#luke's over here now

[kaleidoscopeminds]

♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀

[dollypopup]

I think it's real obvious that if you actually like Colin you don't belong in the Polin fandom. y'all are all so ableist about him and think the absolute worst of him and a huge number of the posts and fics are romanticizing Penelope straight up abusing him

we should make a new tag because this one is NOT it

[luek]

im sorry for slowly becoming a dungeon meshi blog. It will continue to happen

[yellowlaboratory]

obx + parallel plot lines

hello and welcome to my Annie Brain Rots On Main post. I hope this is a series of only one (1) post but the next few months before obx s3 are gonna be long so who knows how many think pieces you’ll have to endure. 

anyway, last night, somewhere in between simultaneous breakdowns with @falseungodlyhours and @alphinias, I started thinking more about s3’s arc and what conclusions we can draw from s1 and s2. stick with me as I word vomit through my theory (also be warned that i mention some bts spoilers for s3 in here)

s1 is John B centric. I know that he is still the main character even in s2, but s2 does not revolve around him in the same way s1 does. the main storyline in s1 is the Pogues rallying around John B to help him through a conflict that involves his family (I’m wording this weirdly to keep it general because it’s going to be a recurring theme lmao). the conflict revolves around his dad being lost at sea, and most of the main characters are tied up in this conflict whether they are trying to help John B (the Pogues, Sarah) or trying to hinder his search (Ward). and, on top of that, last night i got to thinking how much of John B’s story paralleled his father’s. 

first off, it only takes an episode for the show to establish that John B is on the search for his dad, but none of the Pogues really believe he’ll find him. Kiara is the only one who even pretends to play into it, but it’s clearly something she’s only doing out of guilt and she believes that Big John is most likely dead. So - John B is on the search for something, and the people closest to him don’t believe he’ll find it. Big John is on the search for the gold, and John B doesn’t believe he’ll find it. you see what I’m saying? by some miracle and against all odds, both Rutledge men find something, but not exactly what they were looking for. Big John finds the Royal Merchant, but not the gold. John B finds the gold, but not his father. then, immediately after their big discoveries, both of them are nearly killed by Ward Cameron. The ensuing events are actually almost exactly the same: following the confrontation with Ward, they both very nearly die, get lost at sea, are declared dead, but actually survive and escape to a Caribbean island. AND THEN, despite being alive, neither of them let their loved ones know right away. Big John takes far longer to get in contact, but even John B waits to contact the pogues for a month a day ? how does time work in the obx a while.  there are probably more parallels I’m missing but the point is John B’s storyline paralleled his dad. 

then, we end up in s2, and the driving force in s2 is Pope. with their backs against the wall and shit on the line, the Pogues rally around Pope to help him through a conflict that involves his family (see what I said about recurring theme. i promise i’m only kind of crazy.) Pope’s conflict has to do with Denmark Tanny, and protecting his legacy. once again, most of the main characters in s2 are entangled in this conflict, with the Pogues helping Pope, and Limbrey, Renfield, and Rafe trying to stop him. and, once again, there are parallels between Pope and Denmark’s storylines. 

first and foremost, the central antagonist in both Denmark and Pope’s storyline is a Limbrey. Captain Limbrey is the slave holder who won’t free Denmark’s wife and daughter, and Carla Limbrey is trying to steal the treasure that belongs to Pope’s family. The Limbreys are both categorized by their greed, their wrath, and their willingness to do anything to get what they want. In the immortal words of Kiara Carrera, “it was a Limbrey stealing shit again.” In both cases, Denmark and Pope are out for something much more important than money – Pope’s mee-maw sums it up pretty well when she says “family is all we got” and that is exactly what drives both Denmark and Pope’s actions, whether they are trying to reunite their family or avenge their legacy. more so than this, both Pope and Denmark see the gold cross as a symbol of freedom. I mean, Denmark literally builds it into the walls of Freedman’s Church, and as Pope gets ready to take the cross back on the Coastal Venture, he says “the time where people do shit to us and we just sit back and take it is over.” once again, I’m probably missing so many parallels, but you get the gist.

so, in summary, whether it is intentional or not (and isn’t that always the question with the boat show lmao), a pattern has begun to develop. even though there is a shit ton of stuff going down each season, there are two major factors that define and drive the story: 

a family-centered conflict that one of the Pogues faces while the other Pogues rally around them

the parallels that exist between said Pogue and members of their family

if this pattern actually exists and i’m not just talking out of my ass, that means there are three possible driving forces for s3 – either JJ, Kiara, or Sarah. (side note: I don’t think we’ve had enough time for Cleo to be the center point of the season-wide conflict yet, but with more seasons, I think we’ll get there)

Sarah’s familial conflict feels different than the rest of the Pogues, and I don’t think it could be the center point of a single season as it currently stands. conflict with Ward is a theme for the entire show, and rededicating a season arc to it when it’s already a series-wide arc doesn’t seem plausible to me. on top of that, I don’t really think we’ll be seeing the same kinds of parallels between Sarah and Ward that we’ve seen between John B/Big John and Denmark/Pope. I think a Sarah-centric season would be REALLY interesting if we ever find out what happened to her mother, and if we see the parallels between Sarah’s conflict with Ward and her mother’s conflict with Ward (i’m assuming there’s conflict there because …. well, of course there was. it’s ward.) Unfortunately, due to what I know from bts and casting calls, I don’t think we’re meeting Sarah’s mother yet, and I don’t think an exploration of that conflict is going to happen in s3. 

similarly, I don’t think it’s JJ’s season quite yet. another little bts spoiler, but we’ll likely only see Luke in the very last episode, and as much as I hate him with every fiber of my being, he’s a major part of JJ’s characterization. I truly believe that we can’t get a well-rounded JJ-centric season without tying up the loose ends with Luke, and the send-off scene in s2 was never going to be enough. The single episode we’ll likely see him in during s3 is also not going to be enough to wrap everything up, and it’s sure as hell not going to be enough to drive the whole season (unless Luke actually comes back earlier, or JJ’s mom makes a reappearance but, once again, based on the stuff I’ve seen, I don’t think that will be the case in s3). 

So, that leaves Kiara. Between her parents cracking down on her even harder, the threat of Blue Ridge hanging over her, and the fact that she ended the season by undermining her parents to sneak out and go missing for an undetermined amount of time, I think Kiara is perfectly set up to be the center point of the conflict for s3 - and the bts i have seen and some of the casting calls all seem to line up with the theory of a Kiara-centric Season 3

coming right back from Poguelandia, I don’t think Kiara’s parents will threaten to send her to Blue Ridge right away (or at least i hope they won’t akdjfhas I know I have some misguided faith in them), but I’m kind of thinking there might be a time jump, and I wouldn’t put it past the Carreras to threaten Blue Ridge a few weeks/months after getting Kiara back. While there’s a non-zero chance the Pates might introduce a third (literal) pot of gold that somehow relates to the Carrera family fortune, I’m actively hoping, wishing, and praying against it. So, the option most likely to maintain my sanity for the next few months is the central conflict of the season revolving around Kiara and her parents. This is what the Pogues could rally around – keeping Kiara from Blue Ridge. That leaves the question, who could Kiara parallel in her s3 arc? 

Enter Anna Carrera. 

Anna would be in the unique place of being both the antagonist and the foil to Kiara’s story, but it seems like the most logical choice. There’s already a built-in parallel there – a Kook girl running around with Pogues? we’ve heard this one before. Taking this even further, we know that Anna fell in love with a Pogue, chose him over her family, and risked her entire future for him. She might not act like it now, but a few years back, Anna was in the same exact position as her daughter. Since we know s3 is going to explore Jiara (thank you Josh Pate for confirming that so early on and quelling the insanity of my mind for at least a little bit), isn’t that the perfect way to create a parallel? 

then, with Luke coming back into the picture late in s3, we have the opportunity for a JJ-centric s4. 

anyway. let me lose my mind over this for the next few months. 

[my5hiningstars]

dude. aussies in the 5sos fandom on tumblr? i can count us on my hand, you're one too? a melbourne afl fan as well?

haha, yeah i have noticed there are surprisingly few of us around here 🥺

not so much an afl fan tho, as much as a person who was born in a part of the country that likes afl,, so seeing luke picking the correct sport gave me weird state pride that i don't generally have ^^;

[earl-grey-love]

I'm purely thinking of AUs lately because canon won't feed me new lore at all. The main one is a 19th century (everyone is human) AU that only features my main three + Dia, Luci and Luke. I love it so much. It doesn't really have a plot exactly, it's all interpersonal relationship dynamics and slice of life. But I eat that up every. single. time.

[legolasghosty]

“Do you want a hug?", “Come on. Let’s go home.”, and “I feel like I can breathe better with you around.” for juke 💕

Julie let her foot rest on the damper pedal of the grand piano as Luke held out his last note. It sounded good.

When he stopped, she applauded. "Nice one, grab some water," she said, shooting him a smile.

"Thanks Boss," he responded, grabbing for his green plastic water bottle.

Julie shifted her music sheets around while he drank. She'd originally been wary when Ms. Harrison had asked her to give Luke voice lessons as a way to make up some of the credit she'd lost earlier in the year, but it was going better than she'd expected. Luke was stubborn and wouldn't work on anything he didn't see the value in, but he had a lot of passion and clearly wanted to improve. He was so full of life and energy, and at least 99% of it was all focused on music.

"That felt great," Luke exclaimed, capping his water bottle and giving Julie a wide grin. "Much better than in class earlier. You're amazing, Julie."

Julie felt her cheeks warming and ducked her head before Luke could notice. Okay, so maybe she wasn't totally immune to his smile and his arms and how, when they were alone for his lessons, all of his passion for music seemed focused solely on her.

"Or maybe you just don't pay attention during warmups in class," she teased, giving him a smirk before refocusing on her list of exercises to take him through. Better to keep her crush to herself. Dating was way too complicated, and Luke probably didn't like her anyways.

"Nah, it's definitely you," Luke retorted, moving over to lean on the piano. "I feel like I can breathe better with you around."

Julie looked up, expecting to find him giving her that lighthearted, teasing look that he did when he intentionally messed up the names of famous composers just to mess with her. But when their eyes met, she found nothing but sincerity in his gaze. Like he actually meant what he said.

It was disorienting. But... not bad?

Julie quickly stood, breaking eye contact. "You had a bit of a break on the bridge, do you want to work through that?" she asked, nodding to his music stand.

Luke nodded slowly, seeming almost disappointed, and returned to his papers. "Yeah, definitely. I think it was the register shift, I got caught halfway between my chest and head voice."

"Wow, look at you and your technical lingo," Julie commented, smiling as she looked down at the sheet music to check the notes. "Yeah, that's what I heard as well. Let's do some glides through that part of your range to get comfortable with the shift before we add the actual notes and stuff."

Luke dipped his head in agreement and they got back to work.

Ten minutes later, the alarm on Julie's phone that signaled the end of their time went off just as Luke finished running through the bridge. They both jumped at the drum intro of an old Petal Pushers song.

Julie quickly turned it off and stood with a smile. "Guess that's time," she said.

"What was that song?" Luke asked, gathering his music. "That's not your normal alarm. It's good."

Julie bit her lip, considering brushing it off. But it was Luke. He lived and breathed music. He'd understand how music could hurt as well as heal.

"It's called Love Wild, it's one of my mom's songs," she told him. "It was my alarm for ages, but I... I just started listening to it again."

"Oh," Luke said.

Julie didn't dare look up. She'd developed a serious distaste for the pitying expression that always appeared on people's faces when her mom came up. She'd rather not be annoyed at Luke over it.

"It's a good song, it's about loving the people you love and showing it regardless of what other people think," she added softly. She wasn't sure why she was still talking. She didn't usually talk about this stuff. But Luke didn't interrupt. "And the bassline is awesome," she continued, "and the harmonies on the bridge are magic, I swear, and the last couple of lines..."

She trailed off, feeling her throat start to tighten.

"That's awesome," Luke murmured after a minute.

Julie dared to look up at him. He seemed unsure of himself, which wasn't a common look for him, but his smile still seemed genuine.

"Um, do you want a hug?" Luke asked awkwardly.

Julie chuckled. "I'm okay," she assured him, sliding her folder into her backpack.

Luke frowned. "But do you want a hug?" he asked again.

Julie thought about it for a second. She always wanted a hug from her mom these days, but that wasn't possible. Did she want a hug from Luke instead?

"Yeah, that'd be nice," she said slowly.

Luke smiled and stepped forward to wrap his arms around her shoulders. She let herself relax into his embrace. He was warm, his frame a bit shorter than her dad's. It was nice.

"Hey Julie?" Luke asked softly.

"Yeah?" she responded, sliding her own arms around his waist.

"You wanna come to band practice this weekend? Help me not shred my voice again?"

Julie considered for a second. She hadn't done that before. It felt like a new step in their friendship, to take it outside of the school building and into Luke's friend circle. Was she ready for that?

"Sure, send me the info," she agreed.

"Sweet, this is gonna be rad," Luke cheered, letting her go and pulling out his phone.

Julie laughed. "Come on, let's get home before the janitors kick us out," she chuckled, swinging her backpack onto her shoulder.

"Right behind you, Boss," Luke called.

[ratgingi]

all of you should be very happy you arent around me irl ever

[battlemp3]

did luke a lorelai’s breakup make me spiral about my ex? perhaps

[infinemmonstrum]

.

[edge-oftheworld]

close my eyes has honestly just solidified my conviction to live my life in a way that satisfies and honours what I actually want even when it’s weird

[luek]

day 2,664 no tomodachi life

[cloudwisp]

✮ sylus x wife!reader

contents: fluff, suggestive. arranged marriage au. hints of slow burn. you like playing hard to get and he loves calling you his wife. 1.4k wc.

꒰ note ᰔ I had to deposit my messy thoughts somewhere and this headcanon post was the result.

part two here. ꒱

⭒ Arranged marriage with Sylus where he prefers to call it a “strategic partnership” as a means of appearances to flaunt that he has it all—an empire, riches, strength, influence and now a darling wife who waits for him at home. You’re not so much as a random choice, Sylus had been watching you from afar for a while and in exchange for his protection in the N109 zone he strikes a deal with you to play a simple role. You have every reason to be wary of him and know to keep your wits about yourself, but even you acknowledge that your chances are better with him. Though, if you asked him how he was so certain you’d agree to his proposal he’d admit that he wasn’t but he knew you’d consider it if he had an advantage over you.

⭒ He sets his terms and conditions—you reside in his humble abode, wedding ring always worn on your finger, and attend events with him as a pretty accessory on his arm to contribute to his image. But he’ll never admit that he actually enjoys your company at business functions that often feel dull to him. You are more than welcome to spend your days as you please so long you don’t cause him trouble, and that also means you have his black card privileges to spoil yourself rotten. Of course, he accommodates most requests you may have like sleeping in separate rooms if that’s what you wish (and redecorating because his furnishing decisions are quite bleak).

⭒ Luke and Kieran can sense that their boss feels something for you despite his nonchalance toward this little arrangement. It starts off small, it always does—Sylus takes note of your morning and night routine, your picky eating habits and has the chef make adjustments to your preference, how he sees you out in the gardens and come back with spring tulips to brighten the space and the next week he already replaced the slowly withering flowers with fresh ones. The twins whisper among themselves that he’s often less annoyed and irritated when you’re around, and their boss wouldn’t go through the trouble of being considerate unless he cares for you. It’s almost exciting for them both to witness a budding romance unfold before their very eyes and they do offer a helping hand here and there to keep things interesting.

⭒ Sylus thinks it’s adorable how you keep trying to resist him and that’s precisely the reason he loves seeking you out just to watch your resolve crumble under his touch. He finds you in the kitchen preparing a snack and cages you from behind with his hands planted on either side of you against the counter. “Hey kitten, I thought I’d find you in here.” You feel his hot breath down your neck as he pushes your hair aside just enough to lay a soft kiss on your shoulder. He chuckles when you comment that he’s being awfully touchy with you, and he purposely moves closer so that his chest is pressing against your back. “Perhaps I just can’t keep my hands to myself where you’re involved. Besides, you’re my wife now. I think I have the right to touch you whenever I like.”

⭒ You remind him that you’re his wife in title only, but that doesn’t discourage his flirtation and teasing as he allows you to nudge past him. He follows you into the common area and takes a seat on the couch, spreading his legs wide and taking up a lot of space. His gaze is settled on you as he pats his thigh and his lips curl into a smirk. “Come here, wife.” You naturally scoff meanwhile you place the plate of seasonal fruits on the side table and situate yourself closest to the armrest, taking a bite into a juicy red strawberry as you ignore his piercing stare.

⭒ For someone who always gets what he wants, Sylus isn’t used to being defied like this. And had it been anyone else his patience would wear dangerously thin, but he supposes that you’re a special exception because he seems to enjoy the chase and claiming its reward. With one small gesture, he drags you across the couch by a gravitational pull and you squeal when the swirling red easily turn and maneuver you so you’re forced to straddle him and your hands prop on his shoulders for support. “There, much better. Comfy? This is the best seat in the house.” His gaze locks with yours, and he thinks you huffing and frowning at him is simply cute. He firmly grabs your wrist with the bitten strawberry in your hand and lifts it to his mouth for a sweet taste.

⭒ “No fair… using your Evol against me like this.” You grumble under your breath as you gently trail your thumb from his chin to the corner of his mouth where the strawberry juices began to spill. Then an impulsive thought takes over and you pinch his cheek between your fingers, creating a sticky mess on his face. “I hope you’re enjoying yourself. That’s for treating me like a sack of potatoes.” He chuckles once more, his hand falling on your hip and he gives you a light squeeze. “Oh, I do have every intention of fully enjoying my wife tonight.” And by that, he means taking you out for a joyride on his motorbike and feeling your arms wrapped around him tightly as the engine roars through the streets under the night sky and sinking moon. Sylus would never engage in any intimate acts you weren’t ready for, but he loves seeing you fluster at his suggestive remarks.

⭒ As the weeks cross over into months, you never imagined that you’d be spending so much time with Sylus outside of your agreed terms. He’s everywhere in every waking moment of your life even when he’s not there physically. You’re learning new things about him each day and you (begrudgingly) like being around him—even when he can sometimes be a playful bully toward you. When he’s gone for long stretches of time to deal with negotiations and other important matters in the N109 zone, you can feel your heart yearning for him but you’d never say that you miss him out loud when you think he's still toying with you. But with the way he cares for you like you’re both in a real and genuine relationship, it’s hard to know his true intentions and keep your feelings buried deep inside your chest for long.

⭒ You accidentally confirm that Sylus does harbor romantic feelings for you when you carelessly bring up your replacement in a lighthearted joke. You’ve never seen his face falter so quickly at your words as he averts his gaze for a moment to collect himself—a hint of vulnerability in his crimson hues. “I wouldn’t have found a new wife.” He shakes his head and tells you, his voice a little rougher than before. You don’t know what to say, but you manage a soft “No?” that reaches his ears. “No. I wouldn’t have been able to replace you, kitten. You’re it for me. The only one. No one could fill the void you’d leave behind.”

⭒ You and Sylus have kissed before, but this is the first time you’re initiating it. As you brush your lips against his, there’s a softness you never noticed. His hand slips around the small of your back and he pulls you close against him, returning your kiss with the same tenderness as though savoring the taste of you. You lean back after a moment, your palm meeting his cheek in a sweet embrace. “You know, I'm still getting used to the idea that I’ve fallen for you.” You can see him returning back to normal when he offers you a cocky smirk. “And yet here you are. In my arms, with your lips on mine. I think you’re not being entirely honest, my beautiful wife.” Sylus has waited a long time to hear those words from you but you don’t need to know that right now.

[my5hiningstars]

∞

ty 🌱🐌✨

Is it better to feel this, or feel nothing at all? / Honey, I just wanna be yours, wanna be yours inside your dreams tonight/ Oh no, oh no, can't shake this feeling / Boy, I just wanna be yours, wanna be yours inside your dreams tonight / Oh no, oh no, can't shake this feeling - Luke Hemmings, Shakes (2024)

send me a ∞ and i'll pick you my favourite lyric from a random song

[mxdotpng]

i want to think abt my twinswap more but every time i try to the only mental image i get before laughing is asch chewing at the manor's walls with guy pulling at his coat & luke and sync telling each other to throw themselves out a window while van pulls them along on a leash. like disbehaving children.

[pathologicalreid]

for the fear of falling apart | part one

after hearing her gunpoint confession, your sister pressures you into airing your grievances at Rossi's wedding

part one | part two | part three | part four | part five

series masterlist

who? spencer reid x jareau!reader category: angst content warnings: takes place following/during 14x15 "truth or dare", fem!reader, established relationship, mentions roslyn, unresolved conflict, a lot of insecurity, cm violence, i think everyone has a fault in this word count: 2.47k a/n: so this idea popped into my head. i think the concept of spencer dating jj's younger sister is insane and i love it. i hope you like it as well. (i want to write a part two so bad i hate leaving things unresolved). also this is not jj hate that's my girl i loved her even before i loved spencer!!!!

“Please, can you just hear me out?” Your sister pleaded, keeping her voice low so you didn’t take any attention off of the bride and groom.

Bringing your glass to your lips, you shrugged, “I’m not sure this is the right place, Jennifer,” you murmured, looking across the room at your brother-in-law, “I think Will’s looking for you.”

She brushed off your dismissal, “I’ll go over once we figure this out. Let’s go out to the courtyard and talk.”

JJ reached out and gently gripped your elbow, trying to guide you through the French doors of the wedding venue, but you yanked your arm away, crossing your arms in front of your stomach. “It’s rude to leave now, this is a wedding, we’re guests here,” you scolded her, focusing your eyes forward. The ceremony was over, and everyone was mingling, but you refused to be the first to leave. Besides, going home would mean needing to face Spencer – another discussion you didn’t have the energy for.

You knew she hated leaving things unfinished. The both of you could feel the rift between you growing as if the earth was physically shifting beneath your feet. “It would just be for a second,” she urged.

Swallowing thickly, you shook your head, “It’s fifteen years of dirty laundry, Jayg. It’s going to take more than a second to air it out.” You frowned into your newly emptied glass before hauling yourself over to the bar, grateful that she didn’t follow, “Can you make me one of the pink glittery drinks?”

Penelope, the honorary bartender for the evening, nodded reassuringly, taking an already-made beverage from the counter and sliding it over to you, “You look like you could use it,” she observed.

You sighed in concurrence, “You have no idea,” you mumbled as you brought the glass to your lips. The drink itself was a bit of an abomination, so strong that it burnt your nostrils as it went down, “God, that’s strong.”

The technical analyst just laughed, making her way back to the dance floor to meet up with Luke and Matt. Your gaze flickered over other members of the team until you were met with familiar brown eyes.

There had been a ball of dread forming in your stomach ever since you returned from Los Angeles. From where you were standing now, the cut on your boyfriend’s hand that you had preoccupied yourself with seemed inconsequential. You watched him now, in real-time as he glanced between you and your sister, picking up on the tension as you avoided her.

Someone was bound to snap.

Walking away from the bar, you went out into the hallway, finding the nearest door and practically throwing yourself outside. Pulling your hair off the back of your neck with your free hand, you sat down on a moss-covered bench in the courtyard and waited for the cold night air to cool you off.

As expected, you heard the door behind you click. You couldn’t be bothered to look at who it was, if it was important to them, they’d come to you. Sure enough, you remained focused on your drink as Spencer took a seat on the bench next to you, “Aren’t you cold?”

“Alcohol,” you mumbled, “Keeps me warm.”

Not exactly the answer he was going for, but he took it at face value. He was probably more comfortable in his suit than you were in your dress. “Are you feeling alright?”

You thought about lying to him. Telling him that you were just tired, it had been a long week of watching your sister and boyfriend being held hostage in a pawn shop and hunting Everett Lynch on top of your normal caseload, but the thought of holding up that lie just made you feel worse. Taking a large sip of your drink, you took a deep breath before speaking, “Garcia recovered the audio from the CCTV footage inside of the pawn shop. Emily asked me to review the tapes and let her know if I thought there was anything pertinent that should be added to the case files.”

He didn’t respond for a while, knowing exactly what you were getting at but not sure how to further the conversation, “And did you?”

You lifted your glass again, “There wasn’t anything in the tapes that was necessary for the case. I buried the audio files and transcripts and sealed the file.”

“Thank you,” he said, relief evident in his tone.

You, however, frowned at his response, “’Thank you’?” You repeated, an accusation in your voice, “I was scared shitless while the two of you were in there, and all the while my sister was confessing her love for you.”

Spencer was quiet again, rendered speechless by your words. Your description was accurate, if not blunt.

You sniffled, setting your glass down and wrapping your arms around yourself, “I have never felt more humiliated, and no one else can ever know why.” You traced the cobblestones on the ground with your eyes as thoughts continued racing through your head. “God, is this why she pushed us together?”

The door behind you clicked again and you stiffened, closing your eyes when you heard JJ coming out into the courtyard, “Ducky, we need to talk.”

“Don’t fucking call me that,” you snapped at her, standing up and glaring at her. Your childhood nickname rang through your ears. A term of endearment given to you by your oldest sister now grated on your heart, shredding through each chamber. “I do not need to do anything,” you told her, narrowing your gaze.

Tears pricked your eyes, Please, JJ, just give me time to think. I just need a minute. Not everything has to be solved right away.

You were too proud to say the words aloud, but you thought it. You wanted to beg her for time. You wanted to plead with your sister for just a little bit of time to think things through.

She held her hands up in surrender, “I needed to tell Pinkner something that would satisfy him. You know the profile; you know what would’ve happened if I didn’t.”

Yes, and the image of both of them being held at gunpoint would haunt you for years to come, but that still didn’t justify any of it, not to you. Finishing off your drink, you set the crystal glass on the cobblestone bench and faced your sister, “Jennifer,” you said sharply, “Truth or dare?”

Her blue eyes widened as she looked between you and Spencer, who was wisely keeping his mouth shut, “Truth,” she answered, her voice so quiet you could barely hear it.

“Did you mean it?” You asked, the first of your tears finally flooding over your lash line.

You gripped the fabric of your dress in your hands as you waited for her answer, “Yes,” she told you.

Covering your face with your hands, you sighed deeply into them, “Fuck,” you cried. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you echoed. None of this made sense to you, JJ was married. JJ and Will were the kind of couple that you could look at and you would know that they belonged together, but now she was saying she had been in love with Spencer this whole time.

White hot tears stung the cold skin on your cheeks as you looked back up at your sister, waiting for her to say something else. “We went on an almost date years ago and nothing else ever came of it. Life just went on moving and we…” Her voice trailed off, either unable to finish her thought or unwilling to share.

“You’re married, JJ,” you said desperately, looking at her and wondering if she had told Will where she was going. “Does Will know? Did you tell him you’ve been stringing him along? Thirteen years in and two kids later?”

She faltered for a moment, and you knew you had hit your mark – it made you sick to your stomach. “No, I love him. I love my boys, you know that.”

You nodded numbly, “Yeah, I do, but I can’t keep going if you’re always going to be longing for what might’ve been.”

“You’re drunk and you don’t know what you’re talking about,” she accused, tapping her right foot anxiously.

JJ might’ve grown up in Roslyn’s shadow, but you grew up in hers. Captain of the varsity soccer team, full-ride athletic scholarship at Pitt, and grad school at Georgetown. All leading up to her joining the bureau at twenty-three. You followed her, believing anywhere was better than Pennsylvania, and this is what it had gotten you. It was exhausting, being the one pushing the boulder up the hill, your hands were scraped, and she couldn’t see it.

Deftly, you wiped at the tears beneath your eyes, “I know exactly what I’m saying. Please, can you try and just look at this from my point of view? My big sister, who I’ve looked up to for my whole life, confessed her feelings for my boyfriend. My boyfriend who she set me up with.” Realization dawned on you, turning to face Spencer, “You were in love with her, and… I’m…” your voice trailed off.

Matching your train of thought, Spencer shook his head, reaching a hand out for yours, but you pulled away from him, “No, honey, please. It’s not like that.”

“You couldn’t have her, and I’m just the next best thing,” you told him miserably. “She met Will and got pregnant and got married and you were so in love with her that you took the off-brand version just to have something.”

Spencer shushed you, watching as tears fell from your cheeks, “I’m with you because I love you, not because of anything else.”

Your chest ached, it felt like someone had thrust their hand in the cavity and was squeezing as tightly as they could. You wanted to believe him. You so, so badly wanted to believe him. “Tell me,” you prompted, “tell me I’m not your second choice.”

“You are not my second choice,” he told you, and you watched. You watched for his tells, any sign at all that he was lying.

You shook your head at him, “Why did you lie to me? About the football game,” you asked him, a semi-permanent frown staying on your face.

He furrowed his brows and stood up in front of you, rubbing your arms up and down to keep you warm, “I didn’t lie to you.”

“You didn’t tell me. Neither of you did. That’s lying by omission, and you both know it,” you said, stepping away from him hesitantly. You didn’t know what to trust; you didn’t know what was real.

Spencer looked back at your sister, but she looked frozen, “It wasn’t a date,” he said simply. “I… I intended for it to be a date, but JJ invited Penelope and that was the end of it. I took it as her not being interested and that’s the truth. Nothing else ever happened between the two of us.”

You watched your sister, her mouth opening and closing as she scrounged for the right thing to say. “I said what I had to in order to survive,” she defended.

Sucking on your back molars, you shrugged helplessly in response, “I know,” you admitted. “I know that you probably planned on taking your truth to the grave with you, but… it’s out, Jayg.”

“I can explain everything to you,” she offered, “Please let me explain, Ducky.”

The desperation in her voice chiseled at your resolve, but it wasn’t enough. “I don’t have it in me,” you admitted. “I’m fresh out of fight and I just wanna go home,” you told her, looking at Spencer who nodded, heading back inside to gather your things.

You sat back down on the bench, propping your chin up on your hand.

“I couldn’t think of anything else to say,” she tried again, her voice gruff from holding back tears.

Shaking your head, you closed your eyes and breathed in the cold winter air, “I don’t really care, JJ. You said it, I heard it, and now you have to deal with it.”

She cleared her throat, “I would deal with it now, but you’re being petulant.”

Looking up at her, you frowned, “I told you inside that I didn’t want to talk about this here. You came outside. You sought me out to talk. Now you’re mad that I’m not being nice about it?” Something new bubbled in your stomach, the pit that had been forming there quickly evolved into anger.

“I was trying to save lives,” she tried again, insisting she was right.

You could live with her being right on that front. She was saving lives, and she needed a truth potent enough to sway the UnSub, but in all of her explanations, she never once apologized about this curveball. “I live with Spencer. I… when I give gifts, they’re signed from the both of us,” you told her. “Sometimes when we can’t sleep at night, we come up with baby names, and you’re in love with him. I asked for time, and you couldn’t give it to me. So, this is what you get.”

With Spencer reappearing at the door, you made your way out of the courtyard, he draped your coat over your shoulders, and you wrapped the wool around yourself as you made your way out. “I told Rossi and Krystall that you were tired, but I think they might have taken it as you had too much to drink,” he explained, opening the passenger side door for the car for you to get in.

A small smile tugged at your throat, “I don’t really care.” Maybe if you had gotten that drunk, your chest wouldn’t hurt so much.

The rest of the ride home was silent, small flurries started floating from the sky, and you watched the way they danced in the streetlights. Once you were home, you got ready for bed, grabbing a pillow off of your bed, and turning to the door, “Where are you going?” Spencer asked, returning from brushing his teeth.

“I’m gonna sleep on the couch,” you told him softly, looking at the pillow that you were clutching in your arms.

He faltered for a moment, obviously taken aback by your decision, “Can we talk tomorrow?”

You frowned, letting your eyes lift to his, when it was dark, his eyes took on a certain kind of melancholia. It hurt to look at tonight. “Sure,” you offered weakly, turning around and heading for the couch.

“Are we gonna be okay?” He asked, fear creeping into his voice. Fear of losing you.

Glancing back at him as you lobbed the pillow on the couch, you gave him a gentle smile, “Yeah, Spence, we’ll figure it out. Just not tonight, okay?”