#maybe it’s cause I read the last two books thinking Alina died at the end

[lumi-of-the-universe]

I respect differences in opinion and all but I genuinely cannot comprehend people who accuse Malina of being a boring ship.

Mal spends the entire series trying to give Alina whatever he can, even when they can’t be together he still tries to hunt down the third amplifier for her and later will help her stick a dagger in his own heart, after being the ONE person who wanted her take the third amplifier.

And Alina spends the books hunting for the amplifiers and being terrified that Mal won’t or can’t love her like this only to learn he is the third amplifier and he loves her more than he wants to live.

[julemmaes]

Honey extra - The Sex Playlist + a little scene

Elide Lochan x Lorcan Salvaterre roommates au

A/N: I posted part five on the same day acosf was released, so if you didn’t see it, go read it, cause it’s.. long and it took me years to finish and I saw it didn’t get the same attention the previous parts did, and yeah

fic masterlist

this takes place somewhere between part five and six

Elide was one of the few lucky girls whose period was never too bothersome. The pain was always very bearable and only lasted a few hours, and most of the time, it wasn't even a real pain, just a slight pressure in the lower abdomen. She could go about her day without having to stop every few minutes because of a cramp - unlike Aelin, who died every month as if someone was stabbing her in the guts.

She also didn't have a heavy flow, which she would always thank the gods for, if they existed. She couldn't understand how her friends could put up with such misfortune.

Not that they could do otherwise, of course, but she was always in awe when they told her about their period-catastrophes. She knew that if it were her turn to suffer like that every time, she would rip her uterus out of her belly.

And at that moment, lying in a fetal position on Lorcan's bed, she wasn't entirely sure she'd be able to keep from doing it herself before the cramping stopped. Because for some strange reason, her body had decided to turn against her this month.

The last two weeks had gone by in the blink of an eye, she and Lorcan had fucked on every surface in the house and between work and classes and studying, Elide had gotten very little sleep. Considering also that every time she lay down, her boyfriend would slip in behind her and she couldn't say no to herself, to that pleasure so exhaustive and ecstatic, it made her forget that her body needed rest.

It had taken Lorcan to remind her that they couldn't go on like this.

So when she'd found a bloodstain in her underwear the previous night, just before going to bed after her shift at the diner, she hadn't worried so much and had thought that they'd finally take a few days off and maybe her body would calm down.

Elide wasn't a fan of period sex and the few times she'd done it she'd been so grossed out that she'd risked barfing in the middle of it. It simply wasn't for her.

What she hadn't expected though, had been cramps so strong they had pulled her from sleep in the middle of the night. Elide had gotten up and gone to the bathroom because she'd started moving around too much and didn't want to wake up the boy sleeping blissfully next to her. She had started pacing the living room, trying to figure out what the fuck she was in such pain for.

When it felt like someone had stuck both hands in her uterus and was digging their nails into her ovaries, Elide had knelt on the floor by the couch, leaning forward with her fists pressed against her stomach.

Lorcan had found her in that position around half past four.

To say he'd been scared out of his wits would be an understatement.

He'd thrown himself to the floor beside her almost immediately, all traces of weariness gone the second he'd heard her whimper in pain and seen that Elide was biting her lower lip so hard it was drawing blood.

When they had established that it was just her cycle, Lorcan had taken her back to his bed and now they were both lying between the soft blankets she had given him.

They had both been puzzled by this new symptom. After all, Lorcan had never seen her suffer from her period in all the years they had lived together and neither of them had expected it to be any different this time.

Elide had had to joke that it was the fault of his huge cock that had literally stabbed her in the uterus, and Lorcan had apologised in earnest, looking at her with wide eyes and pulling away a little, as if he really felt guilty. She had burst out laughing and then pulled him to her again, taking one of his arms and putting it around her body so that his big hand covered her belly.

He'd started moving his fingers over her lower abdomen, applying pressure from time to time when she seemed to tense up due to a cramp. It helped, somehow, to have him there to massage her. To hold her to his chest as they cuddled.

Now, Elide kept her eyes closed, his head resting on top of hers as they both dozed. Or at least she thought so, because Lorcan spoke, his rough, low voice too close to her ear, "How do you feel?"

She sighed, pulling her knees up slightly. His legs immediately followed her, as if they couldn't bear to be away from her body. She smiled, "A little better." then yawned, "I guess it's the fact that I was already tired as it is, what with university and all."

Lorcan hummed behing her, "I see," then he moved, pulling away only briefly, "maybe we should take it slower, with everything I mean."

Elide nodded slowly. She turned her head towards him, still with her eyes closed, but pursed her lips forward, silently inviting him to kiss her. He chuckled, but a second later their mouths clashed in a simple peck on the lips.

The music playing from the speakers suddenly changed from the sweet melody of a love song to something quite different.

"Cause I eat up for a while, let me through. The shake, the screaming aloud, I'ma fool. In my face you shake, leaking everywhere."

Elide's eyes went wide, "Lorcan!" she let go a surprised chuckle, "What is this?" she turned to him fully and could finally see the satisfied smirk on his face.

"It's a playlist I made yesterday," he then lowered his voice an octave, looking at her lips, "For when we can take the time to think about music instead of jumping right into it," he murmured.

Elide swallowed, nodding slowly, continuing to listen to the song.

Definitely very different from what he normally provided her with.

"I like it," she continued, then draped her arms underneath his, resting her head against his chest as he pulled her close to him and lay on his back, making her lie completely on top of him, "our sex playlist." she smiled, playing with the ends of his hair.

Lorcan hummed again and Elide felt it throughout her whole body when he said, "I called it 'elide'."

She had to force herself to calm the hot spirits that that new information had triggered in her body, but she was glad to know that he wouldn't be able to use that playlist with other people, considering it bore her name.

"I like it even more now," she confessed under her breath.

His arms tightened around her back and then his hands began to rub her lower back, where he knew she was feeling the most pain. Elide fell silent, enjoying his warm hands on her skin, and only had time to thank him before sleep beckoned her again.

The playlists

01.02

1. The Fixer – Brent Morgan

2. Why iii Love The Moon – PHONY PPL

3. Couch Potato – Jakubi

4. Anyway – Noah Kahan

5. comethru – Jeremy Zucker

6. Why Not Me – Forrest.

7. Loving – Surfaces

8. always, i’ll care – Jeremy Zucker

9. Like Strangers Do – AJ Mitchell

10. Yellow Lights – Harry Hudson

11. Glue Myself Shut – Noah Kahan

12. Colour Me – Juke Ross  

13. Lovesong (The Way) – Charlie Burg

14. Lucky Love – Michael Seyer

15. Freak In Me – Mild Orange

elide

1. Skin – Rihanna

2. Do It For Me – Rosefield

3. Body Party – Ciara

4. When We – Tank

5. Rockstar – Rihanna

6. F***in Wit Me – Tank

7. On Top – Trey Songz

8. Acquainted – The Weeknd

9. Freaky – Gemaine

10. Make You Feel – Alina Baraz

11. First Fuck - 6LACK & Jhené Aiko

12. Young God - Halsey

13. How Many Times – DJ Khaled

14. Fuck You All The Time – Jeremih

18.02

1. I Don't Know Me Like You Do – Low Hum

2. I Don't Wanna Be Okay Without You – Charlie Burg

3. Why Can't I Have You – Gloria Laing

4. If I Go, I'm Goin – Gregory Alan Isakov

5. Let Me In – Skinny Living

6. Reason To Hate You – Rhys Lewis

7. Be Your Man – Rhys Lewis

8. Yours – Jake Scott

9. Loved Us More – Munn

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[zenithlux]

Cadence - CH 19

In which Vergil plans to meet Roxy’s mother, but things are not quite that simple.

Catch up on the story here!

Now is the time To step from the dark into the light Cause you can’t change what you’ve done But you can choose who you’ll become

Start Over Again - Addison Road

It took Vergil less than two days to summon his tail.

Kuro was not impressed.

“Is that truly all you can do?” Kuro said as he flicked his own tail in what Vergil assumed was a weird display of dominance. Vergil ignored it, gazing at himself in the mirror. Despite the dragon’s words, Vergil was proud. Not only had he managed to summon the thing - which started between his shoulder blades and curled around his feet- but he’d pulled it off without tearing any clothing or skin. And considering the number of inexpensive t-shirts he’d gone through while practicing, he was satisfied with these results. 

His beloved coat would survive the transformation. 

“You say that as if I am an ancient dragon,” Vergil said. 

Kuro huffed. “You are a Son of Sparda. I expected more.”

“You’re an archdemon,” Vergil countered. “I expect more.”

Vergil swore he heard a chuckle of amusement, but it was difficult to tell through the dragon’s natural voice. “Do you feel it?” Kuro said. “A fifth appendage waiting for your command.”

That was where the problem lay. Beyond the natural weight of the tail itself Vergil didn’t feel anything. There was no sensation of a third arm or leg. Nothing connecting his brain to the thing hanging from his back. Yet it moved on its own, swishing occasionally from side to side, or even thumping the ground when Vergil was irritated. But all of it was instinctual. Vergil himself couldn’t control it. And that perplexed him more than the logistics of summoning the tail itself. 

“If it makes you feel better,” Roxy said. “I think it’s impressive.” She leaned forward from her spot on his bed, eyes wide with happiness. The two were sharing the same space temporarily, with Nico and Nero in Roxy’s place. It had been at Nico’s request as, after hearing about the potential pact, she’d deemed it important that the two ‘get as close as possible’. Nero had nearly yelled at her over that, until all of them realized she had said it completely unironically and hadn’t at all meant it the way they thought she did.  So, Vergil took the bed at Roxy’s request, and she took the couch. The two had continued on with their routine as if everything were normal and they weren’t constantly ten or less feet from each other..

Kuro snorted. “Of course you would.”

She blushed, glaring at him. “He summoned his tail Kuro. In his human form! Is that not fascinating?” She looked almost dreamy in a way, and Vergil cursed the well of pride that he felt at her excitement. 

“It won’t do him any good if he can’t control it.” 

“But if he learned how to summon it that quickly, then he can learn anything.”

Kuro rolled his eyes. “You have too much faith in him.”

“Or you don’t have enough.” 

“He hasn’t shown any promise so far,” Kuro said with a huff. “Move your tail, Sparda-spawn. On purpose.”

Vergil scowled at him. The tail thumped. “Sparda-spawn?”

“It comes off the tongue more easily than Son of Sparda.”

“Sure it does.”

“You can do it though… right?” Roxy said. “I mean maybe not right now, but you can learn.”

Vergil stared at her, trying to ignore the way his heart was thudding in his chest. The idea of failing her… the thought of not making her expectations… He loathed it. 

Now he was certain that he had well and truly lost it.

“Yes,” He said with as much confidence as he could muster. He let the tail go, satisfied when it vanished within a few seconds of him asking it to. He tugged on his gloves to occupy himself, as he was certain he wouldn’t be able to stand still otherwise. “But you want something, yes?”

This time, it was Roxy who stared at him. Vergil wouldn’t admit that it had been a lucky guess. Why else would she have come into his room? Surely it hadn’t been to admire him. 

“Maybe I just wanted to see how you were doing?”

… Or maybe it had.

“You look distressed,” Vergil said. It was another shot in the dark, but he liked to think he knew her well enough to tell between her usual, cheerful demeanor and this tense, I’m pretending to be happy one. “What is bothering you?”

Roxy looked away. “I have to visit my mother,” She  muttered as if the idea deeply pained her. “I haven’t been there in a few… months… so…” She trailed off with a frustrated sigh. “I was hoping you would go with me.”

Kuro snorted. “I do not think it wise to introduce him to your mother.”

“It’s not about introducing him,” Roxy argued. “It’s about me not wanting to be alone.”

“You are never alone.” 

“I can’t exactly show my demon hating mother a demonic dragon, Kuro.”

“But you are willing to go with a half-demon?”

“It’s not like she’s going to know.”

“You need to think with your…”

“I’ll go,” Vergil interrupted. “Nero and Nico will be fine for one day.”

After a moment of silence, Kuro sighed. “Fine. Do what you will.” 

“We have to drive,” Roxy said. “Since, no Yamato and all.”

Vergil twitched. “How long?”

“Might want to bring a book,” Roxy said. “Or ten.”

--------------

Three hours into the drive, Vergil was grateful that he’d listened to Roxy, as he was certain he would have lost his mind an hour ago. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been on such a long trip. He’d spent a few hours here and there with Nico in Fortuna, but that had always been in the city. They’d always made numerous stops to keep Nico (and Vergil) from going insane, and there had always been some demons to fight somewhere. This was just… a road of nothing to nowhere. All he’d seen since they passed through the city was grass. Endless waves of various shades of green and the occasional cow that reminded him that there was other life in the universe. 

You’re being dramatic, He could imagine practically everyone in his life saying. That’s why he kept a majority of his thoughts to himself, glancing through his fourth book as he made a conscious effort to read slower. Roxy had mentioned that they probably wouldn’t make it home until long after the sun went down, so Vergil hoped his demon eye-sight would come in handy. 

For now, however, Vergil decided that simple conversation would suffice.

“What is your relationship like with your mother?” He said. While he already knew the answer - not very good - he was hoping she’d elaborate. 

“Pretty terrible,” She said as bluntly as a baseball bat to the skull. “Things fell apart after the accident. She blamed me for it, fought with my dad over it, and gradually lost her mind. While I was away trying to live this new paraplegic life, my father had to put her into assisted living because neither of us were capable of providing for her.” She paused for a moment, fingers tapping the steering wheel. “I try to visit once and awhile, but the chances of finding her as… herself…” She sighed. “I think just seeing me sets her off.”

“Do you know why?”

She was silent for a few minutes, and Vergil wondered if he’d gone too far. “I haven’t told you about the accident, have I?” 

“You don’t have to.”

She tapped the steering wheel again. “I’d rather you hear it from me than her.”

Vergil glanced out the window. “Take your time.” 

It was another half hour before she pulled into a resting spot and spoke again. “I was twenty-two at the time. My sister, Alina, and I were coming home from a concert she’d been dreaming of for months.” Vergil didn’t miss the small smile as her eyes drifted out the window. “Alina was the golden child of the family. She was finishing her doctorate and on her way to working at the biggest hospital in the city. I was the artist. The child that my father loved for the same creativity that my mother loathed.”

“She wanted you to follow your sister?”

“Not necessarily,” She said as she looked back at him. “She knew I wasn’t cut out to be a surgeon, but she wanted me to do something else. Anything, really. She didn’t approve of the time I spent studying demons with my father or my dreams of opening a studio or… anything really.” She shrugged. “It didn’t matter. I knew she disapproved, but we had a decent relationship anyway. She loved to cook, and I’d join her whenever possible. She taught me how to sew and knit and a dozen other “handy hobbies” that I could still stumble my way through if I tried. But Alina was always her favorite.”

Vergil’s heart fell into his stomach. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. “She didn’t make it.”

“Drunk driver,” Roxy whispered. “He was driving a truck with dozens of metal pipes. When he hit us, they dislodged. And… well…” She looked away as a tear slipped down her cheek. “Alina died on the spot and I… ” She touched her lower stomach with a wince. “They told me the pole went straight through, but I don’t remember anything before I woke up from the surgery.” 

Images of Yamato plunging through his chest made Vergil wince. His fingers twitched as he resisted the urge to reach for the scar that hadn’t gone away. The pain had been… immense. As were most things that plunged through someone’s body. But he couldn’t imagine being human and experiencing it. He couldn’t imagine not knowing if he’d live at the end of it (even if he hadn’t truly known the devil he was unleashing). “You don’t remember the accident then.”

She shook her head. “It hurts sometimes,” She said. “The scars. But Kuro takes good care of me, and I barely feel them anymore.” Vergil swore he saw her entire body relax. It was as if the weight of the world had finally been lifted from her shoulders. He hadn’t even realized how naturally tense she had been. Behind the constant smiles and the laughter and the encouragement… How long had she wanted to tell him this? Had she told anyone? Surely Kuro knew…

“Thank you,” Vergil said. 

She blinked in surprise. “For what?”

“Sharing your story with me,” Vergil met her gaze, fully aware that anything else would be disingenuous. “I know how hard it is to share something so personal, and I hope I do not squander the faith you have put in me.”

She smiled as a second tear fell along her cheek. “We’ve got about an hour left to go,” She said as she pulled back onto the road. “I’m happy to talk if you don’t want to power through the rest of your books so soon. I’ve got much better memories to share than that.” 

Vergil nodded, swallowing the twinge of guilt in his chest. I’m sorry, Roxy. He thought. I wish I was strong enough to share my past with you. 

[shadowtearling]

Review: Siege and Storm (+spoilers! be warned)

One of the things I was most hopeful for going forward with this series was seeing the improvement in Bardugo's writing, especially because it was obvious that Shadow & Bone was her first novel. This book is the beginning of her evolution, in my opinion, because while it's not perfect, there are so many moments where I saw potential or even that I thought the writing was great overall. Hidden in this book are little nuggets of good writing that eventually got better and better in later books. Of course, there are still moments where she struggled. I think the part it was most noticeable was towards the end. (SPOILER: The dialogue exchange between Alina and Tolya & Tamar, in which Alina asks the twins why they didn't let her die, and their response is... wait for it... because she would have died! My own writing may be shit, but that was... how did that make it to the final draft? /END spoiler) The other aspect she struggled with was plot/pace, but more on that later. I have great hope that the last book will only be better in writing because there was already so much improvement between the first two.

Nikolai. This character has its ups and downs for me (mostly ups but there's like a moment where I was questioning his rationale as the only logical person in the entire book). His introduction was amazing, and he did carry a lot of weight in this book. He was funny, engaging, and extremely interesting to read about (which makes me glad that we get a duology from his POV). Between all the dull moments in this story, he shines bright (like a diamond) and distracts from the problem that is Alina.

Now that that's out of the way, let's talk about the rest of my grievances.

Part of why I had such a negative experience is because I came out of S&B so angry at how stupid I thought Alina's actions were. Without first distancing myself from that emotion, I went straight to this book, and I already thought negatively of the characters.

Mal is the biggest problem in this book (character-wise). I was constantly frustrated with him because so much of his anger was misplaced, and the tension with Alina, instead of feeling like I should sympathize with how hard his life was, I just wished he were dead and out of the picture. I wouldn't say that there's no validity to his concerns because there was, but this lovers’ quarrel was so cyclical and, quite frankly, annoying after the first time. It was so formulaic that it was also comical. A small detail is introduced, Mal gets a little angry, Nikolai provokes him further, Alina tries to set things right, she fails, and Mal storms out. Any affront on Mal's pride was cause for storming out in an angry huff, with Alina trailing his ass in apology (or sometimes she doesn't and instead spends the next few pages miserable). SPOILER: And by the way, that whole plot point where he was getting himself beat up by Grisha and getting drunk nightly was messy. /END spoiler Ultimately, I thought Mal was selfish (not in the way that we all deserve to be a little selfish) and tiresome.

Even with Mal there to basically take up the whole page being annoying was not enough to derail from what was becoming more and more obvious: Alina had no personality. I already mentioned this while complaining about Nikolai, but my god Alina is literally so bland. There was a moment when she was in the war room looking at the ancient maps and she says that the old mapmaker in her couldn't help but appreciate the beauty of what was before her. Reading that, I realized that I don't have a grasp on her character (beyond the obvious that she's an idiot, which she herself said multiple times throughout). I think of that detail and remember that even in S&B she barely interacted with that mapmaker side of her (in fact the only time we see her do so is when she was late and didn't care about drawing the map!). She had no interests beyond Mal, had no existence (especially in childhood) that wasn't directly tied to Mal. Dude, Mal isn't even that fucking interesting for you to be basing what little personality you have on him.

Speaking of witch, the love quadrangle was como se dice... unnecessary. SPOILER: That part where Nikolai says he wants to kiss Alina, I had to take a moment and restrain myself because WHY. Like first of all, he was aware of her unhealthy obsession with Mal (and aware of Mal's unhealthy obsession with her, and in general their weirdly insecure ass relationship), so to try to make a move on her felt forced and added nothing to the story, except maybe to make some more tension between Malina (...there's already 400 pages worth of it in this book). Secondly, Alina is literally the blandest character ever, so I really don't believe his attraction. I can understand from a political standpoint that a fake ~romance~ with her would be necessary, but beyond that it makes absolutely no sense. It came out of nowhere. /END SPOILER

Okay what about the plot?

After the first hundred pages, nothing happens! It's a whole book of Alina/Mal/Nikolai posturing and planning, but without any tangible results that could satisfy the reader and give reason as to why reading this book is worthwhile. I really think I would have enjoyed this a lot more if the constant bickering between Mal and Alina didn't bog down the story.

I love a slow story that focuses on the political aspect of a fantasy world. This tried to be that kind of story but failed ultimately because so much stock was placed in the little fights with Mal. Being in Alina's head may or may not be a mistake because all she ever thinks about is Mal. Instead of getting a glimpse at how court intrigue works and the preparations for war against this powerful magical being (which the futility of could have been communicated more effectively, and I'm forever mad at the wasted opportunity), all we ever hear about is how her heart hurts that Mal is being a little bitch again. (It's like he was on some schedule. Oh, it's Tuesday? Let me go fucking cry about some stupid shit. Wednesdays are my days off.) 

Overall, this book was frustrating on almost every level, but somehow I'm still gonna go read book three.

Some links to things if you want:

Full (yes, there’s an even longer version) Review on Goodreads!

Liveblog of this book, which is just all the times I called Mal or Alina stupid