#like yes we had exercise clothes but we didn't have a uniform

[baejax-the-great]

10 Facts about me

Thanks for the tag @midnightprelude =)

I currently have ~44 houseplants. My favorite changes by the week, but my christmas cactus, pink panther, and philo brasil are often up there. Oh and my tineke. And begonia. And birkin. Oh and my piper crocatum. Actually I love all of them except for my aloe and the jade plant that is intent on dying. If anyone in Chicago wants an aloe, it's yours.

In high school, I won second place with my bestie in a lip sync competition at the Valentine's Day dance (which was called Cupid Night Out, which was a riff on Stupid Night Out, the autumn dance, and needless to say it was less a formal and more a ridiculous costume party).

Bestie and I reprised the award-almost-winning performance at her wedding reception.

When I lived in China, my (awful) boss once called me drunk at 10pm to demand I take a taxi into town to the karaoke he was at and sing "Tian mi mi" for his Communist Party friends. I pretended my phone cut out and went to sleep.

That same boss did successfully bully me into pretending to be a member of the American Kung Fu team so that the local kung fu competition would count as "international." I had to wear athletic clothing and march in a parade similar to what you see in the opening ceremonies in the Olympics, complete with a young girl in a fancy dress holding up a sign proclaiming us the American Kung Fu team. We were on tv. No, I do not know how to do a single move of kung fu, and neither did anyone else on the "team."

Around five years ago, I stopped using an alarm clock to wake up and learned I naturally have "the sleep schedule of a medieval peasant," aka I tend to wake up with the dawn and rarely stay up past 10.

During my first trip to China (mainland) in 2008, while a friend was taking me to his favorite restaurant near his college, I fell into a manhole. The manhole had a cover, but it flipped up when I stepped on it. Only one foot fell in, and the cover hit me in the chest so hard it's possible I cracked a rib. I could not get out of bed the next day. Dinner was good, though, once my friend pulled me out. Honestly I was just thankful my sandal didn't fall off.

The first time I ate a deviled egg was in high school during the regional tennis matches. A local elderly woman would come every year with a picnic for our entire team. As far as I know, she never came to a single other event at our school (maybe the boys' regionals?). When we made it to state, she sent another picnic with us. I wish I remembered her name.

I got my driver's license the day before I was starting a job I had to drive to. There was a bug in the car, and the tester, after warning me she wasn't going to say anything to me other than directions, whacked me repeatedly with her clipboard when the bug landed on me, and then spent the rest of the test talking about how insane it was that there was a bug in the car. I passed.

I was taught badminton from my college's football coach and he told me I was his favorite student because I never stopped smiling. And that is because badminton is the funnest sport I've ever played.

tagging @queso-magnifico @ninepoints @juliafied @redmapleleavesonwhitesnow @vimlos

[calcedon79]

I was bored

Okay, to prevent total withdrawal, I'll serve you guys from the mine crew a little treat from a nonsense story I write on from time to time. It's only roughly translated and not stylistically polished (and it's late). So have mercy.

Boli, this opening chapter was heavily inspired by your Mud story, but somehow our chaos-blorbos have to run into each othe

Random acquaintances

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Sifo-Dyas brushed a few sweaty strands out of his eyes. His hairband had fallen victim to a low-hanging branch. (Message to self: pack a second one for next outing)

"Of course," Jocasta Nu gasped stubbornly, struggling the last few meters up to the ledge of the old castle wall, "Master Sinube did say we could look around a bit."

"Yes, but we were supposed to stay in sight," grumbled the third of the group, his normally immaculately groomed initiate tunic soiled and torn in one place. (Stupid thorns)

" We are, Yan." The petite girl took a deep breath and put her arms on her hips. " We can see the big plaza from up there."

"I don't think that's what he meant," the slender Minashee boy dared to disagree.

"Mmmpf. Then he should phrase it better next time." She stared calculatingly up the half-collapsed defensive wall. Why did all the masters thought that Jocasta was the voice of reason in their trio? (Laughable!).

"Come on, exploring an old fortress like this is much more exciting than listening to lectures about textiles all day."

The two boys looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. "True enough."

*

From the courtyard of the old fortress, there was the sound of metal hitting stone.

"Let's go and have a look."

"Jo, do you really think that's a good idea?" Sifo-Dyas made no secret of his skepticism.

"Oh, don't be such nunas." The eldest of their group rolled her eyes. "Come on. Let's go and see what this is."

"If we ever die trying out one of your ideas, I won't say another word to you," was Yan's reply as he walked past her.

After all, it had also been Jo's idea to bypass the fuse on the old turbolift and travel to the lower levels of the temple. (Maybe they should have checked the power supply first. Their two-week stay in the Halls of Healing had been no fun - neither had the trouble they'd gotten into with Master Sinube).

*

Jaster lowered his Beskard. (Okay, actually, it wasn't his.) Why did ba'buir have to take this job? No fighting, no proper libraries, how dull!

"That looks interesting," a friendly voice interrupted Jaster's exercises.

In front of him were three other children his age. Locals? Although, the other people's clothes were much more colorful than those of the newcomers. Maybe it was a school uniform or something. Jaster shrugged inwardly.

"Did you hurt yourself?" the tallest boy asked cautiously, taking a step towards him. "We didn't mean to scare you."

"No, no. Everything's fine." Jaster hurried to his feet. "I just didn't hear you coming."

"It's important to always keep an eye on your surroundings." The second boy's dark eyes scrutinized him coolly. At least until a blow to the back of his head from the girl sent the little guy staggering forward.

"Yan! Behave yourself and be polite," she hissed, to which the black-haired boy immediately muttered an apology in Jaster's direction.

Wow, the petite figure had her companions well in hand.

"Uhh, no problem. No harm done," Jaster waved it off. "My name is Jaster Mereel, by the way, and who are you?"

"The tall one with the long hair is Sifo-Dyas, the rude one is called Yan Dooku," introduced the girl with the turquoise ponytail. "And I'm Jocasta Nu."

Before any of the boys could make a sound, she continued: "Is that a traditional Midrim sword? I didn't know swords were used here. What metal is it made of?"

"What?" Jaster blinked, caught off guard by the volley of energetic questions. "Uh, no… it's a beskad and it's made of beskar."

"Beskar?" the boy introduced as Sifo-Dyas now asked with interest. "Ohh, that super cool Mandalorian metal."

"How did you get your hands on a weapon like that?" the Dooku boy wanted to know with narrowed eyes.

"How do you think?" Jaster rolled his eyes. They were asking strange questions. "I am a Mando'ad." "Uhh… Mandalorian?" he added slowly. Stupid basic. Jaster still had trouble with some words.

*

Oh.

Mandalorian?!

Dooku exchanged an alarmed glance with Sy. "'Mandalorian'?!"

Like in "Mandalorians - the enemies of the Jedi Order"?

Jo didn't seem to share their concern. A sparkle appeared in her eyes, showing her two companions that she had caught fire for a topic. Oh oh!

" Mandalorian? How exciting. I thought all Mandos wore armor."

*

"But not from the beginning," protested Jaster - horrified by so much ignorance. That couldn't be allowed to stand! "You have to earn it bit by bit. Look, I've already got bracers and a back plate. And my beskad."

"Yours? It's much too big for you." Oh, did this Yan know his way around swords? As professionally confident as his words sounded, that seemed to be the case.

"Well," Jaster admitted. "It's not mine. My ba'buir lent it to me."

"Your … ba'buir?" Sifo-Dyas tried to repeat after him and tilted his head questioningly.

"Ba'buir means … mmh grandparents in Basic. He is my grandfather"

"And he just lets you go off on your own with that?" The tall boy seemed taken aback by this.

"Of course." What was the problem? On safe planets and as long as he was back at the ship at the agreed time, he was always allowed to do what he wanted. Apparently this was a foreign concept to his new acquaintances. Poor things. "Ba'buir has to work, after all. How else am I supposed to practise? Besides, ba'buir always says it's too dangerous to go out without a weapon."

*

Okay, that was pretty sensible of said grandpa. The youngsters nodded in understanding. Children were kidnapped and sold into slavery all the time. That's why they were also allowed to take their training swords with them on their excursion. These weren't as dangerous as real lightsabers, but at the highest level they could still inflict quite serious injuries.

"Hmm, can beskar really withstand a lightsaber?" Jocasta suddenly wanted to know.

"A Jetii kad'au?" Mereel looked at her questioningly, as if he couldn't imagine how she had come up with this idea. "Hmm, I don't know."

"Maybe it should be tested." Jocasta's scientific interest was obviously piqued.

Yan didn't even bother to shield his alarm in the Force. "Yo! I don't think it's such a good idea…"

"Testing?" Jaster interrupted him curiously. "How is that supposed to work?

"Well, with this." Jo nonchalantly pulled out her training sword.

Cursing, the other boy flinched and then stared at the three of them like a Tooka in a thunderstorm. "Jetiise!… ah Jedi…. You're Jetiise?"

"Well, not quite yet," Sifo-Dyas clarified sheepishly, deliberately ignoring the other boy's raised weapon. "Strictly speaking, we're initiates. At the moment, anyway. You can only call yourself a Jedi once you've become a Padawan, built a proper lightsaber and then passed your knight's trial."

"Ohh." From one moment to the next, Jaster seemed to have overcome his shock and he lowered his sword again. "There are different Kad'aue … ah lightsabers? And how do you become a Padawan? Can anyone become one or do you have to fulfill certain requirements? How old do you have to be to take your trial?"

"Did you have a good day, ner ad?" Athas Mereel added the last of the spices to the boiling stew. A balanced diet was important for children. He may not have been the best chef in the galaxy, but he insisted on serving his grandson fresh food as often as possible. Ration bars were for emergencies. "Did you experience anything exciting, meet other children?"

"Hmm," Jaster barely lifted his head from the datapad, whose contents he was studying intently. Good boy. So studious. "I met some nice kids. We exchanged our com numbers."

(Communicators that the little Jetiise were apparently not allowed to have. "Don't you dare call us, Mereel. Only write, understand? Otherwise we'll get into real trouble with the masters.")

"That's nice," Athas nodded happily. Sometimes he was worried: Jaster was a bright boy, clever and resourceful, but he had a hard time making lasting friends. They had moved so often in the last few years, and each time his boy was forced into a new routine. Jaster's initial enthusiasm for adventure and new places had waned considerably in recent times. The new contact could only do him good.

*

On the other side of the planet, Sy, Yan and Jocasta didn't get a chance to talk about their Mandalorian encounter. When they returned to their quarters far too late, sweaty, tired and with dirty clothes, a highly annoyed Master Sinube was already waiting for them.

(Before the next outing, Yan would remember to pack some ration bars. Being sent to bed without dinner after a two-hour meditation was not acceptable to him or his body).

[theleafpile]

tw body image, venting

my step mom has been dealing with some serious health issues and all her life has had difficulty gaining or keeping on weight. if you didn't know her you would think she has ed, she's maybe 5'6 and 110 lbs, very thin. it causes her a lot of distress, especially lately, as she desperately wants to gain weight to look good for her sons upcoming wedding, and I listen and commiserate with her struggles and yearning for a time when she was 120-135lbs.

the difficulty for me comes when I don't even remember being 135lbs. and I know our body types are different, we have different makeup, I get it.

but when I was trying to get into the military, I tried desperately (working out multiple times a day, restrictive eating) to get below 140lbs, and still clocked in at MEPS at 142lbs. I was so disappointed and disgusted with myself.

The only time a boyfriend told me I looked good, like I lost weight (a moment burned into my memory) was when I was severely depressed, without enough money to eat, living with my parents while in grad school, and I was 138lbs.

When I was rejected by the military, I started to gain weight, having no reason to restrict myself to thoroughly and exercise as vigorously. At the job I had for almost three years, during and after that time, I wore a uniform. I reached 168lbs, and at that point the uniform would get tight, so I restricted and dropped and worked out more to stay at about 165lbs. and yes, it made a difference.

I still hated myself though. hated that I could be 20lbs heavier than I was at my best.

then I got engaged. for months before the wedding I worked out almost daily and restricted, and yet nothing budged. not one number on the scale. I got married at 168lbs after months of trying to lose a single pound.

I started to lose weight after the wedding, just a few pounds, but I was over the moon. I wasn't keep track as well then, but I think my lowest got to be about 161, 160. I felt and looked so good compared to what I'd been that the fact I was still in the 160s didn't bother me.

then covid hit.

and overnight, I couldn't go to the gym anymore.

I tried working out at home, taking walks outside, but living on the 3rd floor in a one bedroom apartment limited me in a way I hadn't been limited before.

within a year, my highest weight reached 192lbs.

there were times I had to laugh. I had literally never seen the scale that high. but I was confident that once covid ended I could go back to the gym and lose it all.

then covid never ended.

two years later, I'm at a steady 186lbs. steady as in for a year I've been this exact weight, fluctuating naturally by 2 lbs in either direction. that's as much as I gain or lose naturally, without diet or exercise, just based on what I was doing or eating.

and I hate it.

I hate being my husband's fat wife. I hate only being able to wear a few of my shirts. I hate my double chin. I hate my arms, my thighs, my stomach. I hate my jeans that I've worn holes through because my legs rub together.

When I first reached this weight, I told my step mom how frustrating it was. I cried at her kitchen table.

she told me it's easy to lose weight.

she told me to try harder.

to keep track of nutrients, everything in, everything out. keep track of my activities, how much sleep I'm getting, my daily weight.

and I have. for two years exactly, next month.

haven't lost a pound.

she tells me again. it's easy. just try. just do better. just work out more. just eat less. God, she wishes she had my problems!

this morning I woke up and said, okay. how long does it actually take to lose weight? my husband bought an elliptical machine. we have a punching bag and free weights and a room dedicated solely to exercise. I used it for a week straight, pushing myself every day, and saw zero budge on the scale. zero progress in how I looked or how my clothes fit. so I said, what's the data?

turns out, burning 3500 calories would make you lose one pound.

I would have to do the daily, punishing exercises I was doing 5x a week to burn 500 calories. 500 calories a week.

so in 7 weeks, I might have lost 1 lbs.

7 weeks. a month and a half. for 1 pound.

when I would ideally lose 20. get back to the weight I hated before I knew how much worse it could get.

to lose 6 lbs, to get under 180, would take me 37 weeks. that would put me in June.

June, for 6 pounds.

yes, I know my health could only benefit. yes, I know it shouldn't be about the scale. yes, I know as the ball gets rolling I'll likely be doing more workouts and burn more calories per session. I know I know I know.

that doesn't make it any easier.

it doesn't make working so hard and seeing no changes any easier.

it doesn't fix two years of not working out. it doesn't take away that it took me months to gain 20lbs the moment I stepped away from a gym.

yes, my thyroid is managed. yes, I know what I'm doing. yes, I'm very lucky not to work outside of the home and not have to worry as much about finances and don't you know that people have real stress to worry about, kiddo? don't you know that real people have kids and jobs and you're so lucky and I wish I had your problem and just do it it's so easy JUST DO IT ITS SO EASY WHY ARE YOU STILL FAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING WHY ARE YOU SO LAZY DONT YOU KNOW PEOPLE HAVE REAL PROBLEMS AND REAL STRESSORS AND YOU HAVE IT SO EASY JUST DO IT

[femreader]

Chemoreceptors ➵ Michelle ”MJ” Jones

could i please request some cute flustered mj x reader, maybe mj could be trying to ask them out but she keeps on tripping on her pick up lines and such?

Summary: y/n finally has the guts to ask MJ out, awkwardness ensues

Pairing: Michelle “MJ” Jones x fem!reader

Warnings: none

Words: 1.5k

A/N: I changed it a little bit but, here you go?

MJ watched as you talked with your friends by your locker, gushing about how one of your friends got a date for the prom coming up. She could see you smiling, happy for your friend while shaking your head when asked if you already had a date. It was rather surprising that you didn't’ have one yet, you were one of the most popular kids in the school. MJ was sure the guys were basically throwing themselves at you. Unlike most of the annoying people who she had to endure eight hours for five days a week, you were actually pretty cool. The “popularity” hadn’t gotten to your head, yet anyway.

“Stop drooling, you look a little creepy”, Peter Parker slid beside her, bumping into the locker next to MJs. He literally was wearing one of those shoes with rollers on the bottom.

MJ rolled her eyes at him and closed her locker after taking out the necessary books. She briefly wiped the corner of her mouth with her sleeve to make sure she wasn’t actually drooling.

Peter glanced at Y/N who was with her friends and wiggled his eyebrows.

“She doesn’t have a date yet”, he nudged MJ.

“I know”, she answered, annoyed where this conversation was headed already. “Why do you even care?” Her eyebrows furrowed together.

You said goodbyes to your friends and decided to head towards your chem class, passing MJ and Peter. She awkwardly smiled when you greeted her briefly and continued on with your way. MJ looked at Peter warningly when he turned back to her with a smug look.

“MJ’s got a crush--”

“I will hit you with a chair”, MJ said pointedly just as the class bell rang. Peter chuckled at his own sing-song joke, resting his hands on the straps of his back bag.

”Just ask her out man”, he said, looking up at her. ”What’s the worst that could happen?"

”Uh, first of all, you don't get to have any say in this”, MJ mused out loud, knowing just how dead and miserable Parker’s love life was and how he channeled it through other people's business. ”Second, I don’t even care.”

”Pfft, sure”, Peter mumbled, scratching the back of his neck while following her to class.

You were sitting in the cafeteria, talking with few friends of yours about the upcoming algebra exam when Peter Parker slid into your conversation. He plopped down beside you, scaring the life out of you.

”Hi”, you smiled confusedly. You weren’t quite sure what he wanted from you as you weren't too familiar, but his awkwardness was adorable. It made your friends giggle a little.

”Uh, hi okay so a quick survey”, Peter began making random patterns on the table while talking. ”If there happened to be an intelligent girl--woman! An intelligent woman, who's also rather cute but won't admit to anyone because the patriarchy sucks and we all eventually die and happened to also like dogs”, he nodded towards your phone where your cousin’s dog was as your lock screen.

”Like what would be her chances... with you?” He squinted his eyes at you, while yours were wide open.

”Peter, are you talking about MJ?” You freaked a little. You had no idea she might have liked you, you thought you always looked too girly and one of those bimbos in her eyes. Plus you always were so awkward when talking with her. Well, those rare times you got to talk with her. Like that one time the last December before Christmas break, you had complained about the homework in the bathroom while she had stayed mostly quiet.

Peter’s eyes went wide and his mouth opened and closed rapidly like he was a fish. ”I—uh, no! No, not MJ, definitely not—”

”Peter, it’s fine”, You chuckled, still a little overwhelmed by the new found information. Your friends nudged you teasingly, you just shook your head at them. ”I... I kinda like her too. If she likes me, that is.”

”She does!” Peter caught himself saying a bit too loud and he immediately lowered his voice. You bit your lip from excitement. ”I mean, she does... she’s just really bad at talking with people, who's not me.”

”You could see her after school”, one of your friends proposed. You looked at them in thought.

”We have cheer exercise though.”

”After that, behind the bleachers”, your other friend offered. ”I mean that’s where everyone makes out so you’d totally have all the privacy.” The thought made your cheeks heat up a quite bit.

You rolled your lips together in thought before nodding and turning to Peter. ”Can I have her phone number?” The boy scrambled through his pockets to get his phone, nodding feverishly at the same time.

”Hey it’s Y/N, can you see me after school by the bleachers?”

MJ had been pretty sure she had accidentally inhaled something poisonous in chem class when she got the message from you. And When MJ asked Peter how you had even gotten her number, he just shrugged his shoulders the tips of his ears bright red.

”I swear to god if you said anything stupid—”

”I don’t know what you’re talking about, I have to go, Aunt May’s waiting bye!” Peter word vomited after their last class and darted out of the room, leaving MJ deal with the mess by herself. She put the hood over her head and read your text again, not sure what to say so she ended up answering okay.

She grimaced a little how blunt it sounded.

Outside was warm, the summer was quickly approaching with the help of climate change. MJ didn't necessarily dislike the heat, in the summer, she just didn't like the fact that she couldn't seek comfort from her hoodies and long-sleeved clothing anymore.

She had almost forgotten how nervous she was until she saw you, already in your cheer uniform, hair out of your face. You had this gleeful grin on your face you usually had when the cafeteria had your favorite lunch or when you were talking about your weekend plans with your friends. And now it was directed to her!

MJ awkwardly brushed the hair strand in front of her face, glancing around if anyone was at the field yet to see you two. There wasn't anyone.

”Hi”, you breathed out. MJ felt her heart hammer in her chest. She felt like if she opened her mouth to speak she’d accidentally blurt out everything she was thinking.

”So”, you continued when MJ stayed silent, standing there with her hands fiddling by her sides. ”Peter gave me your number”, you began, chuckling when MJ rolled her eyes a little. She made a mental note to sack that loser... or maybe thank him, depending on what this was about.

“Are you going, to the dance?” She asked, wanting to fill the awkward silence. You were a little taken aback by the sudden question, smiling a little baffled.

“Uh, no”, you shook your head. MJ raised her eyebrows a little surprised. She was sure out of everyone you’d go. You probably had a line of guys ready to take you out from the drop of the hat.

“I don’t really like big crowds”, you admitted sheepishly. “And you?”

MJ had been staring at your lips for a second. “Oh, no—I don’t—“ she began stuttering and falling over her words. You nodded understanding her nonetheless. Meanwhile, MJ was cursing herself inside her head for suddenly turning into such a toddler.

“I was thinking”, you began, eyes darting all around you two, too nervous to look at MJ. “And you can totally say no, but like... there’s this apocalypse movie coming up. Well, the first show is on the dance night to be exact and I thought if you’d like to go and see it? With... me..?” You dared to look up at MJ, whose mouth was hanging a little bit open. Normally you would have joked about it, had you not been feeling like throwing up your lunch from the agonizing nervousness.

”I uh—” stupid brain, for once work! MJ stuttered, looking at you like a deer in the headlights because there was no chance that she was being asked out right now? By you of all people. How did people usually react to this? Like, do they nod? Say just yes? Yes seems too plain and stupid.

”Does—does insects have chemoreceptors for taste on their legs?” She clicked her fingers into the universal finger gun motion, awkwardly bouncing on her heels. You furrowed your eyebrows a little in confusion.

”Yes?” You had no idea, but you sure hoped it was the right answer.

”Yeah! Yeah, they do. It’s—It’s actually the hairs... on-on the legs...” MJ kicked herself mentally from the ramble not realizing how adorable you found it to be. She scratched her neck, glancing up into the sky. What would be the odds of lightning striking down st her right now?

”Well, I have to go to practice”, you said, your voice accompanied by a disappointed sigh. ”But I’ll text you after. "Is that... cool?” you awkwardly offered, trying to stop the grin spreading too wide on your face and scaring the girl away.

MJ nodded, barely managing to speak before you already had to go to the field. She watched as you jogged away, hands in her hoodie pockets. Once she was sure she was alone she punched the air slightly.

"Yes", she exclaimed under her breath before turning around to walk back to the school bulding. At least she now had something to think about during her detention.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from Scream Queens Ep 11 "Black Friday"

"Be careful. I'd really like to kiss you again."

"I'm saving my energy for Black Friday doorbusters tomorrow morning."

"How about you do the honors?"

"Oh, the holidays. That festive time of year where everyone's decked out in their Christmas finest."

"The season of joy and love and presents begins when the clock strikes midnight."

"I thought you got all your clothing hand-delivered by A-list designers."

"Black Friday is about buying deliberately cheap, totally forgettable Christmas gifts for friends. The obvious cheapness of the gift makes them question our friendship and makes them way easier to manipulate as they try desperately to get back on my good side."

"Is this black toilet paper?"

"Amazing. A pair of mink albino boy shorts."

"I bribe the dude who deals weed off the loading dock to let me in a half hour early."

"Torturing these soulless manatees of senseless consumerism brings me so much joy. And isn't joy what the holiday season's all about?"

'At first I was like, "What a weird turkey." And then it clicked. Like... "Damn, that's a head."

"When you agree with me, it makes me question whether I actually agree with me."

"I am gonna take this opportunity to be the strong parental influence you have never had."

"You are gonna march over to that sofa right now and you're gonna sit down because you are in a time out."

"I'm sorry. Did you just put me on a time out? You do realize I'm not seven, right?"

"Well, behold how badly you've failed."

"I think it's pretty safe to assume that your career is over."

"Now, if you'll excuse us, we're going to the mall to exercise our patriotic right to join hundreds of thousands of our fellow out-of-breath Americans in sweatpants as they make frenzied, ill-thought-out purchases of cheap, crappy garbage they can't afford and don't need. To deny us of that right would be un-American."

"Let's go, sluts."

"I want to know what I'm being charged with."

"You drove your pickup truck through the front window of a Best Buy."

"You killed or maimed people. Let's go."

"Sounds awful, but I'd keep that to yourself."

"You're not really helping yourself."

"Most of the uniformed cops out there are working on a volunteer basis because they get backed up inside if they don't crack a few skulls every day."

"There's a killer on the loose and you're telling us this town has no police force?"

"I don't understand why you have to get us the crappiest gifts possible and then make sure we know about it beforehand just to ruin the surprise."

"I mean, that's like bringing pineapples to Hawaii."

"So would you feel the need to waste $13,000 buying me something I already have?"

"Maybe instead of using my disgusting wealth to buy my friends crap, I should use my disgusting wealth to buy my friends things they would actually enjoy."

"The mall is deserted."

"Oh, go on and shoot me, hag. It'll just make me young and skinny forever and you'll still be old. Come on, finish me off, you shriveled, old crone!"

"First day on the job and I caught a killer."

"Wait, you have a gun?"

"Damn! Why didn't I shoot him when I had the chance?"

"How's your crossbow wound?"

"The arrow missed all major arteries, and I'm currently rolling on some sweet painkillers."

"What exactly are you proposing?"

"I've always had this vision of a band of sisters who stand together like an impenetrable community of shields who kept everyone safe and secure."

"Sometimes, instead of shields, we need swords."

"No one is going to help us."

"No one is going to stop this until we are all dead."

"Well, I'm sorry, but she is a vindictive, amoral woman who no one is gonna miss."

"I say we poison her."

"Did you ever do it in my bed?"

"So you were gay lovers?"

"No, we were not gay lovers."

"I'm an investigative journalist."

"Well, you know, I really love the idea of a bunch of guys from different backgrounds getting together and forming a brotherhood for life."

"Have you ever been to a driving range?"

"What sort of ab regimen are you rocking, bro?"

"I guess the fact that you and I cannot stand one another is finally out in the open."

"Name your weapon."

"So pick your weapon. You can choose sabres, guns, baseball bats, small pebbles, spoons, doesn't matter to me. What does matter, is that we will fight, and we will fight to the death."

"Well, I am sorry that took so long, but, you know, a watched pot never boils."

"Being a millennial feminist means growing up listening to Taylor Swift say she doesn't like to think of the world as boys versus girls."

"That's not what feminism was about."

"How come all the pictures on the wall are selfies?"

"Oh, it smells amazing."

"Where did you get puffer fish venom?"

"I want to be there when she dies."

"That's bliss!"

"Is it nutmeg?"

"I am like a soldier at war. I am killing to stop more killing. It's totally justified."

"But what about moral law?"

"Oh, that would be hard for you?"

"I don't "rage" on Tuesday nights or have competitions about how many girls I can have sex with in one day."

"What I'm trying to say is guys join fraternities to get a sense of structure in their lives. Problem is the structure

they're buying into is antiquated. It's misogynistic and hierarchical and dangerous."

"It's misogynistic and hierarchical and dangerous."

"I don't think I'm in the right headspace right now."

"You're a rare breed, one of the true good guys."

"That's the weirdest explanation for anything I've ever heard."

"We need to think of new ways to kill her!"

"I'm really gonna cherish our time here together."

"Killing is wrong, but, under this circumstance, I don't know what other choice we have."

"Hold on, sluts."

"When I was your age, I was thoughtless about sex."

"If you don't think you're ready, you probably aren't. And if you aren't, well, then no good can come from doing it, anyway."

"The main thing is you have to be perfectly dry. The cryosauna is set to 200 degrees below zero, so any water on your skin freeze instantly."

"How come there hasn't been any screaming?"

"No, we need to get away while we still can."

"Hey, hey, it's enough. The point has been made."

"Why do you want to continue taking this any further?"

"Yes, I feel guilty!"

"Don't you ever call me again."

"I heard about these Buddhist Monks that found a way to meditate, so they can sit outside all night, way, way up in the Himalayas in weather that would kill a normal person, but their core temperature stays totally normal."

"You're thinking of the movie Teen Wolf, you brainless gash, which is not, in fact, a documentary!"

"Uh, Rasputin. He was a mystical Russian peasant who became a close advisor of Tsar Nicholas II because he could magically cure Prince Alexei of his hemophilia."

"Okay, this seems totally not germane to what we're talking about, so can we please just skip ahead?"

"Maybe she has some magical powers that make her unable to die, like some horror movie villain, like Michael Myers, or Jason, or Dr. Giggles."

"So, maybe try on a size zero."

"Okay, I'm not gonna try on the size zero because I won't fit into the size zero."

"This is discrimination!"

"Look at her. Give her something. Give her something to be happy!"

"Come on, what is wrong with these idiots?!"

"Why did you ask me to meet you here? And why are you carrying a bag clearly filled with chains?"

"I thought we could talk about bondage and go for a swim."

"You're all packed up. I thought you were staying until you cracked the case."

"I was just gonna go to the woods and write or something,

like Thoreau, but with WiFi."

"I mean, maybe I could come with you. Might be kind of romantic, you know?"

"I could bring a slow cooker, and we could talk about the case all night over short ribs?"

"Well, I do love short ribs."

"I'll always be able to say that my first was with a great, great, great guy."

"I am a sentient grown woman who has been through

hell the past few weeks, and I'm sitting next to you, now, with open eyes and an open heart, telling you that I want to give myself to you."

[hinshinotsuki]

🖤 Switched 🖤

***

***

(F/N) watched as the new recruits train with their assigned Squad Leaders.

And the (F/N) from their world, being AWOL, had to be replaced by a balding Squad Leader named Ness. He was tasked by the Commander to train and brief (F/N)'s new recruits regarding the next sortie.

Her eyes widened as she saw them get on their horses to participate on the scouting exercise. She had never seen such a scene, and she was compelled to take out her phone to whip up some dashing photos of the "Old - World Soldiers" in action. But, then, a short reminder from Hange stopped her from even taking her gadget out of her pocket.

"You must never take your phone out on public, nor use it in front of others." Hange explained to her last evening before going out. "Also, you must keep your act as (F/N)'s twin."

"When will you be back?" she asked.

"Tomorrow, at the latest. See you, (F/N)!"

(F/N) sighed. She slid her phone back into her pocket unceremoniously and continued watching the others train. And, as she did this, she got noticed by Jean, the same teenager from the canteen the other day. He's wearing his uniform this time and not his apron. To appear as pleasant and as friendly as she could, she smiled and waved at him, which only made him even more suspicious. She got a bit nervous as he went towards her.

What to do? What to do? What to do? thought (F/N) hysterically as Jean went closer and closer to her. Okay, girl. Relax,...

"Hey, there." Jean said, his lips forming a quite charming smile.

"Hi." she answered.

"So," Jean began. "Your twin sister, she really couldn't make it to the sortie, yes?"

"Oh, I'm afraid to say so, but, yes." she said, managing a decent conversation with him.

But, then, things were bound to get complicated from then on.

"You know, she never once mentioned that she has a beautiful sister." Jean said, his smile ever so dashing.

Was this teenager flirting with me? "Is that so?"

"Yeah. But, then again, she never tells us things, anyway. She just orders people around. She's actually worse than the Captain, really." Jean said, then laughed.

(F/N) had to get along and forced a chuckle, which sounded a bit off, considering her current mood.

"Oh! I forgot to ask your name."

"It's (N/N)." (F/N) answered, offering her nickname and remembering what Hange said about concealing her real identity.

"Nice to meet you, (N/N)."

"You, too."

As (F/N) was about to take Jean's outstretched hand, he was called by one of his comrades, who looked far larger and intimidating than the rest of the new recruits.

"Jean, we have to go back to training!" his comrade called. He had blonde hair and a strong - looking square jaw.

"A second, Reiner!" Jean said to him. He faced (F/N) and displayed his smile once more. "So, see you later at lunch, then."

"Okay, go. Or else, your friend will get mad."

"Reiner? Oh, he's not - "

"JEAN!"

"OKAY!"

The smooth teen waved at her and rejoined his group. And at the thought of his slick moves, (F/N) had to giggle. She just couldn't help but think of his modern counterpart who was so different than him.

But, what (F/N) really noticed was the look this Reiner person gave her. Did he just scowl at her? Or, maybe it was just her over - active imagination?

She was still thinking about it a few hours later during lunch. In fact, she was so deep in thought that she, at first, didn't notice the fully grown, bearded man behind her, who kept sniffing her hair.

And, the moment she did, she literally screamed, making the whole cafeteria silent, drawing people's eyes, and undivided attention, towards her.

However, that did not stop the man from sniffing her. And when he finally stopped and grunted like he was truly satisfied, her instinct told her to take the fork and gouge his eyes with it. She really was considering doing it, if it weren't for the stunning female officer who told everyone to go back to their own business and waved the man away like it was nothing.

"Sorry about that." the female officer apologized, taking a seat beside her. "That's Squad Leader Mike Zacharius. He sniffs people he sees for the first time, then grunts."

"Why would he do that?!" (F/N) asked, still calming her senses.

"It's just a habit of his. Don't worry. He's actually quite harmless." the woman was about to eat when her eyes lit up in excitement. "Oh, I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Nanaba, one of the Squad Leaders here."

Do people here always forget to introduce themselves? "(N/N)."

"Nice to meet you, (N/N). Actually, I was told by the Commander to accompany you while Hange is away."

"Where did she go?" (F/N) asked as she accidentally took a bite off the hard bread, just like the other day.

"The old SC HQ. She met up with the Special Operations Squad. She said it was for experiment purposes." Nanaba said as she took a bite off the hard bread, as well.

"Oh." (F/N) uttered as she watched the stunning woman eat her almost tasteless food like it was the most delicious thing in  the whole wide world.

They're Soldiers. Why would they settle for this kind of food? (F/N) wondered as she began eating, only to realize that almost all of the occupants of the room, including Jean, were all staring at her. Feeling her cheeks heating up, she looked away and pretended she did not see their curious faces.

"Don't mind them. They're just curious about you." Nanaba whispered, then smiled. "Who knew (F/N) had a well - bred sister?"

"She really never tells you things?" (F/N) asked, wanting to know more about her counterpart through Nanaba.

"Oh, yes. She only ever tells them to Hange, or Levi, when they're still, you know,..."

"Okay." (F/N) answered, confirming that her counterpart and the Levi here did have a relationship. "Why did they break up?"

"She never told you about it?" Nanaba asked, surprised.

"Well, she never tells me things." (F/N) said, making a quick getaway.

"I don't know the full details, but," Nanaba began. And in an even lower voice, she said, "After their breakup, Levi seemed off. Like, for a full month. But, who knows how? Maybe longer? I don't really know."

"How off?" (F/N) whispered, lowering her head.

"He seemed grumpier than usual."

"And my sister?"

"She looked normal, actually. Like nothing ever happened, at all."

So, she was the one who broke up with Levi in this world. I have to ask Hange for that later on. "Oh, I see."

"But, enough about her! I want to know more about you." Nanaba said, smiling earnestly at her.

"Oh, there's nothing to know about me." (F/N) said, then smiled.

"But, surely! How come you seem more reserved than her?"

(F/N) laughed at this. "Is that what you mean by saying I'm well - bred? Actually, no. I'm just like anybody else. I'm normal."

"And smaller, at that."

"Oh." (F/N) uttered, then looked down on the clothes she borrowed from her counterpart. They really looked big on her.

Does this mean that she's bigger here?! "I, ahh - "

"I know!" Nanaba said, her face lighting up in excitement. "Let's borrow some clothes from my new recruit. I'm pretty sure she's the same size as you."

"Really? Thank you!"

"Christa?" Nanaba said, calling for a petite, blonde girl sitting not far from where they were. The girl heard her name being called and stood up.

"Squad Leader?" the girl squeaked. Aww, she's so cute,...

"Can you come over here for a second, please?"

(F/N) watched in amusement as the girl, who was more suited to be called well - bred, went over to their side.

"(N/N), this is my new recruit, Christa Lenz." Nanaba introduced the girl. "She's from the 104th, just like those guys who kept staring at you for a full hour,..." They all looked at the place that Nanaba was gesturing and found several adolescent males, including Jean, himself, staring at (F/N), then looking away with cheeks red with embarrassment. Nanaba laughed and went on. "Christa, this is (N/N), (F/N)'s sister."

"Oh, pleased to meet you, Miss (N/N)." Christa said and smiled. She really looked like an angel.

"You, too, Christa."

"I have a favor to ask." Nanaba said.

A few minutes later, they found themselves on the female recruits' dormitories. Nanaba and (F/N) were waiting for Christa, and when she finally came, she was holding a full set of fresh clothing.

"I'm so sorry," Christa began. "But, these are the most decent ones I have." she said, then handed the clothes to (F/N).

"Ah, that's alright, Christa." (F/N) told her. She really felt that they were going to be the best of friends. "I'm the needy one here."

"What are we waiting for? Try them on, (F/N)!" Nanaba half - urged, half - ordered with a huge, sisterly smile on her face.

And that's when things got five times more complicated than earlier. For, when (F/N) walked out of the dormitory towards the training grounds, wearing Christa's clothes, things went completely haywire, especially for the male population.

"... and, so, we make a full circle around the Forest of Giant Trees, and,... what in the actual - ?!" Ness, the new Squad Leader for (F/N)'s team, stopped talking, dropping his chalk and making a complete fool of himself.

"Jean, don't go easy on me! For crying out loud, don't treat me like I'm an id - whoah!" Jean's sparring partner, a teen with a booze cut, completely lowered his guard, enabling Jean to utterly throw him off the ground.

Faces got punched. Horses got forcefully halted. Boxes got dropped on unsuspecting feet. The whole world abruptly stopped.

For, there, right before their very eyes,...

... was the actual, same girl they never knew they'd ever meet,...

***

🖤🖤🖤

***