#look I don't buy anything ever like I'm not a big spender and I don't really have disposable income on any kind of scale

[lightgaswaterelectricityrent]

I'll never forget one time on reddit I saw someone exclaim "$100 for a coffee table???" a) as if "coffee table" is a commodity with a value set by the market and b) as if that isn't like the most rock bottom price for any table for sale anywhere

[the-writer-nerd-ro]

I have given it a lot of time and personal reflection and I am afraid I can no longer be a part of the Sara Pena and Hunter Richardson fandom.

Though I have participated in "stan" behavior for over a year I have come to realize that a known graverobber and girlboss are simply too problematic and I can endorse them no longer

I have included my additional thoughts on the matter below the cut

April Fools here's a new Sphere fic, enjoy!

Bad Vibes

Hunter didn't look it, but she was actually pretty good at her job. She'd wandered from job to job after high school, even attempting to go to art school for about a semester and a half. But she hadn't found something that she was truly good at (that paid her money) until she took over as a funeral director for her parents.

It was sad that it took Steven and Rhonda Richardson dying for Hunter to find her calling. It could have been a family business from the start, but she'd been so determined to make it on her own, ideally as an artist, and she hadn't.

Hunter tried not to dwell on lost time or failed starts though. She had found her calling and she made time for her art. She even had a few pieces hanging up around the funeral home.

Not everyone liked her masterpieces, however.

“Excuse me, Miss,” a well-dressed woman who couldn't have been more than ten years older than Hunter said, already sounding condescending.

Hunter forced a smile. “How can I help you?”

“Who did the painting by the entrance?”

Hunter blinked in surprise, no one ever asked about her art. “I did.”

The woman pressed her mouth into a thin smile. “Do you think we could take it down? It doesn't fit the somber tone of my father's memorial.”

Hunter's forced smile became equally thin. “Of course. Right away. If you'll excuse me for a moment I'll get that taken care of.”

Hunter went to the front, pulled down the still life of a bowl of lemons, and kept walking out the front door. She knew her cousin was working today and she needed a break before facing the demands of the bereaved.

Marian looked equally annoyed, the tension leaving his shoulders when Hunter walked over.

“What are you carrying?”

“That painting I did for the foyer. Our client didn't like the vibes and wanted it removed.”

Marian cringed in sympathy. “Ouch.”

“What happened to you?”

“An old man called me a ‘TikTok Hooligan’ for clearing off a grave because he didn't believe I actually worked here.”

“Are we allowed to kill people?” Hunter asked.

Marian pretended to think about it. “I'm inclined to say no, but if we don't get caught that's one more client…”

“So what I'm hearing is it would be good for business.”

“If you don't get caught.”

“If we don't get caught.”

“Don't drag me into this.”

“Morty would cover for us.”

“Okay, if Morty is in I'm in, but I say we put a pin in it for now.”

“Fine.”

“Do you want a ride home later?” Marian asked.

“That would be great. Can we swing by that pizzeria around the corner? I don't want to cook tonight.”

“Will you buy me a cannoli?”

“Of course I will.”

Plans set, Hunter put the painting in Marian's truck and headed inside, and Marian went back to weed wacking. She let Sara know she was bringing home dinner but she didn't mention the painting. It was too frustrating to dwell on any longer.

On the way home she and Marian talked about anything other than their frustrating afternoons, their next game night, the party Sara was dragging Hunter to, the blind date Marian had just endured. By the time she was home with pizza, cannolis, and painting in hand Hunter had almost completely moved on from the incident.

“What's that?” Sara asked, taking the pizza and setting it down on the table, which was already set with a candle glowing in the middle.

“Oh,” Hunter dropped the painting next to the couch and shrugged. “Just an art piece I made for the funeral home. Doing some redecorating.”

“Why? It's beautiful.”

“One of my clients asked me to take it down. Big family, big spenders, so I obliged.” Hunter tried to act like it didn't bother her but Sara saw right through her.

“That sucks, I'm sorry.”

“It's okay. It's not important.”

“It's important to me.” Sara left the pizza to get cold and moved to the coat closet, where she had to push past Hunter's overflow of vintage dresses to get to what she was looking for. A minute later, she was hammering a nail into the wall with reckless abandon.

Hunter watched from the table, blushing a little as Sara made a show of hanging up the painting right next to a photo collage Hunter had made. They were well on their way to having a little gallery wall, and Sara seemed as proud to have the two pieces as she would be to have a Monet.

“There, right where you belong,” Sara said decisively.

Hunter didn't say anything, but she couldn't agree more.

[samuraiko]

For the vignette how about crown keeper trio sneaking into a place before they meet the rest of the party

Sorry for the delay, Anon. I needed sleep! But here we go...

"The Not-So-Best Laid Plans of Fauns, Halflings, and Air Genasi"

The Crown Keepers were sitting in front of a tavern, sipping their ale, enjoying the sunshine... and very definitely NOT casing the curio shop just across the way from them.

"Are we absolutely certain that the..." Dorian pulled out his scribbled notes from his satchel and double-checked them. "-Prismatic Token of the Forest is really in there?"

"Do you want to just walk in and ask them if they have it?" Orym asked.

"I mean, we could... it couldn't hurt... could it?"

"If it were that simple, we could just walk in and buy it."

"Do we have enough money?" Dorian asked. "I mean, I know I have some pretty decent funds, and you're not exactly a big spender, but I'm not sure about Fearne-" He looked over at the faun, only to suddenly realize she was no longer there. "Oh, shit."

Orym's eyes flashed to the door of the curio shop just in time to see the trailing train of Fearne's dress disappear through the door, and he covered his face with both hands. "Oh, shit."

"Do we go after her?" Dorian groaned, but Orym was already out of his chair.

"I'll be right back." The halfling sprinted across the street and into the shop, and after a minute or two, Dorian saw Orym hustling Fearne out of the shop, with Fearne protesting, "I was just looking!" and Orym calling back over his shoulder, "Sorry about that!"

Dorian drained his mug and ordered another round.

A moment later, the other two were seated again and Orym was gulping down the last of his ale. "Okay, Fearne, that was a new record for you. A kite shield? Really?"

"It was just so pretty, I had to have it! I could have fit it under my skirt! And you know you could always use a bigger shield-"

"That kite shield was FIVE FEET TALL." Orym stood up on his chair and stretched his arms above his head. "Do we see the problem here?"

"Hah, problem, singular. How exactly in the Nine Hells were you planning on fitting a five-foot-tall shield under your skirt when you yourself are only SIX feet fall?" Dorian commented.

Fearne just shrugged as she so often did when called out for something stupid or dangerous.

"Did you at least think to ask if they had the Token?"

"Oh... I knew I was forgetting something."

Now both Orym and Dorian were covering their faces with their hands.

"I'll be right back," Dorian sighed, and he got up, crossed the street, and stepped into the shop. Three minutes later, he was back at the table, looking as though he'd just swallowed a frog.

"I don't think I've ever seen you make that face before," Fearne remarked. "What did the shop owner say?"

"I don't suppose we have twenty-five hundred gold between us?"

"I certainly don't have anything near that much," Orym said flatly.

"I do," Fearne replied.

"You do?!" The other two stared at her in astonishment.

"Well, no, not really."

"On the one hand, we know they have it. On the other hand, there's no way we could possibly afford to just buy it. Soooooo..." The silence hung for several moments, and then Dorian sighed heavily. "We're gonna have to steal it."

Orym's hand grabbed Fearne's wrist just as she was rising from her seat. "Not right NOW. We'll have to wait until later tonight."

"How do we want to do this? It's not like breaking into a place is really our forte, none of us are really all that stealthy... this is going to be a mess from start to finish."

"It's not that complicated," Fearne said. "We just burn down the building, wait until everyone runs out, then we go in and get it. Simple."

Dorian just stared, then polished off his ale. "I'm going to just pretend you didn't say a word of that."

“Okay... then... how about we burn down the building next DOOR, and-”

“Fearne, I get the feeling that you are not quite hearing yourself.”

“What about-”

“WE ARE NOT BURNING ANYTHING DOWN!” Dorian only barely managed to keep his voice down, and instead bit out the words through gritted teeth. “Come on, Orym, help me get through to her-”

Orym just gave Dorian a level stare over the top of his ale mug.

“Can we maybe come up with a plan that doesn’t involve burning down anything?”

Fearne huffed petulantly. “I really don’t see why we have to make things so difficult for ourselves...”

[thehubby]

Mike I need help. Every single time my players hit town they shop. Even if we had just gotten a bunch of stuff in the last session, and they swore up and down they didn't need *anything else*, they still go immediately to shop for more things and I'm getting frustrated and bored. We just had four weeks worth of sessions like this and I'm at the end of my patience. I had to shut the session down tonight before we even started because I said "we did a lot of shopping yesterday, so why don't we speed that up and leave town since there's nothing else you need." They immediately vetoed the idea and said no, actually, there was stuff they wanted to shop for!! Even though we just spent SIX HOURS shopping and talking to npcs yesterday!! My brain hit a wall and I had to tell them "I'm done, I can't do this anymore."

Help me MikeyWan Kenobi. You're my only hope.

Long post ahead.

I am here for you, Anon. I feel your pain. Actually, that's unfair of me -- I understand your pain but have not experienced it myself because my table of players is very well balanced, and although one or two of them have an affinity for shopping, it's partly my fault for making so many homebrew items and letting them occasionally nab a few from shops. Still, the other players at the table keep them in line and keep the game moving reasonably. It sounds like your entire table (or at least the majority) is driving you crazy in this regard, which is a more difficult challenge.

Here are my suggestions. I can't guarantee that they will work against diehard shopaholics, but this general flow often works for obsessive player behavior in general (murder-hoboing, insistence on lots of combat, refusal to fight, power-playing, and so on). You may tackle any or all of these in whatever order you think will benefit your group. You know your players better than I.

Figure out and understand why your players are doing this. There could be lots of reasons. Some players, particularly long-time veterans (who were often brought up in "Monty Haul" adventures) or raised on modern MMOs and computer RPGs, become driven by the acquisition of items -- to them, if their character isn't adorned like a Christmas tree, they aren't a success. There are also players who have "big spender" syndrome, an actual behavioral condition that exhibits in tabletop and digital RPGS: the player believes that their rise to power and success as a character can only be evidenced when they demonstrate their wealth. Not to put on my Psych 101 hat, but this is sometimes a projection of the player's own worldviews and experiences with wealth (or lack thereof; after all, some people play games like this as an escape from the reality of their own hardships). In addition to staying at upscale inns (if they haven't acquired their own property) and eating fine foods (if they haven't sought out a private chef on retainer), their characters also interact with a lot of shopkeepers, who are generally pleased to see people laden with coin and interested in their wares. I mean, who doesn't like being able to throw around money for the latest glimmering bauble while the sales associate waits ever patiently? But for some, it goes much further, and can be every bit the same pleasure as getting the killing blow on that blue dragon. And finally, some players are really just there for the talking. That's their whole bag. They would be happy putting all their skill points into Diplomacy, Intimidate, Sense Motive and using every stat as a dump except Charisma. It's weird, given the combat-oriented nature of the game, but those people really do exist.

Understanding the motivation behind your player behaviors will give you the best chance of curtailing that behavior in a way that satisfies both you and them.

You said your players vetoed leaving town and immediately said that there were things they wanted to shop for. My question, were I in your shoes and with your level of frustration, would be to ask what such things were, and if the characters had a legitimate need for the items. If the characters know what they are looking for, you as GM can immediately determine if they're available in town, and if they're exotic, perhaps there might be some searching or wheeling and dealing to even find where they are sold. If the players are looking for typical fare like more healing potions or a replacement for those +1 arrows they used up, this is easily handled without a 20 minute chat-fest, especially if it's your third such today. If the players don't know what they want, and just want to see what's available, don't hesitate to ask them why they believe they are ill-equipped for their continuing adventures despite you or NPCs telling them as such.

Such behavior can also be forcibly slowed or even stopped through the world-controlling power you wield as the GM, although if not handled delicately, this can significantly raise tensions at the table. The PCs, having arrived in town after a week subduing trolls in the Sootblack Hills, find that the stores are all but empty of magic items. Even the most basic potions and scrolls are a crapshoot to find; they might scour the entire city in search of any place that even has a magic weapon available? Why? Plenty of reasons. War has broken out, and supplies for every city in a couple hundred miles have been bought up or seized by the warring factions. Perhaps the ruling monarch (or council or whatever) has decreed for unknown reasons that the manufacture and sale of magical items is forbidden, punishable by imprisonment. An ancient order may have been awoken and has begun the theft or destruction of arcane equipment -- except for their own, of course. These turns of events might cause the PCs' own equipment to become even more valuable (or a threat to their safety) -- but any newfound wealth will do them little good with nothing magical to buy. All of these and similar actions are only stop-gaps; eventually, the PCs would be expected to help resolve the war, overthrow the sovereign, defeat the ancient order, or whatever is in their way. And then you're back to where you are now.

Always keep in mind the Wealth By Level restrictions for characters. This represents how much wealth a character possesses at any one time for their level (some GMs take a more stringent view that it represents the total wealth a PC will have accrued by that point in their career, so if the players fritter it away on women and chimichangas, tough noogies.) Characters can only buy things if they have the wealth to do so. Selling items they don't want comes with a steep penalty. Even in great condition, shops rarely pay more than half price for an item due to taxes, restocking fees, how long it might take to sell, and so on. What this ultimately comes down to is that you control just how much these characters can buy and sell. They can only buy items if they have the coin, and they can only get the coin that you give them, or a lesser value for selling items they don't want. Become more stringent with money. At some point, the money runs out, and selling hard-earned loot for half its value stops being so fun. Do you really want to lose effectively 2,000 gold crowns for selling that +2 axe, or do you want to maybe put it to some use and come out more powerful than you would have buying some weaker item with the proceeds? If players decline to ever sell their equipment yet still expect to find new equipment, you can accommodate them by destroying their equipment. Enemies can sunder weapons and armor; a number of spells, magical effects or environmental hazards can deal damage to and potentially break anything exposed to them. This isn't being vengeful; it's being a good GM. [I remember watching Critical Role and over many episodes, perhaps the most traumatic and thrilling experience the players had (apart from character deaths) was when their beloved flying carpet was eaten by acid or lava or something. But it was a natural consequence of their actions, and they took it in stride, as they should.]

Finally, as with all things, you are the law. I always, always recommend talking with your players, either individually or as a table if needed, to tackle either your own frustrations or those of one or more players. But if push comes to shove, it's your game. You (presumably) respect the players by coming up with adventures, scenarios, NPCs, locations and all sorts of other stuff for them to tackle in a manner you expect to be fun. If they refuse to respect your preparation time and the time you spend at the table, by insisting to engage in continuous, pointless NPC discussions despite you expressing your dissatisfaction, then tell them you can't do it anymore. It isn't fun for you, and if the only way that they can have fun is in a way that is directly contradictory to you having fun, the game isn't going to work, period. If they sincerely change, fantastic; try to accommodate their need for shopping when you can and get on with the grand story at other times. If they refuse to change, leave them and get another table. That last part isn't always easy to do, and depending on your area, it might take a while to get another game going, but often a table where you're not having fun (and working hard to do it) is worse than no table at all. I wish you luck.