#maybe one of these days I'll feel ready to share this beast of a story fully to the public

[creaturefeaster]

Any tropical islands on theia??

Yes!! There's many across Theia, and maybe one day I'll have a full world map to elaborate on, but for now I can tell you about the ones localized around Stolla.

Also I hope you're ready for lore beyond their climates heehee.

There's a lot of islands littered around Stolla but the ones with tropical-like climates hang out on the south-eastern half of Stolla, which harbors the warmest and most humid climate out of the 5 vertices of the continent.

This cluster of eyots by the mouth of the Splitriver are the truest of tropical islands within Stolla. A couple are accessible via a local port, which mainly host small, low-denisty villages. Many of these eyots however are nautically inaccessible due to sheer cliff faces, or are too thick with growth & inhospitable to most humanoids of the region.

During cooler times of the year these islands are nearly always shrouded in a dense and humid fog kept in place by the cooler ocean waters below.

The sands surrounding the lower and more accessible islands are a glittery cyan color, a noteable feature almost exclusively seen along the coasts of the Irrandiant Gulf, so they're quite the spectacle for western & mid Stolla inhabitants!

Speaking of the Irradiant Gulf, all other tropical like islands sit in this gulf's surrounding waters. These very large islands are more sub-tropic, a little further away from the equator. They are still just as humid, and despite how I lazily colored in the vegetation on this map, much of the jungle within these islands actually glow and glitter vibrantly in a range of cool colors from sea-green to indigo.

The two largest islands are populated heavily along their coasts, but very few people live far inland. The largest of the islands exports many unique and unusual magical goods and ingredients to the rest of Stolla.

And finally these two small islands in the outer center of the gulf have a somewhat sub-tropical climate, but are notably less rainy and have colder winters. Any island more northern than these in this area begins to reach more temperate climates.

These islands are home to chiefdoms of Payans and Garbeators that reject trade and much contact with the rest of Stolla. Though nobody knows how they exist, these islands happen to be right on top of an ancient meteor impact site, the same one that created the gulf, and caused the great flooding of it's surrounding provinces. Also the one that brought all that glittery magic to the world in the first place ^_^.

The islands sport several sheer rock formations of varying heights laced with colorful crystals that influence the growth and behaviors of all life within their surrounding area. Many living things from these islands beyond Payans and Garbeators have more than two eyes, for reasons yet to be understood.

~☆~☆~☆~

As I mentioned previously, there are many more tropical and sub-tropical islands in the world of Theia, these are just the more relevant ones to the story-focused part of the world.

[chaysreality222]

Introduction to my Hogwarts Dr Self!

hey guys, it's c! in this post i'll be introducing you to myself in my hogwarts dr :) i feel it will give you guys a more in depth of my hogwarts dr. to put it out there to not confuse anyone, i have not yet shifted to this dr. i merely want to share about it so that when i do shift, you guys have some backstory <3

my time ratio is 1 hr = 1 week. i'll be shifting to 4th year- a little before 4th year technically. my first day will be the day of the quidditch world cup which is also the day of my birthday! i'll wake up on an early morning at my house by my s/o (i scripted in my irl boyfriend!!). i made my bf a potter meaning he'd be harry's older brother (also because when he wears glasses i and other people say he looks like harry potter).

ps: i am shifting for the plot but i've changed it a little bit and have included myself in the story instead of fully making myself the main character. meaning i don't want to take harry's place but always somehow be connected to the things that happen.

introduction + backstory

name: c(real name) authorne-lestrange hogwarts house: hufflepuff year: 4th blood status: pureblood patronus: a dragon wand type: 13 in. Ebony wood intertwined with silver, glistening unicorn hair

backstory: so in my dr, i am the daughter of leta lestrange. due to the lestrange reputation, she wants me to go by the last name authorne which was supposedly my father's name who has passed long before i was born. also so that it would make it hard for voldemort and the other death eaters to find me, due to my mother making an unbreakable vow that she and i would be by voldemorts side when the time was right. trying to imply that it's the destiny for all lestrange to serve voldemort. leta has constantly thought of any and all loop holes out of the vow. she doesn't want that life for me and so she got dumbledore to take me in at hogwarts thinking i'll be safer there.

disclaimer: i understand that the timeline between fantastic beasts and when harry exists is like a 70 year long stretch but i'm shifting to a reality to where she is alive to be my mum.

my house

located: cambridge, england exact address: unknown

here are some pics of the house! go to my pinterest board to see more details or rooms of the house to get a better look. of course, the middle photo is my bedroom where i'll be first waking up in my dr! i'm really excited to wake up there and take a look around. i'm also excited to be here on break or holidays!

you may have some questions on why the address is unknown. i scripted it to be like that because i felt that's something leta would do to keep me safe. also adding to the fact, i scripted she placed a protective barrier around the whole property that leads anyone who's looking in from the outside to hear nothing and see nothing but a thick forest.

my pets

their names are soren and sage! soren is my male barn owl and sage is my female cat. i'm allergic in my cr so i scripted that out so i can experience having a cat lol. i just had an idea that maybe i should script that sage fly's around on sorens back?? imagine how cute that would be.

my dorm at hogwarts

so i scripted that i have a personal dorm there at hogwarts and honestly, i'm kinda in love with the room and bathroom <3 as you guys can see here, i have a pics of my dorm! the first image, that door is the entrance into my room and then the second door in my third image is the door to my bathroom. for the last image, i added one pic of how my bathroom looks like.

i think that's pretty much it! i'm so excited to shift to my hogwarts desired reality and finally experience life as a wizard. i'm working on my shifting routine as of right now to help me get in the mood and get ready to shift! get ready for shifting storytimes <3 as always, Happy Shifting!

xoxo, c.

[nocturnalazure]

📩 Simblr question of the day: Do you have a process for making your simblr posts?

answer in whatever way is most comfortable for you and feel free to share this SQOTD around, make sure to use the hashtag SQOTD and tag me in separate posts ~ 💛

This question was contributed by an anon in @simblr-question-of-the-day !

Thank you so much for your ask, Anon! ❤️

I gotta say, I had first understood the question at a very basic level. 😅 How do I make a post? Well...

I queue my stuff almost immediately and I keep a few character asks and reblogs for the times when I don't have any story content to post, but I don't like having too many drafts (like, "it's right there, I have to poooooost iiiiiit 🤪").

Story posts get published between 2pm and 4pm CET, at the pace of about 2 to 4 posts per day.

The rest (photo shoots, character asks and rambles, etc) gets published either at around the same time of day or whenever I feel like it.

But now, I see that other people have answered this question by explaining their creative process. So I thought I would also explain mine (haven't I done this before?). My process is quite similar to @kimmiessimmies, but I do things in a different order.

Timeline

I have a timeline and a very messy one! It used to be only in my head, then in a Word document, and now it's finally in an Excel sheet. It includes detailed ideas about the next scenes, where I'm going to shoot them, which characters are going to be involved, some lines that I absolutely need to use, and broader musings on where the story is going within a time frame of about 8,000 years.

It's a beast that's alive and constantly mutating.

2. Set up

Setting up a scene is easy prep work. If I don't have one in mind yet, I roam about some neighborhoods for a nice shooting location. I make sure that everything is in place for the next scenes: dressing up Sims, adding some story-related decor items, looking up CC if I miss something important, making sure I got all the characters I need in the same household and teleporting them on the lot I'm going to shoot in.

3. Pose selection / Shooting

Whenever I can summon enough energy and inspiration, I go in game and the first thing I do is pre-select some poses for the scene I need to shoot according to my timeline. From there, I go with the flow. I need to be hyperfocused because I'm in total improv mode. I use several poses in different angles. Sometimes a specific pose/expression gives me new ideas and I go in a different direction than what I had planned. Sometimes I cannot find the exact pose/expression I want and I have to work around that. Sometimes I'm inspired, sometimes I'm not. Very often, the game crashes and I get very upset.

The dialogues start taking shape while I'm shooting.

4. Picture selection / Writing

When I have enough screenshots to write at least one scene (although I generally wait to have several scenes ready), I start writing and make a prayer to my muse that I'll remember the dialogues I had in mind while shooting. That part is both the best and the worst. The best because I can really get "in the zone", and the worst because I easily have writer's block and get stupidly stuck on a line.

Through this whole process, I use Comic Life. I select a pic, smash it into my story template, select a speech bubble and start typing. Rinse and repeat. I sometimes rewrite entire parts, changing the order of the pics. I use about 40% of the shots I take. I do very little editing, only to correct clipping or lighting. Once I feel like I have enough pics to make an update (about 150-200 - I often have to repeat steps 3 and 4 until I'm satisfied), I export everything from Comic Life in jpg format. My husband is my proof-reader. I hate re-reading my own shit at this stage because it's smeared with my tears and blood and I just want it out.

5. Posting on Tumblr

Next I prepare the Tumblr posts, adding tags and scheduling everything. I post a preview, usually a day before the queue starts. Maybe I should leave some more time between preview and first post, but I'm too impatient to wait. IT.MUST.BE.OUT.

6. Posting on WordPress

I used to prepare the WP draft post at the same time as the Tumblr scheduling, with a date set for publication on the day of the last Tumblr posts. I don't do that anymore because I make minor edits all the frigging time and I then need to update both my Tumblr queue AND my WP draft. So I prepare my WP post once my Tumblr queue has almost run out. Since I use my WP mostly for myself, to keep some sort of table of content, it wouldn't be a big deal if I ever forgot to publish and was a few days late.

Voilà!

Like I said, a lot in common with my fellow Sims storytellers but in a slightly different order! I hadn't intended to write a whole essay, yet here we are. 🙃 Apologies, I'll shut up now. 🤐

Thank you again for the ask, Nonny!

[tayandryley]

I really like Werewolves the way some of the books and stories I've read have done it. It feels to me like just this canine beast. No big repercussions in most cases. I find the darkness within can also be fascinating, especially as someone who has engaged with body horror through three Junji Ito Mangas and Bloodborne and Elden Ring.

But with this world I am building I'm more in it as a thing for people to be comfy with. It can't be inherited and infection can only be done with consent because mystical magic stuff, so only those who want it, have it.

It's a bit of a way to cope with the pain that some Werewolf books have given me, by taking the sweet fun parts of those books and trying to make my own version of that, while leaving out what left me crying in bed for two days after I finished the book. I'm not kidding, book 4 is waiting on my Kindle, and I am not sure I can ever be ready for this, book 3 was just, wow.

So while it might get a bit dark from time to time as I've had mentions of Weres eating humans in my notes, I will try to keep it light and fun. Maybe one could call it a Werewolf Slice of Life, idk.

Maybe this will just be a lore dump, maybe more, maybe I'll write a book or two. Just I hoep I can find some people that maybe want the same thing as me with this and share with them my ideas and create a story for them that they don't have the energy to create themselves. As someone with ADHD I've only learned to well what a struggle it is to do things without motivation. There's a MIDI Piano in the corner of my room waiting for me to learn piano, and it has been there, for 3 years.

[nomunamuinmybrain]

Work you out (M)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Rating: M

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 2.4K

In collaboration with the lovely @alwaysdarkestbeforethedawn94

Disclaimer: if you are under the age of 18 please know that this contains heavy sexual themes and mature language.

Summary: Working for Hybe has been an experience. Being Jungkook’s manager is another story. His sharp eyes, firm jawline and snarky attitude was a deadly combination to begin with. The guy easily found his way to your heart and you simply couldn't take it anymore.

Thinking back to how I managed to land such an unimaginable employment opportunity must have been a miracle. Unquestionably, working for HYBE had so many benefits; I swore to never leave this place. Sure, I was a simple manager's assistant, but I was by the side of one of the managers that handled the most important talent in the stretch of South Korea, the entire globe to be honest, BTS. I was assigned the position of assistant to the manager of one of the guys, none other than Jeon Jungkook. I really couldn’t believe my luck. Not only was I a part of one of the most skyrocketing influential enterprises in the country, but I also had the chance to meet some of the most inspiring people in the whole world! Who would have thought?!

Did I have a crush on the guy by the end of my first month working here? Yes, but who wouldn't? He is the sweetest, always polite and courteous. I've met my share of self-boasting asshats; this industry is flooded with such. This guy is worth billions and he has remained ridiculously humble. Word got around about him being a wonderful young man and I could positively say he is so much more up close. Jungkook is ridiculously handsome that’s a given already, but his personality was the real deal-maker. He reminds me of a dark stormy thundery night where I cover myself with my favourite warm fluffy blanket starring out of the window a rich flavored hot chocolate in hand.

In general, I quite enjoy working at the company’s principled environment. Don’t get me wrong, nothing in this world is rainbows and butterflies, but overall, I can confidently say that it’s been a mainly positive experience. Thankfully, the department I am in is assembled by kind, funny people who like to get things done. There hasn’t been a day were I regretted coming here. As for my daily duties as an assistant, working for Jungkook meant keeping up with his appointments, helping him with anything at anytime, managing his schedule, making sure it matches with the other guys' and so much more. I was required to work around the clock and as a single independent woman in her late twenties who was trying to figure out the world around her that didn’t sound like such a bad idea, though I digress. Essentially, I was one of the employees responsible for pretty much anything and everything he needed. Our department was at his disposal 24/7 running around, living that busy life.

That's until the pandemic struck. That was the first time I thought to myself that this might be nature’s valiant plan to get back what man so forcefully took from her. Suddenly, everything was canceled; life got put on a hold. My dearest supervisor, Jungkook's manager, had to stay at home because he had kids. In fact, a lot of people had to stay at home. Abruptly, days became weeks and weeks became months. The desperation and frustration we were feeling was like nothing else ever experienced. Truthfully, it felt like something had been stolen from us and we could never get it back. In this manner, when the gears finally started grinding again I was assigned to be the on-site manager for Jungkook. That meant being in direct contact with him more so than before and of course, being responsible for a ton of other obligations.  

Not going to lie, the first months were slightly awkward for both of us and understandably so. We both were used to very different working arrangements. I might have been working behind the scenes before, but now I had to step into the spotlight becoming his own personal shadow, and I am sure he wasn’t really comfortable with that. Taken into account the current situation everyone looked like a volcano ready to erupt.  

Once, I happened to accidentally step in a not so common incident; maybe it was a circumstance I wasn’t supposed to witness. He was on the phone at the time, when I saw him. That’s why I decided it was best if I stayed behind the half closed door of the studio. I couldn’t hear what he was saying and it was none of my business after all, but I could tell by the minute I laid my eyes on him that something was wrong. Something had been bothering him; irritation written all over his face. He was pacing back and forth, phone still on his ear. He was clenching his fist so hard I wondered if his nails cut into his skin. He was breathing heavily, almost as if he would burst and his muscles grew tense.  

Then, in an instant, it seemed that the call ended and as he was putting the phone in his pocket he slammed his fists down onto the table a loud bang echoing in the room. After some consideration, I knocked on the door to make my presence known and he sharply looked at me. Without having the chance to say anything to him he let out a loud growl and left the room leaving me dumbfounded and unaware by the door. Soon after that, he apologized for the way he acted confessing that he had an unfortunate falling out with one of his closest friends and at the time he couldn’t process what was happening. I would never forget that day. It was the day I came across a not so familiar side to him.

From that day forward, things miraculously became easier and Jungkook was way more relaxed around my presence, we joked around often and he even texted me to ask about a variety of things outside of regular working hours. We managed to develop a teasing relationship full of endless borderline flirtatious banter. He had this other side to him that only a selected few got the chance to know. Jeon Jungkook was indeed a comforting raging night, but he was also an infuriating playful mischievous brat when he wanted to be. This in all honesty, made him a hundred times more irresistible in my eyes.

Life was going on smoothly until Jungkook decided that taking after midnight trips to the gym was perfectly acceptable, insisting that I escort him instead of his bodyguard. I cursed every single time but I went anyway. Forty-five minutes after midnight he was lifting weights, unbothered. Taking secret short glances towards him I contemplated what I had done in my previous life to deserve this torment. Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less about the late hour, but to have this view in front of my eyes was causing me both mental and physical pain. The guy was clearly sculpted by the gods. With his broad chest, muscular arms and thick thighs he could have anyone he ever wanted. He even sported an hourglass figure; He is insanely unreal. That’s the main reason why I decided to sit there preoccupied with a silly game on my phone to kill time until the suffering ended. I was barely hanging from a string at the verge of blowing off the barrier between my personal and professional life.

Out of the blue, with a loud grunt, he dropped the weights, drawing me out of my contemplation. He looked annoyed for whatever reason. He tried his best to seem nonchalant but it was obvious, in his beautiful stern eyes. Could he be craving for an audience? Abandoning every rational thought I had, I put my phone away, looked in his direction as I got up to get water. I smirked at his clear annoyance. Surely, we weren't supposed to interact with the artists this way but I am cranky and sleepy, and for the first time ever, he was being kind of an ass to me. Was I perhaps the reason behind his sudden personality change? The thought kept floating at the back of my mind.  

This kept going on for about three weeks or so and I gave him nothing. His annoyance prominent in his expression, more and more as the weeks went by. He was hot but I am sure all he had been seeking was an audience given that he missed it, or so I thought. Thursday evening rolls around and I was particularly iffy tonight ‘because I was extremely frustrated, sexually. This one was making my situation worse, sporting a tight black tank top and skinny grey sweatpants which made him look like a treat. He could easily pass for a bodyguard with those broad well-built shoulders. As my eyes scanned his body I realized this was the first time his tatted sleeve was on display. I couldn’t help but let my eyes wander. By the time I was done his eyes were already fixed on mine and I turned away immediately, embarrassment written all over my face.  

Seeking solace in the women’s bathroom I tried to extinguish this ravenous yearning. The feeling of cold water did nothing to help the burning desire that was building inside me. Without warning, a knock at the door was heard, his sweet angelic voice following "Are you okay?" he asked, the remnants of a smirk could be heard still. "Jungkook you cannot be here, I am okay. I'll be out in a minute." I exclaimed, as calm as I could. "It's been ten minutes. I can't continue unless you're there." He insisted, I heard him chuckle after that.

With that, it was now or never, I pushed the door’s handle and made my way outside rolling my eyes in the process and he caught that, quickly moving closer, clearly annoyed, jaw clenched, eyes taking in my features, making him look not quite intimidating but definitely interesting. No, it was my mistake. Not just interesting, he looked ravishing. "As I said, I'll be out in a minute. Then you can finish up" I argued. But he didn't budge, moving even closer, if that was even possible, he was almost a breath away. "I don't feel like working out anymore" he declared like a child whose toy was taken away from him. As if I chose to play heads or tails with my career, I poked the beast further, "What is it that you want to do then?" I asked making sure he heard the annoyance in my tone. Coming even closer, to the point where he was completely pressed up against me, "You" he uttered calmly yet authoritatively. Before I could process what he had just said his soft lips crushed mine with a vengeance, thirsty. Pulling my lip with his teeth, he kept planting kisses from my lips to my jaw trailing down to my neck and décolletage; a surprised panting left my lips.  

It felt as if I had involuntarily awakened this beastly hunger within him. His kisses insatiable and his touch was possessive, "I've been thinking about this for so long" he confessed as he took my hoodie off. "Sitting there, not giving a word let alone a glimpse. If you think this is off-limits you're wrong" he growled pointing at himself. "I can guarantee that once we're done here you definitely won't be able to look at me, ever." As he said all that, he managed to get me in a compromising position against the sink, his slim waist in between my legs. He kept my gaze as he lowered his head between my thighs. Little shit kept giving me hickeys on the soft flesh of my inner thighs, so close to my now dripping core. He enjoyed tormenting me and it showed. I was helpless but oh, God was all of this hot. He licked a stripe over my soaked panties, "Oh baby, you smell delicious" and with one hand he took off my underwear completely.

He sank in my folds, letting a guttural moan that I felt vibrating through my core. Not being able to think about what was happening I let myself indulge in my carnal desire my hands tangled in between his luscious hair.  

He loved food and I've watched him eat before, but this must be one of his favorites ‘cause he was doing his best not to let a drop go to waste; he acted like a man starved. His hands held me in place, thankfully, ‘cause everything was too much; nothing could stop me from shaking, feeling everything deep in my core, he was too much. He just had to be good at everything. He kept a torturous tempo, from sucking my clit to his sinful tongue penetrating me, and as tears gathered around my eyes he decided to add his slender fingers in bringing me closer to heaven than I've ever been. "That's it baby, let go. Let go for me" he exhaled and just like that I had the most intense climax. My limbs felt numb, my whole body felt like rubber.  

Before I could register what was happening he was back at it, sucking my over stimulated clit, my thighs unconsciously closing around his head as oversensitivity hit. "One more, please, come on baby, you can do it" he begged. He kept pumping his fingers while sucking my clit, as if it was his only goal in life. My screams muffled through my own hand clamped on my mouth as I reached my high for a second time that night. I felt it take over me with such intensity I didn't register what had happened. He emerged from between my thighs, soaked from me squirting and with a proud look on his face he declared "Now I look like I had the workout of a lifetime".  

He helped me get dressed and pulled me close for a soft peck. He must have noticed my concerned look because he wrapped his arms around me in a warm hug and said "Don't be scared about this, we can work it out. I really like you and I'd like you to stick around". Starring into his eyes, I nodded and he pulled me close for the sweetest kiss, trying to tame my bewildered hair. He helped me get dressed and got out the door first to make sure that no one was around. I waited for a moment and then I got a text.  

[biffhofosho]

I just read the chapter and I have so many questions!!! I'm just gonna dump them here otherwise I feel like I am gonna explode.

Like I knew her name meant something, and the honey smell being hers floored me. But Delphine, her twin, was she same as Amber????

How much does Shownu know??? Assuming he is Hyunwoo (cause it was confirmed what Wonho is indeed Hoseok) he asked her about her and Lucas but if Hyunwon knew then all of them knew. How did he know she was in the club???

Omg kihyun, his attitude the way he had her, so crass, so arrogant, it shouldn't turn me on but here we are (bites fist). So she reacts like that to all vampires or just them? Cause everyone can smell her.

Oh my heart brakes for poor Lucas (btw I can't read his name in intense scenes cause my son shares his name and I just can't...)

I s she gonna sleep with everyone individually??? (No one asked but I'd rather this cause I can focus on one man at the time and I really like how you've written their personality and way of loving) on the other hand that free for all sounds so, so tempting.

Gosh, your writing got me addicted like those people on the club, I need more. Really if you do ever write something else apart form fanfic, please do let me know.

I'll be thinking about this chapter all week

This time tumblr ate my answer to your ask--TWICE! Grr!

Basically everything about this story was chosen with meticulous care (because my brain 100% overthinks everything when it comes to writing), but Amber's name was critical. It took me days to chose just the right one because without it, honestly, the whole story changes. Answers will be coming fast and furious soon, along with many new questions, too, but since we're over halfway through this beast, things will finally start making sense for her. Too bad our girl might not be ready for some of the answers she finds...

Shownu, Shownu, Shownu... He's such an enigma. Feels like a day of reckoning is coming for him sooner rather than later. The truth will out, as the Bard said.

Kihyun just screams confident dick to me--and I say that extremely lovingly--but maybe that's superficial. We'll see who he really is if they're ever truly alone...

Oh man, wow, that's awkward LOL. Just call Lucas Yukhei then like a Y/N story ha! But, yeah, it's tough writing some of his scenes because I just REALLY want things to work out for the guy. We've all been there.

I guess we'll find out how things will play out, BUT I did promise you Wonho's chapter was soon (*coughs* next! *coughs*), so that leaves a few outliers. Who knows where the altverse will take us, but something tells me some of their affections really need to be earned, especially the man who wants her soul...

Aw, well, thanks for saying so. If I can ever wrangle the muse away from these beautiful boys to finish the original novels I started, I will let you know. Thanks, lady!

[weabbynormalblog]

You got this!

Failure is a good thing...What???

In my experience it breeds strength, courage, conviction and belief in oneself!

That's right every step count; even if it leads to failure. Just another learning moment.

Perfection is something we all strive for at one time or another. The error free post, the ultimate cake, meal, artwork, skill, trade or even apparently phone call. We all do our best however our best often isn't always perfect. Success at anything usually requires commitment, a solid plan, consistency, knowledge and a wide variety of skills in order to successfully achieve realistic goals. Usually an optimistic big picture approach and managing daily details are the steps that lead to overall sucess. As humans we fail time and time again, success can seem fleeting and quite elusive at times especially when frustrated.

Failure really is only a complete failure when you give up forever. Like Anthony Bourdane. Suicide ideation is not "normal" behavior or anywhere near healthy thoughts. It's the red flag. It's the failure to thrive while being overwhelmed consistently.

Happiness and joy is available to everyone, regardless of situation or station. It's a choice, another option a better possibility.

It is attainable! Take responsibility for your own happiness!!! Don't let yourself be defeated by one little moment in a bazillion of moments that come in a lifetime! Success and failure are a matter of belief. Stop that degrading story playing in your head, that you'll never be better. Start saying what is easy, what is working; go down that check list if you have to. Never measure your self worth to others. We are all unique while being quite alike too. Weight the positives and agree to improvement on the negatives. It's all good! Change your vocabulary and thinking to a more positive mind set. We do ourselves a great disservice by comparing and analyzing who we are in retrospect to others. Judging our performance, philosophy, our earnings and material wealth. We are way more than the 10% of what people see.

I learnt by failing that I don't need to be successful or perfect at anything to be happy. I can enjoy the moment regardless of handicap or pain. That's a big realization in terms of adaptation and self acceptance! My therapist said pay attention to my thoughts, all of them, not just the good ones. And I am. I went to Giant Tiger to pick up some odds and ends and was stuck in a huge line at the check out. My endurance somewhat fleeting. I employ stretching and moving around while waiting. Extreme pain in my head, just breath slow in out sit in the pain and breath through it. I survived. Learning curve don't go at lunch time silly. Understanding our pain, our limits and abilities is a good start in the healing process. It's a big deal so I'm sharing it with you. It helps and works. Practicing mindfulness, energy management, a shelf life for your emotions, good sleep hygiene, the Yoga and a process free raw food diet. I even imagine it all chipping away at my disease. I'm starting to see results now in shifting my mind set. There may not be a "cure" for CFS mental illness etc or what terrible situation has befallen you, there's still hope for you to change, adapt and to create your own joy. Try out something that will bring some relief, you never know where that will lead you. Little by little, tiny beautiful bunches of happiness and success. So I'm going to keep working my schedule no matter how grim and depressed I am. I'm going to continue to rock my adaptation by not giving in to the fear of failure, lack or the unknown. I put in the time to go out to socialize and play music once a month because it's good for me even if I have to leave early or don't even get there. There was still lots of little steps of success throughout my day. I've been working hard on my stamina and energy consumption by practicing the standing, walking, singing and playing guitar. I was caught off guard by the crippling physical exhaustion. Next time I'll try an afternoon meditation session or even a power nap on music outing night. The smooth ride was over. Overdoing any type of activity can leave me in jeopardy of injury. Like loosing physical balance; I've injured myself enough to know no thank you body, I'm listening. Often I'm in bad shape for days with flu like/sun burn/tin man symptoms.

Ok fine, body you win this one.

Failure aside, I still got out of the house. I interacted with other humans and did something that brings me joy. I find when I'm not attached to the outcome, results or expectations, my moments can be enjoyable in spite of my body. Suddenly any down time becomes worth the little bit of enjoyment. Its about the quality of those moments and those were some good quality moments. Not a complete failure as I first thought. Yes it was depressing that I couldn't physically get through 3 songs this time. What does this inability means for my physical health in the future? Then the fear old me. New me however what I did perform, I did do justice! This is to be expected, the no more energy thing. This is my normal now. It's the nature of the beast. And I was pacing myself. I guess it doesn't matter that my practicing was successful or consistent because it suddenly became nul and void up against illness. I got to be realistic here. Yes CFS is a real fucking thing! It's like the narrow mindedness that comes with "flat worlders" have friends all over the globe. My CFS/TBI clearly cut me to the quick. It let me know who's bitch I really am. No more performing of any kind tonight! The old me: I was so bummed, ready to pack it all in, no cure; minimal enjoyment and relief. Ensuing some kind of abusive self harm behavior, the old me. The new me: Ok, so it was too much for me this time. Maybe not the next. It happens to lots of people. I know exactly how Lady Gaga feels. My body and mind gave out mid performance. Severe dry mouth, balancing and memory issues. It was awkward. I was somewhat dumbfounded. I had to stop singing and playing guitar or I was going to wipe out on the stage damaging lots of nice equipment and instruments. I can't keep putting myself at risk of falling. With chronic fatigue (insert auto immun/mental disorder)etc. Safety is an issue. You literally have no choice. Your tiered body/what's broken wins. Sometimes in extreme ways. I'll rest, dust myself off and give it another go another day.

I'll keep at it. I have too! I will not let illness dictate my life. I'll find a way to live with it, cure it or kill it which ever comes first.

For love the of myself, my offspring and all the others suffering.