#maybe that's the reason why i had such a vivid dream today....me being fake hoped once again 🥲🥲

[gxtzeizm]

having a vivid dream really hurts like hell realizing that it's actually not freaking real because i was thought it was really true at that time 😭😭💔

[anavoliselenu]

freedom chapter 4

JUSTIN POV

"Every human has four endowments- self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change."-Stephen Covey

The alarm clock on my nightstand blared loudly in my head. I whacked my arm in its general direction, and it fell to the floor with a clatter, but still kept honking the obnoxious noise. I had to hang off of the bed to try and reach it, but that wasn't successful. I finally just ripped the plug from the wall, shutting the thing up for good.

I rolled back on the bed and threw my arm over my eyes, willing myself to go back to sleep. Never once, in the past four years, had I used an alarm clock to wake up. Now, things were different. I had obligations. Today was going to be hell.

I turned my head to see Selena sleeping peacefully beside me, and her nose scrunched up at the dream she was having. Her lips were moving with silent words and I had to admit, this sight was a rather funny way to wake up. She told me that her dreams were really vivid, but I had no idea what could be going on inside her head. How could she look so peaceful, yet agitated at the same time?

I took my hand and moved a piece of hair out of her face. She sighed and reached out for me, resting her head on my chest. I didn't move and let her fall deeper into sleep.

I kissed her soft skin…once…twice…

Selena started to stir so I stopped, but then decided to kiss her again, just for the hell of it. A smile played on her lips, before she fell back into sleep.

I, on the other hand, had a hard time sleeping last night. My body didn't want to shut down but of course, I knew why: I had to get back to work.

I was actually surprised at how well Emmett had kept my professional life afloat. I was the only one who knew the real inner workings of Justin Bieber, Inc., but he did a pretty good job. Contrary to popular belief, I actually did have legitimate business ventures in the world. Emmett, not able to handle it all himself, had to hire out. The business was doing well, but not succeeding like I wanted. Well, things were certainly going to change now that I was back.

It had been a week since Selena and I touched down in Chicago. Slowly, our lives were starting to calm down. The shock of us being back had worn off on the family. Jasper stopped looking at me funny, like I was going to evaporate, and Emmett even started telling me stupid jokes again. He was already getting on my nerves.

Esme was still in an irritated state. Carlisle said that he was still expected to move out, but he was trying hard to calm her down. It wasn't working. Alec told me that he was basically begging for forgiveness at this point. I knew the feeling. Esme already said she forgave me somewhat. Carlisle—not so much. I didn't really give a shit about what Esme's problems were. I loved her, but my allegiances were to Selena now. What she said at the funeral was completely uncalled for and until she apologized, I don't think I could ever look at my mother the same way again.

I didn't know how I was supposed to "re-introduce" myself into the world, but thankfully, the stupid media was all over it. One small newspaper out in some hick town upstate reported that Selena and I were a part of the small group that landed at the airport coming from Italy. After that, everyone was looking for some kind of verification. They called Carlisle, they staked out the house, and asked everyone who knew me if it was true. No one said a word.

Selena and I went to the grocery store a couple of days ago and a cameraman caught us. That was it. The secret was out and people went berserk. Dramatic headlines stated, "Justin Bieber Rises Like the Phoenix" and "Justin Bieber: Real or Ghost?" They dominated the newspapers. The internet was abuzz, and the local TV stations said I was some kind of fraud. Carlisle eventually had to release a statement, but it didn't give anything away about the real reasons for my departure. For the most part, faking my death was actually legal if under the heading of self-defense. That was all people needed to know.

Interestingly, the police were the only group who didn't have anything to say about my arrival. They were embarrassed and were sitting back, licking their wounds until they found some other way to get me. It was always the same story.

I was sure that by now Aro had formulated his plans to have me killed, Shinobu was plotting a way to have me run over, and James was definitely salivating for my blood. Bring it on. I was ready for them.

But first, I had to get up.

I lightly pushed Selena off of me and she thankfully didn't wake. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and blinked myself away for a couple of seconds. I stripped out of my boxers on the way to the bathroom and had the water for my shower running within a couple of seconds.

I stood under the water, trying to make mental notes about the day. I had a schedule of things I needed to do, phone calls that needed to be made, and a business that needed to be revived.

Old habits die hard and after twenty-seven minutes, I had to get out of the shower. My body wouldn't allow a second longer.

I dried myself off and went into the closet that was recently stocked with fine pressed suits, neatly folded shirts, and polished shoes. I had already set out what I was going to wear last night and meticulously dressed in a navy blue Armani suit. I was still getting used to looking so professional on a daily basis.

I fixed my tie perfectly, completing my ensemble. I combed through my hair and tamed the beast before standing tall to look myself over.

"You look good, Justin," I said to the mirror.

Selena wasn't in bed when I went back into the room. I collected my phone and wallet then went downstairs to find Selena making breakfast. Well, she was making Pop Tarts, but same thing.

"I'm so excited, Justin," she said when I came into the kitchen. "It's your first day back."

"I'm not going to school." I poured myself a cup of coffee.

"It's just like that. Are you nervous?"

"No, I'm thinking about it as just another day." I shrugged.

The Pop Tarts sprang up from the toaster and Selena placed them on a plate, handing it out for me.

"You need to have some strength." She smiled.

"You know I don't eat those. Too much processed junk. I'll be good with my coffee."

"This isn't junk. Pop Tarts are what our childhoods were made of."

"I don't think so." I sat on a stool. "With all this new equipment and a fridge stocked with food, I thought you'd be going crazy."

"I don't know what to make first. There's just so much." She sat next to me.

"So, you like the kitchen?"

"I love the kitchen. I would say thank you again, but you'd just tell me not to bother."

I had actually been building this place for about a year. I would ask Selena inconspicuously what she might want in a house one day: one story or two, a porch, patio, deck, pool in the back, large front yard; things like that. I drew up the plans and had Carlisle oversee the construction. Thankfully, it was just about done when we got here. Everything was completed to my specifications, and it seemed like I had done a good job, because Selena loved it. Every day she would tell me about some new feature to the house that she though was perfect.

Never in my life did I think I was going to be living with a woman… in a house. But then again, Selena just wasn't some woman. She was the woman. My woman.

"I'm glad you like it," I told her.

"What are you going to do today?" she asked, taking a small bite of her strawberry Pop Tart. She licked a crumb from the corner of her lips and obviously didn't know how hard it was for me to stay focused.

"Carlisle wants to have lunch with me but before that, I have to get everything back on track with my more legal ventures," I said cryptically.

"Why don't you ever tell me what you do?"

"Because it would bore you to death."

"I highly doubt that." She took another small bite. "And lunch with Carlisle? Sounds fun."

"I have no idea what he wants. I'm tempted not to go, but he'd kick my ass."

"Maybe he wants to apologize some more."

"He still thinks he's right. Nothing's ever going to convince him otherwise. I've stopped trying."

"I hope he and Esme can work out whatever's going on."

"What would you do if you were her?" I asked, really wanting to know.

"I would kill you and bury your body in the backyard." She finished up the Pop Tart.

"Nice to know." I took note to never make her seriously pissed. "What about your agenda for the day?"

"I have a job interview at a PR firm and then Alice and I are going shopping."

"Are you going to be home around five? The security people are coming to install the system. I might be late."

"Yeah, I'll be here." She nodded.

Alec stumbled into the kitchen, hair a mess, and in nothing but boxers. He scratched his balls and poured himself a cup of coffee before leaving just as sleepily as he arrived.

I shuddered at the sight of him, but kept my mouth shut. It was too early to start a fight.

"We need to get him a job." Selena went to put her plate in the sink.

"He'll be busy enough once he starts school." I checked my watch and noticed that it was time to go. "Oh, shit. I'm late."

"Wait, wait. I made you lunch." Selena dug through the fridge and pulled out a brown paper bag. "Lasagna, garlic bread, asparagus, and a thermos full of red wine."

I chuckled and took the bag. "Esme made me the same thing on my first day of high school."

"Even the wine?"

"Even the wine. Keep it for dinner. I'm spending lunch with Carlisle, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot." She placed it on the counter. "Have a good day, Justin. And try to stay on the right side of the law. I don't want to get you from jail."

"Can't make you any promises." I kissed her, but was cut short when my phone vibrated in my breast pocket. Emmett was calling, but I didn't bother picking up. "I have to go."

"Alright, bye."

Before I turned to leave, I wrapped Selena in my arms and set her on the counter, pushing myself in between her legs. I took her lips in mine for a longer, more passion-filled kiss that left my lips raw and my loins on fire.

"Justin, you have to leave now or we'll end up fucking on the table." She panted.

"I'm fine with that."

My phone rang again and I growled at the interruption.

"You should go." She pushed me back slightly, "I love you."

"I…love you too." I replied genuinely. I did love her, we both knew that. I still had problems saying it, even after all these years. I was working on that. Selena was the only person I ever said it to, but I still felt exposed; like she wasn't supposed to see my really feelings. It was complicated.

Time to schedule a therapy session, Justin.

I went through the door in the kitchen that led to the massive garage attached to the house. Gleaming cars of my favorite variety were color coordinated and I could almost hear the rev of their engines in anticipation. One of the first things I did the day after we moved in was purchase new cars for Selena and myself. Now it felt like home.

I chose my brand of choice: a precious, burgundy red, Saleen. The leather seats molded around my body and I turned the car on, feeling the rumble of the engine underneath me. I pulled out of the driveway as fast as I could and sped past a neighbor scowling at me as he picked up his morning paper.

I made it into the city within half an hour and had to navigate my way through thick traffic, but finally made it to the tall, glass tower that held Justin Bieber Inc., right in the middle of the business district. I owned the building, but several other companies were housed there as well. They all paid me the big bucks for prime real estate.

There were cameramen waiting at the entrance to the underground parking lot as I pulled in, and the security guards kept them at bay so I didn't run anybody over. It was to be expected that my first day back on the job would make social headlines.

I parked the car in a designated spot and grabbed my coffee before heading towards the elevators. It didn't take long at all for me to get to the top floor.

When the doors opened, a young, short brunette with crooked teeth stood from behind her tall desk. "Hello, Mr. Bieber. We've been expecting you. Everything's ready in the conference room."

"Okay, thank you." I started to walk off, but then forgot something. "Oh, you're fired."

Her mouth fell open in surprise. "I… I'm what?"

"You're fired," I repeated without a hint of jest.

Her eyes began to tear up and her lips quivered. "But… why? I didn't do anything."

I always hated crying people. They annoyed me. "It's not you. I'm redoing the whole structure of the company. I'm sure you're a great employee, but I don't know you and if I don't know you, I can't trust you. You're fired."

I walked off, taking a sip of my coffee, and headed down the hall to my large office. There was a college-aged kid sitting in the waiting room with a bouncing leg and trembling hands.

He stood when I reached him. "Mr. Bieber? I'm here for the interview."

"I'll be with you in a moment. Just have a seat." I then turned to the other secretary who wasn't even paying attention to me. She was flipping through a magazine. "You're definitely fired."

"Are you talking to me?" She popped her gum.

"Who hired you?" I shook my head in disgust.

"Emmett Bieber. And you are?"

"Justin Bieber. You need to pack and leave before the hour is up."

The gum fell out of her mouth onto the table, and I couldn't even look at her anymore.

I almost had a giddy step to my gait as I walked towards the conference room where a group of about twenty fresh-faced, young, talented, ambitious minds were waiting for the morning meeting. Many of them were newly graduated from top business schools, and they all had wonderful resumes.

When I entered the room, they stood and there were various forms of sycophancy as I set my coffee down on the table.

"Hello." I sat at the head of the long table and the all followed.

"We're happy to have you back, Mr. Bieber." The boy next to me smiled. He must be the higher up of the group. "We never believed what they said about you in the papers. You're a wonderful business man and we're happy to work for you."

"That's very nice of you to say that," I said. "You're all fired."

"I'm sorry, what?" he asked.

"I'm sure my brother hired you all with the promises of happy careers here and advancement in the company, but I can't have any of you working for me. You just don't fit the style here."

"You don't even know us," someone replied from down the table. I wasn't sure whom.

"I know that the quarterly projections have dipped by forty percent since I left and after the first year, they never climbed back up to reasonable standards."

"But… that's to be expected, sir. You left so abruptly and we were all brought on right after," the guy said from next to me.

"Precisely my point. If you were any good, I wouldn't have to fire you for incompetence. Employees are supposed to be able to run a business without the employer. You had four years to prove yourself and all of you came up short."

"This is bullshit," a girl screamed and threw her papers in the air. They rained down over the table as she pushed the door open and left the room. Several more people followed her with various forms of heated words.

Those who did stay just looked at me.

"Is this really happening?" someone asked.

"Yes, I'm sure Emmett would happily give you jobs elsewhere, just not here. You all have the hour to pack and vacate the premises." I got up from my seat and went back towards my office, leaving them stunned and speechless.

I checked my watch. It was already nine and I had annihilated the spirits of my entire business. They were lucky that they had me on a good day. I was off to an excellent start.

It feels good to be back.

"I can see you now," I said to the man sitting on the couch. The secretary had already left. Her letter opener was sticking up in the wood of the desk. I plucked it out and twirled it in my fingers as we walked into my office.

The entire city was below me and the dark clouds cast shadows into the room. I had been here last night to get the place ready for my arrival. The carpets were cleaned, the windows washed, and the technology switched out with newer stuff. No one had stepped in my office since the day I left.

I sat down in the large seat behind my desk and watched him stumble towards the chair in front of me. He must have been about twenty-three and was dressed in a cheap suit made of pedestrian fabric. He was so nervous the sweat was staining his pits.

"I'm sorry if I was late." He kept his head down when he sat.

"I can't hear you." I tapped my fingers on my desk.

"I'm sorry if I was late," he said louder.

"If you want to speak to me, look at me in the eyes and talk clearly."

He raised his head and nodded, shutting his lips tight.

"Do you have a resume?" I asked him.

"Uh, yes." His shaking hands dipped into his briefcase and handed me the flimsy paper.

I scanned it in all of seven seconds, learning everything about his professional past with the snap of my fingers. His name was Mario and he was from a small town in Oklahoma, coming to the big city to make a name for himself. He graduated from business school two years early and had quite the impressive brain. I had called an old professor of mine at Dartmouth I trusted, and he gave me Mario's name.

"You went to Northwestern?" I asked.

"Yes, sir." He spoke loudly and clearly.

"My wife went there."

"So I've heard. She was there a year before I was."

"Are you Italian?"

He blinked in surprise. "Uh, yes. How did you know?"

"With a last name like De Luca, I just assumed."

"Yes, my father was from Lombardy."

"Nice area." I decided that I was going to hire this man, just based on the fact that he was scared of me, but looked willing to work. He was also smart as hell. Not as smart as me, but he'd do. I just wanted to see him sweat some more.

"I haven't been back in years."

"What do you know about what we do here?" I asked him, putting his resume down.

"I know that you work mostly in real estate, not only in Chicago, but Miami and New York as well. You also import vintage cars from England and France. You used to manage hedge funds in business school and made your first million by the time you were eighteen in consulting. You prefer not working in nonprofit and rarely give to charity, but I suggest you start."

"Impressive. Why would you say that?"

"Not for the moral factor, because I know you don't really care, but the tax breaks are huge. Especially for a man making the kind of money you do." He blushed. "Sorry if that was too forward."

"Don't apologize ever. There's no time for it," I told him.

He nodded.

There was a knock at the door and a beautiful blond stuck her head in. "I was told that you wanted to see me."

"Jane, I wasn't expecting you until later," I said and stood up.

"I had a break from work so I decided to come early. You don't have any secretaries." She shut the door and pointed behind her.

"I know," I replied.

She looked almost the same as she did the last time I saw her in the Bahamas. I never thought I would see her again, not that I even paid much attention, but here she was and it was actually kind of surprising to me. Jane was in Chicago working for Rose while she went to school at the University of Chicago. I'm not exactly sure what Rosalie did, but Jane helped. When Alec found out he literally jizzed his pants. I never really got to know Jane, but from what short time that we spent together all those years ago, I could tolerate her and liked what she had to say. I felt comfortable with her. I don't really know why, though. Alice told me that Esme had basically invited her into the family, so she could definitely be trusted.

"You look good, Justin." She looked me up and down and gave me a hug. "I'm glad you're back. It was hell without you."

"So I've heard." I sat back down. Jane took the seat next to Mario, who I had completely forgotten about.

"I lied and told Rosalie I was going out to pick up some copies of something," Jane said. "How's Selena? I haven't seen her yet."

"She's good. Surprised that you're still around."

"I know; me too. I had to get out of Miami, though. My dad was driving me crazy. So I chose Chicago."

"Are you sure you didn't come here for a certain someone?"

She flushed slightly red. "Well he wasn't here anyway so it doesn't matter."

"He's back now."

"That's what Esme told me." She cleared her throat. "I'll have to go see him… later."

"I want you to come work for me," I said simply, getting to the point.

She raised an eyebrow. "I don't know what that means."

"I need you to come work for me as my personal assistant."

"I don't think so."

"I'll triple the pay that Rosalie's giving you."

"I want to work for Rosalie," she argued.

"As her drink girl? What exactly does she do anyway?"

"She's the co-editor of a fashion magazine."

"And that benefits you as a business major how…?"

"How did you know I was a business major?" She sat up in her chair.

I tapped my temple. "You should remember that I know everything."

"Of course." She rolled her eyes. "Well, I don't think so."

"You can learn a lot from me. I can teach you."

"Will I be able to take over this place when you die?" I think she was joking, but it was a valid question.

"Maybe. If I think you're ready. You already know you're going to take the job so how much longer do we have to play these games?"

This was obviously the better option for Jane. She had been working for Rosalie a little under two years now and hadn't done anything besides make coffee. She was perfect for me. She knew about the "family business". Carlisle had entrusted her with a few delicate tasks over the years and said she was incredibly efficient. Jane was bold and quick to come up with solutions. Plus, she could handle my shit and give it right back to me, which was what I was looking for.

She bit her lip in thought. "What am I supposed to tell Rosalie?"

"Let me handle that. Do you want the job or not?"

"Fine." Jane nodded. "When do I start?"

"Right now." I turned to Mario. "This is Jane. She's your boss."

"Hi, Jane." He shook her hand.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you," she replied.

"Jane, you'll be handling my personal life, organizing my charity events, press statements, and family things that I don't have time to deal with. Mario, you'll be dealing with meetings, clerical work, maintaining files, and anything else business related. On a good day, I shouldn't even see you. You'll be too busy with the day-to-day shit that I don't have time for."

"How much are we getting paid?" Jane questioned brazenly with a grin. "Am I allowed to ask that?"

"I would if I were you." I paused. "How about seventy-five thousand a year to start, medical and dental, and if you make it past the first six months, I'll pay off your school debts, which both of you are in up to your eyeballs."

Their breath hitched at my offer. Mario almost fell off of his seat.

"I'm not an easy person to work for so I hope you're prepared." I warned. "I think I've covered everything for now."

I pulled out my wallet and handed Mario five hundred dollars. "Get your hair cut and dye it black. Get your teeth capped and whitened. Buy a nice suit; make sure it's tailored. Actually, I'll get the suit, just handle everything else and come back next week to start."

He took the money in confusion. "Um, thank you? Why do I need all of that stuff?"

"Because you look like a kid. I need you to look professional and ready to work. The people coming through here won't waste their time if they think you're not serious. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir." He swallowed.

I unabashedly pulled my Eagle out of my belt and held it up. Jane didn't bat an eyelash, but Mario shivered. "To me, loyalty is the most important thing. I need to be able to trust you both because I'm letting you into my life. If I find out that either of you have betrayed me in any way, I'll make your lives a living hell."

They both gave me head nods as if to say, we understand.

"Jane, I know I just stole you from Rosalie, but you can't go anywhere else now. You're stuck with me. If anyone comes to you with an offer, you better believe that I'll know about it and I'll nip it in the bud before you even get a chance to think. You're both here for the long run. If you can't handle it, then leave now."

They both nodded again.

"Thank you, sir." Mario's voice stammered.

"No problem. You'll start next week."

He got up from his seat and backed out of the door. I think he was still in shock.

"I thought he was fine." Jane shrugged. "His hair wasn't that bad."

"He looked like shit. He's not working here if he comes back like that. I'll kick his ass to the curve." I leaned in my seat.

"Why him then?"

"Because he's good. He's smart and has an eye for this type of work. He just needs training."

"Do I need training?"

"Of course you do. Let me see you smile."

She beamed cheerily.

"You look fine. Maybe layer and highlight your hair."

"You sure do care about appearances."

"In this business, appearances are all that matters."

"So, I suspect you want me to handle more of the family side of things around here?"

"Yes. Mario is the business assistant; you are my assistant. That involves… the other side of things," I said, knowing she could decipher what I meant.

"I can do that." She stood up from her chair and put on her coat. "I think I'll go see Selena at the end of the day." "She would love to see you. So would Alec, I believe."

"How is he?" She tried not to smile.

"Good, annoying as hell, though. He's grown up."

"Did he talk about me?"

"I'm not getting involved in your high school romance shit. Go ask him yourself."

"Is there anything you need from me?"

"I need a background check on that guy. His name is Mario De Luca." I handed her his resume. "Find out everything you can."

"Done," she said with finality. "Please call Rosalie and make sure she knows about this because I'm not getting in the middle."

"It won't be a problem."

"You'll really pay off my school debt?" She squinted skeptically.

"Yes."

"That's very generous of you. Thank you."

"You'll be working for it so don't thank me yet." I turned on my computer.

"This is going to be fun," Jane said sarcastically as she walked towards the door. "I'll be back later. Where is my desk, by the way?"

"The one right outside my office. Mario will be down the hall."

"Sounds good to me. I'll have that background check in an hour."

"Oh, and I fired everyone who used to work here. Find out who they were from Emmett and send them all a severance package."

"Will do, boss." She shut the door and left me alone.

I turned around in my chair and looked at the city below. It was starting to rain, and the skyscrapers were slick with water.

The phone on my desk started to ring. I hit the speakerphone button.

"You have about fifty calls out here," Jane said.

"From who?"

"A lot from Emmett. Some from the people who worked here. A couple from the Chicago Tribune and Carlisle."

"Put me through to Carlisle. Then call Mario and tell him that he starts work the day after tomorrow. He needs to look good by then."

"Any reason for the new start date?"

"It'll just be us three until I find more people. That shouldn't take long, maybe a couple days, but he needs to be here. You can't deal with all that alone."

"Okay, then. Will do." The phone clicked off, and then started ringing again.

Carlisle picked up a couple seconds later. "Justin, I've been calling for an hour. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I've been busy." I shut my eyes to keep the frustration inside. "It is my first day back at work."

"I know. How is that going for you?"

"Wonderful. I feel good."

"I'm impressed. Emmett called me and said you already did a full overhaul of everyone."

"Sure did. Only have Jane and a new guy now."

"Jane? You better call Rosalie then."

"Why does everyone think I'm scared of her?"

"I'm just trying to keep the peace in the family. Carry on. Don't forget about lunch. I have something important to talk to you about."

"Can I get a hint?"

"I'll see you at one, Justin." He ended the call quickly.

By midday, the full force of my workload hit me. It was apparent that I might need Mario back a little earlier than I anticipated. There was a lot of office work that required tending to and I sure as hell wasn't doing it.

He stumbled into my office right before I was about to leave for lunch, out of breath and waiting for orders.

"Let me see your teeth. Did you get them done?" I asked.

"Not the back ones. We didn't have time. I had to leave early to get back here." He smiled and showed off his newly whitened and perfectly straight teeth.

"Get that hair taken care of by the next time I see you." I couldn't even look at him.

"Yes, sir."

I set a stack of files in his hands. "These are newly graduated business majors from all over the country. I need you to weed out anyone with a lower GPA than you."

"But… I was first in my class."

"Exactly. There might be two candidates in there. Call them and set up interviews for tomorrow morning."

"I can do that."

Jane poked her head in the office. "Time to get to lunch. You can't be late."

"I'm coming!" I shouted and then turned back to Mario. "Have that done by the time I'm back. Your desk is at the end of the hall."

"Okay, thank you."

I followed him out of the office. "No one gets in while I'm out," I told both of them. "If someone wants to set up a meeting, they can call for tomorrow. I'm not seeing anyone today."

"We get it. Just go." Jane all but pushed me towards the elevators.

It was a big deal entrusting them to keep things in order, but as I glided down the floors, I convinced myself that this was why I hired them. They were both ambitious enough to want to do hard work and keep me happy.

I would normally walk to the place Carlisle liked for lunch, but with the cameramen outside, still demanding answers from me, I decided it was better to drive. It took longer than it should have, with all the traffic and stupid ass people who all seemed to have forgotten how to drive since I returned. I parked behind a small, rustic Italian restaurant down the street.

The place was empty and I wasn't surprised in the slightest, even though it was in the height of the lunch hour. Carlisle obviously needed privacy today and meant business. I didn't even see a busboy or hostess.

He was at a table in the corner and didn't even bother standing or acknowledging me when I sat down. He kept reading his paper for about a minute and then folded it neatly when he was done.

"And how are you today?" He set the paper on the floor.

"Fine." I searched for a waiter. "I need a drink."

A waiter appeared out of nowhere and poured me a tall glass of red wine. "Anything else for you, sir?" he asked.

"We'll just have our meals now," Carlisle spoke for me. "I ordered you spaghetti."

"That's fine with me." I shrugged.

After the waiter scurried off, Carlisle and I had a good ole' fashioned, Western stare off. There were no words, but I was determined not to let him win.

"Is there a reason why I'm here?" I asked, not letting myself falter.

"Of course there is. Why would I have invited you to lunch?"

"I'm not sure."

"I don't have a lot of time, so I'll just get out with it." Carlisle leaned forward, exhaling deeply. "Justin, I'm retiring."

"You're doing what?" I choked on my wine.

"I'm taking time off… indefinitely."

"Wh… what does that mean… for the family?"

"That we need a new Boss."

"Carlisle, I…"

"Can I confess something, Justin?" he asked.

I nodded.

"I've let you guys down. I know that over the past couple of years, things haven't been as smooth as they should have been and I take full responsibility for that. Between me sending you away, and everything that's been going on here, I've lost my way. I got so bogged down in minute details that I wasn't looking at the big picture. I've let everyone down."

I really wanted to assure him that that wasn't the case, but my mouth wouldn't let me.

"The Cullens need to be taken in a new direction and I'm not the one to do it, Justin. You and I both know that. My reign was exhausted a long time ago."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm stepping down. I've been doing this for far too long and you could only imagine what kind of shit I'm in with Esme. I need to take time off to patch things up with her. She's agreed to take a vacation with me. We need to get away and nothing's going to get done with us here in Chicago. I don't know when we're coming back."

It didn't take a genius to put together what Carlisle was saying. I just didn't want to believe it.

"How long have been thinking this?" I cleared my throat.

"For about a year," he admitted. "Things are changing out there and I know you haven't had the chance to really dive into that side of your life since you've been back, but the Cullens need a new director. We need you, Justin."

"Is that why you brought me back here?"

"I'm not going to lie to you. Yes, I asked you to return so that you could take my position. I'll be around to guide you and help you, but I won't be the head of this family anymore." He crossed his hands together in an effort to appear calm.

"That's not fair!" I slammed my fist down on the table, shaking the glasses and silverware on top. "You didn't give me any kind of warning. I'm not prepared for this, especially not now."

"Did you think all the time on that stupid island was just for you to sit around and sleep? You're more mature now than you ever were here. You know why? Because you were your own man. You weren't living in my shadow and you were able to thrive on your own. You're ready for this. I trained you for this."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"Did you want to stay Il Principe forever?"

"Why not Emmett or Jasper?"

"It's never been either of them. You were always supposed to take my spot and just because you had a break, doesn't mean you can forget about your obligations to this family."

"And what about my family? Selena shouldn't have to ever be a part of this."

"Well, there's nothing we can do about that. She's in far too deep and I'm sorry about that, but I warned you a long time ago that this might happen. You should have prepared yourself for the possibility that more than likely, you'd be in my shoes."

"This is happening too quickly. I just got back. You couldn't give me some fucking warning?"

"That's what this is. You know the rules. There are certain… stipulations that need to be taken care of."

"I don't want to talk about that."

"You have to be married, Justin. You can't take over unless you have a wife."

"We were already heading in that direction," I snapped. "I don't need you meddling in my life."

"That's my job and like it or not, you have a responsibility that needs to be fulfilled."

"Do I even have a choice?"

"No, you don't. Esme and I are leaving the first week of April. That gives you a month to get your shit together. Talk to Selena, do what needs to be done, and then all of what I have will be yours."

Just then, the waiter rushed out of the kitchen with a heaping plate of steaming spaghetti, but I had suddenly lost my appetite.

"My life will never be the same," I said to myself.

I made a checklist in my head.

1. Get married...very soon.

2. Take over the largest crime family in the world.

This was turning out to be a great month.

SELENA POV

"It is easy to take freedom for granted, when you have never had it taken from you."-Author Unknown

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

I slipped my foot gently into the supple lining of my nude colored pump, which Alice insisted I wear today.

I had little experience in journalism, but the job description at WGN TV station didn't call for it. I would basically be a part of the production team, behind the scenes. I had already done a first interview earlier in the week and then got a callback for today.

The job title was production assistant, and I'd be responsible for cutting together news segments, preparing commercial breaks and typing things into the teleprompter. It seemed like an incredibly technical job, but when I called to inquire about an interview, the lady said my background would be fine for it. I didn't know what a bachelor's degree in literature had to do with TV, but I was excited nonetheless. Plus, there was the added bonus of Alice being nearby since she worked in wardrobe.

I stood up from the bed and checked myself in the mirror on the wall. I looked very professional in my high-waisted cream skirt and silky red top. The shoes were more dangerous than what I would have chosen, but it worked. I wasn't going to complain. I brushed my hair quickly, putting it in a loose bun at the nape of my neck, before doing final touch ups.

I checked my bag, making sure I had copies of my resume, and everything else I might need for the interview.

I made it downstairs and found Alec reading a gun magazine in the kitchen.

I sniffed the air when I walked in. "What's that smell?"

He shrugged. "I don't smell anything."

I rushed over to the toaster, which had bread stuffed inside, and pulled the plug when smoke started to billow upwards. "You forgot you were making something?"

"Oh, yeah. My peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Damn it." He took the charcoaled bread out and inspected it. "Can I still eat it?"

"Be my guest." I went into the fridge and poured myself some orange juice. "Are you ready for your first day of school?"

"I don't want to go."

"You know the rules."

"Still, I can get a job anywhere without even needing a degree. I don't want to go." He plopped back down in his seat.

"Don't be nervous. I'm sure the other kids will like you if you play nice." I sat next to him.

"Ha, ha. Very funny."

This was his first day at Northwestern and I didn't know the details, but Justin had to pull some strings. Since the semester had already started, Alec couldn't just walk into class. He had to be transferred, but Alec had never gone to school before. There was a big thing with fake records, and Carlisle had to sign a bunch of stuff; I didn't get into it. Anyway, Alec was now a college freshman, and even though he wouldn't tell me, he was nervous as hell.

I checked the clock. "Shouldn't you get going? Your first class is starting soon."

"I guess so. What if I'm not as smart as the other people there? They've been going to school for years."

"You know you have a smart brain, so use it."

He nodded and exhaled, "You're right. I'm fucking amazing."

"And so modest." I rolled my eyes.

"I'm going to rock the shit out of that place." He kissed my cheek and then bolted from the table. "Bye, Selena. I'll be back this afternoon."

I watched from the window as he pulled out of the garage in his new black Range Rover and peeled onto the street, going entirely too fast. I would have to talk to him about that later.

It still wasn't time for me to leave, so I read the paper and tried not to get too nervous. Alice said I would probably get the job if I didn't do anything crazy like burn the studio down or jump on tables. I was determined to get this job.

I wondered if I should call Justin. It was nine and he left the house to go to work at five, so I knew he was tired as hell. He had been acting really strange for the past couple of days and wouldn't tell me much, but I was hoping that he told me something soon. If not, I was going to start demanding answers. He was working hard, though, and every day, I would check the stocks of Justin Bieber Inc., which were steadily rising. The Chicago Tribune called him a mastermind in the business world. His return was causing waves across the city.

And since he was back, of course, everyone knew I was back as well. We had been photographed a couple of times, but surprisingly nothing major had happened. I was just hoping that Charlie or Renee hadn't heard anything before I got the chance to call them. I just needed to think of way of doing that.

The family was coming around, though. Rose, Alice, and I spent a couple of days just getting back in touch with each other. I liked having friends again. It was something so simple that I didn't realize I craved until I got back here. Being able to see people on a regular basis was a luxury that I wouldn't take for granted again. Esme, on the other hand, still wasn't speaking to Carlisle and I wasn't speaking to her. She was cold towards everyone else. She was furious on the occasions I went over to the house, but Carlisle said she had agreed to go on an extended vacation at the end of the month. I didn't know what he had planned, but I hoped it was something good. They had a lot to discuss and somewhere safe to do it. Preferably somewhere without heavy things that Esme could throw.

I wasn't mad at her really. I just wanted an apology for what she had said to me. I still think she hit way below the belt with her comments, but as of yet, she hadn't said a word.

After I finished the paper, I sat at the kitchen island, sipping my coffee and trying to plan out my day. Justin told me to come by and meet him for lunch if I had time, but after that, I was free. I guessed I could go grocery shopping since we needed more of everything. Between Alec and Justin, they could go through two pizzas each in one sitting, leaving me with nothing. It was scary.

I stopped drinking my coffee when I heard a slight scratching at the front door. I listened again, but it wasn't there. A couple seconds later, though, it returned. It almost sounded like branches against the house, but then there was a low whine to accompany it.

I put the cup down and made my way to the door, my heels clicking on the hardwood. I looked through the peephole, but didn't see anyone. The scratching was still there.

I opened the door and surveyed the front yard, but it was clear. The whine at my feet alerted me to the dog standing on the step, trembling. It was an English bulldog; the only reason I recognized it was because a neighbor of Charlie's had one. I used to watch him when she was out of town. He was a nasty beast.

"Oh." I stepped back a little and noticed that this dog was in bad shape.

There was a slight nip in the air, but it wasn't cold, so I assumed he was shaking because of fright. He was a big dog, but I could tell that he was just a puppy—maybe a year old. I saw his ribs through his tanned fur. There was blood on his paws, almost as if he had been walking on glass.

"Hi." I bent down and reached my hand out hesitantly. He didn't jerk away, but flinched slightly when I touched him. Then he leaned into my hand. "What happened to you?"

Those big brown eyes were what did me in.

"You can't stay here. Justin hates animals, especially dogs." I shook my head and continued petting him. "He'll kick both our asses."

The bulldog didn't seem to care. He sidestepped me and, with a slight limp, trotted into the house like it was his.

"Excuse me." I shut the door and chased after him. He seemed to know where the food was, because he went right into the kitchen. "I don't think I have anything for you."

He sat down on the tiled floor and stared up at the refrigerator expectantly.

"There's no dog food in there. I think I should clean you up first, anyway." I dampened a washcloth with warm water. "I'm not a vet, but you look like crap."

I bent down and started washing off his face. A thick coat of dirt came up, showing the white of his muzzle. I ended up having to rinse the cloth out a few times before he looked clean. The blood on his paws was a different story. I had to use the first-aid kit and just treated them like human wounds. I didn't know what had happened, but it didn't look major; just a few scrapes so I put some rubbing alcohol on them before wrapping his paws in gauze. He didn't like that very much.

He kept nipping at his feet, trying to pull the wrappings away.

"Stop it," I told him, "you have to leave them on."

I'm talking to this dog like he's a human. I really do need more friends.

I had to leave soon, so I couldn't really get creative with food. I just pulled out packaged lunch meat and fed the dog a couple pieces of ham. He drank water greedily from a bowl I put on the floor and was happily licking his chops when he was done.

"Are you potty trained?" I asked him. "You don't even know what that means."

He wanted to explore the house, but I had to go, so I pushed him outside onto the porch and left lots of water. The backyard was massive but enclosed with a tall wooden fence, so I knew he would be free to roam without running away. He just stared at me through the glass of the back door as I locked it and grabbed my keys along with everything else I needed.

Justin had bought us all cars with the only stipulation being that whatever I chose couldn't be less than twenty thousand dollars. He said that he didn't want to "muck up his perfect garage with filth". I decided on a basic BMW. The only color they had in stock at the time was red, which I found a little too flashy, but took it anyway. I had to admit that I loved driving the car. It was a lot different from the beat up Chevy back in Forks.

The ride into the city was easy. I didn't have any trouble until I hit traffic, but it only slowed me down a little. I gave myself plenty of time so I arrived at the studio half an hour before my interview. I parked in the garage and grabbed my bag before walking quickly into the sleek building. It was only a couple blocks away from Justin's office actually, but I had never been here before.

The lobby was stylish and modern with marble under my feet. I went up to the reception desk and an over-joyous woman smiled up at me.

"Welcome to WGN, Chicago's number one TV station. How can I help you?"

"I'm here for the production assistant position. I have an interview with Mr. Grandy at ten."

"Of course. He's expecting you, but he's in a meeting right now, so you can take a seat and I'll let him know you're here."

"Thank you."

I sat down in a plush leather chair that engulfed my body so much that I had to stop myself from sinking into the seat.

Apparently, the receptionist was either lying or wasn't correctly informed because almost a minute after I got situated, a tall, white haired man came out to greet me.

"Isabella Bieber?" he asked with an outstretched hand.

"Yes." I stood up and shook it.

Of course, my last name wasn't Bieber… yet. But Justin had put it on all my fake records and papers so that's what I went by now. I didn't mind in the slightest.

"You're here just in time. Let's go to my office so we can talk."

I had met with the human resources department first and they pushed me along to Mr. Grandy. I followed him into the back, bypassing frantic looking people. His office was a mess. There were papers everywhere and food containers stacking up. From the art hanging on his walls, I could tell that Mr. Grandy was a very eccentric man.

"So, let me just be perfectly honest," he began when we sat down. "I really liked you in the first interview and I think you'll work well here. Your resume is more than satisfactory, so you have the job. I just want to ask you a few questions."

"Of course." I tried not to smile too brightly.

I had a job! That was easy.

"So, have you ever worked in TV before?" he asked.

"No, but I have taken a few journalism classes in college."

"This is more of a technical position, as you could probably guess, but we can teach you all of that. Sorry it's such a mess in here, by the way. We've had a busy couple of weeks."

"I could only imagine."

"Your husband is causing quite the stir and is helping us all keep the ratings up."

I bit my cheek, stopping myself from saying something stupid. "I didn't realize."

"Well, when Chicago's favorite son returns from the dead, that's doesn't go unnoticed." He grinned.

"Is that the only reason I'm getting this job?" I asked. "I'm not going to talk about my personal life, so I'm sorry if you thought you were going to get any dirt…"

"No, no." He held his hands up. "Of course not. We're not a gossip station. I really do need to fill the position and Alice said wonderful things about your work ethic. It's just an added bonus that you happen to be somewhat of a local superstar."

"I hardly think that people really know who I am."

"Just the contrary. You've created quite the social uproar, but enough about that for now. Would you like the job?"

"Of course. When can I start?"

"Well, we won't need you every day since this will be a part-time job at first. You'll know your schedule about a week in advance, based on who else is working. You'd get here probably around five so that you can start getting things ready for the seven o' clock news. You'll be working under a man named Alistair. I'll take you to meet him in a minute, but he'll teach you all you need to know. Is that alright?"

"That's perfect."

"It's a pretty simple job once you know what you're doing, but please pay attention because there are a lot of little things that you need to know. Are you ready for the tour?"

I nodded and stood up when he did.

Mr. Grandy took me around the studio, where they were getting ready for the midday news segment. The last minute rush was exciting, and I tried to stay out of everyone's way. I met Alistair, who was a stocky man with a very focused face. I don't think I saw him smile once in the time that I watched him work. There was a girl there who did the job that I would be doing later in the week. She explained a few things and let me try out running the teleprompter. By the time the tour was over, I had a thorough understanding of my job.

I was told to come back in two days to start working. I still was kind of pissed that Mr. Grandy brought up Justin, but I knew that was going to happen. People talked about me when I passed them on the streets and pointed when Justin and I went out to dinner. I just kept my head down and acted like it didn't bother me. I just needed to get used to this. Rosalie told me it would be that way for a while until the shock wore off.

I drove to Justin's office, and the guard checked my ID before I could park. Security was tight and I didn't even check behind me for blatantly obvious bodyguards. I was sure they were there.

I rode the elevator up to the top floor and walked out into a very stylish lobby. I had never actually been to Justin's office, but he pointed it out when we drove past one day.

I went up to the front desk, where a man with black hair and pearly white teeth was stressing over his computer, typing furiously. He couldn't have been any older than me. The nameplate on the desk said his name was Mario. I knew about this guy; Justin's new protégée.

Mario raised his head when he heard me approaching. "Hi, do you have an appointment?" he asked.

"No, I'm Selena Bieber. I was supposed to meet Justin for lunch."

"Oh, of course." He stood up so fast that his chair fell backwards. "I didn't realize. I'm Mario."

"It's nice to meet you Mario. I've heard good things about you."

"Really?" His eyes went wide.

I nodded, "Justin seems to like you."

"I'm trying really hard. This is my first job out of college and this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so I'm working my ass off…Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to curse."

"It's alright. I've heard worse."

"Um, you can go back if you want." Mario clumsily picked up his chair.

"Thank you." I walked backwards, "And don't take anything he says personal. Justin is just…feisty."

Mario smiled and nodded vigorously.

I passed young-looking associates carrying stacks of papers. Everyone seemed to be on their cellphones. I strolled down the hall and almost started running when I saw Jane sitting at the desk in front of a massive set of doors.

She saw me too and popped up, grabbing me in a hug before I could even blink. "Oh, thank God. I can't believe you're really here."

I had met Jane for a quick second on that faithful trip to Miami, but even in that short amount of time, I knew I liked her. Plus she made Alec happy, so I couldn't argue with that.

"It's good to see you. I didn't think you'd stick around."

"Well, you know the Cullens. Once you're in, you're in." She shrugged. "You look fabulous."

"Thank you. You look good yourself. When Justin told me he hired you, I thought he was joking."

"Unfortunately, no. He's working me to death. All of us, really. I don't think anyone's slept in a week."

"I can see that." I looked around at the haggard employees who almost walked like zombies.

"But he pays out of the ass," Jane whispered. "He's so fucking generous."

"He can be that way sometimes." I smiled at his kindness. "Justin doesn't like to show it, but it's there."

"Well, it was nice seeing you again. I'm always around Alice and Rose so we'll bump into each other soon, I'm sure." Jane went back behind her desk and picked up the phone that was ringing furiously. "He has someone, but you can go in."

"I don't want to disturb him."

"No, he told me to send you in."

"Oh, okay. I'll see you later, then."

She waved, and began talking on the phone.

I up to the large doors and knocked. Justin answered, and I peeked into the room. He was behind his desk with his glasses on, talking to a younger man who was writing feverishly on a pad.

"This is my wife, Selena," Justin introduced me to the man. After so many years as playing his fake wife, I didn't even think twice about it now.

The guy stood up and shook my hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too. I'm sorry if I interrupted something."

"No, he was just leaving." Justin took off his glasses. "I need those shipping details before you leave today."

"Yes, sir." The man collected his things and hurried out of the door.

"Wow, I'm impressed." I sat in the seat opposite Justin.

"Do you like my empire?" He held his hands out. "Built from the ground up."

"You sure do run a tight ship."

"I have to if I want to get back on top."

"You're killing them all." I pointed behind me at the door. "They look like shit out there. You don't look too much better."

"We can sleep when we're dead." He got up from his chair and came to stand in front of me. "Would you like me to order us lunch?"

"Are you too busy?"

"Not for another hour."

"Okay, then." I stood up and kissed the hell out of him because I really wanted to. There was something incredibly sexy about watching him work, especially in his glasses.

I twisted my hands around his tie and pulled him impossibly closer to my body. His lips were filled with the urgency that I needed and the softness that he always held for me.

Justin pulled back after a couple of seconds. "My hour is slowly slipping away."

"Right." I nodded.

He sniffed the air and then scrunched up his nose, "Selena, don't take this the wrong way, but you smell like a dog."

I stopped myself from saying anything and wryly smiled. I still hadn't figured out what I was going to do about the dog at home, but I would figure it out before he knew anything was up.

"Maybe it's the fabric softener. I'll have to switch brands." I sniffed my coat dramatically. "How about lunch?"

"Good. I'm starving."

Justin called Jane and ordered food while I sat down on the sofa near the window. He hung up and stretched out next to me with his feet on the coffee table in front of us.

"Food should be here in about five minutes. The kitchen's just downstairs."

"Long day?" I asked.

"Incredibly long and it's not even halfway over yet." He rested his head on the back of the sofa and closed his eyes.

"Don't work yourself too hard," I warned.

"There's no way around that, Selena. This is my life now."

"At least you're not doing anything illegal at the moment."

"There will be more of that later. Don't worry." He chuckled, but there was something off about the sound. Almost as if it was apprehensive. "How did your interview go?"

"I got the job. I start in a couple of days."

"Well, congratulations. I knew you'd get it."

I rested my head on his lap and turned over so that I stared up at the ceiling. "My boss talked about you quite a lot."

"Of course he did. He's in local television. There's nothing else to talk about. I just returned from the grave."

"I hope it doesn't turn into a problem later."

"Just tell me if it does. I'll take care of it."

I almost felt like falling asleep, but there was a knock on the door and the smell of chicken brought me back to life. A chef rolled a cart into the room with covered trays and a bottle of wine. He set everything out on the coffee table and uncovered a nice lunch of risotto, chicken, and steamed vegetables.

"Anything else, sir?" he asked.

"No, this is fine." Justin took off his jacket. "Thank you."

"Very well, then."

Right before he was about to leave the room, Justin cleared his throat. "Excuse me. What temperature was this chicken cooked at?"

"I fired it over the grill at four hundred degrees."

"Take this back and do it again at three seventy, make sure the skin is crispy but not burned, and light on the salt." Justin handed him the plate. A smile crept on my face when I realized that I made my chicken that way.

"I'm sorry about that, sir." He rushed out of the room.

I cut my chicken and took a bite. "Tastes good to me." I fed him a piece.

He chewed on it and scrunched up his face. "It tastes like rubber and that is not how I eat mine."

"I think you're being a little overdramatic. Did you have to be so mean?"

"At least now, every time I order food, it'll be done perfectly."

"There's always the silver lining," I replied sarcastically. "Haven't you ever heard that you catch more flies with honey than vinegar?"

"Of course I have, but what happens when you get the flies? Who wants them? I'd prefer bees, then I can train them to sting whoever I wanted."

I shouldn't have been surprised that Justin had that kind of logic in his head.

Once his food was brought back, we started eating and fell into easy conversation about the day. It was all incredibly delicious and I couldn't help myself as I stuffed my face. I stayed away from the wine though. It tasted…off.

Justin's phone kept ringing, but he shut it off after about ten minutes. I found it incredibly sweet that he wanted to spend time with me, even though he was busy. Of course, that didn't stop him from yelling at that kid, Mario, for asking a simple question. Justin was ruthless and, of course, I knew that, but I sometimes forgot he only had a melted heart with me. It was such a switch to see him in business mode.

I really wanted to know how Alec's day at school was going, but Justin convinced me not to text him.

"Maybe we should have waited a year," I said and played with the piece of chocolate cake on my plate.

"You baby him too much," Justin replied. "He's a grown man."

"But he's not," I argued. "He's been locked up his whole life, and then thrown into this world with no warning. He's still young."

"I know, but we need to step back a little."

"One year," I said, mostly to myself.

"That's the plan."

Justin suddenly got very fidgety, and his tics started becoming more present. He twisted his neck from side to side in an effort to crack it and his right shoulder would twitch a little; all clear signs that something heavy was on his mind.

I put my fork down. "Alright, out with it."

"Out with what?"

"Is there something you need to say?"

"No," he replied quickly. "Actually, yes. I need to talk to you about something." He cleared his throat.

"Okay." I didn't like the sound of that.

"Um, so I had lunch with Carlisle the other day."

"Right, you never told me how that went."

"It went… well, I guess. We talked about a few things."

I nodded in understanding, but kept quiet.

"So, he asked me a very important question." Justin rubbed the back of his neck.

"Which was?" I prompted.

He sighed deeply. "He wanted to know if… I was ready to lead the family."

It took me a minute to understand what that meant and all I could come up with was, "Oh."

"Yeah, he said that he's leaving me everything at the end of the month. I would inherit his legacy, and then be expected to create my own. I would be in charge of everyone, our whole cosca. I don't have a lot of time to make a decision."

"What happens if you say no?" I whispered.

"Then it'll go to Emmett or Jasper. They'll run us into the ground, though."

"We both know what your answer is." I played with the napkin in my lap. "Weren't you just talking about how you wanted to be your own man and make a name for yourself?"

He nodded slowly. "True, but I was thinking in about a year when I had my footing back."

I had been preparing myself for this day ever since I met Justin. I knew it was on the horizon. It was a common fact that Justin was to take over the family at some point. He had been "training" for almost his entire life. He was ready. The only thing that didn't sit right with me was his safety. He would be put in more dangerous situations, but I guess I would have to get over my anxiousness.

Now wasn't the time to show my discomfort with the conversation so I took his hand. "The mafia is a very intricate machine, but it needs a strong leader and there's no one better than you. You can do this."

Justin flinched at the word "mafia". He always did and told me that it wasn't the true term for what the Cullens had. He was right. They ran what was more like a small country. Mafia just didn't suit their operation.

"Selena, I need to know what you're thinking. This won't affect just my life. This is our life."

"Does it really matter what I say?"

"Yes, it does," he assured me. "I need to know that you're alright with this. Our freedoms are gone. Our life will be turned upside down and I need to know if you're ready."

"Justin, I came to terms with your job a long time ago. I know what you do and I'm not afraid of the life you live. If you're asking me to tell you what to, then you're out of luck. I'm not going to do that."

"Selena, your life will never be the same after this…"

"Stop trying to warn me. I know what I got myself into."

His forehead crumpled in thought for a second, and then the look of determination overshadowed any feeling of doubt or uncertainty.

"I'm going to tell him yes, then. I'm going to take over."

I squeezed his hand for reassurance.

He spoke quietly. "I have so many ideas and so much I want to accomplish. It's going to be a new fucking dynasty for the Cullens and I hope everyone's prepared for it. I want this…badly. I just don't want it to affect you."

"Justin, this has already affected me and I'm okay with that. I'm not going anywhere now."

He nodded, "There's not going back for me."

"This is what you want, so do it."

"I…there's also something else."

"Oh, God." I groaned. I didn't know how much more I could take today, "I think I'm more prepared for this than you are." I joked.

"Probably." He chuckled.

"So what is it?"

Justin shook his head, "Um, nothing. I'll tell you later."

"Are you sure? It sounded important." I egged him on.

He shook his head again.

I decided to let that go.

"Can I set some rules?" I moved closer to him. "I know you're going to be the big boss and everything, but there are limits."

"What did you have in mind?"

"You can't bring your work home," I said pointedly. "Deal with everything you need to here, in this office. I'm not going to have mob chiefs and drug lords running through my house."

He took a long sip of wine. "I think I can do that."

"And you have to be home for breakfast every morning; promise me." My voice held a sense of urgency for his answer.

Justin looked at me with confusion on his face.

"Well, when Charlie used to have to go out at night for work, he used to tell me that if he wasn't home for breakfast then something was wrong, but until then not to worry about it," I explained. "Every morning he was there and we would eat before I went to school. You have to have breakfast with me unless you're out of town or something like that."

He slid his hand behind my neck and brought me closer, our lips almost touching, "Those are very agreeable terms. I can do that."

"I just want to know that you're okay."

He nodded. "I completely understand, but I have a few rules of my own."

"Really?"

He thought for a second. "Just one."

"I think I can handle it."

"If I get a call in the middle of the night to handle something, you can't ask me what it is."

"Wha…?" He cupped his mouth over my hand to stop my words.

"When I get back from a job, you can ask all the questions you want and I'll answer them honestly. But before, you can't question me about a thing. Do you understand?"

I bobbed my head up and down. He slowly dropped his hand.

"I'm being generous because I know how much you want this and I won't stand in your way. Just be safe and come home to me," I said.

Justin pulled me the rest of the way and kissed me tenderly. After a second, it became more heated, his tongue pushed into my mouth and found a way to make me quiver in pleasure. His hands began pushing my skirt up on the outside of my nylons. I tried to keep things PG with the kissing, but when I heard his throaty moan in response to me biting his lip, I couldn't help myself.

I dragged him down by using his shirt until we were lying flat and started undoing his buttons so that I could feel the hair on his broad chest.

"Selena, I don't have time to fuck you right now, but I really want to." His lips moved to my neck.

"Tell me what you'd do," I encouraged. "Tell me right now."

"I'd come into the office and you're be sitting right here, on this leather couch waiting for me. Your legs are slightly parted, and with each step I take, you continue to spread your legs entirely too slowly until they are open for me completely." He was panting as if we were actually enacting this scene, and I shut my eyes to envision it, letting the fire start to build.

"You're only in your panties. Black, no blue ones with lace and I can't wait to run my hands over your fucking creamy thighs until you start shaking, begging me to go higher."

"What shirt do I have on?" I rolled my hips upwards, trying to create friction as he devoured my collar bone and popped off buttons on my blouse.

"Fuck a shirt. Just a bra and your nipples are hard," he continued. "Can you feel it, Selena?"

I nodded silently, my mouth opened to speak, but couldn't. Justin ground into me roughly, moving his kisses towards my chest.

"I stand in front of you, looking down and your legs part even wider in anticipation. Just the sight of you is making me hard and you reach out to grab my dick."

I was in desperate need of release by this point, but Justin wouldn't let me have an inch of pleasure. He would pull back and separate our pelvises just at the precipice of desire.

He took my hand and guided it down his body, from chest to waist, to cock. It filled my palm and only spurred him further.

"Shit, Selena, I like your hand on me," he whispered and nipped at my ear lobe.

"Keep going," I begged him.

"I kneel in front of you, and dip my head between your legs, trailing kisses slowly up your thighs. I got higher until get to your panties and feel the rough lacy fabric against the pad of my tongue as I lick your slit."

"Take of my fucking panties," I growled. "In the dream… take them off," I quickly amended. I was so clouded with lust that reality and fantasy were blurring.

"Alright. I take off your panties and throw them to the side so that I can see you fully. And finally I get to taste all of you. I move my tongue inside of you, slowly, trying to savor it."

Justin's cock was pushing against my hand and I tried to rub him, but he stopped me.

"Just worry about yourself. I want you to feel me," he said. "When I can't take it anymore, I throw you over the back of the couch and ram into you from behind." Justin brought his full weight down in between my legs and I gasped as his dick almost split me in half even from the outside.

I imagined him filling me from behind, inch by inch. Lights flashed behind my eyes, my skin heated to the point of fire, and I lost all form of coherent thought.

"Finish it," I pleaded.

"I reach around and rub you furiously while I'm fucking you, and you fall apart right over this couch as you cum like a geyser."

His words brought my release and I stopped myself from yelling obscene things into the air, reminding my mouth that Jane was right outside the door. Justin shuddered above me ,and I felt his release through the fabric of his pants.

Sweet baby Jesus and all the apostles in Heaven.

I stilled and had to draw in breath so ruggedly that it burned my throat. Neither of us said anything for a couple of minutes, just revealing in our post coital shock.

"For all that, we should have just fucked." Justin kissed my neck.

"No, that was so much hotter."

"I love you Selena, and thank you." He whispered against my skin.

"For what?"

"For being understanding and for…just being here. You're still here."

"I told you I wasn't running away. Have a little more faith in me." I pushed on his chest slightly, an indication for him to get up. "Everything we just did, by the way, was completely hot."

"A little afternoon delight never hurt anyone." He closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. "Please come back anytime you wish."

I left his office half an hour later on wobbly legs, but tried to act like there wasn't anything wrong. Jane just smirked as I passed her, not saying a word. I had to take a minute to calm down in the car because there was no way I could drive in this state. My body was still reacting to that mind-blowing orgasm in the same way it did when I first met him. I prayed to God that the fire never died.

On the way home, outside of the city, I stopped off at a local grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner, and then remembered that I had an extra mouth to feed. I got the smallest bag of dog food I could find, and then put it back, opting for the larger bag instead. I decided that I was going to keep the bulldog at home. He didn't have a tag so that made him free, right?

By the time I pulled up in the driveway, Alec's car was back, and I called him out to help me with the groceries.

"Did you know there's a fat dog in the backyard?" he asked me, chomping on chips when he came to the back of my car.

"He's not fat, and yes. I put him there before I left. He didn't chew through the fence or anything, did he?"

"No, he's still there and totally fucking awesome. Where did you find him? What's his name?" Alec asked rapidly as we carried the things inside.

"He was on our doorstep. He just walked right in." I put the groceries on the countertop. Alec plopped the big bag of dog food on the floor.

"Do we have to put up signs to see if his owner will call?"

"I didn't think about that. Should we?"

"Maybe not yet. Why does he look so sick?" Alec sat on a stool.

"I don't know, but obviously whoever was taking care of him didn't want him. He looked horrible."

"I changed the stuff on his paws. They started bleeding again."

"Poor dog."

"What's his name?"

"Um… Francis," I said out of nowhere. I picked the name because I had this teacher in high school that looked like a bulldog. His name was Francis. It just seemed to fit.

"Sweet! I'm letting him in." Alec ran off to open the backdoor.

I heard the soft padding of paws and a second later, Francis licked at my ankles.

"Hi." I picked him up. He wasn't too heavy; cubby certainly, but not fat. I noticed that he was damp and smelled like my strawberry shampoo. "You washed him?"

"Yeah, he smelled like shit. Now look at him." Alec scratched behind Francis' small, floppy ears. "He's a stud."

"Do you think Justin will let us keep him?" I asked.

"No," Alec laughed, "hell no. He would rather die than live in a house with animals."

"Maybe we can hide him for a while. Just don't tell Justin yet."

The rest of the day, I made sure that Francis was okay. Maybe it wasn't that smart to keep a strange dog, but I was really getting attached. I set up a couple pillows and blankets inside of the dryer and put him in there to sleep until I figured out a better place. He went to sleep almost instantly, and I hoped he stayed that way until Justin passed out tonight. The dryer was the only safe place. It wasn't like anyone did anything in the laundry room, except me, anyway. I then hid the dog food under the sink.

Alec helped me make a large dinner of eggplant parmesan, chicken piccata, mozzarella filled meatballs, and a simple salad. If we spaced it out, this might last us for tonight's dinner as well as tomorrow's.

Fat chance!

Alec was already snacking while he set the table.

Justin walked in the door at seven and collapsed into a chair with a haggard face. We all sat down to dinner like normal people did, and I wondered how much longer we would be able to do this. With Justin's new revelations today about the future of the Cullens, I figured our free time was short.

Halfway through the meal, the phone rang, and I got up to answer it.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Neighbor!" a cheery voice answered. "Hi, this is Carrie Sed, from down the street. You remember?"

"Of course." I inwardly groaned. Alice had told me a few things about Terry and Carrie from down the street. Not surprisingly, everyone on the block tried to avoid them. They were just too happy, and the Stepford thing was aggravating. They didn't have too many friends because of it. But I was determined to give them a chance. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. We're all fine over here. Actually, I don't want to keep you long, but I was just calling to see if you wanted to come over for a dinner party we're having in a couple days? Just us and another couple."

"That's great. What time?"

"Is seven good?"

"Seven's fine. Do you want us to bring anything?"

"No, I'm handling all the cooking. Don't you worry. So I'll set a place for you guys."

"Okay, and thanks for the invitation."

"No problem. And feel free to bring Alec."

"We will. Goodnight."

"Night, Selena."

I hung up the phone and went back into the dining room.

"Who was that?" Justin asked when I sat down.

"Well, we've been invited to a dinner party."

"I can't go," he replied quickly.

"You don't even know when it is."

"I'm busy. I can't go. I can only guess who it is and if I have to sit through a dinner with those two robots, I'll kill myself."

"They're not that bad," I said, almost hopefully. "And you're going. It's later in the week."

Alec snickered from across the table.

"You're going too," I told him.

His face fell. "No way. They're so weird."

"We've been invited and we're going," I said with finality and continued eating.

Justin grumbled under his breath, but didn't say anything.

Sometime around ten that night, everyone was tired. Justin fell asleep before his head hit the pillow, and Alec was snoring like a bear when I turned out the light in the hallway. I let Francis go to the bathroom one last time before putting him back in the dryer. I still didn't know how to broach that subject with Justin. Thankfully, Alec hadn't spilled his big mouth yet.

The next morning, I rolled over in empty sheets, and the smell of cooking bacon assaulted my nose. It made my stomach churn and flip in my body. I didn't know if I liked that feeling, but the smell drew me out of bed.

I completed my morning routine before going downstairs to see Justin standing in front of the stove. He was dressed for work, minus his usual pressed white shirt and his jacket, which was slung over a chair.

"Wow, Justin Bieber cooking. I never thought I'd see the day." I stood next to him at the stove and kissed his shoulder.

"I'm not cooking. I'm reheating," he corrected me. "I had this delivered. You said you wanted me for breakfast every morning, so here it is."

"You must have done something bad." I picked up a piece of toast and took a small bite. On the counter was a wide array of fruit, eggs, and bagels. Justin was heating the bacon in a skillet and I was actually amazed that it wasn't smoking. He did have the best cooking skills.

"I'm just trying to be the perfect man," he said with a sarcastic chuckle, "That's what you wanted."

"I don't want that perfect man. You're far from it and I like that."

"Well, thank you…I think."

"How did you sleep?" I asked.

"Flawlessly. That bed up there works wonders on my back."

"I noticed." I ran my hand over his spine. "Why don't you have a shirt on?"

"I got water on it. I put it in the dryer for a minute."

"Oh," I replied. It took me a second to remember just exactly what was in the dryer. I dropped the toast and took off towards the laundry room.

I turned on the light and ripped the dryer door open.

"Francis," I pulled out Justin's shirt and stupidly looked inside. "Are you in here?"

Images of a chubby, burned bulldog ran through my mind, and I started crawling on my knees, checking corners.

"Francis, are you in here?" I moved aside baskets and unpacked boxes, but found nothing.

Shit!

I checked under everything and in boxes as well. After a minute, it was obvious that he had escaped.

I was still scouring on the floor when I was met with expensive Italian loafers and the crease of silky dress pants.

"Your dog had to pee so I let him out about an hour ago." Justin's voice didn't sound amused at all.

I looked up. "Thanks. That was sweet of you."

"We're not keeping him." He left the room and I got up, following him.

"He just showed up yesterday and it wasn't like I could turn him away."

"Why not? He's not your responsibility." Justin sat at the table to eat breakfast. "Dogs are disgusting."

"No, they're not. And we washed him last night so he's clean."

"You and Alec aren't keeping that thing. Dogs have fleas, and parasites, and bugs, and they slobber, and what about rabies? You don't even know if he has his shots." He shuddered in disgust. "Plus, he could belong to someone."

"I'm keeping the dog." I went to check the backyard where Francis was rolling around in the yard. "He's staying here."

"Selena, I'm putting my foot down. He's not staying."

"You might be the head of the mafia family, but you can't just make all the decisions for this family. He's staying and his name is Francis." I snapped. I didn't know where that rush of emotion came from, but I liked it.

Justin's lips raised in a snarl, ironically like a dog, but he didn't say anything back to me.

[hide-the-cutlery]

It’s one of those stupid nights where I keep checking my phone, just hoping to see something from someone.

I’m lonely. The kind of lonely that digs at your insides.

I had a really vivid dream about my ex last night. I was in a car with I think (?) his actual girlfriend/fiancée/wife, and his mom was there, talking to us. She was talking about him finishing his high school diploma (he graduated irl, with me, actually, but I didn’t know him at the time...) and then start college. And, as it always is in these dreams, he’s not with me, and I’m trying to get him to talk or listen to me, because I’m desperately telling him he’s with the wrong girl... that it’s me, not her (whoever she might be).

In this dream, I spoke to her. I asked if they’d ever broken up, and she said yes. I asked why, and she said because of some other woman, and I asked “Nicole?” And she said yes! I laughed. A big, ugly, fake, “I knew it!”, sucks for you, laugh. I don’t remember what really happened after that. I did have sleep paralysis in either that dream or another one later in the afternoon. I slept a lot today. Sleep paralysis is terrifying. I kept trying to move and thinking I did move, only to realize I was actually still frozen. I even tried to yell for someone to come wake me, but I think only a nonsense muffle came out, if anything. The strange part was I trying to get my vibrator (which hasn’t seen any action in like 2+ years) and a toy I don’t even have anymore. Finally, I woke up. I tend to have sleep paralysis when I take naps. And sexual dreams. Fun fact: I have orgasms in my sleep. And believe me, they’re very real. I guess I at least get some tension out that way, because I don’t even try anymore. To touch on an entry I think I started yesterday, the last time I actually enjoyed sex (besides when I was with a woman) was my ex, who shares a name with one of my celebrity crushes. He’s most known for playing a certain “villain” in a very popular space saga, but he is a phenomenal actor in everything I’ve seen from him. (It’s Adam Driver 🙄)

Anyways, (my) Adam was special, but I was too deep in my disease to see it. Well, I did see it, I just didn’t know what to do with it. He was on pills, and I was drinking heavily. We both were. I used to be floored with how fast he’d go through bottles of Percocet and Soma, along with alcohol, when now I go through my meds just as fast. He loved nature and was a very emotional person. I’ve never seen a guy cry so much, but it was okay. I liked how vulnerable and open he could be. When I was sad, he’d play his guitar and sing to me. I miss that — a lot. He wanted to go off and live in a commune, and I wanted to be a doctor with a nice house with a “white picket fence”, all that. We both couldn’t see the merit in each other’s visions. I’d take off with him to a commune right now if I could. I think of messaging him all the time, but I’m too shy. I check every so often to see if he’s still on my Facebook. (He is.) Funny I worry about interacting with someone I once shared such an intimate bond with.

I got into it with my family again. I tried to have a conversation with them regarding how difficult it will be to get a job with all that’s going on. It was supposed to be just a neutral thing, but it blew up, like always. They don’t understand how my poor mental health is impairing my general functioning. I don’t understand why my mental health is impairing me so much. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’m getting tired of it. I need more help than I’m getting. I tried to get more help than I’m getting, and it didn’t work out. It was no fault of my own.. last year I was supposed to spend a few weeks in an inpatient facility, and I got accepted, but my insurance wouldn’t cover it because I hadn’t been hospitalized recently enough. I could get myself hospitalized, easily, but I feel like that’s a bad idea and I should avoid that. But I wouldn’t have to tell a single lie to get baker acted.

Q: Do you think about hurting yourself or other people?

-I did last week.

Q: Do you think about suicide?

-Constantly.

Q: Do you want to kill yourself?

-I don’t know. I’m just so tired. Things aren’t working out in this life, and since I got sober, I can’t think of a single thing that makes this miserable existence worth it (besides my cats, and their lives aren’t good because I can’t give them something better). Maybe what comes after this is better. I like to think our spirits are working their way through the Universe. Sometimes I’m ready to just say “okay, this one (existence) sucks — NEXT.”

Who knows — maybe something good would come of it. I met Adam in a hospital, in the psych ward, after we’d both been baker acted. They gave me Remeron to sleep, and it made my legs give out. I crawled out of my room to get a nurse, and he was sitting in a red, comfy chair outside my doorway. He helped me get off the floor and got me a nurse. He waited with me while me and the nurses waited to hear back from the on-call doctor. We were both really drugged, and he talked to me about books. I think he was telling me he was really into Lewis Carroll. I’d read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland at least, so I didn’t look that stupid. He would get the vegetarian meals (I can’t recall if I did, too), and we’d make fun of them. I remember when I got discharged and my dad came to get me, we were leaving, and I saw him on my way out. He had elected to stay a few days extra, but we hugged and swapped numbers. About a month later, I sent him a text, and within a few weeks, we hung out a few times, and had one crazy night together that I don’t think either of us expected, but we definitely wanted it. Then we got separated for a while, but stayed in contact — phone calls and letters. I loved his letters. He’d adorn them with lyrics and doodles, just like I do. I kept them all. What a sweet guy. God, I’m so tempted right now. Just to say “hi there, I wonder how you’re doing (a lot? Frequently? From time to time? Occasionally?), and I hope it’s well.” Why can’t I just say that? Ugh, I’m such a pussy.

Anyway, my parents and I fought again. My dad did acknowledge that I have health problems, but I know he thinks I’m making too much of them or is in complete denial. My mother just doesn’t get it. She twists my words and tries to make me sound nasty, condescending, lazy, etc... I asked my dad how old I was when they realized I wasn’t “right”, and he kinda dodged the question, saying he never really thought I wasn’t “right”. I’ve been talking to a friend a lot lately, one of the only people who understands me. She seems to think I might be a survivor of childhood (sexual?) abuse, because she is herself, and says comparing my behavior and demeanor to hers and other abuse survivors, I just scream TRAUMA. I brushed it off at first, but I’m realizing some things, like my lack of memories as a child and the fear I felt as a child that I still carry with me today. I guess there’s more, like the way I respond to people, my anxiety, “The Third” part of me, how I disassociate at times, my rampant addictions... the list goes on. Maybe she’s on to something, or maybe she’s planting falsities in my already crooked mind. I do know she’s brought me to a very unique state two or three times now, where it’s like I’m having terrifying epiphanies. Why can’t my therapists work that hard at cracking me?

I don’t think I’ve written about “The Third” yet — not by name at least. The Third is the part of me that separates itself from the rest of me (I imagine it to hover over my right shoulder) that talks to me in stressful situations. It’s typically always criticism of my behavior or accusing me of lying. “Shut up! You know that’s not true! They don’t care! You sound stupid! Why the fuck did you say that?! You’re an idiot! Tell the truth! Tell the fucking truth!” At first he didn’t have a name, but I guess he and I came up with “The Third” together, because people are typically two things: mind and body. This is a third extension of me. Maybe everyone has a part of them hovering over them, smashing their nose in the dirt, or maybe not. I tried to tell my psychiatrist about him, but he was pretty dismissive. He did, however, change up all my meds again. He put me on something he said he’s seen work well for people who are having mixed episodes of bipolar disorder. I’ve never been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, although my last therapist (who told me I had BPD) said she “wasn’t sure” I didn’t have it. I don’t think I have it. I’ve had some manic spells, for sure, and I guess I do have depression, even though I don’t like to admit it. For some reason, I’m not okay with the thought of just having depression. I feel like my symptoms are too much for just having MDD. I’ve been on practically every SSRI on the market, and I just don’t respond to them. He’s dropped the phrase “treatment-resistant depression”, but I think it’s more likely that I’m being misdiagnosed. My big problems are my bizarre thinking, anxiety, and panic attacks, not depression. The things that make me sad are situational. I know situational depression can turn into clinical depression quickly, but I still don’t consider it what I most importantly need help with.

In other news, we acquired Tom Brady, and Biden won FL. For shame.

[jj-ktae]

Tipsy Love (1/2)

Title : Tipsy Love

Genre : Drama / Angst-ish / Fluff

Author : Myself

Pairing : Jackson Wang x Reader

Summary : You have one bad addiction. Jackson is an instructor in a center for people with health problems and bad mental state. How will the addiction acts upon the two of them ? Will your forsaken self be able to change your mental state ?

It’s a One-shot. Part two will be up very soon ;)

PART 1

The street was crowded. Clouds were everywhere, like a ticking bomb over the salarymen's heads. Seoul is a huge city. Each person is only a tiny little part of the human presence in the island. One's goal is the same as his neighbors’. There's only one within four millions of men, women.

No wonder you felt so empty.

It was 4 A.M, and you were trying to walk down the alley leading to your house (you weren’t sure if it was the good street though). Your evening had been calm and filled with clouded memories of countless glasses scattered around the bar of your brother's pub. The sound of glass, and the noisy people around you, telling it was just okay to drink too much, since tomorrow you wouldn't even remember a thing, and gather the courage to speak to the beautiful man watching you with deep, dark envy. Like a vivid dream printed in your mind, you could only remember some parts of that big, insane moment of your life. Another one.

Life could be so useless sometimes. You hated how you just wanted to jump out of the first window after these evenings of false happiness and joy. It's not like you couldn't do anything about it though. You loved it, every aspect of it. Only, the aftermath was just hell.

As you passed by a little store, you finally recognize the big, white building in front of you.

''Finally...." Was all you could say before opening the big door, (after almost five minutes of looking for the good keys.) You had always wondered why you had so many, since your apartment had only two locks.

It's not like you cared right now anyway.

As soon as you entered the stifling flat, you felt it.

The nausea.

You ran to the toilet and emptied herself in the cabinet. You felt everything leave your stomach. Like a tornado twirling your organs, a fire burning your lungs, everything was going out in an endless spurt. This was the worst for you. When reality dawned upon you. When alcohol left your body. When gloom took the place of giggles and glassy smiles.

You couldn't stand up, you just couldn't. How many more days will you have to live to finally realize that you were ruining everything? But you couldn't do  anything.

You were simply addicted.

~*~

Just as the alarm clock rang in the big room, Jackson woke up from his deep slumber. He simply hit the little noisy cube and got up, feeling his stomach growling. When the doorbell rang, he wondered just who could come here this early. He just had time to shower, and he hoped he'll be able to, or else he'll be cranky all day, again.

The doorbell rang a second time, and right now Jackson wanted to chop whoever's head was behind the bloody door.

"I’m coming!" He yelled as he almost crawled to the door

"Hurry up, fat ass!" could be heard from behind the door. And now Jackson knew whose head was going to be cut and served as a dinner tonight.

Jinyoung. The bloody, noisy and arrogant Jinyoung.

"What the...?" Jackson said as he opened the door, facing a way-too-smiley Jinyoung in a tuxedo.

"Am I hot? I think I am, but I’m not sure, what do you think?" The young guy said. He was young, and had a cute face, surrounded by thick brown hair.

"It's 6.30 A.M., I’m fucking late, and you came all the way here to ask me if you're hot or not? Seriously man, you've got a problem." Jackson cried as he was already going back to his room.

"But you think I am? I mean, hot" Jinyoung tried again. Jackson just looked at him and went back to the bathroom, yelling a frustrated "I think you should get the fuck out!" before closing the door with a light thud.

Wang Jackson was a rather normal person. He'd just finished university and passed his degree in psychology, specialized in group and behavior therapy. He had finally found work in a big society where he could help and advise people. He was an open-minded and outgoing person. Always smiley and listening to other's problems. Maybe that's why he decided to make it his job.

Offering better lives was worth getting up at 6 A.M. every day. That's what Jackson thought.

Unfortunately, he was the type of man who was always mistaken for a player. His look had always been his biggest problems.

The reason of his poor and mediocre love life.

Jinyoung was in the kitchen, trying to eat something that resembled to a piece of cake (quite old, if you ask Jackson) and singing a very old Korean song when Jackson came back, hair still wet and completely dressed. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a white tee-shirt, showing his bulging features.

"So tell me, why are you like this?" Began the latter as he took a mug and poured some of the fresh coffee Jinyoung had just made for both of them.

"Got an Interview today; a big bank from Switzerland. Gotta get this job!" Retorted the young man as he took another sip of the hot, black liquid.

"Oh, and that is why you decided to come this early. Well just to let you know, I have a life, and I do have work. So I’ll be going." Answered Jackson. His work was at the very end of the city, and since his car was being fixed by a friend, he had to go by train.

"But, but, that's why I came! My interview is like what....5 minutes from your job? Want me to give you a ride?" The tuxedo man sang, still sipping his coffee.

"Well....I guess you're quite useful sometimes." Jackson uttered as a 'thank you' before grabbing his keys. "But we still have to go, moron." He added.

"How dare you speak like that to your super-hot-in-tuxedo best friend!" Jinyoung yelled as he faked indignation.

"Let's go?" Jackson winked at his pouty friend. "If you're a good boy, I’ll even buy you some ice cream! Chocolate flavored! Your favorite ~" He added.

"Fuck off, bastard" Was all he heard before Jinyoung tried to kick Jackson out of the flat.

~*~

After months and months of nagging and badgering from your two best friends, you had finally decided that you needed help. That you didn't have enough will to stop this vicious cycle.

Your friends had already enrolled you in a special program that was supposed to be one of the most efficient programs among all these group discussion available nowadays. At first they wanted you to go to a psychiatrist, but you immediately declared that that was "for mentally handicapped people" and preferred a weird group where you talk to people with the same problem as you.

It has been two years, and you were still as addicted to alcohol as you were in the past. It had begun in high school during parties, and it became more and more frequent. Now you couldn't go home without buying some of that precious liquid, or even stop in a pub to drink until you blacked out.

"So it's your first day now…are you nervous?" Choi Youngjae, your best friend asked. You were in a café near the emplacement where you had to go. 

The latter was drinking a cafe latte with a gloomy face.

"Well....I don't know. I don't expect anything from this. You forced me to go." You answered. You had a fucking huge headache, and you couldn't even think clearly, but then again, you wondered when was the last time you were able to do so was, anyway.

"Yah! You have to try at least! You need help! We’re all trying to cheer you up….but we won't be able to do it forever. Someday, you'll lose all your friends if you don't stop this." retorted Youngjae, while trying to figure out what exactly was wrong with his friend.

He never really understood how you began drinking so much. But at first, he didn't want to believe that you were addicted. He thought it had something to do with youth, or even challenge, rebellion. He only discovered it when he saw his best friend trying to kill herself with sleeping pills and some whiskey caramel. She was begging Youngjae to let him end his life. That she wouldn't be able to stop. That's when he knew his friend was in big trouble. Since then he had try everything, even weaning. But he failed miserably. Most of their friends didn't want to hang out with them anymore, mostly because you were always drunk, and you were able to completely ruin an evening. Youngjae and your other best friend, Mark, had then decided that you would go to these group therapies. Just to try.

"I know. I’m doing this for you." You almost whispered, but Youngjae heard it anyway, and as he smiled brightly at you, it felt like maybe this was worth spending some time in there.

"Glad to know that there’s still some sense in that big head of yours." Youngjae laughed, and he knew you had no intentions of stopping, but it was his last card, and he had to believe in it.

"So I’ll be going. I hope I won't be surrounded by psychos." You snorted. You were not really in the mood today, so no chit-chat.

You left your friend and went straight to the building, wondering what on earth you were doing.

~*~

"Ok guys! That's it for today!" Jackson yelled at the men in front of him. His third meeting was for emotionally shocked people. This was the most difficult one, because they were not really talkative. Sometimes even Jackson felt uneasy around them.

Now he had to go to the next meeting. Jackson hated to admit it, but this one was the most delicate.

The Alcohol Addiction meeting.

The room was empty as he came and proceeded to place the chairs in circle, as he usually did. Everyone could talk to others and participate in a big discussion. Contrary to what one might think, this wasn't the usual whiny group discussions that people saw on television. In his groups, Jackson always tried to talk a little about the problem, and a lot about other things, because dwelling on misfortunes was not his forte, and also didn't really help people.

He even tried to organize little trips, or even walks in Tokyo. That was why his program was one of the most appreciated by his boss and he was rather proud of himself for that.

He often had visits of people coming back to him and thanking him for his help when they needed it the most. That was pure bliss for Jackson.

As people entered the room, Jackson was reading the list of persons registered for today. A new program meant a new group of alcoholics were here.

"So, to begin with, my name is Jackson Wang, and I’ll be your instructor during this program. I know this might be a little "weird" for some of you, but this won't look like anything you’ve seen on TV" He began. He was pretty confident in this, and had already prepared a whole month of activities and talks for his new "friends".

"First, I’m just going to ask you to do a little introduction of yourself, just to feel at ease. I know it's difficult to talk in front of strangers, so no need to talk a lot, a simple thing will do, we'll have plenty of time to learn about each other." Jackson continued. Everybody was silent and listening to him, as usual.

"So, who would like to begin?" asked the instructor. To his surprise, one man lifted his hand. He looked like he was in his 40 and was wearing shorts with a green shirt.

"So, my name is Yoon Hyun Jin. I've been drinking since the age of 20....I haven’t been able to stop since then. I realized, after I lost my wife and son, that I needed to stop this. I’m quite the violent type"

Jackson nodded. He'd seen this case to many times. He asked someone else.

"My name is Kim Baek Sun, and I began drinking last year. I’m 24, by the way. work in a pub, so it's pretty easy for me to drink non-stop...I think I’ll be fired if I don't stop, and my parents can't stand the idea of me drinking shots and shots of alcohol. I’m quite lost to tell you the truth."

Everybody was listening with attention to what the others had to say and they almost all talked once, one after another, smiling, blushing and trying to explain their situation to everybody, knowing they won't ever be judged by people like them.

When it was your turn, the last one, everybody turned to you. You suddenly felt so small that if you could you'd have dug a hole and hid in it.

"I…have nothing to say. Sorry". You knew you should have said something else, but you couldn't.

"Come on, I’m sure you can come up with something. Your name, if you know it, that is." Jackson said, and everybody laughed a little at the comment. It wasn't said in a mean way, but rather in a friendly gesture, though you didn't like it at all.

"Y/N. Happy?" You shot back. Jackson was a bit surprised to see such behavior but he didn't flinch.

"Very much so." He simply said, and began talking about their first little walk near the Han River with big enthusiasm.

~*~

"And then? I mean, you ran and... fell into the pool?" Jackson was laughing so hard. Today was the "funny memories" session and everybody was enjoying some iced tea with a, big, brown chocolate cake made by one of the member.

"Well....it moved suddenly, I was so scared! I ran off and the next thing I knew.... I was in the water....and it was freaking cold!" The old man declared. Everybody laughed again and Jackson continued after he swallowed another piece of the delicious cake.

"What was it finally?" He asked.

"......My son...playing hide and seek..." Answered the old man, clearly embarrassed by the ridiculous situation.

Jackson burst out laughing and everybody followed, while the old man felt himself blush at his own past stupidity.

Only you were in a corner and trying to think about everything except what you had been avoiding for the past week. It was hell, and you were trying so hard not to break and go in the nearest bar to get wasted again. Jackson saw it and went near you  as everybody was laughing at someone's story.

"Not feeling well?" He tried calmly. Jackson knew that some people couldn't support this as easily as others, and he saw that you just needed to drink right now.

"Why do you care?" You found yourself asking, frustrated. "You just have to entertain us, make us forget what we shouldn't do...how I’m feeling doesn't have anything to do with you." She spat.

"Well...I do care about all of you. I need to know how you all feel, so I can help better. That's why I’m here." He said. He was talking as if a 5-year-old boy was facing him. He tried to be as gentle as he could, but honestly he was getting tired of your behavior already. He ignored you at first, thinking that maybe you were just going through a hard time. But as days passed, your mood was getting worse and worse, and Jackson just wanted to wake you up from your living dream.

"I’m not a retard you know, stop talking to me like my teacher at kindergarten did. I know why I’m here, and if you want to know, I stopped drinking the day I entered the group." You reluctantly admitted.

"You know, sometimes I feel like you're here because someone forced you. You won't get anything out of this if you don't even want to be here in the first place. I may help people, but I’m not a magician. I can't change people's mind and way of thinking. If you're not going to help us and talk, then don't, but you're wasting your time here. When people try to forget about their addiction, I can almost hear you think about what alcohol you'd like to drink and how you'll get drunk again." sighed Jackson. Every time people like you came, they left after 10 days, and went back to clubbing and alcohol as soon as left the center. Jackson knew this type of girl. Young people wasting their lives for some ridiculous, sour beverage.

As if it made some sense in your head, you suddenly became calmer. "It's not that I don't want to change...but I’m really not doing it for me...I don't want to lose people around me...but I’m not strong enough to stop by myself." You whispered.

"That's why I’m here. If you want to change, then that's a good start." Jackson smiled. So, she wanted to change after all. He nudged you a little. "Come on, smile! Everybody's trying hard, no need to ramble, just try to participate. And I swear, this cake is just heaven!" he continued.

You smiled and tried to ignore the warm feeling going through your body while Jackson was already cutting himself another piece of cake.

~*~

"So yeah...basically, the idea is that we go camping near Noeul Park." Jackson began. Everybody had just arrived and he was already preparing the little trip that was happening in a few days.

"I know it's sudden, but I got the idea yesterday. I know I suck. But we'll have fun! And we need to evaluate everybody's situation. And I thought that camping would be a great idea!" Jackson tried to cheer everybody, and some people were into it. Some of them couldn't go because of work, but almost everybody was ok with the idea.

You were more than reluctant. Camping has never been what you liked the most, even when you were a member of the scouts –another bad life choice-. Since then you had completely forgot how to live without a real bathroom, a bed and all the commodities.

"So hmm...Y/N, are you coming?" Jackson asked with a bright smile. You suddenly felt uneasy and out of control. Jackson smile was even brighter than the sun and you couldn't help but smile back shyly.

"So yeah, here's the list, please write your name down, and then we'll proceed to the preparation." Jackson went to the little black board on the wall and explained to everybody how everything was going to happen.

You simply sat low in your chair, wondering what the hell you agreed to.

~*~

"You did what?" Youngjae and Mark were both shocked when you announced them that you were going on a little camping session.

"I didn't have a choice...everybody was staring at me...I just.... nodded? And this is part of the program. I haven't drunk anything in two weeks now...I’m on the verge of breaking down. I think I need some fresh air." You sighed.

"Well...from that point of view.... sounds pretty decent to me." Youngjae said and you took another sip of soda.

"So, how are you feeling...going without alcohol...isn't it too hard?" Mark asked cautiously. It had always been a tense topic between them since you had never admitted that you had problems. Now that you were following the program, you were always clean, and even if your mood was not the best, at least you didn't feel like shit all day and night.

"Don't ask me...you don't want to know. I told you, I’m going to break down soon..." You leaned on the wooden table. Why was it so hard? You felt like no one could understand you. Not even your best friends. It looks so easy to stop from an exterior point of view, but in fact, it's even harder than trying to stop smoking. Hell on earth.

As you came back home that day, you tried so hard not to think about the bottle of whisky, untouched, in the kitchen.

~*~

"You did what?" Jinyoung asked, dumbfounded. Jackson had just announced him that he was going to camp with the group. He was more than surprised to see his best friend in such a high mood.

"I want to go camping with them. The boss didn't lie when he told me people where even harder to handle this month. Everybody's on the verge of collapsing." Jackson whined.

"Well, you know one month is not enough for most of them" Jinyoung concluded. He had never been a pro in these things, but he certainly knew that alcohol was a tough topic. Even tougher than when he tried to stop his addiction to reading.

"I know, the program lasts one month, but everybody comes regularly to ask for advice. They almost all have my phone number. I follow them all, don't worry." Jackson answered as he went to the oven to take his freshly made lasagne.

"Any rebels? There's always one 'tough' person who acts all posh and cold." Jinyoung snorted.

As he asked that, your face appeared almost immediately in Jackson's head, but he brushed it away.

"Nope, everybody's good to me~" He sing-sang.

Jinyoung laughed. Jackson has always been everybody's professor, father, brother, friend. He was really kind when it came to his 'friends' and he knew these people were lucky to have such a good person taking care of them.

"Ok, my fat friend, I gotta go, Swiss banks don't joke with money!" He took his dark blue jacket and went to the door, yelling ‘good luck’ to his friend before closing it.

Jackson sighed again and proceeded to go to the living room to eat in front of another stupid television show, before falling asleep.

PART 2 

[kenbinru]

I Can’t Believe I Have the Girlfriend of My Dreams (An Unromantic Love Comedy LN) Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I let out a big yawn as I hear my old Masked Avenger clock ring. I decide to go back to sleep.

Just five more minutes…

My eyes are still heavy and the sunlight coming in from the windows are hitting my face.

Where did that pillow go?

I try to find that pillow and it was on the other side of the bed. I turn over to notice that no one was there.

Strange.

I would think Akane would be a deep sleeper given I woke her up yesterday. It’s weird to not see her still asleep in my bed. I notice the time and it’s 10 past 8.

“Aw crap I’m gonna be late!”

Maybe she already left to get to school?

Weird, being my girlfriend she would have woken me up right? Anyways, I don’t have time to think about where Akane went. I’ll see her in class anyways, if I can make it there in time and in one piece.

I gotta change into my uniform.

Mother already left to run some errands and there was a boxed lunch on the table. It must have been Akane and my mother who made it.

Nothing beats a home cooked meal made by your mother and the girl of your dreams!

 “Cough…*pant*” I need to exercise more.

With the bike gone, I had to basically run to school. Luckily, I made it with five minutes to spare! Our class was rowdier than usual for some reason. After all, Valentine’s Day was coming up, and a lot of the girls were planning with each other on who they were gonna give candy to. For the last year or so, I’ve only receive the “pity” candy from some girls who had extra. In some ways, it was worse to get pity candy than get nothing. Daisuke would usually give me his candy, since he for some reason didn’t care too much about it. More candy for me I suppose. I love it when the candy has caramel in it. But there she was. Her long black hair was flowing like an endless river. Akane was sitting in front of me in her seat, quietly reading a black-covered book. It seemed old and tattered, and I could barely tell what exactly Akane was reading.

“Good morning Akane!” as I let out a big smile.

Akane had a small jitter like there was a chill down her spine.

“What’s wrong Akane? Why didn’t you wake me up before you left?!?”

All of a sudden I realize that I may have said that a little too loud. The whole class was quiet now and staring at the both of us like animals at a zoo.

“First of all Kaneshiro-san…”

Akane stood up from her desk and faced me. Her eyes were serious, and cold, not like the ones I saw from yesterday. I can tell that something was seriously wrong.

“Don’t call me by my first name. Secondly, there’s no chance that I would ever be seen with you. SO STOP BOTHERING ME!” as she promptly sat back down.

Those words hit hard. Hearing those words from her absolutely destroyed me. It was the first time I think anyone ever saw the “Ice Witch” live up to her reputation. I sat there in silence.

Where did the Akane I knew go? Just yesterday we were having the best date ever, and now she hates me? Did I do something wrong last night? She wanted me to call her by her first name! We even shared a kiss…

The class president wanted this execution to be over with, and called the class to start. I’m feeling light-headed again.

 Time feels like it has stopped for me.

“Hey. HEY! Earth to Kazuki-kun? Hello, anyone there?” I snap back into reality and notice I’m in Dr. Mori’s office.

It was part of my regularly scheduled check-ins with her after the accident.

“You seem off today Kazuki, more than usual at least.”

Akane hates me now.

Akane hates me now.

Akane hate me now, and there’s nothing that makes sense anymore!

“What is going on with you today Kazuki?” said Dr. Mori with concern across her face.

“It’s just…I don’t know what’s going on right now Doctor. It’s a long story.”

“Well, we have a lot of time on our hands right now. There’s nothing I won’t understand kid.”

I tell her my situation thus far – Akane Yuki, the “Ice Witch” of the school was my girlfriend and we were a couple yesterday. But after falling asleep and waking up today, it seems like Akane is back to hating me or something. Almost like it was a big practical joke. Explaining that to Dr. Mori didn’t lighten the situation either. She seemed just as confused as I was.

“Uh…you have a vivid imagination.” while Dr. Mori takes a long gulp from her coffee cup.

“Maybe you were lucid dreaming or something.” said Dr. Mori.

Lucid dreaming? I’ve never heard of it.

“Lucid dreaming is when a phenomenon when the person is aware and in control of their dream. Maybe you’re so infatuated with Yuki-san that you dreamed that you two were a couple or something.”

What.

That sounded impossible. If it was a dream, I’m sure I would be aware of it right? Everything that happened yesterday definitely felt real. There’s no way it was fake. Besides, if it was a dream, I would have chosen to fly instead of walking! Suddenly a big headache shakes my head.

         “But…everything seemed so real, there’s no way it could’ve been a dream.”

         Dr. Mori took another big gulp from her coffee.

         “They say that lucid dreams and your waking life could have the same content. In fact, there may be enough of a sufficient similarity that you can’t tell whether or not you’re actually asleep or dreaming. Your dream might be so real, that you can’t even distinguish the differences. I mean, this could all be a dream as far as I’m concerned!” as Dr. Mori gave a playful laugh.

         Now that she mentioned it, almost everything that happened yesterday was the same as my usual life. I remember when I was a kid I would dream about me being the Masked Avenger along with Daisuke and fight crime. Akane was the same, my house was the same, even the small hole I had in the ceiling of my room was there. Suddenly thinking about this gave me a huge headache.    

“Uh…are you ok Kazuki-kun? I suggest you take it easy. I know kids think you’re young and think you’re invincible, but you’ve just been in an accident. You still have plenty of time to figure out your love life!” as Dr. Mori bursts into laughter, only to end in a stark realization of herself.

Someone please marry this woman…

 Walking home with Daisuke was a bit awkward too. This was the first time in a while when it was just to two of us walking home together.

“So what happened to make you think you were with the Ice Witch?” asked Daisuke.

Word spreads fast…

Well, there was no point in telling Daisuke about my apparent delusional fantasy that we were a couple; he would only make fun of me further.

“You probably wouldn’t believe me either.”

Daisuke let out a big sigh. He got closer and put his arm around my shoulder.

“We’re best friends since childhood Kaz, I know you better than you know yourself. Remember that one time when you spent all night trying to get that Masked Avenger action pose down? Just so you could impress Ino Sakurako in elementary school?”

It was a period of my life I try to suppress, but his words triggered all the time I spent trying to get all the moves and poses from the hero show I watched as a kid.

“I still remember that pose y’know?”

I run ahead of him a little and get into position.

“TRANSFORM!” and I proudly display my form perfect pose.

Elementary school me would be super proud of me now.

Daisuke instead just cringed hard, followed by laughter. The sudden realization of what I just did hit me.

I hope no one else saw that.

“Anyways, you wouldn’t believe me Daisuke.”

I explain to him my situation about yesterday’s date and Akane Yuki being my alledged girlfriend, which like Dr. Mori, caused disbelief and confusion.

“Uh..huh. Well, you always did have a vivid imagination Kaz.”

Maybe they were right. Maybe I do have a vivid imagination and just had a lucid dream or whatever Dr. Mori said. It just felt like the world was teasing me hard. Like it was some cruel twist of fate.

We walked to the crossroads where both of our houses were in opposite directions.

“Hey Kaz, this is where we split off. Try not to further ruin your high school career Cherry boy!”

I wave off Daisuke and head off home.

I just want today to be over.

 I was staring at my ceiling in my tiny bed. Maybe if I close my eyes or something Akane Yuki will appear again.

Nah. That would be impossible.

It’s hard to sleep since I had so much on my mind.

Was it really a dream?

Dr. Mori (despite her demeanor) is actually a pretty intelligent person. If I was lucid dreaming, how did it happen anyways? I remember dreams when I was younger where I was the Masked Avenger, but those were pretty unrealistic. My whole day with Yuki-san was just too realistic. And I remember almost every second of it.

Wait a minute.

Could it do something with the bump on my head?

I touch my forehead, but it seems the bruise was gone.

No way was that possible.

If I bumped my head, I’m sure it would have been on the health report right? We had MRI scans and everything just in case since I miraculously survived unscathed from the accident. There was just no explanation for it.

Correlation does not imply causation after all.

If I’m in a lucid dream and I see Yuki-san again, I’m just gonna take the advice of the research I found. Apparently, falling backwards is one of the sure ways to wake up from a dream world.  I’ve been thinking too much and it’s making my head start to hurt. I’m feeling light headed…

 I let out a big yawn as I hear my old hero-themed clock ring. I open my eyes to a familiar ceiling. This time however, I’m wide awake at the first note of the theme song that plays.

“FEEL THE POWER YEAHHHHHH” starts playing and I hum the tune along.

“OW!”

A pillow just came out of nowhere!

I turn to see how it appeared and there she was. I recognize the long black hair anywhere. It was Yuki-san!

“EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH???” I let out a loud scream that probably woke up the neighbors.

“You idiot, just give me five more minutes hehe…” said Yuki-san as she slowly drifted back to sleep.

“WAKE UP YUKI-SAN! WE NEED TO TALK!” Yuki-san slowly rose up from the bed and let out a loud yawn and stretch.

“What is it that’s so important Kazuki-kun?” as she rubbed her eyes.

“WHAT IS GOING ON?!?”

I just don’t understand anymore.

Yesterday she hated me and had no idea what I was talking about, but the day before, she was my girlfriend and we spent the whole day together at an amusement park!

“WHO ARE YOU? WHY DID YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT YESTERDAY?”

Yuki-san looked obviously distressed, but I needed to get to the bottom of this.

“What are you talking about? We went to school together yesterday. We talked like all day in class. I left school earlier and you went home with Daisuke.”

She was right. How did she know this? I never told her any of this.

It hit me. I must be dreaming or something. Everything was exactly the same in my room, even the hole in the ceiling.

This is room for sure.

I’m lucid dreaming right now aren’t I?

I must really have a really vivid imagination…

Of course, that would make sense. There’s no way Akane Yuki, the school’s Ice Witch, and I, would be a couple…

I need to wake up.

“I’m sorry Yuki-san…”  

“For what…?”

I lean to side of the bed and decide to fall over on my back.

Time to wake up from this cruel nightmare.

“KAZUKI!” and I see a hand extending in front of me as I fall backwards.

A loud thud and I hear ringing in my ears. The pain is surging from the back of my head.  

I must have woken up.

I open my eyes to see a familiar ceiling. I must be back in my own room.

“KAZUKI YOU IDIOT!”

I see Yuki-san appear, looking down on me from the bed.

“Don’t scare me like that idiot!”

I didn’t wake up after all.

This is real.

The feeling of falling was one of the sure ways for one to wake up from a lucid dream. I stand up, barely able to keep my legs from shaking. There was Akane Yuki sitting on my bed, teary eyed from me falling only 3 feet from my bed.

I’m sorry Yuki-san.

[russellthornton]

Funny Conversation Starters: 40 Lines to Instantly Fit Right In

Not everyone is a social butterfly. So, if you don’t know how to begin talking to someone, here are some funny conversation starters to try.

Maybe you have a crush on someone, and you don’t know how to approach them. Or you’re invited to an important party, but the thought of talking to strangers gives you hives. Whatever your reason for being nervous, don’t worry. Talking to people doesn’t have to be scary, especially if you use a few funny conversation starters anyone can connect with.

Why some people uncomfortable starting conversations

#1 They are shy. Not all introverts are shy. But if you are one of the shy ones, you might feel much more comfortable being a hermit in your shell rather than venturing out and talking to people.

#2 It’s a learned behavior. Maybe you’re not shy, but your parents were. If you never witnessed them starting conversations with strangers, then you subconsciously learned that it’s something you shouldn’t *or can’t* do.

#3 They’ve gotten rejected down before. Maybe you have tried starting conversation in the past, but you have gotten rejected in one way or another. Even if you don’t remember, it could still be affecting your behavior today. [Read: How to get someone to like you immediately]

#4 Anxiety issues. Some people have biological makeups that make them prone to anxiety, including social anxiety. There are other mental health issues that could be contributing factors as well.

40 funny conversation starters that can help you out

Even if you see yourself in one of the above four reasons why someone might find it difficult to start a conversation, just know that with a little practice, you’ll do just fine. In fact, here are 40 funny conversation starters to give you a nudge. Because, I mean, who doesn’t like humor?

#1 Do you believe in love at first sight? And this doesn’t have to be a pickup line. Just a general question.

#2 Would you cut off your little toe for $1,000,000? This is a bizarre question that most people have never even thought about! But it’s a good, deep conversation starter. [Read: Drawing a blank? Try these easy 25 conversation starters]

#3 What present would you buy me if you won the lottery tomorrow? Of course, if you just met the person, this is funny because they probably wouldn’t buy you a present!

#4 If you were a vegetable, what would you be and why? It’s a weird question, but you can have fun with it. It might also give you some insight into the person’s personality.

#5 If you worked at a circus, which job would you want to have? Everyone loves the circus! This will test their sense of humor and light-heartedness. [Read: How to start a conversation with a crush and woo them]

#6 Tell me something funny that happened to you this week. This will get them laughing and reflecting on the good things in their life.

#7 What is the worst first date you have ever been on? We all have hilarious stories of bad dates! This is one of the greatest funny conversation starters.

#8 What is your most embarrassing moment? Some people may not want to talk about it, but it sure is funny when they do.

#9 Have you ever stalked someone on social media? No one really wants to admit this one, but it’s hilarious when people really do start talking about it. [Read: 15 easy conversation starters you can use with a guy you like]

#10 Are you a selfie queen/king, and why? You might get two extremes with this question… YES or NO!

#11 If you could have one magical power, what would it be? It can be anything from predicting the future to having the ability to fly.

#12 What would be your dream job? Everyone has a dream job. Get them to fantasize about their hopes and dreams.

#13 What’s the worst advice you’ve gotten… but you actually followed? We’ve all followed some bad advice, and it usually leads to some pretty funny stories. [Read: How to keep a conversation going with the opposite sex]

#14 Do you know any funny conversation starters? Hahahaha. Get it?

#15 What is the last really dumb thing that you did? We all do dumb things. This question will bond you guys as you share your dopiest moments.

#16 What are the top 3 things on your bucket list? Everyone should have a bucket list. And you can also make it one of your funny conversation starters.

#17 What do you think you were in a past life? *or do you believe in past lives?* Stay away from religion and just have fun with this one. [Read: 41 conversation starters for couples who are just starting to get serious]

#18 What’s your favorite celebrity scandal? Britney Spears shaving her head? Kanye’s rants?

#19 Do you think Jack could have really fit on the headboard at the end of the movie, Titanic? If they haven’t seen the movie, then you need to fill them in.

#20 Who’s your favorite comedian? Everyone loves comedians! Talk about their jokes.

#21 If you could get a free pass for a day to do anything legal or illegal, what would you do? Rob a bank? Sneak into an amusement park without paying?

#22 What’s the most valuable lesson you’ve learned in your life? This will tell you how self-reflective they are. [Read: The socially awkward person’s complete guide to flirting]

#23 When was the last time you faked being sick? We’ve all done it… calling into work or staying home from school.

#24 What’s the funniest joke you ever heard? Everyone loves a good joke!

#25 If you were immortal for day, what would you do? Dive off a cliff? Skydive?

#26 What’s the biggest change you would like to make to your life? A career change? Dump their significant other?

#27 If you had a voodoo doll and could hurt anyone in the world, would you do it? A politician? Their annoying neighbour? [Read: How to be funny and make people love your company]

#28 If God appeared to you in a series of vivid dreams and told you to move to a deserted island alone, would you do it? Would anyone actually do this?

#29 Would you skydive… willingly? It tells you how adventurous they are and if they like adrenaline rushes.

#30 Would you bungee jump… willingly? Ditto.

#31 What makes you unique? Don’t let them get away with saying “nothing.” [Read: How to keep a conversation going with a girl you really like]

#32 What kind of weird quirks do you have? Are they OCD? Do they hate sharing their food?

#33 What’s your biggest pet peeve? People who are late? Something else?

#34 What’s the funniest movie you’ve ever seen? Elf?

#35 What’s your favorite song to dance to? A classic like YMCA or something more modern? [Read: 15 guaranteed ways to get your crush to like you back]

#36 If reincarnation exists, what would you like to come back as? Royalty? A billionaire? A super model?

#37 What is one thing you can’t live without? A person? Money? Coffee? This will tell you a lot about them.

#38 What’s your worst habit, and do you want to break it? They may not want to admit this one either, but it’s funny.

#39 I bet you can’t make me laugh! Challenge accepted!

#40 Have you ever had an imaginary friend? If they have, hopefully it was as a child *and not currently*!

[Read: 20 signs of attraction in the first conversation]

Even if you’re uncomfortable being the first one to talk to someone, if you try these funny conversation starters, you can’t go wrong. So try one at your next party!

The post Funny Conversation Starters: 40 Lines to Instantly Fit Right In is the original content of LovePanky - Your Guide to Better Love and Relationships.