#lyric's asthma attack really scared her

[ladybugsimblr]

If Bailey has your number and loves you, just know you will wake up to text essays because she does her best thinking/worrying at night.

[itsthirdnature]

#NowPlaying Leaving, on a Jet Plane by John Denver

😧 first day of school and i almost cried today, i actually teared up but i caught myself, while writing about today’s in class activity. “written reflections: choose a song and a particular lyric representing your family’s history here in the US written before the time you were born” lol, i dont know of a particular song but quickly browsing thru the internet, i came a upon this song, a song i havent heard in a while, but remember hearing age 5?

mindlessly singing this song back when i was young, i ddnt really realize until now how much this song relates to me, mostly about my parents but me too,

a lot of times, because of the struggles of supporting their family, many people have to work away from their loved ones, starting from how my parents had to move to HK for work, leaving the PH where their family/relatives/loved ones lived. fast forward with children (us), we become part of the loved ones theyd have to leave behind to provide for us. the time did come when we all get to live together after moving here to the US only to get separated once again with divorce woth my mom n i secretly leaving in the middle of the day when my dad and siblings are at work and school. i cant blame my parents, my mom was no longer happy in the marriage, but i do wish we were still “whole”

moving back to HK my mom then had to provide for me, but she couldnt by herself, so i had to be sent back to the PH, only during Christmas every year or two do i get to see my mom, all the while not knowing what the hell os happening with my dad and two siblings here in the US, and thats really when the song hits me, everytime my mom had to leave me in the PH after she visits i cried, the full outburst kind, the kind that gives me asthma attacks, wondering sometimes if it was better if she ddnt visit anymore cuz i wasnt able to become strong enough not to cry whenever she left

then i get the chance to finally live with her in HK after ten some years, only to be the one to leave her for my education after 7 years and moving here to also spend time with my dad and sibs.

i know we are not our parents and it has then become part of my mentality not to leave those i love behind, but sometimes it scares me that one day ill be doing the same things because its somehow “programmed inside me”

but i know, thanks to my parents’ sacrifices, my sibs n i dont have to do that anymore either when it comes to them, each other or my maybe future family, yet i still get scared…