#like?? MAJORLY different event fellas

[subwaytostardew]

Ayo! It's Letter that one fanart guy.

I've been wanting to do some mod related doodles with some of the villagers and what pokemon I think they'd have just for funzies, but I wanted to check if that was alright first.

Cause I know that in the actual canon of the mod the fellas in pelican town and just Stardew Valley in general don't really vibe with pokemon. So I didn't know if this would like, majorly conflict with the mod's canon or something 😭.

Idk I just thought I'd be safe and ask first before posting anything NSNSN.

Have a good one 👍

Absolutely go for it! Honestly we don't want anyone to feel that they can't just think up their own stories or Pokémon related to the villagers. Or characters.

I know between modding I keep thinking about what Pokémon the villagers could have.

Morris, for an example, I picture him having a Gimmighoul! LOL

And I know both me and Thylak have agreed Granny Evelyn had a Bellossom. But just because we think of different Pokémon - honestly there's a lot of combinations.

Also, just because the villagers don't like Pokemon now doesn't mean they never will! Things in the valley develop, and the events in this mod are only a snapshot into the start of submas settling down. We did dabble a bit with the idea of the Ferngill Republic starting up their own gym challenge with Willy as a Water-type gym leader, Sandy as a Rock-type, the Wizard as a Psychic-type, Morris as a Steel-type... You're free to have fun with your own interpretations of the future of Pokemon in the valley!

Go full steam ahead! Set free with your creativity! We love the interpretations (So far) that have came out of what we have posted about this mod.

And really if you have any questions about world building etc. I'm happy to explain or direct you to past posts!

World-Building my jam and if someone is able to take it and make more branches or their own interpretations... It just means more fun and discussions.

So please don't feel the need to be confide by our mod lore!

◁ Station Stewardess Kade

[ironxkid]

why don't you like endgame or civil war

((hoo buddy, idk what brought this up but salt under the cut!! Like... a lot of salt - specifically regarding Endgame lmao

I’m gonna start off with CACW because it’s a short response lol

I don’t like it simply because I was done with the infighting between the Avengers. The found family crumbs we were given in Endgame was something I really wanted to see, and them just... ripping them apart frustrated me lol

honestly, the movie was... fine? Idk, I found it to be a lil slow for my taste (it felt like it just dragged on when I watched it in theaters), and I just don’t care for it in general  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, ngl, I’m really bummed that Captain America: Serpent Society was a joke announcement because that sounds dope as hell and I really wanted to see that before I realized it’d been a joke dfgjhdsfhj

but, yeah, literally just because CACW is specifically an infighting movie annoys me to no end so I just won’t watch it again dgsfjhsfdhj

now, Endgame?

fuck Endgame

I. have a lot of issues with it, all of which are major grievances throughout the fandom. I’m pissed they killed Natasha and didn’t even bother giving her a fucking funeral because, I quote from Joe Russo, “Well, Tony does not have another movie. Tony is done. And Natasha has another film. And Marvel Universe obviously does not have to move forward linearly anymore. But that character still has more screen time coming.” (see here) and that annoys the hell out of me. She’s getting another movie - great! So you killed one of the few characters doing her fucking best to keep everything together at the compound, the one who was taking charge, give her a big role, and then murk her and... give her nothing but a brief mention at the end. Like... what the fuck? Natasha deserved so much better than what she was given. Tony’s funeral could’ve (and, frankly, should’ve) been a funeral for him, Natasha, and Vision because god forbid we see anyone mourn Vision other than Wanda

(actually this post covers how Endgame fucked over the MCU women perfectly, though Wanda’s not mentioned :c )

plus... Tony’s not done lol - he’s still a massive figure in the films/shows despite RDJ not acting in them, so his character has left shockwaves that aren’t dying any time soon. Natasha... basically disappeared, and I believe she would’ve been dropped completely if it wasn’t for the fact she does have a film coming out soon. Which, frankly, seems awesome and all, but it’s a film that goes back to post-CACW pre-IW and... frankly doesn’t give me any reason to understand why that means she didn’t get a funeral. She’s not coming back in future movies/shows that are in present MCU timeline - her movie is set in the past. She could’ve gotten a decent sendoff 

now, Clint’s arc as Ronin rubs me the wrong way. I know it’s a huge thing in the comics, and it’s not him taking a different mantle that I have an issue with. It’s the fact he, a white man, went around murdering people and got off scot-free. Yes, he was targeting genuinely bad people, but... to show that, they specifically singled out Mexican cartels and the yakuza (Japanese mafia, essentially) - so, in other words, the bad guys were people of color! I feel like I don’t need to explain how fucked up that is. And, to clarify, I love Clint! Clint is honestly one of my favorite characters, and the whole thing was just handled... poorly in the film

Tony’s arc genuinely hurts. This is a man who has suffered for years and has tried to make things right, and finally got a chance to settle down. He finally retired from the Avengers, finally settled down, and had a fucking life he could enjoy despite his ghosts, and yet... His arc ends with a message of “tortured soul finally gets rest by dying”. Because, y’know, it’s great seeing yet another long-suffering character only reaching peace through death, because god forbid they let characters heal! He could’ve still caused the second Snap, and he could’ve survived. He could’ve finally been able to step away for good and focus on his family, focus on recovering, and be truly happy. What’s so wrong with letting him stay alive so he can rest and be with his family? What’s so wrong with letting a long-suffering character finally find peace after one last bang? 

plus it pisses me off that they’re now using him as a reasoning as to why bad things are still happening. Why is this person the bad guy? Because Tony Stark somehow may or may not have done something that hurt them! Even though most of that really stems from Howard or Obadiah. Tony just ends up getting the blame in their place. He’s just an easy target to use, much like the tesseract seems to be the go-to answer for why things go wrong. But this is a different train of thought

Steve’s ending pisses me off just as much as the next person lmao. You take a character who has acknowledged he no longer belongs in the past (which, funnily enough, was written by the Russos), aaaaaaand have him go back to the past while ignoring two important people in his life that were still right there. He got Bucky and Sam back, and he leaves them. His arc is ruined within a matter of minutes, and it paints a hella bad picture of him in the process. He goes back in time to stay with Peggy (which ultimately destroys her own arc, and the fact she’s a person outside of her relationship (or lack thereof) with him because, y’know, why have her be able to move on and be her own person?), and we’re supposed to believe he’s fine with everything he knows from the future? Fine with knowing Bucky’s trapped with HYDRA and is suffering as the Winter Soldier? Fine with knowing HYDRA has infested SHIELD from day one? Fine with knowing Howard and Maria are going to die? Fine with royally fucking up the timelines? We’re supposed to believe he sat back and did nothing with all of that? They could’ve had him still hand the shield over to Sam - they could’ve let Steve stay an Avenger without the mantle

also the fact the Russos said he didn’t recognize Red Skull when he returned to Vormir to return the soul stone? Like... what the fuck?? Not to mention he literally returns the stone to Vormir, which “soul for a soul”, and they didn’t bring Nat back that way??

and now onto Thor. Thor... holy fuck is this hitting something personal for me. Thor was ridden with guilt - he was furious with himself, hated himself, and blamed himself for failing to stop the Snap. He fell into a massive depression, and... was promptly danced around as laughing stock. Like, “oh! look at Thor! he’s fat and drunk because he’s depressed haha!” - like fuck off. It’s not funny in any form. His suffering was made into a joke and it pisses me off because I suffer from depression. A lot of people suffer from depression. It’s not funny. It’s fucking terrifying at times. I wasted a shit ton of money on a stupid online sim game because it was a distraction - it gave me... god, I wouldn’t even say temporary happiness, but it gave me something to temporarily help, and I still hate myself for doing it. It was a poor decision on my part, and I wish I could change it. And, during that time, I was scared because I couldn’t see myself pulling out of it. I thought I was gonna feel that way forever. I called out of work multiple times because there were days I couldn’t stop crying (something I still feel horrible for doing), I couldn’t get myself to contact any of my friends for months, and it was all because the medication I was on at the time... stopped working. Thankfully, my depression doesn’t work in a way that makes me a danger to myself, so that wasn’t an issue, but it still fucking sucked. And to see a character that I could relate to on such a personal level treated as laughing stock fucking hurt. I’m not sharing this for sympathy - I’m sharing this because it Thor’s arc hit home and it’s literally the main reason why I will not watch Endgame again

this is more of a nitpick than anything else, but... I didn’t really care for Carol in it tbh? Which is unfortunately because Captain Marvel is one of my absolute favorite movies! And I’m well aware she was introduced in Endgame while CM was being drafted, but that in itself is annoying?? Because Carol was originally going to be introduced in AoU, but was cut because it wasn’t going to introduce her character properly. And yet they decide to introduce her character in a clusterfuck of a movie before her movie is in the final stages, and proceed to release her movie first and then give a complete different characterization in her following appearance

honestly I just wanna cover this now to clarify some things regarding Carter and her backstory: the only reason I keep Endgame as is is because it felt easier for me to do so for the purpose of bending canon for specific threads. I wanted to stay as true to the given plots as possible to help with fudging of both the movies and her background, and also because I didn’t want anyone to feel like I was trying to force my own headcanons onto them, y’know? 

I’m just gonna plug this here because fuck it lol, but I did start a fix-it fic regarding Endgame that you can read here! I... probably won’t finish it tbh, and I haven’t gone over it in a hot minute so it might be riddled with errors ahah - plus I’m not sure about how I wrote the characters! I get nervous when writing canon characters because I feel like I’ll miss their characterization completely, which is actually why I,,, rarely rp canon characters dgfjhgsfdhj

also the image in the doc was created by @/archervale!! 

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Make It Through The Night (Part 3)

(x)

Summary: The reader meets Dean’s friend, Benny, but everything isn’t as smooth sailing as it seems...

Masterlist

Pairing: Apocalypse!Dean x reader

Square: Dean Winchester

Word Count: 3,100ish

Warnings: langauge, minor violence

A/N: Written for @spngenrebingo​​​

_____

“Morning sunshine,” said Dean as you walked into the kitchen. “Eggs and rice for breakfast.”

“It’s hot. I ain’t complaining,” you said, fixing your arm in it’s sling.

“You change your bandages out yet?” he asked. You yawned and nodded, taking a seat at the counter. “Ever been shot before?”

“No. Hurts like a bitch,” you said, looking around. “So where’s the rice come from?”

“One of the largest rice distribution plants is about twenty minutes down the road. I stocked up,” he said.

“Smart move,” you said. “So where the hell am I exactly? This place I mean.”

“Short version, there used to be these guys, Men of Letters. My grandpa was one. This was their base of operations. They got wiped out in the fifties though,” said Dean. “They used to research monsters, how to kill them, that sort of thing. Through a very long series of events which started long before I was born, I wound up being raised by a hunter, my dad. Along with Sam. Hunters used to kill monsters back when the world was normal and no one knew about this stuff. After my dad died, it was me and Sam for a while and a whole bunch of other bad shit happened and then he got on demon blood and we went our separate ways. I ended up meeting my grandpa who traveled through time before he died and he told me about this place. It’s safe from monsters, demons, you name it. It runs itself. There’s a bunch of information in that library that might be useful. It’s pretty...I lost you at the time traveling grandpa, didn’t I.”

“If that’s the short version, I can’t imagine the long,” you said, resting your head against your palm. “You’re serious?”

“My life’s always been strange. Everyone else finally caught up a year ago,” he said.

“It’s completely safe here?” you asked.

“I mean, nothing is completely safe but it’s probably the safest place on the planet,” he said.

“Good,” you said, closing your eyes. “I could do with someplace safe.”

“It’s not pretty out there. The world now I mean,” he said, handing you a plate, your eyes fluttering open.

“Those guys were probably going to sell me to a monster...or a demon. It seems to be the hot commodity,” you said.

“Speaking of which, after breakfast, you’re gonna have to get tatted up,” said Dean. 

“Um, what?” you said as you started to eat.

“Tattoo,” he said, pulling aside his flannel and t shirt, showing off a tattoo on his chest. “Anti-possession. A demon can’t take over your body that way.”

“Oh. Yeah, that’s probably good to have,” you said. “You know how to do tattoo’s?”

“Personally, no but one of my friends should be getting back home soon. He was out on a supply run,” said Dean.

“Oh. Cool,” you said.

“Y/N,” he said, poking at his food. “I thought about last night, what we talked about, what you said. You’re right. I can’t kill Sam. I never could. I don’t want to kill him. It’s my job to fucking protect him. I’m not going to give up on him. I want to try to talk to him, figure out how to catch him and get him off of the demon blood, get rid of his powers. That’s the only option. I know you offered but I won’t go down that road.”

“No killing Sam. Okay,” you said with a nod. “We’ll figure something out then.”

“Thank you,” said Dean. 

Thirty minutes later you were in the library trying to figure out some basics about demons when the front door opened and man in combat gear came walking down the stairs with a box.

“I found you extremely stale gummy bears. You’re welcome,” said the man, setting the box down on the war room table, staring at you. “Cher.”

“What?” you asked, glancing at Dean.

“It’s a nickname thing he does. Y/N, this is Benny. Ex-vampire I met in purgatory. Benny, this is Y/N. Met her yesterday when a few unscrupulous fellas were on my property again,” said Dean.

“Vampire,” you said, instinctively getting out of your seat and taking a few steps back.

“Ex-vampire,” said Dean as he flipped through a book. “He doesn’t bite.”

“Unless you’re into that,” he smiled, flashing you a wink.

“Dude. I get that the dating pool is limited but-”

“Excuse, Dean,” said Benny, ruffling his hair as he went past and took a seat. “He’s a worrier. Plus it’s fun to tease him. He’s totally into you anyways.”

You blinked slowly, Dean giving Benny a bitchface.

“Let’s not scare off the first company we’ve had in oh, months? Hm?” said Dean.

“Ignoring the purgatory part of that sentence for right now, how does one become an ex-vampire?” you asked, staring at Benny.

“Ordinarily there’s a cure but it only works if the person has never tasted human blood and if you have the fang of the vamp that turned you. Benny though...well when we got out of purgatory, he was still a vamp,” said Dean.

“I was almost at the point of asking Deano to end it for me. I knew I would break and hurt someone. But the world decided to go to shit and I drank from an infected person. I got really sick. Majorly sick,” said Benny, peeling off his boots and kicking up his feet in a nearby chair.

“We tried the cure, figured what the hell and now Benny is as human as the day he was born,” said Dean. “He’s like really fucking old by the way.”

“Shut up,” said Benny, pushing Dean’s face, a smile popping up on it for a moment. “So ex-vampire. No need to be afraid.”

“Alright,” you said as you sat back down. 

“What’s with the chicken wing?” asked Benny, nodding at you.

“Shot yesterday. Graze on the arm, through and through in the shoulder,” said Dean, flipping through his book again. “Y/N’s gonna stay here, help with the Sam situation.”

“Good. We could always use a few more hands,” said Benny.

“How many hands are there?” you asked.

“There’s a network of hunters out there. It’s not huge but it’d be useful to get close to Sam,” said Dean. “Plan’s changed by the way, Benny. We take him alive and cure him or it’s the end of us.”

“Whatever you want, brother,” said Benny, standing up with a sigh. “I’ve been on the road all night. I’m gonna shower and crash before I have to head out again.”

“I’ll need a tat done before you go. Gonna stick around more than a day for once?” asked Dean.

“I’ll be here a few days. I know you miss this pretty face, Deano,” he said. Dean rolled his eyes and Benny wandered off down a different hall. 

“So purgatory...no one can ever say you have not led a full life,” you said. Dean chuckled and leaned back in his seat. 

“Full of horrors. But yeah, I suppose you’re right. It’s been interesting,” he said.

“Did you like...die,” you said, Dean cocking his head. “Purgatory.”

“No. Accidentally wound up there when I killed a special kind of monster. I met up with Benny there. We found a way out together,” said Dean. “Just because a monster is a monster...they can be your friend too. I got a buddy who’s a werewolf actually.”

“Here I thought study abroad would make me exciting,” you said. Dean smiled and slid over his book to you.

“Read this one. It’ll give you some good info. We’ll go over some good ways to kill demons maybe later in the week,” he said.

“I’m not a soldier. I don’t know...everything I know, I picked up on my own,” you said.

“I’m pretty confident in your abilities,” he said. “We don’t have to go after Sam this second. Something like this, we need to know our game plan first and I don’t even know where to start so focus on healing and training a bit for now.”

“Alright,” you said, Benny cutting back in wearing nothing but his boxers.

“Dude. We have a lady in the house now,” said Dean.

“She can walk around in her underwear too. I don’t care,” said Benny, going to the box and pulling out a bottle of soap. 

“You and your old spice you freak,” said Dean.

“Don’t knock it,” said Benny. “There’s some shaving cream in there too in case you decide to shave that peach fuzz.”

“Asshole,” said Dean as Benny laughed, carrying the box away with him.

“I like the beard,” you said with a shrug.

“See, brother? Match made in heaven right here,” he said.

“Oh shut up,” said Dean. “Go get clean. You smell filthy.”

“Whatever you say,” he said, whistling as he went.

“Sorry. He’s a bit...Benny sometimes,” said Dean. 

“I like him,” you said, glancing through the pages.

“You actually like the beard?” he asked. Your eyes glanced over and met his, noticing just how pretty of a green they were. 

“It suits you. You look like some badass or something,” you said. He smirked and you rolled your eyes. “Oh my God. I can only handle one man-child at a time.”

“Speaking of badasses, you’ll need some new gear. I’ll take a look around in storage,” he said. “Also, I am so not a man-child.”

“Gummy bears?” you said with a smile.

“Touche,” he said, grabbing his notebook and jogging up into the library. “You get bored of reading come find me. I’m sure we can find something for you to work on.”

“Hey,” said Dean a few hours later. You let out a hiss and grit your teeth, Benny wiping off your bicep. “How’d she do?”

“She was good,” he said. “Barely made a peep.”

“How’s it look?” you asked.

“Good,” said Dean. “It’s just a precaution we have to take.”

“No, it’s fine. I probably should have gone with the right arm is all,” you said, wincing a bit. 

“Come on you two. Dinner’s done,” said Dean. You followed him back down the hall while Benny turned off the equipment. Dean plopped a bottle of pills in front of you at the table. You shook your head and he took two out, putting them on your plate. “Y/N. Take the pain meds. It’s fine.”

“So you come up with anything today?” you asked as Benny joined you, diving into his bowl of stew.

“Maybe. I was thinking Ben, we could retrofit the dungeon, turn it into a holding cell, detox chamber kind of thing,” said Dean.

“It could work. How we get him inside is another problem,” said Benny.

“Do you think you could work on gathering materials, figuring out the best way to build a safe room?” asked Dean.

“I can think of something. I’ll head up North, visit Donna. She’s good with that sort of thing,” said Benny.

“So are you two an item yet or are you still living in denial?” asked Dean, giving him a smirk.

“Who? Me and Donna?” scoffed Benny. “No way. Strictly platonic. We both been burned before.”

“I know about the camping store incident,” smirked Dean. “Benny bear.”

“Fine. We’re dating. You girls gonna chat about this too?” he said, crossing his arms.

“Maybe. We do love to talk about boys and braid our hair,” teased Dean. “Nah, man, that’s great. You and Donna make a good team. Tactically.”

“Shut up. Worse than a high school girl,” said Benny. “You see what I’ve been dealing with during the end of the world?”

“Is she cute?” you asked, Benny throwing up his hands.

“Oh yeah,” said Dean with a laugh. “Donna’s a pretty girl. Sweet as can be but she’s tough. She and Jody…”

He trailed off and pursed his lips, Benny nodding.

“Jody didn’t make it,” said Benny. “Demons. If you guys are all set, I’m gonna head out soon.”

“You travel at night?” you asked.

“Safer actually,” said Dean. “Most of the infected people, they still sleep for some reason. Benny can get up to Sioux falls by dawn pretty good this way.”

“Write down any gear you think you may need,” he said, finishing off his drink before he took off.

“Why is he leaving already?” you asked. “He just got here this morning.”

“He has a job to do and I told it to him,” said Dean. “Benny moves at his own pace. If he wants to go tonight, he can go, I won’t baby him.”

“Doesn’t he want to rest?”

“Benny crashed most of the day. He’s good,” said Dean. “Unlike you. Early bedtime tonight.”

“What are you, my mother?” you mumbled.

“Do I need to be?” he asked. You rolled your eyes and went back to your food, Dean finishing his off before he started to pick up. 

You closed your eyes and rested your head against the table.

“I feel funny,” you said. “Did you drug me?”

“It’s the pain med’s, dumbass. They’re kicking in. It’s pretty strong stuff,” he said. He walked over and sat you upright. “Finish your food and then you can sleep.”

“Or you drugged me,” you said, reaching for your knife. Dean quickly knocked it away and you pulled the gun out of the back of his pants. He froze as you turned off the safety. 

“Y/N. Calm down. No one’s going to hurt you,” said Dean.

“Back up,” you mumbled. He stared at you before you were suddenly on the floor, gun back in his hands.

“Are you infected?” he asked, aiming the gun at you. “Are you?”

“Whoa,” said Benny as he came rushing back in. “What the hell is going on in here?”

“She thinks I drugged her which is insane,” said Dean.

“This ain’t pain medication, dip shit,” you said, flipping him off as you propped yourself up against the wall, the cold floor making you shiver. “Fuck you. You’re the one that’s nuts, not me.”

“You’re both idiots,” said Benny. He walked over to you and reached behind his back, a pair of restraints around your wrists. You shoulder would have been killing you if it weren’t for the drugs. “I drugged her.”

“Excuse me,” said Dean, suddenly lowering the gun and tucking it away. “You did what, Benjamin?”

“I heard of this chick, the second you said her name I knew who she was. She knows Sam.”

You shook your head when Dean slowly turned and stared you down.

“I don’t. I swear,” you said.

“I definitely heard of some demon talking about this chick right here and Sam,” said Benny. 

“You’re thinking an inside job?” asked Dean, pulling the gun out again.

“Possibly. Could be a human that decided to side with what she thinks is the winning side,” said Benny. “Could be a lot of things but point is, we can’t trust her.”

You were too tired to say anything more, simply sat there and shut your eyes, trying not to think of how odds are you wouldn’t be waking up again.

“Y/N,” said Dean. You breathed slowly, Dean’s hand on your shoulder shaking you. “Y/N. You with Sam or not?”

Last thing you remembered you slumped over, straight to the ground.

“Hey,” said Dean. Something wet was on your forehead, a washcloth if you had to guess. It took a moment for you to get your bearings, finding yourself in your room strangely. “Relax. You’re okay.”

“Drugged me,” you said, frowning at him, pushing the washcloth away. “Asshole.”

“Benny made a mistake,” said Dean.

“I wanna go,” you said, shutting your eyes, head swimming. “Let me go.”

“You can go. Just let this stuff get out of your system first,” said Dean. He took the cloth away and you scowled when he put it back. “I’ll make up your bag for you.”

Four hours later you were standing in the garage, trying to get your bag on unsuccessfully.

“Y/N,” said Dean quietly. “Maybe you should stay.”

“Maybe you need better friends,” you said, throwing the bag on, immediately shooting a hand to your shoulder. You sniffled and swallowed hard, giving Dean a dirty look when he stared at you. “What?”

“We both know that if you go out in your condition, the first sign of trouble and you’re dead,” he said.

“What do you care?” you said. You tried heading out but the pain was too much and you had to shrug off the backpack. 

“Something is going on. Benny was adamant that he heard something involving you. I was adamant that whatever your part in this is, you aren’t the bad guy,” said Dean. “You know how it is now. You can’t take chances and Benny wasn’t taking one. But I will.”

You sighed and set the bag down.

“Why?” you asked dryly.

“Because you’re not the bad guy. If you want to go, you can go. Or you can stay and recover and maybe you can help me save my brother.”

You spun around and went past him, heading inside.

“Next time something like that happens, I shoot. No questions asked,” you said. “And don’t think I didn’t realize you put a brick in the bottom of my bag.”

“Welcome back, Y/N.”

_____

A/N: Read Part 4 here!

[hufflepuffhollander]

Can you do 1. “Babe, I’m trying to talk to you.” - “Do ya’ll hear somethin’?” With Tom Holland? Maybe you give him the silent treatment?

a blurb requested is a blurb answered!

tom x reader(contains language, some real millenial angst™, and some alcohol use)word count: 1,912 (this is a long blurb)enjoy!

———————————————————————–

1. “Babe, I’m trying to talk to you.” - “Do ya’ll hear somethin’?”

He floated through the masses, giving fleeting hellos and getting quick hugs every so often, seeming to acquaint himself with every stranger he passed with just a smile. He held your hand as you trailed behind him, but you were losing his footsteps amongst all the other shoes, getting left behind as people followed behind him; not seeing you as one body moving together, rather, Tom Holland and his incessant puppy dog. You felt his fingers slip out of your small grasp, immediately missing the warmth, but realizing after fidgeting your hand around blindly in front of you that he was long lost into the crowd.

It’s just another movie premiere.

Well, really, it was the afterparty, which made it so much worse. This happened a lot - you’d accompany your boyfriend to his red carpet events, always starting the evening with an amount of confidence that you’d envy by the end. 

Hello world, yes, it’s me, Tom’s girl, don’t trip over your jaws on the floor.

Look at me go. I’m a stunner. 10/10 would recommend. Move out of the way, a queen is walking through.

Hey, everyone, I’m still here –

Has anyone seen Tom? …Who am I? Oh-

They’re all looking at me like I’ll never be good enough.

And that’s just how these things went.

But usually, he was with you often enough so that you didn’t feel like such an outsider. He would stick by your side until you were ready and tipsy enough to handle some conversation on your own. He understood how nervous these events made you - having to meet influential people, look and speak your best, needing to project the idea of perfect - your hair, your makeup, your dress, your life. Everything was under a spotlight here, and you preferred to live your life backstage. You gave up most of that desire when you started dating Tom, seeing him as worth it, because god, you loved him so much, and in a room full of opinions, his was the only one that mattered.

Tonight, though, was different. He fell out of your grasp and became the celebrity that he is, that he always has been but hides when you’re together, blending in with the elite so well that you couldn’t pick him out of the crowd. 

After minutes of dizzying searching for him, you caught a glimpse of a mop of brown curls rocking back and forth, caught up in the punchline of a conversation, dazzling the audience with its charm. 

Oh, finally, Tom –

A nameless pretty face cut off your reach, moving herself into his circle of conversation, causing you to miss your one chance to stand with him again, to feel safe again. He started a smaller talk with the girl in a long red dress, leaving little to the imagination, impeccably curled blonde hair. He was enthralled in the conversation, not withdrawing when she touched his arm after a joke. He looked over and saw you just behind the circle of inclusion, and your eyes lit up at the eye contact, your body starting to move forward to meet him. But then his eyes left the conversation, another colleague getting his attention, “you just have to come meet my friend, they want to talk to you about a film,” and he was once again gone.

The night went on like this, finding Tom peppered amongst the crowd, never able to reach him in time before he willingly walked into another conversation, seeming to completely disregard your existence. You nursed the same gin and tonic for a while at first, but the pace of your drinks increased exponentially as the hours passed by. 

Sure, a few somebodies came to speak with you, making friendly chatter, but none of them were him, the only boy you wanted to be posed next to, the only one who made you feel like you could maybe, just maybe, become part of this world.

Eventually, you gave up trying to find Tom, and after hour three had came and went, your lipstick had faded into the rims of your drink glasses, your heels hurt your feet, and it was time to return back to your circle of the Earth.

He’s having too much fun with his people to care, anyway. If he needs me, he’ll come find me.

You got home and kicked off your shoes, changing into your usual track shorts and soft tshirt, only wearing one of Tom’s hoodies because you were cold and lacked a better option. You walked over to the bowl of fish that you’d managed to keep alive since college and sprinkled some flakes into the water.

Eat up, little fellas. At least someone can have a good night.

Curling up with a book, you tried to lose yourself in its fictitious world, hoping it would help you feel a little less alone in yours.

Later that night,

Tom came through the door, the glow of a great night still illuminating his face. You had fallen asleep long ago, but woke up at the sound of the door slamming shut, Tom wincing after the fact because he hadn’t meant to close it so loudly.

He tiptoed into your bedroom, as if it would make any difference now, and saw you sitting in bed with your nose in your book. You had taken your makeup off hours ago, so he couldn’t see that your tears had run through most of it.

“Hey, love,” he said quietly, placing his things down on a chair and untying his shoes, expecting you to have already responded as he busied himself with getting ready for bed. Missing a reply, he said it again, still without turning around to look at you, faced towards the mirror so he could undo his tie. Still, silence.

His third attempt at trying to talk to you had him turned around to face you, eyebrows knit together in confusion. You continued to look down at your book, reading the same sentence over and over again, obviously unable to concentrate on doing anything but actively ignoring your boyfriend.

Tom took his undershirt off and made his way over to you, sitting on the edge of the bed, further away from you than he would normally go. It was impossible not to look up at him sitting there, every muscle in his arms and chest exposed, still looking hot as ever even though he had majorly let you down. 

Well fuck, that’s just not fair.

He caught your glance upwards and took that a sign that there was still life in you, attempting to rekindle some kind of spark that he could feel was missing. You were always so warm and welcoming when he came home, immediately stopping whatever you were in the middle of to run over to the door and wrap your arms around him, peppering his face with little hello kisses. And, god, he lived for those kisses. Right now, he felt strangely empty without them.

“So, uh, good book?” he said, not really knowing how to approach you, knowing something wasn’t right, but afraid to say it outright. You got even angrier at that, his blank expression portraying that he truly didn’t notice that something was off.

Is he really that oblivious?

You fumed at the thought of him throughout the night, flouncing around from party to party without giving you a second thought. And now, here he is sitting in front of you, unable to see that you were visibly upset. Maybe he really didn’t think he’d done anything wrong; maybe he didn’t care if he had.

You flipped a page of the book, tapping your fingers along the covers, filling the static room with a soft drum.

Tom was getting a little frustrated now, understanding that you weren’t just a statue posed in front of him, that you could obviously hear him and were consciously choosing not to respond. He stood up from the bed with a huff, walking closer to you and laying a soft hand on your shoulder. His warmth radiated into your body, and you silently cursed him for still being able to send tingles down your spine with just a touch even when you didn’t want him to.

He expected you to look up at him, to smile, to say something, anything. But you didn’t.

I am way better at the silent treatment than I thought I was.

Tom walked into the closet with a stomp in his step. He flipped through shirts, pants, jackets, not looking for anything, just trying to busy himself with a task to keep his temper at bay. His voice muffled by the hanged clothes around him, he started again. “Did something happen at the party? Did I do something wrong?”

Those were the words that did you in. 

You know damn well that you did something wrong.

You took a sip of water from your nightstand and swallowed the wrong way, coughing a few times. Tom’s ears piped up at the sound of your voice, until milliseconds later when he realized you still weren’t speaking.

He sifted through his head, what had happened that night, trying to play and replay every interaction you’d had that would’ve caused your mood. And then, it hit him.

There were no interactions that night. He’d completely abandoned you. And he knew how much you feared that.

“Listen,” he started, not really sure where his sentence was going to lead. “I’m sorry if I got caught up in the party, you know there were just a lot of people that wanted to see me, and you know I gotta give the people what they want-” his attempt at finding humor in the situation failed miserably, and he’d had enough.

“Babe,” he walked out of the closet and stood right next to you, staring you down. “I’m trying to talk to you.” You looked up and around the room, pretending to search for where that sound had come from. Your eyes stopped on your bowl of fish.

“Do y’all hear somethin’?” you said to them, hoping but not expecting to hear a tiny glub in response.

Tom threw his hands up in exasperation and rolled his eyes so far back that you were sure they’d get stuck that way.

He changed into some sweatpants, still shirtless, and climbed in the bed next to you, turning out the light next to him, the only one allowing you to read. Suddenly immersed in the still darkness, you felt a warm tear slip down your cheek. Tom sighed loudly and flopped his head down onto the pillow, still facing you, hoping you would grace him with the sound of your voice before he succumbed to the exhaustion. You looked at him in the dark, and he somehow saw the hurt in your eyes.

“Please don’t leave me to fend for myself like that,” you whispered, lying down in the bed so you were face to face.

He brought his hand to touch your cheek and rubbed small, soothing circles with his thumb.

“I’m sorry, love. It won’t happen again.”

You let that sentence resonate in the air and closed your eyes, and Tom scooted closer to you, bringing your body into him, wrapping his arms arond your small frame. Suddenly feeling his presence, the comfort you had longed for all night, put your mind at ease, and you fell asleep, promising yourself that you’d hold his hand harder next time.

[thepregnantweirdo]

All About Baby Brendan!

Baby Brendan has been here for 7 weeks, so I thought it’s about time I introduce this sweet fella!  Brendan was born on May 15, 2019 at 8:48 in the morning.  He was a scheduled c-section (so he was born a couple days before his actual due date), but I was afraid I wasn’t going to make it to the big day!  Around May 5 I started having a LOT of contractions, which was something I didn’t really experience with the other kids.  I managed to keep working until the last day that I had planned...and then the contractions magically stopped!  Baby’s movement also stopped, which made me get a little anxious.  So about 6 days before he was born, I had another ultrasound to make sure everything was ok.  Turned out he just slowed down on moving because he was crammed in there...and the technician also let me know that this baby had a large head and tum!

The day before his due date, I ended up taking Baby J to the doctor because he had a gnarly cough going on...and the pediatrician thought it’d be best to test him for whooping cough.  She also warned us that if it was positive, J wouldn’t be able to be around the baby for 2 weeks, and all of us would have to take antibiotics.  Not what I wanted to hear the day before giving birth!

All in all, baby’s birth was really smooth!  It took 4 different people to get my IV in, which wasn’t awesome, but I felt so much better during the procedure than I did with Jameson.  The best part of the entire event was finally finding out the baby’s gender!  The whole time I had a feeling that the baby was a boy...but I was still so shocked and surprised when Joe announced, “It’s a boy!”  (If you are pregnant you should definitely consider not finding out the gender.  It was an amazing experience!)  I cried when I heard the baby crying, and it was amazing to finally meet the little guy!  He weighed in at 9 lbs (smaller than I thought but still large!) and 20.25 inches.  He was over 2 inches shorter than J, which explains why I didn’t feel him smashing my ribs (thanks, baby!)  The doctor and nurses kept commenting on how adorable he was (maybe they say that to everyone), but I’d have to agree!  He had some light, wispy hair and skinny little legs and arms, and the same blue eyes as his siblings.  He also had SUPER long nails...he had to have them cut just a few hours after being born!

Speaking of that, the nurse who cut his nails was also my nurse for both Peeps and J, so that was a pretty cool experience.  Just like Baby J, Brendan ate pretty much right after coming out, and had no trouble at all.  He was a hungry little guy and was ready to pig out!  

After I fed Brendan, I remember hanging out with Joe in the recovery room and repeatedly saying how awesome I felt.  Obviously that was before the drugs wore off and I couldn’t feel anything below the waist, ha!  I was so happy that I felt decent after the surgery...with J my heart rate got really low and blood pressure dropped a ton.  This time they tried a new medicine on me to prevent all of that from happening, and I guess it worked!

One thing that was kind of a bummer was that Baby J’s whooping cough results didn’t come in that day.  We called the doctor a zillion times, but unfortunately the results didn’t come in until that night, so we decided it wouldn’t be a good idea for the kids to come in and meet Brendan.  They were so devastated...it made me so sad!  Luckily the results were negative and the kids visited the following day, but they were so sad they couldn’t meet their brother right away.

Speaking of that, the kids were so sweet when they visited the hospital for the first time!  They kind of crept in the door and shyly walked in, and we told them, “This is your new BROTHER, Brendan!”  I was a little afraid of how Peeps would react when she found out the baby was a boy, but she seemed excited (and ready to hold him!)  The other cute thing was the kids each picked out a stuffed animal for the baby (Peeps picked out a pink sheep and Jameson a blue bunny).  They were so excited to give him their presents and snuggle with their new brother.  

I was in the hospital for 4 nights, which I strangely found enjoyable!  The nurses took Brendan to the nursery during the night, changed his diapers, brought me stuff, etc...I mean, what is not great about that?  Plus I ordered this delicious fruit smoothie every single morning...I actually could go for one of those right now!

Brendan is truly the sweetest baby and has been a wonderful addition to our family.  He stinks at taking naps, but he is overall a happy guy who loves going on walks, riding in the Baby Bjorn, being outside, and watching his siblings.  Peeps has been the BEST helper, and Baby J always wants to see what the baby is up to.  The only sad thing is that I think my 5 day absence might have scarred Peeps for life!  She will randomly say things like, “Mommy, you aren’t going to sleep in the hospital again tonight, are you?”  I didn’t realize this would affect her so much, but I think she was truly worried that I was ok.  Poor Peeps!

This post is getting long, but I wanted to share a few more things about Brendan (mainly for my own memories!)  So here is a quick list:

Name:  We picked Brendan after perusing a baby book.  Nothing great was coming to mind, so I checked out a book from the library, and I started reading every single name out loud to Joe.  When I got to Brendan, he was like, hey I like that!  I liked it too, and we thought it was cool it’s an Irish name for “prince.” It was also awesome that we decided on a name that began with “B” so we didn’t have to go through the entire book! (Kidding!) His middle name is Joseph (for obvious reasons).  Turns out Brendan Joseph is also Mark Wahlberg’s son’s name, too!

Temperament:  Overall I’d say he is a chill, happy dude!  He makes the sweetest little sounds (some sound like a baby bird, and it literally sounds like he’s saying, “WA!” when he cries!)  He also grunts a LOT, which is pretty funny when we’re in public ;)

Looks:  When I saw his ultrasound, I immediately thought he was a boy because he looked SO much like Jameson.  After he was born though, I wasn’t so sure!  I actually think he looks like my baby pictures, and a little like my dad maybe?  As the days go on, he’s starting to look a little more like J, but without all of the chunk!  His hair has majorly fallen out, and he doesn’t have much in the eyelash or eyebrow department, but they’re slowly coming in!  I love his soft, soft feet and sweet little baby smell....babies are the best!

Eating:  He eats about 6-8 times a day.  He struggled with nursing a little at first, which was surprising to me because I assumed I was a seasoned pro (ha!), but he got the hang of it after awhile!  

Sleeping:  I will admit that it was awful at the beginning.  We were zombies and the big kids were being crazy, and things were just pretty rough.  Suddenly, I figured out a semi-schedule that seemed to work...he just needs to eat by about 7:30 or 8 pm.  After that, he will sleep anywhere from 2 am to even 4:30 am!  Not sure what determines that 2 hour gap, but I’ll take it!  After the early morning feeding, he usually doesn’t sleep that long...maybe another hour or 2.  It is definitely not the worst, so I hope he keeps it up!

This is turning into a major novel, so I’m going to leave it at this for now.  Stay tuned for more Baby B updates...hopefully I’ll write again before he’s 3 months old!  

He’s HERE!!!

So happy the meet him.

Hi, Mom!

Proud Daddy.

Proud (tired) Mommy.

Sporting his sweet new onesie!

Proud siblings (you can’t see but their shirts have “big bro/ big sis” on them and their names...and J’s has a dump truck and Peeps’ has a unicorn!)