#literally why is this update making everything four more steps than usual to access anything

[cheswirls]

UH so did they jus completely get rid of the blog settings panel or

[mycelier]

My name is Simone and I would like to tell you a tale!

I will not have access to my laptop for some days more and because writing on my phone is kind of painful (physically, because I am working on hand mobility now), this may end up in drafts and taking a while to post. I am going to share what has been happening the last 2 months because I feel like everything went from 0 to 100 in the span of a few weeks and its been really, really wild.

So!!! LETTUCE begin!

For roughly 5 years I've been struggling to get a diagnosis on an extremely painful area of my arm. There was literally nothing visible; no lump, discoloration or any other physical abnormality to indicate anything was wrong. I spent thousands on pretty much every kind of imaging you can do, and was told time and time again that there was nothing wrong and, perhaps, it was psychosomatic and I needed therapy or, more often than not, I was given a shrug and a vague "i dunno" response.

This year, something changed. I deal with chronic pain (my spine is congenitally fused in my neck and lower spine and I have baby bone spurs all over), and in the process of trying to work on that I brought up my arm again to a dr I no longer see. He'd told me my arm was SEVERAL things over the years I had been seeing him but this time said it was a fibromyalgia knot, something I had been told by a team of doctors some time before that. I said okay cool and was sent to a physical therapy rehab center where the dr worked with myofascial release and stretches to help with injuries. This amazing man fixed my plantar fasciitis and helped get my chronic headaches under control but NOTHING we did helped my arm pain. Within a month he was worried bc we had started to notice that there was a hardness to the spot that never changed with any exercise or massage.

Worried that there was a nerve being trapped or crushed (another diagnosis I'd gotten over the years), this amazing man sent me to a neurosurgeon who immediately frowned and said he didn't think my neck pain and my arm pain were connected. He ordered an MRI of my arm and despite it not being visible on an MRI 2 years before, he found something PHYSICALLY THERE where I said I had pain. He considered doing the surgery to remove it (despite being a neurosurgeon he was fascinated with this weird horribly painful spot) but eventually sent me a surgeon for an oncology center, assuring me it was because this new surgeon was one of the best in Texas for removing soft tissue tumors, not because there was any thought of cancer.

I met with the surgeon who gave me one more diagnosis of an AVM (arteriovenous malformation), snd said they were benign and not necessary to remove as well as the possibility that if removed it would likely return. Truly, at this point after 5 years of constant nauseating horric pain when someone brushed against me or if I gently brushed against ANYRHING, a pain so bad that it had basically made me stop using my right arm as much as possible (of course I'm right handed lol), I said GET THAT FUCKER OUT OF THERE MAN and my first surgery was scheduled.

Surgery one occurred Nov 5th and was an out patient event. I went home and passed out. At some point my mom said that while I'd been in recovery the dr said the thing in my arm hadn't looked like what he expected so he had sent it to pathology. I went back to work and was hanging out until the Tuesday before Thanksgiving when I went in for a super immediate meeting with a different doctor who told me that what had been in my arm was a synovial sarcoma, aka, cancer! He, this incredibly kind man I did not know, gently discussed chemo and told me I needed to have a CT scan immediately. Based on the CT, i was either in stage one or stage four if it has spread to lungs. The day before Thanksgiving I received the news that it was stage one, it had not spread, and i was so fucking happy.

Then it was time talk about next steps. My surgeon marked out a circle on my arm to indicate how much he was gonna remove in order to guarantee clear margins..but it was not enough of a meeting for me to grasp the surgery I was about to receive.

The day of my second surgery, dec 8th, came quickly and i met with the plastic surgeon, the kindest, most patient man. He moved my arm around and explained how he was going to hijack a vein from my forearm in order to keep the blood flow health to the flap he was gonna take from the donor site: My inner thigh.

It has been 11 days and I am living in an inpatient rehab facility, working on dealing with the nerve damage/pain, the EXTREME pain of my donor site, and the lost mobility that I am working on getting back, both in my leg and my hand. The majorities of my arm is numb...except where the nerve pain burns my wrist and forearm and makes it painful to wear my arm sling (I can't fully extend my arm, nor can I lift, push, pull or use my arm in any way that would stress out my new arm flap). Also may have a brand new urinary tract infection but as I write this I'm chugging water for a urine sample to hopefully get that treated. Below are some pictures I have taken/had taken of my arm! Im not ready to look at my leg outside of the bandages (which, since having the wound vac removed today, hell yeah, will need daily dressing changes).

EDIT: I tried posting pictures of my arm last night and my post disappeared immediately so I will try to make a new post with these photos in case the whole post was erased because of them. I will tag them as post surgery photos. I do not consider them gory or excessive but hey that's just me.

I intend to post more things as I keep healing and as I gain more mobility. I was given "independence" in my room yesterday which means I can officially get up without any assistance needed (using my badass new cane to help me lift my foot in and out of bed)!!!! Which also means I can get up whenever I want without the bed alarm going off. I have a badass cane that has been the best tool in helping me get around (and has inspired my mom and others to suggest and look into getting me a cane sword which makes me laugh REAL hard). See below me using the cane to move my foot in and out of bed!

Part of why I'm posting this is because I really needed to talk about it and while later posts may not be this long or expository but I wanted to have a base post to explain other ones related to this one!!!

I will update with some newer pics tomorrow night when my mom comes by to help me take newer pics. The arm flap looks super healthy (according to the drs), and when they changed my leg dressing they said its looking really good and healthy!

I......also really wanted to post my Amazon wishlist. Due to this stupid wild bad lottery ticket, I've been struggling to pay my bills and rent but!!! I have good insurance, thankfully (since I live in the US and my hospital stay and this rehab stay would have more than bankrupted me), and im hoping my disability checks will get here in time for rent!!! I'm putting up my wishlist bc I can't afford some of the "essentials" on there and, also, because I havent been able to have any kind of comfort during any of this. I never ask for anything for holidays because usually i...dont want to burden people with spending money on me since I know how hard money is, especially right now. And if I don't have enough for rent later I might have to create a go fund me...but right now everything looks good for rent and bills just...not for anything fun.

Thank you so much for your time!!! And happy holidays you wild bastards!!!

https://www.amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/36PG6BAYD18U7?ref_=wl_share

[the-chubbiest-dumpling]

Endings and Beginnings: Epilogue

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 4448

A/N: Here’s a little something for that cliffhanger I left on the final chapter!

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen

It took some time to fully comprehend that Bucky wouldn’t be with you every step of the way with your pregnancy. It was a surprise in itself that you were pregnant at all. You two weren’t exactly being safe, but you knew that a pregnancy didn’t usually occur during the first consummation. But the nausea and mood swings and constant hunger were the obvious indicators that you were pregnant. You didn’t know why you didn’t think of it.

With permission from T’Challa and the Tribal Council, you were permitted to stay in Wakanda for the duration of your pregnancy. You were aware that they didn’t like outsiders, and made it a clear point that you wouldn’t mind leaving Wakanda if that’s what they wished. But T’Challa vouched for you–despite your previous altercations–and allowed you to stay. You were grateful for his hospitality, and didn’t want to be useless. You didn’t have much to offer in the most technologically advanced country in the world, but you convinced T’Challa to give you something to do so you wouldn’t go crazy from not doing anything while pregnant.

You were no assassin, and you weren’t going to take up any jobs that involved risking your life–not while you were growing another. T’Challa would never suggest such a kind of job to you, since it wasn’t your style and he was positive you were done with that kind of life (for the time being). So, he positioned you where he knew you would enjoy it, and where the people around you would tolerate your presence.

Shuri’s lab.

T’Challa had set up a Wakandan international outreach centre in California, and left Shuri in charge of the science and information exchange, while a lovely woman named Nakia would oversee the social outreach. Your part in all of this was to help Shuri test her new inventions before she would send them to the outreach centre. The thought of being able to assist the most brilliant mind in the world was an honour in itself. You had a lot of fun testing her inventions, and Shuri herself had even more fun when you were blown back or shoved to the side. The videos themselves would be some of the funniest vines ever.

At first you thought that you would receive some hostility from the citizens for being in their country that no one else was supposed to know about, but ever since T’Challa made a statement at the U.N. about sharing Wakanda’s resources and knowledge with the rest of the world, you figured they would spare you the waste of breath. That, or they actually found you pleasant.

You were also given Kimoyo beads as a means of communication and accessing the internet, along with medical knowledge and updates on your fetus. With permission from T’Challa (to which you actually didn’t need anymore but nonetheless felt the need to), you were able to contact your friends and family, and update them on everything. What you were really doing, who you really were, and where you staying. The news came as a bombshell to everyone (besides Maeve), as you expected. It wasn’t everyday that someone is told their friend or sibling had been operating with the Avengers and possessed the power of pyrokinesis. You left out the parts about Bucky and your pregnancy, of course. You were sure that letting them know who the father of your baby was wouldn’t go down that smoothly. The important thing was that your loved ones were safe, and they were glad you were as well. You informed them you wouldn’t be returning for a while, for reasons you couldn’t give. And they would have to settle for that.

A few weeks into your service, Shuri gently brought up Bucky. It had surprised you a little, since you never thought she would be interested in him. But when she said she was working to find a way to essentially “reboot” Bucky while retaining who he is as a person by using an algorithm she created? You began to tear up. You didn’t really understand her scientific jargon, but all you needed to know was that he’d be able to live as a free man, free from HYDRA’s influence–permanently. You trusted Shuri a lot more than Vision this time around, since she’d be using real technology. And you trusted that technology a lot more than an artificial being that Tony created.

She said she needed some more time to ensure the accuracy of the algorithm before moving forward and bringing Bucky out of cryostasis to perform the procedure, but she assured you it would work. She also asked if you wanted to be present during that time, to which you replied no. You didn’t want to overwhelm him with you yourself and your pregnancy before he underwent a procedure like that. But you said that you would visit him a few weeks after she extracted his programming, just so he had time to get used to it. Shuri was perfectly fine with that.

It would be a few months before Shuri would make a breakthrough regarding Bucky’s programming. You were five months pregnant, your belly round and prominent. You felt most of what a lot of pregnant women would say about the effects of carrying a child: the food cravings, mood swings, tiredness, aching muscles, peeing a lot more, trouble sleeping, the works. Your Kimoyo beads were more than helpful with recommending methods of how to tackle these side effects efficiently. Shuri was also being wonderful with your pregnancy, maybe even more so than the beads. She was able to handle your cranky behaviour and sluggish attitude on the worse days. She would just shoo you off to bed to get some rest and would let you know when she needed help again. You would always apologize after the fact, since you knew that being pregnant wasn’t an excuse for lashing out and being crusty. But Shuri was an understanding woman. For the remainder of your pregnancy, she essentially put you on desk duty. No overworking, and no participating with testing her newest gadget. You were disappointed, but complied with no objections.

In the meantime, you caught up with Wakanda’s culture and history, immersing yourself in it because literally no one knew about Wakanda’s true nature. The culture, history, clothing, uses of vibranium, the Five Tribes, technology, music. You read all about them and ventured into the city to experience it all. That took about a month and a half of your time, which was also the amount of time in which Shuri was able to complete her algorithm and “reboot” Bucky like she had mentioned. You busied yourself by speaking with the locals while she performed the procedure. When the time was right, you would visit Bucky after he had some time to himself and breathe without the looming threat of a hand floating around his neck, ready to choke the life out of him at any time.

Despite not being present at the procedure, Shuri contacted you and let you know that it was a success. Bucky’s vitals were normal, and there was no damage done to his brain or tissues. It would take some time to see real results, but nevertheless, the procedure was a success, and Bucky was expected to be okay.

For real, this time.

The anticipation to visit him was driving you crazy, so after another month of being restless and cranky, you decided it was time. Your belly was as big as ever at seven and a half months. You were ready to pop out your baby at any given time. Your feet and back were sore all the time, you were still craving insane food combinations, and you wanted to cry every day. Being pregnant wasn’t all glow and parading around in high heels and smiling like you were having the time of your life. No no no. Being pregnant was the constant fear of your ability (or inability) to be a mother, eating until you stopped crying, having a sore everything, and most of all, longing for your lover.

You didn’t think you would be able to stand not seeing Bucky for so long after he went under again. A lot of the time you were crying about him, for him, wanting to see him. You had the chance when Shuri undid his programming, but you made your decision to keep yourself hidden from him until it was the right time.

And the time is now.

You told Shuri to bring you along when she was going to check on Bucky and his recuperation. She agreed, but warned you that it was a long walk to where he was staying. You accepted that fact, and took it slowly as you both made your way to a part of farmland in Wakanda. You wanted to look your best for when you finally saw Bucky again, but the baggy eyes and wobbly walk wouldn’t be able to fool him, no matter how you dressed. Nevertheless, you managed to pull on a simple white, weightless dress by yourself, and held onto Shuri’s arm for support.

And Shuri wasn’t kidding. The walk was unbearably long, bumpy, and slightly muddy, but the weather was nice enough for you to be able to enjoy it a bit. The scenery was perfect, as always. It was when you two came upon a hill that Shuri stopped.

“He’s just over there,” she said. You could see the top of huts over the hill, Bucky resting in one of them. You licked your lips, and nodded your head.

“You go,” you said. “I’ll be there in a moment.”

“Okay.”

She gave you an encouraging smile before ascending the hill to visit Bucky. You felt your heart race in your chest, and the tears form in your eyes. Now that you were there, you didn’t know if he even wanted a child. You knew you did, and you were thrilled, after the initial shock. But you grew to love the feeling of your baby kicking against your stomach and reading bedtime stories and placing headphones over your belly for your baby to hear. It was surreal, but you supposed it was the same for all first-time mothers. But you were ready. You just didn’t know if Bucky was.

But you couldn’t turn back now. You were there, ready to see your beloved again, ready to tell him (or show him) that he was going to be a father.

After you wiped your eyes and took deep breaths, you rubbed your belly in comfort before you walked up the hill, and gazed upon Bucky. You noticed his hair was longer, half of it tied up into a bun. He also wore a red and blue, toga-like garment, with only his flesh arm showing, and was barefoot. He hadn’t seen you yet, since he was still speaking with Shuri. But as soon as she turned to the side to show him he had a visitor, he started. His lips parted, and he took a step back from the surprise. You smiled painfully at him, and began to descend the hill with a hand on your back and the other on your belly.

The closer you got to him, the clearer his expression became. He was crying, but he was smiling. He must’ve been thinking a thousand things at once with how much he knitted his brows together. You were trying not to cry too much, but those damn hormones really knew when to kick in to make a scene that much more emotional. You stood in front of him, your belly ready to burst, your cheeks stained with hot tears. You looked from him to your belly, then up again.

“I, um…” You struggled to find the right words, so you started with a simple greeting. “Hey.”

“Hi,” came his quiet reply. He wanted to say something more, but his voice betrayed him. Thankfully, you had much more to say.

“It’s been a while but… yeah. I’m pregnant,” you began. You casted your eyes downwards to make it easier for yourself. “I’m ready to pop this sucker out any time now. And… it’s yours, Bucky. I found out after you went under. It must have happened while we were in Romania. According to the Kimoyo beads he’s healthy and in a good position and expected to be–“

“Wait,” Bucky interrupted. You closed your mouth, and raised your head as you awaited his response. “You’re… w-we’re… we’re going to have a son?”

“Yes,” you smiled. You began rubbing your belly again. “He’s… I’m–I’m going to keep him, of course. I couldn’t just throw this away when I wanted–“

You got cut off mid-sentence by Bucky cupping your face and kissing you. You held onto his wrist and closed your eyes, keeping your sobs at bay to bask in the feeling of being able to kiss him once more. He was still warm, still comforting, still the same Bucky that went under, but came out a lot more mentally stable. He pulled away and rested his forehead on yours, then slinked his hand down to grasp onto yours. The two of you stayed like that for a solid minute before saying another word to each other.

“So, you’re okay with this?” you asked, still breathless.

“I didn’t think it’d ever happen,” he confessed, opening his eyes. “I never thought I’d get the chance to start over and have a family of my own…” He raised your chin with his finger and smiled tearfully at you. “Of course I’m okay with it. I’m ecstatic. Because of our carelessness, we got a happy accident.”

You chuckled at his little toss of humour, and kissed him again. “It’s probably the only happy accident we’re gonna have, because they’re so rare.”

“Excuse me.”

The two of you turned your attention towards Shuri when she made you remember that she was still there.

“If you two are done putting me through this uncomfortable third-wheel reunion, I’d like to show Bucky more of what he has to learn.”

“Give us a break, Shuri,” you joke. “We haven’t seen each other in forever. Let us have this.”

“Fine,” she said. “Five more minutes.”

“So generous.”

She chuckled and stood off to the side by the river to give you and Bucky some more time alone. You held his hands and brought them to your belly.

“He’s been very active lately,” you said. “Kept me up for a few nights because he wouldn’t stay still.”

Bucky got down on one knee so he was face-to-face with your belly, roaming his hand all over to feel his baby kick. Soon enough, he felt a small pressure push against the palm of his hand. He smiled in disbelief, and waited to feel it again. His smile only grew the second time he felt his son’s foot kick his hand.

“I haven’t thought of a name yet,” you said, admiring how loving Bucky looked while he rubbed your belly. “Got any ideas?”

“Not at the moment, no,” he said. He felt one more kick before all movement stopped. You put your hands over his.

“He knows that his daddy is here,” you grinned. “You’re getting him all worked up.”

“Good,” he said. “’Cause I can’t wait to see him.”

He stood up once more, holding onto your hand. You squeezed his hand happily, then glanced over to Shuri. Sighing, you nodded towards her.

“Time for your lessons,” you said. “Whatever they are.”

Bucky glimpsed over his shoulder, only frowning slightly at Shuri looking expectant. He only got a couple of minutes with you, but it was well worth it. He turned back to you, and gave you a pleasant smile.

“I’ll see you after,” he said, leaning down to kiss your forehead. “I’ll see the both of you later.”

“And we’ll be waiting,” you said. You reached up and brushed your thumb along his cheek, then let him go to be with Shuri.

Bucky had kept his promise the day you two had reunited: after learning new things with Shuri, he came back to be with you and your baby. The whole time he never left your bedside, cuddling you with his head on your shoulder. You spent the whole night sharing stories of your times in Shuri’s lab, in the city, learning the culture, and Wakanda’s history. You talked and talked and talked until Bucky fell asleep, snuggled into your side, his hand on your belly. You never could have imagined a better picture than that.

But apparently, you could.

No more than a few weeks later, it was time to give birth to your child. You never imagined the amount of pain you’d be in; you had heard stories, of course, but they hardly lived up to the real thing. Shuri had asked you if you wanted to have a comfortable birth, free of pain, but you opposed it. Despite the bone-crushing agony of your contractions, you wanted to experience the birth naturally and free of anesthetics. Then for the next time–if there was one–you would definitely request some epidural.

Bucky was there alongside with you, dressed in a white garment, comforting you the entire way to the medical facility. You were crying in pain, wanting your son out of your belly, and to just hold him. You waited patiently for eight months to grow and nourish your baby, and waited only half a month less to be reunited with Bucky. It was about time that the two of you met your newborn and become a family.

It was a long day. Your water had broken while you were simply walking around with Bucky in hopes of kick-starting the labour. And it certainly helped. You heard the splat of water hit the shiny tile, and realized that you were about to go into labour. You called Shuri using your Kimoyo beads, and no less than a minute later, you were surrounded by the medical team with Bucky at your side.

It was a long, uncomfortable, and hot process. You had been in labour for ten hours; you shit-talked your old boss from when you worked at Subway as a teenager, you complained about your mother being stingy at the most ridiculous things, and you yelled so many profanities it was a wonder how everyone in the room didn’t suddenly have the urge to swear in their sentences. Bucky had a few laughs, but the whole time he was mostly trying to comfort you by letting you squeeze his hand. He couldn’t imagine the pain you were in, but you sure let everyone know just how much the contractions hurt.

But as soon as the doctor mentioned the word “push” in her sentence, you stopped screaming, grabbed the sidebars of your bed and stared her in the eyes, determined to deliver your son as you set your calves in the leg rests. She snapped on her gloves, Bucky stood by your side, and the other nurses got to their stations as the head doctor settled herself between your legs. You slammed your head back against your pillows as she gave you the go-ahead to begin pushing.

It took ten minutes, a lot of encouragement, and sheer willpower to deliver your son. You had a skull-pounding headache, you were sweaty, and most of all, tired. But hearing the small cries of your baby boy washed all of the small frustrations away. Bucky couldn’t keep his eyes off him as he cut the umbilical cord, then as the doctor placed him in your arms. He was covered in amniotic fluid and a little blood and vernix, but other than that, he was beautiful. You cooed at him through your tears, and welcomed him to the world.

“Hey there little guy,” you whispered. You lifted his tiny fist with your finger as he continued to cry. “I’ve been dying to meet you. You had a heck of a time in my belly, didn’t you? Kicking around like there was no tomorrow. Well no more of that. You can roll around as much as you’d like now.” You smiled down at him, before carefully handing him off to Bucky so he could have a private moment with his son. He only had one arm, but he could manage.

Bucky didn’t say anything; all he could do was smile and cry at his newborn son. He was completely speechless. It was all too soon when the nurses had to take your son away to be cleaned up and put into a crib. You held a shaky hand out to Bucky, to which he took gently and leaned down to kiss your head.

“He’s so beautiful,” you said, closing your eyes. “We did good.”

“You did good,” he corrected, stroking your hair. “All I did was get you pregnant. You had to go through it alone, but at least I got here at the finish line. I’m so proud of you, _______. Go to sleep now. You’ll see him again later.”

“But I don’t want to go to sleep,” you muttered, yawning in the process. “I wanna hold him again…”

“You will,” Bucky chuckled. “He’ll be taken care of. Rest for now. He’s not going anywhere.”

He kept stroking your hair until you fell asleep. But it would only be for two hours before you were awoken once more. Not by the doctor or nurses to check up on you, but by Bucky, standing at the foot of your bed with his back to you. He was holding your son, all swaddled up in his burrito blanket, bouncing smoothly from the knees. Bucky was cooing at him and complimenting his tiny features and kissing his nose. It made your heart swell. He turned around and smiled widely at you. Your eyes widened in disbelief when you saw the brand new metal arm he had.

“Bucky, your–your arm!”

“Yeah,” he smiled, looking down at it. “Guess they figured I’d need two hands to hold my son from now on.” The base was black with a gold lining webbed into it. It was definitely made from vibranium, and looked a hell of a lot better than the one that HYDRA graciously bestowed upon him. Fascism was not a good look on him.

“Look who’s awake, little man,” Bucky said to his son, bouncing his way over to you. That made you smile more. “Mama is!” He stood next to your bed and handed the baby over to you. You took him gently, and scooted over a bit for Bucky to lie down with you. You laid your head on Bucky’s shoulder, sighing happily.

“Look at his cute little nose,” you said, softly running your finger along your son’s face. “And his little eyes, and his little mouth. His little ears and hair… he’s so soft and has that new baby smell. He’s perfect.”

“He is,” Bucky agreed. He reached out to stroke his son’s cheek with his metal arm. He stirred in his burrito blanket and yawned, making both you and Bucky smile. He opened his eyes, staring in curiosity at the new world he was in.

“Hiiii,” you cooed. “Hey, little guy… Hmmm. We need to give him a name. We can’t keep calling him ‘baby’ and ‘little guy’. Any ideas yet?”

“I’m still too wrapped up in the fact that he’s real,” Bucky confessed, a dreamy look in his eyes. “Do you?”

“One. I’m still not too sure about it, though.”

“What were you thinking?”

“…Sebastian.”

“Sebastian, huh?”

Bucky stared at his son’s face, and considered a few things. Did it sound like a grown-up name? Not really. Could he use cute nicknames for him? Of course. Did he look like a Sebastian? It was too soon to tell, but he definitely could be. And, did the name “Sebastian Barnes” have a nice ring to it? Without a doubt. He beamed the more he thought about it.

“I like it,” he said. “I like it a lot.”

“Really? ‘Cause if you have another name in mind later on then–“

“No, no. I like Sebastian. It suits him.”

“Hmmm… Little Sebastian~” You poked your son’s cheek and tapped his nose to get his attention, and to see if he liked his new name. “Sebastiannn. Little Sebastiannn!” Sebastian all but stared at you, and chewed the top of his blanket. You chuckled at his response. “Guess he doesn’t quite understand words yet.”

“For only a few hours old, I would assume not,” Bucky chortled. “But he’ll learn in a few years. For now, all he has to do is eat and sleep.”

“And have play time, of course,” you added. “And I hope that he’ll have a lot of father-son time too…”

You looked up at Bucky expectantly, to which he smiled in return. He kissed your temple and rubbed your shoulder.

“Don't worry,” he said gently. “He will. I’ll be here. Now that I am where I am, I don’t plan on going anywhere.”

“You better not,” you warned, shifting your grip on Sebastian. “Or I’ll glue you to a rocking chair and you’ll have nowhere to go.”

“I promise I won’t leave. Ever again. And that’s something I know I’m willing to keep true.”

“It’s okay. I know you will. You deserve this, Bucky. More than anyone else in the world. Learn to cherish each moment. Because before you know it, he’ll be five and then ten and then twenty. Life with a child flies by and you don’t even know it.”

“Trust me, I believe it. I’ll be here for each life achievement he’ll have. His first words, riding a bike, going to school… I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

He kissed your cheek then, and you turned your head around to give him a proper, sensual kiss. You scratched his beard contently and held Sebastian higher up for Bucky to admire him.

“I love you, Bucky,” you said. “And I love you, Sebastian.”

“I love you too, _______,” Bucky returned. “And, of course, you too, Sebastian.”

The three of you laid in bed together for what felt like hours before Sebastian was needed to be taken back to his hospital crib. You sadly gave him back, but held onto Bucky’s arm and watched the nurse wheel your son away once more. You didn’t know what it was, maybe a new motherly instinct, but in that moment, you felt that everything was going to be okay.

And that Bucky was going to be by your side until your dying days.

E/A/N: ...or was he?

No, no. We all know that Infinity War didn’t happen so Bucky doesn’t turn to dust and y’all live happily ever after like it should be.

Also I was wracking my brain to figure out what to name the baby so I just thought it’d be easy and funny to go with Sebastian 😂

[arckook]

oh no - six

one - two - three

pairing: jung jaehyun x reader

au: high school

warnings: none

word count: 3.6k

description: you accidentally snapchat the gorgeous Jung Jaehyun instead of your drunk friend, and now things are a little more complicated than you’d have liked.

Friday rolls around quicker than you expect it to, and while in class, you and Jaehyun decide it'd be better to work on the project at one of your houses rather than the library, so you can have access to lots of art supplies for the poster you're supposed to make. Jaehyun has a club meeting after school, and you have to drop your sister off at cheer practice at four, so you decide to meet at his place at around five. He warns you his mom will be home, and that she's a little bit overbearing, but you are basically a mom charmer (all your friends' moms love you), so you just laugh that off.

Naeun jumps out of the car before you even come to a complete stop, shouting obscenities at you about being late that your mother would basically pass out hearing come from her younger child's mouth. You do feel bad that you had gotten your sister to practice nearly half an hour after it started, but Joy (and the other girls in the background) had called you and insisted you relay everything that happened at Jaehyun's house to her via text every ten minutes. You'd had to argue to get to the ten minute mark for a while, because she wanted five minutes plus a call every half hour. And so you'd ended up leaving the house late.

And now it's four thirty, and you need to be on your way to Jaehyun's, since he lives across town.

Your ringtone goes off throughout the speakers of the car as you make a U-turn and leave the cheer building's parking lot, and you absentmindedly tap the answer button without looking to see who it is.

"Y/N!" Johnny sing-songs through the receiver. "My lovely child!" "Excuse me?" you raise a brow, briefly looking at your phone to make sure it's actually Johnny, and then to put Jaehyun's address in maps. Yeah, you've lived around here your whole life, but you still don't really know the streets and how to get to specific places without help. "I'm calling because you told me you'd come to the party tonight," Johnny says, carrying a lilting tone in his voice. "I definitely didn't say that I was coming to a party," you shake your head, chuckling. "You literally just told me you wanted to hang out tonight. No mention of a party." Johnny' quiet for a moment. "...Okay. But you're still coming over!" he pipes, obviously trying to breeze over your brazen response. "I can't, actually. I have to work on a project." you turn left at Siri's suggestion, the route time reading that it was only a five minute drive. So you would end up getting there early. Hopefully not before Jaehyun himself. "A project? What? Why would you do that instead of hanging out with me?" Johnny says disbelievingly. You can practically see the shocked expression on his face. "Because it's due on Monday, and my partner and I still have a lot of work to do." Johnny seems to consider this briefly, but his next words make you groan out loud. "Okay, but how about this: Taeyong is going to be at the party! Huh? Amazing, right?"

"That doesn't do much to convince me, Johnny." you reply honestly. Taeyong is handsome and all, but you still haven't replied to his text, and unless Jaehyun flat out rejects you in some way today, you don't really have a desire to see him. "Well, I told him you'd be here and that's why he's coming, so you should really come." Johnny starts to sound desperate. "Come on, Y/N! Just half-ass the project in like two hours and then come over! I'll let you sleep in my bed again!" "I'm not sleeping over at your house anymore," you roll your eyes, taking a right turn into Jaehyun's (supposed) neighborhood. "I'll let you know, okay?" "Fine," Johnny says, sounding dejected. "Ttyl." "Ttyl." you reply, and he hangs up.

You ring Jaehyun's doorbell at four forty-five, and are really hoping that he's home. He did say his meeting was after school, and usually they're not too much longer than an hour or two by your experience, so he should be... You're just nervous that you'll be alone in his house. When you've literally never been in it before.

The door swings open to reveal a tall, lithe woman with short dark hair and kind, lifted eyes that resemble Jaehyun's. She smiles and they curve up just like his do.

"You must be Y/N! Come on in, sweetheart, Jae told me you'd be coming by tonight!" she ushers you into the house, and you take your shoes off quickly before smiling back and following her into what you assume is the kitchen. "I'm Jae's mom, call me Younghee." "Y/N," you say, smiling kindly at her as she sits you down at the kitchen table, scurrying around the kitchen. You take a look around as she talks. "I'll grab you some water, dear– you know, Jae's said a lot about you, he always talks about how he'd be failing history if it weren't for your help!" Younghee shoots you a grateful smile as she sets a glass of water down in front of you and takes the seat to your left. 

"Oh?" you ask, cocking your head. You didn't think you did too much tutoring regarding Jaehyun in history. "Yes!" Younghee pipes. "He told me you really help him focus, and that he was really glad your teacher never changed your seats so that he could sit next to you. Why, I'm not surprised, considering how lovely you are!" Your eyes widen, awkwardly chuckling at the comment. "Oh, thanks," you say, taking a sip of the water. "He's upstairs showering right now, by the way. He was hoping you'd be a bit late rather than early, but I'm glad you're ahead of the clock! It's a good trait, I think." she reaches over and pats your head affectionately, and you smile again, moreso just to seem polite. Yeah, you can see how Jaehyun would call his mom 'overbearing'. It's not bothering you too much, though. "It's no problem, I don't mind waiting," you say, glancing around at the kitchen area.

It's connected to the living room, the only separation the split between tile and wooden floors. The walls are painted a calm yellow, and there's dozens of pictures of Jaehyun hung on them. The decoration around the space was crowded, mostly unorganized, and you figure that's because of Younghee's clear scatter-brained tendencies, but it looks like a home, lived in, and you find that you like it a lot.

"Mom?"

You and Younghee both look behind you, only to see Jaehyun standing at the top of the stairs, wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips. He lets out a surprised yelp when he catches your eye and hops around the edge of the staircase so as to hide himself. You snap back to the cup of water in front of you, knowing a furious blush must be spreading across your cheeks– that body, that wet hair... God, was he gorgeous–

"Yes?" Younghee replies calmly, as though both you and her son hadn't just gone through massive embarrassment. Jaehyun's voice comes out meeker than you've heard. "I was gonna ask if you wanted to get Y/N some tea ready, but, uh, I guess she's here, so... I'm just going to get changed now."

You hear quick and loud footsteps, and you guess that Jaehyun has scurried off to put on some actual clothes. Damn. Well, only kind of damn, because while you'd love to ogle his figure, you'd never get anything done that way.

"Do you like tea, sweetheart?" Younghee asks, placing her hand over yours that are wrapped around the water glass. "I can fix you some now, if you'd like?" "Oh, no, water's fine," you say, smiling and nodding, hoping the heat in your cheeks has died down. Younghee looks about to reply when a loud ding goes off from your pocket. You bite your lip, looking down at it. "Go ahead, dear, I don't mind if you text at the table," Younghee assures you, patting your hand before lifting it off. You nod, pulling your phone out and unlocking it to see a message in the groupchat.

Updates??? Are you there yet???

You sigh. Joy. Of course.

yes i am and nothings really happened, just hanging with jaehyuns mom

You choose to omit that you've seen him half naked fresh out of the shower. You'll keep that little detail to yourself.

Okay. Remember, ten minutes.

Yes, you'd remember. You roll your eyes and pocket your phone, only to hear those same loud footsteps forming a rhythm behind you. You turn over your shoulder and find Jaehyun, dressed in a red hoodie, ripped jeans, and the same wet hair taking the last step of the stairs, and then casually strolling towards you and his mom. He shoots you a somewhat bashful smile, running his hand through his hair to push it away from his face. Yeah, you nearly pass out on the spot from that visual, but manage to contain yourself and just smile back.

"I see why you like Y/N so much, son! She's really such a doll," Younghee chirps as she stands from her place at the table. You do the same, watching Jaehyun's reaction to his mom's words. He chuckles, tongue running over his lip as he looks at the ground. "Ah, yeah, she's cool." You don't say anything, just interlock your fingers in front of you, swaying gently from side to side as you wait for Jaehyun to offer a place to go to work on the project. "So," Younghee says. "You two can stay in here, or there's the upstairs sitting room, or your room if you keep the door open, Jae. I promise mom won't bother you too much!" she reaches over and ruffles Jaehyun's hair, and he shrinks away. "Mom," he whines, and you giggle to yourself. "Where to?" he asks, turning towards you. You shrug. "Your house, you decide, I guess." Jaehyun seems to think on it, before nodding to himself. "All my school stuff is in my room, if you don't mind being up there."

Well, you highkey do mind, because holy shit you're going into your crush's room and that's a huge thing to be doing your first time in his house. But he seems cool with it. So you will pretend to be as well.

"Sure," you say, shrugging again. "Great," says Jaehyun, then extends his arm and grins. "Right this way."

Jaehyun's room is... pretty much exactly what you'd expect from an eighteen year old boy. Kinda messy, although you imagine he'd tried to clean up in case you did come in here. Basketball trophies lined up on a bookshelf that had no books on it, various other sports awards and ribbons strewn along the walls and his dresser. His backpack is atop the bed, which is made, and all the notes he must have taken during class the past few days are lying on the rug by it.

"You can put your stuff down anywhere," Jaehyun says, and you realize you've sort of just been standing there, looking around, without actually saying anything. "Right," you say, a nervous smile on your face as you drop your backpack on the ground and settle down next to it. Jaehyun raises his brows as he sits on the bed, reaching into his bag. "You can sit on the chair, you know," he chuckles as he points to the desk and rolling chair on the other side of the room, but you just shrug. "Well, the poster will only fit on the floor, so." "Oh, right!" Jaehyun stands, reaching over behind his bed to pull out one of those tri-folding cardboard posters that fifth graders use for science fairs. "How's this for the poster?" You chuckle. "It's perfect." He sends you a cheeky thumbs up, and then settles down beside you on the floor, organizing the space to make room for everything. "So, I was thinking that we could put the title here, and then the rubric says to have at least five sources cited somewhere on the poster, so we should put that at the bottom..."

Jaehyun talks, but all you can think about is how you don't mind this. Just being here with him, despite it only being as partners for a project. It's okay if he never asks you out– because it's Jaehyun, and as long as you can see him once in a while, talk and laugh and study together, everything's good.

"Y/N?"

You snap your eyes up at the sound of your name. "Hm?" Jaehyun breaks into a smile as he catches your gaze. "Were you zoning out?" You let out a bashful laugh, brushing a strand of hair out of your face as you look back down at the poster and all your work. "Yeah, sorry. So I'll start the title part?"

You haven't really been faithful to your promise of updating the girls every ten minutes. It's been two and a half hours, and you've texted Joy three times total, all of which said something along the lines of, everythings normal. dw. And nothing else.

You and Jaehyun are nearly done with the project. Realistically, you could have finished an hour ago, if you'd been efficient with your time, but you'd gotten off track multiple times. Once, he made a reference to Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, and seeing as that was your favorite 80's movie, you had to discuss the intricacies of it for at least twenty minutes. Then, his mom had asked if you were hungry, and although you said no, she brought you a plate of snacks and insisted that you come downstairs and eat them. You explained your entire college plan to her as small talk. That took a while, too.

But here you are now, flipping the poster over as Jaehyun digs in his art supply box from ten years ago (or so he says) for some sharpies to sign your names and hour on the back as your teacher requested.

"Got one! Do you think red will show up?" Jaehyun asks, turning over his shoulder, holding up a miniature sized red sharpie. You laugh. "How can you be a senior in high school and only have a mini red sharpie?" Jaehyun rolls his eyes. "That wasn't a good answer to my question. Honestly, do you think it'll show up? Because if not, I gotta go downstairs and look in my dad's office–"

And there goes your ringtone, blaring out loud as usual, because you never turn off the ringer on your phone. For some reason.

You scramble to grab your phone which you'd thrown on Jaehyun's bed at some point, looking at him to make sure it was okay to answer before you did so. He shrugged with a half smile, so you swiped to answer the call, not really looking at the id. It had to be either Joy or your mom, anyway.

"Y/N? Are you there?"

Oh. Great.

"Taeyong?" you ask, sitting down on the floor and avoiding Jaehyun's eyes. You felt his gaze snap onto you as soon as you said the name out loud, and it burns while the person in question talks. "Yeah, it's me," Taeyong says, a smile evident in his voice. "Johnny said you might be coming tonight. I was wondering if you'd be over soon, since it's like... seven thirty-ish." You tongue the inside of your cheek. "Um... I mean, I would, but I'm kind of busy right now..." "Ah, shame," Taeyong chuckles, and you can picture him shrugging. "I was hoping I'd see you again?"

You know the question isn't just in reference to tonight. He's asking if you want to go out with him, in general. If sometime soon, you want to go on a date.

You almost look up to find Jaehyun, like you need to ask his permission. But he's not your anything, he's just a friend, and he's already made it clear that he doesn't care whether you do or don't have an interest in Taeyong.

"Uh, yeah," you say, fingers tapping. "I'll let you know when I'm free."

The words feel wrong as you say them.

"Great!" Taeyong says, his voice much brighter than when he'd been asking. "Talk to you soon, then?" "Yeah," you reply. "Bye," says Taeyong. "Bye," you say, and hit end call.

You bite your lip as you set your phone down, and finally look at Jaehyun, extending your hand.

"Sorry about that. I'm sure red will show up fine." He stares at you, expression unreadable, before he runs his tongue over his lower lip and speaks. "Are you going out with that guy? Taeyong?" You're surprised, and you're sure your face must show it. "...He's not my boyfriend, if that's what you're asking," you say cautiously, sitting back on your heels and dropping your arm. "But are you going to go out with him? Like, on a date?"

You brush your hair behind your ear, eyes flicking between the poster and just to the left of Jaehyun, not really wanting to look directly at him. You don't know why, but his tone makes you feel like you're answering wrong if you say yes.

"I mean... yeah, probably."

You catch Jaehyun's eye by accident just then, and his whole form seems to constrict, tighten, like that response was stressful or something. He stares at you, brows drawing ever so slightly together, before a single word escapes his lips.

"Don't."

Your eyes widen, your own body tensing as you look at him. Your mouth drops slightly open, gears in your head turning as you try to make sense of what he's just said.

"What do you mean, 'don't'?" you ask, your voice weak. Jaehyun looks down, breaking the blistering eye contact between you two. "I mean, don't go out with him." "Why not?" you ask before you can keep the words from slipping out. Jaehyun sighs, a subtle annoyance spreading across his features. "Isn't it obvious, Y/N?" you don't reply, and he looks up again, eyes meeting yours. "I like you. I liked you back in freshman year when we sat at the same table in math, and I thought it went away since we never talked after that, but then we had the project at the beginning of this year, and..." he trails off, looking down once again and shaking his head. "I'm sorry. Obviously you kissed that guy and– it's stupid, I'm sorry."

He's sitting there in front of you, avoiding your eyes, avoiding your presence, and you have no words.

You've liked Jung Jaehyun for ages, and he likes you too.

"Jaehyun," you start, a smile spreading across your face. You're itching with excitement. "No, don't say it's okay," he says, shaking his head violently. "I know I just ruined our friendship, you don't have to pretend or anything," "Jaehyun, don't be an idiot," you say, a big, bright smile now taking up your whole expression. His head snaps up, a frown lacing his features as he takes in your smile. "What–" he begins, but all you can do is cut him off. "Clearly I like you too," you say, a laugh bubbling up from your chest. You know your face must be red, but you don't care. "I told you, I only kissed Taeyong because we were playing spin the bottle and I didn't want everyone to make fun of me for not doing it."

Jaehyun looks appalled. Shocked. Shook, you might even say.

"What?" he asks, eyes wide. "But then– why did you agree to go out with him?" You laugh again, hands pressing to your hot cheeks. "Because it seemed like you didn't care that day in the library! Ah, how stupid have I been! I can't believe this!" "Wait, so you're saying– so you're saying this is a mutual thing?" Jaehyun asks, and you can see the way his face begins to light up as you nod quickly. "You also like me?" "Yes!" you exclaim, laughing still. You feel bright, you feel warm. "Yes!" Jaehyun exclaims back, hopping onto his feet and striding over to you before pulling you up by the hands, lacing his fingers with yours. "This isn't a dream, right?" he asks, that gorgeous, sunshine smile that you adore so much across his face. You shake your head, although it feels like one to you, too. "No dream," you say, reaching up with one hand and pinching his cheek. Jaehyun laughs, his bubbly, sweet, contagious laugh. "Perfect," he says, lifting the hand that you let go of and brushing your hair back out of your face. "Is it weird if I kiss you right now?" You giggle, shaking your head, and Jaehyun laughs again, under his breath as he rests his forehead against yours. "You're not weird, Jung Jaehyun." you say, looping your free arm around his neck to draw him closer. "Perfect," he repeats, and his lips are on yours.

Y/N! It's been an hour!!! Updates????

everything is good. make sure to thank johnny for his drunk rants for me

a/n: while reading this over to edit, i realized that i seriously never spell ‘embarrass’ correctly

[regular-lord-reckoner]

update on the situation at work 

okay, so i had thought my office mate (i have two, we’ll call them b and s and right now i’m talking about b) had just up and quit, like stopped showing up without a word and that was that but apparently that’s...not exactly how it went down 

i know this because of how some shit went down today so okay like...i knew b’s supervisor (we’ll call her s) was supposed to be stopping by my office today because we’d spoken on the phone and i was under the impression she was going to give me some curriculum or whatever to start looking over and maybe show me how to do the scoring thing if she had time 

so my other office mate, s, is there and we’re talking about the situation with b and i was telling her what i thought happened, blah blah blah 

i get up to go make lunch, i’m literally gone like 3 minutes tops and when i come back from the kitchen b is there and i’m like...???? 

she’s got a bunch of stuff with her and she’s like, “yeah, i’m bringing back the rest of my supplies and s is supposed to meet me here to make sure i brought back everything” 

because for our jobs like we usually end up taking a lot of our supplies with us and keeping them in our car just in case so she’d had a bunch of stuff with her, plus like her computer and phone and junk 

and so s isn’t there just yet so b tells me and office mate s the situation and granted like...i’m taking her at her word on this, but from what i’ve gathered i don’t think she’s lying 

so apparently she’d gone back to Michigan i guess last weekend? idk my brain’s been junk lately so time’s messy for me, but point being there was like...a weekend where she went up because i guess one of her best friends was having a baby so she wanted to be there for that but i guess she wasn’t actually going to deliver until monday or something and so b wanted to be able to stay so she reached out to her supervisors 

i guess she didn’t have any pto left, but it was her understanding (and i’d been told this as well) that you could still take time off you just wouldn’t get paid and just make sure you talk to your supervisor first and that you don’t have anything on your schedule  

i think she’d even tried to ask about maybe working four ten hour days to compensate for not being there monday or whatever but she just...didn’t hear anything back? which...again, from what i’ve heard before this, i don’t find too surprising 

so, i think being that she was already frustrated, already at her limit as is, she just said fuck it and went ahead and took monday off 

apparently when she got back to town she tried to log on to her stuff and couldn’t get in so she contacted the help desk and the guy was like, “oh, it looks like your account is set to be deleted soon” or something so like...cool. cool, cool, cool that’s a super cool way to fire someone, just like...don’t say anything, don’t respond to anything, don’t text, call, or email just...kick ‘em out, nice. 

supposedly hr sent out a letter but she said she still hasn’t gotten it so...that’s cool 

they’re putting it down as “job abandonment” but i just...idk. again, i wasn’t there, i’m sure i don’t know every little detail but that just seems....pretty unfair 

and mind you too like...she’d told me before about how when she first started and got the curriculum that she didn’t get the opportunity to see anyone else teach, she had to do it all on her own and so pretty naturally then when it was her turn to start teaching she messed up and she ended up getting written up for it. that just...doesn’t seem right somehow??? 

idk. i know she was planning on moving back home soon anyway, but i think her plan had been to hang on until at least june because that’s when her husband’s contract with his job would be up and he’d be free to quit and they could move, so she could have still kept working and been saving up more money for that, but now it’s gonna be tight because this whole thing just kinda...happened 

again, like...i understand she probably shouldn’t have stayed that extra day since she didn’t get the green light, okay fine but like...if she did genuinely attempt to reach out and her supervisors just weren’t responding i think that would call for more disciplinary action or something, not straight up termination and certainly not just, “Oh well, we’ve shut down your account but no one’s going to actually bother to say ‘hey, you’re fired’ and btw you need to report back to the office to deliver the rest of your shit, thx” 

like...okay???? 

so yeah. i was already trying to not be too frustrated with her when i thought she just up and quit because i could understand the situation she was in, but now especially i’m like...well, fuck dude. 

but here’s the real kicker too so like...b leaves and supervisor s is still there, office mate s is still there, and supervisor s turns to me and is like, “okay, so first i’ll ask, do you want this position?” 

seriously?????????????????????????? after all that mess? Um...no. no thank you. i’m good. 

so i said no and she seemed kind of put out i guess and was like, “Okay, well i wanted to check first before i post the position so i know if i should do it externally or internally” and i’m still just kinda...stunned, i guess. 

but yeah, like i’m good with school-based, i’m happy where i am, i love my supervisors, i love my team, i have my own set of doubts about how good of a job i actually do, but all of my evaluations have been good and it seems like i’ve been doing all my paperwork and shit correct (aside from like one or two errors but even then it was just, “hey, you did this thing, double check next time but don’t sweat, it happens to everyone!”) 

so...there’s that 

and we talked some about me helping out and like i just put it out on the table, like...i said i had no problem trying to help as much as i could, but that honestly it does make me nervous 

i pointed out to her that y’know i’m still pretty new here?? (like honestly, i started in october, but i’ve only been teaching on my own since january) and i’m still trying to figure out classroom discipline and handling students who are just kinda low-level rude and that the environments that this other position requires going into are not really something i feel comfortable with and i’m not confident that i’ll be able to do a good job

and she didn’t really have anything to say about that, so idk. i mentioned again that i was willing to at least try because i am. i can’t completely rule something out unless i’ve at least given it a shot first, but i wanted her to know up front where i’m coming from and why i’m certainly not interested in taking on that position full-time, just...god no 

so we’ll see. she didn’t like...hand me any curriculum or talk about what the next step is, but i’ve got some training sessions on my schedule for may so i guess we’ll see what comes of that 

with any luck hopefully they’ll be able to find someone soon and they can go ahead and just train that person instead of training me and this other school-based person, but i know that’s kind of a long shot (i know for my position they conducted like...three separate batches of interviews which had a pretty good handful of candidates each time and they picked me out of everyone so at least as far as my branch goes they’re pretty picky) 

and if nothing else like...my supervisor did tell me i could let her know at any point if it’s just too much or i’m too uncomfortable and just don’t want to do it anymore, because she doesn’t want me to feel overwhelmed and especially doesn’t want me to just quit so i’ve got that in my back pocket, i guess 

i just...wow. 

i hate that this situation turned out the way it did, especially for b. i know she was going to quit anyway, but like still. i feel like she told me, though, that her position has had a pretty high turn over rate and i just...can’t imagine why. 

i mean it’s already tough as is because of the work itself, like honestly i’m such an asshole but any time what i do has been too hard i’ve thought to myself, “well, at least i’m not doing THAT” (oh, how that’s come back to bite me in the ass) but like...yeah, that on its own would be hard enough to keep someone around long-term, i think, but adding on top of that supervisors who pile so much work on your plate and who don’t communicate with you like you should resulting in situations like this like...yikes on bikes, dude 

it’s weird how we’re all in the same program but like...office mate s and i both have supervisors that are just...waaaaay different than that 

like my supervisor is so chill about shit, she really doesn’t care how i arrange my hours so long as i don’t go over 40 and so long as i don’t feel like i’m just drowning on long days and shit. 

she usually gets back to me super quick unless she’s just really tied up and even then it’s still never that long of a wait and she’ll tell me beforehand “hey, i’ll be out of town for this event, but you know you can reach out to so and so if you need something!” so that i’m never just sitting there like, “where is she, why isn’t she responding to me???” like she even gave me full access to her calendar online so any time she adds something to her schedule i can see it and know where she’ll be and when would be a good time for me to get in touch should i need to 

i just...i really love my supervisor and that’s the only thing that scares me is that someone over her head might decide to pull me into this position against my will and that i’ll have to work under these other supervisors instead and i just...do not want any part of that whatsoever 

i don’t wanna say i’d quit because i’d hate to, i really would, but like...i don’t think i could do that. 

so yeah. that’s kind of where it’s at right now. as for where it will go...who fucking knows. i’m just gonna try to hang on and hope for the best and know that i’ve got a parachute strapped to my back even if i do get pushed out of the plane 

[ronnykblair]

Stock Pitch Guide: How to Pitch a Stock in Hedge Fund Interviews and Win Offers

Numi Advisory is an expert in hedge fund and equity research recruiting, having advised over 600 clients by providing career coaching, mock interviews, and resume reviews for people seeking jobs in equity research, private equity, investment management, and hedge funds (full bio at the bottom of this article).

If you want to know how to pitch a stock, it would be great to have a full stock pitch guide in one article… right?

We’ve covered this topic on M&I before, but I wanted to consolidate and update everything and give you real stock pitch examples.

The stock pitch matters a lot in hedge fund, asset management, and other buy-side interviews because it is literally what you do on the job, and it’s the best way to set yourself apart.

Also, interviewers will ask you to pitch a stock, often multiple times, if you want to get a job at a hedge fund.

Stock Pitch Examples: Take Me to the Templates, Please

Let’s start with the most important part: stock pitch examples for real companies. I’ll share two below, both from our financial modeling courses, in different sectors:

Jazz Pharmaceuticals [JAZZ] – SHORT – Word | PowerPoint

AvalonBay [AVB] – LONG – Word | PowerPoint

The Jazz stock pitch turned out to be incorrect over a 12-month time frame, but it was correct over a ~6-month time frame when the stock price fell.

The AvalonBay stock pitch turned out to be correct, with the company returning over 25% (including dividends) compared with an overall S&P gain of ~10% in that time frame.

I’m not going to share the full financial models, but you can get a sense of the AVB valuation by looking at our tutorials on REIT NAV Models and REIT Valuation.

For the Jazz model, take a look at any of the DCF examples in the channel.

What is a Stock Pitch, and How Do You Use It?

Definition: A stock pitch is a short write-up or presentation that argues for or against investing in a public company’s stock, and which is backed by a strong investment thesis, data, valuation metrics, catalysts, and an assessment of the risk factors.

You use a stock pitch in the following ways:

Networking: For example, you could look up contact information for hedge fund professionals and include your pitch in your introductory email to them.

Interviews: You’ll be asked to pitch a stock all the time in hedge fund and asset management interviews.

Investment Clubs and Competitions: You’ll have to present your views, argue why a security is mispriced, and then convince others that you’re right.

Personal Investing: If you have a personal trading account and you invest in individual stocks, you can use stock pitches to hone your reasoning and make better picks.

On the Job: Finally, if you’re working at a hedge fund or other investment firm, you’ll research and pitch stocks on the job regularly. That is the job!

Usually, interviewers, firms, and competition judges won’t give you a specific company to pitch; it’s up to you to do the research and find one.

If they do give you a specific company, then it’s probably a time-pressured case study where you have 2, 3, or 4 hours to skim the company’s filings, build a simple model, and make a quick pitch based on that.

This article is geared toward longer, “take-home” stock pitches where you have a few days up to a week to finish the pitch, but the basic structure applies to time-pressured pitches as well.

If the firm you’re interviewing with does not give you an explicit time limit, ask for it, along with the formatting requirements and anything else they want to see.

Finally, note that we are only covering stock pitches here – not credit pitches or distressed debt pitches or global macro pitches involving FX, commodities, or sovereign bonds.

You can use the same structure for those, but specific elements of the pitch, such as the valuation, catalysts, and risk factors, will differ.

Stock Pitch Structure

We recommend the following structure for all stock pitches:

Recommendation – State whether it’s a Long or Short (i.e., whether you think its stock price will increase or decrease) and what the company should be worth. Do not give a “neutral” recommendation unless they assigned the company to you.

Company Background – What are the company’s products/services, how much revenue/EBITDA does it generate, what is its market cap, and what are its current valuation multiples? Bonus points for a price/volume graph.

Investment Thesis – The stock is priced imperfectly because of these 2-3 key factors. The market has not factored them in because of reasons X and Y. The market is wrong, and there’s a chance to gain significantly by longing/shorting this stock.

Catalysts – Certain key events in the next 6-12 months will cause the market to “realize” this pricing imperfection, resulting in a price correction and the potential to make money. Key events might include new product launches, acquisitions, earnings announcements, divestitures, clinical trial results, and financing activities.

Valuation – For a Long recommendation, you need to show that the stock is undervalued (e.g., right now it’s trading at $25, but there’s a reasonable chance it’s worth $35-$40); for a Short recommendation, you show why the stock is overvalued.

Risk Factors and How to Mitigate Them – You lay out the top 2-3 market and company-specific reasons why your investment thesis might be wrong, and then explain what you can do to mitigate these risks. Even if you’re wrong, could you limit your losses?

If this is an initial pitch for networking or interviews, keep it short.

“Short” means “2-3 pages at the most,” as in our examples above.

Make it longer only if you have a lot of time to present, you’ve been asked to create a slide presentation, or you’ve been asked for a certain number of pages.

Building an Investment Thesis: Stock Pitch Idea Generation

“OK,” you say, “that structure sounds nice. But where am I supposed to get ideas in the first place? And how do I complete the research process and build a valuation in only a few days?”

The blunt truth is that you need to be following industries or companies already to have a good shot of finishing a stock pitch, even a 2-3-page one, in only a few days.

If not, then you should reevaluate whether or not you want a career in investing.

The best investors do it because they’re passionate about the process itself; pitching stocks is their hobby.

So, ideally, you already have in mind companies that are undervalued or overvalued and whose stock prices could change significantly in the next 6-12 months.

How to Find a Company to Pitch If You Have Nothing and You’re Pressed for Time

But let’s say you just found out about an interview in 4-5 days, you have nothing prepared, and you don’t follow specific companies.

Here’s the process I’d recommend in that case:

Step 1: Research the Fund’s Strategy

Before you even open Excel or Word, you need to make sure you’re searching for a company that is a relative match for the fund’s strategy. For example:

Fund Strategy: Long/short equity with a growth bias and tech/biotech focus.

Good Idea: Short for a recently public tech startup.

OK-But-Not-As-Good Idea: Long for an undervalued, mature tech company.

Bad Idea: Merger arbitrage pitch for a life insurance company spin-off.

Fund Strategy: Value-oriented long-only fund with an industrial/manufacturing focus.

Good Idea: Long for an undervalued industrial tools manufacturer.

OK-But-Not-As-Good Idea: Long for a misunderstood consumer/retail company amid a turnaround.

Bad Idea: Short for an overpriced biotech startup.

It’s more important to match the strategy than it is to match the industry.

That’s why the “bad ideas” above are strategy mismatches.

Step 2: Start with an Industry You Know Something About, or That Lends Itself to the Fund’s Strategy

For example, if you’re an engineer, pick the technology, telecom, or media industries.

If you’ve done internships at retail companies, pick consumer/retail.

If you like whiskey even more than I do, pick the food & beverage industry.

Avoid industries that are highly technical or that have specific accounting/valuation methodologies (e.g., oil & gas or commercial banks) – unless the fund specializes in them.

Also, keep in mind that certain industries will match the fund’s strategy more easily than others.

You can easily find over-priced and over-hyped tech and biotech startups that are ideal “Short” candidates, but in an industry like chemicals or industrials, it’s easier to find mature, undervalued companies that might be long-term investments.

Step 3: Screen for Mid-Sized Companies in the Industry

If you don’t have Capital IQ access, the best screening tool is https://finviz.com/.

Here’s an example healthcare screen, which you can sort by sector, industry, country, market cap, and other criteria.

If the biggest companies in your industry have market caps of $100 billion and the smallest have market caps of $50 million, you should pick something in the middle: maybe the $1 – $10 billion range.

If you can screen by revenue, aim for companies with revenue in the hundreds of millions to low billions USD.

Step 4: Find Companies with 3-4 Key Drivers, At Most, and Relatively Pure-Play Businesses

Do not pick a company with 20 different business lines where each segment depends on different assumptions.

Consumer/retail companies are great because revenue depends on the number of stores and the average sales per store, and the projections are straightforward.

On the other hand, the maritime/shipping industry is not ideal because you need to make granular assumptions for different types of ships in the fleet.

In our example stock pitches here, I picked Jazz Pharmaceuticals partially because it had a manageable number of products – the main one, two smaller ones, and several even smaller ones that we consolidated:

Step 5: Eliminate Companies with Messy Financial Statements

If the company’s Cash Flow Statement is four pages long, or its Income Statement has 13 non-recurring charges, or its Balance Sheet has 30+ items on each side, drop it.

Yes, you can simplify and consolidate the statements, but that takes up precious time that you don’t have.

Step 6: Favor Companies with Clear Catalysts

If you’re down to 2-3 companies by this point and you can’t decide, pick the one with the most concrete, impactful catalysts.

A company that just announced an acquisition or divestiture, a major product or clinical trial results, or a major strategic pivot is a good bet.

Product launches and expansion strategies are good catalysts because it’s easy to argue that future growth will be higher or lower than expected.

If you’ve done everything above but still can’t decide, pick a company randomly and move on.

One final note: do not rely on equity research reports to find companies or investment theses.

Equity research is useful for gaining background knowledge and finding market data, but you should not use it for building your investment thesis.

How to Complete the Research and Valuation Process for Stock Pitches

You will not be able to read thousands of pages if you have only a few days or a week, so we recommend the following steps:

Research the Company and Industry – Get the company’s latest annual and interim reports and its most recent investor presentation. You can also search for press releases about the company’s products/services.

Build a Simple DCF-Based Valuation – You should go beyond percentage growth rate assumptions for revenue and expenses, but you don’t need a 5,000-row spreadsheet, either.Aim to project revenue with Units Sold * Average Selling Price in the main segments, and link the key expenses to Units Sold or the Employee Count. That might result in a DCF that’s around 100-300 rows; a 3-statement model is unnecessary.You’ll need a sense of the Public Comps as well, but you should not spend time scrubbing the data. Use Capital IQ or FactSet if you have them, or Finviz and Google Finance if not. See our tutorial on comparable company analysis for examples.

Time Permitting, Do Real-Life Research – If you have the time to do so, spend a few hours speaking with people in real life to find out more about the overall prospects of the company and industry. For example, you could use LinkedIn to look up suppliers, partners, and employees, contact them via email, and ask if they’re willing to speak with you for a few minutes. In exchange, you can explain how investors view their industry.

This process is known as a “channel check,” and it’s a great way to set yourself apart with modest effort. A direct quote from a manager at the company’s key supplier is far better than a more complex financial model.

Focus on the following points in this research:

Your Angle: How do you see this company differently from the rest of the market? Will it grow more quickly/slowly than expected? Will it be more/less profitable than expected? Will its new products and services perform better/worse than expected?

Valuation Inputs: How do these points translate into model assumptions in Excel? Research means nothing unless you can reflect it in your revenue, expense, and cash flow assumptions.

Implied Value: What does the output of your valuation look like? Is the company overvalued, undervalued, or valued appropriately right now? How does that change in different cases, such as Base, Upside, and Downside?

Catalysts: Which 2-3 events or potential events over the next 6-12 months could cause this company’s stock price to change in the direction you predict? Companies can stay mispriced forever if the market doesn’t realize it. Catalysts are particularly important for “Short” recommendations because they are so dependent on timing.

Risk Factors: Why might your recommendation be wrong? What are the top 2-3 factors that could result in the company’s stock price moving in the other direction? And how could you mitigate these risks?

Once you’ve done this, you should be able to create a short, 2-page outline based on your findings.

Here are the outlines we created for AvalonBay and Jazz Pharmaceuticals:

from ronnykblair digest https://www.mergersandinquisitions.com/stock-pitch-guide/