#lmp:ffdoctorstrange

[lizmindpalace]

Cruel Summer

Sinister Strange x reader; Doctor Strange Supreme x reader.

This is inspired by a dream I had, and slightly by the song "Cruel summer" by Taylor Swift.

Summary: "I love you, " ain't that the worst thing you've ever heard?

Warnings: Hurt/ Comfort. Angst, toxic relationship, and a lot of fluff. It has a lot of summer vibes.

Disclaimer: This is fiction made just for entertainment and should not be confused with things that happen in real life, be aware of toxic relationships, set your boundaries, guys!

Read this on AO3 or Wattpad.

"Christine" The gruff voice broke the silence you had been stuck in for hours, it was not the first time you felt this ravaged, while you looked through the window at the black landscape, at the dead land before you, beyond the borders of the property you called home. You knew it was a forgotten cemetery, the soil covering all the corpses of the individuals of that city, the city whose name, streets, buildings or inhabitants you could not recall, and although he would say you were lucky to be alive, you knew quite well you belonged to them, to the citizens buried under the soil, under the dust, under oblivion. "I've told you not to aimlessly walk around the place, it's dangerous".

It was true, the damages in the place were as hideous as lacerated was your mind, and that was one of the reasons you would never think of leaving, it was not like you had more options either, but the fact that the cold colours that flooded the furniture and tapestries mimicked the colour of your heart, slowly freezing, dying, and everything was as blue as your feelings were, would make you stay if you had had another option. 

You nodded and headed to your chair, where you took a seat and waited for his voice to talk to you, to command you. He plodded towards you with his hands intertwined on his back, next he sat before you and examined you, your face, your eyes, your body. It was always like that, as if he was trying to find an error, a defect, and he was always able to find it because an exasperated sigh followed all the times, as well as an annoyed look. 

"Any plans for today?" You shook your head and looked at the floor. "You can't remember anything?"

Same answer. 

"Alright, I guess you're staying here by my side today".

You didn't emit any comment because there was no need, you knew it quite well. He would always ask the same question, but you were not able to remember. Not a thing, not what you had been before this. All you knew, the man before you was your husband, to whom you had to be devoted to because he had also happened to save your life, regardless the fact you didn't know what from, his face was familiar though, your memories were gone but you were certain you had been by his side for a long time now.

"Oh, sweetheart" His eyes met yours, he was almost kneeling before you and you knew what was going to happen next, his devilish grin stood out in his face. "Do you really want to stay by my side?"

His words were charming but his voice had never sounded like it, in fact, displeasure was always there, not even hiding but in plain sight. 

"Yes, Stephen". 

You assured because you had nothing else left, it was just the two of you in the world, because he was your husband and you were his wife, because you could not help but love him although despair was probably the only reason why you loved him, you needed something (or someone) to clung onto.

"I love it when you're this submissive" his face remained somber as did his voice. You didn't know much after what had happened but to you, that was what hatred would look like, even if he was trying to disguise it somehow and pretend it was love or lust. "You always want to please your beloved husband, don't you?"

You did not know how to react, he was your husband but still a stranger you knew nothing about and yet,  you didn't want to reject him because when you were lying together, that was the only time you could feel something different, as though he realised you were actually the woman he had chosen to marry, to spend eternity with. Even if his fingers gave you the shivers due to the colour they embraced, as if they had touched the depths of his soul, you would not reject their touch; no matter how much icy they were, they would always make you melt.

Stephen was playing with your hair, taking some strands of it and smelling them. You had obliged to lay on his bare chest after your little physical encounter, because you knew it was what he liked, you had got to know a bit of him throughout your aftermath while you were trying to get your old self back. 

You found everything in him fascinating and novel, the shape of his body, his eyes as deep as the ocean; his pale skin  convinced you every time he was indeed a phlegmatic marble sculpture; his lifeless lips; his beefy muscles yet his always languid movements; and even the scars of his secret past that had remained and were now a part of him were captivating to you. You had noticed those cicatrices seemed to brought him terrible memories and a throbbing pain almost unbearable, and you always wondered how he had got those scars in his stomach and lower back that looked so dreadful and must have produced him such a big ache when he got them, as if he had been impaled and left bleeding, because even now that they looked completely healed or at least covered with novel yet red-purple skin, when something touched him by accident in the aforementioned spots, he would always involuntarily tremble as if he had been hit by a lightning strike, so you would avoid touching them at any cost.

"Stephen?" 

"Hmm?"

"Can I ask you a favor?" 

He left your hair and met your pupils, his coldest look was back, above the big black bags of his eyes, his coarse hair falling over his wintry forehead giving him an unfathomable aspect. 

"I would like to go out, to see the town, we could go together and..."

"No".

"But I think it would be good for me and my health, I'm always here and I think a little walk, and wandering around would allow me to recover my memories and..."

"I said no". 

The man rose and got dressed with his unusual robes in dark tones, your eyes glistened with tears that were probably not perceived by him, otherwise how he could have left you all alone when he claimed he loved you and wanted the best for you?  His usual expression materialised in his facial features and in his demeanour, he was back to the sea of his thoughts, adrift, but never seeking the way home, back to you. 

"You cannot leave this place, Christine. Never".  His voice quavered, simulating the notes from the nostalgic melody he would play at the dust of the night on the old piano when he thought you were already asleep, the melody that brought you a bunch of terrible lost memories, trepidation as well as distress, you would usually fall asleep to it once you eyes were drained, and find dry tears in your parched cheeks in the morning just because of the anguish it made you feel. It was Stephen's regret, woes and vexation towards you comprised in a song, it was to you as the chirp of a bird of prey, announcing your end. 

"But Stephen, please..."

"It's dangerous out there, and there's nothing to see, that's my final word. And now get up, I don't want you to get depressed again". 

A tear ran through your cheek once he left you there all alone. You should be accustomed to his baffling manners, but somehow it still felt unsettling after all of those weeks of convalescence, you feel used, you feel as if once he had got what he wanted he all of a sudden remembered how much he hated you, you wanted to hate him too, but then you remembered all the times you had found him feeding you warm soup and providing you with medicines and other remedies just in order to make you feel better, you remembered he had told you just bits of your story so you would not get haunted by the past, it also came to you memory how he had received your kisses with that concerned, scared and indecisive look in his eyes, and you just could not help but love him.

"I'm sorry" the voice came out as a whisper, a soft whisper, hatred was not there and instead regret, you could tell it was not feigned. It had been some time after your little argument, maybe a couple of hours and he was back to you. "I just... except for the emptiness, there is nothing left, and this seclusion is better than whatever that remains out there, I could not allow myself to put you or your health at risk, I'm not willing to gamble on your life, the best is if you stay here, please, don't insist".

And then again, sourness in his look, leaving again after you had softly nodded, not convinced about his reasons but with no will to go against his and lose everything (him) again.

Dinner was not any different at first, as every night you remained quiet, certainly, a stranger would be less harsh; he seemed to be distracted thinking about something you could not tell but you knew it was something complicated because he was clearly puzzled. He took the last bite of his meal glaring at you but not seeing you, moving his mouth reflecting doubt, he was making a decision and you held your breath in anticipation. 

"If you really think you need some fresh air and you'll be in an acceptable health condition after it, then  you can go to the garden whenever you feel like it, or what remains of it".

You smiled at him, sincerely, you hadn't expected that, it was one of those few nice gestures towards you that made you feel hope, he didn't hate you, he had just gone through a lot recently, or at least it was what you liked to think. 

 "But don't you dare go beyond the border, otherwise there will be consequences". 

He rose, walked by your side but stopped when you muttered a "thank you, Stephen" and then left a soft kiss on your scalp. 

-

It was the first time you were in the front garden, Stephen had helped you to go downstairs because your weakened legs still trembled a bit, but had left you alone once he had repeated the warning he had given you the night before. You assured him you would stay in the garden and would never step outside, streets looked depressing enough from the distance. You took a seat on the white wooden bench by the side of the building with the book you had taken with you on your lap, over your long skirt that danced to the wind's beat. 

During the weeks you had spent trapped inside the house, you had never seen the sky this way, it had always been black pitch as eternal night, a perpetual thunderstorm smashing onto the ground, with clouds forming eddies that never stopped as an optical illusion that always made you feel dizzy and brought sorrow to your soul since you used to think they were gates  waiting for leading you to the eternal damnation, black holes slowly devouring the lives of the inhabitants of that oneiric world. Whereas, this afternoon, the sky was clearer, albeit it was still gray, some blue hunks, gifts provided by the wind, were shown from time to time. Dewy and dimming clouds that at first were distant moved in swift motion over your head, with their bright edges reminding you the sun was hiding but was still there and waiting for the moment to finally shine up in the sky, over you. 

The place looked different now that you were able to see it from a close distance, it was indeed scattered with residuals, grass, dead plants and an elm that in another times would have been deciduous but now was still waiting for the spring spirit to embrace it and to grow some leaves, his branches and roots slowly encroaching on the walls and everything at reach. You tried to focus on your book and the tragic love story developing within its pages despite the desolated wilderness you had before you that brought nostalgia and sadness to your heart, until as announced, a lightning split the sky into two and some drops fell into the pages of your book. You looked up, exposing your face to the raindrops, to the call of life. 

"Time to go in" your husband stood in front of you, you could perceive he was upset once more. "I don't want you to get ill". 

You nodded and obliged to cross the threshold after him. 

"You see, it was not a good idea to go there, you look pale, you are not ready for this". He didn't look at you, he was watching outside, he was staring at the rain lashing, pelting the circled window, and you realised it was the first time you saw the rain, it was novel, yet somehow familiar, you wished to be under it, to feel it, but you knew quite well he would not allow it. 

"It was!" You quickly responded. "I'm grateful because I had the chance to be there today, to feel the wind on my face, thank you Stephen".

He nodded and remained silent, you had already noticed he was not the talkative type of man. You left your place and headed to the kitchen where you took a book filled with old recipes, even if you didn't remember how to cook you had tried it a few times over the last couple of weeks because you were bored since there was nothing to do there except for mundane activities. After a not too long period of time you were asking Stephen for permission to come into his office and offered him a tart with the apples you had managed to find. He looked a bit surprised at it, it looked good enough and it was something he had probably not foreseen because you read disbelief in his face. 

"It is to thank you for allowing me to go out". 

"There was no need, it's not like I am keeping you captive I'm just concerned about you... but thank you". He beamed, you sat before him once he had nodded and you two had a slice of it with some iced tea, and for the first time,  even though the both of you were silent, the atmosphere was peaceful and you didn't feel that weight on your back you were so used to, the weight that always indicated you to behave in certain way, so he would not get angry at you, you would always try to maintain a low profile when being around. "It was scrumptious". 

You smiled at him and dared to kiss his cheek before leaving him with his work or whatever he was doing. 

"Stephen, I was wondering if you could... somehow get me some seeds. Perhaps I could..." 

He sighed.

"...Of course if it is not too much of a problem".

"No, it's ok, I'll bring you some once I have the opportunity then... any specifications?" 

"Just the colourful type of flowers?" 

He nodded and joined you in the bed without saying a single word, not even a good night kiss, he looked exhausted although you could tell he had not had more business to take care of than usual. He allegedly fell asleep almost immediately because his breath became heavier, you admired him, he looked peaceful when he was sleeping, despair was gone. All of a sudden, you gasped in horror when you found out his damn cunning third eye remained open and was scrutinising you, making you freeze, it was always unbearable, finally it closed and you decided your husband was completely asleep. You were trying to get rid of the feeling that eye gave you, so you stared at the ceiling, you were not seeing it, you were just reflecting about your situation, trying to retrieve any memory that gave you a clue of what events had led you into your current situation. It was very late in the night when an idea crossed your mind. Why did Stephen seem to hate you at times? You were his wife, and if you were married then he would have had to love you at some point in the past. Unless he was incapable, but from time to time you could see in his eyes a glimpse of love, so that was not the reason for that attitude... Perhaps it had all been your fault. Yes, it all made sense that way. Maybe you should talk to Stephen and make things clear, although knowing him and his extreme paranoia about your health he might refuse your initiative, besides he had always avoided that subject. Before the sun rose that morning you knew exactly what you would do in order to make things right between the two of you.

When you got up it was already late, you were still weak and you had gone to sleep late besides, so the first task you had planned in your mind had been a failure. Your husband was away you could tell, he did that from time to time, you did not know much but he would get supplies for the both of you from god knows where, it was the only time he would leave for the day so you thought it was a good idea to take advantage of the time. 

You cleaned the house, which was such a complicated activity since it was almost ruined, not just the structure but everything else was falling into pieces, the tapestries and furniture were scratched, the ceiling had damp, there were papers and music sheets all around the floor, and the old fashioned ornaments were scattered, you stopped yourself for a minute in order to contemplate everything surrounding you; the furniture and objects made the place look as an abandoned gothic manor, and you realised the dismal vibe it had could be the cause  you two were so down all the time, that was why it was important to get it cleaned, you tried not to touch anything of his strange belongings, and after some hours you could see it was decent enough and it was enough of a remarkable change. You prepared a good dinner and put on your best dress. That should do, that should emend your errors from the past, that should be a sign to start over for the two of you.

Stephen Strange came out of nowhere as he always did, with a lot of bags in his arms and you quickly assisted him with some.

"It is not necessary, I can handle it". 

You nodded and gave him your brightest smile. 

"What is this all about?" He asked once he looked at you more carefully, he noticed the change in your aspect, and he also noticed the arrangement of the table: the candles, the wine and the good looking dishes on it. He looked around and could almost feel as if he was somewhere else, somewhere less emotionally depriving. 

"Nothing... I mean, I've been feeling better and that's because of you, so I decided it was a good idea to celebrate a bit. You must be starving, come on, let's have dinner". 

He frowned and followed you. He enjoyed the dinner and the small talk afterwards about dinner itself, music and book preferences, nevertheless, he changed his mind once you started to ask him about the past as though he had run out of words and with no further explanations he cut you off by saying past was not important anymore; and even if you really wanted to know what had happened you decided you could manage to develop some kind of strategy to make him talk some other day, but right now you needed to be cleverer, you needed to win him over, besides, you had seen him more cheerful than usual and that made you feel good too. 

"Perhaps we should go to sleep" you suggested in an attempt to change the subject, to keep his good mood. 

"Yes... but before that, you know, I actually have a present for you too" Stephen softly smiled at first, took something from the inside pockets of his jacket, because he would dress different every time he left, and offered you some small paper packets. You took them excited, and you found out they were the seeds you had asked for and a wider smile lit up your face, your eyes shone and Stephen's gestures softened again, deep down he had been hoping that reaction would show up in your face. 

"Thank you, Stephen" you ran towards him since you were trying to get the table clean before heading to your bedroom and kissed his lips, thrilled, next you wrapped him into your arms and although he was astonished due to your gesture he didn't let go. 

As many other nights, that one ended with both of your bodies entwined but this time, you felt different, everything had happened under different circumstances driven by new feelings that made your heart race and your stomach ache in the best of ways, you could actually feel something else inside you, beyond habit, and you did not know why but you had a feeling, you were sure that night your lives would change forever. 

-

"Good morning, love". 

You smiled, you had been ready this time, you had woken up earlier, therefore you had the chance to prepare a nice breakfast that was ready by the time he was just coming out of your bedroom, still half asleep, still with the hair tangled, it was the first time you used those words to refer to him and it made your pulse rush.

"Good morning", he replied, the same sort of shock of the good type reflected in his face. "I was wondering where were you, it smells very good I can say". He had taken a moment to breathe in deeply. 

"Please, sit down and let's eat breakfast together". You smiled, he behave as a gentleman and helped you to sit in front of the table. 

After breakfast and once you had finished your cup of coffee, he took care of the plates, therefore you hurried out to the garden because you could not hold your excitement back anymore, you had taken your seeds with you and everything that could be of use in order to revive that wrecked garden. You started to cut and remove everything that was wilted since you needed space for the flowers you wanted to grow there. You could already see th epicture in your head, you read a lot and it only made your imagination to go wild. 

It was a fact you had been feeling so much better and you were also trying to focus on the future instead of the detrimental past that used to revolve as a bunch of clouds that blinded your thoughts, which had brought as a result mental health that could also be translated into  physical health almost all the time, you still felt a bit weak from time to time and sleepy, the headaches were gone though. You had to hurry or the rain would take away your opportunity to clean up that mess just like the other day. You even started to sing at a low voice while you were working, and it was the first time you did so, an indicator of how well you were doing. 

All of a sudden you noticed a shadow moving from behind you, perhaps it was not a big deal but it made you fear for your life, you stopped singing and got paralysed,  your eyes widened in shock, the man wrapped into dark robes with a funny expression that could be mistaken by a murderer's look was holding a shovel, walking towards you, he had made you freeze. Opposite to what you had thought at first glance, he didn't seem to have any intentions of murdering you. 

"Let me help you with that". He started to make small holes with his tool, he had seen the shock in your face and a tiny smile appeared in his, once you saw his intentions were not as dark as you had first thought, you planted the seeds in the small holes he had made and watered them.  

"Thank you" you whispered when you had succeeded in finishing the job, he smiled. Next you laughed at him, after looking at him carefully, he looked at himself too and discovered you were laughing at the mess on his clothes and face, the soil on them had become mud. 

"But look at you" You looked at your dress and hands, you were definitely a big mess too and you couldn't help but laugh even louder. Stephen dared to laugh too, finally. As loud as he could. It was the first time you heard him laugh, a new sound you were sure you would love for the rest of your life. As though life had come back to him and flooded his veins, lighting up his face and eyes. You two had never been happier and even if you found it hard to believe, the sun might have wanted to join your celebration because it dared to shine leaving the clouds far behind, it even felt a bit warmer. 

You stared at it until you realised you were starting to see black spots due to the great amount of light it provided, so you just closed your eyes but kept your face in its direction as well as your smile, it felt so odd, yet so good, life was also coming back to you, you breathed out and in, your lungs filling with pure air. The sky was blue in addition, light blue, a colour you had never seen in it before. The wind blew softly and an exhale came out of you, it reflected joy and peace, the peace you had been longing for. 

You opened again your eyes once you felt the cold hands of your husband grabbing yours, you stared at him for a couple of seconds, you were glowing because of the joy you were experiencing. You held his icy hands, his eyes were examining you again, he was not being cruel this time though, he was being curious, you could tell by his expression, it seemed he hadn't found the defect he was always looking for, instead, you could read tenderness in his eyes. He took his gloomy fingers to your face and softly placed his lips on yours. 

-

Some weeks later, things had changed for the both of you, you were happier than you had ever been and it was reflected in your appearance, you weren't thin, languid or pale anymore, now your cheeks had reddened and your eyes shone all the time. Change could also be perceived in Stephen who looked a bit more alive and now smiled more often, which was good news to you, nevertheless, the most meaningful change had been his attitude towards you, it felt as if hatred had also been replaced for love. You spent days strolling in the garden, reading, sharing thoughts on the books you read, baking together, admiring the sky, holding each other until it was time to sleep. 

That morning the intense sun shone, standing out on the blue sky, with no clouds surrounding it, the flowers ranging to yellow sunflowers, daisies, violets to pink and red roses that you two had planted had finally bloomed, you could perceive their aroma right from where you were standing, even if you were inside just looking from the window and you got the feeling of being stuck in an enchanted forest. The sunlight provided life to the green leaves that stuck out on the blue sky, the wind created dancing shadows with them and the bees had came out of nowhere, these had also happened to invite some birds, such as the cute swallow that was perched in the elm, which had also come back to life, and had woken you up that morning when the sky was still red and the clouds were orange due to the rise of the sun. You were looking at it through the dormer window, thanking life for giving you the chance to admire the other side of nature, the pleasant one, you remembered you had reached a point where you used to think you would blend in with the dark clouds, with the shadows of the house, you had thought of yourself as a ghost that could never escape and would forever keep surveillance of the house against intruders but would never be seen or heard, and you would look at them living the thrilling life you had longed and had never come. Now you had some kind of hope things were going to be fine, Stephen himself had been doing some reparations in the house, thus it didn't look as a ruined kirk in the middle of nowhere anymore, instead it looked more like a home, your home. The sunlight came towards the windows creating shadows that made you feel the house was alive, sometimes you thought it was just so quiet, even beyond the borders of the property the dead hills looked greener and lightened by the sunlight, the distant trees had flourished and the desolation picture was almost gone. You were doing just perfect or almost, since that morning you felt odd, nostalgic, sad, as you hadn't felt in a long time now, perhaps you had acquired some kind of virus because your eyes glistened and it was not because you wanted to cry, or maybe you wanted because thinking about all what had happened before made you feel weird, although you really felt a bit sick, you decided it was nothing to worry about and kept enjoying the view instead.

"I'll get us some supplies, sweetheart". The man stood behind you, waiting for you to look at him before he made his way out. 

"May I go with you, Stephen?"

"I don't think it is a good idea..."

"... Please. I'll behave, no one will know I'll be there, I'm just so curious about it, I don't know anything but this".

"Trust me, it's better for the both of us if you stay here".

You sighed and looked at your feet, your eyes filled with the tears that you attempted to hold back, it would not have mattered, it was not such a big deal, but that morning was one of those. You didn't want to feel like that, you didn't want to cause either worry or wrath in your husband now that he had been acting so differently towards you.

"It's ok, be careful, be back by dinner time". Your voice stammered even if you tried to remain calm, but your body was betraying you. You nodded but didn't look at him, instead trudged to your bedroom.

"May I come in?" Stephen popped in and asked, you nodded as only response. 

"Sorry Stephen, I didn't mean to throw a hissy fit just because of this". 

"And that is why I am concerned, I've been watching you these days, what's going on? Are you ill?" 

You shook your head. 

"I'm fine".

"You're sensitive, even more than you used to be, and you're starting to look pale again, is there something you're not telling me?"

You denied again. 

"Alright, then I suppose I will have to spoil you a bit in order to make you feel better, I don't want you to lose that smile of yours ever again, come with me".  He offered his hand. 

"Are you serious?"

"It's not a big deal after all, I reckon everything will be just fine if you do behave". He grinned and so did you. 

You stepped out the bedroom and he held your hand in his once he opened that magical gate you had seen before but had never had the chance to cross. You did not expect to feel something because of it since you thought it was just a door, but you did, it was not as simple as to go across an ordinary door. The blue sparks that it irradiated made you feel as if the atoms within you body had vanished and brought together a new you, you were dizzy for a while after you crossed to the other side, you two had to take a seat before walking inside the place you aimed to visit, Stephen wanted you to go back but you assured him it was all because of that new experience and after a few minutes you would be fine. 

It was a huge place, filled with racks and racks of the things you were used to see in your cupboards, there was a crowd making a hubbub, you had never been to a place that felt as alive as this one. Stephen got a little funny cart. 

"Now, you have to choose what you want to take home and put it here, bring with you everything you need and want". 

You nodded and after walking through some corridors your trolley was full, you had taken goods ranging from pasta to soap and a new blanket. 

"And now what?"

"Well, they check this and this" he showed you some sort of an ID with his name in it. "And we take it home since here food is for free". 

You certainly didn't expect it to be that way according to what you had read so far, but it was quite a good surprise so you simply smiled, although suddenly your smile was replaced by something else, an awkward expression. 

"Stephen, before we get into that long queue, is there a chance I can use the toilet?" You asked all of a sudden.

"Of course!" Stephen guided you through the store until you finally reached the corner with the sign that indicated you had arrived, you looked pale. "Are you ok?"

"I will be" you hurried.

"I'll wait for you over there" he gestured at a bench not so far away from the spot you were standing. 

You didn't have time to say anything else although you did listen to what he had said. You barely had the chance to close the door before you threw up, disgust took over you but also something else, the reason why you started to cry  the next second, you didn't know what was coming about, you had been doing so much better, your health was improving and now this, what was happening to you? Were you dying? Stephen didn't have to know, you decided. Still you were scared, angry and devasted at the same time.  

You stood in front of the mirror while you washed your face, you observed your pale skin, the wide bags under your eyes, and that eerie light in your pupils, then a distant thought crossed your mind. You remembered the last days and you realised you had been having these symptoms over the last two weeks, increasing gradually until they were now noticeable and hard to ignore, and then you also thought about the lack of blood over the last month. It was so obvious but you still were recovering, trying to adapt so you had paid no attention. Your heart raced and your legs trembled when the idea became clearer, you felt as if all of a sudden you were isolated again with no one out there to help you. A rough draft of a plan crossed your mind, you were afraid, but this was the only chance you would have in who knew how long. It was now or never. 

You slipped outside the bathroom, you could see Stephen in the distance, he was distracted looking at nothing, so you took that chance and walked through the corridor until you reached the section "pharmacy" it read, you knew you would find what you were looking for there, because it was logical, besides the tour guide (Stephen) had explained every area of the place in detail. You reached for a shelf, the box with pink and blue lines drawn on it, you breathed in deeply and took it, saved it in your bag, you would do it when you were back home, even though you were dying due to the uncertainty he would get suspicious if you took longer in the bathroom.  

"Hey you have to pay for that!"

The man with the uniform yelled at you. You ran scared because you were not sure what was going on, Stephen had told you everything was for free, so why would he start chasing you as if you were some kind of criminal? You did not know, you were confused and scared. It had been too much in just a couple of minutes. You had no other option but to run towards your husband who was still patiently waiting for you to go out the toilets.  

"Thief!" The man was running after you, which was the more reason to escape.

"What's going on?" Stephen jumped from his seat and stood between your persecutor and you, you sheltered behind him as if you were a little girl. 

"She's stealing, sir... "  

Stephen groaned, exasperated due to the attitude of the man, he knew for the better humans in that specific universe were harder to deal with and made so much noise for nothing, instead of talking, they would attack. 

"I'm sure it is just a misunderstanding. How much is it?" He reached for his wallet. 

"900".

"Alright, here you are, now leave her alone". He handed him a couple of notes that covered the amount and the other man left looking at you with suspicion. "Sorry, dear. Just food is for free and some basic supplies, we have to pay for the rest, I should have warned you. But you should have told me you needed medicine, well actually, you should have asked for advice first, I'm a doctor after all, anyways, I would have paid for it... you feel ill, isn't it? That is for your illness".

You moved your head affirmatively. And again tears fooled you and ran through your cheeks with no way of stopping them. 

"It's all fine, darling, come on let's go home. I assure you, you'll be fine, I knew you had to stay home". 

Stephen compeled you to sit on your bed while he prepared dinner, and you took that chance to flee to the bathroom. You looked at the box and read the instructions carefully, did as it was indicated and waited for what seemed hours. 

"Dinner is ready, do you want me to take it to the bedroom?"

"No, I'll go to the table, just a second". 

"You sure?"

You didn't have another option but to head to the table because you knew quite well that if you took longer he would be dubious. 

"Aren't you going to eat?" Stephen frowned at you while you stared at your food and played with it using your fork. 

"I'm not really hungry" you were starving or had been before the smell of the pasta made you sick to the stomach, you wanted to throw up again. Twice a day now, you were absolutely worried.

"I see, you need a check-up".

"I'm fine, Stephen, I will prove you I can eat" he looked at you, he could see you were even more pale. You managed to eat a bit of your pasta without discarding it. "Ok that's it for today, I'm stuffed and tired".

He scowled at you and you slipped out of the kitchen to your bedroom, the time required had passed and you could not help but feel even more sick because of the whole situation. You were afraid of whatever the result would be, you didn't know what you were going to do to face any of those possible circumstances. You breathed in, checked the instructions in the box again a couple of times, a single line indicated you probably were never going to get better, and two of them indicated that probably after some time, you would. Your hands trembled because you were not able to contain or manage your emotions, you were drowning in them as if a wave had stolen your breath. You didn't want to look at it, you wished Stephen was there by your side holding you, telling you whatever the result was, he was going to be with you, love you and you would face it together and then everything would be fine, but although he had changed over the last few weeks, you did not know how he would react and you were scared that improvement was only a cover for some kind of hidden intentions. 

The world revolved around you, your head was about to blow up, you were so confused, so scared. It was only two lines and they had forever changed your life in just a few seconds, you sobbed and you did not know why. What was the problem? You were married, that was probably something you had been expecting at some point. 

"Hey? Are you alright?" The man you were so afraid of for some reason you could not understand knocked at the door because he had heard your sobbing. 

"I am" you stuttered. 

"Open the door". 

You obliged to remain calm, you didn't know what to do, so for now you saved the pregnancy test on the box and hid it, just until you found the right words to tell him, since at some point it would be impossible to hide. You opened the door and went out, you tried your best to hold back your weep. 

"What is happening to you? I reckon I thought it was nothing serious until this morning. You can tell me, otherwise how am I supposed to help you?"

"Do you love me, Stephen?"

He looked at you as if you had developed a third eye in your forehead. 

"What does it have to do...?

"Just answer, why are we married? Do you love me?"

"What do you know?"

"What?" 

"There must be a reason you are asking this now, what do you know?"

"I see, you don't".

You were lost in that conversation for sure, what was he hiding? You had always had the feeling it was something dark in your past but this just confirmed it and left you hopeless.

"That is not what I said!"

"In fact, you did not say anything. I knew it, deep down I have always known it but I had hope. Don't worry, Stephen. Don't feel bad about it, one cannot oblige oneself to feel. You didn't break me, I already was". 

You took your place on your side of the bed and wrapped into the blankets you started to think about what the future would be for you and the little being inside you, who allegedly would not be wished or loved by their father either. 

You heard a suspire leaving him, he left you there all alone, you did nothing but wait until sleep embraced you.

A couple of days later and Stephen barely talked to you, because you had in fact been avoiding him. You refused to go out and even to leave the bed, you felt so bad both physically and mentally you only wished you could disappear. You had had so much time alone and yet you hadn't made up your mind, you looked again at the test you were holding, you wanted to throw it away and keep the secret to yourself, but your thoughts were back to the point where you knew it would be impossible to hide in just a couple of months, you were absorbed in your thoughts, hopeless.

 "So this is what it was all about?" you were indeed so absorbed you didn't notice you weren't longer alone, and the man you shared your home (and your life) with was standing before you with rage in his gaze.  "What is that? Show me". 

You had failed in your attempt of hiding it under the white covers when you suddenly realised you had company, and you found Stephen had already taken it from you because you were feeble and his strength was in all senses more powerful than yours, your hand had froze under his grasp. He held the small device in his fingers and you noticed it took him a some seconds to recognise its function. His gaze traveled from the device to your face in a few seconds, stupefaction drawn in his features. 

"Oh sh-...! It can't be... how?" he whispered, your eyes filling with tears again, how dare he ask that? The reaction you had feared was now with no doubts, real. He was disgusted and also  you oculd tell he felt the kind of feeling that produced regret and shame. "Are you really pregnant? This cannot be happening". After that, he didn't say anything else or demanded an answer since words had been snatched from your mouth and from his, you could only feel wrath and could not stop crying, whereas he kept looking at the two bars in disbelief, his face getting darker and darker, the Stephen you had first met was back and the happiness you two had had over the last couple of weeks was now gone, probably forever. He left, closing the door behind his back, leaving you with your shattered heart and a growing sour and despair in your soul. Your fate was clear: loneliness. Therefore, you had two choices, to keep that new life by your side and raise them in that ominous world all on your own, or accompany them to the land you truly believed you should be an inhabitant of, the land of death. Your breakable heaven had proven its fragility, and now you had hit the ground with no way to ascend again. 

-

It had been two weeks since the last time you had seen Stephen, you were sad and angry and in addition the pregnancy was being rude at you, you could barely walk without wanting to throw up, you detested the taste of food as well as its smell. And in addition, you did not have as much energy as you would have liked, since you spent most time lying in your bed, sleeping, and the little time you wandered around the house, you always found yourself standing, looking through the dormer window, secretly waiting for Stephen to cross the garden gate and look at you from below. Your hormones made your feelings more intense and you felt more isolated than ever, anyone could say you were more than ready to give up. 

At that point you could only feel hatred towards Stephen, yet you could not help but still worry about his whereabouts, you didn't have any way to contact him, Stephen had disappeared, vanished into the summer breeze that had become a gale, he had left you alone with no way out. If he did not come back soon you would starve to death (and your child along with you), which was probably his plan, now you could see: a slow solitary death. Whatever you had done in the past must have been one of the most grievous massacres committed by humankind because otherwise, no one could deserve that, furthermore, Stephen could not be less of a villain that you were in any case, since you now were sure he was not capable of having feelings because he was not able to show compassion towards you either, not even in those circumstances. You didn't know very well what to do, but you decided you would fight until the end, until Stephen came back to you and was himself with his own hands who tore you apart and yet you would fight for yourself and for the one who was not guilty of anything but somehow was already suffering, until your last breath left you. 

You got up and wandered all around the house, room by room, and although most doors were locked, it took you a while to explore it, you even dared explore the basement, the one you were so afraid of, you always heard noises coming from it, when you knew very well there was no one there except for shadows. As you had foreseen, besides darkness and dust you could not find anything helpful, and you were about to leave it, when you heard a noise coming from an old wardrobe, it was the sound of someone knocking at the door, and for a second you were afraid Stephen had been stuck in it for the whole two weeks, you hurried and opened the wooden door. Against everything that had crossed your mind, you found a piece of purple and black cloth, that fluttered over you, and then revolved around, as if it was scrutinising you. You attempted to leave before it hurt you, but finally the object that you soon realised was a cloak landed on your shoulders. You were paralysed for a couple of seconds until you decided to go upstairs because the basement was frightening enough.  

"What the hell?" You exclaimed once you realised the cloak would not recede, you were looking at it in the mirror, trying to take it off with no results, you sighed, giving in, at least it didn't seem to be dangerous, you addressed to it still looking at the both of you in the mirror. "Alright, you can stay there if that's what you wish, I don't care, still I have to find that idiot, so if you try to stop me, then you'll face an angry mother to be". And you decided your new companion was inoffensive and would not harm you, and on the contrary, it was friendly

As last resource, you went out to the garden, it had been a log time since you had been there and the image you remembered of it, seemed far away, it had nothing to do with the pretty enchanted garden you had seen the last time. You found a gray sky that threatened to drop a thunder over you, the flowers you had seen so colourful and alive were all wilted for no apparent reason, the sun had hidden again, welcoming the devasted landscape you had known; the tornadoes were also back in the black sky and for a second you wished one of them would actually trap you and kill you, you sighed, you were exhausted. Your life had receded to your first memories and you wondered if you hadn't got fever in the first place and you had imagined the good time you had spent with your so-called husband, was he even real? He had to be, otherwise, how would have you managed to be there and survive that long?

"Where are you Stephen Strange?" you groaned looking around, as if you were playing hide and seek and he would jump over you at any second, trying to surprise you.    

The cloak over your shoulders finally took off and levitated until it was in front of you, it held your hand, or rather wrapped your hand and guided you until you almost crossed the black metallic fence, you stopped yourself, trying to prevent the cloak from getting you out the lands belonging to the house, remembering the warning Stephen had given you, you asked yourself if the risk out there was that important, if it would be worse than starving, than being all alone there in complete uncertainty. Stephen was not at sight, so you had not option but venture yourself into the unknown, beyond the borders you would not have dared to cross otherwise, allowing the flying cloth that seemed to have a personality of its own to guide you through the stairs you had never been able to see before and into the path that soon became indistinguishable.

Once you had got down through that immense staircase that certainly you didn't expect to find, everything changed. Air had stopped being the medium which you used to breath, and that was probably the reason the new environment surrounding you was drowning you, at first sight it looked like an immense dead sea that led to a big door which was closed so you attempted to cross that sea. Soon enough you blindly trudged on the swamp under your feet. You had not had time to reflect on it, but what was before your eyes was nothing you had expected to find, not even in your dingy nightmares, from the dormer window in the upper floor you would always see the bleak rugged cliffs that stood out on the dismal horizon, colorless except for the days when you had got to know joy; you would also perceive the ruins of the structures and the shadows of the church that stuck out over the precipice when moon came out, remanence of the tragedy you all had been victims of, the leftovers of civilisation, of life, now whereas, instead of walking down those streets you used to distinguish from the distance, you were slowly submerging into an abyss that seemed to be filled with black ink, the ink Stephen had used to create your world, to create you.

Blackness was the only thing you could discern, your breathing became more and more irregular the longer you spent there, you could still feel the cloak that held your hand though, and you thought you were going to faint at any second, because in the middle of that suffocating atmosphere, you could see a glimpse of light, something that didn't belong there. 

"Help me, please" a distant disembodied voice pleaded, a voice you knew quite well.

"Stephen? Where are you?" 

You walked until you reached the spot that was not as dark as the rest. There he was, Stephen Strange, he looked different though, his beard wasn't as untidy as it usually was, neither was his hair, among other features such as the lack of paleness of his skin that made you doubt for a second he was your  Stephen Strange, he was standing, looking at you, pain was reflected in his gestures.  

"Come with me, Stephen". You offered your hand.

"Oh, yes, you are pregnant, I knew it, I knew it ever since the beginning, I'm a doctor after all" never daring to touch you, he had had just a glimpse of you, he smiled weakly. 

"I'm pregnant with our child, Stephen, come home with us". 

"I want to, but you have to help me".

"How?"

"I don't know" he tried to hold your hand but you realised he was incapable of touching anything, he was a ghost. 

"You're dead".

"Not yet".

"What is happening?" You had started to weep because it was too much for you, all of it. 

"You need to find the book, you need to destroy it, otherwise I'll be dead, and so will you". 

"What book?"

"THE DARKHOLD!" He was exasperated, he did not really know what to do. 

"I will, but come with me". You promised although you did not know what he was talking about, perhaps he had just gone crazy. 

"I can't! It was a mistake... I should have never used it in the first place, I was so obsessed... Christine was never meant to be mine".

"Oh, but I am, I am yours and you're mine, Stephen".

A sour laugh came from his mouth.

"Oh darling, but you are not Christine". 

"Wh-"

"I cannot explain that now, look for the book, and don't allow me to get it first. You better take care of her... of them, understood?" 

The cloak nodded, Stephen all of a sudden had turned into a motionless sculpture that slowly vanished and you sighed in awe at him, your companion took you back home, you laid on the dead grass trying to recover your forces and breath since you were almost choking out there, and to dispel the shock, you didn't know what was happening. You nodded off, you ended up exhausted after your little adventure. 

"Christine!" There he was, the Stephen you knew, the chaotic one, you didn't know what to think, everything was so odd, you didn't longer know when to rely on your senses, according to you, you had just seen a healthy Stephen back then and now you were caught by the curious gaze of the pale, malicious one. "Where were you? And where did you get that from?" 

"From the basement, where I was... I was looking for you and I thought you were trapped inside a wardrobe".

"Well I wasn't" he careless took the cloak and twisted and squeeze it in his fingers, his knuckles reddened due to the force he was applying, so much you perceived the cloak started to shift in pain, and you were sure it would have screamed and pleaded for help if it had been capable of, you feared for its fate because now Stephen had also started to use that lights, probably magic, and he was slowly burning it.

"Please, can I keep it?" You took part because Stephen was really hurting it, you did not know how was that possible since it was an object but you had to do something. "It's warm". 

He furiously looked at it and then at you. He gave up and threw it at you with contempt.

"I guess you can, it is useless after all, make sure it behaves, otherwise..."

"I'll make sure".  You took it from his hands and wrapped it around yourself as if it was a blanket, it slightly trembled around you, and you felt sorry for it, you'll repair it later. You changed the subject because Stephen kept looking in suspicion at the both of you. "Where were you?"

"Away, I needed to think".

"So?"

"So?"

"Are you still angry at me because I am pregnant?" You stuttered.

"What? I was never angry at you because you were pregnant".

Surprise was drawn in your face.

"I was angry at myself for letting that happen". He explained himself. 

 Disbelief replaced your latter expression. He had guts to tell you that you had to recognise that. 

"Why Stephen? Why do you hate me this much? Did I do something wrong to you? Did I hurt you somehow?" You asked, muddled. 

"Don't say nonsense, I don't hate you, where did you get that idea from?" Bewildered, he asked and it was not feigned, in his head he could not understand why you thought he hated you.

"Then why do you keep treating me like this? What is happening? Why are you so 'angry at yourself' because I got pregnant? We are married, you know, that's normal, that's something that would happen at some point". By that time, you were already a sobbing mess because you were not able to control your feelings no matter how hard you tried, he was breaking you with every single word. 

"It's complicated and no worth of explanation, you don't need to know, now let's go, it's freezing, in your state it won't do any good". 

"I won't go anywhere if you don't want us in your life. It is ok, you can leave again, we don't need you". Your tears disguised behind the raindrops that even though had just started to pelt had already left you soaking wet, Stephen looked at you, he was trying to act distant but you could read sadness in his eyes, he tried to remain quiet but you knew he was actually dejected, you knew quite well that feeling and how it looked, you had had the chance to feel it a few times in the past. 

"Oh come on, don't start talking in plural, it is ridiculous and annoying, now come in." He tried to sound serious but he was indeed downhearted, you could hear it. He grabbed your hand, just after he softly wiped your tears away. 

-

"It won't show up until at least the end of the third month, so you can stop that".

You sighed and looked at the man who was apparently concentrating on a book, he had fooled you at first, but it was noticeable he was actually paying attention to what you were doing due to his commentary, you had been admiring yourself in the mirror in your bedroom for a couple of minutes now, you were wondering when you would be able to see your child's face, to hold him or her in your arms, you had taken your hands over your belly and smiled softly at your mental picture, the one where you had a big bump showing. Cloakie, as you had started to call it, appeared all of a sudden landing on your shoulders and avoiding Stephen to keep judging your actions, you smiled a bit when you saw your husband made a grimace due to the cloak's action. 

"Could you at least stop your bids to make my life miserable and allow me instead to enjoy this? I know for some reason  I cannot understand you did not want this to happen but it is neither my fault or the baby's, so shut up!"

"Sorry". It was a suspire coming from him this time, you did not know what was going through his mind, but you didn't like to think about it, it always gave you an awful feeling,  even imagining what was he thinking gave you the shivers, perhaps he was thinking of murdering you, the darkness in his eyes threatened you.

"Forget about it, I'll go out, you always get to ruin my mood, congratulations". 

"Where?"

"To the museum, of course. To the garden, genius".

"Do not..."

"Trespass the border, I know. Keep reading, I'll be ok, I just need some time alone". 

You were acting brave because Stephen had made you angry since the last time he had just vanished without worrying about you or your baby, yet it was hard, you were scared but you had to pretend you were brave enough to face him to let him see you were willing to do anything to protect the life inside you even if that meant losing him, because he was not longer the most important you had, he was not longer the only thing you had left, the only thing to hold on; you had the impression he was way more dangerous than you thought, you could see it from time to time in the shadows that crossed his eyes when he was looking away, in the nights when he was lying pretending to be asleep, in his devilish grinning, in his dark fingers... You made sure Stephen was not actually following you before you ventured yourself into the unknown.

"You stay here and let me know if he comes before I am back".

The cloak crossed its edges as if they were arms over what could have been its chest, but you continued anyways, because you needed to get things mended, because according to the Stephen's ghost you had talked to, it was the only way to make things right between the two of you, and to get to know the truth, the past he had been hiding from you for a long time now. 

It had been just a couple of weeks and it was the third time you went there, every time with a new section of the infamous dark hold. You had found it at plain sight in Stephen's office, the only book that actually gave you the shivers so far, you did not want to reflect about it but its cover looked like old human flesh, his pages were written in a language you could not recognise and the ink seemed to be dry blood, the first time you had touched it your fingertips had become a little bit black, just as Stephen's. You had thought of taking the whole book with you, but for some reason, you could not, so you had decided to rip some pages of it and take them to the outside of the house so you could verify the authenticity of the aforementioned book, although by its creepy look, you could tell that was the book producing such a big damage in your life. 

Since that first time, you would take a few pages to the centre of the darkness where the only light was alive, as a candle guiding you, and you'd let them burn there until they became dust, and as a result the flame became brighter.

"You still have trouble with gags? You look terrible again".

 You nodded. 

"Thank you, you look great, too".

"You know I don't mean it as an offense, stop acting like this, you're not like this".

"You want me to beg for your attention, Stephen, that's it? Well I am tired of it, I thought I had made a terrible mistake in the past and that was why I had earned your hate, but I'm not sure anymore of it, I started to think you never felt anything for me, I've been always a mistake, and as I said before, I cannot force you to love me, us... so I guess your submissive wife, looking for redemption is gone".

He rolled his eyes at you. 

"Well I guess you've drawn my attention after all because I am concerned about the way you look. And even though it's been a while ever since I stopped bringing medical assistance I can still be of help". 

"Thank you, Stephen, but I'll be fine, I just need to lie for a bit". And as you had just said you did. You lied on your back, looking at the roof waiting for the gags to pass, you were sure it wouldn't take that long, even if during the past days you had found out, they took longer and longer to disappear. You fell asleep because it was better that way, the last thing you felt was the cold hand of Stephen caressing your hair, while observing you, a novel feeling reflected in his eyes, it made you feel your work was slowly paying off, you did not want to keep that secret, but it seemed it was the only way you could keep Stephen. 

"I love you". He muttered, wouldn't that phrase be taken as a bad omen for you?

- 

Days drew on, your expeditions were often and often and although you felt completely worn out, you could actually perceive a little change in Stephen. He was being gentle towards you again, and hopefully it was because of what you had been doing, putting your life and your child's at risk and not just because of his unhinged condition. 

"I wanted to apologise". He stated while you were on the bench, days were a bit sunny again, sunny enough to go out to get the summer wind slapping your face without it being uncomfortable. The flowers were starting to recover from the sudden squall that had stomped over them and some green leaves had appeared, decreasing the dismal landscape. You looked at him, he had taken a seat by your side. "I have been terrible at you". 

"Indeed, you have". You didn't move a single inch, you were drained, you gazed up to the sky, at the drifting clouds. 

"Please, I want to fix this". He reached for your hand, and you allowed his cold embrace because you were weak.  

"But do you mean it, Stephen? Or will you change your mind the next second?" 

"I mean it, I give you my word". You sighed, you wanted to believe, but you didn't have any guarantee. He took your hand to his lips and left a gentle kiss on it, and you smiled, sometimes you wished you could get rid of your feelings, they were useless.  "I love you". 

How easy was to fall into his trap, with some gentle words he always got you to lose your will. He was holding you as never before, as if his heart actually was capable of transport warm blood through his body, and you two were talking about how things would turn out for the better for the two of you finally, everything seemed so bright and you thought the book was actually the one causing Stephen to behave in ways he didn't want to. You saw the bright moon shinning over the sky through the window, it was a warm summer night, you could feel the air filling your lungs, cleaning them, hear the trees dancing to the wind, the smell of earth leaking and encroaching your senses. 

"I think this place won't be this quiet ever again very soon, our child will transmit us life and joy. I can't wait to hold our child in my arms". 

"I don't think it is a good idea". 

"Which one?"

"To bring someone else into this world". He sighed, he kept looking at the roof but instead you rose until you were sitting in front of him, looking at his face. 

"What are you talking about?"

"It is not too late yet".

"What? If you are suggesting what I think you are, don't even think about it".

"But why not?" Your face reflected shock and rage. 

"Because I have already decided to keep them, and no matter what you do, I will always protect them". 

"Sentiment is blinding you".

"Of course! Because the baby's inside of me! I know you cannot understand it, but to be honest, I cannot understand either why you hate me this much".

"I don't hate you! If I hated you, you would not be pregnant with my child in the first place!" He was exasperated trying to get you to understand something that actually just made you more and more puzzled.

"Then why would you ever be so heartless to even think something like that? I mean, something I don't want to do, because if I wanted I would have already done it".  

"Think about it, there is nothing here, absolutely nothing. No schools, no other kids, no parks, no museums, nothing or no one but you and I".

"I am sure you'll find the way..."

"I won't. We'll remain in seclusion until the day we both die, there is no way in or way out, and then, that child will live in the same complete seclusion, at least we both have each other, but what will that child do all alone when we are gone?"

"But Stephen..."

"We're trying to do this, and we are already screwing it up".

"We're not trying Stephen, you are not even willing to try". 

"I am! Oh you need more reasons to stop this? Well I have them! Just take a look at who will raise them a..."he suddenly stopped himself, thinking about the effect the information he was about to submit would bring with it. 

"A what? Say it!"

"A MURDERER!"

You required a moment to weigh up the words that had bled from Stephen's mouth before being able to say anything. 

"What are you talking about?"

He had taken his hands to his face, refusing to see you. 

"You wanted to know about the past, right? Well that is just a glimpse, one of their parents is a murderer, and way worse than that".

"Stephen, it must be a misunderstanding".

"Oh it is not! Trust me, everything was made intentionally and with no remorse".

Your eyes were finally reacting to the tough words that implied you were a murderer, you knew it, you had known the whole time there has to be a good reason for the awkward manners of Stephen towards you, from love to hate to love to hate, as if he was always regretting being with you. 

"But maybe there was a powerful reason to do so".

"Is there any reason enough to take an innocent life?"

You started to sob because you knew he was right. 

"Come on, come here" he wrapped you in his arms. "You see? That is why that child cannot come here, there will be more disadvantages than advantages for all of us".

"But Stephen..." You wailed against his chest, and you could feel Stephen was silently crying too.

"I would not ever suggest this if there wasn't a good reason, I could never dare shatter your heart like this if it was not needed. That is why I took two whole weeks with no sleep to think about this, it is not a simple matter. Shh, don't answer me now, just promise me you are going to think about it, I'm sorry for causing you this pain, you don't deserve it". You nodded and as many other nights for the same reason, you felt asleep because you eyes could not handle more, besides you also needed to sleep on the suggestion of the man. 

The next day you were trying to avoid him, everything looked so distant you had thought all of it had been just a nightmare. But once he had the chance to talk, he reminded you of that terrible conversation, things were not as easy as you thought. Wasn't that 'I love you' the worst thing you had ever heard? 

"I don't want to force you to make a decision like this, but the longer you take, the harder it will be". 

"I'm not doing this, Stephen". You assured, you had certainly been thinking hard about it and it was your choice, not his. 

"But, I already explained you..." he was not angry, he was uneasy, restless. 

"If we do this, we would not be doing any improvement, Stephen. This is my chance to start over. You made your point, but there is not enough reason to take this life because I've made my choice, it is my body, my child is wished and loved if not for you, for me, and I'm sure that if you loved them as much as I do, you would find a way out because I've seen you can do things I can't. If you can't, then you will have to kill our child along with me, because I don't think I'm strong enough to survive that grief, and actually I don't have the willingness to do it, this baby is the only reason I have to stay alive, perhaps you should see it like that too".

"Don't say nonsense" The man groaned, his wrinkles standing out on his pale face . "Why can't you see this is not a good idea? I just want the best for you and the child!"

"Stephen, I'm sorry for being so weak, but I cannot do it, and if you try to do it without letting me know, against my will because after all you're probably right, just kill me too, please, because I cannot take this any longer". 

You didn't wait for an answer because you knew Stephen had run out of arguments, he had already given you all of them, and probably he was planning his next move. But so were you, because now that you had decided to fight, you headed to Stephen's office and then right to the forbidden path you had got to know over the last weeks, you snuck in as all the nights in that summer through the garden gate, it felt as if you were sealing your fate with such action.

You watched as the last chunk of paper became ash and dissolved into what you had described as black ink, which only made it darker, opposite to what you had learnt from your last expeditions. You aimed to return home, but some growing whispers coming from everywhere around you, were telling you to stay there, you could tell it was Stephen's voice at first, yet at the same time there were voices of many people suffering, probably  all of those who had died because of you, they were inviting you to stay in their world with them. 

"Your child is damned" The nagging voices kept repeating, they were screaming at you. "Your child is damned because you are damned too". 

You were hypnotised by their murmurs, their hands clasped your body: your arms, your feet, your shoulders, your face and forced you to lie on the mud, slowly burying you on it, your will was long gone, you were not thinking anymore, you were mesmerised by their pleads, you could no longer breath, you felt as if you were in the bottom of the sea, looking up at the sky, without getting to see it a last time, because you had decided to close your eyes, what was left out there anyway?  Probably if you came back you would end up all alone, probably Stephen would run away in the best of the scenarios, but in the most likely, your child would never see the light, and that would kill you anyway. 

You had already stopped thinking, you were sleeping or something that looked like it when you  were dragged through the mud against the wishes of those who wanted to retain you, the black and purple cloak that had became one of your closest friends over the last weeks had ventured itself into the lands or rather, waters of the lost souls and rescued you from their grasp, you were unconscious, lying on the ground, on the cold black sand of the icy black sea, with the half moon half sun that stood out on the murk, you were only able to see that strange phenomenon in that spot in the background providing enough oneiric vibes to make you feel inside an artwork, it was as if time had stopped in dawn letting the sun and the moon live their love story. The piece of cloth was not being successful in its attempt to wake you up through first aids, trying to get the water out of your lungs, and it even tried slapping your face with no results. 

"Go away, I don't want to see you here, I'll lock you up again if you don't leave me alone!" Stephen yelled at the cloak, he was still upset due to his wife's decisions, but it was not time to give up, the cloak wrapped around him and his neck, chocking him, forcing him to go beyond the border of the garden, dragging him down the stairs, making him find you lying on the sand, he hurried and kneeled by your side. 

"Oh! What are you doing? Wake up!" He attempted as the levitation cloak had done before with the same results, his courage breaking, and his vulnerability finally showing after so long, he was desperate while he placed his head to your chest, trying to perceive your heartbeat. "Do not forsake me! Please".

He held you in his arms and took you home, after many attempts, he found out, he could not do more, and once again, he was about to lose the love of his life, although unlike before, this time he had been the one to cause his misfortune. He would spend the whole day by your side, waiting for a sign, because as long as you kept breathing there was hope. He would look after you, read to you, and to your baby who, to his surprise, seemed to be alive too, and growing. He wished you woke up and then explain everything that had happened in the past, and to tell you that if you were willing to try, so would he, even if deep down he knew it was too late for him and too much of a risk. 

It was late in the evening because the sun was barely lightning the clouds in the horizon and gave them pink and orange colours, the summer breeze entered through the window and petrichor leaked through your lungs. 

"Stephen?" You slowly opened your eyes, you had been dreaming about he talking to you. You were tired although you didn't know why. Stephen was not at sight, you were all alone in the darkness of your bedroom, or that was what you thought at first because just some seconds after, you heard the sound of something fluttering and then the door violently closing.

"Oh thank you! I thought you would never wake up". Stephen hurried and sat by your side, you could read disbelief in his face, incredulity. The cloak stood behind Strange.

"What are you talking about?" You whispered, you didn't have any strength. 

"It's been two weeks since I found you down there!"

You gasped in surprise. 

"My-" you instinctively remember all of it, and took your hand to your belly, you looked at Stephen in suspicion. "Don't you dare-"

"I didn't do anything, and the baby is fine, for now at least". 

"What do you mean?"

"You are not precisely fine, why did you trespass the garden gate?" He caressed your cheek gently, he was glad to talk to you again. 

"It was worthy, that is all that matters". You coughed, indeed you felt terrible. 

"What have you done?!" All of a sudden Stephen realised what you meant, what you had been doing during the times when you were gone, he exclaimed then, regretfully. "You were bleeding and I was the last one to know. You're getting yourself killed! Just look at you, oh it is me to blame, I am so sorry for being like this, I am so sorry you are here locked up with me, you don't deserve it".

"As I said, it was worthy, and I'd do it ever again because now you're free and that damn book is gone". 

He laughed, but was sadness what was in his look, sour.

"Oh honey, the book doesn't matter at all, because the knowledge is here" and he pointed at his head with a finger. "I've been corrupted, and there is no way to fix that". 

"But you told me..."

"Using the dark hold exacts a high toll, dear and I almost lost you to it, that could have got you killed and I'm so sorry for being so selfish, would you ever forgive me?"

"I have nothing to forgive, Stephen, but I would like to know what is happening here, because I am so confused".

Once you had got energy enough by ingesting some food and water he explained how he had acquired immense knowledge from the book you had just destroyed (among others), had killed a whole universe in order to bring his old lover back, how he had ended up alone, how all of a sudden a witch had appeared to team up with him and the two of them had kidnapped and he had done nothing to stop her from murdering a young girl in order to obtain her powers hence they could travel to other universes and they could get their dream lives, how something somehow had just gone wrong and they had ended up in the mistaken universes and he had not been able to find Christine.

"What do you mean you didn't find Christine?"

"I didn't find her, because she was not meant to be mine, never, I was so obsessed, it was sick. I didn't find her, but I found you in the middle of the chaos. You were mourning your Stephen, the one you were married to, because of all the wrong choices he had made, he had found death and had left you all alone, that is everything I know, as I said things got out of hand and all of a sudden I noticed I had brought you with me by accident. At first, I attempted to bring you back, but I noticed Scarlett Witch had had her way and she had betrayed me, so I just had the chance to travel to a single specific universe, which was not yours, so I made you this one, an illusion, because even though you can see a whole landscape through the windows, out there, there is nothing but a sea of despair, my despair. I did not even know your name and you had forgotten everything too, so I decided to call you Christine because at the time I was not able to think of anything else".

"So you kept me here".

"I tried so hard, but eventually I started to fall for you, no matter how hard I tried not to, because I wanted to bring you home, keeping you here would not do any good since you were destined to live an isolated life by my side, by the side of a murderer who doesn't deserve you. You slowly started to get used, to love me. I told you I was your husband because it was partially true and because that way, you would trust me, you would feel safe". 

"You fooled me at first, but at the same time I always felt your hatred towards me". 

"I didn't hate you, I was depressed and hopeless, I did not know what to do. I was having feelings towards you that at first I wanted to deny, but I fell so hard there was a point I could not hide it anymore, those sunny days in the garden by your side were the brightest I had had after everything that had happened and I almost forgot who I was". 

"And then Stephen?"

"Then I found out you were pregnant, something had told me since the first day you were, I could see that gleam in your eyes, I could perceive you had changed. I didn't consider that possibility because I thought I was damned and therefore I was incapable of creating life, I thought it was a gift that would be denied to a broken man like me. When I realised you were indeed expecting our child I forced myself to stop daydreaming about what we had. I did not know what to think, feel or say, so I left as the monster I am, I left you all alone when you were for sure feeling terrible because of what pregnancy encompasses and because the only person you knew and loved had left you, but I needed to think, my mind was killing me, and all of the voices of the damned whispered into my ears that I had to get you killed. I slept fifteen days in the parking lot of the supermarket, because I didn't have another place to go. At first I thought I was betraying Christine, to whom I had devoted my days, she was the reason I had done all of this, then I realised it was not actually that thought the one that made me feel so lost, it was not that I did not want that baby either, I love you and the thought of holding a little being product of that love warmed and still brings that warmth to my heart, but look at me! I'm a monster, how could I bring up a child? I'd make a terrible father, I would be a curse for them, for you, it was not fair! You two don't deserve this. And in addition, all of the other reasons I had talked you about, this seclusion is no life for anyone. The limitations of the world I created for us require big amounts of magic, magic I can provide but that as I said before exacts a big toll, corruption. I should have talked to you from the beginning but I could not, I have made so many mistakes... forgive me even if I don't deserve you, I never wanted this to happen".  He sobbed while took his hands to cover his face, it was indeed a difficult situation and you did not know what to think about it, maybe he was right and living would be hard for all of you.

"I was so scared too. When I found out I was pregnant, I was afraid of what you might do, deep down something told me you would react as you did, and when you left, I thought you were going to abandon us forever, until we starved to death in solitude and I wanted to die, but at the same time I wanted to live and let you see, I could survive without and despite you. When you came back and said you wanted to fix things I had hope, and then you told me you wanted to take my baby away, the only reason I had to stay alive and I..."

"I'm so sorry, I cannot explain with words the regret and shame I feel about everything I did, about the way I hurt you, I just thought it was the best for all of us, I know I'm a monster, I don't deserve to be alive, I deserve isolation, I deserve to go through everything you and everyone I have damaged went through". 

Stephen could not stop crying, and you joined your own weep to his, there were no many options. 

"You are not a monster, Stephen". 

"I don't deserve anyone's compassion or sympathy, especially yours, who I've caused such a big ordeal even if you are the woman I love, just because of my cowardice. I'm not the victim here! I am just... afraid. I know there is a price I must pay for everything I have done, and I'm willing to accept it, to accept anything but I don't want to pay through you two. Maybe I don't deserve a second chance but if I could have it, I would never waste it". 

He kept sobbing, so did you. 

"So what are we going to do?" You finally broke the silence you two had been stuck in for hours. 

"I don't know, nothing makes sense anymore, we'll do as you command because I finally realised, there is no way things can go worse, so whatever you decide, I'll stand for it, and do as much as I can in order to make you happy, even if that means staying far away from you against my desires". 

"I want to keep my baby, Stephen".

"If I'm honest, I want to keep that baby too". He smiled, his eyes were red and swollen due to the time he had spent crying. "I want to keep both of you, you were right and you're the only reason I have to stay alive, I just hope it is not too late". 

"We'll find a way, I'm sure, there is always a way, I mean, to solve all of what you have explained about living here in isolation, just the three of us". 

"So you don't hate me?"

"I can read regret in your face, and it is too late for me to leave. I will forgive you, I just need time, and if you promise me a couple of things".

"Anything". 

"First that you're not committing any crime like those again".

"I do promise you". 

" Second, that you will not keep anything from me again".

"You have my word". 

"Third, you won't make me suffer like you did". 

"I am so sorry about it, I didn't mean it, it won't happen again". 

"And fourth, that you will do anything in your hands to make our child happy". 

"Of course!" You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him softly because you could tell he needed comfort. 

"I love you Stephen Strange, that is my mistake".

"I love you too". 

"Actually I have a fifth request".

"Go on".

"Let's change my name, no Christines from now on".

"I could not agree more".  

"I still have a question, though"

"Go ahead, ask whatever you want, I said no more secrets from now on". 

"Who was the Stephen I saw out there?"

"It was me, the part of myself I was trying to get killed because it had always been too weak, too sentimental, the part of me that would have never dared to do what I did, the part  I offered as the price to pay in order to get to use the dark hold, the almost dead part that was desperate for help and saved you in the end." 

He reached for your hand and held it.

"I'm sorry".

-

The sun shone up in the blue sky, the flowers were radiant and the grass could not be greener. You had suffered in the past but no suffering could be bigger than the happiness that now flowed in you. There was a time when you could only see gray and now all colours invaded your world.

You were sitting among the daisies, the garden was brimming with them, and with all kinds of flowers, your back was against the elm whose leaves had greened too and danced to the early summer breath, and you enjoyed the shade it provided you, you had a book by your side because although you really wanted to finish that one, you could not find the time, the picture in front of you was preventing you from finishing it. So you instead took what was left of your little picnic dessert (a tart with berries and orange juice) to enjoy the show.

"Alright, it's my turn" Stephen claimed, he had been sitting in front of you on your red and white square tablecloth over the soil, and he all of a sudden had stood, he was getting angry and you could not help but laugh at the scene before you, where your friend was rejecting Stephen's request for the fifth time in just a couple of minutes, it was failing at playing oblivious.

"I'm the father!" Stephen raised his hands in the air, complaining. 

"Come on, Cloakie, let Stephen hold the baby or he'll be the one crying next time".  You finally interfered, amused.  

The cloak resigned, did as you had asked, for it had been rocking your baby for some minutes now, since she had woken up in the picnic basket you had put her up while she was sleeping, and started crying. The cloak had attempted to make her stop squalling because all it ever wanted was to make her smile. But in the end, it carefully handed the baby to Stephen who finally held her in his arms, changing completely his expression from rage to tenderness and love. "Hello, my little princess". He softly whispered. 

Six months had happened quickly once you two had reached an agreement, you had seen you stomach grow bigger, feel the first moves of your baby all while Stephen tried harder and harder to become the kind of man, husband and father you two deserved. It had not been easy. You could tell his mind was killing him, there were times when he thought he was all alone and you could not hear him, when you noticed  he was weeping in isolation, how his hands trembled and how the pain in his stomach and lower back made him writhe, he was also desperate because he didn't know what to do, how to stop being that tainted kind of man, to stop blaming himself for what he had done in the past, however you had always assured him you would always be there for him and those episodes were now less and less often, you could tell he was starting to forgive himself, there was still too much to be done, to heal, but you were sure you two were trying your best. 

His new routine was also helping. He would read to the both of you every night, and had composed a lullaby to your baby, when she was still inside you, growing, he would play it on the piano, and you would fall asleep to it, no more dreadful memories and dry tears from now on. He would also talk to the baby all the time. It was all a dream. Light had defeated darkness, you could tell when he held your baby for the first time, he had been the one to receive her after all. 

You had noticed his fingers became less black every time he held your little baby in his arms, and his cheekbones as well as his lips had also reddened, he looked more like a man and less like a beast taken from an oneiric tale. 

"She is as beautiful as you are" he took a seat by your side this time, the baby girl in his arms opened his eyes and observed around, perhaps she took after you but still, among other features, she had got her dad's eyes. She was only a few weeks old and she had already captivated all of you and stole all of your time and affection,  she wrapped her fingers around her dad's and slightly smiled at you, gesture you mimicked. Stephen kissed your child's forehead and next your lips. "I love you, thank you for all of this, thank you for a second chance, for saving me from the darkness, for bringing me back to life".

You kissed his cheek as only answer, leaned against his shoulder so you could behold your beloved ones, since Cloakie had also landed near the both of you. 

There were ways to get you all out of the isolation out of your rotten universe,  Stephen had thought of them a month ago, his new life and his new reasons to live had allowed him to start over, to relax and thus, to think, but there was no rush, for now while the wind softly blew the flowers, the sun shone, the clouds were slowly becoming pink, and the moon waited in plain sight to its moment to shine, the four of you were more than delighted and didn't need anything else. 

Read my other works regarding Doctor Strange Supreme (Sinister) x reader here:

Cold Coffee. 

Los amantes del círculo polar.

[lizmindpalace]

Los amantes del círculo Polar

Doctor Strange x reader; Doctor Strange Supreme x reader.

This is inspired by this beautiful song:

It is sort of a songfic and the lyrics are translated into English, you can identify them, since they’re written in italic.

Summary:  An old tale where things weren't supposed to end like they did.

Word count: 10.7 K

Warnings: Pure fluff and angst. Angst includes a toxic relationship. In addition, although some events from DS2MOM are involved, they're not accurate since it was written before the film was released. Angst guys, really, take your tissues with you, you’ve been warned. 

You can also find this work on Ao3 and on Wattpad.

Weddings had never been his thing. Probably because deep down he knew he was not the kind of man who would ever find the appropriate woman to marry, or perhaps, (even if he tried not to think about it) because he thought he was not worth it, and being completely honest, who would want to marry a selfish, arrogant and annoying doctor (not even a surgeon, (actually just a man with the title of a doctor but who was not one anymore)), who also happened to do magic? Maybe there was something else, an omen as old as time engraved in his mind. 

He hadn't wanted to go in the first place. He had been acting oblivious for the last three months or so.  He had been pretending to be busy, to have too much to fix since the sorcerer supreme could not do much if he was not there by his side to help. He had been refusing to see her, when she called him in advance so she could pay a visit to the 177 of Bleecker Street, a short one she had said, extremely important, yet he did not want to see her, the last time she had been around the sanctum sanctorum to talk about something extremely important, things had gone a bit out of hand, and this time, he could foresee a fate he did not have the strength to face, at least, no yet.

 "We're out of town, there's no one home at the time, and we don't know how long this will take us, probably a few weeks, maybe years, you never know with this vast multiverse expanding every time, with every choice."

His voice sounded different, not the kind of arrogant man she had known, it was like he was pretending to be him but there was something else as though he was looking for an excuse (and failing). He was avoiding her. She knew him very well. Perhaps she was being cruel but they remained as friends and had thought Stephen had moved on, but this... well maybe she was the one who had to move on and stop pretending Stephen would create such a lie just to avoid seeing her, deep down she knew, she was not important to him anymore, otherwise he would have stayed by her side and she wouldn’t be marrying another man.

"I thought you two were on a little holiday" Doctor Palmer smiled at the unfamiliar face of Wong, who frowned, she didn't expect the sorcerer supreme would be buying street food in the middle of New York.

"Certainly, I don't want to get involved in your affairs, if you want to talk to him you're more than welcome to our sacred shelter. Good day, Madame. And congratulations, by the way."

Christine smiled in confusion and saw the man leave. How did he know? Then she realised Stephen must have told him, because once she entered the Sanctum Sanctorum she could see he was aware of the reason of her visit, maybe she was right and he still cared.

"Saturday at noon?" he asked before even saying hello, he was chewing a bagel and drinking a coffee from a carton, whilst sitting in the dark.  

"Hello, I'm glad to see you too... and yes..."

"I'll be there, thank you for inviting me" he nodded although he didn't look at her but at his food, the half-eaten bagel in his hand. "Congratulations to the lucky man" 

"Stephen..."

"I meant it. Now if you don't mind..."

"I don't... see you there, then. Wong is welcome to come too." She said leaving the invitation on a table, looking at him once more and walking away from the sanctum sanctorum after he whispered "the sorcerer supreme has more important business to attend than a wedding".

She sighed and left the place leaving an upset Stephen behind.

He had thought of not attending the wedding, but after a week of sleepless nights, he came to the conclusion he had to, he had to get over the fact she was not his anymore, and seeing it with his own eyes would be a way to move on. 

He stood, waiting patiently for the bride to walk into the well lit by sunlight church, regardless of the fact he was not the one who would marry her but another man, the man he had lost her to. She looked happy, her cheeks reddening when she saw the man waiting for her to join their lives.  For a second Stephen allowed himself to daydream, thinking she was smiling because of him, because of the joy of a wedding where he took the place of the intruder, where they would spend a lifetime together. His fantasy was broken due to the words of the priest who called the names of the new couple and started the ceremony. 

"I do" Christine pronounced in the middle of a smile, for a second she looked at Stephen, he was sure she would have wanted him to be there making the same vow. 

Stephen sighed knowing that he had lost her, and things would change from now on, he would like to look at his feet when the priest indicated the couple to kiss in order to seal the fate of both of them, instead he forced himself to maintain his eyes fixed on them and smile, he could not fool himself again. And he would have stared at them, if only a loud noise hadn't broken the silence and made everyone attending the ceremony gasp in horror at the sight they were getting. 

Maybe horror was not what everyone was experimenting, yet it was part of what they were feeling, since it was a combination of awe, shock, fear and madness. Stephen reacted after a brief moment and casted a spell that aimed to control the situation and grasp the dreadful kind of bottomless pit creature that had just emerged from the centre of the church chasing a young girl, however, it did not work. 

Stephen ran after them, tried to help the young girl who looked terrified whilst she attempted to run away, he came up with a spell that destroyed the bus that aimed to hit the unknown young woman, and split it into two. The girl fell to the floor trying to get her breath back, Stephen reached her and aimed to give her some kind of support, to try to figure out if she was in pain of any sort, instead she looked around and gestured at the people hurt due to the creature the sorcerer had just beaten. And there were you, after the calm had finally replaced the mess and uncertainty, a woman lying on the pavement, unconscious. 

"There are people who need a hand" the girl finally said and rose.

"I would like you to answer some concerns before you leave, if you don't mind, young woman" the girl nodded and then the man looked at you again, looking for a way to get you to recover yourself, while the girl verified the others were fine, others referring to the people who was inside the church and just passing by New York streets at the moment of the unusual event. 

"Alright, sir, everyone is safe except for her"

"And she is...?"

"No idea, she was in possession of this monster when I faced it"

"Ok, let's save explanations for later, we must take her to the Sanctum, I can say she's going to be fine, she's just sleeping"

"Wouldn't it be better to take her to a hospital?"

"I am a doctor, and I can say she will recover very soon"

And there you were, just a few hours after the accident, you opened your eyes and wandered through the room you were in with a sight.

"Good evening, miss" Stephen greeted and a young girl walked towards you. You didn't know what you were doing there until you started to remember all the chaos, it was your fault, you knew, and you were hoping you would just blank out long enough to forget, but you did not.

"Hello" you spoke softly, regretfully. "Where am I?" 

"It's the 177 A of Bleecker Street, now miss America and I would love to hear if you remember why you were in the... tentacles of a green one eyed creature. I hope it's not too soon for you to speak, but the sooner we know more about it, the sooner we get to solve this."

You frowned. "I'm sorry but I don't quite understand what is this all about, what is this monster you talk about?"

"Shuma Gorath" America replied.

Strange looked at her surprised.

"You knew its name the whole time?"

"You didn't ask that. You were supposed to know it."

"I knew it; I just didn't know you had knowledge about it."

"I learnt it somewhere"

Strange nodded while you tried to act oblivious. 

"So, how did you get into its tentacles?" 

"I don't know... I can't remember a single thing" you burst into tears. Strange sighed again, notably exasperated and wandered around the little room you were in. He was exasperated because he had no information and also had to take care of a useless lost woman that meant an additional problem. "Ok, don't worry, I'll get you back home." 

He smiled and you smiled back albeit, for some reason you couldn't help but keep crying. 

"Shuma Gorath is known for being one of the oldest creatures inhabiting the earth, it loves humans... actually more than that, it needs them. It is fond of human sacrifices. However, there is always something in return, it is some kind of a demoniac entity. At first I thought that knowing what woke it up would help us, but maybe we should address the problem itself." 

Stephen was having a conversation with America and another man whose name you hadn't heard yet, and you pretended to be asleep. You felt guilty, but you did not know these people, and neither did they, they would never understand why you did what you did, and you were terrified of being punished and that they would refuse to help you, to help your people who had nothing to do with the mess you had run into. 

-

It had been two weeks, you hadn't seen either the man who had saved you or his companion, but Wong. You had learnt his name during your second day in what you also learnt the place you were in was a sanctum sanctorum. You had suffered from fever during the first week, Wong had told you Stephen Strange had looked after you since he was a doctor and knew how to manage this kind of situations and thanks to his ability you could heal; during the second week you avoided to talk to anyone since you argued your mental health was having a collapse. You were afraid to spill the beans, but you would not say that out loud. 

It was the first day of the third week when Stephen Strange came back home. He was injured and in need for rest, he was facing a lot of trouble, or at least that was what you had heard (or eavesdropped (with no intention)), and it must have been something huge since he was not able to move and still sent your only companion for the last week to another place, a place whose purpose you could not understand, or location could imagine but still sounded beyond the borders of the world you knew. 

The Sanctum Sanctorum was a place you found unsettling but you adapted to it quite quickly to your own surprise, although you should not have been surprised, you had been in touch with that kind of supernatural events over the last couple of months, and perhaps that was why you were able to believe everything you had seen during those three weeks, otherwise you would not have relied on your senses, you had to admit you thought you were living in an oneiric world product of your dreams from time to time though. It was a gloomy place, shadows lit the long walls covered with antique wallpapers and decorated with even older wooden furniture; the environment of the building comprised deep silence and echoes from non-existent sounds, or rather sounds coming from an alternative version of the building, hidden behind the walls that came in the shape of distant echoes. Whereas, the atmosphere was suffocating, it was always crisp, no matter what the weather outside was, it would always be cold and dark, it was as though sun avoided your new shelter, the sun was allegedly avoiding you.  

"Mister Wong told me not to allow you to come here if you tried, sir." 

Stephen frowned, the scars on his face slowly healing, remaining just as little rivers of blood that had dried. A sigh came from his mouth and finally a tiny smile.

"No need to be formal, we're like a family now, call me Stephen." 

He didn't like strangers to call him by his first name, but you didn't know that, so you just nodded. 

"And Wong doesn't need to know I was here, I'll just grab a couple of books and go back to my bed, I promise." 

You sighed this time and moved to your side so the man could walk in the library, the only room that actually made you shiver, you didn't know why but you could swear someone lived there, someone only you were able to hear, to perceive, and who lurked in the gloom, waiting for someone to get distracted and stab them to death and then took their place, take their life. 

"I'll take them for you" You offered your help, he was still in a lot of pain, you could tell by looking at his pace and the least you could do was to assist the man who had helped you and got hurt probably because of it. 

His room was bigger than you had imagined considering the fact the room of the dormer window occupied most of the space in that part of the building. 

"Thank you" He said and you helped him to sit down on his bed since every little move seemed to be painful in his condition. He took one of the books, opened it over his legs and you could see nothing but words and sentences written in something that looked like Latin, so instead, you stared at him for a second, you were trying to get to know him, you admired his deep blue eyes, a sparkle of magic irradiated from them. He caught you staring and your cheeks reddened.

"Oh I wanted to say that... if you need anything, just let me know." 

"I will take you back home Y/N, don't worry" he assured you with a smile, you tried to smile too, but an awkward expression on your face was the only result, you nodded and forced yourself to leave.

"Y/N" Stephen said before you left, you stopped, waiting for an instruction. "I could actually use a bit of privacy, therefore if Wong or miss America or anyone comes, please don't let them come in here, and close the door after you leave, please."

You did as you were told and luckily for you, there were not any intruders hanging around until Stephen left his bedroom again.  

"Would you like to have something for dinner?" You asked with a shaky voice, he raised his right eyebrow, making you even more nervous, he looked defeated and more tired than before for some reason you could not tell.

"I would actually like to grab something, I can't recall when it was the last time I ate something and I think that could do some good in my condition."

"Right" you nodded, you entered the kitchen and he followed you "I can take it to your room."

"No, a different landscape will do it for me, thank you" he took a seat before the long wooden table and waited for the promised dish. Your legs trembled while you provided him the plate and a glass of milk. "A sandwich?" 

"I'm sorry I have never fond of cooking and actually I suck at it and didn't know what else I could..."

"It's alright, keep calm, thank you" he smiled at you whilst you kept looking at your feet. "Actually, it has a good taste, have you eaten already?" 

You shook your head. 

"Please, serve yourself and have a seat, I have been alone for long enough to go crazy."

You nodded again, you were silent while you ate your sandwich, again you were trying not to say more than you would like. 

"So tell me, Y/N do you miss home?" 

"Absolutely, Stephen. I mean, I'm very grateful for you having me here, but I am really homesick."

He nodded and looked at his plate, took a deep breath. 

"I think there's something I need to tell you."

There is no way home. It had filled your ears like water sometimes did, making you drown, and making you feel numb and lifeless. All of a sudden, your senses stopped working and all you could see ahead was darkness and solitude. You realised you were making the same mistake over again: it was not only about you, you had been selfish and now you'd pay for it. 

"I'm so sorry" he looked at you with sorrow, while tears ran through your cheeks with no way of stopping them. "I know this might not be the best thing to say, but at least you made your way here and you're safe and sound."

"What for? What am I supposed to do now? I'm a stranger in a world it's not mine, I'm nobody, I don't belong here, it'd have been better if I had died in the grasp of that beast, I deserve it."

Stephen knew you were going through grief, but still somehow he felt guilty because he should have seen all of that mess coming, either way, the only thing left to do was to get over it and start over in your new reality.

"You shouldn't blame yourself" He assured but you didn't look at him, you were too busy crying. He laid his hand over yours and stared at you with his blue eyes. "And you can stay here, and I'm sure you'll belong with us very soon."

"Thank you" you finally tried to smile at him, he was being polite and that was the least thing you can do in return, besides all of it had been your fault and he had nothing to do with it, he was just trying to help. "Would you mind if I..."

"Go ahead" he nodded drinking the last gulp of his drink. "We'll talk later."

-

Stephen had decided it was the best not to talk about your situation until your mental health was recovered, so he did not disturb you for some time, besides, he was busy. However, as days passed, he changed his mind, your routine was altered by the desires of your protector, all of a sudden you stopped being a stranger since the sorcerer supreme asked you to spend some time during the afternoons after his long shift which would not give him any time to rest, which you gladly did and you could also notice, he enjoyed your company as much as you enjoyed his, you were sure he was trying to help both of you by distracting yourselves from reality and your pain by talking. You did not know what he was dealing with, really, since he was too tired all the time, too frustrated about it and you didn't want to bother him. You'd talk about anything except for his job, it seemed he thought it would harm you, that you'd remember about what you had lost, and it was partially true, and that was another reason to remain oblivious about it. So you would give him as much comfort as you could by talking about random topics, and soon, after a couple of weeks you could tell you were becoming friends. Although, you could also tell from time to time, he'd rather be all alone, because he would stare at you with intensity and then leave with no explanation.

You had heard some old friend of his had become a villain and he aimed to help, as he always did, but he was struggling with that problem, and you soon knew he was desperate, since one night he knocked at your door and asked if you wanted to help. Your eyes widened but you nodded, he had left a book for you and you were supposed to read it, which you did. After you had finished the first one, Stephen brought you a second, and a third, and a fourth, and then a couple of minutes a day, generally at dinner you would discuss certain topics and he would ask questions about it, attempting to asses you.

"So what do you do if it is maintenance time for the black wooden door in the basement?" He asked.

"I must wear a plastic robe over my clothes and lights must remain off, there is no acceptable reason to do it otherwise."

"Fine, now you're able to give us a hand around here without risking your life, or anyone's."

Stephen nodded secretly proud of his new assistant. Yes, he needed your help at home, because the mission he was aiming to accomplish was too hard for him to face it alone, so he would take Wong with him, yet someone had to stay there and keep surveillance under the place. 

It was the end of your third month in charge, everything was in calm. The noises were gone, the shadows packed into boxes, the books clean and the windows shinning. It was late and Stephen was not home, nor Wong. You were all alone and a bad feeling was striking your chest, you had attempted to sleep with no results, but instead you left your bed and went down the stairs, barefoot. There was some kind of hushed wheeze coming from..., you were not sure where it came from, it felt like it was coming from the walls, from the floors, it was brought by the air from the upside down. You kept silent and leaned your head against the wall, you could hear it, it became stronger and louder, the funny thing was that there was nothing in the other side for the wall but the street, the silent street that slept like everybody else at that time. The wheeze became a scream that ran through the corridors and threated to catch you, you ran back to your bedroom but an echo of the scream came from the opposite side, the side you were running to, trying to escape.

"Oh my god!" You ran into something, or actually that something had smashed into you and both of you fell. It was your turn to squeal at the monster you had in front of you. The light you had seen and you had mistaken for a lightning, was starting to vanish.

"Just move!" Wong howled and then you figured out what was going on.

You hurried, turned the lights on and brought the first aid kit with you.

"Good lord, what happened to him?" You gasped in awe as Stephen's face was completely unrecognisable, drowned in blood and at first sight you could tell he was asleep.

"He'll be fine" Wong stated, "he will have to rest for a couple of days, but he'll be fine. Do you think you can look after him? I cannot stay that long."

"Of course" you whispered, and assisted Wong. A couple of hours later, Stephen was on his bed, sleeping with all of the blood gone. 

"He's too stubborn, don't let him leave the sanctum sanctorum."

And he vanished into a portal to an unknown destination. You had known Stephen for a couple of months now and notwithstanding the fact he seemed to be strong, it was the second time you saw him this injured and you wondered how much trouble he had to get into in order to save people. He was a hero. Even if he was not able to get you back home, he was a second chance for you. And although you felt guilty almost all the time for everything you had done in the past, by looking at him, by helping him, by assisting him and by taking care of him, you felt you were balancing your bad and good actions, it was a new start. 

"Wong ordered you could not leave the sanctum, Stephen, I'm sorry but I am not willing to disobey."

Stephen raised an eyebrow. He had been waiting for you to come, you'd bring him some food, some water, and some medicine, but above all, some company.

"If you obey him, you're disobeying me." 

"Yes, I'm aware."

"Let me think... you really worry that much about me, isn't it? You'd rather stand against my will than see me unhealthy again. How sweet."

"No way" You grinned. "I'm afraid of what Wong would do if he ever figured out I disobeyed his orders, haven't you seen that face of his? What if he sends me to another dimension or kills me?"

You both laughed. 

"Alright, I will obey Wong's orders too, and for the record it's not because I fear him or what he might do to me but because of the consequences my decision could bring to you."

"You will obey Wong because you prefer it over seeing me suffer, what a cute guy, I'm touched" you mimicked Stephen and smiled widely. 

"I care about you, Y/N" His voice was quiet, the mocking tone was gone all of a sudden. 

"I do too, Stephen" your eyes shone for a reason you could not think of, it was like hope coming back to your soul. "Alright, finish this and then you can take your nap. I'll clean the basement."

"Actually... I won't leave the Sanctum Sanctorum but still I'll work remotely."

"By no means, I'm not letting you get your way. If you don't rest enough you will never get better, Stephen.”

“There are things that must be arranged and cannot wait.”

You crossed your arms over your chest.

“Let me help you then. I think I can do more. Please, I've reading and learning so much, I could help so much around here if only you just let me!"

"We've talked about this before and the answer is no, it's too much of a risk for you..."

"You think I'm stupid?" 

"Please Y/N, not again, you know that's not what I mean." 

"Stephen! The least I can do is help! Please let me! I have nothing to lose!" 

"I can't lose you too!" He yelled at you, and you could tell he was angry. You paused for a second, he had never talked to you like that before, and you were at a loss of words. "What I said is true. I care about you! I don't know how I got here, I didn't want to, I didn't want to fall in love again, because I always lose those I love, and I can't lose you too. I couldn't help it though, falling in love with you, you're an enigma, but I don't want you to suffer because of me. That's why you shouldn't be here in the first place, I've been thinking of a way to get you out of here, to get you a real life out there." 

"You cannot do that!"

"I can and I will because it's the best for you, that's why you can't do more than you already do. Soon this won't be your place anymore. We'll remain friends in our minds. That's for the better, trust me." 

You saw pain in his eyes and tears threated to escape from yours. 

"I'm not going to leave you, Stephen. I am old enough to make my own choices, and even if they're mistaken most of the times, I still have the right to choose, and I'm choosing not to leave, I'm choosing YOU. You're the only thing I have left, you're everything I've got, you cannot leave me too, Stephen".

You burst into tears even if you didn't want, even if you tried very hard not to. You hid your face between your hands, refusing to see him. All the pain in your chest, result of your feelings, was flooding into you. You felt his hands take your head, and heard his heartbeat as he pulled you close to his chest. He took your chin and your gazes met. He took your cheeks and finally kissed you, just as he had done in your dreams during the last weeks, you had been loving him very deeply too. 

"I didn't want to be selfish and that was why I was going to let you go, forgive me, would you?" 

You nodded and allowed him to hold you for the rest of the afternoon. You had too much to say, but that day you would only enjoy each other in silence. 

Things had become clear between you two. You were not the kind of an ordinary couple, but still you loved each other intensely. And even if Stephen was too afraid of losing you, he could not help but love you more. You reassured him nothing wrong was going to happen. And at certain point he had thought it was indeed possible for the both of you to live together happily ever after, under the condition of you staying home and he going to work, things could go just right, you would not be at risk and he would always look for a way to come back home, to come back to you. 

"Today we're having dinner out, Wong".

"I'm sorry but I have plans already". 

You chuckled. 

"As much as I would like you to join us, this time I meant just Y/N and I, my dear friend".

Wong didn't even smile and just nodded. 

"Don't make the reality explode, please" and he left with the both of you laughing. 

"Put in your best dress, darling. We're going on a special occasion". 

"And what would that be?" 

"Just do as you're told and I grant you a night to remember". 

You hesitated for a moment but you did as you were told because you were not able to go against Stephen's will when he used that tone of voice, it indicated he only wanted you to be happy. 

"It's not the fancy place I thought you would take me to, but I like it” you admired the immensity of the sky above you, the sunlight vanishing into the darkness, the city becoming shadows at your feet, the love of your life by your side, this was everything you had been aiming before, this was your concept of joy.  

"I thought you didn't like those". 

"I don't, I'm just kidding, Stephen, what's wrong with you today?" Strange was the sort of sarcastic man who would take any opportunity to make a joke and you had learnt from him, or actually deep down your shyness you were just like him and that was why you had got along so well. 

"I'm just nervous" 

"Why? Is everything alright?" Stephen was not the kind of man who was nervous over little situations, thus you decided something big was going on. 

He sighed and looked away, he stared at the starry night before you in the highest storey of the building you were in. You kept looking at him worried. 

"Have you ever felt like you're about to make a wrong decision? Even if it's the best thing that could happen in your life?" 

"Yes" you confessed. "It's not a nice thing to feel. But I have always acted according to what I think it is the best. Is it worth the risk, Stephen? Is it worth the pain it may bring with it in case it goes wrong? Is it worth fighting for it?" 

"It is" he finally looked at you and gave you a tiny but sincere smile that lighted up his face. He took your hand in his and held it while kneeled before you. "I'm willing to take the risk of facing any situation, any danger and to protect you from them, are you? Will you marry me, Y/N?" 

Your eyes widened, your heart skipped a beat and your smile grew at the same size your eyes had. Your cheeks reddened and you could only shake your head in affirmation. He slid a little ring with a greenish stone in your finger. How long it had been since that glimpse of determination was drawn on his face? And you hadn't noticed what it was about. How long had he been looking at you with those eyes? When the taste of those lips had become familiar? You didn't know but now it was everything you needed. That kiss in the darkness gave you enough strength to face anything that would come. 

"I told you not to break anything" Wong said, it was late in the night, or rather early in the morning when you got back home. And you were a bit noisy since you two had just engaged and therefore you were behaving as a couple of teenagers madly in love, you broke a vase because you were trying to get to your bedrooms while kissing in the darkness.

Your smile faded for a second but Stephen couldn't care less, he had had some drinks which had finally blew away his worries and he was more than cheerful. 

"Be careful, Wong. I don't like that tone of yours, you must be kind with the Sorcerer's supreme wife to be" Stephen stated. 

Wong stared at you, and then at Stephen, looking for a clue.

"Is this a joke?"

"I would never joke about it! Here, she's my fiancé" He boasted, taking your hand and showing Wong the ring in your finger.

"Are you sure this is a good idea? You know Stephen you're at too much risk and..."

"I know, Wong, I know. I studied the situation before I proposed, now we're engaged and there's nothing stopping us. So good night!" Strange grabbed your hand and ran through the building.

"Sorry for waking you up!" You apologised before Stephen made you run upstairs. He kissed you passionately before you entered your room, you didn't want him to leave, and you could see he didn't want to either, but still you two said goodbyes and faded into your bedrooms, although none of you could sleep for the night. 

 Of course you had never planned a wedding, and now you could see it was both funny and difficult at the same time, especially since the groom was rarely at home and many decisions had to be made. From time to time Wong would give you a hand, after all, Strange had asked him to be his best man, so even though he did not really want it that way, he had to be involved. 

"Hello, love." Stephen greeted, after a week, where he had gone to an unknown dimension. You had been worried because after the first day you had lost touch with him. “I’m on time for the choice of the banquet?"

"Oh my god, Stephen I thought..."

"That I was not going to make my way home? I will always come back to you, darling." He smiled. 

In addition to his previous injuries you could perceive something else, it was a sort of darkness that passed through his eyes, besides that, you could not tell something was wrong, yet it was unsettling. Nevertheless, you didn't want him to be worried, so instead you gave him your brightest smile.

"You're just in time" You nodded and led him to the kitchen where a few plates with different food were on the table. The both of you tried all of them and made a decision together. Although you realised he had been less talkative than before he left for work. 

"Y/N" Stephen pronounced your name as though he was testing a new and rare wine he had never heard of before, as if he had just learnt your name, his voice was also more hoarsely than usual and you did not know why, perhaps because you were in the hallway in the middle of the night with no lights, but it gave you the shivers. His eyes glowed, you could tell, red light sparkling in the shadows coming from his eyes. 

"Good night, Stephen" you whispered trying to go inside your bedroom. Your inner voice didn't like the way he was behaving. 

"No, we should talk for a bit. Come to my bedroom with me. " He offered his hand and you hesitated for a while, but in the end you took it. Dark thoughts about your boyfriend were crossing your mind but they didn't have any basis, maybe his strange manners were due the lack of rest he had had during his expedition to unknown lands. And in either case you should be grateful he was back. 

"It's late" 

"I know" he said and gestured at his bed where you took a seat. The only light coming from the window let you see his figure standing in front of you, staring at you as if he was trying to find something, attempting to recognise you, or to get to meet you and all of your features, he looked confused and disappointed. Your heart froze, had he discovered your secret? He knew what you had done? Would he forgive you? Would he blame you and had he stopped loving you?

"Is it everything alright?" Your shaky voice tried to minimise the sound of your heartbeat. 

"It is, love" the words soaked with sour slipped through his mouth as he approached you, until you could feel his breath in your face. You closed your eyes in an attempt to hold back your tears. What you felt next were his cold lips on yours, devouring them, then descending to your collarbone, it looked there was no way of stopping him. 

"Stephen" you moaned, a moan filled with pain, you wanted this but at the same time, you weren't ready, not today, you needed to think about it, and besides, this was not what you have agreed, that was not the way Stephen would act, you tried to escape from his embrace but your strength was not enough, he kept kissing you instead, and had moved one of his hands to your thigh, that was the moment you started to feel fear, and you couldn't help, and a tear ran through your cheek. "Stephen, please!" 

He stopped and looked blankly at first at you while moving his tongue from one side to another, to his upper lip to the lower one as if he was savouring the taste, as though he was trying to remember what you tasted like, and then, there was a change in his features, now he was surprised, shocked, as if he didn't know what was happening, what he had done. 

"Oh my- I'm so sorry, Y/N... I don't know what happened...I" he attempted to reach your hand but you were so scared you refused his touch. "Forgive me, I don't know what happened, forgive me for being an idiot". 

He left because he thought that was the best thing to do, leaving you there in the darkness, alone and safe. 

- 

"Y/N" After a couple of days the sorcerer had finally reunited the forces needed to talk to you again, you could read regret on his face and his voice. "May I have a word with you?"

You breathed in and nodded, it was the middle of the day and the sun came towards the windows, illuminating the room you were in. 

"I am not sure how to say this... I've been trying to make up my mind but cannot come to any real conclusion except I suffered some sort of damage during my trip, that may have caused my behaviour, I have no words to express how regretful I feel. There's a hole in my memories, I cannot really recall everything I did, I just remember you were afraid and I've been blaming myself and hoping I didn't cause you any harm. I'll understand if you want to end our engagement, although that would certainly break me, nonetheless, I'm aware of my mistake and I'll face the consequences." His eyes filled with tears, he was really sorry, you could tell. "I just hope you can forgive me since my actions were out of my control, I'd never do something like that, otherwise, and I hope you know that too. And that I love you very deeply and would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. And that if you give me another chance this will never happen again".

"You didn't hurt me. I forgive you, Stephen, but I won't allow it happens again, that's for sure" your tears were about to come too. "And for the record, I do want to be with you, I just wasn't ready for it".

"It won't be needed because it won't happen again. I'm so sorry, my intention was never to force you to do something you didn't want to and I don't need you to explain yourself, love." He wanted to hug you but he stopped himself, you could perceive, he was ashamed to touch you, so it was you instead, who held him.

 "I've made mistakes too, and I love you too." 

Your relationship was in good terms but Stephen barely kissed you or touched you knowing what had happened and you wondered how the both of you could get over it, you decided time would help, because after all it hadn't been something really serious, nothing beyond losing a bit of trust. Anyways, things were almost back to normal. 

"Can I see the guests list?" The man asked and you nodded a bit surprised because he had not been interested in that part of the planning since the both of you were almost all alone except for a few friends you had made over the time you had spent in that universe. He stared at it, he was looking for a name, and you knew which one it was, and you did not know why but you felt a bit... jealous about it, even if Christine was married now (you had been at her wedding), sometimes you feared Stephen would go back to her somehow, and this... you shook your head in an attempt to shut your thoughts up.  You noticed Stephen was eying you and smiling.

"Oh, darling, are you jealous? You think I'm going after Christine?" It was curious Stephen's voice changed during the night, perhaps he was developing a certain health condition related to cold, because his voice was always gruffly at that time of the day.  But his tone was also sharper, and you didn't know why but you were suspicious. "You should not be, unless of course, you don't trust me, or you don't trust you're worthy, or maybe because you have a dirty secret. But you're so cute, innocent, I don't think you have a dark past, do you?"

"I don't like your jokes, Stephen."

"I'm sorry, honey. I just can't help but tease you a bit, you're adorable" He took your hand to his lips and kissed it nonchalantly. 

"I don't like it when you behave like this, Stephen"

"Like what, darling? I'm sorry if my joke was too much, I'm sorry if you're too sensitive about it".

"Stop it! Stop blaming me! Ever since you left for that mission you've become someone different, first you tried to..."

You stopped yourself, you had agreed to move on, real forgiveness was about letting things go, and start over again, that was what you had said to your fiancé. 

"Say it! You haven't forgiven me, you know it, and if you don't forgive me, then we'll not be able to live happily ever after as planned, so you better make up your mind, you're not a little girl anymore, think what you want before it's too late!"

And he left. The wedding was a month away and this argument looked like it was going to stop those plans. You stayed there and cried, you didn't want to, Stephen and you used to have something special, something beyond ordinary, something beyond what love meant in the world nowadays that made you burn inside out, that made your heart race, your hands sweat and your smile widen, you wanted to melt into one, and now your heart was shattered because it looked like that time had been an oasis in the middle of a storm. You decided it was still a good moment to cancel your plans and so you headed to his room to let him know your decision.

"Y/N!" He looked exhausted it appeared he had been fighting someone, sweat in his forehead, injuries on his face. "I'm sorry for my behaviour but I can tell, this was the last time I was rude to you. I know you probably want to finish our engagement, but I swear, this was the last one. There was...someone trying to interfere. The price of magic, but I'm sure I just defeated him. You have to believe me, my love." 

"Stephen..." you sighed. "I don't think..."

"You told me you had made mistakes too, please, I assure you, this is going to be the last one of mine."

"Fine, but it's the last time, alright?"

"It's a deal" You shook hands, and his was cold, as if you were touching a corpse, you swore to yourself there would not be a third mistake you would tolerate.

-

"Tomorrow's the day" Stephen smiled at you, that month had gone really fast and as Stephen assured you, he had been a gentleman ever since, the gentleman you had known before he turned into a sociopath, and a day before your wedding you had a mixture of feelings and memories that made you sick to your stomach. 

"We should not see each other today, Stephen, it brings back luck."

"Don't tell me you believe in such thing as bad luck"

"Says the sorcerer supreme"

He grinned, everything was like it used to, nevertheless, that darkness in his eyes hadn't vanished, and you didn't know if you should take it as a bad omen of your future marriage, you tried to be rational about it and let it go. 

"I suggest we have a sleepover". 

"You kidding? A sleepover?"

"I don't see why not. We're getting married tomorrow, today's our last day as boyfriend and girlfriend, no formalities, just being fun and young. We'll watch a teenager romance film, we'll have pizza and junk food, we'll play silly games, we'll sleep in sleeping bags... sounds quite good to me, good to help with nervousness".

He smiled and so did you because you were in love, completely in love for him, you had fallen so hard.

"Alright, a sleepover in pyjamas sounds good to me"

When you entered the room chosen to make your little party you found yourself amazed for the amount of items and the decorations there. 

"This is so cute"

"I thought you'd like it, love. Take a seat."

You chose the purple sleeping bag and sat on it while Stephen turned the TV on and played your favourite romantic film, although it was a little bit grim due to the way the romantic events ended and all the blood involved. Still the ghosts, the blood, the sinister sister, it all made sense to you. You ate pizza, chips and ice cream. Stephen stayed by your side all the time, he would occasionally steal a kiss from your lips that made your cheeks get red and would hug you too. Soon it was three in the morning and you had to sleep because later you would have to get ready, notwithstanding the fact you knew you would not able to sleep, you still had to give it a try.

"This is not a sleepover if we don't play truth or dare" Stephen affirmed when your eyes were already used to darkness. "And as I can see you can't sleep and I can't either... well, it'd be a good leisure activity".

"Okay but you go first".

"Alright."

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare".

You smiled mischievously, thinking of what Stephen would have to do in order to complete your challenge.

Stephen Strange was a man of his word and thus, when Wong was sleeping, very deeply he had to cast a spell on him so Stephen and Wong ended up looking like a couple of clowns, and he would have to take the responsibility the next morning when Wong couldn't go back to normal by himself. 

"Very funny, Y/N. Your turn. Truth or dare".

By now you didn't notice differences between the current tone of his voice and the tone it used to have before.

"Truth".

You couldn't see it, but he chuckled. He had got you.

"Tell me about your dark past, dear".

Your blood went cold and your words were caught in your throat. 

"Stephen..."

"We'll get married, Y/N, I need to know what is what you hide so deeply in your heart. It's to protect you. You know everything about me, now it's time to get to know about you. I can tell you're hiding it from me, and I don’t know why. I'll be your husband, and I'll never judge you, I'll help you to get rid of that weight in your chest, darling".

You didn't say a word, and instead sobbed. Stephen took his sleeping bag that was on the other side of the room and placed it by your side. "There must be trust between us. Otherwise, this is not going to work".

You sighed, maybe he was right. Maybe you needed to say it out loud. 

"The day you found one in the tentacles of that beast ... It was my fault". 

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... I made a deal with that demon. My family was in big trouble, with no way out, I didn't think it'd work but I was desperate, hopeless, I had heard of this creature, well the descriptions were not very accurate, but in the end I summoned it by asking him for help, I offered myself, but what happened... I didn't see it coming!" You burst into tears, and you were stuttering but Stephen did nothing to stop you, to prevent you from keep talking and therefore, he allowed you to continue your suffering. "I never wanted anything bad to happen. Everyone died but me. I was selfish and I deserve the worst. And then I found you and I can't help but feel terrible for what I've done, I don't deserve you. I shouldn't be here; everyone should be there but me. Sometimes I think all of this is just a cruel joke, that you'll vanish and I will be all alone, and I'd deserve it, but it'd break me. That's why I wanted to help you in the first place, maybe I could get to help someone in my situation, or maybe it would at least, be a suicide mission."

"We've all made mistakes, love, it's going to be fine".  he didn't look surprised, but still an arm wrapped around you, as always his touch made you freeze, his heart was barely audible, but as minutes passed, his hands became warmer, his heartbeat raced and his eyes became alive. He kissed the top of your head. "I'm sorry, Y/N. I'll make things right for the both of us, one way or another".

He hugged you, your tears falling on his chest, and then you fell asleep, and by hearing his breath you could say he had fallen asleep too. When you woke up in the morning because a crispy sun was stabbing your face, he was no longer there, you were cold, so maybe you had been all alone for a while already, and your dry tears made your face feel stiff, but there was no time for thoughts, you had to hurry because you had a wedding to attend, your wedding.

You were in front of the mirror, admiring the dress you were wearing, how it made you look so different, as if you were a princess taken from a tale, like everything in your life was fine and this was just another of your goals achieved, one of the things you deserved. You knew it was nothing like that, all the ghosts were behind you letting you see their faces, their mocking faces foreseeing your tragic fate. You let the veil fall over your face, and walked out your bedroom and left the sanctum sanctorum, heading for the church. 

"I apologise for this old tale didn't have the end I imagined"

Stephen had been waiting for you as he should have. White and red roses were spread all around the church and the music provided by an organ was playing in the background whilst you walked through the nave, towards the altar, towards the love of your life. The little crowd attending the ceremony observed you and your snowy chiffon in ball gown silhouette dress and listened to the sound made by your cathedral train sliding over the wooden floor of the old church. Through the veil you could see his figure standing, fidgeting; the sunlight coming from the stained-glass windows, showing you your way in the darkness and the piers of the gothic church the both of you had chosen for such a special occasion. 

Stephen lifted the veil and looked at you, while you tried not to, you had butterflies inside you trying to find a way out, and you were afraid to black out if you stared at him, so instead you just looked at the priest before you two. 

You could not listen half the ceremony, due to the noise of your heart, to the sweat in your hands and to your limbs shaking desperately. But you heard the question.

"I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honour you all the days of my life. I, Y/N, take you, Vincent Stephen Strange, to be my husband".

You smiled nervously, your voice creaking with every word your pronounced, tears were already running when you slid the ring in his finger. He smiled, but you were too excited to notice the coldness in his look.

"I'm sorry I was a demon, your loyal enemy..."

It was his turn. He took your hand, and rephrased the sentences you had repeated from the priest's lips. 

"I will love you and honour you all the days of my life...I, Vincent Stephen Strange, take you, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in bad times and in good, in illness and in health and as long as you get to keep your word." 

That was unusual but you were too nervous to notice anything, albeit the church kept silent about it. But no one seemed to care. The priest had already asked if any of you had something that could mean a reason to avoid that wedding, and both of you had answered a "no", so he approved the kiss that would seal your fates. Stephen took you by the face and kissed you slowly, but after a second, he stepped back and took a hand to his chest, everyone had been clapping, but now, they were all concerned about the health of the groom, who looked like he was having trouble breathing, and became pale. 

"Stephen?"

He finally stood as he should and hesitated for a second, he breathed in and then changed his expression. "Actually I have a reason, this marriage should not be settled. I'll will always be true in good and bad conditions but what I will not stand for is murder, that's my exception, and since you've murdered intentionally a whole universe and its inhabitants and kept it secret, and tried to get your way with it, I'm not marrying you, you already broke your promise, Y/N"

He took you by the wrist and then with a demonic gleam in his eye he placed a hand of his on your chest, your white dress starting to get pitch-black, gradually.  You had to sit down on the border of the step of the altar due to the sudden pain invading you. You felt the air leaving your lungs, the world spinning around you, except for the mocking face of your husband Stephen Strange, which had changed, it was pale, the bags under his eyes were as black as the sky at dusk, as well as his hair and his beard, but the look, the malicious glimpse you had seen just a shadow before, now completely eclipsed his look. 

"You're a liar, a criminal, don't cry, you're just paying for it. You deserve it and you know it".

"Stephen, what are you doing? " It was Wong's voice running towards you, followed by a woman you recognised as Christine Palmer. 

"Let me help" she gestured at Wong who moved out of the way, trying to do magic, to cast some spell in order to help you. You knew it was useless, since Wong's magic was weaker than Strange’s. The last thing you heard was the sour voice of Stephen, to him you were convicted. 

"Christine, don't even try it, she's a murderer." 

"What the hell happened to you? Who are you?" Christine looked at him, as though he was a monster in flesh and blood. "Oh my god, call an ambulance! Take off that spell from her! Now!"

"I won't, I have a good reason to do this." Strange approached Christine and took her by the wrist and whispered. "I'll clean the way so you can get back to me" 

"What? You're out of your mind! You should be doing something to help your wife! She is your wife, and I don't want to have nothing to do with you, to be honest. Please Y/N stay with us."

Your heart was broken, both metaphorical and literally. Definitely, weddings were not his thing.

"I feel ultrasounds inside myself of something I forgot while I was looking at the rain"

The crisp wind blew his hair and hit his face allegedly, it was trying to hurt him, to make him pay for his crimes, and it was meeting its goal. The rain had stopped for a few seconds but now a few drops were starting to fall on the ground again. Solitude was everything he had now, and that tombstone with golden letters before him, just memories, he wished he could forget. He had been there for the last twenty hours, and he didn't know what to feel anymore. At first his heart was racing, he felt as if he had won a competition, a world cup, the next he remembered was feeling betrayed, then pain, the most harmful pain he'd ever felt, it was drilling his chest and had left his eyes dry, so dry he would not be able to cry ever again. He was drenched, the rain had infiltrated within his black dirty suit, he had slept there and had wished to have that green stone in his power so he could do something, go back and warn himself about what was gonna happen. He left the rain diminish his pain, he looked at it and almost forgot why he was there and thought it was because a nightmare had woken him up. That was a good idea, to let go, to fix things, although he could never fix himself. A second later when he realised again where he was, he decided, it was not worth it, what was left? There was no one for him out there, you weren't there. He was nothing. 

"And there you are, you got used to it, I couldn't help it, I got lost in myself"

Oh fragil wind, it was not air shift, it was a lost soul looking for rendemption. "Stephen" the lost ghost yelped.  

"What do you think you are doing?" He asked to himself, the hoarse voice coming out again.

"I have to help her".

"You didn't do it before; you can't do it now".

"I can and I will".

"You can't bring her back, on the other hand, Christine is still here and..."

"You're not getting her, you don't deserve her, you don't deserve anything but destruction".

"You can't say such thing! Don't you dare! I've done all of this because of her. I destroyed my universe, I spent one thousand lifetimes in solitude, I acquired huge amounts of knowledge, I mastered in the use of black magic, I made my way here, I possesed you, I stole your life, I killed your fiancé, and all of it was due to her, because you don't know this pain, you were stupid enough to let her go".

"And you dared to judge her when you did the same…I know how it feels, and thanks to you, I know what I have to do, and that is not following your path".

"What do you think you are doing? The only reason I didn't kill you and took control over you completely is because I can't live if you die, because this body is yours".

"Then the both of us will die".

"You can't do this to me when I'm so close to her!"

"In any universe, she was not meant to be yours".

To get the sorcerer supreme killed was hard, but that spell would work. Stephen took the beverage he had prepared when he felt something inside his mind was going wrong, when he was not able to remember certain hours during the day, when he realised there was an intruder, he had thought he had made him go away until that night before the wedding when he came back with so much more force and had almost killed him, almost, just because he needed him, but now, with the last drop of strength he had, he took that deadly poison.

First darkness, then his body over the soil where his beloved wife was lying on. 

"Y/N" Stephen greeted, he was confused, he was lost, this was new, it felt bad.

"Stephen, I wish I had told you before" you ran towards him, you were still wearing your white dress, “I always felt sorry for what I did, I never wanted to be selfish”.

Stephen’s eyes filled with tears.

"I should have known what was happening. Forgive me, Y/N, forgive me because I didn’t know, what I know for sure is you never meant to do any harm and there’s nothing to forgive, I’m sorry my evil side used that knowledge, I’m sorry that he took advantage of your trust to hurt you. I’m sorry we couldn’t have our happy ending, I’m sorry I destroyed us".

"I do, I know it was not you, I heard the screams during the night, I saw the darkness, lurking in the building with its quiet steps and soundless laughs, and it was not you. He was waiting to you in the library, it was his place, he stabbed you to death there and I didn’t say a word. I didn’t tell you because… I just… can’t really remember what happened, I think I’m starting to forget ".

“Are you forgetting me?”

“I would never forget you, Stephen”.

He didn’t say anything else, now the both of you knew what had happened, a sinister Strange had taken your lives away. He kissed you passionately, and some tears ran through his cheeks because that was your last kiss, because you didn’t get to have what you had dreamed of and there was no way back, you held hands and walked, leaving the memories behind, leaving your lives behind, leaving the grey sky and the pouring rain striking the trees and the earth behind, a gust of wind blew white petals of roses and without noticing, you both were gone, but at least you were together in eternity.

Read my other work regarding Doctor Strange Supreme x reader here: Cold Coffee. 

[lizmindpalace]

Cold Coffee

Doctor Strange supreme x reader

Summary: When love starts to taste like a cup of cold coffee in the morning.

It's the first time I write for this fandom but after reading several works I felt inspired. Based on the song "Cold Coffee" by Ed Sheeran.

Word count: 8.5K

Warnings: None, a bit of angst I guess.

It was a cold day, all days had been cold for the last month or so, the colour of leaves had changed into warmer tones and the cold wind had taken them from the trees. Autumn had always been your favourite season, you would wrap yourself into lays of clothing and wander through the pages of the books of the local library, the time stopped for good, and the darkness of reality would vanish for a moment, your ordinary life would be replaced for one of your favourite characters' adventures.

The pitch black sky was split into two by a lightning strike, when you were going back home with a bunch of books in your arms, the books fell surrounding your almost lifeless body on the pavement. You expected the rain to fall over you, instead you just felt as if some sort of electricity ran through your body making you touch the frozen fingers of death, shivering with no way of stopping you, no one able to help you.

You knew quite well Bleecker Street was not the kind of street people used to hang around, it was always isolated and being completely honest, it was the reason you'd always choose it as a way to get home. It was silent most of the times, and the building with the "eye" as you used to call it, would always give you a new story to tell, since you used to imagine many situations occurring inside that mysterious place, you never imagined though, that the eye would actually peer and bring you some help, the moment you needed it.

A tall man had left the building, running towards you, and you did not know much after that, the man, your now protector took you inside and looked after you, a rare moment of consciousness let you know he was checking on you while reading immense books, but just after you had a glance of the man, you felt like you were on fire and your mind decided to turn off for a while.

You woke up a few days later with a hole in your memories. You found yourself in a dark room with a single big window where you could see trees through. It was raining, the little and scattered drops beating the glass, and although you were wrapped into several blankets, you were sure it was a crisp day since your bones responded to the freezing wind sneaking into the room. You attempted to stand after a few minutes, after realising you didn't know where you were, whose bed you were lying on, since it obviously was not a hospital, nevertheless, you found yourself stopped by one of the blankets covering you, you thought yourself crazy but the purple fabric would not let you move, so you gave in, you were still weak, and decided you were not completely recovered, after all.

"Why, hello. You're feeling better, I presume". The tall man you had had a glance of before, stood before you and stared at your face, making you to look away. You had seen him for just seconds but you could swear his eyes had changed from the previous time.

"I'm... I thought so, but maybe I should not rely on my senses just yet"

"And why would that be, young lady?"

"I... I think... I think this blanket stopped me from getting up"

You blushed knowing he would laugh at you, and he did, but it was not the cruel mocking laugh you had expected, it was a soft one.

"It can be quite possessive" he nodded and the blanket that now you discovered to be a cloak flew right onto his shoulders, and its purple colour changed into red. You smiled with a shocked expression not knowing what to say, you sure had questions but how to start asking?

"Hum, I... I would like to know what happened to me... and who I must thank"

"You were walking down the street in the wrong moment, fortunately I was there to help, and no need to thank, let's say if it weren't for you, there would have been a big chaos"

"I'm sorry but I don't quite understand, now you're thanking me, what for?"

"I'm saying you owe me nothing, thus no need to thank. You can leave once you feel better." The man turned and before leaving whispered "It's Doctor Stephen Strange".

Although, you would have loved to go back home that same afternoon, your legs weren't reacting as they normally would, and you were not able to remember the address you used to call home, of course there were ways to find out, perhaps you only needed to go back to the library and ask for your personal information registered in the system, still you did not have the strength either, so you decided to wait a few days more, you noticed you were all alone most of the time,(even if you had the feeling the walls had eyes and watched your every move), and the man whose home you were recovering in, had no trouble with you sticking around for a few days more. And you were certainly amazed by the discoveries you'd made in that place related to its dark secrets.

"Wow this is such a big library" you stared at the pile of books over the desk of the man and then at the halls with walls filled with books, that room looked like it was endless, you kept seeing files and files of aligned books until they were not longer visible because of the lack of light and the limited ability of your eyes.

"It is" the man did not look at you; he kept reading the old pages of the book on his lap.

"And the building looks small from the outside, I bet it's bigger on the inside" you laughed at your inside joke, and he finally looked at you with a confused look, as if you were out of your mind.

"I'm sorry, I should not disturb you, I talk a lot when I'm nervous, I was just wondering if I could borrow a book, they all look quite interesting and I had never heard of some of the titles you have here"

"If that will prevent you from talking and laughing, then be my guest"

You didn't get offended at his commentary since it gave you the hope of recovering all your memories soon, if you had been capable of remembering some sci-fi show, you would be able to remember the important things very soon. After a few minutes, you sat on the opposite side of the room and started reading a hard cover book regarding "ancient spells of black magic", you had thought it was some kind of a gothic novel, but it was actually filled with recipes in order to gain different powers or to obtain certain things, which you found awkward.

The silent atmosphere created between you two was comfortable, and it'd have been only disturbed by the sound of passing pages if a big explosion hadn't made you jump. The wooden door opened and a man wearing similar robes to the doctor's appeared out of nowhere, he was angry you could see, and he was casting some kind of spell, because there were lights coming from his hands and fingers that were actually attacking your host.

"Wong? What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

The doctor managed to say before the lights wrapped him by the neck, making him breath heavily.

"Oh, stop pretending, I know what you're doing, and you'll not..."

The man was cut off by you and the book you had thrown at his head, and because he had blacked out due to it. The other man coughed while trying to reincorporate.

Once he was able to breath properly, he made some movements with the hands and opened a circle with bright borders, it looked like a black hole, and then made the unconscious man to disappear through that hole, next he closed it.

"So I must thank you now"

"What did just happen?" you frowned at him, puzzled.

"My assistant was possessed by a demon; it seems"

Your eyes opened wide and nodded, you tried not to act as if you thought he was out of his mind, you always had dreamed of strange things happening there but you did not think they were actually that strange.

"Alright, I think it's time for me to..."

"If it weren't for you, he'd have me killed"

"No worries, I think we're fine now, you know, you saved me, I saved you..."

"Actually, now I have a vacant"

Your right eyebrow lifted in suspicion.

"Would you like to be my apprentice? "

"I don't think it is a good idea, I know nothing of... of whatever you do here" you looked around, the place was so odd, the things, the furniture, the energy, the blankets...

"It involves reading lots and lots of books on several subjects"

You grinned, were you that easy to read?

"Alright, but if you want me to cast some kind of spell, then you must know I'm incapable of doing so, and I still doubt magic and spells are real."

"You've just seen real magic and still you can't believe it is real?"

"Is it a bad thing?" You asked a bit worried of what his answer would be.

"It is not, you remind me of someone... but it's not time for chatting, it's time to tell you the things you'll be studying and your chores from now on."

You nodded and followed him, it had been such a sudden change, you did not know what you were getting into, oh but you would.

-

Life at the Sanctum Sanctorum used to be kind of normal except for the nights when the silence became unbearable. It was not like the silence of an ordinary night, it was the kind of silence brought from the deepest point of the planet, the kind of silence stolen from the unknown places of the universe, beyond the borders where air was just an idea. It was deafening, it was frightening, it brought shivers running down your spine when the silence woke you up in the middle of the night. You started to wonder how much time it would take you to get used to it, it gave you a weird feeling, a feeling of loneliness and betrayal... Perhaps it was the fact no one had been looking for you during the time you spent there, he had warned you though, one night when you felt hopeless because you weren't able to understand a topic due to your limited abilities in those ancient languages the books were written in.

"I should go home, this is useless to me, I can't go out saying I know how to cast spells and read Sanskrit, I'm just wasting my time here..."

"Your abilities go beyond what people usually can do, you're better than they are"

"But I won't get paid for it, right?" You smiled, you tried to push away the dark thoughts your mind was using to torture you.

"Well... you'd receive enough..." he sighed

"And the price? You always say..."

"Yes, there is a price to pay but I'm not talking about actual money, and you will have everything you need to live"

You sighed and nodded, but there was something else, he could tell.

"What is it? What else bothers you? Is it me? Am I too... annoying?"

"Not at all!" You quickly assured, you did not want to hurt his feelings in any way, even if he was a bit grumpy and serious, he was also polite and very very clever. "I'm just a bit... homesick? I mean, I guess my family must be worried".

His expression relaxed just a bit, because the concern was still reflected in his eyes.

"I'm afraid that if you had a family they would be looking for you, and had already found you, and it is not the case, you never stop looking for your beloved ones."

He looked away, he looked at the window, the time had stopped or it looked like that, because it would always rain, as if you were trapped in autumn. He looked at the rain and at the orange trees. You stayed silent, you knew he was right, you had been thinking about it, but you hoped it was not true and someone out there was still waiting for you, it was hard to find out there was no one, he was everything you had.

So you stayed. It was like going back to school, you'd wake up and cook for the both of you, although, sometimes your master would do it, then you'd be entirely devoted to your books for the rest of the morning and would assist your master in case he needed a hand, which until now was not quite often. He'd be out most of the day, and most of the night as you had deduced, maybe because he was not able to bear with the silence and the voracious shadows that walked like flesh and blood and their quiet steps on the carpet.

One night you heard a muffled scream and even though you were scared to death, you decided something was really going on since you could hear a little battle was taking place in the library. You peered through the keyhole of the door and you saw nothing but the man who had given you shelter and his own shadow, you decided he was making some kind of important decision and that was the reason he was acting that strange... stranger than normal, even if you were talking about him.

"Today you're skipping your lessons, no books today, but practice, real work"

You frowned at his words, you've been there for... you did not know how long to be honest, time seemed to pass in a different way there, you had read so much and acquired enough knowledge for a million lifetimes and still to you, it felt like you had been there for less than a month.

"And why would that be?"

"Well... it's time, you cannot be here all the time, you'll become a bookworm, and I mean, a real one, not even you would like that, would you"

He smiled, but his smile was not sincere you could perceive (besides, he rarely smiled at you or at anyone), and he was nervous you could also tell (was he actually capable of feeling?), either way, you smiled back and followed him out the building. The weak sunlight stabbed your sensitive eyes already used to artificial light, such as the candlelight. It was autumn again, or maybe it was the same autumn, you could not tell.

You two walked down the street, and kept walking in silence for blocks, you expected him to use one of the magic gates you had seen him using, the one you just had learnt to use, but instead he was walking like a normal human being, you noticed his eyes didn't have those big black bags beneath, which was odd, and his eyes were completely blue and the red and purple sparks in them, were gone.

"What are we doing here?"

"Well I am a doctor, am I not?"

"But... you work here or something?"

"I used to... it seems"

That was something you could never get to understand about him, it was like he had lost his memories, just like you had. You followed him through the halls of the hospital until he stopped and dragged you into a small room filled with brooms and cleaning tools, he closed the door behind you and you stood in front of him, with a very little distance between the both of you. You did not know why but your cheeks reddened when he looked at you and barely smiled, your legs trembled and your heart skipped a beat. It had been a feeling you had been ignoring for some time now, and it was worrying you now, you had not felt like that before (as far as you could recall).

"No one can see us, ok?"

He warned you, you nodded because the situation left you at loss of words. He sighed.

"I'm here to see someone, I've been waiting a while to do this, you needed to be ready in order to help me, so once I go out this place, you’ll hold this"

You managed to hold a cup you've read of somewhere before, you didn't have to ask what was it for, you knew exactly and wondered the reason he would take the memories of someone away, but you knew better than to question his methods and reasons, you had learnt he had always been protecting the world beyond what your eyes were able to see.

A woman who looked the age of the doctor was walking in the hall outside the room you were trapped in. The doctor opened the door and left you inside waiting for the spell to be casted.

"Stephen? I thought you were... oh my god, Stephen, I'm so glad you are here!" The woman held the man in her arms like if she had not seen him for ages.

"Christine! I had been missing you for so long" you saw Stephen Strange was being ten thousand times more expressive than he had been before, you could see he loved that woman, and he was happy by her side, you felt happy about it, but you would be lying if you said you didn't felt something hitting your chest. "I never thought I would see you again"

"Come on, Stephen, it's been only a few months" the woman laughed and he joined her, but you could see his eyes were filled with concern.

"You can't even imagine it... But this time, this time, things will be ok, I promise" he caressed her cheekbones, next he whispered something under his breath and you caught the memories of the woman in the cup you had been given.

Both of them disappeared down the hallway and you returned to the Sanctum Sanctorum on your own. You heard Stephen's steps when the night had already bloomed, and until then, you were capable of sleeping.

The next couple of days you helped Stephen to sort things out, things related to the forbidden doors in the sanctum sanctorum, books and things that needed attention. He looked happier than you had ever seen him, and as if he was in a hurry to get things done.

"My young apprentice" he picked your attention one morning, looking at you with a big smile in his face. "You've been working very hard on this, haven't you? Of course you have. You are able to open portals and to cast protection spells, so you are ready"

"Ready? Ready for... what exactly?"

"To be the protector of the Sanctum Sanctorum"

You raised an eyebrow not quite understanding the meaning of his words.

"You must be kidding, I mean, you must. You cannot be serious about it"

"I am, my sincere congratulations!"

"But well, you'll still be here, isn't it? To supervise, I mean, in case this is not any of your jokes"

"And I've played jokes on you quite often I suppose, that is why you think this is one of them"

He was damn right, he had never joked before, about anything, to you he had always been someone incapable of having feelings of the good kind... or at least pretended not to, since you knew he had saved your life.

"And no, I won't be here that long, actually, since I'm getting married next week, you'll be here on your own, but no need to worry, you've been here for a century, and studied for the same amount of time, I became the sorcerer supreme with less knowledge and experience than the one you have received, you're more than ready to deal with anything, you've got the knowledge I didn't have when I assumed the role... and I'm afraid we won't get to see each other ever again, I'm sorry about it, you're such a nice girl, and smart, a quite smart one, I know you'll handle it."

Your face changed, and he perceived it. So it had been a century? Could it be true? And after a century of being just the two of you against the dangerous and strange things and demons, trapped in time, he was going to leave you like that... with such a big responsibility relying on you.

"Why? Why are you doing this? You are the sorcerer supreme, not me. Please stop this nonsense!"

"I've been pursuing this for so long, centuries and centuries, and I've finally learnt the lesson, I surrender the magic to gain my freedom and my life. I could have had this before, but I waited for another century in order to help you to be prepared to assume your role, it is your fate, you have nothing to lose and much to gain. I know about you, no family, no relatives, no love..."

Your eyes filled with tears for the first time in a century, literally, and you failed to hold them back. Your head was spinning and you did not know what to think, what to say back, and he did not give you the time either since he rose and left you there in the library, your favourite place, now your new prison, in total solitude.

You barely ran into Stephen the next few days, he was all the time busy, answering the phone and talking to actual people, he had also started to wear normal clothes, being only you the one with strange robes wandering through the dark halls trying to maintain everything under your control, it did not really scare you since, except for the time Wong had lost his mind, nothing had happened, and it had been one hundred years, therefore, you saw quite impossible the chance something dangerous (more dangerous than the usual stuff) would ever happen, however, you were not sure you would be staying, your mind was a mess, but your heart... it was collapsing, thus you were not able to make a decision since you could not either think or find peace in your mind.

"Stephen"

He was packing a few things in a suitcase when he heard you and immediately looked at you, a bit surprised, you had never called him by his name, you would always refer to him as "doctor", but he realised, you did not respect him as a superior anymore, and you were right after all, so his gaze softened.

"Y/N" he replied, resuming his activity, not looking at you anymore.

"Are you leaving now?" you pointed at the suitcase before him, he nodded. “You should not"

"I already told you, my time as the sorcerer supreme has finished due to personal reasons but also because I proved myself, I'm not capable of protecting our reality anymore because..."

"I don't care, listen to me, I've sensed a change in the energy of the place..."

"Of course you did, I surrendered my power, remember? It was very nice to meet you, but now I got to go, see you... see you"

He grabbed his suitcase and left the place he would call home for at least a whole century, he left you with a weak smile, you could be going mad but you noticed sadness in his glare, and guilt, maybe because he was leaving you there, maybe because he deeply knew he was going to regret his choices; and you ended as you started: all alone.

-

You were not invited to the wedding but you still remembered the day, it was the last day of October when the church ringed the bells while the groom impatiently waited for the woman of his dreams to cross the big door through the long red carpet, who would join him and give a vow of eternal loyalty to her husband, and her husband to her, so their souls would be forever intertwined.

He had been waiting for this for so long, so why was he feeling this way? Like he was making a big mistake. He shook his head to the sides and blamed the nervousness and the hard times that he had lived, it did not feel real, but it was, and still he was not as happy as he thought he would be. The bride soon walked in, and the public admired in silence, the protocol said they had to wait to the end of the ceremony to finally kiss each other as a sign of love, but Stephen could not wait another second, and he needed to erase that uncomfortable feeling striking his chest. He lifted the veil and joined his lips to the ones of the woman he had in front of him, it did not taste like he had expected but he would not step back now, she surrounded him with her arms and resting her forehead on his shoulder for a while.

"Christine" he whispered so she would reincorporate and the ceremony could begin, the few people attending were expecting that. "Christine, come on"

Soon, his tone was less soft and more worried, his fiancée did not seem to react to his words. "Oh my- Christine!"

She fell into his arms, her eyes closed and her skin pale.

"NO! NO, NO, NO!"

Perhaps he had been confused but his goal was always clear, and he was losing her once again. One of the attendants called an ambulance, but it was too late for her. Stephen Strange abandoned the hospital and ran towards Bleecker Street and stood in front of de 177 A, he knocked at the door a few times.

"Please Y/N, I'm so sorry for being so selfish, but I need your help"

You opened the door and found a ragged man with grief reflected in his face. You let him in. You were still angry at him, and maybe... disappointed, so you did not really pay too much attention to him when he started to go from a place to another, acting like a maniac.

"I cannot do this on my own, I need you, please" he finally stopped wandering and stood before you.

You looked at him, you had been reading (or pretending to) the whole time. He sat in front of you when you indicated it and told you the story, the whole story (or what you think it was the whole story) , how he had lost his heart, acquired big amounts of black magic due to absorbing several creatures and how the woman was dead again, but in a different universe, and that he needed to try again.

You moved your head to the sides, it didn't make too much sense, if that had happened before, it was sure it would again, and you thought it would just make it worse, you had learnt about it in those old books you had spent your time in, whereas, seeing him like this, destroyed and losing his mind... it was a good time to admit to yourself you had certain feelings for him, and you could not help when your arms held him so he found some support in his shattered world and openly cried on your shoulder, and even if it was the worst idea he had had, you would help him.

He led you to one of the forbidden doors he had warned you about for at least a hundred times before leaving you, you used to think that was the most dangerous among the others because he would tell you that all the time, and now he wanted to venture himself through it and its hidden horrors.

"I need you to open it" he said

"But you said..."

"I would not put you in danger if it was not required, but I don't own any magic, and therefore I cannot open it by myself"

You nodded and summoned a strong energy that allowed you to open the metal portal.

At first you were not able to see anything and you hesitated, you did not know if you were supposed to enter or leave Stephen on his own, the next second you decided you had to follow him since you were the one who could provide him some help if needed since he was powerless.

"Stay behind, Y/N" he warned but you didn't listen. "I said..."

"I heard you, but since I'm the one who can actually do something, if you want my help you do as I say"

He sighed but allowed you to continue. There was too much damp as you had imagined, and it was dark, it was filled with black and heavy shadows, your breathing even became a bit difficult because of the atmosphere of that room, it was like entering a cemetery in the middle of a frozen night, your steps echoed though, but it was a muffled sound because it looked like the shadows were made with matter instead of the lack of light. So you saw nothing but blackness.

You kept walking until you felt something under your feet.

"I'd appreciate if you didn't break my wrist"

You frowned in confusion, you had not touched him... unless... a flash of light made you understand, you clapped your hands and you both were able to see in the darkness. You gasped in horror at what was at your feet. It was the man you had been living with for so long, had abandoned you and now was back asking for help, his clothes were the robes you had seen for the last century but they were shattered and his skin was pale, the palest man you'd ever seen, big dark bags under his closed eyes and his heart was lifeless. There was something about that man that made you feel fear, maybe because he looked like any kind of monster, made of suffering, like a nightmare that would wake you up during the night, the misery of life dropped in a body.

"What on earth is going on?!" it made you sick to your stomach seeing such image, so you faced Stephen. "Who are you?"

"That's a long story, I'm him, and he's me"

You took your hands to your face and sighed, waiting for an explanation.

"He's me from this universe"

"You killed him? You killed yourself?"

"Absorbed him"

"What? Why?!"

"He would not have agreed otherwise; he hadn't felt this pain" he took his hand to his chest. "But for now, I don't have time for explanations"

He touched the lifeless body and it vanished into the man who stumbled when received that immense amount of energy in a single gulp. You had never seen him like that before, there were tentacles out of his body and it looked like they belonged to him, his eyes turned red, and there were also horns, the black bags under his eyes were there again and the red cloak was actually purple this time, a second after, he was almost the same he had been before but his eyes irradiated black magic.

"Where do you think you are going? You need to tell me what's going on!"

"Y/N, I need to do this a last time, I swear that if this does not work, I'll come back, give you an explanation and set you free"

The sorcerer supreme left once again, and you did not know what to do, once again you were not required, but you noticed something was going on outside, you could sense it, so you decided to take a look at it.

"Oh my- Stephen!" You ran towards him and took him into your arms, he was resting under a tree, exhausted and injured, and you could swear he had been crying.

"No, I have to try it again, there are many possibilities left."

"Stephen, please..."

He was so weak you were capable of taking him home with you even if he tried to reject your help.

He slept for days, and you were starting to think he would not wake up ever again, but one morning while you were making your coffee, he was on the couch looking through the window, you looked at him, and he looked at you in silence.

"So..."

"So..."

"Are you leaving again?"

He sighed and looked at the floor, perhaps you had been too direct.

"I am not"

"Ok... so what are you doing now?"

"Staying, if you don't mind"

"Not at all" you smiled and he did the same, you served him coffee and turned the chimney on, it was a crisp day, you two drank your cup of coffee, and did not share a single word.

-

You did not know when or how you both had crossed the line and you were lying on the same couch together. Nothing had happened, not a single kiss, but your heads were against each other and you two were sharing a purple cloak that had looked after you two in the middle of the night when it started to freeze. It had also wanted something else to happen between the both of you, but Stephen was too busy being afraid, feeling betrayed maybe, and sleeping was always a better idea, it was like sharing the dreams of both of you and the serenity provided by the night. You had become very close, and you knew he loved you as much as you loved him, and still when he was about to kiss you, he would always step back. That was what had happened last night, you were both reading and discussing a topic about the boundaries of magic when your faces were so close you could smell his breath, he made your forehead to touch his, and held your hand, taking you to the sofa, looking at you every single moment, you closed your eyes when your noses touched, but as you did so, he changed his mind and made you place your head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I wish I could” he whispered and you barely nodded at his words, you had felt asleep.

"Coffee?"

You nodded he had already brought coffee while you were still opening your eyes, you drank a sip, it was cold and bitter, you were silent for a moment, but you decided it was time to talk, you held your cup with your fingers and looked at him, attempting to read him.

"What is it?" He asked, not looking back.

"You have never told me why you did what you did"

"No need to bring back those times, I live here now and..."

"You are trapped in the past, Stephen"

"You say so because I don't want to kiss you?" he laughed, it was a mocking laugh, and you could not help but feel a bit sad about it, were you a joke to him?

"I say it because it is obvious, you're always in another place, but you're right it's none of my business"

"I'm sorry, you're right. And I didn't mean to be rude to you" he apologised after a while, when you finished your beverage.

"I just wanted you to know that if you need me, I'll always be here for you"

He nodded and you got up, you did not see each other for the rest of the day since there was a lot of work these days, some kind of magic was causing chaos in your reality.

It was late at night when you two found yourselves again, you were looking for a book to read, and he was just looking through "the eye" since neither of you were able to sleep. He looked worried, tired, lost. You stared at him for a while not knowing what to say, you were worried about his state, you wanted to help, but you certainly did not know how.

"I'll be alright, no need to worry about me, you should go to sleep" he said, barely seeing you.

"Tell me if you need a hand to help you fall asleep tonight" you mumbled before leaving, to you, it looked like things were coming to an end even before they started.

You were lying on your bed, a book on your lap, the sound of the eternal rain in the window, the lit light of a lamp by your side, the kind of cold that made your limbs get frozen and shiver, and your heart half broken. A book would always bring you a little of warm but this time it was not helping as it would have done before, when you were normal, when you did not feel like this.

"May I come in?" A hesitating shadow had been standing for the last couple of minutes by the door and you nodded.

The man sat in front of you, as the last days, he looked upset, like he was not able to make up his own mind. He placed his hand in yours and stared right at your eyes.

"I would actually appreciate that hand" he said and you nodded again. "I think it's time to move on"

"Tell me, what this is all about, no need to carry the world on your shoulders"

Then he told you the story, how he had destroyed his own universe due to the loss of his beloved, and you could not help but felt moved by his feelings and what they had done to them.

"So my only way to escape was to change from universe, something happened and I ended up here, the only universe where Christine was alive. I opened a portal and there, you were hurt because of the magic I used, at first I thought you had been a horrible distraction because you had made too much noise, it sounded like a car smashing someone, but because of it, my variant went out willing to help you, then I knocked him out since he was distracted because of you. I absorbed him, I had absorbed so many things and creatures before, but absorbing myself was different, it was killing me... I helped you, anyway, you have always had something on you that attracts me... and I had another problem... Wong, somehow he managed to realise what I was doing, who I really was, but the harder he tried, would make my inner monster worse, therefore, I sent him to my own universe, and got myself a new apprentice..."

You were caught on his story until you realised it too.

"You used me"

"By looking at you I could tell you had no family here, not friends, nothing else, you are an introvert and you had fled from a bad situation that hurt you very deeply, so I took your memories away in order to keep you by my side, then after a few days I realised that you were the perfect person to be my substitute, you were smart and learnt quite quickly, besides you had nothing to lose as I had told you before"

"You didn't have the right to..."

"I know and I regret it now, but someone had told me I was doing the things wrong and therefore I thought he meant I could not have a life while being the sorcerer, so I had to give one up, and I had been the sorcerer for so long I thought it had been more than enough, so I decided to give that part of my life up because I was messing everything up. But now I see he tried to warn me, to tell me I was not meant to be with her, in any way, it has taken months, but now I'm willing to give up on her, and to protect the world as I had been doing before, it is my fate and it seems there is not another option for me, in any universe I was not supposed to be with her and now I'm ok with it, and I'm willing to accept loneliness, this is what I was made for and it was my mistake being so selfish, I thought... I thought everything would be better if I quitted".

Your heart was shattered, you did not know if it was because he had used you like that, or because the pain he had been suffering for so long, or maybe because he had now accepted he would stay alone for the rest of his life and still willing to protect the reality from the dark forces surrounding it. You wanted to slap his face, to scream, to cry, but instead you wrapped him in your arms and held him, as though that hug would erase the sad memories he had been holding for so long. He received your hug with joy, it was something he had needed for so long, someone to love him, to support him, to tell him he was not alone and there was hope for him.

Finally, you let go of him, and he stared into the space, you were sure he was seeing something, something beyond your abilities, he looked sad.

"Tell me how to fall in love the way you want me to" you whispered, he looked at you, there were not words but a kiss, the kiss you had been waiting for so long, all the feelings inside you exploded like fireworks and you felt as if you were someone new, fearless and with the hope of true happiness in the years to come.

Your head was over his chest when the sunlight hit your faces, you had been looking outside the window when you fell asleep, you had been doing nothing but sharing the silence and a hug, the hug that had been kept until now. You two smiled at each other but you noticed his faded for a second after staring at your eyes.

Days passed like that, you two would get things sorted out, then would spend time together, you would walk in the park, or you would sit looking at the window while reading and sharing a cup of coffee, or you would listen to some music, you would have dinner together and fall asleep. It had been a memorable month of autumn.

Until that morning.

"The day is up and calling" he said, and got up leaving you on the bed all alone, it was not even seven in the morning and he was already getting ready for work with the same dead look of before, making sure his robes looked as presentable as the sorcerer supreme, protector of the multiverse should look.

"But I don't have to be, please come back to sleep"

He looked at you another second and left you there. You stood after him and prepared black coffee as you knew he liked it and you got a tea with two lumps of sugar, you would always eat breakfast together, but this time none of you were able to eat or drink, you were confused, after a month it looked like you two had achieved something, and now, it looked like he was regretting it.

"Is it alright, Stephen?" You asked, trying not to sound scared or worried.

"It is" he smiled weakly at you, he wanted to assure you everything was alright, but he could not, it was quite obvious it was not. "I just have some work to do, ok? It's all fine, I'll handle it, I always handle it, isn't it?"

He smiled and you tried to too, it was a joke, but you sadly knew he was not able to handle everything as he claimed, he held your hand trying to assure you everything was going to be fine. He left and you tried to focus on your chores, but something inside you told you something was wrong.

Stephen did not go home that day, and you were both worried and angry but the next morning when he came back with a defeated expression you forgave his behaviour.

"Why do you always keep secrets?" You whispered, you were lying on the bed, he had been silent since he came back early that day and the night did not change his mood. "You should trust me, we are a team, you have said so"

He finally looked at you and smiled.

"We are, aren't we? We protect each other."

"You don't have to go through this..."

"You've told me that before, you don't want to waste it, do you?"

"Stephen..."

"I know, I know. No more secrets from now on" he looked around, he was looking for something to do, to say, he remained in silence. "Do you know what I want? I want to spend the rest of this day by your side"

He approached and grabbed your hand, you smiled and nodded. You would always surrender to him. You were about to ask him what were you going to do when he took your hand and grabbed you through a portal.

It was a warm place, the autumn was behind, it was a summer breeze you could feel in your skin. The sea was before you, just the two of you.

"You better take your shoes off"

You did, and you two started to walk on the sand, his look was calm but you knew deep inside there was something huge worrying him. So if he would not tell you what it was about, and you knew you would not be able to find out until it was too late, at least you could try to cheer him up. You loosed your hand from his hand and ran towards the sea, at first he looked scared but as you started to play with the waves and call him he finally smiled due to your childish attitude and ran after you.

You spent the afternoon playing with the weaves, and walking, until dusk. Then the both of you sat in front of the ocean and looked at the sunset, it was magical how the red invaded the sky until it turned into complete darkness. You remained in silence and looking at the landscape, from time to time you would stare at Stephen and you could swear his eyes changed from red to black as the view itself, but not as a reflection, but as their own.

As soon as the dark covered the sky, he grabbed you by the hand again and dragged you through a portal.

"We were watching the sunset and now you want to see the sunrise? Why, Stephen? What is this all for?"

You observed around, everything was covered with ice, it was cold, the coldest you had ever felt, and it gave you the shivers.

"Perhaps... maybe it will be the last one we can see together"

"What do you mean?" Your nose was red and your body trembling due to the cold but still his words gave you enough energy to talk.

"I've caused you enough pain, I don't want you to suffer because of me, I must leave. You deserve something...someone better, I cannot stay...."

"You could stay with me forever"

You took his hand in yours and smiled, but he didn't do the same, he really looked upset and distracted, perhaps you could make him see you were nothing if he was not by your side.

"Or you could stay with me for now"

You touched his cold lips and leaned in for a kiss, the longest and warmest kiss you've ever received. The both of you overslept and didn't get to see either the northern lights or the sunrise in that spot of the world, although you did not matter at all because there was anything left to see as wonderful as the two of you lying on a comfortable bed, wrapped in your arms, and feeling love and pure joy due to the only fact of being together.

It was noon when you two opened your eyes and smiled at each other. You could perceive Stephen's face reflected calm and so did your heart. You two returned home and you had a feeling, it told you everything was going to be alright.

"I'll make breakfast, while you check if there is something that needs our attention" you winked and smiled, kissed him before turning and heading towards the kitchen.

He sighed and saw you disappear in the kitchen. His expression changed. He did not have a choice in the matter. He casted a spell and opened a portal, his attempt to be silent failed due to the huge amount of energy needed to open his way out.

"Stephen! What are you doing?"

You ran after him, tried to stop him.

"I have to do this."

"Where are you going?"

"I have to go, and on behalf of the multiverse, you cannot know what my destination is. Don't make things harder than they are" he looked at you, he tried to act like nothing was happening but his eyes would never lie, you had learnt to read him.

"Will my love not be enough?" You whispered.

"That's why I'm leaving you" And he walked through the magical gate, reaching the darkness until you could not see him anymore. And it was funny, because some of the darkness irradiated by the portal stayed with you as only companion.

You did not know what to do, you thought of leaving the Sanctum Sanctorum but the idea of being all alone in the real world stopped you, you stayed with the company of books and darkness by your side. And the eye, the eye you felt was looking at you every time, you got used to it. You sometimes pretended Stephen was there although the only thing you could see was the sky, but you would talk to it and tell it about your lonely life and how much you missed him, and would place your hand in the glass, hoping he did the same in the other side.

You would never know Stephen was actually looking through it, seeing you recovering from the darkness he had left on you, now he was away, you would not vanish into the air. He had seen it right after he had kissed you for the first time, at first he thought it was some kind of illusion but he was wrong, the more time he spent with you, the darker your soul became, he had to leave you even if it broke him, you would have died if he stayed by your side, he realised he was meant to be alone in his isolated universe, so he went back to it with no way back to you. He would spy on you every day, though, he would see you grow older, wishing to be there when you could not hold back your tears, placing his hand in the same spot you used to place yours, in the end, he saved your life, and even if you never saw him ever again, he looked after you and stayed with you forever.

-

You can read my other work regarding Doctor Strange x reader here: Los amantes del círculo polar. You can also read "Cold coffee" on Ao3 and Wattpad.