#lloyd: ‘i wanted all the candy in a town once’

[snakegorl212006]

Chapter one(pt 1)

The grounds quake on sight of the large serpent rising from below. The sky turns to ash waiting for his arrival. The serpent stairs at me with a piercing gaze. It's terrifying but felt so familiar .It hiss loudly, causing  me to stumble back,tripping over my own tail. “....mother ” I mumbled.As if satisfied with my answer it lowers its head down, smirking lightly. Then swiftly without effort she coils around me covering the sky above, leaving me in total darkness………….

“Angela…..”

                                    “It's time to wake up”

WIth a flash I opened my eyes to be greeted by trees and nature.My heart raced within my chest  as I tried to reclaim the air I lost from the shock “You must have some dream waking up like that” I turned to the sound “oh Lloyd.. I'm sorry I had a nightmare”  I spoke he chuckled “Again! Geez isn't this like the second time this week” he spoke showing a slight concern “i guess” I said using my scaled hands to gather myself up. I grabbed my long cloak to cover the rest of my tail. I brushed my long back skirt from the dirt that was on the ground “You ready” Lloyd asks, nodding slithering forward.  After an hour of walking/slithering we reach a village. Lloyd smiles triumphantly “ finally some place to start our conquering and we could get some candy” he said pumping his fist in the air i smile “ Ya lets get this show on the road” I said clasping my hands together he turns at me and smiles “Now once we get to the village i need you to hide somewhere I don’t want you to get hurt by anyone nor seeing what you are yet” he spoke “ok call me out if you need me  and then i'll show that village the might and power of a serpentine” I spoke punching the air. We both laughed and went into our positions. Lloyd was behind the fountain. Before anything could happen there was a thump from behind. Out of curiosity I looked behind the house I was hiding just to see four ninja chattering amongst themselves. Then the screams. It seems Lloyd has already begun his plan so I head back to position. He starts laughing evilly which echoes throughout Jamanakai villege. He continues as he steps out from behind the fountain “ IT IS I LLOYD GARMADON” he yelled as he hopped up on the fountain “I demand ALL THE CANDY IN TOWN, OR ELSE!" He threatened as he pointed at the villagers. He paused slightly. I'm guessing he saw the ninja. “GIVE ME YOU CANDY OR ELSE I RELEASE THE SERPENTINE ON YOU!” he shouted but a bit nervously this time. The crowd started booing at him telling him to get out. He tried to use a can that had toy sephents to think he would scare them into submission but it soon backfired as the villagers started to throw vegetables at him “Unh! No, WAIT! I wanted candy not vegetables! I HATE VEGETABLES” he yelled, throwing the can at the crowd. He tried to dodge the vegetables as well as he could but then he got broged by the food. I couldn't help but laugh a little. The ninjas from earlier showed up and grabbed Lloyd by the waist and started to carry him away. “ UNhand me” he yelled at them “Sorry folks, Nothing to see here” the ninja in black said as he carried him along with the others. ‘I couldn't just watch him get carried away. I have to do something’ I thought. I turned and grabbed the closest object which was a pineapple. With a plan in mind I rushed towards the light and yelled “ HEY PINEAPPLE HEAD”  . I managed to get the attraction of the red ninja and as he turned he was greeted by the pineapple I just threw at him. The pineapple hitted his face which made him fall backwards dropping Lloyd and giving him enough room to run towards me “ thanks i owe you” Lloyd said grabbing my hand “ya you can thank me later we still have Ninja to get away from” I said taking his hand and slithering swiftly out of here “YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS MARK MY WORDS NINJA” Lloyd yelled back as we made our escape from Jamanakai. After a while we were in a icelandic area where the winds ragged passed us and the cold stabbed at my skin. Lloyd still angry at what happen back at Jamanakai stomps through the snow “stuped ninja” he mumbled as he kicked a rock “I’ll show them who they are dealing with” he mumbled again. I tugged my cloak to cover myself more due to the cold. Then I heard a clung of metal.

[strangermask]

The Stranger with Emeralds

Lloyd was walking through the forest. He was just kicked out of Darkley’s for not being evil enough. Him! Not being evil enough! He is the son of Lord Garmadon! It was an outrage, and they were going to pay. But how? He could steal candy and come back to rub it in their faces.

But he needed to find a town first. It was hard with no map. The only thing he had in his backpack was snacks, a bottle water, and his toy Mr. Snuffle Wuffles the Panda.

Lloyd huffed and pulled out Mr. Snuffle Wuffles.

“Mr. Snuffle Wuffles, do you know where a town is?” Lloyd asked the panda.

There was no response.

“Damn it. We’re lost and we don’t have a map to know where to go. I wish I had minions. Being evil would be so much easier if I had them.”

“I believe I can help with that.”

Lloyd turned around to see a tall stranger wearing a black and red cloak. The eyes were hidden, but there was a smile.

“Who are you?” Lloyd asked.

“I am an old friend of your father,” the stranger said. “He would call me ‘Wild Card’ for the powers I have.”

“You have powers?”

“Yes, young one. I have powers that let me do whatever I want.”

Lloyd was in awe.

“Did you use them to help my Dad?”

“Of course. And I think it would be fit to help you, future Emperor Lloyd.”

Lloyd’s eyes widened and sparkled. Wild Card’s smile grew wider.

“Emperor Lloyd?” He said in awe. “You think I could be emperor?”

“My boy, you will be! Since I can do anything, I can also see the future.You grow to be a powerful emperor that everyone loves and follows. And I’m going to help you get there.”

“Really! Tell me, what do I need to do to become emperor?”

“Well first you have to get your minions.”

The stranger pulled out four necklaces with glowing emeralds.

“These will help get your minions,” Wild Card explained. “These necklaces are powerful artifacts that turn people into powerful creatures. With a bit of modification, they will listen only to you. But make sure that they only do what you want.”

Lloyd took the necklaces.

“Who should I give these to?”

“There are four ninjas of the main elements. Those are who you give them to. All you need to do is throw it at them, and the necklace will do the rest.”

“Wooooah. Where do I find these ninjas?”

“That’s next on the list. I’m going to take you to the village where the ninjas will come to you. You just need to set off an alarm, let them come, and throw the necklaces to become your minions.”

Lloyd looked at the necklaces.

“What if they don’t come?”

“I can guarantee they will. And if they don’t, then I’ll bring them to you myself.”

“Promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

Wild Card stuck out his pinky finger. Lloyd took it with his pinky.

“If you break it, I’ll have you pay for it.”

“Why, of course. It’s only fair for the future emperor of Ninjago.”

With a blink of an eye, the two were now near a village.

“How’d you do that!” Lloyd asked.

“Teleportation. Now, you must go and set off the alarm. The ninjas will arrive soon after. Good luck, Emperor Lloyd.”

Wild Card then started walking away. Lloyd watched as the stranger disappeared then looked at the necklaces once more.

“Look out Ninjago,” Llpyd smiled evilly. “Emperor Lloyd is coming.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The beginning of Under Destruction

@fishybehavior psssssst

[kittydemon9000]

Okay so once again, 3 am thoughts have gifted me with yet another au. It is by no means original but screw it: SmithSwap

The only things I’m switching is their ages, so now Nya is the older one, but it. Gets. Fun.

For specifics, as of the Pilots/S1 Nya is 15 and Kai is 11, because I want bebe kai

Now, prior to Wu showing up, it’s pretty much the same as canon only with roles reversed. Nya mostly runs the shop while Kai is trying to everything he can to make things easier for his big sister, and I mean everything. The only one Nya doesn’t stop him from doing is cooking because Kai is the better chef, though neither can figure out why. Nya also likes to tell Kai stories of their parents since he can’t remember them too well, much to his disappointment.

ANYWAY, Wu shows up, Kai gets upset he’s insulting his sister’s work, then Skulkin show up. Kai does get snatched, much to Nya worry and canon continues.

Okay but also tiny spinoff, it also would’ve been hilarious if Nya still got kidnapped because then when the guys meet Kai they’d be like “who is this sassy lost child?”

So then while Nya’s training, I’m actually going to say what happened when Kai is captured.

You see, a side affect of being really freaking old is that your perception of time changes, specifically how long periods seem shorter. Garmadon decided that because of the prophecy it would be best to snatch the Master of Fire, who he thought would be Ray.

So you can imagine his surprise when his Skulkin bring in a kicking, screaming 11 year old child.

He is, understandably, not happy and very confused.

He sends the Skulkin away and tries his best talking with Kai. Like, as little malice as he can in a gentle voice, and he actually learns a few things. 1) both Ray and Maya went missing years ago, 2) these kids have no idea about anything regarding the Elemental Masters, 3) Kai’s sister has been raising him since their parents went missing, and she’s only four years older than him

Understandably, he is concerned, but also sees this as an opportunity. If he raises the Master of Fire to be loyal to him, then he’ll never want to fulfill his role in the prophecy, thus ensuring his victory. also he really misses lloyd and now when he returns he’ll have two kids!!! how amazing is that

So yeah Kai’s stay in the Underworld isn’t that bad. This Garmadon guy is pretty nice, tells him awesome stories about his parents, teaches him a bunch of things(mostly how to fight), and really just acts like the paternal figure he never had(Garmadad is canon, no matter what form you can fight me on this). The only part that sucks in Samukai, but he’s just a jerk and Garmadon makes sure he’ll never actually do anything to hurt him. He does miss Nya a lot though.

Anyway back with Nya and the guys.

They don’t actually know the exact reason why she was here at the beginning. All they know was that Wu originally left for the Master of Fire and came back with her instead. They know she has a brother, but aren’t quite sure how he falls into it.

They learn her full story the night they’re heading to the Temple of Fire, at which when they’re winding down Zane brings up how she never actually told them how she met Wu.

They are very concerned when they find out the whole story and swear they’ll help her get him back, which is nice.

Then she sees Kai But Actually Garmadon, follows, and bam Sword of Fire time. She isn’t able to fully use it, but she’s able to get a few sparks. However, things then start to take a turn for the worst.

Kai is actually here, very confused why Garmadon’s having him tied to the ceiling, but hey Nya’s here! But then oh no he then realizes that Garmadon is the bad guy, which gets him upset and more then a little betrayed.

Seeing him hurt his sister, the one of raised him, actually has Kai pick up the sword and use his powers. Under normal circumstances, it probably wouldn’t have been bigger than a few sparks, however Kai has his big sister in danger, dealing with the betrayal of an almost father figure, holding the Sword of Fire, and being surrounded by his element.

So yeah. Not that small of a fire.

The guys and Wu are actually able to to witness the truly incredible fire blast he lets out from the camp, put two and two together, and start heading over. Wu didn’t follow Nya…..because plot and was the able to help them fight off the Skulkin.

Anyway, it’s more than enough to dissipate the shadows, however it also wakes up the dragon. Garmadon, who is sort of panicking because That Was Not Supposed To Happen, ends up scooping up an unconscious Kai and the Sword and retreating to the underworld, leaving behind a very pissed Nya and an equally pissed Fire Dragon.

But yeah, Nya deals with the dragon, they get the other ones and head to the Underworld with Wu this time, and he’s actually the reason they’re able to get past all the Skulkin. 

But yeah, Samukai gets vaporized and Garmadon about to leave when a feverish Kai makes his way in and begs Garmadon to not do it and that they can fix things.

And Garmadon….actually pauses for a second and you can see the conflict in his eyes before he shakes his head and says “there’s no going back for me” and walks through. Kai then collapses and the end up heading back home.

As for what’s up with Kai, who would’ve guessed tapping into a kind of power you aren’t supposed to have access to yet in a high stress situation would be bad for the body. He has a really bad fever but he’s fine after a few days.

The few month timeskip in between the Pilots and S1 is mostly spent training Kai, so they have quite a bit less free time. However when S1 starts and Kai hears about Lord Garmadon, he actually wants to check it out himself first.

So yeah, he meets Lloyd by himself and it actually doesn’t go that badly. Kai actually buys some candy for them to share and they leave the town, and Kai actually starts talking with him. Eventually the topic comes up about Garmadon and Kai gives a rough basis about how he sort of got kidnapped, and then his work in progress plan of making him good again. Lloyd is completely down with seeing his dad again and says how they could probably get his dads attention if their got their own evil army.

And because they’re both stupid kids, neither of which have had parents before, Kai thinks it’s a great idea.

So yeah. That’s why they find the Serpentine here.

Ofc, it isn’t a right away type thing. It takes them about a month before they find the Hypnobrai Tomb, and Kai just plays off all his time spent out as him having made a friend, which they can’t exactly argue with.

Ofc, canon still happens and when Kai was busy training Lloyd ended up finding the tomb and releasing the Serpentine, and they do their regular Canon Nonsense. 

However, Kai is not too happy about the whole Attack Villages things and after a bit comes clean to the ninja about their original plan. They very much aren’t happy, but admit his heart was in the right place and they doubt he’d pull something like this again.

Fast-forward a bit more, Kai is mostly chill with Zane’s “weirdness” and unfortunately stays home when the Hypnobrai burn down the Monestary. It’s only because the dragons were able to get out and protect him that he was still alive. Nya’s actually the one who yells at Zane this time around because again. Kai almost died, but it’s all cool later and they find the Bounty :D

Anyway, Canon again continues. Kai is still really good with the dragons and is a little upset they need to leave. He also gets along really well with Ed and Edna. Then when Lloyd joins Kai is a little….well he doesn’t hate him but he does spend a while avoiding him.

Eventually Nya has enough of their dancing around each other and locks them both in the same room so they can talk it out. Turns out the reason Kai was avoiding him was because Lloyd’s betrayal really hurt since they were supposed to do it to find Garmadon, not hurt people. They have a tearful apology, then Kai learns how much of a jerk the Serpentine were and is like “the next time I see any I’ll protect you, since you’re like my little brother and as a big brother it’s my job to keep you safe”

Now it’s Samurai Time :)

You see, this time around Kai has double reasons for being the Samurai. 1) Yeah, he hates being left behind and wants to be involved but also 2) he wants to keep his big sister and big brothers safe

So yeah, that happens. He does think it’s pretty funny when they keep trying and failing to one up him though.

But then :) He gets captured with Lloyd :)))

So yeah, that sucks but it only gets worse because while Kai was able to “summon” his Samurai Mech, he had to send it off to get the ninja away. So that sucks.

Garmadon eventually shows up to help since the Serpentine stole both his kids, much to Nya’s chagrin.

Then comes the freaking Volcano Scene and this one is from Nya when she rescues Kai, then has to choose between Lloyd or the Fangblade. She ends up unlocking her True Potential by essentially leaving behind all negative feels she had for Lloyd and accepting him under her protection just like she did Kai.

The sheer torrent of water easily cools all the lava and thoroughly soaks them. But hey, even Kai has to admit being wet is better than being burnt alive. Also when the ninja start wondering aloud why the Samurai didn’t help Kai bashfully admits he was the Samurai, and this thoroughly impresses the ninja since Kai is like, 12 at this point.

Uhhhh, S2 isn’t too different. Kai is super happy that the dragons are back and is easily Ultra’s favorite. He isn’t hit with either Garms spell nor the Tomorrows Tea, but is there to comfort Lloyd and says that even though he got hit with some magic stuff Kai is still going to protect him since he’s still his older brother. On the Dark Island Kai is heartbroken Nya got corrupted and swears he’ll help fix her. When Garmadon gets purified Kai looses his shit and gets so excited since let’s goooooo not only is his dad not evil anymore they can go out in public together :DDDD

S3, also not too different. During the whole Love Triangle nonsense Kai’s just sitting there so confused. Also Pixal joins team Kai’s Older Siblings. Him getting captured was just him being at the wrong place wrong time. He has a really fun time time in space though, which was nice.

But uh. Then Zane hecking dies, which hits everyone really hard, especially Kai. Only this time, Nya ends up taking Kai back to Ignacia and opens up the forge again, pretty much cutting all contact with the other ninja, Wu and Garmadon. While it might’ve been boring and lonely, at least in Ignacia they were safe. 

Kai is…honestly really miserable, but hides it well. He can barely get up some mornings, but does so anyway since he’s desperately trying to act like things are normal, despite how Nya doesn’t talk very much. He misses the other ninja a lot, even Pixal despite not knowing her for very long, but doesn’t want to tell Nya since again, trying to make things normal again. Nya also doesn’t let him out of the house too often, only really if she’s there to watch him.

This routine goes on for about two months, until Lloyd shows up to try and get everyone back together. And Nya.....Nya doesn’t like that.

She and Lloyd end up having a bit of a passive aggressive argument that is progressively getting louder until Kai just. Snaps.

He yells at them to stop fighting, how they’re acting so horribly and that he wished things could go back to normal, how Zane wouldn’t want this and that he’d be disappointed in them.

The two visibly flinch.

Then Kai realizes exactly what he just said and who he said it to. And he runs.

Nya and Lloyd both spend some time in silence, mulling over what Kai just said because he was right. Zane would hate what’s become of the team and how they separated.

Nya ends up being the one to break the silence, asking Lloyd where and when to meet.

When Kai doesn’t return from the woods, she ends up leaving a note before she leaves, explaining where she’s going and how she’s sorry.

Meanwhile, Kai is having a slight breakdown in a Tree Base he made years ago.

But yeah, fast forward a bit and Kai’s getting ready to sneak onto Chen’s Island, but in a slightly different way than canon. Instead he takes a slightly experimental ship that’s basically a smaller Bounty which he calls the Destiny’s Wish. Think of the comparison like a Car vs a Go Cart. Comfortably, it can fit 2 people long term, but for quick trips can carry as many as 10, but it’ll be a tight fit and the Wish might have some trouble flying.

So yeah, he’s on his own and he doesn’t arrive until a few hours before the EMs all get dropped from the plane. Shade is actually the one to find him first, but has a moment of pause since Literal Child and gives Kai enough time to kick him into a tree and run. The whole chase actually lasts about two hours but unfortunately Kai isn’t able to get back to the Wish and gets caught.

Now for the fun part :)

So all the EMs(and I do mean all because he wanted to “thank them for their contribution”) are in the throne room, their powers snatched, when Chen said aloud “But it is such a shame that we don’t have the Master of Fire, the we’d be able to complete the spell.” and for the briefest second the Ninja Fam are relieved but then Chen does a whole “SIKE, WE GOT HIM” and has some of the guards bring Kai out.

The Ninja are, understandably, freaking out. The EMs kinda are too since Child but only a little bit and it’s not personal

But then just as Chen’s about to snatch his fire, Kai starts saying how Chen cheated since Kai never got to play in a match. Chen refutes it since His Game His Rules but then Kai says that age old statement to get siblings to do Stupid Shit: “What are you, scared?”

Chen is not scared, thank you very much. And you know what, since you’re so confident fine, you now get your own challenge!

So yeah, now Kai has his own challenge.

What is it you might ask?

A vertical obstacle course with a time limit. If Kai doesn’t grab the Jade Blade, the exit closes.

Not that bad you might think. After all, Kai’s been training with the ninja for the past year, he’s probably got this in the bag.

Yeah welllllllll, a little bird told might have told Chen that a certain Master of Fire couldn’t swim.....so he uses Nya’s power to gradually fill up the room and forcing him up.

Surprise surprise, it was rigged against him. I’m talking platforms having false bottoms, ladders being oiled, high pressure water jets to knock him off, the works.

Kai is so close to making it. So close..... but Chen can’t have that happen now can he :)

So yeah, Kai ends up falling in and Nya almost drags all the EMs into the water trying to get him.

Luckily it’s at that moment Lloyd bursts in with Garmadon, frees the EMs and gets Chen’s staff. The EMs bust out and just as Nya’s about to dive in the whole thing starts draining, like an enormous whirlpool.

You see Chen actually thought ahead and realized that “hey, if the kid dies he’ll loose his power” so he made a plan that when Kai was going to fall in, he would use one of the tubes that shot water but in verse and suck him in. Luckily he was able to pull it off before the gem was smashed because if not MMM.

So yeh, Kai is now captured, but still on the island. Skylor reluctantly copies his powers(she got sort of close with Nya and this is the little brother she was gushing about), and Anacondrai happens. However, the two are able to escape, Skylor’s actually able to figure out the Summon Dragon thing, and then they head back to the main group.

Then comes the inevitable question of “how did you get here anyway?” and then Kai shows them The Wish. He actually ends up flying back with Garmadon before all the EMs learn how to Summon Dragon so they can warn people about the ensuing danger.

So yeah, they head out, the Pythor thing happens, canon then Sad because Garm still needs to do the whole sacrifice thing D:

That one hits Lloyd and Kai really hard, but they both use each other for comfort so it isn’t as bad as it could’ve been.

But yeah, this is getting long so tbc for a part 2 :DDD

[fires-of-ninjago]

Cole in Techno_K-AI au?

Yeah, I kinda have some feelings about this one...

Cole definetly has a couple of things going on...The worst being his addiction to all that sugar that Kai's been making.

He was worried about him when he said that he could "talk" to that technoblade, but things got weird when he started writing code for his BorgPhone.

That first day after he and Lloyd had gorged on all those sweets was pretty bad.

His head was pounding like he'd been out bar-hopping with Kai, though Lloyd seemed like he was in worse shape.

He kinda started to notice some changes a couple of days after Kai left...

He started having more intense sugar cravings that not even Zane's cooking could scratch. He and Lloyd once went into town for sweets and wound up closing the candy store!

The worse part was when Cole started having dreams like he was seeing through Kai's eyes. He could even hear what almost sounded like a voice in the distance.

Now every time he wakes up, he could swear that he can see computer coding dancing just beyond his vision...

Dr. Borg thinks that he might have developed a slight psychic connection to him through the food that was being created through the technoblade.

He had suggested they try digging out their old technoblades to see if they couldn't try and snap Kai out of...whatever was happening, but Pixal told them that the original circuitry was destroyed when they purged the Overlord from the main computer.

Just before they were able to track him down to that little house with the Nindroids, Cole started to realize that he missed how warm Kai was...

Now all that he wants is the person Kai used to be-the one who was always there if they had a nightmare, or just needed someone to hold them, back.

[crystalgirl259]

The Flame and the Dragon Ch2

Chapter 2: The Dreamer

"Shit! Fuck! Dammit!" Kai growled as he once again reached the last page of the leather-bound novel he had been reading. He turned the last crisp leaf only to find the last page, telling that the Dragon Lord still had to find his true love, so yellowed with age and stained that it was beyond readability. No matter how many times he read his favorite story, it frustrated him to no end that the ending remained a well-kept secret. With expert care, he closed the antique book, being extra careful with the antiquarian treasure.

Gold claps and hinders lined the corners so the leather would not wear out too quickly.

Red, orange, white, and blue jewels were embedded into the twists of each corner, while a gold clasp with a leather strap kept the book locked when it wasn't being read. Gold patterns adorned the exquisite cover while faintly glowing letters spelled out the title. The spine was equally studded with gold corners binding it together and studded with dully-glowing jewels. The pages were aged and yellowed but worn in a way that made it clear the book was not only well-used but well-loved.

Running a hand through his spikey brown hair, he gently placed the book back in his bag.

Then he interlaced his hands behind his head before leaning back against the trunk of the tree he currently occupied in a laidback manner before gazing at the clear blue sky above him. The teen had tall, thick spiky brown hair, shaped like fire, and bright amber eyes that shined like burning embers. He had a focused expression on his face, with a scar visible on his right eyebrow and a bandage above his left. He wore a red half-zipped-up jacket over a white shirt with some kind of Japanese symbol on the back of the jacket and brown pants.

Nineteen-year-old Kai Smith closed his eyes with a contented sigh before happily trying to drift off to sleep.

He wanted to escape the shackles of life outside the wide acres of land and forest surrounding the small home he occupied with his beloved sibling. If only to escape for a moment.

"KAI!"

"AHH!" He cried out as the sudden noise caused Kai to bolt from his serenity, and momentarily forgetting where he was, he maneuvered to see what it was that had woken him. The sound of giggling from above forced his eyes open, and he came face to face with the adorable face and sweet, innocent smile of his younger adopted brother. He had long, blonde tousled hair, and brown arched eyebrows with bright emerald green eyes that many people would state could sometimes glow in the dark.

He wore a dark green jacket with a white t-shirt and black pants and black and dark green sneakers.

"Good morning!" Twelve-year-old Lloyd smiled down at his older brother with a wide, bright smile and innocent eyes cutely shut. "Sleep well?"

"I did," Kai smirked with a tone of mock irritation. "Until a certain someone conspired to kill me by knocking me out of a tree." He answered with a mock glare, but his brother simply burst into laughter before taking a step back. Recognizing the game, Kai smirked and took a step forward. Lloyd took another step back, but Kai was quick to follow him until finally Lloyd turned and sprinted. The chase had begun. Letting him have his fun, Kai let his little brother win for a moment before putting on a sudden burst of speed and tackling the child to the ground.

The two rolled around for a few minutes before finally collapsing in a field of colorful flowers in a heap of laughter.

"You have been a very, very naughty boy, Lloyd Montgomery Garmadon-Smith." Kai scolded playfully, wagging his finger in front of Lloyd's face as if punishing a small child. Lloyd pouted at this, succeeding only in making himself look cuter, but Kai had helped raise him and was immune to his little brother's tricks to getting out of trouble.

"Perhaps I should ask Nya if she could cook a veggie casserole for dinner instead of pizza?" He mused thoughtfully. Lloyd's reaction changed in an instant.

"No!" The younger boy squeaked in pure panic and quickly jumped to his feet. He tugged harshly on Kai's arms and ran around him to push him to his feet when that didn't work. "Let's go, please! We can go right now! I'll even carry everything home, I promise." He started saying quickly and desperately. It took all of Kai's willpower not to fall to the ground laughing at his brother's response.

"Alright, alright green bean, we'll go." Kai chuckled at his brother's relieved smile while reaching to retrieve the bag that he had lost during their play. "But you have to promise to behave." He added and Lloyd groaned in defeat but nodded, his love of seeing the town outweighing his pride. The siblings had moved to the sleepy town of Ignacia when Lloyd was eight and Kai and Nya had just turned fifteen. They had instantly begun rebelling against the role society had dictated for him.

The trio's father Ray, a retired blacksmith, had settled his family in the small town not long after the family lost their mother to illness.

When the Smiths first arrived in Ignacia, Maya, the trio's mother and a fantastic artist who was very talented with watercolors, and their father Ray shared a love of adventure and traveled around a lot, studying the different cultures they came across. They continued their adventurous life after they were married. They had settled down for a short time when they received the joyful news that Maya was pregnant with Kai and Nya. After the twins were born, the couple decided they wanted to adopt another.

It wasn't long before they adopted a one-year-old Lloyd.

Once Lloyd was old enough to travel, the family continued their adventurous lifestyle. Unfortunately, news of her mother's illness sent the family rushing back to Ninjago City for treatment, but sadly no medicine was enough to save her. Maya's dying wish to her children and husband was for them all to be happy and to never stop following their hearts. Shortly after, the remaining family members moved to the sleepy, provincial little town of Ignacia.

The town of Ignacia was built in a large glade of a mighty forest and was truly an ancient phenomenon.

Its appearance was matched by the backdrop of giant mountains which have helped shape the city into what it is today. The materials that these mountains brought were of great importance. The village itself looked elegant. With its seagrass rooftops, redwood walls, and native bird species, the place had a pleasant atmosphere. The main attraction in the town was the fountain, which was built thirty-nine years ago. Ignacia had an unhealthy economy, which was mainly supported by fletching, wood-crafting, and armorsmithing.

But their biggest strengths were sustainable hunting and advanced medicine.

In the town of Ignacia Ray set up a small shop selling glass objects, paintings, sculptures, and anything he could craft in his forge. Even though they were quite wealthy compared to the rest of the small town. It hadn't been too difficult for the family to settle into small-town life after almost four years of traveling. Nya, like their mother, adored all forms of art around the world, but she found the Japanese style of their home inspiring. Soon her own art flooded the shop.

As long as Nya had her art, she was happy.

Carefree and fun-loving, Lloyd found a new adventure in everything he could find and delighted in the woods and the fields around his home and the town and the many buildings. If he wasn't exploring, he was plotting to steal candy from the grown-ups. Kai, unfortunately, hadn't adjusted so easily. He missed those days. Traveling and seeing many exotic places and cultures, and learning about the world ever since the morning they came to this provincial, backwater town.

It was already mid-morning and the streets were alive with bustling people, carrying out identical routines to the rest of the week.

The smooth cobblestone streets lined the city, identical massive stones corbelled together. Identical red and brown houses on batches of dirt or elevate on hills lined both sides of the streets with windows for houses on top and shops on the bottom. They were smushed close together while stone chimneys lined each roof. An enormous wall surrounded the town, separating it from the lush woods and fields, already starting to change color in the late autumn.

Kai noticed every morning just the same.

The baker carried his tray like always, the aroma of baked goods filling the crisp autumn air as people opened up shop and carried out their daily routines. People were gathering their goods and running errands, the same routine, saying good morning and asking how they were and how their families were doing. Even though the Smiths were different, they were no exception.

"Good morning, Lloyd! Good morning Kai!" The baker called, carrying a tray of bread and rolls.

"Good morning!" Lloyd chimed and rushed over with Kai behind him. The child bounced from shop to shop, delighting in his favorite past time while Kai tried in vain to strike up a conversation with the baker.

"Where you off to?" The baker asked.

"The library," Kai answered. "I just finished the most amazing book about a spellcaster and–"

"That's nice." The baker replied, having clearly stopped listening after Kai said library and called to his assistant to finish making the croissants for the day. Kai rolled his amber eyes and called for Lloyd. They continued their stroll to the only real place Kai felt at home in the dull, little town. Already, townspeople began to gossip about them as he walked by.

"That boy is strange, no question." A group of gossiping old ladies muttered amongst themselves.

"He's always distracted."

"He's never part of any crowd." An aristocratic woman pointed out. "He's always by himself reading books."

"His head's in the clouds, all the time." An old man grunted.

"No denying he's a funny boy that Kai." A group of shoppers conversed amongst themselves, while men running shopped, bowed, and tipped their hats respectively to any woman who came by. Kai growled in annoyance as he heard the gossip. A caravan drove by, ignoring the two boys after the driver said the usual good day, while three teenage girls giggled like school girls when the brunette walked by.

"That boy is so peculiar."

"I wonder if he's feeling well?"

"He's too wild." A man said to his wife. It took all of Kai's will to not growl in frustration.

"He always has a dreamy far-off look on his face."

"If his nose isn't in a book, he's scribbling away in a notebook."

"He's so strange but special; it's a pity he doesn't fit in."

"Oh yes, he's ravishing isn't he?"

"Quite, he is a funny boy though."

"A beauty, but a funny boy."

"Very different from the rest of us."

"FSM take me now if I ever become part of this life!" Kai growled to the heavens, stomping his foot in frustration. His fists clenched whenever the words odd, strange, funny, or peculiar were mumbled over and over just like yesterday and the day before that. Every day was the same thing and he had half a mind to turn around and tell everyone in town to piss off and mind their own business. But he forced his tongue in check. He cared nothing that such an outburst would only warrant more disrespect from the town and they'd treat him even worse than he already was.

It was solely out of respect for his family that he kept his cool.

Kai had adored and respected both his parents. He, Nya, and Lloyd had been devastated when age robbed them of their beloved father. Shortly after the disease killed their mother, their father's broken heart followed her in death less than a year later. The town could say whatever they wished about him, but Kai would never forgive himself if he accidentally tarnished his parents' good name because of his inability to control his temper. That and he knew the only thing losing his temper would accomplish nothing.

Except the residents marching up to his house and complaining to Nya about how her twin brother was too wild and lacked discipline.

Quite frankly, Kai loved Nya too much to let her put up with their nonsense simply because she was Kai's twin. It simply wasn't worth it. Kai had never denied he was different from everyone else, even in his own bizarre family. But after years of traveling and seeing so many different cultures and places, his own mannerisms seemed minor in comparison. However, in this backwater town so pedestrian and old-fashioned, those simple characteristics were all the town seemed to care about.

Unlike most boys, he wanted to become a writer and travel rather than marry and inherit and run a vast estate.

Kai loathed the mannerisms that many considered normal, and as headstrong and outspoken as he was, wasn't afraid to voice it and for that, he was considered odd and freaky. Not that Kai cared, he'd long since ceased caring about what others here thought of him. But despite that, he truly wished someone would look beyond his looks and accept him for who he was. An individual and not another handsome boy bound for a wealthy marriage and was simply just too headstrong for his own good.

His sharp eyes barely caught his reflection in the glass of one of the shop windows when he and Lloyd stopped to gather the groceries on Nya's list.

He turned to meet the lovely boy staring back at him. People always said the twins were lovely like their parents. Nya possessed their father's charcoal black hair and their mother's ocean blue eyes. Her brother had their mother's brown hair, even though his hair was a lighter shade, and he had his father's burning amber eyes. Lloyd may have been young but Kai could already he was going to become a handsome young man. Kai was fully aware of his appearance and what others thought of him.

But in his mind and his normal standards, he wasn't beautiful or even handsome.

To be beautiful you had to be tall and lean like his mother or Nya, and you had to have a perfect tan and look like prince charming. Compared to Kai, Nya was a gorgeous princess and Lloyd was an angel, while Kai looked more like a damsel in distress masquerading as a boy. Yet while Kai didn't see the beauty in his appearance, everyone else in the town saw nothing but his fair facade. They made no attempt to look behind it and considered him odd, peculiar, and strange.

Though he couldn't care less what others thought of him, it saddened and frustrated the fiery teen to no end, not one in town could accept him for who he was.

"Kai?" A sweet voice broke the older teen from his thoughts, and he diverted his attention from his reflection to his worried little brother, holding two large paper bags of already paid for food. "You okay?"

"I'm fine bro," He smiled, "Just lost in my thoughts." He replied following his reflection until the glass faded into the wood, they continued on their way...

[blursed-ninjago-ideas]

Didn't you mention something once about a cookie scene for Kat's Miraculous AU? With Kai snd Chloe? Or something? (LNPE)

Half done, lost it all in the crash. Lemme rewrite.

--

Chloe didn’t know how she got herself talked into housing the red ninja, but she was regretting it. He had spent the whole day making rude comments and judging her. He didn’t have an ounce of prestige in his body and Chloe was tired. She was so happy to be going to bed and not have to deal with him until the morning.

She whined when she saw him sitting on her bed.

“What are you doing in my room!?” She demanded, stomping her foot.

“Cookie?” he said, offering the plate he was holding.

Chloe stared at him.

Kai shrugged.

“It worked with Lloyd, course you’re a bit old than he was. Worth a try though.” He said as he absently started to munch on a cookie form the plate.

Chloe wondered if he’d lost his mind.

“What ‘worked’ on Lloyd?” She demanded yet again.

Kai ignored her though.

“You’re a lot like him, you know?”

“Me? I’m like Lloyd? Ple-lease! That’s just ridiculous! Utterly ridiculous!” Chloe said

“He’s my little brother. I know him better than anybody, and you two have a lot in common.” Kai said as he finished his cookie.

“What could I possibly have in common with…” Chloe struggled to find the right word “him!”

“Lloyd doesn’t like to talk about his past, but do you know how we first met him?”

“Why would I?” Chloe sassed.

“He was threatening a town in order to steal candy.” Kai deadpanned.

“Wait…” Chloe started.

“Lloyd grew up at a villain’s boarding school. When he got out he was determined to make an evil name for himself.” Kai explained.

“Lloyd was…bad?” Chloe asked.

“Oh man, he was awful! He would go on rants about how he was the ‘super evil Lloyd Garmadon!’ and everyone should ‘fear him or face their doom!’” Kai said, throwing up some air quotes. “He tried to kill us a few times too.”

Chloe sat down on her bed next to Kai without thinking about it.

“He….did?” she asked, “But he’s so….”

“Good?” Kai asked.

Chloe nodded.

“Yeah, he is. But he didn’t start that way. He was mean and rude and tried to make everyone fear him for a long time. It wasn’t until we picked him up and started taking care of him that he started to shape up.”

Chloe stayed silent.

“Lloyd changed. That’s something he doesn’t talk about, but he’s really proud of. He tried to push people down and it didn’t make him happy.” Kai explained.

Chloe bit her lip.

“Thing is, Lloyd only ever knew pushing people and trying to make them fear him. It was the only thing that had worked for so long in his life. It was learned behavior, and he didn’t unlearn it until we started to teach him how to be good instead. He found out pretty quickly he preferred it.”

Chloe looked up sharply. Kai’s eyes seemed almost kind. Too kind. Far more kind than she’d ever seen looking at her before. And there was a hint of nostalgia.

“You don’t like being mean do you?” he said.

Chloe choked. She almost wanted to sob.

“You only do it because nobody ever stuck around and taught you how to be nice. Nobody protected you or supported you while you learned, did they? People gave up on you, and you let yourself believe you were a lost cause.”

Chloe’s eyes were dropping tears now.

“I know a thing or two about helping little blonde brats figure out how to be good. I’m sort of an expert.” Kai said, handing her a cookie.

Chloe took it softly.

“If Lloyd can turn from a little wannabe-super-villain, then why can’t you change too?”

Chloe stared at the cookie he’d given her.

“That’s why I wanted to room with you.” Kai said.

Chloe looked back up.

“I could tell. You needed someone to protect you if you’re ever going to feel safe enough to change for the better.”

Chloe did sob at that.

“You….you thought I was special?” she blubbered.

Kai blinked back. It wasn’t the word he would’ve used, but he knew a trigger when he heard it, and that one had neon lights on it.

“Of course your special Chloe!” he said.

She threw herself onto him in a hug while she sobbed her eyes out. Kai pet her hair gently, remembering when it was a small blonde head in its place.

--

IDK, not perfect, but there.

-Ivy

[afandomroom]

Character File: Sage Brooks

Note- This is the updated version of Sage’s initial “Fact File”

Warning- Brief mentions of parent death, death, abandonment, and bullying. Nothing descriptive or angsty, this isn’t a story just a fact file, but I’m adding warnings anyway. Also uh…I know parts of her story might not be...totally believable or even sorta stretched? But trust me when I say this is much better than her original story.

Also also, it's very very long. So..be prepared. Wish there was a way to sum this all up.

  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Full Name- Sage Celia Brooks Birthday- August 15th, 2002/1999 Age: Canon: 18 - 21 Future: 26 - 29 Hometown- Eyton, Northern Ninjago 

(Blood) Family- Aster Brooks (father; deceased), Lily Brooks (mother; deceased)

(Found) Family- Asher Woodman (older brother figure), Marion Nettle (younger brother figure)

(Future) Family- Willow Woodman (Niece), Cedar Woodman (Niece), Katlyn Woodman (Sister in law)

Hair- Black, falls to the center of her back, usually pulled into a braid of some form. Eyes- Silver Height- 5”3’ --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sage grew up in a small Northern village by the name of Eyton, a traditional, old fashioned place, where the main income was fish and river crustaceans/mussels. 

Sage’s parents moved to Eyton a year before Sage was born, taking an old, partially abandoned house as their own and fixing it to their liking. Aster took a job on the fishing boats, and hunted in the nearby forests both to bring meat home and bring in extra cash. Lily opened a baking business, and sold flowers during festivals. 

While there wasn’t any proof of the matter, people of Eyton whispered about how Aster looked suspiciously similar to a man who’d accompanied a gang that’d caused some trouble a few years prior, until a warrior had chased them off. 

Again, without proof they couldn’t hold a trial or even attempt to kick him and his slowly growing family out, but that didn’t stop the villagers from turning up their noses and even encouraging their kids to stay away from Sage and her parents. 

Despite her social isolation, Sage was a very sweet child, who always tried to be nice to her classmates despite feeling that they hated her. She wasn’t blind to the way adults acted whenever she walked through town with her father.

When she was seven years old, one of the town’s fishermen was found dead on shore, an arrow sticking out from his skull. Aster was the only notable archer in town, and it was noted that he’d had an argument with the man a few nights prior. Given his possible prior gang affiliations, he was placed under house arrest until a proper trial could be put together. 

The trial would be put off when an illness, deadly to adults (when left untreated) but nonlethal for children under seventeen, swept through the village. Lily caught said illness, and despite Aster’s attempts to take care of her, refusal from the village to treat her and inevitably Aster himself led to both of their deaths. 

After burying both her parents within the same week, Sage was kicked from the village after a mostly unanimous decision. 

For two years Sage wandered about alone, until she came to a village with a stone wolf statue in the center. 

On her third day there, she was cornered by a group of town kids, who taunted her and pushed her around until another street kid, a boy with white hair and blue eyes, stepped in and fought of the bullies. 

He only spent a few seconds checking to make sure Sage was ok, before turning to walk off by himself, determined to remain alone. 

Within that same week, a skeleton horde attacked the village. Sage was quick to find an elevated porch to hide under, hoping she could wait out the raid. 

This was when she spotted the white haired boy running, assumedly from the skeletons. Thinking quickly, she grabbed him and dragged him under the porch before he could be spotted. 

After what felt like hours of awkward silence between them, the boy introduced himself as Asher and the two ended up spending the night under the porch. They decided to stick together afterwards, Asher stating that they’d be partners, looking out for each other to survive. 

Sage would grow to care very much for Asher (platonically and soon in a familial way), and while Asher felt the same, he struggled to come to terms with caring for someone other than himself for a long time. 

When Sage was eleven, Asher managed to…find a job. A thief named Ronin offered to hire them for help on a job. Despite Sage feeling the job betrayed her morals, she didn’t was Asher to do the job alone, and so, she agreed to join. 

And this was the beginning of Sage’s long life of crime. As they got older, their names were spread around more and more, and soon a steady enough flow of money began to come in. 

As time went on, certain events started to change Sage’s overall demeanor and personality. At the beginning of her teenage years, anxiety and general depression ran rampant. By sixteen, an apathy started to overtake her. She started losing touch with the caring, over all happy girl she’d once been. 

During the SOG takeover, Sage became a target for UV’s wanted list after shooting some of the gang members. (Reason has yet to be determined). She caught the attention of Mr.E while running over the rooftops, and miraculously escaped with few injuries.

Sometime, early on in the takeover itself, Sage was traveling across the rooftops when she found a boy cornered by SOG members. She didn’t hesitate to shoot the gang members in the head with her bow, only realizing later that there may have been a more merciful way to deal with them. 

After learning that the boy didn’t have a place to go, she brought him with her to the apartment she shared with Asher at the time. He would introduce himself as Marion. 

Something about the rescue inspired her, and from there she would do her best to save other targets of the SOG for the remainder of the takeover. 

This was the start of a change in Sage, one that would reconnect her with herself. She started caring more, smiling again, thinking of different ways out of situations than just...shooting first. She felt severe guilt, but she also felt a form of freedom. She realigned her morals. 

Sage would do her best in the years that followed to provide Marion with a better life than her own, and would become a main supporter in his journey to master his element and become one of Ninjago’s protectors. 

Three years later, Sage ended hiding a young man with a green streak of hair from a team of muggers. Deciding to take a risk, she invited the strange man to their home. She wouldn’t let him know that she recognized him as the Morro until a week or so later. 

While Morro never joined in the thieving business, he did freelance with lifting and loading jobs to pull his weight. He’d also become Marion’s mentor later on. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ In the future- Eventually, Sage would leave the crime life. The guilt of her actions and belief that her parents would be sorely disappointed in the way she’d led her life drove her to quit. 

She would never turn herself in, instead running a branch tea shop with a close friend, volunteering and donating when and where she can as an attempt to give back. 

She’d continue to be a supportive and loving figure in her brothers’ lives. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Season by Season:

- Season 1- Sage meets Asher Sage and Asher were in a village that was attacked by the Skeleton Horde She was in Jamanakai with Asher when Lloyd first attempted to raid the place for candy. She was going to offer to help him snag some candy, but got scared off when the ninja arrived. 

- Season 2- Sage and Asher continue their partnership, their loyalty and trust has grown quite a bit.

- Season 3- Sage and Asher begin their lives in crime.

One of the jobs Ronin hired them for was keeping an eye out while he grabbed Zane.

- Season 4- They were in one of the villages attacked by Chen’s cultists. 

- Season 5- Asher and Sage officially refer to each other as siblings.

They were in Styx when the ninja attempted to steal from Ronin. Sage saw them leaping across the roofs.

- Season 6- With the ninja’s rise in fame, stealing becomes both harder and easier. On one hand, they’re too busy to come after them. On the other, cops were alerting the Ninja to every crime. Sage and Asher end up laying low.

- Season 7- When Borg disappears, Sage and Asher are given the job of stealing his tech.

- Season 8- Sage and Asher are offered a job by Harumi, but they ultimately turn it down. 

- Season 9 – Sage is wanted by the SOG, saves Marion, and begins fighting against the SOG. 

- Season 10- Sage, Asher, and Marion hide in an underground bunker during the oni attack. This is when they meet Jerome Rune and Calvin Rune. 

Season 11- Sage, Asher, and Marion were not in the city during Aspheera’s attack. Rather, they were trying to remove Marion’s vengestone cuffs. They spent the rest of the season try to help Marion with his abilities. 

- Season 12- The minute Sage hears about the video game linked disappearances, she drags the boys away from the city and to a rural village. Girl isn’t taking any chances. 

Later that year, Sage meets Morro

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Facts: - Her father taught her the archery basics; she chose to learn how to shoot and uses a bow as her primary weapon because of her father’s prowess with the weapon. - She taught Marion and Asher’s daughters how to use a bow. - Has callused fingers from archery. - Can throw knives like a boss. - She does know a few things about fighting, but it’s not her strong suit and she prefers long range and dodging to melee and hand to hand combat. - Her favorite tea is Passion flower, and her favorite food is puffy pot stickers(or just pot stickers in general) - She has a kill count of 27, and is very closed off when asked about it. - She can pick locks relatively well, including handcuff locks and jail cell locks. - Like Asher, she is notorious for breaking out of holding cells and police custody. - Every year since she was 14, she visits Eyton to update her parents on her life and apologize for the life she is living. - Learned to drive a car and ride a motorcycle at 15. A fellow thief for hire taught Asher and Sage. - Built/repurposed her motorcycle, Asher’s motorcycle, and their pickup by herself. - Her motorcycle is her baby and if you break it she will break you. - Impulse drives her motorcycle when incredibly stressed. - Taught herself mechanics and medical stuff - Got all of her education from libraries, everything she knows about math, history, etc. is self taught - She was 17 when she got her first tattoos. - In total she has four tattoos. A raven carrying a hyacinth on her back, vines around her right arm, an ace flag yin yang on her left, and Edelweiss around a knife in a currently undetermined location. - Each tattoo has some varying form of significance. - She picked up roof running to help with jobs, it became a hobby later on - Tried to teach herself guitar, but they moved around too much for her to focus on it. - Family is everything to her. - A sign that you have her full trust you is that she becomes willing to be more...physical around you. Nudging your arm, playful punches and shoves, hugs, hair ruffling. She also won’t freeze or tense up if you grab her suddenly. -Basically she becomes notably less awkward and anxious, and wary around you. - She is fiercely loyal, and will stay by your side even if it means she might die. - Very tired and frequently has nightmares. Anxiety and guilt also prevents sleep. - Has to have a knife on her person at all times in order to feel safe; even in her own home and while she sleeps. - Crystal necklace is from a friend, a reminder that she isn’t alone and that she has people there for her. - Various scars, each with their own story. - Most people don’t assume Sage is a criminal when they first meet her.

[gwenbrightly]

Nya Wins an All Expense Paid Trip to the Hospital (and gives everyone else a heart attack) - Of Milk and Cookies Chapter 16

Crossposted from ffnet. Someone once requested I write about post tomorrow’s tea Lloyd comforting a hurt Nya, and this was the result of that suggestion. Please enjoy what is probably the most relatable thing I’ve written so far:

Nya glared at the stack of worksheets in front of her as though it would magically grade them for her. After the day she’d had, she wasn’t sure she wanted to know if any of her students had bothered to learn anything. Sneaking off to her room to curl up into a ball with her heat pad and sleep sounded much more appealing.  

“C’mon Aaron,” she muttered as she examined the paper at the top of the stack, only to discover that the student in question had dotted his eyes with hearts in a very uncharacteristic way, “if you’re gonna copy off of Sally, at least be subtle about it.”

They’d have to have another discussion about the evils of cheating. Not that it would do any good. Before meeting the students that currently roamed the halls of Master Wu’s Academy, Nya and the others had occasionally referred to Lloyd as demon spawn. But now? He was more like an angel compared to the hooligans she was expected to put up with each and every day. She sighed and set the worksheet aside to deal with later. The next one was no better; it was covered with doodles of wine glasses.

“Really, Megan? Again?”

These children almost made her wish she were old enough to drink actual wine. Maybe it would help with the headache grading these worksheets was giving her. And the stabbing pain that had been plaguing her side since early that morning. She was going to have to find some midol, soon, if it didn’t let up. It had been difficult to survive a full day of teaching like this. And the worst part was that none of her usual strategies for dealing with cramps seemed to be helping.

“Nya?” someone called as they knocked on the door to her classroom. She got up from her desk, grimacing as pain shot through her side once again.

“I’m coming!” she called back. Nya opened the door to find her brother waiting outside.

“Heya, sis. Just wanted to check in on you. Jay said you skipped out on your lunch date earlier…” Kai explained with a quizzical expression.

“Of course he did.” she said in annoyance. He frowned.

“Everything okay between you?” he asked after a moment.

“Just peachy.” she replied through gritted teeth. Why couldn’t Jay keep his mouth shut?

“Nya… are you sure you’re okay?” Kai pressed, “It’s not like you to skip meals…”

“I’m just… tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night and it’s been a long day. That’s all.” she told him, doing her best to shoot him a weak smile. There was no need to worry him by mentioning her abnormally bad stomach pain. Everyone would make a huge fuss and all she really wanted was some peace and quiet.  

“It’s almost dinner time. Why don’t you take a break from grading and come grab a bite to eat? You’re looking a little pale.” suggested Kai. He looked at her searchingly, still not completely convinced she was alright.

“Okay. I guess that would probably be a good idea.” Nya agreed. Maybe some food would help her feel better. She hadn’t had anything to eat other than the granola bar she’d choked down at breakfast; lunch had been forgone in favor of a nap that had ultimately done absolutely nothing to improve her state. She followed Kai down the hall that lead to the cafeteria, doing her best to distract herself by telling him about Aaron’s latest attempt at cheating.

“Don’t take it too personally, sis,” Kai told her supportively, “these kids are really rough around the edges. It’s hard to teach someone who flat out doesn’t wanna learn anything.”

“I know. I just wish they’d listen to me better.” Nya commented, pushing the door to the cafeteria open. A wave of nausea hit her as she stepped inside. The smell was too much for her. She swayed uncertainly for a moment before shaking it off and heading over to the counter where the food was served. Kai, who was waving to a few of their more tolerable students, didn’t seem to notice. They each grabbed a plate and piled it with macaroni and cheese along with freshly steamed broccoli before slipping off to the teacher’s lounge so they could eat in peace.

“I’m telling you, the kid’s a psychopath in the making. Something about him is not normal.” Jay was insisting when they arrived.  

“I can’t argue with you, there, but at least he doesn’t think you’re boring,” Cole countered, “if he decides to kill all of us in our sleep, he’ll probably come after me first.”

“Well, this is a great conversation to walk into.” Kai commented with a wry grin.

“Hello!” Zane greeted brightly.

“We’re commiserating over Finn again, I see.” Nya observed, delicately seating herself on an unoccupied couch. It was a relief to sit down again.  

“Yup.” Cole confirmed.

“What did he do this time?” she asked. She took a small bite of her food as Jay launched into his overzealous storytelling, but regretted it almost instantly. Her stomach rebelled and she felt another wave of pain wrack her body. What was wrong with her? Was this what dying felt like? She set her plate aside and curled into herself. The room was suddenly too hot, the sound of the others talking too loud. She felt like she was on the verge of throwing up.  

“Nya? You’re not looking so good…” Jay’s voice floated through her pain filled haze.  

“It’s j-just girl issues…” she gasped out, “please just let me die in peace…”

The others exchanged worried looks. Zane came over and put a hand to her forehead.  

“A fever would not be consistent with ‘girl problems’ as you put it.” he told her.

“Fever?” she repeated. This was news to her. He nodded, saying,  

“Your temperature is currently 101.4 degrees Fahrenheit.”

“Oh.”

“Nya, are you able to hop on one foot?” the nindroid asked. Nya glared at him in confusion.  

“What? Why would you ask that? It’s stupid! You’re stupid.”  

She paused when she realized what she’d just said.  

“Oh, Zane, I’m sorry… that wasn’t-”

“Please try. I promise there’s a good reason for this.” Zane insisted. She stared at him without responding for a moment. Trying to do as he suggested was only going to make things worse. He stared back, unrelenting, as if he knew something she didn’t. Finally, Nya gave in and pushed herself up with great effort. Still not fully buying into whatever Zane was pulling, she gave a half-hearted attempt at hopping on her right foot.  

“I can’t,” she cried agonizedly, collapsing back onto the couch, “fsm it hurts…”  

Zane didn’t seem surprised by this revelation.  

“I believe it would be wise to get you to the hospital. Your appendix appears to be on the verge of rupturing.” he announced. For the first time in a long time, Nya heard her brother swear loudly.  

*-*-*-*-*

Epic Ninja Family Group Chat

Jay: Hey, Greenie! Just wanted to let you know that we’re taking Nya to the HOSPITAL!!!!  

Jay: She’s in SURGERY now.  

Jay: Pick up your hecking phone, man.  

Jay: This is getting ridiculous… where ARE you???????  

Jay: L l o y d

Jay:??????  

*-*-*-*-*-*

Lloyd reread the series of text messages Jay had sent him for what must have been at least the 15th time. It was clear the master of lightning had panicked when he didn’t immediately respond. Or, more likely, had panicked more. Not that Lloyd could blame him. The fact that he was the only one who had been invited to go on this victory tour already hurt enough without the added guilt of not being there for his family when they needed him. He’d been attending a ceremony in a town he had never heard of before when Jay had first started texting him. He hadn’t even heard his phone go off, hadn’t seen the messages until much later. Of course, he had immediately summoned his golden dragon and headed for Ninjago City when he did see them, but that didn’t change the fact that he should’ve been there all along. So he did what any reasonable person would do and stopped for something with which to bribe-and-or cheer up his siblings with before heading to the hospital itself.  

The cashier of the little gas station Lloyd had stopped at finished ringing up his purchase with a yawn. The green ninja pocketed his phone and paid for the assortment of candy and frosted sugar cookies, along with the little stuffed narwhal he couldn’t bear to leave behind, wondering if Kai was ever going to get back to him with more details. The radio silence was a bit concerning; he wanted to know what to expect before he arrived at the hospital. If things were bad as bad as Jay made them out to be, if Nya was dying or something… but surely he was just being overdramatic… right? His pocket buzzed as he stepped out onto the empty sidewalk. A lone car drove by. A cat meowed in the distance. Lloyd glanced at his phone once more, unable to handle the suspense.  

Kai: She’s out of surgery and recovering now. Visiting hours are over, but I’m sure she’d love to see you. Rm 246. Eastern wing.  

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the message. Nya wasn’t dead after all. That was promising. Now he just had to find his way to the hospital. According to the GPS app on his phone, it shouldn’t be more than a few minutes away. Lloyd summoned his golden dragon and shot into the sky once more. It was much easier to navigate when one could simply fly over the houses and buildings that lined the streets of the city. He flew towards the hospital, his phone blaring warnings at him as it tried to keep up with his unusual route. Make a U-turn when possible, it beeped every so often. But he ignored it. Soon, his destination loomed in the distance.

Lloyd circled the building until he was on the correct side. Kai hadn’t given him any suggestions on how exactly he was supposed to get inside without the nursing staff kicking him out. Even the Green Ninja would be expected to adhere to hospital regulations. Had he assumed that Lloyd would just sneak in somehow? He absent-mindedly scanned the windows of the hospital while he tried to decide what to do next. And then he saw it; someone had taped what appeared to be a green piece of paper onto one of the panes. Kai did want him to sneak in, apparently. He flew closer so that he could examine the window more carefully. It was cracked open slightly. Shaking his head at his brother’s questionable plan, Lloyd opened the window the rest of the way. Being that it was some time after 11:00, the hospital room was pitch black. He stumbled as he climbed inside, unable to see clearly.

“Well, now… which of my idiot siblings decided to add breaking and entering to their list of crimes against humanity?” Lloyd heard Nya murmur sleepily. He froze.

“It’s um, Lloyd.” he replied. There was a small click and a dim light turned on.

“Lloyd? What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be off on your victory tour…” she began to protest, now that she could see that the intruder was in fact who he said he was. “Did Kai put you up to this?”

“In his defense, there’s no way to prove that window was left open intentionally.” Lloyd pointed out, with a small smile. He made his way over to her bed and sat in the empty chair next to it. She rolled her eyes, but returned his smile with a tired one of her own.  

“It is good to see you.” Nya admitted, raising an eyebrow as she glanced at the grocery bags he was sporting.  

“It’s good to see you, too. Oh, here. Got something for you!” he pulled out the stuffed narwhal and set it on the bed next to her.  

“You know, you might just be my favorite person ever.” Nya decided, examining it. She hugged it close, looking years younger than she actually was.  

“You mean I wasn’t already?” Lloyd pretended to be offended. She stuck her tongue out at him.  

“Wouldn’t you like to know.” she retorted with a laugh. Although she was clearly trying to hide it, he couldn’t help but notice her wincing as she did so.  

“So, what happened?” he asked eventually, “I had my phone on silent for a few hours and when I finally had a chance to check it, Jay was acting like you were dying…”

“Ehhh turns out that it wasn’t super bad cramps that had been bugging me all day; it was appendicitis,” stated Nya, sounding as though she were tired of having to explain this, “Everyone overreacted. I’m fine, I swear. It’s not a big deal-”

“Not a big deal, huh? You scare me sometimes, Nya.” Lloyd muttered. He shook his head in bemusement.

“Hm?”  

“I don’t think anyone else could be in that much pain and think ‘yeah, this is fine’.” he explained, wondering how on earth she had lasted more than a few hours before finally succumbing to the pain.  

“Says the boy who walked off a broken leg.” she said pointedly.

“That’s different. I only did that because I was more worried about how I was going to fight my father.” he reminded her. There really hadn’t been another option. Well, aside from giving up and dying, he supposed. Nya didn’t seem to think this was a very convincing argument.  

“And I was more worried about getting today’s worksheets graded so I could figure out how to put the kibosh on all the cheating that’s been happening lately.” she told him without missing a beat. Lloyd raised an eyebrow and asked,

“That bad?”

Nya nodded and made a face.

“Honestly. And if it’s not cheating, it’s weird drawings. Oh, if I was gonna be the first member of the group to be hospitalized, why count it have been for something exciting?” she complained. He chose not to point out that her definition of exciting probably differed from most other people’s. Or that there had been plenty of times that Kai, Jay, and even Cole should have ended up in the hospital, but didn’t.  

“For the record, when we agreed to having lots of adventures, this isn’t what I pictured.” Lloyd offered wryly. He thought back to his first night on the Destiny’s Bounty. Things had been so different, then. Neither of them had known what the future held.

“Well, it’s good to know you haven’t been plotting against me this whole time.” teased Nya, biting back a yawn. He could tell her energy was beginning to wane.  

“Maybe I should let you sleep… sounds like it’s been a really long day for you.” he suggested. Now that he knew she was okay, he wanted her to stay that way. And that meant cutting their reunion short so she could get some rest.  

“Unfortunately, you’re right… It definitely has,” she agreed, “But Lloyd? Thank you. For coming. I’ve missed you.”

“Of course, Nya. It turns out traveling around Ninjago like this gets pretty lonely after awhile...” said Lloyd, wishing he’d been able to visit sooner. He missed being able to see his family whenever he wanted. Missed being a part of the action. Nya nodded sagely.  

“I’m sure it does. You got a place to stay, or should we call Kai to come pick you up?”  

“Let’s call Kai. I… didn’t exactly plan out what was gonna happen after I got here.” he admitted. He pulled out his phone.  

“I guess you don’t know how long you’re staying, then?” she asked, seeming a little disappointed. Lloyd shrugged. Oh, how he wanted to give up his victory tour and stay as long as he liked. But somehow, he doubted his uncle or the people of Ninjago would think very highly of him evading his commitments like that.  

“I dunno. I guess it couldn’t hurt to stay a few days. Just to make sure you’re okay?” he answered after a moments consideration. It would take a bunch of phone calls and rearranging of his schedule tomorrow morning, but it was doable. After all, now that he was here, there was no point in leaving too quickly. Staying the weekend would give him plenty of time catch up with Kai and the others. The more he thought about his decision, the more certain Lloyd became that it was the right call. The feeling of homesickness he’d been fighting since leaving his family was already beginning to fade away as he realized just how badly he’d needed to be home again.

[jungleindierock]

Hello Jungle Indie Rock followers

I posted the other day saying i was having trouble posting this playlist, Jungle Indie Rock - Time Machine - Vol.5. Well i have reported the issue with tumblr staff, they have replied saying it is a bug, but as yet not fixed!! So have decided to post it this way for now and will repost once the issue is corrected.

Jungle Indie Rock - Time Machine - Vol.5

Here we have the Fifth instalment in the Time Machine playlist series, as always 100 tracks from the 1950′s to the present day!! They are from many mixed genres of music. Hopefully you will discover an artist that you don’t know from listening to it, then investigate them more!! I am still discovering bands from the past that are new to me. The cover art was done by my partner here at Jungle Indie Rock, she did a great job of it!!

 So listen to it, share it, but most importantly enjoy it!! Reb  LINK HERE

Tracklist

The Style Council - Walls Come Tumbling Down

Kirsty MacColl - A New England

Frankie Goes To Hollywood - Two Tribes

China Crisis - Black Man Ray

Bryan Ferry - Slave To Love

Johnny Cash - Ring Of Fire

Buddy Holly - Everyday

Joan As Poloice Woman - Holy City

Parquet Courts - Berlin Got Blurry

Courtney Barnett - Pedestrain At Best

No Age - Fever Dreaming

Kurt Vile - Pretty Pimpin

Big Mama Thornton - Hound Dog

The Undetones - Teenage Kicks

Cockney Rebel - Make Me Smile (Come Up & See Me)

999 - Feelin' Alright With The Crew

Jim Reeves - He'll Have To Go

The Stooges - I Wanna Be Your Dog

The Creation - Making Time

The Strangeloves - I Want Candy

Martha And The Muffins - Echo Beach

Siouxsie And The Banshess - The Passanger

The Police - Roxanne

The Sweet - Blockbuster

The Eden House (Ft. Julianne Reagan) The Beauty Of Science

The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You

Chairlift - Bruises

Camera Obscura - Lloyd, I'm Ready To Be Heartbroken

Link Wray - Hidden Charms

Johnny Burnette & The Rock 'N' Roll Trio - The Train Kept A-Rollin'

Rocket From The Tomb - 30 Seconds Over Tokyo

Small Faces - Waht'cha Gonna Do About It

The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army

Plain White T's - Hey There Delilah

Chris Rea - Windy Town

Norma Waterson - Black Muddy Water

The Clash - Tommy Gun

Virgin Prunes - Baby Turn Blue

Patti Smith - People Have The Power

Stray Cats - Runaway Boys

Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc.

Paolo Nutini - Candy

The Streets - Dry Your Eyes

The Rezillos - (My Baby Does) Good Sculptures

Greg Oblivian & The Tip-Tops - Watching My Baby Get Ready

Wreckless Eric - Veronica

The Hitsville House Band - The Girl With The Wandering Eye

Kings Of Leon - Holy Roller Novocaine

The Blasters - Dark Night

Strawberry Switchblade - Since Yesterday

Deap Vally - Bring It On

The Meteors - Mutant Rock

Barry Briggs - Side Show

Nick Cave & Shane MacGowan - A Rainy Night In Soho

The Prefects - Going Through The Motions

Palace Music - Cat's Blues

The Go-Betweens - Streets Of Your Town

The Replacements - Alex Chilton

Carl Barat And The Jackels - Sister

Fire Engines - Get Up And Use Me

Susan Cadogan - Fever

King Tubby & The Techniques All Stars - Stalag 17

Jackie DeShannon - Find Me Love

Jane - It's a fine Day

Roddy Frame - Mattress Of Wire (Live)

Nirvana - About A Girl

Dale Hawkins - Suzie Q

Cat Stevens - Wild world

Sandy Denny - It'll Take A Long Time

Girls At Our Best - Getting Nowhere Fast

Horace Andy - Sky Larking

The Distillers - City Of Angels

The Nipple Erectors - King Of The Bop

Dick Dale - Nitro

The Urabn Voodoo Machine - Down By The River

Urinals - I'm A Bug

The Hammersmith Gorilla's - You Really Got Me

The Deviants - Garbage

Killburn & The Highroads - Rough Kids

The Crickets - That'll Be The Day

Wanda Jackson - Let's Have A Party

The Smashing Pumpkins - Disarm

Crash Test Dummies - Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Dire Straits - Your Latest Trick

Keane - Everybody's Changing

IDLES - Danny Nedelko

Best Coast - Feeling OK

The Tallest Man On Earth - King Of Spain

Richard Hawley - Serious

Silver Aplles - Velvet Cave

The Third Bardo - I'm Five Years Ahead Of My Time

Hannah Peel - The Parting Glass

Dead Boys - Sonic Reducer

The James Hunter Six - I Don't Wanna Be Without You

Billie Holiday - I Wished On The Moon

The Raconteurs - Steady, As She Goes

Kasabian - Underdog

Wolfmother - Woman

Beastie Boys - Fight For Your Right

The Doors - Riders On The Storm

[cathrynstreich]

The Colorful House Trend: Crazy or Cute?

Contrary to popular belief, not all homes are beige, brick red or grey!

Let’s talk about the colorful house trend, shall we?

But first… a story.

Growing up, there was a bright lilac house with a tiny widow’s walk in my neighborhood. To my young eyes, it was the epitome of chic. The rest of the neighbors didn’t think so, though — it stood out like a sore thumb amidst the tasteful craftsman bungalows, neutral ranch houses, and wannabe haciendas. This was before the days of strict HOAs, though, so there was very little they could do about it besides sigh, and say, “Yes, I live right down the street from the purple house. No, I don’t know why it’s purple.”

It was kinda like this, but even cuter.

In the end, the elderly lady who lived there moved on, and the house was quickly repainted to a safer oyster grey with dusty blue trim. The neighborhood breathed a collective sigh of relief; their property values were safe from the scourge of color once again.

I still think of that house, though, and the old lady who lived there. She must have had a lot of chutzpah to go with her dream color… especially when the whole rest of the neighborhood was kind of drab.

Nowadays, it seems like there are more colorful houses popping up than ever. Perhaps it’s because people are more likely to go their own way these days, or maybe it’s due to the extreme popularity of these brightly colored dwellings on sites like Houzz, Instagram, and Pinterest.

The hashtag #colorfulhouses has over 72,000 uses so far!

With the growing popularity of candy colored homes, we thought we’d dig in and address this trend. We can dig into the big myths and controversy and determine once and for all… is this trend cute? Or is it crazy?

Here we go.

Colorful houses are weird and not at all tasteful.

Au contraire, mon frere! In many parts of the USA and other countries, colorful houses are the norm.

What would beach towns look like without rows of citrusy townhomes? How bland would Santorini be without those famous bright blue roofs? And how about sunny Mexico, where color is practically hardwired into the culture?

Muy bonita, no?

What’s more is you don’t have to live in a colorific town to have a colorful house. You just have to consider a few things before you commit to color.

This pink house is classic and beautiful. Change my mind.

Red is only for farmhouses.

While red certainly is a bright, striking color, it’s also a classic when it comes to exteriors. Frank Lloyd Wright himself was a huge fan of red paint.

When most people think of a red house, they immediately picture a pastoral scene — if you’ve got a red house, you’re probably a turnip farmer or something, right? Wrong. Red looks just as good on a variety of architectural styles. If you’re secretly wishing for a crimson Craftsman, we say go ahead.

Green is only good in small doses.

As with most things, it depends. Tennis ball green is best reserved for tiny touches here and there, and avocado green might never recover from the reputation it got in the seventies, but hunter, kelly, and apple green? They’re guh-guh-guh-gorgeous!

Green symbolizes life, nature, and good luck. How can you go wrong with that?

Tile is an even bigger commitment than paint. Go big or go home, I guess.

Yellow’s ok though, right?

When people think “crazy colorful house”, they usually don’t include yellow. With some architectural styles, yellow is almost considered a neutral! That doesn’t mean you should go slappin’ on the saffron just yet, though. Unfortunately, if you’re planning on selling soon, you might want to back away from yellow altogether. According to a survey done by Zillow, houses painted this sunny hue reduced sales prices by $3,408!

If you want to stay in your home for a long time, have at it. Yellow is cheery, energetic, and attention-grabbing.

You’ll have no problems with the pizza guy finding this place!

Pink Houses? Isn’t that only a John Cougar Mellencamp song?

I’ll be honest, I have no idea what that song is about. What I DO know is that pink houses are charming, whimsical, and a little bit retro.

Pink looks as good in Palm Springs as it does in the South, so if you’re dreaming of a pink home and you don’t might the slight Barbie vibe that comes with all things pink, channel your inner Audrey Hepburn and say it with me: I believe in pink!

This house gives preppy vibes, but in, like, a good way.

Purple is fussy and old-ladyish

First of all, old ladies are awesome and anyone who disagrees is sentenced to watching 20 episodes of The Golden Girls.

Second, not all purple looks fussy. This regal hue can look modern and stately, and it’s almost always certain to stand out! This color is not for the faint of heart, but if you’re into it, we say make like Prince and go for the purple.

No way would Bea Arthur live here.

There’s only one way to do blue.

Remember the late 80s when farmhouse-chic was a thing? I don’t mean the Chip-and-Joanna moment we’ve got going on now; I’m referring to the ducks and chickens on everything era. Back then, dusty blue was all the rage, and when you think of a blue house, that’s probably what you imagine.

Dust off your imagination, friend. There are so many ways to do blue now it’s not even funny. From teal and turquoise to ultramarine and navy, when it comes to blue, the sky’s the limit. (Get it? OK, OK, I’ll stop.)

You DON’T have to live at the beach to like blue.

Black houses look evil.

Ok, so black does have a reputation as a very spooky color, but that doesn’t extend to houses! Black houses look neat and chic. We say black stands out in a GOOD way.

Oh, and while we’re debating black? Just remember, the Addams family’s house was creepy and spooky and the exterior paint was all NEUTRALS. So take that, beige.

It’s so cozy! No self-respecting witch would live here.

There’s no wrong way to use color.

How can I put this tactfully? There are some houses out there that DO make you wonder, “Just how much does this person hate their neighbors?”

Look, color is great, but if you want to be this bold, you’ve also got to be judicious. House paint usually lasts eight years or more, so ask yourself, “Do I really want to see this every day for the next decade? Also, will this paint scheme inspire hate mail?” before you choose a color.

I’m not trying to say this is too much, but… this is too much.

This is just a new fangled trend that will pass, right?

Yes and no.

While it’s certainly hot-hot-hot to have an Instagram-worthy exterior these days, colorful houses have been around for ages!

While some folks will grow tired of their picturesque houses, others will keep their vivid homes for ages… or even pass them down to their kids.

Colorful homes are here to stay.

Painted Lady-style Victorians date back to the mid 1800s.

The Final Verdict

With all of this analysis, we think it’s safe to say the colorful house trend is cute… even if it is a little bit risky.

If you’re jonesin’ to add some color to your home’s exterior, you might want to check with your city and HOA first. Many places have restrictions on what colors you can and can’t use.

Also, if you get the go-ahead to use a bold color, you might want to consult with a design pro or at least try a few big swatches in a few different locations. Your whole house is TOO big of a canvas to mess this up!

The post The Colorful House Trend: Crazy or Cute? appeared first on Lighter Side of Real Estate.

The Colorful House Trend: Crazy or Cute? published first on https://thegardenresidences.tumblr.com/

[donaldscene98-blog]

Jenny Slate on Edibles, Animals, and Eric Garcetti’s Sexy Voice

Ten minutes after Jenny Slate arrives at a Silver Lake coffee shop on a sunny September afternoon, she is accosted by another patron. Thankfully the accoster is her pal and fellow Bob’s Burgers actress Kristen Schaal, which makes Slate a very willing accostee. The pair hatch a plan to have dinner as soon as Slate is in town long enough to do such a thing, which, she estimates, will be in two months. “This is the trouble with being friends with Jenny Slate,” Schaal says to me with a laugh. “She’s a movie star. You can quote me on that.”

Indeed, Slate’s rise is indisputable: In the years since her web series Marcel the Shell went viral (she voices the titular curious gastropod), the 36-year-old has lent her talents to animated films like Zootopia, starred in beloved series like Parks and Recreation, and carried provocative indies like Obvious Child. (At the moment, you can catch her alongside Tom Hardy in the comic book tentpole Venom.)

In short, she’s one of the industry’s most interesting and chameleonic talents. “When you come from comedy, people think that’s what you are,” she says. “You almost feel fraudulent if you have darker, more velvety aspects of yourself. So I want to take roles that are dramatic or sad—the way I feel about it is, I’m just starting.” Here she talks everything from edibles to Eric Garcetti.

Most L.A. sentence Marcel the Shell could ever say? [Marcel voice] “I’ll have the bone broth.” That, or like, “I don’t like the Beverly Center.”

You like rabbits, I hear? I mean, they’re fine. Rabbits are fine.

Oh weird, I read this interview where you said they’re your favorite animal. Rabbits? Really? I don’t think I would say that rabbits are my favorite. I love giraffes. But I have a lot of wooden rabbits in my house.

Well I’m going to ask you this question anyway, even though now it makes way less sense: Any rabbit, animated or otherwise, you’d have open for you at the Largo? Harvey from Harvey—you know, the Jimmy Stewart movie? Freak ’em out, man. Harvey could get it done. But if not Harvey, isn’t there a big bunny in Donnie Darko? That guy could do it. And if not him, what about Bigwig from Watership Down? Make it crazy. Thumper from Bambi’s too dumb. Can you imagine me getting up on stage and being like, “Give it up for Thumper!”

And you couldn’t have Bugs. Bugs can’t. You can’t do that. You can’t follow Bugs. And Roger Rabbit is too much.

I love that movie though. It’s one of my favorites. Although I never really understood why Jessica—I mean, I love that they love each other. But I was always annoyed by him. He’s really irresponsible. I hate it when people are irresponsible. What are they doing together, Patty Cakes? Man, I bet there’s a lot of gross stuff you could look up on the internet.

When I was a kid, I used to tell my mom that I wanted Jessica Rabbit’s dress to be my wedding dress. I see nothing wrong with that. A few years ago, Jessica Biel went on Weekend Update dressed as Jessica Rabbit, and first of all, I was like, Yes. Accurate. So sexual and gorgeous. But then I was like, this dress can work in real life. Then again, I guess you have to be Jessica Biel. Truly, so hot.

You’re working on a book. Angeleno you’d ask to write the foreword? Miranda July. She’s the smartest, most beautiful mind in the world. But what if I was like, “Eric Garcetti.” By the way, I don’t know much about Eric Garcetti, but I will say that I think his voice is very sexy. I am truly turned on by Eric Garcetti’s gorgeous voice. He has the Justin Trudeau of voices.

He’s the voice of LAX! I know! Every time he’s like, “Hi, I’m…” I’m like, “HI I AM TOO.” It’s funny, Jerry Brown’s voice is like rocks being jangled around in a bag. I’m super happy about how much he cares about our environment, but his voice is super gravelly.

Eric Garcetti should voice your audiobook. Oh, my God, can you imagine?

You like to bake, yes? I do. I love it.

It also seems like you smoked a lot of weed in college. It’s something that continues to occur.

If you made a dream edible, what would it be? The thing about edibles is, I always do them wrong. I always eat too much. I forget it’s not a normal candy, and then I freak out. So if I were to make one, it might be cool to make a very gentle weed soda. Those Bliss vapes are also very nice.

Some of those were mailed to my office, and I have never seen my coworkers fight over something more. They’re really nice. The one thing that I forget is that you can’t use them in an airport. I did it once. It was an innocent mistake. I smoked it in the bathroom stall, and I slowly blew the vape into my shirt, and I was like, “I’m gunna be arrested.” But I wasn’t. I lived to tell the tale.

Character from your career that you’d want to be stuck on the 405 with? I’ve had the pleasure to play a lot of people who are really annoying. Like, you don’t want to be stuck in traffic with Mona Lisa. She’s literally the worst. So probably Marcel the Shell. He’d have so many observations. What people like to drive, their faces. What we’re listening to. I like the way that he observes. It’s very soothing. Sometimes when I don’t feel good about myself, I observe things the way Marcel does to remind myself that that aspect is actually within me. He reminds you to watch and listen.

You’ve voiced a lot of animal characters in your career. Non-publicist-approved name for your pet hotel? Pussy House. It’s a cat hotel. But I don’t want to go. I don’t like cats.

I read that you were on the speech team in high school. Is that something that requires you to present a closing argument? No, speech team was taking a play, whittling it down to ten minutes, and doing all the characters. And I was incredibly competitive. I was state champion four years in a row, New England champion three years in a row, ranked eighth nationally, and I went to nationals three times—no, I went to nationals two times. The third time I refused to go because I wanted to go to grad parties instead, because I finally felt OK about myself, and I knew that I could make out with people. I only did speech team to get into college because I wasn’t good at sports. I liked it, but I also knew it was my ticket out.

How many people have said that sentence: “Speech team was my ticket out”? It was my ticket out, though! But I liked the thrill of the competition. It’s turbo-dorky and really fun, and I did love it, and I was completely dedicated to it. I wore a full Talbot’s suit. I looked like I was going to divorce mediation, or synagogue in 1993.

Ok, so: Movie set in Los Angeles you’d perform in a speech competition? Oh my God. What a good question. Who Framed Roger Rabbit, of course. I would be most excited to be Jessica. I’d also love to be what’s his name, with the Dip? Christopher Lloyd. Would be really pumped to be him. Another movie I’d like to do in that respect would be Babe. “That’ll do, pig” is what I say to myself after I put on my makeup and I’m ready to go out. Not really. But that’d be so great.

Pick a hype man: Nick Kroll or Nick Offerman. Pfff. If you pick Offerman, you’re gunna get one type of show. If you pick Kroll, you’re gunna get another. I guess you have to know your audience. Let’s say I was performing at an outdoor festival filled with people who like to work with wood. Then I would pick Mr. Offerman. Let’s say I was performing at a synagogue filled with people who are going to synagogue. Then I would choose Kroll. This feels bad and hard to choose. Can’t they do it together? Can’t we give these white men a chance? Aren’t they being marginalized?! [Laughs.] I would choose both. If you’re going to have me minimize them in an offensive way, which I won’t, I choose both.

Celebrity you’d Face Swap with for a day? Justin Trudeau. But if I can’t get Justin Trudeau, Yoko Ono.

RELATED: Kevin Smith Almost Died, Became a Vegan, and Still Podcasts Every Week for You

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Source: https://www.lamag.com/culturefiles/jenny-slate/

[7r0773r]

Dancing Bears: True Stories of People Nostalgic for Life Under Tyranny by Witold Szablowski, translated by Antonia Lloyd-Jones

“Before the war, a Gypsy was a nobody. It’s entirely thanks to the Communists that after the war we were given rights, jobs, and apartments, that our people learned to read and write, and that the Bulgarians started to give us a bit of respect.” (p. 13)

***

“They’re going to their life of freedom in cages,” someone remarked, but this subtle piece of spite didn’t spoil the atmosphere of triumph and success. (p. 27)

***

“And then he adds something that I find way out of line--he says he knows what’s best for the bear. He says his corn and bread are better than our nuts and apples, and that a Gypsy’s chain and gadulka are better than our thirty acres. 

“But what bugs me most is when he says he loves the bear, and that we’re trying to take away a member of his family.

“ ‘Man,’ I think to myself, ‘you’re hurting that animal. You’re degrading it. You’re forcing it to behave in a way that’s totally contrary to its nature. You’re making a laughing stock out of a proud wild animal! You’re making a fool of it!’

“But what would a Gypsy understand even if I said all that to him?

“They’d been hearing for years that they’d have to hand over the bears, and they were used to the idea. But they thought it would just end in talk again. They didn’t understand that we weren’t going to let them off. We were building a nature reserve. We had the support of important people--politicians, actors, and journalists. And as soon as they sat down at the same table as us--with food, rakia, and gifts--they were in the losing position, because everyone else was on our side, and they were just Gypsies carrying on traditions from a world that no longer exists.” (pp. 38-39)

***

For days on end, Vela kept touching her nose, looking for the ring. Although it had caused her pain throughout her life, she couldn’t cope with its removal, as if she’d grown so used to being a slave that she regarded her sudden freedom as a threat and feared it more than the pain. 

The same thing happened with Mima, one of the bears taken from the Stanev family.

But there are also bears who feel fine in a few minutes and never wonder where the piece of metal that always caused them pain his gone. 

That’s what happened with Misho and Svetla. They reacted to the removal of the ring as if losing it were the most ordinary thing in the world. They immediately got on with fighting for their place within the group, and later with love affairs. The lack of the ring never bothered them in the least. (pp. 58-59)

***

“Nobody has tried anything like this before. Nobody has managed to restore nature to animals that have lived with people for whole generations. I do have some concerns. I can’t be sure we’re not opening Pandora’s box. We could be unblocking other things in their minds--who knows where that will take us? Wild bears would find a way to get out of here in two days flat. They wouldn’t have the least problem, not even with the electric fence. They have far greater self-confidence and they’re more creative. Perhaps one day our bears will go for the electric fence too, destroy it and be off into the forest. That would be a success for us, but on the other hand it would also be our failure. Why? Because our bears wouldn’t survive as much as a week at liberty. I’ll be happy to tell you about it, but right now it’s feeding time. They guys have brought the bread. Come on, you can help us to scatter it.” (pp. 66-67)

***

“But you can’t just let a bear go and expect it to cope with everything for itself. Freedom is a terribly complicated business. You have to give it to them gradually, in small doses. And the fact that they’re hibernating means our bears are making progress on the road to freedom. They’re no longer living from one day to the next. They’ve learned to prepare for tougher times.” (p. 72)

***

And when the citizens add up all those large sums, they come to the unpleasant conclusion that far more care is taken of the bears than of them. While the animals are being taught resourcefulness, conflict solving, and hibernation, while pools are being built for them and playgrounds adapted to their needs, the people of Belitsa are being left to fend for themselves. Although they’ve been learning freedom for longer than the bears, they don’t have a team of experts to help them with the transformation.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t born a bear,” the former mayor of Belitsa, Hasan Ilan, once said bitterly, as he compared the park’s budget with the town’s. (p. 80)

***

“In the wild, a bear cub spends the first two years of its life with its mother, who teaches it everything. Scientists in Alaska have recorded entire bear lessons, during which the mothers take their cubs to the riverbank and show them how to position their paws in order to catch fish.

“But what could our mother bears teach their offspring? Maybe just that when a truck comes along, there’s going to be food. Or that if you can’t manage to dig yourself a pit to hibernate in, a hairy-faced  human will come along and build you a kennel out of planks.

“Unfortunately, our bears not only hav the smell but also the mentality of captives. For twenty or thirty years they were used to having somebody do the thinking for them, providing them with an occupation, telling them what they had to do, what they were going to eat and where to sleep. It wasn’t the ideal life for a bear, but it was the only one they knew.” (pp. 86-87)

***

to this day,

almost all the bears still

dance.

When they see a human being, they stand up on their hind legs and start rocking from side to side. As if they were begging, as in the past, for bread, candy, a sip of beer, a caress, or to be free of pain. Pain that nobody has been inflicting on them for years. (p. 90)

***

When spring comes, Misho wakes from his lethargy and goes to find Svetla. He circles her like a shy teenager. Now he goes closer, now he moves away again. He roars, rubs against a tree, and goes up to her again. Svetla patiently watches the performance.

Until they come together.

Their attempt to continue the species doesn’t last long. Once it’s over, Svetla plunges into a state of bliss for several weeks. Only after a month or two does she realize something hasn’t gone right. Then both she and Misho start to dance, each in a different corner of the park for dancing bears at Belitsa, the park that’s like something out of a tourist brochure. (pp. 98-99)

***

“Everyone goes to Poland for their shopping, because in Ukraine, even though we’ve got the best earth in Europe, it lies fallow. You tell me, Witold, where’s the sense in that? Ukraine could be Europe’s granary. You could eat our black earth with a spoon--there’s no soil like it anywhere in the world. But what happens? It just lies fallow. People are only interested in opportunities to earn money abroad. Or to get something for nothing, just as they got used to doing under the Commies. My old man doesn’t meet any of the EU standards. He’s never seen face cream in his life. Whatever cash I send him, he drinks away. I keep telling him: ‘We were given two and a half acres when they closed down the collective farm. you could take just a little bit of it and sow some carrots, cucumbers, and tomatoes. You could raise hens. Why not have something of your own?’”

“And wha does he say to that?”

“He says he won’t do it! Because he doesn’t feel like it. Unfortunately, the whole Ukrainian nation is just like our marriage. Either they work hard, but abroad, like me. Or they sit in their village and whack a stick against a tree in the hope that a pear might fall. I pray for the EU to come to us too. For the Dutch and the Germans to come here, and the Poles too, and plough that land for us. The collective farm will start up again, but this time it’ll be privately owned.” (pp. 135-36)

***

“When I went to the bazaar in Kabul with my air force pals,” says Viktor, “one of the stallholders said to us in Russian, ‘Good cabbage, very shitty!’ Someone had taught him to prattle that nonsense. It’s the same thing with the Russian youth. Someone has told them they have to defend the Bronze Soldier. So that’s what they’re doing.” (p. 154)

***

“What does Memed think about the Serbs in Kosovo?”

“He can tell the difference between criminals and regular people. Wars are not fought between races. They’re fought between criminals from  one side and the other. He understands that. After the declaration of independence, he could see that I was out of sorts. ‘Tatiana,’ he said, ‘we’re just pawns on the chessboard. The Americans are playing against the Russkies. It’s sheer chance that you’re a black pawn and I’m a white one.’” (p. 200)

***

“Until 2004 there wasn’t a single Serb left in our village. They’d all run off with the army. They were afraid we’d take revenge on them. But now time has passed and not all of them have made a life for themselves in Serbia. Now Belgrade is protesting against our independence, but they don’t treat the Serbs from Kosovo well there. So they’re starting to come back. In the past four years twelve families have returned--almost fifty people. The UN gives us money. We’re building houses for them. We’re helping them to get set up. But it’s not enough, because they don’t have jobs. So we had the idea of giving them chickens. They’ll be starting up miniature farms, selling eggs and meat. They’ll have something to eat. We’ve bought a small hut for one of them, and he’ll have a greengrocer’s store there. Tomorrow we’re going to fetch the first hundred chickens. Maybe this will allow us to attract a few more Serbs.”

“Why would you want to do that?”

“So the government in Belgrade won’t go saying they’re badly treated here. Besides, there’s money provided for it. Why not take advantage of that?”

“Aren’t the Albanians protesting?”

“I have a neighbor. A great Albanian patriot. Ask him about the Serbs, he’d say he’d shoot the lot. But when they started to come back, it reminded him that he used to have a good friend called Goran, who was a Serb. And now he runs after me to ask if I can get his pal Goran to come back. Because he’d like to see him again before he dies.” (pp. 205-06)

***

“I used to work at a clothing factory. In the personnel department too. When the Soviet Union collapsed, the factory collapsed with it. And everything was looted--even the glass was stolen out of the window frames. In Stalin’s day something like that wouldn’t have been possible. The culprits would have been punished. So these days when I hear the stories they tell about him, I say, ‘People, you’ve lost your minds. Remember the Soviet Union. Everyone had work. The children had a free education. From Tbilisi to Vladivostok.’ If it weren’t for Communism, I, for example, would still be living in the countryside. I would never have thought of occupying a managerial position, because only men had those jobs before then. No system has ever given women as much.

“Since its collapse, everything is worse. In the past, the doctors couldn’t refuse to help a poor person. Now the health service is private, and even if you break a leg you have to pay. It’s the same with education. A retired person used to have the phone for free, and paid less for electricity. But now? You get a pension of twenty dollars, and the prices are like in the West.

“And life gets worse and worse for women. In the USSR men had a good life. There were no wars. And if a man hit you, you could go and complain to the party committee. The committee informed the party cell at the factory, and the abuser could get into big trouble.

“These days the men has no work and they’re frustrated. And when one of them hits you, you’ve no one to defend you.” (pp. 212-13)

***

“What do I think about Stalin? Here, in Gori, it’s customary for parents or grandparents to take their kids to the museum and tell them about him. I brought my toddler here too. And I told him, just like it says in those American guides to success, ‘He was much worse off than you are. His father drank, his cottage was falling down, and the other kids were good-for-nothings. But he was hardworking, thanks to which years later he ruled the entire country. If you study, you can achieve a lot too.’” (p. 218)