#maybe it just feels a lil different to me bc it isn't a x reader fic

[sohya]

the ritual

[bunnyluvs-blog]

The 1 (Bangchan x reader)

Heavy angst ‼️‼️ lots of tears, asshole! Bangchan

I made this bc of my own relationship issues so I know it's a lil iffy but please enjoy

Hurt. Tears. A shadow. Thats what you were reduced to at this point. Your boyfriend Bangchan whos a one of a kind idol, who used to come home every night, kiss you good morning, play with your hair when you were having a bad day. The one who always took such good care of you. The one who you truly thought could never hurt you. He promised he would never hurt you. So why were you a mess, on the couch of your shared apartment. Most nights you wouldn't even stay up to wait for Bangchan to come home. You knew his job was hard but now these days it seemed loving you was twice as hard. You just sat there the clock reaching 4am. No call no text no nothing from him all day. You sent him good morning text and all you would get was read popped up under your text. You weren't even worth responding too. You couldn't stop the tears from falling at this point. You tried so hard to defend him to yourself. That he has a life outside of you but at this point you werent in his life at all.

You passed out on a couch. Now it was 9am, your body didn't really let you sleep after your tear fest last night. You looked around the apartment. A cup next to the sink, the bed sheets messed up, and his clothes in a corner of the bedroom. He was home. And he didn't even notice you were gone. He didn't miss your warmth or cuddles or light kisses on his face. He didn't miss you like you had so badly missed him. You couldn't ruin yourself anymore, you couldn't do this, all the restless nights hoping he's eating and taking care of himself. And he couldn't even care if you were home or not. You had given 2 whole years of your life to this man, what a waste. You text him a whole essay on how you felt ending it with the words "Lets break up" and you sent it. You were shaking. Even if you wanted what was best for you you still loved him. He wasn't a bad man but he just wasn't your man anymore. You tried everything you could to get your mind off of it. Putting your phone on do not disturb and mindlessly watching stranger things all the way through.

You've set up your bed for the night on the couch and your stuffed animals to keep you semi happy. That's when he came home. The man who didn't even check his phone today. The one who didn't even read your message of you pouring your heart out. "Hey babe, w-whats all of this? It isn't movie night is it?" He says, confused. The first words you've gotten in weeks, real words, not an im sorry or I love you or something fucking cheesy like all your friends tell you their boyfriends do. "Oh I'm just sleeping out here tonight until I can find a place to move too.." you said, Chan raised an eyebrow. "Move too? What are you talking about" It hit you, it hit you like a fucking brick. He didn't even check his phone. "Check your phone" that's all you said before you put on some shoes, grabbed your phone and wallet and left. He didn't even go after you. Not that you were expecting him to but a small bit of you hoped he did. You just walked. Your normal route you did when you wanted some air in the middle of the day. The world looks so different at night. You've never really seen it before before now. Nights became a blur, maybe you could learn to like them more.

You heard panting along with your name, it was Chan. A baseball cap, black shirt, and sweats. "Y/n love please i head no idea you were feeling this way" he panted trying to catch his breath. "Look this comeback has just been twice as hard as anything else we've done and they're just asking more of me and I know that isn't an excuse but I would never truly try to ignore you, i love you baby I really do, please dont leave me I can't live without you, i know I'm a shitty boyfriend and I know I'm not giving you what you need but please, let me change, for us" he was begging, pleading. He wanted to change, and if people set their mind to something they can do anything right? Truth is you really didn't want to let him go. "Promise to never hurt me again..?" You asked, voice shaky, your holding back your own tears from falling. He nodded and let out a soft please before you hugged him, just sobbing into his shirt. He took you home and tucked you into bed after a shower and some medicine from the headache you got after sobbing.

It's been 2 months since then. And things have been going ok..ish. Things were perfect for a month. Until he fell back into the same habit. With no comeback to plan for at the moment you couldn't help but be confused on why this was happening again. You prayed and prayed that he would change and pull though, and you really though tonight would be the night. It was your 3 year anniversary. You couldn't be more excited. You got a new black dress and pretty earring that he bought you for your birthday a year ago. You guys had dinner planned at a restaurant you both wanted to try. Dinner was at 8 and you were ready at 6:30. You felt so pretty. You knew you were pretty. You walked into the restaurant around 7:30. You watching the couples smile and enjoy eachother before the staff sat you. You waited for a bit then until 8 hit the clock. You played with the end of your dress. You ordered a semi cheap wine for you and Chan. 30 minutes, 1 hour, 2 hours, 2 hours and 30 minutes later you gave up.

You called an Uber to take you home, walking up the steps to your apartment. Opening the door, putting down your keys and kicking off your heels. You hear the tv on and your heart drops. He was home. You looked around to see if there was any sign of a happy anniversary or a gift or something that would make you feel like he still cared. He must have heard the keys and a few sniffles because he was facing you. "Oh hi honey? Woah hey why are you crying? Where have you been? What happened" he got up walking over to you trying to give you a hug when you moved away from him. He looked at you confused. "Do you even know what day it is today Chris?" He pulled out his phone to see June 28th. The same date you two made it official. Oh how everything seemed so perfect back then. You could remember it like yesterday. Small talk, the big question, the giggles and cuddles, how happy you felt. It was all gone now.

"Love I promise I just forgot I'm sorry I'm such an idiot" he said grabbing your hands. Looking at you with those big brown eyes, how you could get lost in them. "It wont happen again" that's when you broke, you were tired of giving him chances to redeem himself. "Your right it won't, because we're over" He froze, mouth slightly opened "You clearly dont care about me anymore Chris and I can't go on pretending like you do to make myself feel better" You sighed and walked past hime, going to pack a bag. "Wait wait hun lets talk about this" he said going after you. "We have, we have at least every 6 months and nothing changes, im tired of being last place in your heart" you angrily said shoving whatever you felt was right into your bag. "I wish I was what you wanted" you said before leaving. You couldn't face him. You didnt want you. You know yourself better then this. You knew if your friend was dating someone like Chris you would tell them to break up and they can do so much better. It was time for you to do better for yourself for once.

[stevebabey]

You don't have to answer this I'm just gonna bitch in your inbox about the x reader post you made because I felt this in my bones.

Like you really can't go in the tag for quality stuff lately. Everything is about sex. I'm not a prude. I read occasionally stuff, but omg, not everything has to be like this. Sometimes stories begin hopeful, but they end the same way. I'm just sick of it because it's all there is. And because it's so oversaturated, "normal" fics don't stand a chance because people don't click on that anymore. So yeah, as a creator, if I wanna get attention for my work, of course, I will produce stuff that people will read.

Also what you said about minors, how are they supposed to interact with fics if everything is porn.

In general, people are sooo fixated on "spicy" content. On tiktok, all people read is smut, or they can't handle other stuff. Literally, smut destroyed their brains. How is it any different than guys having a porn addiction?

Also, the tumblr tagging and searching functions are shit. I wanna find new fics from like 2020 or 2021 (before s4 bc I miss those vibes). When you go to the popular tag thing, the earliest you get is 2022. Like tumblr needs to fix that, so content from years ago can still be found. People also need to start tagging accordingly. It's such a pain.

Again sorry for the rant.

HOHOHOHOHO NO APOLOGIES NEEDED NONNIE i love having a bitch and being on my hater shit and i think more people than you might think agree with all of this + its a whole buncha opinions under the cut u have been warned

to some degree to decrease in quality fics will be due to the lull between seasons which always happens- some of the fantastic writers move onto other obsessions for the mean time and truly, i can't fault them for that.

but yet somehow i know it's more than just that - a smut piece will get more attention and notes regardless of the quality of the fic. it's so tough to complain about cos like sigh its all free writing produced by someone so to moan and bitch about stuff getting more attention than others is like. not very nice and being hypercritical but also

not everyone wants to read smut!! and its fuckin everywhere!! wouldn't it be darling if there could simply be a tag that was smut free but noooooo every post gets tagged with as many fuckin things as possible for 'reach' which is the stupidest fucking thing i've ever heard before

and ur absolutely right, because of it fics with no smut get drowned before they get a chance to get noticed. and sorry to say it, but its very rarely that i've read a fluff piece and been like ah, that seemed like it was just thrown together like no its always crafted to some degree- but i cannot say the same for smut in the least. again, often u can mentally sub in different characters and the fic still works which to me = bad writing (if its a steve fic i shouldn't be able to slot in eddie and have it work? ok cos then its not a STEVE fic its just a porn fantasy which is like fine but GOD this is a whole nother can of worms but if u just write smut and then cycle thru joe keery characters its like half a step from writing rpf cos its obvious u just think he's a hot guy and not so much into his characters 😭 maybe im being autistic levels of protective over my lil guy but i also think im right lmao)

and ough trying to write for an audience is so hard, its a vicious cycle of: wants to produce content ppl will read and interact with -> doesn't enjoy writing it as much -> writing isn't as good as u know it could be -> if it flops for whatever reason u feel like asshole. anon babey please dear god write the ideas you want to <3 i can promise you they will be 100x better than trying to cater to an invisible audience ! ppl follow you for your writing !!! and feel free to tag me!!!! i always want to read good steve x reader fics!!! (i just can't be assed hunting them down half the time)

the minors thing is just. god its - i remember hearing the phrase 'virgins write the best smut' and it was when i was 14 and now im like god don't say that they write like porn cos they have fuck all idea what they're talking about. i read so much fanfic when i was 12 years old and what u said is so true, it just used to sneak up in stories and ruin things. its the internet tho so its impossible to truly moderate

omg ur tiktok comment so fucking true babe. when smut is prioritized over plot, u can tell and so many of the booktok rec's they have are just that. there are ways to write smut and have it still be a story. there's also ways to write pwp and still craft it and yet, u dont see that often. also what happened to being excited when two bitches hold HANDS??? AND KISS FOR THE FIRST TIME?? it's appalling the way they thirst for that content but write their captions like "and they have s3x!!! and f@&k in the bathroom hehehe" like what. its such sanitized and shit content honestly

god ur so right i hadn't even thought about hunting down old fics - and it would make such a difference if you could do that because otherwise SO much weighs on when u post it and if it shows in tags and yada yada

this is so much omg u don't have to read all that but genuinely the reason i started writing more steddie and less x reader is the difference in reception and general support. i dont feel like i'm competing against my mutuals, but more like we're here to just hoot and hollar at each other and unless u have a tight knit group of friends on here, u don't get that on x reader fics ://

[5eraphim]

Who do you like writing more? Yandere medic or yandere engie?

but they are my baby boys... 🥺 how could i chose???

The boring answer is, I love them both sm and preference between the two is rather mutable. They are so unique and there is some but not enough overlap in regard to their appeal to me personally, or to their appeal as characters for me to really pick a #1 favorite.

Like Engie is so much fun bc it's taking the "good guy" of the team (not the straight man character, but the nice guy character, big difference here) and trying to imagine what he would be like- or what it would be, to push him over the edge into something completely sinister. Turning him into something so unlike what he's known himself to be. Like what would have to happen to make someone like this snap? It's fun to consider thing like, was he always like this deep down? Or how has he confronted issues like this in the past? There are so many fun ways to run with his character.

Medic is more like, yeah he's evil and crazy, let's dial that up to 11. which is great too! He's an absolute hottie and it's not at all surprising the fanbase he's cultivated over time! He's unhinged <3 He's cruel and unusual <3 He is possessive <3 His tits <3

but, metaphorical gun to my head, if I had to pick one- it's Engie for sure 🙈 he's simply the short king we NEED!!!

Its also so funny I got these two suggested together bc like-  ok i know its probs bc anyone who follows knows they are my faves- but! I've had these two ideas for fics I’ve been working on for a lil while now (drabble ideas in the read below xoxoxo)

One which is Medic x reader x Heavy basically reader and everyone is chilling enjoying some drinks, they are super shy and inexperienced and get a little tipsy and is joking around like when the topic of sex is brought up. They're like, "ahaha yeah I'm waiting for the right person, idk~" the chit-chat is all fun and playful, only a little heated, but reader is sure they’re all just messing around. Reader sitting next to Heavy on one couch, medic sitting in an armchair right across. Feeling a lil drowsy, and less shy given the circumstances, they're leaning up against Heavy bc he’s a human space heater, soft, so mellow and cozy!!! They don't bat an eye when he loops a strong around them to pull them closer and kiss the top of their head. Though by the time the kisses and bear-hugs intensify, it’s far too late to try and get away now. The guilt of taking this too far with a friend as well as the knowledge he isn't single only make things worse, making Reader remember themself all at once, and lock up. Becoming frigid and awkward to Heavy's advances. Heavy doesn't miss a beat however, justifying himself with a sort of "we've noticed you're always so shy, you just need to get out of your shell a little :)" and after a bit of warming up Medic would be the one to try and intensify things.

Getting cornered like that by someone like Heavy would be scary, but if that happened WHILE Medic was right across the room like 😊💕🍺 would be TERRIFYING. Very hot and erotic, but also terrifying.

The other imagine/one shot I'm not sure what a plot/framing device would be, but its Engie and demo. Maybe something like, newbie to the defense squad is learning the ropes and gets flustered and like- very obviously distracted checking out the other two guys, and messes up some easy traps and; quite similarly to the situation above, a  little teasing and joking around goes further and further until reader ends up pinned under demo, Engie holding them down from behind trying to see if they can keep up. 

The idea/”plot” of this one is much foggier in my head rn, but,,, hotties. Dad bods, even.

anon i love you for giving me another chance to simp for my waifus i love youuuuu <3333

[blowmymbackout]

Top 5 smuttiest killmonger fics you’ve ever read?

this is the BP Librarian or any other DC/Marvel character she can help you find a story ☺️ @chaneajoyyy

@suburbanblackhoe she has a series called iight fam i can only find part 5 but maybe you can find it

my wife @thehomierobbstark she got some good shit. just look at the masterlist

@supersizemeplz writes for the plus size girlies and i love her writing she writes for different BP characters as well

@wakanda-inspired i used to harass her for more Extra Erik chapters

just look at the material @eye-raq

i don't think the link is gonna work but @blackpantherimagines has a three parter called "The Parlor"

honorable mentions @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @panthergoddessbast she has a fic about reader being a sex toy maker and i can't find it but just ask her for the link

this is in particular order and this also isn't everyone. id def be sitting here all day typing everyone's @ these just the one i can think of off the top of my head that'll make it feel like you got a heartbeat in your coochie 😂😂 also anon of you just type in "fics" in my lil search bar there should be plenty

[lunaekalenda]

Can I request a JeanxFem!reader where the reader is super friendly/clingy and isn't conscious of the effects it has on Jean? Like sometimes reader would just grab his hand or hold on to his arm, or even stand in front of him and put his arms around their shoulders? Reader ou does this to Jean bc they're best friends but he will never get used to it bc Jean loves them and is all "asdfghjkl" everytime it happens. But then one day reader stops doing this stuff because someone told her Jean likes them but ONLY bc they look similar to Mikasa, which breaks the Reader's cute lil heart. Angst but fluff at the end please!

hi! of course!! i hope you like it! <3 sorry if i got too fluffy at the end :’)

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❁ jean x female!reader

❁ canonverse

❁ a/n: i didn’t want to make annie like a “villain” but she’s just being really honest with what she thinks about it, she’s not trying to bother her!

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"Jean!" you yell. He smiles at you once he found from where your voice comes, and you run to hug your best friend. His tall body gives you difficulties to reach his neck, but he leans closer to you, his big hands on your waist. His heart flutters happily when he feels your warmth closer to him. 

“How was your training?” he asks. You tangle your arm with his, starting to walk calmly towards the dorms. 

When you entered here, on the military, you wanted to punch him. How he was always feeling superior. You wanted to punch him so bad.

But, after the first battle, where some unlucky friends passed away, he changed abruptly. He understood the pain of the more weak ones, and didn’t vacillate to take risky decisions in due to help the mission. He was made to be a leader, and you two worked hand by hand in the same squad. Thats how, quietly, you started to notice how funny and sweet he is, even when he tries to cover it with his prideful façade. But, since you two got really close, you can even difference what he is feeling, even when he tries so desperately to hide it.

Or so do you think.

One day, when you two were training, Mikasa passed by, following Eren. Jean got his eyes fixed on her black hair.

“You like Mikasa, don’t you?” Connie told him, joking. 

“I-I like her hair, no-o more.” He says. In that times, he was your friend, but you weren’t that close. 

Surprisingly, the more friends you became, the more strange you felt. Why did your heart a flip every time he smiled at you? Why did you felt bad when Mikasa asked something to him?

Maybe you were starting to feel something for him?

“You’re totally into Kirstein.” Petra told you. You enjoyed talking to her, she’s really nice. 

“Shut up, Petra, or else I’ll have to tell you how you look when Capt...”

“Got it!” she interrupted you and you both laughed. It was a quiet afternoon, and you two where sitting on the lake. “I think you should go for him.” she said. 

“He isn’t into me.” you answered. “He likes Mikasa.” Petra looked to the lake.

“Who knows, maybe he does feel the same...”

Petra is really positive, unless you talk about her. Then, she says she has zero opportunities.But, you didn’t want to break your special bond with Jean. That’s why you tried to keep things in a friendship, ignoring your feelings for so long.

“It was fine, yep.” you say. “But I’m hungry.” Your belly confirmes it. He lets out a little laugh.

“Let’s go and eat something first, then.” You smile and, letting go his arm, you tangle your fingers with his, walking with his hand on yours. He blushes a bit. “By the way, tonight we have free time. Do you want to hang?” Today, the Captains of the Squads gave you all free time, celebrating that you all survived another expedition yesterday. 

“Sure.” you pull him softly, his hand caressing yours in an unconscious way while you two walk towards the cantina.

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You feel the cold wind against your skin and wet hair while you walk to the encounter point you agreed with Jean earlier. You found Annie walking back to the dorms.

You and Annie haven’t talked that much, specially since her introverted nature finds your outgoing one terrible.

“Hi, Annie.” you say. She looks at you.

“If you’re searching Jean, he’s talking with Mikasa near Eren’s dorm. Just in case.” She speaks. You maybe looked concerned or down, because she looked at you for a long time. “You know you don’t have opportunities with him, right? He’s not the type of boy to fall in love with.” She says. You look at her back, kinda confused of the words she just said. “He thought he liked you, I’m sure he was confused. But then he realized you look so much like Mikasa, so he just likes the way you look like her. Never thought of it?”

“I do not look like her.” You say. 

“The same black hair that Jean loves. That’s enough for him to remind of her every time he looks at you. She’s out of his league, but maybe you...” Maybe she’s right. After all, he loves Mikasa’s black long hair. She cut it, you still have long hair. But, is all of this the truth? 

“Y/N!” Jean calls you from the place you accorded. Annie waves her hand before disappearing, going back to her dorm.

You walk towards Jean without your usual clingy ways. You walk silently, the sweater hugging your body and your gaze low. Jean is aware of your change of attitude. He gets concerned. What did he do to upset you? Maybe you don’t want to see him again. “Are you okay?” he asks, once you’ve reached him. You nod and fake a smile.

“Annie told me you were talking to Mikasa, so I decided to wait there. I didn’t want to bother.”

“You should had call me, dummy!” he says, colliding his shoulders with yours, playing. “You never bother me, y/n.”

His hazel eyes search any type of reaction on yours, but he only gets your gaze on the floor again. He stops walking and turns you to face him. “Hey, it’s everything okay?” He asks. He has lowered his voice and his tone is way more concerned. You don’t know if his kindness makes you feel good or bad. “Y/N?” He asks again. He just needs to know you’re fine, he needs to hear that nothing happened to you. Maybe, he thinks, you’re just upset with him for some reason he can’t think of. 

“I’m fine.” You’re not. You’ve been binge thinking about what Annie said to you, and you ended believing that maybe that’s true. That you’re just a Mikasa impostor on his heart.

“You’re not fine.” He says. Your skin feels electricity when he holds your hand, trying to avoid you from walking away. He searches your eyes once more, but now, they’re full of tears. His eyebrows move in a worrying expression. “What happened?” He asks. His tone is now sweet, trying to calm you.

“Well, now I know why you always pat my hair.” you say. At the end, the logic Annie followed is totally right, at least in your brain. “It is like touching Mikasa’s, right?”

His expression is now extremely confused. What are you doing bringing up Mikasa in a conversation that has nothing to do with her?

“Mikasa’s?” he asks. You wipe your tears with your hand quickly.

“You liked her when she entered, so probably you keep liking her. And my hair looks exactly like hers. Are you using me?” You ask. Your brain thought all of this in one second, this was kinda messy and you don’t know exactly what is happening. Jean is as confused as you are, he doesn’t know how he made a mistake like that. Make you think he’s in love with Mikasa when he’s in love with you. 

“Listen, Y/N...” he says. This wasn’t the confession scenario he built up in his head, but he needs to clarify things now, before this weird conversation ends with you two ending your friendship. "I did like Mikasa. I liked her when we entered, yes. But it was just a platonic love. We're friends. The point here..."

"I'm your best friend, Jean." you say. "You can tell me if you like her, I'll be okay with that. I gave up on you on any way."

He looks surprised. You liked him? You liked him all this time? As he liked you?

“What?” he asks. “Gave up?”

“I liked you, Jean Kirstein. A lot. My heart was out of my fucking chest every time you hugged me and I couldn’t think straight if your body was behind mine. But you were probably thinking about Mikasa and how beautiful she is...”

“No.” his face is serious when he looks at you. Both of his hands go to your cheeks, taking with his thumbs a couple tears that run fast down to your chin. “Because I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” he says. Your teary eyes look at his, searching a joke or something like that, but his eyes are more serious than ever. “I knew it was maybe a one-sided love, because I thought you’ll never be interested in me. Every time you acted clingy, my heart was about to explode of happiness. I feel so good when you’re around me, y/n...” he passes one lock of your hair behind your ear. “I knew i was in love  because I didn’t care it was one-sided, if you were happy, I was happy. That’s why I got so concerned today. Even knowing maybe it was my fault, I couldn’t see you looking sad. I couldn’t. Because I’m still so madly in love with you, I care about you and your well.being so much that I felt the pain of your eyes myself. Sorry for making you feel that way.”

There’s now a silence between you. Jean is probably giving you space to understand all he said, and your brain is having an emergency reunion. He does like you, and you’re still so in love with him... After all, all that happened was because a misunderstanding from you. You feel so silly now...

“Sorry.” you say. “I misunderstood things.”

“But that’s because I never told you clearly what I felt.”

“It’s all my fault.” you try to convince him that he’s wrong, that you were the one confused. “Now I probably lost all the opportunities to be with you and also our friendship.”

“Don’t be that drama queen, dummy.” he says, his voice a low whisper. “I think we just need to honestly tell each other what do we feel now.” He says. 

Telling the other? Telling what?

“I’ll start, then.” he says, “I fell in love with my clingy best friend and I’m still so in love I wouldn’t mind dating her.”

His words made your heart beat faster. After all, where you hiding feelings that were probably reciprocate? 

Probably.

“Come on, don’t be shy!” He laughs sweetly when he sees your blushed cheeks. His thumb makes soft circles on them. “I don’t know if I’m allowed to say this now, but you’re so fucking pretty...” his gaze gets lost in your face, admiring every single part of it.

“I also still love you, but don’t let your ego raise.” he laughs and so you do. Now, you can look at his face freely, how his hazel eyes have such an intense gaze...

“So, now that this is arranged, why don’t we act as if this never happened and you let me confess in a proper way, hm?”

“Sounds great.”