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paisley-print · 3 years

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Near The Water’s Edge: Chapter Four

After fleeing your abusive husband, you find yourself in the small coastal town of July, North Carolina. Soon you meet Frankie Morales, Air Force Veteran and single dad. As the two of you grow closer, you begin to let go of your past and learn to love again. That is until a strange man shows up in town, and you ’re forced to choose between your safety or the safety of the people that you love.

Inspired by the novel “Safe Haven” written by Nicolas Sparks.

Series Master List

Frankie Morales x Female Reader Rating: 18+ / Heavy adult themes eventual smut. Trigger Warnings: Domestic Abuse, Mentions of death, PTSD, anxiety, mentions of police case, police. Word Count:

Note: Another heavy chapter, but things will let lighter as the chapters go on. Enjoy the first half of the beach day.

Tag List:@qytyy @winter-fox-queen @sherala007@inkededucatednnerdy @quica-quica-quica @hnt-escape @giizhkens-cedar@heythere-mel @toomanystoriessolittletime

The ride passed in comfortable silence, the three of you listening to the radio and Lucy looking out the window at the cars in the next lane. All Frankie could think about was how nice it was to have someone else there to spend the day. He knew Lucy must have been feeling the same way, since he hadn’t seen her so excited about a beach trip in a long while.

He appreciated how patient you were with her; it was something he noticed even on that first day. The way you refused help until you knew she was alright. That moment had stuck with him more than anything else.

The memory of what Will said earlier surfaced in his mind. He shifted in his seat and glanced at you. Yes, you were beautiful. Strikingly so. A woman who could walk into a room and turn every head in the place; both men and women alike. Of course Frankie had been taken with you. He tried to suppress it, scolding himself whenever he was alone in bed at night and found his thoughts wandering....

His only goal right now was to be your friend because he cared for you and knew that you needed help. He wasn’t sure what kind of help, but he sensed that you were alone and at some point in your life something very bad had happened to you. He wouldn’t pry though, he would wait until you were ready to share.

The beach wasn’t too packed; it was still early in the season and the tourists hadn’t moved into their summer homes yet. The boys had done an oddly efficient job at setting everything up. When Ben and Will got into a little spat about how to sink the umbrella into the sand , Frankie simply rolled his eyes and continued to spray Lucy with sunblock. It made you laugh, they all seemed so comfortable with one another.

The day was hot and everybody seemed eager to get into the water, everyone except you and Frankie. You had bought a bathing suit at the store, intending on going in... but somewhere during the car ride you changed your mind.

“You can go in if you want,” you told Frankie “I don’t mind just watching.”

He shrugged, “I don’t normally go in either.”

Then just like that the two of you were suddenly alone, both woefully unprepared for any sort of conversation.

You thought of something quickly, filling the silence “the marina was packed today.”

“Yeah, It’s always like that on memorial day. Most of the summer too, be prepared for the restaurant to start getting busy.”

“I prefer it that way. It makes the shifts go faster. So I’ve been meaning to ask, what exactly do you do? I assumed you owned the marina?”

He paused for a moment. “Uh, technically I do. It was a wedding gift from my parents. An uncle had died and left it to them. I think they just wanted to get rid of it, but I have an office manager that does all the upfront stuff….. normally I just work on repairs.”

Married. That wasn’t what you were expecting, but still no ring. “Did you go to school for that?”

“Kind of. I had training for planes, but you would be surprised just how similar the two are.” You gave him a look. He glanced at you and laughed sheepishly. “What?”

“I’m sorry, did you say planes?”

“Yeah”

“You fix planes?”

He smiled and crossed his arms, trying to seem much cooler than he actually was. “I fly them too.”

“You fly pl-....do you take constructive criticism?”

He laughed, “Of course.”

“Lead with that next time.”

He looked at you skeptically. “How am I supposed to lead with that, exactly?”

“You say, hi my name is pilot Frankie …..”

He shook his head, grinning. “Morales,” he informed you.

“Hi my name is pilot Frankie Morales, nice to meet you.”

He played along, “but how will I know if people actually like me for me, or they just want me to take them for a ride in a plane?”

You shrugged “it's tough being a celebrity, I don’t make the rules.”

“Oh yeah, celebrity, that’s me,” he said sarcastically.

You kicked at the sand with your foot. “Also I liked you before I knew you had the coolest hobby in the world. So, you know that you can trust me.”

He glanced over at you and immediately noticed your smile. He had seen you smile before, but they would never quite reach your eyes. This one, he could tell, was real. He opened his mouth to speak when, in the distance, a wave crashed and Lucy squealed with laughter. Both of you turned your heads to look.

“Will Lucy be okay out there?” you asked. She had on a life vest and was being supervised in the shallows by the rest of the adults. Santi was holding onto a boogie board Lucy used to keep herself up.

“Yeah, I know they seem like idiots but they are good men.” Frankie reached into the cooler to grab a bee and popped the cap off with the bottle opener. “Do you want one?”

You shook your head, “No thank you, but I’ll take a water bottle if you have it.” He set his beer down in his cup holder and reached into the cooler again. The bottle was freezing cold when he handed it to you. Perfect for a sunny day.

You wiped the condensation off on your dress. “Can I ask you something? It’s okay if you don’t want to answer.”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, taking a sip of beer.

“Lucy’s mom is she….? Are you two still….? I don’t mean to pry, I guess I’m just a little confused.”

“You and I both,” he said with a sigh. “I’m married but we are not together anymore, haven’t been for a few years.”

“Oh,” you said simply, not finding any clarification in what he told you. If anything, you had more questions, but you didn’t want to push. Besides, it didn’t matter anyway…. you couldn’t, you were married as well. “Does your family live in the area?”

“Nope, they live up north. Katie never really knew her family. She grew up in the foster system and was bounced around until she enlisted at eighteen. It’s just me and Lulu now, and the guys when they find the time to travel here.”

“I’m sorry,” you said honestly. “It must be hard not having your parents support.”

He shook his head and took another sip. “I expected it, even when I was younger, it seemed as though they were only interested in keeping me alive.” He looked down and started to peel off the sticker on the bottle as he spoke. “They are both doctors, mom is an archaeologist and dad an engineer. He actually helped design parts of the international space station…. I think they valued their careers more than anything else... they still do. The only time they ever came down to see Lucy was right after she was born, aside from that it’s usually a phone call on a holiday and a card with money in the mail.”

Although he tried to play it off as if it were just another part of life, you could see that it still affected him deeply. For a moment you thought about reaching out to take his hand, but you stopped yourself. “It really is their loss, they are missing out on two wonderful people.”

Frankie adjusted the baseball cap on his head, a sheepish little smile playing on his lips at the compliment. “Well, thank you. Lucy and I could say the same thing about you. You’re great with her.”

You glanced back at the little girl. She was smiling happily as Ben pulled her along on the boogie board. “I think little girls need to be protected, but not only that - they need to be seen and heard. She is already so independent and fierce. I can see how you encourage her to be her own person and not fit into any one mold. That’s important for little girls to learn.”

He laughed, “Yeah, she definitely gives me a run for my money, that's for sure. She can already repair an engine better than most men I know.”

A large gust of wind came through and took hold of the multi-colored beach ball beside you. Both you and Frankie sprang from your seats to race after it. The thing was fast, and you could not stop it from crashing into the waves. You noticed just how much cooler it was near the water’s edge. Although the temperature outside was sweltering, the Atlantic still held that winter chill. Both of you stared at the ball as it bobbed up and down with the tide.

Frankie waved it away with his hand and squinted in the sunlight. “It’s fine, it’ll probably just float down the beach to another family or something.”

You smirked at him “or choke a poor dimwitted sea turtle to death.”

He paused and shot you a pretend glare, then took off his hat, dropped it in the sand and reached for his shirt.

You giggled “no, no I’m joking. I got it.” You said, starting to strip down to your bathing suit also.

“Well, you gotta be faster than that,” he said, half jogging to the water.

You slipped off your dress easily and ran straight past him into the waves. Frankie was not far behind. You two were pushing against the tide as you reached for the ball. Fingertips just barely brushed against the plastic before it slipped a couple more inches away. This left just enough time for Frankie to swoop in and grab it.

Your stomach hurt from laughing so hard “hey!”

He shrugged, “I’m sorry that I care more about the environment than you.”

You splashed him with water playfully.

The two of you swam for another fifteen minutes, chatting about the town and volleying the ball back and forth. Frankie pretended not to see the way the droplets of water clung to your skin and sparkled under the sunlight. When he noticed the little lace pattern on the bottom of your swimsuit, he knew he had been staring for too long and forced himself to look away. The very last thing he wanted to do was scare you away, or make you believe he had some sort of ulterior motives to helping you.

You both dressed again before walking back up to the chairs. When the two of you returned, the group had already come back from swimming. They were passing around Tupperware full of fruit while Santi was starting up the tiny little grill he had brought.

“You guys really don’t play around for beach days,” you mentioned to Frankie.

“I tried to warn you,” he said with a smirk.

Will had Lucy thrown over his shoulder, carrying her easily with one arm. “Has anyone seen Fry?”

“I’m right here!” Lucy’s little voice drifted out from behind him.

Will started turning, pretending to look for her “Fry! Fry! Where are you!”

Lucy was hardly able to speak through her fit of giggles, “I’m behind you!”

He put her down on the sand, pretending as if he had seen her for the first time. “Jesus Fry! You scared me!”

“Lulu,” Frankie said, “come here so I can put more sunscreen on you.” Frankie took the bottle from the bag and sprayed her again, making sure to get her ears and the tops of her feet as well. He sprayed some in his hands, and Lucy scrunched up her nose as he applied it to her face.

Watching the two of them together made you smile. You were reminded again just how different Frankie was from your husband. David would have felt emasculated by having to take care of a child. If he had attended today, you would be sitting beside him silently the entire time, only getting up to fetch him a beer.

“Do you want some?” Frankie asked, and you were suddenly snapped right back to reality.

Even though you weren’t threatened by a burn yet, you figured it would be a good idea. “Yeah, thank you.” You offered him your arms, then the front of your legs.

“I used to be terrible with remembering sunblock until I got sun poisoning in Iraq, god never again.”

“Iraq?” you asked, and turned so he could get the backs of your legs.

“Yeah, with the air force” he told you, assuming you already knew.

Breath hitched in your throat as he brushed your hair over your shoulder. You cringed at the feeling of the warm sunscreen hitting the back of your neck and jerked away. It was enough for the others to notice. You laughed and lied quickly “damn horse flies hurt when they bite. They say you should wash off the bite with soap to get it to stop the swelling. Is there a bathroom here?”

You sounded believable. Becoming an expert liar had been the only thing keeping you alive for so long.

Frankie felt horrible. He didn’t quite know what he had done to trigger you, but he knew it was something. “It’s pretty far, I can walk with you-”

You shook your head, a wide smile still plastered across your lips. “Nope, I just need a direction.”

Santi jumped in quickly. “That building when we first came in, near the tennis courts.”

You nodded and started forward, tears stinging at the corners of your eyes. Why was this happening right now? You were fine a moment ago and now you felt as though you couldn’t catch your breath. You shivered, remembering the feeling again and putting your hand on the back of your neck to stop it.

A soldier…. it made sense. You were too stupid to have seen it, the nicknames and the holiday......

Thankfully, they were single stall restrooms; you pulled the door shut and locked it behind you. The bottom of the floor was disgusting and filled with wet sand. You lifted yourself up onto the counter and sat, trying to calm down. A soldier, a soldier, you kept repeating to yourself. It was too similar. The anger, the potential for violence…. just like your husband.

You placed your head in your hands, and suddenly you were back in New Jersey. It was a bitter February, snow still on the ground. You were in your bathroom hiding as David raged in the living room and screamed at his coworker on the phone. A little boy had been killed by his father weeks ago. David was assigned to the case. When the trial came, the jury found the man innocent and let him walk free, even though all the evidence pointed to him as the killer. It was an embarrassment to David and the entire homicide unit

“God fucking dammit, y/n! y/n!”

You pulled yourself up on shaking legs, straightened your dress and walked out. David was red in the face waiting for you. “I thought I told you to call Comcast, did I not?”

“They said that they could get someone out here Wednesday because of the snow-”

He took the television remote and threw it at you as hard as he could; he aimed for your face but it hit your shoulder instead. The plastic connected straight with your collarbone. You doubled over in pain, holding it as it throbbed. He stalked up to you and you moved back, the fear evident in your eyes.

His voice was teetering on the edge of lunacy as he screamed at you.

“I give you a simple fucking job to do and you can’t even get it done. You’re a lazy fat fucking bitch.” he shoved you hard but you manged to keep standing. “Spend all day sitting on your fucking ass while I have to go to work for the both of us! I need the television because I need to see the news coverage of the fucking case! You knew this! Or would you like me to get fired and the both of us live on the fucking streets!” He shoved you again, and you fell against the stone fireplace. Your hands came up to shield your face as he picked up the remote and hit you with it repeatedly. It caught your lip, busting it open.

You didn’t care about the blood, all you could think about was the gun still holstered in his belt. You got the television fixed the next day-

“Summer?”

You stood quickly and wiped away the tears from your cheeks, pretending like nothing was wrong. “Yeah?”

“Are you alright?”

It was Frankie.

You shook your head and smiled in the dingy plastic mirror in front of you. “Yeah, why?”

He could hear that you had been crying. He pushed on the door but it was locked.

You didn’t like that at all; you slipped off the counter and sat on the floor, against the door. Bracing it closed with your body “I’m fine-”

“You’re crying-”

“No, I’m not I- I get allergies and that horsefly hurt. I am such a baby I’ve always had a low pain tolerance-”

“If it’s something that I did -”

“Nope, it’s nothing that you did. I’m fine, I’m really, really fine I promise. I just got overwhelmed and needed some air. I’ll be back in a few minutes, and you guys can eat without me. Don’t let me hold you up.”

Frankie wasn’t convinced, but he didn’t want to force anything. “Would you like me to save you a plate?”

“Yes, please.”

You could hear his footsteps start to retreat and relaxed a little.

“Summer?”

“Yeah?”

Frankie was about to say something, but he thought better of it. He figured it was better to let you have your space now.

#ntwewy #nearthewater'sedge #pedro fanfiction #pedro fanfic #Frankie Morales fanfiction #Frankie Morales fanfic #frankie morales #Frankie fanfiction #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfic #triple frontier fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction

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collecting-stories · 4 years

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Teardrops on my Guitar - Rafe Cameron

Summary: the reader likes Rafe but he doesn’t like her back.

A/N: I totally made this a Rafe fic cause the guy Taylor sings about is named Drew 😂😂

The TS Anthology Series | Outer Banks Masterlist

_ . ◦ ⭐︎:*.☾.*:⭐︎◦∙._

One of the guys. It was a phrase that got tossed around whenever you were brought up. In junior high, when you first started hanging out with Topper and Kelce, people had made up all sorts of rumours.

They said you were sleeping with Topper, sleeping with Kelce, sleeping with both of them…the whole of kook academy spread rumours about you being a slut until you hated going to school. Until Rafe started hanging out with the three of you. No one would say a thing about Rafe, especially not after he punched a guy and broke his nose over a comment about you being a whore.

You didn’t think that was the exact moment that you decided Rafe was it for you but you figured it was somewhere around then. When it was just the two of you hanging out all those feelings rushed to the surface, you were a little bit infatuated with him, you’d admit it to yourself. He was the type of guy everybody wanted to gain the attention of and you had it but it was never quite enough. Because you knew something no one else did. Rumours were just rumours, in Rafe’s eyes you were just like Sarah or Wheezie, a cute little sister not a girlfriend. He treated you like a kid, like exactly what everyone said you were, one of the guys.

“She’s so great,” and, if it wasn’t bad enough knowing that he would never like you back, he always seemed to like someone else.

“She sounds great.” You replied, sitting in his truck with him after school, waiting for the line of cars to move so you could get out of the parking lot. Usually, you loved this time of day. Sitting in the car with Rafe, enduring his questionable taste in music and talking about random crap. It was just simple and nice. Ever since Rafe got the truck he drove you home, no matter what else he might’ve had going on that day. But on rare occasions, when Rafe set his sights on some girl that would inevitably fall head over heels (because they always did) you had to endure this.

Topper was always sympathetic to you and, while you knew he meant well, the apologetic smile on his face every time that Rafe had a new girlfriend was like a knife twisting in your heart. You wanted to be the supportive friend who got along with Rafe’s girlfriends and didn’t let relationships get in the way of your friendship but every time someone new came into the picture your resolve broke away a little more.

Sometimes, he noticed.

“Hey you,” he’d come by your soccer practice, hanging on the other side of the fence by the belchers. All the other girls on your team would start whispering to each other, as if they didn’t already know that Rafe was friends with you. “Haven’t seen you around in a couple weeks.”

That was never entirely true. He’d seen you around, at Topper’s on Friday nights after parties, but he hadn’t really talked to you. Mainly because Topper never let him get a word in.

“I’ve just been busy.” Not really though, unless sitting at home, doing your best impression of Emma Roberts in Unfabulous, playing the old guitar your dad had bought you at a garage sale, actually counted as being busy.

“We should hang out, this weekend?”

“What about...” you frowned, trying to think of the girl’s name. She was in your science class and always tried to talk to you about Rafe but after the first week of you ignoring her, she took the hint. “Marci?”

“Maci.”

“Maci...what about her?” You asked.

“We broke up.” He shrugged, “Anyway, what’d you say? Just you and me.”

That was always the moment you caved. Just the two of you. It was so tempting and you wondered sometimes if Rafe knew. Did he have any idea that you liked him? Sometimes you thought that he had to, that he had to know that you liked him and that he was just toying with you. But you were too hopeful for your own good.

“Yeah, definitely.” You always agreed. “Whatever you wanna do.”

Going out was always the same. Disappointing. Rafe would pick you up and claim that you were just going over to the island club, you could hang out and have lunch. You loved the idea but it never lasted because half way through lunch, like every other time, some girl would show up and you would become the third wheel to Rafe’s date.

Sometimes you ducked out right away but sometimes you hung around, disappearing from the lunchroom under the guise of having to use the bathroom and taking solace in the kitchen, hanging out with Kiara’s friend JJ.

“You shouldn’t waste your time.” JJ always said the same thing as Topper, arguably the only thing they agreed on.

“I’m not wasting my time, we’re friends.” You argued. “It’s not his fault that he doesn’t like me.”

On the days that you left you always went to Topper’s house and spent the rest of the afternoon with him and Kelce, playing video games or watching TV. Rafe might text you but usually he never noticed. Not for a few weeks and then he would realize that he hadn’t seen you in a couple of weeks and he’d be right back at practice asking you to hang out.

“I’ll see you after practice, you want a ride?” He asked.

“Yeah, sure.” And just like that the cycle was repeating itself.

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troubleonhighheels · 4 years

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Catching up now and boy I have THOUGHTS

I actually REALLY like Valentine's reaction to BL being pregnant

The F I R S T thing he talked about was his responsibility to support BL and help her, and that she didn't have to deal with it alone because he could help

I love that so much

I know Valentine is a bad guy with a terrible track record (stealing lulu's eggs and being terrible to her, killing/disappearing the surrogate, etc etc) but imo he has really improved since breaking up with nina

And I really liked him when he and BL hooked up because he was really respectful, even in the face of people treating BL like she was a child who like, couldn't consent to adult relations

And so anyway, the revelation scene between him and BL- I felt again that he was really respectful of BL. And general hospital is all about OWNERSHIP of children (I don't need to point out all the other storyline right now that are abiut fighting over kids!) so it was such a relief for Valentine to be thinking of BL and her needs right away

And it wasn't until later that he was like "now hold on, I have a right to be a part of this child's life"

So that brings me to the second part of my feelings about it (thanks for getting this far)

I'm really torn about people telling BL to shut out Val from the baby and BL seemingly doing that.

I truly believe that if BL told Val about it and was open with it, he would be reasonable and they could have a friendly custody agreement and few problems

H O W E V E R, there is not really a reason for anybody in town to believe that, based on Val's past actions. It's only been since the Nina breakup that he's been less obsessive and all of the reasons I think that he'd be reasonable now are things that I know about because I'm the omniscient audience. Everyone in town is gonna remember the stuff I talked about with lulu and the surrogate etc

So it's kind of a shame that it's gonna be stressful for everybody, but i think it makes total sense it would go this way

For me, best case scenario is that BL and Val have a chance to have a meaningful conversation with each other and are able to explain to each other what they are feeling and the advice BL got, and Val can admit that he's been a villain in the past and it makes sense

And then they can respectfully move on and trust each other and be friendly, which is what I loved so much about their hookup

(that was long, tanks for reading if you got this far!)

#general+hospital #valentine cassadine #brook lynn quartermaine #general hospital

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dopescotlandwarrior · 4 years

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Bluegrass-Chapter 26 Final

A special thanks to @statell for your help and wisdom

Previous chapters at AO3

Chapter Twenty-six

Claire popped her head up after examining Porcelain, “we have pre-ovulation Jamie, she is ready…today.”

“I’ll call Jason and get him back here.”

Claire smiled to herself because she could hear Jamie’s excitement. He was on pins and needles being so close to the big reveal, is Runner fertile? She brought Porcelain into season early by using lights for an extra five hours each day. The lights above her stall were timed to go on at two o’clock in the morning. That and hormones worked like a charm, it was finally time.

Jason strode into the breeding room and pulled the leather neck cover from a cabinet. He put it over Porcelain’s neck for protection from biting. Her tail had been wrapped for the same reason. She was washed and ready for her prince. Jason looked at Rupert holding her halter, Angus ready to capture leaking semen, and Jamie biting his nails.

“Everybody relax!” He quickly composed himself, “please, is what I meant to say, please relax and pretend like you do this every day. This is something new but please don’t let it show to the horses.”

Jason had almost completed his month of training at a nearby stud farm where he was hands-on in the breeding barn where things sometimes go catastrophically wrong. The stress was palpable today and that is when people make mistakes.

Jamie looked at Jason and appreciated his authority. He chose the right man for the job.

Claire walked in with Runner and handed the lead to Jason. He coaxed him forward as Runner smelled Porcelain’s honey pot raising his head in the air and curling his lips back. He was more than a little interested and tried to mount her immediately. He slid to her side, basically falling off. Jason was reassuring and backed Runner so his nose was in Porcelain’s butt again. This time Runner was spot on and entered her for a total of one minute if that.

When Runner moved off her, Angus shoved his penis into a collecting tube and looked the other way, blushing crimson.

Jamie congratulated everyone on a job well done as the horses were being led away. He took a double-take at Claire’s face and had to cough several times so he didn’t laugh. She would need him right away, so he quickened his pace to put Runner away.

“Well, an exciting start to our new venture. That went well, don’t you think?”

Jamie put his arm around her waist so he could direct her to his office, on the double. With the door closed and locked he turned into a purring panther and his eyes bored holes into Claire’s body. As he circled her his hand felt her gorgeous ass and then her breast.

Claire giggled nervously. Watching Runner cover Porcelain shot her arousal into a new stratosphere. She needed to get Jamie home for an hour and fought to control herself this close to him.

“Let me see them, Claire,” he breathed into her ear. “Please lass, make them bounce for me for just a minute.”

Jamie had her shirt unbuttoned in thirty seconds and unclasped her bra. Her naked breasts, now bigger due to the pregnancy, were out and proud for her man. He closed in on her holding one of them in his warm hand. Squeezing and caressing, pinching her nipple until she grasped at him. He held her bra out and then clasped it back to her body. He re-buttoned her shirt while her chest heaved from the contact.

“I…I am going home to rest a bit before my afternoon appointments.”

“Let me drive ye lass, I could use a nap myself.”

When they were safely away from the barn Claire attached herself to Jamie making him stretch his neck to see around her. She ran her tongue up his neck to his ear and circled it, warm and wet. Jamie made a land-speed record getting home and lifted her out of the truck.

“Why Misses Fraser, ye look positively done in by what ye saw.”

Claire’s half-lidded eyes sent a clear warning that he was not to dally and tease because she needed hardcore loving this instant. Jamie laughed and carried her up to the bedroom.

“How would the lady like to be loved today?”

“I need a brute.”

Jamie chuckled at her intensity, “Well then, one brute coming up.”

The first scan to test for pregnancy is scheduled fifteen days after live cover, and the whole barn seemed ready to explode with the waiting. On day fifteen, Jason assisted Claire with Porcelain’s scan while Jamie waited outside the stall. Claire knew he was pacing and smiled to herself. She could already see the bump of a tiny developing horse. She was overcome, “oh Porcelain.” Claire laid her head on the mare's neck and Jamie mistook her action for an empty uterus. He stopped pacing and stared at her.

“You are going to be such a good mother sweetheart.”

“Is she or not Sassenach?”

Claire smiled and shook her head yes. Jamie exhaled the breath he was holding and whoops went up throughout the barn. Runner was fertile, Porcelain was pregnant, and the fanciest mares in the nation would start coming in next week. Those that were from Kentucky would be transported to the compound for breeding and returned home. Those that were flown in would stay for at least twenty days, some longer if they did not conceive on with the first cover.

It was a glorious time at Highland Brothers Farm.

As spring came to Kentucky, the wildflowers bloomed, the rain came, the fields and pastures were blue-green and lush, and new babies practiced using their long legs to run and leap.

Jason walked into the breeding barn every morning and reviewed the mares to be covered with Claire. They had to work very closely to schedule them and with Lulu’s help made sure each mare was covered as many times as necessary without exhausting Runner or depleting his sperm count. It was a revolving door of mares into and out of their facility that kept Claire on her feet all day and sometimes all night with a foaling dam. Night watch was shared between Rupert, Angus, Jason, and Jamie, to keep the mares calm and call Claire when a dam was in labor.

When Steve graduated from the academy, he joined Jamie’s crew because they needed another set of hands. He pitched in with breeding through may and took one night a week to sleep in the barn. He loved being at the compound but still dreamed of racing to a fire almost every night. When he was hired by a local fire station Jamie and Claire threw him a party with the whole crew and Steve’s friends from the academy. Claire was so proud of him.

Jamie worried constantly about Claire. She had stepped back from her practice in mid-July because she was exhausted from the workload of the past six months. She could rest more now that the foals were all born, and the breeding season was over. She was back to cooking sumptuous meals every night and created a magnificent nursery with Jamie.

“Sweetheart, Molly is here to drive me to town for supplies. We will stop for coffee or something so two hours tops.”

She leaned over his shoulder and kissed his cheek and then she was gone. Jamie was on his phone the second the front door closed and shortly after, Rupert, Angus, and Steve, joined Jamie on hands and knees as they assembled the track and narrow shelf that would go completely around the nursery. Jamie kept looking at his watch as the shelf was installed and then the track. When the train pieces were pulled out, they all started playing with them as Jamie rolled his eyes.

When Claire came home, she found Jamie sitting in the same chair with the same work in front of him. She smiled, so happy he could relax a bit and just sit while she was gone.

“Wait Sassenach, let me carry those bags upstairs. Come with me to point to where these belong.”

Claire reached for the switch, but the light did not go on. Instead, an adorable train, five cars long, with multicolored lights underneath it, was rolling along a track that had not been there when she left. She was mesmerized watching it. Bubbles poured out of the smokestack and the rhythmic noise was almost hypnotizing.

“That is the cutest little train! How did you do all this while I was gone?”

“The lads helped.”

Jamie screwed the light bulb tighter into the lamp and the room flooded with light. “I wanted ye to first see it like the bairn will see it .”

Claire walked around the room looking at the mitered shelf that was attached to the wall without visible means of support. She looked closely at the train, so cute, and gender-neutral.

They had opted out of ultrasounds through Claire’s pregnancy unless medically necessary. She was sure it was a girl, but poor Jamie was completely in the happy-dark. She hugged her husband moving the beach ball to the side.

“You are already the best father, sweetheart.”

Jamie’s chest tightened with that compliment and he hugged her as close as he dared. One more month was going to kill him, but manage he must.

Claire slowed down during the next week. Under the watchful eye of her husband, she had plenty of time to rest up for the big event. Jamie worried about the distance to Lexington hospital, but they were prepared for a long labor and would leave with the first contraction. He had devoured four books on gestation, childbirth, and emergency procedures during labor and delivery. The latter he requested from Steve and read it three times when alone in his office. He was prepared for any eventuality and presented a composed and strong demeanor to Claire for which she was grateful.

Jamie’s head popped up from his work when he heard Claire coming into his office.

“Sassenach! What a nice surprise. Everything okay love?”

She seemed timid when she sat down on his office couch with a sigh. “Yes, I am right as rain, maybe a bit lonely in the house is all. Can I help with anything?”

Jamie kept her busy with the build-up of tasks while Lulu and Jason were on vacation. Anywhere he went in the barn, she was right behind him. He had to turn slowly or run her down. Something about that neediness was a warning sign to Jamie and he put his arm around her to lead her back to the office. She moved from the couch to the chair across from his desk and sighed a lot.

“I think a nice drive to Lexington is in order Sassenach. Please don’t move, I’m tellin the lads we’re leaving.”

Jamie hoped she would stay seated and ran through the compound whistling for his friends. While he explained he was taking Claire to the hospital they heard a blood-curdling scream from his office and started running.

“Claire! What’s happened?”

She was on her hands and knees on the floor, breathing heavily.

“My water broke and I want to push! It feels like she is right between my legs Jamie!”

“That’s impossible,” he whispered. With the emergency procedures forgotten at the moment, Jamie called the fire station and asked for Steve. He described the symptoms and heard the one thing he dreaded.

“Get her to the couch, on her back, get several clean sheets, a pillow, a stack of towels. I bring the rest, be there in five.”

The line went dead in Jamie’s hand and he stared at the phone until Claire screamed his name. He held out house keys to Angus, told him where the linens were kept, and told him what to bring. Angus ran for his truck to gather the supplies.

Claire was barely hanging on through the painful contractions and bit down on the pain to stop the scream that threatened to come out. She heard the wail of the sirens coming and vaguely recognized the sound of a fire engine. She wondered where the fire was until another contraction gripped her and she told Jamie she had to push. He asked her to puff with him, but she couldn’t hear him anymore. Her body was responding to the ancient call to bear down and she could not stop.

When Steve came rushing into the office, he was carrying two large cases that were quickly opened as monitors were attached to Claire. The sheets were delivered, and Steve covered the couch and Claire’s lower half. He talked to her the whole time, explaining what was happening. When he looked under the sheet he almost fainted. The baby was crowning and on her next push, he could see much more of the head.

Two other EMT’s came in, one had an open line to the hospital, the other was checking the monitors. Jamie felt so helpless and terrified. Steve asked him to sit at Claire’s head and hold her hand, encourage her to push when she got too tired. He gently held the baby’s head and pressed back on Claire’s tissue as someone handed him a bulb aspirator to clear the airways.

Steve never stopped talking to Claire who was struggling to find the energy to keep up the constant pushing. The next contraction pushed one shoulder out and Claire laid back on the pillow and panted. Jamie caught a tear that squeezed out the corner of her eye and kissed her cheek before resuming his prayers. He was white with fright.

Steve looked at the monitor and saw another contraction coming, he hoped this would at least get the other shoulder out, it was the hardest part for Claire. When she was gripped with the powerful pain, Jamie helped her up as she groaned, red-faced, into the pushing. It went on longer than the others and it panicked Jamie until he heard Steve’s excited voice telling her to push, it was almost over.

“Jamie! Come here and see your baby girl be born!”

Another EMT slapped gloves on Jamie and Steve pulled his hands to support his daughter’s head and back placing his own hands over the father’s. When Claire groaned through another contraction, the tiny body shot out into her father’s hands. In a single heartbeat, Jamie fell in love with the tiny creature before she was whisked away.

Jamie had tears streaming down his cheeks as he kissed Claire’s face and told her how brave she was.

“Ye did it love. Ye have a beautiful daughter. She is beautiful, but she has red hair. Sorry.”

Claire laughed out loud as Jamie picked her up and laid her on the gurney. Steve laid the bundled baby on her chest and she was loaded into the ambulance for the trip to Lexington. Steve was still connected by phone to her doctor. He read all monitors to her and smiled when she told him, “excellent job, the mother was in good hands.”

Jamie just watched his two girls and hardly heard a single sound except the baby grunting a bit and Claire cooing to her. Time and space fell away for him until the doors opened in Lexington and he jumped out. As the gurney was rolled away Claire shouted for him and her fright was replaced with a smile when he walked by her side.

“Always and forever Jamie?”

“Never to be parted, love.”

Steve ran up to Jamie and pumped his hand saying what a beautiful daughter he had. Jamie watched him run back to the ambulance kicking his heals three times. It was his first delivery, of a dear friend, no less. He was a very happy EMT today. Jamie ran to catch up with Claire.

The hospital was very pro father so Jamie was able to stay with Claire and baby while her doctor stitched up the tearing and verified her uterus was empty. Jamie liked the female doctor because she was direct and left nothing to the imagination.

“Well, you defied the odds that predicted a long labor and ample time to get to the hospital.” She looked at Claire, “are you alright after such a scare?”

Like music to Jamie’s ears, she stated she was perfectly fine with a new daughter and a devilishly handsome husband, making the doctor laugh.

Later, in the early evening, Claire was napping so Jamie sat next to his daughter and stared at the remarkable tiny human. His heart rate shot up when she stretched and grunted. Jamie so wanted to hold her, but the grunts became louder and her little chin started to quiver. Jamie was completely undone when the wailing started.

“Will you bring her to me, Jamie?”

He had read all about how to hold and transport a newborn. He slipped his hand under her head and lifted her into his arms. She went quiet suddenly and opened her eyes making Jamie’s heart nearly stop in his chest. The wailing resumed and baby was laid at Claire’s breast. When the baby latched onto a nipple Jamie watched with new tears stinging his eyes. He pulled out his phone and clicked pictures of mother and child.

Claire put a fresh diaper on her baby girl and looked closely at her, now sleeping peacefully with a belly full of milk.

“Nothing we have will work, Jamie.”

“Sassenach, I dinna ken they even make what er we lack.”

She felt her heart melt with the return of his contracted speech and never loved him so much.

“None of the names we have will work. Her name is Faith.”

Jamie looked at the baby, “Faith.”

Claire and Faith were asleep and Jamie smiled at the now-forgotten nipple inside her open mouth. He changed her and bundled her tightly before setting her in the bassinet on her side. It was three o’clock in the morning and he couldn’t wait for her to wake up again, wailing, so he could pick her up for a few magical seconds. He wanted to hold his wife so badly and looked at the cold Lazy Boy, moving toward it.

“Jamie, can you lay with me, please. I’m cold and I miss you.”

When he pulled her against his chest she sighed in his warmth and protection. He is such a good man she thought.

“I love you is woefully short of the emotion I feel Jamie. It is my life’s mission to find a way to express my love.”

“Ye already have lass, and she sleeps not three feet away.” He kissed her temple and cuddled her to his warmth.

The miracles came daily for the Fraser’s as they settled into parenthood. Molly and Lulu could not stay away, and it seemed one of them was always with Claire during the first three weeks. Jamie would rush home to find everything done, his wife and daughter sound asleep giving him peace of mind to return to work.

In October, when the leaves were in full color, Claire bundled Faith into her carriage for a walk around their favorite lake. Jamie was telling her about the race results of the yearlings when Claire squealed with delight and pointed at the baby. Jamie decided she was just as cute as always and continued his discussion stopping abruptly when Faith smiled at him. Jamie stopped in his tracks and looked closely at the dimples that punctuated her face. He had never seen them because they only appeared when she smiled. After that, he lived for Faith’s next smile.

Near the end of November, Claire received a package from Sports Illustrated. She ran for a knife and pulled out a large softcover book. It was a coffee table book, with hundreds of HD pictures of her and Runner. There was text running through the pictures that told the story of a miracle baby horse and the woman he chose to make him a champion. A separate page was dedicated to each of his races and Claire turned the pages reading every word. She was jolted by the close-ups of her winner’s tears laying tracks in her dirty cheeks, and looking up at Runner with her hands on his face. A close up of her face set in calm determination in the Belmont gate just minutes before she won the Triple Crown.

When Claire turned the page to the Kentucky Derby, Nosh had captured her salute to the governor and Claire felt the damn break behind her eyes and the tears gushed. She held a towel under her nose and read the tribute to the first woman to win that distinguished race.

Jamie stood frozen at the door watching Claire cry. He looked at the book on her lap and smiled at his darling baby.

“Are ye alright Sassenach?”

She looked up through watery eyes and shook her head yes. “May I leave you two for a bit? There is someone I need to see.”

“Of course love.”

Claire walked to the pasture gate searching for them and decided to walk the bluegrass until he smelled her. In under a minute she heard a whiny and saw him galloping toward her, tossing his head in a bouncy gate. Coming up the rear was a fat Porcelain, looking fit and pregnant. Claire threw her arms open wide and walked into his chest locking her hands around his neck.

Runner sniffed her all over and nickered to her showing mental images of her hugging him. There was static in the images and she really had to concentrate to see them. Runner was obviously happy to see her but quickly bolted away to chase Porcelain. Claire was thrilled to see Runner, but she no longer felt the deep connection with him.

Over the next week, the images that he used to communicate could no longer be seen. At first, she struggled not to lose them until she saw Runner, so happy in his new life, a champion forever.

When the first snow fell in January, Claire and Jamie were at the gate to bring Runner and Porcelain in for the night. She saw them through the heavy snowfall, heads tossing and kicking back legs into the air. It was horse nirvana. Claire took a deep breath and opened her soul, letting go of Runner, feeling him blow away from her while she watched him play. It was an intensely private moment, just she and Runner saying goodbye.

Claire later explained what happened in an email to Nosh, saying she no longer heard animals talk.

Nosh replied with his infinite wisdom.

‘My dearest Claire, the odds have not been so heavily stacked against a horse since Sea Biscuit and here he is, a champion for the ages. Your gift made it possible. You can focus on your loving family now but stay alert. I expect you will converse with animals again someday. When he needs you. Love Nosh’

Claire whispered, “thank you, my friend.” She felt closure from his words, infinitely better deep inside where she missed Runner. Her sadness was replaced with knowing she would ride him through the volumes of history yet to be written. They would never be forgotten.

As the days turned into months and then into years the breeding and foaling season came and went as they all waited for a superstar to be born from Midnight Runner. Lulu kept diligent records of the offspring and how they did racing. Porcelain was bred three times in four years, the first two colts were sold at Keenan. The third was a filly, such a light grey she looked pure white. She was a beauty and Jamie kept her to race, and then breed.

He was partial to the little filly because she was brave and funny and big. After she was weened he turned her out with Runner every chance he got and was blown away by her speed when they chased each other. She was registered Midnight Love.

Claire kissed her daughter’s cheeks a dozen times while Faith giggled and counted to twelve. Jason tapped his horn outside, and Claire handed her new son to his father with a kiss. He held her to him.

“Ye promised no more than three hours lassie, do ye remember?”

She looked into crystal blue eyes, “I’ll be back in two.”

Jason chatted on about his upcoming wedding glancing at the top folder and staring at the name of the facility.

“Why does that name sound so familiar?”

Claire looked at him like an afterthought, “hmm?”

When she jumped out of the truck, she noticed a distinct shift inside of her and wondered if she could be pregnant again so soon.

Later in the day, Jason walked the last yearling to the cross ties.

“My leg hurts.”

Claire looked up at who was talking and saw no one. “My leg hurts.” She was getting annoyed at someone playing tricks on her. She investigated the nearby stalls and around corners but found no one. When she turned around her mind filled with an image of her limping in pain with every step. She looked down at her boots taking deep breaths to steady her nerves. When she looked up at the one-year-old colt she felt him cry.

She put her hands on his cheeks, “my sweet boy, what has happened to you?”

She felt the stabbing pain in her own shoulder and pulled out her portable x-ray machine. Jason looked at his watch and suggested they get going so Jamie didn’t have his private parts in a vise.

“Are you referring to your balls Jason?”

Claire laughed at his deep blush. “Ah, yea.”

Claire handed the x-ray to the owner and explained the issue with his limping.

“He has a malformation of the shoulder causing pain when he moves that leg. If he’s to start boot camp this year we must fix it now. Let me know when to schedule the surgery.”

Claire joined Jason walking to the truck when she called to the owner, “who is the sire of that colt?”

“Midnight Runner!”

Claire felt her lungs evacuate and the blood race to her toes. She moved to the truck while a big shaggy dog jumped into the air in front of her.

“Hi! Hi! You want to play? Hi! Here, throw the ball! Watch how high I jump! Throw it! Now is good, throw the ball, throw the ball!”

Jason came around and held her arm into the truck. He was worried about her ghostly pallor. “You alright Claire? What happened back there?”

“Runner’s son just asked me to help him.”

Jason’s head whipped around to stare at her. Suddenly a smile broke across her face and seemed to light up the inside of the truck.

“That colt is our new project Jason and things are gonna get dicey in a couple of months. He won’t want to run because each time in the past the pain has been terrible. Don’t worry, I have a plan.”

Jason’s mouth had dropped open and his head shook slowly side to side.

She continued. “You know Michael is miserable in his faculty position, maybe I should introduce him to the owner. A season on the track might be just what he needs.”

“Claire, Midnight Love starts boot camp this summer, isn’t the colt a conflict of interest?”

“Certainly not. I love them both and will help each of them on the road to the Derby.” Claire got quiet and looked out the window. “If by some miracle they both have a gate position next May, I hope Midnight Love wins. The first filly in history to win the Kentucky Derby.”

Claire looked up at the twin spires of Church Hill Downs and was flooded with memories of racing Runner on this track. She and Jamie were VIP’s with the best table where Claire signed eight by ten glossy photos of she and Runner crossing the finish line of the Kentucky Derby five years ago. They were treated to the best food and whisky all day and a great time was had by both of them. The party atmosphere swept them away.

The loudspeaker announced the parade of competitors was about to begin and Claire stretched her neck to see the track below. Jamie pulled her out of her seat and headed for the exit door. This was too important to be cooped up here in this finery.

They watched the horses being ponied and Claire searched madly for Midnight Love, exhaling a breath when she was found, bringing up the rear, just like her father. They found a place to watch on the rail and Claire thought she might stroke out waiting for the horses to load into the gate. The seconds turned to hours. When the gate slammed open twenty-one horses made a mad dash for the track. Midnight Love was unimpressed with the males crashing into one another but as soon as they were away, she cantered out like it was a ride in the park. She was dead last causing Jamie to jump up and down yelling for her to run!

Michael pushed in between Claire and Jamie with a big smile looking from one to the other and laughing at Jamie having some kind of fit because his horse was in last place.

“What kind of crack-pot trainer are ye Michael, look at her, I expect her to wander into the infield and start pickin daisies for Christ sake.”

“This is your chance of a lifetime sweetheart, it’s time to win,” Claire said to no one in particular. But her eyes were closed so she could mentally tell the filly it was time to fly.

As if a firecracker went off in her butt, Midnight Love burst into a gallop and shot forward like a white bullet and the crowd went wild. She ran up on the outside and overtook the pack with ease setting her sight on the lead horse, her brother. When Love decided it was time to win the race there was little that could stop her. Claire held her breath watching Love extend into each stride with the jockey barely able to hang on. As the two horses barreled down the home stretch Love inched forward just before they crossed the finish line. It was a photo finish and the announcer’s incredulous voice finally told the world Midnight Love was the winner of the one hundred forty-ninth Kentucky Derby, the first filly ever to win the race!

“That’s my girl,” Claire said out loud. She opened her eyes to Jamie and Michael doing a chest bump in pure male glee.

When Jamie looked at his wife, he hugged her tightly. Another Derby win for Highland Brothers Farm. The future could not be brighter.

The End

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elsarah · 5 years

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Favorite clips of s5

Thank you so much @smblmn for tagging me, I love the idea! While the season as a whole was kinda underwhelming, it was full of amazing clips and I do have a lot of favorites. Here’s my top 10 and a few honorable mentions. I tend to have one favorite clip by episode, except for episode 8, which I REALLY didn't like. I didn't rank my picks, I'll just list them chronologically.

And since I didn't have the opportunity this season, I'm also making gifs to illustrate my picks :) I need the practice, as you can see.

Ep.1: Samedi 0:25 - Le choc

One of my favorite things this season has been the symbolism and the metaphors around sound and silence. In the first episode, there were 2 occurrences: Arthur seeing Noée for the first time underwater at the pool and him looking in the street as snow falls and slowly realizing he's gone deaf. I thought this was an amazing idea and that it gave disability more depth and beauty.

And that look at the camera in the last seconds… And the piano music… It was so chilling.

Ep. 2: Jeudi 20:59 - La nuit de

Globally, the scenes at the association were my favorites, even though I have a complicated relationship with them. Before shooting started in October, someone from the crew promised they would invite me on set during the filming of these scenes, but they ended up breaking their promise. I try to be as drama free as possible on the internet so I didn’t talk about it publicly but now that the season has ended I’m like “Why should I bottle this up, I’m not the the one who screwed up and I’m still hurt about it”.

The first time I watched that clip in January, I was heartbroken. Not just because of the missed opportunity but because I realised I never got to experience what Arthur did; there was no association for me, no one. But I still have a really soft spot for this scene because it's just gorgeous. The aesthetic is incredible and I totally understand what Arthur feels (minus the alcohol). Overall, as bittersweet as it is, it's probably one of my top 3 scenes this season (and it looks like it's one of David's too, this man has great taste). I can’t help but feel for the teenager I was and I wonder how I would have felt watching it then.

Ep.3: Vendredi 13:12 - Check de frérot

Arthur and Basile's friendship was one of the highlights of this season, heck Basile WAS the highlight of this season. Basile and Arthur never shy away from hugs and I'm living for it. I'm so looking forward to see more of Basile in season 6 (since I guess we'll see more of his relationship with Daphné). I loved seeing him be so well-intentioned, despite his usual clumsiness. Seeing Paul in a more serious register (for instance when Arthur lashed out at the boys in episode 6) was delightful.

Ep 4.: Lundi 19:02 - Les entendants

This one also belongs in my top 3. This is the representation I was looking for when I learned Skam France would tackle hearing loss and deafness. It doesn't come in the same package for everybody, and I love that they tried to show it through so many different characters. The situations described here are universal among deaf people.

On a more personal note, I loved that the extras were actual deaf people and sone of them well known. The lady interpreting is Jennifer Lesage-David, co-director at IVT, and she helped David and Niels a lot this season. And the girl speaking about her relationship with her dad is Lulu, she has a YouTube channel with her sister where they raise awareness about hearing loss. The instagram post that was published that day also featured a lot of people I more or less know.

Watching this clip was an experience in itself. I was attending a conference that night about deaf TV archives. The clip dropped 2 minutes before it started and I had to wait for it to end to finally watch. It was excruciating. Also, half the staff of IVT was there and I actually ended up watching the clip in front them. There were like "Wait? Jennifer was in Skam?".

Ep.4: Vendredi 20:43 - Ma vie a changé

While I'm still sceptical about Noée falling in love with Arthur so quickly (this sign song is unambiguous), I think this is one of the most beautiful scenes in the whole series. I don't care very much about this being romantically coded, I just choose to focus on the sign song, because I'm so happy they featured deaf visual arts.

My friend and I spent hours trying to decipher what the song could be about and our interpretation differed a lot from Winona's original text but we loved doing this. David was curious to see how my friend would understand it (especially the part where Noée signs a growing love which she cradles) and he was so happy when she understood it right.

For those interested, here’s what we interpreted (roughly translated into English):

Like two souls lost in the storm, Swayed by the tide, Never really seeing each other Until ours eyes meet. Something is growing inside me, something new, That sets my heart beating. You take off my mask and the truth in your eyes, Fills my heart. Look at me, I also see you.

Ep.6: Mercredi 18:31 - Un simple bout de métal

Also one of the scenes I was expecting the most this season, especially when it transpired that Noée was a bit radical. Her letter echoes my own fears and I thought it was really on point. Arthur admitting he needs her made my heart melt, he's so lucky to have met her. And Winona was amazing in that clip.

Ep.7: Vendredi 20:31 - Sourd dating

Just like for "Un simple bout de metal", I was also expecting that scene. I like that they made Noée and Camille voice their opinion like both faces of the same coin. It was a great way to address cochlear implants as they're a sensitive topic in the deaf community. I think this is one of the most shining example of the research work they did. They could have just stopped at Noée’s letter. But since they had deaf actors like Lucas, who is also implanted and has faced prejudices from radical Deaf people in the past, they had to show implants were not evil and that the situation was more complex than just “Doctors who want to act as gods”.

Learning Noée’s backstory was also interesting, although I didn’t expect her to be an "ex-implanted" deaf. She explains that she learned sign language at the association, which can't be more than 3-4 years ago (and if you look closely in ep 3, when Arthur checks the website, she says she joined the association at its beginning), but there's no way Noée would have that proficiency in sign language in just 4 years of practice. Winona's fluency in sign language is clearly that of someone who grew up with it. I loved being able to notice these subtleties.

Like all the clips at the association, it was a joy to watch because of the atmosphere and the sign language. The deaf extras were lovely. I actually got to meet a few of them last month and had an amazing time with them.

Ep.9: Vendredi 20:17 - Choisir pour toi

Coline. singing. Do I need to say more? I like that both Noée and Alexia had their shining moment and as clumsy as the story got, I appreciate that the writers didn't try to pin one girl against the other and make one superior. Noée had her sign song and Alexia her own composition. And both were breathtaking. What really gets me in this scene are the colors. I'm a sucker for aesthetics.

And of course, it was great to see Alexia stand her ground and break up with Arthur. I have nothing but respect for her and I'm team Alexia + happiness all the way.

Ep.10: Lundi 10:04 - La même vie que vous

When Melchior, Laura and the brochure subplot was introduced, I was a bit wary because their introduction scene was really, really awkward (it wasn't very well tied at first). By their second scene, at Arthur's place, I was sold. It was great to address accessibility and show that there's no point putting people with disabilities in the same bag, because there are hundreds of them and the needs are different. What doesn't change is our wish to live our life at the fullest, just like abled people. And this scene was precious. Seeing Arthur endorse this new part of him and support his peers was everything.

Ep.10: Vendredi 20:47 - Le meilleur des mondes

I'm still very emotional about this scene. Like… I don't know what to say, the music still sends shivers down my spine.

Honorable mentions :

Ep.1: Mardi 11:59 - 3, 2, 1,…

One of the only things Robin told me about the season when I met him at IVT was that the first clip would drop on New Year's Eve at 11:59 p.m.. That date became a beacon during fall and oh you wouldn't believe how much I waited for that clip to drop and how much I was looking forward to it. And it freaking delivered. The atmosphere, the tense music, that first shot on the loudspeaker, the confetti clogging it gradually… That teaser was a masterpiece.

Ep.2: Like… the whole episode actually. The alarm clock concept was genius.

Ep.4: Samedi 10:15 - Nouveau style

One of these gorgeous clips without dialogues that still say lots.

Ep.5: Samedi 10:03 - Maîtriser le langage

Oh my, this one was so relatable and a joy to watch. Camille explaining that sign language and mimes are different, Arthur being that dimwit asking about swear words and being told off for speaking… Kuddos to the deaf extras who had to pretend they didn't know any sign language, it was so funny (looking at you, Enzo).

Ep.6: Samedi 8:30 - Mythos

Seeing Arthur lashing out at his friends was cathartic. He roasted them so well, I wished I had his ability to speak so well when I'm angry. A+ work.

Ep.6: Dimanche 14:41 - Envie de rien

Alexia being the real MVP, as always.

Ep.7: Samedi 2:15 - Pool Party

It’s strange, because even though a lot of the story went down in this particular episode, it must be one of my favorites, like… tied with episode 2. It has probably a lot to do with the fact there were mostly deaf characters and that they had so much fun together. It’s something I can relate do, the sheer joy of signing the night away, which is something I didn’t get to experience until very recently.

As gorgeous as the underwater scene is, I'm not a fan of Noée and Arthur's almost kiss. I picked this scene because I love the moment of sheer joy that follows; everyone joining in the pool and having fun together. And of course the rise of Camika. I know it's a bit convoluted to have the two openly gay guys fall for each other first time they meet but… it just worked so well.

Ep.9: Mercredi 21:34 - Frère

This clip was about to make the top 10 cut when I remembered about another one and I had to remove it. Just Basile being lovely Basile.

Ep.9: Jeudi 17:30 - T'es pas tout seul

This clip was so important, bless the nurse and bless Jérôme. I wish Jérôme was my audiologist, to be honest.

Ep.10: Samedi 13:39 - Maman

Arthur's mom was so lovely and I'm so sorry she had to go through this shit with her trashcan of a husband. I liked her relationship with her son and her reassuring him he's not like his father was very soothing. I wasn’t the biggest fan of Arthur at the end of this season and I appreciate he’s well looked after after what he went through.

Ep.10: Jeudi 17:46 - Recommencer

Just like "Nouveau style" from ep 4, it's another one of these silent clips that has lots of meaning. Arthur putting back his glasses, slowly accepting his life won't be the same and that he has to move on. Except now things are clearer. Skam France love its symbolism and while sometimes it's very poorly done (like the love triangle emphasizing on Arthur's balancing between two worlds), more often than not it's very compelling.

Now I want to rewatch everything, so see you soon I guess :)

#skamfr5 #Manon rambles #I'm so sad my gifs look so ugly #I spent a lot of time on them but smart sharpen in a pain in my butt #I can't control it very well #oh well #I'll practice and I'll get the hang on it #my edits

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muthaz-rapapa · 6 years

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Embrace Your Shining Future~

Boy, I hope 10 years from now we’ll be lucky to have a future that’s even a quarter this great as Hugtto’s.

But first, it looks like George returned to his time, no longer a villain (and I guess he wasn’t a ghost, after all) but now an ordinary man again.

And while it doesn’t seem like they really applied the Walking the Earth trope here, his surroundings doesn’t suggest that humanity instantly recovered once time started again either (this all the more supports my theory that it’s a separate timeline from Hugtto’s timeline, where humanity didn’t fall to ruin).

However, maybe it’s just because of his location and they’re all somewhere else.

Whatever the case, the flowers indicate that life will start over once more and perhaps, humanity will reborn, so to speak.

As for him, he doesn’t look as depressed as he was previously which is good because hopefully, he can work his way towards redemption by helping to nurture this newly sprung future instead of setting out to destroy it like he originally did.

Alright, back to you Hugtto, looking quite marvelous and sunny ten years later.

These two became a manzai duo.

Didn’t expect that but hooray, hooray for them.

Shoulda known, since they came from the future, that they would still be kids (or at least around the same age as the Cures in present time) when the girls’ time finally catches up to future.

But nobody could’ve really predicted at what age exactly anyway so it’s no big deal.

Oh, and it’s nice to see that some old classmates still kept in touch long after they graduated middle school.

Nice. Very nice. *nod nod*

It’s especially funny when you don’t find it surprising that Fumito ended up working for….

…this president of what is possibly Japan’s biggest and most prosperous design company (Hana always liked to draw so not surprised about this either).

And what a president she is!

Twirling around in her office just radiating POSITIVITY even though she’s HEAVILY PREGNANT AND SHOULD BE ON MATERNITY LEAVE!

Oyvey…that’s our Hana, alright, lol

Daigan working in the same pediatric ward as Saaya doesn’t surprise me either since we’ve seen him getting along with kids very well.

And wooot~, Saaya with short hair looks so pretty (she’s always pretty but now she’s grown-up and living her dream pretty!).

Then Homare bumped into Papple at the airport (pretty sure Homare recognized her but didn’t have time to chat since she’s in a hurry and all).

We don’t know what Papple’s doing nowadays but it looks like life is treating her well so yay~

Then there’s this.

I suppose Emiru met up with young Traum sometime ago and agreed to fund his research and development (the Aisaki family is loaded, remember, so again, NOT SURPRISED THERE) all for the purpose of seeing her best friend again…

…which resulted in the birth of Lulu, the first robot of her kind to have not only a human heart (which we’ve already seen happen) but also the capability to grow just like a normal human does.

And the reunion is just as you would expect. Tears of joy because hell yea, baby!Lulu may not recognize Emiru since she’s just been born but HELL YEA, they kept their promise to each other!

*sniff*

And of course, the first thing they do together is sing.

Ugh! So beautiful~! <3

By the way, I’m declaring it canon that Traum’s first daughter is alive and she probably did contribute some way into the project to create Lulu and the reason we don’t see her here is likely because she’s at school or something.

The Traum family consists of three members and they’re all alive and well and most of all, happy together.

You can’t convince me otherwise! xP

Homare made it in time and what’s more, SHE BROUGHT A GOLD MEDAL!

What a great auntie/godmother!

Kotori guiding the next generation of cheerleaders.

Appropriate.

Henri made a musical on ice.

He did THAT!

“HENRI ON ICE”

And who was the producer of this theatrical success?

The one and only Aisaki Group, DUH!

I mean, what you’d expect from having in-laws (I dare the fool who tries to tell me Masato and Henri are not married, I DARE YOU!) who are such opera/theater fanatics that they LIVE the stage in their daily lives?

So glad the grandfather finally came around as well. Awesome.

Ranka became the next Best Actress. Congrats.

THE GRANNIES ARE STILL GOING STRONG!!

100 is the new 20! xDD

New grandparents rushing to the hospital and they hardly look a day over the last time we saw them from 10 years ago.

*whispers* The secret must be a healthy, happy marriage.

And this is, without a doubt, Hana’s (wavy, dark-haired) husband (she is wearing her wedding band, go back and check) who’s just heard the news but still made sure to pick up a bouquet along the way to see his wife.

A bouquet of craspedias, the same flower villain!George tried to give to Hana years ago.

Except this person is obviously not the same George.

Again, it’s strongly implied the foremost reason why George spiraled into depression and started doing evil things was because he lost Hana in the future.

But since Hana doesn’t die this time, villain!George never comes into existence and therefore, George is just a normal guy who’s, hopefully, grateful that life has given him such happiness and meaning and is very much anticipating meeting his baby daughter.

Yea, they deliberately did not show his face to continue to cast doubt on who Hugtan’s father is but I’m certain it’s gotta be him.

Knowing the type of person Hana is, there’s no way she wouldn’t be concerned about the man George was before he became President Kurai when she meets (again) in present day. And she likely would’ve stuck by him to make sure he didn’t go down the same disastrous path. As a result, they got close, fell in love, married and are now having a baby together.

It’s still squicky because of the age difference so I hope they got together when Hana was at legal age (and by that, I mean by my standard of 21 years, not Japan’s 13). At least, it’ll make me feel slightly better about them being a couple that way.

Also, it looks like what people have been telling me about genetic traits possibly jumping a generation or two (thanks for further confirming this, btw!) are correct so Hugtan/Hagumi can have blonde hair even if neither of her parents do. The fact that George’s name is written in katakana instead of hiragana (which probably would translate closer to “Jouji”) suggests George himself is partially foreign so perhaps Hugtan got the blonde hair from his side (??).

To be honest, I was aware of this fact already (really, I’m not lying here). I just didn’t believe that the staff behind Hugtto knew about it and because of that, I didn’t think they would apply it here since it’s more common to see animators make almost all girls take after their moms and almost all boys take after their dads. I especially can’t trust Toei after that whole skin color incident with Towa from Go!Pri but it seems like the writers of this season learned from their mistakes and even did some extra research this time.

Who knows?

Anyways, all evidence points to this person as George and I have nothing more to add.

Moving along, d’aww, whaddya know?

Mogumogu and the cat he admired got together and adopted Hariham village!

How sweet~! <33

Finally, they don’t tell how much further off in the future it is when Tomorrow turns up again but can I just say, it’s such a RELIEF that she doesn’t have to suffer through a despairing future like she did in the original timeline.

And that was all thanks to her mom and her friends.

Plus, when the focus turns to her at the precise moment Hagumi is born in Hana’s present time and she softly says “Mama”?

Yea...who else felt that?

*turns into a sobbing mess*

And that’s it.

Congratulations, Hana. Congratulations, Hagumi. May you have many, many blessed and blissful days ahead of you and may you always be together.

Thank you, Hugtto, for giving everybody such a huggy, huggy year! ^^

#i did not cry but I was super MEGA happy throughout #still want that prequel tho #hugtto precure #nono hana #hugtan #yakushiji saaya #kagayaki homare #aisaki emiru #lulu amour #hariham harry #george kurai #wakamiya henri #aisaki masato #dr. traum #cure tomorrow

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buttercupsfrocks · 5 years

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Another week, another fatphobic shitstorm, Tumblr, this time in the form of an exercise in projected self-loathing courtesy of Torygraph journalist Tanya Gold. You can find it here if you’re curious, or you can just look at the pictures of my bargain Zara ranty pants plissé culottes; either way I’m afraid I’m going to vent.

For those hitherto unfamiliar with Ms Gold, she’s a self-identified fat woman who has previously written about the pervasiveness of fat discrimination and prejudice; the tyranny of fashion and its fixation with excessively thin models; her serial dieting career; and her struggles with bulimia and alcoholism. Consequently I was a mite puzzled to learn she was appalled at Nike’s recent decision to include a plus-sized mannequin in their London flagship store. This they have done in the spirit of “celebrating the diversity and inclusivity of sport” – and presumably to promote that, unlike exclusionary trend led brands such as Sweaty Betty and Lulu Lemon, Nike supplies workout gear to accommodate those of us at the larger end of the bell curve. Much in the manner of the ground breakingly diverse This Girl Can campaign launched four years ago by Sport England, the message is clear enough: encourage as many women as possible to exercise, thereby improving the health of as many women as possible; everybody wins, GIRL POWAH!

It’s not the first time I’ve used the phrase cognitive dissonance on this blog and it certainly won’t be the last. Unfortunately we live in an era where health has become so synonymous with thinness that even a supposedly whipsmart broadsheet journalist can’t discern they are two different things that aren’t mutually exclusive. “The new Nike mannequin is not size 12, which is healthy,” Gold observes, “or even 16 – a hefty weight, yes, but not one to kill a woman. She is immense, gargantuan, vast. She heaves with fat.” Well of course she does. As I’ve noted before those who hate fat people, including fat people who hate themselves, have a tendency to luxuriate in baroque prose when describing adipose tissue. Personally speaking, my fat does a lot of things but heave isn’t generally one of them unless there’s stewed rhubarb involved. But let’s just back-track a second, shall we? Ms Gold herself is a size 16, or was when she shared this heart rending tale of how she was unable to find a single thousand quid frock to accommodate her UK average-sized arse in Prada. But hey, at least she’s not hefty enough to be dying any time soon. That’s something only fatter fat women do, women who heave, not borderline, amateur chubs like her. Man, if there was ever a women for whom Body Positivity – aka Fat Acceptance Lite® – was invented, it’s Tanya fucking Gold. She even employs the eternal whinge of the aspiration-deprived inbetweenie, “where is the body shape between the tiny and the immense, which is where true health lives? Where is the ordinary, medium, contented woman? Where, oh where, is the middle ground?” In other words, “What about Meeeeeeee?!”

While Gold’s got a point in that it can be highly detrimental to a woman’s self esteem to rarely see her body type represented by the media she consumes, Meeeeeeee! is nonetheless catered to by every single non-couture clothing chain in the country. And while having to be forced to buy from lesser emporia might disappoint, (House of Fraser; the horror), imagine being excluded by the entire fucking high street. Then ask yourself, if that were your reality, how you might be expected to know that a mainstream manufacturer caters to your needs if they don’t advertise it? Call me dim if you must but a display featuring a showroom dummy five sizes smaller than I am would not alert me to this fact. Of the offending mannequin she describes as “in every measure obese”, Gold laments, “She cannot run. She is, more likely, pre-diabetic and on her way to a hip replacement”. Hello? She’s made of sodding fibreglass and weighs approximately 25lbs. Unlike the multitude of actual fat human beings who do indeed run, practice team sports, swim, teach yoga, shot-put and weightlift, as well as attend dance and exercise classes, Nike’s blank canvas can’t do bugger all except encourage other fat women to follow suit which somehow, according to Gold’s bizarre convoluted logic, is a one way ticket to a tragic early death. I know; it’s like falling down a rabbit hole of WTFF. No wonder it’s kicked off such a backlash.

I’ve been sparring with concern trolls like Gold for yonks and they invariably trot out the same old lies, either out of fear, spite or sheer pig ignorance. Gold is no exception; the Fat Acceptance Movement, she opines, “says any weight is healthy if it’s yours”. Yeah, no. In actuality the Fat Acceptance Movement is a fifty year old political initiative born of grass roots feminism, that seeks to highlight and challenge weight based prejudice and discrimination – be that in the classroom, the workplace, the doctor’s office, the fashion industry, mainstream media, (an advertising campaign that portrays the public as abject morons and further stigmatises fat people would seem to fit the bill), local or national government, or anywhere else it has the power to negatively impact the lives of those subject to it. Many detractors confuse Fat Acceptance with Health At Every Size which is an internationally recognised, medically supported programme dedicated to the pursuit of healthful habits without a focus on weight loss. It is, for instance, a useful tool for those in recovery for eating disorders. While many Fat Acceptance advocates practice HAES, just as many don’t; likewise there are those involved in HAES who are neither fat nor politicised about fat.

Gold’s assertion that the War On Obesity® (aka fat people) has been beaten into submission by political correctness is risible, as evidenced by her own poisonous prose, which – pardon my plagiarism – fairly heaves with internalised negative stereotypes: the Fat Acceptance advocate as deluded and self-deceiving; the fat athlete as a myth. We are self piteous, unreliable narrators of our own lived experience; sugar-guzzling runaway trains on a surefire collision with death; we’re narcissistic, (yet self-hating), sick by default, entirely unacquainted with the diseases correlated with obesity, (all incidentally correlated with age and heredity too); in denial about our physical appearance; feckless, and – because no anti-fat screed would be complete without it – lacking in Personal Responsibility. But she would “never want a woman to hate herself for what she finds in the mirror”, perish the thought.

The War on Obesity, despite being ramped up a hundredfold since I was a was first indoctrinated into – and lastingly damaged by – diet culture as an eleven year old child, has not resulted in a healthier populace. Western society is collectively mired up to the lugholes in mass neurosis around issues of food and weight; eating disorders are on the rise across the gender spectrum, in some instances developing in kindergarten, so Gold can fucking bite me with her cod “what about the children?!” shtick. Mental health is a key component of overall wellbeing, and shame is not conducive to mental health. Meanwhile society is getting fatter – along with the wallets of bariatric surgeons and all the other opportunist outfits in "partnership” with the National Obesity Forum, (Canderel, LighterLife, SlimFast, Roche, Glaxo Smith Kline, et al; all organisations whose revenue is dependent on as many people as possible fearing, hating, and being fat).

It’s time to try something else, like recognising that body diversity, along with death and disease, are simple facts of life; that healthful practices are beneficial to all regardless of the size of the body practicing them; and that weight is not an indicator of health or moral character. It also wouldn’t be a bad idea to get to grips with the reams of documentary evidence confirming there is no reliable way to make a body naturally inclined to fatness lastingly thin, and move the fuck forward already.

I’ll shut up now.

#OOTD #Fatshion #Zara #Got my ranty pants on #Tanya Gold

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the-end-of-art · 5 years

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A singular organism around food

How The Farewell Director Lulu Wang Stayed True to Herself

A conversation with the writer-director about love, the lies we tell, and being faithful to your own story.

at GQ by Chris Gayomali

The first scene of The Farewell introduces Awkwafina as Billi, weaving her way through the streets of New York while on the phone with her grandmother in China, Nai Nai. Their conversation is warm, if mundane, but it’s cleverly punctuated with little white lies: Billi says yes, Nai Nai, she’s wearing a hat for the cold (she’s not). Nai Nai, meanwhile, unspools a few falsehoods of her own: she says she’s just at home when she’s actually at the hospital for a checkup. The back-and-forth makes for an elegant volley of disinformation; if love is kinetic, it’s best to keep things moving.

“It was really important to portray how close she is with her grandmother, even though they don't see each other that often and live on opposite ends of the globe,” says the film’s director, Lulu Wang. We’re sitting in a sunny room in A24’s Manhattan offices, talking about the film, her second-ever feature, and all the tangles that come from releasing something this autobiographical out into the world. “It's this unconditional love that Billi really only receives from her grandmother, because, I think, as an Asian-American and Asian immigrant, the love of our parents is not like what American kids talk about.”

The Farewell is based on actual events. Sort of. Nai Nai, the matriarch of the family, is at the hospital because she was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. The doctor tells her sister, Little Nai Nai, that she only has a few months to live, so the family makes the collective decision to not disclose the bad news to her, because the fear, as they understand it, is what will truly kill her. In response, the family hastily organizes a sham wedding for one of the cousins—a ruse of a family reunion—so that everyone can say their goodbyes to Nai Nai, who is none the wiser.

Wang originally told her story on This American Life in 2016, which led to her writing the script for The Farewell, and, eventually, to receiving rhapsodic reviews at Sundance and an acquisition from A24. Last month, GQ sat down with Wang to talk about the film, growing up as an immigrant in Miami, and more.

GQ: Did your family feel weird at all when they learned that you were making something this revealing?

Lulu Wang: I think they felt weird about what I was going to represent about each of them. It's not like they’re very secretive, but my mom, especially, is a very private person. She was like, "Go make a movie, but I don't want to be noticed and I don't want to be in the spotlight." I think she is superstitious and an anxious person, so when things are going really well, she can often be like "be careful!" instead of celebrating.

In what ways is she superstitious? Is she a ghost person who believes in spirits and all that?

She just believes when things are going too smoothly, you have to be careful, because energetically something will go wrong. She very much believes that if there's something you want very badly, and you have no control over getting it—like if you want to meet a partner in your life—that you need to ask the universe. You need to put it out to the universe and ask. She's not Christian. She's not religious in any one particular way. But she will say you have to make yourself humble and say, "I need to ask for this thing because I have no control.”

Where did you find the encouragement to make that leap and make something like this?

I think it was because I had done a feature previously [2014’s Posthumous]. That gave me the confidence to know that, one, I know I can make a movie. I can put together a film project. I can direct actors. I can run a set. Two, I think it proved to my parents that I can also do [all those things] because it provided a proof of concept, right?

My mother is one of these people, she's like, "I'm not an American parent"—they all believe their own kid is wonderful and everything. She’s like, "I'm a mother just like millions and millions of other mothers. What makes me think my kid is special?"

[Laughs] Oh, wow.

She'll also contradict herself! She’ll say, not that you’re special exactly, but that you're destined, or that “we came out here [to America], sacrificed for you, and so you need to make a good life.” When I made my first feature, it was really surprising for my parents to go, "You can make a film and were amazing! You put this together, and you have to keep going!" Having their support meant everything. It meant that I didn't have to try to constantly prove myself, and I could actually take the leap of faith and take risks in my storytelling.

I also felt like after doing This American Life, it was just such a pure, organic experience of storytelling where I said, "This happened to me." It was just purely about story and character. I recorded it here in New York at [their] office. I had a glass of whiskey in this secret bookshelf room. You pull this book down and you go in! I had a glass of whiskey and it was late at night, and it was just me and [producer] Neil Drumming. We sat down from an investigative perspective and were like, "Tell me more. Dig deeper," as opposed to, "How do we make this more entertaining? How do we sell it? How do we market it?" I recorded and we did basically one take of the whole story.

One thing I really liked about the movie is that you didn't attempt to over explain anything. There was a real confidence in what you were trying to do, and you didn't try to cater to anyone about trying to explain subtle cultural differences or anything like that. How early on in the writing process did you decide "I'm not going to try to explain all this stuff. I'm just going to let it live and be its own thing"?

Pretty early. It's not because I didn't try. People kept giving notes about stuff. I think that's one of the challenges when you're a woman or a person of color in the industry. When you're given so few opportunities, or you sense a lack of opportunity for yourself, in many ways when you finally are given an opportunity you can't say no. You're like, "I have to take it."

So when people give notes and things like that to you, you really want to be accommodating. I did try a lot of them, but ultimately, I would go down a path and just go, "This doesn't feel right. I actually don't know what I'm writing. I'm writing somebody else's idea. I'm not writing from a place that's emotional."

Do you have an example of those notes?

One note I got was that the mom was too mean throughout the movie.

[Laughs] I didn't see that at all.

Exactly. To me, I'm like, "I don't think she's mean. I just think that's who she is!" I think that if you're raised in a different way, you might see that as being mean because somebody speaks in a very honest, clear way. To me, even the arguing isn't being mean. It's just them working their thing out.

That's just communicating.

Exactly. [Laughs] They're just talking, what are you talking about?

There was also this desire to have a resolution of some kind, and have a little bit of a hug. Then the producer was like, "Okay. Maybe not a hug. That's cheesy. I get that. But maybe even just some kind of a nod that they understand each other?"

I was just like, "Tell you what, if you can make that happen in my real life, then I'll put in my movie." Then he laughed and was like, "touché, touché."

For Asians it’s such an intergenerational thing too. You will have a conversation and there is no resolution. You’ve got to keep it moving.

There were a lot of notes about the food, too. They were like, "The movie feels very repetitive because there's all these food scenes." I was like, "Exactly!"

They were like, "No, no, no. The audience is going to get tired of watching that, and you should make them go do something else." I was like, "Like what?" They were like, "Can they go take a walk through a park?" I was like, "Why would they do that?"

I saw food as a way to orient the family, to illustrate them as a singular organism around food. Everyone knows their role, and feeding someone is an act of love.

Was that something you experienced in your household growing up?

Absolutely. I think that's something I had to learn: That different people have different love languages, and that for my family, maybe they weren't constantly like, "I love you, you're the best, you rock!" But there was always a home-cooked meal on the table every night no matter what was going on.

If I'd been traveling, I come home, my mom makes noodles.

What kind of noodles does she make you?

It depends what's in the fridge. If there's chicken soup then she'll make chicken noodle soup. But if there's not, then it'll just be a really simple egg and tomato with some scallions. Comfort noodles.

I think for the movie, what I was exploring with food was also that it's a source of tension, because it is an expression of love. For Grandma, who thinks that everybody's home for a celebration, her way to express love is to give you all of this food. Your way to express love is to eat it, and to eat a lot of it.

Even when you're full.

Food is this physical manifestation of the conflict, of love, and wanting to accept that love, but you’re grieving, so you can't accept that love. The constant pressure from that to eat, eat, eat is normally not a big deal, so it becomes a much bigger, dramatic set piece.

When you're grieving, one of the things that you lose is your appetite. It's not necessarily explicit in the movie, but one of the things Little Nai Nai told me about why they lie is that when a person finds out bad news, they stop eating. They stop sleeping. Yes, you could say they die of fear in this abstract way, but you can also say in a practical way, that if they stop eating and they stop exercising or leaving the house and then they stop sleeping, then the lack of sleep causes more depression. And so yes in a literal way, that news can kill them.

My Asian friends and I always joke about it. We're just like, "The love of our Asian mother, it's conditional." You don't understand that unless you have one. The grandma is different, right? In many ways, [Billi and Nai Nai’s] love exists in a time capsule separate from age, space, distance. It's just always like, "Have you eaten? Are you wearing [something warm]?" You're always a child. You humor each other, because you're not going to tell them and make them worry. It becomes this ritual of like, "I will tell you what you want to hear." It doesn't matter.

So you grew up in Florida—

In Miami, which is not really Florida.

What was your social life like growing up there?

Honestly, it was very strange, because I moved when I was six and was still learning English. But Miami is as much Cuban as it is "American." People were speaking Spanish as much as people were speaking English, and here I was trying to fit in.

As a kid, that's all you want to do. You kind of just want to go, "I want to forget the fact that I'm an immigrant. I don't want to be different." As the Chinese girl, you don't fit in with anybody. It wasn't a large Chinese-American population, so I didn't grow up having a community of Asian friends. Even when there were Asian people, we sort of existed on our own. There was no culture. There was no Asian-American culture the way that it is in San Francisco or L.A., where you can have a posse and you have a food culture. I didn't have that. It was sort of like mainstream America or my parents, who were watching Chinese movies.

And you studied music too, right? What instrument did you play?

Piano. Like in the movie. I was classically trained since the age of four. I went to art conservatory high school, so for a long time, my piano teachers were like, "You should be a pianist! You have what it takes if you would just work a little harder." I just didn't really want to practice seven hours a day in a room by myself. They were just constantly disappointed in me, because they were like, "But you have a gift and if you don't use it, you're wasting it." I was like, "Is it really a gift if it doesn't make me happy?"

Practicing piano is such an isolating experience, too. You're alone and solely focused on the mistakes.

Completely. You're doing concerts. You're constantly performing. For me, it was like, I love music. Now coming back to it, I love playing the piano and I'm glad that I know it because it's a form of expression for me now. But at the time, it was not. It was about, "Here's a piece of sheet music. This is how you're supposed to play it. There's a right way and there's a wrong way, and by the way, don't fuck up!" [Laughs.]

My mother always wanted to play an instrument. Her parents never gave her that. Then it got to a point where I'd been playing for 18 years, and to give it up would make me feel guilty. But my parents also knew that realistically, I wasn't going to become a concert pianist. Whenever I would want to quit I would get this massive guilt trip over it. Like: "Everything we did to get you those lessons and we had no money! And we still took you to this church every single day so that you could play, and we spent a huge amount of our savings to buy you a piano. It was the first large purchase that we got, was this piano for you!"

On one hand, you're really appreciative, but on the other hand you're like, "I didn't ask for that, and now you're putting that on me, and I can't pursue other things because I'm tied to this piano." It's like that scene in The Piano where even though she loves the piano, you cut it off because it's a burden. I felt like, in some ways, when it's a burden it makes you sink. It doesn't make you fly.

Was going into writing a response to that in some ways for you?

No. My mother was a writer in Beijing. She was the editor of The Beijing Literary Gazette, which was like a New Yorker. She was a cultural editor and wrote criticism of literature and movies, so I always wrote. I grew up in a household that really encouraged reading and writing. My mother loves philosophy and is constantly reading philosophy and talking to me about different philosophers and different ways of life. You wouldn't expect this Chinese-American housewife to just constantly quote Nietzsche, but she does.

How old were you when you got into film?

I was in college. It was my senior year of school.

That’s a pretty late start.

Yeah. For my parents, it wasn't in their realm of reality for me to be a filmmaker, because who was doing it who was Asian-American?

They didn't drop you off at Blockbuster on Friday afternoons or anything like that.

Right. We would just watch what was on TV. Or my parents love Sound of Music.

Sound of Music was so big in our house growing up too.

Yeah? I wonder why that is. Fiddler on the Roof was a big one, too. My mother loves that movie so much. But I didn't grow up watching art house films. When I was in college I took a film elective, Film 101, and I shot on Super 8. That's when I fell in love with filmmaking. I loved finding the rhythm of an edit, and how much an edit can change everything. I edited on an Elmo so I was physically getting film print and cutting and taping.

The physicality of that experience of seeing frame by frame, and working with my friends made me fall in love with it. Then after that I took World Cinema. I took Feminist Film Theory. Then I started to go, "Oh, my God. There's so much here."

When I was making [The Farewell] I was like, "Yeah. I don't care about the genre, but really, I'm trying to explore the inner sense of dread that I had the entire time." From the outside it may look like a happy go lucky Asian family eating a meal, but on the inside, it felt like I was in a horror film, because at any moment something bad could happen. So I was like, actually, why don't I look at horror films as a reference?

Oh yeah?

I said to my DP: "These scenes where we're really rooted in Billy's perspective, let's reference horror film techniques," because horror film is all about being able to visualize the things that you can't see. Creating atmosphere. Creating tone. Through using the camera and things like that, you can really feel the tension. There's a monster in the room that you don't see, but you know it’s there because it's been set up. The lie is the monster.

So for you, it was the process first before any specific filmmakers as points of inspiration?

Yeah. I think that's always been the case for me. I don't like the sense of worship that we have in our culture, of putting people or art on a pedestal. For me, I've always fallen in love with the process before any kind of icon or representation of something. It's also the way that I learn the best. It’s not reading about things in books and being told, "This is how chemistry works." For me, it was always like, "Show me." The physical experience of it makes me remember.

I work with a lot of writers, and sometimes I feel like the people who are most creative are the ones who didn’t go to J-school, or didn’t have a writer they worshipped. They aren't trying to adhere to these older value systems, so they come at it from this original place.

It's completely important to understand history and to study the craft and the art and what's come before you. But at the same time, because I learned all of that later in life, I discovered it through process first. I was able to kind of go, "This is what I'm trying to do. Who else is doing that? Let me see. Oh. You? Okay. I'll take a little bit of that, and I'll take a little bit of this."

In some ways, people who worship, it almost feels like, "Are you in love with a lifestyle? With an image? With an idea?" You're in love with the idea of something. You love Tarantino. Well, what do you love about Tarantino? Yes, the films, but what else? It's this idea of what he represents in the culture. Because we don't have that kind of representation for people like us. When you don't have a lot of archetypes and a lot of representation, you also don't have a lot of rules. And so you don't even have to break rules, because there are no rules.

(https://www.gq.com/story/lulu-wang-the-farewell-interview)

Other great interviews:

https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2019/07/lulu-wang-director-farewell-welcomes-your-tears/593806/

https://www.vox.com/2019/7/16/20687739/lulu-wang-farewell-interview-identity

https://www.chicagotribune.com/entertainment/movies/michael-phillips/ct-ent-lulu-wang-farewell-interview-0721-20190719-crfv36av7fglfafxvs3ec77sgu-story.html

https://www.refinery29.com/en-us/2019/07/237713/the-farewell-director-lulu-wang-interview

#the farewell #lulu wang #asian #asian american #chinese american #chinese #family #love

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liliisms · 6 years

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can you keep a secret?

TAGGING: KJ, Lili @kjapayo Mentions of Gigi and Cole.

LOCATION: Lili and Cole’s engagement party, their apartment.

TIMEFRAME: March 2nd, 2019, late evening.

NOTES: KJ asks Lili for some advice in theme with the party.

KJ was having the best time at Cole and Lili's engagement party. Not only was he getting to celebrate his two best friends, but Gigi had surprised him by coming home a few days earlier than she had told me. And after not seeing her for the majority of almost a month, it had made the entire night better than he had anticipated. Including getting his mind running a mile a minute with ideas of his own, ideas that he didn't know if they were crazy or not, and there was only one person he could talk to about them. Lili and him hadn't been able to spend too much time together tonight, since everyone was trying to see her so once he saw an opening to pull her away from everyone he did just that. "Lils, come here," he gestured, pulling her away from everyone so no one could over hear them. The first thing he did was pull her into a big hug, wrapping his arms around her and smiling softly when he pulled away. "Have I mentioned how happy I am for you? You've been practically glowing all night, and it's pretty awesome to get to watch it."

Lili had stopped herself at two glasses of champagne but the contact high from being around everybody guaranteed she'd be feeling warm and happy all night. She and Cole were truly blessed to have such loving people in their lives. She couldn't believe the turn out of their friends and family, and how everybody wanted to celebrate their upcoming union. After saying goodbye to a guest who was leaving early, Lili felt her arm being tugged and glanced over to see a smiling KJ pull her towards him. "Hey!" She greeted him cheerfully, genuinely pleased to see him. She had been trying to make the rounds so it was hard to talk to everyone for the amount of time she really wanted to. Laughing, Lili squeezed KJ back and patted his cheek affectionately. "Thanks, Kaje. Are you enjoying the party?"

KJ laughed as soon as Lili did, scrunching his nose up as he did so and nodded his head. "I am, yeah! It's surprisingly drama free, thank god. You and Cole don't deserve the drama, so I was hoping no one would start anything," he chuckled, running a hand through his hair. The last thing he had wanted was a repeat of the last big cast get together, so he had crossed his fingers to hope nothing like that happened again. "So.. I wanted to talk to you about something. I know it's a weird time to talk to you about it, but you're the first person I wanna tell and if I don't say it now I might burst and slip something to the wrong person," he rambled until he finally snapped himself out of it, "Do you remember a couple of months ago when I told you about how I told Gigi I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her and marry her one day?" KJ wasn't sure if talking to someone about proposing while they were celebrating their own engagement was the right way to do things, but there's no one else he wanted to tell but Lili. And he needed to make sure he wasn't crazy to be thinking about actually doing so.

Lili laughed again. "I honestly would've had a rage blackout if somebody started something." Lili wanted everybody to get along or at least pretend to because her and Cole's families were here and honestly, she was a selfish woman of honor that wanted her and Cole's night to run smoothly. Luckily, everyone seemed to have gotten their drama settled and it was mostly love and laughter being heard throughout their apartment. She leaned in as KJ began to ramble, her eyes widening in amusement. She briefly wondered if KJ had a bit too much to drink but then realized he was just..excited. He was excited about something and with his thick New Zealand accent, that excitement was contagious. Her smile widened and then she let out a gasp and a squeal, her fingers wrapping around his arm to squeeze. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. Are you going to propose to Gigi?!"

KJ widened his eyes with another laugh. "That would have been pretty badass to see. You in a rage blackout? We need to make that happen at some point, we just have to find the perfect targets for you to go off on," he said, pretending to think about who it could be. Though he really did hope all of the drama was over with, he knew he was done with getting involve in any more of it. As soon as Lili started reacted, KJ quickly brought his finger to his lips to remind her to be quiet so that no one would hear them. The last thing he wanted was someone to catch wind of this, especially Gigi. "I'm thinking about it, yeah!" he said, the smile on face wide as he spoke, "I always knew I wanted to, but here lately I've thought about it more. And then tonight, seeing how happy she is for you, and seeing how happy you and Cole are, and how happy I was when she got home, just showed me that I think I'm really ready to do it. It's not crazy, right?"

Lili wasn't great at keeping secrets or being subtle (hence why secrets were rarely told to her) so she immediately slapped a hand over her mouth as KJ shushed her. Her movements were slightly exaggerated thanks to the alcohol but her glee was one hundred percent sober. "Kaje, that's so great!" She gushed, her shoulders bunching together before she straightened back up. She loved KJ and Gigi together and she always had, so this made her very happy to hear. They were already the cutest little family and call her a traditionalist, but she wanted to see them become a family in this way as well. "Totally not crazy, are you kidding me? I fully support this and I promise I'll keep my lips sealed." Miming zipping her lips, Lili's eyes were shining as she beamed at KJ. "I'm so happy for you, Kaje. She's going to say yes, I know she will. This is so exciting!"

KJ shook his head with a laugh, looking around to make sure no one was even paying attention to the two of them and seeing Gigi completely distracted on the other side of the apartment. Which was good, because if she saw how excited Lili was looking right now, she'd definitely have questions about what was going on. "I'll probably do it pretty quickly, because you know I'm not good at keeping secrets either. So you won't have to keep it a secret for too long. I just don't want anyone else knowing but you, and probably Bella. I'll tell Bells because I'll need her help on a ring since she knows Gigi best and I'm not exactly a jewelry expert," he laughed, the last thing he wanted was to pick out a ring that Gigi would hate, "I hope so. Her and I have done everything out of order, but it just feels..right. We're going to meet with a realtor soon, and get our own house together in LA. So this just seems like the perfect time, you know?"

Lili clapped her hands in excitement. She felt honored that KJ was trusting her with this..and relieved that he was going to do it soon because Lili would be bursting to tell /everyone/. "Can I tell Cole?" She pleaded. "It's really hard to keep secrets from him and he'll be so happy for you guys too! He can give you proposal tips," she joked. Proposal tips were definitely not a thing but damn it, Lili was tipsy, Lili was happy, Lili wanted to shake KJ and jump up and down that her best friend was getting engaged to the woman he loved. "Maybe out of order but in exactly the right sequence," she smiled at KJ. "Everything's falling into place. I'm sure there'll be roadblocks, there always are but if I'm confident about any couple..it's you guys."

KJ felt the smile on his face grow even wider, the excitement from Lili really rubbing off on him. "Can we make a deal that you only tell him if you absolutely can't hold it in anymore? I really want to surprise everyone if she says yes, so the less people who know the better," he mentioned, especially knowing would want to be able to tell everyone herself. The last thing he wanted is for her to be upset if too many people knew about it before she could tell them. "See, and I'd always say the same thing about you and Cole. Looks like things are working out for all four of us," he grinned, wrapping one arm around Lili to hug her while looking at Gigi across the room once again, "As long as she says yes, that is. Now I have to come up with the best proposal ever, she deserves nothing but the best.”

Lili pouted but nodded. Unfortunately for KJ, Cole would /definitely/ know by at least Sunday because Lili already felt like she couldn't hold it in anymore. He should be grateful she wasn't running across the room to her mom because she also told her mom everything. Leaning into his embrace, Lili smiled and ducked her head. "Yeah, we're a pretty lucky group," she beamed at him. Looking around the room, the love was evident. Everybody here played such an important role in Lili's life and she could feel that they were one big, (dysfunctional) but happy family. "Do you have any ideas yet?"

KJ knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't keep the secret for long, but he just hoped it lasted through the night so that Gigi wouldn't be able to see it on anyone's faces. "We really are. And I've got the actual best friend in the world on top of everything else," he grinned, hugging her once more before letting her go. Lili's question only really had one answer, because it was the only thing that kept popping up in his head when he thought of proposing to her. "I'm going to recreate our first date, when we went camping? I've got a whole plan with Mario Kart and letting her win, but then the screen changing to the words when she's rubbing it in my face that she won," he smiled, biting his lip nervously, "Is that cheesy? It just seems fitting. And Bella told us for Christmas that she'd babysit Lulu so we could go away for a few days, so I figure it's the perfect time to cash in on that."

Lili pressed a kiss to KJ's cheek, smiling. She loved happy KJ. He became like a little kid, hopping around and desperate to show his affection. "That's really cute," she cooed. She didn't think you could do a proposal /wrong/. Each one was geared towards the couple. Many people might find Cole proposing on the top of a mountain as too much - Lili disagreed, it was perfect for them and that's what mattered. If KJ thought that this was what Gigi would like, she had no doubts she would and she couldn't wait to hear the proposal story from Gigi herself. "I love it," she nodded. "I'll do anything I can to help too! It sounds like you've got it covered though."

KJ bounced up and down on his feet when Lili said the idea sounded cute, just needing the confirmation that it wasn't too cheesy or something she thought Gigi would hate. The very last thing he wanted to do was give her a proposal that she didn't like or want to tell people about. "Well, actually, I really want to be able to set it all up without her being there to surprise her with the recreation. So if there's a chance you'd be in LA next weekend and would want to drive her to the campsite, that could help a lot," he shrugged, "You don't have to though! I can easily do it with her there, so it's really not a big deal since I know going to LA is a lot to ask just to drive someone to a campsite."

Lili didn't think she had any set plans so she shook her head vehemently. "Are you kidding me? I'd love to help you out. Count me in as a driver unless something comes up with my schedule." This was so exciting, for Lili to play even a tiny role in making sure her best friend and the woman he wanted to marry had a special proposal. "This is going to be amazing, Kaje. She's going to love it."

KJ smiled, getting even more excited when Lili said she would help him out if she was able to. "That'd be awesome of you, Lils. Plus, seeing you for a few minutes before might calm down the nerves," he laughed, already trying to prepare himself for all of it, "I really hope so." For a moment, he just looked out at everyone until he spotted Cole and nudged Lili towards him. "This is your night, Lils. Go enjoy it, I think I've taken up enough of your time, you should go celebrate with Cole."

Lili had her hands clasped together, looking at KJ with excitement on her face. She wanted to run around and scream that he was doing this but she..didn't. She was sober enough for that. Following his line of vision, Lili chuckled as she saw her fiance. "Alright, alright. You're tired of me, I get it," she pouted dramatically and then leaned forward to hug KJ again. "I'm so happy for you, Kaje. Let me know if you need anything else!" With one more squeeze, she smiled brightly at him and then crossed the room to go into Cole's waiting arms.

KJ laughed with an immediate shake of his head. "Nah, never. But you have celebrating to do, and I have a girlfriend that I've barely seen for most of the last month," he grinned, hugging Lili back immediately, "I will, I promise. Thank you, Lils. And remember, keep it a secret!" It was the last thing he whispered to her before she ran off to Cole, and he instantly started to make his way over to Gigi, somehow feeling even happier than he had a little bit before when she surprised him by coming home.

#p018: cykas

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internutter · 6 years

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Can we see Taako dealing with unrequited/onesided love?

Koko had frozen halfway through putting his costume on. He was staring off in a particular direction with a lovelorn expression on his face.

“Focus, dear,” said Lulu, yanking the leotard all the way up to his shoulders. “We’re on in five.”

“I can’t help it, he’s gorgeous,” Koko sighed.

Lulu tweaked the piece of tarpaulin so that it blocked his view of this particular circus’ knife thrower, Kustaad the Magnificent. “He’s straight as an arrow and knows you’re underage, Koko. Give up.”

“But he’s gorgeous...”

“Everybody knows, Koko. Including his wife.” She made faces at him so she could fix his makeup. “You might have a chance with his son...”

Koko murmured uncertainly. “I know they’re unhappy, I heard them fighting...”

“That wasn’t fighting, bro-bro.”

“Three minutes, wonder twins! Goggles on or Harkin’s gonna scrag you!”

Because Harkin believed in Witch Eyes and so did a large portion of the audience. Lulu put his on because Koko wasn’t focussing on any damn thing but the wants of his own groin.

Lulu grabbed his face. “We are going to be jumping around at each other thirty feet off the ground, brother-dear. I need you to focus on the most important people - us.”

He sighed, pressing his forehead to hers. “I know. I know. Mind on the job.”

“Good,” she breathed easier. Just in time for them to wow the audience with glitter and dazzle.

There he was! The most beautiful man Koko had ever met. He was sweaty and out of breath from his part of the show and Kustaad just stole what little breath he had left. He still had a smile for the man. “Did you see?” he panted. “Amazing, right?”

Kustaad said what he always said, since he was literally old enough to be Koko’s father. “You did good, kid. If I was your dad, I’d be proud of you.” And he petted Koko’s head like a loving parent might.

Of course he did. He had a kid Koko’s age. That hurt.

At least Koko had the sense not to share the acres of bad poetry he’d written about being painfully in love with an older man who wasn’t even aware that gay people existed.

Meanwhile, there was Kri. Kustaad’s son who was a mere handful of years Koko’s junior. Sure, Kri could mature to be just like his father, but he was a weedy Elven junior of about Seventy.

Who was definitely in adoration of Koko, and might have a baby crush. “I saw you,” said Kri. “You were amazing! You’re always amazing. When you did that flip and swapped around to leap backwards? I swear my heart stopped.”

It wouldn’t be fair to lead Kri along when he was so badly in love with Kustaad. And it wasn’t fair to Kri to not at least be friendly. “We got us a situation, huh?” he said.

“Huh?” echoed Kri.

“You got a thing for me. I got a thing for... someone else. It kind’a hurts, right?”

Kri sighed, pain in his eyes. “Yeah. It does.”

Taako took a deep breath. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I know exactly how much this hurts.”

“Wish it didn’t,” said Kri.

“Your mouth to the gods’ ears,” said Koko.

That night, he would spend three hours waxing lyrical to Lulu about the great sacrifices he had made in the name of love. Making friends with a younger kid and bonding over how painful love can be when it wasn’t returned.

All so Kustaad could be happy that his son Kri had a reason to be happy.

[TAZ Prompts Remaining: 3]

[Be sure to visit internutter (dot) org for details on how to support this artist]

#Dear Nonny #nonny request #taz #taz: balance #taako #angst #Anonymous

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boricuareads · 6 years

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Ten (10) Young Adult Books by Muslim Women You Should BUY (Or Keep an Eye On) As a Middle Finger to the Tr*mp Administration

(And also to better your life because they’re fab)

If you’re like me, and you can’t take your eyes off the ongoing trainwreck that is the U.S. Government, you’re probably thinking about how you can get to work on dismantling the system which has allowed these gross people to maintain power. On June 26th, 2018, the U.S. Supreme Court declared that Tr*mp’s discriminatory “Muslim Ban” was… okay.

Two weeks ago, Muslims around the world were celebrating Eid, the end of their holy month of fasting. Around that time, I thought of maybe posting a list of books by Muslim authors, but I never got around to it. After this week’s news, however, I changed my mind.

Sometimes, merely telling people to support marginalized authors is a radical act itself. In a world that actively works on keeping them in the margins, these authors are out here proving to the world that everybody deserves a chance to be heard.

Muslim-American teen Noel Said Hassan wrote:

“Being Different

Basically means

Being true to the person you are and who you want to be.

Being Different

Basically means

Being a flower instead of a tree in the big forest that everyone else wants to be.

Being Different

Basically means

Not following society’s orders.”

There is truth in not following the norms. There is truth in your humanity. There is truth in words, because writing is a radical act, especially in the face of oppression and bigotry.

So, for today’s list, I’m sharing ten (10) YA books by Muslim women, all of whom are out here being unapologetic in their faith and in their identities.

1. Saints and Misfits by S.K. Ali: All Janna wants is to be a photographer, and find a way to fit in. Living in a small apartment with her mom and spoiled brother, that may be a problem. Also a problem: Janna can’t deal with her trauma while her abuser walks around her mosque like nothing is wrong. (Out now!)

2. Does My Head Look Big In This? by Randa Abdel-Fattah: When Amal starts wearing her hijab full-time, everyone around her has an opinion about it. Some of these people are encouraging, others confused. But there are some who are out to give her a lot of grief. (Out now!)

3. Written in the Stars by Aisha Saeed: Naila is a normal Pakistani girl who just wants to go to college and be with her boyfriend, Saif. Except, her conservative parents find out about her relationship, shipping her off to Pakistan to marry, effectively cutting her off from everything and everyone she knows and loves. (Out now!)

4. The Ember Quartet by Sabaa Tahir: A lush, brutal fantasy series that follows the lives of a girl finding courage in the bleakest circumstances, and a boy groomed to be the finest killer who just wishes to be free. (First three books are out now!)

5. Not the Girls You’re Looking For by Aminah Mae Safi: Lulu Saad is an unapologetic girl who just wants to be with her best friends and do normal teenager things. Except she might be doing certain things that could be deemed Messy. (Out now!)

6. Love, Hate & Other Filters by Samira Ahmed: Maya Aziz wants to go to film school in New York, but after a hate crime shakes the way the community sees her and her Muslim family, those plans might just be out the window. (Out now!)

7. A Very Large Expanse of Sea by Tahereh Mafi: After 9/11, Shirin copes with the outright islamophobia she faces in the only ways she can: a thick skin, listening to loud music, and break-dancing with her brother. Until Ocean James comes along, and her wall threatens to fall down... (Release date: 10/16/2018; you can read an excerpt here)

8. Mirage by Somaiya Daud: Amani dreams of becoming a poet, only to find out she looks just like a cruel Princess. To make matters worse, she’s enjoying her time with the Princess’ fiance. (Relase date: 08/28/2018; you can read an excerpt here)

9. The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali by Sabina Khan: Seventeen-year old Rukhsana is sent to Bangladesh by her conservative parents when they find out she’s been kissing girls. (Release date: 01/29/2019; you can read an excerpt here)

10. We Hunt the Flame by Hafsah Faizal: An Huntress tasked with a mysterious quest. A Prince tasked with killing her. Elves. Really, this should be all you need to know about this book. (Release date: 05/14/ 2019; you can read the official synopsis here)

There are books in this list that deal with some triggering issues like sexual assault and domestic abuse, to name a few, so I suggest you seek out reviews and trigger warnings before delving into them.

If you wish to read a more comprehensive list of books by Muslim authors or Muslim creatives, you should check out Avid Reader’s list of 100+ Muslim Books and creators. You can also check out this list of 10 Contemporary Novels By and About Muslims from Lithub.

If you want to know how to be more active in your work or knowledgeable of where to donate your money, here are resources from the ACLU (donate here) about what to do when encountering law enforcement at airports and other ports of entry, from Muslim Advocates (donate here), and from the Texas Muslim Women’s Foundation (donate here). Or just, y’know, use Google.

I have more rec lists, as well as edits, book reviews, and other fun stuff. You can follow me on Twitter and Instagram @boricuareads.

#mine #diverse books #adriana recommends #book list #book lists #muslim YA #muslim authors #long post

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jmsa1287 · 6 years

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In the Ballroom Culture Drama 'Pose,' Stars are Born

Hello! I wrote about the upcoming new FX series “Pose,” which explores the drag ballroom scene of the 80s and was co-created by Ryan Murphy.

A scene from “Pose.” Photo credit: FX

It's hard to write about "Pose," the new drama about '80s ballroom culture debuting Sunday on FX, without discussing the story around the show.

"Pose" made headlines last year when its co-creator Ryan Murphy (one of the most prolific showrunners today, known for co-creating "American Horror Story," "American Crime Story," "Feud," "Glee," and much more) revealed the series will have one of the biggest casts of transgender actors and LGBTQ people of any scripted TV show. Ever. Murphy, who is openly gay and said he'd donate all the proceeds he earns from "Pose" to LGBTQ organizations, has made a conscious effort to hire women, people of color and LGBTQ people in front of and behind the camera, thanks to his foundation Half.

That a show as diverse as "Pose" exists feels like an accomplishment in of itself. To get a show with a cast of actors who are primarily trans and people of color leading a prestige drama series is something to behold. It's 2018 and there have never been so many shows on the air at any given time, but stories highlighting the experiences of trans people are rarely explored, never mind the focus of a TV show. "Pose" is a platform to a number of fresh faces and new voices, creating a space where stars can be born.

Set in 1987 in New York City, the series follows the thriving ballroom scene in uptown, juxtaposing that life with the rise of Trump-era capitalism in Manhattan. With its diverse cast, "Pose" is incredibly specific, sometimes playing like "Paris is Burning" fan-fiction (this is meant in the best way possible). "Pose" also looks like nothing else on TV - it's full of life and, most importantly, color. A terrible trend with prestige TV is the cold and dark color pallets many showrunners often use (Murphy has been guilty of this, too) - navy blues and steely greys have come to signal that This Show Is Important, but actually make things flat and boring to look at. "Pose" is the complete opposite, embracing every color of the rainbow - bright reds and yellows pop on screen during vibrant and dazzling dance-offs. It may be a small detail, but its one that makes a huge difference.

For how groundbreaking "Pose" is, at its core, it's surprisingly quite conventional. The show is a family drama of sorts, as it showcases how queer people, especially those rejected by the ones they love, can come together and choose their own family, forming unconditional bonds. As with any family, those bonds are tested at times, but overcoming obstacles only bring them closer together. The family drama is one of TV's most reliable and relatable forms of storytelling, but there's something rebellious in the way "Pose" utilizes this tried and true format.

"Pose" also begins on a handful of clichés we've seen time and time again in LGBTQ cinema. In the first 20 minutes of the pilot, someone is diagnosed with HIV, while another character comes out as gay and is beaten by his father and kicked out of the house by his mother. But "Pose" isn't a movie, and isn't constrained to a two-hour time limit; in fact, episodes clock in at a full 60 minutes, with the pilot totaling a whopping 78 minutes. Fluid running times may feel daunting, but they allow directors and writers to flesh out these familiar tropes and take them to places that movies cannot.

At the heart of "Pose" is MJ Rodriguez, who plays Blanca Rodriguez. It's a major breakout role for the enchanting newcomer, who oozes star power and commands every scene she's in. Unsatisfied with being a member of the House of Abundance, led by the towering Elektra Abundance (Dominique Jackson), Blanca decides to break free and start her own house. The move sparks a vicious rivalry between the House of Abundance and Blanca's new House of Evangelista. Becoming a house mother isn't easy, and Blanca enlists her own ragtag crew, including aspiring dancer Damon (Ryan Jamaal Swain), fellow ballroom scene competitor and sex worker Angel (the stunning Indya Moore), and others. She's got the support from the ballroom scene's magnificent emcee Pray Tell (the wonderful Billy Porter), who is ready to assist Blanca with costume construction and life advice.

The supporting cast of "Pose" round out the show's lived-in and felt world. The vulnerable Angel is the connecting thread between the ballroom world and the Trumpian life in Manhattan - she's involved in a relationship with Stan (Ryan Murphy veteran Evan Peters), a New Jersey family man, married to Patty (Kate Mara), and a new hire working for Donald Trump's business (lol). His boss Matt (James Van Der Beek, doing his best Christian Bale à la "American Psycho") is a live wire and is the epitome of what many in the drag/trans community desire at that time. Still, the Peters and Van Der Beek stories don't feel necessary or particularly exciting through the four episodes of "Pose" provided for review, though that could easily change later in the season.

Viewers will enter "Pose" through Damon, who Blanca takes in after spotting him dancing on the streets of New York. Her motherly instinct is to push him into dance school, which splits Damon into two versions - the one competing in the underground ballroom scene, and the one experiencing a life some of his closest friends will never see. It's a fascinating journey, but the handsome Swain's wide-eyed performance doesn't always connect, which is a problem because he is the show's avatar at times.

Your mileage of "Pose" will vary, depending on how soapy you like your dramas. There are Big and Powerful Speeches, show-stopping dance-offs and devastating moments in "Pose" that can feel pandering to LGBTQ viewers, but the show maintains a nice pace and never lets up being engaging and entertaining.

The show tackles a number of heavy topics, too, ranging from the AIDS epidemic of the '80s, gender confirmation surgery, socio-economic class, and much more. But "Pose" doesn't feel dated when handling delicate issues. The writing and the performances are strong, assertive and confident, taking on discussions of sex, health, and identity with an admirable frankness. It also finds fascinating ways to take on modern issues within the LGBTQ community. In the second episode, "Access," one of the most provocative moments comes when Blanca and a friend, Lulu Abundance (Hailie Sahar), who is also trans, face discrimination by cis white gay men at a popular gay bar. After being berated with transphobic language by the bar's manager, who kicks the pair out of the establishment, Blanca tells him, "This isn't over!

"It was over before it started," Lulu tells Blanca. "Everybody needs someone to make them feel superior. That line ends with us though. The shit runs downhill, past the women, the blacks, the Latins, the gays until it reaches the bottom and lands on our kind."

It's a powerful moment that rings as true today as it did in 1987. And it's a sentiment that is rarely discussed among the gay community - forget portrayed and expressed with nuance on a mainstream program airing on a premium cable network like FX.

Murphy expertly directs the first two episodes and co-writes them along with Brad Falchuk and Steven Canals, both of whom are credited as co-creators. "Pose" lifts off, however, when they take a step back, allowing trans activist Janet Mock and "Transparent" writer Our Lady J to pen episodes. Authentic voices unsurprisingly lead to earnest and heartfelt results, making "Pose" a fiercely fascinating show that revels in how daringly conventional it is.

#pose #tv #drag #fx #ryan murphy #ballroom #voguing #vogue #lgbt #lgbtq #culture #dance #evan peters #queer #trans

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alice-royal · 7 years

Text

IRIS ALLEN MASTERPOST #freeiris

Hey y’all, I know I never post here anymore, but I figured I’d use my blog to get the word out about this situation because it’s absolutely horrible and needs national attention. Please note, the following post contains content referencing the abuse/lack of accommodation of an autistic college student, suspension, homelessness, police/security.

Quick summary: Iris Allen (pronouns he/him or they/them), a Black, autistic, homeless student at Hampshire College, was suspended from school following an ‘outburst’ that was the result of a lack of accommodation for his disability by school officials. He was forcibly removed from campus by security officers before his scheduled disciplinary hearing despite the College being well aware he is homeless and would have nowhere to go but the street in below-freezing temperatures. As of December 12th, Hampshire College has extended Iris’ suspension to the remainder of the spring semester and police forcibly escorted him off campus without allowing him to access his dorm, take any belongings, or see his support animal. Iris is in a safe location, housed, and fed, but he is unable to obtain any of his belongings or his support animal from his dorm. (We have confirmed that the animal is able to be cared for by Iris’ friends.)

I have done my best to compile as much information about this situation as possible. None of the information presented below in the timeline is my own, and I have not put any of my own thoughts or opinions into it. I trust that the story has been reported factually by Iris’ friends/classmates and even if we do not have a full picture of the events leading to his suspension, the very act of kicking a homeless student out onto the streets in the snow is reprehensible and worth protesting.

RESOURCES:

Link to Iris's Advocate Fundraiser: https://www.youcaring.com/irisallen-1039410

Contact the following people (his conduct board members who made and supported the suspension decision) to voice your concerns about Iris's safety: Pam Tinto: [email protected] Dre Domingue: [email protected] Gloria Lopez: [email protected] Greg Gnarleski: [email protected]

The following (below the cut) will detail the timeline of Iris Allen’s suspension and forced removal from Hampshire College in Amherst, Massachusetts. Main sources include Cameron Prata (friend of Iris)’s public posts as well as private conversations between him and myself, Iris Allen’s own posts and statements made in the #freeiris group, and other sources including official statements from Hampshire College.

Unknown dates: Iris Allen, a Black, autistic student, enrolls at Hampshire College. Prior to enrolling he is a homeless youth who suffered abuse and trauma, and no longer has contact with or support from any family. We know that Iris is diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. We do not currently know if he has any other diagnoses. When Iris approaches administrators for assistance, there is a lack of understanding for his situation. Iris is prescribed medications to help with his symptoms (unsure if by a physician outside of the college or by the college health service).

Iris goes to the health service to obtain medication and has a meltdown when someone asks him to turn down his music (autistic people often listen to music as a self-regulation/stimulation aid). Someone at the clinic claims they do not believe he has autism and makes him get re-diagnosed in order to access medications. According to Iris’ friend this process took nearly 2 weeks.

Iris has multiple ‘outbursts’ (also classified as ‘panic attacks’ but more than likely autistic meltdowns) at school. This has been corroborated by friends and classmates. The specific details have not been clarified, but some of the media has said that these incidents included ‘threats’. At some point after these incidents, Iris’ conduct board gives notice of a disciplinary hearing to be held on December 11th.

Friday, December 8: Video of Iris being forcibly removed from his dorm by security was uploaded to several sites.[cw: mention of rape]

Posted on FB by friend Cameron Prata: https://www.facebook.com/cameron.prata/posts/1741567165855548

Vimeo link: https://vimeo.com/246547488

YouTube link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=K_CU84hnDqc

“Iris Allen (pronoun: he), a black autistic music student from Hampshire College has been suspended (without a hearing from the school board) and forced into homelessness in the near subzero weather the night before a massive snowstorm in western MA. The decision to suspend Iris was made due to a recent infraction (an outburst triggered by his autism which has been greatly underwhelmed, neglected and condescended to by our schools administration). Before coming to Hampshire, Iris was a homeless resident of Boston and currently has nowhere to turn upon leaving campus. They have no family or parents, and are traumatized by the idea of being homeless in an unfamiliar town. In this video, he is being monitored by two campus police officers and is surrounded by a devastated circle of friends who are being forced to witness Iris’s expulsion into homelessness yet again. They’ve provided him with a cab to a nearby town where he will be forced to wait on the streets until his conduct hearing Monday afternoon where his fate as a Hampshire student has yet to be determined. Please share this video in the hope that we can seek justice for Iris and spread awareness of how Hampshire College is treating it’s marginalized and defenseless student. Thank you for watching, and FREE IRIS! #hampshirecollege #irisallen #freeiris”

TRANSCRIPT OF VIDEO (courtesy of FB user Lulu N Appa, in comments on the above referenced post):

“IRIS: I had a great day today, I talked to all my friends; however, I had to go and talk to Greg He told me that I would be having a meeting about the upcoming hearing that would be happening on Monday. Unbeknownst to me, I was suspended. So here we are (if you will Cam show) with everybody here, including the campus police kicking me out without a hearing. A black autistic female student who’s made strides to change her behavior. I come from one of 9, very poor and abused, and yes I’ve developed social habits that aren’t acceptable;however I do have autism and this school overlooked it. I got in trouble enough for them to kick me out, them fully knowing, like Greg and Pam Tinto, that I don’t have a place to live. And they are able to provide me with a taxi to go towards north hampton. But they are going to drop me off and that will be the end. I’m going to be homeless again, for the third time in my life. My young life. 24. That’s all I have to say. I hope that when you guys all see this that I’m not dead. Because who knows? The school certainly doesn’t give a fuck. (sniffling in the background) I mean, if Cam doesn’t show all this footage, it will be an injustice. It will be an injustice to my death. I love you all. I love you guys.

VOICE IN BACKGROUND: That’s fucked up…

IRIS (addressing police): I’m not making any threats. But I will take this to the media! Because I have no choice. I’m not making any threats. I’m just saying that to the officer because she said I was threatening; however I’m not, I promise you. Because I’m the one who’s suffering Take a note that she’s rolling her eyes.

POLICE OFFICER: I did not roll my eyes. I was looking over there.

IRIS: That was my interpretation of it. Thank you Cam (camera points to officers smiling) (Unintelligible background conversation)

IRIS: It’s here? Well alright…

FRIENDs: Well we love you (lots of crying, hugs, sniffling)

FRIEND: It’s gonna be ok, it’s gonna be ok.

IRIS: Everybody lied to me. Greg did. I was supposed to have a meeting with Amy Parker. WITH AMY PARKER! No hearing. I just got thrown out. And there I was, thinking, ”I haven’t even eaten dinner”. Now I don’t even know where I’m sleeping tonight. In a homeless shelter where i could get raped? In a place where I’ve never been homeless before.

FRIEND: (Unintelligible talking)

IRIS: “Let’s kick her out! Let’s get her! Throw her in the field! Fuck her!” (Pacing sniffling, crying)

ANOTHER FRIEND: I’m so sorry!

IRIS: (Crying) They lied to me. They- they looked right in my face and lied to me! But all they can provide me with is a taxi, to set me on my way. (sniffs loudly) It doesn’t matter because I don’t matter. (Police walkie talkie chatter) IRIS: I didn’t even get a chance to eat dinner.”

Saturday, December 9: A YouCaring fundraiser was established for Iris to ensure he would be able to hire a third-party advocate for his hearing: https://www.youcaring.com/irisallen-1039410

Sunday, December 10th: A Facebook event was created for a rally at the time of Iris’ hearing on the 11th at Hampshire College: https://www.facebook.com/events/1157729927695106/?ti=icl

A public Facebook group was also created for the exchange of information and ideas: https://m.facebook.com/groups/1522737504483336

Monday, December 11th: Iris’ hearing takes place. Although the YouCaring fundraiser was successful in raising funding for a third-party advocate, one was not located in time for this hearing.

Cameron Prata posted that Iris was denied further access to campus at his hearing: https://www.facebook.com/cameron.prata/posts/1744179032261028

“IRIS ALLEN WAS DENIED. STILL CONSIDERED A THREAT. WE NEED TO MOBILIZE ON THE HAMPSHIRE CAMPUS! #freeiris”

Friend of Iris, Rejjia Camphor posted details on the suspension: https://www.facebook.com/rejjia.camphor/posts/1703237176407064

“Iris is still being suspended and seen as a threat to the Hampshire college community. They are not allowing him to stay on campus, he cannot access his room and he cannot participate in his ensemble performance.”

On Monday evening Hampshire College sent a ‘Campus Threat Alert’ email to students: https://www.facebook.com/cameron.prata/posts/1744455625566702

While it did not mention Iris by name it was obvious that additional security and law enforcement were called to campus in response to the rally and Iris’ hearing.

Transcript of email:

“Campus Threat Alert

Submitted by: Beth Ward

Because a threat was made to members of our campus community, you will see an increased presence of law enforcement on campus.

We take these threats and the safety of everyone at Hampshire very seriously. We expect all members of our campus to contribute to ensuring an environment that is safe from threats or harm to each other. Individuals who represent a threat to the safety of the campus are not allowed on campus except under limited circumstances as detailed in our student handbook.

The safety of our campus is of top concern, and we are taking all appropriate efforts to ensure the welfare of students, faculty and staff. If you have concerns about this alert or if you witness safety issues, please call campus police at 413-559-5424 or ext 5424 from a campus phone.

We understand that some students are upset about actions taken by the college in recent days, but the College makes all appropriate efforts to support and otherwise provide resources to students who need assistance. The College has a process for handling these matters, which involves giving due consideration to all parties concerned. No decisions are made without providing hearings and other protections built into the College’s policies and procedures.

Hampshire College has an obligation under federal law to protect the privacy of our students, which bars us from providing any additional details about student cases involving complaints, conduct hearings or resulting discipline. At the same time, the College has a larger obligation to ensure the safety of our community and is acting on that obligation through this communication to campus and the precautions we’re taking across campus.

Gloria Lopez

Dean of Students”

Tuesday December 12: Iris posted in the group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1522737504483336/permalink/1524157817674638/

“There is another meeting today for them.to discuss thier [sic] findings with me I strongly suggest we rally again”

During this meeting, Iris’ conduct board extended his suspension to the spring semester. Iris was forced from campus by 3 police officers into an unmarked car to be taken away from campus: https://www.facebook.com/cameron.prata/posts/1745169648828633

“At approximately 10:43 a.m, on December 12, 2017, after his hearing Iris Allen was escorted off campus, by police and taken to an unknown location as they would not tell Iris or his supporters where they were taking him.”

Later that evening, Official update and statement from Cameron and Iris: https://www.facebook.com/cameron.prata/posts/1745439202135011

“After attending yet another conduct hearing at Hampshire College today, December 12th, Iris Allen’s suspension was extended to the entire spring semester. As of now, Iris’ safety is not secure, and he is indefinitely homeless. Despite being both non-threatening and compliant, three police officers were present inside the meeting. After having his suspension extended, he was physically and forcibly placed in an unmarked police vehicle by 3 police officers who refused to tell Iris or his supporters where he was being taken.

He was soon after dropped off at a local McDonald’s in Northhampton, MA (with no explanation as to why this location was chosen) by the three police officers. Though Iris has been able to find shelter for the night, he remains under extreme duress regarding his circumstance. We contacted him via video call and he has provided the following a statement on recent events.”

Transcript of Iris’ video statement: https://www.facebook.com/cameron.prata/posts/1745457768799821

“So, I can’t be there with the rest of my peers today because I was forcibly removed from the campus and thrown into a car. They have no place to take me so they dropped me off at the local McDonald’s in Northhampton. I am still being harassed by the administration who will not tell me what’s going [on]. They put me in danger, because I have been homeless--I am dirty, I am hungry, and I don’t have food. I and I just--all I want is to go back to class. Please. I just want to go to my dorm.”

Wednesday December 13th: 2 articles were posted by two different websites about the situation. The first article from Inside Higher Ed gave concise and respectful details about Iris’ suspension: http://www.insidehighered.com/news/2017/12/13/supporters-say-student-was-unfairly-suspended-hampshire-college-because-his-autism

The second article was posted on Turtle Boy Sports, a right-wing reactionary website, and makes several questionable claims with no evidence to back them up about Iris’ panic attacks. The article is extremely transphobic and greatly misrepresents the situation, most likely to sensationalize the story for alt-right trolls to use. I am including this for transparency but using DoNotLink so as not to give them any page traffic: https://donotlink.it/V2lN

END OF TIMELINE.

As of this afternoon there are no further updates from Hampshire or Iris. Iris is currently safe with a friend. Please signal boost this post so that the facts can be circulated as we are now aware of media coverage that has misrepresented the details and made false claims in order to discredit Iris. As far as is known, IRIS HAS NEVER BEEN A THREAT TO HAMPSHIRE COLLEGE. Any meltdowns and panic attacks they had, any any statements made during them, were made under extreme duress at the hands of a college administration that seems to have systematically denied Iris access to both accommodations to ensure his academic and social success as well as his medication.

PLEASE SHARE, LIKE, AND REBLOG. #FREEIRIS

#freeiris #iris allen #hampshire college #irisallen #actuallyautistic #autistic #autism #asd #autisticwhileblack #hampshirecollege #ableism #racism #classism #institutional ableism #higher education #college #university #highered

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