#lumpiest

[llycaons]

also I met my friend today with her new baby who is the only irl person I know who's into mdzs and I was like yeah haha I'm thinking of writing something...and she was like omg I've done that! it's up on ao3! you totally should!! so it was nice getting the support 😊

[isa-ah]

how tf do I braid my own hair this is impossible

[garaktime]

I could finally be the bald man I've always dreamed of being

[godsprettiestprincess]

I love Lucifer’s shitty little apartment. I just know he has art supplies and DIY tools scattered all over his floor

[nettledevilart]

I'm feeling the art block but at least I managed to make one little bead bot

[symbiodyke]

I'm like. 4 days deep into a 7 day dogsitting job that I really hate rn for a number of reasons

one of them is the fact these people live an upper middle class lifestyle, they're work from home tech workers with 3 dogs

one of the dogs is an elderly schnauzer and yall. this dog was horribly matted and dirty to the point where her fur was crunchy and greasy to the touch. the two much younger corgi mixes were perfectly groomed.

we had to cut out mats (including poop encrusted butthole mats and all around her face) and shampoo her 3 TIMES.

this poor fucking dog!!!! these people have time and money but neglect their elderly dog!!!!!! I want to kill them !!!!!!!

[boghermit]

“I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but the truth is you’ve never mattered that much to me.” 

[hagstones-and-howling-hills]

As someone wanting a degree in fine arts I suck absolute ass at arts and crafts

[nishikitty]

finished my first crochet project yaay

[inkdrinkerworld]

autistic!reader getting overwhelmed/overstimulated at a party w dealer!remus’ friends so remus ditches the party to comfort them (i love your writing sm btw❤️)

You’re not sure what exactly was the tipping point that sent you from mild discomfort to overt discomfort and agitation.

You’re at a party with Remus, sitting in the living room with your phone in your hand as you scrolled through your photos and a couple random apps to pass the time it took Remus to sell to all his friends here.

Usually, you’re good about bringing your ear plugs, and they’d work but even though you don’t have them tonight, you know they’d have been useless.

You can smell an acrid mixture of beer, white rum and weed. You can feel the bass shake you down to your bones and whoever’s sofa this is, it’s the lumpiest thing you’ve ever sat on and the moment you became aware of the lumps there was no use in trying to forget it.

You want to go home but you don’t want to ruin Remus’ night. As inconspicuous as you can, you send him a text.

Going outside to get some air, the smell of alcohol is too much.

Remus texts back, Don’t go out by yourself, I’ll meet you at the door in five minutes.

Maybe you should’ve been clearer, you’re not sure if you can hold out for five minutes.

“You look like someone just told you they imprisoned another orca.” Sirius creeps up on you, making you jump where you’re sitting.

“Sorry, the smell in here is horrid.” Sirius laughs, always having been a fan for your inability to lie. You don’t need to be sheepish around him, come to think of it, none of Remus’ friends mind some of your less than sociable traits.

“Did you phone, Moony? You know he’ll take you home if you aren’t having a good time.”

You shrug, “What if he’s having a good time?”

Sirius doesn’t want to be the one to tell you, because he’s sure you’re somewhat aware already; but Remus could never be having a good time if you weren’t. It’s like your emotions are linked and if you’re not enjoying yourself, Remus will simply rearrange the Earth, till you were.

Sirius is saved from having to give you the rundown, when Remus appears, sponging a kiss to your forehead.

For someone who’s been selling weed and smoking it for as long as he has been, Remus never really smells like that burnt, sweet smell his weed has. He smells like citrus fruit and clove. Spicy and tart.

It grounds you, gives you something else to focus on. Something that’s familiar, fresh and grounding. It settles the itch in your veins and allows you to relax a little.

“Ready to go?” When you look at him, Remus has your bag on his shoulder and your jacket in his hands.

“Home?” You ask, Sirius not even bothering to hide his smile as Remus nods.

“Yeah, figured it was getting a little much. We’ve been here longer than I thought we’d be too.”

It’s just like your boyfriend, to make it so that what you want, to go home, doesn’t seem like it’s being forced on him. In truth, Remus would like to leave too, and he wasn’t lying. He’d only planned for you both to be here an hour or two.

“Are you sure?”

Sirius pats your knee as he leaves, knowing you’re both going to be headed home.

“Positive, dovey. C’mon,” Remus leads you out of the house, watching your shoulders drop as soon as the crisp, cool air of a coming spring fills your lungs. “Put on the sweater, baby. Don’t want you to catch a cold.”

You smile a little to yourself as Remus helps you into the sweater. “Thanks Remmy.”

You’re thanking him for more than just the sweater, but Remus rolls his eyes. He tips your chin up, nose bumping your own before he kisses you.

“Let’s go precious girl, we might be able to stop at that pizza place you like if we hurry.”

[fleet-off]

So my secret dream is that Kinn and Vegas both pick up a ton of non-mafia hobbies down the line.

Now, Kinn is a shit cook. He plucks a trigger much more steadily than he’ll ever pluck Kim’s guitar. His clumsy attempts at painting draw a rare smile to Porsche’s mother’s lips. Kinn knits the lumpiest, most uneven scarf in a climate where nobody will ever want to wear it.

Kinn is bad at his hobbies.

And it is so freeing, to enjoy something and to be bad at it. For Kinn, who has always had to be the best—for Kinn, whose father’s money made him the best even when he wasn’t—what a tremendous relief, to love something and to do it poorly.

Meanwhile—Vegas is an excellent cook. His hands are just as dexterous on the pliers whether he is extracting the movement from a clock or the bones from a man’s ear. His bird’s eye chili plants thrive on the balcony.

Vegas is good at his hobbies.

And it is so satiating, to enjoy something and to be good at it. For Vegas, who has never been the best—for Vegas, whose father’s goalposts moved every time he thought he might be good enough—what a tremendous relief, to love something and to do it well.

Privately (and sometimes not so privately), they laugh at each other. Privately (always privately), they are so much happier.

(And neither of them plays chess. <3)

[ladydelena]

Tamlin Relationship Headcanons (SFW Pt. 1)

I think this is going to be a series because I have too many ideas about this furbaby. I'll update my masterlist as I post more headcanons. Tumblr! This is what you were invented for baby!

—--

Tamlin loves nuzzling you. It really doesn't matter when or where. Leaning against one of the spring forest trees? His arms are braced on either side of you and he’s just gently, intently running his nose along your shoulder, suckling on your exposed throat with his warm, soft lips and edged teeth. Laid down after a picnic where you both indulged on too many of the fermented berries you foraged? He’s gently nipping and nuzzling your chest, burying his face in the warmth of it and almost purring contentedly.

He likes being domestic with you. He craves it so deeply, and if you're even away for a day or two he gets angsty at the hollow feeling that creeps into your shared chambers. He’s definitely away for days at a time as well, attending to Springs borders while you attend to your duties in your territory, but he is a domesticated beastie boy who just wants to hold you and breathe in your scent. He wants to share his life with you and he’s definitely become a bit co-dependant, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

You guys have a system for when his nights start getting too late and he's backed up on paperwork. You’ve found that the two of you work well in silence, and you often read and summarize what comes across his desk, and then he goes over the bulletpoints, often going with the suggestions you leave.  Every once in a while he’ll ask about a suggestion because you guys think so differently, and he genuinely listens- it's led to a lot of positive changes in the court that you’ve implemented together as a pair. The teamwork cuts through the work in no time and the two of you can retire for the night and be together in peace. You even have a shared desk for this exact task, that- well, everyone needs a break from paperwork right? You guys have shared the space in other ways, breaks help the mind work better!

He likes to bite. He has a bit of a possessive streak but he doesn't let insecurity drive him crazy with it. He trusts you and you trust him, but you also like when he’s a bit possessive. You like feeling how much he wants you and needs you near him. Nobody said fae had to adhere to strictly human standards right?

He eats like a warrior but indulges during picnics. His usual meals of lean meats and varied vegetables, the deep red wines, it all keeps his body in shape (cauldron is he always in shape) but during picnics, he loves tasting the little pastries and sweets you bake yourself. He loves feeding them to you even more.

He loves shared baths. He really, really likes when you wash his hair-like, eyes closed and his purring creating ripples on the water. He also knows you love the different fizzing crystals and scented oils and will gather a variety of them from the different territories merchants for you. He also likes plucking whichever rose color he thinks matches the scent and scatters them on the water. The little artsy furbaby- he likes making the evening special like that for the two of you.

He's unabashedly proud of your hobbies. The goofball. He loves the life you bring to the estate and the chaos as well. When you picked up crocheting and made him the lumpiest blanket your first go round? He still uses it to cover the two of you when you lay out in the gardens and read before retiring for the night. The slightly brassy, mismatched cufflinks you made when picking up jewelry making and metalworking? He wears them every day on his uniform. 

You make music together. He plays the fiddle and you both write lyrics and you sing softly and happily, as if in time with the spring breeze itself.

[sparkly-sediment]

are u have any speesbullet headcanin please?

yes kitten I sure do

Tf2 speedingbullet headcanons

Scout has the biggest, lumpiest, most unfathomably school girl crush you’ve ever see

Brother is skipping to and fro the camper

He acts all cool. Suave. Big dick, if you will. But deep down he is just a fast little boy running in circles on a treadmill. The proverbial carrot to his stick is Sniper

Scout thinks Sniper is like 40 for at least 18 months and only allows himself to realize his desire after

“well like since you’re 50 or whatever”

“?? mate I’m 27” and then the floodgates open

Sniper enjoys watching Scout dart around the battlefield from his sniper’s nest. At first it’s funny, like an ant writhing on the pavement, but then the ant gets cute. And then hot

Sniper would never spy on someone from above to jack off but he does think about it once. But like, cmon man he wouldn’t *really* do it

Not unless Scout brings it up first

They hang out a lot. So much so the team thinks they are legitimate friends- which they are!- but in all the time they spend together they started to open up and all that

Suddenly Sniper is invite to Christmas in Boston and Scout’s mom is ENTHRALLED with this! Sniper gets a shake down tho

Scout craves validation, especially from men (thanks for that spy), and it creates this crossroads for Sniper

Snipes can either acknowledge his issues with affection and vulnerability and you know, actually work to better himself, or he could simply Not and let the little romance crumble

He finds out Scout doesn’t know what a kangaroo is and starts reading self help books

Scout flirts obnoxiously but the second Sniper even makes eye contact it’s over. Neither of them can handle rizz but at least Sniper can keep functioning

He will tip his hat to cover his face on occasion. Scout sees this as an ultimate victory

They date for five months hefore they realize they’re dating and have a conversation that really didn’t need to be so scary

Intimacy is uncharted waters in the beginning! They’ve both slept with people, but nothing quite as electric as this, so they start a bit slow

Does not last long Scout thinks Sniper is SO HOT and Sniper looks at Scout and feels his stomach flip

Play fighting and then they legit start brawling then they make out and then ❤️

[vextik]

the lumpiest lump that ever lumped (aka the ball python)

[eddiespornstache]

Maddie and Eddie would definitely take a pottery class together and come home with the lumpiest mugs for their men. The handle of Tommy’s mug is practically the same size as the cup part, Chimney’s mug has the proportions of a saucer, and Buck’s is not actually watertight but the three of them all ooh and ah over the (streaky) glaze jobs anyway

[federationgothic]

Starfleet's lumpiest exam table