Riley, excitedly chatting to a man, who James quickly identified him as one of his other friends, Sam.

Braking out into a light jog, he made his way across campus to the pair while also trying to avoid bumping into the other students that were now staring at him, in college he was basically known as the fuck boy. Not that he was, the only reason behind it was that he had a daughter at 17 and everyone apart from his friends never saw past that.

“What’re you doing here munchkin?” He asked the small girl who was now shyly smiling at her father. Sam chuckled at the duo and turning his attention away from Riley, “wasn’t her fault dude, just telling me how she’s going to chemistry class tomorrow, can’t wait to see that” he said with a sly smirk on his face.

Bucky mentally sighed, yes it was going to be very tough tomorrow. Not only was she very restless, but she also was very talkative and wouldn’t put a filter on around people older than her, which most of the time could be very offensive. “Yeah! I promised him I’ll be good!”

“Oh really? Well I kinda hoped you’d have something to say to Professor Demon”

“Sam,” he groaned and ran a hand through his hair “his names Damon, if he caught you sayin’ that then we’d get suspended so quickly dude” Riley giggled and looked up at her dad innocently “and then we’d go poor because you suck at getting jobs”

“He sucks at everything” Sam mumbled, earning a glare from the other man. “We better go get some food now, there’s literally nothing in the fridge except a can of tuna, some ketchup and packets of sour sauce from takeout awhile ago”

“Oof man”

The walk to the diner that he had decided on going to after he couldn’t be bothered going grocery shopping was a long one. Riley insisted on stopping for every dog they saw, to ask to stroke it. “Ri’ baby, we can’t keep stopping, we gotta get back to the dorm before it’s your bedtime”

The pout she sent him instantly melted his heart before he realised she knew exactly what she was doing and he readjusted his grip on her hand so she didn’t end up running away again like she did earlier.

-

“Ri’ what do you want?” He asked the child once the waitress had come over asking for their orders. She gave a nonchalant shrug and turned her attention back to the video that was playing on Bucky’s phone that he had given her for the wait. “M’kay so, can we get a,” he took a pause to take a quick glance at the kid’s menu on the table “chicken nuggets and chips please with… chocolate milkshake?”

Riley nodded and the waitress, who from the name tag on her apron, was named Elizabeth, began to write down both his and her order but halfway through gave a quick glance up to Bucky, but when he caught her cheeks flooded red that made his daughter snort.

“Is that all sir?”

“Riley shut up” he quietly told the girl as Elizabeth walked away with her head down. “She was flirting with you dad” she laughed making him jokingly nudge her across the table “Oi, and anyway she’s not my type munchkin”

“Well don’t be too loud, the creeps staring at you dad”

He didn’t mean to, but without thinking his head whipped round to instantly make eye contact with the woman who was biting her lip, her eyes now as big as plates. His cheeks heated furiously as he immediately turned back around to face his adorable giggling daughter. “You better like those chicken nuggets munchkin cause I’ve got to go through this to get them”

“I will dad, I like chickens”

-

“Riley, come on you gotta get some sleep” he groaned once she’d slid onto the sofa where he was writing his assignment last minute for the fifth time that night.

“But dad,” She whined and pulled on the sleeve of the college logo sweater he had pulled on without even thinking about it once they’d got home as he had only just realised he had a paper to write, “I’m not tired and I don’t want to be alone”

His eyes softened at the pleading look on her face that would get him to do anything she wanted him to “m’kay baby, how about we go into into the bedroom and you try to get some sleep while I finish this up”

She nodded enthusiastically and he picked up the study books and paper in one hand and Riley in the other, deep eye bags could be found on his face from the lack of sleep that he had spent pulling all-nighters working on college work and began to make his way into the small room that had a single bed pressed up against the wall with a mattress next to it, an abundance of blankets on both.

He set the small girl onto the single bed and lowered himself down into the smaller one, using the bed frame to press his back against and using a hardback book underneath the paper to rest on.

“Why do people stare at you?” Bucky only just heard Riley mumble as her eyes struggled to keep open. He stopped writing but kept his hand in the same place while grinder his teeth, wondering what to say. “Cause baby… people don’t really think that I should have you this young,” he struggled to find the words as he felt his daughter roll onto her back to listen “but they don’t understand that I love you a lot, don’t I munchkin?”

Riley giggled behind him and uttered a small yes. “At least they haven’t tried to take me away again”

The young man's breath hitched in the back of his throat at the memory flashed through his mind. They’d been watching a movie with Steve after their classes and a knock had sounded on the door.Apparently, Child services had been called by one of the students and they tried to take her away but he wouldn’t let them, they had threatened to take him to court because the living settings were not meant for a child but 17-year-old Steve had calmly spoken to them outside the room while James had been on the edge of a panic attack inside.

“Yeah, scared me Ri’” his horse voice answered back making her eyebrows scrunch in confusion “I’m not going anywhere dad. Well, unless I die but y’know”

He sent her a bitch face look over his shoulder which made her uncontrollably giggle. Bucky chuckled and set his attention back to the essay while absent mindedly talking to her about random things.

“Is Loki gonna be at the laser tag place?” She asked and added on excitedly “oooh can I come dad?!”

“Sure doll, let me tell the guys”

Buck: we got plus ones on this laser tag thing?

Bruce: whyyyy??

Thor: oooh if that is the case I would very much like to take my brother!

Nat: oh are you bringing Riley then?

Buck: yup

Steve: I don’t see why not

Tony: I’m off to speak to this really hot girl

Clint: what that spice girl?

Buck: do you mean pepper?

Clint: ah yes!

He chuckled at the screen and chucked his phone to the side while looking up to his daughter on the bed above him, going to tell her they approved before stopping and smiling to himself as he caught sight of her peaceful, sleeping form.

Without waking her up, he got off the mattress and tucked in the blankets, quietly laughing as he retrieved the earbuds she had borrowed in the diner from her pocket. “Night munchkin”

-

Bucky groaned as the ringing of his phone awoke him, the technology next to his ear from when he had fallen asleep sat up. “Wha’?”

It was so early in the morning that he didn’t even have the energy to think of a proper sentence, never mind say one.

Steve: hey guys make sure your ready, it starts an hour after school

Clint: Steve. School. Finishes. At. 6. Pm. What. Tf. Do. You. Mean. It. Starts. In. An. hour. After.

Nat: we thought you could do with a late start

Tony: fuck you Romanoff

Clint: ten bucks says she’s smirking rn

Buck: ughhh

Bruce: I feel exactly the same way

Buck: no you don’t. I spent up until 6 am doing that English essay I forgot about

Tony: oof

Bucky: I will physically be running on caffeine this morning so be ready

He took a look around the messy room before deciding he would clean it another day and raised himself onto his feet before making sure Riley was still on the single bed asleep. He made his way to the tiny kitchen that held a mini-fridge, microwave, kettle and an oven with two counters on one side to make himself a cup of coffee that he was depending on if he had to spend an hour of his day running around in sweaty gear and a fake gun while making sure his daughter didn’t run away to get some sort of snack.

“Fuck” he mumbled as the loud whirring of the kettle started, sure to wake Riley up. “I’m tired” he heard a voice groan behind him, making the man whirl around, instantly making eye contact with his daughter. Sighing out of relief and returning back to the drink he was previously making. “So am I doll, yet you can’t have coffee”

He made her go get dressed and brush her teeth while he had a mental breakdown over what he was going to do about the paper he didn’t manage to finish before he fell asleep last night.

“Dad,” Bucky looked up to find Riley once again dressed in a pair of Joggers and a baggy T-shirt that she’d dragged out of the very few clean clothes in her draw “someone’s messaging your laptop”

She struggled to hold up the open device that showed multiple emails from one of his professors questioning his performance in class for the recent weeks. He inwardly cursed and took the laptop from her to begin emailing her back, choosing to ignore the insults she had thrown at him and his daughter in the middle of it.

“She is so full of-“ he stopped halfway through the sentence, noticing that Riley was sat next to him, quietly playing a YouTube video on his phone. “Whatcha watching Ri’?” He asked, his attention still focusing on trying to be professional in the email back. “c- c-“ she struggled to pronounce the word so she passed it to him.

“Commentary channels?” The man asked with a laugh, thinking about how most parents wouldn’t even let their 4 child near a video like that but yet again he wasn’t like most parents. He was 20 and had to do this alone.

“Oh yeah”

“Come on munchkin, we gotta get to first period before we’re late” he told her and grabbed his backpack to quickly shove his college things in before glancing at the digital clock on his phone and scooping Riley up so they could get there quicker.

Halfway through the panicked running across campus, the small girl decided she needed a nap and fell asleep against his shoulder, making Natalia laugh as they passed.

As soon as he arrived in the classroom he knew it was a bad idea when 11 pair of eyes fell to his, heavily panting and holding an asleep 4-year-old.

“Sir he’s late” a girl, younger than him moaned to the teacher who was now shrugging his shoulders “I don’t care”

“But professor, why’d he bring the baby?”

Bucky had enough of everyone staring at him, he readjusted the bag on his back before making his way to the back of the class, sitting in an empty seat in between Sam and Tony and placed Riley on his lap.

“That’s a good question Jaimee, Barnes?”

“Couldn’t find anyone to look after her professor” he mumbled in response, making sure to be loud enough to hear. “No babysitter?”

“Can’t afford it sir”

He didn’t once make eye contact with anyone in the room, instead putting his attention on the books that he was bringing out of his bag. “You alright man?” Tony whispered across the desk and flicked a pen at him, “Oi” Bucky hissed as the metal came in contact with the side of his head making Sam laugh loudly at him.

“Dad,” a mumble was heard quietly, making the older man look at his daughter, eyes that were previously closed were now looking up at his wide with pleading “I’m hungry”

If he was anywhere else in the world he would have sworn loudly, but right now he was in a class with 10 other students and his daughter. “Okay baby, but you're gonna have to wait for a while, we’re in my class but I’ll get you something after okay?”

She nodded and rested her hair back against his chest, making him smile slightly as he went back to taking notes of the class. “I’ve got skittles,” Sam held out the family-sized packet of sugary sweets making Riley do grabby hands towards it. Without asking Sam gave her it, earning a goofy smile from the girl. “Thank you dude but she’s literally gonna get the biggest sugar rush possible now”

“Aha, can’t wait to see that”

-

By halfway through the period Riley was already rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, on the spot next to Bucky’s chair, his hand holding hers to make sure she didn’t run up to the front and distract everyone. “Dad, are you going to work tonight?”

“Yeah munchkin, not for long though, you can stay with Stevie. How about that?”

“Yeah, m’kay”

Suddenly the professor spoke up, directing his attention to Bucky “Barnes, the symbol Sb stands for stibium or stibnite. What is the modern name of this element?”

“That doesn’t sound like English dad” Riley loudly whispered to him, making the class laugh, “and what do you think the answer is?”

The girl pondered for a second and looked at her dad with seriousness drawn upon her features “...tell me,”

-

“Laser in the house!” Clint exclaimed in excitement once everyone had found their way to the front of campus where they’d agreed to meet.

“I like lasers,” Riley gushed while smiling brightly making most of the young adults chuckle, Loki however, did not. “Why did you have to bring me?” The man grumbled, sending a death glare towards his brother.

“Why are you dressed like that?”

“Riley no-“

“Did you go through childhood trauma to endure this?”

“Ri’ you can’t ask-“

“Why is there a child?” Loki asked as if he had only just noticed she was there. “She is Barnes’ daughter brother” Thor said and gently patted her head, making her scowl.

“You have a daughter?”

“I’ve had her for 4 years dude”

“Oh”

Steve grabbed his phone from his pocket and glanced at the time “guys we’ve gotta be there in half an hour we better get goin’”

“Alright Rogers, you really do like to keep track of time don’t you?” Tony asked and rolled his eyes making Nat nudge him in the ribs. “Tony, I’m not that old”

“You're 21, everyone else is 20 punk” Bucky teased him but stopped when he sent him a death glare. “Erm, I’m not 20.” The young girl pointed out while everyone else started making their way to the entertainment place. “Smart girl Ri’”

“Wait, do we need to decide the teams?” Bruce asked everyone once Bucky and Riley had caught up with the rest. “Ooooh,” Clint exclaimed with wide eyes “dibs on Natasha! She’s got good aim.”

“I’m gonna stick with you. Power team” Bucky whispered down to the stupidly smiling girl as she nodded furiously. By the time everyone had chosen their teammates and managed to agree, the group had arrived. “This’ll be great” Bruce sighed once they’d caught sight of the room of light-up vests with attached laser guns.

“Rules,” a middle-aged man who looked like he’d given up on life, walked into the room with a clipboard in hand “No Running, No Physical Contact, Hold Laser with Both Hands, No Climbing, Players must be careful when manoeuvring around interior arena walls, Please let us know if any of your guests suffer from the following: Asthma, epilepsy or suffer from seizures caused by fog or strobe lights.”

Everyone was quiet for a second before Steve quietly spoke up with a blush “I have asthma, sir.”

The worker took a pause and pondered for a moment, as though this had never happened in his whole 68 years of working there, “just… don’t start a fire alright?”

They all nodded in agreement, just happy that he’d been let in, and began to enter the massive room where the game was about to take place. “Right, so, let’s not rugby tackle people like you did last time,” Steve said and mostly directed it to Thor who smiled sheepishly “cause- err, there’s a kid, yeah, Riley, that’s it”

Bucky chuckled and picked up the fake laser gun as the lights began to darken, “let’s get this party started”

As soon as the words left his mouth, chaos ensured, young adults setting off running to find a place to set-up camp. As he wanted to be fast, Bucky quickly picked up Riley and began to run towards a pillar so he could hide behind it, so he’s able to get a good view of people.

“How does it work?” Riley whispered from the spot of her back pressed against his chest so she could also see and indicated towards the gun. “Gotta put your finger on the trigger” he instructed and took ahold of her index finger and brought it over to the weapon, placing the rest of her hand on the handle while her other one held the underneath of the top part, trying not to drop it.

The whole room was silent for a good 5 minutes before Bucky decided to make a move, taking hold of the collar of her jacket to gently pull her up with him. Not holding Riley’s hand as she would have ended up dropping the laser gun if she didn’t have two hands on it.

The two of them scouted out the place trying to be quiet so they didn’t get caught. Suddenly, making them jump, a loud zapping sounded in the distance, indicating that someone had found an enemy. He began to run away from the sound, after making sure his daughter was following and attempting to find somewhere to hide again but this time he didn’t find a deserted place.

“Aha!” Nat yelled and jumped out from behind a pillar while aiming the laser at Bucky’s chest. His panicked yelling and screaming filled the air as he made a run for it, completely forgetting about his teammate left behind and the rule “no running”. Suddenly, before he could brace himself his body went flying, his foot getting stuck on a stray shoe that belonged to Thor. At the same time Steve had jumped out, meaning to get the man in the chest, but instead Bucky had landed on him, using him to muffle the landing, earning an “ow man...” in return.

Bucky wanted to move, he really did, but he just couldn’t. He was in a trance, his and Steve’s baby blue eyes made eye contact, without knowing what he was doing, Steve’s body involuntarily leant up: closer to the younger man. His lips never looked more inviting, but all of a sudden a yell broke out in the room.

“Dad! Help! Nat nearly got me!”

The father scrambled up off the floor, his mind going a million miles an hour about what just happened and why it was wrong. He was his best friend. He should only see him as a friend.

Without meaning to, he ran away from him, not bothering to even spare Steve a second glance in search of his daughter, who was now cowered in one of the room's corners, trying not to get shot. Bucky chuckled slightly at the tactic and crossed the room, luckily not being noticed by Tony and Nat who were having a shoot off at each other from their opposite ends in the room.

“Nat nearly got you Ri’?”

“M’ yeah and you weren’t there.”

Guilt coursed through the mans veins as he remembered that he’d left her, but before his mind could go wondering to the events after it, he stopped himself, “sorry munchkin”

“Is’ okay, just don’t do it again dad”

He silently laughed at the sincerity in her voice and grabbed her hand to lead her away from the battle scene so they could get somebody else in the laser tag game. In quiet discussions they settled on Bruce, the one who was most likely to not be paying attention, and if he was it would still be easy to take aim without him seeing.

“Come on Ri, we got this.”

-

@donutloverxo @xolovegrace @rooskaya-yelena @deephideoutmilkshake @kidney9-9 @marvel-ous-hobbit @snarky--starky @rae-is-typing @stargazingfangirl18 @canadianhufflepuffavenger @herecomesthewriterwitch @every-marveler-ever

[lihikainanea]

thinking about bill and tiger going on a winter road trip around the rural parts of europe. they take turns driving and eat at awful for you restaurants, go to all the cheesy tourist attractions, and a spontaneous mini golf sesh because tiger made a bet she could beat him. and once they get to their first stop, he goes in for a sweet kiss once they’re settled, but it naturally progresses into something more intimate. soft gasps, little giggles when he accidentally tickles her, and they have sex to the sound of the fireplace cracking.... brb gonna cry for a bit -🧚‍♀️

Ohhhhh bullseye, baby.

I don’t know if it’s just my Canadian side talking--we’re basically just a few chromosomes away from being polar bears--but there is something deeply engrained in me, something that really loves the winter. I am an autumn girl through and through, but something about winter is just...undeniably magical. Yes, sometimes it’s awful--the road conditions, the slippery sidewalks, the -40C, the 8 feet of snow that gets dumped on us weekly. But there’s also such a mysticism to it, a uniqueness, a lovely and serene quality.

There is the way that the bright snow illuminates a dark night--soft blankets just coating everything. It’s the way that it somehow makes everything much more quiet--most who have experienced cold winters can tell you that there is indeed silence that most of us associate with only the winter months, when the snow just seems to insulate everything and block out all echoes. A peacefulness. There’s the bright winter sky that is somehow just impossibly blue, a blue that you only see in January or February, and usually when the temperatures drop to insufferable degrees that no human should live through. The coldest days bring the brightest skies, and it’s a blue I’ve never seen anywhere else in the world. It’s the different kinds of snow that fall--soft and powdery, the type you want to just pelt at each other, or heavy and wet--the perfect kind for making a snowman.

Bill said a few years ago that the winters in Toronto were the coldest he had ever felt, and I felt some weird Canadian pride that we had successfully beaten a Nordic man into wintery submission. To boot--Toronto ain’t even all that cold compared to our prairie brethren. I wonder if he’s ever visited Landon in February.

In any case, despite its tribulations, winter holds a special place in my heart--and winter in Europe? Oh man. The November/December trip I took to Oslo and Copenhagen two years ago was the prettiest thing I had ever seen--Europe does cozy winter right. Everything is warm drinks, big knits, patios outside with heating lamps, blankets on chairs. It’s beautiful.

And maybe this trip is kind of her dream--but listen, for non-Europeans, driving in Europe can be terrifying, you know? I nearly get killed when I just try to cross the street on foot, let alone attempting to drive. But Bill grew up in these countries, traveled all over ‘em, and he’s more than fine with driving. Maybe he doesn’t even tell tiger the plan--he has a rough outline, but he keeps it secret. Tiger just thinks it’s the greatest thing, hitting the road in Europe with her big dude. He drives everywhere, confident and calm, through snowy mountains in a nice car, holding her hand. Maybe they start in France, drive on over to Switzerland. He rents a small room in a beautiful log cabin in the Alps, and it’s all fire place and cheese fondue and huge, fur blankets on the bed. They take a fondue tour. They hop on a beautiful scenic train that takes them around the country in a day. They go ice skating (he won’t let her ski, he’s not falling for that again). They drink mulled wine on their outdoor heated patio when they get back, all red noses and huddled together. They absolutely have sex under a blanket in front of the fire place, and it’s intimate and warm, both of their skin glowing in the soft light of the fire. The bed is huge, a big wooden frame complete with four posts, but they sleep glued to each other. He stuffs her silly, full of melty cheese fondue and raclette.

Maybe they head to Austria from there, he brings her to all the small pastry shops he knows of. He takes her prancing through the famous garden, takes her on a hot chocolate tour, gets enough chocolate snacks for the road. He brings her to Mozart’s house, introduces her to her first Mozartkugel, and he has to forbid her from eating anymore wiener schnitzel because she almost made herself sick. Maybe if it’s around Christmas time, he takes her to a few Christmas markets.

Then they head up to Germany, the whole time locked in an intense debate about glugg versus gluhwein--tiger can’t tell the difference, she just likes both but it’s very important, kid--maybe Bill has to stop along a few roads, let a herd of mountain goats go by. Even the ROADS are pretty in Europe. They stop for snacks in roadside restaurants and shacks, and god even the small motels along the way from country to country are just so beautiful. He takes her to all the German Christmas markets, hosts an elaborate mulled wine tasting (see tiger? glugg is so much better), feeds her bratwursts. Tiger is amazed that Bill can literally down an entire 1L stein of beer in just a few gulps, along with a pretzel the size of his face. In fact, maybe this time it’s tiger that has to intervene--Bill had 4 pretzels in a row and as he went for a fifth, she yanked him the other way. Got him a sausage on a stick instead, because somehow that’s better.

They head up to Scandinavia from there--a quick stop in Denmark, and that is entirely at tiger’s request. Bill’s Swedish side says fuck Denmark. But he takes her shopping on Stroget, tries to get her to properly pronounce stegt flæsk med persillesovs, maybe even takes her for a romantic stroll near Tivoli. Tiger makes the cardinal sin of mentioning that Danish Gløgg is her favourite so far and Bill almost like, smacks the mug out of her hands. They eat aebelskiver, and she laughs when he gets powdered sugar all over his nose. They stay a night or two in a beautiful little inn, before hopping back in the car.

Tiger loves that she’s just not worrying about anything. Bill knows how to gas up in Europe. He knows how the roads work. He knows how to park and read the parking signs. He knows where they can stop and get food, he knows where they can stay--tiger is just in the passenger seat, holding his big hand, and she’s glowing. He gets her a cute winter hat, a warmer pair of mittens when she’s cold. They pick up a few beautiful Christmas ornaments along the way, because the Christmas markets are just too beautiful not to.

They finally end back up in Sweden, but they’re not done yet. Bill drives way north into the countryside, where it’s dark all the time and where you can see the Northern Lights. He knows his way around--he rents a glass igloo for a few nights, gets a ski doo, drives her out to the middle of nowhere and parks it. The Northern Lights light up the entire sky, and tiger swears she’s never seen anything so beautiful in her life. She cries about it--god granny would have loved this. He hugs her and tells her to try to stop--wet tears on cold cheeks is never a good thing.

They sleep that night on their backs, still huddled together, watching the lights dance across the sky. He convinces her to try reindeer the next morning--tiger is a big fan of Christmas and eating reindeer just seems wrong--but it’s a pretty normal thing out there. She hates how much she loves it. And it’s a great way for him to reveal their next destination--none other than Santa Claus’ legit village, in Rovaniemi, Finland. Her squeal is so loud it nearly cracks the glass igloo.

[luvdsc]

first off, that soulmate au abt jaemin was top notch! i loved it so much, i just started reading ur works n they're absolutely amazing 🥺 when i finally caught on to what was going on in the fic, u have to know that my heart began ACHING istg 🗿 secondly, i aspire to be as good of a writer as u are, any tips on how to start off my writing blog?? super sorry to bother u, i just love ur works sm omggg

brb gonna print this out and pin it to my wall, so I can read it whenever I feel sad and instantly feel better because you are the absolute kindest, honey bee, omg thank you so much!!! 😭💘 thank you for enjoying ellipsism and for giving my writing a chance! I don’t write angst as often, so I’m very happy to see that the angst hit its mark :’)

You are so cute omg, I’m positive your writing is already as amazing as you are!!!! 💗 I’m not sure if you want writing tips or tips about how to start a writing blog? So I’ll put a bit of both! And it’s not a bother at all, lovebug, thank you for showering my writing with love 🥺💚 I’ll put the tips below under the cut!

WRITING ;

utilize your own experiences — this is something I do the most with my writing. My blurbs are oftentimes based on things that happened in my life. The reason why I hold tddol so near and dear to my heart the most is because the entire thing is heavily based on my own college shenanigans and each character emcompasses personality traits and quirks of my own irl friends. It makes the fic more believable as well because you can pull from your own emotions and thoughts from that time and put it into words. I gravitate towards college au the most because there’s no research involved when I’m the primary source :)

daydream — sometimes, it’s best to just let your mind wander and conjure up make-believe scenarios at 3 in the morning when it’s quiet and only the moon and stars are awake with you.

draw inspiration from your surroundings and people around you — this might be a little difficult if you’re in quarantine right now, but pay attention to who and what’s going on around you! go to a coffee shop and observe the different people that come and go. is there something going on with the couple sitting the corner or maybe the barista and her obviously favorite regular that she always gives a free scone to? Or maybe there’s something about the cute boy with the maroon beanie who taps away at his laptop, sipping on a hot chocolate. Make up random scenarios and back stories for these people!

dialogue — read what you write for your character’s dialogue and ask yourself, “do people actually speak this way?” People use the same words often in their speech, use contractions, have um’s and ah’s scattered here and there, trail off mid sentence, randomly go from one thought to the next, etc. Make sure the conversation sounds natural and flows well!

detail — detail is something I struggle with writing, but I feel like I’ve improved on it immensely with this little rule I’ve given myself. Each paragraph (?) has to be three to five lines long on a google doc, unless it’s a short dialogue line that I want to pack a punch with. By doing this, I’m making myself stop and think about the surroundings and what’s going on through my character’s mind or what they’re feeling. As the writer, you already know all of this and may not feel the need to write it down, but to a reader who’s unfamiliar with the universe you created, they won’t know any of it at all. So make sure to add in detail!

write when you feel like writing — this is just my personal opinion on this, but my writing comes out infinite times better when I write when I want to and not force myself to word vomit onto google docs. I kinda did that with I Dare You, and it’s actually my least favorite fic I’ve written on here because I’m not satisfied with the forced execution of it. I know some people prefer to set goals for themselves and write 2k a day regardless, which is incredibly awesome and I admire their determination and will power, but that’s not for me. I only write when I feel like it because I want it to be enjoyable and not feel like a job I’m forced to do. Unfortunately, that means I don’t have a set posting schedule, and fics often get scrapped midway when I decide I don’t want to write it anymore.

write what you want to write — I’m a firm believer in this. Indulge in your favorite au’s and tropes! Write a million bff2l stories (like I do lmao) if that’s the trope that makes you happy!!! Don’t worry about the notes, the number of reblogs, the word count, etc. Please don’t force yourself to write something you’re uncomfortable with or dislike for the sake of notes or readers. Your stories are for you first and foremost, so use them to make whatever your heart desires come to life!

STARTING A WRITING BLOG ;

choose a clean blog theme — make sure your blog is easy on the eyes and simple to navigate! You could be putting out god tier writings like Rick Riordan, but there’s a high chance people will give up on reading it if it’s in neon green, comic sans size 7 font on your flashy blog.

create a master list — this goes into the easy to navigate component as well! It’s best to have all the links to your writings and other important info in one post that you can put in your description for others to find.

use tags — I believe it’s only the first five tags that matter, so make it count! for instance, with ellipsism, it’s a jaemin angst, so I used #jaemin angst, #jaemin scenarios, #jaemin imagines, #nct imagines, and #nct scenarios as my first five tags. They’re pretty popular tags that correlate to my fic, and they’ll bring my fic to the attention of new readers!

reblog your fic — people are in all different time zones, so some of your followers might be asleep when you drop a fic and unfortunately miss it. you can queue a reblog of your fic at different time intervals after you posted it, so that your followers who missed it the first time have another chance at seeing it!

open requests / drabble games — i don’t know if this is your cup of tea, but if you’re stumped on what to write or are looking for inspiration, you can open requests/suggestions or hold a drabble game! This also can bring in new readers and allow you to interact with your followers :) but again, please don’t force yourself to write all of them if you don’t want to or if you’re comfortable with a certain request. At the end of the day, you reserve the right to say no to any request.

I hope these were helpful, honey bee, and please feel free to send another ask in if you want me to elaborate on anything or have any more questions! (Or if you just want to talk, that’s a-okay, too!!!) 💓💓

[hopeisour4letteredword]

innocent bones ch2

Summary: Apollo gets a wake-up call in a few ways. It’s okay, though--he’s got best-friend backup.

Link to AO3 in the notes.

“Goood morning, sunshine!”

“Blrgh,” Apollo says, more to his pillow than Clay. He rolls over and pulls the blankets over his head.

“Oh, are we grouchy this morning? I can drink both of these by myself if you wanna be left alone.”

Apollo peeks out from the covers warily. Clay dangles an iced drink in a plastic café cup tantalizingly over the bed. The morning is already hot, and only promises to get hotter; Apollo knows by the time he has proper clothes on, he’ll want something cold and sweet. He sighs and kicks the sheets aside, stretching.

“Why are you in my apartment?”

“Why were you sleeping with one sock on?”

Apollo looks down. Sure enough, he still has on the sock he’d yanked on at three in the morning. “...Fuck me.”

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Clay says, batting his eyelashes, then cackles as Apollo swings a pillow at him and chases him around the room. When they reach the kitchenette, Clay successfully diverts his attention to a small paper bag of baked goods. Apollo allows him to exchange the pillow for a chocolate croissant. “To answer your question, I’m here to chill with my best friend on my day off, like we’ve been planning for, oh, the last three weeks?”

Shit. That’s right. Apollo scrubs the crust of sleep from his eyes, shoulders slumping. “Sorry. I remember now.”

Clay smiles easily and slides him the drink. Apollo sips. Peachy oolong tea with lemonade. “No harm, no foul. Seriously, though. Why the sock?”

“I had the most surreal fucking night,” Apollo says, and tells him about it. Clay starts laughing uproariously as soon as he mentions the teeth. He doesn’t stop until Apollo concludes with Prosecutor Debeste’s intervention.

“Oh, man,” Clay chuckles, wiping at the corners of his eyes. “How does this shit happen to you?”

“If I knew, don’t you think I would try to stop it?”

“I don’t know, would you?” Clay smirks maddeningly and bites into his muffin. Through a mouthful of crumbs, he drawls, “I’m sure you suffered so much with a handsome man vying for your attention.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, you disgusting goblin.”

“Ach, Herr Forehead,” Clay says, in the worst fake German accent Apollo has ever heard. “When I’m sad and lonely, you’re the first one I think of to cheer me up. Oh, how I wish you were here with me—“

Apollo seizes the pillow again. Clay rushes to get a grip on it before he can take a swing. They struggle for control until they both tip out of their chairs and go crashing to the hard, unforgiving linoleum floor in a heap.

“Ow,” Clay says. “Huh. I’ve had more exciting tumbles.”

“And Mr. Starbuck trusts you to pilot a rocket with him,” Apollo scoffs, feeling a bit ow himself.

“Please, I’m much nicer to Mr. Starbuck than I am to you, I don’t have to worry about fighting with him.”

They attempt to sit up. Clay somehow maneuvers their tangled limbs apart without injury to either of them. Apollo moves to stand, but Clay slings his legs across Apollo’s own before he can go anywhere.

“Hey,” Clay says, low and serious. “For real. You okay? You didn’t have any new nightmares because of all that, did you?”

Apollo winces. “...No.”

“What was that face for?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re an awful liar and you know it.” Clay frowns, concern creasing his brow. “You can tell me anything. You know that, right? You don’t have to, if you don’t want to. But I’m here for you, dude.”

“I know, space cadet. Calm down.”

“Alright, alright.”

Clay moves his legs out of the way. It’s Apollo’s turn to interrupt him before he can rise by dropping his head onto Clay’s shoulder.

“Worse than a nightmare,” he mutters.

“What? What’s worse than a nightma—oh, my God,” Clay gasps. “You had a sex dream?!”

“WH—NO!”

“MY BABY BOY IS GROWING UP!”

“I DID NOT HAVE A SEX DREAM!”

Apollo tries to smack him. Clay catches his hand and wrestles him into a headlock.

“The most important thing to remember is that this is a normal part of puberty,” Clay says, solemnly, even as Apollo shrieks with dismay. “Every growing boy—“

“I WILL KICK YOUR ASS.”

“Like you could? Alright, sunshine, let’s hear it. What’s worse than a nightmare, aside from a sex dream?”

“I don’t want to tell you anymore,” Apollo says, sulkily, voice muffled by Clay’s arm.

“Come on, don’t be like that.” Clay pats his head with his free hand. Apollo grumbles some more. “Is it really that embarrassing?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, then it’s about feelings.”

“Wh—how did you—I mean, what makes you think that?!” Real smooth, Justice. Apollo can feel the hot flush of mortification on his face.

“Honestly, dumbass, how long have we been friends? You think I don’t know how your brain works as well as you know mine?”

“That doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

“Yeah, you’re busy saving all your affection for Klav—ow! Don’t hit me!”

“Shut up! God.”

“You know you get to have a crush, right? That’s normal and okay.”

“I don’t want to have a crush,” Apollo moans, hopelessly. Clay finally releases him from the headlock so he takes the opportunity to bury his face in his hands. He hates catching feelings. He always blows it somehow. It doesn’t help that they never have these conversations anywhere less weird than the kitchen floor. “He’s my colleague. I need to be professional. Our working relationship is too important for me to fuck this up.”

“He got lonely while he was high on painkillers and called you at three AM and you’re still going on about professionalism?”

“It sounds stupid when you say it like that.”

“That’s because it is stupid.”

“Your face is stupid.”

“I’m serious, man. Like, if you wanted concrete evidence that he considers you a friend outside of your working relationship, it just got handed to you on a silver platter. There’s no way you’re the first friend he’s ever had that’s been a little into him.”

“...I guess that’s true.”

“Who knows? Maybe he’s a little into you too.”

Apollo gives him an incredulous look.

“It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to happen to you in the last year, that’s all I’m saying! And he has an awful lot of nice things to say about you for a courtroom rival.”

“We’re not rivals,” Apollo says, mostly on automatic. Clay ruffles his hair as they clamber to their feet.

“Sure, sure. Hey, speaking of things he has to say, has he said anything to you this morning?”

“How should I know? Somebody bullied me out of bed and I left my phone behind.”

“I’ll go get it, you eat breakfast.”

Apollo finishes his croissant. After a moment, Clay tosses his phone at him.

“Do I really have to check it right now?”

“If you’re gonna be such a big baby about it, I can check it for you.”

“Ugh. No, fine, I’ll look.”

Klavier Gavin, 9:04am

hey, i just wanted to apologize for last night. i hope i didn’t scare you too badly. i remember you saying i owed you one, so let me know if you come up with a way i can apologize.

Apollo lets out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. Clay makes a questioning sound and a grabby hand gesture. Apollo passes his phone over, obligingly, and steals a chunk of Clay’s muffin while he reads it for himself.

“Totally normal,” Clay says. “See? It’s fine. You’re fine.”

“I’m fine,” Apollo echoes. He takes his phone back and sips absentmindedly at his iced tea as he types.

Apollo Justice, 10:38am

I’m going to change your contact name to “Teeth Theft Victim.”

How’s your mouth this morning?

Klavier Gavin, 10:39am

HF no :(

not the worst. definitely not as bad as it was last night!

i had some painkillers when i got up. mostly just feels a little weird rn

Apollo Justice, 10:41am

That sounds about right.

Klavier Gavin, 10:42am

did you get back to sleep okay?

Apollo Justice, 10:43am

Yeah, I’m fine.

Klavier Gavin, 10:43am

you’re always fine, HF ;P

Apollo Justice, 10:44am

I bet you think you’re clever.

I got plenty of sleep. Don’t worry.

Klavier Gavin, 10:45am

i am sincerely sorry though. seriously, let me know if i can make it up to you somehow

“Do I actually seem angry?” Apollo asks Clay, mystified. Clay peers over his shoulder at the message thread. “He didn’t really do anything wrong, considering his mental state at the time. I’m not trying to be brusque with him.”

“Tell him to take you out for coffee,” Clay says.

“What? Why? Where did that come from?”

Apollo Justice, 10:47am

All you have to do is not call me at 3AM saying ominous things without context again.

I know this is a terribly high bar to meet, but I have faith that you’ll rise to the occasion.

Klavier Gavin, 10:48am

you really thought i was actively dying, didn’t you?

were you actually on your way out the door?

Apollo Justice, 10:49am

I thought you had gotten roofied. Of course I was on my way out the door.

Klavier Gavin, 10:50am

my knight in shining armor ;)

“TELL HIM TO TAKE YOU OUT FOR COFFEE,” Clay yells, aggressively shaking Apollo by the shoulder. Apollo yelps and almost drops his phone.

“He’s always like this! It doesn’t mean anything!”

“I WILL DO IT MYSELF.”

“Do what yourself?! Take him out for coffee?! Fine! I hope you’re very happy together!”

“God, and you mean it, too. You’re hopeless, AJ. No game at all. Give me your phone.”

“NO!”

Apollo Justice, 10:52am

awerrttrtrtFSDFFG

Klavier Gavin, 10:52am

?? HF??

Apollo Justice, 10:53am

BRB

Have tio kickmny friendsd ass

Apollo does not kick Clay’s ass, because Clay has fifty pounds of muscle on him and Apollo hasn’t gotten in a real fight since he was a middle schooler, but he damn well tries. It’s the effort that counts. Maybe. Hopefully.

Apollo Justice, 11:12am

COFFREERE

Klavier Gavin, 11:14am

??????

Apollo Justice, 11:15am

TAKE HIM OUT TO COFFEE

Klavier Gavin, 11:16am

who am i speaking to??

Apollo Justice, 11:17am

DONT QWORRT ABT UT

Klavier Gavin, 11:18am

i’m a little worried about it

is Herr Justice okay??

Apollo Justice, 11:18am

YEA HES FINE

IM BULLYING HIMN

Klavier Gavin, 11:20am

that doesn’t sound very fine

Apollo Justice, 11:21am

I am so fucking sorry.

Klavier Gavin, 11:21am

are you alright?

Apollo Justice, 11:23am

I’m fine.

I’m with a friend right now and he decided to be obnoxious.

Klavier Gavin, 11:24am

by which i suppose you

mean he stole your phone

Klavier Gavin, 11:25am

That and putting me in a headlock.

Klavier Gavin, 11:25am

:(

Apollo Justice, 11:26am

I’m fine, honestly. We roughhouse all the time.

It’s mostly my pride that hurts.

“Bet you ten bucks he offers to kiss it better,” Clay says, slurping obnoxiously at the dregs of his iced tea. As winner’s spoils, he has retained eavesdropping privileges. Textdropping? Wiretapping? Fuck it, Apollo doesn’t know.

“He will not,” Apollo says, through gritted teeth, valiantly attempting to suppress the red-hot surge of embarrassment to his cheeks.

Klavier Gavin, 11:28am

well then, we all know you’ll survive that one :P

Apollo Justice, 11:30am

Ouch. Rub more salt in the wound, why don’t you?

“You owe me ten bucks,” Apollo announces.

“You motherfucker, you didn’t even take the bet!”

“It was implied! You would have made me give you ten dollars.”

Clay grudgingly pulls out his wallet and gives Apollo a five, three ones, and a fistful of change. He hands it over way too fast to have figured out how much the change is worth, but then Clay is actually good at numbers shit, so maybe he did. Anyway, Apollo cares more about the principle of the exchange than receiving exactly ten dollars.

Klavier Gavin, 11:31am

i prefer to think of it as a salve to help you heal faster

Apollo Justice, 11:32am

By making fun of me?

Klavier Gavin, 11:33am

by reminding u that u can pull through these hard times!

Apollo Justice, 11:34am

Sure.

Klavier Gavin, 11:35am

but hey, for real. do you want to go out for coffee sometime?

“YES,” Clay hollers, victoriously. Apollo wants to curl up under the table and die of mortification.

“I can’t believe you. He thinks he has to do this because I got inconvenienced last night. This is stupid, Clay, why would you do this to us?”

“Because,” Clay says, “He flirts with you, constantly, and you’re who he calls at three AM when he’s in pain and he wants to talk to someone to distract him, and you have a crush that can be seen from space. It’s my job as your best friend.”

“It’s really not.”

“Uh-huh. Tell the nice man you’ll go out for coffee with him.”

Apollo Justice, 11:39am

You really don’t have to take me out just because of what happened last night.

Clay was being absurd.

Klavier Gavin, 11:41am

okay, sure, i understand

but do you WANT to?

Apollo Justice, 11:42am

I mean. Yeah.

If you’re sure.

Klavier Gavin, 11:43am

i’m positive :)

Apollo Justice, 11:44am

Then coffee would be cool.

“Cool,” Clay echoes. “God, AJ, you’re a mess. I love you so much. Cool, he says, when the actual rockstar asks him out on a date.”

“You bullied the rockstar into asking me on a date,” Apollo snaps, red-faced.

“I didn’t do a damn thing to him except offer a suggestion. He didn’t get put in a headlock.”

Klavier Gavin, 11:45am

Großartig! i have a meeting tomorrow afternoon, but perhaps tuesday?

Apollo Justice, 11:46am

Tuesday is fine.

What time? Where are we going?

Klavier Gavin, 11:48am

let’s say 3pm? and it’s a surprise ;)

Apollo Justice, 11:49am

I won’t be footing the bill if you drag me out to some weird, fancy upscale tea bar.

Klavier Gavin, 11:50am

nein, don’t be ridiculous. it’s my treat

“Ooh, what a gentleman!”

“Can’t you stop reading over my shoulder and let me set this up in peace now?!”

“No, I just scored you a date and you elbowed me very hard in the stomach earlier. I earned this.”

Apollo Justice, 11:52am

Does that mean it IS a weird, fancy upscale tea bar?

Klavier Gavin, 11:53am

actually it means i haven’t decided yet

Apollo Justice, 11:54am

Ah. Foolish me, then.

How am I supposed to get there if it’s a surprise?

Klavier Gavin, 11:55am

oh, you can just meet me at my office and i’ll drive us there

...unless you’re still afraid of my motorcycle? :P

Apollo Justice, 11:58am

I’m not afraid.

But you better have a second helmet.

Klavier Gavin, 12:00pm

don’t i always, Schatz?

“You go on his motorcycle?” Clay says, outraged and oblivious while Apollo can feel himself going scarlet from the roots of his hair all the way down to his collar. “This is so unfair. You’ll barely get in a car with me, and you’re terrified of motorcycles. How long did it take you to realize you like this guy again?”

Through gritted teeth, Apollo says, “You drive like you’re trying to die young, and Klavier is the only person I know who consistently follows every single traffic law to the letter.”

“Sounds like—“

“Also, we work together, and basically every time I’ve gotten a ride from him has been to or from case-relevant locations.”

“—Like excuses to me. What does Schatz mean, anyway?”

“I don’t know,” Apollo lies. Clay’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline. He’s not that oblivious, then.

“Uh-huh.”

Apollo Justice, 12:04pm

I guess so.

Klavier Gavin, 12:05pm

so tuesday at 3pm, meeting at my office, then?

Apollo Justice, 12:06pm

Works for me.

I have to go, I’m supposed to be hanging out with Clay today. But I’ll see you Tuesday?

Klavier Gavin, 12:09pm

tuesday it is! i can’t wait to see you ;)

and tell your friend i said danke, ja?

Apollo Justice, 12:11pm

Thanks, he wasn’t already being insufferable enough.

“Oh I’m the fucking best,” Clay says, gleefully. Apollo tries to hide a smile, but it’s pointless. Clay has already thrown an arm around his shoulders to squeeze him in a tight side-hug. “Who is the best friend in the whole wide world who probably just got you laid?”

“Clay.”

“Remember this when I’m done with my mission and I have time to date again, okay? I expect equally enthusiastic wing-manning from you.”

“You have literally never needed me to wingman for you,” Apollo says, with fond exasperation. “Besides, what happened to that alien boyfriend you keep insisting you’ll come back with?”

“Well, maybe he’ll only be my alien work-friend when I come back, and I’ll need my dear friend to help me push past my misconceptions about professionalism to find true love.”

“Good grief,” Apollo says, as the blush that had been steadily dying down on his face flares back to life. “True love? It’s one coffee date. Slow it on down.”

Clay opens his mouth, probably with the intent to say more wild shit about Apollo’s upcoming date (a date! With Klavier! Is Apollo still in a weird exhaustion-induced feelings dream?), so Apollo hurriedly jumps in to say, “So how did you want to spend your day off? Video games? Movies?”

“I want to kick your ass at Smash Bros,” Clay says.

“I think we can arrange that.”

“Almost as easily as we just arranged—“

“Pushing your luck, Terran.”

“I learned that from the very best,” Clay says, nudging Apollo’s shoulder with his own with a fond grin. Apollo can’t help but smile back.

“I guess you did.”

[aeirithgainsborough]

very Important adam/ronan things to take away from the cdth sampler:

“like the other lynch brothers, he was a regular churchgoer, but most people assumed he played for the other team.” i am SCREAMING. top tier gay joke. well timed.

everyone: ronan’s eyes aren’t pretty. adam: mhmm  e y e l a s h e s

much to say about the revelation that ronan is partly at the barns to keep his dreams hidden and in check, and how much he relates an inability to change and be like everyone else to having to stay there. almost like he’s stuck huh! i’ve been saying!!

of note that words used to describe ronan’s existence are BORED and MALINGERED.

fingers crossed he finds some balance between his dreams and his wants/needs that allows him to leave the barns and grow but after the Great Crab Disaster I’M WORRIED.

fire imagery EVERYWHERE. i’m WORRIED again.

“there are stains that spread faster than you drive. if you drive, it’ll take fourteen years to get there. seventeen. forty. one hundred. we’ll be driving to your funeral by the end.” good to know ronan is still the most DRAMATIC boy in the whole of virginia. absolutely no chill.

dont like the possible foreshadowing of that driving to your funeral by the end, though. must leave lynches alone!

“it’s very safe” asjkajjka DECLAN PLEASE 

“ronan kicked one of the volvo’s tires” asjkajjka RONAN PLEASE. 

ronan trying to act nonchalant by cramming chocolate covered peanuts into his mouth and choking a little is Peak Disaster Gay. 

matthew’s music must be awful if ronan and declan are in agreement over it, must have playlist. 

ronan who lives to pretend he doesn’t care wondering if his brothers didn’t say anything about his moving because it didn’t make a difference to them is huhhh. don’t like it, take it away pls.

i’m sorry, ENTIRELY WRAPPED UP IN! ENTIRELY! 

entirely

wrapped

up

in

shut up!!!! shut upppppp! 

“is there any version of you that could come with me to cambridge?” tbh nothing would have readied me for this. adam i-can-do-everything-alone asking ronan if he could go with him. so much growth, too much pride, nowhere to put it, send help.

the fact that ronan doesn’t stay in cambridge when he visits adam because of plausible deniability, that if he doesn’t try there’s no evidence he can’t make it there. rip. 

ronan! missed! him! like! a! lung! 

dramatic again, but entirely relatable bc damn, same ronan, same. 

a) ronan thinking about how his heartbeat is the same as everyone else’s so he wasn’t that different and b) JUST LIKE ADAM’S HEART WHEN HIS HEAD WAS RESTING ON HIS HEAD = much too much to think about. need to lie down for a bit.

he could move to follow the guy he loved!! we all knew it was love, we’ve always known it was love, but! the words. the words!!!!! brb sobbing.

i have only had jordan for a day and a half but if anything happened to her i would kill everyone in this room and then myself. 11/10 would marry.

art forgery plot confirmed!

THIS WAS HOW IT HAD BEGUN

bitch fkajdkajksja GIVE ME A WARNING. 

still can’t compose myself RE the info that ronan saw adam and immediately sent a desperate prayer up to god 

will the word please ever be the same again? definitely not!

adam’s arms adam’s hands his lovely! boyish! hands!

the description of his expressions with all its contradictions and multitudes is just my favourite thing ever. it encapsulates everything i love about adam fucking parrish.

and the fact that ronan instantly recognised all those multitudes in him. there was always a level of understanding ronan had for adam throughout trc that no one else did and this tells us he had that before he even met him, he just... recognised something in him i just... ;______; 

please 

ronan knowing all the harvard stats because he was the person adam could crow to, how he takes on that adam that is still full of contradictions and multitudes, how he finds it hard but he absorbs all the facts and all of adam’s anxieties, even in the face of his own anxieties about adam leaving and falling in love with the shining, educated people that ronan thinks are better than him. that absolute, unwavering support 😭😭😭

tbh there’s a whole ass lot to unpack in this section so imma try and do it briefly (she says!)

ronan lynch is a romantic cdth confirmed: 

he could have texted adam but he liked the soft surprise of it

over the past few days ronan had played his reunion with adam over in his head MANY TIMES

adam i love you but that outfit sounds awful. you are a student, it’s a friday night, put some sweats on and stuff some cheetos in your mouth. 

the sweet nervousness of their reunion, how they walk past each other and both seem so uncertain. they’re a year into dating and the still get nervous and unsure after a few weeks apart and it’s CUTE and definitely speaks to their excitement/anticipation levels.

THE WATCH. big time softness. 

they hugged hard ;_____; 

im just so relieved that they’re allowed to touch each other and be intimate and aren’t consigned to the ‘boys in love aren’t like that boring boring’ corner. 

the way ronan thinks about how adam fits as he remembered. huh. you’re really gonna do this to me.

his hand still pressed against the back of ronan’s skull the way it ALWAYS did when they hugged. 

you smell like home. you smell like home!!!!!! brb ive gone absolutely fucking feral. 

i both want to play repo because it sounds fun and don’t want to because it sounds complicated and i fucking hate instructions. much confusion. 

adam pressing his shoe hard against ronan’s and then his leg and then breathing in ronan’s ear I AM HOWLING. ronan’s nerve endings being made a marvel of I AM SOBBING. it’s very important that m/m ships are afforded the same level of explicit attraction as m/f (and i don’t mean explicit as in nsfw, i mean as in obvious)

no offence because i love them but all of adam’s friends sound Extra™

“to the outside eye, ronan lynch was a loser” pls ronan, you are giving me an ulcer.

scary spice i asjkjdkjskdjak

queer crying club! i stan!!

also adam saying in the epilogue of trk that he wanted to save all the adam’s hidden in plain view and then going to college and scooping up all the criers and giving them something to do is far too much to handle.

don’t think about that and the time he thought about how he used to spend his nights crying on the trailer steps and wondering why he bothered until gansey came along and offered him friendship. dont think about how he’s essentially paying that forward DON’T THINK ABOUT IT.

hand holding, arms around each other, hip to hip walking, can’t wait anymore kissing, I MISSED YOU. love that for me! 

but also the fact that adam reaches down for ronan’s hand and its so natural. ronan’s hand is there so he just. takes it. 

hearing ronan’s thoughts on what happened with robert at last is A Lot. the way it’s still happening, always happening, kept fresh and savage shows how affected ronan was by it all and still is and i think its so important that he’s not just. angry and hot headed. there’s more to it than that. its painful, it makes him feel sick, its unending and it really speaks to how much adam means to him. 

adam thinks he has no one BITCH YOU’VE GOT ALL OF US. 

and ronan. 

but. how he feels like he has nothing still. the way his voice hitches on ‘because’ because it’s all still so painful. i wanna wrap him up. i wanna take everything that hurts away. i wanna tell him he’s so loved. guess i’ll just have to sit back and watch him work his way through it all I GUESS. no but i am looking forward to his growth in this trilogy, especially considering how much he’s grown already. adam parrish invented character growth lets 👏 be 👏 real 👏

it had never been a fight between them/it was a fight between adam and himself, between adam and the world/for ronan it was a fight between truth and compromise, between the black and white he saw and the reality everyone else experienced. i LOVE this. it so well encapsulates them. and it’s so important that they can realise their differing world views and their complexities and meet in the middle somewhere.

“ronan put his lips on adam’s deaf ear, and he hated adam’s father” FUCK ME UP. my absolute favourite bit 103930%. absolute incoherent mess over here. not! okay! see other post for more coherency because i only had it for 5.7 minutes. 

frowning, guarded, crumpled adam who i’ll literally. never be over in all of my life. 38983/10 will love him until the end of time. 

i want it too much. !!!!!! going feral again over here. WHAT DO YOU WANT ADAM? I WANT IT TOO MUCH. definitely will never shut up about this. 

scared adam is going to be a visionary so pretending chapter 6 doesn’t exist. 

LINDENMERE ;________;

i love it already

i CANNOT believe that ronan is being dream invaded and challenged and he’s over here like hmm nice bike ELEGANT and ROUGH and READY like ADAM asjkasj please ronan you are so embarrassing!! 

also. ronan thinks adam is elegant and rough and ready so! there’s that!

i literally. cannot. cope with the HILARITY of chapter 8. the whole thing is a complete and utter DISASTER. it’s absolutely gone off in adam’s room after all his work at constructing a well put together boy. ronan comes for a night and everything goes BONKERS. amazing. 

(really worried about what this means RE ronan being able to exit the barns and grow and change and not be bored and not feel like a loser so we’re focusing on the hilarious disaster of it all.)

p.s. adam sleeping slotted between ronan and the wall OKAY. THIS IS FINE! 

p.p.s. adam’s bed hair is WILD. 

p.p.p.s i have missed adam and ronan so so so so so much and im an emotional fucking wreck

[mattygraygubler]

new girl 1 (spencer reid fic)

hi babies. so excited for this new fic. thanks for reading <3 

find my masterlist here, send me an ask to be added to this tag list or to request something, and find my read rec account here

word count: 5.1k 

warnings: smutty smut smut

AN: you can tell pretty easily that im totally projecting what i want my life to be like onto the reader, which i have a tendency to do. anyway here's some smut, and a little introduction to the story, which im super excited for. if ONE PERSON sends me an ask saying they want another chapter ill post it. 

I was the youngest partner at my firm to pass the bar exam at the ripe age of 20 years old. My friends all made fun of me, as back then I wasn’t old enough to go out to celebrate passing the bar.

Working for Henley & Associates was a blessing I loved. Being a criminal defense lawyer was amazing. Defending criminals sounds awful, but Henley & Associates did a massive amount of pro bono work, which is what drew me to the firm. Yes, I had to represent some awful people that were clearly guilty, but I also got to represent people who needed me, who were innocent and needed an amazing defense lawyer in their corner (one they couldn’t afford). But after years with the firm, I was beginning to get tired.

It started when I was 22 and first joined the firm. As a bright newcomer, I was given easy cases others didn’t want. I didn’t care, I was just ecstatic to be working in a world-renounced firm, and getting to do pro bono cases. Getting to help people made up for the times I had to defend people I didn’t think deserved to be defended. The rich ones. The Jeffrey Epsteins and OJs of the world.

And then, after a few years, right when I made partner, things changed. I got the cases that no one wanted. The worst, and richest, criminals. I was told it was because I was the best, that they requested me, but quickly I got tired. I was no longer doing pro bono cases; I was stuck defending awful people who I felt deserved to be in jail.

So at the age of 25, I secretly completed two doctorates, one in psychology, one in criminology, and by the time I was 27, I was ready to leave Henley and Associates.

Erin Strauss was a bitch if I ever met one, but I had tremendous respect for the woman. After just one interview she told me she would be more than happy to explore placing me on any team I wanted.

And I knew exactly which one I wanted: the BAU.

***

“But what if she doesn’t like us??” Penelope whined as she sat on Derek’s desk.

“Baby girl stop freaking out. Hotch says if she’s a bad fit, she doesn’t have to stay.”

“I don’t know about that.” JJ said joining the conversation in the bullpen.

“What do you mean?” Spencer asked.

“They refuse to tell anyone her name, but apparently she’s kind of a big deal. Strauss offered her a position in any department she wanted, and she wants us.” JJ replied.

“So you mean even if she’s horrible and awful and terrible she’s gonna stay on the team?”

“Penelope, she isn’t going to be any of those things.” Derek replied.

“Who is this lady if Strauss is literally giving her free reign over the FBI?” Emily asked.

“I have no idea, like I said, they’ve kept things extremely confidential. Rossi let it slip that all the interviews took place at night in undisclosed locations so her current employers wouldn’t find out she was leaving.” JJ said.

“What, is she some sort of celebrity?” Pen asked.

“What kind of celebrity becomes an FBI profiler?” Spencer asked.

“God, I wish I had something, a description, a name.” Penelope said. “I hate not knowing things, especially about my team.”

“I believe you mean my team, Garcia.” Hotch said as he walked into the bullpen. “Conference room, we’ve got to wrap up the Baltimore strangler case before we leave for the weekend.”

***

“Ok, it’s my big night I am NOT letting myself be privy to this kind of behavior!” I said with a laugh. It was my big night, and me and my closest friends were out at our favorite bar celebrating. It was a Friday night, so it was busy and the smell of alcohol and sweat filled the air.

“You are completely going to let yourself be privy to this behavior.” Jenna said with a push on my shoulder. Our favorite waitress came over with some shots “on the house” she said, thanks to my new job.

Yes, we were in our mid-20s, but that didn’t mean we didn’t still act like kids sometimes.

“Oh my LORD, do you see him?” Isabelle asked. I turned my attention to the door, where a group of people were walking in. The one at the front of the group was tall and bald, with chocolate skin and a dazzling smile.

“Dibs.” Katie said immediately.

“Hey!” I exclaimed. “If anyone should get dibs on the hottest guy in this bar, it’s me.” “I’ll made you a deal.” Katie said with a mischievous smirk. I knew what that look meant, and I hated it.

“Alright, what’s the deal.” I asked.

“You manage to get the moody nerd he’s with to smile, and I’ll give you my dibs.”

“What moody nerd?” I asked. I was too focused on the gorgeous man we originally saw to notice the rest of his group, which I now scanned. He was accompanied by three attractive women and another man. Actually, man may not be the right word.

“Oh my god, Katie, he doesn’t even look old enough to be in this bar!” I said.

“To be fair, neither do you.” Jenna said with a smirk. She was right, I did look much younger than I am. “C’mon, Y/N/N, he’s such a cutie. You could totally boss him around.” My friends all laughed at Jenna’s quip.

“Okay, deal. I gotta wait for my opportunity, though.” I said. We resumed our drinking and laughing at our high table, but I kept my eyes on the other group across the room. None of them seemed to be aware of the world around them, they were having just as much fun as everyone else in the bar.

Except the moody nerd. He looked like I felt when I was the only woman at the gym: scared, uncomfortable, defensive, and out of my element. How the HELL am I supposed to make this weirdo smile? Finally, after who knows how long (drinking really changes time, doesn’t it?) I saw my opportunity. The tall nerd stood up from the table and starting collecting empty glasses, clearly about to go to the bar for a refill.

“Brb-“ I said suddenly and walked briskly to the bar, hoping to beat him there. We arrived at the same time, and I purposefully stood at the opposite side of the bar so if he looked across he would see me.  

“Y/N, gorgeous, what can I get you?” Hank asked with a charming grin.

“You already know, Hank.” I said and returned the smile. “And whatever the tall guy over there is having.” I replied.

“The one with the curly hair?” I nodded, and Hank replied with a chuckle. “He’s not normally the type of guy you pick up…”

“I’m aware. In order to steal dibs from Katie on the gorgeous man he came with, first I have to make that weirdo smile.” Hank just laughed and shook his head as he walked away to get the drinks.

He brought me mine and I began to move the straw around in a circle. I was aware of everything happening around me, but I pretended to be engrossed in my drink. I felt a man come up behind me and I silently thanked God. This was exactly what I needed.

“Hey sexy, how are you doing tonight?” The man slurred. I turned to him and smiled, leaning in and portraying positive body language that indicated that I was interested in this new suitor. I could feel the other man’s eyes on me, no doubt Hank had just given him the drink I paid for and pointed me out.

Only for this frat man to come up and speak to me. Once I knew the cute nerd was watching me, I changed my body language. This new guy was clearly a retired frat boy who was way too drunk to make any sense. He started to move closer and I didn’t have to pretend I was uncomfortable.

Hank came over and accidentally spilled on the guy, causing him to get angry and huff away. I thanked him, going back to my drink when I felt a new presence beside me.

“Uhm…” The person said and cleared their voice. “Th-thank you for the drink, I really appreciate it.” I looked up at him and smiled.

From afar, he does seem to be a bit of a moody, skinny nerd. But up close, I couldn’t deny how attractive he was. He was at least 6’ tall, and at 5’4” I was immediately turned on by his slightly dominating presence. He was well dressed, had a jawline that could cut me, and hair messy but in a purposeful way. It was curly and framed his face and I felt myself imagine running my fingers through it.

Maybe I had too much to drink.

“I’m Y/N,” I said and smiled.

“Spencer.” He replied with a nod.

“Do you like to dance, Spencer?” I asked. I think I already knew the answer.

“Uhm, actually, I’m not all that--“ I laughed, cutting him off.

“I guess I should’ve phrased that differently.” I said. “Dance with me, Spencer.” I pulled him onto the dance floor and could tell he was mortified. I took his hands in mine and placed them on my hips and I started to move back and forth in time to the music. I saw him look at his feet, but pretty soon he was loosening up and moving more easily.

“So, uhm, what do you do?” He asked, trying to keep the conversation going despite the loud music. I moved my body closer to him, pressing myself against him and leaning up to whisper in his ear, a trick I know turned on nearly every guy on the planet.

“You don’t care what I do, and I don’t care what you do. In fact, I don’t even want to know your last name.” He froze and stopped moving, but I moved my hand to the back of his neck, getting more leverage.

“You wanna know what I do know, Spencer?” I saw him gulp and nod and I moved closer so he could still feel my hot breath on his neck.

“I know that you’ve been trying to hide the fact that I turn you on. I know that the second I pulled you onto this dance floor you noticed I wasn’t wearing panties. And I know the second I walk out of this bar, you’re gonna follow me, and we’re gonna have an unforgettable night.” I pulled away and looked at the stunned look on his face.

I grinned and turned around, walking back to my table, leaving him standing alone on the dance floor, surrounded by sweaty, writhing bodies.

“You can keep your dibs, Katie.” I said when I got back to my table. My friends laughed and whooped as I grabbed my phone and wallet and walked to the door. “See you guys tomorrow!”

***

Spencer quickly dodged and weaved his way through the crowd.

“Uhm, Morgan, can I talk to you?” He asked quickly. Morgan realized something was wrong and stood up as Spencer pulled him to the side. “A beautiful woman asked me to go home with her.” He said. Derek just laughed, realizing that nothing was actually wrong with Spencer.

“Alright, good for you kid!” He said and punched Spencer on the shoulder.

“I think I’m gonna go with her.” Reid responded.

“Good!” Morgan said. Spencer saw Y/N pass their table and was relieved that Garcia, Emily, and JJ didn’t notice her.

“There she goes now.” Spencer said and watched as Y/N approached the door. Derek turned, but was only able to see her hips sway as she walked.

“Damn.” He said. “If her front is at hot as her back, I’ll fight you for her.” He said with a laugh. Spencer just looked terrified. “Reid, I’m kidding. Go get her!”  

***

I began to walk down the DC street when I heard footsteps jog to catch up to me. I knew I must’ve been drunker than I realized, as it was hard to walk in a straight line and I wasn’t cold in the October breeze.

Spencer fell into step and walked next to me.

“I live right up here,” I said, pointing to the apartment building on the corner. It truly was a blessing living a block away from such a great bar. He nodded, and I could tell he was nervous as he kept fidgeting.

We approached my building and it wasn’t long before I was unlocking the door and tossing my keys on the counter.

“Alexa, weekend night lights on please.” Immediately the LED lights that were strung around my apartment turned on, on a low, soft orange color. “Make yourself at home.” I said and walked into the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine and two glasses.

I came back to the living room to find Spencer squatting/kneeling next to my record player, picking an old Al Green album and putting it on.

“Good choice,” I replied as I poured the wine. He came over and I handed him a glass. Without my heels, our height difference was even more noticeable.

“Drink up,” I said with a wink. “You are much more sober than I am, and clearly that needs to change.”

“Is that so?” Spencer replied as he took a sip. “And why are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Alcohol raises the levels of GABA, which is a chemical neurotransmitter in our brain. It’s obvious I make you nervous, the more you drink, the more your blood pressure and heart rate come down and dopamine levels go up, physically making you less nervous.” I said.

My eyes widened the second I realized I had just had what my friends referred to as an “Y/N moment”.

“Sorry, I just… Can we forget I didn’t just ruin the mood with some stupid science facts.” I said, my hands shaking a bit. I was used to guys being intimidated by my intelligence, and this guy was cute. I didn’t wanna lose what could be a great night.

Immediately the dynamic between us changed. I was used to being the dominant one, but now that I was embarrassed, I no longer had the upper hand. My rambling seemed to cause a change in Spencer. He seemed to stand up straighter, his hands weren’t shaking, and his jawline was hard and sexy.

“So tell me this then.” Spencer said and took a step closer, lowering the distance between us. “Since you’re drinking too, should I assume that I make you nervous as well?”

This man was completely different than the one I had met in the bar. His voice was lowered and raspy, his eyes staring into mine, not bothering to break eye contact. I was shocked at the difference. Already turned on by him before, this change just made things even hotter.

“Uhm…” I said, putting down my wine glass to avoid looking at or answering him.

He took my chin in his hands, forcing my head up to look at him. “I do make you nervous, don’t I, Y/N?” He asked in that low, sexy voice.

“Uhm-“ “Uhm isn’t an answer.” He said forcefully. “What do you want?” He asked.

“I…”

“Y/N, look at me.” He said, moving his body as close as he could without pressing it against me and putting his large hands on the side of my waist.

He leaned down to whisper in my ear, “What do you want?” I looked up at him, eyes wide.

“You.” I breathed out, barely a whisper. That was all it took. Spencer quickly moved his hands from my waist to behind my thighs, picking me up and slamming my back against the wall. He connected our lips, moving in a quick dance. I felt like I was inhaling him, his scent, the way his mouth tasted, the way his hands moved on my body.

He moved to kiss my neck, sucking and biting and making his way toward my chest as I gasped. “Bedroom,” I said. “Please.” Pleading was apparently a turn on for Spencer, as he continued to pick me up, holding my body against him as he found his way into the bedroom.

He tossed me onto the bed, and I grabbed the remote for the LED lights, turning them onto a dark red. Spencer climbed on top of me, connecting our lips once more. He started to push my dress up and I could tell immediately what he wanted. I tried to pull his shirt off, but couldn’t focus enough to get it off. I whimpered and my head fell back as he ran a hand from my knee up my thigh, stopping right before he got where I wanted him.

“Please,” I breathed, tugged on his shirt. He got up from on top of me to kneel and pulled his shirt off in one quick, sexy motion. He pulled my dress up further over my head and I was acutely aware of the fact that I was completely naked and Spencer was staring at my body.

“Holy fuck,” he said under his breath, staring at me like a starving man stares at a delicious meal. I wanted him to ravish me, and I could tell that’s exactly what he wanted.

“Spencer,” I whined as his hands started to move slowly up and down my thighs. “Please,” I begged. His eyes were dark, and we didn’t break eye contact as he shifted positions so his face was right in front of my dripping pussy. I could feel his hot breath and I squirmed, grabbing at any part of him I could reach, trying to get him to touch me in any way.

“Someone’s eager,” he said. He finally broke eye contact, now staring at my pussy. He moved closer and slowly put his tongue on me, moving slowly up and down my slit, barely touching me. It was enough for me to whine again, and close my eyes instinctively.

I grabbed his hair, trying to pull his face closer to me. I squirmed, but he continued to tease me, barely letting his tongue touch me.

“Please Spencer please,” I begged and pulled his hair harder. He kept his tongue barely touching me, but grabbed my wrists with his strong hands. He placed them on the bed beside me, allowing me to grab onto the sheets beneath us.

He spread my legs and knees so I was fully exposed to him. He was no longer teasing me with his tongue, but staring at my pussy again.

“If you move your hands or your legs, I’m gonna stop and start over. Understood?” He said. I nodded.

“I can’t hear you.” He said.

“Yes, I understand.” I breathed out. He gave me a smirk and didn’t break eye contact as he connected his tongue with my throbbing pussy. Immediately I moaned and couldn’t help but move one of my hands, grabbing out for him.

He pulled away. I whimpered once again.

“What did I tell you?” Spencer growled and put my hand back. “Don’t. Move.” He went back to eating me out, starting slow and focusing on swirling and sucking on my clit. I started breathing heavily, in total bliss. Never did I expect this man to have such an amazing tongue. He started to go faster and my legs started to snap shut.

Spencer stopped again, fixed my legs, and started from the beginning, slowly licking my pussy. I squirmed and bucked my hips, doing anything I could to get more connection from him on me.

He continued this pattern, edging me with just his tongue, starting over every time I moved too much.

“Please, Spencer, please.” I said. “More.” I felt him grin against my pussy.

“What was that?” he asked, pulling away slightly.

“More, Spencer, I need more, please.” He continued to eat me out, faster and faster, my head falling back onto the pillow. I got closer and closer to the edge when I felt him slowly insert one long finger into me, sliding it slowly in and out as he continued to eat me out. I gasped and couldn’t help but reach out for him.

“Uh uh uh,” he said and shook his head. “Do you like being a bad girl? Do you like being teased?” He asked. He was no longer eating me out, but I felt his finger slowly curl inside me, eliciting a moan from my mouth.

“Please Spencer,” I said quietly. “I’m so close to the edge, please, can I please cum?” He gave me another devilish grin. He slid another finger into me, which I guess was his answer.

His tongue was still swirling on my clit as his two fingers began to curl inside me. I tried to keep my legs and arms where he wanted them, but I could feel my entire body shaking from the orgasm I was about to have.

Right as I was about to tumble over the edge, I gasped as Spencer pulled out his fingers and backed his face away. I whimpered once again.

“Baby,” I said and pulled him up to me so I could kiss him. “That’s not fair.” I whined with a smirk.

He was still wearing his pants, and I could see his erection pushing again the fabric. “You like teasing me?” I asked and kissed his neck. He groaned in response, turning me on even more.

“I could’ve made you cum ten times by now,” he growled in my ear.

“Then why didn’t you?” I asked between kisses down his jawline.

“I think you already know the answer.” He said with a smirk, his brown curls falling into his face.

“Spencer,” I whispered in his ear. “Flip us over.”

Spencer obviously didn’t need to be told twice. Immediately his arms were around me and flipped us over so he was on his back and I was lying on top of him.

I knelt on the bed and drunkenly fumbled with the belt buckle on his pants. I could feel his chest shake with quiet laughter as I struggled with his belt.

“You’re not as dominant as you pretend you are,” Spencer commented and grabbed my hands and pulled me up to kiss him. I ran my hands down his chest back to the pants that were now gone. I pulled off his boxers, revealed an erection I was not expecting.

Spencer was hung.

He saw my eyes widen and I felt him chuckle again.

“See something you like?” He asked me. I slowly squinted at him, a playful smirk on my lips.

“Maybe…” I said. I grabbed his dick in one hand, wiping the precum down his shaft and putting just the tip in my mouth. I began to swirl my tongue, not moving my hands.

“Fuck, Y/N,” Spencer said and started to pull my hair. I whimpered and started to suck harder, my hand and mouth moving on their own.

I’ve given head plenty of times before, but watching Spencer’s naked frame get so much pleasure from something I was doing… He looked like a Greek statue, so chiseled and pristine, but powerful. Powerful was not what I thought when I first met him.

I continued to stare at him every chance I got, sucking and moving my tongue trying to find what brought him the most pleasure. A string of cusses left his mouth and his grip on my hair tightened.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’m gonna cum,” he said. I slowed down my movements, eventually ending the way I started, sucking and swirling on the tip, teasing him the way he teased me.

“Did you… Did you just edge me?” Spencer asked, his eyes staring into mine. I smirked, my eyes glinting as I winked at him.

“You pushed me to the edge nearly seven times. I felt like I needed to return the favor.” “Get over here,” he said and sat up, pulling me on him so I was straddling him. “Ride me, baby girl.” I began to kiss his neck as his teased me by rubbing his cock up and down my folds. I bit his neck right as he put his dick all the way in, bucking up his hips to meet me. I gasped, moaning in pleasure.

“Oh fuck Spence,” I said, not even realizing I had called him by a nickname. He played with my nipples in his fingers as he kissed me, my hands looped around his neck to give me leverage as I moved up and down.

Because of the edging, it didn’t take long for us to reach the edge, thankfully together.

“FUCK, Spencer, right there, please, please,” I said as his dick repeatedly hit my g-spot, making me cum. My juices dripped down his cock as he continued to slam into me. My entire body was shaking with pleasure as Spencer fucked me through my orgasm, his occurring almost immediately after as my pussy tightened around him from my orgasm.

He continued to thrust slowly as we came down, eventually collapsing beside one another, out of breath and tingling from the massive orgasms.

It was just a few minutes when I got up from my bed. I wasn’t ashamed of being naked. I found Spencer’s clothes on the floor and tossed them to him. He was sitting on my bed naked, leaning against the headboard with his hands interlaced behind his head, his muscles flexing ever so slightly and accidentally.

I wanted to ride him again, but I knew it was late and I had to be up early on Saturdays.

“I’m going in the shower.” I said curtly, not bothering to look at him as I walked to the bathroom. When I got to the doorway, I turned back to look at him.

“When I get out, you better be gone. Don’t leave any personal contact info, I’ll burn it. Oh, and there are cameras hidden all over the apartment so don’t even try to rob me.” I shut the bathroom door, loud enough to make a point, but not a slam.

***

What kind of person has cameras all over her apartment? Spencer asked himself.

As he pulled on his clothes, he looked around at the bedroom, taking into stock the different possessions, still ever the profiler, even intoxicated. He was finding it hard to focus, he normally barely drank, but somehow this bubbling, impulsive, beautiful girl had not only managed to get him drunk, she managed to get him into bed, which was a massively impressive feat.

Spencer heard the shower turning off, muttered ‘shit’ under his breath and began to walk to the door, making sure he had his wallet, keys, and phone.

The second he got outside, he called an uber (as the metro was no longer operating it was so late). Once he got in the car, he dialed up Derek, knowing that he was probably just finished with a similar night, aka his regular Friday routine.

“Morgan,” Reid said, still out of breath.

“Woah kid, what’d you do, run a marathon?” “Morgan, this girl… She’s amazing.” “Amazing? Damn you really haven’t gotten laid in a while.”

“No, Derek, I’m serious.” Spencer said. “She had a worn out copy of ‘Brave New World’ on her bedside table—”

“Reid, talk slower.” Derek said. “You’re still drunk and I can’t understand you.”

“Sorry,” Spencer said.

“So when are you seeing her again?” Derek asked.

“I’m not.” “You’re NOT?” Derek said, raising his voice.

“She didn’t want to. She didn’t tell me her last name, her age, what she did for a living. All I got was a first name.” “Which is?” Derek asked.

“I kinda wanna keep it a secret. Tonight was amazing and… I don’t want to tamper with the memory by sharing all the details. Does that even make sense?” Spencer asked. Derek laughed, confirming he understood.

“Reid, you’re a profiler. You were in this girls apartment, and in this girl, for hours.” Spencer coughed when he heard the ‘inside this girl’ quip, but Derek just continued. “You must’ve seen something that could help you find her.” “I kinda don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“Tonight, she just seemed like… The perfect woman. I know that sounds stupid but that’s how it felt. Maybe it’s just me not getting laid in a while, like you said.” “Well, good job on your first one night stand, pretty boy!” “Hey!” Spencer said. “How’d you know it was my first one night stand?” “I’m a profiler, too, kid. I’m going to bed, see you Monday.”

“See you.” Spencer said and hung up the phone right as the uber pulled in front of his apartment building.

He took off his clothes once more, collapsing on his bed in just his boxers. It was rare that the team got a full weekend off, and Spencer wanted to take advantage of it.

He spent all of Saturday in bed, reading, using his eidetic memory of Friday night’s events as he pleasured himself. His thoughts came back to the girl over and over, the way her body felt, her soft skin, the way her hair tickled him as she kissed his neck.

And when he had finished, his memory brought up other tiny details he didn’t think he remembered. Spencer’s unconscious mind had managed to soak up more information than he thought, and he spent Saturday night dreaming not only of the girl’s body, but of everything else he learned about her as well.

Every time he closed his eyes he saw her smiling face from the bar, the first time she smiled at him.

Sunday morning Spencer was sober enough to put together more details. He remembered the bottle of wine they drank, and remembered the movies in her cabinet. One French filmed piqued his interest as he was hurriedly leaving, it was a movie he hadn’t seen before.

He rented it, spending a lazy Sunday alone on his couch, snacking and watching every movie from her shelf that he hadn’t seen.

***

Monday morning came too fast for the team. They had a whole weekend off, of course they took full advantage of it, walking into the conference room like zombies holding coffee.

“She’s coming today,” Garcia said, reminding everyone. Of course they already remembered.

“Baby girl, relax, I’m sure she’s great.” Derek responded, holding her hand comfortingly.

“Look alive, people,” Hotch said as he walked in the room. “We’ve got our new member joining us today, JJ, what’ve we got?” JJ began to explain the new case, and immediately thoughts of the new girl left the minds of the team. Until there was a curt knock on the door.

“Come in,” Hotch said. Strauss opened the door, stepping inside.

“BAU,” Strauss said. “Meet your new member, Y/N Y/L/N.”

[shirtlesssammy]

15x01: Back and to the Future

Then:

Welcome to the end!

Now:

It’s still the end. Bob Seger sings some bullshit song about the Final Scene (brb, crying) over the seamless transition from recap to the start of the episode. Team Free Will are fighting off the zombie horde that God resurrected. Before they’re overwhelmed, Cas grabs Jack’s corpse and they take off for a nearby mausoleum. Cas sets Jack down while the brothers secure the door. They’re safe, temporarily.

They try to make sense of what Chuck just did, and Dean lashes out at Cas trying to brainstorm ideas on what they should do next. I love how sassy!Cas just pops out whether the situation demands it or not. (Sidenote: I’m going to missing this fucking angel SO fucking much.)

Sam thinks he’s found a way out through a drainage pipe under the mausoleum. The brothers start dismantling the masonry (and struggle with it while they just let Cas stand and watch. Lol, panic really does stop critical thinking skills.) Alas, there are zombies on the other side and Cas steps up and smashes the ghost out of the corpse.

Just then Jack stands up and says, “Hello.” Only, it’s not Jack, it’s a demon named Belphegor, and SOMEHOW, despite 15 years of training, we’re all instantly gleefully enjoying this creature inhabiting poor, dead Jack. Cas, on the other hand, is not so happy about the turn of events and demands that Belphegor leave Jack’s body.

Belphegor can help! Dean stops Cas. He wants to hear what the demon has to say if it can help them get out of their current situation. Belphegor says he can send all the monsters outside their door away.

He has a spell that requires graveyard dirt —and angel blood. Sam just says Cas’s name. I appreciate Cas’s face at that. Of course he’s going to help (After all, he’s always happy to bleed for the Winchesters) but that was a bold assumption there, Sam.

With a clap of his hands, the noises fall silent outside. They exit the mausoleum to find the graveyard strewn with corpses. The spirits inhabiting them were blasted away.

Cut to Bloody Mary torturing some girls just trying to enjoy some makeover time.

Team Free Will + Belphegor are on the road. Sam is finding nothing in the news about a zombie apocalypse. Dean wants to head back to the bunker and figure out a way to close up hell. Belphegor suggests a spell to contain the ghosts while they figure out their plan. The spell can create a circle a mile wide that will trap the ghosts. One problem, that Cas points out, is that the town by the cemetery would fall within the circle. They decide they need to evacuate the town.

On their drive, they find an abandoned car, blood on the windshield, but no body. Dean and Sam recognize that this was the work of a woman in white. They also come to the conclusion that every spirit they put down is back as well.

Cut to a birthday party that’s gone MASSIVELY off the rails. A mother, holding her daughter, runs through the house.

Blood splatters the walls and a creepy laugh echoes in the distance of the house. They head to the garage to try and escape, but they can’t open the door. The mom cries for help, but the neighbor walking by doesn’t hear. They’re stuck with the ghost of John Wayne Gacy stalking them.

The next day, the boys pull into the town as FBI agents and Sam informs the local sheriff he needs to evacuate the town. He suggests getting everyone to the high school five miles down the road.

Meanwhile, Dean tells Cas to go with Belphegor to collect the ingredients for the spell. Cas refuses. “Dean, I can’t even look at him.” Like, OUCH. Sam and Dean have it bad enough seeing Jack walk around when it’s not really Jack, but Cas has the added layer of being able to see Belphegor’s true face in Jack’s body. Cas bolts from the Impala to find Sam.

Having witnessed that tension, Belphegor finds this to be the perfect time to needle Dean. He sees all the people around them and comments on how crazy good looking everyone is these days (less humps). (Also, he mentions how when he was a human people worshipped “a giant rock that looked like a huge penis.” And Dean’s face is priceless. His face looking at the gay couple was also quite priceless.) He pushes Dean by telling him he’s gorgeous. (Ahem) Dean wants him gone from Jack’s body. Belphegor asks who “he” was, meaning Jack, and Dean responds, “he was our kid.” I’M NOT CRYING, YOU’RE CRYING. Belphegor then tells Dean what ingredients he needs for the spell: salt and a human heart. Easy, peasy. 

Sam and Cas split up to go door-to-door and evacuate residents. They both end up at murder houses. Sam follows an eerie trail of blood down the hallway towards the garage. Cas uncovers the dead teens. As Cas strides from the house, Bloody Mary smirks at him from a mirror. She loves to watch you leave, Cas! (Same, GURL.) (Boris: Did anyone else notice that Cas knocked before entering the house? What a polite bean.)

Sam investigates the garage, shotgun at the ready. From above, the mom and little girl push up from where they were hiding behind a bunch of sports equipment. Sam helps them out, tells them everything will be fine, and then turns and comes face-to-face with a killer clown. The clown swipes at him with a knife, and Sam goes down. Sam’s cowering on the floor, injured, when Cas bursts in with his own shotgun and blasts the ghost away.

Back downtown, the Sheriff continues clearing each shop while Dean heads back to Belphegor with his big sack o’ rock salt. On the phone, Dean orders Rowena to head to town and help them out. She forces him to say, “Move your exquisite ass, please.” We love her dearly for it.

Belphegor stares steadily at Dean. “I’m a fan,” he admits. “When you were in Hell with Alastair I got a chance to watch you work. The things you did to those people. It wasn’t torture. It was art.”

Dean deflects from his past torture, asking about Hell. Same old, same old, Belphegor reports, except that when Chuck had his tantrum all the doors of Hell unlocked. Demons became a swarm of escaping minions. We also learn that Michael’s cage is open. He’s still sitting within the open cage. “He wouldn’t hold a grudge, right?” Belphegor whacks Dean jovially on the shoulder. BELPHEGOR, men have probably died for less. 

The cut in Sam’s abdomen is deep and Cas heals him (and his clothing) immediately. (Somebody get Cas over to my house ASAP. I have three things on my mending pile I’ve been avoiding.) 

“I’m an angel,” Cas explains to the astonished mom and kid. Sam introduces himself as “just a guy” and then clutches his shoulder in pain. First of all, SAM you are not “just” anything. Second of all…

Cas examines Sam. The wound looks black and raw. Whatever magic is at play is still at work. He tries to heal it but stumbles back as Sam has a vision of himself with demon-black eyes. Cas can’t heal it - there’s an energy in the wound he’s never felt before. Sam dismisses the wound then. He’s FINE. Just watch him do jumping jacks and push ups and eat a salad with no hands!

The Sheriff calls and tells Sam that the town’s been fully evacuated. He’s going to head out, too. (It was at this point in the episode that Boris drawled, “Well, that Sheriff’s dead.”) And, indeed, the Sheriff encounters the Woman in White and meets a bloody death. 

Dean and Belphegor head out towards the morgue to find a heart, only to find the Sheriff recently dead. Convenient! The demon punches into his chest and pulls out the Sheriff’s fresh heart. 

Cas, Sam, and the mom and kid stalk the empty suburban street, heading towards safety. Unfortunately, instead of safety arriving with a nice reflective vest and thermoses of hot chocolate, our ghosty pals show up instead. Bloody Mary crawls around the reflective surface of a pond, and the clown grins menacingly on the street. (I am reminded of interviews about how dark and dimly lit season 1 was, and how the studios told them to make the show brighter and more colorful. I’m of the opinion that this largely improved the show, since it’s much easier for me to see the action and I generally like pretty, bright colors. But folks on the interwebs have been complaining that these ghosts lack a spook factor in the broad daylight. And I can totally understand that.)

Two more ghosts appear, so now it’s just three ghosts to vanquish. No biggie? Sam shoots each ghost one by one, then accidentally shoots Cas. “You shot me,” Cas points out indignantly. Now he’s gonna have to fix his clothes AND his skin. RUDE. (At least Sam missed the guinea pig.)

Downtown, Belphegor clutches the heart and tries to ineffectually ward off the Woman in White. She ghost-slashes his palm. Dean swings a tire iron through her and then hurls it to the ground (DEAN BEAN NO) before running off with Belphegor to perform the spell. Belphegor starts to chant in Latin, kneeling before the heart. He slaps the ground, the heart pounds with power, and a spell races out from the center. 

The other two-thirds of Team Free Will watch the edge of the spell race past them and end near the end of the block. They run for the barrier while the four ghosts chase them and giggle wildly. They all make it just in time. The clown howls in rage from within the barrier and Sam tells him to “shut up.” We are all very proud of your catharsis, Sammy!

Later, Team Free Clown Car pulls up to the high school where the town’s evacuated to and advise the mom and child not to tell anyone about ghosts and angels. The little girl gets out a quiet “thank you.” (Token innocent life saved!) Sam nods in acknowledgment and escorts them inside. 

Dean approaches Cas and asks him if he’s okay. “Yes, but—” Cas starts to reply but Dean cuts him off and stalks away again. Oooookay. All is not well with our two love birds! (Like others, I’m of the opinion that Cas was about to bring Dean’s attention to Sam’s bullet wound. Damn it, Dean!)

Of course, Belphegor watched the whole exchange. “Awkward,” he comments, before Cas stalks off for some alone time. 

Back at the car, Dean and Sam convene to talk about the case. They’ve got just a few days, tops, before all kinds of Federal agents descend on the town. Before they do anything, though, Dean insists on patching up Sam’s shoulder. We get a teeeeeny bit of shirtless Sammy which I have included below for posterity. 

There’s no exit wound in his shoulder. Sam LIES LIKE A DOG and tells Dean that it doesn’t hurt much. Dean distracts him like he used to do when they were young (with a dumb joke). Dean starts to spin over the whole Chuck thing. “We were just rats in a maze,” he says. Dean wonders what everything they’ve done means. 

“We still saved people,” Sam insists. Sam also thinks that Chuck has left entirely, bored with their world. All the alternate realities were just other failed drafts, Sam decides. “If he bailed, it’s just us. For the first time, it’s just us.” Dean slowly starts to cheer up in the face of Sam’s quiet optimism. 

“You and me, versus every soul in Hell?” Dean says. “I like those odds.”

They close the trunk. “We have work to do.”

Natasha: After the episode, Boris noted that there are only 19 episodes left and it was all TOO MUCH. So we’re going to do our best not to count down these final episodes. Please, join us in denial! <3

_____________________________

All We Need is a Human Quote:

Well, I wouldn’t starve.

He’s always so squirrely with the robe and the beard and the smile that’s like half nice half I’m gonna rip your throat out. Oh, I’m gonna play you a song!

You’re an abomination with that stupid, dumb trench coat.

We are not twinsies.

So people are like, crazy good looking now.

There we were, minding our own business, flaying people for all eternity like you do. 

Bad ghost! BAD!

What’s one more apocalypse, right?

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[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Boxing Day Extravaganza boop Jimmy: Okay so we know they're taking the train Jimmy: which appaz only takes like 35 mins so that's nice, not to have to entertain the kids for an age Jimmy: cos everywhere would be busy and hellish given that it's boxing day Janis: nice lil' journey, no one has time to get antsy, probably only need to do one hellish train toilet moment per child lol Jimmy: we can all get arty because Jimothy promised to keep doing the bae daily masterpieces Janis: get a table seat, love that for yous Jimmy: Cass just on her phone 🎧 being antisocial the whole time, love you gal, but the rest of us are living our best lives Jimmy: having hot chocolate and all the left over gingerbread and other festive snacks like 😁 Janis: you'll end up having an alright time in your own tween way don't worry Janis: the plethora of christmas toys that you've simply had to bring Jimmy: maybe you can have a Lisa beach friends moment Janis: that'd be cute, some kids at the arcade or something Jimmy: much more British and chill because we haven't stolen Ian's car for you to cover with 🐚s sadly Janis: I used to make friends on hols, live laugh love with whatever kids have also been dragged to Skerries lol Jimmy: I did not which tells you everything you need to know about how shy I was and how much my sister didn't want us to have other friends when we were kids Janis: gatekeeper trace so rude Janis: okay, so we're getting there, what do we wanna hit, obviously all the beachy cliches we can and also some festive ones Jimmy: gonna have a dip in the sea even though it's freezing af even if you only put your feet in lads Jimmy: the awkward moment when you think you only have a day here so you're gonna cram it all in and then be like oh Janis: don't be babies you can do it Janis: not the actual babies though, you will die Jimmy: stay with Cass even though I'm certain Libi will wanna do it Janis: she will be tryna run lmao Jimmy: soz for that Cass Jimmy: you'll be able to go off with your mates when you meet them, just give jj the chance to be competitive in the sea for a sec Jimmy: obvs gotta win something piss easy in the arcade and then lowkey bankrupt yourself trying to get the same thing for the other kid as always happened to my dad LOL Janis: hohaha yes Janis: also last time we went to an arcade you could get gross sour sweets with the tickets so the kids will be pinging Jimmy: love that Jimmy: Jimothy see how many you can fit in your mouth/eat because I would Janis: changing money into all the 2ps for the penny falls and having the cup for the money fun Jimmy: I bloody love an arcade tbh all that good stuff and beach fun and snow fun because it has to snow more for the trains to stop running since you got there okay Janis: when you realize it's coming down fast hun Janis: and I oop Jimmy: should've tried to leave as soon as the snow started but we're not because we don't wanna Jimmy: even though that phone call to Ian to tell him you aren't coming back will be lovely and put you in a great mood Janis: like you LOVE spending time with your kids ok sir Janis: everyone gonna be lowkey pissed soz weather happens lads Jimmy: we're with all our fave peeps we'll soon cheer up and live our best lives Jimmy: we definitely need there to be some board games in this caravan Jimmy: crack out the uno Janis: its not like you're without shelter and warmth, everyone will be fine, we're all buzzing lbr Janis: yes, all the board games, there'll at least be a telly to watch festive shit on Jimmy: Jimothy will make so much tea, we'll be cosy Janis: you should also eat comfort food like beans on toast ty Jimmy: make a little soft world/den for the bubs Janis: campout in the lounge 'cos you're not gonna wanna share a room alone but also don't wanna be separated so enjoy the double moment Cass Jimmy: winning her over with that Janis: at least that's an excuse if we want to message 'cos no privacy whilst they're out here snuggling Jimmy: true that's a good idea Jimmy: and won't wanna wake them by talking out loud when they're eventually asleep which would probably take forever cos buzzing Janis: my thoughts exactly, and it means we can ref a bit without literally sitting here listing every possible thing ourselves Jimmy: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Jimmy: 👍? Janis: can't really accuse you of making it snow Janis: but my foot does feel in danger again 🪓💘 Jimmy: just do 🌧 me Janis: next doodle sorted Janis: get loads of likes Jimmy: blank page would an' all long as I do a #goals caption Janis: show off Janis: not much chance of me giving you #goals muse inspo in day old clothes so you'll have to rely on that clout Jimmy: LITERALLY the opposite, about the muse not my 🎨 Jimmy: and there's every chance if you don't wear any clothes, duh Janis: you still have to think up the words Janis: and 🔥 emoji usage 🙌😩 Jimmy: nowt challenging about that Jimmy: 😍💕or 🤤 Janis: how much chance do you reckon there is of no clothes Janis: meant to be 🥶 to death here Jimmy: depends how 🔥 you reckon I am Janis: 💯 Janis: obviously Jimmy: but I get it, any excuse for a shopping trip, girl Janis: 🤑🛍😍 Janis: you know me so well Jimmy: meant to be working tomorrow, take your chance while there's still 💰 to be after Janis: bummer Janis: it should clear soon, can't have you pining for it too hard, like Jimmy: 🥺☕💔🎻😭 Jimmy: @ my manager before he has chance to miss me Janis: *replace you Janis: 😬😶 Jimmy: 😱😱 Janis: literally who said that, omg Janis: so rude! Jimmy: brb gotta 👻 there to serve some lattes Janis: yeah, you'll need to wife it before you try and leave me with 3 kids Jimmy: weren't no 💍 in the grabbers, looks like we're going shopping after all, babe Janis: missed a trick there, honestly Janis: probably had a ring pop if we'd looked harder Jimmy: Libi'd have that right off you, mate Jimmy: don't even have to jilt you Jimmy: replaced mid-proposal Janis: true Janis: and she needs no more sugar ever again Janis: ❌ Janis: you'll have to just stay put, soz Jimmy: were gonna get you one of them mood rings but it'd give the game away by saying you weren't ALWAYS 😍 Jimmy: only need the one fan 👀 Janis: how dare you doubt my acting abilities Janis: ALWAYS on and ready for my close up Jimmy: that ain't acting it's 🔮 OBVS Janis: magic, talent Janis: all the same to me 🥇👑 Jimmy: alright bighead, go on Janis: go on what? Jimmy: always on, you said Jimmy: impress me with one of your talents Janis: here and now? Jimmy: might be on for a bit weren't what you said Janis: Libi's already seen you partially clothed once Janis: not trying to traumatize them permanently Jimmy: what you bringing me into it for? it's your talent Janis: already shown you how to juggle too Jimmy: there's nowt else? Janis: rude Janis: you made me sing to you as well, if you recall Jimmy: tah for the reminder to send that to Pete Jimmy: he's looking for a lead 🎤 so I've heard Janis: I'd literally kill you Jimmy: shouldn't have to beg you Jimmy: you know that's all I want Janis: 😤 Janis: obviously all I want it to have an ill-fated romance with Pete but you stagemomming me was not part of the dream Jimmy: you look SO cute when you're fuming Jimmy: what's your plan then? Janis: find a totally natural way to drop hints that I'm dead talented over my lattes, duh Janis: writing lyrics in a notebook, being SO cute 🤔 Jimmy: he's got a girlfriend with a normal sized head, but I think he can read so you're probably on to something there with the last bit Janis: normal? Janis: how...exciting Jimmy: you'll find a natural way to drop hints you're after a threesome an' all I'm sure Janis: sounds like a 🥈 move Janis: if I can't get her chucked what is the point Jimmy: perfect for you, that Janis: in no world am I runner-up Janis: fake or otherwise Jimmy: not to her, just to me Janis: you don't do co-workers, you're disqualified Jimmy: you reckon you could get her chucked but I couldn't get him sacked Janis: 😱 Janis: then comfort him, that's evil Janis: okay 💀👑 Jimmy: 😈 Jimmy: haven't seen her for ages, bit of normality for you, that Janis: me? Janis: she's your favourite customer Janis: clearly spend loads of time chatting and plotting Jimmy: that's Tammy, how dare you Jimmy: she orders loads Janis: she needs the energy for her tiktok dances Janis: don't call her fat Jimmy: that were you Jimmy: I would NEVER Janis: nah, 'course not Janis: she's your bestie Jimmy: #BFF Jimmy: but that's you an' all so Jimmy: 💔 for her Janis: I'm not sharing Jimmy: I'm not making you Janis: you know she'd take a bigger piece Jimmy: she'd try but you'd 🥊 her Janis: you want me to fight for you Jimmy: if she's after me, you're gonna have to protect me Janis: alright Janis: guess I don't wanna see you squashed to death Jimmy: get these bandages off first before I need another set Janis: you can go have an ice bath Janis: if you wanna Jimmy: why would I want that? Jimmy: sounds fucking horrible Janis: not because you're being too 🥵 idiot Janis: to help with the swelling Jimmy: 🙄 I got that Janis: you went in the sea Janis: you just have to sit for a bit longer Jimmy: you didn't wanna be left with 3 kids a bit ago Jimmy: make up your mind, Jeanette Janis: later then Janis: just don't scream and wake them up Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 Janis: we'll 👀 Jimmy: yeah and you won't hear nowt Janis: 😏 Janis: did it hurt less today Jimmy: [throws a cushion at her for the 😏 and to distract from having to answer that because probably hurt more if anything all the fun and games they've done today] Janis: [inadvertantly start a pillow fight here which you need to then calm back down] Janis: don't think I didn't notice Jimmy: ? Janis: you didn't answer Jimmy: you reckon I never do Janis: it speaks volumes Janis: you're alright Jimmy: there you go then Janis: if you're alright with it being inferred, yeah Jimmy: dunno about your 🤓🗨 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: I'm alright, leave it out Janis: fine Janis: no hot chocolate for you Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you're SO rude Janis: yep Janis: that's what you get Jimmy: but Jimmy: we're best mates Janis: maybe Janis: but Bobbys nicer to me so he's getting extra marshmallows Jimmy: it were you going on about how you were gonna be nice to me Jimmy: should've known it were bollocks Janis: you threw the first pillow, mate Jimmy: you chucked out a pisstakey 😏 before that Jimmy: weren't me who started it Janis: not my fault you're known for being well loud Jimmy: isn't it? Jimmy: I'd say it were your fault Janis: don't make me 😏 again Jimmy: alright I'll make you 😳 Janis: I'll blame the ☕s Jimmy: you want a hand? Janis: [throw a LOOK from your kitchen area] Jimmy: [come on over boy and be giving her a LOOK back the entire time obvs] Janis: [do the thing where the kitchen is too small so you're lowkey just in each other's way the whole time in a #mood of a moment like so much more of a hindrance than a help] Jimmy: [and also the thing where you kiss only to break apart as if nothing happened if anyone notices] Janis: [Bobby would be used to you having a gf about as the last one moved herself in but Libi is not so she'd be the kind of kid to be like UMMMMMMM] Jimmy: [Oh Libi you are such an icon] Janis: [just like why you kissing are you boyfriend and girlfriend, Janis like shh bitch] Jimmy: [Jimothy's turn to be 😏 irl] Janis: [when you can't be like NO 'cos how confusing for the kids but you're like not gonna confess my love gal, hush, Libi is so gonna try and smooch Bobby watch out boy] Jimmy: [so here for that adorableness tbh] Janis: [when lil kids are like this is my boyfriend lmao] Janis: you've been replaced now Janis: how does it feel 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻😭😭😭 Janis: that's what you get Janis: dumping me mid proposal Jimmy: you keep saying that Jimmy: but from here I ain't proposed yet Janis: don't let on Janis: she'll be raging Jimmy: I'll take her with me tomorrow when I go pick the 💍 Jimmy: get her back on side Janis: got a plan for everything, you Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt Janis: wait until its later in the year and I'm jonesing for more 🎁 again Jimmy: no need, you can have owt you want whenever you want it Jimmy: there's the plan, like Janis: well goals 😍😍 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: if nothing else Janis: plenty of 🌨 to play with tomorrow Jimmy: I do take requests Jimmy: have a 💭 what ⛄ you want Janis: well you are pretty skilled Janis: have to think of something challenging Jimmy: you've got all night Janis: if they ever go to sleep Jimmy: you'll have to read them a long boring story Janis: ❌ voices ❌ personal cameos for you kids Jimmy: get Bill's 👻 in Jimmy: owt of his'll get the job done Janis: 😱😱 so true but you didn't have to go there, babe Jimmy: he can't be fuming that I want you to stay with me, it's his whole brand Janis: 🤞 he don't get too carried away with your 💀 scene now or they'll be having nightmares and then there'll be no time for ⛄ Jimmy: they'll be able to hack it Janis: hack you up into lots of pieces Jimmy: don't matter about me, long as no 🐕s are 💀💀💀 Janis: if nothing he knows his audience Jimmy: I get it, you wanna marry him Janis: pretty sure he's married Janis: bet he's got more than 3 kids as well Jimmy: and what you're gonna let that stop you? doubt that Janis: rude Janis: breaking up Pete and his groupie is one thing Janis: homewrecking is another Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you're 👌 at me now Jimmy: I just did do Jimmy: you'll be chuffed to know I had a look and he has got 3 kids Jimmy: one of them was a twin called Judith, so you might be his daughter Janis: like he had twins or one survived Janis: I'll take being the 💀 one if that's the option Jimmy: the dead one was a lad Janis: ugh Janis: great Janis: more lesbian jokes Jimmy: we've 💀💀💀 them, you're alright Janis: had no idea Judith was such an old name Jimmy: can't say I ain't taught you owt 🤓 Jimmy: know my audience an' all Janis: can't help yourself 🤓 Janis: I reckon Jimmy: you can't help nerd flirting with me, more like Jimmy: about to crack the chess set out, you Janis: chequers, maybe Jimmy: dunno never played Janis: just chess for thick people Janis: less 🤔🤓 more 🥴🤯 Jimmy: still too northern 💔 what were I gonna do make the bits out of 🥔 Janis: don't reckon we've got it in so you're safe Jimmy: what do you wanna do instead? Janis: that's the question Jimmy: answer it then Jimmy: [a LOOK] Janis: [😳] Janis: it's not obvious? Jimmy: might be but it should be just as obvious that I wanna hear it Janis: how badly I want some alone time with you just increased Jimmy: 🚬? Janis: worth a go Jimmy: [do your best to try and escape lads] Janis: [probably enough into our hot chocolate/festive film to give you a few minutes here] Jimmy: [take your chance and leg it] Janis: [lord knows you need the moment Jimmy: [it's deserved you didn't know you'd still be here with all these kids and no privacy whatsoever] Janis: [what a time, at least you don't have to go home and separate 'cos heaven forbid] Jimmy: [that would suck, the time between boxing day and nye is weird enough if you like your fam and aren't a highkey teen in love so] Janis: [hence 'I missed you' like you've not spent forever together at this point and barely been apart] Jimmy: [hence the most genuine smile ever like an adorable nerd because whatever he was expecting her to say was not that but we're here for it] Janis: [when you go to nudge him like shut up but it's more of a feelsy lean and we all know it 'sorry about missing work' 'cos we feel bad even if there's fuck all we can or could do about it] Jimmy: [always gotta give that feelsy lean back regardless of how much it hurts us which gets him thinking about how much work would suck being this injured so we're 😒 which makes it seem like we're really annoyed about missing work even though we know he'd rather be here, hence the shrug he does when he snaps out of said thoughts 'you're my fave job any road, said it before' stop calling her a job sir even if you said that in a more feelsy tone than the words suggest] Janis: ['charming as the first time' and a 🙄 we're probably playing off as more jokey than it is] Jimmy: ['nowt I'd wanna be doing more than pissing about here with you, what could be more charming than that?' maybe if you'd said that in the first place boy instead of calling her a job again] Janis: ['I'm against serving coffee to ungrateful dickheads, it's not much to brag about, like' but a shrug and 😏 'cos we're not fuming over it] Jimmy: ['loads else you could if you wanted to' just telling her she's 🥇 basically there 'but I'll do it if not' casual hypeman is how that sounds but we're just 😍] Jimmy: [when I was asleep a little list of things he likes about her/she could brag about came to me so I'll try and recreate it from memory for us now, first he was obvious and just wrote fit on her arm or wherever but then did a camera and painting mime to emphasise that and tell her she was a good muse before adding mysterious where he wrote fit but then it started getting cute cos he drew little vampire teeth in the air above her smile and a sun on her face which he added the 😁 grin to obvs and then because we were in that general area he wrote nerd in caps on her neck across the biggest lovebite because not only is she such a one but to include nerd flirting then we moved to her throat and he did 🗨 because he likes talking to her and added a 🎵 inside because she's genuinely a good singer then wrote fun before adding the ny as well cos she's also a laugh then he went down to where her abs are and wrote athlete also in caps because DUH and finally on her ribs did the ✔ again because she's been taking care of him and is so kind and nice etc and while he was there got carried away just drawing an elaborate and massive rose for all the love and feels we can't currently express] Jimmy: [there might have been others I'm forgetting but those were definitely the main ones] Janis: [I'm dying boo, we're going to have to be physical because if we aren't speechless then things will be said but it's going to be the most intense and loving ever so we know] Jimmy: [not letting that be interrupted, soz children fend for yourselves for a minute please] Janis: [it's not like we've gone far, you're fine and we need this so we don't die] Jimmy: [my half asleep day dream has killed us all I am soz] Janis: [we're not soz at all, y'all living your best life] Jimmy: [the feels have never been higher] Janis: [are gonna have to force you back in eventually] Jimmy: [if only so y'all don't declare your love in words as well] Janis: [smack on that window children because it's too damn soon hush] Jimmy: [Libi 👀 to see if you're kissing] Janis: [she's gonna tell everyone lmao, tiniest shipper] Jimmy: [I love her with my whole heart] Janis: [mcvickers getting that lowdown they did not ask for when we're back, accidental snitching, at least we're being good-ish lmao] Jimmy: [Fearghal gonna be so amused, Tess will not LOL but yeah you've taken good care of this bub so you win points for that lads] Janis: [can't say fairer than that] Jimmy: [gonna be so heartbreaking when you're not allowed to stay there and see Libi, I could cry] Janis: [we have to make things go so downhill in a sec in a lot of ways, sad times] Jimmy: [winnie will love the drama, but for now go inside and try and get these kids to fall asleep] Janis: [threaten them with separation if they don't start to chill, that'll work] Jimmy: [try not to lol at how horrified they are at the prospect] Janis: 😱💔💀 Jimmy: #relatable for you, that Janis: you wish Jimmy: 🎂 Jimmy: ain't even Jesus' birthday no more Jimmy: can't piggyback off that Janis: sound like a right parent Janis: over before it's even started Jimmy: none of the fans know when mine is, might just have it so you have to get me more 🎁🎁🎁 Janis: that's not fair Janis: you'll get whatevers left in the grabber and that'll be that Janis: you'll have to pretend you won it for me and all or it's not very #goals Jimmy: told you loads of times I don't play fair, Jules 🏆 and that's that Jimmy: spoil me on my fake birthday or you ain't very #goals Janis: well used to bdays not being fair 🎻🎻 Janis: 15 years too late for that to sting Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: hang on, I'll knock you up your own 🎂 Jimmy: [genuinely goes to make her a mug cake in secret, look away children there's none for you bye] Janis: such a 🤓 Janis: [like we're not 😍] Jimmy: So you don't want it? Alright Jimmy: [we know she do] Janis: never said that Janis: [grabby hands like gimme] Jimmy: [🤫 which he always looks hot doing like okay cover me so you don't have to share this with the children] Janis: [🤐 like I got this] Jimmy: [cleaning the kitchen but also sneaky doing this and when it's done gesturing for her to come here so they can swap places and she can sneakily eat it, just know he has 1000% put a little candle it in and lit it with the best lighter ever because every mum has a drawer of shit like that it's simply facts] Janis: [obviously taking a picture of this] Janis: why are you Jimmy: 'cause you're Jimmy: and I just Janis: you're Janis: too nice Jimmy: Bollocks Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Janis: to me Jimmy: I'm as nice as I wanna be to you Janis: I ain't earnt it Jimmy: when have I said that? Janis: you haven't but it's still true Jimmy: up to me is what it is Janis: you hand out the 🏆 Jimmy: take yours Jimmy: you've been nice to me for ages Jimmy: what were it I said the other day, you'd be telling me to piss off by the end of this one Jimmy: worth a 🏆 that you've not Janis: just in it for the cake Janis: obviously Jimmy: you've done alright then Janis: it's not hard Janis: being nice to you Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say to make a cake Janis: [irl 😏 from the kitchen trying not to lol] Jimmy: didn't know I were fake dating a dickhead like Paul Hollywood Janis: again, you wish Jimmy: no denying that 👴💕 Jimmy: but I'll have to make do with a  🤝 off you for now Janis: [obviously come back over and do said handshake like a nerd and like it's not dangerous to be anywhere near each other rn] Jimmy: [you know he's gonna run his thumb across her lip whether there's any chocolate there or not because the mood we're in and we can pretend it's because it's so secret like can't let the children see the evidence] Janis: [thank god for the solid excuse to snuggle like we're going sleep now come on] Jimmy: [just 👀 at these kids all the damn time like are you asleep yet] Janis: [finally] Janis: I think she's asleep Janis: he's 50/50 Jimmy: [chucks something at him, softly obvs] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: that was a risk Jimmy: [😏 because we love a risk like that] Jimmy: didn't reckon on you as 🙀🙀 Janis: you reckoned right then Janis: good for you Jimmy: 🏆 Janis: don't get carried away Janis: I'm the one that's not scared Jimmy: prove it Janis: [a look that's half well how would you like me to do that and half, I'm thinkin'] Jimmy: [just a LOOK like] Janis: [I like to think you two are at least in the middle 'cos Libi and Bobby wouldn't stop chatting so you had to make a human barrier lol, so that makes it less hard to kiss him now and give him a new quick love bite but also harder to just stop there] Jimmy: [you know you're getting one back for literally no reason whatsoever gal] Janis: [casually trying have a makeout sesh in total silence rn] Jimmy: [we know how impossible that is for either of you so good luck] Janis: [gonna have to stop and pretend you're just being like, see, not scared] Jimmy: [gonna have to go for that ice bath for all the reasons now boy lol] Janis: they're definitely asleep Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: I would've woke up Jimmy: you don't sleep 🧛 Janis: you want me to? Janis: [turning our back like night then] Jimmy: [you know we're rolling you back to face us girl even if it hurts us because have to be hot about everything] Janis: [a noise we're 🤞 just sounds like a sleepy sound 'cos there was no helping it] Jimmy: [kiss her so you don't make any of your own thank you sir, don't need to tempt fate and risk waking these kids up that soon] Janis: [can't even go to another room really 'cos doubt Cass is asleep] Jimmy: [she definitely isn't, soz lads for this struggle] Janis: 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 😳 🥵 Janis: just so you know Jimmy: I did but now it's in writing I've gotta do something about it Janis: 👻 rules or? Jimmy: the only 👻 rule is no touching, don't reckon that'll sort it Janis: remind me why we invited them Jimmy: Ian's a twat, that were mostly it Janis: right Janis: that sounds about right Jimmy: least the 🐕's not here an' all Janis: 🌦 Jimmy: give us a bit more ☀ Janis: that's me and you though Jimmy: what kind of dickhead am I pushing in front of you like that? SO rude Janis: I'm so shy Janis: understated, honestly Jimmy: [when you're trying to stop yourself from loling] Janis: [fake punch him like oi] Janis: about to call you chivalrous but you can forget it now Jimmy: soz you can't have the 🙊 it's a bit too risky for me to use Janis: such an idiot Janis: why'd I invite you again Jimmy: Dunno Jimmy: @ me when you've worked it out Janis: you're too busy to show me? Jimmy: ❌ Jimmy: too something though Jimmy: 😣 😖 😫 😩 🥺 😢 😭 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 😳 🥵 Janis: you needed an ice bath anyway Janis: see how far we get without freezing? Janis: [getting up carefully to find 🚬s or a lighter like ?] Jimmy: [doing a help me up style gesture] Janis: [do, do not drop him now and do a throwback by kissing him against the door as you go out] Jimmy: [we love a throwback in this house honey] Janis: [thank god for cigarette breaks even though it will be very cold, we're extra] Jimmy: [your extraness will help keep you warm] Jimmy: [literally reminds me of when Baze had just got together and went on a caravan hol with the fam] Janis: [yes, very that energy, the sneaking is less high stakes but still] Jimmy: [you can go in harder than they could out there because less likely to be caught and less of a problem if you are so you're welcome for that] Janis: [literally we just don't want to wake the kids and make them cranky or cringe Cass out so you're fine lads, go nuts, who is at this caravan park in December, barely anyone] Jimmy: [fill your boots, you're very in love rn] Janis: [lowkey something is gonna get said during we're gonna have to pretend we do not hear lmao] Jimmy: [walking such a tightrope at all times, god bless] Janis: [go pretend to sleep lol] Jimmy: [the amount of things he would have to stop himself from saying when they are, you hush your mouth I swear down] Janis: [hence you ain't allowed, commit to this act please and ty, no more chit chatting] Jimmy: [he's not even allowed to say her name at this point so literally shhhhhh] Janis: [made that rod for your back boo lmao] Jimmy: [no regrets, it will HIT when he does] Jimmy: [you know he's not asleep though cos you know he can't get comfortable thanks for that Ian you dick] Janis: you should go get in a bed to yourself Janis: if he wakes up, I can tell him where you are Jimmy: I'm alright Janis: alright Jimmy: [just being fussy though so clearly isn't] Janis: you're never going to be able to sleep though Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: you're keeping me awake Jimmy: it's you 🗨 Janis: you're 😫😤 Jimmy: but not 😭😭 Janis: I can still hear you Janis: and you keep moving about because you can't get comfortable Jimmy: stop being a dickhead Janis: I'm not Janis: go get comfortable and I'll keep an eye on them both, that's nice Jimmy: how's chucking me out nice? Janis: for the aforementioned reasons Jimmy: for you that I won't be doing your head in Janis: no, so you aren't in as much fucking pain, idiot Jimmy: 👍 Janis: [angrily stomp off for a wee hen] Jimmy: [do your own to that 🛏 when she gets back] Janis: [oh the drama] Janis: thanks Jimmy: there's nowt to stop you 😴 Jimmy: crack on Janis: hardly Janis: there's two small, wriggly children Janis: don't need to be moody about it Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: don't need to go on at me now you've got what you want Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: or 🙄 at me either Janis: alright, shut up then Jimmy: you Janis: it's not my fault Jimmy: never said it were Janis: then stop taking it out on me Janis: do something about it that's actually gonna help you feel better Jimmy: I've not, I've said nowt about it Jimmy: you're the one who can't leave it out Janis: you're in a mood Jimmy: not with you, dickhead Janis: I know that Jimmy: 💭 what it were like when you fucked your ankle up Jimmy: this actually were my own fault Janis: no it ain't Janis: and I'm meant to just ignore it then, alright Janis: won't be doing that, sorry Jimmy: Bollocks, you can't go about being a massive dickhead and expect no pushback Jimmy: but it weren't this bad before Janis: it's too far Janis: you could literally be in hospital and it wouldn't be an overreaction Janis: there's no call for that Jimmy: it ain't you who decides where the line is Jimmy: or where I'll end up Janis: it's a pretty widely agreed upon line Janis: he could ask garda if he wanted to do something about you taking the car Jimmy: we've been mates for a minute, what do you know? Janis: that doesn't have nothing to do with being able to tell he took it too far this time Jimmy: you don't know fuck all about me or what he has or hasn't done Janis: I've seen the state of you, for fuck's sake Janis: I'm not saying shit about previous or implying that it means anything but you can barely breathe right now Jimmy: the state of me is right, what bit of this has owt to do with you? Janis: I'm not going to piss about with you doing stupid shit if you aren't handling your actual Janis: that's what Jimmy: piss off Janis: you Jimmy: who the fuck are you giving me ifs and buts Jimmy: you piss about with me whenever it suits you Janis: fuck this Jimmy: yeah Janis: [hear that door go] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'll be back when I need to be Jimmy: for all you know you've woke every dickhead up and that's now Jimmy: but alright, keep giving it out like you're so bothered about the state of me and the bollocks I can't do while you leave me here on my own Jimmy: not fake at all Janis: I know it ain't Janis: and if you're gonna leave a 4 year old kid to freak out that'd be on you Janis: I don't have to stay and listen to you, who the fuck are you Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: I didn't slam the door, they're asleep Jimmy: that's alright then Jimmy: forget I said owt Jimmy: top reaction Janis: yeah 'cos you've got fuck all room to talk Janis: be better for you if I did Jimmy: I don't wanna do this Jimmy: talk about it Jimmy: have to fucking handle it or whatever it were that you said Janis: then don't talk about it Janis: it's the bare fucking minimum to not expect me to ignore that you're in pain Jimmy: and what, you think I don't know that? Jimmy: that I wouldn't do a better job of this if I could Janis: apparently, I've got no right so Jimmy: you shouldn't have to hack this an' all Janis: I don't Janis: all I was doing was saying go sleep on a proper bed Jimmy: it's just Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: weird Janis: how is it Jimmy: I said I dunno Jimmy: it's been ages since anyone bothered to say owt worth listening to like that Janis: well Janis: why fuck yourself up more Janis: that's it, it's no deeper than that Jimmy: Why not? Jimmy: that's been the question up to now Janis: if you're gonna self-harm Janis: don't do it in front of me Jimmy: you get to hold the 🔪 my dear, and when you do it'll be a pisstake if you don't go harder than that Janis: I'm not playing right now Jimmy: nor me Jimmy: what I meant were, it don't matter to me what happens to me if it only happens to me Jimmy: very catholic of me, I know Janis: i'm not interested in having no more blood on my hands Jimmy: not bleeding out as of now Jimmy: you're welcome to piss off again if I ever am Janis: 👍 Jimmy: is it? Janis: yep Jimmy: what kind of answer is that? Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: and what kind of question is that an' all? Janis: I'm not in the mood Janis: to talk to you or do this Janis: I'll be back to do my share and then we'll go back as soon as we can Jimmy: just come back now Jimmy: it's freezing Janis: I'm fine Jimmy: I won't be if I have to piss about looking for you Janis: don't Janis: I know where I am, it's not your concern Jimmy: don't make me Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: is right Jimmy: come back and ignore me from here Janis: don't tell me what to do Janis: I'll come back when I'm ready Jimmy: don't be a twat Jimmy: then I won't have to Janis: how far do you reckon I've got in this time Janis: I'm basically outside Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 you Jimmy: might've 🏃 anywhere Janis: it's snowing Janis: in case you'd forgotten Jimmy: that'll be why I want you to come inside Jimmy: tah for recognising it Janis: don't come near me then Jimmy: alright Janis: [show up a few minutes later] Jimmy: [we do be giving her space like she requested thankfully but we have made her a tea because it's our love language and it is cold af out there no lie] Janis: [act like you're not gonna take it for as long as you can but clearly do] Jimmy: [go to your bed sir and give it a while before you come at her again] Jimmy: What did you mean? Janis: about what? Jimmy: you said you don't wanna do this, which bit? Janis: I was talking about tonight Janis: not permanent plans Jimmy: weren't how it sounded Jimmy: you had a plan and it were to piss off back there as soon as Janis: both gotta work Janis: both got kids that don't belong to us Janis: just the obvious next step, really Jimmy: if you wanna pretend that's why, go on, obviously Janis: I'm not pretending shit Jimmy: you don't have to be a massive dickhead to keep it going just 'cause I already were Janis: obviously I don't want to spend no more time with you too Janis: why would I Jimmy: no idea Janis: there you go then Jimmy: alright then Janis: she'll be gutted Jimmy: ? Janis: Libi Jimmy: already spent ages longer here than we were going to Janis: true Jimmy: and she don't need to know that you're #overit and me Janis: makes playdates a bit awkward Jimmy: what's a bit more faking? nowt we haven't done before Janis: right Jimmy: she's less thick than most of our audience but still only a kid Janis: no need to break them up Jimmy: agreed Janis: sorted Jimmy: ✔ Janis: anything else we need to? Jimmy: like what? Janis: dunno Janis: why I asked Jimmy: it's your question, weren't me who asked it Janis: I don't ask questions I know the answer to Janis: as a rule Jimmy: if you had something in mind, say it Janis: there's loads of shit Janis: potentially Janis: mainly how we're finishing this if we are Jimmy: up to you that Jimmy: it's you who wants to Janis: no it isn't Jimmy: weren't me who said I wanna go back or that I dunno why you're worth spending time with Janis: like you've not said shit tonight Janis: and neither of those is saying I want to finish it, anyway Jimmy: what else does not wanting to spend any more time with someone mean? Janis: we've been mates for what, a minute? Janis: we were doing it before then Jimmy: so you just don't wanna be mates? Janis: not worked out so great thus far Jimmy: bit rude Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: it were going alright Jimmy: you don't need to chuck it all Jimmy: not for something that weren't about you Janis: you bighead is really showing Jimmy: how is it? Janis: 'chuck it all' Janis: I was fine before you came about, tah Jimmy: you know what I mean Janis: how you say shit matters Jimmy: how I say loads of bollocks Jimmy: you get most of it Janis: I'm dickhead lingual, I guess Jimmy: I'm sorry, alright Jimmy: for what I said when I was in pain, that load of bollocks Janis: if you never phrase it like that again Janis: alright Janis: forget about it Jimmy: deliberately will ALWAYS phrase it like that now, each time Janis: if you could not make a habit of it, be appreciated Jimmy: being a MASSIVE dickhead? bit late for that Janis: I can handle that Janis: taking shit back that you've said Janis: leave off that Jimmy: not a habit I want Jimmy: only fancy the ones that'll 💀💀💀 me which that ain't gonna if it makes you piss off out of it Janis: a deal then? Janis: deal back on, actually Jimmy: if we shake on it Janis: okay Janis: come out then Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: meant to take your advice and stay put like a good lad here 🛏 me Janis: you're awkward how and when it suits you Janis: [but does, obviously] Jimmy: [will shake your hand and pull you into a hug gal] Janis: [the most dramatic hug, definitely forgetting to be careful here soz] Jimmy: [not caring that much because we care more about the bae knowing how soz we are and how many feels we have] Janis: [likewise, the tension got too much and went wrong, as it does, and we're #shooketh] Jimmy: [straight up asking her to stay for a bit because we're in our emotions so we're just saying what we wanna say without thinking about it] Janis: [just nodding 'cos that's all we can do] Jimmy: [making room for her as if this isn't a single bed lol] Janis: [at least you'll remember to be careful again and not hug him so hard, but then you're like oh, 'cos don't want to make it a Thing™ again so 'sorry, if you think I was making it all about me'] Jimmy: [a noise like no that is not what we think because 1. the strength of how much we don't think that 2. what are words and just hugging her for the emphasis] Janis: [shrugs like it's okay but we're not gonna keep going like we don't believe him even if we lowkey don't] Jimmy: [just looking at her like ! 'I think it's more of a headfuck than you signed up for, nowt else'] Janis: [just looking like how do I even explain that that's not your fault and literally the last thing either of us should be concerned about because it does not matter, just shaking our head like nah] Jimmy: [playing with her hair cos it would've had snow on it recently because there is too much we wanna say about our feels and so much we feel like we can't say about our family situation] Janis: ['I CAN handle it' like trust me] Jimmy: ['me an' all' like same even though you lowkey can't] Janis: [soft kiss] Jimmy: [you can have some little kisses too gal like my boo loves] Janis: [just being the most soft] Jimmy: [you gotta] Janis: ['we're alright, yeah?'] Jimmy: [a nod because the emotions are still too high rn and I'm not letting you say shit thank you] Janis: [sigh of relief] Jimmy: [hugging you again cos we don't want you to leave] Janis: [you can stay here lads, the bubs will be alright and you'll hear if they ain't] Jimmy: [snuggle it's what you both need] Janis: [let 'em be for a hot sec] Jimmy: [mhmm] Janis: [what shall we do in the AM?] Jimmy: [make breakfast together for these bubs obvs because all the domestic bliss needed] Janis: [might have to trek to the shop to get supplies, that'll be an adventure] Jimmy: [maybe you can make them some kind of sledge because you're both crafty art hoes] Janis: [I bet there's some kind of tings in a caravan that would work, cannot think what exactly but we know the vibes, get creative] Jimmy: [I wouldn't have the first clue but you two would figure it out and you can get Cass to help she'd be into that] Janis: [as well as snowball fight and snowman making competition, which are 2 points we wanted to hit too] Jimmy: [love that and you can also make snow dogs for these bubs] Jimmy: [the question is should we let them have another night here before we send them back or is that too dangerous] Janis: [I think we should for the danger of it/to prove we can lol] Jimmy: [I'm down, just don't have another argument please] Janis: [hohaha, be good] Jimmy: [I have faith in you] Janis: [the only thing I've said you've done is baking/crafts so apart from that enjoy your snow/beach funtimes, you should also get chips for dinner, obvs] Jimmy: [yeah I'm trying to think if there's anything else they should do] Janis: [there's potential the kids have said more? because this is a whole long weekend and they don't know/care not to so, that's potentially something we need to know] Jimmy: [oh that's a good idea, is there any tea you want spilled] Janis: [hmm, she'd probably just KEEP talking about her parents like all the things she's been told about Edie specifically, so all that tea, just more than we've got out so far] Jimmy: [likewise can picture Bobby really driving home the point that he doesn't have a mum and like what he remembers about her being basically nothing so it'd be obvious they haven't seen her for ages not just since they moved] Janis: [poor babs, just bonding and JJ are here like and I OOP] Jimmy: [I hope Cass isn't around when you're spilling that tea bub cos she will be fuming] Janis: [that is potentially a thing unless he knows better by now lol] Jimmy: [this boy living his best life with his new bff deal with it Cass] Janis: [soz hen, you'll be hanging with your new mates as much as you can so we're probably fine] Jimmy: [getting all that arcade swag] Janis: [love that we're pretending we don't hear any of this clear drama lmao ly babes] Jimmy: [poor Jimothy having to just sign all this back and forth like] Janis: [I do think for a bit Libi would keep shouting like he'll hear her eventually 'cos she's only little so that'll be amusing/a time just screeching everything lowkey] Jimmy: [that's really pure babe I do stan you] Janis: [people like that's a loud child lollollol] Jimmy: [I hope you're not still shouting when you go home hun, hilarious as that would be] Janis: [mcvickers like lawd, she'll be showing them how to sign what she's learnt like just in case bobby comes round] Jimmy: [which he definitely will at some point, all the playdates forever] Janis: [fully gonna just try and take herself to Jimmy's all the time like no gal] Jimmy: [shows up at his door because they literally live that close to each other everyone like !!!???] Janis: [troublemaker baby] Jimmy: [do so love the edition of her to this lil family unit JJ are making here though, she really does add to it] Janis: [agreed, it's very cute, she'd probably have told him about how Astrid is technically her auntie but like a year younger 'cos that's wild to kids, so gonna get a sense of how messy this fam is lol] Jimmy: [and she doesn't talk either so Libi would be used to having to find ways to communicate with her too even though we know Ro be pretending there's no issue rn] Janis: [exactly dr phil, we all been knew and trying to work around it apart from ro lmao, just giving a lowdown on every auntie she has which would be amusing and probably a lowkey drag for some of y'all ladies, we know Janis and Billie are her faves] Jimmy: [I can wholeheartedly support those faves gal, Billie would always be doing the most for her and Astrid, fuck you Ro you dusty bitch, Bobby would love all this cos they lowkey have no fam] Janis: [take 'em for rides on your fancy wheelz, they'd love that, just like you can come meet them when we get back like okay JJ, all this is happening regardless, soz] Jimmy: [if she was here you'd have a bomb sledge hens she's probably built Libi and Astrid all kinds of things, Bobby will love all of Ali's animals and shit she has too, casual farm moment] Janis: [probably telling you every cats name too, poor Jimothy is gonna need a break lol] Jimmy: [unrelated but related do you think Ali would have space for any horses because I have all that Cass horse content] Janis: [I think it makes sense, I too have some gay horse content, like it wouldn't be a working farm but I think she'd have various farmyard animals just for the household] Jimmy: [yeah it made sense to me too, like your auntie vibes] Janis: [mhmm, and it could've been just land when we inherited it but she's swagged it up now she has more time/the kids aren't bubs etc] Jimmy: [Bobby just asking if they can have a kitten, Jimothy like NO] Janis: [I'm cackling, 'cos Libi like YEAH] Jimmy: [just like okay can we have a chicken/pony/donkey whatever else creatures there are, Jimothy like lawd] Janis: [just shoving the whole barn into your rental home, god bless you tiny fools] Jimmy: [and then Bobby obvs wants to phone Twix and Jimothy is just trying to distract him because we don't wanna phone Ian and he won't play along with this thank you] Janis: [distract y'all with an activity fast] Jimmy: [they could make dog treats, it's not very difficult] Janis: ]that's a good idea boo] Jimmy: [casual gift to these pups] Janis: [they'll enjoy that, kids and dogs, also can have a tea party for the toy pups lol] Jimmy: [so CUTE gonna say that Jimothy draws you a little comic strip or something about these pups kids] Jimmy: [I don't know what daily doodle you're getting today Janis, but something loved up for sure] Janis: [frankly, we're all living today hun] Jimmy: [do you wanna do this night like we did the one before with them chatting again or are we just saying it's a chill loved up vibe?] Janis: [hmm hmm hmm, let's do it, maybe we can be cute] Jimmy: [you start it then gal cos I did before] Janis: [on it sonic] Janis: 🥇🏆💪 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: come on, we bossed it Jimmy: no need to sound surprised Jimmy: just that kind of team Janis: not going to disagree Janis: 🤐 'til they 😴 aside Jimmy: don't wanna fight with you either, you're alright Janis: really? Janis: 🍀 night Jimmy: unless you desperately wanna 🥊 with me, obvs Jimmy: can't turn you down then Janis: I'm gutted, obviously Janis: but I think I'll survive Jimmy: good Jimmy: 💀💀💀 ain't happening til they're 😴 either Janis: that's a promise? Jimmy: depends Janis: ? Jimmy: do you want me to break it or keep it? Jimmy: 'cause they might not be asleep for ages Janis: 😒 Janis: should've laced the hot chocolates, you're right Jimmy: we'll have to go properly on the run if either of them 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I'm in Janis: knew you would be Janis: you can break your promise then Jimmy: round 2 ☕ coming up Janis: 😏 Janis: warn me next time you plan on being so 😍 yeah Jimmy: be loads of warnings Jimmy: never shut me up Janis: just say you aren't up to it, babe Janis: 😶 Jimmy: Why would I lie to you, girl? Janis: well you don't need to shut up on my account Jimmy: I get it, you need 🔊 Janis: needs a big word Jimmy: is it? Janis: don't you think? Jimmy: that's not an answer Janis: I know what I want Janis: you'll have to convince me on need Jimmy: alright Janis: not mad about it if you aren't Jimmy: Why wouldn't I be? Janis: it's been a pretty knackering day being the 😎 brother and translator Jimmy: *standard Jimmy: nowt if not used to all that Janis: alright, show-off Janis: you're 🥇 we get it Jimmy: you've done alright an' all, don't be 💔 Janis: don't worry Janis: not a title I'm after, I know I'm not that good Jimmy: how do you? Janis: I don't do half as much with Libi Janis: or for her Jimmy: she still reckons you're 🥇 I had to translate her going on and on about it Janis: don't act like it was a chore 😘 Jimmy: you just said it were Jimmy: make up your mind, Jules Janis: no I never Jimmy: knackering, I think it were Janis: that's looking after this lot Janis: not hyping me up Janis: that's a privilege, DUH Jimmy: so funny, you Janis: oi Jimmy: what? Jimmy: you wanted a compliment Janis: say it like you mean it, boy Jimmy: [writes it on her how he did the other day] Janis: [try not to lol 'cos we know you ticklish and 😳] Jimmy: [go over it again like look how much I mean this, soz gal] Janis: [just wriggling away like staph] Janis: you're such a pisstake Jimmy: what, you still don't believe me? Janis: I believe you Janis: don't tickle me again or I will have to get you back Janis: been warned Jimmy: [obviously does by writing how? as in how will you get me back?] Janis: ['scuse us for our lols children, I hope you're sleepy enough that this doesn't devolve into an entire group tickle fight lmao] Janis: [but the LOOK will speak for us regardless] Jimmy: [always gonna give you a LOOK back] Janis: [smile at him too, like we can't even help it] Jimmy: [of course you're getting one back too because that kind of thing is infectious but also 😍 because her smile is always cute] Janis: you're fit Jimmy: you Janis: you x2 Jimmy: you 🏆🏆🏆 Janis: you're being very giving with the 🏆s lately Jimmy: and what? Janis: maybe I think I should do more to earn 'em Jimmy: I might reckon you have Janis: I can do better Jimmy: go on then Janis: wait Jimmy: but Janis: blame them Janis: [pisstakey evils at the children] Jimmy: [just mime killing them in all the ways boy] Janis: when we get back Janis: you'll give me some alone time before you go Jimmy: that a question or an order? Janis: a ? would be polite, I guess Jimmy: don't sound like you, that Janis: cheek Jimmy: I'll give you owt you want, since you asked Janis: *nicely Jimmy: you could do better Janis: ['please' in his ear 'cos deserved after the tickling] Jimmy: [bite your lip please sir because we all know that affected you very much but the children don't need to] Janis: [pleased with ourselves dot com] Janis: better? Jimmy: it'll do for now Janis: gutted they're too young to leave in the arcade as well Jimmy: or chuck out in the snow Janis: it is melting a bit Janis: can go back tomorrow Jimmy: 💔 Janis: not saying it to 💔 now Jimmy: 🤞 I ain't gonna start 😭😭 now Janis: you'd never Janis: too 😎 Jimmy: too northern Janis: same Jimmy: SO much in common, us Janis: Does that mean we ain't star-crossed enough? 😱 Jimmy: it'll mean the #haters have to work harder at it Jimmy: Bill's gonna be chuffed to bits with that Janis: true enough Janis: if you're still here when school starts, Lucas is ready and waiting Jimmy: do you reckon he got any new ties for christmas? Janis: from who? the ex Janis: unlikely, that bitch Jimmy: 🎅 DUH Jimmy: bound to be best mates Jimmy: both into having kids on their laps Janis: ugh Janis: 🎅 gonna have snitched about us Jimmy: be about right Jimmy: fucking dickhead Janis: 💔 Janis: no presents no more lift offers Jimmy: only the full orchestra following you round Jimmy: poor baby Janis: tell me about it Janis: gonna be depressing as fuck Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: you're my ☀ Janis: 🔫 the 🥁 for me Jimmy: what? Janis: don't orchestras have drummers? Janis: 🎹🎻 then Jimmy: bit weird that you went right for him 🎯 Janis: so #notlikeothergirls of me Jimmy: not knowing if he exists Jimmy: might be a copout of you Janis: just meant he ain't the lead singer but yeah Janis: ask Pete Jimmy: can't be, that's you Janis: well I am my own favourite person but no need to spread that about Jimmy: can't do that either, your fav's meant to be me Janis: hang on Janis: I'll post something to that effect Janis: [do] Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [have a little socials flirting sesh to further ramp up the tension that's always there] Janis: [you're always about that kids] Jimmy: ☕? Janis: if you mean tea Janis: I'll 🤮 if I have another hot chocolate Janis: and the gals aren't here to impress Jimmy: 🐕🍪? Janis: fuck off 😏 Jimmy: [IRL 😏] Janis: [just checking him out whilst he makes tea so casually] Jimmy: [will do the lingering touch when he gives it to her cos we're in a rom com] Janis: I get it, you miss work SO much Jimmy: nowt to do with missing you Janis: don't be silly Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: insensitive to suggest we deafen her too? 🤷 Jimmy: she has done every other dickhead Janis: 😂 Janis: only fair Jimmy: [mime some ways you can deafen this poor bub] Janis: [trying not to IRL 😂] Jimmy: [trying not to be 😍 af because she's the cutest] Janis: face'll get stuck like that Jimmy: already stuck as 😒 Janis: exactly Janis: don't ruin it Jimmy: know how much you're into 🥺 though Jimmy: [does it] Janis: [pinching his bottom lip between her finger and thumb like she's so 😒🙄 but there's no hiding the truth hen] Jimmy: [once again running his thumb across her bottom lip because we don't need a reason] Janis: [holding his hand but squeezing it first 'cos must] Jimmy: [drawing a ! on her hand because we get it] Janis: you're Jimmy: [drawing a really slow ? as we give her a LOOK] Janis: [shaking our head, like I can't] Jimmy: [draw a 🗨 like tell me] Janis: all things considered Janis: this has been alright Jimmy: yeah Janis: I mean it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: [looking away 'cos we're so overwhelmed and 🥰] Jimmy: [kiss her because likewise] Janis: [don't hate children] Jimmy: [we know you ship it] Janis: [reminds me, Libi probably saying something so embarrassing about 'when they get married' like gal shut up but never do] Jimmy: [about to sob because they will and you can be a bridesmaid gal even though you'll be a teen by then] Janis: [so nice, 'cos Edie wouldn't have been old enough for a proper one which is sad, at least she'd start going on about hers and Bobby's so y'all don't need to feel too awks lol] Jimmy: [break my heart boo cos yeah they would've been engaged but she was but a child still so no actual wedding for y'all] Janis: [she was only 16 for like 2 months so even if Ali had agreed] Janis: [omg hang on] Janis: [what if she did 'cos like, end of the day, make your own mistakes etc and who is she to say no 'cos Cali lmao but technically Drew could be considered to have 'parental responsibility' if he's been paying which let's say he has, it seems wishy-washy but if he was like NO, 'cos just show up to do the least last minute is such a vibe for him, I think it'd count 'cos you need both parents if you have 2] Jimmy: [I love that and we must because it was like OG Cali vibes to have an underage teen wedding moment] Janis: [like so sorry do not need to be creating drama last minute in your life but also it makes sense, because as much as it's like who tf are you, it'd be conflicting because she's only wanted a dad and for him to care this whole time so] Jimmy: [soz not soz about how happy this makes me and Libi will have that wedding video to go with all the others she has] Janis: [it just makes sense that they'd try, obviously, that Ali would say yes even if she's got the reservations she has, so yeah, anyway, that's not to do with y'all lmao I just had a thought] Jimmy: [gutted this isn't Ali's caravan cos there would've been a whole dressing up box for you bubs if it were] Janis: [you can have a fake wedding when you are home lol] Jimmy: [for now make some paper doll bride and grooms that'll keep you busy] Janis: [burn that evidence, Tess is gonna be horrified, like what's this about ANOTHER teen wedding] Jimmy: [honestly this fam do make me cackle] Janis: [not enough time has passed since ruster getting married at 18 we're all triggered lmao] Jimmy: [would Edie's be before theirs or after? I get so confused] Janis: [hmm, let me think, theirs would be about 34...which is when Libi is born, so yeah, Edie is about 15 so it's the year before, 'cos obviously they get married like RIGHT before they die in 35] Janis: [talk about a YEAR for the fam, hi I'm having a baby @ 14 and hi I'm getting married to my cousin @ 18 oh and I'm also going to get pregnant] Jimmy: [we are so wild I love us] Janis: [if anyone's kids would, it is Alison's but omg, we're shooketh, not to mention we cripple Billie, then the Junior baby drama...no one getting out unscathed] Jimmy: [and now we've got jj triggering everyone and Grace out here about to also think she's a teen mum for a hot sec] Janis: [this is why everyone chats shit about y'all, but imagine the lowkey weird guilt 'cos nothing does happen to the twins really, aside from the obvious, but it's bad enough this all happens in your fam and then everyone won't shut up about it like] Janis: [also Nancy and Ava by that extension 'cos Buster embroils himself in it all and the Chloe and James of it] Jimmy: [that's why Grace is how she is guys, this fam and shit nan ruining her life lowkey] Janis: [when you can't complain 'cos it's like um well Edie's dead and Billie is crippled for life so bye, hence Janis just does as she pleases and is a bitch to everyone 'cos call her a troublemaker and whatever then, like fine, it's better than trying to deal and act like you're #grateful and #blessed] Janis: [and that's all the drama that's yet to come out, oh guys] Jimmy: [I'm gonna go re-read what I said about Jimothy's ex on the school trip because only time she's been mentioned and maybe tone that situation down depending what I've committed to because the cali fam is a LOT] Janis: [I remember the basic vibe was pregnant and with her dad's friend but yeah, go look] Jimmy: [yeah but hopefully I haven't gone in mentioning that so far and we can be like ❌] Janis: [yeah, even if it was just a lad her own age-ish and preggo now, 'cos it may have even been 2 kids and they're only 15 now so] Jimmy: [I think we've got away with implying she's a very messy bitch who has now changed her ways at least somewhat so that's fine because I don't think I've mentioned her in any of the festive convos] Janis: [we'll let you live gal] Jimmy: [anyway we've been derailed] Janis: [truly, y'all want to settle these children down again tah] Janis: 🙄🙄 Jimmy: [get in your little den bubs] Jimmy: *🥱🥱 Jimmy: 🤞🤞 Janis: Ideal Janis: just saying, not going to their wedding Jimmy: we'll be long 💀💀💀 mate, don't worry Janis: not if she makes herself a loo roll veil and has done with it Janis: poor Bobby has had no say in the matter Jimmy: ain't seen him shake his head Janis: such a romantic Jimmy: Dunno where either of 'em get that from Janis: dread to think Jimmy: no need to 💭 about owt that isn't #goals, you're alright Janis: 🤵👰💀🤢 Jimmy: don't fancy the look of your new scale much Janis: 😏 Janis: not a question I'd even fake pop, don't be 😱 Jimmy: not even if every dickhead but me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺?! Jimmy: so 💪🏆🥇 you Janis: even if I had fuck all, you wouldn't be getting half of it Jimmy: keep your 🐕🏃💰🔐 I get it Janis: you don't whore for those tips for nothing, yeah Jimmy: in the job description, that Janis: why else would you apply Jimmy: my ☕🎨 going unappreciated in this lifetime is an #ultimatekink Janis: of course Janis: 💔 fuels your craft Jimmy: 🖋✎🖌🔪🔧🔨🪓 Janis: 🥱 to 🤤 Jimmy: massive scale that one Janis: one time speed is impressive Janis: have it Jimmy: if you ain't bringing up either of us being 🥇 at driving Janis: that aside Janis: 🏃 too Janis: not where my 🧠 was obvs Jimmy: tah for not wanting to piss off Jimmy: mine's not on 🎨 at this very minute so I ain't after the 💔 Janis: 💀💀 Jimmy: ? or ! Janis: bit of both Janis: request and an order Jimmy: come here then Janis: [a look like dare I/do I but also a LOOK obvs] Jimmy: [giving a LOOK back always] Janis: [get snuggled in this den moment best you can without disturbing the kiddos] Jimmy: [being as sneaky as we can cos don't need these kids getting extra about your rom com life again but pulling her into his lap, injury be damned because we miss it] Janis: [missed it too and our expression would say as much] Jimmy: [it's been forever like literally pub crawl was the last time] Janis: [upsetting and rude, frankly] Jimmy: [it really is, excuse you Ian] Janis: [thank god she's skinny if tall, not gonna kill you] Jimmy: [gotta do what we gotta do cos shameless fave thing ever] Janis: [just drawing doodles all over his arm with her finger] Jimmy: [playing with her hair while she does] Janis: [we're happy and that always scares us ah] Jimmy: [likewise, oh lads] Janis: [go on your phone and see about the NYE party you aren't gonna get to go to and show him like] Jimmy: [ooh good idea boo] Janis: [are we saying it's at Mia's or did I imagine that] Jimmy: [I think we did to make it more of a thing that they don't go, because we all know Mia literally never hosts a function like it's only this all year] Janis: [so it would be such a to-do for the flat whites 'cos lord knows you've not got the reps you think you have ladies] Jimmy: [yeah exactly and we know her and Pablo are over/on the rocks so she'd be even more extra about it] Janis: [thankful we miss it tbh] Jimmy: [hard same and not just cos I love the drama] Janis: [its all the drama mick, we know it'll be a terrible party but yes, rn you can plan how you're gonna slay it if you wanna] Jimmy: Go on, how are we topping 🎄 with them? Janis: already done 😇 Janis: so it'll have to be 🌟 Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say 😈 Janis: also a possibility Janis: this party is one of the only way she has of winning + at this point Janis: how do we really ruin it for - Jimmy: where's her dad? be real hell for him, this Janis: some beach in the Caribbean Janis: he couldn't miss that to continue her punishment Janis: 💔 he don't care as much as you thought, babe Jimmy: still probably won't take much to get him back Jimmy: that lass ain't had another go at a party since we fucked up hers Janis: he is with her mother so fuck knows how he manages to have a good time Janis: assumedly it's one giant swingers convention or whatever Janis: true, I wanna do it worse though Janis: more personal, just need to 💭 how Jimmy: what I'm hearing is you want me to 💀💀💀 them for you Janis: like the sound of that Jimmy: so say it and I'll do it Janis: that's how it works, yeah Jimmy: you can have owt you're after from me, you know it works like that Janis: only if we post it Jimmy: you've got my permission to hold my 📷 while I've got the 🔪 Janis: 😍 Janis: can't promise quality Jimmy: what are you promising? Janis: you know what Jimmy: don't get more top quality than 🥇 Janis: whatever you want Janis: that's what I'll give you Jimmy: I just want Janis: go on Jimmy: [kiss her please because I'm not going to let you say something extra right now] Janis: [intense silent kisses ftw rn] Jimmy: [I do hope these children are asleep because silent is not his forte for very long] Janis: [we'll give you that, as Libi has already rinsed you lol] Jimmy: [and keeps spilling all the fam tea] Janis: [gotta let you have something lads or you'll go cray] Jimmy: [and we're ruining it all for you soon] Janis: [ugh shit nan, soz not soz you're getting floored hen] Jimmy: [honestly wish it was worse cos so deserved] Janis: [as if this is the time for you to drag up Caleb's drama, like didn't even mention he had to go and get killed, like ffs] Jimmy: [hopefully Ali will ban you from the gaff because we're all sick of your shit my love] Janis: [we were humouring you to be nice but like, no] Jimmy: [the amount of chances she's already given you through the years, dread to think tbh] Janis: [we all know she gives too many, like she never banned either Caleb or Drew from seeing their kids or being involved, she's not that bitch if she doesn't have to be] Jimmy: [likewise with Joe and Ronnie, nothing if not consistent and I love you gal] Janis: [and ro lbr] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [oh rosaline, this do not be about you though, again, off topic] Jimmy: [I wanna say he's thought of something to ruin this party we don't get to go to because we just wanna give the bae everything she wants but I don't know what] Janis: [we can because as it won't get to come to fruition, we can be vague lol, just kissing him even harder] Jimmy: [how intensely we're doing literally everything rn because the feels are so high] Janis: ['we need to go' when you mean to the bedroom but that just comes out that dramatically lol, obviously we're whispering 'cos if you wake up now lmao] Jimmy: [try not to fall over the obstacle course of all the stuff these children have left everywhere because we all know you're gonna kiss the whole way there because forever a cliche] Janis: [as funny as that would be, one of you is injured and the other has only just recovered so be careful tah] Jimmy: [and you'd be fuming if you got cockblocked rn, we don't need another argument happening between anyone] Janis: [Cass I hope you're out or otherwise entertained 'cos yeah] Jimmy: [maybe you're asleep too tbf because we never get any at home and you've been busy having friends and living your best life] Janis: [let's go with it, we're all content] Jimmy: [hook up to your heart's content lads we'll be sending you back in the morning] Janis: [so you'll be going back 28th, just so we know where we are] Jimmy: [thank god you can work things out properly my boo] Janis: [gives us a few days to do with what we want so that's nice] Jimmy: [is there anything else on the list or have we done it all?] Janis: [the only things we have is Twix being ill and one of Asia's sisters having a bday party, we could do Twix in this period, can't really do a party between xmas and ny even they're not that dumb] Jimmy: [we should do that bday party when she gets back and things are really awkward between them because Bobby can be like I want Libi to come with me because they thing they are in love rn] Janis: [yeah, and they could fuck with Asia and when have they needed much more than a flimsy excuse so] Jimmy: [that was my thought, an excuse to get them back together that isn't just school] Janis: [think that was the plan, we can skip to when they're back if you'd like, don't think this has been that long] Jimmy: [I know we always say that but it shouldn't have actually been that long this time lol] Janis: [we alright, also back home and separated] Janis: everyone's sufficiently sure we haven't permanently damaged the kid here so 🏆 Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: Ian ain't gonna give me no 🏆 Jimmy: no longer the season Janis: and his nice act was SO convincing Jimmy: IKR Janis: 🙄 if I needed acting lessons Janis: which I don't Jimmy: you're in luck there 'cause my mum'd be the one for it putting up with his bollocks for as long as she bothered Jimmy: but about as likely as him chucking out the welcome wagon for us Janis: Shame Janis: better not tell him about the wedding Janis: 😡 🤬 all 'round Jimmy: the 💰 saver of making it a double might do something about that but with how you feel about sharing Jimmy: it'd be you fuming Janis: look like we'd hired mini-mes Jimmy: bit of a mix up with yours Janis: it happens Janis: get what you pay for 🎻 Jimmy: she's spot on with matching your ☀ personality, babe Jimmy: nowt else matters Janis: low Janis: don't compare me to a toddler 😂 Jimmy: work on her volume 🤏 and no dickhead'll know the difference Janis: you're gonna talk big now I can't do nothing about it Janis: twat Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: doing my bit so you ain't 💔 missing us Janis: very thoughtful Janis: I'll be buzzing to sleep in a proper bed on my own Jimmy: just that kind of twat, me Janis: I know Janis: how many treats he given the dog then? Jimmy: come on, none of us can count that high Jimmy: need you for that Janis: I'll have to come see you then Jimmy: won't let you 😴 heard you about wanting your own bed Janis: it's not that good, honestly Janis: but you know Jimmy: sounded alright to me, might just be the no kid 💭💡 though Janis: yeah Janis: unlucky Janis: least you won't have to make a fort every night Jimmy: depends how 💔😭🎻 he gets missing her Jimmy: might have to do all sorts of bollocks Janis: 😏 Janis: tin can phone might actually work from that distance and with her volume Jimmy: dinner and tonight's crafts ✔ Janis: caravan life makes you so resourceful Jimmy: ⛺️ next? Janis: calm down bear grylls Jimmy: only answer to daddy 🐻 or baby when you INSIST on a compromise Janis: well, baby Janis: imagine the previous 2 nights, in a tent, with no room to hide Jimmy: all of it or just the bits I wanna 💭? Janis: the bits you wanna wouldn't have a lot of hope of repeating, is my point Janis: unless yours is making dog treats was your fave Jimmy: OBVS Janis: dickhead Jimmy: time of my life that were, think about it constant, no room for nowt else but 🐕🍪 Janis: yeah, you do LOVE that dog Janis: fair enough Janis: you two go on your camping holibobs Jimmy: bit rude you're not coming, but alright Janis: no room Jimmy: loads under the ⭐s girl Janis: 🤩 Janis: tents are for pussies Jimmy: it's a yeah now then? Janis: just us? Janis: and the 🐕 Janis: bit unfair to call the kids pussies but probably more unfair to make 'em rough it like that Jimmy: reckon I'll just leave the 🐕 with our kid, so he's not as 💔😭🎻 you reckon he's not 💪😎 Jimmy: it's a 👶 an' all Janis: I never slagged him off Janis: he's alright Janis: just Jimmy: just us Janis: yeah Janis: and all the ⭐s Bill knows the names of Jimmy: he'd have me name them after all the ones I've got for you Janis: why the pricks not invited Jimmy: keep it between us that we're even going Janis: 🗢🔒 Jimmy: til we get there Jimmy: 🗨🔊 then if you want Janis: *need Janis: least we get to christen Mia's bed this party Jimmy: 🤞 we find her diary an' all Janis: can put it on the site Janis: the good bits, anyway Jimmy: trash her room since she was so chuffed the last time Janis: wonder if daddy keeps anything incriminating about the house Jimmy: he'll have an office Jimmy: dickheads who spend every minute at work always do Janis: yeah, I know the sort Janis: and keeping it locked'd be too suspicious Jimmy: piss easy Jimmy: where on the scale'll 💀👑 end up if we christen his desk an' all? Janis: I'd guess 😩 🥺 😢 😭 but we'll see 'cos I know where I am Jimmy: go on Janis: guess first Jimmy: or what? Janis: I won't tell ya Janis: play the game Jimmy: you're 😳 Janis: close Janis: 🤯 you keep having such good ideas Janis: 😣 it ain't tonight Jimmy: might have a 🥇💡 for tonight if you play nicely yourself Janis: how do I do that? Jimmy: do you need me to tell you? Jimmy: done a top job of it without that Janis: might be part of the fun Jimmy: I dunno what fun we're having yet, just that Ian'll have had an easy go of it while we were gone Janis: bet it was well hard for him to act like he gave a shit you was gone for longer Janis: plenty of ways to get to the truth of it Jimmy: can't promise you'll 👀⭐'s but there'll be 🎆🎇 Janis: I'm in Jimmy: we should be out first, dunno why I'm pissing about here when he is to chuck the kids at Janis: there is loads for Bobby to tell him Jimmy: and my sister to go on about an' all Jimmy: and there's this Jimmy: [evidence of whatever carnage Twix has caused] Janis: 🙌 Janis: told you she was on side Jimmy: [evidence of how much she's wilding because they are back and she is lowkey scared of Ian] Jimmy: Dunno about that, doing my head in already, her Janis: n'awh Janis: shut up you 💘 it Jimmy: sounds and feels right fake Janis: then you're used to it Jimmy: you coming out or what? Janis: you reckon that's how Romeo got invited up the balcony mate Jimmy: no hot chocolate included in my invite, what more to do you want, Jules? Jimmy: 🌹? Janis: yeah Janis: love 💀 things Jimmy: chuck me off the balcony then Janis: don't tease me, baby Jimmy: I mean it Janis: where do you wanna meet Jimmy: where are you? Janis: still at my grandparents so Jimmy: Alright, hang on Janis: where do you wanna go Jimmy: where do you? Janis: I don't care Jimmy: it don't matter Janis: yeah Janis: it really don't Jimmy: just don't let Libi see us Janis: I'll come out Janis: she's not taking over again tah Jimmy: I'll warm you up Janis: I'm not scared, remember Jimmy: yeah Janis: but you can Jimmy: if I don't I know what will do Janis: scare me? Jimmy: 🌡 Janis: bighead 😏 Janis: not not true though Jimmy: you and your one track 🧠 sweetheart Janis: Bill ain't invited Janis: don't need to pretend Jimmy: Oi, I've got a 🎁 for you and it ain't just 🍆🎀 Janis: what you done that for Janis: not christmas no more Jimmy: 🎅's for life Jimmy: so's pissing off Ian Janis: oh, go ahead 🍾 Jimmy: [show up boy because she's not far and hand over what you've stolen from Ian's replenished stash and I'm gonna say one of the bottles has a post it stuck to it with today's doodle which is like something to do with them stargazing obvs] Janis: [take the bottle and stick the post it on his head whilst you take a swig 'did he find his car or what' 'cos we left it somewhere then dipped so] Jimmy: [stick it on her back like excuse you it's for you when you take the bottle to take your own swig and then nearly choke cos you're loling because he hasn't because I see no reason why he would have considering where they left it and he knows nothing about Janis or where she lives] Janis: [stick it on the back of your phone or something to keep it safe, shaking our head and smirking because it's funny but also 'what's your long term plan?'] Jimmy: [shrugs 'depends' like it's so casual and we don't think about how much we hate Ian constantly lol] Janis: ['yeah, depends if he takes it to the police' kicking a stone as we walk 'we'd both be seen in it on CCTV' shrugs 'you probably want to return it or make sure someone worse takes it now'] Jimmy: ['he's not that kind of dickhead' because he isn't lbr 'he can have it back before he's in work again, don't need him hanging about having a longer holiday'] Janis: [nods like good 'glad you have a plan' and a look like NEVER had one of them before lollol] Jimmy: [a look like are you because we know we're all thinking about if this plan works and he has to leave] Janis: [shrugging it off 'not getting arrested for you' and quickening our step so we're a beat ahead] Jimmy: [💔 mime before she gets ahead of us and lighting a 🚬 when she is] Janis: ['bit rude' when you're not offered one immediately] Jimmy: [pull her back a step like it was rude of you to walk off and so you can light one for her in a saucy and intimate manner] Janis: [this 😒😣 truly I shan't elaborate] Jimmy: [a look like what even though we know] Janis: [taking the bottle back like that's what] Jimmy: [writes a ? in the condensation on the bottle because we like being annoying] Janis: [rubs it out and uses said condensation to draw a cross on his forehead] Jimmy: [that's cold and ticklish so we gotta retaliate by putting our forehead to hers OBVS even though we literally could have done a million other things] Janis: [the effort of NOT kissing him right now just to prove a point] Jimmy: [when you could just kiss her but you want her to do it so you're just doing the thing where you pull her closer to you even though you're already close af] Janis: [can't even LOOK at him you're that close, just this bottle between 'em] Jimmy: [you can lick your lips though boy and you shall] Janis: [bite your own like how dare you] Jimmy: [pull her hair like how dare YOU and also to bring her even closer] Janis: [noise between a gasp and you know what] Jimmy: [getting one back always] Janis: ['why'd you have to-' but interrupting ourself to kiss him finally] Jimmy: [have an intense makeout sesh for a bit] Janis: [idk where you are randomly in the street tis the season] Jimmy: [they blatantly are and I love that for you] Janis: [always the vibe, always the mood] Jimmy: [trying to think of somewhere you could go even though neither of you actually care] Janis: [oh the places you can't go when you're a teen or lowkey ever, just chillin'] Jimmy: [would love if there was somewhere you could go 'camping' for a little moment but idk] Janis: [there's always the park but yeah literally idk where else] Jimmy: [everywhere else would probably be a trek sadly] Janis: [maybe you can go cali house way, there's ample camping space there but probably not tonight luvs] Jimmy: [put a pin in that dream] Janis: [emotions too high rn] Jimmy: [rn and forever tbh] Janis: [we're not okay but also the best we've been in forever, very confusing lmao] Jimmy: [we know he's in exactly the same boat and that's why you are #fated] Janis: [what a time] Janis: [you should probably have to go properly home at some point tonight gal] Jimmy: [can't avoid it forever we haven't moved you in yet] Janis: [and you have been gone since boxing day so your mother would kinda exist hen] Jimmy: [yeah exactly and you don't hate her as much now she's a sassy single mum so] Janis: [yeah we're not thrilled by it all but we are gonna be running away soon so we'll give you a hot sec fam] Jimmy: [you can't be together always lads it's too dangerous because of all the shit we can't let you say] Janis: [plus Junie hasn't made an appearance this year so you all have to go a bit harder than normal soz] Jimmy: [that whole shitshow is very fresh] Janis: [mhmm, it's very recent lmao, and Caleb and honestly Edie, oh the mess, god sake shit nan why] Jimmy: [we're all struggling, not to mention we said that Carly died around this time of year so Ali really doesn't need this shit nan] Janis: [sad times all round honey] Jimmy: [remind me to decide when Jimothy's mum went missing in terms of that anniversary because I've not] Janis: [noted] Janis: [enjoy that bus gal] Janis: 👋 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤖 Jimmy: if the driver ain't human, it ain't me you wanna be telling Janis: you with your facebook ma 👍 Janis: the driver is deffo human, can smell him from here Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: might be trying to get a lift to anywhere Janis: not quite the midnight train Jimmy: can't be bothered to wait that long Janis: let me know how anywhere is Jimmy: no need Jimmy: you can have the 👎 now Janis: oh, it is you Janis: 😒 Jimmy: who else were you after? Janis: checking you weren't 🤖 Janis: or 👵 Jimmy: 👴 Jimmy: soz to 💔 you Janis: why would that 💔 me Janis: my type, no Jimmy: you've had to piss off, for a start Janis: I'll survive Janis: have to pick up all the farmyard critters your brother ordered anyway Jimmy: tah for that Janis: you're welcome Janis: 🤠 Jimmy: 🤞 there's no room left for Ian Janis: maybe in the shed Janis: if he's lucky Jimmy: the trampoline's a good shout Janis: 🤔 might be too much fun Jimmy: with his back? Nah mate 🎻🎻 Janis: 😂 Janis: least he doesn't have the 👵 bladder Jimmy: he's welcome that we keep nicking his stash Janis: I appreciated my gift Janis: even if it weren't 🍆🎀 Jimmy: far as street corners go, didn't reckon that one were 💰💰 Janis: I weren't gonna tip you Jimmy: 👵👜💰 Janis: she was not gonna get involved Janis: watch, maybe Jimmy: that's what I said Jimmy: different street maybe Janis: well it's pretty rude you can't perform without a big audience Jimmy: never said that Janis: hmm Jimmy: weren't asking for a review either but alright Janis: not giving one don't worry Jimmy: it's the fans who'll be dead relieved Janis: that we don't hoe it up on street corners? Janis: as they weren't there with 📱s out, probably Jimmy: that and you don't reckon I'm always ready to perform Janis: I'd never say that Jimmy: you did Janis: not to the fans Jimmy: you're alright, not my own biggest one Janis: yeah right Janis: your head is the the only one to maybe rival mine in size Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: dunno which 👵 or 🤖 you're on about Janis: you aren't shy Jimmy: you got a scale for that an' all? Janis: 😶🤐😬🙃😲😁😩🤮 Janis: something like that Jimmy: 👏👏🌹 Janis: I know you're 😁 Janis: but I'll 🤐 Jimmy: you Janis: you reckon? Jimmy: duh Janis: pretty nice Janis: could've gone 😲 Jimmy: still time for you to change my mind if you're that 💔 Janis: you like calling me scared, is all Janis: I'd go for 🙃 Janis: very dead in the eyes Jimmy: 👍's a bit strong Janis: yeah, it's an exclusive list Jimmy: obvs your 👀 are on it Janis: just my eyes? Jimmy: you reckon I never answer questions, what makes you think I'll do that one? Janis: miss 100% the shots you don't take, babe Janis: worth one, like Jimmy: I get it, you miss your coach and teammates Janis: coach is a bit much for the PE teacher who oversees all the girl's teams Janis: but whatever fantasy you're having, go off Jimmy: it's your 💭💕 Janis: fuck off is it Jimmy: SUCH a #lad I only know about 🥤 shots Janis: we're pretending you're a jock now Janis: okay, catching up Janis: 📸❌ Jimmy: Bill will be fuming if we start performing Grease Janis: such a snob Janis: loves the limelight way too much, that one Jimmy: you'll have to picture me in short shorts on your own time Janis: when I'm not thinking about my teammates, I'll give it a 💭💕 Jimmy: brb 💭 about the wrestling bit of the montage 🤼💕 Janis: pervert Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: Oi, what happened to whatever fantasy I were having, crack on? Janis: I can't help not being a lesbian Janis: you'll have to keep it in your head, won't you Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: you're such a twat Jimmy: SO complimentary today, you Janis: yeah, warn me if you want to screenshot and I'll bother Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Whatever Janis: talk to you later Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: cool Jimmy: is it? Janis: 'course Janis: I've got nothing to say about this bus, you're chatting shit Jimmy: bit rude Janis: is it? Jimmy: how isn't it? Janis: Some things my one track mind ain't interested in Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: just stop taking the piss Jimmy: alright Janis: sorry, I'm not in the mood Jimmy: What's wrong? Janis: just Janis: the lesbian shit Janis: I know you were joking but don't Jimmy: It's my homoerotic scene not yours, you're not Danny Zuko, soz girl Janis: alright, foreign exchange student Jimmy: I'm not into firing shots that'll actually wound you Jimmy: blanks are 👴 perks Janis: alright Janis: let you off then Jimmy: 🤞? Jimmy: no point you being fuming if I can't see how fit you look Janis: going home is shit Janis: know you already have Jimmy: I've not Janis: you've not? Jimmy: there's every point Ian being fuming and he won't be if I'm about to 🐕🏃 or babysit Janis: where are you gonna go Janis: for the forseeable Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: Come on Janis: I wouldn't have gone yet Janis: if you'd said Jimmy: that'll be why I didn't Janis: you're going to be bored Janis: and cold Jimmy: I'm northern Janis: now I seem like a total dick, right Jimmy: you went 'cause you had to Janis: least all the pubs are open Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: I'll find some 👴 mates Janis: yeah Janis: you will, right Janis: or go church, ALWAYS open, you know Jimmy: Jesus IS my BFF Janis: exactly Janis: keep you warm Jimmy: bit of 🙏'll do that Janis: ah, the homoeroticism strikes again Jimmy: nowt warmer than hell fire, babe Janis: I'll see you there still Janis: loads of ways to get in Jimmy: alright, but I only wanna see you if you recreate your angel outfit Janis: 😈 is a fallen angel Janis: he'll allow it Jimmy: chuffed to bits to know he'll be a fan Jimmy: loads of ours won't make it down Janis: they lack the imagination Janis: 💔 Jimmy: what they lack would be a massive list Jimmy: I'd bother telling you what else I like before I did them bulletpoints Janis: 🥧🍺🥔👀 Janis: I can keep up Jimmy: ain't you who's illiterate Janis: welcome for the pictures Janis: you can give me one more, for being nice Jimmy: 🚬 Janis: copout but fine Janis: add it to the list Jimmy: you never said it had to be one you didn't know Janis: didn't say it was a cheat Janis: just a bit...lazy? rude? idk Jimmy: I dunno what emoji I would do for what you smell like without making it weird 1. 👃? 2. 🐽? Janis: can't believe the emoji library has let you down like this Janis: 🐽 is cuter, less creepy, anyway Jimmy: there you go then Janis: I'll add it to the list Janis: I could just use 🚬 for you, that's what you smell like Jimmy: can't say I don't do owt to give you an easier go of it Janis: bit of a stretch to blame/gift your addiction to me but yeah Jimmy: but more romantic Janis: that is what's important here Janis: what do I smell like, now I'm worried Janis: at least you like it Jimmy: if I could narrow it down I'd have done Jimmy: you're not a vape Janis: nicest thing you've ever said to me? 🤔 Janis: 😍 🥰 😘 Jimmy: 😂 Janis: you really are great at this romance shit Jimmy: tah for not being 🍭🍨🍦🧁🍰🎂 it means loads to me an' all Janis: wouldn't be able to live with myself, tbh Jimmy: wouldn't be able to die with you Janis: 😷😷😷 Janis: ruin the ending, 👻 FUMING Jimmy: I'll tell him to take it up with 🚬 for only fucking your sense of taste Janis: there goes that sponsorship Jimmy: *🤐 Janis: I was doing great work saying how fit of a smell it was Janis: ffs Jimmy: Where? Janis: I put it on my list, duh Jimmy: said you could not that you did Janis: there you go then Jimmy: say it then Janis: I like the way you smell too Janis: and there should be a less creepy way to say it, you're right Jimmy: 🗨 can still stay on the list, not that you've even remembered it Janis: I've not forgotten it Janis: just doubt you like it as much as 🥔 for example Jimmy: what's it that I'm doing now? Jimmy: bit rude to doubt me Janis: I'm not a good conversationalist, not something I've got an ego about Jimmy: it's my list, dickhead, not yours Janis: but you're 🗨 about 🗨 to me Jimmy: and I'm 🗨  I rate it Jimmy: you don't get a say in what I like, we're not 👰💍🤵 Janis: I just don't believe you Janis: but that don't matter Jimmy: why? Janis: s'your list, like you said Jimmy: why don't you believe me? Janis: 'cos I never know what to say, I told you Jimmy: so you manage to say the right things without knowing Jimmy: that's 🏆 Janis: only when they've been written for me Jimmy: it were you who said she's a more boring version of you Jimmy: you know that's not when I mean Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: I like talking to you, I said it ages ago and I'm still going on about it now so there's something in that Jimmy: 💀💀💀🐴 Janis: alright, alright Janis: I'll believe you mean it Jimmy: that's 3 things about you you've had off the list, so I will shut up now, like Janis: I'm not giving your 2 IOUs Janis: not fair Jimmy: so just tell me now Janis: I'm 💭 Jimmy: don't hurt yourself Jimmy: I get it's WELL difficult Janis: Shut up Janis: I don't want you accusing me of copying you, is all Janis: I like your voice, that's different from 🗨 Jimmy: 🥇🎤 me Jimmy: goes without 🗨 the accent is an' all Janis: I'm not 🤤 'cos you're English Janis: make me sound like them Janis: but Janis: I like not loads of other cunts have heard it Jimmy: none of 'em have, my customer service voice isn't how I 🗨  or any other dickhead really does Janis: ✨ so special, me Jimmy: my sister and Ian don't wanna talk to me and our kid can't with 🗨 so you're basically it Jimmy: when Libi ain't shouting over you Jimmy: but don't let your head get too massive, can't have you stuck on that 🚍 Janis: 🎈📌 Janis: promise Jimmy: I'd have to swap uniforms and 🚒🪓 you out Jimmy: what a ball ache Janis: more cliche too Janis: no one actually wants to fuck the police Janis: gotta keep it niche Jimmy: go on then, is that your last ✔? Janis: that's only 2, I'm not adding your real/fake persona, soz 👮 Janis: alright, as you went 👀 I'll go 💋 Jimmy: fuming that you'd make me wanna kiss YOU when giving ME a compliment but alright Janis: we're both well kissable, that's fair to say Janis: ask the fans Jimmy: shh I'm 💭 and I don't want any of them twats popping up Janis: 😶 Janis: oops, defeats the point a bit Jimmy: you're alright, I control the 🔊 in my head, I'll put you on proper loud Janis: I'd add that to my list but then you'd owe me Janis: not very 😇 Jimmy: you'll have to be 😈 Janis: your 🔊 then Jimmy: for a start Janis: I'm not going to put my own on my list Jimmy: spoilsport Janis: there can be crossover Jimmy: I already know you like the 🔊 I can get you to, so don't worry if 🚬 were a copout that is Janis: you can't claim eyes forever Janis: or I'll just list all the good stuff now and you'll be well fucked Jimmy: not that long of a 🚍 ride Janis: contrary to what you reckon Janis: not that hard to think up the shit I like Jimmy: do it then Jimmy: I'm not 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: you might float away Janis: if you're still out Jimmy: got nowt else on or anywhere else to be Jimmy: 🎈 sounds decent enough Janis: 🤡 Jimmy: Dunno if I'm chuffed or gutted you didn't go for 🐘 Janis: trust you Jimmy: well you being a better 🤹 ain't going on the list Jimmy: fuming Janis: you're still good with your hands Janis: just different way Janis: 🖕✌️🤟 Jimmy: I Jimmy: wish you were here sounds like we're still at the 🏖 and I'm 🖋 a postcard but Janis: you can draw me one Janis: wish I had something to do that weren't wistfully staring out of windows but Jimmy: 👴 flirting Janis: they are pretty saucy, you know Jimmy: never heard anyone use saucy since before I ⚰👻 so tah for that, Judith Jimmy: racy is another one I miss 👴💔 Jimmy: #thegoodoldcourtingdays Janis: 🏹 to please Janis: and I know my audience Jimmy: 🎯 Janis: 💘 Jimmy: you had me at getting your MASSIVE ankle out Janis: oi, my ankle is perfectly normal now, don't try and trick me into sending you such a scandalous picture Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: proof's in the 📷 you set yourself up for that Janis: 😱 but my reputation! Jimmy: 🦶 size matters, my dear Janis: [obviously sends a picture with all sorts of pisstakey emojis and bants] Janis: dainty, I think you'll find Jimmy: [obviously sends a 😍 af selfie back which isn't even that pisstakey because we are feeling that rn and always] Janis: You're indecent Jimmy: can be if you like Jimmy: there's nobody else at the park Janis: how long do you want my list to be Jimmy: how long is it now? Janis: embarrassingly long Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: needs to be so long you're past caring about 😳 Janis: what will I do when you fuck of 🎈 Jimmy: come with Janis: alright Janis: we'll work on your list some more and see Jimmy: alright Janis: your ❌🍆s to give thing makes the list easy though Janis: just FYI Jimmy: you're welcome Janis: you probably wanna avoid being that guy at the park though Janis: if I'm there, different vibe Jimmy: you heard there's no 👀 or 👂 Jimmy: you'd have to be the one reporting me Janis: I need you with me too bad to do that Janis: I don't need bars between us as well as distance, like Janis: even Bill didn't go there Jimmy: The antlers are long gone, even if the 🎵's live on in my 🧠 Jimmy: no reindeer games that involve a jailbreak, I promise Janis: Shame Janis: how are you going to top your festive #lewks? Jimmy: 🤔🤔 Jimmy: nowt but full body glitter? Janis: 😏 Janis: sounds itchy Jimmy: 💀👑 not have a pool? 💔🎻🎻 Jimmy: SUCH a letdown Janis: 💡 Janis: have to ask Janis: clog the filters right up Jimmy: hot tub'll do IF IT HAS TO but it don't have the #drama Bill's after Janis: she's definitely got one of them Janis: sti soup that it is 🤢 Jimmy: really painted a picture for me there Jimmy: might just leave the ✨ on so she knows where I've been Janis: imagine how many secretaries have been disappointed in there Janis: not to mention the lads not quite swallowed whole Janis: not going to be unnoticed, I guess Janis: shine on Jimmy: Dunno if I wanna 💭 Jimmy: more tragic than owt Bill's ever written Janis: #bonerkiller Janis: she's 💔🎻🎻 daddy could ever be anything less than 💯 as well Jimmy: 🤞 he sends her a postcard, can't wait to nick that off the fridge Janis: so hot when you're mean Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: not even started yet, baby Jimmy: didn't reckon on being chuffed to bits for her party but Janis: I know Janis: should thank us Janis: no one has ever been this buzzing Jimmy: except those lads when they realised they'd FINALLY 💀💀💀 Janis: you're special, babe Janis: not everyone likes it like you Jimmy: don't put that on your list Jimmy: makes me sound like a twat Janis: if I did it'd make me sound like a psychopath so Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: least we ain't made a list of the other dickheads we want to die Jimmy: length of it would be a nightmare Janis: and we're looking for less attention, not more Janis: school therapist can do one if she wants to chat Jimmy: bit rude she ain't introduced herself to me, been here ages struggling with this bloody paddy language barrier Janis: how dare she not want to start an inappropriate relationship with you Janis: Lucas doing all the heavy lifting for her 😤 Jimmy: am I losing my new boy ✨ or what? 😱 Janis: her cardigan collection means she's either celibate or a massive lesbian so Janis: you're still so ✨ I SWEAR Jimmy: Why not both? #dontlimityourselflove Jimmy: OH THANK GOD Janis: read that as #doityourselflove so, yeah Janis: must be what she's up to in her office, bless Jimmy: Be Lucas in detention an' all Jimmy: will have spent the hol practicing with them new ties so he's ready to go Janis: you better be here Janis: or my trauma is on your hands Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: plays right into the hands of that gay therapist Jimmy: you don't know it weren't her spreading those rumours Janis: make sense Janis: did turn her down last time Janis: doubt she works commission for every fucked up kid she 'helps' Jimmy: I'll be here to save you, Joanne Janis: Ian don't move fast Janis: I've noticed Jimmy: he's got the 🐕 and 👶s to bring him 🍺🥧🥔 when there's no Sharon, no need to move Janis: so what's your next step Jimmy: body in the boot when I bring the car back? Janis: his or john/jane doe Jimmy: Sharons obvs Janis: duh Janis: we're framing him Janis: okay, where's she hang out Jimmy: depends Janis: when she ain't photocopying things Jimmy: she's always photocopying her tits, full time job, that Jimmy: what it depends on is which Sharon you mean Jimmy: but probably find any of them in the hair dye aisle Janis: all of 'em at once Janis: like confused blonde gazelles Janis: *blonde, with bad roots and tell-tell greys 😱 Janis: have to stack 'em up Jimmy: 😂 Janis: not a list, technically Janis: Sharon x ??? Jimmy: be weird seeing their real names in all the papers Janis: for your dad too Janis: can pin them on his cell wall Jimmy: Dunno what he calls 'em Jimmy: @ him Janis: I'm not sure I need to 💭 Jimmy: 🙀🙀🙀 Janis: bit late for the christmas card Jimmy: crack on drafting your new year's text Janis: Dear future father in law Janis: terrified Jimmy: *daddy in law Janis: 😂 Janis: even better Jimmy: do they not make new years cards? 💔 missing something if it's not 🖋🩸 Janis: you send the text before the rush hun Jimmy: oh tah, I'll make sure our kid gets on the tin can 📞 proper early Janis: yeah, little socialite will be well busy Jimmy: got a wedding to plan if nowt else Janis: don't tell him it's her 4th Jimmy: he'd never stop 😭😭 Jimmy: I'll 📞 him now, let Ian sort that Janis: nursery gets wild, what can she say Jimmy: gutted she can't come to the party 💀👑'd never survive her review Janis: 💔 Janis: have to arrange a play date Janis: 💀👑 n #2'd keel over 🤞 Jimmy: I'll stick in it the group chat Janis: make sure you make it clear there'll be kids there Janis: don't want them to die of excitement before we can do it ourselves Jimmy: 👍 Janis: not playing with them Janis: can't make me Jimmy: could but I won't Jimmy: you're my best mate, they ain't having you Janis: 😳 Janis: can I put that on the list Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: yeah Jimmy: so there's your answer Janis: what emoji means BFFs Jimmy: 🤝? 🤗? Janis: 🤝 Janis: I don't know what that other fucker is doing Jimmy: looks like when dickheads mime they're being kissed, do you know what I mean? Janis: well, we aren't THOSE kind of friends Jimmy: what sort are we? Janis: strictly 🤝 professional Janis: don't get any ideas Janis: so friendzoned Jimmy: alright Janis: 😂 Janis: is it? Jimmy: have to be now you've said, won't it? Janis: not necessarily Janis: what kind of friends do you think we are? Jimmy: I weren't planning to stick a post it on your head Janis: might help you remember my name Jimmy: I know your name, Juliet Jimmy: dunno what you're on about Janis: mhmm Janis: my mistake Jimmy: not as thick as I look, remember Janis: I know Janis: mates, remember Jimmy: 🥇🤝 Janis: ✨ Jimmy: you gonna wear them for the party an' all? Janis: couple outfit!!1 Janis: I don't know Janis: it's gonna be all LBDs and sparkles so Janis: got to do better Jimmy: question is, shopping trip or crafting session? Janis: I've had enough crafting for one holiday Jimmy: thought you were gonna say one life Janis: and 😢 you like that? Janis: not very nice Jimmy: being nice I were about to offer to take you 🛍  after work Janis: yeah? Janis: 😇 boy Jimmy: never said I'd 💰 for owt Jimmy: steady on Janis: duh Janis: don't need money Jimmy: 😈 then Janis: we can pretend Janis: you will be sick of using your customer service 🔊😁 Jimmy: already am Janis: I'll come in a bit early Janis: you can talk to me properly Jimmy: you're being too nice now Janis: that a no? Jimmy: it's a what do you want? Janis: 😈 Jimmy: go on Janis: tell me when you're off and you'll see if I turn up early or on time Jimmy: [a time] Janis: sorted Jimmy: what about about now? Janis: what could I possibly do that was 😈 now Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: you're right, no chance of topping the 🦶📷 Janis: that kind of shameless reverse psychology will always work Janis: hold on Jimmy: don't need to be a school therapist Janis: bringing her up ain't gonna get you anything 🔥 Jimmy: if you can't give me owt 🔥 when you're under it from any bollocks going, what kind of muse are you? 💔 Janis: you get what you give, dickhead Jimmy: [gives her something 🔥🔥 obvs] Janis: [more risque pic back than last time, idk the scale but one up from whatever we did before] Jimmy: alright, I take back what I said Janis: you better Jimmy: ❌ Janis: 👍 Jimmy: should've said you were so 🏆 I'd have offered to lend you my 📷 before the killing spree Janis: I prefer when you take them Jimmy: that going on the list? Janis: I don't know if I'm that comfortable with the spotlight Janis: but you make me look alright Jimmy: nowt to do with me Jimmy: how you look Janis: nah, but I don't immediately wanna hide or flip you off so Janis: take it Jimmy: gutted 🖕💕 Janis: [pic of] Janis: anything for you, dearest Jimmy: 😍😍😍😍 Jimmy: there she is Janis: not been mugged by some random slag Jimmy: bit awkward I were so into it if you were Janis: yeah, she'll be fuming if she ever finds out Jimmy: our secret Janis: fuck off Janis: supposed to say I could never get mugged 'cos I'm so 💪 Jimmy: I dunno how many fake muggers there were, mate Janis: don't matter Janis: GOD Jimmy: were he there an' all? bit rude of him not to help you out Jimmy: such a good catholic lass Janis: he helps those whole help themselves Janis: and you might be friends now but known me longer so he'll definitely let me smack you Jimmy: wouldn't stop you myself, how could I when you're THAT 💪🏆🥇 Janis: 😒 Janis: shush Jimmy: walking wounded, me Jimmy: about to turn into a ⛄ Janis: stop it Janis: focus on finding a decent pub Jimmy: without you as my sat nav? Janis: why'd you let me go dickhead Janis: I'm mad Jimmy: why'd you have to? Jimmy: there's your answer Janis: they'd all survive Janis: I don't care Jimmy: I'll live Janis: yeah Jimmy: don't be pissed off at me Jimmy: 🤗🤗🤗 Janis: do what you like, mate Jimmy: *🥺🥺🥺 Janis: you're so annoying, you know Jimmy: I'll go back when you have, it's 🥇🤝 of me or some bollocks Janis: don't go back 'til you want to Janis: just do something that ain't freezing to death, tah Janis: I get why you don't wanna be there Jimmy: never ain't an option Jimmy: and the park's nice, loads of 🏆💭 Janis: okay Janis: that's true Janis: what you can remember Jimmy: that you offering to fill in the gaps or what? Janis: I don't know what you and don't 💭 Jimmy: could just tell me what you do, for a start Janis: could do Jimmy: so? Janis: we first went there after we ruined that bitch's shit party, yeah Jimmy: with half the other dickheads who left Jimmy: for a bit Janis: right, but no one's got any stamina so then it was just us Jimmy: feels like ages ago Jimmy: but all our 🎨's still here Janis: I remember that Janis: and it pissed it down, like school trip Janis: weird how it wasn't long ago at all, actually Jimmy: 🚫🌨 Janis: not festive but Jimmy: you were 🥶🥶 any road, I remember that Jimmy: had to chuck you a jacket Janis: you insisted, I remember Janis: as per Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: don't think you do 💭 Janis: was one of the many other lads I take there, was it? Jimmy: or all them sonnets Bill's got you bothering with Janis: if that's as far as your 💭 goes Jimmy: if that's as far as my memory goes, what? Janis: you don't remember as much as I do Jimmy: never said it were Janis: go on then Jimmy: I said sorry for being 😒 and having my own personal 🌧 over my head the way I would if you were really pissed off with me now Janis: what a nightmare Janis: making you say sorry all the time Jimmy: *not enough of the time Janis: not the kind of mate I'm trying to be Jimmy: why not? Janis: bit naggy Janis: bit more stepmum energy, that Jimmy: that weren't your reaction how I remember it Jimmy: might just be that the Sharons have done a shit job at giving out the right #energy Janis: I know it weren't Janis: weren't that drunk that night, if at all Jimmy: bit busy sorting that lass out for trying to make you look a twat Janis: n trying to hop on your dick, yeah Jimmy: that's every lass Janis: no need to flex, I've heard, like Jimmy: no need to 1. make it about me when it were about you 2. call me a lightweight Janis: 1. everything is about me, far as you're concerned baby 💕 2. clearly not as your 🧠 so clear Jimmy: clearly were saying you dunno what I do or don't remember a bit ago when you reckon you barely drank owt Janis: maybe you've got a shit memory Janis: not gonna assume nothing Jimmy: 👴💔 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: what? Janis: you're being irritating again Janis: what's your point? Jimmy: how am I? Janis: I don't know, just being pedantic and saying shit you know I'm not saying Jimmy: bollocks Janis: this is what I mean Janis: what's wrong, just come out with it Jimmy: nowt's wrong with me, I dunno what you mean Janis: alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: rewind then Janis: before you were using emojis solely to chat Jimmy: before we met's a bit far, Judith Janis: well they ain't my idea Janis: 💃💅🛍😘☕🍸💖 Janis: #inspo Jimmy: I get it, you want full verses Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [writes her a decent poem cos just that bitch] Janis: where'd you steal that from Janis: I can't find it on google Jimmy: you won't Jimmy: it's from my 🧠 Janis: just now? Jimmy: sound more surprised, dickhead Jimmy: you chucked me loads of #inspo Janis: I am, sorry, like Janis: how do you do that Jimmy: what? Janis: say such Janis: 🤯 things Jimmy: just pissing about, me Janis: it's a skill Janis: you could use it for evil Janis: if you wanted Jimmy: have used it for 💰 Jimmy: at my school before Janis: yeah? Janis: 👏 Jimmy: no dickhead's gone above 🥔 prints Jimmy: had to do something to make it less grim Janis: you and your 🎨 temperament Janis: should do it here Janis: 💰s a 💰 Jimmy: massive language barrier Jimmy: don't 🗨 paddy Janis: gutted Janis: I'd help but Janis: need emotions and shit for that Jimmy: to proofread? Janis: yeah Janis: ❓❗ me Jimmy: nowt but going over it with a green 🖋 is it? Janis: depends how 💕 these notes are gonna be Jimmy: depends how 💰 they are Janis: so you'll do homework as well, sick notes? Jimmy: homework's a bit far Jimmy: unless it's about Bill obvs Janis: obvs Janis: you should do it Janis: you piss it out easy, evidenced loads of times Jimmy: know how to piss out a website and ads an' all, tah sir Jimmy: it's like he knew Janis: what a babe Janis: guardian 😇 Janis: don't put it on 💀👑 site, be a dead giveaway Jimmy: she'd have me doing 💌 for daddy Jimmy: talk about piss easy 😍🤤🤤 Jimmy: xoxo 👻 boy Janis: keep it professional, babe Janis: she'll never pay if you sound as thirsty as you do Jimmy: she'd never pay Janis: 😏 cold dead hands Jimmy: would need your 💪 Janis: I'd LOVE to fuck her up Jimmy: not just her, any twat who's 💰 shy Janis: you reckon I'll be 😢? Jimmy: *😁 Janis: exactly Janis: ☁team Jimmy: SUCH a ☀ you Jimmy: 💔 you're not here Janis: how cold are you? Jimmy: how northern am I? Janis: stubborn* Janis: pretty damn stubborn Jimmy: *💪 Jimmy: VERY is right Janis: I won't disagree Janis: everyone's 👀 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: it's rude Jimmy: why? Janis: I can't look at you ALL the time Jimmy: can if you want Janis: can't right now Jimmy: 📷 Janis: but then the second problem becomes the first Jimmy: ? Janis: can't touch you Jimmy: you've got your perfect 💭 recall from when you did Janis: have to do Jimmy: I'll 🏃 Jimmy: race the 🚍 back Janis: very classics Janis: bit after Bill's time but he's down Jimmy: are you? Janis: you know I miss you Jimmy: not what I asked Janis: it'd keep you warm Jimmy: not for long if your mum won't have me through the door Janis: she's got loads of kids, won't notice one more Janis: you can come, if you wanna Jimmy: alright Janis: I want you too Jimmy: then I'll be there in a bit Jimmy: he'll be chuffed to have his car again Janis: yeah Janis: wanna take it for one last ride though Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: I know Janis: redundant Jimmy: I get it, you just wanna hear it from me Janis: naturally Jimmy: it's a yeah, never not a yeah to you Janis: 💀 me Jimmy: as promised Janis: s'all I want Jimmy: so slowly, so painfully Janis: shit Jimmy: if you can't feel the whole 🔪 we'll just have another go Janis: death by a thousand cuts might seem a bit ambitious Janis: but I've got trust in you Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Janis: you are Jimmy: you Janis: but you Jimmy: you heard me Jimmy: you're Janis: you're more Janis: whatever you were going to say Jimmy: that's just you Jimmy: more than I can 🗨 Janis: but you make me feel so Jimmy: I should be fuming that you make me feel owt but there's no room for bollocks like that Janis: yeah Janis: like, I should care, be careful Janis: but I don't and I can't Jimmy: fuck it Jimmy: nowt matters but this Janis: fuck it Janis: if you're alright with it, so am I Jimmy: you're all I want Janis: then I'm yours Jimmy: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: I've got no words for what that felt like Janis: but 👍 not 👎 Janis: yeah? Jimmy: like the twist of a 🔪 Jimmy: 🥇👍 Janis: good Janis: you're welcome Jimmy: I'll never get there if you keep being so Janis: It's hard being quiet when there's so much I could say to make you Janis: but I will Jimmy: it's hard being quiet Janis: you don't have to be, do you? Jimmy: not the one on a packed 🚍 but Janis: I've got loads of practice Jimmy: I'm not putting it on my list but take your 🏆 Janis: you don't have to Janis: when we get to mine, there's places we can be as loud as we want Jimmy: okay Janis: warm, comfortable places Janis: don't worry Jimmy: Oi Janis: I know, you're VERY 💪 and even more Northern Janis: but I want you to feel comfortable before I kill you Jimmy: don't be making out that owt worries me but how fucking far into the middle of nowt you live Janis: I know, it's very inconvenient Janis: miss his car, like Jimmy: why didn't I just come with you? fuck's sake Janis: same reasons I didn't stay with you Jimmy: 🥇💡 us Janis: Don't tell the fans Janis: so disappointed Jimmy: far as they know we're never apart Janis: if only, babes Jimmy: 💭🥺 Janis: I am more bored Janis: when you aren't about Jimmy: that it? Jimmy: the full scale of your feelings Janis: shh Jimmy: you're less 😳 when I'm not about Jimmy: greatest 💔 this town's ever had to go through Janis: if anyone wants to disagree I'll 🥺 at them Jimmy: What kind of dickhead would dare? It's the sort of 🎨 that ain't subjective, soz Janis: you'll have to let 'em know Jimmy: 📢 OI Janis: 😂 just like that Jimmy: know what I'm doing, me Janis: you don't need to tell me Janis: but I am going to need you to show me again, like right fucking now please Jimmy: seeing as you were so polite about it, my dear Jimmy: what can I do for you right fucking now? Janis: just Janis: tell me you feel it too Janis: how much you wish I was there, or you was here Jimmy: I feel it Jimmy: the fans aren't the only dickheads 🤞 we were together all the time Janis: not my fault everyone else is shit Jimmy: 🤏 your fault you're not but Janis: you're not even meant to be here Jimmy: 👻 barely am, it's alright Janis: no it's not Janis: but I don't care Jimmy: it is, we can just Janis: just Jimmy: stick together Janis: yeah Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🤝 Janis: makes sense Jimmy: good Jimmy: how much I like having you about is too much of a copout for the list Janis: when you're gone Janis: be more of a test Janis: always about now, like Jimmy: we're going together so ⚰ budge up dickhead Janis: shared enough single beds with you to manage Jimmy: might wanna stretch out a bit for the afterlife Janis: double plot?! 😱🥴 Janis: can only dream Jimmy: 👑 Janis: chuck ourselves off the same bridge, loads of room to swim about Jimmy: 🧜🏽 Janis: know I beat you so bad boxing day but it's okay Janis: can't drown once you're 💀 Jimmy: bollocks did you Jimmy: could've broken all my ribs and I'd still 🏆 Janis: the fact you've brought up your handicap speaks 🔊 Jimmy: of how 💪🥇 I am Janis: 👌 Jimmy: you're done being nice now, I get it Jimmy: 🦈 Janis: you don't like it when I'm nice really Jimmy: don't I? Janis: nah Janis: do you? Jimmy: you reckon you know my ✔ Jimmy: no need to answer Janis: if you wanna be my mate you clearly don't ✔ nice very highly Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: you were talking bollocks when going on about how nice you ALWAYS are to me Janis: by my standards Janis: too nice Janis: but by everyone else's, not winning no 😇🏆 Jimmy: 1. I give out the 🏆 2. no fucker else has any standards around here Janis: what's your verdict then Jimmy: on how nice you are or how much I rate it? Janis: both Jimmy: what's my verdict on you asking questions you know the answer to, more like Janis: 😳 you Jimmy: you Janis: tell me how nice I am, go on 😏 Jimmy: make me Janis: 🥺🥺 Jimmy: it don't work without your 👀 Janis: [🥺 selfie] Jimmy: rude Janis: no, I'm nice Jimmy: it'd be nice if you were here and I could just Janis: what would you do Jimmy: you know what Jimmy: I'm nice Janis: yeah Janis: I can say it Jimmy: might do but you can't take a compliment Janis: psh Jimmy: alright so if I 🗨 nobody's ever been this nice to me, you won't be 😳😳? Janis: maybe a 🤏 but you don't need to know Jimmy: I want to though Jimmy: your 😳 is high on my list Janis: because it makes me look so 🤓 Jimmy: it makes us even Janis: [adorable nerdiness] Jimmy: might not remember when I got on the 🚗 to tell you the story of being a twat but I do and when it happened an' all Jimmy: 😳 before it were 😎 me Jimmy: it's just something you can do, Janet 🏆👏🌹 Jimmy: to be fuming about but I'm not Janis: Then you won't be mad that I do remember Jimmy: 'course you do, you were 🙀 I were gonna fall off Janis: 'scuse me for not wanting to watch you get injured when I could have the pleasure of doing it myself Janis: not Lucas Jimmy: compared to him you're a saint Jimmy: but don't worry I won't let your shit nan know Janis: just not a watch in the cupboard type Janis: I wouldn't bring up the subject, she might assault you or something Jimmy: can't have that or any more time off work 🤐 Janis: 💔 Janis: the world needs it's caffeine and it's eyecandy Janis: can't be selfish like Jimmy: direct your 🎻🎻 @ my manager SO hard done by that I didn't do boxing day he's given me every shite shift going til we're in school Janis: what a prick Janis: what shifts will he be working, I wonder Jimmy: there you go with the questions you know the answers to, girl Jimmy: if it weren't a full time job pissing off Ian, what with him being so easy going and it taking ages to do his head in, I'd add him to the hit list an' all Janis: fair, did do that one for effect, babe Janis: they'll send him off to some over shithole and you'll have a new one in a month, s'what they do with managers, yeah Janis: not worth the 🕖 or 💪 Janis: other* Jimmy: 💔 it ain't what they do with Ian's role within his company Janis: a good sex pest is hard to come by Janis: keeping tight hold, like Jimmy: every other dickhead stopping at stealing 🖋s Jimmy: pisstake Janis: he must be good at whatever the fuck he's actually meant to be doing besides 👀🖐 Janis: try to be selective so we don't have no more famines n shit Jimmy: @iantaylor8 for the Q&A Janis: think I'm 😍 for accounts Janis: no tah Jimmy: 👍 Janis: you're gonna have to offer me something more to pretend to be 😍 for your dad, soz Jimmy: I'm alright for you not fake dating him an' all Janis: good Janis: not seeing how that would EVER make him wanna leave anyway Janis: such a delight Jimmy: when you 💔 him duh Jimmy: but it's still a no tah Janis: think of some way before resorting to that Jimmy: I'd stay before that Janis: I appreciate it Jimmy: me an' all that you don't wanna fuck my dad Janis: 🤢 Jimmy: right Janis: you don't look that alike Jimmy: I'll take that compliment Janis: you can definitely have it Jimmy: that'll be the nicest thing you've ever said to me Jimmy: even if I were about forever Janis: bit sly to challenge me to compliment you loads Janis: 🥰 you Jimmy: 😏 Janis: he's clearly just pissed he's past it, and weren't as 😎 as you to begin with Jimmy: we're all 💔🎻😭 he gave his best years to Debbie when there's loads of Sharons cracking on with doing their roots as we 🗨 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: *😢 I know Janis: yet again, SUCH a shame my ma's a natural blonde Janis: been a widow for ages, give him some tips Jimmy: for her Jimmy: what a bloody catch she's missed out on there Janis: 💔🎻😭 all over again Janis: 'tis the season Jimmy: 🤞 they've taken the mistletoe down in his office Janis: can he hang on 'til NYE Janis: such a lad, it seems unlikely Jimmy: the things that Q&A would be full of if you'd only crack on, girl Janis: I'm naturally curious, don't be rude Jimmy: 💀💀💀😼 Janis: you saw all the fuckers Janis: just more siblings Jimmy: and I had to tell our kid all their names Janis: 😏 Janis: unlucky Jimmy: you gonna stop pissing about and get fluent or what 🤓? Janis: oi Janis: give me a break, it hasn't ACTUALLY been that long, remember Jimmy: I get it, I'm no Mr Lucas 😭😭😭 Janis: who is Janis: 🏆 lifetime achievement best teacher ever Janis: anyway, I like it when you talk, remember Janis: only so much your brother and me need to 🗨 about Jimmy: I were more thinking about you pulling your weight when him and Libi 🗨 but alright Janis: how long did it take to learn it Janis: actually Janis: obviously you didn't before 👶 Jimmy: no different from learning any other, how good's your spanish? Jimmy: it's about how much you bother, have to every day Janis: makes sense, not like it's optional Janis: and my Spanish is pretty shit, Lucas don't teach it 💔 Janis: it's like Portuguese but barely know any of that either, shit nan being predictably shit Jimmy: what about 🍀? Janis: little better Janis: did offer my services in good faith earlier Jimmy: to answer your Q, still get things wrong and he's been about and deaf for ages Jimmy: but it says fluent on the CV, nowt else matters Janis: 👌 Janis: long as you got the basics down, he ain't 💀 any time soon Janis: might try it with my cousin Janis: she don't speak Jimmy: bring her on the playdate long as Libi won't be 💔 Jimmy: our kid could have a teaching 🏆 an' all Janis: her ma probably won't have that Janis: not Libi stealing my phone to come up with the excuses there Jimmy: she the one from church? Janis: 💀 crew's oldest member, yeah Jimmy: next time there's a catholic occasion, we'll steal the kid Jimmy: can't really stop us, her Janis: 🦴 as a weapon? Jimmy: better bring the 🐕 in case Janis: 💡🥇 Janis: alright, I'm down Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: you off that fucking 🚍 yet or what? Janis: how far have you even got Jimmy: if it was real 💕 you'd have got off to 🏃 an' all Jimmy: have met me in the middle Janis: thank god it's fake Janis: don't need us both aimlessly 🏃 about Janis: but I'm basically back now, so I will keep a 👀 out Jimmy: have a 🥃 if you've got owt left from that 🎁 dunno where I am Janis: put your location on so I can santa-track you Janis: know what you and 🐑 are like, you'll get well off track and well distracted Jimmy: nowt to do with your 👀 OBVS Jimmy: [does put his location on] Jimmy: Where am I then? Janis: you can compliment me when you're nearer Janis: well done for being in the right county Janis: 🤔 okay, hang on Jimmy: 🍻 Janis: I'm gonna get your dad's car and come find you Janis: may as well Jimmy: that's how lost I am 😒 Janis: that bus takes long enough Janis: I wanna see you now Jimmy: alright Janis: you didn't fuck up that horrifically Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it's even more classics that you're lost Janis: very goals Janis: really should pick you up on horse but fuck that Jimmy: fake a 🐴 when we tweet it, be alright Janis: as long as you're not feeling let down Jimmy: NEVER Janis: good Janis: so ✨ you Jimmy: I just wanna see you an' all Janis: 👀 at me long as you like Jimmy: very subtle challenge Janis: yeah, 'cos that's all I want Jimmy: need an even longer lens to stalk you from the north Jimmy: make the most of my 😍 dickhead Janis: 😒 Jimmy: what? Janis: nothing 'cept someone just got off at my stop so I might be about to be murdered Jimmy: Oi, I ain't falling for that again Jimmy: you're too 💪🏆🥇 baby, weren't that what you wanted me to say about the mugging? Janis: ugh Janis: so tough being this tough Jimmy: whoever that dickhead is can't 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: not part of the plan Janis: I'll let 'em know you said so Jimmy: 📢 OI Jimmy: my victim, piss off Janis: **fake girlfriend Jimmy: *best mate I've ever had Janis: oi Jimmy: ? Janis: meant to be scaring off weirdos, not being soft Jimmy: just claiming you, Jessica, if you wanted to be pissed on, you should've said Janis: got to draw the line somewhere Jimmy: I'll chuck you a pen Jimmy: can stab that prick with it after Janis: 🧛👅🩸 Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: don't fill up on him Janis: come on Janis: I could never get enough of you Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: Baby Janis: I don't want anyone else Jimmy: control your 🩸 lust for a bit longer, tah very much Jimmy: you can have all mine Janis: you know you've got all of mine Jimmy: hurry up and come here Janis: I am, I swear Jimmy: on what? Janis: my 👀s? Jimmy: both of them? Jimmy: if I have to craft you an eye patch I might as well fucking sign up for Pinterest Jimmy: be that mum Janis: do you have a preference? Janis: bit weird Jimmy: is it? Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you do not Janis: you're taking the piss now Jimmy: am I? Jimmy: not telling you now, mate Janis: 😣 Jimmy: do you want me to have a favourite one? Janis: that's no sort of answer Jimmy: it's a question for you to answer, so go on Janis: I don't think you do Janis: but I wouldn't be mad if you did Jimmy: it's the one on my left Janis: I'm gonna have to stop to look Janis: and then look at yours when you get here Jimmy: no #hate to the other one Jimmy: it's just Janis: you're just Jimmy: I don't know how to explain Janis: you don't need to Janis: I get it Jimmy: might be able to get your head round it if you have a look Jimmy: no good with words, me Janis: it IS weird but I feel it too Janis: I've 👀 at you enough to have favourites and 👀 things that it feels Janis: 😳 to admit to noticing Jimmy: I thought you were gonna say you'd looked at yourself enough to have a favourite eye Janis: charming 😂 Jimmy: probably don't spread that about, babe Jimmy: I mean, I get it, if I were you'd I'd be in the mirror all the time an' all but Janis: you know what you look like Janis: #bigheadconfirmed Jimmy: I never said I don't look at myself loads in every shiny surface of the CG Jimmy: what else am I gonna 👀 @ the customers?! I'm alright for that Janis: don't blame you Janis: obvs Jimmy: so go on, you said you've got favs Janis: I am not giving you them all Janis: right now Jimmy: one for one Janis: fair enough Janis: your freckles Janis: the ones on your back, especially but all of them Jimmy: you should've said before now, I'd have chucked you a pen for them an' all Jimmy: be a bit rude of me to do it to yours Janis: I can use my hands Janis: not that I scratch with purpose or intent Jimmy: 🎨 Janis: I should 📸 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I won't get a weird close up of your eye or owt though Janis: do what you like Janis: just leave it off the feed if it ain't #goals Jimmy: whatever we do is #goals Janis: just too good Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: alright, I'm getting near, stay still now Jimmy: 😎🚬 Jimmy: though that does sound like you're 🙀🙀 of sudden movements Janis: just mean don't keep walking and walk right past me/into the headlights tah Jimmy: not how you wanna 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: I'll leave it out Janis: you'll be glad you did Jimmy: never been a letdown, you Janis: don't need to big me up until I prove it Jimmy: I'm only saying you have, not that you don't have to keep doing it Janis: have to? Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I said what I said Janis: [turn up] Janis: get in Jimmy: [does obvs but not before opening her car door and kissing her because simply must] Janis: [pulling him into the car on your side so you're both in the driver's seat now, having a moment] Jimmy: [fully support that wherever you are rn] Jimmy: [telling her he's missed her in between kisses when he's capable of forming words that don't just come out as sounds, we've probably had to have a few attempts at it lol] Janis: [she's not going to be any better so don't you worry boy, probably just keep saying 'I' and 'you' and not finishing any sentences here] Jimmy: [it's a mood and we all know it, like he's been drinking from Ian's stash but not enough that we can run away with ourselves, he's already said a lot of feelsy shit here, we see you and your fave eye sir] Janis: [we've said a lot without saying it in a way that seems serious af but we know honey we know] Jimmy: [not even doing it deliberately so it hurts more when she runs away, the feels are just naturally high and things be progressing] Janis: [mhmm, damn you shit nan, why you gotta ruin it] Jimmy: [she can't, you'll get back to this lads and beyond it] Janis: [that's true] Janis: [for now, stay in this car as long as you wanna, then go back to the cali gaff and live your best life some more] Jimmy: [soz fam that they can't bear to be separated] Janis: [its lowkey a good thing anyway, you can take the car to work/back to Ian, at least she's at home, like we all know you'll take that] Jimmy: [we all just want you to be happy hen] Janis: [though we are suspish/triggered by you Jimothy, we're not wilding yet Jimmy: [soz about that Jimothy, Liam really did you dirty] Janis: [oh lads, the fact we'll never really know the truth of that whole situ] Jimmy: [we really did something there, I love us] Janis: [do you think anyone would watch the tapes before Libi? 'cos like Ali would wanna but wouldn't but I could make a case that Ruster MIGHT, which would be drama] Jimmy: [oooh yeah good point, I do like the idea of that drama because I am rude] Janis: ['cos they could still come away from it thinking he was just a stalker or whatever we want] Janis: [but it would potentially give some closure before Libi is old enough to watch and understand 'cos they'd clearly love each other] Jimmy: [yeah agreed, I definitely think there's a lot of potential there with what they could take away from viewing all those vids] Janis: [okay, noted for later honeybuns] Janis: [is there anything we wanna vibe for tonight] Jimmy: [I think we've done a lot and this is probably getting long] Janis: [coolio hun]

[heavenlydrarry]

professor!harry x professor!draco

- after harry got his NEWTs and completed his auror training and even worked as an auror for a bunch of years, he decided to leave his job

- mainly because as an auror he was never in the same place for too long and he hated that

- all he wanted in his life was a little bit of stability and a sense of belonging

- he and ginny had parted ways, he had not wanted ginny to hold onto the thought of him when he was swaddled in his grief and away for a good part of their time together

- as soon as the wizarding world heard that harry was no longer an auror and possibly looking for a job, minerva mcgonagall did not hesitate to contact him

- a job was offered and come the new hogwarts year, harry potter was going to be the new defence against the dark arts professor at hogwarts

- as the daily prophet reported “who better to teach dada than the only person alive who had defeated the dark lord more than once”

- ron and hermione were happy that harry was happy although ron was kind of sad to see his auror partner leave

-  once harry got to hogwarts, he learned that he wasnt the only hogwarts teacher his age

- he had expected all the other professors to be way older than him, kind of like mcgonagall and flitwick

- much to his surprise though, neville and draco malfoy were also there

- neville as the herbology teacher (sprout had decided to decrease her workload and only teach first and second years) and malfoy as the potions teacher (slughorn had been more than happy to return to his home and not teach anymore)

- harry’s first few nights at hogwarts weren’t his best

- he hadn’t been there after the war, having been allowed to take the NEWTs from elsewhere and now the bad memories from the war were surfacing again

- he couldn’t really sleep well, the nightmares terrorising him

- it wasn’t just the war though

- harry’s living quarters had been lupins quarters when lupin taught there and harry’s thoughts were filled with lupin and tonks and his godson teddy, who like harry had to grow up without his parents to take care of him

- after a terrible first couple of nights, harry decided to roam around the castle, hoping that it would make him sleepy

- unknowingly he had wandered around and made his way to the kitchens

- as soon as he entered, he saw malfoy, sitting at a table with a mug of what looked like hot chocolate in front of him

- not wanting to make it awkward, harry made a move to turn around and leave

- but it seemed to be too late because one of the elves had noticed harry and guided him to malfoy’s table, forcing him into the seat opposite malfoy

- “cant sleep, potter?”

- malfoy’s question seemed genuine and not at all malicious like harry had somehow expected

- harry shook his head and the two of them lapsed into a slightly awkward but agreeable silence

- they sat there in the silence until one of them had finished their mug and decided to go back to sleep

- this continued for a while and it took weeks for the two of them to actually talk

- not the lame “hey how are you ding?” but an actual meaningful conversation

- “i never actually got to thank you for saving my life, twice” malfoy had said one day, breaking their silence

- “it was the right thing to do” harry had replied nonchalantly

- and for that night, nothing else was said, or needed to be said

- slowly, the two of them started opening up to each other and their conversation, that was awfully stiff in the beginning, was flowing more naturally than it ever had

- harry started looking forward to his nights in the kitchen with malfoy, a routine that brought peace to his mind

- and although the difference was very subtle, harry had also noticed that his nightmares weren’t as severe as they used to be

- the work of the blonde haired man the spent his nights in the kitchen with

- little did he know though, that their nightly routine had also been helping malfoy

- malfoy had been having less nightmares and more dreams of those bright green eyes and that messy black hair since the two of them started having conversations and not just sitting there silently and uncomfortably

- the two of them talk about everything under the sun, their appreciation for the subjects they’re teaching, their childhood, their friends and even their love lives

- (or lack there of)

- harry had explained what happened between ginny and him and draco told him about how hadn’t really met anyone after hogwarts and that he even rejected marrying astoria greengrass

- they don’t know how it happened, when it happened or even who started it, but their meetings had become more and more frequent and not just in the night

- draco would take harry out to wizarding places that he would have regularly visited as a child and harry took draco to some of his favourite places in muggle london 

- (harry particularly liked museums and parks in muggle london because no one ever noticed him and he enjoyed that)

- they had been strolling in hyde park on a regular saturday morning, their fingers occasionally brushing against one another when harry decided that it was time he finally call upon his gryffindor courage

- the next time their fingers made contact, harry slyly entwined their fingers together and finally holding hands with draco

- to be honest, harry hadn’t really known what he felt for malfoy, until he had fire called hermione one day who literally called him the biggest butt-brain ever and told him that he likes malfoy

- (harry had always been pretty oblivious to his feelings for anyone but this was new for him)

- to his suprise, draco didn’t slap him, or even pull away like he had expected

- that evening, draco had accompanied harry to his quarters, and just before harry went into his room, draco tugged slightly at his hand making harry turn around

- to harry, what happened next was very unexpected and surprising but it also made his stomach fill with butterflies and his heart beat like crazy

- draco pressed his lips very slightly against harry’s before pulling away, whispering a very soft “night, harry” and leaving

---

wow this was way too long and cheesy and cute

brb gonna die now

link to pt 2

[deltastorm101]

tuesday, january 18. i am now quarantined. mild symptoms, need to wait for the pcr test result before i can leave the house again; gonna write a little log.

day 1: i had cake in the fridge. had. past tense.

day 2: my neighbour just knocked and said if i needed anything i could ask him and he’d help omg i lov him. i may already be halfway through a series i started watching today. i am developing an unprecedented love for white tea; total teabag count across the entire quarantine so far: 5

day 2.5: i had a huge box of chocolates in the pantry. had. past tense. teabag count: 8

day 3: i am not feeling bad about not keeping up a sleep schedule; for once, i kid you not, for the first time in YEARS i’m not feeling bad about watching netflix all day and not getting shit done because i am literally not allowed to do more. teabag count: 12. love is stored in the scorching hot bowl of fresh risotto. my symptoms have disappeared for some reason?? started playing ghostrunner. it’s pretty DAMN hard, had to rage quit after like 20 minutes lol. i never rage quit. this sucks.

day 3.75: i had another box of chocolates in the pantry... yup you guessed it.

day 4: number 1 thought that kept me up last night: “do people think i’m an asshole because i do the devil’s advocate thing so often”. time has been blurring further. monday could have been on tuesday, or maybe yesterday, or maybe both. test result’s supposed to come in today but if everyone leaves early for the weekend it’s possible i’ll be here until monday. slowly but surely i am in need of some groceries. teabag count: 14

day 4.66: NEGATIVE. ahhh. let me tell you, i absolutely detest running but fuck do i need to go for a run right now brb

conclusion: yes, a 4 day quarantine is in fact enough to acquire a noticeable amount of psychic damage and make you utter an orgasmic sigh at the runny nose the icy -2°C wind gives you while your heart rate goes above 90 bpm for the first time in 75 hours. not that i counted or anything.