#live like you're dying

[urhexgirl]

Living Like You're Dying

Quick TWs before I start out: Mentions of death, Suicidal ideation, grief/loss and car accidents, and also Cancer

My freshman year in college during Christmas break I got a phonemail from my sister who had heard through the grapevine that a long distance friend of mine had passed away. She'd been in a car accident where she had not been driving and was the only person in the car who had died. I didn't really understand grief until that moment, I had had family members die but never any I was close to, and I had been too little to understand the weight fully. This time was different, not only was it someone I was close to, but it was someone who'd died tragically and young. I knew logically young people could die, but it never registered to me that it might actually happen to me or someone I knew.

During this time was when Unus Annus was big, and it helped me cope. I found comfort in it, even though I knew eventually it was going to go away. It helped ease the pain that settled into my bones and made me feel older than 18, and gave me the understanding that death is inevitable but also not something to fear. We have a limited time on earth and should use it. If I was fully honest, at that time I wasn't in a good place mentally, I hated community college, had no idea what I was going to do next with my life, and a close friend of mine was dead. There were days where I considered the thought that it would be easier to be dead since I had no idea what I was doing. Two things kept me going at that time, one, my knowledge of how angry my friend would be if heaven was real and she caught me there early. Two, was Unus Annus and the fact that I should live like I was dying, because someday I might be.

Then an international pandemic happened. I applied and got into my dream school, with a full ride scholarship. (The same school my friend had wanted to attend) My life changed completely because I started to take risks and live like I would die soon. I sent in the application because I was tired of being afraid of being rejected. I changed a lot after that, went to therapy that was provided by my school, went on trips, grew into a whole new person. My heart still aches sometimes when I think of her. It's been three years and I still cry inexplicably on the day she died, for two years I continued to live like I could die at any time. Eventually though, I stopped. I got caught up in school stuff and life stuff and became much too stressed to face my own anxiety.

Until October of this past year. I found out that I might have cancer and suddenly I was thinking about death again. I lived in ambiguity about it for a few weeks while I got tested by a specialist and I realized something about myself, I am a lot stronger than I thought I was. I don't have cancer, at least as of now, (I am genetically pre-disposed to it) but I am not afraid of it, nor am I afraid of dying. What I'm afraid of now is living in fear so much that I never do anything at all. Whenever I catch myself being afraid, I choose to face it head on. Tonight I made an appointment to get a tattoo I've been to afraid to get for the past three years, a tribute to both my friend and Unus Annus, the reasons I'm alive today and the reasons why I've chosen to really live.

[bacchuschucklefuck]

while teen while goblin while aroace while injured while doing your best

[moeblob]

I have fallen down the anime sports hole and landed on Eyeshield 21 and I'm so sorry I'm adopting all these kids.

(I was actually going to like. Hold off posting my silly sports anime doodles until after commissions but no I wanna share them now. It's hard out here being me who thrives off interactions and this show is like "hey what if we gave you lots of interactions and also a secret identity for MORE interactions".)

[orangesyellow]

"Oh, why did I gift you this silk dress? You see, you are... from the moment I first saw you... Nevermind."

[ardenigh]

(wakes up in a cold sweat) i miss etho SO BAD

[nguyenfinity]

Every time I draw Mamagi it does AoE damage (I am also in the area of effect)

Lighthearted bonus:

[socialist-microwave-laser]

"voting does practically nothing on its own and telling people simply to go vote only validates the very system that is killing so many of us" and "voting to prevent fascists from having actual, literal, official, institutional power is important" are two ideas that can and should coexist, actually

[conscydraws]

It's finished. My 111 hours long lovesong dedicated to Jusant ~💕

[thedreadvampy]

'it's genocidal to call for an end of Israel where do you want us to go' stay where you are or don't, who gives a shit. you just can't be the only group represented in political authority. you just don't have the right to perform genocide or land capture. you just can't be the boot stamping on everyone else's necks. 🤷‍♀️

the state is not the people. if you don't want to leave Palestine live in Palestine. but Israel does not have a right to exist and you do not have a right to stand above others by the circumstances of your birth. you do not have a right to continue to profit from an ongoing genocide. you do not have a right to supremacy. you do not have a right to gain your comfort at the direct cost of thousands of lives next door. you do not have a right to be colonial overlords. you do not have a right to an ethnostate or a theocracy. you do not have the right to continue to sell on and pass on and profit from land and resources legally gatekept from everyone outside your specific group. you do not have a right to use immigration law to prevent people from returning to their homes while continuing to artificially cultivate a Jewish majority. you do not have a right to displace people to get what you want. you do not have a right to ownership. you have a right to live in safety but you don't have a right to pay in other people's lives for that. and you don't have a right to rule. and Israel does not have a right to exist.

Jews were in Palestine before 1914 and Jews will be in Palestine after Palestine is freed. but as equal citizens not as colonial overlords.

[mafubunni]

bro I was playing regretevator and someone randomly started being homophobic to me like??? look at what you're playing??? you can look left right up and down and see gay ppl kissing HALF OF THE CAST IS LGBT and you're still being homophobic on THIS game of ALL PLACES???? so funny tbh

[silketara]

I desperately want to munch G'raha Tia.

[shaniacsboogara]

directing is so funny but also what the fuck. why is my job trying to teach a bunch of twelve year olds how to convincingly portray death. they should be playing at recess.

[kabutone]

after the years of people jumping on activism like its a trend and then leaving it behind after a few weeks i am so fucking tired. like not to be cynical but like i see SO many people talking about palestine and saving lives but like be so fucking real are you gonna forget all about this in a few months? like how ppl ditched BLM after it gained traction in 2020? like how so fucking MANY OF YOU have stopped wearing a mask despite the pandemic still happening? you could be saving lives right in your own town instead of posting tiktoks that might not even help

i'm not saying you need to dedicate your lives to activism forever and ever but you do need to at least change Something to make yourself and the world better. i will always be listening to black voices, jewish voices, disabled voices, any groups that need to be heard, and trying to change my behavior for the better. like idk after seeing this happen time and time again a LOT of this shit seems so so fake. like there's so many bad things in the world and i know you cannot dedicate your all to every single problem ever forever and i don't want people spreading themselves too thin or burning themselves out but like please don't just stop giving a shit when it's not "popular" or getting you views or pats on the back anymore.

[fooltofancy]

is it so strange that they can't imagine a world without you in it?

[fideidefenswhore]

teenage dream (2023), olivia rodrigo / the spanish princess (2020) / the private lives of the tudors, tracy borman (2016) / the six queens of henry viii (2016) / the vaux passional / the six wives of henry viii (2001) / the lovers who changed history (2014) / blood, sex & royalty (2022) / blood, sex & royalty (2022), gif @fabledenigma / the cross (2014) 

[tvrningout]

tbh i understand that character deaths have to happen occasionally, but sometimes a creator will go and kill a character prior to using them to their full potential?? and it won't even hit hard bc it's not a purposeful decision. it's not " it's so tragic that gary died before his time and this arc/story examines that tragedy and how it could have been avoided. " it's " it's so tragic gary died. woulda been more tragic if i put in more work. " like i'm not gonna be sad that you killed gary if you don't do the groundwork before/after. i'm gonna be mad bc you killed a character, and it was a wasted death bc nothing interesting or meaningful happened as a result, or it didn't even need to happen.

i dunno?? maybe people will disagree with me, but i feel like so many series and movies will fall into killing characters for shock value -- or maybe there's a reason, but they poorly execute it by rushing the story or failing to ever tell the story beyond " oh these two mean a lot to each other " without much detail. and that's so frustrating when you get attached to those characters and i'm sorry to rant all of a sudden asdfg i'm just feeling salty as heck over this rn (｡•́︿•̀｡)