#like sure the FRAMEWORK is there
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#man do ever feel like#insubstantial as a human being#like sure the FRAMEWORK is there#you kinda look the part#but if someone peels back the paper mache theyre just gonna find out youre like#empty inside#theres nothing of note going on in there and of they tried to grab the shell of you#you'd just crumple#yknow?#but you make most of the right noises and youve figured out most of the right gestures and youre very good at pretending#that theres a weight to your existence#so like youre kinda passably living but its not substantial#and theres just barely enough there for anyone to grab onto#but its not much to work with yknow?#so its just. uncomfortable for everyone involved. but how else are you supposed to do this?#you have to exist SOMEHOW#anyways NO i havent eaten dinner yet yes that will PROBABLY make me feel better#but the weight of existence is a lot and its my god given right to bitch about it
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sorry i wanna shut up abt it but. yuno is a complex and morally grey character and i lover her. her murder isn't morally grey at all. milgram exists to judge murders that cannot be 'correctly' judged by law, murders that are 'morally grey'. yuno wasn't put in milgram just to judge if we think abortion is forgivable, because we'd only need 1 trial to say our view on that, but still, from a lore stand point, a miscarriage shouldn't be something that'd end up in milgram, especially given the circumstances for it (got tired and fell??). though i believe abortion should be 100% allowed no matter the circumstance, if they wanted to write a morally grey murder involving abortion they could've easily done it in so many ways while still not making it the only thing abt her character and yet they made the murder itself the least morally grey thing in existence. why
#mukupost#now mlgram cares more abt having a fun experiment than sticking to whatever rules but still. she fell over ??#and its not even like theyd be doing a 'oh she wants to be unforgiven bc of guilt but what she did wasnt even her fault!! what will u do?'#bc her wanting to be unforgiven is a very recent development! her guilt is a very recent development!#idkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. i dont get u mlgram. in lore establishment mlgram what r u doing#feels like im gonna accidentally step on a bug one day and be put in the torture chamber for it....#at this point just throw away the whole 'judging murderers' thing and. idk. im sure they can find a better framework for their experiments#just. why. why ?#reveal so confusing it got me kinning mikoto
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Me-typical niche complaint here but I notice with a lot of historical fiction/fantasy settings by Indie Queer Creators, if they engage with the concept of sex work at all via their protagonists hiring sex workers it VERY OFTEN goes either like 'they actually just hire them to hang out (no sex) and everyone at their local brothel loves them' or 'they're actually SOOO nice and so good at fucking that everyone at their local brothel loves them' and it's just like. I don't know if there's something actually questionable about this and what it says about the author's perception of sex work that I'm failing to articulate or if it's just corny as fuck but man I hate it
#It's like simultaneously not wanting to engage with the often ugly reality of sex work in the historical context but also lampshading it#by having your protagonist be like an outstandingly good client/some warped ideal of 'morally pure'#Not suggesting you have to do the exact reverse and make it a horrific situation I just kind of want to see situations that are#utterly banal where your protagonist is one of dozens of clients that a worker has sex with because that is their job.#Probably not all that significant to them.#You can still use that framework to explore whatever you're trying to explore by including it to begin#Like if they're grappling with loneliness or exploring their sexuality or whatever the fuck#without tripping over yourself to make sure your audience knows your character is one of the Good Ones#It can just be like. Morally neutral
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every time someone mentions the way music-related algorithms work in the best interests of major labels pushing their artists for their own gain and therefore are often embedded with bias and cut off new avenues of discovery everyone comes out of the woodwork to mention "well, anecdotally to my specific circumstance, I've discovered (5) new artists with sub-one thousand regular listeners completely detached from any information or scene or cohesive idea of taste on my weekly currated playlists so therefore algorithms actually work amazing" like what are you talking about. can we be serious please.
#the actual organization of genre and optimization on spotify is actually interesting- like what artists similar people like#but daily mixes and popular playlists are functionally useless at discovery if you have any familiarity with music/genre history#like the problem with a faceless disconnected rec from an algorithm is you you lose a very human sense of context/place#like even when a friend or professional critic reccs you something you have a framework to interact with#their taste your taste and if you know them their interaction with your taste and what they know about you as well as your mutual interests#while critics are not designed to be your personal validation machines actually theyre supposed to be someone who you can calibrate a rec#from. or you can glean additional context based on whether they liked something or not#none of that happens on a random currated list of songs! you dont know what part of your taste its responding to for instance#like sure you have an aggregate of bands you've been given. but no real connective tissue. no personal connection. not even basic details!#no wonder so many people are unmoored from history. b/the classic canon or even the particularities of a subculture they supposedly are int#my posts
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When you idly think about Celegorm possibly being most like Nerdanel of all the sons of Feanor, and then you start thinking about Nerdanel getting a post-Darkening moral decay arc all of her own to mirror her son(s)'s.
#tolkien#san shoots the breeze#Like. My central celegorm thesis is that he becomes what he becomes because he has a specific moral/social worldview#that is actually heavily based on 1) common cultural understanding of said worldview and 2) direct positive intervention from the valar#like he is an acolyte of a specific god and that goes with specific rights and responsibilities for everyone involved#and once the noldor arrive in beleriand that specific framework *collapses*#because the valar can't be fucked and the amanyar don't have the same religious&cultural expectations#so he upholds his end of the bargain as long as he can (both emotionally and materially)#but when it all collapses (structural damage from what happened to ardehel#and then complete collapse from the bragollach) he breaks HARD#and I think there's space for something similar with Nerdanel#who was likely raised in fairly close contact with aule and who stays faithful to the valar as feanor starts to go off the rails#who makes all the 'right' choices! and her reward is the obliteration of her family#and quite likely at least some degree of social ostracization for her association with her husband and children#not sure what her final straw would be though#...possibly it could be celebrimbor's capture and death actually. hm.#Anyway! I just think Nerdanel should be viciously violently angry with basically everyone for at LEAST a century but likely longer
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#I'm still waiting for the formal offer letter but let me tell you how i got this job#a hiring manager reached out to me on LinkedIn asking if I'd be interested in the team he's building#so i was like yeah I'll throw my hat in#i had an easy coding screen with him (valid palindrome lol)#then i had a screen with another manager around QA practices#then i went through four more interviews as part of a 'final loop'#one was a more difficult coding question. one was design a test framework. one was QA-behavorial#and the other was communication + collab behavorial#each of those six interviews was a 45 minute video call btw#this all took like. three months lmfao#then a week after that i heard back that they didn't want me for that role#but that one of the guys i interviewed with is a hiring manager on an adjacent team and he really liked me#when i looked back at my notes sure enough that guy is the one who ended our call with 'i hope i get to work with you!' lol#so they wanted to put me for this other slightly less technical role#and i was like yeah sure why not i liked that guy too lol#so the next day i had one final interview with a senior leader asking about my priorization and conflict resolution skills#which makes sense since this is a more cross-functional communication role with lots of talking to developers#and that guy was awesome and definitely someone I'd work for#so a few days later i got the verbal offer!#i will also add that during all of this i also went to the final stage for a different team at the same company#but was plain out rejected from that one lol#plus i did beginning screens for two other roles as well and didnt make it as far#all this to say i did like... over a dozen interviews with this company since October lol#and i studied like CRAZY. i spent hours on leetcode and hours putting together stories from my experience#i worked very very very hard and it finally fucking paid off!!!!!#back in october i said to my wife 'i want to get a job at (company). i think that will be my goal now.'#and she was like lol ok. but i kept getting interviews and studying for them#working harder than i ever did in college even lmao. and she was like oh wait you're really serious#and then she helped me sooooo much by taking care of the kids while i studied and stuff like that#but yeah i did it. i put my mind to it and i fucking did it!!!!!
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is there any hope for me at all if im a virgin at 23? if i tried hard enough i could probably lose it- i wipe my ass and know how to read, which puts me ahead of most men- but my gender dysphoria gives me such a massive disconnect from myself and my body that i dont think i know myself well enough to be a good partner to someone, either in a short-term sexual encounter or a long-term romantic relationship. and honestly, i just dont want to have sex as a man, but i lack the material conditions to transition, so im stuck. i feel like its a moral failing that im a virgin this late in my life, like no matter what my actual feelings or opinions are, im no better than the most terminally online neet. i dont know if i even actually want sex or if i just want to have it so i can feel equal to my peers. idk. im sorry for dumping this in your inbox but i like how mean you are and im kinda hoping that youre just gonna tell me to kill myself lol
Took me a while to compose the response I wanted for this but I want to start off by saying there’s no wrong or right age to have sex for the first time, especially for us lgbts. Shit’s hard both out there and inside our heads and it doesn’t help that there’s immense societal expectations to lose your v card young. I have friends who are several years older than me and still waiting or they don’t experience attraction or they just want to focus on shit other than their sex lives and no matter what your reason is for not having lost it, it’s perfectly fine. Under no circumstances should you take my dumb fuckin horndog ass any sort of barometer for where you are in regards to your relationship with gender. Honestly, I know it feels like it sucks that you haven’t had any sexual experiences but from the way you described your gender issues that may be for the best, I have a lot of friends who hadn’t reconciled their identity yet and rushed into sexual relationships because they felt they needed to or it was expected and it really hurt them or set them back, I think inside the struggles you’ve been having is a good awareness you may not be in the right space right now for sex.
Sex is a tough one because everyone’s relationship to it is vastly different. I talk a lot about casual relationships and short flings but it’s not a one size fits all either so don’t let the way I talk about it influence how you want to approach your sex life, now or in the future.
Lastly, I’m not gonna tell you to kill yourself because despite appearances I am a less caustically hostile rude asshole now than I have been on here, we could charitably call it personal growth. You’re in a rough place in your life, just like a lot of our community, and that’s both perfectly understandable and not at all a moral failing. Ultimately, if you’re looking for a guide on sex I’m a bad person to come to because I have what I think for most people would be a pretty unhealthy relationship with it. It works for me and when it doesn’t I seek out longer, more serious relationships, but each person is different. Focus on yourself and doing the things you need to do to become more comfortable with yourself first and you’ll find that it unlocks sexuality in a huge way. For me, that unlocking came in high school when I realized I really fit in well with the freewheeling casual stuff, but like I’m sure I’ve said in here before, it’s not a one size fits all. You’re doing fine
#good on you with the ass wiping by the way women love a clean asshole#one thing that really helped was getting more in touch with my in person communities#both as a way of building some other lgbt contact and also really coming to terms with and defining my identity#I’m still not in a place where I could transition physically or socially (they don’t like tranny public school teachers)#but I am more comfortable with myself than ever#if you don’t really have a local community you can connect with try finding one that you gel with online#you’re gonna find that it helps to regularly speak and interact with people who can understand your framework and state of mind#I wish you the best anon#I’m sure this long ass response probably isn’t helpful and that’s because I’m bad at this shit#but I just wanna end this by saying you don’t ever need to be so hard on yourself#you’re fine#shit is weird and hard and takes time and it can be ugly#and you’re allowed to take the time to navigate through that
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not nonverbal, not verbal but a secret third thing
if anyone tells me its called speech loss Im going to scream incoherently until you can hear the blood in my throat. its not a fucking sock that disappeared in the dryer.
#incomprehensible nonsense speech#meaning and metaphor make nice new noise#actually autistic#I guess#getting worse on pupose#you know the Picasso quote?#where he's like it took me 12 years to paint like a master and the rest of my life to paint like a child?#something like that#spoke early#now things are .... complicated#mid support needs#or something like that#as much as I find the framework lacking#stack of meaning overlapping and losing sense#is my life a game to you?#*parot voice*#im sure thats not the right summary of the quote#btw
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yknow with tthe whole cc!kab rping an actual character rather than just being herself with extra steps thing i should prbs talk about her character in a different way compared to other lsers cause it feels wrong to talk about her in the same way that i do for the others when she plays in such a significantly different way
#ik its for practical purposes aka cc!kab not wanting to mistake ppl talking about her character to be talking about her#but man doing this whole cc! and c! thing is really just reminding me of the dsmp days lmao#i mean i never did that shit cause like i didnt really see the point cause like. theyre doing improv what difference would it make#cause like the character and the actor still share the same name online#how much can you really talk about someone doing improv in that kinda way until it doesnt work anymore#but theres a point to it this time#im not doing this for clarification purposes cause yall already know im not talking about irl kab#but cc!kab repeatedly breaks the forurth wall and not in an ''im a streamer so i gotta talk to chat'' way#but in a ''none of this is real guys were actually friends irl#and i make sure to do aftercare during heavy streams btw im trained in acting since i was a kid'' way#which means at least in my minds eye its heavily impractical to talk about kab the way i usually do for other streamers#see the way i talk about the other streamers theres an implicit acknowledgement of the blurred line between cc and c#but for kab while its all improv ofc theres a very defined line between cc and c#its a lil smudged sure but its still quite defined#so that implicit acknowledgement just kinda... gets lost. yanno? which im not a big fan of#so yeah i feel the need to talk about her differently cause of this entirely different framework to work off of#im not really sure how to do that besides adding cc! and ls! before her name#since usually in smps and mcyt in general theres a pretty similar meta rp style from all the members of a server#so i never really felt the need to talk about ome of the characters differently#but ofc ls had to be different it just had to lmao#but whatever ill figure it out#dont expect me to keep up with this when im triggered tho lmao cause thats just not happening#mine.txt#my posts
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idk if i actually ship sterek but it is the easy choice overall when it comes to teen wolf
#theres so much fic#im sure theres plenty of gen fic as well but shipping fic is easy to me cuz like it gives u an instant framework of how the storys gonna go#theres always gonna be a romance storyline for one. sometimes its the main focus sometimes its not but it will be there 👍 and lbr it will#be semi predictable. tbf a gen fic would also have a solid easy framework: a mystery#bc thats basically teen wolf babey. but considering the fandom gen fics feel harder to find so even if im not particularly into sterek#its just easier lol#teen wolf#mecore
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My brain whenever I read the word "ger":
#meme#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#gir is a jew btw. because i love him#also this show was the framework for a... good portion of my childhood#i'm not sure how ger is pronounced but i pronounce it like gir so that's why lmao#it's still insane to me that the guy who made johnny the homicidal maniac made a KIDS SHOW 😭😭😭#i follow him on twitter and he's just as weird there (affectionate)
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i hate yoko taro fans bc you give any criticism to anything he ever wrote and get a whole slew of smug arm-crossed dreamworks faced redditors going "uhm, im PRETTY sure thats supposed to be a subversion of x trope" like no that's just the trope. that's not even what a subversion is. what are you talking about
#gu6chan's musings#used yoko taro fans and not drakenier fans VERY intentionally here btw#drakengard#drag on dragoon#sometimes i wish he never made drakengard because they apply that entire philosophy to ALL his works and its like... that was one time.#not to say there AREN'T any (attempts at) subversion/deconstruction in his things outside dod1 but also just because he made a game with#that philosophy as its framework that doesn't mean every little thing he's laid a finger on is working off that sane framework lmao#anyways this was based off the one time i was attempting to play nier for the first time and ended up cackling at the whole kaine#petrification scene bc emil was going off about the power of friendship and i was like. sir. ive known you for 20 minutes calm the FUCK down#and this person was like 'ummm i think that's supposed to be a subversion of tropes like that'#and i was like??? what the FUCK are you on about bc two things#1. assuming you're right; how am i supposed to take any of this seriously or with any sincerity at ALL if the literal turning point of the#game is supposed to be like that#2. no the fuck it isn't lmao#another time this person was complaining that replicant felt too 'shonen-y' and all the commenters were saying the same thing 😭#'um; actually; im pretty sure its meant to be a SUBVERSION of shonen tropes!!! 🥺' like not to be that person but#WHY ARE THEY CONSTANTLY CALLING IT SUBVERSION WHEN DECONSTRUCTION IS RIGHT THERE??? not that it's either of those things but#these ppl do NOT know what they're talking about 😭 they just wanna feel intellectual and different sooo bad omg
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you guys know that "landlords are leeches get a real job" is a haha funny bit you say to illustrate the hypocrisy of the rhetoric surrounding work and what qualifies as 'contributing' to capitalist society and not a coherent leftist belief right? you guys are saying that because it's funny to watch landlords sputter to come up with a response to the kind of attitude they have always subjected tenants and renters to and not because you genuinely believe your worth is determined by the money you earn under capitalism, right? you understand that once you believe it is possible for someone (even landlords) to be a 'leech' on society if they arent working (or aren't working enough, or aren't doing the right kind of work, etc), this will bleed into the way you think of everyone else too, right? you guys know that legitimate and meaningful critiques of landlords are not and can never be based on whether or not they are working because that is irrelevant to the fact that they own property for the express purpose of charging other people for access to shelter, which is a basic human need and shouldnt be controlled by the whims of Some Guy just because its his name on the deed... right???
#good idea generator#preaching to the choir on this one for sure i just sometimes see interactions on this website that worry me#like babygirl what about people who cannot work due to circumstance ability or both? ppl who will NEVER work?#do u think theyre leeches too??? you can SAY 'oh well i obviously dont mean those ppl' but like#the rhetoric was designed to be used against Those People specifically to turn YOU against THEM when youre on the same side#its funny to use against the ruling class but its not like. effective except as a snappy comeback#additionally what about landlords who do work?? who have dayjobs??#landlords who do live in the property they rent. who rent out bedrooms or basement suites or the like#are these people no longer leeches? do you think this system of land ownership is fine if all parties have jobs??#do you see what i am saying. it is not possible to critique capitalism as a system#while relying on the frameworks capitalism uses to prop itself up.#you will only EVER end up tacitly supporting the very thing you declare youre against
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it would be so niche and i dont even know what id put in it, but ive finally finished listening to the blazing babe arc of naddpod + the short rests and im so tempted to like write the most terrible romance between mavrus and mac. i just think they could be even more worse for each other, their friendship is so toxic in canon and their romance would be even more so and thats why they should kiss about it imho peace and love on planet earth <333
#after the thing w illanis i think mavrus would get really caught up in his whole thing of 'the one who keeps mac in check'#and be very long-suffering about it like ugh i HATE that you put this burden on me but he ends up being equally as codependent on mac#like he spends so much time puffing himself up and seeing himself as the cool person who keeps the friend group together#that he doesnt know who he is/why he matters without that framework#and in the super rare event that mac ever decides that he doesn't need mavrus then mavrus would absolutely freak tf out#he'd sidebar with all his friends like 'hey?? don't you think it's weird how mac is OUT OF CONTROL lately?? he's been acting so WEIRD'#and everyone would be like what? i feel like mac is actually getting better hes doing good lately#and he'd be like no no no that cant be true at all and pretend to be 'investigating' and then go sabotage mac's self-growth#and then theyd kiss about it or something idk LMAO#mac would come visit mavrus at gladeholm and run into carl and be super awkward but happy about it (bc they used to be a thing)#and mavrus would flip out and be like HAHA WEIRD HOW IT TURNS OUT NONE OF US HAD ANYTHING IN COMMON WITH CARL RIGHT. HOW HES NOT ACTUALLY#ONE OF THE BOYS RIGHT?? REMEMBER HOW HE ABANDONED US? AND YOU??? NOT LIKE ME THOUGH#for SURE i think mac is the messiest out of all of them but i think itd be funny to see a role reversal and have it be mavrus freaking out#I really love the bon freres LOL i think theyre all such terrible toxic idiots & are easily the funniest dnd party ever#no maintag we keep the brainrot to ourselves lmao <3
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Just finished Love for Sale by Dal Hyeonji... Choe Si-eon they could never make me hate you. Your autistic/alexithymic/bisexual aro-spec swag makes you too nuanced and complex for your average reader wanting a love-at-first-sight feet-sweeping prince charming type, don't worry I love you and so does your tall piece of ass Lee Namwoo!!!
#love for sale#choe si-eon#lee namwoo#my text#im sure theres other ways to romanize their names but ima go with the versions i read#but for real i really dug how mature the story felt#and how interestingly arospec the ml felt despite being the one instigating the getting together#it felt like a true exploration of a romance favorable arospec person that didnt make it feel like a wallowing in the idea of#“woe is me i cant reciprocate! we shant be together!” or “i never actually wanted it in the first place!”#bc si-eon did want to enter romantic relationships! he enjoyed the framework of it!#its just that he never had any romantic frenzy internally and approached it more as a method of caring for another person and being content#but his journey to a demiromantic awakening after learning how to prioritize his own selfish desires (/pos) felt very good imo#i did kinda figure it would have a demi conclusion and reciprocation would happen#but im glad that it wasnt like a “oh ive always been capable of this” but moreso a “i can only experience this bc of this specific person-#-and circumstance“ which is indeed an aro spec experience for some#its not like the story ended in a way that made it feel like just bc si-eon is more healed now that he'll suddenly get consistent-#-and normative allo crushes on random people. it really feels conditional to his experience with the mc lee namwoo#also lee namwoo hot and cute and the art was fire 9/10 wish it was even longer#also whenever their chibi selves were onscreen i imagine they spunded like high pitched mosquitoes talking to each other
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it's just so weird wanting love and lifelong companionship and being told "what you're describing is romance! you want romance!" and then you look at everything else that's described as romance and could not want it less
#like surely we have other frameworks for this.#i don't daydream about someone telling me i'm their better half or whatever#i daydream about living by myself right next door to 2+ best friends and all raising our kids together#p
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