#mangle internally: oh god okay alright back up a sec-

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Thinking about Roxy and my Plex Mangle meeting in a way that somewhat mirrors how Mangle met the original Roxy and Mangle just having to deal with that I guess

[masterweaverx]

The Dumbest RWBY Oneshot Ever

Weiss Schnee was feeling, all things considered, pretty good.

Sure, she hadn’t slept in something like forty-eight hours. And, alright, the immortal witch-queen of the Grimm had parked a gods-damned WHALE as large as Beacon itself on Atlas. And even after Oscar blew it (and her) up with a magic cane, there was still the voluminous horde of shadow demons it had vomited up roving her home city while innocent citizens cowered in the subway. Not to mention the monster that had broken into her own home and terrorized everyone with its creepy speech before it died, leaving behind the mangled body of some poor silver-eyed faunus and traumatizing Ruby with the gruesome implications.

And then there Ironwood going insane, declaring them all enemies of the state, infecting Penny with a lethal virus, and threatening to blow up Mantle. If her sister was to be believed he’d also killed one council members and been barely prevented from murdering one of his own Ace Ops before they contained him. And, of course, there was the tiny fact that Weiss had herself condemned the city of Atlas to fall as a result of all that...

Realistically, she should have been weighed down with guilt, and exhaustion, and resentment, and probably a lot of other things. But what Weiss felt now was something like... relieved pride. Despite all odds, they’d saved Penny. They’d brought Ironwood to heel. They’d even killed Salem--temporarily, she was coming back, but still an accomplishment. And, as she strode down the golden path from the portal and watched people slowly trickle in from the other bright ovals in this... mysterious void, she knew that the citizens of Mantle and of Atlas would escape the calamity that had been wrought.

“Hope Vacuo has enough space for all these people,” Ruby murmured as she helped Penny along on her new feet.

Yang smirked. "If there’s one thing Vacuo has plenty of, it’s space. I’m more worried about dumping everyone on them without warning.”

“That is a tomorrow problem,” Weiss declared.

“Wow.” Blake gave her a wry grin. “I never thought I’d see the day where you, of all people, would procrastinate.”

Weiss whirled, pointing the staff of creation at Blake’s face. “Where was all this sass back at Beacon?”

“Locked behind the trauma of escaping an abusive relationship,” Blake replied casually.

“...Touché.” Weiss shrugged, stepping onto the main platform and waving at the milling crowd. “Excuse me! Can anybody tell me where the Happy Huntresses are? We need to touch base.”

“They’re over there!” a woman reported, pointing at the largest portal. “They’re helping organize everyone going through--getting families back together and all that.” She shook her head. “This is actually happening...”

Yang put a hand on her shoulder. “Yeah. World’s a crazy place. Just... focus on what you need to do now, okay?”

“Okay.” The woman nodded. “I’m going to... look for my husband.”

With a final pat, Yang broke away and the five teenagers maneuvered through the press of people. It didn’t take them too long to approach the three women near the final road, since the crowd was milling that way anyway, and the tall green-haired woman spotted them first. “Hey May, your interns are here!”

“Thanks Joanna!” The blue-haired woman waved the five of them over with a grin. “There’s the heroes of the hour!”

“Interns?” Yang put a hand on her hip. “Are we getting paid for this?”

“Sorry, no pay till you’re officially hired, but I’ll make sure you get an amazing benefits package.” May Marigold had a smile on her face despite her sardonic tone. “How are you kids feeling?”

“Well, Penny’s still getting used to her new body,” Weiss admitted.

“Toes are weird,” Penny reported in a distant tone.

Ruby wrapped her arm tighter around her shoulders. “That they are, Penny,” she agreed fondly.

“Yang and Blake are still insufferably dense,” Weiss continued.

“Okay, that’s unfair!” Yang insisted. “I know I’m dense, but Blake--”

“Yang, you’re not dense!” Blake protested. “You’re one of the smartest people I know!”

May whistled. “Yeowch, I see what you mean. How about you, princess?”

“Honestly, I’m feeling unusually giddy. Not just for this whole situation, but for me personally.”

“Yeah, that’s what happens when you’re awake for fifty hours straight,” Joanna admitted. “You’re going to zonk out as soon as you hit a bed.”

“I expect as much.”

May shook her head. “Well, you kids have exceeded all expectations,” she assured them with pride.

“Not an uncommon occurrence for us,” Weiss replied.

“Smug little brats. So...” she nodded at the golden rod in her hand. “That it?”

“Indeed it is. The Staff of Creation, in compact form.” Weiss spun the object in her hand. “And it’s surprisingly less heavy this way. Chalk it up to magic, I guess.”

“Right.” May turned to the side. “Hey, Fiona! Got a sec?”

“One moment!” came the reply from a short woman. "You said you can’t find your dad?”

The child in front of her nodded hesitantly. “They tooks him up to Atlas when they was taking people up,” he said.

“Well a lot of those other portals come from Atlas,” the woman replied. “So it’s probably only going to be a few minutes, okay?”

“Okay...”

“My uncle here can look after you until then.”

The child looked up at the old man with badger paws, who gave him a gentle smile. “Okay,” he said, carefully settling himself in front of the man.

Fiona smiled, turning around and joining the rest of the group. “Okay, what’s--Kids!” She skipped over gleefully. “You did it--you have no idea how grateful everyone is!”

“Aha, well, it... it was nothing,” Ruby replied awkwardly. “We just did the best with what we had--”

Joanna clapped a hand on her shoulder. “You had nothing but each other and were up against two whole armies,” she pointed out bluntly. “One had magic and Grimm, the other was Atlas. And you somehow saved everyone. Accept the damn praise already.”

Ruby opened her mouth to protest, gave a look at Penny, and reluctantly let out a small laugh. “I... guess you have a point...”

May cleared her throat. “Anyway. We have an ancient magical artifact that needs to stay out of the wrong hands.” She tilted her head toward the Staff of Creation. “Fiona, if you would?”

“Oh! Right, right.” Fiona accepted the golden rod from Weiss, absorbing it with her semblance.

“Well,” Weiss said. “Glad that’s settled--”

“Whoa.”

Something about the word made the hairs on Weiss’s neck raise.

“What... wow.” Fiona seemed to sway a little, raising her arms. “This is incredible. I have tiny hands.”

“...Fi?” May gave her a concerned look. “You doing okay there?”

Fiona looked down. She raise a leg with an experimental expression, waving it around, before putting it back down. “Huh. I’ve never felt so attached to the ground before...”

“That’s... gravity,” Joanna said blankly. “It’s called gravity.”

“Huh. Really?”

Weiss frowned. “Fiona?” When the woman didn’t respond, she shared an awkward look with May. “Um.”

Blake sighed, kneeling down in front of the short woman. “Fiona, can you focus?”

The woman looked at her strangely. “...who’s Fiona?”

“Oooooooookay yeah, this--this is weird,” May said quickly. “Maybe we shouldn’t have given her the staff--”

“The staff?” Fiona looked up her. “Wait, do you mean my staff?”

“Your... Ambrosus?” Yang stared in utter disbelief. “Is that you?!”

“Well, of course!” Fiona put her hands on her hips. “Who else would I be?”

May looked around at the collection of sighs and groans team RWBY produced. “Okay, somebody want to clue me in to what the hell is going on?”

Weiss sighed. “Ambrosus is the spirit in the staff,” she explained wearily. “So I guess when Fiona used her semblance to absorb the staff, he came along with it and...” She waved a hand at the woman.

“Wait.” Fiona, possibly, held up a hand. “Absorb the staff?”

“Fiona’s semblance lets her store things,” Joanna explained. “We thought she’d keep it safe... we’ve never tried it with anything magical before.”

May took a deep, controlled breath. “Alright. Okay. So... can we fix this? Get Fiona back?”

Blake shrugged as she stood back up. “I think if we get the staff out of her

“Alright. Hey, Fi--Ambrosus.” May crossed her arms. “Can you get out of there?”

“Hmmm.” Ambrosus snapped Fiona’s fingers--or at least tried to. It took three attempts to make a successful snap. “Huh. Okay, there might be a problem, and that problem is I don’t have my powers in this body.”

“You don’t need to create the staff,” Penny pointed out. “You need to remove it from Fiona.”

“You did hear me just say I don’t have my powers, right?”

“Then use Fiona’s semblance.”

“...Doy!” Ambrosus brought Fiona’s hand to her head in a facepalm. “Ow! Huh.” The motion was repeated. “Is this what pain feels like?”

Penny nodded--and then frowned. “Hmm.” She brought her own hand to her head. “Ouch! Oh. Pain does feel different in this body.”

“Maybe we can test that out later in a more controlled environment,” Ruby said quickly, grabbing Penny’s wrist.

“Yeah,” May agreed, frowning as Ambrosus experimentally pinched Fiona’s skin. “Hey!”

“Hmm?”

“Out!”

“Right.” Fiona’s ear’s drooped... and then Ambrosus blinked. “Oh! Motile ears! Fancy!”

Blake sighed as the ears went up and down. “Focus...”

“Right, yes.” Ambrosus held out Fiona’s arms, staring at her hands in concentration. “Semblance. Semblance. Seeeem-blance. Hmmmmnnnnn. Aura, personal manifestation. Semblance. Okay. Any moment now. Definitely going to happen okay I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but nothing’s happening.”

May clutched at her hair. “What kind of ancient spirit are you?!”

“This is new for me too, alright?”

“Maybe you can’t use Fiona’s semblance because you aren’t Fiona,” Joanna suggested.

“That--huh.” Ambrosus nodded. “You know what, that just might be it.”

“Well... switch over and let her have control,” Yang offered. “Like Oz does, you know?”

“Huh. Okay, okay.” Fiona’s eyes shut, and Ambrosus took a deep breath. “Just have to focus inward. Hmmm. No, those seem to be automatic functions... no, that’s... oh, that’s an interesting memory... oh, hmm, closer... Oh!  There she is and--oh.”

“Oh?” May said. “What’s oh?”

“Oh is ‘she’s been cognizant this whole time,” Ambrosus replied awkwardly.

Weiss pinched her brow. “Of course. Just... give her control, already.”

“Right, right, yes. I am so sorry for the trouble, miss, I’ll just--”

One moment Fiona was casually rolling a hand as Ambrosus talked. The next she was stock still, standing in a position far to casual for her suddenly blank expression.

“...Fi?” May lowered her hands. “You, uh--?”

With perhaps a bit too much speed, the staff of creation reformed in Fiona’s hand. She shoved it into May’s grasp, taking a few deep breaths. “Oooookay, that was weird.” Her voice was shaky, but not quite panicking. “Freaky and weird and please never ask me to do anything like that again.”

“I am so sorry,” Ruby said quickly. “I--I swear we didn’t know--”

“I know you didn’t, you’re good kids, I’m just going to... cling to Joanna for a bit.”

May sighed as she watched Fiona wrap her arms around Joanna’s waist. “Yeah, that... yeah,” she said, clearly not able to find the words to express her frustration.

“You said it,” Yang replied.

Blake sighed. “Well... at least that’s one unexpected complication dealt with. I hope nothing worse happens.”

"Citizens of Mantle!

Everyone turned to see Cinder Fall flamboyantly flinging off a black cape into the void.

“Bring me the Winter Maiden,” she demanded. “Or face the infinite depths!”

Weiss groaned. “Of course.” She pulled out Myrtenaster. “Let’s just get this over with...”