#maybe the real california gurls was the friends we made long the way

[the-weird-otaku]

This was too good to stay on twitter. Leaked aitsf3 footage.

Credits:

Model - me, Spike Chunsoft

Motion - JohnyL, IllFonic

Song: California Gurls - Katy Perry

Effects: WorkingFloorX FluidScreen PostHemming FXAA

[simply-not-an-egg]

The Next Karate Kid - A Probably Very Opinionated Commentary by Yours Truly

I really am trying to go into this with an open mind; let’s see how this goes.

Starting off with a military band? K sure, you do you sweetie, and I don’t hate it yet so that’s a positive

Aha, a military REUNION, I see. And look at Miyagi with his medal!! Sweet!

So I think if I remember from reading the plot on wikipedia that Miyagi new this guy who was married to the woman he just said hello to

Y’all they got Miyagi’s name wrong. His first name is Nariyoshi not Kesuke. That is his middle name. Although in saying that, I feel like that was more or less revealed in Cobra Kai so idk, anyway, for future reference, Miyagi’s first name is Nariyoshi

Also Louisa Pierce? I assume grandmother of Julie? That would make sense

Ooh we’re in Boston for this, and look at that big white house

Yes, Louisa is grandmother, oh and hello Julie!

Julie is unhappy, a little moody, sweetie are you okay?

Alright so Julie’s an orphan! Why does Miyagi keep picking up either somewhat or completely orphaned children?? I mean, I guess that’s good but also, why?

Ooh yay Miyagi advice about losing parents and grief!

Alright so now Louisa’s gonna fuck off to California while Miyagi takes care of the child

Said child who has now snuck into some place - OH THAT”S RIGHT THE SCHOOL AND THE BIRD

Yes I remember this from wikipedia plot

I like birdy, birdy is nice, and yes Julie talk to birdy, birdy is unjudgemental friend

Now time for the Animal Studies me to take over, that wing is NOT bandaged securly at all. Wing bandages should be wrapped around the wing and on the body, to keep the damaged wing still, thank you very much

Police have come! Julie gonna get arrested, maybe? Unless girl escapes, although that’s evading police then, and now she threw a torch, that’s attempted assault. Idk what it’s like in the USA, but in my state (Queensland, AUS) that’s a $5,500 fine and 50 days in jail (evasion), and a $5,338 - $8,007 fine and 6 - 12 months in jail (police assault, depends on severity)

Have fun in prison, Julie! Oop, nevermind she’s home again

Anyway, I wonder what Daniel’s doing at this time. Wiki says Julie was born in 1977, which is a whole ten years after Daniel, and considering she’s in high school I’d say she’s about 16/17 in this movie, which brings us to like 1993/1994. Perhaps this was around the time he met Amanda, maybe even started dating her? They got married in 1998 (I believe), so it would make sense for that to happen

Bonding moment for Louisa and Julie? No, nevermind

Miyagi’s happy! Love that! He’s going to make special birthday dinner!

Straight of the bat though like the dynamics are so different. Like the moment Daniel ever so much as raises his voice at Miyagi, the dude’s a little disheartened whereas Julie talks shit here and Miyagi’s like “haha, you’re funny, anyway, let’s talk about Japanese cuisine, yes?”

Okay but I LOVE the fucking ‘sayonara’ and dissapointed headshake like, man, Miyagi, legend

This school’s nothing compared to West Valley imo

Alos that little gang? Those coordinated outfits? Do y’all not have a personality? Feel like the Cobras get a win on being comfortable with their own skin whilst also maintaining such a well-formed group

You can see I’m biased, and I’ll probably remain biased, because, two seconds into seeing this Boston group and I’m already dissappointed by the lack of personality. Again, two seconds of Cobras and y’all know you’re in for a ride, and a good one at that

I like the little garden corner that Julie’s at it’s very nice and peaceful

Back to the group, they look like real dickheads. Also, Ned? Shit name for a ‘bad boy’. Also, please stop trying to coerce Julie

I’ve seen this fucker for, what, a minute, if that? And I absolutely hate everything about him. I also don’t like how he sorta just, enters?? Like, at least with the Cobras we knew what their intentions were right off the bat. Here, well, what does Ned want Julie for? Why does he want her with him and his friends? Like, please establish that before anything else

Also why he standing like a Roblox character

The Alpha League? Really? Y’all really tryna be cool with that aren’t ya? Do I smell some toxic masculinity? I think I do?

WHY DOES THAT HIGH SCHOOL DUDE LOOK LIKE HE’S 30 DUDE

Ew I hate that school bell

Please get out of the girl’s bathroom sir

Not the fucking wing bandage again, jesus christ. And shot in the wing?? Y’all really gotta have that shit strapped then, STOP LETTING THE BIRD MOVE HER WING THAT IS GOING TO DAMAGE IT MORE

“I’ll call Dominos Pizza and have them deliver 48 pizzas to your house in the middle of the night” ma’am that is a dream come true, first of all, and second of all, please work on your threats, thank you

Okay but is this military training or phys ed??

Miyagi looks so nice in his checkered shirt! Anyway, I swear that’s like the only thing I love about this movie, Mr Miyagi that is

Teacher just slapped a kid and choked him, alrighty then

Oop and here comes Miyagi, defending kids since 1984!!

Love that. “Boy, you okay?” like just the delivery of this line it’s so neutral I love it

Ah yes, threatening a bastard with a story about a bull, the best

Honestly stan how passive-aggressive Miyagi is at any given time

Yeah okay but honestly it would be better for that bird to be taken away considering that god awful bandaging job

“It’s just a car” EXCUSE YOU JULIE, as a car person myself I take PERSONAL offence to that. That’s not just a car, that’s his child, his other half, his soulmate, his everything, thank you very much

That’s right tell her off for saying that, good lad

On a sidenote; my video quality is shit, like super shit, because I’m streaming on Netflix and there’s a few other people in the house using internet so like, :(

“For a while he was sending money and then one day he just stopped” ah yes, every child of divorced parents can relate to this statement very well

i’m sorry but the music is so cheesy

anyway, i was gonna say that this movie lacks something, and i remembered what it is, and that is love. Like with KK1, 2, and 3, you can tell a lot of love and heart and soul went into making those movies (maybe not as much with 2 and 3, but it was still there and in good amounts). Meanwhile, this just feels like a cashgrab (which it is, and a very failed one at that)

Like, when will people learn that well-crafted media will get you better reviews/more money/whatever? 

I hate this fucking background music so much jesus christ please kill it

Please tell someone about the hawk i am worried for its health

The fact that Miyagi has lived with Daniel so long to a point where he’s forgotten he has to actually knock on doors (because you bet your ass Daniel was and still is the type of person who really just doesn’t give a single fuck about who sees him doing what)

This poor man tbh. So ashamed of himself

FUCKING I WAS RIGHT I LITERALLY JUST SAID THAT WHOLE SHIT ABOUT MIYAGI AND DANIEL NOT GIVING TWO SHITS ABOUT SEEING EACH OTHER DO WHATEVER AND NOW MIYAGI’S JUST OUTRIGHT CONFIRMED THAT

“Boy is easier” 100% I will agree, hence the reason I’d like sons in the future. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’d like at least 1 daughter as well but holy hell are females complicated (and I should know because I am one)

“Don’t order me around” sweetie, he isn’t ordering you, he’s making a helpful suggestion. Please stop the Miyagi slander, my man does NOT deserve this treatment

Miyagi, love you bb, but please don’t waste your advice on Julie at the moment

Speaking of, I greatly dislike Julie, but you know why that is? Because she’s really not been fleshed out as a charater, unlike the others we see in the KKU. Like her one redeeming quality is that she looks after a bird, but even that isn’t redeeming to me because she isn’t caring for it properly, like please take it to a fucking veterinarian

I feel like I’d enjoy Julie more if she was actually fleshed out but like, no, no, she’s just a whole “I’m an orphan so I’m always angsty grr” character and I just - I’m disappointed

Same goes for the other characters; again, the only thing/person I love about this movie so far is Miyagi, and with the way it’s been in these first 25 minutes, I doubt that’ll change

Yeah no I really fucking hate Julie. “You can’t even speak English” she says, even though she has understood every single word Miyagi has said thus far

Ah yes because people can definitely jump on cars and cars can definitely go unnoticed for such a long period of time in a quiet neighbourhood

I honestly feel like giving up on this movie like it’s so bad

But I want to see more Miyagi so 😬

No offence to Hilary Swank but her line delivery could do a bit more work during the ‘emotional scen’ with her and Miyagi

And again, music, hate it

I am literally willing to turn this movie off even if it means I don’t get to see more Miyagi content

Like I can not express my displeasure for this movie enough

Yes, Miyagi, same, I hate the 12am rock concert in Julie’s bedroom to. Like please, gurl, some of us have sleep schedules

Okay so now Julie’s worried about her appearance?? Y’all just made my hatred for her character rise again. When was she ever worried about that? imo this is just put in there to make people remember that she’s still “girl uwu 😙✌”

Haha, yes, pay Miyagi with the homework that’s right

Bet he did that with Daniel after the tournament like “you do homework, I teach karate”

“Boys easier” AGAIN I AGREE SO MUCH MIYAGI

Okay so I’ve sat through 33 minutes of this bullshit and I am going to quit for today. I’m sorry to anyone that does like this movie, but like I really don’t, it sucks in so many ways. Words cannot describe the sheer amount of dissapointment I have for this. Like, it could have been good! The idea is solid and the base of the characters is somewhat okay! And yet they made this shit instead of something actually worthwhile!

I will continue tomorrow, but for now I just need a break from this before I hit something.

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

It's us: Halt and Catch Fire 4x09 and 4x10.

So, it took a few days but I think it's finally sunk in for me that Halt and Catch Fire actually ended the way it did? I truly was not prepared, I'd braced myself for a very specific, very heterosexual and annoying ending, and was ready to resent it forever.

But in the end, Halt finally quit playing and quit punishing its characters. So naturally, I'm instead prepared to talk about it forever! So, pause your Peter Gabriel cd that you've been crying to all week, grab your hackeysack and your bagel bites, sit down a safe distance from the pool, and lets process this finale even MORE! Literally nothing but spoilers for Halt and Catch Fire 4x09 and 4x10 below.

So, let's talk about how and when the show tied up each of our character's stories:

Bos and Diane: While I stand by all of my previous critiques of what the show put both of them through this season, and how mean it was to Diane, how can you not be happy for them?! I'm happy that Bos is in good health, and that Diane seems more than ready to retire from being a miserable business woman and shift to enjoying her life and her family.

Haley and Vanessa: Okay, so, this was a bummer, right? I love how they did it though. I love that they showed us Haley striding into that mildly ridiculous hot dog place of dreams and asking Vanessa out -- I haven't seen a lot of queer teenage girls asking their crushes out in mainstream media and also I myself haven't ever been brave enough to do that IRL so that was kind of awesome of her?! -- and I love that they didn't tell us what exactly happened. The focus stays on Haley's sadness, disappointment, and embarrassment, and the show avoids making wlw crushes look like they're all doomed to misery. (Which, they're not, ICYMI.)

Comet. I was surprised by how hard this hit me. This is a key theme of the show: projects end, sometimes amicably, and sometimes disastrously, partnerships dissolve, it's part of life, and yes, it's especially difficult to accept for traumatized abuse survivor over-achievers. But you have to learn to move on to the next thing, or you're in for a long life, and not in a good way. A competitor, Yahoo, the jokes about which I remember, beats Comet to the punch. It happens! But, just like it happens IRL, this is also the death of Gordon's last venture, and of J*e's last connection to him, and….jesus fvck, it hurts.

Cameron & J*e: The end of Comet ends up meaning the end of Jameron, though not for a lack of trying on both sides. This ship has a huge following despite never having worked or been healthy, and despite Lee Pace's fantastic work this season, the show never sold me on his redemption -- and yes, it was an issue of his redemption, as a former abuser, do not start with or @ me about this. Even if we accept that J*e has changed, he and Cameron want different things. She shouldn't be forced to have a family she doesn't want, and it is not in any way healthy for him to sacrifice something that huge to be with her? (That doesn't even get into how grief and loss alters relationships, sometimes in terrible and painful ways, and J*e's loss is real.) Their break up scene was sad and tough to watch, but, they're both free to find better partners, who actually meet their needs. Can't help but see that as a win.

Joanie: I could say something snarky about the writers sending her off to eat, pray, and love or whatever, but I love Joanie, and while it's a little sad, I'm glad that she got to leave home and start to get some perspective on her family and also her grief. Sometimes, we don't quite fit in at home, and we need to go elsewhere -- isn't that kind of true of our entire main cast? Also, her very last scene, when she's on the phone, is such full of such great, teenage-y, youthful energy and emotion. Ugh, I'll always be a little annoyed that we didn't spend more time with her, but thank you for stealing every scene you were in, gurl!

Donna Emerson, Senior Managing Partner at Symphonic Ventures! Um. This is literally everything Donna deserves, finally? I'm bummed that we had to wait until the last episode for it, and I don't dig how it feels like Gordon had to die for her to really come into her own, but my g-d: seeing Donna's years of hard work pay off feels good! That she pushes her firm in a new direction, literally renames it, and makes it a place that looks like a perfect balance between the AGGEK offices and the Mutiny house (<3!) is just…I can't, let me stop before I weep with joy…Donna finally has the kind of security she always wanted, now she can do whatever she likes! Including founding Lesbians Who Tech! More to the point: she doesn't seem to want a partner. She's finally comfortable standing on her own, even though it can be lonely.

….whatever was going on with Alexa and Cameron? We never got a name for their venture, right? Anyways. I'm sorry that the show didn't do more with Alexa, but I appreciated the reminder that Cameron isn't suited to the business and networking part of working in tech, and that people easily misinterpret that as brattiness (or worse). It was also a nice reminder of how Donna was a good match for Cameron.

Cameron: I guess it's understandable that after Gordon's death, the end of Comet, the end of a major relationship, and two months in Europe, Cameron would feel like she has no real reason to stay in California, or no real place in even Bos, Donna, and Haley's lives. I can't help but feel slightly disappointed by her wanting to run away -- to Florida, of all places -- but I also really empathize with her struggle to see her own patterns clearly enough to do something about them. In the end, it seems like she's not sure what she wants to do, but like she's sure she wants to do better, and like she wants to see if fixing things with her mom will help her. Despite a lot of loss, Cameron hasn't given up yet. She's still lonely and uncertain but she's strong, and getting better at making and owning her decisions, so, that's actually kind of amazing. Well done, my anxious genius bby!

Haley. While it would've been cool to see Haley start dating Vanessa, in the end, we got to see Haley affirm herself, with the help of her dad's tapes (which, brb crying slightly) and her gay moms (let's just be real?), oh and also her bi uncle(!), and that's even better. Haley might have, like many young women before her, experimented with dating boys despite her limited interest in them, but in the end? She dumps her boyfriend. Haley is getting hit with a lot of change, but she knows who she is (and so does her mom, apparently?!): she's Haley Clark, and she likes computers, comedy, and girls. And she's gonna be okay!

Cameron and Donna. Where do I even start? Finally, after approximately a decade, Cam and Donna have come to fully see and appreciate each other. They've put Mutiny behind them, and they've come to respect each other's space, even -- Donna doesn't try to stop Cameron from leaving town, and Cameron doesn't press Donna about working together. They know where they went wrong in the past and now they're friends. ('Friends'. Right!) Cameron is about to leave when Donna gets an idea, and we don't hear what it is, but from the beginning of Cameron's smile and all the hints dropped through out both final episodes, it seems like Cameron is going to stay and work on this idea with Donna, this time as equal partners. Actually, from all the hints dropped, it seems like Cameron and Donna are eventually going to end up in a romantic relationship together, t b h! Either way, Cameron and Donna are ultimately reaffirmed as the real heart of the show, and their relationship is validated in a way I feel like I really haven't ever seen on film before. That might not matter to a lot of people, but as a lesbian who is deeply emotionally invested in all of her relationships with women, including her friendships with straight women, I can't tell you how happy it made me to see these two lonely, brilliant, sensitive, stone fox, take-no-shit geniuses get the happy ending they've always deserved.

And finally, J*e. I'll just say outright that I don't feel bad for J*e. He went to Texas in 1983, destroyed a lot of lives, spent a decade chasing a woman who repeatedly rejected his advances, and then after a many tragic losses over the course of ten years, he stopped. Okay? He stopped, he stopped chasing a woman he didn't belong with, stopped making collateral damage out of Donna, and maybe most importantly, let himself step away from the tech sector, where he did influential work, but lost so many people, including the love of  his life, and yes, I'm talking about Gordon. Sigh. So long as he isn't coming between or antagonizing Cameron and Donna, I hope J*e will really make this fresh start stick. I hope he'll maybe get some grief counseling, meet a hot single dad or teacher or something, and eventually adopt or foster some kids? We don't get to see that, though. All we know is that he's left behind what wasn't working, and he's trying again. I hate to tell you this babies, but: sometimes, out here in the real world, that really is the best you can do.

I stand by my critiques of the season, especially those regarding the handling of the women characters. Honestly, they also could've done better by J*e, our one canonically non-heterosexual main cast member. But I enjoyed this finale far more than I thought possible, and I needed its overall message. I understand that message to be that we can thrive, despite our flaws, if we find people who get us, work that we enjoy, some kind of niche where we're accepted for who we are and what we love. Even if it takes a while, even if we lose those people and those homes, we can keep searching.

It's been a wild, and super emotional ride, yalce! But like Donna, I loved every minute of it. Because even when I didn't love it, I loved writing about the show and talking to some of you about it here. I genuinely hope that you got as much out of this show as I did, and that it made you feel maybe a little more hopeful, and a little less alone, and that it will keep making you feel that way, even though it's ended its run. I hope that it will do that for me, at least.

[killcapitalizm]

the idea of you; peter parker

summary: reader is overly-dramatic about being in love with peter parker and someone has to do something about it.

word count: 3,700 yo 

warnings: the overuse of the name peter parker, an unnecessarily long fic, terrible writing, some swearing, and the fact that i didn’t bother editing this.

a/n: inspired by the song idea of you by mxmtoon! i wrote half of this at midnight and the other half is just me trying to come up with a decent ending. the last part is so rushed i'm sorry. lmk if i need to fix anything or smth. i don’t even know how to write peter parker. this is the first thing i’ve written in a year.

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You stared at the back of Peter Parker’s head as you probably missed really important information about your next biology project. Being in love is so uncomfortable.

Or, at least you think it's love. Maybe? It's been a few weeks and you still don't know.

Peter Parker is a pretty close friend of yours. His heart is gold and you're dirt poor. You don't know why you're considering the idea of loving someone as rare and precious as Peter Parker, you clearly aren't anyone special so just the idea of loving him is a dangerous thing to touch.

But the idea is so appealing that you can't help but lay your hands all over it and you even dare to dream of it. You might be completely wrong about what it's like to love Peter Parker (specifically when he loves you back) but the idea you've made is too golden to not fall in love with. And the real-life Peter Parker? He's just as lovely as your daydreams of him. Far less romantic, though. You've been stuck on the boy for so long now that you can't distinguish whether you're in love with him or the idea of him. It's hard to tell.

A sharp ring of the school bell rips you from your brain and your eyes from Peter Parker’s curly hair. He turns around in his seat and faces you. Smiles at you.

“We’re still going to meet at your place, right?” He shoves his textbook into his bag as he looks up at you. You, him, and Ned were going to have a movie marathon at your house and the boys were going to sleepover since your parents were out for a few days.

You smile back at him. You just smile at him. “Definitely.”

You wish you tried to talk to him more because he immediately swings his backpack on and stands up. “Okay, see ya’ there,” and he runs from the classroom and off to work. Or half-work? I wonder what an internship is. I wonder how I even got into high school, god, I’m stupid-

You sweep your notebook into your bag and head out of the classroom, feeling incredibly immature for wasting and entire class period on your little love-crisis. You also feel immature for telling yourself that it’s Peter Parker, therefore it’s not wasting. With your internal struggle clear on your face, you weave your way towards the school’s exit. Michelle would probably draw you if you were in the detention room.

You’re not in love with Peter Parker, probably.

You and Ned had already managed to finish watching Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith and Star Wars: A New Hope before Peter Parker showed up. Four hours late was a new record, and it was much more disappointing when you both remembered that it wasn’t you guys that set the arrival time to 7:30. Even with 5 hours to do whatever he does every day at his internship, he still managed to show up four hours late. When you finally heard the doorbell at 11:45, Ned had to run to the door before you to make sure you didn’t lock Peter Parker out.

“Four hours, Parker.” You did your best to show you weren't amused by his tardiness. “Are you trying to set a world record?”

“Sorry, sorry.” He peeled off his shoes. “Mr. Stark had to keep me for a while longer, then I lost track of time and-“

“What in the fuck does he need to keep you for? You’re there daily and he’s a billionaire that can easily hire someone else for at least one night.” You stopped yourself from saying anything more. You sounded hurt enough already. You doubted every sweet thing you’ve thought of him. Maybe he was untrustworthy all along. Or maybe he doesn’t like you and Ned anymore.

Peter Parker made eye contact with you and in that moment you realized his eyes were more of a nut-brown than an amber brown, but Ned intervened before anyone could reply. “Guys, c’mon- I brought over the blu-ray for The Force Awakens. Let’s watch it before we get too tired.”

So you told yourself that Peter Parker was lucky, not because you love him but because he’s your friend. It’s not love if he doesn’t try for you anymore. He doesn’t try for Ned, either. Well, maybe he tried but you’re too upset and hurt to think of anything except blaming Peter Parker and telling yourself that you never loved him in the first place.

You let yourself keep the idea of loving him, though. You’d trash it in the morning because it’s meaningless. You still liked to compare his eyes to amber because it sounds better than nuts or chocolate. When you went to sleep with the boys that night, you dreamt of earlier when you said that Rey was cute and Peter Parker said you’re cuter and blushed.

You forgot to forget about the idea of loving Peter Parker. It’s been a week and you invited just him over to work on a project for biology that you desperately needed his help on because you were back to daydreaming about being in love with him during that class.

And now you’re telling yourself that this moment confirms you’re not in love with Peter Parker because it isn’t love when you’re the only one waiting. You’re more hurt than you know when an hour and a half past 5:30 brings Peter Parker to your door. You didn’t think he’d hear you when you muttered “If you think I’m so boring, just say so.” But he did hear you and now you’re in love with the real Peter Parker that told you that you aren’t boring, that he loves spending time with you, that he trusts you, that you mean more to him than you could ever imagine.

You’re also in love with the real Peter Parker that didn’t say I love you (too). You can’t live for very long with just the kiss on your head that he gave you when he made you laugh so hard that you accidentally slammed your head against the wall.

Another week and you’re trying not to love Peter Parker anymore because you know that you’ll be crushed when you realize there’s no chance of him ever saying I love you (too). So you’re going back to fantasies and empty dreams, you’re going back to that one dream you had of him spinning you around your room to the tune of a The 1975 song that you can’t remember now on a loud city evening. There’s a lot to come back to when you’re just in love with the idea of him. When you’re in love with the real Peter Parker, there’s not much to hold on to. It’s a lot more exciting when you do find something to hold on to, like yesterday when he was bored in World History during the movie your teacher played and Peter Parker instead opted to doodle all over your left hand in his favorite blue sharpie (you haven’t tried to wash it all off yet).

And now, Saturday. You have today to yourself and you’re using it to re-watch season four of The Office and text Ned about how great Star Wars: The Last Jedi is going to be, but mostly you’re using it to think about Peter Parker.

No, you tell yourself, I’m only thinking about the idea of him. You go over a little spider doodle with your own blue sharpie, making sure to use the same shade of blue so you don’t completely ruin the drawings on your hand. You try not to remember how his hand felt holding yours and instead you think of an imaginary scenario where Peter Parker writes “I love you too” on your hand instead of “Spider-man!!!”.

Half-distracted, you answer Ned’s text and slyly add btw wheres peter? he hasn't answered me today to the end. You sent Peter Parker a text this morning but there’s been no reply so far.

When Ned reads the text, he doesn’t type an answer. Instead, he tries to call you on FaceTime. You decline it and text him hoe i look gross. He answers, bitch me too, now pick up. Ned calls you again and you accept it.

You’re greeted with the pixellated sight of Peter Parker with a Wii remote in his hand, dancing violently with Katy Perry’s California Gurls playing. Ned’s amused voice comes, “He didn’t charge his phone overnight so it died this morning. He came over to my place and has played this all day.”

You let out a loud laugh. “I hate this because he’s good at it!”

You hear a faint “thanks!” from Peter Parker and you can’t help but think about how he’s actually a pretty good dancer and that’s adorable. It’s getting to be progressively more difficult to be in love with only the idea of him. You have to remind yourself that there’s a near-zero percent chance that he’d ever feel the same way.

“Y/N, dude, you look so crushed right now,” says Ned, and Peter Parker momentarily stops dancing and looks over to Ned with a concerned expression.

“I’m realizing that I’ll never look as hot as Peter when I’m playing Just Dance.” You force a laugh and it sounds real. Peter Parker resumes his dancing with a red face.

“Gross; if you were here, you’d see how sweaty he is.”

“Not many people look hot even when sweating.”

“Ew, I’m hanging up if you call that smelly piece of garbage hot again.”

You are an absolute child. Only a child would worry so much for so long over love. You still don’t know what you’re in love with: your imagination or the reality. You also don’t know why you keep inviting Peter Parker over while you’re having your mid-life crisis.

He sits next to you on your couch as the two of you watch Star Trek. You’re really not watching it, instead you look at the TV as you bury yourself in thought. Only one thing keeps you grounded in reality, and it’s Peter Parker’s arm around you. That’s romantic, right?

You had only recently realized you you were being incredibly immature by only worrying where to direct your love and you had spent no time thinking about any possibility of Peter Parker loving you back. You try not to think about how sure you are that he doesn’t and instead try to give yourself a reason that he does. In case you slip up one day and admit your feelings, he won’t be completely blown away and you’d have something to defend yourself with.

There are a few things you can think of. You don’t know if they’re friendly things or romantic things, but you assume it’s romantic. He’s called you cute, and he’s also called you pretty. He’s kissed your head, and a month ago he kissed your forehead. Both instances were consensual on both ends. He blushes when you compliment him. He’s let you cuddle with him twice. Right now, he has his arm around your shoulders. The only thing that helps you tell if these things could be romantic is the faint memory of a romance novel you read when you were twelve years old.

You scream when you suddenly feel Peter Parker blow in your ear. You snap out of your thoughts and face him. “What was that for?”

“You weren’t answering me!” He defends, but lets you lightly punch his chest.

“Do you need something?” You lean back into the couch and remember his arm is still there, so you pretend to shift in your seat and lean forward.

“I was going to ask you if I could sleepover but if you’re too busy staring at the wall, then never mind.”

“Hey! Just because I’m spaced out, doesn’t mean I don’t want you here,” you say. “I’d love for you to stay overnight. But what about your internship? You’ve been with me all afternoon, are you sure Mr. Stark doesn’t need you?”

“I, uh, took care of my work this morning. That should be enough for at least today, right?” He looks at you as if you knew anything about what he does at the Stark Internship.

“How should I know? I say yes, you’re there every day and you work long hours. He should start paying you three times as much.” You get up from the couch and stretch. “Do you need to grab anything from home?”

“Yeah,” says he. “I’ll be back in ten?”

“Don’t sneak off to Mr. Stark, okay?”

He rolls his eyes at you, but he’s smiling. “Fine.”

And Peter Parker leaves you with the promise of his return in ten minutes. You turn off the Star Trek movie and decide to just leave the TV on a news channel so that you have some background noise. Wandering into the kitchen, you consider if he’d mind leftover spaghetti or if you should just order a pizza. You don’t have a lot of money left but you don’t plan on buying anything big anytime soon so a pizza should be good.

You pick up your phone after a while and call to order a pizza (one large, half pepperoni, half plain cheese, extra sauce) and sit down on the couch. Bored, you look over at the TV and find a burning building with the headline “Spider-man Saves Family from Fire” rolling along the bottom. Hanging up the phone- the pizza would arrive in twenty minutes- you drag your attention over to the news story. Across the screen swings the red and blue spier-themed hero, lowering a small child to the ground from the seventh story of an apartment. Firetrucks are all around and sirens are heard behind the voice of the reporter. Peter Parker was a fan of the hero, which made you take a liking to the person people call Spider-man. You liked that he wasn’t someone like Tony Stark, who you only saw in his Iron Man suit when he was doing something extremely important. Spider-man was like your city’s personal little hero. He took care of the city instead of his ego.

When commercials took over the TV, you turned away and looked at your phone. 9:15. The pizza would be getting cold soon. Peter Parker was late again. Only twenty minutes late so far, but you already knew he’d be at least half an hour late. You sank back into the couch, slouching down and propping your leg up to keep you from sliding right off.

Peter Parker was thirty-three minutes late.

You swing open the door, revealing him in his sleepwear and nothing in his hands but his phone. You glared at him tiredly.

“Ten minutes, huh? You shouldn’t have gotten me so excited.” You cross your arms, then uncrossed them when you started to smell something. “Peter, why do you smell like burning garbage?”

He fiddled with his phone. “Oh, well, um…”


“You weren’t at that big fire, were you?” You remembered the news story and just sputtered out something. “The one with Spider-man? I know you’re secretly in love with him but don’t go near a big fire just to see him-“


“No!” He raised his voice a little, then cleared his throat. “No, I’m not in love with him, I’m just- I just-“

“Ugh,” you stepped out of the doorway to let him in. “You should just take a shower before you stink up the entire building. Next time if you plan on being late, just say you need an hour.”

Peter Parker trudges in and heads straight for your bathroom, quietly closing the door behind him. You sigh and fall back onto the couch.

Peter Parker. He was hard to be in love with. You bet that if you had fallen in love with him last year, it would have been much easier. Ever since his trip to Berlin and this Stark Internship thing, it’s been hard to even be friends with him. You may not know anything about being in love with him, but you know a lot about being his friend and you wouldn’t trade that in for anything. You’re starting to suspect that you really do want to be in love with him, though, and you don’t like it. It’s been making your life way harder than it needs to be. Loving someone that almost never has time for you, obviously keeps secrets from you, and almost never keeps promises isn’t very fun. But you suppose that the daydreams about him was enough to make you love the real him. And maybe the little things that you decided earlier were romantic advances helped too. Or maybe Peter Parker really does just have a heart of gold and you’re desperate to keep him by your side. Thinking about this as a whole is making you doubt what little confirmations you’ve made, now you’re back to the stupid him-versus-the-idea-of-him thing.

Who do you love, Y/N? Do you love Peter Parker or do you love your fantasy of Peter Parker? You need to decide now or it’s going to keep you up at night for another week. You haven’t been sleeping much. If you stayed in your little pretend world, it would be easier to interact with the real Peter Parker, but if you love the real him then you wouldn’t feel as creepy, plus you’d maybe have a chance at being with him.

No, I wouldn’t. He’d never dare feel that way about me. You lean your head back and stare at the ceiling, switching back and forth from thinking about how stupid you feel to thinking about Peter Parker. Eventually you stopped thinking about Peter Parker for a while and just thought about how you could be doing something productive with your life right now but instead you spend your time worrying about a boy in the dumbest way possible. Not that love wasn’t something to worry about, but maybe you could have used the time that you wasted on your own dilemma to study or even just think about something more important. Maybe think about why Peter Parker has been being distant. Or maybe even think about college, anything but your stupid problem with love-

You scream when Peter Parker slams the door open loudly, jumping out of your seat and falling to the floor in panic. He slowly shuts the door being him with a guilty look on his face.

“Uh… sorry.” He placed his phone on the couch and sat next to you on the ground.

You shoved him lightly. “My gosh, I don’t care what you do to your house, but try not to break my doors.”

“Sorry, sorry, I’m just in a good mood and I, I guess I got excited.” He waved his hands around. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it.” You shrugged and got up, sitting back down on the couch. “Well, now that you’re here and you don’t smell gross anymore, I have a movie that I want to watch and therefore you need to watch it, too. I hope you didn’t eat yet because I ordered pizza for us.”

You tried not to look at Peter Parker as he slept because that would be incredibly creepy of you. He really is adorable, though.

Sighing, you turn over in your bed. Peter Parker is an amazing friend, a hard worker, a pure soul, and you might as well accept that you’re in love with him.

“Uh, Y/N?”

You scream again, shooting up in your bed. Your head snaps over to Peter Parker. “You fucker, I thought you were asleep!”

“Is it true?” He asks. You blink very slowly at him.

“Is what true?” Then your heart drops. “Oh my god. Did I say that out loud?”

“Please tell me if it’s true.” He sits up in the sleeping bag you gave him, nut brown eyes staring up at you. You’ve gotten used to saying nut brown instead of amber. The moonlight coming through your window makes him look especially soft and childish.

It feels like your heart is seizing and beating way too fast at the same time. “You- I, why do I need to say it? I mean, you, you heard- if I thought you were asleep, then why would I lie out loud?”

Peter Parker fucking gets up and sits next to you on your bed. You slide away, but he follows you. He never once breaks eye contact, an impressive feat considering the situation.

“Y/N.” He’s too close to you. You don’t want to breathe. “Tell me, please.”

Well, Y/N, too damn late to go back now. Your brain and heart are screaming bloody murder as you finally give him his answer, “Yes. It’s- It’s true.”

Peter Parker gives you the brightest smile you’ve ever seen. You’ve only seen him this happy when he told you he got to meet Tony Stark.

“Can I- Can I kiss you?” He asks excitedly. You blush and start to sputter.

“Wait, no- no! I don’t mean no, but- you, um, what?” You try to correct yourself before he speaks again. “You… You didn’t say it back!”

Oh my god, Y/N, stop losing your shit is all you can hear in your head but Peter Parker grins even wider. He leans in fast and presses his lips to yours. It’s weird and exhilarating, your chins bump together and you both awkwardly try to hold hands, lips fumbling just as much as your fingers were. When he pulls back, he looks into your eyes with emotions so intense you wanted to turn away in disbelief. Again, he grins, unable to hide his joy. Slowly, your brain quiets down and lets you enjoy this moment, and you’re glad that it does because the next think Peter Parker says is something you’ll remember for the rest of your life and then more.

“I love you too.”

[bookgeekconfessions]

History is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera

5 Stars Reviewed by Naomi

Official Synopsis:

When Griffin’s first love and ex-boyfriend, Theo, dies in a drowning accident, his universe implodes. Even though Theo had moved to California for college and started seeing Jackson, Griffin never doubted Theo would come back to him when the time was right. But now, the future he’s been imagining for himself has gone far off course. To make things worse, the only person who truly understands his heartache is Jackson. But no matter how much they open up to each other, Griffin’s downward spiral continues. He’s losing himself in his obsessive compulsions and destructive choices, and the secrets he’s been keeping are tearing him apart. If Griffin is ever to rebuild his future, he must first confront his history, every last heartbreaking piece in the puzzle of his life.

People are complicated and love is even more complicated. No one knows that more than Griffin, whose first love happens to be his best friend and his ex-boyfriend. Theo was everything; his partner in crime, his confidant, and his first love. But, Theo is dead and worst, Theo found love in Jackson before dying. So, Theo may be Griffin’s one and only, but Griffin was not Theo’s one, only or even his last. 

Complicated.

It’s rare that an author writes one book and then automatically goes on my auto-buy list, but I love More Happy Than Not. Months later and I still think about it, I still recommend it to people even if they’re not heavy readers or book geeks.  When I love something as much as I love that book, the follow-up read tends to be terrifying. I worry. In the weeks leading up to me actually opening up, the ARC Soho Teen was nice enough to send me, I had a lot of doubt. Was More Happy Than Not as good as I thought it was? Maybe it’s a fluke. Maybe Adam Silvera is not that great of a writer and his first book will be his only great read. Maybe, I’ll hate this. Maybe, maybe, maybe...Until finally, I was like, “gurl, just read the book.”

I’ll answer some of my concerns....More Happy Than Not IS as good as I thought,  it was NOT a fluke, Adam Silvera IS a great writer and I do NOT hate this book. In fact, I LOVE it. 

History is All You Left Me is amazing because no one is a villain. (Though, I do  tend to side with the main chraracters #TeamGriffin) No one is good or evil and nothing is white or black. People make mistakes that hurt the people around them, but they’re not evil. They’re just human. It’s all gray. Because life is complicated, emotions can’t be controlled and shit happens. 

History Is All You Left Me follows two stories: The story of Griffin and Theo and the story of Griffin after Theo. It’s the same boy with his quirks, his loveable parents, his NYC location and the same supporting characters. And yet, the two versions of Griffin are different people. There’s the version of Griffin on the cusp of new love and self-discovery while the other is Griffin after it all comes tumbling down and he has to put back the pieces of his life.

Basically, this book is beautiful, heartbreaking, and thought-provoking.  How does one cope with grief, especially at such a young age where you and everyone around you is supposed to be invincible? How do you forgive someone who isn’t there to apologize?  Can you move on without the answers to questions you waited too long to ask? 

I should warn you that Adam Silvera knows how to make you cry. Or, maybe that’s just me. He knows how to make me cry. I didn’t do the ugly cry caused by More Happy Than Not, but more than once Griffin’s story brought tears to my eyes because this book is just so well written. You feel it, every sadness, anger, despair and regret inside of Griffin is on the page. You get why he loved Theo, even as you hate Theo for some of the choices he’s made. 

Griffin’s relationship with Jackson is one of the most interesting interactions I've ever come across. They were on opposite sides in the battle for Theo’s heart and in an instant they become allies in the battle for their healing. It’s an interesting dynamic where on one hand they want to one up each other to prove who loved him more and on the other hand they know that they are the only two people who knew Theo in that way and know what it means to have that absence in their life.

This book also takes on grief in a real way. You see it from all sides, the absence one person makes in the lives of their siblings, parents, friends, and lovers. We all make an impact even when we don’t realize it. We’re all important to the people around us, even when we don’t feel it. 

There are some twists and turns in this book, which I will not spoil, but I am interested in hearing what you all think about it.  The characters go places you don’t expect, make choices you will not agree with and live their lives in that messy way that we all do.

Also, can we have a round of applause for an LGBT story where the fact that the main characters are gay is not all the book is about? Don’t get me wrong, coming out and feeling different are very real and important stories. But, LGBT teens are teens just like everyone else. They deserve representation that shows how well rounded, smart, quirky, mean, nice, kind, etc they are without it being about just one aspect of who they are. Love is love, after all.

This book is highly recommended. Adam Silvera is just highly recommended. Like, read his books, follow him on Tumblr, twitter, Goodreads, go to his signings, etc.

 Favorite Quote: “Love, the hugest liar in the universe.”

ARC Provided by: Soho Teen Release Date: January. 17, 2017

For more info: Goodreads page and author website.