#lmao im getting all sad bc of that.
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THEE audiodrama disguised as podcast
#sherlock and co#s&co#sherlock holmes#john watson#mariana ametxazurra#Ive been thinking abt these design SO much lmao. even while doing other things#decided to take cues from acd/granada more. hence sherlock's headband to mimic slicked back hair#and I went with Colors bc. well first of all Im a clown. but second of all I recall some stuff abt victorian fabrics and uh. the wonder of#arsenic green etc#they were enjoying the colors I can commit to some#and. okay Im so real with u Im also a long haired john truther bc he has a podcast of course he'd have long hair but#I think its gonna take a Hot minute. currently this is still like the slightly-grown-out regulation cut#john's jacket is bc he and sherlock are 90s kids. this was a moment of enlightenment to me. I can give john every windbreaker on earth#mariana gets the jean jacket bc I like to imagine she's a y2k kid#(sherlock I think is only 90s kid in year of birth that man's childhood was skipping class to burn shit in the wood)#(but he canonically sews which I fucking love so much. he has not bought new clothes for almost a decade#if a shirt's disintegrating no it isn't. not on his watch)#a lil sad I cant figure out how to give them hats lol I feel like thats the most victorian thing there is. a stupid hat#I can at any moment give one of them a beanie. but I refuse#there are. like a Hoard of other scribbly sketches I did to get used to drawing them. but those are for me those are not for the public#and also theyre in my sketchbook and Im too lazy to scan them#happened mostly during lunar new year lol. I was getting Hard whipped then thank u s&co for carrying me thru#ok I do other things now. have this for a while ok? thank u#have a good night lads. enjoy motion
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aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i havnt drawn in a little
#I 4GOT CISSIES EARRIGG BG S#HITS TVSLE AAAAAAAAAA IM 2 LAZY 2 GO BACK IM SRRY GORLIE :(((#just a kint of konbart as a treat 4 me ig#4every piercing kon has; the more pronouns she attains#if i explained my thought process whenever i draw kon it would just be hehehehehehheehheheheheehe#heart glasseess!!!! i need 2 find more fun glasses shapes 2 draw her in tbh tbh#i did light shading & my head starts hurting godAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#i havent been on ib like a while & theres sm posts omg yummy im looking @ all my moots & kickin my feet omgg tehe#i need 2 try 2 sleep get rid of this headache b4 i continue 2 stare @ my screen tho….. i prolly wont i wanna talk im tired of bing sad LMAO#more kart 2 day ((literally prolly tmr))#ive been thinking about aus sm this is so its so woahhhh#kon el#kart#puppee art#GAAAAHHHHHH I WANNA EXPLAIN MY STUPID HCS 4 Y I DRAW KON LIKE THISSS#i dont bc im 80% sure ill b ripped apart but like i love talking about them i love talking about kon sm#@ least i do 2 my doggie
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Ride 746: Cheering and conclusion!!
Pag 1
1: I'll win!!
2: I will!! I'll become the sixth member!! This year for sure!!
3: I'll go!!
4: I will!! On the same stage as you, Issa!!
Pag 2
1: They're neck and neck!!
For sure!!
Pag 3
1: For sure!!
Pag 4
1: There are 50m left until the sensor line!!
2: Kuaaaa
3: Garuaaaa
Pag 5
3: Nii-chan, on!!
4: Damn, I get it
This resolution, is making me shake
5: Sugimoto!! I'm cheering for you!!
Pag 6
1: Danchiku!!
2: 30m left!!
Pag 7
2: I think I can hear, mixed together with Sadatoki's voice
3: Kawada's cheering
4: It's surprising, but I'm grateful
It's turning into strength for me, Kawada
6: Imaizumi....
Pag 8
1: is watching quietly
Can't be helped
2: They're the three core third years who put together the club
They can't afford to support one of us
4: But, maybe, if you supported me
I
5: I would have been
6: several times more strong than usual
Pag 9
1: I'm glad
For this training camp
2: It's been hard, but, Imaizumi, I could become your “buddy”, and run with you during these intense for days
3: Imaizumi......
4: I haven't told you yet
5: Once this race is over.... will you listen to me?
5: It's silly
A daydream
6: The reason why I want to run in the Inter High
7: I've been thinking about it since around a year ago
Before the finish line, running as teammates, wearing the same jerseys....
Pag 10
1: Go, Imaizumi!!
Got it, Teru!!
I.....
2: I thought that I want to push your back and for you to take the finish line
3: With these hands!!
Pag 11
2: Sugimoto
3: At first, you boasted that you were an experienced cyclist, but it was just words
During the first training camp, you retired halfway through
4: But you worked so hard
Secretly
5: And without resting, for three years
Sugimoto.....
6: Show me the moment your three years of progress bear fruits
Pag 12
1: Pedal!! Sugimoto!!
2: Yeah!!
Pag 13
3: Now
4: 30m!!
I'll pedal at full power!!
Pag 14
1: Garuaaaa
2: Sugimoto-san
3: You're really an amazing guy
4: I respect you from the bottom of my heart
Pag 15
1: Your heart is probably bigger than mine
2: The courage to boldly challenge, the earnestness of working so hard
The heart of never giving up until the end
3: You, who hid all that, are strong
4: Stronger than me, much more!! I finally noticed during the last lap
5: So
6: It's the end, so please
My heart is so small it can fit in the palm of my hand
So
Pag 16
1: Allow me to practice with you one more time, senpai!!
Pag 20
1: Garuaaaa
2: It's Danchiku
Danchiku crossed the sensor line first!!
#yowamushi pedal#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 746#rip to all the ppl who were cheering so hard for sugimoto i'm so so sorry for your loss ;A;#also im so sad too ;A;#but honestly im also sad for danchiku bc literally everyone but kabu was cheering for sugimoto no one was cheering for him lmao#maybe he'll get on the team but everyone would have preferred having sugimoto asdsafhjldf thats so sad#btw imaizumi screaming for sugimoto ;A;#sugimoto being so in love with him hes such a simp#he even imagines imaizumi calling him teru ;A;#i wonder whats gonna happen now.....#next chap is 24 pages so many things are waiting for us next week *eyes emoji*
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friendly reminder that this exists
“i don't think luke is presenting an argument either way. because i think luke also, of any jedi in the galaxy, understands what it would be like to be with the person you care about most -- to be with your father figure”
#dinluke#filoni gets it - he gets that luke wanted to present grogu w a choice#a modern jedi who wouldnt make the decision for him like his predecessors would#luke knows what its like to lose his uncle and aunt his master and his father#hed never want grogu to lose his dad#or make that choice for him#luke is such a good egg#i just have the big sad thinking that luke was only a cameo bc although he was a good mentor he wasnt destined to be grogus master#thats the vibe i get#so it gets me thinking they wont bring him back#but god i hope im wrong#like he was the perfect jedi for grogu to learn that lesson from and the perfect person to show him kindness and understanding and compassio#compassion#at that point in grogus young life#and thats all it will be#but heres hoping im wrong 🙃#i do feel like s3 will be all abt mandalore tho and luke wont be in it#maybe s4 grogu will come back around to accepting both his jedi abd mandalorian halves#but not before that#but anyway.. just slowly breaking it to myself not to expect luke so im not heartbroken lmao#tagging dinluke because cmon theyre his dads#star wars
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btw one of the things i want to do when i really rap up atbb for real is spontaneously get the energy at will to do actual updated fullbodies of the main 4 since now i actually have the ability to draw them the way they look in my head & have the skills to put some more variety in their shapes. basically i wanna
#warning big character design rambling in these tags but like. were u expecting any less#if ur wondering what changed-#first of all everybody has bigger hands bc i'm actively deciding to commit to that decision because i like it :3#next russ is a bit taller . i'll probably change some other things like making his armor look more solid & making him look more frail#-without it but i dont wanna pick up my tablet rn so thats all i feel like editing with my mouse lmao#edge has the biggest changes mostly in just being Wider. i want to make him Look stronger yknow#currently its just one of those annoying “skinny anime girl actually has 2d spraypainted abs and can lift a truck” tropes that i Hate#its a lil too many triangles when he should really be more like a triangle-flavored square. yknow#that being said the weirdly feminine hips were not intentional but only time will tell if they make it into the actual final design or not#i will not be making his pauldrons wider than they were originally. those things are already wacking everything around him they're fine#fluff's change is just being a bit skinnier so he looks more pathetic and sad. probably gonna try to make him look a bit younger too#but age is hard to represent with skeletons from The Land Of Sharp Features#i might also change up his pants/shoes more idk. Baggy Everything makes a very difficult silhouette and the boots are just boring tbhh#they're the bi flag but i dont think a single person has ever noticed lmao#and stretch's biggest change is that he's going to Have A Fullbody Reference That Isn't From 2019#probably make his hoodie longer/looser so i can make the transition to the leggings less awkward & show off his tank under it a bit more#the leggings & sneakers get to stay tho i think. the red wraps the design up well & the chicken legs are funny to me :>#and karma isn't here but he'll probably also get an update to be more square as well. and NOT SKINNYYYYYY#i gotta cram some more emotional repression & inferiority complex hints into his outfit so his post-void look contrasts more its IMPORTANT#AND ALSO NEVER USE UNDERTALE SPRITES AS A REFERENCE FOR ARMOR EVER EVER EVER AGAIN#that being said im really excited to one day finally sit down and draw his post-void design i think i'll have fun with that one#theres a reason my sf bros dont really fit their “roles” in the au yet like undyne & alphys do. hehehe#basically to sum up all these tags: becoming more skilled at art is a curse because you KNOW you can do things better now
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🧸♡ ⋆｡˚
#it actually does make such a huge difference omg im like ... feels like i got thrown into the floor lost my breath#having someone i like so much to talk to abt things#and share stuff and details abt not only my days but their days too#and talking abt like books that we read or shows/movies we saw and etc etc#sending pics. sending voice messages. all of that#that was so amazing wth???#it sounds like such a mundane thing but it changed my enire baseline. it wasnt a littel thing to me#i didnt share as much as i wanted to because it takes me longer to settle into smth like this#or any kind of connection/correspondence/bond/rapport#im slow bc im so scared of ppl. scared of trusting. scared of opening up. rejection rejection all of that#yeah.. takes me a lot longer than the average person to settle into smth like this#avpd is its own special hell...#i miss it a lot and i wish there hadnt been all the other circumstances so i could've actually relaxed into it#and come out of my shell completely. which i was almost there. now that mental block is gone but it's too late....#i take too long... it is impossible to be patient with me. i really hate everything abt my brain#my desire overtook my fear and it was quicker than it ever has but not enough.. :(#i miss it sm and it made me feel so so much lust for life..#but it's gone now and i can really feel the loss of it#i wouldve done anything i could to save it. or nurture it. or whatever. but it was a sacred treasure to /me/.#it doesnt matter if i try to put out the flames in a burning house if the house is gone and there are actually only the flames left#and since to me it is so special. and like. the fact that this even happened is crazy to me stuff like this feelings and connection never#happen to me. it's like.. special to talk to someone u like & have an established rapport with on a regular basis#and tell them stuff and rant abt like a book or whatever. ask them details abt their life bc u know them and enjoy knowing them#i cant just transfer all of this to someone else. i dont feel like yapping abt the book im reading into the void or someone i barely know#i just dont know... i need that sm and it was so amazing w someone i like sm. & it makes me sad i takes me too long to get fully comfortable#bc of this time were it was the most intense and long lasting for me but also im in love lmao. but other times too...#i take too long and why would someone wanna wait like actually a year (which is how long it often takes me to pass a certain barrier)#im not special. im nothing that great. it is easy to find someone else who is x1000 better than me and wont take an eternity to warm up#i just feel so sad bc i try so hard and then all of my effort just goes down the drain and then i have to do it again if i meet someone#then they'll leave me behind too and get tired of me and not like what they see and then im back at square 1 again
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i’m listening to those literary demerit episodes on dirty laundry feeling like a klance scholar rn and also shaking my fist at the fucking sky because clearly a lot of klance fic was influenced by it and god.......i wish i could live in a different timeline......we gotta do better this time soldiers. give me in character fic im on my knees begging.
#the way that sad twink keith had a fucking CHOKEHOLD ON THE LONG FICS#im smacking it away from me i dont want it#this is why i think i like later season fics better usually#bc people write them as like serious and tired and it feels more real 2 me#idk i love the early season dynamic i just wish.......idk#every day i feel like i get on here and complain about the quality of the popular voltron fics im so sorry lmao#ive found some genuinely good short ones i just was always someone who liked reading long fics but i still. cant find. good ones.#also i feel like when i say in character i mean the versions that live in my head but erm im right so....#me and all my mutuals....we're right....#colleen thoughts
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who wants to know what my dog's name is
#i never use it bc its very polish and i tend to talk in english here#and also bc ive been paranoid for years abt random irl ppl finding me here who i wouldn't want to see this#(cause it happened once and it was awful <3)#but whatever. dog role bc i got quite sad today#cause she was obviously enjoying her walk and loving the sun#but she no longer has the energy to jump a lot#and if you're knew here! my dog used to jump so damn high. like 3 lengths her actual size#and she Loved that#i have a video somewhere on my old blog lmao gotta find a way to download that#but anwyays yeah it was her thing she was jumping like crazy#and im guessing the HEAT outside played a part in her not being in the mood for it today#but like 3 years ago or so it wouldn't stop her yet#so im :(#my baby's getting old.#dog LORE* not role omg#im not typing all that again rip
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ANNETTE — “Hi, ace detective.” The young girl stifles a yawn. “We’ll be closing up soon, I’m afraid. Is there anything I can help you find?”
EMPATHY — She’s hoping the answer is yes. Any excuse to take a break from the dreaded *math homework.*
“No thanks, I was just on my way out.” [Leave]
“It’s okay, I don’t want to distract you from your studies.”
“Yeah, actually. I’m looking for a book.”
ANNETTE — She tries and fails to hide her relief as she sets her textbook under her chair. “Of course! What are you looking for, sir?”
“A happy story.”
“A sad story.”
“Something that will make me a better detective.”
“Something that will make me a better person.”
“Something about how to mend a broken heart.”
ANNETTE — “Oh…” She frowns, staring up at the shelves as if hoping that the perfect book will miraculously catch her eye. “Umm… Let me think…”
EMPATHY — She’s genuinely trying to think of one. She wants to help you.
ANNETTE — After a long, long pause, Annette finally lets out a sigh of defeat. “…I’m not sure,” she admits sadly. “I’m sorry, sir.”
YOU — “You can’t think of anything at all?”
ANNETTE — “Well… We do carry some self help books, sir, but…” She casts a quick glance around the store.
REACTION SPEED — Making sure Plaisance is out of earshot.
ANNETTE — The girl leans in conspiratorially and whispers, “Mother says those books are all snake oil. ‘If all it took to change somebody’s life was a book, *we* would be sitting quite prettily.’”
DRAMA — Her Plaisance impression is uncanny! What talent!
YOU — “Why do you sell them, then?”
ANNETTE — “Well,” she coughs, “not everyone agrees with my mother.”
RHETORIC — Translation: because people buy them. It’s as simple as that.
ANNETTE — “But I don’t think that’s quite what you’re looking for, is it, sir…?” She looks up at you with that seemingly impossible mixture of innocence and knowing that is unique to children.
“Yeah, you’re right. It isn’t.”
“No, I think I’ll give the self help books a try.”
“I’m not really sure what I’m looking for, to be honest.”
ANNETTE — She nods slowly, looking down at her frayed nails. “Lots of people come into the shop not quite knowing what they’re looking for. But that’s what’s so nice about bookshops, don’t you think? No matter where you look, you can find *something* interesting.” She smiles bright enough to light up every dark corner of the bookstore and the doomed commercial area below it. “I’m sure you’ll find what you’re looking for, ace detective. Maybe you just have to let it find *you.*”
+1 MORALE
VOLITION — Here in this bookshop. In Martinaise. Revachol. The world. This seemingly wretched lifetime. In the midst of it all, there is always something for you. Uncurl your fist. Let it find your palms upturned.
#disco elysium#harry du bois#annette (disco elysium)#i care her…#im terribly fond of annette for reasons that are hard to put into words#she’s just a really good kid… 🥺#and also i kin her bc i work at a bookstore too lmao#which is what got me thinking abt this one#i think it’s the nature of retail in general that u meet ppl from all walks of life but esp at the places ive worked#at the bookstore sometimes u will get someone asking for certain books/subject matter that’s just like…#hey do you have any books about how to deal with [insert very specific and very sad life event]#and ur like oh… :( i can try…#and ur a stranger and this is a professional setting so u don’t wanna get personal#but it’s still like. damn. wish i could just beam into ur brain that im wishing nothing but the best for you#anyway. i think annette does that without even trying#i like her… i care her…
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It was a terrible thing to do. I'm sorry.
#ncis los angeles#ncislaedit#ncislosangelesedit#gcallenedit#g callen#mine#*#14x19#mr bartels i love you#my mind was busy with a job interview which would be very nice to get#so im only catching up now#but ive also been to watch bc im sad its ending lmao#also the acting!!!!!!!!!#im going to gif the hell out of this episode even if they were all dark scenes
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prostrate in the sawdust of my enclosure staring up at the ceiling.
#i hate capitalism so much lmao it’s truly the source of all evil#LIKE#how many good writers are we missing out on bc they’re struggling to pay the bills and feed their families and don’t have the time or#the energy to write?#u hear about all our classic writers—the clever bastards and the poets and the future bestsellers—who like#make time or get up before dawn before they have to feed the kids or write on the bus and it’s like i’m sure so many others out there are#doing those same things but—everything feels so much harder now?#idk i’m just kinda sad tonight LMAO don’t mind me merms is just#having a moment 🥹🔫#im gonna delete this later probably 💀💀💀 DONT LOOK
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🖤 for misa about light ??
attractiveness:
repulsive / hideous / ugly / not attractive / unappealing / not unattractive / meh / no preference / ok / mildly attractive / nice looking / cute / adorable / attractive / pleasant on the eyes / good looking / hot / sexy / beautiful / gorgeous / hot damn / would tap that / perfect / godlike / holy fuck there are no words.
personality:
grating / irritating / frustrating / boring / confusing at best / awkward / unreasonable / psychotic / disturbing / interesting / engaging / affectionate / aggressive / ambitious / anxious / artistic / bad tempered / bossy / charismatic / appealing / unappealing / creative / courageous / dependable / unreliable / unpredictable / predictable / devious / dim / extroverted / introverted / egotistical / gregarious / fabulous / impulsive / intelligent / sympathetic / talkative / up beat / peaceful / calming / badass / flexible.
how likely they would have sex with them:
not if they were the last person on earth and the world was ending / fuck no! / never / no way / not likely / not sure / indifferent / I’m asexual / maybe / probably / it depends / fairly likely / likely / yeah sure / yes / would tap that / hell yes / fuck yes! / wishing that could happen right now / as many times as possible / we are already having sex.
level of friendship:
never in a million years / worst of enemies / enemies / rivals / indifferent / neutral / acquaintance / friendly toward each other / casual friends / friends / good friends / best friends / fuck buddies / bosom buddies / practically the same person / would die for them / true friends (eventually, over time) / my only friend. (eventually, over time)
first impression of them:
i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.
current impression of them:
i hate them so much / i don’t like them / i don’t trust them / they annoy me / they’re weird / I’m indifferent / meh / they seem alright / they’re growing on me / truce / I think I like them / I like them / I’m not sure if I trust them / I trust them / they’re cool / they’re genuine / I think we’re going to get along / I really like them / I think I’m in love / oh fuck they’re hot / I love them.
send 🖤 and my character will answer about yours; specify. || ALWAYS ACCEPTING || @prodigum.
#answered.#dynamic; misa & light.#brb kms#italics mean sometimes !! the present is all answered in the context for the on the run / survival au !!#anyway she ............. loves that man. SO MUCH#despite everything#like. especially after That she feels shell never be pretty enough tall enough kind enough compassionate enough smart enough or sexy enough#even though logically she KNOWS she's the shit#like she already struggles to forge genuinely meaningful connections w/ people especially w/ bpd#i genuinely think even if she's the second kira she'd try to use her vast fame & platform for humanitarian causes#& i think she'd try to influence light to do the same w/ her in the hopes of creating that new world light always wanted#im personally of the belief that despite how oof the beginning of their relationship was that there WAS some tenderness there#bc like im sorry u dont go through SIX YEARS of being w/ sb & not have any affection for sb thats just not how it works lmao#& we talked about them a fuckton in dms already on how eventually in this au they slowly start to get closer after losing everything#& its rly sweet & like really fucking sad at the same time. bc like. it took That Long for him to finally recognize her worth & how she's.#really the only one who truly genuinely unconditionally loved him & he's like. astonished by that. & it took him literally almost dying#& especially after That reveal like they get a lot closer#but the fact that she literally dies not longer after him literally on the exact same day as him tells you everything you need to know#she loved that man SO MUCH. they're each other's red thread of fate but where it digs into the hands like red barbed wire & bleeds.#anyway they make me so fucking feral#prodigum
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literally if we ever talked and i didn’t reply i feel so bad about it and im so sorry idk what to tell you i am just. me and that entails seeing msgs and forgetting to reply until months have passed unfortunately
#remembered i had a rly fun convo w a mutual and forgot to reply and then i just never did and it makes me so sad lmao.. all my own doing so#just wanna say i don’t expect anyone to keep hitting me up despite me not replying of course like i get it but if you want to i am always#so happy abt getting msgs and stuff it’s just how i am or how ive BEEN bc im trying to be better i promiseee#anyway if this happened to you it was NOT on purpose jsyk. no hard feelings on my part ever ever ever 🫶🏻
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EXTREMELY CRUSTY but I’ve been working on oc designs in between DC prompts. My little meow meows im so sorry i neglected you (i will inevitably do it again </3)
#the enterprise of evil#holden romero-cortes#dolly cooper#aurora lincoln#jo hawkins#tagging with full names to separate these from my old enterprise stuff (which im still fond of! but is just being slowly reworked)#mine#i literally always forget to tag my stuff with that#oc art#ocs#anyway BOOM design updates. uhh holdens much the same just some stronger shape language + cute socks and headband :]#aurora isn't skinny anymore (BLESSED BE) and i redid her hair very fun. the skirt is her old cheerleading skirt#she's wearing it as a weird power play to the cheersquad. but it's also a little sad <3#she has headphones too bc she's the sound guy#dolly has a slightly less generic haircut. magnus said he looks archie coded and i very much agree#also switched up his blazer design. very cool i likes it very much#i tried to give jos hair a more exaggerated graphic quality but i don't have thr most experience drawing protective hairstyles-#-so if anyone wants to weigh-in feel free! she also has the white streak now. either bc it's plot relevant or bc she's a weeb#currently undecided. and jo likes to play the most with her uniform bc she doesn't respect Desdemona or her family-#-and also she's alternative. and everyone in foolshope loves jo and would take mob action if Desdemona was mean to her#meanwhile Holden has the most complete uniform bc she has internalised notions of respectability and-#-'gaming the system' by being a part of it. oh sweet darling you have no idea the trouble that will get you into later#anyway enterprise 2.0 doesn't have much of a reworked plot yet but this was fun#i was (initially lmao) trying to simplify them for potential comic usage but uh. we'll see#anyway yeah lol for all 5 ppl who remember these goobers. behold
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.
#ok I’m so proud of myself bc this involves finance which is something I avoid at all costs but like I did it!!#my work failed to process my check which I should have received yesterday. I’m now expected to get it next week#and part of growing up poor is like. idk. this learned helplessness or defeatist attitude with money problems#like ohh it’s my bad I should’ve had more savings to cover waiting an extra week or longer for my monthly check#and historically I just shut down and panic while doing nothing bc this is my biggest possible stressor to come across#but!!! being around rich people? I’ve learned they negotiate!! and demand to not be inconvenienced!!#my work was like ehh I’m sorry too bad so sad about your check and I was like actually no#I explained how this impacts my ability to pay rent. my credit score. how they didn’t inform me in time to stop bill autopay#and asked what their detailed plan is to fix this#and within an hour admin was scrambling. four different people emailed me apologizing for the mix up#and they worked it out with finance to get me a $2000 loan to get me by until the check hits#but I was like actually no. I won’t be paying interest on this because I shouldn’t be penalized for your error#and so they GOT RID OF INTEREST#0% interest cash advance essentially that covers all my bills#I picked up the physical check for the 2k today so it’s legit thank god#I thanked everyone involved and remained extremely polite#and they said if there’s any other questions you have please let us know#so I was like actually you know what lmao#I explained that I’ve incurred fees for overdrafts and returned items due to bill autopay that I couldn’t cancel due to them informing me#basically the day of my check being late#and so I specifically said I’ve incurred $270 in fees at this point as a result of your error and I shouldn’t be expected to pay this.#and!! they just said… okay!!! I just got an email that they’ve processed a secondary check for $270!!#so like?!?! what?!?! is this what life is like when you don’t shy away from discussing money?!#im genuinely shocked. this is a life lesson. I never would have imagined this outcome#thank god I decided to not take it lying down
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🌷🕸️
#i've been thinking about this quite a lot on and off for a while#but to try to process it more i just wanna try to vent:#my sexuality is very messy. even inside my head. so scary. so complicated...?? so just thoughts of it are scary#and like there has only ever been one person who like just thinking about sex with has felt like good#not scary or terrifying. not with all of my avpd symptoms woven in (like one is that idk if i could ever have sex w someone#like actually be with them and be able to look them in the eyes and then also keep talking to them afterwards and not just run away and#never see them again. that's just one thing and this isnt abt that so anyway#like yeah just thinking about sex w him feel ok. safe and comfortable. and enjoyable and like i can and want it#which is smth like... with my other crushes before i've fantasized abt having sex w them but it felt bad and scary ://#and like i didnt actually want sex w them...#and with this person that isnt there. it's scary in a way since like im not experienced at all and idk how it feels irl 💀#but not in the way i usually feel abt it!!!!#so this just in my head#plus the fact that like talking and expressing some of my thoughts TO him ... felt good and safe and comfortable#is actually such a gift from him.... and i'll always treasure this (one of many things haha ^^)#bc he made me experience this and that i can feel good and ok and safe about it#i do feel sad that when this was current i was so cautious and shy bc it was so new to me#i was feeling smth real and genuine emotionally w him and i wasnt just saying stuff ... if that makes sense lmao#hmmm... yeah i've never felt good abt it before that w him. so it was so so new. and i couldnt quite get used to it fast#now im getting messy in my thoughts again sksksk#i just feel like this meant so much to me to just have had it#and idk im just so happy to know that these feelings are possible for me .. and i feel thankful for him that he gave me this not so little#thing/feeling/experience#now... the thing is... he is the only one i've felt all of the things with. like attraction/safe/comfortable/taken seriously etc etc.... so#umm what do i do now? 💀#ig either way im glad i know that this exists for me and that im not incapable of it. even if my avpd makes me feel that way#ok.. skurr skurr?#but yeah sexuality is so fkn scary for me idk it just gets too much i wanna cry T-T
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